WC 56 SNLVI RP Thread

[Virabia]

Continued from

GARRISON
(while typing 'password')
Well, here's for nothing.

After typing 'password' in all lower case, Garrison hits the enter key. It comes back as being the wrong password but a hint pops up on the screen reading "_____ is always the password, silly". Such a cryptic clue leaves Garrison n' friends dumbfounded about what do.

RICHARD
(breaks the silence)
Hey...hey I know...Swordfish. It has to be Swordfish. The password is always swordfish.

SHERRI
Now, why do you say that?

RICHARD
I don't know. It feels right, try it.

Garrison obliges and enters swordfish into the terminal. Sure enough, it's the correct password and after a quick load, another screen pops up. There is simply a button marked 'reset'. The three are excited because at long last they are almost done with their mission, or so they think.

DEEP BOOMING VOICE
Welcome to the Reset Panel of the Great Time Console. Here you can reset the CH levels throughout Virabia and bring things back to normal in the event that something disrupts the flow of time. Sound convenient, and almost like it was made to make your job easier. Well, it is really.

GARRISON
Sweet. So now we just hit the reset button.

Garrison moves the pointer over to the reset button and hits it. A box comes up saying "Are You Sure?" Garrison hits yes. The cycle repeats with an added really. Garrison hits yes again and another box comes up with absolutely. The cycle repeats itself for some time and Garrison gets mad.

GARRISON
Fuck this. No seriously, fuck this. Can't even build a computer programme right.

Eventually it gets to a box where it asks the user to poke in a button to "absolutely posolutely 100% super confirm" that they want to make things normal. The button is a small thing about the size of a small pen tip located in the monitor. It is clearly marked reset. Initially, Garrison tries to hit it with his finger nail but, it is not narrow enough. Richard and Sherri also make attempts at it. They fail as well.

RICHARD
(calm-angry)
Well, I'll be.

GARRISON
(angry)
Fucking useless piece of shit. Does this thing not know WHO I AM!

DEEP BOOMING VOICE
No. No it does not.

GARRISON
And did you have to make it one of those annoying buttons you can only hit with a pen?

DEEP BOOMING VOICE
Your anguish is our entertainment!

SHERRI
That's sick.

DEEP BOOMING VOICE
You don't understand mm'kay.

GARRISON
(ignoring the Deep Booming Voice)
So, does anyone have a pen?

The others look around their persons seeing if they have a pen or a pen like object. None of them do.

GARRISON
Well now what? We turn around. Go back. Say, Sorry, we couldn't save the day.

SHERRI
No.

GARRISON
Well, we don't really have an option and I'm not going up then coming back again.

SHERRI
Way to be lazy.

RICHARD
(spark of genius like)
Wait a second. We could use one of the stalagmite-tite things, a smaller one may be able to fit.

SHERRI
I like that, Lemme go get one.

Sherri runs off to break off one of the stlagmite/tites. In a minute she returns bearing a broken off point of a stalagmite.

SHERRI
Ok... Let me try this...

GARRISON
Uuh... no... I'm the leader of the expedition. I get to save the day.

SHERRI
And what exactly makes you the leader of this group?

GARRISON
(points to his archæology duds)
These... Plus doesn't Garrison just sound like a leader-y name.

SHERRI
Can't the same be said for Sherri.

GARRISON
No, now hand me the thing. I wanna push the button.

Sherri groans but, none the less gives in to Garrison's pressure. Garrison takes the object and pushes the tip into the hole. While it's a tight fit, it is able to push down the button.

DEEP BOOMING VOICE
Reset Process begins in 10 seconds, if you'd like to cancel hit any key. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...

GARRISON
(impatient)
Get on with it already.

RICHARD
What a cliché line for that moment.

DEEP BOOMING VOICE
(continuing the countdown)
1...0... Ok. Now, wait for the bar to reach the other half of the screen. When it does the process of resetting will be complete.

GARRISON
Almost there!

The bar slowly moves across the screen. In the beginning all looks like it's going well. Then at the 60% mark the screen goes dark and where there was once a small cursor there is now something else.

GARRISON
No....It can't be.. You've got to be kidding me....

(TO BE CONTINUED)

[Valanora]

I wonder what is being cut off if we no longer pay this bill?

Certainly not the electricity, right?

[Sarzonia]

All of a sudden, it's looking better for the Sarzonian national football team.

Sure, their chances of catching The Babbage Islands for the Group 4 title are gone. However, the Stars have all but clinched a spot in the playoff round for a place in Sorthern Northland or Valanora with a 3-1 away win against Cabric.

More importantly, with a three-point lead going into Matchday 12, Sarzonia have essentially consigned Cabric to a potential place in the Cup of Harmony. The fact that it was the Stars who essentially closed the door on Cabric's World Cup qualifying ride was not lost on goalkeeper Will Brantley.

"It's especially sweet to be the team to effectively eliminate them," Brantley said. "They're the team that's directly chasing us and for us to be able to be the team to all but officially bury them says something positive about where we go from here."

Sarzonia (9-1-2) currently sit at 28 points with two matches to play, while Cabric are 7-1-4 with 22 points. A draw in one of the final two matches would be enough to mathematically clinch a spot in the playoffs for Sarzonia. However, the Stars insist they will continue to play for three points any time they set on the pitch.

