World Cup 60: RP Thread

[Legalese]

“When all else fails, attack!”

Those were the first words heard by Bernie and Al, as they slipped into the darkened room. The projector provided the only light, illuminating a piece of game film – Valanora, Al noted, whispering his results to Bernie. Next to the screen, a separate light illuminated a white board, presently clear, save for the permanently-marked pitch on it.

At the front was the man Bernie had been coming to see - Gabe Cushing, the sitting manager of the national team. Standing at 5’7”, and built like a defender – amusing, considering he was a midfielder when he played – who had left a little leeway for his age – 45 – but otherwise had the look of a former player. His hair, well kept, but not too-well; the grey was not yet a majority, but winning a match with the brown. His hard gaze softened slightly as he looked up at the crack of light let in by the new entrants, and turned hard again as he looked back to his team.

“Pressing hard is what will give us the chances we need to play against both high-scoring teams like Valanora, as well as the Karelan-style sides that we’ll see around the world” Gabe continued, pulling out a marker. “And here’s the formation we’ll use.”

Gabe started drawing symbols on the field diagram: a circle in the goal, representing the keeper; three more circles, across the penalty area, representing the defence; a single circle ahead of the defenders, behind the mid circle; a group of three more circles across the middle, with the outside circles set forward of the inside circle; another circle ahead of them, just short of the opposing penalty area, set behind two other circles in the penalty area.

“Our new formation is a variation on what you’d call the 3-5-2” Gabe explained. “Positionally, it’s either a 4-3-3, or 3-4-3. We’ll have three traditional defenders making up the rear line, four midfielders, with Sam playing back a defensive mid/stopper, and a withdrawn forward up top with two strikers. This gives us the attack and counter-attacking abilities we need to keep pressing.”

Gabe paused to let it sink in, while surveying the room. “Questions?”

More silence. Bernie took a glance at the team, and the focus on their faces, and smiled. He’d seen all that he needed to see.

---

It was only halftime, and again, Bernie had seen all that he needed to see.

The score was already three to nil, and left him in search of antacid. Fortunately, an attendant was able to assist.

“Here you are, sir,” she said. “I know, it’s brutal out there. They way that Gisgo just barreled through there like an elephant on that corner was horrid. And then there was Hamilq-“

“Thank you,” Bernie replied curtly. “I’d like to not need a second dose.”

“Sorry, sir.” The attendant blushed. “Er- enjoy the rest of the game.”

Bernie sighed. I knew the collapse was coming, but it still hurts.

As the second half whistle blew, the same eleven returned to the field in black – and they sure showed it. Only a diving save from Stan kept the deficit at three.

Ten minutes in, the whistle blew, and Bernie saw activity on the sidelines. The fourth official raised his signboard, indicating a substitute: Ellsworth out, Rutledge in.

Hmm, a forward in for a defender , Bernie thought. Doubling down, I see.

By the time Fred and Joe changed spots, the board went back up again: Maur for Todd.

Again? At least Stan’s not the only Rhino on the field, for once.

Seconds later, the board changed numbers one final time: Torrens out for Bialek. The skybox started murmuring, as the team lined up in their new positions – Livingston back as the last man, with Washington supporting him; Kelshimer and Sanroman tucked back into the middle, with Maharry remaining as a withdrawn forward, an Maur also slightly back. All the way forward were four: Rutledge and Jay on the outsides, and Bialek and Bassford on the inside.

Bernie smiled, and thought back to his first encounter with Gabe. Whatever happened next, it was going to be fun.

---

Morning in Legalese City is like morning in most places. Quiet streets, a grayish sky giving way to an orange-yellow sun, and the paper boy making his morning deliveries.

As he approached the house, the paperboy made little note of the name on the mailbox: The Wickerstaffs. He walked to the edge of the gate, took the roll, and made a pitch-perfect toss, bouncing right off the front door, and resting it on the door mat.

As he walked away in celebration, Bernie opened the door, and reached for the paper. The cover told him all he needed to know, featuring a picture of the night’s hero, Kelvin Bassford, having his own celebration:

Delenda Est: Legalese beats Phoenigetuzstha 3-3
Late Hat-Trick by Bassford keeps Legalese in Group lead, clinches tiebreaker on foes.

[Western cuba]

Havana Tribute

The #1 Newspaper in Western Cuba

Three More Points for Western Cuba

Jorge Ramirez

While the defense did nothing special yesterday, the offense really stepped up last night for Western Cuba. With a 4-2 win against Enslavia, Western Cuba now has 19 points in the group stage. With Erathore defeating Earent 2-1 though, Western Cuba remains in second place for World Cup qualifying. A comfortable four point lead has been built against the Equestrian States, who tied Antoletia yesterday, 1-1.

While Edgardo Mendoza had a fine game yesterday, one goal and two assists, it was not Mendoza who was the man of the match yesterday. (Yes shocking, I know) If you did not watch the game yesterday, it was Alberto Perez. With thirty minutes of the game left, both teams were tied at 2-2. At the 66th minute, Alberto Perez would score a header of a corner kick. Ten minutes later Perez would score the fourth goal of the game on a corner kick. The Nueva Gerona Bullets must feel really foolish for cutting Perez now. With his play improving and also his control of his temper, Perez will most likely be a hot signing after this World Cup.

Now with the win yesterday Western Cuba is now 5-4-0. While Western Cuba is not in first place, they are the only team in the group not to yet lose a game. (Watch now we'll lose our next game) Speaking of next game, Western Cuba is coming home to play against Earent tonight at Trinidad Municipal Stadium. Earent is currently 2-3-4 in World Cup qualifying and are sitting at the bottom of our group stage.

With the end of World Cup qualifying approaching, every game will be crucial to Western Cuba making it to the World Cup. While Earent is a fairly weak team, we tied them last time. Which means Western Cuba must wake up and smell the coffee for this next game. If we play like what we did against Antoletia two match days ago. Then we should have no problem against Earent tonight. So make sure to watch Western Cuba take on Earent, and like always, the game is on WCSN.

Current Standings

Group 17                            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Erathore                              9    7   1   1    19   10   +9    22
2 Western Cuba                          9    5   4   0    19    9  +10    19
3 Equestrian States                     9    4   3   2    19   13   +6    15
4 Sanian Confederacy                    9    4   2   3     9    9    0    14
5 Antoletia                             9    3   4   2     8    7   +1    13
6 Earent                                9    2   3   4    10   14   −4     9
7 Enslavia                              9    1   2   6     8   14   −6     5
8 Waspeaters                            9    0   1   8     6   22  −16     1

Recap of Every Match Day
Matchday One: Western Cuba 0, Antoletia 0
Matchday Two: Western Cuba 1, Enslavia 0
Matchday Three: Western Cuba 3, Earent 3
Matchday Four: Western Cuba 0, Sanian Confederacy 0
Matchday Five: Western Cuba 4, Erathore 2
Matchday Six: Western Cuba 3, Waspeaters 0
Matchday Seven: Western Cuba 2, Equestrian States 2
Matchday Eight: Western Cuba 2, Antoletia 0
Matchday Nine: Western Cuba 4, Enslavia 2

[Earent]

CONFIDENTIAL
DO NOT DISTRIBUTE
Evaluations--Addendum
Player: Rashith, Kayv
Perception: Low
Presence: High
Physical compatibility: Low
Youth team evaluations (Ungalb Devsgrybe): Somewhat injury-prone but when he's healthy, can be effective throughout the game. Struggles a little in the center of the park but strong in a wing setup.
Recommendation: Depends on who's around him--thinking long-term, we can't tell yet whether he'll actually be able to be part of a winged formation. Otherwise, need to keep developing horizontal motion.

Four minutes to go. Three. He snuck another glance at the team, ready to make their way onto the field.

"Stop jumping," said Laynin.

"I'm not jumping!" Kayv retorted, earning himself a glance from Shenlake. Their captain. He blanched.

Their captain. What had Visin Thaykel been thinking, naming her?

He'd been thinking that Ousteeble had just won the league three years running, of course we need a bunch of their defenders. He'd been thinking that Dorim would be the only Ungalb Devsgrybe player on the team, that they weren't good enough to win.

Well, Kayv had shown him. Would have shown him, if he hadn't stepped away.

"Don't tweak," Dorim had said, "you've played against all of them in the league. Sometimes they beat us, before, like Ousteeble--we don't have to be better than them--"

"We are better than them," he'd explained, "that's why we won the title--"

"Well, yeah, but the point is--we're still Ungalb Devsgrybe. They can't change that, this is just a different team."

Of course it was. But not different enough. A different different team, Kayv was convinced, would not call Kepav Pearkin their home. The field of light, bright windows surrounding the outside of the stadium.

"But still," he'd tried to reason. "It's not--the others don't have to adjust like we do."

"So if you don't want to, don't join the team--there's more players where we come from, they'll be fine."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Well, no. But see, you don't take it seriously because you want to be on the national team, it's fine, it's just different."

"We could make it something else, we're the best team in the league--"

"No, we can't--the team is already there, has played little games. Not great teams, but enough. We can't change that now."

