World Cup 60: RP Thread

by **Phoenigetuzstha** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:28 am

QEP News, The Most Watched News Channel in Phoenigetuzstha

Phoenigetuzstha sit 3rd in the group, 1 point off the leaders Qazox and Legalese. After smashing Arcquest 4 - 1, we will look at how Phoenigetuzstha's coming matches look:

MD1 Ishaanabad W (1 - 0)
A win for Phoenigetuzstha, but many were disappointed in the fact that the team scored just one goal against a widely believed inferior opponent.
MD2 Legalese L (0 - 1)
A hugely disappointing defeat at home to Legalese. Huge criticism was piled on the team, and it looked like Nebuchad was given an ultimatum, improve or be fired.
MD3 Cotdelapoms W (3 - 1)
Finally things seemed to be turning up for Phoenigetuzstha, a win against Cotdelapoms, higher ranked than us boosted the confidence of all and silenced the critics.
MD4 Qazox D (0 - 0)
An amazing, but still uninspiring draw against top seed Qazox. Nebuchad's job seemed once again secure.
MD5 Isointania W (2 - 0)
A pretty routine win against an almost unranked opposition. Phoenigetuzstha begin to pile on the pressure.
MD6 Arcquest W (4 - 1)
Phoenigetuzstha's biggest win in the campaign so far.
MD7 Starblaydia - SHOULD WIN
Phoenigetuzstha should win this game, Starblaydia are not as good as Phoenigetuzstha.
Bye
MD8 Ishaanabad - SHOULD WIN
Nothing really to say. Phoenigetuzstha will hope for a better result than last time.
MD9 Legalese - SHOULD DRAW
I doubt Phoenigetuzstha will be able to beat Legalese considering how high their morale is.
MD10 Cotdelapoms - SHOULD LOSE
Cotdelapoms will want revenge for the earlier disgrace.
MD11 Qazoz - SHOULD LOSE
We're pretty sure miracles don't happen twice.
Bye
MD12 Isointania - SHOULD WIN
Nothing to say here, should be a routine win.
MD13 Arcquest - SHOULD WIN
Yup.
MD14 Starblaydia - SHOULD WIN
I think we've got this.

Projected Finish:

9 - 2 - 3

by **Jedi8246** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:40 am

The Armor Wars
A Marvel RP Series for World Cup 60
Chapter 3: Declaration of War
Iron Man had just blasted Dr Doom back into the far wall. His attack upon the evil mastermind was not unprovoked. Dr Doom had revealed himself as the mastermind behind the rise of Iron Monger and Whiplash, sending them materials or engineering knowledge. He was attempting to catch Stark's attention. Doom had offered Tony a place by his side when Latveria took over the world. For obvious reasons, Tony had refused. And now was going to take Doom down.Doom rose to his feet, patting his robes.

"Pitiful Iron Man. Surely you can do better."

"If you insist."

Iron Man directed power to the Uni-Beam and blasted Doom. Doom went flying out of the window. Iron Man quickly took flight and blasted out the window. Catching up to the falling Doom, he grabbed him and hurled him back into the window. Stark then flew back up and slammed down onto the prone Doom. He placed a foot on his body and looked down at him.

"Had enough?"

Doom said nothing as his hand grabbed Iron Man's ankle. Stark screamed out in agony as his entire body was riddled with electricity. He was promptly hurled into the other wall across the dining table. Doom climbed to his feet, hands crackling with energy.

"I think that you sorely overestimate your abilities. You think that taking out one alien invasion makes you the strongest? Bah! I am greater than you every way."

Doom hurled Iron Man away with a magic hand. Tony smashed all over the room, until he was dropped in front of Doom.

"Pathetic. Doom is-"

He yelled out as Iron Man slammed a rocket in the center of his body. Doom hurled backwards with a giant gaping hole in his body. Tony struggled to his feet, amazed by his victory. He walked over to the now defeated Doom. Sparks flew from the body. It's face turned towards Tony.

"You have but defeated a Doombot."

"Whatever Doctor. I've won."

"Won? I think not. You've brought Doom onto America. War is now declared between our countries."

"What?"

"As an agent of SHIELD, you are a government agent. Attacking a foreign leader. America has declared war upon Latveria. We will respond. So Mr Stark, it is you who have lost."

by **Liventia** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:41 am

Jeru FC are Liventia's sternest test this qualifying campaign, and so it proved on Matchday 6. Liventia lost 3–1, with Ross Ramsden sent off on 71 minutes after tripping an oncoming striker with the ball a lost cause. Jon James was handed a debut cap, but conceded the penalty.

At the other end, Rob Grant picked up another goal from a direct free kick, but it was not enough. Manager David Thompson now faces playing the next match without the reliable Ramsden in goal, as well as vice-captain Paul Garner, who had to hobble off with a suspected knee injury early on.

Team: Ramsden [sent off 71'], Daniel, Hodge, Bowler (c), Davis (James 71'), Byford, Buzzeo, Grant, Baines (Goodwin 80'), Garner (Rayner 33'), Wilson

(OOC: daily word count 100. No daily word of the day was used today.)

by **Kiryu-shi** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:56 am

Perhaps, Tziganes reasoned, she had no where to go but up. That would be a nice way of looking at it.

It was difficult to be thinking of anything besides her own survival at this point, but the match against Cafundéu was still eating at her. Kiryu-shi had looked almost dominant at times against the once-legendary and still formidable squad, shutting down Cafundéu’s attack for long stretches, dominating possession, out muscling the seemingly tentative Cafundéu squad. It was a Cafundéu team, largely intact, that Kiryu-shi had beaten recently in the AOCAF tournament, according to the press release that Tziganes had managed to get her hands on. A game that was winnable, like so many others. And yet, the game ended with no points for her home team, as they fell to second to last place, unable to have any success in what could have been a dominant stretch.

Mistakes, however, led to impatience, which led to an easy goal for the Cafundéu squad, when Yu, a player who Tziganes had come to appreciate for his fairly impressive work with a ball at his feet, tried to make a pass that was a little too aggressive up the left wing. It was easily intercepted by a Cafundéu forward, who had an unimaginably unfettered path to the goal, as the defenders had started to push up trying to support the once-again wholly inadequate midfield.

Tziganes had managed to find a television display inside of a department store to watch the match, although she made sure to walk around whenever an enterprising employee started over to ask if she needed any help. While help might have been useful, there was little any department store employee would be able to do for Tziganes.

The day after she was caught on the football pitch by one of the Kiryu-shi players, she had been abruptly dismissed from the janitorial team of the Sakaino University Athletic Complex, when her boss informed her of improper paper-work. Although her boss, surprisingly, offered to help her with the requisite paper-work to “get her shit together,” her boss seemed to have been under the impression that Tziganes was a student worker, an impression that Tziganes did not quite know how to correct. And thus, she left. Unable to take public transportation without an ID, the first night Tziganes made her way down to an empty beach front, managing to dig for enough clams and build a small fire to feed herself for the night. Several months in this city, and she had no one she could trust, and no one who could help her. And she was further from the national team than she had ever been before.

The only person she had spoken to today was an old man, stooped by the weight, it seemed, of some unimaginable burden. He had been picking clams too, raking for them in the shallow water. She couldn’t remember who said the first words, but they were soon talking about the tides, and he let her know where some of the best spots for clams were. She didn’t volunteer any information about herself, or any explanation for why she was there, but he didn’t ask, taking it for granted that there was nothing out of the ordinary with a teenage girl by herself picking clams with her bare hands out on a deserted beach in the middle of a weekday.

And this is what her life had come down to, it seemed. She was too nervous to enter back into downtown Sakaino - her being spotted on the field and being fired from her job in the span of 24 hours could not have been a coincidence. And so she was here, in the spot where the old man had suggested she pick for clams, hoping that he would show up again, just because she wanted to be able to remind herself that she wasn’t crazy. And yet, all she could really think about was football. Perhaps they’d be strong enough to pull out a win to close out the first half of qualifications. They were playing the only team that had fared worse thus far in their group, Farfadillis. And they were playing the sort of football that strikes anything but fear into the hearts of opponents.