"We look to bury everyone we play," said assistant manager Kevin Wilson, who filled in for manager Franz Braddock, who was suffering from flulike symptoms. "It's just the Sarzonian way."

When asked by a Quodite journalist about Sarzonia's previous penchant for not fraternising with "enemy" teams that was at one time described as the Sarzonian way, Wilson fixed an annoyed glance at him.

"The more some things change, the more others stay the same," Wilson said. Turning the annoyed glance into a scowl, he glanced out of the corner of his eye and simply said, "next question."

[Qazox]

QWC56 XIIi

What a difference a few days make. Two days ago, Khytenna beat Allamunnic States 2-1, and that result, coupled with Qazox' 3-0 win at Boico early this morning (local time); has created a 3-way log jam atop the Group 13 standings. More on that in a minute. As for today's game, Qazox rode behind the steady defense, and took a 2-0 lead into the locker room, thanks to goals from suprise starters Tyra Benson (19th Sean Barr (30th).
Coach Holtz, in a move that took every one by suprise, started all of Qazox' bench in the game; excepting for Jessica Stone, who earned her 5th shutout in these qualifers, tying her for the 2nd most in team history in one qualifying round. Rounding out the scoring in the 59th minute was Rene Martin, one of 3 starters left in the game in the opening lineup, along with Iona Laughlin and Mark Allenby.

A quick look at the top 4 teams in group 13 with just 2 games left:

Khytenna: 8-1-3 25pts (2-1-1 v. AMS/QZX)
Allamunnic States: 8-1-3 25pts (1-0-0 v Qazox)
Qazox: 8-1-3 25pts
Civil Citizenry: 6-1-5 19pts

Armorgames, while impressive of late, got off to such a bad start, they have been eliminated. With Khytenna's win over Allamunnic States, and Qazox' win over Boico, the top 3 need just a draw in either of their final two matches to clinch a playoff berth. Qazox and Allamunnic States will clash at Qazian Memorial on the final match day, will likely determine the group title, provided nither teams drops any points in their next match. Kytenna's best chance, is to see the Qazox-Allamunnic States game end in a draw. Civil Citizenry is still mathematically in contention, but realisitcally, they need massive amounts of help.

Qazox will face Greater Costwalds next. Kytenna faces Autobotius, who did upset them earlier; and Allamunnic States will face Armorgames in the next set of matchdays.

Today's Three Big Questions: are for Minsk Party Presidential nominee Eliza Dean:

#1- Ms Dean, if you were the QCFA president, what would be your first course of action to get Qazox into contendership?
answer- I hope to be Qazoxian President soon, but if I were the QCFA president, I'd hire a coach that knows how to win, and can mold the young players into a formidable unit, setting up the team for future success.

#2- Did you ever play football at any level?
answer: I did not. I was a fairly decent Basketball player, and was considered for a spot on the IVth Summer Olympic team, but I'd just started a job and I was (unbeknownst to me at the time) 3 months pregnant; so there went my chance for sports glory.

#3- Why do you think that Qazox can never climb to the top of the football world?
answer- I don't think that Qazox can not win the Cup. If your asking for reasons why they haven't yet, I think a lack of patience, in the early days, cost the team in terms of continutity from one Cup to the next. As of late, perhaps too many players that we on the downslope of thier carrers stayed too long and kept young fresh talent, like Dwight Lynn from getting any real experience at the World Cup level, other than junk minutes in blowouts.

Next edition, we'll have Oxian Party nominee Shawn Lavell's answers to your football questions. For the qualifying finale of 3Q, we will have a special dual-answer session, with two suprise guests.

[Utmost Upright]

Utmost Upright eliminated on “Hand of Satan” goal
by Friar Woodward

I was hoping against hope that I wouldn’t be writing about the elimination of the Utmost Upright national team from the qualifying race at least until the final day of qualifying despite our lowly ranking, but after an illegal goal that was seen by everybody in a packed National Cathedral but the blasphemous heathen referee from Chetkosk (how somebody from their nation ever ended up refereeing one of our matches, I’ll never know). Forward Satoshi Yamamoto from The Kangaroo Republic deliberately knocked the ball into the net with his hand in the middle of a scramble in front of the net in the 89th minute, eliminating Utmost Upright when Akbarabad won their match. It is believed that international media members secreted the Chetkoskian referee out of the stadium and smuggled him on to a jet out of the country before he could be either tarred and feathered or stoned to death for his crimes.


Utmost Upright 0
cards: none

The Kangaroo Republic 1
goal scorer: Yamamoto 89th minute
cards: none

[Akbarabad]

Tiger Eaters need minor miracle two qualify automatically.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): With just two qualifying games remaining, Akbarabad have sewn up at least a playoff spot even as the likelihood of finishing top and gaining the automatic spot is looking increasingly bleak. Basically it is out of the teams hands now really, as without Bears Armed somehow dropping some points from their final two games, we cannot move ahead of them and it is extremely unlikely that the Bear Belles will drop any points against their remaining opponents. Certainly, Peisandros have no chance of holding Bears Armed considering that they lost the first leg 14-0. Fifth placed Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk, who play the Bear Belles next, also don't inspire much confidence, even if they have a much better chance than the Sandrians of obtaining a point.