He went on the attack. No need for the defense to wave him around, he could play his own game. They'd cut it close against Erathore, the first time, surely they could do it again? Two goals said otherwise, but then again, there was Tearim, holding off for Moyer before the Brayntel forward put Earent on the scoreboard.

"Well?" he said, afterwards. Well afterwards. (The Kepav Pearkin, being the Kepav Pearkin, had only three locker rooms rather than the customary four, and the Earental women waited until the men had cleared out before moving through.)

"Well what?" Shenlake replied.

"Aren't you gonna go over our performances? Give us advice?"

"Rashith--" Laynin said.

"What?" Shenlake cut him off. "It's fine. We were good! Erathore were better."

Which, no offense, we sort of knew before. He blinked, not sure whether he was thinking up his own response or expecting Shenlake to continue when she had no such plans.

"Right," he said instead.

He wasn't sure what he was expecting. They'd lost before, three other times in just the qualifiers. Three draws and two wins.

And yet, there was nothing strange about those games. They'd been in Brantslaybel and Eanbyre and whatever the Equestrian States actually were, places where Shenlake could have been captain for match after match without comment. (Well, maybe not the Equestrian States.)

It could be worse, he told himself, summoning up memories of the previous game and shuddering. Another 2-1 loss, but they looked much better as far as losing 2-1 went in that more recent game. It could be worse. But that didn't make it good.

[Kiryu-shi]

“So,” he said, “we need to do something about your hair, don’t we.”

Tziganes froze, an open clam shell held halfway to her face. She had been thinking, fairly absentmindedly, about the national team’s latest scoreless draw. Against Tales, no less. At home. She had been there, but she wasn’t as invested in the game as she had been for some time, preffering to talk through the intricacies of what her fisherman friend witnessed. His eyes were far more adept at picking up small body movements, able to quickly point out the strengths and weaknesses of any given player. Even though the match itself was painful, with a number of ridiculous attempts from distance that let the Tales defense off the hook, even as it consistently gave away possession, watching it with someone allowed Tziganes to keep from getting caught up in the emotion of every match. The luxury of his presence was astonishing, and even as the angry groans from the crowd rose when the final whistle sounded, Tziganes found herself smiling at his frank descriptions of the numerous faults of the Kiryu-shi players.

This conversation, however, seemed like it might be a bit light on those smiles.

He continued, “I imagine it’s fairly bothersome, what with the history and whatnot. Them Quee folk have always been a bit aggressive, shall we say, with their particular beliefs.”

Tziganes was sure that the fisherman had never known of her secret. She was sure that she had never let a moment go by when she wasn’t covered by her wig. The taunts, she knew, would never reach her if she were careful, those words flung at her kind years ago, passed down through generations. They would never forget the pain. Denied a soul, denied citizenship, denied basic human rights. And now someone knew her secret…

“Now, I know it’s probably not going to be very comfortable for you, dealing with this. But believe you I, you’ll have better luck figuring something out now away from any kind of spotlight. Things are a bit better now than they were even a couple years back… And them Quee simply don’t have the power that they had…”

She stared back at him, shaking her head quietly.

“Well, of course, there will be taunts, but the anti-football movement hasn’t been very effective or vital, and having a redhead wouldn’t necessarily be worse than having the indecency inherent in the sport. Not that you’re indecent, you know. But you know how they would look at things. Well, you can assume how they might look at things.”

“Why?” her voice quivered, as her nerves got the better of her.

“Well you know, I think my niece could find some employment for you, and again, it’s easier dealt with now than later, when you already have a life started. So I would assume, at the very least.”

“Niece?” she didn’t trust herself to speak more than a word at a time.

“Well yeah. I mean, I think she’s pretty set with her starting eleven for now, but there has to be a spot as a reserve for you, and I’ve been keeping her updated with the kind of prodigious talent she is missing out on, traveling.”

“Traveling?”

“Well, I don’t think that she’s going to have much time to scout you out from West Zirconia. And as much as you may want, I don’t think we’re going to be traveling abroad anytime soon…”

“West Zirconia?” And as she managed to stumble her way through her first two-word sentence of the morning, realization began to hit her, and excitement began to overwhelm crippling fear.

RP 1
RP 2
RP 3
RP 4
RP 5
RP 6
RP 7
RP 8
(For my own keeping-track-of-things purposes as well as for any readers.)

[Yesopalitha]

Isaac Jack-Bentley - After Match Nine

Yeah, yeah. I know this is Hilary's blog, but she's at the hospital with her little sister Jane, making sure that Jane's foot is going to be okay. She took one heck of a fall in the second half, and the foot got bent in, so Hilary wants to make sure Jane'll be all right. She asked me to post instead of her this time, so here I am.

Just a disclaimer - no offence to the Harjeland Puffins. When I play, I don't pay attention to opponents' names. They're just all "the other team". So, if I don't remember who did what, I apologize.

The game was held in The Sacred Heart, but for one half, it was like the field belonged to Harjeland. Their forwards completely overwhelmed our defense as they led 3-0 at the half. Sorry if I'm not giving too much detail about this, but that is what it is. And to me, the important part is that we overcame this deficit.

It all began two minutes into the second half when I got the ball from Hilary, made two moves, and buried it in the net from thirty yards. It was a beauty, and it got the crowd back in it. So much so that just three minutes later, Nadya curled on into the left post. And the game was suddenly 3-2, and momentum had shifted.

The Puffins recovered enough to stop the onslaught until the eightieth minute, but then, hell broke loose. I was actually tripped inside the penalty box, and converted to tie the game.

Three minutes later, I received the ball once more. Three defenders converged upon me, and I got the ball neatly to Hilary, who fired a low liner that won us the game.

Up next? Polar Islandstates. The group's leader. At their place. It's going to be one heck of a game, especially if Jane can't play. Dammit.

Hopefully we can at least tie.

Sorry if this is too short y'all, but I'm a man of few words.

Go Flames!

Isaac out.

[Socialist States Owen]

Daley settles Euran nerves as FSSO win again
A report by Clint Covey

From Taqud's national stadium

TAQUD - 1
Unknown 63

FSSO - 3
Needle 30 (Pen)
Sharp 38
Daley 70

The FSSO are now only two points behind World Cup qualifying Group 4 leaders Orlkjestad after a 3-1 win in Taqud.

Visiting FSSO made a storming start, instantly forcing Taqud backwards as Lee Sharp flicked a shot from very close range against the post from a Dennis Arnold cross. Arnold, who has made a brief comeback to the FSSO national team due to a Nick Feeney suspension, went on to earn the FSSO the penalty that would give him the lead. In the 30th minute, he burst free from the shackles of the Taqud defence, running into the box unchallenged, before letting loose a shot that rebounded off the post; however, when he recovered the ball and attempted to turn near the edge of the box and shoot again, a retreating Taqud defender slammed into him. The referee instantly pointed to the spot and booked the defender before Sam Needle stepped up and placed the ball into the corner in clinical fashion.

Shortly afterwards, Lee Sharp doubled the FSSO's lead. It was unspectacular compared to what he often does, but Sharp got the final touch when a Josh Stevenson corner caused a goalmouth scramble that Taqud failed to clear, which the FSSO number 10 nudged over the line amongst a crowd of players. The FSSO continued to throw themselves forward before half time, and almost got a deserved third through Clive Dawson (in for the injured Steve Thompson) who slammed the ball against the post from 20 yards. Despite hitting the woodwork three times over the course of the half, the score remained 2-0 and in the second half Taqud came back into the game. Arnold, who until this point had been playing well, showed why he has been superceded by Nick Feeney - the 28 year old scooped the ball back towards Simon Neeson in the weakest of fashions, gifting the ball to a previously offside Taqud striker who stroked the ball past the goalkeeper.

However, super sub Scott Daley would continue his blistering form as he secured the win for the FSSO. After coming on for Needle in the 69th minute, he chested down a glorious cross in from James McCroft and swept it into the top corner on his right foot. Dawson then had the FSSO's last chance for a fourth goal a few minutes later, volleying the ball over the bar after connecting with another McCroft cross. This win took the FSSO within 2 points of Orlkjestad, who stuttered to a 0-0 draw with Capivara, as the FSSO go into their next match at home to the team top of the group. Meanwhile, the Holy Empire keep the pressure up in 3rd with a 5-0 victory over Scrap Brain Zone. It is clear that if the FSSO want to qualify, they must beat both Orlkjestad at home and the Holy Empire away. This seems like a very unlikely eventuality.

Man of the Match: Julesk Paranaya

The Starting Lineup

13. S Neeson
21. D Arnold
4. J Paranaya
5. M Humphrey
3. JA Pizza
7. J McCroft
6. P Ryans
12. C Dawson
11. J Stevenson
10. L Sharp
9. S Needle

Substitutes

24. C Castleton
19. M Robertson
15. G Davis
16. K Kane
14. S Xavier
17. P Fessner
23. S Daley (On for Needle 69)

[Cowardly Pacifists]

The Poultry Prober
)
Bringing you MORE than you ever wanted to know about Chickens Football

Friday, June 15th - The Cowardly Capital of Phrytton.