Tziganes picked up a rock, throwing it out across the water, watching it disappear into the languid waves, her crushing disappointment with herself and her national football team momentarily relieved by her immersion into the beauty of the ocean. Regardless of what the day would bring, she promised herself, this would be the last day she allowed herself to sit here in squalor. She was in possession of her own life, and regardless of how bleak it looked now, she had to take action. Tomorrow she would either start preparing for the journey back across the island, or she would try and figure out how to build some semblance of legitimacy here.

by **Ko-oren** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:09 pm

Still Unbeaten

The Greenblues have shown the impossible last night, beating the Pot 1 Bears Armed 0-1! The intimidating Wimbley Stadium proved no match for the audacious Ko-orenites, stealing the victory and go on to lead Group 14 of the WC 60 Q! One match round before half-way, Ko-oren has 16 points, two more than Civil Citizenry, the opponent of next match. In third place is Bears Armed, who are doing poor to say the least. At least, considering their reputation. Further down, Allamunnic States have lost 2-4 against Equatorial Sarmen and gave up fourth place to them. Unified Falcon, Friday Freshman and O-Damn complete Group 14 in that order.

Both the offense and defense of Ko-oren are better than ever. 4 goals conceded, 15 scored. No games lost yet - although next match is again a test of epic proportions - give Ko-oren a higher number of points and a higher goal difference than any other team in the group. Does that mean Ko-oren can get a shot at qualifying for the World Cup? There is no precedent for this in the country, Ko-oren has never been number one of the group, so time will tell. Most bookmakers are still not persuaded by the team, though they have updated their odds slightly: betting for CC to win the group gives the least money, then comes BA, third is now Ko-oren. Fourth is still Allamunnic States, closely followed by ES. However, all of the last five teams (AS and ES included) give an enormous sum of money back, if they win.

Comparing the group to other groups, we see that Ko-oren is the 11th team of the entire qualifying phase: there are 9 teams in first place and 2 in second place with a better record than Ko-oren. Furthermore, there is one team with exactly 16 points and a GD of +11. Though we have scored 15-4, Dorian and Sonya have 14-3. Best scoring teams all around: Ancharmunn, Astograth and Queer Poco el Mono Ara with all over 20 goals. Carpathia and Ruthenia, Valladares and 19th Century Beards are the best when it comes to defence: they've all conceded only 2 goals.

As for the match against Bears Armed: Ko-oren played better than ever before. That's a fact. Never has the team beaten such a famous nation. Although it did help that the entire team defended like one after the team got up front. Lelantos (coach) aided the team with some defensive measures, including substituting the two strikers for defenders early on after the goal. Shiribeshi showed his best again, scoring 0-1 after 26 minutes. After that, BA was just trying to get past the Greenblue wall. It was not the most beautiful game the team has ever played, but it sure got them were they wanted to be. BA beat Asgard even once, however that goal was rightfully disallowed due to offside. Ko-oren did need some yellow cards to keep BA from scoring, but luckily the referee was kind enough to not send any of the team off.

Match Stats:
0 Goals 1
16 Shots on Target 3
27 Shots total 4
1 Yellow Cards 5
0 Red Cards 0
62% Possession 38%

by **Bergnovinaia** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:51 pm

A BSRN Olympic Preview and WC Analysis.

**OOC: Sorry about the crappy quality of the recording. Imaginge you are in a car listening to the radio going throught static.

(Personal suggestion is to turn your speakers down during the Olympic fanfare.

)

by **Carmadin** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:08 pm

Joyn stared, blankly, at the note that had just been handed to him. It was in Licentiapacisterran, no, that wasn't the problem. Though his command of the language was inadequate at best, he knew latin (what linguist didn't?), and the written language was pretty much exactly the same. The spoken version, however, well, he couldn't see how the Licentiapacisterrans ever understood one word of their language. But that was their problem. His was the note, and deciphering it.

Vicimus PBI, 3-1. Viri sunt descendit, celebrantes sicut infernum.
Coniungere nobis?

He almost had it. "We beat PBI, 3-1"
That much was simple, easy, though he hadn't the faintest clue what it meant. Then, "The guys are downstairs, celebrating like hell". Okay, but, it was the last part that puzzled him. Coniungere nobis? What did that mean?
If he didn't know better, he'd have sworn it said "Join us?"

***

"Is he coming?"

"Any minute now, he'll have had to see my note"

"Get ready"

"Why? I bet he's still looking for an answer to that "kh" issue. He dosen't give one shit about football, so why should he even read the note?"

"Cuz it's in Licentiapacisterran. He can't resist languages he dosen't know"

"You're mean"

"I know. Get it ready. He's gonna be so damn happy"

"He's been working on this for ages. I can't believe we finally found that note from the guy in TBI"

***

Joyn mulled things over.
Couldn't hurt to go in.

Might actually help

(OOC: To be continued, maybe tommorow)

by **Cassadaigua** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:09 pm

When they say you are too young,
by Ashley Barrett

Whenever people talk to me, they are obligated to mention my age, it seems. That is usually followed by a statement which says that I even debuted in the prior Cup, when I was even younger. Sentences and paragraphs will then follow in the media about how at 22 years old, I shouldn’t be doing the things I am doing, and shouldn’t have done what I already have. They are statements that are at first flattering, but then start to get annoying when you hear them over and over and over again.

I am asked how I do it, and I tell them that I just play this great game. They scoff, expecting me to have some great secret, and even if I did, that I would just divulge it on national television for everyone to know, and that the international audiences would be eventually find a clip of the interview themselves. The biggest reason I have been able to do things for the national team so early is really simple to me, but the answer is too boring for the media, so they want it to be something else. Opportunity. Yes, that’s all it is. Now to get that opportunity, I had to work hard, very hard, all my life. In a previous blog entry, teammate Breanna Hawkins said that even when I was a reserve in World Cup 59 that I was always one of the first to the training field and one of the last to leave. That can say a lot, I suppose, but to me it was always common sense. When I am on the field with the greatest players that the nation has to offer, I would be really stupid to just leave when my work would have been done. I would watch Heather Wells or Jessica Behnke closely in how they prepared themselves, so in that I mean more then just the on-field stuff, but as well as off-the-field. Jessica was a great teammate of mine and is still a very good friend. I worked often with Taylor Connolly, thrilled to death with everything she had accomplished. Taylor was a mentor at the international level for me, because I could see it in her that she wanted to be known for leading a Cup-winning team for Cassadaigua; a new one, with new faces. She did well, never backing down from expressing her opinions of some of the more strange nations in the world. It was all of that, that allowed me to be in a position for coach Bateman to choose to start me in Matchday 11 when Heather Wells tore her MCL. From there, I knew it was my time. It was all about taking an advantage of an opportunity.

I could’ve rested on my laurels, or settled down when the big paychecks I have been picking up after signing to play soccer with Fair Point in The Babbage Islands began rolling in. Or I could have kept learning, and that’s what I did. There are even more great players in The Babbage Islands, and I have tried to expand my individual skillset by patterning it off of them. Since going there, I feel I have become a much better player then I was in World Cup 59, and it makes me really excited to show my own country how I have gotten better. As great as it is at Fair Point, it’ a nice feeling to play at Concord Heights again. Some ask me then if I would rather go to The Babbage Islands or Saugeais to play in the World Cup, and it does, first, make me wonder why I am being asked a rather stupid question. I have been to Saugeais, but it should be common sense that I would personally enjoy play in The Babbage Islands more, although as long as I get to play in Paris for that Final, I’ll be more then happy to go to Saugeais and wear my World Baseball Classic 19 Champions hat that I bought when I was younger. But there is a lot of time left, and qualification is not a guarantee, and there is no one here that wants to end up in a playoff pod. Finishing first is the option. We need to get to that World Cup first, and then we can work on winning it.