It would still require a big upset, so we really shouldn't hold our breath. Some experts think we should resign ourselves to playing in the playoffs and should therefore begin preparations immediately. Of the second placed teams only Starblaydia and Bostopia really give us pause, and if we can avoid them we really shouldn't have too many problems. Even so, the playoffs represent a lottery that we ideally would rather avoid. On their day any team can beat another one, and we really don't want to be in a position where one bad game results in the end of our World Cup hopes.

[North Chicanan]

North Chicanan Daily Rabbler
Going In with Very Low Expectations

Another Win: And...Well...
Arica Riddler, Bishop

While Cosumar and Pretty Awesome Persons went about smashing their opponents, North Chicanan did what they needed to do to pull off a surprise in Group 10.

With two games left, North Chicanan scored a 2-1 victory over Hockey Cananda to clinch at least second place in Group 10, meaning we're in to the next round of play and still control snatching the automatic qualification slot.

This? Was not expected.

Paul Owen and James Pratt each scored for the Hoops in Hockey Canada, giving the defense a bit of a breather after the rested five looked a bit ragged after their off day.

Group 10		  G W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 North Chicanan 	 12 9 2 1 24 10 +14 29
----------------------------------------------
2 Cosumar 		 12 9 1 2 30 11 +19 28
3 Pretty Awesome Persons 12 7 1 4 27 19  +8 22
----------------------------------------------
4 Carpathia and Ruthenia 12 5 3 4 20 15  +5 18
5 Hockey Canada 	 12 4 3 5 16 18  −2 15
6 Florinthus 		 12 2 3 7 13 25 −12  9
7 Itailian Maifias 	 12 2 3 7 12 31 −19  9
8 Oiseaui 		 12 1 2 9 11 24 −13  5

North Chicanan clinches Group 10 with:
* a win vs Oiseaui AND a Cosumar loss to Carpathia and Ruthenia OR
* a win vs Oiseaui AND a win vs Pretty Awesome Persons
Cosumar clinches at least second with:
* a win v Carpathia and Ruthenia
Cosumar clinches Group 10 with:
* a win v Carpathia and Ruthenia AND a win vs Oiseaui AND either one North Chicanan Loss or Tie
Pretty Awesome Persons can still qualify with:
* a win v Hockey Canada AND  a Cosumar loss

The victory gives the Hoops technical control of Group 10 with two games left, as they stay 7 points ahead of Pretty Awesome Persons and secure second place in the Group. So the Hoops are aware they have made the playoff round. But the Hoops also know as long as they score wins agains Oiseaui and Pretty Awesome Persons...or Cosumar slips up, they could win the automatic slot to the Finals in their second attempt.

So, no pressure, right?

"Of course no pressure," Josiah Rhys-Williams said after the match. "These boys have played with no pressure all qualification. Now that we have an idea what will happen, the pressure is even more gone. Now we just want to get a win in Victoria to lift national spirits and then head to Pretty Awesome Persons and see what happens."

A moment of silence was observed in Hockey Canada for the loss of 54 Northern citizens after their plane was shot down by accident near fighting between regional powers Monaco-Ville-Nice and Byronmandy. Investigations are still forthcoming and tonight's match in Victoria will see flags lowered to half mast in honor for those lost.

Hoops Schedule

MD01 W 3-1 Cosumar (at Free State Arena, Provincetown)
MD02 L 2-0 Italian Maifias
MD03 W 3-0 Florinthus (at Cold Harbor Stadium, Port Augustine)
MD04 T 1-1 Carpathia and Ruthenia
MD05 W 3-0 Hockey Canada (at National Square, Southampton)
MD06 W 2-0 Oiseaui
MD07 W 3-1 Pretty Awesome Persons (at Hard Rock Arena, St. John's)
MD08 W 1-0 Cosumar
MD09 T 3-3 Italian Maifias (at Kodiak Memorial Park, Douala)
MD10 W 2-1 Florinthus
MD11 W 1-0 Carpathia and Ruthenia (at Ital Palace, Bishop)
MD12 W 2-1 Hockey Canada
MD13 v Oiseaui (Highlands Park, Victoria City)
MD14 at Pretty Awesome Persons

Highlands Park is the smallest stadia for qualifying, holding only 32,000 people. So while crowds to the Northern Isle are expected to be major, Victoria City will utilize their home ice arena as spillover, allowing an additional 20,000 to watch the macth with Oiseaui live and under some cover. The game will see live coverage starting at 8pm on Telesport, City1 and DR.

[Stuffed Taxidermists]

