Futsal World Cup II - Rosters, Roleplays & Scores

[Jeruselem]

Shay: Hello! I'm Princess Shay for Naked News. I'm in Jesselton. I'm with our coach Princess Marie. We've been drawn in Group A in Kepayan.
Marie: Good morning!
Shay: Let's talk about our opponents for Group A, actually we don't seem to know half of them. We have 8th seed Cafundeu.
Marie: Ah yes, the monopolists. Ironically Jeruselem and Cafundeu are the capitalist scum of this group and the highest ranked too.

Shay: You think it's going to be a battle between us and them.
Marie: Pretty much
Shay: We're the 2nd seed, and one of the best teams in this cup. Big expections of us
Marie: Well yeah, we can't screw up at all.

Shay: The other seed is Iglesian Archipelago, 11th.
Marie: I really have no idea about them, we might have played them but I can't remember actually.
Shay: So they could a threat?
Marie: Any team is a threat, it's how big a threat they are.

Shay: Now we have unranked teams Franberry, Casari and Bozztonia.
Marie: Casari? They are back eh?
Shay: Yeah, looking forward to that!
Marie: Who's this Bozztonia?

Shay: No idea, I guess we have look them up.
Marie: Not a disfunctional Bostopia?
Shay: I wouldn't think so.
Marie: I hope not either.

Shay: What's the progress report on Merginn Moffat?
Marie: Well, he can talk and breath. His spin is f**ked and he can't walk.
Shay: Poor Merginn!
Marie: I think he's broken most bones in his body over time, apart from the skull.

Shay: So he's basically going to be confined to a wheelchair like Hikfie Dallas.
Marie: Yeah, that's about the crux of it.
Shay: At least he can drink beer without trying to killing himself now.
Marie: He's lucky to be on this planet.

Shay: Who's fault was the accident?
Marie: Merginn says he wasn't looking properly and driver couldn't see him.
Shay: There's a lot people out there who see Merginn as a hero.
Marie: He's a survivor alright but ... man, he was lucky.

Shay: You think people are going to think we're the worst behaved team in this cup?
Marie: That's just a perception. So what the women on the team have trouble wearing clothes? On the whole, they are well behaved other than wearing clothes.
Shay: Maybe it's just our reputation.
Marie: Winning this cup is all that matters really.

[Jesselton]

News deleted. No news is getting out of the Jesselton's border. Hail the new regime.

[Connar Republic]

OOC: is it godmoding have my team consist of characters from Baccano! ?

I mean they are immortals with Mafia ties

[Casari]

"Okay. This ball, if it goes in, is for the title of champion of the world." O'Malley said, standing on the center spot.

"Waitwait, what's the shot? You have to call it first." Hamptons replied, sitting on the bench and rubbing an ankle that had turned up particularly sore that day.

"Okay. The shot currently is, over the far goal, off the wall above the goal, back across the gym, and into the close net."

"I hardly think that's good enough for champion of the world."

"Well, when someone else makes it, I'll not be champion of the world anymore, but until then, you'll just have to live with the obvious presence of my greatness being held and lorded over your heads for at least a few hou-"

"Ohh, for gods sakes, O'Malley, just kick the ball!" Briggs yelled, coming out of the locker room.

Taking a few steps back, and inspecting the far wall for a good spot to bounce the ball off, he ran in, kick the ball and sending it in a graceful arc, into the cage covering the clock on the wall and dropping limply to the ground.

"Champion of the world, huh?"

"Don't worry, I'll get it this time."

"Nonono, you only get one chance at champion of the world." Briggs said, collecting the ball and setting it back on the spot.

"Wait... what are you doing?" O'Malley asked, retiring to the water fountain in the corner of the gym.

"Well, maybe I want my chance at champion of the world." She said, taking aim herself. in a slightly more graceful attempt, she ran in and kicked the ball, which ricocheted off the wall in a high arc, bounced twice across the floor as she dived out of the way, and skipped into the goal.

"... damnit."

"Champion of the worrrrrld!"

"Damnit." O'Malley mumbled again, as Briggs began doing the airplane in circles around him.

"I think my first act as champion of the world will be to issue to compose a sonnet about my beauty and infinately awesome soccer skills."

"How about a limerick about how your tendency to miss the laundry and-"

"The Champion of the world deems your comments unseemly and slanderous!" Briggs yelled, throwing the ball at O'Malley's head, who knocked it out of the way.

"Ugh... the national Dodgeball team isn't recruiting, is it?"

"... There's a national Dodgeball team? then why the hell are we stuck here? We should go try out. We'll have to look it up on the internet today, I suppose..."

"Maybe a Foot-Dodgeball team. That sounds like we'd make the team easier."

Naaaa, that's not a real sport. It sounds like one they invented in Brazil. Besides. You're only trying to distract from my winning the title of Champion of the World, and your abject humiliation as such."