People may think I have done a lot at my age. Until I’ve won the World Cup, I haven’t done anything.

by **Equatorial Sarmen** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:35 pm

Equatorial Sarmen have done it again winning 4-2 over the favorites Allumunnic States. A cracking goal from Jacob Powers meant the the Terminators went ahead 1-0. Shortly afterwards, the Allumunnic States replied with a goal that seemed to be offside, but was not given as such, as the ref from the Free South Califas, Amina Rahim, waved away the protests and gave the goal. The Allamunnic States then got a penalty which was easily put away, meaning that the Terminators were behind 2-1. Sarmenian fans were raging as they saw the goal, but what once was a rage seemed to turn into cheer as the Terminators equalised with Edward Polonit heading past the Allamunnic keeper to give the fans hope. Equatorial Sarmen scored shortly after to make their lead 3-2, and as the game was drawing to a close, the Allumunic States had a great chance, but couldn't get the finish right. Then the Terminators managed to get a final goal to finish off the Allamunnic side. Neutral fans considered it a great game right until the whistle blew. Terminator fans had found hope with yet another win, while the Allamunnic States must have been shocked to see a loss against the lower ranked Sarmenians. And maybe now the Sarmenian fans can hope for a chance at qualification...

by **Western cuba** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:52 pm

Havana Tribute

The #1 Newspaper in Western Cuba

Comeback for Western Cuba?

Jorge Ramirez

After seeming lost for the last few days Western Cuba seems to be going strong in all sports. Even basketball, where a thought to be mediocre team has gone 3-0 in the group stage in the International Champions. However though for the basketball team, which does not receive much publicity in Western Cuba will have to step it up as the soccer team is receiving the attention right now.

Western Cuba has stepped up the last two match days. The first one they upset Erathore 4 to 2. However though to be honest I was not too shocked at the results. After all we have beaten them before in the Copa Rushmori, and to come to think of it I think we have done it twice in the knockout rounds. What I am more impressed is the fact that Western Cuba still came out strong the next day and beat Waspeaters 3-0. Sure Waspeaters has been terrible throughout qualifying so far, however though this shows that our national team is not going to be distracted by any big wins.

Leading Western Cuba throughout their two game win streak is once again Edgardo Mendoza. After having 41 goals in 55 games for Scott City FC Mendoza does not seem like he is ever going to cool down. Mendoza had two goals in the game against Erathore and another two against Waspeaters. The other two goals against Erathore were scored by Moreno and Soto. While the other sole goal against Waspeates was once again scored by Moreno. In fact the debate has risen in Western Cuba, is Mendoza the best soccer player ever in the history of Western Cuba?

Of course though he already is. Since when has Western Cuba ever seen a player with so much potential for greatness and skill. I would say never. Mendoza is a true gem, hopefully we will be able to qualify for the World Cup with him. Not doing so would be such a disappointment for a career like his. When asked about his goal in life Mendoza said.

"People may say this is impossible but to win a World Cup, a man can dream right? However though I think my dream is fairly possible. Just look at the team mates I have and the skill I possess. We have beaten top ten teams in the world before, why can't we win a World Cup"

While many people question that Mendoza thinks he can win a World Cup their is no doubt. The man is truly the best soccer player in the history of Western Cuba.

So with the half way point coming up Western Cuba is currently second in the group. Now tonight Western Cuba is set to face off against the Equestrian States who is currently in fourth place. The game is an important match though. A win would no doubt put Western Cuba in good position for the midway point. Make sure to watch the game on WCSN, and anyone who is attending the game tonight at Trinidad Municipal Stadium have fun.

by **Alexanderburn** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:00 pm

THE BLUE AND WHITE

A soccer documentary about the Alexanderburnese national football team.

"Boys, thank you for yet another impressive game in this World Cup. I'd like everyone here to give themselves a pat on the back!" noted assistant coach Peter Mathiassen.

"That's right, boys, even though I was in the press conference for a lot of the time, coach Mathiassen here has showed to me that he is able to create a positive morale just as I hope I instill in you guys, and I thank you for being cooperative for these past few days and, of course, for playing a series of wonderful matches!" added Kingsley.

"Just look at our record for the past four games we've played," stated Mathiassen. "We have not lost a game for five days! Now what newspaper could have predicted that?"

"It all started with a great draw with Akbarabad, followed by two consecutive wins against similarly ranked teams, and then another tie against Octinstine, a very high-ranked soccer organization. I have full faith that tonight, we can continue with our winning streak, and hopefully we can repeat a South Icemark!" concluded coach Kingsley.

The boys clapped, whistled, and cheered at the motivating comments, knowing that in order to receive more positive feedback like this, they would have to continue to play as well as they possibly can in tonight's match.

"After tonight, boys, we have a well-deserved day of rest. We have so far not yet scheduled any match for tomorrow, and I think that based on tonight's performance, we may keep it that way, for some of you, at least!" exclaimed the coach.

"Those who are not in tonight's lineup have the opportunity to play in a match tomorrow, but we'll have a team vote on that later if we see fit," said Mathiassen. "In the meanwhile, everybody needs to make sure that just because we are on a great streak here, that doesn't mean we're on holiday and that you can dilly-dally as much as you want."

"In addition, we're going to be posting the lineup for tonight's match against San Nitrento in a bit. So far, we have played significantly better in away games than at home, but I'm hoping that we can use the same methods we do in other countries and apply them right here in Portsmouth - to be honest, I don't see how or why we're not already doing it," dictated the coach. "Alright, boys, go get changed, grab some water, and meet us back here in five. Go!"

by **Camerania** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:05 pm

"Good afternoon, and welcome. I'm Barry Norman with a World Cup update.
Yesterday, was not the win we have been hoping for for some time, but it isn't a loss, which will allow us to remain at number four in group eighteen. This is our fourth draw so far, with only a win and a loss on either side, but we're nothing if not consistent. These teams just know how to hold of our attempts, but I can assure you that the Fightin' Commies will fight even harder to bring our nation glory in the sporting world. Tonight we're plaing number one Cafundeu so we're most likely going to lose, but who knows, we could somehow pull out a win, or maybe we can even get a fifth draw. Stay tuned for your next update. Until then, I'm Barry Norman, keeping you posted."

by **The Kytler Peninsulae** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:12 pm

"You know, what amazes me about this sport is how quickly things change. In the military, yes you assume that things can change at any moment, but you expect a lot of them, you can anticipate them, and you learn to presume whether you're going to be able to react to them. And I always trusted 100% that my troops would do just that, and we did, every time. This team hasn't done that for the last two games, and I assumed frankly that they never could. And what I forgot in all that was, actually, they were doing things right at first, things just change, players change, they go hot and cold in a way I don't see in the military, or at least I never noticed it. Maybe it's the fact this is a creative sport, so many ways to win and lose, decisions are made autonomously rather than just obeying orders from superiors. I've spent ten years in management and I keep being amazed at these little differences. I drilled my club team [Bravin Rangers] into a machine, they weren't the best footballers but they followed me and they followed instructions and each other perfectly, and that's how they became so good. I thought I could do that with anyone. And I keep being surprised at how many human factors there are in this game. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, for it's a game played by humans, but then when you consider that sometimes non-humans play it, often brilliantly, you start to wonder..."

Roddy Cannon, confused manager of the Kytlerian national team. He'd better not be confused before the crucial clash with Lymantatia. Defeat here, and you really could start to kiss this qualification campaign goodbye. Win by more than one goal, and the Kytlerians will enter the mid-qualifying break in the playoff spot, having faced the top two seeds away from home in the first half of qualifying... "We can dare to dream again. I mean, it'll be the playoffs at best, but that was always likely," suggested Daniel Ortega, the full-back whose tackling proved vital in a 2-0 win away to the Lavonian Islands. "Second place would still be a fine accomplishment, and prove once and for all that we can compete at this level. And then the playoffs will be an absolute lottery, but we'll have a cracking game in there first, possibly against the Citiz, maybe Bears Armed, either of those would be great for our fans no matter what."

"We can but believe," said Recasang Cheslot succinctly. "We have to play with the faith that Margaret is with us. Her betrayal against West Spaam was fleeting, I trust, for we were complacent and toyed with her. We must repent and respond."

