Doom comes to Turtleshroom (Closed, TG for Entry)

[New Edom]

Lottie was shaken, during all the mayhem, she tried to shout and calm everyone down--it shocked her that these people got so upset over simply being criticized, over someone having a bottle of booze, and was horrified when the mob swarmed in. She was weeping and bruised herself at the end of it, and seeing Hagar's body on the floor knelt beside her, checking her pulse. "Get a doctor, you idiots!" she screamed at anyone present. "What is WRONG with all of you?" She began to check Hagar over--she was no doctor but she had first aid. Realizing she had only fainted, she still called for a doctor as she began to gently try to revive the girl. As the cop came and took the body, she said "Gently, treat her gently." Then looking the cop in the eye, she said, "You guys made a big mistake. Her name is Liastan, she's my roomate at Jonesboro U."

***

The New Edomite plane requested landing permission at Jonesboro Airport, and if granted then taxied down the runway to a stop. Bishop Zecharias was wearing his neat black robe with red facings, his feline face calm and serene; Colleen Fish wore a pantsuit that she realized was nicely salted with dandruff on the shoulders and which she spent a frantic ten minutes cleaning before putting on some hairspray and trying to keep it all in. When had this happened? Added to which she had gotten an earful from Sif Finnhald, who was very annoyed about the situation and amused at the same time. "You know, Colleen, she's probably a spoiled little missy who got sent there as punishment by her parents. But you're right, we can't let a New Edomite be even suspected of being mistreated abroad. Especially when "New Edomite" is still such a vague term to cover Barans, Dawarf, Elwe, Haranese and us poor Anglo-Germans, right?" Colleen dutifully laughed. "But seriously, Colleen, move that ass and get it done. I want it over, understand? You won't believe how hot it is here by the way, stepping outside is like taking a hot bath with your clothes on!"
That was great. Sif got to to to Java Islands on a conference that apparently hadn't even started, apparently all the guests were just lounging at a hotel sipping drinks around a pool or watching tropical sunsets.

Maurice Wentworth looked neat but totally boring. This was his disguise. The pale eyes behind the glasses gleamed. They were on time; they went to the appropriate building for MOE and Wentworth announced that they had an appointment with a ministry official. "Colleen Fish, Undersecretary for Xanadou and Other Territories, Foreign Affairs. Anthony Zecharias, Apostolic Church of New Edom, Bishop of Fineberg. Maurice Wentworth, Chief of Civil Service, Attorney-General's office of the Allied States of New Edom." Wentworth had a quiet voice which some described as the sound of the Sun going down.

[Nalaya]

Liya grinned as she was being arrested--she was quite cooperative at the moment, since slugging someone hard killed her frustration. "Now that's a fucking day on leave," she said with a laugh, leaning back against the seat of the police car. She'd shouted something to Lottie about seeing her later. Her commanding officers were going to be laughing their asses off when they read about this, particularly Rehan. Being tased was never fun, but it wasn't anything new either. She'd had that done to her multiple times during training.

Besides, maybe the jail in this country had people who were slightly more interesting in it. Something about this place made her go a little bit crazy.

------------

"Have you seen this, General?" Juliana said with a cough to hide her grin, holding the paper out to the Protector of Nalaya. "That's Liastan Kalousdian. Apparently there was an altercation at a casino in TurtleShroom."

Anahid resumed a judicial expression and started to read. Then her eyebrow began to rise, her expression mired between skepticism and amusement. After about five minutes, she folded up the paper and set it down on her desk. "How interesting. You understand my position, do you not? Inciting a riot, while somewhat normal behavior for a frustrated soldier on leave, is rather...heavy a charge. But we equally cannot leave one of our women in uniform unprotected. If you were in my position, who would you send?"

"Inna Karapetyan," Juliana said with a laugh. "She'd shock TurtleShroom so badly that they wouldn't be able to stop her. But she's on leave, and I think she'd object to being called back."

"More's the pity," Anahid murmured, lips twitching slightly to threaten a smile and laughter. "Send the Bazmat’iv Khlarar. Our little troublemaker will be coming home for active duty. We need her on the front lines anyway. If TurtleShroom objects, she comes home anyway."

Juliana raised an eyebrow. "That risks an incident."

"Az, we already have an incident," Anahid pointed out. "That's our soldier being jailed for a crime I happen to know several of her fellow soldiers committed--Liya didn't put that bottle in her own bag. She knows it's illegal. Besides, Nalaya feels strongly about the reaction to mention of its Intendant and her significant other. Two young ladies who happen to be in love kissing in public is not and should never be a crime. Particularly when one of them is my foster daughter."

"Who would you like me to send with Kalousdian's orders?"

Anahid appeared to think that over. "Stepanyan. He is like a tsunami: nothing on earth can stop him on his course. And stress to him that we want no violence if it can be feasibly avoided. I expect no fatalities, should it come to extraction."

Juliana snapped to attention and gave Anahid a sharp salute. "Understood, General Vaneni. At once."

[Ali-Zebu Union]

As Hagar was being lectured on card shuffling and Liya voiced her opinions Nemma had pulled out a notebook. She then pulled out a mechanical pencil and began to take notes. She made some distracted comment about the other four women playing without her. She had not been writing long before all hell broke loose.

Esli nearly jumped out of her seat when the officers busted in and started waving around a taser and shouting. She watched as the young woman was subdued and hid a chuckle as she smashed her fist into the officer’s face. Though she felt like jumping to the woman’s defense, the angry and volatile atmosphere that hung thick upon the room kept her from doing so.

Giziana was shocked and appalled that alcohol was illegal in TurtleShroom. She did not remember being told that this and so many other things were against the law here. People at home would be baffled and the magi might say the people of TurtleShroom were falling down the slippery slope to asceticism. But most of all, she was upset that she could not enjoy her pálinka.

As Liya was being subdued, Giziana remembered her mentioning something about being a soldier. She knew form personal experience that soldiers on leave could become unruly. She had ruffled her share of feathers. But the extreme and violent reaction to this common behavior was far beyond what was necessary in her opinion. Her left hand twitched the entire time Liya was being subdued, but acting in that manner would have been far worse than sitting and trying to verbally defend Liya. She tried to plead reasonably with the officers, but it was to no avail.

When the casino erupted in chaos, Nemma saw a dangerous situation and slid under the table. Esli sat and threw cards at anyone who got too close. Griziana, thinking it safe to do so, quickly rebuffed anyone who became too aggressive with a few quick blows. Some limped off with their hands covering sensitive areas while others fled with broken noses or broken arms.

After the stampeding crowd had cleared, Nemma resurfaced with her notebook and took in the scene. Cards, chips, chairs, and other casino accoutrements lay strewn across the floor. She scooted next to Esli and gave the other woman a glance that said, “What kind of crazy place is this?”

Giziana notice Hagar lying on the floor and rushed over with Lottie. After Lottie called for a doctor, she informed Lottie that she had in fact recently completed medical school. She checked Hagar for any serious injuries and found none.

“She will be fine, Lottie. There don’t seem to be any serious injuries, just some minor contusions.”

She piped in with Lottie, “Azmara have mercy on you, be more gentle with her.”

She then turned to Lottie after the young woman had finished speaking to the officer and addressed her somberly.

“I have never seen anything like this before.”

She then spoke in a lighter tone.

“Though I doubt a brave woman like yourself needs it, I would offer myself as insurance against any violence that might find you as you make your way to your next destination..”

She smiled and added, “There is no need to worry over my intentions. My preferences are different from my voracious blonde friend over there.”

---

Soul of the Rose Tea Shop, Ali-Zebu, Ali-Zebu Union

Prime Minister Jezrahla Shrazali and Exterior Minister Zora Niklos sat in a small tea shop not far from parliament. The were enjoying tea and baklava in the garden outside the front of the shop and discussing an interesting occurrence in an interesting nation.

“This is precisely why the government here is a secular one. Government and faith should not be sharing a bed or dipping into each other’s bowls Jezrahla.”

“I agree Zora. They also do not seem so keen on public displays of affection, especially when it involves members of the same sex. They do see things in a different way than we.”

“I see you are still hold to former profession’s credos. Regardless, what do you think they would think if they saw these.”

She pointed to a couple of magazines on the table. One was Romance, a bi-monthly publication filled with romantic pieces of short fiction and true tales of love and romance from across the nation. This month’s issue was titled “To Win the Heart of a Princess”. The cover was elegant and showed a close-up of the now famous kiss between Princess Yesmin and her amour. The whole issue was in fact dedicated to pieces about the princess.

The other magazine was Alert! and was more along the lines of a tabloid magazine. A full picture of the kissing couple was featured on the cover but in keeping with its tabloid nature, it was less professional in appearance than cover of Romance. Bold yellow words shouted “Princess Yesmin’s Steamy Love Affair Revealed!”

“I can only wonder Zora. It seems we might need some sort of liaison there to help cool things down if things get too hot for some of citizens over there. The lack of diplomatic protections over there has me concerned though.”

“I agree Jezrahla with what you say Jezrahla and share you unease. Perhaps sending someone who doesn’t necessarily need protection could be sent.”

“Who do you have in mind Zora?”

She smiled and said, “Let us meet the woman after we finish here.”

They took their time finishing at the tea shop and left to meet the woman Zora had mentioned.

