UICA Qualifications
CC: Haitiëns
GC: Extramarine, Accident & Emergency, Old Realists
SB: FC.58 Asyluum, Young Horses of the Apocalypse, Cabin Boys, Formicidaean
Senior Championship Standings
After two seasons at the top of the Senior Championships, Extramarine miss out on another Champions Cup campaign after a last-gasp draw against Rear Admirals on the final day, when the Dickinsons had a comfortable-looking 2-0 half-time lead. Meanwhile, the glory goes to Búa's favourite team, Haitiëns, and the Haphazard Foundation takes a firm grip on the supremacy of Wightling football with the top three finishes. Rear Admirals' Despite Trophy win counts for nothing as a disappointing 7th place finish sees them miss out on UICA football.
Senior Championships Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Haitiëns 11 5 3 3 16 16 0 18Champions Cup
2 Extramarine 11 4 5 2 24 19 +5 17Globe Cup
3 Accident & Emergency 11 5 2 4 20 16 +4 17Globe Cup
4 Old Realists 11 5 2 4 19 19 0 17Globe Cup
5 Búa's Boys 11 4 4 3 25 18 +7 16
6 Tanguy School of Architecture 11 4 4 3 19 15 +4 16
7 Rear Admirals 11 5 1 5 11 13 −2 16
8 Old Calculators 11 4 3 4 26 24 +2 15
9 Icke Asyluum 11 4 2 5 20 20 0 14
10 Un Chien Andalou School 11 4 2 5 21 23 −2 14
11 Old Geodimensionalists 11 4 2 5 22 25 −3 14
12 Faculty of UnHumanities 11 2 2 7 14 29 −15 8
Junior Championship Standings
It's a marked contrast in fortunes for the two official former World Cup teams, with FC.58 Asyluum just snatching the Junior title, while their rivals FC.59 Paradise Hotel, led by Mason Banks, slumped to a disappointing last place finish. Varsity teams did much better in the Juniors with new sensation the Young Horses unlucky not to have won the title, while Cabin Boys also impressed. Surprise team Formicidaean grab the final spot ahead of fellow HF team and champion bears Royal Killing-Isle FC.
Junior Championships Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 FC.58 Asyluum 7 4 3 0 20 12 +8 15Series B Champions Cup
2 Young Horses of The Apocalypse 7 4 2 1 14 10 +4 14Series B Champions Cup
3 Cabin Boys 7 4 1 2 8 6 +2 13Series B Champions Cup
4 Formicidaean 7 2 3 2 15 15 0 9Series B Champions Cup
5 Office Juniors 7 2 2 3 8 7 +1 8
6 Royal Killing-Isle FC 7 2 1 4 13 12 +1 7
7 Young Tamarindians 7 2 1 4 5 13 −8 7
8 FC.59 Paradise Hotel 7 1 1 5 7 15 −8 4
The Senior Championships always opens with the Despite Trophy, between the winners of the Alumni and Inter-Faculty Football Leagues, to decide the Varsity Champions. This game is also game 1 of the Championships, played a day ahead of the rest of the programme. All games in the championships are played on neutral grounds.
Despite Trophy
Miskatonic University Championship Game
Un Chien Andalou School 0–1 Rear Admirals
The old trophy goes back to the alumni after two seasons with the Inter-Faculty as Rear Admirals get their post-season off to the perfect start by becoming Varsity Champions. For Un Chien Andalou School, it's a disappointing result in a game they were widely tipped to win.
Varsity Leagues
Alumni Football League
After a disappointing season last year, Rear Admirals bounced back in style to take the Alumni title, denying Old Fellateians a third in a row and earning themselves a first shot at the Despite Trophy to become Varsity Champions. The Old Fellas had a disastrous season by their own high standards, finishing outside the top two for the first time in four seasons, and missing out on the Senior Championships. Humunculus Alumni also disappointed, while the Old Realists, like the Admirals, bounced back from a poor season last time out. Old Geodimensionalists were characteristically strong, and the Old Calculators are back in the Senior Championships agains after missing out in the previous season.