A spokesperson for the Margaret Institute at the University of Zube said that "there is no evidence either for or against the notion that praying to Margaret significantly impacts results," adding "results are indistinguishable from what would be expected solely from world ranking and accepted randomness 98.4% of the time."

by **Milchama** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:30 pm

OOC: Yes this is false. Do not actually draw any conclusions from this.

And Now...

Who are the Cult of Ashley Greene?

For those of you, and that means almost everyone, who has been following the World Cup qualifying have noticed that our wonderful Milchama Warriors are locked in a battle with the Cult of Ashley Greene for the all important position of second place in the group and the Qualification playoffs. Of course, we have no idea who the Cult of Ashley Greene are, they seem new, so we sent reporter Bobby Vovvy into the archives to see just who this nation is. This is what Vovvy found:

So let's start with the most important part of the nation, the football team. The Cult of Ashley Greene are a relatively new nation on the scene of international football. They competed in the Baptism of Fire where they finished barely in the top half of their group allowing them to break into partial double octos where they beat South Icemark 2-0 with 2 goals from Marius Neumann. Neumann, incidentally, is also their leading scorer so far through qualifying. Anyway, they lost in octos in extra time to Boring Paradise. Very boring game, not surprising considering the opposition. So they went into qualifying without the normal confidence of successful teams in the BoF as they held a national celebration after winning their first game in qualifying. Unfortunately, since then The Cult has not released any communications into the international world so we're at a loss about how The Cult is approaching this surprising success in their first World Cup campaign.

Anyway, after a loss to Bostopia they are in third place, where they will probably stay, as the Warriors are a better team which will be borne out over the rest of qualifying.

Now to the less interesting stuff. Here is what the World Assembly says about The Cult of Ashley Greene:
The Matriarchy of Cult of Ashley Greene is a huge, cultured nation, ruled by Ashley Greene with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls. Its compassionate, cynical population of 929 million are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

However, that description barely skims the surface of the truth. The truth about The Cult of Ashley Greene is this: they are vampires. Yes that sounds incredible but considering that Milchama have played monks from a dreamed realm, sentient vegetables, horses, bares, Bipedal Apes, and many others it really doesn't seem that farfetched. You might wonder how I learned this, well here's the story.

I traveled to the Cult of Ashley Greene and landed at 3 in the afternoon. When I landed everybody in the airport, and I mean everybody, was in dark glasses, black clothes, and in dark areas. While I attributed that to my tiredness and just different cultural customs it soon became clear that it was a nocturnal culture. Nothing happened during the day and everything happened at night. When I woke up at 7 in the morning I might as well have been waking up at 9 pm. People were getting ready to go to sleep and when I went to bed, it was right in the middle of lunch time.

Ok so they're nocturnal, so what? Well humans are naturally diurnal, which would make them very strange humans. By the way, everybody DOES look human there, I just wanted to point that out. Well the strangeness didn't stop that. After that mistake the first day, I woke up at regular time (6 pm) to start interviewing them and I went to what I thought was the local coffee shop. Except that instead of being things like coffee and donuts or whatever at the shop there was instead different animals. There was blood of rabbit, blood of squirrel, blood of cricket, and other small critters. Slightly confused, I asked what the vegetarian options were as I didn't want to break kashrut (and I didn't really want blood of grasshopper). So I was told I could get juice of celery, juice of carrot, or beets. I chose juice of carrot and it wasn't traditional juice. It seemed like a carrot had been sucked dry so that it turned white and what was left was breakfast. It actually tasted good but it also scared the crap out of me (not literally).

I went around asking people about the culture and what life was like and their answers were always short or evasive. That was annoying but a dislike of foreigners is common many places so that was not weird. What was weird was the looks I kept getting, it seemed like there was a hunger in their eyes. It was not the hunger of attraction though, it seemed the hunger that one has when one wants a good steak or something similar. It was all very freaky.

Lunch had larger animals but the same weirdness about blood, I ended up finding a Jewish guy who gave me some good stuff. Dinner was also the same, I had blood of cow. It was confusing and worrying and somewhat horrifying. So the next day (or night really) I asked my friend what was up with The Cult of Ashley Greene. His answer was simple, he said they were all vampires.

Suddenly all the weirdness made sense! The blood of everything, the carrot swept clean, the hunger in seeing fresh meat, everything made sense. The Cult of Ashley Greene is a bunch of vampires.

So hopefully our Warriors can beat supernatural beasts but it does explain their early success in the cup. So Let's Go Milchama! and Goddamn these Vampires!

by **Valladares** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:31 pm

To: mtrent@vfa.vd
From: jmarin@vfa.vd

Esteemed Mr. Trent,

It's a pleasure for me to hear about you once again, first of all, let me thank you for all the support and trust you've deposited on me with regards to this World Cup campaign. I know it is my duty to send periodic reports on the team's performance to the Association, and therefore I'm sending my report on the team's recent performance.

As for yesterday's game, I can say our mission was accomplished, we dominated during the whole 90 minutes, we created several goal chances and scored at the most important moments: the first goal, 10 minutes about the game started, with Jerôme Perrin clearing a corner kick and starting an attack which was brilliantly finished by Frank Zapata at the other side of the field, and the second goal, an excellent header by Juan Pablo Reyes in the 70th minute, which was, by the way, his first goal for the National Team. The defense didn't have much work today and Fuentes got yet another clean sheet. We're now 6-0-0, with a win over Lymantatia which has helped us get rid of some pressure at the top while the fight for second place between them, The Kytler Peninsulae, and Vilita gets interesting.

And now, the important thing of this e-mail, I can say I'm satisfied with the training at the Valladar Alps. The guys have managed to adapt themselves to the high altitudes and the lack of oxygen smoothly and I must say I'm proud of this because their performance both in Carloburgo and on the road has been 100% so far. What worries me, however, is the lack of offensive power. I'm aware that we've only scored 9 goals, and along with Mangolana, Valladares are the only leading side that haven't scored at least 10 goals at this moment, just when we're approaching the halfway point of this qualifying stage. It seems my staff and I will have to work intensively on this taking into account our next game is against top seeds Vilita, who will be looking for points in Metropolis that help them cut the somewhat long gap we've already established with them and the rest of teams in this group.

So then, here's my report and I hope we can manage to improve those weak points we've already diagnosed so we can end the first half of this qualifiers on a high note.

Best regards,
José Marín

by **Hutt River** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:40 pm

"You can't go into stasis man, not now." pleaded Rimmer
"Look, I've already decided, look, I've packed everything." said Lister, "I mean it's going to be difficult to change my mind now. I ain't unpacking all that stuff"
"But what about me, Lister. What would I have to do? I can't stay here all alone, for 800 million years. I'll go mad."
"There plenty of stuff to do"
"Yes, look there's a bumper crossword book. That should kill a few millennia"
"Look man, I've made my decision and nobody can change that. You can tell Holly to switch you off til' we get back to earth."
"Then you won't need me. Therefore I will be dead."
"Rimmer, you're a hologram. You've been dead for 800 million years, give or take a few centuries."
"OK then, I'll be double dead."

"Not to upset your argument", interrupted Holly, "But I've spotted a non-human life form aboard"
"Where?" shouted Lister
"On the cargo decks."
"Right Holl, I'm going down to see what it is."
"Sure"
"You better come along to", Lister said over his shoulder to Rimmer, "For backup"

Lister clutched a Bazookoid, a heavy metal gun used for shooting rocks, while Rimmer checked that the pack on his back was fully charged. Some light flickered through the wire mesh ceiling of the lift as it made it's way noisily down the shaft, carrying Lister down into the bowels of Red Dwarf. More than 500 floors and 3 miles of lift shaft. Rimmer was crouched behind Lister, apparently "checking to see whether they were working okay", but was actually hiding behind Lister in fear of what might be hiding in the decks.

