Copa Rushmori VII - Everything Thread

[Carmadin]

Kihxaw Jahp whooooooshed through the revolving door, and into the Grand Verona Hotel. Kihxaw Jahp whooooooooshed through the revolving door, and out of the Grand Verona Hotel. Kihxaw Jahp whooooooooshed through the revolving door, and into the Grand Verona Hotel. Whoooooosh. Whooooosh. Whoooooosh

"KIHXAW! a good impression upon arrival, please?"

"but coach, I love revolving doors"

"I don't care!"

"Come on, check it out"

"no, Kihxaw, i really don't...."

"no, c'mon, coach!"

Kihxaw Jahp and Coach Ithow Xah'h Choysz whoooooshed through the revolving door, and into the Grand Verona Hotel. Kihxaw Jahp and Coach Ithow Xah'h Choysz whooooooshed through the revolving door, and out of the Grand Verona Hotel.

"oh Kihx, you're like a little kid"

"Dowv, I am a little kid. Come on!"

"oh lordy"

Kihxaw Jahp, Coach Ithow Xah'h Choysz, and Dowv Daz whoooooooshed through the revolving door and into the Grand Verona Hotel....

---

"Nice place, this"

"y'see, the staff are giving you dirty looks."

"I wonder why"

"perhaps your revolving door antics have something to do with it?"

"p'shaw, these people love Carmies"

garbled.....garbled....Damn Carmies....garbled

"yup, i'm sure they do"

"hmmmm, perhaps they need some hall football"

"nothing like grown men rampaging through a hotel after a stuffed football to make people like you"

"oh, well, yeah!"

"Kihxaw, i give up. We play today. It's time you got some sleep."

"but, its only 4:30 in the afternoon"

"so? we can take a nap together"

"hey, hey whoah!!!"

"oh, pick your head up out of that damn gutter. You knew what i meant"

"yeah, just kidding"

"rrrrrrrr................."

[Jen O the Hill]

Debo: I cant believe that dude took my pipe. Like I was gonna blaze up on the plane or something’

Bird: Well if ya woulda quit callin’ her a dude she might woulda been a little nicer.

Debo: That dude was a chic? No way! He had a goat!

Weezie: Dude, she was a Faun. Of course she had facial hair.

Smoke: What the freak os a Faun.

Bird: Half human half goat.

Smoke: which half is which?

Weezie: Dude, if you cant tell that on your own you need to lay off the smoke for a while.

Debo: She would have been better looking as a goat.

Bird: And that is why you don’t have your pipe anymore.

Weezie: I just hope the grass in Saugeas is as good as advertised.

Debo: Me too. Just gotts get a new pipe.

Smoke: Who needs a pipe when you have a soda can

[Saugeais]

Charles the Great, located in downtown Arçon, was more packed than usual, but everyone knew why. With the influx of tourists for the Copa Rushmori, the regulars needed to find a spot in their favorite bar much earlier, some even leaving work just so they can have a seat. It's no surprise that the Frank and Walter has listeners outside of the country, and those people wanted to see a show first hand. As the radio announcers stepped up to their microphones, the crowd gave them a roaring ovation.

Frank: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, listeners all around the world. It's time once again for Sports Talk. I am you host, Frank Harrison, and sitting next o me is my partner in crime, Walter Kovak. And on the eve of the opening matches, I think we're going to make this show all about the Copa Rushmori.

Walter: That's right, Frank. Ever since Saugeais has been voted to be the host of this prestigious regional tournament, the draw has been all that people were talking about. "Who's going to face who" was the question on most minds, and last month we got our answer, but to much more groans than cheers. Saugeais, being the host nation, is obviously in group A, but along with them are some of best teams in the region. Teams like Cotdelapoms, Carmadin, Polar Islandstates, even last Copa's champs Nieuwe Sleeswijk, are all going to vie for the top two spots of the group. And seeing all these great teams we have to go up against, that leaves no doubt in my mind our group is the "Group of Death."

F: You are certainly right, one or maybe two of these great teams will have to be eliminated somehow, and I'm sure none of them have that thought on their minds. Turning towards the other groups now, Group B will see some great action, with Civil Citizenry, Darmen, and ABK all drawn together, and I think they'll be fighting for that automatic bid in the end. Group C, in my opinion, is going to come down to Pasarga and Sargossa, two of the more recent powerhouses to come from the region. In group D, if anyone other than Queer Poco is tops in that group I'll be surprised...

W: Yes, but look at what Astograth and Bleak Rock have been doing in recent years. They are no slouches, and Queer Poco should watch out in case they try to steal points from them.

F: Back to the group analysis, Group E is a group where I see no clear cut winner, and all the teams will be scrambling for the top spots in the end. With Sarrbia, Chenkorya, even Camwood, I would say expect this to be an interesting group to watch. And finally, Group F where, like group C, it looks like a two team race, with Erathore and past hosts Whirl Islands duking it out.

W: But I think that Swartaz and Nethertopia will be in the mix, making this a semi-"Group of Death". In truth, all of these will be great matches, so try to check out at least half of them.

F: Now that we've covered the groups, let's talk about Saugeais's lineup. Starting at the very top, we have our new manager Iarlaith Mag Aonghusa, which I hope I pronounced right, and comes in to a team with boatloads of experience. He's led the former Sorthern Northland national team to two straight World Cup victories at 55 and 56. Now he said he want to bring Saugeais to the promised land. Well for us, the promised land is just to get to a World Cup finals, something we've come oh so close to reaching twice now. But if he thinks he can make our team into one of the greats, more power to him.

W: It's been a year since the Cup of Harmony, and we should start looking at the roster in more depth, as a good number of players are on the horizon of retiring, giving Mr. Aonghusa a chance to bring in some young players for the team. Looking through the list, we have: Jenson Paulson - 35; Metin Feik - 35; Thomas Quentin - 34; Sasha Krause - 33; Vaughn Charlesworth - 35; Amaechi Olsen - 34. Yes, there will be a time where Amaechi Olsen isn't playing for the Knights, and that will be a sad day indeed. He's done so much for the national side, and it's shown with him as the active leading goal scorer for the squad.

F: I'm actually more concerned with how we're going to line up from now on. Mr. Aonghusa is not a fan of our previous 3-4-2-1, but will keep it for this tournament, but next cup cycle he has stated he will change it up. That may also affect the way the national squad looks, too, not just from the ages of these players as you said, Walter. But I guess the first step to glory is change. Not a lot of people are going to like it, but if it's for the better, I'm not going to question it.

And with that, that's all the time we have for the day. We thank you for listening to the show. Once again I'm Frank Harrison, he's Walter Kovak, and together we say good day.

[Camwood]

THE REPUBLIC OF CAMWOOD NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOOTBALL TEAM
Demoyn: Camian
Trigamme: CAM
Nickname: The Blue Jays or 'The Jays'
FIRST GENERATION 'JAY KITS'

CAMWOOD NATIONAL SPORTS COMPLEX (Capacity: 86,00)

Tactics

---

Manager: Justin Kiplin - Sporting White Rock - Age 45
Formation: 3-4-3
Style Modifier: +1

Roster

---

LF #15 LEONARD ROSSI - Inner Compolis - Age 25
CF #9 KEVIN TORRESS - Vanler Dynamo - Age 28
RF #3 DAVID SMITH - Port Kostas Strikers - Age 23

LM #10 DONALD MATHERLY - Port Kostas Strikers - Age 32
LCM #21 JEFF CECIL - Inner Compolis - Age 24
RCM #17 JESSE DICKEN - FC Clemson - Age 29
RM #5 KEITH CREIGHTON - Petmonton FC - Age 25

LD #13 HENRY YOUNG - Bluerock Bears - Age 21
CD #24 ALFRED LI - Inner Compolis - Age 33
RD #4 VICTOR GILES - Port Kostas Strikers - Age 25

GK #1 THOMAS JACOBY - Vanler Dynamo - Age 30

[The Yorozuya]

Yorozuyan Roster for the VI Copa Rushmori

Nicknames: Nashonaruzu
Colours: Navy Blue, Black, White, Pink

Manager: Ryuunosuke Kochi
Style: -4
Formation: 4-4-2

First XI (Listed Left -> Right)
Player Age Pos Club
Hozumi Yoshihara 26 GK FC EDO
Yoshi Sakai DF 31 FUJI HORO-SHA
Nahele Kawa'ole DF 21 ANA'OLE
Mauli Me'ka DF 20 ANA'OLE
Shigehito Tsukamoto DF 23 FUJI HORO-SHA
Tetsu Ine MF 27 SAMURAI
Akihito Sato MF 23 FC EDO
Tadashi Oogusuku MF 26 DENKI EDO
Ikki Morikawa MF 23 DENKI EDO
Momota Okuyama ST 21 DENKI EDO
Mauli M'amo ST 24 ANA'OLE


Okuyama is the Principal Set Pieces and M'amo is the Penalty Kick Taker

Backups
Player Age Pos Club
You Tashiro GK 20 DENKI EDO
Ichita Naitou DF 27 FC EDO
Sakio Hatsutori DF 25 FC EDO
Asato Umaba DF 32 ANA'OLE
Noboru Kichikawa MF 23 SAMURAI
Fuuta Taihei MF 26 SAMURAI
Bane Lono MF 25 ANA'OLE
Tenmu Oshiro ST 24 SAMURAI
Seigo Tominaga ST 25 SAMURAI



RP permissions

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod scoring events TG
Roleplay injuries to my players Y (Nothing Major) (TG if Serious)
Godmod injuries to my players TG
Hand out yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out red cards to my players Y (Limit: 2)
Godmod other events TG

Also: Don't use RL picture for MY players and if you need a specific shot of them TG me and I'll set it up in PES!

If you have any ideas... TG me

NOTE: Due to the rapidly approaching season, not all clubs would release their players for national team duties.

Kits:
They will be here... tonight!

[Saugeais]

Let's start this Copa!! Matchday 1 cutoff is now.

Matchday 1

Group A

Saugeais 2-0 The Kiaser Colonies
Cotdelapoms 1-4 Carmadin
Nieuwe Sleeswijk 3-3 Polar Islandstates

-  Team                    P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Carmadin                1 1 0 0  4  1  +3  3
 2 Saugeais                1 1 0 0  2  0  +2  3
 3 Nieuwe Sleeswijk        1 0 1 0  3  3  +0  1
 4 Polar Islandstates      1 0 1 0  3  3  +0  1
 5 The Kiaser Colonies     1 0 0 1  0  2  -2  0
 6 Cotdelapoms             1 0 0 1  1  4  -3  0

Group B

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 1-2 Civil Citizenry
Ansernia Islands 1-0 Darmen
Elmonia 3-1 Megadia

-  Team                       P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Elmonia                    1 1 0 0  3  1  +2  3
 2 Civil Citizenry            1 1 0 0  2  1  +1  3
 3 Ansernia Islands           1 1 0 0  1  0  +1  3
 4 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk     1 0 0 1  1  2  -1  0
 5 Darmen                     1 0 0 1  0  1  -1  0
 6 Megadia                    1 0 0 1  1  3  -2  0

Group C

Continental Rushmore 1-0 The Kytler Peninsulae
Mangolana 1-0 Sargossa
Pasarga 1-0 West Zirconia

-  Team                      P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Continental Rushmore      1 1 0 0 1 0 +1  3
 2 Mangolana                 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1  3
 3 Pasarga                   1 1 0 0 1 0 +1  3
 4 West Zirconia             1 0 0 1 0 1 -1  0
 5 Sargossa                  1 0 0 1 0 1 -1  0
 6 The Kytler Peninsulae     1 0 0 1 0 1 -1  0

Group D

Albertasby 1-0 Bleak Rock
Astograth 2-2 The Hidden Paw
Baltskandio 1-1 Queer Poco el Mono Ara

-  Team                       P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Albertasby                 1 1 0 0  1  0 +1  3
 2 Astograth                  1 0 1 0  2  2 +0  1
 3 The Hidden Paw             1 0 1 0  2  2 +0  1
 4 Baltskandio                1 0 1 0  1  1 +0  1
 5 Queer Poco el Mono Ara     1 0 1 0  1  1 +0  1
 6 Bleak Rock                 1 0 0 1  0  1 -1  0

Group E

The Yorozuya 1-0 Sarrbia
Prince Bartholomew Islands 1-0 Palacios and Rodallega
Camwood 3-0 Chenkorya

-  Team                           P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Camwood                        1 1 0 0  3  0  +3  3
 2 The Yorozuya                   1 1 0 0  1  0  +1  3
 3 Prince Bartholomew Islands     1 1 0 0  1  0  +1  3
 4 Palacios and Rodallega         1 0 0 1  0  1  -1  0
 5 Sarrbia                        1 0 0 1  0  1  -1  0
 6 Chenkorya                      1 0 0 1  0  3  -3  0

Group F

Lonaga 0-4 Erathore
Swartaz 0-1 Nethertopia
Whirl Islands 2-0 Jen O the Hill

-   Team               P W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Erathore           1 1 0 0  4  0  +4  3
 2 Whirl Islands      1 1 0 0  2  0  +2  3
 3 Nethertopia        1 1 0 0  1  0  +1  3
 4 Swartaz            1 0 0 1  0  1  -1  0
 5 Jen O the Hill     1 0 0 1  0  2  -2  0
 6 Lonaga             1 0 0 1  0  4  -4  0

[Erathore]

Massive Win Against Lonaga Gets Campaign Started On Strong Foot

---

Easy. That's what the game was. Easy. Passa e posse dominated Lonaga's team as we strolled to a 4-nil win. We’ll be doing a review of each individual player in this article.