The ST Sports Informer

Taxidermists Smashed; Need miracle to progress
Stuffed Taxidermists were handed a disappointing thrashing at home by an on form Kiaser Colonies yesterday, and David Smith slumped to an all time low. Stuffed Taxidermists went into the match against the Colonies quietly confident that they could come away with a win. After all, it was a close match the first time the two teams clashed, and now Stuffed Taxidermists were at home they should get something out of the match. But the Colonies were to have a brilliant day. It seemed like they were men possesed. The excitement started early with the Colonies firing off a shot stright after the kickoff, with the ball just bouncing off the crossbar. Garry Holes immediately turned the ball over from the kick in and the Colonies once again had a shot from far out, making Holes reallly work to save it. Their first goal came in the 14th minute with a shot from Brian May that looked like a far out dreamer strike, but ended up in the back of the net. A second goal came soon after in the 19th minute when David smith tried to take on Ricky Lamont in defence, but lost and Lamont put the ball past a slow Holes. Smith was taken off immediately after by Mark Railes for Paul Homens. Machaivelli tried to bring his team back into the game but the Colonies kept on with the attacking. Their third goal for the half came in the 37th minute when Nomah Papakoi made a run down the wing, did a spectacular spin around Kull and tipped it slowly into the goals past Holes's gloves. The score at half time was 3-0 and some fans were already slowly filing out of the stadium. As the Stuffed Taxidermists team came onto the field they were met with boos and the Colonies were applauded, even by some of the home fans. Led by Homens and Machiavelli, Stuffed Taxidermists managed a fluky goal to start the half in the 52nd minute courtesy of Horhae Ronazo, who as always was trying his best. Any thoughts of a comeback were repelled when the Colonies scored their fourth in the 65th minute after ten minutes of even play, thanks to another far out strike from Brian May. More bad news came for Stuffed Taxidermists when Lelsh was injured in the 71st. He was strechered off the field with a serious injury and the doctors assessment said that he would be out for the rest of the campaign. The final goal came in the 83rd minute when Greg Jackson casually jogged past the defence and put through a simple but elegant goal. The final score was 5-1 and Mark Railes came out furious and steaming, while the fans that remained in the stadium jeered. Mark Railes named the squad for the match against Saugeais, which is a must win if Stuffed Taxidermists want any hope of a qualification or a moralised finish.
4-4-2
GK Garry Holes (Kenworth United)
RB Henri Kull (Eastern Rangers)
RCB Alonso Rivera (Thaplace City Tigers)
LCB Lion (Wanderers FC)
LB Grant Heskie (Denzio Demons)
RM Frank Hunser (Wanderers FC)
RCM Paul Homens (Brenton Athletic)
LCM Simonelli Deranoi Meralda (Eastern Rangers)
LM Machiavelli (Thaplace City Tigers)
ST Horhae Ronazo (Wanderers FC)
ST Adriano (Western Hillmen)
In: Lion, Grant Heskie, Frank Hunser, Paul Homens, Adriano
Out: Cole Dash, Tyson Gysobia, Andrew Lelsh, David Smith, Rufus McKenzies
The sqaud has been accepted well, with no one really wanting Smith in the lineup. Some are even saying his performance against The Kiaser Colonies may hurt his career so much he will never play international football again.

[Starblaydia]

OOC: Blame Yaf for this idea.

Bouncey was a squirrel.

He did what squirrels do; he ran around collecting nuts and storing them for the winter. Although seemingly ordinary to the casual observer, Bouncey had a secret that he kept even from the other squirrels.

He was psychic. In truth, he was the Amazing Psychic Bouncey.

He didn't know where his ability came from, but he was determined to share his gift with the world. It was his personal quest, to let everyone benefit from his incredible talents.

He always knew where the best nuts, seeds, conifer cones and fruits could be found, thanks to his amazing psychic talent. It's what made him the Amazing Psychic Bouncey. Among many other things that he knew, was the outcome of Group 2 of World Cup 56 Qualifying.

He knew whether Starblaydia would be able to catch Andossa Se Mitrin Vega or not. He knew who would qualify for Valanora and Sorthern Northland automatically and who would have to go through the Play-off stage. He knew whether that team would go through or not, too.

Bouncey travelled far and wide to get his message across. By Matchday Six he had made it into downtown Jhanna, Starblaydia's captial, and found what he thought was the Lord-Protector's house. He plucked up all his courage to dodge the oncoming traffic as he crossed the road, forgetting for a moment that he was psychic and should have known when it would be safe so he wasn't hit by the cars as they sped by.

He leapt and climbed his way up the building, finding a ledge to stage on. There was a windowsill just in front of him, and he pressed his nose up against the glass. Surely the Lord-Protector would be able to see him?

No, it was just a cat, staring back at him. The cat didn't care who qualified.

Bouncey was sad. All he ever wanted to do was share his knowledge with people. Joy could be brought to millions, but no-one would ever know.

Though disheartened, Bouncey resolved to keep trying. Until then, the world would only know how the teams stood at present.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, courtesy of their win over Starblaydia, lead the group by two points. Starblaydia's draw with Whirl Islands also proved crucial, as it was the difference between the teams. If everything goes according to plan for the penultimate Matchday, it will be a simple winner-take-all match in ASMV itself as Starblaydia will come calling needing only a victory against the defensively-minded ASMV side to ensure progression.

Starblaydia haven't been on top of the group at any point, but if they can beat ASMV on Matchday 14, they'll top the group the one time when it counts, as the proverbial fat lady sings.

Bouncey knew how interesting the next two Matchdays would be, but no-one would listen.

World Cup 56 Qualifying Group 2 - Matchday 12
Pos Team                         P  W  D  L For Ag  +/- Pts
 1  Andossa Se Mitrin Vega      12 11  0  1  27  5  +22  33  Qualification place
 2  Starblaydia                 12 10  1  1  29  6  +23  31  Play-off place
 3  Whirl Islands               12  5  2  5  18 19   −1  17  E
 4  Bergnovinaia                12  5  1  6  16 14   +2  16  E
 5  Antoletia                   12  5  1  6  10 16   −6  16  E
 6  Lycrabon                    12  4  0  8  10 20  −10  12  E
 7  Princess Béatrice Island    12  3  0  9  17 36  −19   9  E
 8  Sickles and Hammers         12  2  1  9  13 24  −11   7  E

[Southern Cynocephali]

---

---

Southern Cynocephali 2-0 Eastfield Lodge

A mild evening at Bigorre Stadium in Lilter was the setting for the group eighteen clash between Les Cynos and Eastfield Lodge. The match opened in a sombre mood after a silent pause before play to pay respect to the eight miners who were tragically killed in the Meropis mines last week.