There were 200 cargo decks in all, each piled high with crates of vacuum sealed dehydrated drinks, mountains of tinned food which stretched well out of view out of Lister's tiny viewing portal. Down, down they went, through more and more lift shaft. 15 floors of mining equipment, 20 floors of dehydrated water, piled high in staks which somehow didn't fall dpwn despite how unstable they looked. Down some more lift shaft. Floor after floor of supplies, untouched for thousands of milennia, just sitting there, collecting as much dust as you can in space. The darkness engulfed them, the only light source was Lister's mining helmet, a small shaft of light that could only reach ten feet. Rimmer grabbed Lister hard in fear, which made him stumble. Lister put switched the helmet to night mode and made the beam infrared. He could see more clearly now. Down further.

Then something strange. The next 20 floors, which were supposed to be chock full of supplies were empty. Cubic miles of empty space. Nothing left. Everything gone.

"Everything's gone" Lister said incredulously
Rimmer straightened himself up nervously. "What's gone?" Rimmer squinted
"Everything. All the supplies. Last few floors. All empty."

In the bottom of Lister helmet visor, a small green cross flickered.

"Holy smeg"
"What?"
"Don't mean to scare you, but there is something here"
"Where?" Rimmer's voice was shaking badly

The cross crept up the visor. Lister wanted to say: 'Next floor'. He couldn't. He couldn't speak. The lift stopped.

There it was a enormous, impossible city. 8 miles in length, hardly lit and desolate. The lift doors slid open. They stepped out onto a cobblestone pavement. Crude igloo like things lined the street, with no front door and a slit for a window, just big enough to fit your head through. Rimmer and Lister started to walk down the street. The cross in Lister's visor started to throb insistently as they approached what looked like crossroads. They turned right, following the glowing green blob.

"What is this place?" Lister slung his bazookoid over his shoulder and carried on heading towards the blob. Rimmer scrambled up to one of the igloo like things.
"Some kind of house. Can just fit two people in crouching." They turned left. More igloos, and another square. But this time set out like a cafe. In the center, a table and a half eaten meal, still hot. The blob was pulsating faster and faster.
"It's here". Lister put his hand on the trigger of the bazookoid, "I don't know what it is, but it's here."

A pink blur flashed from above and landed on Lister, pinning him to the floor and sending the Bazookoid scattering across the floor. Rimmer stood almost paralyzed as the pink suited humanoid sniffed Lister, looked up puzzlingly, sniffed deeper, then leapt off him, took out a mini-iron and ironed a crease in his clothes.

"Sorry man, I thought you were food. Better take what you can" the creature said. It returned to eating his plate of food.

by **Daehanjeiguk** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:01 pm

"You did WHAT?!?" Geun-Ho couldn't believe his ears.

"Yim Hwan-Sei is on his trip to the Dreamed Realm, just like you wanted."

Geun-Ho shook his head. Yes, Hwan-Sei going to the Dreamed Realm was good. But the person who was taking him was not good. "You sent him with an old man!"

"It's easier for old people to get into the Dreamed Realm," Kim Jeon-Min said in a matter of fact way. "Besides that, there's no other way for Hwan-Sei to get to the Dreamed Realm at this time. And quite frankly, the old man could use some company on his trip."

"This isn't for the old man... we're trying to get one of our players healed. And I'd rather he sit out this one than walk around with a freakishly old person whose character is at best speculative."

"It's not speculative. It's questionable."

Geun-Ho begged to know what the difference was, beyond a few pointless points of semantics. He ran his fingers through his increasingly thinning hair. Since taking the post as Imperial Manager/IFA Chairman/Footballmeister, stress has been the order of the day. It was amazing how much of his life now revolved around football, he hardly had any time to reminisce about his school days, just before taking on the tasks as the chief instigator of improving imperial morale (or whatever it was...). It was hard to recall just exactly what he was studying at school. Mathematics, it was? Or agriculture? His textbook on horticultural statistics didn't exactly help clarify his position.

But despite the stress, he was performing quite admirably. Since losing Yim Hwan-Sei, the Han have managed to score some goals, relying upon Kim Gyeong-Mi instead. Pak Seong-Hwa was deputising as the lead striker, but Gyeong-Mi's ability to hit the ball firmly was one reason the Han were doing well up front. In fact, the roles were reversed at times, with Pak taking on an attacking midfielder role and Kim assuming the lead striker position. It served them well against Bitternea, who failed to really test the Han but proved hard to break down as well. In the end, it sets up a critical final-match-of-the-first-half day against Virabia - only a positive result would guarantee the Han any chance of having a chance to get a chance to even consider having a chance to chance chance chancely chance chancing chancer chance in the long run (i.e. a really slim shot at that happening in any event). Only the loss to Gyatso-kai could be considered a set-back, but with stronger opposition likely to wise up to the impressive solidarity of the Han squad, it was unlikely that they would reciprocate the same naive approaches that had benefitted the Han in the first half. Indeed, this World Cup cycle was proving the spectre of complacency - upsets all abounding left and right, up and down, in and out, back and forward, opposite and antiopposite.

Just exactly how did that all play into the hands that Yi Geun-Ho wanted to do? Indeed, it was no longer about imperial morale - it was about the win, and the chance (read above again) to try out the World Cup after an eleven-year absence.

"Just exactly when is Yim Hwan-Sei expected back?"

"Whenever the old guy says so," Jeon-Min replied.

"Right..." Fat chance of that happening before the mid-qualifiers ended...

Who exactly was the old guy? Well, to explain this, we'll need to go back into a little bit of a history lesson. 18 years ago was the Gyeimyo Calamity - the period when the Mujeongbu suddenly attacked the Han Empire using neighboring, unaffiliated territories to launch an EMP device that wiped out Hangyeong, the old capital. 8 years later was the beginning of the Shinhae War, which began after the Mujeongbu - already driven to the so-called "nameless territories", those lands that border between the NS reality, CTE nations, and those yet to be (time-dilation ftw) - launched its Empire-wide attack, crippling the infrastructure of the Imperial Armed Forces. Without any ability to retaliate, the Imperial Armed Forces struggled to control massive riots organized by the Mujeongbu, many peaceful, but most violent and chaotic. The place from which this story hails is the lowly Yonghae Territories, now part of the consolidated Manju Military District. The city of Yonghae was one of the few cities where no riots occurred. Why?

So goes the legend - a man in dusty gray robes walked the streets on the night before the riots were supposed to begin. There was one street where no man dared walk, simply because the Mujeongbu were known to operate there. But he strolled into the dark and rattled his cane as he casually walked there. It was as if he was provoking them to attack him, but the Mujeongbu were wary of old visitors. In the Han Empire, sometimes the most innocuous visitors are the most deadly, especially among your aged population. He began to sing a song.

"한제 만세,
우리의 중심은 안 죽사핫읍시오.
평안 용산,
음성을 영원히 함외쳐핤읍시오."

It was an unfamiliar song for most, but it proved incendiary enough to provoke the attack. Men in black suits and black attire like descended upon the street, surrounding the old man as he walked. The quasi-leader of the gang approached him directly. "Old man, you talk big words. Would you care to leave before we break you?"

The old man stopped walking, with his wide-brimmed hat covering his eyes carefully. "I walk where I please, say what I wish, and in the end, I will break you."

"Do you think you do this because of the Empire, or because of us?"

"I do because of me," the old man answered. "If you leave now, we can settle this amicably like exemplary gentlemen. Like the wind, when it blows from two opposed directions - it meets in the middle and settles to calm."

"Or it twirls into a maelstrom," the leader replied. He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at the man. "These are our streets. We have taken them from the Emperor, and anyone who passes here must disown him."

"I disown you, because the Emperor is my father." (figuratively...)

In an instant, the Mujeongbu gang unveiled their weapons, a variety of polearms, swords, and firearms. The old man likewise reacted, pulling out a pair of gunshots, hollow filled with gunpowder and other explosives in a small space. He threw them upon the ground, exposing a spark and smoke around them all. Under the cover of the shade, the man took up his cane and thrust it around him at his enemies, singly attacking them and disabling them. Their weapons he smashed, their hands he crushed, and when he was done with them, he kicked them away. It all happened so quickly that no one really could blink before he was done. And as the smoke subsided, it was obvious this man was a threat, but the leader wasn't about to step down. He drew his pistol level and fired three shots at the old man. He failed to realize that the old man's smoke had clouded his vision and he ended up shooting his own men. In the meantime, the old man had the time and composure to approach the leader from behind, press firmly upon his "qi points, and paralyze him effectively. When the enemy was disabled, he took the pistol out and slowly dissembled it into its components.