#12: Goalkeeper: Hérion Galonloth: Iturributa United –Astograth: 1122 years old
Galonloth had a relatively quiet night and didn’t have to make many saves. His distribution off goal kicks, the occasional punt, and when the ball was played back to him was very good, almost impeccable. The few saves he had to make were done very cleanly and were easy enough. There was one moment though when one of Lonaga’s forwards hit a rocket shot from 25 yards out and Galonloth was forced into a spectacular leaping fingertip save.
Overall Rating: 8/10 –Good saves, distribution—Easy night

#2: Left Center Back: Fredrico Manlio: Manlio: 26 years old
A good game for Manlio who saw moderate action that consisted of staying in his area and easily stand tackling anyone who came near him. He did this brilliantly and with ease. There were no mistakes of any sort from him defensively. However his passing was sub par. A few bad passes from him resulted in near goals, with only the wonderful goalkeeping from Galonloth preventing a bad pass from evolving into a goal.
Overall Rating: 7/10 –Good Defending—Bad Passing

#3: Center Back: Vanni Del Naran: Cap Nordique –CDP: 23 years old
A wonderful game for the young defender who made very few mistakes. He had brilliant stand and slide tackling throughout the night. He was also very impressive in his intercepting ability; picking off around a dozen passes during the game. He did a wonderful job keeping pace with the opposition for the entire game, never being outrun by an attacker. However, he looked a little weak physically and was pushed off the ball too easily at a few points during the game.
Overall Rating: 8/10 –Brilliant defending and interceptions—Physically Weak

#4: Right Center Back: Blake Fencon: Arsar: 27 years old
Fencon’s stamina really showed as he charged up and down the pitch for the full 90 minutes. With knowledge only gained from having played professional football for a long time, Fencon knew exactly just how far he could push up the pitch without substantially weakening the defense. He mistimed a few standing tackles and that allowed Lonaga chances on goal that were denied thanks to Hérion Galonloth.
Overall Rating: 8/10 –Great Stamina—Mediocre tackling

#5: Centre Defensive Midfielder/Deep Lying Playmaker: Julio Lanziano: Valengren Kickers –QPEMA: 25 years old
Julio Lanziano may well and truly lay claim to being the best Erathi defensive midfielder and deep lying playmaker in the world as he pulled off a few incredible feats in the match against Lonaga. He assisted four goals, had a pass completion rate of 93%, and successfully completed every single tackle he went into. He was brilliantly skilled off the ball as well, moving into space that would give him the best passing and assisting options for his teammates, rather then into space that would benefit himself.
Overall Rating: 10/10 –Brilliant play all around, Man of the Match

#6: Left Center Midfielder: Espen Úpaddol Rolodel: Niccostarto: 3264 years old
It was a good game for Rolodel, whose main contribution to the game was his smooth passing. With a pass completion rate of 84%, played a midfield general during the game. He also threatened several times with long range shots that were just barely blocked or just barely missed. Good overall play, no real bad moments.
Overall Rating: 8/10 –Good play, no weakness

#7: Center Attacking Midfielder/Trequartista: Alexio Del Nieran: SK Franz Joseph City –Polar Islandstates: 25 years old
A solid game from the skipper. Del Nieran was causing all sorts of problems for Lonaga from his trequartista position, pulling defenders out of position, passing the ball with deadly accuracy, placing brilliant shots on goal that resulted in him scoring the third of the night when he calmly and coolly slotted the ball past the goalkeeper from 20 yards out. No real mistakes aside from a missed tackle or two.
Overall Rating: 9/10 –Good attacking play—Mediocre tackling

#8: Right Center Midfielder: Isidoro Nao: FC Cape St. Paul –Polar Islandstates: 21 years old
Nao had a pretty good game. He had some very creative moments and subsequent pass and shooting attempts, but nothing ever resulted in a goal. His passing was great, completing 91% of his attempts. His shooting was a little off though, with only one of his four attempts being on target.
Overall Rating: 8/10 –Great passing and creativity—Poor shooting accuracy

#9: Striker: Camthalio Ringëril: Royal Vosaroni Antenelli: 3338 years old
Camthalio Ringëril still is the man in form as he added two more goals to his tally in the game against Lonaga. A brilliant fake shot sent the keeper to the ground and a simple chip afterwards started the scoring for Erathore early on in the game. He added the last goal of the game late in the second half with a beautiful curler from eight yards out. A few misplaced through balls were his only mistakes throughout the night.
Overall Rating: 10/10 –Wonderful all around play

#10: Left Forward: Ricardo Villa: Indica United –Southern Cynocephali: 21 years old
Villa had a pretty quiet and uneventful game against Lonaga, never really making an impact. He had good passing, ok shooting, and poor movement off the ball. Maybe today just wasn’t his day.
Overall Rating: 5/10 –Non-existent

#11: Right Forward: Cesc Celestino: Eldorado –Cafundéu: 23 years old
Good game for Cesc as he netted only his 27th goal in 83 appearances for la furia azule. And it was a brilliant goal at that. Cesc slipped through the defensive line, beating 5 players, before rainbowing the ball over the goalkeeper and slamming it home. Some in the crowd cheered, others booed, and some remained silent. Alexio Del Neiran could be seen giving Cesc an earful as they waited for Lonaga to get the ball rolling again. Terrible display of sportsmanship. Other then that he had a good game. Nice passing, a few rough first touches but nothing overtly worrying.
Overall Rating: 8/10 –Good play, great goal –Bad sportsmanship

Lineup for the game against Jen O the Hill:

------------------GALONLOTH------------------

-----WILNERD-----DEL NARAN------FENCON-----

------------------LANZIANO(3c)------------------

-----DAIKI-----ALONOSO-----

-----DEL NIERAN(c)-----

------CESC--------RINGËRIL(vc)------MALVOLIO--------

[Carmadin]

Tweeeeeeet! The Whistle blew, and Carmadin’s Copa Rushmori kicked off. Ot’j Choy Othozur swept the ball with his foot to Ataeh Ahsaeh, who knocked it back to Owva Ihwo. The Copa had begun

20 minutes later, Kihxaw Jahp made his first brilliant save of the tournament, and rolled it out to Oo Gaht’oth. Gaht’oth booted it down, and it fell right on the foot of Dowv Daz. Dowv crossed it Ahnger, running up the field beside him, and Ahnger sent it to the corner, to Chaw Oyt’j. Oyt’j saw Daz right across from him, and sent it up. Blue Checkered as well as yellow jerseys launched themselves into the air, but it was the head of a yellow jersey that connected with the ball. As the jersey came to the ground, as René Wright-Efans dove, stretching himself out as he did so, as the Blue, Zellow, and red-clad crowd leaped to their feet, and the Blue, white, and apple-clad crowd hung their heads, the Official Copa Rushmori VII Football hit the back of the net. The net rippled, the ball hit the grass, and Dowv Daz lay there for a second, absorbing the moment. Then, the cheering started. It seemed like the Carmadin fans would bring Stade de Montagne down, with the noise they made. Dowv Daz leaped up, and was greeted with a hug from Ataeh Ahsaeh that promptly knocked him down again. Carmadin led World Cup Qualifying group rivals Cotdelapoms by 1.

---

The electricity in the air was undeniable. Either that or someone knocked out the fuse box. Yes, it was probably the latter. The celebrations in Carmadin Park had been ecstatic. The party atmosphere here in Carmadin’s stadium was amazing. The stadium had been packed by Carmadin football fans that had come here for the first Copa Rushmori watch’n’play. The game was being broadcast on Carmadin Park’s huge screens, and children and adults alike were down on the pitch playing around and taking shots, all taking turns standing in the north goal box where Kihxaw Jahp orchestrated most of his game-changing saves, playing for the Carmadin National Team. Supporters of the Seendok Shells stopped by the right goal post, where Jahp had hit his head, and had to be taken out of the match, causing a fluke 3-5 loss to upstart silver league team Sehndohn Storm, in the Carmadin Shield final. Kids just ran around the field, laughing and shouting, kicking size 3 footballs, and standing on the kickoff circle with a handheld Carmadin Flag to get their picture taken so they could show all their friends at school.

---

Dowv Daz raced down the field, trying to keep up with Erubiel Navarro. This guy was fast. Guh Thi Nurng shouted something, and Daz veered off, running to cover any passing lanes. But Erubiel wasn’t looking for passing. He charged right over the D, headed to a sure goal. Kihxaw Jahp, coming out to meet him, screamed, in the panic of the moment, “Somebody stop him! Stop him!” Guh Thi Nurng did the only thing he could. When Navarro made a dribble, he put his foot into Navarro’s stide. Erubiel stumbled, looked to be keeping his balance, then felt an elbow clonk his face. Down he went. The ball trickled to Kihxaw Jahp, and he picked it up as the Cotdelapomais fans screamed with all their hearts for a foul. They got one. The referee pointed at the spot, and Kihxaw muttered a curse to himself. “why, Guh, why? I coulda stopped his shot, but then you come and give him an elbow?”
Then, a little voice in Kihxaw’s ear said “Kihxaw, you couldn’t have stopped him. He came barreling at you head on. Guh saved a certain goal, and saved you from the hospital”

As Navarro lined up to take the shot, Kixaw got ready. He paced the goal line, then stood slightly off the middle to the right, as he could see that Navarro was leading with his left foot. He took a deep breath, set his hips, and put his arms out to either side. Navarro raised his hand, and the ball seemed to hurtle toward Kihxaw in slow motion. Kihxaw saw the ball. It was to his left. God damn it, couldn’t these Cotdelapomais footballers make up their minds? Leading with their lefts, sending balls to their lefts. Kihxaw could sense when he dove that it wasn’t enough. That placement on the goal line had been the death of him. He seemed to hang there, perfectly parallel with the ground, Barrengeka Goalie® gloves outstretched, just a fingertip away from the ball. Then, he hit the ground, and the ball rolled in to tie the score. Kihxaw grimaced, he knew it was almost halftime. He dearly hoped Carmadin could retake the lead

The half finshed up with no more abnormalities. The match was tied, 1-1, when the Carmadin National Football team headed to their locker room, wondering what they could have done better. Kihxaw sighed. A win would have been so nice. Then, he kicked himself. A win was nowhere near out of the question. It was halftime. They still had another 45 minutes to play, to play hard, Carmadin football, and to beat their rivals. It was time to get things done

---

The atmosphere in Carmadin Park was tense. Halftime, with the score tied at 1, and a stadium full of the most diehard Carmadin football fans (well, I suppose the most diehard were in Saugaeis), of course, thigs were bound to be tense. People talked in nervous voices about what Carmadin’s tactics should be, and the kids were still “Ouch!”-ing at Guh Thi Nurng’s elbow move. The fans in Carmadin Park were nervous, but confident in their team. In the locker room, however it was a bit of a different story

---

“look, Kihxaw, it’s fine. Every goalie misses a PK, it’s natural”

“yea, but, suppose we lose, and that’s why”

“Kihx, we ain’t gonna lose, don’t talk like that”

“but what if we do?”

“WE AREN’T GONNA!!!!”

“okay, geez, no need to shout, but, how do you know this?”

“Look, Kihx. You won’t have to do squat this half. The ball won’t even come into our end. We’ll get down there, score, and then……score again”

“and supposing you don’t score twice?”

“we’ll score three times!”

“oh, okay. But you have to promise me we’ll win”

“I promise”

“no, like really promise”

I, Dowv Daz, do hereby swear, upon my own blood, honor, and football shorts, that the Carmadin National Team shall win their opening match against Cotdelapoms in the Copa Rushmori. Should they lose, I do hereby volunteer to be the representative sent to make out with a bear in front of the World Assembly, and should the Carmadin Team lose, I shall be forever shamed and disowned, and shall live the rest of my days wallowing in my own self-pity. So help me god

“splendid. Now, let’s get out there and win, so Dowv doesn’t have to kiss a bear!”