---

AYRSHIRE 2-1 OVER COWARDLY PACIFISTS?! NOT QUITE

Cowardly Pacifists 1 - 0 United commonwealth of Ayrshire

Despite press releases claiming a 2-1 victory over the Chickens before the match had even been played (even going so far as to concoct an elaborate story about how they would win), bottom ranked Ayrshire failed to score a single goal in their MD9 loss to the Chickens at the Chickendome.

The Chickens were clearly annoyed that bottom-ranked Ayrshire would be so bold as to claim that they scored twice against the CPFC - something only 50th ranked Jedi has been able to do thus far in the qualifiers. The Chickens came out in a decidedly offensive way, playing Assistant Captain Steve Flinchmun in a striker position as they had done against South Icemark. The chip on the teams' shoulder was evident early on, as FB William Fleeman elbowed Ayrshire Striker Jonathan Rowe (a man Ayrshire claimed would score against the Chickens) in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious. Fleeman claimed the contact was unintentional, but the referee wasn't buying and sent him off with a red card at 14'. Rowe was removed from the game because of the injury and his long term status is unknown.

Down a man for the rest of the match, Coach Encover pulled the team back on defense to outlast the onslaught. The Chickens defense did it's job, crowding out the shaken Ayrshire offense and effectively keeping them from managing a decent try at the goal. The Chickens managed to break the stalemate twelve minutes into the second half, as Flinchmun headed the ball past Ayrshire's defenses off a Brian Craven corner kick to give the CPFC their only score at 57'. The remainder of time saw Ayrshire continually batter at the home team in an effort to even the score, but the 10-man Chickens held firm and closed out the match. Far from a 2-1 win, the only thing Ayrshire would leave the Chickendome with was a series of late yellow cards for rough and unsporting play: one for each of Midfielder William Kenyon (foul 61'), Defender William Chadwick (foul 68') and Defender George Malone (unsporting play 79').

Captain Brian Craven handled the press conference after the game: "First of all, I want to apologize for the actions of Bill Fleeman and wish Jonathan Rowe a swift recovery. Those who know us know that such violence on the pitch is not what the Chickens team is about. But Fleeman is a younger man and a proud member of the Chickens defense. The implication that we would give up two goals - and the way it was done in a press release before our teams even played - just set him off. Still, that's no excuse, and hopefully the red card he earned will teach him that."

"Second," Craven continued, "I want to give special recognition to the members of our defensive team. It's never easy to keep the sheets clean when you're reduced to 10-men early in the game. But we kept our composure and finished the game without giving anything up. Needless to say, I'm very proud of our guys."

The win against Ayrshire keeps the Chickens in the hunt for a World Cup 60' berth. While they are still technically in third, they're tied in points with 2nd place. A strong finish might just earn the Chickens a chance to play into the World Cup proper. The loss does little for Ayrshire, who appears to be doomed to a life in the Group 5 basement.

Upcoming Schedule

All home matches played at the Chickendome in the Cowardly Pacifist Capital City of Phrytton

Matchday 01, 05 June vs _NRAlexanderburn WIN (1-0)
Matchday 02, 06 June at _NRUnited commonwealth of Ayrshire WIN (1-0)
Matchday 03, 07 June vs ₇₃Octinstine DRAW (0-0)
Matchday 04, 08 June at ₂₉₄San Nitrento LOSS (0-1)
Matchday 05, 09 June vs ₂₄₁South Icemark WIN (1-0)
Matchday 06, 10 June vs ₅₀Jedi8246 LOSS (1-2)
Matchday 07, 11 June at ₁₁Akbarabad WIN (2-1)
***12 June --- TOURNAMENT BYE DAY*** (Friendly at The Icemark) LOSS (2-0)
Matchday 08, 13 June at _NRAlexanderburn DRAW (0-0)
Matchday 09, 14 June vs _NRUnited commonwealth of Ayrshire WIN (1-0)
Matchday 10, 15 June at ₇₃Octinstine
Matchday 11, 16 June vs ₂₉₄San Nitrento
***17 June --- TOURNAMENT BYE DAY***
Matchday 12, 18 June at ₂₄₁South Icemark
Matchday 13, 19 June at ₅₀Jedi8246
Matchday 14, 20 June vs ₁₁Akbarabad

Thoughts on the Chickens' next Opponents: Once again, the Chickens must face Octinstine - their old foes from the World Cup '59 qualifiers. The two teams drew in their last meeting, with the Chickens doing all they could to keep Octinstine's high-powered offense out of the goal. Coach Encover knows that this match-up is critical for the Chickens World Cup 60 aspirations. Right now, Octinstine is in 2nd place and the Chickens are in 3rd, each with 17 qualification points. Both teams have a similar schedule after this match, so the winner here will have a huge advantage over the other in the Group 5 rankings. Hopefully, the team will take that into account and find a way to upset the mighty Octinstine brawlers on their home turf.

Keeping up with Group Five

Group 5 Standings

-                                      Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Jedi8246                              9    5   3   1    19   14   +5    18
2 Octinstine                            9    4   5   0    18   11   +7    17
3 Cowardly Pacifists                    9    5   2   2     7    4   +3    17
4 Akbarabad                             9    3   4   2    20   12   +8    13
5 Alexanderburn                         9    3   4   2    13    9   +4    13
6 South Icemark                         9    2   3   4    12   17   −5     9
7 San Nitrento                          9    2   1   6     7   18  −11     7
8 United commonwealth of Ayrshire       9    1   0   8     3   14  −11     3

Akbarabad gives up 2 goals at home to 241st-ranked team. Akbarabad 2–2 South Icemark. It might be time to call it curtains for Akbarabad. The 11th ranked team continues to disapoint, this time giving up two goals to lowly South Icemark - at home, no less. While it's hard to ever count Akbarabad out, they are now 4 points outside of the top three and remain tied with Alexanderburn for the 4th/5th place in Group 5. While miracles can happen, an Akbarabad presence in the World Cup proper would take just that. South Icemark remains 6th in group and is demonstrating that while individual glory might not be an option, they can still spoil the glory of others.

Second immaculate draw in a row for Alexanderburn! Jedi8246 2–2 Alexanderburn. The home draw against the Chickens seems to have lit a fire under Alexanderburn, who went into the game with Group 5 leader Jedi a huge underdog. The unranked team has been a marvel in Group 5 play, so the 2-2 draw with Jedi really can't be a shock to anyone. While Alexanderburn is still way out of World Cup contention, they are a dangerous squad who will seemingly stop at nothing to make a name for themselves among World Cup teams. The Wyvers of Jedi, meanwhile, have never been more vulnerable. They now have two teams just one point away from tying them for the Group 5 auto-qualification. They will likely look to put some more distance between themselves and Octinstine by putting a hurt on their next opponent: lowly Ayrshire.

San Nit wakes up to check Octinstine. San Nitrento 1–1 Octinstine. In a startling result, 7th-place San Nitrento managed to keep 2nd-place Octinstine in check while also sneaking a goal of their own. Clearly the 294th-ranked team is still capable of surprises. The draw does little for San Nitrento, who remain mired at the bottom of Group 5; propped up only by Ayrshire. Octinstine, on the other hand, must be cursing their fate. One game removed from finally putting some distance between themselves and the Chickens, they find themselves once again neck and neck with the CPFC over the Group 5 Play-in spot. Octinstine will look to kill two birds with one stone in MD10: beating the Chickens would put them 3 points ahead of third place while also keeping the race for first extremely close.

Other World Cup Happenings

World Cup Darling: Once again a narrow win lets Group 1's JeruFC keep the World Cup Darling honors. This time a 3-2 squeaker over Cambazooty kept JeruFC's win streak alive. Their perfect record stands at (9-0-0, +20GD). Honorable mention goes to Valladares who remains the only other unbeaten team in the field.

MD9 Offensive Juggernaut: Group 20's Kazzoria emerged as the MD9 Offensive powerhouse, lighting up the scoreboard 6 times while giving up only a single goal to Arcade.

MD9 Defensive Honors: Group 5's The Holy Empire earned MD9 Defensive Honors by shutting out the Scrap Brain Zone while putting on a 5 goal offensive show.

The Fate of the Baptism of Fire '47 Champion: Kinitaria rebounded well from their MD8 loss to Krytenia with a 3-2 WIN over South scotland and the Borders. They are holding a strong 3rd in Group 7 with an record of (6-0-3, +5GD).

[Cassadaigua]

Setback delivered to Reds,
by Breanna Hawkins

Yesterday’s 3-2 win over Stachland in Concord Heights didn’t clinch us the group title. There are still many games to play, so there is no premature thoughts of accomplishing that feat yet. We know better, we have seen great comebacks and great collapses. We’ve made the comeback in the past that Stachland would have to make now. What it did do though, is make things a hell of a lot tougher for Theodore Czacki and his group of Reds, and for us, that is good news. It was a competitive battle with both teams realizing what was at stake: catch up time for the Red, or a knock out punch for the Pink.

