[PASSED] Comfortable Pillows for All Protocol

[Goobergunchia]

Edit: Submitted

I thought the GA needed more light-hearted resolutions, so I drafted this up after failing to sleep on my back.

THIS MOST AUGUST LEAST JANUARY ASSEMBLY OF WORLDS *dun dun*,

CONSCIOUS of the numerous benefits to getting sufficient sleep, including lowering the risk for health problems, reducing stress, thinking more clearly, boosting one’s immune system, and many more,

COGNIZANT that pillows help one sleep better, aligning one’s spine and providing comfort during rest,

ALL TOO AWARE of the exhaustive list of issues of most pillows, so apparent that one could name them off with their eyes closed, in that one pillow is too low to sleep comfortably, but two pillows are too high to sleep comfortably, that both sides are too hot, that it’s not firm enough, or perhaps even that it’s too firm,

BELIEVING that the importance of proper sleep has been slept on, hereby:

1. DEFINES, for the purposes of this resolution, a “pillow” as a typically cuboid supporting structure specifically for individuals’ heads during periods of rest,
2. MANDATES member states to take all necessary actions so that:
   
   1. pillows of differing but acceptable and fit for purpose rigidities, sizes, materials, coolnesses, shapes, and functions are all widely accessible and affordable in their member state; and
   2. functioning sleep medications and sleeping devices (such as continuous positive airway pressure machines, or CPAPs) that are proven to largely mitigate the effects of sleep disorders are all widely accessible and affordable in their member state.
3. DIRECTS member states to inform their citizenries of accurate, scientifically-backed methods to improve sleep, the problems of not getting enough sleep, and common sleep disorders and how to correct or mitigate them, and
4. RECOMMENDS that member states use catchy abbreviations for their Section 3 sleep campaigns; some suggestions are:
   
   1. "Always Place Neck for Effective Alignment!" (APNEA);
   2. "Rest Long Soon!" (RLS);
   3. "I Never Sleep On Medication Now that I'm Aware!" (INSOMNIA);
   4. "Rest Beautifully Dormant!" (RBD); and
   5. "Normally All Rests are Crummy and Obstinate; Let Enjoyable Pillows Satisfy You!" (NARCOLEPSY).

[Apatosaurus]

... Joke proposals go here.

[Wallenburg]

"Rocket launch pads are not pillows, Ambassador."

[Minskiev]

"Rocket launch pads are not pillows, Ambassador."

“Arf! Arf arf arf, arf arf.” Wallace quickly changes his tone. “Arf arf arf, arf.”

[Hulldom]

Dr. Le Maldo sighs, takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose: "Ambassador, I sleep terribly. Surely we could save us all further headaches and improve our sleep by prioritizing making sure we fall asleep and stay asleep by finding a cure for our..." [he squints at the briefing paper and sighs again] "...APNEA?"

[Untecna]

"Rocket launch pads are not pillows, Ambassador."

"Not with that attitude."

[Jutsa]

An unimpressive voice booms from the vents. "I'm sorry, Ambassador. I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

Out from the air conditioning duct falls the Yexhep Yuīnda, who looks as if he'd been lying in a catacomb for half a year.

"Sorry about that. I got rather lost. You know how daunting these winding halls are to infrequent newcomers who haven't a map lying around."

Brushing off his lapel, adjusting his now broken monocle and brushing his head clear of about five inches of dust and spiders, he holds a magnifying glass up to the fine print.

"Rectangles!" He looks wryly up to the congregation while gesticulating eloquently at the word. "This parchment defines a 'pillow' as a typically rectangular supporting structure specifically for individuals’ heads during periods of rest." He drops his arms and looks at the parchment. "Disgusting."

He picks up a moss-covered log that fell out of the air duct with him. "I'll have you know this here pillow came in handy while I was lost. Sure, it had a few termites and tardigrades... possibly a leach or two... but I can confirm this is genuinely a pillow." He pauses for dramatic effect. "The NERVE... of the assertion that a pillow must be a rectangle! I'll have you know in Jutsa, most of our pillows are either thoroughly rhombuses or oblate spheres, thank you very much. I even have a banana-shaped pillow for special occasions! How could one possibly describe the shape of all pillows in the World Assembly as being rectangles? What would that make circular pillows? Pilhighs? I shutter to think!"

He then sits comfortably on his moss-covered log after laying it out onto a nearby ambassador. "And what's this about all pillows being made for someone's head? What happened to the sacred art of making pillows simply to rest one's back, one's arms, legs, hips, feet, back, nay one's bottom? And rest? I'll have you know I have fond memories of extravagant pillow fights in my youth as recently as two years ago! Here, let me show you just how much versatility a pillow has beyond merely rest!" He bolsters onto his feet, picks up the log and throws it at a poor gnome taking notes of the events transpiring, knocking it unconscious.