“good idea!”

“1-2-3 Carmadin!!!!!!”

---

The second half kicked off with a vengeance. Cotdelapoms took the ball down, only to be denied by Kihxaw. The Carmadin would race down the field, and once again the ball would be saved. Cotdelapoms, Carmadin. Cotdelapoms, Carmadin. Back and forth and back and forth. Something had to give.

In the 22nd minute of the second half, something gave. Much to the delight of the Carmadin fans, it was the checkered jerseys. A boot by Ahnger found Ataeh Ahsaeh’s boot, and that boot, on Ahsaeh’s right foot, is very good at finding the goal. This time was no exception, and the blast stretched the net, and put Carmadin up 2-1. This time, Ataeh was the one knocked down by Dowv Daz. Kihxaw Jahp sighed, though. It would have been worth a loss to see Dowv kiss a bear.

---

The whole stadium seemed to breathe a sigh of relief when Ahsaeh scored. It was as if the worriy of losing had evaporated. A party had erupted on the pitch, and fans danced around singing. Shout of delight erupted from the stands, as a replay was shown. Chants and songs circulated Carmadin Park, and, hundreds of miles away, in Stade de Montagne.

---

Ataeh Ahsaeh smiled. He couldn’t stop smiling. He loved scoring goals, and it was great to see Ahnger grab an assist in his first ever Copa Rushmori. He couldn’t help but realize how different this one seemed. In Copa Rushmori VI, Carmadin had gone 1-0-2, falling to eventual champions Nieuwe Sleeswijk in the group stage, and making a quick exit. At number VII, however, the name Carmadin was on everyone’s lips. The Carmies were the talk of the town, after Kihxaw’s revolving door episode. He really wanted this win, and he was gonna get it

“Ataeh, you take that side, pincer”

“right”

With Ahsaeh and Chaw Oyt’j, the Cotdelapomais offense was neutralized. Nothing could even get to Kihxaw Jahp, and René Wright-Efans was being bombarded. One of these bombs had to go through. At a brief stoppage of play, the team huddled.

“alright, we’ve gotta extend our lead. I’ll go down, take a cross, and put it through”

“no fair, Dowv, you’ve already scored”

“okay, so, do we all agree?”

“agree on what?”

“It’s Ahnger’s turn to score”

“okee dokee”

“alright, Ahnger, you know what youre doing?”

“no, Dowv, I’m on the national team cuz I’ve got the football skills of an octopus”

“actually, I hear octopi are very good at football”

“whatever, so, ready?”

“let’s go. Let’s do this”

“1-2-3- Carmadin!”

Ahnger spent all of 3 minutes waiting for his goal. On a throw-in from Chaw Oyt’j, Ahnger took it. He passed it to Dowv Daz, then ran to the box. Daz took it to the corner, and saw Ahnger running in front of the goal. A pass, and Ahnger never broke his stride. He just clicked his feet together, and in went the ball. 3-1, Carmadin

---

Carmadin Park was almost as excited as when the team really did score, while playin in that stadium. A roar went up when Ahnger scored, and the roar didn’t stop for 20 minutes. Maybe it was an Earthquake, I’m not sure. Anyway, the Carmadin fans went nuts. Berserk. Crazy. Little did they know, that, in just 2 minutes, they would be doing this again

---

Cotdelapoms kicked off. The ball was right there. Dowv Daz could taste it. Well, not really. It was right there, though. Dowv gave it a blast. The ball soared high, hiogh above the Saugeais sky. As it came down, on the edge of the box, Ataeh Ahsaeh was waiting for it. He stood, facing his own goal. The ball landed right at his feet. He did nothing. The ball bounced a good 15 feet in the air. Ataeh leaped. It was perfect. The very picture of football. That pic should be used as the CFL’s logo. It was flawless. He somersaulted in midair, turning so his foot caught the ball. As he completed the bicycle kick motion, the ball shot like a dart right at the goal. There was no way René Wright-Efans could to anything but halfheartedly hop at the ball. Bam! Into the back of the net it went, effectively ending the game. Ataeh Ahsaeh just smiled. Carmadin Fans leaped to their feet, and Cotdelapomais fans claaped as well. It was just that amazing of a shot. Carmadin had won it, 4-1





Copa Rushmori VII, Carmadin
Match 1: Cotdelapoms 4-1 Carmadin
Match 2: Carmadin vs Saugeais

Goal Leaders:

Ateah Ahsaeh 2
Ahnger 1
Dowv Daz 1

Assist Leaders

Dowv Daz 2
Ahnger 1
Chaw Oyt’j 1

Points

Dowv Daz 3
Ataeh Ahsaeh 2
Ahnger 2
Chaw Oyt’j 1

---

“Some game, huh?”

“yeah, but i wanna turn in”

“c’mon, we’ve gotta have a party”

“well, I know, but….”

“but what?”

“playing the host country in a tournament is always hard, and guess who we play next?”

“ugh”

“yeah. So, let’s go”

“aww, come on, I wanna know how the rest of the teams did”

“well, if we hurry on up to our room, I’m positive our TV has Copa Rushmori coverage, it’d be stupid if it didn’t”

“tre, true”

“all right, let’s go!”

“lemme get some of the guys together, and we canwatch Elmonia versus Megadia”

Can you count this little next segment as an rp for Elmonia, por favour?

“sounds good. Time to seen some Elmonian Kck-ass”

“yeah, buddy”

The Elmonian Team was ready. Their first ever international match. It was time to get things started here, big time. The match kicked off. It was clear these Megadians knew what they were doing, and Elmonia floundered. They were down 1-0 at halftime, and needed to get a surge. They got one. A pretty major one. 3 goals in the second half propelled Elmonia to a 3-1 victory, and the top of their group

“yes! I love seeing Elmonia win!”

“well, so do I, but, I think it’s time to go to beddy-bye now”

[/Elmonian RP]

“alright, night all, and good luck. We’ll win”

“I know. We don’t need luck”

“hey, Ahng, quit bein’ so cocky!”

“oh, fine, fine, fine”

“g’night everyone!”

“awesome game!”

“The Copa Rushmori, it will be Ouuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss”

[Pasarga]

Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players N
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmod Other Events Y

Pasarga Roster
Nickname: Wanderers

Kits

Home Alternate
Modifier: +1

Manager: Abel Chevsnoski, age 52
Assistant: Milton Gonzales, age 46

GK: Saári Réka, age 28,Club Stein-los (F)
GK: Abdülkadir Bakkali, age 33, Tanrısal
LB: Barna Kornél, age 29, Stein-los Turkish
LB: Smid Tamás, age 20, Lunas FC
CB: Arnþór Felixson, age 21, Galactica
CB: Matías Rolón, age 30, Santos Luega
CB: Iair Pérez, age 27, Santos Luega
CB: Fulvia Cremonesi, age 30, SC Troubalose (F)
RB: Gabríel Fróðason, age 26, Tanrısal
RB: Aljoška Džafić, age 33, Club Stein-los (F)
RW: Eyþóra Skarphéðinsdóttir, age 27, Baskita FC (F)
RW: Boglárka Kárpáty, age 31, Galactica (F)
MC: Leon Cole, age 19, Club Stein-los
MC: Dulce Cervántez, age 20, Paulinthal FC (F)
MC: Katsushi Sahaku, age 29, Tanrısal
MC: Areebah Thuwaibah Gaber, age 18, Stein-los Turkish (F)
LW: Pelle Åkesson, age 25, Peynol-Lunas
LW: Makito Kamida, age 30, Paulinthal FC
ST: Veronika Klimešová, age 24, Galactica (F)
ST: Antonela Perković, age 21, Tanrısal (F)
ST: Ngô Cảnh Đạm, age 20, CA Paulinthal
ST: Muyassar Al Tayyib Haddad, age 30, Stein-los Turkish

Bakkali
Džafić           Cremonesi      Pérez           Kornél
Skarphéðinsdóttir      Cole     Sahaku              Åkesson
   Tayyib Haddad       Klimešová      

Captain: Aljoška Džafić
Corner Taker: Eyþóra Skarphéðinsdóttir
Set Pieces: Máximo Iglesias Frías
Penalties: Muyassar Al Tayyib Haddad

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

The Queer Poco el Mono Ara World Cup 57 Copa Rushmori Squad

Coach – Miguel da Rossa. The interim coach following Mark Sloan’s resignation has been given the job full time after finally leading The Whites to the knockout round in back to back world cups. Not everybody’s first choice, but he's slowly winning the fans over, especially after a 17 game unbeaten streak in the previous world cup qualifying campaign.

Goalkeepers.

01. Davi da Guia. Ridgemont Town. His dad is from Cafundeu and his mum is half Pocoan half Sargossan. He stands 6ft 9 and has an enormous reach. Clings on to the #1 jersey despite his clubs abysmal league performances.
02. Petr Ollic Jr. The Ajax keeper has stepped up. There is a wealth of league experience behind the lad and he’ll be chuffed that at 30 year old he’s finally getting a taste of international football, just like his dad.


Defence

01. (CB) Jeffrey Onyewu. Royal Khaldoon The strapping centreback has won severa; titles with Royal Khaldoon and continues to improve, a domineering presence in the back four. Retains the captain’s armband *Captain
02. (CB) Phil Ledger. Augustus. Is now a first team regular at a good Augustus side and is already a cup winner having lifted the Trofeo Royal.
03. (RB) Clancy Gibson. Pythons have so often bought youth, now they have a young lad who is coming through the ranks without having had to pay millions in exchange for his potential
04. (LB) Jamey Torrance Derby. One of Athletic Khaldoon’s shining lights. A solid wingback who has thrust his way into the first team and progressed from the under 21’s to the full team.
05. (CB). Lucian Cramer – It all went a little quiet for Lucian after moving to Almondvale a couple of seasons ago. He’s a consistent performer and will be another lad pleased to be included in the 23.
06. (CB) Daisuke Endo. The Minanda centreback is part of a team built on youth and is beginning to excel in the middle of a tight back four unit. From a non-league academic background he’s becoming an Una Serie star.

Midfield

01. (RM) Aydin Sukur. Has reached his peak, at 27 the midfielder probably wont get any better. Looks to have comfortably made the right wing position his own.
02. (DM) Angel Martinez. Don’t let his name fool you, he will kick lumps out of you and leave you crumpled in a heap on the floor, the tough tackler adds some muscle to the other wise lightweight midfield.
03. (LM) Chuy Masin. The winger was Garrincha’s only star last year as they returned to League I. Thrust into the national team he’s likely to catch the eye of teams looking to snap up a bargain.
04. (CM) Lionel Johnson. The youngest member of the squad and still learning English. The term superstar is bandied around all too often, but it seems to suit the kid.
05. (AM) Jessie Jay. Valengren Kickers. Proving that the Kickers don’t just rely on the cash from Cafundeu they also have one or two promising youngsters and Jessie is one of them, dropped to the bench with the emergence of Lionel Johnson.
06. (CM) Marlon Edwards. The Royal winger plays week in week out for his club but has failed to break into the national team because of the rigid need to play a diamond in midfield.

Attack

01.(CF) Henry Onwuzuruike. Big powerful centre forward who helped Real Minanda to promotion, continues to score in the Una Serie. Expect him to get around the box and make a nuisance of himself.
02. (CF) Abel Cain. Made a big money move to Royal Khaldoon where he has formed a dangerous partnership with $23million dollar Krytie Michael Anderson. Renowned for being an excellent poacher, seems to be there for tap ins all the time, but he’s also got good feet and a powerful shot.
03. (CF). Bart Wilson. Cavanaugh's league partner, and despite being part of a league wielding duo finds himself thrust onto the bench.
04. (CF) Danny Cavanaugh. Finished as QPeMA’s second highest scorer behind team mate Lionel Johnson. Another poacher, but it paid off for Augustus and for him.



RP Permissions

Choose my goalscorers: Yep
Godmod scoring events: Nope
Roleplay injuries to my players: Yep
Godmod injuries to my players: Nope
Hand out yellow cards to my players: Yep
Hand out red cards to my players: Yep
Godmod other events: Yep

Style Mod = +1.5

[Sargossa]

Tapandie Stadium, Metalton...

The Polarian referee fumbled in his pocket before the inevitable flash of red. Around the stadium Mangolana fans roared their approval while boos rang out from the stand housing the bulk of the Sargossan travelling support. On the pitch centreback Raúl Salas trudged towards the tunnel, pausing only to unleash a torrent of colloquial Sargossan at the man in black. The Mangolana physio, medical bad in hand, brushed past him on his way to forward Akeem Howard who had been left prone on the damp turf.