Fortunately, the home players did not let thoughts of the young men who lost their lives affect their judgement, and they came out in an inspired fashion mounting a relentless attack from the first whistle. Catching their opponents off guard, who seemed somewhat sluggish out of the gates, Les Cynos were unlucky not to go ahead in the second minute with a shot from Mercier brilliantly parried by Aidan Jagger and cleared hastily by Toby Callahan. Les Cynos were relentless in attack, continuing to test the visiting keeper, Jagger. The defence could not hold out, and the hosts were rewarded with a goal from a corner. The ball from Zezima met the head of Neville Kluka, who easily placed the ball past the keeper. The stands erupted with celebration by the home fans who cheered a jubliant Kluka as he received praise from his teammates.

Happy with their lead, the hosts slowed down the play as Eastfield Lodge began to emerge from their slow start. Yuill was called on several times to protect the home advantage, and continued his fine form as Les Cynos led 1-0 at the break.

The arm wrestle continued in the second half, and began to turn into a real fight through the midfield. Yellow cards to Thomas O'Henly from the visitors, and to Greynold and Reidenbach from the hosts were handed out by the referee over the first twenty minutes of the second period.

In the seventieth minute, a strong attack from Eastfield Lodge was repelled, with a rushed clearance from Mancion somehow finding the feet of Bugay. The visiting team had pushed up in numbers to attempt to draw level, and Bugay and Mercier found themselves in a two on one situation against the last defender, Dylan Bell Jnr. Despite his best efforts, he was unable to prevent Bugay from releasing a nice ball into the path of Mercier, who calmly finished to put the hosts up two nil. A hint of offside was not acknowledged by the mainly home crowd and despite the protests of the defenders, the referee awarded the goal; in an away fixture the call may have been very different and Mercier was lucky not to bomb the opportunity with a poorly timed run.

The hosts finished out the match with a distinct air of professionalism, retaining possession and denying their opponents a chance to hit back. The team has undergone a remarkable change of late, the mid-qualifying break obviously doing the team a world of good, as they have remained undefeated since.

Yuill back in form

Arron Yuill, in conjunction with his back four, have returned to their Baptism of Fire 43 form, extending their clean sheet to over 450 minutes. Continuing this form across the remaining two matchdays will provide the foundation for possible qualification, and if successful will break the team record set during the Baptism of Fire. The break was definitely a good thing for the team captain, who has returned to his best recently and deserves a lot of credit for the position Les Cynos now find themselves in.

Fans prepare for heartbreak or glory

MD13: Chetkosk vs. Southern Cynocephali

MD13: Chetkosk vs. Southern Cynocephali
MD14: Southern Cynocephali vs. Legalese

Ps                       Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tretskivucia            12 6 4 2 16 8  +8  22
2 Chetkosk                12 5 5 2 17 10 +7  20
3 Southern Cynocephali    12 6 2 4 14 10 +4  20
4 Legalese                12 5 4 3 12 14 −2  19
5 Eastfield Lodge         12 4 3 5 17 14 +3  15
6 Savski Venac            12 3 4 5 12 15 −3  13
7 Arkinesia               12 3 2 7 13 20 −7  11
8 Coffee Cakes            12 2 4 6 12 22 −10 10

  Eliminated

This is it. It all comes down to this.

Lose, and we are most likely out of contention. Win, and we will be one step closer to at least a playoff chance - who would have dared to say that at the halfway mark?

What about a draw? Well, certainly a proposition the hosts may be happy with given their superior goal difference, but we need to win. A draw would also be the hope of fourth placed Legalese, who would jump ahead of both Chetkosk and Southern Cynocephali if that situation arose in combination with a Legalese win.

What is certain is that the group will go down to the final matchday. The next match will have a big say in just who will still be biting their nails on matchday fourteen. Group eighteen has shown there is no dominant side who deserves qualification, with some of the teams who find themselves at the bottom of the group beating the teams at the top throughout the qualifying period.

I personally could not have scripted a better finish to our first World Cup qualifying campaign, and the tight finish has had our football forums alive with chatter. We hope to see as many fans as possible make to journey to Chetkosk for the crucial penultimate matchday. Whether you are at the match or following from home, we need the whole nation to will our Cynos to victory!

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Sea Dragons Still Clinging To Group 2 Top Spot

Mace: Jitterbug
Jitterbug
Jitterbug
Jitterbug

Jonasei: Don’t look now but the Purple People Eaters are right on our tail.

Laia: They have been since the debacle in Whirl Islands.

Kymy: We have to take care of S&H before we worry over Starblaydia

Mace: You put the boom-boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain
Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same

Fekelii: Easier said than doen when it’s the best side in history breathing down your neck

Kylek: Exactly. And with all the footage of Jonasei being used for everything “evil” over there…

Jonasei: Don’t worry about me. Just handle your own assignments and we will be just fine.