"Like this weapon, I have taken you apart before you have had the chance to do to me what you would wish for my home. I now have power over you, your bodies, and your minds. But I am ever gracious and merciful. If you leave my home tonight, I will not hurt you or kill you. Rather if my people live in peace, so I shall leave with you your peace."

The old man dusted himself off, letting only the groans of the fallen gang members tell any more of the scene. Once he was a certain distance away from the men, he yelled out with a ferocious voice: "LEAVE THIS PLACE AND NEVER RETURN!"

Again, so goes the legend. No one can quite say whether it truly happened or not, but for certain, the city was never attacked, the riots never transpired, and the old man walked his own ways around city with the respect and admiration of its residents. His renown never really passed outside the city or the Province, but it proved enough that the Imperial Council recognized his acclaim, offering him entitlements for his "services" to the Emperor. He declined all of the offers, saying only that he wished to live in peace until he could "journey to the West".

So just exactly how did Yi Geun-Ho and Kim Jeon-Min meet this old man? Well, that's another story for another day...

by **Alexanderburn** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:03 pm

STARTING LINE-UP (Alexanderburn vs. San Nitrento)

-------------------- van der Pol ---- Cremonesi -------------------
------ Frederiksen -------- Schroeder -------- Austerlitz ------
-------------------- Holierhoek --------- Collett -------------------
--------- Rittenhouse ------- Hooper ------- Ebersberger ---------
----------------------------- Nordaglio ------------------------------

Modification: +1.5

"Dude, you're back on the list again!"

"Yeah, I know, I didn't even think I would ever be starting a match in the beginning of the tournament!"

"Look at you now! You've scored how many goals already?"

"2, I think - it's all a blur to me. I'm just way too excited about this - actually getting playing time as a 20-year-old new player, I mean. And the fact that he didn't select Marcel really suprised me. Why would he pick me over the captain of the team?"

"I dunno, guess he just felt like you were doing a better job in the recent matches."

Eric Austerlitz and Torben Frederiksen went back and forth discussing the roster for tonight - the various players, the styles, the opposition, etc. The two football stars, the first one 30 years old and the other 20, were the "bestest" friends, and though there was a significant age difference between the two, the strong amitié between the two was strengthened by their amazing abilities.

"Well, we better win this one," replied Frederiksen. He laughed, but not doubting his abilities, shrugged it off.

"Hey, Torben, you speak Alexanderburnese, right?" asked Austerlitz.

"Of course! Even before I moved to the country, along with English, Langarese, and Danish. Why do you ask?"

"Showoff," retorted Austerlitz jokingly. "Anyway, I just don't want you to forgot - mamisai."

"Halihalo," said Frederiksen. He smiled, gave his teammate a noogie, and walked out to the playing field to start his daily training.

by **Socialist States Owen** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:26 pm

Sector 10 Intelligence Communications and Media Observation Facility
Dudsbury
Briggar Province
Eura
Rushmore
Earth
The Milky Way
The Universe
Existence

Malky's office was dimly lit in the early morning, as the sun began to rise over the hills south of the megacity of Brigham and paint little Dudsbury in sunlight. There he sat, typing away, investigating an online game known as "RLStates." It appeared to be some sort of text roleplay based nation simulator, where people pretended to take part in wars, diplomatic meetings, peverted and desperate descriptions of affairs between hot young members of royal families in a cataclysm of nerdgasm, and various sporting events. He had been tasked with observing the site, of which a whole 5% of it's users are Euran (not surprising, considering the nations population of 3 billion) and a further 0.6%, who were from neighbouring state Sameba. It was a friendly community, occasionally spoilt by a member called Ainozras (operating with the nation name Panama) accusing older members of being part of a secret organisation known as the "Old Boys Club". Once Malky had confirmed in a report to his superiors that this was unlikely to be a Sameban Nationalist terrorist cell, it had become apparent the website was friendly - despite the fact that it had been forced to change it's pretend international council name to the United Nations after it was threatened with a copyright claim by the World Assembly.

However, he suddenly spotted something mildly offensive. A user with the nation name North Korea had slandered the motherland!

"lol, thats cool. i'm trying ot make my country like the FSSO; you know, stupid communists. i called it north korea but they r different because they actually reach a world cup lol!"

OUTRAGE! SHITE! BUGGERY! What a slanderous jibe! Eura is not a communist nation, for it operates on a mixed economy, mused the hurt and confused Malky. Not to mention an ill timed jab at the misfortune of the most glorious FSSO squad! Maybe this user was confused? After all, from Malkys experience of the website, disguised as a harmless micronation called Sealand, Eura was more like the user Britain, or China! Malky considered appealing to these two users for help, seeing as the former was the upcoming olympic host and the latter the previous olympics host, so they were clearly senior members of the community. This nuke happy upstart who dared satirise the nature of the greatest nation in Rushmore would pay dearly. He got another officer into the room and after twenty minutes or so they tracked the users IP to the city of Bashtun in the nation of Karditan; one of these dastardly nations full of mentally ill horse fetishists who believed they could talk to ponies - and mate with them.

----------

"SIR!"
"What is it, Johnson?
"You won't believe it sir! Some little bastard, traced to an address in Karditan, has slandered our great nation!"
Director Marshall was skeptical - understandable considering Malky Johnson's history of nationalistic sentiment. "Look, do you actually have any proof that this website is an anti-Euran propoganda site?"
"Yes! Read this! Malky handed the Director a printout of the logs he had taken. Marshall paused, then rose slowly from his chair and removed his shades.
"Mother of god...you're right! You always have been! Those snobby, 'professional' bastards up at S11 never believed us but we were right all along! WE HAVE TO DESTROY THE INTERNET!"
"Uh sir, we need the internet too. I also seriously doubt we can physically destroy it."
"Fine then!" yelled Director Marshall, picking up the baby of the worker in the next cubicle and lobbing it out of the window. "Sorry Clare, but JESUS COCK OF BALLYMAIRED AUNT, THEY HAVE TO BE STOPPED! Agent Malky, I am promoting you to Assistant Director with immediate effect. I demand you get back on that site, get our state censors onto it, monitor all Sameban and Karditani traffic that you can and spam the fuck out of it with poorly disguised nationalist slurs! It's an international conspiracy and I won't have these bloody foreigners suggest we are not perfect!"
"Yes sir!"

----------

Telegram sent by Sealand (5 minutes ago)

I've been watching you. You know not who I am. I could be some random guy on the site. Maybe someone whos a bit sore about a scorination gone wrong. Maybe I'm a dangerous paedophile, touching myself to the thought of you as we speak. But I assure you sir, that your days are at an end. You have doomed this site to state sponsored cyber attacks and that will be forever on your conscience.

Arsecake.

---------

The Sealand account, which now could only be traced as far as Sameba for some mysterious reason, suddenly posted a random thread in the RL General thread. It was titled, "Don't you think...", and the opening post?

"...that Mytanars can physically go more than four minutes without stealing something? Or that Aguazul is anything more than a giant, disease ridden example of why certain areas of the planet should be wiped clean of human life so the march of Eastern Rushmori progress can continue? Or that the Karditanis are anything more than a nation of jumped up, neo cappie, overly camp, horse-fucking, faux-pas magical bullshitters? I think so. I also think that Sameba is the greatest nation on Earth. Ever. I am Sameban. Death to all quadrapeds who can supposedley "Talk" and operate mechnical devices without opposable thumbs."

And so it began.

by **Legalese** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:27 pm

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s 11:30. Do you know where yourrrrr afterparty is?”

In the green room, Gabe grimaced. Miranda patted his hand.

“Yes, dear, I know. You hate being here.”

On stage, Nez Taylor, the host of The Afterparty with Nez Taylor, went through his usual monologue. Gabe and Miranda heard little, other than the slightly-forced laughter of the audience.