[New Edom]

Lottie laughed ruefully. "In a way it almost wouldn't matter if you had bad intentions--almost anything would be more fun. Though I feel bad for ragging on Hagar. I'm going to send her an apology later. I lost my patience but...well she's like a victim, not a person really trying to be mean. I just want to agitate, not hurt innocent people." she looked at the women. "So...where are you from? Helladria or something? No wait...maybe not, you didn't use that weird lingo they use there...gosh I can't think where from. I'm a New Edomite, an Anglo-German New Edomite...that I guess means I'm either an ETC fanatic or a perfectly ordinary person studying Agronomy here."

[TurtleShroom]

Everyone left for home or prison, depending on the creature. Lottie and the others had trouble making out exactly what had went down, but the pit bosses and their own witness of the event pretty much summed it as this:

• Hagar got roasted with insults by Lottie.
• Liastan snapped.
• Liastan made several rude remarks.
• Liastan accidently let it slip that she had an alcoholic beverage dozens of times more potent than hard liquor in her possession.
• Cops attacked.
• Liastan punched a police officer's lights out.
• The police defended and eventually tased Liastan.
• As they arrested her, she called out urging the TurtleShroomers to become more "loose".
• The outrage caused a full riot.
• The rioters fled the casino.
• Like any proper riot, a mistake led to a brawl, and everyone got arrested.
• Lottie and the others exited the casino.
• The day ended.

---

VIXEN NEWS

FOREIGNER CAUGHT WITH WELL-ABOVE-LIQUOR BEVERAGE, INCITES RIOT WITH SEXUAL COMMENT

• Jonesboro - Vixen News:

"Hello. My name is Hugo Carshark, reporting for Vixen News. We're here live at Casino One in Jonesboro, where, apparently, a collosal riot broke out after a foreign woman resisted arrest and called out for the TurtleShroom population to... uhh... well, let's say they won't really want this on the seven o'clock news."

The reporter was a short (in TS standards), plain looking human with brown hair styled like Ronald Reagan. Standing only six foot nine, his glasses were average (for once) and his eyes were, like many of his people, red. He wore an old-fashioned three-pieced black suit- one that could flash back to the 1930s -and a boater hat with the words "THE PRESS" on it. He had buck teeth that jutted out of his lips very slightly, but for a TurtleShroomer, he wasn't that ugly. His voice was very nasally, but didn't have an accent, courtesy of ten years of accent reduction.

"Earlier today, this peaceful gambling hall broke into chaos. We're here live with pit boss Seemie Fist. Mister Fist, please explain what happened today."

The pit boss was a mushroom. Inexplicably, this red mushroom had a mustache as big as Saddam Hussein's. Unlike the usual oval/round mushrooms, this mushshroom was a Flyseat mushroom, meaning his cap/head was so flat that his eyes somehow stuck out of them like a toad's eyes above the water. His mouth was small. and the mustache hung over it like a sock on a doorknob. The stem was very slender, but he compensated for this by being twice as large as other mushrooms. His telekinetic prowess made him one of the strongest mushrooms in the city, an it as obvious why they chose hm to work in the casino.
On top of his head was a loud, purple hat of cheap felt with a giant feather sticking out of it. He worke a necklace with a spade on it.

Seemie was a Native TurtleShroomite mushroom: his kind were supremacists that wanted humans out of TurtleShroom and the nation split into a turtle state, and a mushroom state. Sadly, they were the only legal operators of TurtleShroom, following new legislation. He wasn't a Christian. The Natives were also rumored to be tied with the mob and with bootlegging.

"What happend's the PERFECT example of why humans need to be kicked outta' TurtleShroom. The nation oughta' be split into a turtle state and a mushroom state, yah. If you'd just give me and the tribe the permission to-"

Hugo shook his head in frustration.

"For one moment, please, just put aside your bigotry and tell us the facts, please?"

The pit boss sighed.

"Fine. So we's runnin' the casino all good and cvil, and the fleshies-"

"HUMANS." Hugo interrupted.

"The fleshies from some other dirt of a nation start griping, see?"

"I see."

"Now, at first, it's the usual stuff, I guess. Bunch'a angered gamblers smack talkin' the dealer. Poor dealer was a real nub. Nerd and all, but she's still not half bad for a fleshy. She works for me, she's in the tribe. Supports our cause actually, since she's way too shy to interact."

The mushroom nods.

"So Hagar gets her stack swiped from her and some pompous foreigner mocks her method of cutting the cards. That's when the troublemaker gets in the scrap."

"Liastan, right?"

"That's her all right. L comes begins mumbling some displeasurable things about TurtleShroom. She complains about the music- the employee slacking on his job, might I add, has been 'taken care of'-" here, he smiles a bit. "-but anyway. Some banter, some anger, and she makes fun of our moral situation."

Here, if he could, the mushroom would have shrugged.

"What can I say? One thing led to another, badda bing, badda boom, out comes an alcohol remark and the whole place goes to chaos. Coppers enter the scene and try to get her to go all peaceful. She punches a fleshy officer in the eye and kicks a turtle for a loop. Some anger from the crowd in support of the men in blue, and me and 'the spores' have to come in and stave it off. I have a piece of my cap knocked off to show it, too."

Seemie turns his "back" to the camera to reveal a chunk of his cap literally bitten off.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"Of course it don't, stupid human! Mushrooms don't feel pain. Now stop interrupting."

Hugo shook his head.

"So the coppers blast the twerp and she falls. They dfrag her out, bhut she makes some comments about... well, wedlock, I guess."

The mushroom then made an off-color remark about humans. As he cursed, his mouth was bleeped, rendering the sentence completely cut.

"Stupid humans. She said folks should mate outside of wedlock."

Hugo shook his head.

"Don't curse on camera, Seemie.

"Like I care. Anyway, sex comment, and the whole place blows up. Me and the tribe get pushe dover and the customers run outside and start beating the merciful gravy down on each other. More fuzz, and it's all over."

"What happened to Liastan?"

"Like I care. 'Guess she's rotting in the clink or something. Stupid human. Now, excuse me. I actually have important business to attend to."

Hugo shook his head as Seemie floated away.


"That was Pit Boss Seemie Fist. Now, please sit back and watch this video caught by the casino cameras."

The scene cuts to a picture of Liastan fighting a police officer, getting tased, and being dragged out. Nothing was cut from this, except for the audio, which was muted. Comically, the wardrobes of the immodest girls that had palled with Nemma, and Nemma herself, were completely covered in black rectangles.

"That was the fight. According to less snotty witnesses, Miss Liastan was arrested for charges of..." Hugo adjusted his glasses and unfolded some paper. "...possession of alcohol, possession of hard liquor, assaulting an officer, inciting a riot, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, disturbance of the peace, harassment, and invoking the GD-phrase on a Sunday.”

Hugo swapped the sheets and read the second page.

"Liquor: felony. Cop assault: felony. Riot: felony. Resisting: felony. GD-phrase: felony. Disorder: misdemeanor. Disturbance: misdemeanor. Harrassment: misdemeanor. Genric possession: misdemeanor."

He folded up the paper.

"Sources from the Department of Incarceration and Punishment claim that Miss Liastan cooperated with officers after the fight and seemed smug about it. She is being tried before the local Alcohol Circuit and has skipped the indictment by grand jury phase on the sworn testimony of twenty witnesses who recounted the same story. She will be judged on Monday. However, there are currently swirling rumors of her homeland demanding extradition. Miss Liastan is a soldier currently stationed on leave, and it seems that their brave army will want to take care of her themselves. More on that in the days ahead."

He nodded.

"For Vixen News, I am Hugo Carshark. Vixen News. Where our motto is, 'Report it All Correctly, and then Spin it With Your Conservative Opinion'[/i]. Have a blessed day, everybody.

[TurtleShroom]

They were on time; they went to the appropriate building for MOE and Wentworth announced that they had an appointment with a ministry official. "Colleen Fish, Undersecretary for Xanadou and Other Territories, Foreign Affairs. Anthony Zecharias, Apostolic Church of New Edom, Bishop of Fineberg. Maurice Wentworth, Chief of Civil Service, Attorney-General's office of the Allied States of New Edom." Wentworth had a quiet voice which some described as the sound of the Sun going down.

The sky had grown cloudy over the capital of TurtleShroom. Most people, unless they watched the news, were blissfully unaware of the casino fight.

The clouds soon turned to rain, and very quickly, a steady downpour- so common to rainforests -began to drench the streets. It was just the steady, heavy rain of any jungle. Rolling thunder, like that of an approaching storm fifty miles off, mingled with the pouring waters. Most TurtleShroomers jumped in the busses or hitched a train home. Taxis were unheard of and cars were a luxury that was largely seen as frivelous, so those that didn't take the bus remained under the awnings of buildings, ducked inside, or just sucked it up and got wet. Various human and fungal do-gooders helped carry turtles under the dry shade if they were too slow.


The rain pelted the windows as the New Edomite delegation entered the rented storage unit. A table and enough chairs for everyone were laid out. A mushroom, dark brown and sort of wrinkly from age, was floating at the head of the table, wearing a robe the same color as a chalkboard, a white sash draped over him bearing the words "MINISTRY OF EDUCATION". He was, naturally, a representative of that government department, and was soothed by the lovely voices of the foreigners. The mushroom's name was Rory, and he prided himself in his overqualifications. Despite having a PHD in Education, he had been in this same bureaucracy for the past forty years, and everyone at the MOE jokingly called him "Doc Unmovable".

