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Guantanamo Bay to Start Torturing Prisoners with Baby Shark

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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Guantanamo Bay to Start Torturing Prisoners with Baby Shark

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:31 pm

http://bit.do/e2da5

The USA's Guantanamo Bay prison in Cuba will replace waterboarding with the 100 hour version of the Pink Fong song "Baby Shark". This move has apparently been successful. As a result of this new torture method, 23 year old Gitmo detainee, Mahammud Bin Adbi, had revealed all of communications to ISIS, stating that the 72 virgins are not worth it, and that he'd rather spend eternity burning in hell then spending another minute listening to that f**king song. Russian prisoner and former Soviet Spy, Yurri Petrovski (aged 62), had stated the move was "cruel and unusual punishment, in direct violation of the 18th Ammendment (Of the USA's constitution)" and that he "much preferred the waterboarding". The move follows a 2011 trial, where the prison played the 10 hour version Nyan Cat, but didn't consider adopting the measure until now. I think that playing the 100 hour version of "baby shark" does indeed constitute cruel and unusal punishment, and if any of you have actually read this far, then I would like to know what you think of my attempt at satirical news. Anyways NSG, what do you think of all of this?
Last edited by Australian rePublic on Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:59 pm, edited 8 times in total.
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Farnhamia
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Farnhamia » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:33 pm

Your link doesn't go anywhere.
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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:36 pm

Farnhamia wrote:Your link doesn't go anywhere.

Edited ;)
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
As a centrist, I have been called both an extreme leftist and an extreme right-winger.
From Sydney, NSW. From Greek ancestry. Orthodox Christian.
Why stylised as "rePublic"
16 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
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Infected Mushroom
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:36 pm

Should do Phonics Song in loop

“A is for apple... ah ah Apple... B is for ball... b...b... Ball...”

100 percent guaranteed insanity
Last edited by Infected Mushroom on Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Jebslund
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Postby Jebslund » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:37 pm

You ought to write for the Onion.
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LiberNovusAmericae
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby LiberNovusAmericae » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:38 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:
Farnhamia wrote:Your link doesn't go anywhere.

Edited ;)

It just links back here.
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The Two Jerseys
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Father Knows Best State

Postby The Two Jerseys » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:41 pm

This story...

*puts on sunglesses*

...sounds fishy.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Seriously though, I'm expecting to get rickrolled if I click that link...
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Infected Mushroom
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Infected Mushroom » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:41 pm

Well here are a few other children’s songs (I imagine on loop could cause damage)

5 little ducks
The Numbers Song
Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes
My Teddy Bear
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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:42 pm

Jebslund wrote:You ought to write for the Onion.

Are they hiring?
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
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Why stylised as "rePublic"
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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:49 pm

LiberNovusAmericae wrote:
Australian rePublic wrote:Edited ;)

It just links back here.

Sure about that? ;)
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
As a centrist, I have been called both an extreme leftist and an extreme right-winger.
From Sydney, NSW. From Greek ancestry. Orthodox Christian.
Why stylised as "rePublic"
16 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
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Nanatsu no Tsuki
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nanatsu no Tsuki » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:49 pm

A musical pox from Korea. And I can’t stop singing it! >_<
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Alpes a Septentrionali imperium
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Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Alpes a Septentrionali imperium » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:53 pm

So this is the most hilarious thread I have ever seen. And have you called the Federal Bureau of Prisons or Department of Defense or just the FBI/CIA as you have just proposed the most humane and agonizing form of punishment/torture in the world.
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Martune
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Ex-Nation

Postby Martune » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:56 pm

This post is a fever dream to read and think about
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The Free Joy State
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Postby The Free Joy State » Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:58 pm

Sorry, I just have to...

"Guantanamo Bay to Start Torturing Prisoners with Baby Shark"

There... that's better.

And some children's music played on loop could easily constitute torture... but there's no way on earth I'm clicking that link.
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Uiiop
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Uiiop » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:03 pm


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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:05 pm


Shit man, what a coincidence...
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
As a centrist, I have been called both an extreme leftist and an extreme right-winger.
From Sydney, NSW. From Greek ancestry. Orthodox Christian.
Why stylised as "rePublic"
16 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
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Martune
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Ex-Nation

Postby Martune » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:17 pm

The Free Joy State wrote:Sorry, I just have to...

"Guantanamo Bay to Start Torturing Prisoners with Baby Shark"

There... that's better.

And some children's music played on loop could easily constitute torture... but there's no way on earth I'm clicking that link.

Link goes straight back here
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Alpes a Septentrionali imperium
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Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Alpes a Septentrionali imperium » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:28 pm

Martune wrote:
The Free Joy State wrote:Sorry, I just have to...

"Guantanamo Bay to Start Torturing Prisoners with Baby Shark"

There... that's better.

And some children's music played on loop could easily constitute torture... but there's no way on earth I'm clicking that link.

Link goes straight back here



I think that was on purpose, as the way their post's story looks to be something straight out of The Onion and that there is literally no other mention of this on the internet. But then again Miami is actually doing it to the homeless, so who knows?
Last edited by Alpes a Septentrionali imperium on Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Bombadil
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Bombadil » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:29 pm



Some place did it with classical music but everyone was like 'hey, this is really nice and relaxing', so they stopped.
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Australian rePublic
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Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:29 pm

Alpes a Septentrionali imperium wrote:
Martune wrote:Link goes straight back here



I think that was on purpose, as the way their post's story looks to be something straight out of The Onion. But then again?

Nope, all original work :)
Last edited by Australian rePublic on Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
As a centrist, I have been called both an extreme leftist and an extreme right-winger.
From Sydney, NSW. From Greek ancestry. Orthodox Christian.
Why stylised as "rePublic"
16 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
Issue Ideas You Can Steal

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Alpes a Septentrionali imperium
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Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Alpes a Septentrionali imperium » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:31 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:
Alpes a Septentrionali imperium wrote:

I think that was on purpose, as the way their post's story looks to be something straight out of The Onion. But then again?

Nope, all original work



I was just using the Onion as an example and you are a great writer
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Australian rePublic
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Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:37 pm

Alpes a Septentrionali imperium wrote:
Australian rePublic wrote:Nope, all original work



I was just using the Onion as an example and you are a great writer

Thanks!
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
As a centrist, I have been called both an extreme leftist and an extreme right-winger.
From Sydney, NSW. From Greek ancestry. Orthodox Christian.
Why stylised as "rePublic"
16 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
Issue Ideas You Can Steal

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First American Empire
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Libertarian Police State

Postby First American Empire » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:43 pm

Things are so screwed up here in America that I honestly believed that this was something our government actually did, until you revealed it as satire.
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Kowani
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Kowani » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:45 pm

First American Empire wrote:Things are so screwed up here in America that I honestly believed that this was something our government actually did, until you revealed it as satire.

Yep.
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Pacomia
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Pacomia » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:47 pm

First American Empire wrote:Things are so screwed up here in America that I honestly believed that this was something our government actually did, until you revealed it as satire.

For a couple seconds? Me too. This would totally work on me, also. After a dozen loops of that song, I would practically be screaming everything I know at them.
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