Jésus Vazquez prowled his technical area like an exquisitely dressed predator, ignoring the light drizzle in the air. It wasn't meant to be going like this. Four years ago, at the fifth Copa, he'd been in a slightly more gothic dugout in Pays De Horreur when Francisco Martinez had overseen his first game in charge of the Corsairs. On that dark and stormy night everything, literally everything, went right as Sargossa trounced Kazzoria by a score of eight goals to zip. Vazquez had celebrated with the rest of them that night. Now he'd swapped training gear for a designer suit and his own managerial debut wasn't quite going so well. Mangolana were already a goal up thanks to a sweetly struck Fuller freekick and now the Corsairs were a man down.

"Andrada." Assistant coach Javier Roldán nodded his understanding and headed for the fourth official. Vazquez rubbed a finger against his temple There was no arguing against the sending off, Salas had let the ball get away from him and in lunging in to retrieve it both feet left the ground as he clipped the opposition attacker. Any firmer contact and it could have been a bone breaker. While his assistant sorted the official paperwork the coach passed on his instructions to imminent substitute Bruno Trejo. "When you're out there I want Echeverría to drop deeper on the left and Montiel to push up on the right. You just slot in next to Aguilar. We're going 4-4-1. Entienda?" The centreback nodded. "Bravo. Now get out there and let's turn this around."

Vazquez glanced up at the clock, thirsty two minutes left to avoid a debut defeat. They'd still be four games to go but it was Continental Rushmore up next and there was something about that fixture that bothered the Sargossan coach. Even their own media were setting the Continental guys and gals up for a fall but surely within the CNCR's enormous population they could dig up eleven decent footballers. That and the yocals had already registered a win in the previous evening's Group C fixture against The Kytler Peninsulae. "Vaya, rapido! Son of a bitc..." He turned in disgust as a promising run down the right ended with the ball rolling tamely out of play. It was going to be a long thirty minutes.

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

Perhaps some of this is lifted from the Disney classic Aladdin, but at least I was up front about it.

From a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam
Where it's flat and immense
And the heat is intense
It's barbaric, but hey--it's home!
When the wind's at your back
And the sun's from the west
And the sand in the glass is right
Come on down,
Stop on by
Hop a carpet and fly
To another Pocoan night!

Pocoan nights
Like Pocoan days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways

Pocoan nights
'Neath Pocoan moons
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the dunes.

Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend. Please, please, come closer. Welcome to Khaldoon, the most enchanting and mysterious city this side of Rushmore. Perhaps you would like to hear a tale of this city? It begins on a dark night, on the edges of the city, where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose.


“You have the items?” said the mysterious and dark gentleman in a darkly mysterious way, his voice dark like molasses and mysterious.. like a mystery.. or a riddle.. perhaps a riddle is a better metaphor.

“Yes, my liege.” A sniveling man swathed in robes to disguise his appearance held out his hand, nestled in his palm was a golden object that reflected the moonlight.

“Give it to me.” The dark mysterious gentleman snatched the object from his palm, holding it up in the dim light of the moon he examined the curious looking artifact. It was no wider than two inches, and weighed less than its thickness would have suggested. It was hollow. The gentleman shook the artifact and the expression on his face suddenly changed, his mouth became down turned and his top lip curled back. He was no longer dark and mysterious, he was furious, and suddenly his appearance resembled that of a rabid dog. Wide eyed and with the artifact clenched tightly into his fist he spat in the direction of the other man.

“You idiot” He bellowed, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him to the ground. “This is not what I was looking for, this, this is worthless.” he through the item to the ground in disgust. “You had one job Gazeem. Find me the necklace. And this is what you bring me, this trinket. Get out of my sight and do not return until you find me the necklace.”

Gazeem shrunk into the darkness out of the glow of the moonlight, his head bowed as he backed away on all fours.

-----

Elsewhere in Khaldoon.
In the morning.

The crowd parted easily as the young man burst through them at a sprint. He was breathing heavily and had been pursued for a while. The police officers behind him were struggling to keep up. Darting down an alleyway between two stores he was suddenly out of the crowds and into the back streets. Amongst the back streets he could easily lose his followers.

Scrambling over a fence he could hear the flat footed pound of the pursuers who had so keenly followed him for the last five minutes in their fast paced jaunt around turn come to a halt.

“You won’t get away that easy!” yelled one of the officers.

“You think that was easy” he called back as he landed on the other side of the fence, panting as he walked away, a cheeky smile crossed his face. He was a good looking young man, not that you could tell under the layers of dirt that he had accumulated living on the streets of Khaldoon. His arms were skinny, in fact everything on his was skinny. He hadn’t eaten a proper meal in months. The baguette he had stolen had taken a battering in the chase and suddenly seemed less worth the effort.

He had been stealing to eat for a while now.

-----
In more auspicious surroundings in Khaldoon.

The Princess slammed her door. Despite the noise it wouldn’t be heard elsewhere in the palace, there was such a vast amount of space for the sound to travel before anyone else heard it that it was as if it was a tree, falling in the woods. If nobody heard it, did it actually happen.

Well it did. Annoyed by her royal duties being thrust upon her she was tired of having to sit through dinner with foreign dignitaries and travel overseas and wave at people. Her sister had been allowed to buy a football team. She was so tired of being the youngest and not having a life of her own. So tired of being forced to follow around her family, in the shadows, never knowing herself or what she wanted to do. She had never even been out in Khaldoon on her own. And after asking, politely, she had been shot down in flames by her father, hence the door slamming.

Well no more. Jasmine had been trapped in her duties for too long. She was going to explore Khaldoon with or without permission. She was seventeen for Allah’s sake.

[The Yorozuya]

The Fuji Chronicle
We won! Then lost big!

LONGVIEW - For the rag-tag Yorozuyan national team, which only drew from a small portion of Yorozuyan clubs due to many not being willing to release their players because of the upcoming club season, a one-to-nil win over Sarrbia, who were the slight favorites going into the match-up was far from a bad result. The only goal in the match came in the 34th minute off the boot of Ana'ole striker and national team captain Mauli M'amo who, after scoring the goal, unfolded a Uke Islands' flag that he had stored in his kit and waved it rather while standing on the side of the pitch. The infraction earned him a yellow card for exessive gloating but, he could hardly care. He had scored and as he'd later find out, his goal would be the sole difference maker in the match.

It goes without saying that the team left the match on a high note, winnings always nice and to do it in the nation's first international is even better. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that this good vibe will carry over into the next match. With the assassination of Shogun Tamazaki II by an unknown assassin (for more on that story, see the front page), the nation was plunged into a state of grief, mourning and confusion, especially for those who live in the western part of the nation who have most greatly suffered the impact of the Mangolana-Yorozuyan War. This was emulated by the team when they first heard of what had happened. Gathered on the practice pitch, much of the team including manager Ryuunosuke Kochi and much of the other coaching staff either stood still in silent shock or some even had broke out in tears.

When asked about what went through his mind when he was told of the news defender Yoshi Sakai said, "I couldn't believe it really. He had been Shogun for my entire life and now he's dead. I mean, I know we are in some trying times right now but this, this just so unexpected, surreal. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that while we may not have agreed with everything he had done but, he always came off as a rather fair and just leader who did what he felt was best for the country. Whomever or whatever replaces him will certainly have big shoes to fill".

To honour the deceased Shogun, the Football Board has put forth a formal request to the tournament organisers for a moment of silence to take place after the Yorozuyan national anthem for their match on Sunday against Palacios and Rodallega. Reguardless if they are given a moment of silence, the team has committed themselves to wearing all black kits and Burūuōru, the official supporters union of the national team has encouraged fans attending the match to wear black if at all possible.

[Ansernia Islands]

An Cothman

I have been asked by many people who I am. Indeed it is a fair question, but I'm afraid one for which the answer only leads more to many more, ultimately answered, questions. I am indeed many things, as I shall detail below, but who am I? For that I can only give an answer that answers the question very little.

I am an adventurer. In my time I have set afoot on many unknown lands. I have seen many nations and peoples rise and then fall. I have even assisted in a number of revolutions. I have helped people to set themselves free, to liberate themselves from imperial masters. Yet you will find scant evidence of this. No country, town, nor even hamlet bears my name. Nor even a road, street or terrace.

I am a sportsman. Football more so than any other is the sport in which I have succeeded. I have scored hundreds, possibly even thousands of the goals over the years, and yet you will not see my name alongside the likes of Simeone Di Bradini, Espy va Drake, Danny Adams or Eulàlia Marxuach, but those players can only dream of having my ability. It is perhaps that I am very much a journeyman that I am not regarded among the greats. For all the sides I've played for I have scored goals, and yet I have not stayed anywhere long enough to reach double figures for any team. The supporters of my team cannot fully recollect me. They remember my brief feats for their side, but cannot agree on where I went upon leaving them, nor do they recognise me when I come to face them again.

I am a lover. I have slept with a number of women that would put the population of many of the great cities to shame. For many of these women our night together was an unforgettable one. They will have experienced carnal joys the like of which they had not previously attained, and will probably not do so again. They may sometimes lust for another night with me, but they know it cannot be, for even if we met again they would not recognise me.

I am a socialite. I have made many friends from many places. Many people have kindly bought me drinks in bars, such a favour I have never failed to return. I have been able to provide advice for many who have sought it, or even a kind ear when needed. Yet, people do not seek me out, I receive no invitations to parties, nor even cards at festive times. I may have engaged in many friendships, but all have been fleeting acquaintances.

I am a criminal mastermind. Many of the great crimes of recent times have been of my doing. I have lead many bank robberies, and stolen many a precious gemstone. I have broken into the most secure places and left little trace. Despite my crimes I remained undetected by police and shall remain so. I leave clues of course, all crimes do. But even after studying all the evidence I leave, even the finest detectives come away with a far longer and yet inclusive list of suspects than they will ever have dealt with before.

I am a father. In many of the great and good, statesmen and leading politicians, the great intellectuals of our time, World Cup winners, Olympic gold medallists, the finest and most well known actors of our times, I have seen a twinkle in their eyes that defines them as a son or daughter of mine. Amongst the less well known as well, but the no less deserving, or very arguably more deserving I have seen my children. Rescuers and aid workers you may see in the background on the news, those who give their time for no price to help other, the educators of our children, or even simply a man in a street helping an elderly women across the road. In these groups I have seen my children too. I must admit however that not all my children have turned out so well. Amongst serial killers, terrorist leaders and politicians have I also seen that twinkling eye. I have many many a children, but none call me a dad, for I remain unknown to them.

I am a philanthropist. I seek no profit in life, and indeed seek only that others shall reach their potential. Perhaps hypocritical for someone who has admitted to being a master criminal? But of all my share of the takings in those deeds I have kept none, instead I have given it to causes more worthy than myself. I have given much to the poor, whilst taking only from the rich what they can afford to do without. I may give much aid, but I receive nor seek admiration for it.

I am an Ansernian. Iniseala or Westerney you ask. I know both equally well. Yet Ansernians will not recognise me, but rest assured, many will come to know me during the Copa Rushmori.

I am all these things and many more. I am the friend to many and yet none at the same time. Many of us will have already shared our friendship. It may only have been a brief one, but rest assured I remember it fondly. Many of us may still be waiting for our friendship to come, in this case I look forward it. Until that time I hope you keep well.

With love,
An Cothman.

[Continental Rushmore]

http://www.tribune.cru/sports/other/soccer/copa.shtml

In Brief: Soccerloons Hit One-Score Target!
CNCR Goes Top With Memorable Shut-Out

SCOOTER LYNCH JR.

What’s that, you say? The White Stars of the CNCR are 1-0-0 in the Metalton Conference standings of the Rushmore Cup? As they say in soccer circles: “Full time!” It doesn’t get any better than this!

On their virgin outing, Shay Shelford’s Confederated Nations might have expected a sterner test against the Kytler Peninsualaes, an outfit coming off the back of a fourth-place division finish in the Harmony Trophy, but the CNCR had the wind in their sails. Brand new uniforms, a first-time rendition of Rushmoria! (Ode to a Comely Kitchen Girl) at a sporting occasion, and everything to prove at a regional level.

Under such circumstances, the debutants’ first-half showing was immense, dominating the play and rattling Chris Joyse’s keeping sticks with early strikes, but the ol’ gooseskin soon kissed the back of mesh; trickery from Korey North leaving Shawn Ortega chewing crud as the Timonian flankender passed to Emmanual t’Butler for a scorching eight-yard drive.

SCOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRE!!!