Scoring the first goal was going to be key for the team that got it, and with all of the great skillful plays made by both teams over the first 35 minutes of scoreless football, it took a slip to result in the first goal. Collin Lambert slipped and fell while trying to guard Megan McCarter, and this gave her a lot of open room to run, and she capitalized. As the Reds tried to stop Megan, she was able to get me the ball and I had a pretty clean shot attempt. Placed it right where I wanted it, top left corner, in the 37th minute to give us a 1-0 lead. That’s where it was at halftime for a little while in the second before a pretty wild stretch that had to be a roller-coaster of emotions for both sides. Lyle Verdak got a 52nd minute equalizer, only to see Kristen Marchant put us back up by a goal in the 56th, but then just five minutes after that, Everett Lang tied it right back up, just like a veteran of his age is supposed to do out there. While the young players sometimes get more press, and more attention, it is the veterans like Lang that teams look up too, to provide leadership. I don’t know the details of what goes on in the Stachland locker room, but my gut feeling is that he is seen as a man who the younger players look up to. And if that is not the case, then the younger athletes are making a mistake. Though again, I don’t know the details there. Things settled with the game tied at 2, and Holly Sanders would be the hero on this night: scoring on quite simply, a perfectly placed kick from just outside the box. The Reds defense and Navering Pounchta seemed well positioned, but Sanders was just perfect with the shot, and it found its way into the net. In the 80th minute then, we led by one, and with the crowd behind us, there was no way we were going to let this result slip away. Stachland made us work at the end, but we were up to the challenge.

Three points. Three big points. It doesn’t mean we’ve clinched anything, but it certainly helps our cause!

[Cambazooty]

16-6-2012

RadioSportler
Live In Astrus

Today's Commentators: Roshan Arumugam, Edgar Heitkotter, Jaime Baartmans

---

Post-Game Transcript

RA: ... And the referee has blown the final whistle! Cambazooty two; Jeru FC three.
JB: fffffffff...
RA: Err, let's start with you Edgar. Did you think we'd lose this match while we were two nil up?
EH: I never ruled it out; The moment Leigh Brighton pulled one back for the Cannons, we were a lost cause.
RA: So you thought we were done for eighty minutes into the match?
EH: I watched the Michael VII match, Roshan. Guess what happened there.
RA: Oh... right.
EH: Yeah...
*3-second silence*
EH: ... Those were some very pretty ladies we lost to.
RA: You are correct, as a matter of fact; A survey among young Cambazootites have shown that Jeru FC are considered to possess the most attractive line-up in Group One, right in front of Bloodbath Generation and ours truly.
EH: So it won't be wrong if I go home and start fapping to a poster of them?
RA: *chuckles* Well, aren't you open about your escapades.
EH: *giggles* I know my wife would be fine with it. What about you, Baartmans? Would you be getting any 'arousing fantasies' when you go to bed?
JB: I don't give a damn, just get on with the goals!
RA: Sorry, Jaime. Now, Cambazooty put on a magnificent first half, with Michael Akubundu netting his first for the country and Bintang Sankarno getting on to the scoresheet as well. However! Bryci Cake, Jayden Jaffer and Ariel Luppins all broke through the defense in the last ten minutes to win 3-2.
JB: That's what happens when you leave Keke Van Haren on the bench.
EH: Keke was injured, Baartmans.
JB: Then what was he doing against Michael VII last night?
EH: Doing weird things. Honestly, the Count was going batsh*t insane with his tactics that night.
JB: And the same thing happened again tonight...
RA: Cheer up, Jaime. Our next match is away to winless Saint-Germaine.
EH: Well, I came from the future to tell you all that the Comets won.
JB: Ha ha, very funny.
RA: *sighs* Could you at least predict the winner of the next match before you sulk for the rest of the night?
JB: ... Saint-Germaine will take the three points.
RA: Now was that too hard? Anyways, our time here is up and our listeners should get ready for Martina Diederich's Updates, up next on RadioSportler.

---

Unavailable For The Next Match
Chino Macdonald, Hanz Schumacher, Ulrich Garrett, Bintang Sankarno, Keke Van Haren, Harris Mackenzie

[Hutt River]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

If you know the name of the French poem used in this RP, a batch of hand-made cookies will appear in each of your player's houses

Captain Evette Richards looked forwards at the spectroscope which was pointed at the sun they were approaching. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. She let a a yelp, in a Texan accent

"Whoo! We got it!"

Flight coordinator Elaine Shields leaned over her shoulder and squinted at the screen. She was getting on now, and her eyesight was deterioration badly, the doctor told her before the trip. Shields put her spectacles on. She could see more clearly now. She peered at the monitor.

"A supergiant?". Her voice was hoarse from all the shouting she used to do when she was younger. She lived in Britain until she was 23, when she joined the Space Corps, working a low level job at first, and very slowly moving up the ranks to become Captain of the ship. She resigned as captain of the ship when she was offered an opening with a company in the United States. She said it gave her a chance to do something bigger with her life, something better than being stuck on a ship with a load of dirty idiots, but the actual reason was that it payed twice as much as her previous job. She had slowly decreased in rank after her prime was over and had reached the rank of Flight coordinator.

"You betcha!" said Richards in a joyous tone. This took Shields slightly aback. Richards was never normally happy, just in a mood or not speaking to her. She yelped again.
"Time to celebrate then", Shields said cautiously. Kryten, the service mechanoid, handed round plastic cup of dehydrated champagne, and topped them up with water.
"Cheers" they said together. The cups clinked together.

It took the crew of the Nova 5 seven years to find a blue supergiant, a star teetering on the edge of it's final phase, in the right quadrant of the right galaxy. Another fortnight, and the campaign would be ruined. Sipping her champagne, Chief Star Destroyer Kirsty Sawyers started programming the missile which was to be launched into the star. It had to explode at just the right moment, to trigger off a reaction in the star's core, which would send it into supernova stage. A star gone supernova, would light up the entire galaxy for an entire month, giving off more energy than the sun could in 20 billion years. A hell of a bang. One undetected bug in Sawyers programming, and everything would go wrong. She had to time it so the light from the explosion would reach Earth, at exactly the same moment the other 127 supergiants, which would also go supernova. For anyone living on Earth, the result would be mind-sizzilingly spectacular. 128 stars would appear to go supernova simultaneously. Burning with such ferocity, that they would be seen in daylight. The 128 supernovas would spell out a message. And this would be the message:

'COKE ADDS LIGHT'

For 5 whole weeks, wherever you were on Earth, a huge tattoo would be branded across the skies. The cost of this single three word ad, which could be seen across the galaxy, would add up to the whole world's military budget throughout the whole of history. Pepsi and any other competitor would be absolutely buried. Okay, it wasn't wonderful ecologically thinking. Okay, it involved the destruction of 128 stars which would otherwise would have lasted about 25 million years. Okay, when the stars exploded, they would gobble up 4 or 5 planets in each of their solar systems. And okay, the resulting radiation would last a very long time past the lifetime of our own planet. But it sure as hell would sell a lot of cans of a certain fizzy drink.

Sawyers finished the program, and fired the missile into the heart of the star.

"Let's turn this smeg around and go home" The nose cone of the Nova 5 slowly swung around to begin the incredibly long journey Back to Earth.

The seven crew members who were in stasis didn't survive the crash. As the ship bellied onto the crated surface of the ice-clad moon, a jagged rock ripped open the ships side like the lid tearing off a sardine can, and the stasisees spewed out onto the moon, having a short few seconds awake, choking in the deadly methane atmosphere. Captain Richards, who had taken the first three month watch along with Sawyers, had been playing solo-squash, when Kryten dropped into the leisure suite to politely inform her that the ships computer had gone all 'dolalley'. She raced up to the drive room to find absolute chaos. The computer was reciting nineteenth century french poetry, and the steering system was on fire.

"What in hell is happening?"
"...jusqu'à ce que je meure" the computer said soothingly

Kryten sprayed the steering system with a portable extinguisher.

"I... I don't understand what's going on Miss Evette."
"Sawyers", Richards barked into the intercom, "Get up here, we're in very deep smeg."
"One minute he was fine, the next he was acting like this." Richards tore at the panels to engage the backup computer.
"Où je criai" the computer said
"I mean, if I knew he was going to go mad on us, I wouldn't have bothered cleaning him."
"Say what, Kryten?"
"I mean, what is the point of treating him to a complete spring clean, polishing all his bits and bobs with beeswax, and scrubbing his terminals with soapy water, if he going to go all peculiar."
"You cleaned the computer?"
"What. Can't you tell? He's absolutely sparkling. Just look inside."Richards peered into the computer's circuit board casing. Foaming soapy water bubbled below the shining, newly polished innards.
"L'enfant que j'avais tout à l'heure" the computer gurgled. Soap bubbles blew out of it's voice simulation unit
"Kryten, did you clean the backup computer too?" Kryten looked away modestly. "Did you Kryten?"
"Please Miss Evett, I don't want thanks"
"Did you?" She grabbed him by his shoulders.
"The only thanks it need is that you appreciate a job well done." His mouth twisted into a plastic grin.