"Forget Dodgeball. Maybe I can just try and get back into Biology class at college."

"Well, we can only hope." The coach, James Romero, cut in, walking into the gym. "Where's everyone else?"

"Still in the locker room."

"Well, get them out, we need to practice, honestly. These kinds of antics aren't going to do any good."

"Yeah... fun though." Briggs muttered.

[Albundania]

"Nervous, yes very nervous I am and have been. But why will you say that I am mad?" He looked at his team mate, Lionel Liszeo, best defender this side of the Blue border, and heard the response "Because you keep pulling out quotes that aren't relevant at all, Martin." The two shared a quick chuckle, and jogged off to the rest of the team, who were busy in practice. "Carrol! Nice to finally see you again man!" Carrol accepted his hug and happily replied "hey, you too man. nice job at the UFSCFC, now let's take this baby home." Four out of the five starters were from the World Cup squad, who relied heavily upon jukes and passing to win their games, which had worked pretty well, almost notching them a qualifying spot. "Hey, whose that?" Simpson had spotted the one starter who was not on the world cup squad. "Green, Luis Green. Nice to meet you Mr. Simpson, it's been a dream of mine to finally meet a player of your caliber." Simpson stretched out his arm and they shook. "nah, by the looks of your skills, the pleasure's all mine."

ROSTER!!!

Martin Simpson (24) - Star striker for the Albundanian football team, now he's taking a shot at futsal, and why not? He's proven his skills with his feet and is expected to be a magnificent contribution to the team.

Justin Carrol (32) - Captain of the Albundanian football team, Carrol has some rather amazing footwork and has decided to meet up with his best friend Martin at this rather prestigious event.

Luis Green (19) - The best futsal player in Albundania, expect most the set-up plays to come from this guy. He undoubtedly has the skills to juke out any defender, and should be making a rather significant entrance to the world stage here.

Lionel Liszeo (23) - In our opinion, the best defender in the world, he should be rather brilliant back there on the fence. He's stopped many a skilled player in the world cup, so why not here?

Jonathon Carrasco (36) - In what might be his last major world event, Carrasco looks to leave a lasting mark on the Futsal world cup as well as the football world cup. Carrasco is losing his skill, but is still rather capable at his position.

[Jesselton]

MATCHDAY 1

GROUP A
Bozztonia 4-8 Jerusalem
Franberry 2-4 Cafundeu
Iglesian Archipelago 0-2 Casari

GROUP B
The Macabees 6-3 Andrewboy
The Babbage Islands 3-2 Euro-trash
Sibirsky 1-7 Albundania

GROUP C
Swartaz 5-7 Taeshan
Kenavt 7-4 Antarctistan & The Yorozuya
Euroslavia 4-6 Jesselton

GROUP D
Docky 5-4 Queer Poco el Mono Ara
Connar Republic 2-5 Somewhereistonia
Nouvelle Rhodes 4-4 Delaclava

[The Babbage Islands]

We need to play better than we did last night to make a good run here. I hope it's just a touch of rust, moving from outdoor to indoor with little time tgether of late.

But a W is a W, and our 3-2 win over Euro-Trash is still three points. Sue Allen was solid in the net. Jenifer Jervis only played about ten minutes, she's got some kind of stomach virus. But Kelly Carlson not only came in for her, she scored in her international debut! So did Phyllis Reeves, and Katrín Karlsdóttir picked up the 3-1 goal that as it turned out would be the winner.

We had no trouble integrating Phyllis into the lineup. It's a different style sometimes, she doesn't attack the net quite like the twins, but she has a way of contesting single coverage that you've just gotta see. Not someone to mess with. I'm thinking Fjóla Karlsdóttir will be out another game or two, no sense in pushing her into the games yet, and I don't see her starting in the qualifying series unless something goes south. She's as okay with it as she can be, doing a great job of P.R. for the team.

Apparently the blogzone has unearthed a local admirer. I'm focused on winning a tournament, but we'll see how well the guy writes.

As soon as the tournament is over there will be a meeting about the future of the national football team. The pundits are predicting that about a third or a bit more of the team will be changed out. Few agree on which third, but so far opinion isn't dropping me. That's good, because I enjoy the blog and it's harder to do it from outside. I look forward to working with Ganz Ijak. You know, his old club is again #1 in the world club rankings? I've heard that he and Franz Braddock -- probably should reverse that order -- made Petardos S/A.

I hear that there are transfer negotiations going on with a couple of clubs in Queer Poco el Mono Ara, and while I can't say much yet I know that Patty Heatherly has at least two offers. Like I said last time, that girl needs to be playing in the first division.

See you after the next match!