But it was the defense that won the game, as the Stars slammed the door on their more illustrious opponents, cosseting their end zone in the face of increasing Kytler desperation. Tend-half Lizan Richellet, the Kovanelli vet, ultimately had little to do but watch effort after effort go sky high as our own Todd Bourne and Chott Kitts held firm for play after play. Shelford’s side managed only a single second-half shooting themselves, with Kovaneli Danny Matthews shrugging off indifferent domestic form and recent knee injuries to give the Peninsularies something to think about with seconds left on the counter before unloading wide. But in truth, the eastern Rushmoris themselves never looked likely to dent the scoreboard and mount an undeserved comeback.

Shelford will take a one to zero opener, but the CNCR’s Saugeais odyssey is only just beginning. The Sargossan Corsairs, their opponents Monday, will represent a whole new ball game, with the reigning Harmony Trophy, Brandini Cup and Rushmore Cup holders among the leading sides of international futbol.

***

Kick ‘n’ Rushmore Magazine Online Presents: “Continental Rushmore? Eh?”

Throughout time, many members of humankind have found reason to ask a simple question – “hang on… what the hell is that dirty great brown lump doing there!?”

So it is with this sprawling land we call Rushmore. From Aasiaat to Mildrid, from Atlantis City to Zafarabad, billions of Rushmoris have wondered aloud. “Cunkuh? Con… Canker? Sunsur? And what kind of a place name is Bread & Cheese, for pity’s sake?”

For though it be home to the birthplace of Rushmori civilization (kinda), and though it be the region’s largest single nationish, the CNCR remains a veritable unknown. An enigma. A mystery. Formed to bring light into the darkness, today it sits immersed in a shroud of fog. Mysterious fog. Foggy mystery. OooOOOoooOOOh.

T’wasn’t always meant to be thus, oh no. For at its formation, back in a year we can’t quite remember right at this moment, the Confederated Nations of Continental Rushmore had grandiose aims indeed. Let the islanders, those Candelariasians and Nethertopians and Sargossans and such forth, worry about international sport. The continentals had other plans. Plans that would take in one of the largest continents in the known worlds.

Well, you lot fair buggered that one up, didn’t you?

For the CNCR never expanded beyond its original twelve signatories, one or two tinky protectorates aside. Even Ignasverus and YnosYnos were never brought into the fold, and everyone thought they were nailed on, and now it looks as though they’re offskiing back into Nethertopia’s sexy, sexy bosom. Oaków went to Civil Citizenry. They didn’t even get a go on North Kyrinskaia, and everyone’s had North Kyrinskaia. That the Confederation still maintains a full-time Commissioner for Enlargement is a source of not inconsiderable amusement, these days.

Whether the union can be considered a success in many other regards is a matter for debate. None of the members have actively tried to remove any others from the map of late, which is nice. Economies have improved across the board since borders were relaxed and such forth, though full economic union, and even a single currency, remains a pipe dream of all but the most fervent federalists. Have human rights abuses in Lower Timonium tailed off? A little. Do homosexuals, cross-dressers, tribal minorities, the poor, women and other such deviants face less in the way of persecution in some of the bloc’s less progressive quarters? Maybe. A tad. Does this vast country now represent a suitably threatening military and economic proposition to help keep the peace elsewhere in the region? Feh. Is the CNCR’s sizable humanitarian spending overseas being put to good use? God knows. Have aboriginal rights the region over been respected rather more since the CNCR started sticking its oars in? Have they heck as like. Can grocers still sell really bent bananas?

Well yes, obviously. Don’t be ridiculous.

For many of the CNCR’s some slightly-less-than-a-hundred million (or possibly many billion… oh, World Assembly, you twats) citizens, this union has become far too close for comfort, with decisions made in Amdo interfering too greatly with state legislatures. For others, political and judicial integration has not been nearly great enough, and represents a lost opportunity. Individual states (nations? countries?) maintain their own medias, their own identities. And life is certainly far from harmonious – years on, volatile disagreements persist even over such trivial matters as the bloc’s flag, with aboriginals complaining that the positioning of the hands makes it look at though the white man is attempting to drag his coloured colleague up to his level – or, as certain far-right cartoonists in Delamawaria would have it, visa versa. Not to mention the grey cuffs that appear to underline the CNCR’s status as being there for the benefit of the ‘suits’ in Amdo. And everyone thinks it looks a bit too much like the Unified Capitalizt SLANI’s for comfort…

The point is… Without an interest in international sport, the twelve peoples of the Confederation remain no better known than Rothera, bless ‘em. As a group, at least, they are able to maintain a certain political influence, however modest, through Commissioner for External Relations (and de faco Foreign Minister) Niamh Dean McCann of Chesapeake Bay. And now… Now they have a soccer team. It’s not much. But it’s a start.

Getting to Know You! Who the Hell Are the CNCR’s Member Nations, Anyway? Part One: The Big Four

The Magnanimous Democracy of Delamawaria
Capital: Bread & Cheese [The CNCR’s largest city]
Major Cities: Wells, Frontier City, Liberty, Hampton, Ederen
Population: 14,200,000
Ethnic Groups: White (76%), Mixed Heritage (8%), Black (7%), East Asian (4%), Hispanic (3%), Aboriginal Rushmori (>1%)

Founded as part of the Chesapeake colony; Delamawaria’s early split from its eastern neighbour was based principally on geographic rather than ideological lines, and ties between the CNCR’s two most populous nations remain significant with free movement between the nations long before the foundation of the wider bloc, several shared television networks and combined sports leagues. Though still a major driving force behind the establishment of the Confederation; Delamawaria has tended towards a more sceptical attitude towards CNCR affairs than Chesapeake Bay and its politicians and diplomats have traditionally taken more of a back seat.

In part, this has been put down to a necessity to placate certain influential political movements, including an avowedly racialist (and generally upper middle-class) far-right and, to an even greater extent, a libertarian movement dismayed at the bureaucracy of the CNCR and modern Delamawarian life alike. Certainly, for a nation initially founded on promises of freedom from the diktats of others – central government being foremost among such perceived evils – the ‘Magnanimous Democracy’ has long since devoted itself to the provision of what the majority of the country refers to cheerfully as ‘aaaaaaghsocialism’, with the national health service in particular held in such high social esteem that former medical personnel have come to dominate the General Assembly. Current President George Davis, of the People’s Liberal Party, is thus unusual in not having a doctorate (instead having been a self-made fridge magnet magnate), besides having an unusually sensible first name and, indeed, not being a woman.

The PLP’s base is the relatively conservative, gosh-darn-it, south and east, in contrast to the Liberal People’s Party who have consistently controlled local government on a western coast dominated by Delamawarians of Dutch and German ancestry. Governments from both major parties however have long struggled to encourage significant social mobility despite a high education spend. Blue-collar workers, who are almost invariably called Bill, Bob or Billy-Bob, are respected to the point of romanticism, particularly in the case of members of the country’s vast fleet of truck drivers (inexplicably known as lorriers), but Delamawaria’s poorest are invariably recent, generally non-white, immigrants; ethnic minority youth contributing an extremely high proportion of urban violent and petty crime, particularly in the often gritty capital of Bread & Cheese, the CNCR’s high-rise centre of commerce.

Much of the land to the west of ‘Breese’ remains clad in thick forest, which to this day provides home to several indigenous species of lamoids; docile breeds of the famed Greater Delamawarian llama routinely exploited not only for their wool and milk but as riding animals, though seldom in a competitive environment. As in much of the CNCR, and in direct contrast to the rest of Rushmore, sports are seldom given a heavy emphasis in schools or the media, though lacrosse and baseball retain not insignificant followings.

Delamawaria’s two seats on the Continental Rushmori Commission are currently held by Marian Lucas (Legal Affairs) and Warren Reiss (Pan-Rushmori Industry).

The Commonwealth of Chesapeake Bay
Capital: Nanticoke
Major Cities: New Rappahannock (largest city), Susquehanna, Rappahannock, York, Chester
Population: 12,500,000
Ethnic Groups: White (79%), Mixed Heritage (5%), East Asian (5%), Black (5%), Hispanic (5%), Aboriginal Rushmori (1%), South Asian/Arab (>1%), Nonhuman (>1%)

The Chesapeakines have generally been seen as somewhat more conservative that their western neighbours (or, if they really must, neighbors), in part due to much higher levels of religious observance with the Roman Catholic church maintaining a significant role in public life. They’re also considered somewhat less camp, and less inclined to refer to inanimate objects as “jus’ darlin’!”

The ‘ol Bay’ is nevertheless a tolerate, multicultural paradise compared to many a nation, taking in large number of rapidly integrated refugees and even being home to a not insignificant nonhuman community. High levels of cross-border migration persist, owing notably to Chesapeake’s greater support for private enterprise and greater perceived educational opportunities in Delamawaria.

Early Bay governments were initially less well predisposed towards the area’s mostly inland dwelling aboriginal population than Delamawaria, with residual guilt over the early slaughter of many thousands perhaps contributing for the country’s modern day passion for CNCR expansion and the support of today’s quarter of a million strong indigenous community in the rural south of the nation. Decades of over farming however have left much of their historical territory in a desperately poor condition.

Though politically free, the liberally-minded Liberal Party have held the presidency and a majority in the House of Representatives for thirty-two of the past forty years. Forward Chesapeake!, the party of the agricultural south, have recently come to power under President Jacob McAndrew however, though without obvious significant shifts in either domestic nor continental policy.

An otherwise rare notable cultural divide between Chesapeake and Delamawaria sees soccer perceived as a respectable sport for boys and men, even at a professional level, though participation languishes far behind baseball, basketball, gridiron, lacrosse and boxing.

Like their dellie rellies however, they will persist in leaving key letters, particularly Us, out of words. One mustn’t hold it against them too much, though. They’re otherwise perfectly pleasant.

The Nanticoke Tribune is considered the CNCR’s newspaper of record. Um. Good for them.

Besides the unnerving presence of Mz McCann, Chesapeakine Julio Valentine holds a place on the Commission as Heritage Commissioner.

Nah, God knows.

The United States of Lussolavizzovia
Capital: Tellussodissano [The CNCR’s second largest city]
Major Cities: Assinilarro, Dinnelessi, Kessinichi, Jessen, Coliolo
Population: 10,500,000
Ethnic Groups: White (78%), Mixed Heritage (8%), Aboriginal Rushmori (8%), Black (3%), South Asian/Arab (2%)

Lussolavizzovia! Lussolavizzovia! How we love your wood and turnips! Lussolavizzovia!

The home of possibly Rushmore’s finest – and almost certainly shortest – national anthem, Lussolavizzovia’s heritage shares much with those CNCR nations of the northern coast, so we won’t bore you with it unduly, but begins to take a sudden turn for the Different in the 1960s.

We don’t really want to bore you with all that, either, and this country in particular would really rather prefer not to have to talk too much about that shameful passage of the bloc’s history and, indeed, modernity. Suffice it to say that, following the example set in still hopelessly divided Timonium, Lussolavizzovia north and south (or Upper and Lower, Lower actually being the Upper bit on account of it being Lower) went their separate ways, the northern portion to a brutal dictatorship government ruling over the swarm of ickle collectivised turnip farming and lumberjacking communities; the southern portion to a marginally less brutal, resolutely hippyish, dictatorship that set about bravely trying to destroy all industry that didn’t involve making daisy chains, or whatever it is those ghastly people get up to.

Anyway, the modern, reunited, USL continues to exhibit plenty of hangovers from those days. While undoubtedly a democracy, the national government consists of a perpetual power-sharing coalition between the dominant parties from the one-time Upper and Lower, the Upper (that is to say, southern) Peace Party (currently led by Prime Minister Edward Edwards-Foster, who we think was born Moonriver Edster) invariably providing the lion’s share of the cabinet on account of the south (that is to say, Upper Lussolavizzovia) having the somewhat larger population and thus more MPs.

Meanwhile, the northern towns carry on cutting down yew trees (the south is not at all keen on this), farming turnips (the south, most of which is plains rather than valleys and wouldn’t know a turnip if it jumped out from behind a bush and goosed ‘em, feel this is probably cruel on the turnip), catching trout in the north’s bendy little rivers (duuuuuude!) and refusing point-blank to give their settlements names in the style of the area’s aborigines despite considerable southern (which is to say, Upper Lussolavizzovian) pressure; while the south enjoys enforced vegetarianism, recreational drugs on the NHS, no private vehicles on more than two wheels, sex ed for toddlers and other such signs of the impending second coming of Christ. Oh, and absolutely none of the God nonsense outside the comfort of one’s own home, ta very much.

Gods is okay, mind you. And you’d better make sure you’re displaying yer dream catcher all nice and prominent outside yer bedroom window, or else there’ll be trouble, square-bear. Yurrrr.