Sawyers burst into the drive room, a towel round her, and her wet hair bouncing from side to side. "What's happening?" She rushed to the fizzling flight console. Her eyes darted over the digital readouts. She typed quickly on the old-fashioned five button keyboard. "No way in" She tried again. "We can't get manual. The console won't let us in."
"Well it should be working 120%. It's even cleaner than the computers."

The Nova 5 dug a massive, three mile wide hole in the middle of the moon, so it looked like an icy grin, and finally came to rest in two separate pieces at the bottom of a mountain range.

[Stachland]

Stachland Reds

Another Narrow Loss to Cassadagans Puts Reds at Risk
by Witold Elliott

Despite what is, by all accounts, a very well-played qualifying campaign, the Reds have still not secured second place in Group Nineteen.

To blame for this circumstance—which, of course, is not unusual for the Reds; save for World Cup 59 qualifying, the Reds have consistently been pressed to perform their best for the entirety of the campaign—would be a pair of 3-2 losses to the Cassadagan national team, the first coming at Generalife Union Arena, the second occurring just last night in Cassadaigua.

Early goals by Ashley Barrett and Kristen Merchant put the Reds in a serious hole from the get-go, though Ratin Beenum connected with the back of the net on a pass from Jerce Wolszan to give the Reds a goal going into halftime.

The Dagans scored again in the fifty-seventh minute to give themselves a 3-1 advantage, and, though the Reds did narrow the margin to just a single goal in the eighty-fifth minute on an excellent play by substitute forward Jemian Johnson, they could not close the gap entirely despite a ferocious offensive assault in the final minutes.

The loss, coupled with a 2-1 Camwood victory at Landarea, brings the Reds into a tie with Camwood for second place, though goal differential is clearly in the Reds’ favor, +14 to only +6. Though not expected to remain this competitive, the Camwood team has put up a scrappy performance that has seen it win six of its first nine games. Only time will tell if they can continue this run.

The Reds’ next match will be played at home against Terio, a team the Reds previously defeated in an away match in the first half of qualifying.

Reds’ Future is Bright with Pounchtal as Captain

As is well known among Stachlandic football enthusiasts, long-time team captain and star midfielder Everett Lang will be retiring from the national team following this World Cup campaign. While it was initially undisclosed as to who would be claiming the title of captain for World Cup 61 and beyond, the National Magazine for Athletics can now report that it will be Navering Pounchtal, goalkeeper for the Reds since the team’s inception for World Cup 55.

Pounchtal, who plays for Briarmore FC in Civil Citizenry during the club season, is thirty years old, and is expected to continue in the role of captain for at least World Cups 61 and 62. He will work alongside head coach Theodore Czacki—whose contract has also been extended through the World Cup 62 campaign—to continue the Reds’ rich history of success on the pitch.

“We’re a good team with a stable roster, so the change in captains should not bring any major effects upon morale or playing style,” said Everett Lang, who won his first domestic title with the Chevrin Nova after spending a decade and a half with the team.

[Gyatso-kai]

.:: Observation Lounge, Meshgeroya'yaim, Keldabe, Mandalore, Gyatso-kai ::.
1020 hours local time (UTC+7), 15 June 2012.2[/i]

Another draw. What is going on?

Head Coach Boba Vhett looked out of the main windows of the Observation Lounge, nearly ten stories above the pitch, Vhett had the perfect vantage point to observe his team at work. The position coaches were running their trainings, and Vhett found himself sitting alone in the lounge with nothing but a warm glass of tihaar to soothe his worries...

"Vhett, do you have a minute?"

The voice of the assistant coach, Liu Qiang An, echoed in the empty meeting room. Vhett turned slowly, held up a lone hand, and Liu moved towards the Head Coach. As usual, Vhett had seated himself in the middle of a row of chairs, with empty seats on either side. After three World Cups as the Assistant Coach, Liu was learning this was just his strategy to invite people for conversations...

"Qiang," spoke Vhett, handing a glass to Liu with his usual debonare charm, "I have all the time in the world..."

"Thank you," Liu stated, glancing into the glass with his usual apprehension of Mandalorian traditions. "And this is?"

"Tihaar. It is distilled from fruits grown throughout the Mandalorian regions," stated Vhett as he took another drink. "I really need to expose you more to our culture Liu. Where are you from again?"

"The Earth King..."

"I know that," motioned the Head Coach as he put down the glass, leaning forward on his knees contemplatively. "Specifics, ade, specifics..."

"Yungshi, sir," Liu stated as he took a smell of the tihaar, "Xifang region."

"Ah, Xifang... My grandfather is from the region. The Vhett clan has several homesteads just outside of Gobha. When this tournament is over, you and I are going to travel a bit with the team."

"Travel?" Liu asked as he placed the glass to his lips. Tilting his head back, he parted his lips to allow the tihaar to flow into his mouth. Immediately upon contact, the liquid was like fire, and swallowing ti quickly soon spread the blaze to his throat, where he immediately began coughing. Vhett laughed lightly, before patting Liu on the back.

"Yes, Liu. Travel. Our team needs the unity and solidarity of a shared culture." Vhett smiled when Liu cleared his throat and took another sip. It was easier this time to swallow, though Liu imagined that was due mostly to the fact he was already in pain.

"What do you mean?" asked Liu, returning his gaze to the pitch below. "Our men are already unified..."

"Are they, look to the defenders alone to see the divisions," Vhett spoke, pointing to the defence corps which was standing by while Nakamura Batou and Ki'se Kololi discussed something or another. "You have the Mandalorians Miyamoto, Akiyama, Kobayashi, Lingbo and Wong who are always together. They room together, eat together, and even practice together."

"Haru grew up in Omashu. He is more Earth than..."

"Oh, you fool yourself if you believe for one second that Wong is not Mando'ad. When was the last time you saw him speak to anyone in Omashuese? I can tell you now, he greeted me in Mandalorian this morning..."

Liu sat silently at first, looking back to his glass and then to the field.

"Bao is from the Northern Water Tribes, and he spends far more time with Jijian and Kim, both of whom hail from Ba Sing Se, even though he rooms with Akiyama on the away games."

"The point of this is..."

"Look to yesterday's match. We drew the Monks 3-all... We swapped around the defence to counter them, and all it did was lead to more goals. Our offence brought an award-winning performance, with Kad'e scoring a double and Bralor bringing home another in the last minutes of the match. But the defence... They just couldn't adapt. Even when I subbed in Tran, and even when I pulled Bralor for Tsukino for fresh legs at sixty-five in."

"So what are we going to do, Vhett?"

"Switching to the old formation may help... I will speak to everyone at our meeting about it."

"Just because we have had two draws doesn't mean you should swap it out yet. Keep it for the match against Virabia."

"And what if we draw again?"

"Then we will switch it," Liu stated, putting down the glass and turning more towards Vhett. "You know better than me it takes time to adjust, and if we switch back to the 4-4-2, we will be back in the zone of lone goals and even losing."

Vhett smiled as he drained his glass. He put the empty glass next to Liu's and just nodded his head.

"Sometimes, Liu," he stated, standing, "I just need to get you to argue with me to see your point-of-view. I need to know you are with me before I speak to the others..."

"With you? You mean?"

"Obviously I wouldn't want to switch the formation just yet. Probably after Virabia if we draw tonight... Give us time to combat the Lions effectively."

"Vhett," Liu shrugged, standing himself, "You Mandos always confuse me..."

"Maybe after this is all said and done," Vhett mumbled as he started walking towards the door. "I can get you into a nice suit of armour and show you how to understand us perfectly."

[Octinstine]

Octinstine fail to pick up the easy win

Last night the national team managed to snatch a draw
from the jaws of victory after conceding a late goal away
from home. This match was one that the team really could
have done with wining to put some distance between
the 3rd placed team; while also keeping pace with
the group leaders.

The match was one of might of been's as after taking an
early lead they wasted a slew of chances before conceding
a late goal. Octinstine quickly took an early lead from a
Tom Trent free kick what followed though was 85 minutes
of failure to finish after some great build up play.
Before in the 88th minute they conceded a poor goal from
a corner. This was two points the team could I'll afford
to drop

[Camerania]

"Good evening folks,I'm Barry Norman, with a World Cup update.
Last night, we finally got another win, which we've been waiting for. Our loyal Fightin' Commies fought it out against number eight Farfadillis. Now, this win was to be expected, but we're still thanking Margaret for it, because she's been treating us pretty will this time around. Hopefull y we'll see some more good outcomes later in the qualifying matches. Tonight's match will hopefull be an even greater succes, so stay tuned. Until then, I'm Barry Norman, keeping you posted."

[Wight]

.