“…and it had to be this show, of all of them” Gabe continued, exasperated. “Don’t they know I have a flight to Arcquest tomorrow?”

Miranda, hand still covering Gabe’s, turned her pat into a slight squeeze. “It could be worse. If they actually taped it at night, it’d be a problem. Nice that the Federation is putting us up here for the interview, though."

Gabe thought about the hotel, in Bekk Place - the downtown of Sagdineo. A full suite with canopied bed, a walk-in closet, nice bathroom, and even a separate entrance room. All for the low, low price of 300 Leus a night - if you're the one the bill's being handed to.

“Okay, that part was nice. First class on the trip to Legalese City to meet the team is nice as well. But it’s not even like we’re on-“

A knock on the door interrupted Gabe. “Time for Nez, Mr. Cushing.”

Miranda rubbed his arm reassuringly. “Don’t worry, it won’t take long. Then you can get back to your team.”

Gabe smiled. “Next time, I’m making you come out on stage with me.”

“Thank you crowd, you’ve been great." Nez Taylor cut a path on stage, moving on from his opening segment. The dark hair and boyish features masked his true background: ten years in the military service, the last two in communications, which he parlayed into a gig with the LBC's variety brand, and proved his chops as both a writer and stand-up comic.

No wonder he was hosting one of the highest-rated shows at age 40, thought Gabe, as he waited for the cue.

On stage, Nez continued. "Our special guest tonight comes to us from Numalia, by way of Legalese City, where he’s based with our National Team. Let’s give it up for the manager of the undefeated Legal Eagles, Gabe Cushing!”

Gabe took a deep breath and smiled, giving a firm, steady wave to the crowd as he walked toward his host.
----
Later that evening, at the Federation’s training facility in Legalese City, a TV glowed in the darkness. Twenty chairs were circled around it, tuned into The Afterparty with Nez Taylor.

Hamish looked around the room. His fellow assistant, Mark, was sitting nearby, eyes glued to the TV. He’ll make a good manager someday – you know Bob’s is just waiting for him to come home.

In addition, Hamish also saw eighteen players, suited in some form of training gear or casual clothing. The absences were excusable: Stan, a new father, took a night at home with his wife, something he sorely needed after conceding more goals in Qazox than he had all competition; Del was also away, returning home to Gavelton after the Qazox match for treatment on a leg injury, though he was expected back for the trip to Arcquest; Chase Liquet and Jonny Baldwin had also opted out. Probably unhappy at their lack of playing time.

Hamish’s self-musings were ended by a laugh from Kelvin Bassford, his blue eyes shining in the dark, as Gabe walked on stage. He’s in good humor, for a guy with no goals since he got tossed. At least he’s not wearing sunglasses.

“So, level with me here,” Nez Taylor’s voice lowered, as if he was hoping Gabe would let him in on a secret. “Is this really going to happen? Will Legalese finally qualify on their own merits for the first time ever?”

Gabe leaned in close to Nez. “You really wanna know?”

Nez smiled, and the team leaned closer in anticipation.

Gabe smiled confidentially, and told him. “You’ll find out in eight games, same as us.”

In Legalese City, twenty voices erupted in laughter, trying to ignore the grim part of that statement, left partially unsaid. In eight games. Way too much time to lose it.

by **New Montreal States** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:31 pm

110% EFFORT RESULTS IN 8 GOALS OVER 2 MATCHES

Big men Wiseman, de la Ware show off good feet to spearhead Paladins to upset, blowout

NEW MONTREAL - It has been a remarkable two weeks for the NMS Paladins.

After scoring one of the biggest upsets of the qualifiers so far, knocking off a Cosumar Dragons side that boasted the fifth-highest KPB rank of any side in the qualifiers (sixth best in the tournament after accounting for co-hosts The Babbage Islands) 3-1 and sending the 20,000-odd NMS fans lucky or rich enough to have landed a seat in Kaldukosk's impressive Leviathan Arena into a choral frenzy, which was reciprocated by an additional 40,000 sky blue and silver garbed fans who turned up at New Montreal Interrégionale to greet their returning champions as their charter jet returned home. The win, sparked by 6'3" William St. John de la Ware getting open on an early set-piece and heading in a corner to open the scoring, following by 6'2" Linus Wiseman sending Endyl Paru tumbling to the ground with a splendid bit of footwork in the box and then drilling a shot where Tomi Koskinen had no hope of setting a hand on it to give the 'States a 2-0 lead after 20 minutes of play that put the game out of reach early, gave the Paladins a bit of a cushion in Group 16.

Unheralded Weatherdon was the 'States next opponent. Although they had put themselves on everyone's radar with a 1-0 shocker against Cosumar in the first week of qualification, they promptly fell right back off of everyone's radar with a series of uninspired performances against everyone else in Group 16. Nevertheless, the upset left enough of an impression on coach Jacques-Modeste Taschereau that he spent all 100 words of his midweek BCC-inspired press conference on an monologue about how everyone ought to show Weatherdon a little respect, or else they would come back to bite us all in the ass. The combination of Weatherdon's proven capacity to spring an upset and the potential for a letdown after an emotional win against the Dragons certainly suggested that this might be a potential "trap game," home field advantage be damned.

Instead, de la Ware opened the scoring yet again under similar circumstances, a remarkable offensive outbreak for a center back with only 1 international goal before the opening kickoff at Cosumar. Not to be outdone, Wiseman followed up with his first-ever international hat trick, sending the Paladins on their way to 5-0 lead that ended as a 5-1 blowout, but only after de la Ware, Wiseman and Martin Kennedy (sent to the bench as a precaution against rust after missing the week's practice to attend his sister's wedding back home in Moncton Sands) were sipping Gatorade on the bench.

The post-game locker room was a fairly cheerful place, with players more willing than usual to share their opinions with the press. "We got all our ducks in a row, stepped up to the plate and walked the walk," said Kennedy, whose passing was nevertheless top-of-the-line during the 64 minutes he spent on the pitch, including an assist for setting Wiseman up in the box for his second goal. "Now we just have to keep our eyes on the ball and not count our chickens before they hatch."

"Maybe I sounded a bit like the boy who cried wolf last Wednesday, but Weatherdon are who we thought they were," said Jacques-Modeste Taschereau, who ran his press conference to a full 131 words just to get a few extra clichés in. "We played to win the game, and Linus, well, he stepped up to the plate and went yard on this one. We're going to take this one match at a time, keep our heads down, and make hay while the sun shines."

"The whole bag of onions burst, and fortunately it burst in the back of Weatherdon's net," said Wiseman, when asked for his thoughts on the match. "I'd like to thank God, my parents, my teammates, my coaches, the waterboys, the equipment managers, those blokes on Weatherdon's back four who don't have names, apparently, and of course my youth football coach..." At this point Wiseman was interrupted by crescendoing string music from Édgar Thibault's neighboring locker, which was later revealed to be the introduction to John Adams' Nixon in China.

The Paladins will conclude the first half of qualifers against Salouf.

by **Turori** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 4:06 pm

EELS HELD BY BOTTOM SIDE
1-1 Draw with Nameless Corderock Dents Qualification Hopes

The Turori Eels were dealt a serious blow to the qualification hopes with a 1-1 draw with the bottom side in Group 12, Corderock, on Matchday 6.

Turori was in prime position after 4 matchdays, sitting just 1 point behind the Cult of Ashley Greene in the runner up position. Things quickly turned south for the Eels however when Leifong Saikan took control of the team on Matchday 5. The Eels suffered a 3-1 defeat to qualification rivals Milchama before the dissapointing draw with Corderock, the point being the first earned during the entire campaign for the unranked side at the foot of the Group 12 table.

It is the second time that an unranked side with no formal roster has come into Vilita & Turori and stolen points from the National Sides, with the Jungle Cats losing a shock 0-2 result to the Lavonian Islands in Group 13.

