A question for the ladies of NS.

[Great Yorkshire]

Just saying... that's how people tend to work subconsciously, they see someone doing something differently, and they jump to the conclusion they are doing it worse... on the other hand people sometimes project their own problems on to their partner and try to change them in ways they should be changing themselves. Either way it's bad...

I don't like... How you say that. It gives me the impression that you just generally hate change. If I has a partner, and I tried to change him, you can't automatically assume it's some psychological issue on my end.

Paradox: You're trying to change someone from changing someone, that is changing someone, in turn is bad. .-.

Well trying to 'fix-up' an adult is undeniably arrogant. But I'm just giving you 2 common examples, that are traps I think people fall into accidentally and should watch out for.

[Kaleer]

My psychiatrist says it's not my fault.

Please tell me you're serious! (Toe nou...)

But if you want to "re-shape" the tool, why not find another?

Because sometimes we like the over-all package, just not that one detail.

[Sedgistan]

My psychiatrist says it's not my fault.

No one ever accused Sedge of being a competent psychiatrist.

I was expecting to be accused of being her partner, not her psychiatrist

[Wikkiwallana]

Same reason some men try to change the woman (or man) they are with. People like to be in control. Not in a master or domination sense, just control in general, from their routines to their surroundings to the things that happen to them. Some more so than others.

[Grasswalkia]

I don't like... How you say that. It gives me the impression that you just generally hate change. If I has a partner, and I tried to change him, you can't automatically assume it's some psychological issue on my end.

Paradox: You're trying to change someone from changing someone, that is changing someone, in turn is bad. .-.

Well trying to 'fix-up' an adult is undeniably arrogant. But I'm just giving you 2 common examples, that are traps I think people fall into accidentally and should watch out for.

So you're saying that, if I try to help my partner who has a phobia, that I'm undeniably arrogant and have psychological issues that you mentioned before? I disagree.

I think that people have the right to change their partner, with the partner's consent.

[Nui-ta]

As the title stated, this is un question pour les dammes of NationStates.

Why do some girls/women drive to change the guy they're with? For example, a woman will keep asking a guy to do the same thing over and over even though the answer has always been, and always will be, no. I have trouble understanding this concept, as women expect us gentlemen to be flexible and accept them as they are, but it seems the same courtesy isn't always extended to us. I'm well aware that this probably isn't the case with all women, but I'd like to know why it occurs with some of you wonderful ladies of the world.

Please keep this a serious thread, as I'm intrigued to know why this occurs. Takk.

Some women are just unsatisfied...

I don't do this. I know a girl that used to do it every two weeks though.

[Gallade]

Wow, this really took off.

Yes, it is true that its a two way street, but I'd like to figure out why its done. I'll admit that we (men) can be twats at times, but not always.

Gallade, you mentioned constructive nagging, does that only cover hygiene, or does it reach out to other aspects of life as well? I do personally think that hygiene is important, not only because of the general health aspect of it, but also because of the idea of looking presentable. I'm not a big fan of going out smelling like a dirty wash hamper, so I shower every day. (Just an example)

Cleanliness isnt the only issue, but, along with laziness, it seems like the most common problem.

The first few months of my current relationship seemed to be a never-ending argument about him leaving clothes everywhere, not rinsing his dishes and being a general slob.

He learned to see things my way in the end. Of course, im sure many guys aren't like this.

[Risottia]

Some women are just unsatisfied...

There are non-PG-13 solutions to that issue.

[Ovisterra]

No one ever accused Sedge of being a competent psychiatrist.

I was expecting to be accused of being her partner, not her psychiatrist

The two aren't mutually exclusive.

[Prizyetsa]

Because sometimes we like the over-all package, just not that one detail.

I suppose so.

So what I gather so far is that you ladies try to change us, driving us to the brink of insanity in some cases, because you love everything except a few details about us?

[Northwest Slobovia]

In the hope of appeasement, they think men are like Chamberlain and Daladier.

Well, not everybody can be Der Führer.

But in general, if you're trying to negotiate with somebody, reciprocity is a good idea. If they want you to do something that you don't like, ask if you can do something you want but that they don't like. Be careful about what you ask for though, you perv.

[Wikkiwallana]

As the title stated, this is un question pour les dammes of NationStates.