[Licentiapacisterra]

Licentiapacisterra managed to earn only their second win of the campaign today, at home to the unknown Elstorm side that beat the Eagles in the return fixture. It was actually a good game from the Cyan-and-Gold, who dominated throughout, and were unlucky not to win by a bigger margin.

The Licentiapacisterrans always had the game in their hands, right from the word go. Jack Kerr, who has really established himself in the side in this campaign so far, was dominant against the unnamed Elstormian defence, and Dylan Knight played well next to Ben Miller in his new attacking midfield role. Ben Miller blazed a shot just past the post on the half hour mark, while Harvey Morrison went fairly close with a header that was just tipped away by Elstorm’s keeper.

Early in the second half, what went on in the dressing room paid off, and Jack Kerr scored again for the Cyan-and-Gold, with a beautiful left-footed strike into the bottom corner, with unusual finesse for the big man that he is. Elstorm only came close once or twice, and their best chance came when Alex Stewart mishandled a free kick, but the attempt to finish went blazing over. Knight had an opportunity of his own before the end, challenging the keeper with a free kick that edged the top of the crossbar.

All in all, a pretty good performance for the Eagles, and hopefully they can carry on their form as they head on the road, first to West Angola, then to Landarea.

[New Montreal States]

Ministry of Morale Internal Memo

SOMEWHAT CONFIDENTIAL

Anyone discovered to have leaked this memo to the press without prior approval will get, at minimum, a harsh talking-to, and will be uninvited from the toga party at Julia's this weekend!

TO: All staff, Association Football (FA) department
FROM: The Ad Hoc Fly-by-Night Committee on The Kingdom of Okwe
RE: Why does the Kingdom of Okwe seem to have our number?

After Monday's post-mortem on the 1-1 draw at the Paladin Dome, bringing our record for WC60 to 0-2-0 against the Kingdom of Okwe and 7-0-0 against everyone else in Group 16, the Ad Hoc Fly-by-Night Committee was assembled with one representative from each department inside the FA, except for Scouting, which sent two, and the Paladins themselves, who claimed to be "too f**king busy to bother with a load of bureaucratic horseshit, and besides we're done with those guys anyway." Sounds like someone's afraid of a little accountability!

As per the instructions from the Minister and the head of the FA, we have come up with a list of potential reasons for the discrepancies in performance between the Kingdom of Okwe and our other qualifier opponents. We now await the FA management's decisions on which, if any, of these potential explanations ought to be further explored:

- Endless stream of nameless, ego-less opponents has created problems with on-field distribution of man marking assignments: "Get that dude! No, the other dude! Not the guy with the ponytail! The guy with the faux-hawk! No, the one with the frosted faux-hawk, not the black faux-hawk..."
- Endless stream of nameless, ego-less opponents has caused the coaches to confuse their game plans and accidentally call set-pieces and defensive strategies intended for Weatherdon or Salouf, leading to inefficiencies on offense and potential vulnerabilities on defense.
- Endless stream of nameless, ego-less opponents has brought about existential crises for players and staff forced to contemplate the true value and meaning, if any, of having a name and a personality.
- Endless stream of nameless, ego-less opponents led the Paladins to experience the supernatural glory of ego death, allowing the Kingdom of Okwe to pick up the equalizer while the Paladins temporarily merged their essences with the cosmos and experienced the Tao that cannot be described.
- On-pitch arguments between the players on how to correctly pronounce "Okwe" (Oh-KWAY? OCK-we? Oo-QUAY?) kept the side from paying full attention to the match.
- The team was up late the night before both matches, engaged in their two favorite hobbies: party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit and party and bullshit.
- The soul-crushing apathy induced by playing Mu Mu is so powerful, it carried over into the next match and kept the Paladins from giving their usual 110% effort.
- The Kingdom of Okwe side is actually a cabal of powerful sorcerers aiming to bring down the NMS and nobody else, hired by the Milchamans or by Eduard Winogradsky and that chick with the godawful blue dye job and the unspellable name, hiding their sinister powers behind a mask of anonymity. (This might explain why Rhéal Ackersley did not dress for last weekend's match, owing to a nasty stomach flu)
- The Kingdom of Okwe side has a terminal case of Bruce Weber's disease, and plays exactly to the level of their opponents, no worse and certainly no better.
- The Kingdom of Okwe has struck a Mephistophelean bargain with Armed Bears, another side that usually fights the Paladins to a draw despite having a lower rank, to learn their secret techniques for shoplifting two points from the 'States. (Proof of this theory might be uncovered if we can find receipts or manifests of payola from Okwe in commodities that Armed Bears might find desirable: fresh fish, fresh fruit, red meat, talismans against the undead, large sums of cold, hard cash, and high-performance sports cars with reinforced frames and extra legroom for ursine drivers.)

Please note that researching explanation #4 will require an exception to the Ministry's "no billing LSD to your employee expense account, no matter whether or not the dealer had his wings" rule.

On behalf of The Ad Hoc Fly-by-Night Committee on The Kingdom of Okwe, we look forward to seeing you at Thursday's meeting. We are confident that we can get to the bottom of this quandary.

Sincerely,

(thirteen signatures are listed)

[Alexanderburn]

Jedi8246 2-2 Alexanderburn
Alexanderburn has predictable match, second draw in a row

Alexanderburn may move up to fourth place late tonight if they can manage a win against the highly-ranked team of Akbarabad, who sits only one spot ahead of the Blue and White solely due to the goal difference.

The match featured four goals by star players and great passing as Alexanderburn got into its second match of its second leg. This, however, was a fairly predictable game even though many believed that Jedi8246 would get the win. The 2-2 draw featured some failing defence by both sides, while it was commonly believed that Alexanderburn's stellar defense essentially broke down yesterday as a result of Jedi8246's constant attacking.

Diego Holierhoek, who was the acting captain just a few days ago, was the MVP of the match, as not only he set up the first goal, but he scored the second as well!

The first half was one of the most boring first halves that has been played in the entire tournament thus far. It can be argued that both of the sides had premier defence at this time, and the midfield of both teams also helped to clear the ball away from their goals in a series of well-developed plans to win the match. The only shot came from the Wyverns in the 23th minute as they attempted to score off a corner kick only to hit the woodwork on a beautifully crafted header.

However, as the fans booed both sides in the first half, the second half was very different, but was equally as bad if not worse. Only 49 minutes into the game, or about 4 minutes into the second half, Jedi8246's team were up by 1 goal after the striker shot a difficult shot that bounced off Alexanderburnese defender Maximilian Ebersberger and soared past the hands of goalie Alexander Nordaglio. Despite the late lead, the Blue and White were never to far behind. Just another four minutes later, Eric Austerlitz beat the opposition's defence to the goal and netted one for his side.

"I realised that the number four seemed to be the lucky number of the match," joked head coach William Kingsley. "The opposition scored four minutes into the second half, we scored four minutes afterwards, and the total goals in the game added up to 4. It truly was a coincidence!"

That wasn't the only luck that Alexanderburn received. A mere three minutes afterwards (in the 56th minute), defensive midfielder Diego Holierhoek, commonly thought of as the best DM in the nation, scored a second goal for his home nation, setting Alexanderburn up for their first lead in the match with Alexanderburn leading 2-1; at this point, it was obvious that the Jedi8246 manager and coach were both furious at their defence for a lack of effort.

"This is not the first time that our offense has managed to create such problems for the opposition," noted assistant coach Peter Mathiassen. "We did so just yesterday, in fact!"

However, Jedi8246 soon equalised in the 59th minute as Alexanderburn may have become overconfident, and the Wyverns also saw two more dangerous shots in the 64th and 78th minutes that sent Nordaglio flying, desperate to receive at least one point for the Blue and White.

"Overall I think we played a great match," noted captain Marcel Schroeder, "but everyone's defence became a bit sloppy at the end. That's why our fans were disappointed, and so were the Wyverns' supporters. We will definitely learn from this mistake in tomorrow's math against Akbarabad."

STARTING LINE-UP (Alexanderburn vs. Akbarabad)

-------------------- van der Pol ---- Cremonesi -------------------
------ Frederiksen -------- Schroeder -------- Austerlitz ------
-------------------- Holierhoek --------- Collett -------------------
--------- Rittenhouse ------- Doyle ------- Ebersberger ---------
----------------------------- Nordaglio ------------------------------

Modification: -2

Good luck Alexanderburn!

[Valanora]

"So I heard something about the Cup of Harmony might be coming to Valanora."

"Well, Valanora is bidding to have the right to the upcoming tournament, but they have a cobidder and some stiff competition."

"Two other bids right, with those weird Ancharmu...something or another. As well as Valladares and Liventia."

"It seems you are not up to speed my dear friend, the Liventia bid has been withdrawn and Valladares has joined in on our own bid. Apparently the VSC feel as though the Valladares delegation deserves a shot at hosting a WCC event."

"This is madness! Who decided this? We can't have two VFAs running the show, people will get confused! Heck people already get confused on whose TLA is actually VAL."

"Well I guess you can say this is VAL squared."

"That is not funny!"

"Actually it sort of is. Besides those people you speak of are Qazian, they never predict anything in their media right, so mistakes over TLAs are no real big deal."