One other notable difference between Lusso and the north coast countries is the rather larger number of aborigines, most of which lived in the north (which is to say, Lower Lussolavizzovia) up until the Sticky Period, at which point the majority became all urbanised and now make up somewhere approaching a third of the population of Tellussodissano, a now rather vast city with a name meaning “No, Why On Earth Would We Want You To Rename Your Capital In Our Honour, We’d Really Rather You Just Left Our Ancestors’ Foraging Ground Well Alone And Just Fucked Off Back Where You Came From, Thanks Anyway”.

Such an expressive language, is Melliconsettonto.

Beyond the CNCR, Lussolavizzovia is known principally for its soap operas and dramality shows. You must’ve seen The Only Way is Kaonissatonnallerinniolliano County, surely? It’s pretty much the country’s biggest export.

The United States’ places on the Continental Rushmori Commission are currently held by John Craig (Education and Skills) and Michaela Solberg (Transport and Tourism).

The Rushmori Nation of Wigu
[Fetuhi: Mel Sampe Aruzma Wigu Chino]
Capital: Muwi
Major Cities: Lopo, Owwu, Zoti, Godo, Pozo
Population: 10,000,000
Ethnic Groups: Aboriginal Rushmori (95%), Mixed Heritage (3%),White (1%)

Ahh, Wigu. In these days of peeseegorrnmaaad, this most populous of the CNCR’s aboriginal nations is considered the birthplace of Rushmori civilization, a fact which the Wiguese are awfully proud of and has even led to the very name of the country in the Wiguese tongue – Mel Sampe Aruzma, which means, simply, ‘The Rushmori Nation’.

Well, we say the Wiguese tongue. In reality, modern Wigu is something of a marriage of convenience, with the cultural heritage that once united large swathes of the Branta segment of the continent having largely long-since dissipated. Instead, the country that emerged to offer a unified resistance (of sorts) to colonial expansion from north and south alike is home to dozens of ethnic and tribal groups, many of which retain little love for each other to this day. Cultural differences remain significant, with the numerical dominance of the Logo people (who comprise some 70% of the population, and almost the entirety of the key, prosperous cities of Lopo and Godo) having long been the cause of tensions, particularly with the coastal Mafe Mafe and Kgintu tribes and the numerous, more primitive, peoples in the north. The largely unwesternised Fetuh people hold a plurality in the capital, Muwi, and are believed to have been the instigators of the ancient aboriginal empire that once spread to the northern shores of Lake Branta (have we mentioned that yet?), and remain major players within the nation’s hierarchy.

A number of ancient traditions do however bond these disparate groups together, including the ritual use of psychoactive substances and the religious worship of ‘Wigu’, a figure from the Beyond of the palest skin and hair, who wore a trailing cloak of ice, built an igloo that never melted even in the height of the land’s parched summer, and taught all the local peoples all manner of folk wisdom for many years before departing. For many Wiguese, the de facto founder of their country is as real and as important a historical personage as Jesus or Mohammed – for others, particularly those raised in the educated cities, he is simply a legend. But a very important one, obvs.

An antipathy towards the learning of English and embracing of ‘foreign’ values has somewhat stagnated the country’s economic development, alongside a severe democratic deficit that the formation of the CNCR has achieved little to halt. Society remains dominated by respect for the wisdom of (principally male) elders, who make up the entirety of what is theoretically the Upper house of parliament but which continues to exert the greater legislative powers. In practise the nation’s Prime Minister (a position that changes hands on an extremely regular basis, with coalitions generally comprising dozens of small parties forming and collapsing often on a monthly basis) remains subordinate to the Lord Elder (currently Huwa Cheesch Infe, of the northern Gjaana people) and his colleagues.

Largely state-owned manufacturing and agricultural industries, alongside tourism (including that of a ‘shadow’ variety, with the Consan tribe of the northern border region notably believing themselves to be the ‘natural’ prostitutes of choice, both male and female, to Wigu’s white-skinned brothers and sisters elsewhere on the continent), have however proven relatively successful and, alongside progressive policies towards education and the nationalised health service, modelled on those found to the north, have contributed to an improvement in the urbanised standard of living in particular, with few true slums and most having access to clean water.

Otherwise, the cities look much how you’d imagine them, really. Chickens freely roaming the muddy streets, motorbikes, people wandering around in green and white Petardos A/S kits with ‘Hork’ on the back, carrying ghetto blasters on their heads. Women with really long necks. And such forth.

Tela Kata (Security and Defense) and Wake Fara (Constitutional Affairs) hold Wigu’s two places on bladhi blahdi etc etc.

[Pasarga]

"So it seems like we might be sticking around afterall."

"We were never going to leave, someone was always going to throw some funding our way."

"Ever the optimist aren't you."

"Someone around these parts needs to be."

"What are you saying, Pasarga is a happy place."

"Pasarga may be a happy place but this team is full of pessimists."

"Weren't you the one who was complaining about our manager?"

"Yeah, but that is because of the stupid negative tactics that he uses. We need to be positive, be aggressive, be on the attack rather than the defense!"

"You're a type A personality aren't you?"

"That's why the team therapist said."

"You actually use the therapist?"

"You don't?"

"No... I didn't think anyone used her."

"Well no wonder everyone seems dreary. I thought maybe she was just not doing her job, but if you guys are getting your mental health in order."

"Hey now, that's just your opinion that we're not upbeat."

"Really, when was the last time you had a laugh?"

"Err.. well... so is she free to visit any time?"

"Reasonably so, but it is better to make an appointment just to be on the safe side. She has actual clients besides tending for the national team."

"Right, might do that after lunch then."

"Maybe then you wont be such a stick in the mud."

"Hey!"

[Camwood]

Camwood 3 – 0 Chenkorya
1:53 PM 12/18/11
By: Gerald Tyler, CSNN (Camwood Sporting News Network)

Camwood had a great win versus Chenkorya, a win that showed that Camwood is ready for the World Cup qualifying. Kevin Torress lit up and scored two goals and had an assist. Thomas Jacoby was spectacular in net and his defense helped out big time.

At 32:44 Kevin Torress connected with right forward David Smith for a goal that went to the top left corner. Starting at 43:27 Chenkorya had a two-on-one situation, but Defender Victor Giles broke it up with a great precision slide tackle.

In the second half of the game, Kevin Torress received a drop-kick about fifteen meters past the half line. He ran down the field about thirty more meters into the corner and kicked a perfect assist to left forward Leonard Rossi. Rossi was later rejected on a break-away attempt at 76:50. Torress scored unassisted when he was in traffic just above the inner box at 83:12.

Camwood won with a final score of three to nothing. It was a great game by the Camian forwards.

Trade or Keep
2:06 PM 12/18/11
By: Freddy Ramirez, Compolis Courier

If Camwood keeps doing as well as they did in match day one of the Copa Rushmori, the C-League has a dilemma: trade or keep? If the national footballers Camwood continue to do well through the World Cup they will grow demand to play overseas. Here’s an argument for both sides of the debate:

Trade? Heck yes! If we can get our players to become good, popular players in other nations we will be able to grow the C-League and even football in Camwood. Also we can bring in alot of revenue to recruit international players to the C-League. Trading our national players in the only way to grow the sport of football in Camwood

Keep? Yes. If we give away all our good, national team players the C-League would become a dump. There would be no good players in the league and no decent competition. If we trade all of our players we might as well stop paying our players and make it an amateur league.

In the end I think we should trade some national team players, but not get rid of all of them for the sake of keeping the C- League competitive. This way we can bring in revenue, and grow football, but some of our players can continue to play here at home

[Saugeais]

National Journal

Brace from Olsen starts Saugeais off right

The host nation kicked things off for the 7th Copa Rushmori tournament with style, taking down opponents Kiaser Colonies 2-0. Once again it was the Amaechi Olsen show, as he scored the only two goals of the match with ease. In the 24th minute, a long forward pass from John Barker gave Saugeais the breakaway, led by Olsen. Juking the last defender with only the keeper to beat, Olsen shot a low ball under the diving keeper that squeaked by the post and into the back of the net. The Knights knew they had no assurance that the lead would be safe, since TKC had played extremely physical football all match. They had been several scares for the home crowd, as TKC had many shots at and around the goal, but fortunately they all missed or Jenson Paulson stopped them all. "It was a good day for me, I was focused throughout the game," said Paulson. "But when you are getting ball shot at you a good portion of the match, you have no choice be to remain alert." The second and final goal of the match came in the 55th minute, again by Olsen. Dan Nagato took the by out wide and was bogged down by a defender, but he managed to get the ball through the opponent's leg and continue the attack. He drilled a cross into the box where Olsen stepped in front of the keeper to head the ball into the net, and Saugeais doubled their lead. Kiaser Colonies' attacks seemed to fizzle out as time drew to a close, as they looked visibly tired from their attacking formations played earlier in the match. As the final whistle sounded, the crowd roared with approval as their home team not only wins the match, but kicks off what should be a great Copa.

Of course, this was more than just a first match for the tournament. It was also the first Saugeais managerial match for Mr. Aonghusa, and he couldn't be any prouder of the boys. "It's a big tournament, international known. Even those outside of the Rushmore region acknowledge this is a tournament where international sides stake their claim for the next World Cup. And to start off with a victory, I couldn't be any happier for them. They know that they must take it one game at a time, and with the talent in that locker room and the support from the home nation fans, I see no reason for us not to win it all. Beimid ag troid ar."

Saugeais will face Carmadin later on tonight, who shocked the sporting world defeating Cotdelapoms 4-1 in their opening match. This type of display should not be overlooked and the Knights need to focus on stopping Ataeh Ahsaeh and Ot'j Choy Othozur, two fast and talented strikers.

[Polar Islandstates]

<insert images being made shortly>
EFFED IN THE FA

So, the rematch of last year's final ended all square, then. Can't say I'm all that surprised, to be honest. We were pretty closely matched last time around, and it was a good match. True, we've swapped out half of our squad in the meantime, but Sol knows better how to counter the hunting dogs. So I guess things cancelled out in the end, and a draw was probably both a) predictable, and b) a fair result based on the run of play.

The players new to the squad are impressing at the moment, and I was up there with the rest of them standing and cheering as Irndtor scored his second goal, the first time he's scored more than once for the Terns in his career. Once this guy gets going properly, more like the form he sees at SK partnering Ormache, I can't help but feel that we'll have a diamond of a centre forward in the ranks. And a debut goal for Tomas Aer, as well. You can't say that guy hasn't earned the right to be given the chance. He has been among the most patient and understanding footballers out there, something that you wouldn't have guessed he was capable of if you've ever seen him in interviews. He's definitely mellowed and matured since the seaplane crash in Kuril, and who can blame him, I'd be a changed person after an experience like that as well. I saw more then enough in Kvitchenko's cameo role at the end to see that he'll be a real talent for the future as well.

Demarchelier was, as expected, pulling all the strings in midfield, darting forwads with the ball to torment the opposing defence time and time again, and providing two of the three assists, with Bielsen laying Aer through for the third later on. Bielsen really sticks out as the only player over the age limit imposed by Kirkkegaard for this tournament, and whilst his age and slight lack of speed is definitely noticeable on the pitch, it doesn't seem to hinder his performance at all. He looked prouder than ever before to be wearing the captain's armband for this tournament, and his calm and assured presence in the centre of the park was a constant reassurance. Demarchelier does have a tendency to want to bomb forwards all the time, so having a midfield trio of Hauge, Bielsen, and the hugely impressive Finnibaturinn is a wonderful safety net for the team.

In defence, I think it was clear to see that Ljungberg and Kowalski are some way away from the kind of understanding that Berg and Marek had when they were together, and in fact, looking at the immediately available centre backs, this could be a position that we struggle in for the next few years. There are some talented youngsters in the ranks, Urfstadt had a good game when he came on late in the game, but he too is inexperienced, and lack of marking in the box was at fault for two of the tree goals we conceded. Not only a basic error and easily fixed, but also unheard of during the Berg-Marek era. Likewise, too, with the left back position. Marveau-Kahn undoubtably has talent in his boots, the question is whether he can keep his head in the big game scenarios, and I'm afraid that once more he went missing for ninety minutes, only visible when he was making mistakes. I'm all for giving players a second chance, but I think the time may have come for Sol to draw a line under Marveau-Kahn's international career. We shall have to see how he plays in the Citiz league, but you'd have to say for now that Pekarik and de Huyer are pencilled in for the next Qualification squad. The right back position looks solid however, and with Juul coming on in the second half after Lossler's collision with Hegg Gammel, I think we can breathe a sigh of relief for now.