To the left was a short girl, only five foot six, with dark brown hair tied into a ponytail and large crooked teeth that didn't portrude out of her mouth. She had scars from acne and wore thick glasses comparable to Hagar. Unlike Hagar, though, this woman was in a grey pantsuit. She shook like a leaf and blinked rapidly. A thick, metallic, black bracelet from a mental hospital was on her ankle.
This woman was about thirty and had been in and out of the loony bin for the past thirty years, mainly because she kept pankicking about wiretaps. She had eventually learned to conquer her fear of wiretaps by performing them. Now, with the supervision of the mental hospital, she helped administer them. She hugged an old rotary telephone to her chest- with little in the way breasts to block it -as if it was a prized book. Her name was Emelia, and, well, she was still sort of crazy.
Third and final was a sand-colored desert tortoise. He had a miniture, to scale ear-nose-throat doctor's headpiece on his little head (the one with the mirror), and a red plus/cross was painted on his shell. This was Emelia's doctor, and he was scowling. His name was Kacob.


Rory was the first to speak, bowing to the New Edomites as they entered.

"Hello." he said, in a deep, haughty voice, indicating years and years of sitting in an ivory tower, but tainted with age. "My name is Doctor Rory, Reigonal Supervisor of the Ministry of Education. To my left is Emelia, and the turtle on the floor is Doctor Kacob. He's a medical doctor. Do not ask why he is here."

The other two said their greetings.

"S-so... wh-what brings you here?" Emelia said as she sat, her hands reaching for her hair as she undid it and let it fall messily to her shoulders. "I h-h-he-heard you had a pr-problem?"

[New Edom]

"It is an honor and a pleasure to meet all of you. Let me introduce Mr. Wentworth, Bishop Zecharias, and of course I am Colleen Fish, Undersecretary of Foreign Affairs. Let me begin by explaining the overall situtation." Colleen said. "I believe that you probably got our fax, but our concern is over what has been suspected to be the mistreatment of one of our citizens, Carlotta Jane Moss, registered at Jonesboro University, by University staff. She claims that she is being threatened with physical mistreatment and with mental degradation. Now before you begin, we've already heard what the education policies are. Our government is extremely concerned about this matter, and we would like to see Carlotta for herself, observe her living conditions and speak with her instructors. We want to be able to submit a full report with our own eyes and ears on the conditions at Jonesboro University generally as well as particularly on the part of Miss Moss."

[Nalaya]

"Lieutenant Kalousdian," a voice barked.

Liya snapped to attention in the holding cell, looking at the four Nalayans who appeared outside her cell. She recognized the red armbands and sashes for what they were on the dark gray uniform of the Unkndirnei. Her salute was perfect, if only because of nerves. Soldiers getting into trouble on foreign soil was nothing new, but sending the Bazmat’iv Khlarar. The man in front of her returned the salute, death's head grinning on his dark officer's cap. "I am Khlarar Stepanyan," he said, dark hawk-like eyes flicking coldly across her face.

She knew his type--people who had been through so much during the war that they realized how cheap and fragile human life was. The medic shivered slightly. She'd bet he didn't mind his job as a Khlarar: a Silencer, as the rest of the world would call them.

He held out a hand rigidly, in it a sealed envelope. "Your orders, Lieutenant."

If the TurtleShroomer cops had a brain, they would just stay the hell out of the way of these people. They were more than soldiers. They were trained killers. She took the envelope cautiously, then opened it up. "My unit has been transferred to active duty?"

"Yes. You are supposed to be leaving for Tatev in 48 hours. If the TurtleShroomers do not agree to release you so that you can serve Nalaya, I am under orders to remove you from their custody by any means necessary," Stepanyan said, dark eyes not leaving hers. "We will now leave you for the offices of the magistrate here in TurtleShroom. Be well, little sister."

She smiled faintly at the phrase of endearment soldiers tended to use on medics. It lifted her heart a little to know that they cared, though she was still terrified of what they would do to secure her release. Still, that was none of her concern.

----------------

Stepanyan arrived before Liya's official initial hearing was supposed to start to speak with the judge. He was as imposing as ever, followed by his fellow officers. They were all armed, though the weapons were concealed. They were here on business.

He stood in front of the TurtleShroomer judge, dark eyes glaring out at the world. "Magistrate," the man said coldly with a slight, sharp bow. "We are here by order of Chief General Anahid Vaneni, Protector of the People of Nalaya and Sovereign Head of State. Medical Lieutenant Liastan Kalousdian and her entire unit are to serve in active duty on the front lines of combat. They cannot leave without their physician. I have orders to secure the Lieutenant's release into Nalayan custody, so that she may serve her country. We hope this will not prove a problem for the people of TurtleShroom."

Stepanyan did not like TurtleShroom--the people were bland and sheltered, the country was uninteresting, and the laws were foolish. The man was cold and brutal, and had no patience for anyone who tried to hide from the problems of life by sticking their head in the sand. However, he was here and he had a mission. And Stepanyan always completed his missions.

[TurtleShroom]

The judge was an Alcoholic Circuit magistrate. That means that his robes were the color of beer and a wine glass sat on his head. This judge was a mushroom, a light brown one, with a pair of glasses and a cold scowl. He hated booze.

He looked at the vicious general and saw equal indifference to life. For the first time in forty years, the sixty year old judge smiled.

"I like you, sir." the mushroom hopped off the bench and bowed deeply to the Silencer. He smirked a bit at the skull on his cap. He reasoned that this must be a Gestapo equivalent or something, maybe a secret police.

'Your soldier will be tried accordin' ta civil laws in TurtleShroom. However given your nation's dire need of war, and-" he smiled again, "that skull on yer hat there, I reckon the gov'ment will permit an extradition." he smiled again. "Actually, I'm just gone hand her over to ya. You look like you can handle her real good."

He hammered a gavel and a little nerdy fellow to his right, holding a shotgun, a taser, and wearing a police robe to big for him, shouted with a voice meant for someone twice his size. He was a bailiff.

"THE PROHIBITIONAL JUDICIARY CIRCUIT IS NOW IN SESSION. PLAINTIFF: LIASTAN. CRIMES..."

He read the crimes. At this time, Liastan was brought out. She was wearing a heavy floor-length robe of thick, horizontal black-and-white stripes. A bellhop-esque prison hat was on her head, and her wrists were handcuffed by heavy shackles with thick chains. Clinking along her ankles were equally heavy shackles restraining her, as were a ball-and-chain. This is was customary for all prisoners no matter the crime. It was part of the "punishment" idea that drove the jails.

"THE MOST SOBER JUDGE HUMPHREY BUZZKILL PRESIDING. WE ARE ALSO HONORED TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS HONOR, STEPANYAN, SILENCER OF THE MILITARY OF THE PROTECTORATE OF NAYALA. WILL ALL RISE AND REMAIN STANDING AS COURTESY TO THIS OFFICER."

The audience in the back of the court rose in respect of the Silencer. Alcohol Judge Buzzkill rapped his gavel.

"The court is now in session. Lieutenant Liastan, explain each of your actions to me and try to justify them. You may compel any witness in the realm or enlist any officer to produce before me evidence by subopnea. However, that's protocol."

Saying nothing more, he rapped his gavel.

"The Court is now dismissed. Liastan, ya'll hereby sentenced under the custody of your superior officer, that there Silencer Stepanyan, of the Nayalan Milatary. Ya'll are ta' be boarded onto the next bus, driven to the borduh, and taken away from here by this soldier to your homeland, where he shall carry out any punishment he sees fit without arbitration, under them Nayalan laws.
Liastan ain't to remove her robes or shackles until she is out of our sovereign borders. Two cops will be ridin' with her on tha train, and from there, sir, she's yours."

Judge Buzzkill hadn't smiled this much since he came into existance.

"I am certain that you will do whatever you see is right. Even though this ain't Nayalan, we nonetheless thank you for yer sacrifice, heroism, and dedication to defending your home nation from all evils, foreign and domestic. May you continue to be this efficient, and may your military be victorious, the Lord willing, in all battles you so engage. On behalf of TurtleShroom, we all thank you for yer service. Court's adjourned."

Liastan was pushed forward to the Silencer.

[Nalaya]

"I like the hat," Stepanyan said coolly, nodding slightly to Liastan.

She shrugged. "Better than orange. Did you hear what they said about the Intendant."

The Silencer chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "Buggery, I think they called it. Amusing, considering I believe buggery is quite something other than what they were doing at that moment," he said softly in their native language. "You are lucky they agreed, little sister. Perhaps because they know a sawbones is necessary on the battle field."

"They started the riot, sir," Liya said bluntly to her officer in a language TurtleShroomers would understand. "And you know as well as I do that the liquor in my possession was not smuggled into the country by me."

Stepanyan turned to the Judge. "This is correct. The alcohol in Lieutenant Kalousdian's affects was the doing of Private Adruni and Sergeant Krjalian. I apologize for their behavior on behalf of Nalaya. Their commanding officer is currently having words with them. If I know Captain Minassian, she is probably having words with them at the top of her lungs." He gave a small, humorless smile at the thought. "As for the accusations of Lieutenant Kalousdian inciting a riot...you know what imbeciles eighteen year olds on leave are."

He turned sharply to Kalousdian, raising his voice to a snarling bark. "I don't care how much trouble it gets you in, Lieutenant! GET YOUR UNIFORM ON! If I don't see a rank on your sleeve in fifteen minutes, you'd better hope the enemy finds you before I do!"

She saluted sharply despite the chains, knowing a goddamn order when she heard one. "Yessir! Under the robes, sir!"

