[DRAFT] Commend Omigodtheykilledkenny

[Fischistan]

Commend Omigodtheykilledkenny

Description: The Security Council,

KNOWING the Kennyites to be a very resourceful, entertaining people,

ASTOUNDED that Omigodtheykilledkenny has kept an up to-date list of every General Assembly resolution ever passed, as well as the number of votes for and against it,

FURTHER ASTOUNDED at how Omigodtheykilledkenny, despite not being in the World Assembly, has helped countless budding resolution authors by assisting them in drafting proposals,

IMPRESSED at how Omigodtheykilledkenny has founded the region Antarctic Oasis in May of 2005, which has become a large, successful, internationally involved region,

FURTHER IMPRESSED at Omigodtheykilledkenny's work on letting unorthodox political parties hold positions of power(commonly referred to as "Extremists On The Ballot Sheet"),

EVEN FURTHER IMPRESSED at how Omigodtheykilledkenny has authored three World Assembly resolutions, and three historical resolutions,

GRATEFUL that Omigodtheykilledkenny has created a place for experienced ambassadors to share silly and ridiculous proposals created by less experienced ambassadors, as it has kept delegates entertained in a rather uneventful chamber,

BELIEVING that these actions are worthy of a commendment at the very least, and definitely not condemnation,

HEREBY Commends Omigodtheykilledkenny.

After attempting to repeal his condemnation, it became apparent that it was a better idea to commend him, which is legal.

[Drop Your Pants]

IMPRESSED at how Omigodtheykilledkenny has founded the region Antarctic Oasis, which has become a large, successful, internationally involved region,

Nothing amazing there to be honest. There's bigger and more involved regions out there.

[Fischistan]

Still, it's not easy to get a region off the ground, and have it stay that way for so many years.

[Drop Your Pants]

Its easy once you have a core group to do it, not just one person.

[Fischistan]

OK, should I take that part out?

[Antariel]

The 'understanding' line sounds weak on its own, and kind of unexplained. If you can't justify why leaving the condemn there beyond 'Kenny wants it', which is not the most compelling of arguments for a condemn resoultion, you might possibly be better off leaving it out.

[Fischistan]

I think I'll take it out then. The only reason Kenny still has it is because he wants it, pretty much.

[Hiriaurtung Arororugul]

Commend Omigodtheykilledkenny

Absolutely not! That nation is a breeding ground for perversion and a safe-haven for sexual predators! Allow me to introduce Ms. Aturirc Tulirtug. She will tell you her tale of woe at the hands of one Sammy Faisano, Vice President of the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny and former Ambassador.

A young(ish) Aundotutunagirian woman walks out and stands beside Hiriaurtung Arororugul at the podium.

Arororugul: "Ms Tulirtug, will you tell these kind people of your treatment at the hands of that monster Faisano?

Aturirc Tulirtug: "Yes my General. About 3 years ago, I lost my job with the Aundotutunagirian Trade Mission to OMGTKK due to downsizing. I was distraught over this and despaired of my future prospects. I did not want to return to Aundotutunagir because.....I...can't stand the weather there. My boyfriend at the time suggested I meet with Mr. Faisano and inquire about a job with the OMGTKK Creative Solutions Agency, which is known to hire foreigners occasionally."

“I met Mr. Faisano in the lobby of the bar at the Paradise City Hilton at around 6:30 p.m. We had drinks at the hotel, and he asked how I liked my room, which is kind of normal, and I said I was very surprised. I said, I can't believe it, I've got this great suite, it’s gorgeous. Mr. Faisano kind of smirked, and then said, ‘I upgraded you.’

"He then took me to an Italian restaurant where we had dinner. During dinner, Mr. Faisano looked at me and said, ‘Why are you here?’ I said, ‘Actually, Mr. Faisano, my boyfriend, whom you met, suggested that I meet with you ‘cause he thought you could help me because I really need a job. I was wondering if there's anything available at the Creative Solutions Agency.’ He said, ‘I'll look into that.’

“While we were driving back to the hotel, he said that he would show me where the Creative Solutions Agency offices were. He parked the car down the block. I thought that we were going to go into the offices so he that could show me around. At that time I had on a black pleated skirt, a suit jacket and a blouse. He had on a suit with his shirt open. But instead of going into the offices, he suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg under my skirt and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it toward his crotch. I was very, very surprised and very shocked."