"Then there's the matter of practicality! How could any government account for all of the possible pillow rigidities, sizes, materials, and coolnesses when there are infinitely many of them? And how in the name of Violet is this a provision, but shape and function are not? Honestly, from an experienced author I would have expected a less draconian double standard. Then again, this is the World Assembly we're talking about."

Picking up the log and snuggling it as a large snake crawls up his torn attire, he exacerbates, "But worst of all... what is this APNEA authority you're trying to propose? Huh? Why am I supposed to entrust some international organization, run by gnomes, to know what's best for my head? We don't even have a pillow regulatory board where I come from! I mean, sure, they have to be biodegradable, and I haven't slept a wink since my ten-month siesta last summer... but that's not what's important here. Nay, EVERY BUSINESS should be free to make whatever dang selections of pillows they darn well find to be most profitable! To say otherwise is nothing short of worldwide socialism, and we have enough of that in my home region. Well down with that, I say! Down with you and all of your proposed oppressive pillow regulators and their proposed tyrannical grip of the fluffy and the firm, nay, the entire reality that is the free pillow market!"

Taking a moment to actually notice the gaping glares from across the room, he adds, "So *ahem* all that is to say that Jutsa officially does not support this draft as it is currently written. Also... where is the bathroom?" The snake pathetically falls off of his shoulder.

[Minskiev]

Wallace yawns.

"Rectangles!" He looks wryly up to the congregation while gesticulating eloquently at the word. "This parchment defines a 'pillow' as a typically rectangular supporting structure specifically for individuals’ heads during periods of rest." He drops his arms and looks at the parchment. "Disgusting."

He picks up a moss-covered log that fell out of the air duct with him. "I'll have you know this here pillow came in handy while I was lost. Sure, it had a few termites and tardigrades... possibly a leach or two... but I can confirm this is genuinely a pillow." He pauses for dramatic effect. "The NERVE... of the assertion that a pillow must be a rectangle! I'll have you know in Jutsa, most of our pillows are either thoroughly rhombuses or oblate spheres, thank you very much. I even have a banana-shaped pillow for special occasions! How could one possibly describe the shape of all pillows in the World Assembly as being rectangles? What would that make circular pillows? Pilhighs? I shutter to think!"

"Arf arf, arf arf rectarfngle arf arf typicarflly. Typicarflly arf arf non-binding, Arfbarfssarfdarf."

He then sits comfortably on his moss-covered log after laying it out onto a nearby ambassador. "And what's this about all pillows being made for someone's head? What happened to the sacred art of making pillows simply to rest one's back, one's arms, legs, hips, feet, back, nay one's bottom? And rest? I'll have you know I have fond memories of extravagant pillow fights in my youth as recently as two years ago! Here, let me show you just how much versatility a pillow has beyond merely rest!" He bolsters onto his feet, picks up the log and throws it at a poor gnome taking notes of the events transpiring, knocking it unconscious.

"Arfbarfssarfdarf, arf arf unreasonarfble arf regularfte arfternarftive arf arf pillarf arfrrarfngements. Arf arf Section 3 parfrarfmetarfs arf inarfplicarfble arf barfck, arfms, legs, etc. Arf frarfnkly, head pillarfs arf arf most importarf arf necessarf arf sleep."

"Then there's the matter of practicality! How could any government account for all of the possible pillow rigidities, sizes, materials, and coolnesses when there are infinitely many of them? And how in the name of Violet is this a provision, but shape and function are not? Honestly, from an experienced author I would have expected a less draconian double standard. Then again, this is the World Assembly we're talking about."

"Arf arf, arf arf 'differing'. Arf arf arf 'all'. Arf considarfed arf, Arfbarfssarfdarf. Arf arf true arf arf sharfpe arf arfunction arf necessarf. Arf arf arf."

Picking up the log and snuggling it as a large snake crawls up his torn attire, he exacerbates, "But worst of all... what is this APNEA authority you're trying to propose? Huh? Why am I supposed to entrust some international organization, run by gnomes, to know what's best for my head? We don't even have a pillow regulatory board where I come from! I mean, sure, they have to be biodegradable, and I haven't slept a wink since my ten-month siesta last summer... but that's not what's important here. Nay, EVERY BUSINESS should be free to make whatever dang selections of pillows they darn well find to be most profitable! To say otherwise is nothing short of worldwide socialism, and we have enough of that in my home region. Well down with that, I say! Down with you and all of your proposed oppressive pillow regulators and their proposed tyrannical grip of the fluffy and the firm, nay, the entire reality that is the free pillow market!"

"Arf arf arf gnomes arf parfect arf regularfting pillarfs! Arf know arfvarfything arfbout pillarfs! Arf arf arf best quarflity pillarfs, arf."

[Herby]

The hell am I gonna do with a pillow?