Why do some girls/women drive to change the guy they're with? For example, a woman will keep asking a guy to do the same thing over and over even though the answer has always been, and always will be, no. I have trouble understanding this concept, as women expect us gentlemen to be flexible and accept them as they are, but it seems the same courtesy isn't always extended to us. I'm well aware that this probably isn't the case with all women, but I'd like to know why it occurs with some of you wonderful ladies of the world.

Please keep this a serious thread, as I'm intrigued to know why this occurs. Takk.

because we want you to be different.

But I'm already different!

[Great Yorkshire]

Well trying to 'fix-up' an adult is undeniably arrogant. But I'm just giving you 2 common examples, that are traps I think people fall into accidentally and should watch out for.

So you're saying that, if I try to help my partner who has a phobia, that I'm undeniably arrogant and have psychological issues that you mentioned before? I disagree.

I think that people have the right to change their partner, with the partner's consent.

Nope, obviously a phobia is something you might want to work through together, but in most cases just assuming that 'you know best' (and more often than not, not even bothering to let your partner know how you want them to change or why It's important to you) is pretty much the definition of arrogant.

[Crazy girl]

On a more serious note, why is it always considered bad? A friend of mine was changed by her current husband. But instead of a shy girl who was always busy trying to please others, she now does what she wants and isn't afraid to show herself. She is still the dear friend I've known for years now, but so much more confident about herself. I'm sure that also works the other way. So trying to change someone can work out badly, but it can also help someone improve and even feel better about themselves. It all depends on what the change is and why you are trying to change the other person.

[Ovisterra]

On a more serious note, why is it always considered bad? A friend of mine was changed by her current husband. But instead of a shy girl who was always busy trying to please others, she now does what she wants and isn't afraid to show herself. She is still the dear friend I've known for years now, but so much more confident about herself. I'm sure that also works the other way. So trying to change someone can work out badly, but it can also help someone improve and even feel better about themselves. It all depends on what the change is and why you are trying to change the other person.

Indeed. Change can be good or bad.

[Prizyetsa]

While change can be good or bad, I'd like to concentrate on why it happens. After that we can delve off into the effects it has on people, both good and bad.

[Grasswalkia]

So you're saying that, if I try to help my partner who has a phobia, that I'm undeniably arrogant and have psychological issues that you mentioned before? I disagree.

I think that people have the right to change their partner, with the partner's consent.

Nope, obviously a phobia is something you might want to work through together, but in most cases just assuming that 'you know best' (and more often than not, not even bothering to let your partner know how you want them to change or why It's important to you) is pretty much the definition of arrogant.

See. Now that's not what you said at first. >.>

Anyway. Glad you did have the similar idea to me. *Hugs*

[Greed and Death]

It is a two way street and natural in a relationship, both people have expectations for their partners. Women in general just seem to more capably vocalizing the need for change in their partner.

[Ashmoria]

Because sometimes we like the over-all package, just not that one detail.

I suppose so.

So what I gather so far is that you ladies try to change us, driving us to the brink of insanity in some cases, because you love everything except a few details about us?

the important thing to remember is that you dont have to put up with a girlfriend who wants to change you. if you dont like it MOVE ON.

[Great Yorkshire]

See. Now that's not what you said at first. >.>

Anyway. Glad you did have the similar idea to me. *Hugs*

Tbh I've still yet to get used to just how fundamentally ones words are taken on this forum...

[Ashmoria]

because we want you to be different.

But I'm already different!

youre PERFECT! no wonder youre already taken!

[Northwest Slobovia]

See. Now that's not what you said at first. >.>

Anyway. Glad you did have the similar idea to me. *Hugs*

Tbh I've still yet to get used to just how fundamentally ones words are taken on this forum...

"Words, words... they're all we have to go on!"
--Tom Stoppard, Rosenkrantz and Guilderstern are Dead.

[Samuraikoku]

If someone would tell me what I need to change, then I would do an effort to try. Sadly, no one tells me anything...

[Wikkiwallana]

But I'm already different!

youre PERFECT! no wonder youre already taken!

I wish I was taken.

[Condunum]

If someone would tell me what I need to change, then I would do an effort to try. Sadly, no one tells me anything...

You need to change. Confidence being something I'd instill into you.