"Congratulations, Lieutenant Kalousdian! Welcome to the world of non judicial punishment!" Stepanyan snarled, apparently unconcerned by the fact that they were still in a courtroom. "Your ass is mine until you get shipped out, solider! GO!"

[TurtleShroom]

{OOC: Nayala, I'd like to ask that you refrain from using the GD-phrase in your posts. To me, that's worse than ten F-bombs and is the paramount of RL blasphemy to me in the real world. I can take many a word, but GD and F are two I can't. Thank you.}

In the courtroom, Nayala:

Judge Buzzkill was loving every minute of this. Even when the crowd cringed in total unison at the use of the A-word, the Judge couldn't contai his pure joy at all of this. It reminded him of when he was in the military.

"Your Honor," the Judge said to the Silencer, "She requested to put her military uniform on right when she was brought to 'tha city jail. We thought it was weird why, but..." he tried not to laugh, "I guess we know now. You sure know how to keep your men and women in line. Must get a lotta decorations."

He then recalled his words.

"Yes sir, I know all to well what young recruits do. I actually served in the Navy, your honuh. Four years, honorable discharge, never made it past Private First Class, though. When I first joined, me and some other rookies recokned it'd be funny to 'pants the commander'. I still have the scar from that incident's lashes. The TurtleShroomer military has gotten softer in recent times, though. Now, they just cane 'em."

He then made note of the liquor comment.

"Understood, your honuh. Neither I nor the poe-lease knew that the potent alcohol she was a-carryin' was someone else's booze. In fact, that's all new to the Court. 'Course, she'd still be in trouble for the other stuff she did. We like ta think that every soldier is worth something big in the efficient machine a-war. be it the nerds on the computahs or the heroes with the guns... it's all vital.
She's a medic, and she's gone save lives like her others... 'cept she's savin' the lives of her own men. We ain't gone let her stand in the way of her dutyto her country, no-siree. I cain't numbuh the amount-a times we've let a criminal go home to the military to whoop her.
Many times, said extradited soldier wished they'd be put to death."

The judge motioned for the bailiff to get the door and hold it open for the Silencer. None of them understood or reacte dto the foreign language the exchanged.

"She'll be under your custody and guided out by our poe-lease, your honor. The train will be at the statio nin fiv eminutes and will head lickety split to the borduh, west. Jonesboro ain't in the middle of TurtleShroom, but it's a BIIIIG countr It'll take ya'll 'bout three days to the borduh by the iron horse; civilian air travel does not exist in TurtleShroom. Ya can either do that or exit in the way you came. Naturally, foreigners' planes are permitted in TurtleShroom, and we always try to accomodate armies that aren't attackin'. How will ya'll be leavin'?"


The Silencer, two TurtleShroomer police, Liastan, and the Silencer's guards exited the court room and went outside to the awning, the pouring rain continuing to drench everything. A locomotive's horn/whistle pierced the air from a good ways away, and both nationalities' escourts looked to the Silencer for his orders.

[TurtleShroom]

THE STORAGE UNIT: NEW EDOM

"She claims that she is being threatened with physical mistreatment and with mental degradation. Now before you begin, we've already heard what the education policies are. Our government is extremely concerned about this matter, and we would like to see Carlotta for herself, observe her living conditions and speak with her instructors. We want to be able to submit a full report with our own eyes and ears on the conditions at Jonesboro University generally as well as particularly on the part of Miss Moss."

Rory nodded.

"Yes ma'am. You will be given full and unrestricted access to all documents, provided you share them with no creature other than your entourage and with your authorities, and I can invoke subopnea for anyone you need, with a simple call and rubberstamp warrant to the FBB."

Rory floated over to the wall and began pacing.

"TurtleShroom's school system is uniform from elementary to the end of a post-graduate or beyond doctorate degree. All students until high school wear black robes as uniforms. In universities, women may wear pantsuits or appropriately lengthed skirts, coupled with a top that bears no cleavage or midriff. Sandals must have backs. The top may be sleveless, but the straps must be thee inches wide or more. Your troublemaker violated a great number of these rules. She wore a midriff-bearing shirt that exhibited immense cleavage, tight short-shorts failing the unisex above-the-kneecap standard, and was cutting class waving a protest sign. She was ticketed by an officer for various petty offenses, and she responded by performing a motion of the hand placing extraordinary emphasis on the middle finger, a sexually implicit gesture considered obscene in most every culture."

He looked at the group to make sure they were paying attention.

"She was brought before the Elders of the University and was to be submitted to corporal punishment, consistent with both national law and academic rules. She enrolled in the Agricultural Academy with full knowledge of paddling and did not submit the opt-out form we gave her, thereby consenting. It was at time that a heroic soldier from a foreign realm stood in and begged for grace to be shown. It was granted, and she was reassigned to the dormintory with said soldier. After class, they left, appeared before the campus representative of the Board of Labor Purity. After the final bell, they left the campus, and were no under the jurisdiction of the school."

The thre enodded.

"Now, her claims of physical and mental degredation are broken into two answers. The first is true. She was going to receive corporal punishment, which is physical in nature. The second is the cry outs of a wussy, spoiled little twit that can't handle being diciplined and ordered to obey authority. I'm betting her parents enrolled her into Jonesboro 'Ag.' because of her rebellious streak. In TurtleShroom, all students have the rights of children on academic property; schools act in locus parentis and have total jurisdiction over all cretures on their land, no matter the age. Creatues of the age of majority waive their adult rights to the supreme authority of the school when in school hours. Colleges are permitted to set curfews, forbid students to come and go for up to three day each week, and are permitted to monitor the activites and communications of all live-in students without a warrent. This is policy and has not been whipped up to mentally degrade this Carlotta kid."

He paused, waiting for it to sink in, and continued.

"Shame and public humilation are tools used by both schools and authorities to nip crime and villainly in the bud. Carlotta broke explicitly stated, unchanging school rules, and was punished by the book without prejudice or alteration; she was punished like any other student would be. That is the story, and anything from her should be taken with bucket sof salt. She has had a long past of trolling, pranks, protests, dissent, mouthing off, and oteher offenses that have got her in trouble for the entire semester. She's been paddled many times before. It's odd she's complaining right now. I guess she want to cause chaos like the spoilt whiner she is."

He smiled.

"However, the government of TurtleShroom is sworn under the Constitution to be pure and open. Unless Carlotta has engaged in activites that get her in trouble with the nation's laws, putting her behind bars, she will be delivered to you by the poe-lease, wherever she may be. I'll get any warrents you need. What documents to you seek, what witnesses shall you compel, and woud you like Miss Carlotta now, or later?"

[Nalaya]

OOC: Sorry, habit from writing the dialogue of soldiers. The military can be quite profane. Duly noted.

IC:

Liya grinned in the rain, glad to be going home, even if it was only for a few days before being shipped off to war. You always knew where you stood in the army. She'd been allowed briefly to change into her uniform to comply with orders before pulling the robe back on and letting them shackle her again.

The Silencer looked to his fellows and the TurtleShroom escort. "We will leave by plane, I think. There is a C-130 to take us home waiting outside of the city in an airfield--we did of course ask for permission," he said in the goodnatured way of a man who's done his job. "If you would be so good to escort us back as the judge ordered, we will handle Lieutenant Kalousdian."

He nudged Liya with his elbow. "So, happy to be going off to war, little sister?"

"Happiest girl on the planet, Khlarar," she said with a laugh. "Non-judicial punishment?"

"Guess who gets to tell Inna she has to be presentable for a press conference," Khlarar Stepanyan said with a wicked grin. "You know how much the Marshal loves that."

Liya groaned. "I'm going to have to duel her, aren't I? It doesn't matter how hard you try not to cause offense. She always gets so angry..."

Stepanyan clapped her on the shoulder. "Welcome home, Lieutenant."

[New Edom]

The Storage Unit

"You've been very helpful." Colleen said with a smile.

Wentworth spoke for the first time. "Please be advised that we have general concerns about relations with your country. Undersecretary Fish is being diplomatic, which is her job. Mine is not. I'll be brief." He adjusted his glasses and looked at the mushroom. "Sir with all due respect it doesn't matter whether Carlotta Moss is a brat or some species of lichen. She's a New Edomite citizen, and that is all that matters to us. We would like to speak with her immediately, and if she wishes to leave the country we intend to remove her. The reasons, to be blunt, are these and they transcend the concern over this particular schoolgirl, so please pay careful attention.

"New Edom is a country which is trying to emerge from civil war. In the midst of this we have social upheavals such as your country has not faced in some time. However I hope you can appreciate that we don't want them, generally. We want as little media attention about this matter as possible. So in a way all this red tape, let's do what has to be done and get her out." he smacked his lips as though at an unpleasant taste. "I could to be honest, care less about your educational rules. Your country I'm sure does the best it can to provide education and keep things orderly. This is obviously not New Edom, and I don't expect it to be. What I want is that kid out of there. Is it possible to simply expedite that, and if so how do we best do that?"

Bishop Zecharias smiled. "Mr. Wentworth--speaks roughly and bluntly but in general he speaks for all of us and the interests we represent. If I might briefly put it another way: our chief concern is not the girl herself per se but what she represents, which is the cause of legitimized rebellion. We're trying to put fires out. We're asking for your help in doing that. The simplest thing is that you let us take the girl back to New Edom and deal with her there."