[Delaclava]

DELACLAVA STAR

Nouvelle Rhodes 4-4 Delaclava

The Futsal tying bug has struck Delaclava once again, as Delaclava tied new team Nouvelle Rhodes 4-4.

After the game, forward and captain Paulo Pizara said, "We played well, but we just couldn't find a way to win. We need to find ways to win. We had three draws in six games in the last World Cup, which is nothing to sneeze at, with these teams pulling wins three ties can't cut the mustard if we win only one other game." Goalkeeper Luis Poiagllacao agreed, saying "What's done is done, but last year we could have just as easily gone 4-2. We were faced off against three good teams and did well, but we needed to find a way to push a bit further and turn losses into ties, ties into wins."

Pizara scored three goals and assisted the fourth, scored by Cal Oaxeña. Poiagllacao made eight saves.

[Andrewboy]

ANDREWBOY FURRIOS OVER MATCHDAY 1 LOSS
Andrewboy fustal fasn were very disapointed over the loss to the macabees today. several fans have attemptedto break into the macabbes hotel to assasinate the players with knives and varoius other wepons. this loss has got the andrewboy fustal players very pumped for the upcoming match.

[The Macabees]

Letter of Appeal to the Jesselton Hosting Committee for Futsal World Cup II
Subject: Regarding the recent break in at the hotel

Surely, it has become widespread news that a substantial number of fans, from Andrewboy, tried to break into our national team’s hotel rooms last night, as a response to their loss on the opening match day of this world cup. Thanks to the substantial security the hotel made available to the team, and to the team’s own security services, there were almost no damages done. The (what can only be termed as) riot managed to make it to the halls, where they were held off by threatening the use of force against them, until the local police arrived and controlled the attack. The Macabee National Futsal Team has moved hotels (to an undisclosed location), fearing for their lives. One player was injured by a hard object thrown by one of the rioters. It is obvious that their stated intention of killing, or seriously hurting, the team members was a serious threat. There is absolutely no reason to believe that they would not do it again, and not only against our team, but against the other squads they will play against. They are a threat to the success of this world cup, and international futsal in general, as the safety of the teams is no longer guaranteed.

As corporate representative to the team, in behalf of Líermark Incorporated (owners of the national team), I wish to appeal to the hosting committee in Jesselton for the denial of sale of stadium tickets to Andrewboy fans for the remainder of the tournament. If they are capable of going to a hotel with the intent to kill, then it should be obvious that they also have the gall and the intent to kill, or otherwise severely injure, other fans in the stadium.

Also, we implore that the Jesselton government take further steps to enhance the security of the national teams taking part in this prestigious tournament. It is quite a tragedy that the State of Jesselton must spend taxpayer’s money on such things, and that humans are not rational enough to keep themselves under control. But, that is the current state of affairs, and steps must be implemented in order to curb the violence. Also, we beseech the government to allow teams to make further use of personal security. The liberty to defend ourselves must be respected. In any case, if one could go as far as to kick Andrewboy fans out of Jesselton that too would be a proper course of action, but we understand that such a measure would be impossible to enforce and economically unwise. On the other hand, simply banning fans from their matches seems like too little. But, it does not seem as there are any other options. We trust in our world cup hosts in making the correct decisions, and taking the proper steps.

Although we would only conduct this option as a final measure, the Macabee National Futsal Team will respectfully pull out of the competition if they cannot guarantee their safety. After all, life is more valuable than a sports title. However, we do understand that much of the fault lies at our own feet, as our location was made too public. We have taken the proper steps to find a new temporary stay for the squad members, and this location shall remain secret for the remainder of the tournament (and we will move if forced to do so).

Thank you for your time,

Ger Foríen

[Andrewboy]

Andrewboy goverment sais:no more of this nonsense
andrewboy;s leader today staed that he is furios over the andrewboy fustal fasn at the fustal world cup. he said and i quote:
no more fo this. the fans who rioted have been brought back to andrewboy and are facing 5-10 year sentences. we do however apeal the restriction on andrewboy fans being able to go to matches as not all of theme attepted to kill the macabees players. we do appologize to the macabees about our riot of fans and we shall have no more of this nonsense

[The Babbage Islands]

CHARLESTON, South Island (BPA) -- Minister of State Spencer K. Woods assured residents of The Babbage Islands that there is no danger to the team or the fans attending the second Futsal World Cup in Jesselton.

Reports of rioting instigated by fans of the Andrewboy national side at the hotel of the world #1 team from The Macabees caused great initial concern and an official protest by The Macabees' delegation. Minister Woods commented, "The situation now appears to be under control, thanks to prompt action by Jesseltonian authorities and representatives of the highest levels of the Andrewboy government."

Asked about the Bumblebee team, he continued, "Our national team was and is headquartered in a different facility. Our athletes were never in danger, and we do not believe there will be significant risk for our fans. We have coordinated our security needs with the host nation, and I can report that appropriate measures have been taken to ensure the safety of Babbage citizens abroad."