Alumni Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Rear Admirals 42 24 6 12 44 23 +21 78Despite Trophy
2 Old Realists 42 22 10 10 71 50 +21 76Senior Championships
3 Old Geodimensionalists 42 23 6 13 73 58 +15 75Senior Championships
4 Old Calculators 42 22 6 14 68 52 +16 72Senior Championships
5 Old Fellateians 42 19 12 11 67 58 +9 69
6 Humunculus Alumni 42 19 11 12 98 86 +12 68
7 Old Membraneians 42 17 16 9 44 34 +10 67
8 Old Librarians 42 19 9 14 35 27 +8 66
9 Old Tamarindians 42 19 8 15 45 39 +6 65
10 Old Uncertaineians 42 17 9 16 69 62 +7 60
11 Old Economicals 42 17 8 17 39 43 −4 59
12 Old Athleticians 42 16 10 16 39 36 +3 58
13 Old Adminerologists 42 17 6 19 70 72 −2 57
14 Old Apocalypticians 42 15 11 16 81 91 −10 56
15 Old Cartographers 42 14 13 15 50 45 +5 55
16 Old Tanguins 42 12 10 20 34 41 −7 46
17 Old Pandaemonians 42 12 10 20 50 70 −20 46
18 Ancients & Justifieds 42 9 16 17 50 74 −24 43
19 Old Titans 42 11 9 22 27 43 −16 42
20 Old Asyluuminarians 42 11 9 22 36 53 −17 42
21 Old Gourmeteleians 42 11 8 23 49 71 −22 41
22 Old Gallileians 42 7 15 20 66 77 −11 36
Inter-Faculty Football League
The surrealists of Un Chien Andalou School of Time-Based Arts saw out the challenge from their close rivals Tanguy School of Architecture to earn themselves a shot at the Despite Trophy against the Rear Admirals, while Icke Asyluum bounced back for a return to the Senior Championships with usual powerhouse Faculty of UnHumanities. Black Mass College blew it at the run-in, while Portmuthian Naval College's expected surprise challenge never materialised as they sank to previously uncharted depths.
Inter-Faculty Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Un Chien Andalou School 42 26 3 13 84 64 +20 81Despite Trophy
2 Tanguy School of Architecture 42 23 7 12 87 72 +15 76Senior Championships
3 Icke Asyluum 42 21 12 9 108 82 +26 75Senior Championships
4 Faculty of UnHumanities 42 20 8 14 89 76 +13 68Senior Championships
5 Black Mass College 42 19 9 14 90 80 +10 66
6 Gallileo College 42 19 9 14 60 55 +5 66
7 Titaniumsmith's 42 17 13 12 52 48 +4 64
8 Tamarindia College 42 17 12 13 85 77 +8 63
9 Wight College of Sport Science 42 17 12 13 50 48 +2 63
10 Department of Administration 42 16 13 13 79 62 +17 61
11 Uncertain College 42 18 7 17 73 70 +3 61
12 Tommy Flowers School of Computing 42 16 7 19 56 55 +1 55
13 School of Linguistics 42 14 13 15 78 85 −7 55
14 Faculty of Geodimensions 42 13 15 14 64 70 −6 54
15 Canteen 42 15 8 19 76 78 −2 53
16 Interdimensional Library Services 42 14 9 19 92 105 −13 51
17 Faculty of Membrane Sciences 42 12 15 15 68 81 −13 51
18 Armageddon College 42 12 9 21 64 80 −16 45
19 St. Isidore College of Cartography 42 12 9 21 32 50 −18 45
20 Portmuthian Naval College 42 11 11 20 77 77 0 44
21 Greek School of Economics 42 10 12 20 60 72 −12 42
22 School of Superstition Studies 42 9 9 24 55 92 −37 36
Students Union Football League
As widely tipped, the Young Horses of the Apocalypse turned title challengers and with the decline of Students of Sixteen Bits, missing the Junior Championships for the first time, there was no-one good enough to stop the Horses from narrowly taking the SU title. Office Juniors turned their regular promise into a genuine shot at the title, missing out by a single point, while Young Tamarindians made it back into the top four after missing out last time. All praise to Cabin Boys, who, after being contenders for some seasons, flopped to the bottom of the pile last season, but bounced back with their best season so far.