[Ali-Zebu Union]

Lottie laughed ruefully. "In a way it almost wouldn't matter if you had bad intentions--almost anything would be more fun. Though I feel bad for ragging on Hagar. I'm going to send her an apology later. I lost my patience but...well she's like a victim, not a person really trying to be mean. I just want to agitate, not hurt innocent people." she looked at the women. "So...where are you from? Helladria or something? No wait...maybe not, you didn't use that weird lingo they use there...gosh I can't think where from. I'm a New Edomite, an Anglo-German New Edomite...that I guess means I'm either an ETC fanatic or a perfectly ordinary person studying Agronomy here."

Giziana listened as Lottie spoke and felt sympathy for the flustered young woman.

“I would not be too hard on yourself. All of use have our passions and it is only natural that they get the better of us at times. I am sure you are not a bad person and I wager Hagar would appreciate your kind words.”

She gave a small smile when the question of nationality came up. It seemed the Union’s ally in the frigid (by her standards) north were even known here.

“You are right Lottie, we are not Helladrian, though our nations do share close bonds. We are from the Ali-Zebu Union. Are you familiar with it? Anyway, myself and Esli, for one reason or another, are here to assist Nemma over there,” Nemma gave Lottie a smile, “with some field work here in TurtleShroom. Something to do with interspecies interactions in regard to economic transactions I believe.”

She paused to consider if there was anything else she should say and continued.

“Oh, I suppose I should mention that we all attended Vaaninnen University in Skäskoulu and Nemma is fact working for the university now. I didn’t tell you our specialities did I? Nemma has her doctorate in cultural and social anthropology, Esli has her doctorate in zoology, more specifically herpetology, and I of course am a Med school graduate and soldier. An odd group for this sort of study, I know, but Nemma practically begged us to come.”

Giziana smiled and said, “ I have been running my mouth haven’t I? I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother. Shall I be your guard, or will you be fine on your own?”

Regardless of Lottie’s response, the four of them had been asked to leave. As they walked out of the casino Nemma, her usual amorous self, turned to Lottie and spoke a few lines in Ammaztyl which made Giziana blush and Esli glare.

[New Edom]

Lottie was hardly a blushing virgin but the tone of the Amazon speaking to her made her blush anyway. She suddenly thought "Why didn't my parents send me there?" She knew there must be Ali Zebu men, but even if she'd mostly interact with other women, they were pretty cool. She did leave a message at the Casino that she'd like to know when Hagar was already again, and wrote her this message.

Dear Hagar,

I'm sorry I was so hard on you. I know I seem like a bad girl, but I am a fellow Christian and I didn't act in a very loving way. I know you were just trying to do your job. We should get together to have a milkshake sometime. It was my fault--I was having a bad day and I took it out on you.

- Lottie Moss

She also left a similar apology with the casino management. She felt a genuine remorse; it hadn't been her aim to hurt innocent people. It often ended up that way--she couldn't contain herself and then ironically shot over the mark and hit an innocent.

However the chatter of the Ali women was refreshing. "A ride, well I--" then she smiled and then frowned at the sound of a motorcycle approaching.

"Here he is, the jerk." she folded her arms under her bosom and stood, hip cocked, her face growing angrier.

Marco rolled up. And Lottie vented on him. "You jerk! If you'd been here on TIME--there was a freaking RIOT in there, the dealer fainted, these women showed up, my new Nalayan friend is gone to jail--"

"Whoa, whoa, cease fire baby, slow down!" exclaimed Marco, trying to fend off her slapping hands. "I ran into some stupid cop patrol and the beanpoles fined me for something I can't even remember." Marco wore a well worn leather jacket, snug jeans, cowboy boots and had his dark hair a bit long and shaggy. He wasn't exactly handsome, he had a crooked nose, a wide mouth and bony face but he was an attractive man, especially in Turtleshroom. "I'm sorry, okay, cara mia? I'm sorry..."

Lottie sighed. "Giziana, Eslie, Nemma, this is my boyfriend Marco, from Ivrea-Mantova, who doesn't know how to read a watch. And shoot, we're almost able to form a chapter of the WA, right? And Marco, these women are from Ali Zebu Union."

"I am honored ladies to make your acquaintance," said Marco with a sweeping Ivrea-Mantova bow. His eyes took them in with pleasure, but not too long, as he could still see Lottie steaming.

"And I'm afraid I must take Lottie away now--"

"Oh REALLY--maybe I don't feel like going on our date." said Lottie, frowning at him, putting her hands on her hips.

Marco fell to his knees. "Forgive me! Forgive me! Forgive--"

"Get up, you idiot, you'll start another riot," said Lottie, blushing and laughing. "Okay. Alright. This is the last time though." Marco grinned and handed her his spare helmet.

Lottie waved to the Ali Zebu women. "Bye, it was nice to meet you--oh, can we exchange numbers?" After she had done this she got onto the motorcyle and they roared off into the night.

As they got to the motel they had rented, Marco and she went in, his arm around her waist. The door closed behind them and his lips went down

CENSORED

[TurtleShroom]

We're trying to put fires out. We're asking for your help in doing that. The simplest thing is that you let us take the girl back to New Edom and deal with her there."

Rory tilted himself side to side, like a human would do with their head when they said no.

"We want to expel the twerp as much as you." the mushroom said. "-but we can't. She has entered a binding contract and has submitted to the school all of her legal rights and custodies. In essence, the school is her parent , her guardian, and her ruler/I] until she has completed the course she signed for... which still has six months left. Yes, that's usually a four year course, but we do it in one because of the eradication of the devil's youth empowerment."

He sighed.

"I can contact some friends in the secular governance of the school, maybe get the Dean and the Headmaster-President on the line, but let me tell you... they're very prejudiced. They probably won't listen to reason as well as the MOE."

Emelia nodded like a bobblehead.

"Ye-yeah... th-they're r-really o-old and st-stuck in their w-w-w-ways."

"There is one way out that won't require months of red tape and taxpayers' Skillets, and one only.

He siged deeply.

"She must pay a steep exit fee of five hundred thousand Skillets. Currently, one Skillet equals thirty six Americalandese cents. That may seem easy, but recent times have shaken up the exit system. The Universities demand their payments [I]in gold."

He could tell there was shock on the delegation's face.

"I know what you're thinking. The Sklillet isn't on the Gold Standard, it's pegged to the Americalandese Dollar, and you're right in thinking that. However, that's not what the contract we signed demands."

He shook his head.

"It was the shadiest deal I'd seen in all my life. Not illegal, but I don't trust the parties involved. Let me explain."

Emelia had exited as he spoke, and brought back a flipchart. The first picture showed a squat little prospector in black robes.

"This is Willy. He's a member of an insane cult that thinks some aliens or something are going to return and destroy anyone that doesn't follow the cult."

He flipped a page, showing a cheap drawing of Willy and gold.

"Willy has a gold fixation. He will stop at nothing to hoarde gold reserves. He outdoes the TS Reserves three to one."

He flipped a page, now showing a red line plunging downwards.

"The Jonesboro Agricultural Academy is in debt, deep deep debt."

He flipped a page showing a photograph of Willy and a school administrator smiling at the camera.

"So the School contacted Willy, who has more gold in his power than any institution or central bank in the Land of Power. Willy agreed to buy bonds in the school's debt and make sure they ALWAYS break even... on the sole condition that any profits above their operating expenses and salaries be theres to keep. They then buy gold in the exchange markets."

He flipped the page. There was nothing on this one.

"Basically, Jonesboro Agriculture is subsidizing an insane cult. One of the main agreements that the school struck with Willy was to reduce the droppout raise. They say the rigid and merciless driving of the school outdoes the military in efficiency and any school in the Far East. We graduate creatures TWICE as fast, but in doing so, we slam their nose- if they have one -to the grindstone and push them to their limits and beyond."

Here, the mushroom sighed.

"To eliminate dropouts, the school rewrote its rules that exit fees be paid in pure gold. Since most folks don't have that kind of money, the kids stay, get schooled, and run out. All exit fees are tax-exempt and go to this nutty Cult."

Rory couldn't help but sigh again.

"This cult sprang up in 2009. It was created by Willy. He's the only high-ranking Cultist that isn't some sort of economic genius. He has a sub-elementary education but is charasmatic as he is insane. We've tried to institutionalize him, but the wealthy and intelligent followers keep bailing him out. They know every loophole and even made their cult avoid the sin and income taxes. We're at their mercy."


Emelia spoke up.

"The cr-cr-cr-crazist th-thing is that W-Willy claims to h-have seen an ep-ep-eiphany... in New Ed-d-dom!"

"Emelia's right. Willy apparently went prospecting deep into a territory where this cult lived, a cult probably linked to Willy's. He came bck a changed coot, now using his gold obbsession to hoarde for some sort of Armaggedon that isn't in Revelation, but rather, some sort of alien warfare and astorlogy stuff. Insane."

Emelia fronwed.

"I-I'm s-sorry... -but the only way to bail Moss o-out of the sc-sc-school instantly.... is to cough up five hundred thousand Sk-sk-skill-sk-skillets in p-pure g-g-gold."

[New Edom]

The three New Edomites reacted variously--Colleen blinked and then removed her glasses a moment, cleaned then and stared. "That old lunatic? He's HERE?"

"Even Simon Crove thought he was a nut..." began Wentworth angrily.

"Please, let's be calm--my goodness gracious...he was in New Edom before, but he vanished. The End Times Church, unfortunately you are correct, they are powerful and influential." Bishop Zecharias mopped his brow with a handkerchief.