Richard Valdemar, of the Football Federation of Babbage, expressed his confidence in the organisers to go forward with the event despite the "distractions."

[Connar Republic]

The Immortal Connarians

a 1-1-2 Formation.

Firo Prochainezo: Became immortal seventy years ago, very quick and tends to dart around the field alot.



Jacuzzi Splot: horrible defender, but if motivated enough he can be an almost automatic scorer



Isaac Dian: became immortal around the same time as Firo, but unlike Firo, he is an absolute airhead, and likely one of only two people in the nation to have an IQ of 0



Miria Harvent: The other person in Connar who has an IQ of 0



Dallas Genoard : likely to get in a fight, isn't fully immortal like the rest of the team,but he can heal himself from every injury possible.




Reserves:

Ennis
Czeslaw Mayer
Luck Gandor
Claire "the Rail Tracer" Stanfield

[Bozztonia]

Bozztonia 4 Jerusalem 8

A valiant effort fromtheFutsal new boys of Bozztonia against a team with a wealth of experience. Sir Alf Ramsee says " I am happy with the overall performance in attack but our defence needs to get a grip and work together although we were unlucky to lose Barry McSpud the goalie to a freak crocheting injury just before kickoff, Butterfingers La Blanc tried his best to deputise but the loss off a contact lens left him one eyed as well as butterfingered.We will be appealing to the organisers about Jerusalems nudity as we have spent all week practising shirt pulling and this has now been a complete waste of time. in fact Animal Carruthers was warned several times by the ref for pulling whatever he could find much to the dismay of the opponents."
The next opponents are Casari and whilst not a walkover they will not be as strong as the second seeds and hopefully they will wear clothes.

[Somewhereistonia]

To: Jesselton Hosting Committee
From: Baltic Sporting Association

Following the break in to the hotel of The Macabees futsal team at the ongoing world cup, the BSA wishes to formally support The Macabees in it's proposal to dissallow Andrewboy fans into the stadiums. Such violence and unsportsmanlike behaviour cannot be permitted in events such as this. During the Rugby League World Cup IV, hosted by Somewhereistonia and thus run by the BSA. Palmouthian fans were given similar treatment after Palmouth's manager John Cookson was stabbed at the end of a match.

Fans from Palmouth were not permitted to enter any remaining matches (including the John Cookson memorial game) and after some high level discussions with the Palmouthian government, Palmouth announced that all fans should return home and were no longer to be permitted to attend the Rugby League World Cup games (at least in the near future). Whilst the self-punishment by Palmouth is probably excessive, the idea of banning Andrewboy fans from remaining matches at this tournament would be in line with what action the BSA took 3 years ago after the stabbing.

If such behaviour is seen to be permitted by official bodies then it could easily happen again. Seeing the number of fans reportedly involved in the break-in it is probably safe to assume that the majority of Andrewboy fans currently in Jesselton are not responsible enough to be trusted. Hopefully you will make the right decision over these events and you have the full support of the BSA in whatever actions you do take (within reason).

Thank you.

[Bozztonia]

APPEAL

To Jesselton please take this as a formal appeal against the non wearing of kit by Jerusalem, we found ourselves at distinct disadvantage for several reasons.

1) We have been practising shirt pulling all week.

2) When kits are worn you can see and identify opponents quickly, one of the Jerusalem players had such a bright orange false tan he matched our tangerine kit exactly and we kept passing the ball to him.

3) We conceded the first goal whilst laughing at one of their players who was not very impressively equipped.

If they can not afford a kit we are prepared to lend them our second kit which is pink and green and frilly and is sponsored by the colour blind lace makers society of lower Bozztonia .

[Docky]

Goals Galore as Docky win first ever Futsal Match
Docky's first ever Futsal match was a 9 goal thriller, ending 5-4 to Docky! Despite this seeming to be a high score, 5 other matches also had 9 or more goals in, and it was an action packed first day. Docky all the way, qualify from the group!

[Euroslavia]

The Arcadia Times

"Titans play well, but fall short."

In their debut to the Futsal World Cup, the Euroslavia Titans faced off against a strong team from Jesselton. Before the Cup started, head coach CT Tamburello discussed the training that the Titans went through as well as the practices they endured to prepare for this; however, it wasn't quite enough in their first test of the Cup where the Titans fell 6-4. There wasn't much to protest about in the game though, as it was clear that the Titans did as best as they could.