Students Union Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Young Horses of the Apocalypse 42 22 6 14 65 57 +8 72Junior Championships
2 Office Juniors 42 21 8 13 64 46 +18 71Junior Championships
3 Young Tamarindians 42 19 10 13 63 58 +5 67Junior Championships
4 Cabin Boys 42 19 10 13 49 44 +5 67Junior Championships
5 Students of Uncertainty 42 18 12 12 92 78 +14 66
6 Kitchen Whippets 42 17 12 13 58 51 +7 63
7 Students of Sixteen Bits 42 18 9 15 62 56 +6 63
8 Young UnHumans 42 17 10 15 64 55 +9 61
9 Young Gallileians 42 17 10 15 64 61 +3 61
10 Economistas 42 18 6 18 97 97 0 60
11 Titanium Juniors 42 16 11 15 90 86 +4 59
12 Library Apprentices 42 16 11 15 60 63 −3 59
13 Young Membrane Scientists 42 15 13 14 86 82 +4 58
14 Asyluum Inmates 42 15 12 15 58 59 −1 57
15 Junior Theologians 42 14 13 15 38 48 −10 55
16 Young Lucifereians 42 14 11 17 43 44 −1 53
17 Young Surrealists 42 15 8 19 91 96 −5 53
18 Young Tanguistas 42 14 10 18 82 81 +1 52
19 Geodimensional Undergraduates 42 14 10 18 54 59 −5 52
20 Students of PE 42 12 12 18 68 77 −9 48
21 Cunning Linguists 42 11 10 21 68 91 −23 43
22 Cartographic Juniors 42 8 10 24 39 66 −27 34
Haphazard Foundation
Two key changes feature this season in the Haphazard Foundation. Firstly the expansion to four tiers introduces twenty-two new teams to the league, although only twenty one ar in the basement - as has become a tradition, Wight's World Cup squad has formed a team, FC.59 Paradise Hotel, who, after a run to the semis in the Cup of Harmony, are immediately granted a place in the second division. The other change is a post-season for every division, with the third and fourth tiers enjoying the thrill of a play-off competition for the fourth promotion spot in their divisions.
Division One
Búa's favourite team Haitiëns won their first title after an impressive season, albeit on goal difference to Accident & Emergency, incredibly finishing joint top with a negative goal difference after some very poor early-season away day blues from which their goal difference never recovered. On two occasions they were top of the division with a minus GD. Búa's Boys typically finished strong, enjoying a season without their usual rivals Wight Spit Casuals, while Extramarine once again finish fourth and just sneak into their favourite place, the Senior Championships. Reigning HF champions Clunwardine slipped to a disappointing sixth, while Whelm Town Welfare, spared the rod last season on a technicality, make sure of relegation this time out. The much-touted wealth of Oroboros Co-operative availed them nothing as they dropped with new arrivals Crematorium. AFC Portsmouth surprise everyone with an unremarkable season.
Division 1 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Haitiëns 42 21 10 11 69 50 +19 73Senior Championships
2 Accident & Emergency 42 23 4 15 60 62 −2 73Senior Championships
3 Búa's Boys 42 20 12 10 71 49 +22 72Senior Championships
4 Extramarine 42 20 8 14 68 55 +13 68Senior Championships
5 Dada FC 42 17 12 13 45 36 +9 63
6 Clunwardine Salopia 42 16 14 12 102 96 +6 62
7 Saracen FC 42 17 10 15 59 47 +12 61
8 Belushi Cartel 42 16 13 13 52 40 +12 61
9 Stockett Brigade 42 17 10 15 49 45 +4 61
10 Rosicruxxia 42 17 10 15 61 63 −2 61
11 CTE Refugees 42 16 11 15 63 68 −5 59
12 Holy Empire Heretics 42 17 7 18 65 68 −3 58
13 AFC Portsmouth 42 14 15 13 64 66 −2 57
14 Haphazardistas 42 15 10 17 87 93 −6 55
15 Icke FC 42 14 11 17 72 77 −5 53
16 Arkham Asyluum 42 12 15 15 43 42 +1 51
17 Sondry Hundred FC 42 13 12 17 68 72 −4 51
18 Genocidees 42 12 14 16 44 51 −7 50
19 Trench Brigade 42 11 16 15 98 98 0 49Relegated
20 Whelm Town Welfare 42 12 9 21 46 58 −12 45Relegated
21 Oroboros Co-operative 42 11 12 19 48 61 −13 45Relegated
22 Crematorium 42 9 9 24 67 104 −37 36Relegated
Division Two
So there will be a foreign team in the top flight of the Haphazard Foundation next season after a dominant season for the undead bears of Royal Killing-Isle FC, joined by the two 'official' former World Cup squads of FC.58 and FC.59, as well as surprise package Formicidaean. No place for Wight Spit Casuals, relegated on a technicality last season and expected to bounce straight back by bashing this division. They found it a little tougher than expected. Local bears Wight Ursine are relegated in a double blow for them, also seeing their fierce rivals win the divisional title. A surprise at the bottom too as Four Bit Irregulars, another World Cup derived team, drop to the third tier.