"The money, it's a lot for it, it's like a ransom." Colleen flushed. "Is there no other way?" she felt like dropping through the floor. What would Sif have done? Gone and kicked the doors of the school in? But she had to think of something. "Look, what if we extradite her? I mean she's broken a bunch of your laws--what if we were to say that she's probably an active member of the Manifesto of Liberty back home, and therefore agitating against your laws, and therefore a suspected terrorist? Could we do that? I mean...she MIGHT be, right? In which case it's a matter of national security and your University will have no choice, right?"

"It is a matter of national security." said Wentworth. "I'm planning on submitting a report to the Attorney-General that Carlotta Moss is on the suspected terrorist list. Turtleshroom is a friendly government we are trying to build good relations with. This a very serious matter, lady and gentlemen." He said all this without batting an eye.

[TurtleShroom]

*snip fornication snip*

Marco put his lips to Lottie's lips and the passionately made out. That passion became sex out of wedlock, and, well...

---

TURTLESHROOM POLICE STATION, JONESBORO SIXTEENTH DISTRICT
All audio, no video. That hotel was a favorite spot of fornicators and even worse loosey-goosey people. For the past decade, the TurtleShroomer police forces have wiretapped every room in that building. The cops called it "The Devil's Inn" for that reason.

One cop had the vintage analog earphones on, listening to a bug in Lottie's room.

"OH! UGH! EEEEWW!"

A higher-ranked officer came over the the outbursting, rookie turtle. He had a mustache that would put Saddam Hussein to shame, and was very short by ANYONE'S standards.

"Hush, rookie. You know that place is sick."

"No, it's not that sort of intimacy, chief. It's just, they're so noisy and... dear Gravy, the husband's narrating it!"

" "

"Give me a listen."

The short human's face contorted like a lemon as well.

"Oh! Gosh!"

The two listened into the wiretap. They apparently were using contraceptives, illegal without a marriage license... -and that was when they got the evidence they needed, when Marc bragged about him shoplifting a RaceTrac gas station bathroom.

The police officer looked at each other.

"OH." the first began.

"MY." the senior officer followed.

"MAX STINKING BARRY." both said in unison.


"They're not married."

"Nope."

The cop grabbed a walkie-talkie.

"Send in the 'Fornication Usurpation from Naughty, Spouseless, Unholy, Chaotic Kids that Endanger Righteousness Systematically'!"

"Right on it!"

---

The Motel of Evil
Dawn on Monday morning. Lottie woke up next to Marco and smiled. You could practically HEAR William Tell's Call to the Cows as the tropical sunlight streamed through the damp glass. The rain had stopped overnight, not that the two sick people noticed.

She looked to him, and he looked to her, and they smiled.

"Good morning beautiful."

"Good morning, beautiful-er."

The two giggled.

"That sure was-"


"POE-LEASE! WE HAVE A WARRANT! WE'RE COMIN' IN THREE-

BOOM!!

The door flew off its hinges. Ten generic police officer mushrooms surrounded the bed with tasers. Six had tasers, four had extra-wide frying pans.

"FREEZE, DEVILS!" one shouted.

"IF APPLICABLE, HANDS IN THE AIR!"

The two obeyed, and Lottie wrapped herself in a sheet and grabbed her clothes, hastily putting them back on, but putting the shirt on backwards.


Then, a short Asian man entered the room. He couldn't have been over four foot eleven. He was wearing a khaki robe and had on a flat brimmed hat, like a highway patrolman's. He also had a full-length double-barreled shotgun on his back, as large as he was. His tiny little right hand clutched a scroll and a paper.

"ALL RIGHT! NODBODY MOVE! F.U.N. S.U.C.K.E.R.S.!!"

The Asian man was definately East Asian. The heavilly slanted eyes and black hair definately made that evident. In fact, he was the first non-white TurtleShroomer that Lottie had seen. He had a pair of glasses that were just a little thicker than average, and his height made him laughable at best. He had a thin mustache that outlined his upper lips, and his eyes were filled with pure rage. Although, he was actually sort of cute in that robed getup: like an Asian Barney Fife. The two restrained their urge to laugh.

"WELL WELL WELL!" the Oriental Mayberry cop said. "WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?"

He paced around the bed, trying to stand on his tiptoes to look over the two.

"TWO NITWIT CHILDREN THINKIN' THEY COULD SUBVERT THE LAW, EH?"

He continued pacing. Lottie and Marco couldn't understand how the mushrooms, still armed and pointing at them, kept a totally straight, cold face with this guy.

"WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU?"

The two looked at each oth-

"WE SEND THEM TO JAIL, THAT'S WHAT!"

He threw the warrant at them.

"Don't cry 'violation of rights', foreign PUNKS. THAT'S A SEARCH AND ARREST WARRANT. IT WARRANTS A SEARCH... -AND AN ARREST."

He then undid the scroll.

"You are charged with purchase of contraceptives without a marriage license. -AND FORNICATING!! OUT OF WEDLOCK!!"

Lottie and Marco looked at each other.

"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR FORNICATING AND PURCHASING CONTRACEPTIVES WITHOUT A LICENSE. MUSHROOM! READ THESE DEVILS THEIR RIGHTS."

“YES SIR! You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and will be used against you before a court of law! You have the right to a fair trial before an impartial judge who will adjudicate without favor or bias! You have the right to be informed of the details of your arrest within twenty four hours if they have not yet been spoken! You have the right to religious counseling if your religion subscribes to such! Do you understand these rights?”

He waited for them to respond, but the F.U.N. S.U.C.K.E.R Asian interrupted.

"ALL RIGHT! SHACKLE 'EM!"

The mushrooms seized Lottie and Marco and shackled them with the TurtleShroomer equivalent of handcuffs, thick, chained bands of solid iron, like that of a dungeon. They lifted her out of the bed and began to push her out of the room.


{OOC: You know what would make this even more entertaining? Marco is racist to Asians.}

[TurtleShroom]

This a very serious matter, lady and gentlemen.

-and that's when a turtle crawled in. Rory picke dhim up and place dhim on the table. He pulled into his shell and withdrew a badge.

"Howdy sir, Yer Honor, brothuh." he said to the New Edomites, lowering his neck in respect.

"Howdy Your Honor, ma'am, Doctuh." he said to the TurtleShroomers.

"My name is Knott Uhgin. I work for the poe-lease in TurtleShroom and have been a-listenin' to this conversation since ya'll started talkin'."

He faced Wentworth.

"It has come to the knowledge of TurtleShroom that the Devil's Manifesto is takin' deep hold in yer nation. Already, 'following new legislation in New Edom, leather-clad individuals can be seen walking their slaves in public parks'. Those kids in yer nation are handin' New Edom over to THA DEH-BULL, and we are worried that by the time we work through this here mess, her evils will be legal."

He sighed.

"Ya see, 'fore this, she mainlygot school problems. Got paddled. Howevuh, she just now got nailed fer bigger crimes."

He looked to Rory and had him go outside to bring in the paper. The headlines showed a picture of the Asian FUN SUCKER, the mushrooms, and Lottie and Marco, with eyes the size of dinner plates and jaws to the metaphorical floor, their hands holding the covers up to their necks.

The headline read:
REBELLIOUS, SPOILED STUDENT CAUGHT FORNICATING IN DEVIL'S INN
SCHOOL SAYS THIS IS NOT HER FIRST WRONGDOING

"That happened six AM this mornin'. They entered inta the Devil's Inn, a sting operation for the past ten years, where we commonly nab hookuhs and extramarital abominations. We've been a-wiretappin' that place since the millinieum begun."

He sighed.

"-and even if we COULD pry her out of THAT, there's a second problem. Ya see, terrorism is strict in TurtleShroom 'cause it's a capital crime that often involves WATERBOARDIN'."

The New Edomites looked to each other.

"Terrorism is EXCLUSIVELY defined in TurtleShroom as ‘using or imminently and directly displaying the will to use, within the near future, physical violence to accomplish, advance, or otherwise persuade a government on a political, ideological, or other point’. She ain't done any violence... -and after the killins' of our leaduhs, we ain't lettin' anyone labelled a terrorist by any nation out of our sights until she's thoroughly... washed for interrogation. The current laws of the land state that a foreign terrorist in TurtleShroom is a terrorist to TurtleShroom,and must be interrogated to learn why he or she is in the nation. This applies only to friendly nations and those that respect the rule of law, as ya'll do. All labellin' her as a terrorist would do was get Lottie WATERBOARDED. Again, we all apologize, but that brat's so entwined into TurtleShroomer law right now that it'd take a war to get her out."

[New Edom]

Colleen hesitated a moment. Oddly enough the thing that came to mind was that jerk Paul Pole, who didn't know how to keep his paws to himself or his lips for that matter. But she didn't want him HUNG for it. "This is...Mr. Uhgin..." What weird names these people have, is it some kind of joke? "...we will have to immediately report this to our government. And...washed?"

"Immediately." agreed Wentworth. "However I strongly urge all of you to reconsider. This is a very serious matter. You may say our country is going to the devil, but this is a matter of international law. We will now stand still while one of our fellow countrymen is held by your laws under these circumstances. You haven't been understanding."

Bishop Zecharias held up his hands. "Listen, please. We realize that you have concerns about the Manifesto of LIberty. But I implore you, consider that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. In the interests of peace, for a moment consider the beam in your own eye before you are so quick to leap to the splinter in ours. Consider, for a moment, friends, that you might be wrong, and that the best thing would be to let us take her home." His feline face was now a little less serene but no less calm.