Gregorz van der Riise will be leaving the squad after the next match against The Kiaser Colonies to take control of the U21s for their trip to the next DBC, a squad that will be without a few key players, including some from the Sub-20s runners-up squad, after they were called up to the senior side by Sol. Nonetheless, we wish them well and I'm sure we can expect to see them do well in the tournament. As this will be his last match, the formation for the next match against The Kiaser Colonies will be under Gregorz's control.

Right, I'd love to stay with you guys, and analyse our next opponents for you, but I'm afraid I have to dash. I need to see a man about a dog. Or something else funny like that.

Ha det!

Eff

x

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Eff clicked 'publish' on his blogging site, and watched as the text disappeared from his ugly Courier New drop box, and appeared in shining Arlo Pro on the webpage. He clicked a few buttons, and made an announcement of the new post on Chirper, posted a link, and then sat back and watched as the page counter started clicking upwards. Polarians took their football seriously, and one hundred page hits after only a few seconds was nothing out of the ordinary. He checked the lo-res version suitable for Twitchers in Saugeais to access from their smartphones. Again, hundreds of views. Satisfied, he closed his laptop lid, and jumped at a sudden outside the internet cafe in the street.

He ran outside with his bag to see what was going on. A bus had crashed on the busy high street. Eff couldn't see what into, but papers were flying everywhere. Official looking papers. He made to grab one of them in the chaos of people rushing to help the walking wounded. He got as far as recognising the logo of the Saugeais Inland Revenue before he was knocked clean off his feet by a bloodied man with crazeed hair, running at full pelt through the melee, looking over his shoulder.

"Ow! What the hell, man?" shouted Eff from the floor, "can't you watch where you're goi-"

"Don't stop at red lights! They're everywhere!" shouted the man, grabbing Eff by the lapells of his jacket and screaming into his face.

"Don't sto- what?" asked Eff.

"Don't do it! They're everywhere! Listen, Bet3D, 3582sjh, Dogs and apples!" shouted the man again, blood running down his face froma cut in his head. Eff noticed a taxi drivers ID flashing fromt he man's belt as he shook him by the shoulder.

"Hey, man, are you okay? You should seek some medical help or someth-"

"Aargh!" shouted the man, dropping Eff dramatically, and taking off again through the crowd, pursued by police and paramedics.

Eff, stunned, took a few seconds to gather himself, before picking himself off the ground and standing up, just in time to see the taxi driver runn across a road without looking, and get mown down spectacularly by a black ssaloon, that screeched to a halt. A man in a dark suit and sunglasses opened his door. He looked at the taxi driver, ran his fingers through his hair, and spoke a few words with the approaching police and paramedics, who had slowed down to a walk. He looked around at the crowd, and spottted Eff staring at him. He opened his phone, and started to make a call.

Eff ran.

Impulsively he wasn't even sure what made him do it, but something was up. Heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears, he reached the end of the alleyway, and appeared at another busy street, unaffected by the chaos on the other side of the block, he hailed a bus down, and jumped on, trying to piece together what he had seen. The shaded man in the black saloon, was there a flicker of recognition on his face as he looked at the man he'd knocked over? Or was Eff imagining things. Was the taxi driver the cause of the bus crash? Was he in it? Was he a target? Why did the police not seem that bothered when the black saloon knocked the driver over? And where did all the inland revenue come into it? What was it the driver had said to Eff? Bet3D 3582sjh? Eff knew Bet3D was a betting website, but he couldn't fathom the stream of numbers and letters. And what about the last bit, dogs and apples? What was all that about?

Suddenly, as the bus turned a corner, Eff's blood ran cold as he suddenly remembered the custom number plates on the black saloon. K9 P0M5. Canine pommes. Dogs and apples.

Eff looked around uneasily. He had a feeling in his bones that he didn't like. He was being watched, he was sure of it. Realising the bus had gone past his hotel several minutes ago, Eff rang the bell, and jumped off, hoping the walk back would shake anybody who may have tracked his movements. Quickly, he walked down the street.

Back on the bus, a young woman in a black outfit lowered her newspaper, and behind her black sunglasses, narrowed her eyes. She opened her phone, and made a call.

[Civil Citizenry]

The most famous coalition of Rushmori nations has to be the Confederated Nations of Continental Rushmore, abbreviated as the C.N.C.R. As much as the Virabis dispute that, it's true. Most people may not particularly know any of them, though apparently the Comesby National Culinary Review takes an annual visit to Bread & Cheese, a delightful mix of delicious poor-people's food and blue-collar Mytanar-wannabe commerce creators, if you heard anyone from around there talk about it.

There's so much history in the C.N.C.R. Founded many decades ago, it served as the very basis of the great region of Rushmore, providing a geographical and political center for the budding Atlantian Oceanic rival. And then... nothing. Till now: it has re-entered relevance with its registration into the Copa Rushmori. Now that they're relevant, at least three people across Rushmore have talked about it. (Two of them being from Cubish2, arguably the most influential nation in Rushmori current events.)

But while the C.N.C.R. has never hurt anyone or done anything really stupid - besides form Rushmore - Citiz Foreign Affairs Minister Lewin Thormond has beef with it. Wearing a name tag that said, "Hello, My Name Is C.N.C.R.," I was allowed to share a prime steak with Mr. Thormond last night as he delved into the curious issue of the name "Confederated Nations of Continental Rushmore."

His argument is that the C.N.C.R. should really be the C.N.B.R.: the Confederated Nations of Brantinental Rushmore. He coined the term "Brantinental" from the idea of the Branta continent, which is the official label given to the area north of and around Lake Branta. "You know those Polarian cartographers are ve-ry particular about these things," he explained. "It would be inaccurate to suggest C.N.C.R.'s continent is the on-ly continent around, when there are real-ly seven of them."

In less Bears Armed-esque emphasized terms, if the C.N.C.R. really represented continental Rushmore - which is to say, all the continents of Rushmore - then you'd have a Goose Coast nation, a Vatmarkish, a Tempalian, a Pavolan, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. But the C.N.C.R. is limited to Branta. Once upon a star, that was continental Rushmore - back in the days when there were just four clusters of nations, and everyone had a shortened nickname.

But this is a different era. You can't easily abbreviate nations like Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk, Ossidiacqua, Fidishwa, and Aryamania. They must be represented fully, not partially. Mr. Thormond goes by the same principle: it is not fair to attempt to represent all the Rushmori continents with the term "Continental Rushmore," when it really only comprises one.

What about the term "Brantinental"? "Kinda sounds like 'continental', no?" he asked over his sixth shot of tequila. He would drink 9 in total, enough for what would be a .84 blood alcohol content; but he slept fine throughout the night and woke up at his normal time of 3 PM. Mr. Thormond is safe; can the same be said for the C.N.C.R.?

[Saugeais]

Sorry for the late cutoff, was preoccupied with a little business IRL.

Matchday 2

Group A
Carmadin 1-0 Saugeais
Polar Islandstates 1-0 The Kiaser Colonies
Nieuwe Sleeswijk 1-1 Cotdelapoms

-  Team                     P  W  D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Carmadin                 2  2  0  0  5  1  +4  6
 2 Polar Islandstates       2  1  1  0  4  3  +1  4
 3 Saugeais                 2  1  0  1  2  1  +1  3
 4 Nieuwe Sleeswijk         2  0  2  0  4  4  +0  2
 5 Cotdelapoms              2  0  1  1  2  5  -3  1
 6 The Kiaser Colonies      2  0  0  2  0  3  -3  0

Group B
Darmen 1-1 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk
Megadia 0-4 Civil Citizenry
Elmonia 1-4 Ansernia Islands

-  Team                        P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Civil Citizenry             2  2 0  0  6  1  +5  6
 2 Ansernia Islands            2  2 0  0  5  1  +4  6
 3 Elmonia                     2  1 0  1  4  5  -1  3
 4 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk      2  0 1  1  2  3  -1  1
 5 Darmen                      2  0 1  1  1  2  -1  1
 6 Megadia                     2  0 0  2  1  7  -6  0

Group C
Sargossa 1-0 Continental Rushmore
West Zirconia 1-1 The Kytler Peninsulae
Pasarga 4-1 Mangolana

-  Team                       P  W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Pasarga                    2  2 0 0  5  1  +4  6
 2 Sargossa                   2  1 0 1  1  1  +0  3
 3 Continental Rushmore       2  1 0 1  1  1  +0  3
 4 Mangolana                  2  1 0 1  2  4  -2  3
 5 West Zirconia              2  0 1 1  1  2  -1  1
 6 The Kytler Peninsulae      2  0 1 1  1  2  -1  1

Group D
The Hidden Paw 1-2 Albertasby
Queer Poco el Mono Ara 0-2 Bleak Rock
Baltskandio 5-2 Astograth

-  Team                        P  W D L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Albertasby                  2  2 0 0  3  1  +2  6
 2 Baltskandio                 2  1 1 0  6  3  +3  4
 3 Bleak Rock                  2  1 0 1  2  1  +1  3
 4 The Hidden Paw              2  0 1 1  3  4  -1  1
 5 Queer Poco el Mono Ara      2  0 1 1  1  3  -2  1
 6 Astograth                   2  0 1 1  4  7  -3  1

Group E
Palacios and Rodallega 0-0 The Yorozuya
Chenkorya 0-1 Sarrbia
Camwood 1-0 Prince Bartholomew Islands

-  Team                            P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Camwood                         2  2 0  0  4  0  +4  6
 2 The Yorozuya                    2  1 1  0  1  0  +1  4
 3 Prince Bartholomew Islands      2  1 0  1  1  1  +0  3
 4 Sarrbia                         2  1 0  1  1  1  +0  3
 5 Palacios and Rodallega          2  0 1  1  0  1  -1  1
 6 Chenkorya                       2  0 0  2  0  4  -4  0

Group F
Nethertopia 4-2 Lonaga
Jen O the Hill 1-2 Erathore
Whirl Islands 3-0 Swartaz

-  Team                P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Erathore            2  2 0  0  6  1  +5  6
 2 Whirl Islands       2  2 0  0  5  0  +5  6
 3 Nethertopia         2  2 0  0  5  2  +3  6
 4 Jen O the Hill      2  0 0  2  1  4  -3  0
 5 Swartaz             2  0 0  2  0  4  -4  0
 6 Lonaga              2  0 0  2  2  8  -6  0

[Astograth]

Football - and life - sure has its ups and downs. The thought reverberated in Egoitz Malgor's mind as he trudged off the pitch of The Old Forest Stadium, clenching an oddly coloured shirt with LEPP written across the back. He raised his hands to the Astograthian fans, who applauded him for the goal he'd managed near the end, when everything was decided. When Baltskandio didn't even care.

It was important for him, at least. In his previous stint wearing the olive-green, six years ago, he hadn't gotten on the scoresheet; it was nice to be able to do so, if only once. Even if it didn't matter, even if nobody cared. Because he was thirty, and the national team doesn't come calling for much longer after that milestone.

As a child he'd been a fan of South Factory, from the working-class neighbourhoods of Rumiatzi. He'd joined their youth team and played on the first team for a couple of years in the venerable Capital Region Elite League... one of his fondest memories was of earning their place in the First Division only after the tensest of play-offs against the ridiculously named Oak-Builders FC of Basabe. Then Royal Rumiatzi called and he suddenly found himself thrust into the bright lights of the massive Knights' Stadium. Two leagues in a row and a Royal Cup in his first two seasons at the club, learning from veterans who until that point had spent their careers amidst the dirt pitches and brutal slide tackles of the regional leagues. Iban Balinaga, Garoa Larzondo, Olentzaro Aranburu. Names that didn't quite belong in this new, modernised football.

Then came the national team, and the UICA competitions. Gartzen Treko had whisked him away to some pathetic tournament in a godforsaken land. The food was terrible, the hotel hideous, the stadium barely adequate. He'd sat on the bench for the first match, against Eastfield Lodge, but been sent on for the second, against Mangolana. He still had the jersey he'd worn that day, with its poorly printed numbering and retro FAF logo.

Then the Globe Cup with Royal Rumiatzi. It was the first time Astograthian teams competed internationally. It was the first time abroad for Malgor, and indeed most of the team, especially in such a far away land as Krytenia, in Atlantian Oceania. The illustrious NCSC Northwood showed no mercy to the debutants, however, and thrashed Rumiatzi 6-0 in the first leg of that Preliminary Stage tie. All hope was lost for the return leg, but Knights' Stadium was spectacularly set up for the occasion anyways. The stands were full, the Grand Duke (a fervent fan) was in attendance, fireworks went off as the team entered the pitch. Though they still lost 2-1, Malgor took pride in having put in the assist when Arambilet's goal pulled them in front. Good times.