"What about the fact that they are Rushmori?"

"Oh come off it, everyone knows that we really don't give much credance to this whole AO vs Rushmore thing that everyone else and their dog seem to have an obsession over. Fact is, they are a good bunch of people over there in Rushmore just like here and Valladares provides a good cohosting partner."

"Madness I tell you!"

[Pasarga]

"Time for one of the three big matches then, those Audioslavs over who would love to upset our chances, a tricky test that could make or break the last few matches for us."

"It is a huge game, but we still have the match against the Polarians and Yeso people on the schedule. We could afford to drop points here as a result, although getting the full three is obviously the preference. However with the other two also playing each other today, we could very well end up once again atop the group by nights end."

"It is quite odd how the schedule has worked out in that way. It is quite uncanny."

"Just a bit of random luck really, or as other people from the world would call it, the will of Margaret. Though I have no idea why they pray and make weird sacrifices to such a deity, wouldn't a random goddess not be able to be appeased, since randomness is not something one can control. And if they could be appeased, what sort of deity likes burned rubber as an offering?"

"That is a very interesting question. I always thought the gods liked things like blood, cattle, and wine, not rubber."

"These are indeed quite the strange assortment of people that populate the world around us. We are a bit secluded here on our islands, even from the rest of our regional neighbors. Though maybe not as much as either of us would like."

"Well, Pualinthal does get its fair share of immigrants though and some of them can be quite skillful at certain things. Just look at the success that Santos Luega has had in football. So maybe we're not as secluded as we think we are."

"Perhaps, but that is neither here nor there when it deal with the Wanderers chances for the evening. A strong defensive showing and then hitting them on the flanks to set up the counter attack should be used. We're playing a tough team so we're going to have to absorb that pressure at first, but if we can do that I think our better fitness levels will see us able to break them on the counter as the game wears on."

"It's a good plan, let's hope it is the one that Abel employs."

[Astograth]

From the Archives of RL Sports
World Cup 6

Sweden: Thank you everyone for participating, I think it went quite smoothly

France: Sorry I was away, glad to see the rank system worked well though. My scorers were:

France 7 – 3 Paraguay; Fontaine x3, Piantoni, Wisnieski, Kopa, Vincent
Yugoslavia 3 – 2 France; Fontaine x2
France 2 – 1 Scotland; Fontaine, Kopa
France 4 – 0 Northern Ireland; Fontaine x2, Wisnieski, Piantoni
France 2 - 5 Brazil; Fontaine, Piantoni
West Germany 3 - 6 France; Fontaine x4 (fuck it), Kopa, Douis

Argentina:

glad to see the rank system is working well though.

Speak for yourself! I lost to Northern Ireland! This is all going downhill since we allowed puppets!

Northern Ireland: Im not a puppet.....

Ireland: Shut up,Donny

Czechoslovakia: I'm a WC finalist and I lost to North Ireland too. Maybe if I came up with a player of my own...

Argentina: As if we didn't have enough godmod players FFS. 13 goals in five matches? Who is this Fontaine guy, Alan Belmore? He's not even French, nicked from Morocco. I expect this stuff from Brazil with his absurd “Garrinchos”, “Péles”, “Vovás” and whatever, but now everyone's doing it.

Hungary: Hey, I lost to Wales. Not even a roster, so I'm left to assume they're a bunch of cetaceous creatures.

Argentina: We agreed there'd be only men in FIFA.

Hungary: I was joking. Lighten up.

Argentina: Oh just you wait till I'm FIFA president.

England: As FIFA president I can promise a revision of the rank system immediately. Especially after that USSR debacle.

Soviet Socialist Republics: I can promise nuclear winter, immediately D:<

America: MAD

Soviet Socialist Republics: Oh, fine, be like that.

Brazil: YESSSS!!! Champions at last!! Take that, Uruguay, haha! Really liking this Pelé fellow too, might settle for him.

Uruguay: ((OOC: Fair play to you, but I'm still one ahead. And good luck with that, looks like no repeat winners from now on.))

[Falconwhereveryouare]

The Eagle's Eye
The best newspaper in Falconwhereveryouare!
SPORTS
Leave that kind of play in the John

By Otis Birmingham

The Falcons underformed badly. Something about JonathanAtopia just screws with the minds of the Falconian players and they can't even get their fundamentals down right. Bad passes to dead space or right at defenders, easy shots missing well wide, not tagging attackers correctly. And unlike last time, we didn't have even worse play from the Atopians to bail us out. We're lucky that they only scored one, their talisman striker Jonathan Jonson- I wonder how he got that name- banging plenty of shots off the woodwork before dropping one plast Vladimir to the joy of the many Jonathans who had come out to watch their team at home.

Sitting at 9 points through 9 games, our Falcons don't have any chance of a miracle first-try qualification. However, averaging a point per game is pretty good for a fresh-out-of-the-baptism team; if we can scrape together a few more wins, we can certainly help our ranking, perhaps get a little more international prestige. Then perhaps our players might be able to go abroad and find success in foreign football leagues, seeing as how ours is still barely semi-pro. Key, Kouzmanoff and Halth have already been signed to Gordontopian teams; but I'm sure we can do better than that.

[Polar Islandstates]

Sometimes, you just get things handed to you on a plate. Sitting here at my desk at the Valhallan Independent, I am holding in my hands three pieces of paper that could combine to become just about the best press whilrwind that I have ever created in my short career so far. It's as if Thor himself sent them. Manner from heaven. This is the kind of break that journalists kill for - though, that was never proven in the courts, so you can't prove anything and I will sue you for libel if you try.

'What are these important pieces of paper, Peikko?' I hear you cry.

Well, the first is a most revealing fax from my source at the FPIFA regarding Sol Kirkkegaard's contract with the national team. Nevermind how I got a source at the FPIFA. I'm Peikko Uistella, that's how. Top investigative journalist and all-round troll. Or something like that. The last guy that spoke about me might have used stronger language than that, it's hard to remember one specific instance when so many people are talking about you, to be honest. But anyway. It's pretty standard contract fare really. Lots of dull stuff about holidays, hours, pay, blah blah blah... But then there's just one phrase highlighted in yellow for me by my source that seems to have escaped everyone so far. Sol Kirkkegaard's contract as signed only runs up until the conclusion of this current cycle.

I know.

How has this escaped everybody else? Oh man, I cannot wait to break this first. I mean, does Kirkkegaard even know this himself? Does his agent? Does Ragnorak? Have negotiations started? I haven't heard anything about them. I find it hard to believe everybody has forgotten, but somebody else must know about it, and whoever that is is keeping very quiet about it. The question is, do I break the news now or do I wait to find out who that is? And why they're keeping quiet about it? That could be dynamite information, either way. Choices, choices, choices. Good choices, mind. The kind a journalist likes to have to make. No such luck on Schwartz, it seems he's tied down for the next three cycles at least. But that's not the interesting part, really. Nobody's talking about the assistant at the moment, it's all about Kirkkegaard, Ragnorak, and Amadeus Irndtor.

The second piece of paper? Well, that's just where the fun starts to multiply, really...

"You are cordially invited to appear on the edition of 'End to End' prior to the last match of the qualifying campaign, a special edition that will feature in depth analysis of the crucial tie at home against Pasarga that could decide the group. The edition will be live from the touchline of the Nasjonale the day before the match, and will of course be hosted by Freidrich End.

Other confirmed guests are national team boss Sol Kirkkegaard, his assistant Joachim Schwartz, FPIFA chairman Magnus Ragnorak, and head of the VRA Dima Koolhaas"

Obviously, I said yes.

Can you imagine? Ragnorak and Kirkkegaard on the same sofa. I'm not even sure they've shared a civil conversation since the start of the campaign, and I know for certain they haven't spoken since that little 'escapade' I engineered with Ragnorak at the bar. Oh, imagine if I saved the contract information until then! Or maybe not. That's weeks away yet, I'm not sure I can risk someone else finding out and breaking the story first, to be honest. Maybe I should get writing, in fact...

Hang on, Dima Koolhaas, where have I seen that name recently?

Ah yes, here we go, straight from the Independent's website...

"...and it was following that unexpected equaliser from Unbreakable that the veteran Polarian referee Dima Koolhaas was forced to come off with what looked like an achilles tear, an injury that led to him declaring his retirement from active refereeing following the end of the match. Koolhaas is a highly respected member of the footballing institution in the Federation, and is head of the Valhallan Referee's Association as well as holding a number of advisory roles at the FPIFA, and it is expected that with this retirement from on-field officiating Koolhaas will step up his role off the pitch."

Okay, so, not that thrilling, really. But he's basically the opposite of me. Calm, doesn't react to much. If I can get a rise out of him on the show then I'll consider it a major achievement.

But, oh yeah. The this piece of paper? Well, its the match report I just finished for last night's match against Bordurian. What? You thought I could list three pieces of important writing without one of them being by me? Get real. And what about it, coupled with the invite and the contract information might make it interesting? Well, have a read and find out...