***

"This is ridiculous," Lottie had been howling. "We got married at a casino in Grittonia when we were on vacation! This is crazy! I demand a lawyer! I want to talk to my Ambassador, to the President!"

Marco shouted in Italian at them, shaking his fists until he was shackled, whereupon he burst into a fury. "You creepy dwarf, what's wrong with you? What are you, refugee from "Big Trouble in Little China"? Get away from me! I am a citizen of Ivrea-Mantova!"

[Ali-Zebu Union]

A woman sat aboard an airliner and looked through a briefcase on her lap.

“Passport, licences, political documentation, street map, and everything else,” said the woman to herself as she then closed the briefcase. The Foreign and Exterior Ministries had done a good job of setting her up. She chuckled when she considered that she just might be able to get away with lugging around a shoulder mounted missile launcher with the paperwork she had.

The plane landed in Jonesboro and she stepped off the plane and into the airport. She showed her passport to appropriate official and then proceeded to customs. She informed the customs officer of the weapons she had with her and showed the appropriate documentation. If she were not stopped, she then continued on. She picked up the rest of her luggage and then stepped out of the airport. It was raining, so she pulled out an umbrella.

She was not particularly tall at 1.63 meters (5'4"), her skin was of a fairly dark complexion, her eyes were hazel, and her long black hair was carefully styled into a french braid. She wore a pair of black knee-high boots, white denim pants that ended at the knee, and a long sleeved and simply cut amber shirt of silk. If she were not prevented from doing so, she would have holstered her .50 caliber Mušhuššu pistol at her side.

She stopped the first creature that stopped and asked,

“Hello, I am Lashma Raita. I am trying to find this hotel, would you mind giving me directions?”

She said all this as she smiled and pointed at a printout of her hotel reservations.

[TurtleShroom]

NATIONSTATES
THE IMMODESTY DEBACLE X

School chaos!

THE STORAGE UNIT

“Delegates, on my honor, I vow there is nothing I can do! I don’t HAVE that kind of power!” explained Rory, his face desparate in response to Wentworth and Colleen. “I’m just a lowly bureaucrat! Fifty years of bureaucrat!”

“Reverend,” the police representative stated quickly to the bishop, helping Rory, “This isn’t a matter of religion or Christ. If it was, we’d be trying that. No, this is a matter of black and of white: the only way to release Moss is to cheat, break a law, or worse, violate our Constitution. There is absolutely no legal way we can release Moss from the custody of the school unless she can cough up gold.
We can’t free Moss from the justice system unless she’s declared innocent of her crimes. TurtleShroom law strictly forbids extraditing any creature if the laws there can not, in some way, put her under some sort of punishment.”

Emelia screamed out of nowhere, her insanity rising from the frustration. The turtle doctor bit her wrist and managed to calm her down.

If Rory could sweat, he would be.

“Friends, we’re not trying to obstruct anything or cause an international debacle. Truly I say to you, we’re telling you all we can. Lottie is now under the mercy of the courts and the Department of Incarceration and Punishment. If you insist, I’ll try and call everybody in my black book and see if I can get SOMETHING done… -but again, she’s now under the control of TWO government agencies, having committed numerous crimes, and frankly, no one that has heard her name has any sympathy for her. The Regents are trying to hold this uncrowned regime together, and the Executive Cabinet’s members are all tied up in their own affairs. We’re not allowed to extend beyond what the law says we can do. It’s not like the Ministry of Police can force a school to change or the Ministry of the Enforcement of Prohibition can meddle with courts.”

He sighed loudly.

“Again, this is not our fault. TurtleShroom was never designed to be globalist. Our people didn’t start opening up to the world until 1980, and immigration was unthinkable until 1900. This nation grows enough food to sustain two of itself, and we have a strict, rigid order that keeps domestic issues silent and crime smashed from the public’s ear. Why else does the WA say it’s unknown? It’s not a secret police doing that, I’ll tell you!”

Knott tried to explain it.

“There is no law, precedent, interpretation, or even a recording of anything in the laws and governance of TurtleShroom that can even REMOTELY aid in the release of Lottie. She said her marriage to Marco- which has no records anywhere in TurtleShroom or the few New Edomites our Ministry of Foreign Affairs could reach –was performed in GRITTONIA. Grittonia has been embargoed by TurtleShroom for the two hundred years! That place is as blacklisted as liquor in a Baptist church! In fact, a Grittonian marriage isn’t even recognized in this country! She’s in a pickle!”

The doctor removed Emelia from the scene before she could scream again.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Rory said, exasperated. “We can’t do anything. We’re just three workers. This is intwined in several of the nation’s most complex bureaucracies, two of which are partially and totally unregulated; respectively, only the universities have direct government intervention, the rest are at the command of local school boards. The prison system, after a person is convicted by due process of law, is forbidden from exercising parole and effectively owns the convict. Not custody: I chose that word for a reason. Inmates get nothing but three-hots-and-a-cot, water, and indoor plumbing.”

Colleen buried her face in her hands.

“There’s nothing we can do. The Board of Regents can’t even exercise the Easter Pardon. That’s the Chancellors’ duty.”

Knott shook his head.

“-and ‘washed’ is colloquial for waterboarding, folks. Label her a terrorist and the state will probably see her drenched. –and I do NOT want the intelligence agencies in this!”

---

"This is ridiculous," Lottie had been howling. "We got married at a casino in Grittonia when we were on vacation! This is crazy! I demand a lawyer! I want to talk to my Ambassador, to the President!"

The mushrooms looked at each other.

“GRITTONIA, EH?” the Asian Fife said. “Well, I’ll have you know that Grittonia has been BLACKLISTED for a hundred years! No Grittonian document spare a passport is worth the queer, rainbow-shaming paper it’s written on! Now get!”


The mushrooms used all their force to pull Marco; though Lottie was getting tuckered out, this strong man wasn’t.

Marco shouted in Italian at them, shaking his fists until he was shackled, whereupon he burst into a fury. "You creepy dwarf, what's wrong with you? What are you, refugee from ‘Big Trouble in Little China’? Get away from me! I am a citizen of Ivrea-Mantova!"

The mushrooms all looked at each other.

“YOU DIDN’T!” the Asian FUN SUCKER replied back!

A mushroom leaned over at Marco.

“Kid, I wouldn’t be racist if I were you. The FUN SUCKERS are disproportionately Asian and take great offense to those sort of things. Heck, it’s like laughing at me for not having thumbs. Asian jokes in TurtleShroom…. no.”

Marco didn’t really care, of course, he was was just trying to think of another insult to say to this pint-sized Oriental.

After an hour of screaming and fighting, one officer tazed Marco and another smacked him on the top of the head with a frying pan. He and Lottie were thrown into the back of a patty wagon.

It was there that they saw three other creatures.

One was a blackknobbed sawback turtle with a missing eye and a hook instead of a claw.

The second and third were a male human and a female turtle holding onto each other for dear life, trembling like an earthquake and displaying an amount of fear that Lottie had never seen before. The male was even nerdier than Hagar, with buck teeth, untamed hair, suspenders, and above-the-waist pants, covered in acne and some blood. Some bloody mucous was dripping out of his nose and the lenses of his glasses were gone, showing his blood-red eyes and all the sheer, unthinkable terror he had in them. The female turtle was a small red-eared slider turtle, a gash on her shell. Each one had a red-inked stamp on, respectively, their left wrist and shell, marked with the letter “B”. These two had been mildly beaten. It was that kind of beating that bordered brutality but wasn’t hard enough to justify a lawsuit. The nerd’s foot was broken and he couldn’t see since his glasses were messed up. For some reason, he had his left hand grabbing his neck, though he wasn’t choking and he could breathe.

He was faintly whispering to himself: “NooseNooseNooseNooseNoose NooseNoose….”

---

[New Edom]

Storage Room

Wentworth looked at all those Turtleshroomers, human, turtle and fungus alike. "Listen to me very carefully. Because you need to make a decision. This is the real deal here. If we report to our government that you cannot release one of our citizens for something as frankly petty as this, there may be very serious consequences." He stood up. "I do ask that you forward our concerns to the rest of your government. However there's not much more to say."

"Thank you for your time," added Colleen Fish. "Well, may God bless us all...good bye."

The Paddy Wagon

Lottie shrank away from the strange people in the truck, but Marco managed to ask, "What...what are you all in for, anyway?"

[TurtleShroom]

NATIONSTATES
THE IMMODESTY DEBACLE XI

*snip*

JONESBORO/TURTLESHROOM INTERREIGONAL AIRPORT

Lashma’s airplane hit the dirt runway to TurtleShroom’s only airport hard. The jolt startled her and the plane looked like it couldn’t take it, but nonetheless, it did. Air travel didn’t exist in TurtleShroom, so the airport- which had been subject to a fierce terrorist attack in the Haizan Wars –remained the ash-covered, torn-up flat it had been since the war.

Kashma stepped off of the plane and looked around. She noticed that this airport was far from the city and carved a perfect rectangle in the jungles. A small dirt road led off at a point a small time away.

There were no buildings here except a control tower with analog equipment fifty years old, and what looked like a long ranch-style house with a tin roof. Wires ran out of it and to the control tower, and also somewhere into the rainforests.

Lashma was very underwhelmed, but she proceeded into the tin-roofed building. There, she noticed it was a wide space with a lot of TurtleShroomers in various outfits sitting in chairs. Several naked bulbs and ceiling fans hung in the ceiling, one of them flickering.


The staffers immediately saw her and nudged each other to perform their jobs. They were also smiling, checking her out, because they found her VERY pretty.