“I said: ‘What are you doing? You know I have a boyfriend. This isn't what I came here for.’ Mr. Faisano said, ‘You want a job, right?’

Arororugul: "And did he say or do anything else?"

Aturirc Tulirtug: "Yes. He said I was about the same height as his wife."

Arororugul: "Well that is very strange. I don't believe Mr. Faisano was married at that time. So he is not only a lecherous predator but a liar about his marital status as well. What else happened?"

Aturirc Tulirtug: “Nothing. I asked him to stop and he did. I asked him to take me back to my hotel which he did, right away.

"May I leave now? This is terribly embarrassing."

Arororugul: "Yes, yes dear. Of course."

"Well ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. Shameful isn't it? A high-ranking officer of the OMGTKK government taking advantage of a young defenseless girl in order to satisfy his carnal lust. And this is just one example! There are many others involving not only Vice President Faisano, but President Manuelo Fernanda and many, many members of his administration which I will be making known in the days and weeks ahead."

"Thank you and good day."

[Fischistan]

That situation, unfortunately, can(and probably has) happen in any nation

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Jimmy -- who otherwise wouldn't even had been there, except that someone had to babysit Susa while Jack Riley was away blackmailing the Federal Republic's diplomatic partners for more favorable trade policies -- listened politely, yet skeptically, to the Aundotutunagirians' presentation, before rising intently to address the shocking allegations:

Madame Secretary-General, I beg my colleagues to approach this situation with an open mind--

Just then, a pushy and particularly aggressive-looking brunette wearing a characteristically red pantsuit appeared beside the Kennyite and shoved him out of the way:

Madame Secretary-General, if it pleases the Security Council, I am attorney Gloria Allred, and I would like to commend Ms. Tulirtug for her bravery and her honesty in coming forward to tell her story today, despite the slanderous accusations that the Kennyites are surely going to hurl at her in retaliation. In fact, I'm sure that's what my friend Jimmy Baca here was about to do before I heroically stepped in on her behalf. I would also like to remind Ms. Tulirtug that as a high-powered lawyer, I am available at all times for legal counsel and advice, and especially to set up extended televised press availabilities, so the whole world can know her story. All she need do is give me a call, at 1-800-AMBULANCE CHASER. Incidentally, I also represent another woman who had an unpleasant run-in with Mr. Faisano, when he invited her and her friend out to dinner, ordered two $100 bottles of champagne, then left and stuck them with the bill. And there is yet another innocent woman whom I represent who was also subjected to Mr. Faisano's advances: a Ms. Avaya Thibaudet, the foreign minister of Ardchoille, who claimed that in the course of their working relationship at the WA he repeatedly hugged and kissed her, and, in her words, "constantly begged me for sex." The fact that she and Mr. Faisano were actually engaged at the time is, I believe, immaterial to these allegations. Women should never be subject to unwanted sexual advances, regardless of whatever irrelevant personal relationship they may have with the accused.

And while we're on the subject of Kennyite improprieties, I would like to note that I also represent several women who had been subject to inappropriate remarks on the part of Ambassador Batko-Yovino, right before he threatened to kidnap them and behead them on YouTube, as well as no fewer than six Karmicarian "businesswomen" who worked for Secretary Riley, a cabana boy who on occasion served Secretary Tehrani, and upwards of 300 former aides to President Fernanda. Considering the broadness of these very troubling allegations, I implore the members of this Council, to commend these aging hormonal frat boys while ignoring the many, many credible accusations of sexual harassment against them, would be a profound disservice to women everywhere. Women who may also have suffered at the wandering hands of the oversexed animals employed by the Kennyite regime. Women who I would likewise urge to come forward with their own stories, and let their voices be heard. If we all stand together, if we all support each other, if we all hold as many heavily attended press conferences as possible, we can't possibly lose. Justice will be done!

I yield, Madame Secretary-General.

Watching the proceedings from the security of the Kennyite green room, Vice President Faisano suddenly fainted.

[Fischistan]

so, you don't want to be commended?
whatever, I'll commend you anyway