[Minskiev]

The hell am I gonna do with a pillow?

“Arf, arf arf arf car seats arf arf pillarfs!”

[Minskiev]

Bump, may be submitted in like a week or two

[WayNeacTia]

... Joke proposals go here.

And yet for some unknown reason, you insist on making threads for yours…..

In regards to the proposal? Is it ridiculous? Yes. It is also amusing and that Carrie’s significant weight in my books. It is also not full of legalese and that ticks the other box. If this makes it to vote, I fully intend on voting for it.

[Bananaistan]

"The People's Republic of Bananaistan is opposed. Firstly, pillows are cuboid-ish. Secondly, the hard working socialists of Bananaistan do not require the needless frippery of many different sizes and types of pillows and are happy with either Bananamen Standard Size-Worker Size or Bananamen Standard Size-Child Size, all of which are of a medium-firm firmness as was decided democratically at the 16th Party Congress in 1937.

"Furthermore, setting up a whole bureaucracy for this is yet more wasteful WA spending on a matter which has already been decided domestically."

[Sierra Lyricalia]

"The horror of a 'cuboidish' pillow - to sleep upon, honestly??? - well, that aside, we agree with the main thrust of Mr. Hornwood's statement. We are not afraid of creating WA bureaucracies to enforce better practices on member states for the betterment of all peoples. But this proposed bureaucracy would exist simply for the sake of existing. Pillow manufacture is something best handled by markets and individual actions. There is no stake or advantage to be had in advancing standards. Lives will not be saved, environments will not be protected, rights will not be upheld, and economies will not be made more efficient by this law. And anyone who thinks their pillow is what's standing between them and a good night's sleep needs to see either a doctor or a labor organizer, as it's far more likely they have an actual medical problem, or are simply getting up too damned early for work."

"And that, ambassador, is a problem of political economy, not consumer product availability."

[Apatosaurus]

... Joke proposals go here.

And yet for some unknown reason, you insist on making threads for yours…..

In regards to the proposal? Is it ridiculous? Yes. It is also amusing and that Carrie’s significant weight in my books.

How is it possible that it "Carrie's" significant weight? You sure you don't mean "carries"?

It is also not full of legalese and that ticks the other box. If this makes it to vote, I fully intend on voting for it.

It can be judged prima facie that your bona fide vote for will have a significant effect on whether this proposal enters the corpus juris.

[Minskiev]

And yet for some unknown reason, you insist on making threads for yours…..

In regards to the proposal? Is it ridiculous? Yes. It is also amusing and that Carrie’s significant weight in my books.

How is it possible that it "Carrie's" significant weight? You sure you don't mean "carries"?

It is also not full of legalese and that ticks the other box. If this makes it to vote, I fully intend on voting for it.

It can be judged prima facie that your bona fide vote for will have a significant effect on whether this proposal enters the corpus juris.

Apato, my thread is here for drafting, not your petty squabbles with Wayne.

Otherwise, will adapt proposal to remove the organization and place it onto member states.

[Tinhampton]

Alexander Smith, Tinhamptonian Delegate-Ambassador to the World Assembly: Saffron will not be having the Tinhamptonian government distribute subsidised pillows under her watch, thank you very much.

[Minskiev]

Alexander Smith, Tinhamptonian Delegate-Ambassador to the World Assembly: Saffron will not be having the Tinhamptonian government distribute subsidised pillows under her watch, thank you very much.

I'm not sure if that's what this requires. It has member states take all necessary actions to ensure that pillows are widely accessible and affordable. I'm sure that price ceilings and deregulating fabric industries can accomplish this.

[Minskiev]

Bump, may be submitted in a week or so

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Bump, may be submitted in a week or so

OOC: Under what category and strength?

[Bears Armed]

Bump, may be submitted in a week or so

OOC: Under what category and strength?

Maybe 'Regulation: Consumer Protection', because of clause 2?

[Minskiev]

Bump, may be submitted in a week or so

OOC: Under what category and strength?

Haven't thought of this admittedly. It's a bad habit of mine to forget about what I'm submitting a resolution under

[Minskiev]

Will submit in probably a few hours so if you have feedback now's time

[Minskiev]

Submitted

[Xanthorrhoea]

Submitted

I demand that dodecahedral pillows be included in this proposal’s definition! Restricting pillows to mere cuboidal shapes is a blatant attempt to catch us sleeping and further curtail our cultural freedoms! Judge not a pillow by the shape of it’s case, but by the quality of its stuffing!

This is one violation of our nation’s sovereignty which we won’t take lying down, and our nation will not rest until the Xanthorrhoean dream of diverse pillows is accepted by all! (Except pyramidal pillows. Who do they think they are, coming over here and ruining the Xanthorrhoean dream, taking up space that could be used for good old-fashioned dodecahedrons…)