Mace: But something's bugging you
Something ain't right
My best friend told me what you did last night
Left me sleepin' in my bed
I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead.

Kymy: Take a deep breath guys.

Fekelii: Win two matches and in. It’s that simple

Kylek: How about Win a match and pray for a draw. That one works too.

Mace:
Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight
I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah)

Kymy: Ok this song officially sucks. I’m outa here. See you all at practice tomorrow.

[Taeshan]

Taeshan Tie.

[Cotdelapoms]

Fast Kicking, Low Scoring and Ties? You Bet! The Cotdelapomais World Cup Qualifying Campaign.

Sacha Chrétien, in his time as manager of Cotdelapoms, earned a reputation around the country for having his teams play far too defensively. When Michel Carbonnier first arrived as manager, it seemed unlikely that he would ever generate such a reputation- he walked into the press conferences discussing how the Apples needed a "more offensive shape" and "to focus on shot creation"- all the sorts of things you'd expect to hear from a former creative midfield dynamo most famous for debilitating free kicks. Following two consecutive 0-0 draws and 4 draws in the last 5 matches, it's easy to wonder where this all went. The Apples are scoring under 2 goals per match, Krytenia are scoring over four and a half!This dearth of goals now leaves Cotdelapoms in more of a battle with Sarrbia for the play-off spot than with the "Silent Wonders" of Albundania for the group win.

Cotdelapoms 0-0 draw with Unitopolis was nothing like the 0-0 matchup with the Albundanians, which was at least a demonstration of defensive sharpness. The Unitopolitans, already eliminated from the tournament, found themselves playing lifeless football- and the Apples sunk to their level. The sole moment of real excitement for the men in blue was when Ismaël Yarrez and club teammate Mark Lloyd-Joyce tangled after a perfectly clean tackle- Yarrez complained to the referee and got booked for dissent. Having already earned a handful of cards thusfar, Yarrez is now banned from the match with Burty Royals. Yarrez is usually above that, but it's clear frustration has set in. The Apples have now failed to score in 5 consecutive halves, a truly appalling record for a team that set the bar at World Cup qualification or bust.

The Apples' situation looks grim at a distance, but is not awful. Obviously they remain in 2nd place, and Burty Royals have yet to win a match so far this tournament, so Cotdelapoms ideally will be able to notch 3 points. Considering the match is at Stade de Cotdelapoms despite the opponent, it'd be humiliating should the Apples get anything less. The Sarrbians face Rent is 3 Damn High and Albundania take on Unitopolis in this round- with a tiny bit of luck perhaps the Unitopolitans can get into another goalless draw with the group leaders and a Cotdelapomais win, paired with a (likely) Sarrbian win would set up a final matchday wherein all three teams are mobile- the Apples could finish 1st, 2nd or 3rd, and the Albundanians or Sarribans could move down or up, respectively- which would at least be exciting. The Apples' final contest is with Seleucius- who are a game opponent, especially at home- and both Sarrbia and Albundania have easy last matches, so the chance of Cotdelapoms avoiding the playoffs are now slim.

Here is the table in Group 12 going into the matchup with Burty Royals:

Ps        Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Albundania 12 9 2 1 24 3 +21 29
2 Cotdelapoms 12 7 4 1 23 7 +16 25
3 Sarrbia 12 7 2 3 16 12 +4 23
4 Seleucius 12 5 2 5 15 11 +4 17
5 Unitopolis 12 4 4 4 9 13 −4 16
6 Rent is 3 Damn High 12 3 2 7 14 19 −5 11
7 Branta Island 12 2 3 7 6 21 −15 9
8 Burty Royals 12 0 3 9 3 24 −21 3

Starting XI for the match with Burty Royals:

GK- Yannick Latendresse
LB- Raphaël Dubé
CB- Loïk Mailhot
RB- Alexandre Grainger
DM- Stefano Della Citta
LW- Jesper Jensen
CM- Jonathan Watson
RW- Sacha St-Onge
AM- René Boisbriand
FW- Per-Olivier Johansson-Bakvis
FW- Serge Lambert


ASK A SUPER-FAN

In this segment we ask a member of the Apple Battalion questions about Cotdelapoms' national team and its' opponents! Today our player is Marc Dupuis from Saint-Urbainl. Answer all five right and win a coupon for $500 off an Oak Air flight to follow our national team abroad! Get close, and the Citiz embassy will send you a plaque, and you may win a shirt or something. It's really a win-win situation, especially since it means we get to have a conversation and not just be blogger and fan. That's how it should be, right?

QUESTION ONE: Last time we played this game, we had a real hard time with Burty Royals, because they are on the brink of no longer being a country. So- tell us anything about the country that does not relate to the football team and you get a point.
Marc: I remember reading last time that they were among the top 5% in the World's Stupidest Citizens poll, so I liked to imagine that every morning the citizens of Burty Royals wake up, put their pants on backward, shower, pour milk onto their copies of "101 Great Kazzorian Jokes!", remember they are supposed to take their clothes off when they shower, take their pants off, eat their cereal nude, forget they are supposed to shower again and watch TV and then by the time they remember they were supposed to be at work it's 5 o'clock so it's time to go home. At this point they get in their cars, drive to where they work and back just so they can enjoy the commute.
CORRECT!- We have no way of fact checking. So let's say that's right.