"We went into the game against Jesselton and gave it our all. Unfortunately, our all wasn't good enough. A close game like this isn't one that anyone should be upset over. We kept it close and that's really all I can ask for. It's moments like these that determine where newer teams can go. You can either throw a fit about it and continue to lose in a similar manner, or you can take notice of the game, point out the weak points and where we could have performed better, and strive to improve. These games are not all about physical strength; there's a large mental aspect to it all. Intimidation, coordination, and frankly, each and every player's nerves and the ability to not give in to frustration if things aren't going your way. It's a delicate balance to remain in hold of, but it's what we ask of every single player out there. If one of my players out there is frustrated, it becomes very clear to me; however, there was none of that in our first match. For that, I'm definitely proud of the Titans."

The next match-up for the Euroslavia Titans is against a ranked team from Antarctistan & The Yorozuya. This match is going to be more difficult for the Titans, as Antarctistan & The Yorozuya has previously proven to be a strong team. A loss is being predicted by pretty much any of sports experts out there, though if the Titans can manage to pull off an upset, there won't be any complaining in Euroslavia.

"This next match-up against Antarctistan & The Yorozuya is one of those matches where you experiment with potential strategies for future games. As much as I don't like to say that we can't win, the odds for us winning are slim to none. Don't get me wrong, I like being the underdog, but again, this is a match for us to experiment with different plays and strategies to see how they end up working out and whether we could use them in future games. Of course, the Titans are going to give it their all, but we're not going to be naive and run into there thinking that we're absolutely going to crush Antarctistan & The Yorozuya." as the head coach of the Titans spoke to the press.

This game will certainly set the tone to which the Titans will need to attempt to keep up with, if they're going to have any shot of being strong competition against the rest of the teams in this Cup.

[Taeshan]

X Island Inquirer

Well the ghetto Warriors fought to another win last night. After a great first season together as a team, the Warriors playing in the third Futsal World Cup for the nation of Taeshan that is, won their opening game a 5-7 decision over the Swartaz national team. Next up for the Warriors will be the the hosts Jesselton in a game that is sure to be fun to watch. As indoor soccer usually is it is sure to be high scoring, and fan friendly.

Game one turned out to be not to shabby either. It was a very fast paced game though as both teams went for the throat at the begining of the game. Amy Delgado would get the first goal, but she would be followed by all 5 of the Swartazian goals and it would be 5-2 at the half after a Hana~o Xusan goal. The Warriors though showed their expirience in the second half. Captain Ludwig Hennicke kept up the stoppages in goal, and it let Team star Yen I Xeda pump in a hat trick to tie the game up. Backups Adam Langweilig and Petr Chevchenko would also get in on the action procuducing the deciding goals.

[A-Stan and The Yoro]

The MacMurdo Half-Sun
Rosters Unveiled at the opening whistle.

Following a somewhat disappointing first Futsal Cup, the Antarctistani Football Federation took over the programme. Totally wiping the board clean. Out with the family business and in with the new guys. However most of the new guys are a tight family. Who this tight family was however unknown until kickoff. Surprising everyone in the audience the final roster was given.

Manager: Jimmy Roberts


Goalkeepers:

Halifax Carter - #49
Jimmy Roberts - #57

Defending-Middies:
Dario - #22
Aaron Rodgers - #12
Rick Perryson - #1
Alexander Yaroslov- #68
Xander - #69

Attacking Middies:
V - #13 (Captain)
Michael Petrov - #14
Albert Romez - #43
Dude Olbermann - #8
Sam Parkins - #39

That's right, as a surprise to everyone the AFF chose players from the A and B national football teams to go to represent Antarctistan and The Yorozuya in the Second Futsal World Cup. A tournament they were so close to hosting themselves. One that instead went to Jesselton.

As for their game A-Stan's players still had a difficult time adapting to Futsal. It didn't help that they were essentially midfielders. In the first half alone Antarctistan gave up 6 goals with soon to be superstar V netting one. The second half contained some what if a relief for Antarctistan with V netting three early on bringing it even. For some time it looked like Antarctistan could score some more but then in the 40th minute Kenavt put away another goal sealing up the match 7-4. A disappointing loss, but not too far out considering that Antarctistan is oblivious to how their Futsal team performs.

For their next game Antarctistan and The Yoro will go head to head with Euroslavia. Whether or not they win wont be the issue though. As Antarctistan and The Yorozuya has bought up half the seats to debut their new Antarctistan and The Yorozuya Fight Band. Designed to pump up the ANY team during football matches and distract the other team with noise, this will be the loud testing ground. Bring earmuffs, it will be loud.

Here is just one song they will be playing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzSfCv3u ... re=related

[Albundania]

Devastation of Sibirsky to open up our cup in Jessleton.