The poor results significantly reduce the liklihood that the Gyatso-kaian trialist Leifong Saikan will earn the full time managerial position for the Eels, much to the dissapointment of those Football Association of Turori (FAT) members looking for Saikan as both a managerial and outreach figure
with the Cocoabo Preservation Society.

The Cocoabo Preservation Society, however, will get plenty of exposure thanks to the success of Turorian domestic side Cedniavella Turori. Cedniavella, the most famous Turorian side to have never played in the Vilitan League, are a non-league side playing in the shadows of the greatness of Cednia Beach AFC and famously made the Quarter Finals of the Vilitan Cup twice, outperforming the rest of the Turorian sides in the competition each time, with the exception of big brother Cednia Beach who advanced to the final each time.

During the most recent V-League Season, both Sokattack Mliona and Cedniavella went out in the first Knockout Round, requiring a playoff to decide which team would advance to the UICA Championships after Mliona-Lpaka failed to claim a Champions Cup place. Cedniavella, with a roster entirely filled with local players, won the UICA decider in a thrilling 2-1 victory after extra-time at the Coliseum of the Inurahtii in Inura. The 118th minute winner was the catalyst that sent Cedniavella through to the UICA Series 'B' Champions Cup and from there the Turorian minnows never looked back, scraping by V-League thorns San Diego Iguanas after extra time in the Quarter Final, then after a Semi-Final victory, had a decided home-field advantage at Lunar Park in Seraai where the whole of Vilita & Turori came out in support of the darling Cinderella Cedniavella. With a confident 3-1 victory over Aguazul's San Pablo, Cedniavella became the second Turorian club in three seasons to win the Series 'B' Champions Cup.

A sizeable investment from an unknown contributor has provided the Cinderellas from Cedniavella with a new match kit emblazened with the logo of the Cocoabo Preservation Society for the UICA Super Cup. Cedniavella will be massive underdogs in the running for UICA's greatest prize, and even scoring a goal might be conceived as a 'morale victory' for the minnows from the Island Emirate. But with the new kits, the exposure for the Cocoabo Preservation Society will help the entire Island of Turori and its efforts to preserve the Cocoabo.

Turori Goalscorers::
85' Tiika Diirotora

Corderock Goalscorers::
18' Unknown Player

Turori

Best Player: Yoains Konoaafeo
Worst Player: Restiaa Mumamba
Shots on Target: 2
Corner Kicks: 3

Corderock

Shots on Target: 2
Corner Kicks: 1

Turori Eels Lineup ::
[GK] Ronji Miiastara, [D] Yoains Konoaafeo, [D] Diauro Dlaminii, [D] Noa-isinao Wioauoi, [UT] Restiaa Mumamba, [ML] Rikko Rawaii, [MC] Raso Tareak, [MC] Cediici Tzatzos, [MR] Vrotaoa Lorasoiba, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [FC] Loala Kigoouao
BENCH::
[FC] Jukkia Diijelhma, [FC] Anuh Ciniima, [M] Tiika Diirotora, [M] Rutaj Ranaso, [UT] Moia Fliporta, [D] Lioniaa Tana, [GK] Mumau Atla-Siioai

Turori Substitutions::
(35) - Raso Tareak >>> Rutaj Ranaso
(71) - Rikko Rawaii >>> Tiika Diirotora

by **Valanora** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 4:21 pm

"Disappointing that was and after that great speech by Laborious as well. It is just one of those tournament isn't it, where anything and everything that can go wrong does go wrong."

"It sure does seem that way to me mate. Nothing we seem to do gets any traction, not matter how much training, how hard we try in the matches, what sort of morale we have, nothing seems to go our way this time around. That in itself is quite demoralising, then don't even talk about the EPL's results in the UICA. That just makes this whole summer quite depressing."

"Well, you know what they say, when things have hit rock bottom, there is nowhere to go but up."

"Have we hit rock bottom though? There is still a match left in this half of qualifying, we could lose and be only average a point per match. That is simply unacceptable from a squad of our caliber, we are champions for Elune's sake, not two bit mediocre semi pros looking to be upstarts. This bottom half of the table position is a disgrace to the pedigree that is our talents, to the kits that we are wearing. If we continue to play on like this, we should not even be wearing the navy, they should take our kits from us."

"It is not that bad."

"Oh yes it is. We're supposed to be one of the elite nations in the footballing community but we can't even beat debutant and regularly flubs like Taeshan or Cyborg Holland. These are not teams like Aguazal or Sorthern Northland Elune rest their souls. These are teams that are without a doubt several tiers below of in terms of talent, skill, and tactics. We want to be champions, to be the most successful side to have ever played in the tournament, and yet we can't beat these chumps? That is just downright disappointing and if you don't feel that way, then you don't have the Vanorian pride or the fire in your belly to reach the Final, to get to call yourself a Maurader. There is a pride and history at stake here and hardly anyone here besides Laborious, Espy, and Faeron seem to give anything about that."

"It's not as if we're not trying, things are just not going our way."

"Then make our own luck and fight for every inch that can be taken. Don't mope about it after the fact, go out and take what is there to be taken. Quit acting like this entire campaign is doomed to failure, because then it just becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that you wont be able to deny. Rise my friends, reach down deep inside of you and fight for the pride of the kit and nation, for your own pride as professional footballer."

by **Yesopalitha** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 4:29 pm

HVR - After Match 6

Not much to say about the win over Bordurian. Quincy scored his first goal in a while on a header off of a Jane cross. Isaac added one halfway through the second half, and the defense did a great job in letting Jonah stay clean. Calhoun only faced six shots all game long, and is becoming a household name himself.

Much praise goes to Sir James Handel, who continues to motivate his players and provide us with vital information that we will need for our next match to go smoothly. Without his guidance and leadership, I doubt that we would be where we are right now - five wins and one loss, hot on the heels of Pasarga and ahead of group favorites Polar Islandstates by virtue of our win against them.

Before we can look back at what we have accomplished during the first leg, however, we must first face PEN. I don't like to say their real name because it is confusing, but PEN has been a pretty good squad so far. Albeit the fact that they are playing naked, which will be harsh to the eye, they must not be overlooked, and we must not think of them being easy and turn our attention to Audioslavia too early. PEN is 2-1-3 and will be looking for more than that in their game against us.

With the way that Jonah has been keeping, along with the three amigos that stand between any would-be-aggressor and Jonah, I am pretty certain that we will be able to get to the midpoint with a 6-1 record, a complete turnaround from the last time around, which was horrible for us. Hopefully, we will be able to keep the heat on, the fuel burning, and the wins coming.

Any away game is tricky. We've also been clear of the injury bug for the time being, so let's hope that nobody gets hurt/sick. Then, we can sit back, relax, and plan a trip to Audislavia, where the Bulls will be awaiting to hopefully catch us napping...

PEN, here we come...

Oh, and Polar Islandstates, can you please beat Pasraga for us? Thanks!

Peace out! -HVR-

by **Pasarga** » Mon Jun 11, 2012 4:38 pm

"So the Liga de Fuego, it's back."

"That it is, good for the league, good for the Wanderers. That stiff domestic competition has really been making them play above and beyond their potential, hell, we're even leading our group and are slight favorites to beat the Polarians based on current form."

"You're kidding, we're favorites?"

"I kid you not, though a draw is only slightly less likely. A Polarian win is so unlikely that the bookies are trying to cash in on Rushmori nationalists who have not heard the news."

"I do not think it is wise to be dismissing the threat of a nation that is that difficult to beat. They have had several deep runs into those knockout rounds, a feat that we have yet to achieve."

"Perhaps, but it is in the cards with the way form has been going for each of our respective squads. Even sharing a point is something to be looked as a victory for the Wanderers, given the rank differential between us. To think that we're the favorites, it is quite astonishing. Anyhow, there's been some rumblings that the Liga might even expand from two nations to three, though I was not able to get wind of who the third nation in the partnership might be."

"That's interesting news indeed. From going on the verge of collapse to possible expansion. It is good days indeed to be a Pasargan."

"Great days my friend, not just good, but absolutely great!"

World Cup 60: RP Thread

New Montreal Presse-Journal Devoir: Censor THIS, Sargossa!

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