He'd been young then. Twenty-four, twenty-five. Spritely. They'd won another league. The Ides of March Cup had been born, contested and lost. He'd played his first Champions' Cup matches, beating the giants of FC Mildrid to drop out at the Second Preliminary Stage. He'd resigned himself to the reality that Astograthian football had much to learn still. That glory was out of reach... if only he'd known.

Sat out most of the Baptism of Fire and World Cup 55 qualifiers, but he'd never forget the Imperial Hippodrome, or the Stadii di Bradini, or all the time spent together as a team. For all their encouragement, he'd still felt like a bit of an outcast. Barely any playing time does that to you, and this Copa Rushmori was a chance to redeem himself.

He owed it not just to the fans, but to himself. Because he'd been bought by FK Murmansk of Kagdazka, put under the orders of a Cotdelapomais manager he could barely communicate with, been reviled by the crowd and despite all that, within two seasons become the driving force of a Champions' Cup-winning team. He'd scored the winner, a delightful long shot, in the final at FKM Arena. The stadium - no, the entire city - had exploded. And when he'd lifted the trophy that had once seemed impossible, he'd known there was nothing left to conquer.

Nothing except for the blasted Olibondeka.

[Jen O the Hill]

Shaggy: Dude. Where ya been?

Smoke: Dude. Ya wouldn’t believe it.

Shaggy: We had to play another soccer game and still got no grass.

Smoke: Dude I know. But I was parched and went to find a beer. And the only beers were out in the big hall where all the other people get to go. it’s a paradise out there. They got nachos and hor dogs and some frito pie and Dude they even have jujubees.

Shaggy: No way Dude! Even jujubees?

Smoke: And those little gummy fishes too. So I was drinking my beer and this Dudette comes up and is all like don’t you play for Jen O the Hill? And I was like I’m just here for the grass Dude. So she was like all I know where the grass is at. And I was like where? Then she pointed at door.

Shaggy: So did you find the grass?

Smoke: Dude relax. This other Dude was like yeah man, the greatest grass in the world is there. I dropped my beer and it spilled on his shoes and I was all like sorry Dude. But he kept talking about the awesome grass and was like and beautiful with white lines all around it. So I was like Dude, no way, Great grass with lines already on it? And he was like Yeah dude, perfect white lines all the way around..

Shaggy: No way man. So what did you do then?

Smoke: I was all like jonesin for the grass and even some of the lines so I ran to the door and when I got through it all I could see was you guys taking the fiekd to play that game. Damn I was supposed to be with you guys wasn’t I?

Shaggy: Bummer. So why didn’t you come play?

Smoke: I was so bummed over not finding the grass and lines that I went to the bathroom and rolled a fat one. I had just blazed it when some douche in a suit started yelling for the damn 5-0 so I crawled into the air duct and finished my blunt.

Shaggy: Dude. You could have gone to jail.

Smoke: Dude. that’s the best part. When the pig stuck his head into the duct he got stuck because he was too fat and I was like dude, I can share this and he was all like no no but he couldn’t move and I was happy to share. The he helped me get back here. How was the game?

Shaggy: I smashed my Cheetos trying to actually stop someone. It didn’t work

[Continental Rushmore]

http://blogs.tribune.cru/2011/12/19/culture/wordwatcher/continent/

Royse Peterson:Word Watcher

Well sir, with Rushmore Day right on the horizon, and after last week’s look at the very name of our fair region, I guess it’s only fair that we dip our tootsies into the bubbling brook of international politics with a query from a Ms Henderson of Saint Catherine, as she asks: “Gee, Royse honey, I’m in a most terrible spin. I’ve been listening to the radio news, and I’m just confused – just what does ‘continent’ mean anyhow? Help a gal out of her funk!”

Well ma’am, the fine works of Noah Webster, peace be upon him, define ‘continent’ as “Abstaining from sexual intercourse; exercising restraint upon the sexual appetite; esp., abstaining from illicit sexual intercourse; chaste.”

But I guess that wasn’t what you were driving at, and it leaves us with a pretty pickle. We all think we know what a continent is, but do we know what we think we know? To find out, I got in touch with Davis Tucker IV, Emeritus Professor of Linguistics at the U of Frontier City, to find out. Over to you, Tucks.

“Well Royse, I’m sure your correspondent had the recent minor diplomatic imbroglio between the Citiz Foreign Affairs Minister Lewin Thormand and your own Commissioner for External Affairs Niamh Dean McCann in mind when she wrote in. There’s no need to cover old ground in that department – I’m sure we can let bygones be bygones when it comes to the arm-wrestling and the boob jokes – but the nature of his complaint made in the domestic media does, on the face of it, have some validity. Namely, how can the CNCR, with or without periods, although if you go longer than three months without them it is a good idea to check in with your local physician, Royse, claim to be, literally, the Confederated Nations of Continental Rushmore, when it takes in only the Branta? Should we not in fact be the Confederated Nations of Brantinental Rushmore?

Well essentially, Royse, this comes down first and foremost to your reading of the word ‘continent’. The word in this context ultimately comes from the sixteenth century usage of ‘continent land’, in the sense of a continuous tract of thereof. It should be noted that the precise application of the term was never set in stone, and certainly did not initially refer only to especially large areas of land – I’m certainly aware of an early reference to the ‘continent of Gran Candelaria’, for instance, to distinguish between the island now known simply as Candelaria, and the smaller associated islands such as Blackwell Island, Sumner Island, and the like. Now that fell out of use in later years, but up until relatively recently it was always clear that when folk talked about ‘the continent’, in the context of Rushmore, they meant only one thing – the continent of Rushmore, stretching from Delamawaria in the north-west to, well, heavens-knows-where in the south-east.

These days, the further south-east you go, the more you’ll find folk who’ll insist that there is no continent of Rushmore – but rather seven whole continents, who go to make up the supercontinent of Brantogoocostianpavolantempaliterramidioterrareanvatmarkialand or… well, something of that ilk. It’s all to do with your understanding of the word ‘continent’, Royse and, alas, our forefathers never set their selves down around a table and endeavored to make our lives that little bit simpler. Is a continent surrounded by water? Many dictionaries would tell you so. Others take a look at continental crusts, and plate tectonics… But any professor of geology will certainly tell you that today’s popular divisions are purely arbitrary. Where are the mountains and fault lines separating Branta from the Goose Coast? They just ain’t there, Royse. They just ain’t there. ‘Continent’ – rather like the aforesaid ‘chastity’, in fact – is a word that can mean whatever you darn well please, Royse, and that’s a fact.

Never mind how goshdarn grandiose it sounds to declare this region the home of seven whole continents. Rushmore is not the world, y’know…

So where does this all leave us? Well, right from the start the term ‘CNCR’ was always open to question, not least because it included Ransome-Bkyki Island, a territory that by any reckoning is part of the Candelarias and thus, in modern usage, part of the spattered ‘continent’ of Northerniquinaquinoo, never mind the fact that there were clearly plenty of nations who weren’t part of the initial twelve member bloc. The choice of the name was of course selected to differentiate the group from the mostly island-based powers of the north – otherwise, it would simply have been the CNR, and even then could never have been wholly beyond reproach without every continental nation joining! What next? The Confederated Nations of North-Western Brantinental Rushmore Except For YnosYnos?

The key point, I believe, and though it shall forever remain an issue for debate, is that the name of this ‘country’ (and even that, of course, is matter of considerable discussion) refers not to any ‘Confederation’ of Continental Rushmore but to the Confederated Nations themselves – twelve and a bit peoples, alongside any others who may choose to join them in future years, standing together as one voice. And that these nations are from continental Rushmore should, by any reasonable definition, be beyond doubt.”

Food for thought from our Delamawarian colleague, there.

Of course, whatever foreign countries choose to call us is entirely up to them, while one has to wonder where we’d be if the powers-that-be insisted on the application of logic to the thorny issue of nation names. Certainly not in Candelaria And Marquez, for one. And as for ‘Civil Citizenry’…

Now, you know I’m not a political man. I ain’t no fruit. But seems to me we should fight our corner on this one – and I reckon, Ms Henderson of Saint Catherine, you’d be right there with me!

Unless, of course, you were listening to the news on CNBR – Chesapeakine National Bible Radio. In which case, go with the chastity, my dear, with God’s blessing and Royse’s too!

And on that note, I’ll wish y’all happy holidays and see you right back here for some more WordWatching January next! In the meantime, you know where to stick it – roysepeterson@tribune.cru – and take care of yourselves, it’s a chiller out there!

1 comments from readers

Jeff, Cubish2
December 19 2012 at 09:31

oooh scaryn
ur all nubs masduhshdshdgsfd

comments are now closed

[Carmadin]

Before the Game, in the Grand Verona Hotel

"Hey, check it out"
Kihxaw Jahp held a copy of the National Journal he had found and was browsing through. On the fourth page, he folded the magazine back. A large picture of Amaechi Olsen, arms raised high in celebration, was at the top of the article. Dowv Daz took the folded magazine, and began skimming the article.

"yark, yark, it's all about their match against the Kiaser Colonies

"read the last paragraph"

"Hmmmm, ummmm"

At the bottom, a short paragraph previewed the match that would take place later that night

Saugeais will face Carmadin later on tonight, who shocked the sporting world defeating Cotdelapoms 4-1 in their opening match. This type of display should not be overlooked and the Knights need to focus on stopping Ataeh Ahsaeh and Ot'j Choy Othozur, two fast and talented strikers.

"Hmmm, we shocked the sporting world. Were you aware?"

"well, no, but it was a good game"

"well, apparently we did. Hmmmmmm, hey, they're gonna focus on Ataeh and Ot'j."

"hm. How rude, they've forgotten the name of Dowv Daz"

"an insult. they'll rue this day"

"hey, boys, it's time to make Stade de Montagne quiet as could be"

"alright, coach, we're coming. but what about the Carmie fans?"

"they'll be loud, but there won't be many of them"

"M'kay, we're coming, mr. Coach, sir. Wait'll you see this magazine Kihx found"

And, with that, Dowv Daz hastily scribbled a mustache on Amaechi Olsen's picture, threw the magazine down, and raced outside.

---

No, no, no. God damn it, this was not the way it was supposed to be. Guh Thi Nurng couldn't seem to stop the Saugeain forward bearing down on him like a wild oxen.
It was too much. Whenever Carmadin gave the ball away, Saugeais would come down, knocking on the door. It was Insane. This couldn't go on. Amaechi Olsen was damn good, thought Guh. Maybe too good. Then, he kicked himself for thinking like that. This game was one they could win. He pulled himself back into the moment, back into the screaming fans, the grunting players. Kihxaw's panicked shouts rang out.

"Get that f***ing ball outta here!!!!"

"Alright-Kihxaw-its-goin-out-just-as-soon-as-we-can-get-it-back"

, Guh said between grunts, as he kicked away at the relentless wall that was Amaechi Olsen's dribbling.

"C'mon-Amaechi-just-give-me-the-ball"

"how do you know my name?"

"I-read. would-you-be-so-kind-as-to-give-us-the-ball?"

"NOGUHDON'TLETHIMSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO----"

Kihxaw screamed the words, the last "o" of shoot being drawn out as he dove, just deflecting the ball away with the tips of his gloves. The ball bounced out of bounds, and Guh Thi Nurng sank to his knees. He had a short time to cacth his breath, and then it was a Saugeais corner kick. Oh man. What did he ever do to deserve this?

"Yo, Kihx, i got back post"

"Guh?"

"yeah, Kihxaw?"

"that Olsen guy, can you try'n take him out?"

"Kihx, i don't wanna injure him on purpose"

"he pisses me off"

"alright, i can understand that. but no reason to break his leg. We can win this game clean, so why don't we?"

"alright, Guh, but you better not let him score"

"now, that i can promise"

"alright, watch it, here's the corner."

The ball flew into the air, and as it arched down, Kihxaw could see Amaechi Olsen leaping up, in position for a header and his third goal of the tournament.

"GUH!"

"i'm comin, Kihx"

"STOP HIM!"

there was nothing else he could do. Guh Thi Nurng launched himself in a flying tackle at Amaechi Olsen. He made contact, and Olsen tumbled into the back of the net, mowing over Kihxaw Jahp as he did so. The whistle blew. A yellow card was held. And for the second time in 2 games, Kihxaw Jahp faced a penalty shot.

KIhxaw Jahp was set. The ball flew at him, and he dove. No need. the ball flew high above him, out of play. He smiled. He had talked with Dowv Daz just before hand, and he knew what was coming off the goal kick. He kicked it to Ataeh Ahsaeh, who booted it down to Dowv. He split 2 defenders, and somehow, he found the goal.

"How did he do that????!"

"i don't know!"

"We Frickin' Scored! we won!"

"We Won!"

We woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!