Jessleton - 7 to 1 was the final score, where we annihilated Sibirsky early on in the game to secure an easy win. It started at the second minute, when Green did a simple sidestep to get past Inman and made an expert shot on goal to take an early lead. It wasn't long until Simpson stole the show though, with a beautiful (and lucky) chip shot from half-court that caught the Capatilizt keeper quite off guard and managed to slip between his hands for a second goal. This seemed to demoralize our great sports rivals as they put up little resistance after that goal, letting Carrol get two more unanswered goals before the half came. Leading 4-0 at the half, the crowd, who appeared to be quite in favor of the Albundanians, were on their feet when the Albundanians returned to the court, and the crowd got their filling of excitement early in the second half with an amazing one finger stop of a weak shot from Sibirsky's Wade. This was returned by a speedy Liszeo for an easy goal, Liszeo's first in any major competition. 5-0, Sibirsky finally got a goal courtesy of a nice juke from Wade that confused Carrol and gave Wade an easy shot, to make it 5-1 for the Blue Crew. But our boys in blue weren't done scoring yet. Another goal from Simpson, courtesy of a nice set-up pass from Green, made it 6-1, and Green managed to juke out two Capatilizt on his way to the final goal of the half, right in the middle of the 19th minute, to make it the final score of 7-1. Indubitably, the Blue Crew are celebrating their well earned victory tonight. Next up we play the Babbage islands, who Albundanians know best from our defeat of them in the friendlies before the last NSWC. In their last game, they beat alliance mates Euro-Trash 3-2. We wish our boys the best in their game against them.

[Connar Republic]

"but Jacuzzi..!"

"I dont care Firo, we're down five ta' nil, we gotta at least look good!"

"Dallis, i'm sorry but you gotta hold out here!"

"but Jacuzzi if I see one of those Somewhereistonian bastards again im gonna......"

"Dallis! LISTEN TO ME! You are only our keeper cause Donny as deemed to big, now I want you to deflect everything that comes your way, even if it is my shoe!"

"Now lets go make this a game"

"Im Gonna score! I can SCORE, I scored! I scored! I scored!"

"Hey Isaac take this."

"Jacuzzi what am i supposed to do with it?"

"balance it on your head honey, then run to the other side of the field"

"good Idea Mirian!"

"Oh God at least we switched him to midfield earlier."

"Oh Hi mister Keeper, oh darn it the ball fell off and rolled into the goal area"

"What was that buzzer sound Jacuzzi?"

"That was the end of the game, at least we scored twice

[kenavt]

The Purple Pirates filed into the locker room after the game, a 7-4 win against Antarctistan & The Yorozuya. The players all took their seats in the main room for the traditional after-game speech by Yohannes Sedachs after every Kenavtan game. They would traditionally go what mistakes they made and what they could do better, and a practice schedule until the next game. The last player in, usually Riyu Desai, closed and locked the door behind him.

Sedachs coughed. "Good job today, men. Antarctistan is arguably the second best team in the group. This was a good win to come out and prove ourselves to the world. Asa, that was a nice header at the end, but you seemed to be getting tired late in that game. Is something wrong?"

"No, sir, it's just that I didn't get much rest that night."

"I barely got f*ck*ng any," Connor interjected as everyone tried not to pay attention. "Dude, we're playing on the f*ck*ng international stage with those Jesselton b*tch*s! I can't wait until we kick their *ss*s!

"Connor," cautioned Riyu. "That's the type of stuff that got you involved in that perjury case last year. You've got to cut that out."

"Are you smoking pot? No - "

"ENOUGH!" Yohannes yelled. The team jumped back in surprise except for Connor, who just took it in stride. "We've got to work on our defence. Those three goals in the second half were pretty weak ones. So, tomorrow, we'll probably just do two scrimmages, our number one offense vs. our number one defense, and the second unit versus itself. Also, get ready to run. We're either going to build up our endurance, or you guys are going to crash tomorrow night and get tons of sleep. We're playing Swartaz, and if we don't win, than something's wrong with us. Everyone can go, except for Riyu."

The team filed out of the locker room to go take showers, except for the team's great captain. Yohannes sat on a bench, gesturing for Riyu to do the same.

"We've really got to watch out for Connor," they said at the same time. "He could land us in big trouble, you know." Yohannes managed to get in. "He's probably planning something for tonight."

"Agreed. I'll get the team to watch him... no one's really his friend, except for Paul."

The Poiuytrewq Enquirer-Journal
All the news in fits of print!

THE PIRATES KNOCK OFF NINTH-RANKED AB&Y, LOOK FORWARD TO SWARTAZ TOMORROW

indentDonggongon, JESSELTON- The Purple Pirates raided the Antartictistan & the Yorozuya futsal team yesterday in opening action at the Second Futsal World Cup, routing them 7-4. The elusive striker Asa led the way with four goals, including a spectacular header over one of the AB&Y defenders. Connor da Vincho had three assists, including one on the header play, and two goals. Jacoby Pelham rounded out the Kenavtan scoring with a goal and an assist.