QUESTION TWO: You mentioned jobs. Where do these people work?
Marc: Apparently they mine a lot of uranium. I guess there's a Holy Uranium Mine there that they all worship as they mine.
CORRECT!- We have no way of fact checking. So let's say that's right, again.

QUESTION THREE: Urbandictionary.cdp defined "burty" as "The word used to refer to males with extroadinary small genitalia". Theoretically there are lady Burty Royals, are they burty as well?
Marc: Of course, their male genitalia is also small.
CORRECT!- Makes sense, let's go with it!

QUESTION FOUR: Where are the Burty Royals from, ethnically?
Marc: Jablumtium
CORRECT!- We think, at least. They have the same flag and are in the same region.

QUESTION FIVE: How lucky were you to get the Burty Royals questions?
Marc: Very!
CORRECT!- Congrats, you win the $500 coupon to Oak Air to fly anywhere Oak Air flies to follow the Apples. This game is getting exhausting, hopefully we'll play some real countries in the Cup of Harmony, since it's clear we're not making the World Cup!

[Bears Armed]

“You spent that cash out of our contingency budget on hwat?!?”

“Buying an eightCubed of these ‘Teddy Bear’ dolls that are popular in so many Human nations, like the ones that the Abdian fans were throwing around when they came to play against us here. I figure that we should be able to get a lot of our own travelling fans to buy them from us — even at a slight profit for our funds, maybeso, because I was able to get them at below even the normal wholesale price from a maker in a country whose economy is in rather a slump at the moment — and take them to our ‘away’ game against the Abdians next week to wave around in the hope that this will help to bring the Belles good fortune… or, at least, confuse the Abdians a bit…”

“Hr’rmm…
“Hokay, that’s maybeso not so bad an idea indeed, for true: Spending approved.”

[Armorgames]

This is disappointing, just very disappointing. Were losing to bad teams, then beating them, then just loose to everybody. Coaching for this team was just not going to be easy.

I walked over to my desk, grabbed my iPhone and scrolled through all of the 'congrats on the big win today' and the 'wow you just pounded those guys today' or the 'great job coach, you got a great squad.'

"This is all so ironic. I mean, the news dropped our coverage. That is just so stupid. It is the WORLD CUP!" II said out loud.

"Marion, I need some coffee. Can you go run and get me some.?"

"Yes, mister Klein, I certainly can," said Marion.

I ran my hands through my hair, I need to make this team better. I thought.

I picked up my phone again and called Clayton Job, he had scored 3 goals today in the 5-2 win over Greater Cotswalds. He is the captain of this team, and he will probably have some options.

I dialed his number and he picked up.

"Hello, coach? Why are you calling?"

"You know that you are one of my closest friends right?"

"Of course coach. Whats wrong?"

"You know better then anybody that this Cup has been pretty disappointing right?"

"Yeah it has been. We are eliminated from getting to the final 32."

"I am aware. I called you to ask you if you have any ideas to make this team better."

"Well, I think we should go through the Cup of Harmony, if we make that first. Then we should talk about ideas."

"But, I am also worried about my job. I need something"

"Coach, you job is not in jeopardy. I will always back you up. We have done pretty good for being at this stage for the first time."

"Did you hear the news in Armorgames won't show are highlights?"

"What?! Thats crazy. This is the World Cup! Why wouldn't they?"

"My wife told me that they wanted to spend more time on Beach Cup coverage."

"Thats it! We bring in Beach Cup players for are team!"

"What happened to waiting Clayton? But that is a good idea. I'll look into that."

"Coach, I got to go, I am having some um people come over to my place."

"Okay bye Clayton. I will call you if I get anything with those beach footballers."

"Alright bye Charlie."

I hung up the phone. That was really wierd that he called me Charlie. He is always so professional and calls me coach. Oh well, I need to get some info about the Beach Cup. I thought.

"Hello, Mr. Charlie? I got your coffee." said Marion.

"Thanks Marion, just leave it on my desk," I said.

She set down the drink, and I got out my laptop. I went on my emails and was greeted by more congratulations of winning against GC. I clicked on the compose a message button and emailed that news reporter guy Malcom Harrison. I typed this:

Hello Mr. Harrison, 

I would like some more information on why your news network dropped the World Cup coverage. It is very surprising to me that you would do that. I would also like to know about that Beach Cup sport that basically replaced my football.

Thank you, 
Coach Charlie Klein

I shut the lid of my laptop and went over to get my coffee.

[Bergnovinaia]

---

---

July 30th, 2011

Everything Soccer in Bergnovinaia (Day Dos)--Three Tournaments, Three Reports

---

---

Article by Cody Canchola of BSRN and Affiliates

Weaker Sex World Cup--A Disappointing Tie with the Babbage Islands

In certain instances, a draw is considered almost worst than a loss, and Bergnovinaia's 1-1 draw with The Babbage Islands (TBI) was certainly one of those instances. Although, technically, Bergnovinaia still sits in first place, tied with TBI on W/L differnence and GF/GA differential, that's not enough to please the Bergnovinaian Women's Soccer Team, and certainly not enough to please coach Cilcilia Knolls.