** ** ** ** **


"NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS THINKING, TO BE HONEST, BUT HEY, HE PICKS THE SUBSTITUTIONS, NOT ME..."
Ragnorak questions Kirkkegaard's judgement after Amadeus Irndtor sees red as Terns squeak past Bordurian
By Peikko Uistella

Polar Islandstates recorded a tighter than expected win over group whipping boys Bordurian last night amid tumultuous circumstances that saw lone striker Amadeus Irndtor get sent off with half an hour remaining. After Torre Urfstadt's first half header from a van Sorensen corner, the Terns found the going in Bordurian unexpectedly tough, and laboured to a second 1-0 win over their opposition in as many matches against them. Visiting fans were quick to get on the back of the struggling away side, as basic errors cost the side possession time after time, and wild shooting meant the scoreline never looked in danger of changing.

Main culprit of these wild shots, and the main victim of the taunts was the hot and cold figure of Amadeus Irndtor. After a diasterous first half to qualifying, Irdntor looked to have put his daemons behind him with the winning goal in Astograth, follow by two well taken goals at home against Harjeland in the previous fixture. His woes came back against Bordurian however, and he didn't register a single shot on target throughout his time on the field.

Injury to Edvar Folke forced Kirkkegaard's hand into the first substitution of the match with only twenty-seven minutes on the clock, but his later changes brought much criticism as he left the increasingly frustrated and irate Irndtor out on the pitch. Kirkkegaard has stuck by Irndtor time and time again this campaign, believing him to be key to the way the Terns play, and the most talented striker in the squad. However, his judgment was called into question by many after the match, including the head of the FPIFA Magnus Ragnorak.

The warning signs were there to see just before half time, as yet another offside decision went against Irndtor, and he voiced he displeasure rather graphically at the referee, who rightly booked him for dissent after several warnings for his increasingly wild and reckless tackling, giving away several fouls needlessly and breaking up what rhythm the Terns had managed to achieve. With the Twitchers calling for more goals to finish off their weak opposition and boost the goal difference and complement the admittedly solid looking defence, Sol baffled onlooker by making both remaining substitutions five minutes after the break. Rather than increasing the count of strikers by taking off the surplus to requirement Jorgen-Franz Bru, who simply wasn't needed with Hauge's dominance against the poor Bordurian centre-park, or simply replacing the out-of-sync Irndtor, Kirkkegaard chose to stick with the lone striker, and instead replace the wide-men Berghaus and Kjaer with Lepka and Vik.

Vik and Lepka are undoubtedly fine propects, but with Hauge and van Sorensen having the midfield battle well and truly sewn up already, the decision to replace width with more midfielders baffled many, not least Irndtor, who looked desperate to come off and call and end to his personal hell. The Terns were dominating possession, but there was no end product. In the end it became a personal battle of will for Kirkkegaard. Whether he was trying to boost Irndtor's confidence or simply prove a point to his doubters that he picked the team, he seemed to will every touch of Irndtor's towards the goal.

He was to be disappointed however, and with half an hour left on the clock, and all three substitutions used, Irndtor saw red. After another particularly wild shot that eventually went out for a throw in, Irndtor took offence to a late bump from a Bordurian defender who hadn't been able to stop in time and kicked out, lashing out and knocking the defender over with a raised arm that left the referee with no choice but to award the striker his second yellow of the night and an early bath.

Irndtor stormed down the tunnel without even a glance at his fellow players, fans, or the bench, and although it is unlikely that many Twitchers will cheer his future inclusion on the team sheet, you couldn't help but feel a little for the striker, who looked so lost and out of sorts. The wrath of the Twitchers instead turned to Kirkkegaard, whose erratic choices of substitution had left the Terns with no clear out and out striker on the pitch for the last half hour. Alexsandr van Sorensen deputised in the role, but he hasn't played as a full striker for club or country for many seasons now, and so it came as no surprise to see the game peter out with no more goals.

After the match, Kirkkegaard defended his team's performance, as well as that of Irndtor...
"Well, a win is a win is a win, isn't it? We've kept another clean sheet so naturally we're delighted about that even though we'd have liked ot have scored a few more, and Edvar's injury doesn't look a serious one, so hopefully he'll be back fighting fit for the next match. Amadeus? Well, it's a shame about the lad, really. I don't think he was enjoying himself out there tonight, bu he was finding the space alright, just not finishing the chances off unfortunately. What he did was wrong and left the referee no choice, really. I'll have a word with him. He'll be okay, I'm sure."

He was similarly defensive of his substitutions...
"I saw a weakness in the centre of the park and I chose to exploit it. Amadeus isn't the tallest of strikers, and he wasn't going to win many balls in the air, so I whipped the wingers off and though we could play it through the park for him to run on to. It didn't work out in the end, but what can you do? I thought the chane to finish the match on the pitch and with a goal would have done him good, so I chose to leave him on the pitch. Had I not had to take edvar off in the first half maybe Ellis would have finished the match, yeah, but that's football."

One man who was unconvinced by the substitutions however, was Magnus Ragnorak, who did not choose to travel to the match, but instead spoke as he was leaving the FPIFA offices following the final whistle...
"Well no, I don't agree with everything he does on the pitch, but then that's not my job is it? It's not like we're about to enter into life or death talks about his future or anything, he's Sol Kirkkegaard, and he's the manager of the Terns, and that's the way things are. I'm just Magnus Ragnorak. Do I care that our top scoring striker is now suspended for the next two matches when I'd rather he was on the pitch? Well, yes. But what can you do? No idea what he was thinking, to be honest, but hey, he picks the substitutions, not me..."

Ragnorak may not be the only voice criticising Kirkkegaard tonight, but he is certainly the highest profile, and it is unlikely that the relationship between the long-serving chief and the once-untouchable Kirkkegaard will improve any as a result of his words. Joachim Scwartz, so often the voice of reason in an increasingly erratic Kirkkegaard's ear this campaign, was unavailable for comment after the match as he herded the players onto the team bus and back to the airport, though from his facial expression it is clear that not all is going smoothly at the top of the Terns' management tree.

As for the Terns, well they will have to put on a much better performance in the next match as we welcome the visit of Yesopalitha, who inflicted the Terns' only loss so far this cycle. They are an organised outfit, and their position in the table doesn't flatter them at all, and if the Terns want to hold onto their lead in group twenty-two then they will need to look a lot sharper in the final third, as they will not get half the chances they did against Bordurian. With a home crowd behind them, and a more clinical strike force, the team will be favourites at the bookies for the match, and will certainly be expected by many to take the three points. You can never count on these things against the Yesopalithans however, and Kirkkegaard and Schwartz will do well to stop complacency from sneaking into the ranks.

One man who will not be taking part however, is Amadeus Irndtor, whose much-maligned campaign seems set to continue. However, whether he will find time during this spell on the sidelines to dwell on the part he is playing the in the war of distrust between Kirkkegaard and Ragnorak remains to be seen.

** ** ** ** **

Well? What do you think? Not my best work, I don't think. Maybe I'll go back and add a bit more venom into things before I send it away to get edited and have pictures added. Ooh, maybe they'll let me choose my own photo captions this time after I've seen which pictures they're using. That might be fun.

Still, I'll talk to you lot later, I guess. And I'll see you for End to End the night before the final match against Pasarga.

Ah, who am I kidding? You'll probably see me long before that...

[Karditan]

"Go back t' Glascow, ya mothabuckas!"

Silveen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just because they're from a nation called Mu Mu doesn't mean they're cows, Ivory."

"Their couch certainly looks like a heiffer t' me!"

"That's a pregnant female human, and not a very nice thing to say."

"I spend ma time fightin' corprate henchmen and lyin' wit' dames, I'm not known for sayin' nice t'ings."

"Those corporate henchmen are the ones paying for you to be here, remember."

The Ibex shot the CEO an accusatory glance. "I t'ought Eleco Industries di'in't tie itself up in wars?"

"We don't. But both me and Korzado have connections to plenty of companies that send troops out to the frontlines; the Saxet Rangers out there reciprocate the reinforcements by buying the products of those companies. It's a legitimate business practice."

"How about ya fugoff, or betta yet score fer once in this damn competition." Ivory stormed off to the locker room while the Mu Mu team was escorted into the underground tunnel that would lead them out of Silveen's complex and out of the country. Apparently homefield advantage doesn't do much when you don't have any fans.

[Equestrian States]

ESPN: Equestrian Sports Programming Network
Equestrians Draw Against Antoletia to End Road Trip
By Steve McNotapony

ANTOLETIA - The long road trip is finally over. Spanning four games and countless thousands of miles, the Equestrians performed surprisingly well. Starting with their upset draw at Western Cuba, the Equestrians have become pony road warriors. The only match lost by the Equestrian States came at the paws of Armed Bears in their traditional mid-qualifying friendly. However, the ponies rebounded, shutting down Waspeaters in an odd match before earning a draw against Antoletia. The Equestrians now travel home to face Enslavia, who surprised the team last time with a draw.