One of the more memorable plays, though, was a goal kick by the captain and keeper Riyu Desai that somehow landed on Asa's foot. A deke later and the ball had been perfectly placed in the top right corner of the net, just beyond the range of the Antartictistan keeper. It was a beautiful play that showed the athleticism of both the captain and possibly the greatest football player ever from Kenavt, Asa.

We look for more action like this in the next game, versus Swartaz, who looks like a promising opponent to absolutely slaughter. They are relatively unknown, yet were beaten 5-7 by Taeshan in a surprisingly close call. Taeshan, however, looked like they were just fooling around in the first half - but allowing the Swartazians to collect all five of their goals in a row.

We'll bring you action from the Kenavt-Swartaz game the day after. Here are some remaining figures from the Kenavtan season so far:

Matchday 1 - 23.10.09 - Antartictistan & the Yorozuya vs. Kenavt (7-4, W)
Matchday 2 - 26.10.09 - Kenavt vs. Swartaz
Matchday 3 - 28.10.09 - Taeshan vs. Kenavt
Matchday 4 - 30.10.09 - Kenavt vs. Jesselton
Matchday 5 - 02.11.09 - Euroslavia vs. Kenavt

[Casari]

"Oww, damnit!" Lewis Gray shouted, crashing into the floor as the whistle for halftime blew.

"Lewis, what the hell was going on out there? That's the third pass you missed, you're tripping over your own feet!" James yelled, using his best coach-voice and adjusting his tie around his neck as the star forward stormed off the court and down into the locker room. "Your leg bothering you?"

"No, my leg is not bothering me." Lewis said, pulling off his shoes and looking at the bottoms, tossing them across the room and grabbing a blue pair out of his locker.

"Your shoes?"

"There's a sticky spot on the floor out there! Just outside the penalty area. I've been tripping on it all afternoon."

"Well, why didn't you say something-"

"I'm not quite sure what it is, I couldn't exactly take my shoes off and see if it was something on there. it's gotta be something on the floor, though." Lewis said, sulking.

"... that's ok, we can deal with this. Lucia!"

"Yes?" Lucia spun from peeking out the locker room door.

"Get a towel, wet it in the sink... then, sneak out, and wipe off the floor. Right outside their penalty area, where it starts to curve, on the left side."

Lucia blinked a few times. "Wh... I am not a janitor!"

"You will be if one of our backs trips and falls on the sticky spot out there and we give up a goal. Go."

---

Mumbling, Lucia carried the wet towel, glancing around at the arena. "I'm going to look like an idiot." she said to herself, looking around for anyone who might object to her walking out onto the floor. There were a few guards and policemen, but they were all scanning the crowd.

Taking a deep breath and straightening up, she strode out onto the floor, glancing from side to side, tapping around with her foot for a sticky spot and dropping the towel on it. A murmur of confusion went up from the crowd as she pushed it aorund with her foot, testing the spot again, and striding off the court quickly, willing herself to be less obvious as a couple jeers came from the crowd and dived back to the locker room.

---

"That is the dumbest thing I've ever done." Lucia said, tossing the towel into the corner and muttering.

"Oooooh, don't worry coach, we'll get you a mop for the next one." Lewis said, raising some chuckles.

"Good, I can keep it so you can mop up your hotel room bathroom next time you go out drinking and picking up the local girls."

James grumbled. "Local girls, hmm? I suppose I'll just have to lock you in the room."

"OOooooooooooooooh. Uhoh."

[The Macabees]

Inertia Awards Three Points

The Golden-Whites escaped the first match of Futsal World Cup II, hosted by Jesselton, by defeating Andrewboy 6–3. There was no spectacle involved. The Golden-Whites’ futsal team won only because through pure inertia; it was only proper for the defending world champions to win their opening match in the new tournament. If the boys want to do as well as they did last tournament, they will have to shore up their abilities on the court and begin to do some serious damage to teams which should otherwise not be able to put up a fight. The fact of the matter is that although the squad may be able to qualify itself for the knock-out stages by haphazardly performing during the group stage, they will not be able to suddenly “up the ante” during the all-important knock-out stages to get to the final match. It would be a wise course of action to begin playing seriously now, sweep aside the “new teams” and do just as well during the knock-out stages. It would only be proper of the “number one” team in the world and one-time world champions (“only-time” for now). Nevertheless, there are good qualities coming to the surface. The team has remained mostly the same, except for a few new faces, meaning they have the same cohesion of the last squad. Also, their dribbling and control remains spotless. All of these characteristics made a cup winning team four years ago. Hopefully, it will do the same once again.