Division 2 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Royal Killing-Isle FC 42 23 9 10 70 52 +18 78Junior Championships & Promotion
2 FC.58 Asyluum 42 22 10 10 103 83 +20 76Junior Championships & Promotion
3 Formicidaean 42 21 7 14 95 82 +13 70Junior Championships & Promotion
4 FC.59 Paradise Hotel 42 19 11 12 78 73 +5 68Junior Championships & Promotion
5 Futilitarians 42 20 7 15 85 70 +15 67
6 Tundra Axle FC 42 17 14 11 91 80 +11 65
7 Wight Spit Casuals 42 18 10 14 98 82 +16 64
8 Royal Monster FC 42 18 8 16 70 59 +11 62
9 Le Tissier Penal Colony 42 16 12 14 93 77 +16 60
10 Vesuvian FC 42 17 7 18 64 67 −3 58
11 Black Throats 42 15 12 15 84 80 +4 57
12 Conan-Doyle FC 42 16 9 17 62 70 −8 57
13 Miskatonia 42 13 16 13 93 106 −13 55
14 Tangent Asyluum 42 15 9 18 83 90 −7 54
15 Gravedigger 42 14 10 18 79 99 −20 52
16 Solutionists 42 12 15 15 73 76 −3 51
17 Flux of Pink Indians 42 13 11 18 68 72 −4 50
18 CareNaught Rangers 42 13 11 18 82 88 −6 50
19 Four Bit Irregulars 42 11 13 18 77 84 −7 46Relegated
20 Hvammer Exiles 42 11 12 19 53 72 −19 45Relegated
21 Wight Ursine 42 11 10 21 70 87 −17 43Relegated
22 Jelahi 42 12 7 23 50 72 −22 43Relegated
Division Three
It's labelled the Unhappy Division, since it was made up of twenty two relegated teams from the tier two leagues of last season, but for three teams at least it's an immediate return. Tamarindo FC were always fancied at this level as were FC Berserkr. Despite Orkester chimed in with a surprise second-place finish, while other fancied sides Fingal Battalion and Zenegalesi will fight it out through the new play-off system. Of the relegated teams, Kukalayans were tipped by many for promotion, so it's been a disastrous year for them, while the Varsity League old boys club will no doubt be delighted to see the rebel Students Union club relegated. For Quab City it's a second consecutive drop.
Top of Division 3 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tamarindo FC 42 21 9 12 45 34 +11 72Promoted
2 Despite Orkester 42 19 11 12 99 80 +19 68Promoted
3 FC Berserkr 42 19 9 14 63 57 +6 66Promoted
4 Fingal Battalion 42 19 8 15 63 60 +3 65
5 Zenegalesi 42 16 16 10 52 41 +11 64
6 Royal Armoury 42 17 11 14 79 73 +6 62Promoted via Play-Offs
7 Obsidian Fortress 42 18 8 16 63 61 +2 62
8 Haylingas 42 18 8 16 59 65 −6 62
Relegated: FC Geyser, Miskatonic Union, Kukalayans, Quab City.
Division Four
The expansion division is an unknown quantity with few pundits prepared to predict anything other than the unpredictable, save perhaps that annual strugglers Yudhishtra FC would struggle. But against all expectations, the Whys rather enjoyed themselves for a change, and earned a play-off spot into the bargain. Perhaps not surprisingly, the team of clones that got to the semi-finals of the Word Cuppet representing Sixteen Bits, now reformed as FC.23 Vergenski, had too much experience for this division and took the title with something to spare.
Top of Division 4 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 FC.23 Vergenski 42 22 11 9 74 47 +27 77Promoted
2 Oneida Community 42 19 9 14 71 71 0 66Promoted
3 Kingston Gaol 42 18 11 13 54 42 +12 65Promoted
4 Treverva Male Voice Choir 42 17 14 11 42 36 +6 65
5 Sway Hundred FC 42 16 15 11 88 83 +5 63
6 Yudhishtra FC 42 16 14 12 71 58 +13 62
7 Five Houses FC 42 16 13 13 53 43 +10 61Promoted via Play-Offs
8 North Sea Camp 42 17 9 16 32 35 −3 60