An eight foot human wearing a black police-like hat, a black collared shirt, black short pants (where I come from, short pants = shorts, and they gone to the kneecap on men, you know what I mean), and a pair of sunglasses approached her. He showed an ID card reading “CUSTOMS". He was a tan color- Hispanic in fact -with thick, raven black hair that ran down a few inches below the base of his skull, but stopping before it hit his shoulder blades.
In the front, it was longish but kept from covering his eyes by being combed to the side.

Squatting down so he wouldn’t intimidate Lashma, he blew a whistle and seven mushrooms, two turtles, and a human, dressed in garb identical to his, ran out and performed the same search on her as they did to Liastan, Lottie, and the others at the Casino. (You can read that on the other pages.)
As soon as they came, they left, like a race car pit stop crew. Only the first customs official remained. He spoke with a Hispanic, broken English accent that could be easily compared to anything in RL Columbia or the Caribbean.

“Greetins’ and welcome to Holy Republic of TurtleShroom.” the officer said formally. He bowed deeply and then extended a handshake, which Lashma pleasantly took.

“My name Kuss Tohms. Pronounced ‘cuss-tums’, like mah job, customs.” he smiled, always loving that pun. “For beautiful lady as yourself, you may call me Customs, nickname.”

Kuss then stopped with the flattery and adjusted his sunglasses. He began reciting the list the speedy folks had written for him.

“Species: human. Possessing passport, licenses, visas, documentations and intents, and very sweet gun.” he smiled, his large, crooked-yet-gleaming-white teeth being shown. It was a kind smile. “You are authorized to carry weapon only if you carry concealed. Please remember to store weapon in large bag you carrying. Large bag contains items I said before.”

Kuss gave Lashma a long glance, eyes slowly making their way up and down her, and he blushed when he caught himself eyeing her breasts.
(Even if Lashma had “small” breasts, they’re almost certainly likely to be “large” in TurtleShroom.)

He shouted to the two armed creatures, one a human, the other a mushroom, at the double doors on the other side of the thin building. They were dressed identically to Kuss.

“ALL CLEAR!”

They nodded and opened the doors in unison.

“You pass all tests to enter TurtleShroom. Remember basic laws. No drugs, no alcohol. Respect others. No homosexual activities, like kissing or men in girl clothes, unless you want in jail for buggery. Dress modestly- like you are -if you want taken seriously. TurtleShroomers bow first, handshake second. Bus pick you up, yes?”

She shook her head, but Kuss smiled widely.

“Ah, that where you wrong, ma’am! We have bus pulling in right now, called bus earlier. We fast. Very fast.”

He politely escourted Lashma outside, holding her umbrella over her as the rain poured.

“We have big honor having you in TurtleShroom. We hope you enjoy your stay, and remember, you be treated equal before all law like native. We hope you have great time and wish you luck and Jesus blessings.”

It was then that a well-funded, luxurious bus (TurtleShroom had money to burn on public transport) sped into the area and the plane took off. The bus was identical in every way to the black, menacing Jobs Tour Obama Bus. Any nerves that caused were eased when the bus driver opened the doors and smiled like a school bus driver. He was dressed in royal blue, like a fancy chauffer. A yellow sash was draped on him that read “BUS DRIVER”. He had a thick pair of black, cokebottle glasses and (if he took off his hat) his mostly bald head had his white hair in a combover trying to conceal it.

“Howdy and welcome to TurtleShroom! I was summoned off’a my route to pick up a beautiful lady, and aha, there ya are now! Come on board, please, watch yer step, and find a seat.

“Hello, I am Lashma Raita. I am trying to find this hotel, would you mind giving me directions?”

“Hi Lashma! Shoot, that hotel’s on our route, ma’am! We’re headin’ back into Jonesboro right now, but I am obligated to first and foremost obey this here route I got.”

He pointed to a map on the dashboard of the bus.

“From the airport to Jonesboro’s ‘bout two hours. From there, it’ll be thirty minutes or less. There are many creatures on the bus. You can talk to any and all of them.”

About sixteen people (of the bus’ one hundred) smiled from various parts of the bus. Nine of them were humans, four turtles, three mushrooms, and what one would think is a human wearing a veil wrapped tightly around… HIS neck? That was interesting.

The bus driver tipped his hat as she found a place to sit, and Kuss waved. The bus driver blew his horn and drove off, obeying the speed limit of fifty five.

---

THE STORAGE UNIT

If we report to our government that you cannot release one of our citizens for something as frankly petty as this, there may be very serious consequences." He stood up. "I do ask that you forward our concerns to the rest of your government. However there's not much more to say."

The two TurtleShroomers nodded, both of them extremely nervous and frowning in extensive nervousness.

“We’ll tell everyone we can. Call all those in our power. Get them to call theirs friends, and their friends’ friends, and their friends’ friends’ friends. We’ll do all in our power… just please…. just please don’t blame us… the law… is like iron in TurtleShroom, and it bends for NOTHING.”

The two sighed. Each bowed to the best of their abilities, apologized profusely, and then said the proper goodbyes. Rory picked up the police representative and they fled out of the storage unit as if it was a flaming inferno. The sound of wheels squealing was heard, and it was silent.

---

THE PADDY WAGON

Lottie shrank away from the strange people in the truck, but Marco managed to ask, "What...what are you all in for, anyway?"

The sawback map turtle smiled wickedly... or, at least as wicked a smile that a turtle can make, not having lips and all. His voice was gruff, like he had been drinking for years.

“Folks ‘round these parts call me Sawback. I’m in it fer bootlegging wine. Again. Tenth time.”

He thought for a moment.

“I get six years this time, accordin’ to the stackin’ rule of Prohibition, but you should’a SEEN them profits. Want money? Smuggle any booze. Anythin’. Beer, wine, near-beer, liquor, rum… The more shady people in this country’ll pay three hundred percent the price of anythin’ remotely containin’ alcohol. –and the harder the stuff, the more it’s worth.”


Then, the nerd and the turtle he was clutching looked at Marco and then to each other.

“We… it went too far.” the turtle said, the geek nodding.

“See, what happened was that an old enemy of mine at the computuh club found himself a huge fortune-uh money. *snort* Huge. Each member of the club was going get some money, because apparently, the bully claimed *sniff* to have had a change-uh heart.” the nerd, barely over sixteen, explained.

The turtle nodded.

“Each of Innocent’s friends, including him, was going to receive millions if they complied with the guy’s demands. One-a his friends, for example, was going to be the guy’s footstool for a month. Another was going to be his personal butler, and two of them were reduced respectively to his homework slave and a butler. Innocent here got the worst one.”

“The guy always picked on me the most. *sniff* I fell fer his trap as much as my buddies in the computh club. So we each signed our contracts and mine… well, I wish I had said no. I was orduhed to perorm… beastiality. Well, not the real deal, but we had to pretend it. Jenny here helped.”

“Which is where I came in.” the turtle- Jenny -added. “I was Innocent’s friend for years, so I volunteered, wanting to see him get all that money. So we went into the Devil’s Inn, per the terms of the dare, and pretended to have… THAT. Apparently, we ‘pretended’ so well that the cops came in, beat us down, and now we’re goin’ to stand trial for a capital crime in TurtleShroom.”

Innocent- the nerd –gripped his throat. Sawback snorted audibly.

“It ain’t a noose, geek. It’s the electric chair for that.”

Innocent’s eyes went wide behind his glasses and he began to cry. He put Jenny down.

“I… I gotta’ lay down.”

-so Innocent did, right there on the cold wooden bench of the wagon, ignoring the pain from the police-sustained injuries and the weight of the iron shackles. Unlike Lottie and Marco, his ankles were also shackled.

Jenny sighed.

“On the bright side, the guy that had Innocent do this is gettin’ put to death as well, fer several counts of slavery, racketeering, bribery and, of course, getting’ Innocent to do what he did. Folks aren’t sure if his money is ‘clean’. I’m actually very sure that Innocent’s case won’t even pass a grand jury.”

Innocent sniffled.

“…ya… ya *snort* think?”

“Positive. You didn’t do it, and he pressured you with a lot of money.”

Innocent smiled a bit, wiping his tears from his glasses.

“Well, let’s see what the Grands say, I reckon.”


Marco inquired.

“A grand jury?”

“Yes. A grand jury must decide if there is enough evidence to bring you to court.” Jenny explained. “Before any major crime’s trial, you stand before a grand jury. Police will present the evidence, and then you’ll counter each one and explain why you did what you did. As the court staff will tell you when you get there, you have a right to compel witnesses and ask for subpoenas to defend yourself against the cop’s evidence. Innocent’s ‘gonna call compel his buddies and subpoena the contracts they all signed. He’ll convince the judge… -and if all else fails, there’s a trump card.”

Innocent looked surprised.

“What is it, Jenny?”

“Before the judge, we can compel the bully’s friends to testify under oath where that money came from. They’re sleazy folks and will rat him out for sure!”

Innocent smiled widely and sat upright, back up to his (awfully postured), hunched over height. He wiped his nose and tried nursing some of the gashes on him.

Sawback said nothing, not really caring. Innocent spoke up.

“Well, I cain’t see any of ya’ll, my glasses are so broken, *sniff* so I guess you’ll have to describe yerselves. I heard the voice of a girl and a voice of some guy with Mediterranean ethnicity… or somethin’. I’d like for ya to tell me ‘bout yourselves… -and more importantly… what are ya’ll *snort* in for?”