Síesmar Ret, the infallible manager who has won all but a single game during the span of his international tenure, was quick to defend his men, though. During the post-game press conference he said, “A win is a win. We ended the match with three points to our names, and we are that much closer to getting to the knock-out stages. Sure, we could have played better, but it does not make much sense to expend all your energy on games that you know you can win by putting only a certain percentage of your total potential effort. I admit, though, that this may cause problems down the road, as the squad may have trouble adapting to more experienced opponents, but I do not consider it a serious issue. We have a squad that can do anything, including pull off a second world cup title, and I think that the fans will note that they will put everything they have to in order to win. This is true whether we are playing a new squad, or if we are playing one of the more experienced squads.”

Jonas Catá, one of the team’s many players (and starter), made some comments of his own, “I think we played very well. It was the inaugural game for us, and this is the first time we play a major tournament outside our own borders. A little confusion is to be expected, and I believe healthy over the long-run. I am sure that we will pick up on our game as we go on. We have a lot of time to physically prepare ourselves for a world cup, and all of our fans are guaranteed that we will work ourselves beyond our limits in order to achieve the best we possibly can. I do not want to be too cocky or pretentious, but hopefully that is a second title. A monopoly on the sport could do well for the Empire, given that we have lacked any major titles in any other big sport, like football.”

The Golden-Whites’ will play Sibirsky in three days. Sibirsky is a nation that is well-respected in the Second Empire, mostly politically, due to their classical liberal ideals which coincide with those of His Imperial Majesty Fedor I. Unfortunately, though, Sibirsky lost their inaugural match 1–7, against Albundania. Even worse for them, the Golden-Whites are not about to feel sorry and let up on their game. They want to equate, or make worse, Albundania’s result, and give themselves a well deserved six points (two won out of two played). Sibirsky is a squad that the Second Empire would love to see get through the group stage, but they aren’t about to make it easier for them by letting them win. Assuming Sibirsky loses their next match against the Golden Throne, they would virtually have to win all remaining games to guarantee qualification for the quarterfinals (there are a total of fifteen points in play, and if they lose they would have lost the opportunity to gain six of those fifteen). But, one should be foolhardy and assume a win without even playing the match. Sibirsky will be a tough opponent, and the men in gold and white should prepare for the following game just like they do any. Anything less could surprise the Golden-Whites, and not in a good way.

Síesmar Ret had things to say on this topic, as well, “Sibirsky may not be considered a strong team, but paper comparisons have always been worthless. It is difficult to read Sibirsky, and difficult to make a prediction. They will be motivated by the fact that they cannot lose without seriously jeopardizing their abilities to move on to the knock-out stage, but there is also the fact that they are playing against the world champion. I think it could go any way. The fact is that if they score early it might give them more drive to keep trying, while if we score early it may eliminate their motivation altogether and hand the game over to us on a silver platter. But, I could be completely wrong. These types of things are almost impossible to predict. There is just too much “human action” to take into consideration. Things could go wrong. We could get an injury, or a red card. I mean, like I said before, I think it’s best just to play well enough to win and leave it at that. We should not leave anything to paper or fortune.”

Episode at the hotel
The night of Andrewboy’s defeat, the Second Empire’s team was attacked in their hotel by a large cluster of rioters. Fortunately, hotel security noticed the large amount of men entering the hotel and warned the team’s private security. The two securities, together, were able to block off the hallways and stall for enough time for the local police to come and break the scene up. Nevertheless, Mika Cartól was severely injured in the head when he was struck by some strange object. He was rushed to the hospital, bleeding severely from the head while on his way there. He is reportedly better, but he will probably not be able to play for the remainder of the group stage of the tournament. The squad’s doctor will decide whether or not he will be able to play thereafter. After the events, the rest of the team was sent to an undisclosed location (not even disclosed to local law enforcement), and they have petitioned to Jesselton’s government to reprimand Andrewboy’s citizens. They note that such incidents could prove harmful to other teams, as well, and that the situation would quickly get out of hand. Jesselton’s government has not officially responded yet, and the hosting committee’s decision remains unknown (if they take any, at all). Andrewboy’s government has petitioned to lessen the “sentence”, as not all of their citizens are criminals.

What is clear, though, is that local law enforcement will take a more active role in protecting fans on either side by setting up in the stadia. Riots will be contained, and it seems that people in the stands will be more closely regulated. Jesselton has already announced that they want to avoid as much violence and damage as possible, and will take the proper steps to enforce the local laws and whatnot. It certainly does seem that violence will be a black mark in the history of Futsal World Cup II. These problems were non-existent during the first tournament, but then again there are many more teams this time around. Hopefully, the violence does not take a toll on the growing popularity of the sport or foreign team’s decision to include their own squads in the competition.

But, we look beyond this dark news and look ahead and forward to the match against Sibirsky. Will the Golden-Whites insure their six points? Or, will they fall and have to rely on the remaining three matches? Generally, it’s assumed that nine points will be enough to qualify. The sooner, the better.