Everything was going well in the first half as a goal by the brilliant striker (as pinned in a TBI media srouce), Fang Yin T'ao, put Bergnovinaia in an early 1-0 lead at minute 24. However, TBI would bounce back in the 65th minute, making the score 1-1. From there on out, it was a shoting match... or rather, a shouting match where there was only one person yelling and the whole team recieved the screams of agitation and frustration. First, the screaming was directed at the goalie, Eliza O. Sullivan, for letting the goal, and nearly another, sneak past her into the net. Then, the yelling was directed at T'ao to score another goal. It's hard to determine if the yelling helped at all mentally, as, in my opinion, is usually doesn't. Who knows though...? Maybe T'ao and Sullivan are hard at hearing.

Bergnovinaia faces Holstejn in matchday 3, who currently sits in 3rd place in the group after a 5-2 beating of New Azura. The Bergnovinaian squad feels confident that they will defeat this team, and maintain a 2-1-0 record.

Elsewhere at the WSWC, team that aren't in groups A-D are frustrated as a partial strike by the refereeing association has left the matches without any referees, and thus, matches cannot go on. It is unclear when this mess will clear up, but analysts are estimated that unless the referees get their demands met immediately, the stoppage on play in those group could last up until next Sunday or Monday. BSRN will keep it readers informed as we inquire any new details into this ordeal.

---

Bergnovinaia Downs Altimarus (#4) 8-4, Will Face Sarzonia (#1) in Quarter Finals

Well, Bergnovinaia seems to be getting hot, and just at the right time too, as they took down #4 seeded Altimarus 8-4 in the round of 16. Bergnovinaia was seeded only #13 in the round, as the group stage play proved to be almost too much for the squad to handle.

With two hat tricks, persay, and the other two goals coming from the same player, it was clear that the 3 forwards were absolutely birlliant in their striking today. Although 4 goals is a substanically large amount to give up in the duration of a match, it was easily ignored as the Bergnovinaian Offense covered it up.

Bergnovinaia will face the #1 seeded team in the whole tournament, Sarzonia, entering with an #8 seeded rank. Bergnovinaia will face to mentally be tougher than this team, as Sarznoia certainly has the upper edge being seeded one and slamming Bergnovinaia 4-2 just days before in the last day of group play. The match will be covered by BSRN radio, which will begin it's broadcasting at 6pm local time.

---

Bergnovinaia Slams the Princess Beatrice Islands (PBI)--Still Lags in Fourth Place in Their Group

After what was deemed one of the most brilliant losses ever, losing only 1-0 to ASMV in the previous matchday, the Bergnovinaian Men's Team were out to get blood to avenge the near loss, and boy, did they get it.

The stadium served as a slaughter house for the slaughtering and pure murder of the PBI team, as Bergnovinaia got it's biggest international victory ever, crushing PBI 6-2. Even though two goals were able to sneak past Reeves, nobody seemed to focus on that. Vuvuzelas blasted, people chanted as Bergnovinaia, seemingly about every 15 minutes or so, would score, yet another goal on PBI.

The match was divided evenly in scoring, two hat tricks to the Bergnovinaian team, with Andrew Roberts doing one and youngster, Thomas Puck, doing the other. All of Roberts goals were in the first half, and all of Pucks were in the second. This would be the perfect game for a person with severe OCD to watch, because the thrashing of PBI was equally spread.

However, even with this victory over PBI, it doesn't look like Bergnovinaia will be able to qualify for the 56th WC unless something drastic happens in the upcoming matchdays... there's two days left, barely enough time to turn around Bergnovinaia's losing record, but the real question is, "is third place good enough." For our team, ranked 77 in the world, we think so... but it's not enough to qualify. It's been our best WC, and I am sure the squad will return again next year... or, everybody except Donald, that is.

Frank Donald still remains hospitzliaed and recovering from his surgery from last Friday that is believe to repair some of his damaged nervous system after the crash he got into. There is still no new news on his condition, and likely won't be for several days as doctors are watching to make sure that he stabalizes before getting anybody's hopes up concerning his recovery.

As soon as news on Donald's condtion comes out, BSRN and Affiliates--"The Decisive News Network" will have it covered.

[Churchma]

Churchma Gators WC 56 Coverage
Here Comes The Storm
Justin Bruce, BSRN

It's that time of year, and the Gators are inches away from claiming their first ever World Cup Knockout Stage apperance. At this point, it's a neck-and-neck race between five teams, depending on how you look at it. Sarzoclava is the surprise group leader, with 24 points it appears as if they have a pretty comfortable lead going into the final two matches. If they can win at home over Churchma, then the Gators are most likely going to be calling it quits on qualifying. To continue with the knockout stage talks, Swartaz is in second with 20 points, ahead of Churchma because of their win on matchday seven. To round out the confusing knockout stage picture for Group 15, you have Nitrome Island with 19 points and Kulverint with 18 points. It's doubtful that either team will be able to push far enough for a chance at making the next stage, but crazier things have happened.

Let's be honest here, Churchma needs to win-out for a chance at advancing for the first time in history. Not only do they need to win, but it's likely that they need to do so in a dominate fashion.

The Gators have to start it off with a road challenge against the groups hottest team- Sarzoclava. Their first matchup ended in a defeating draw, as Churchma was hoping to gain an "easy win" at home against a team new to the international scene. It's astonishing that this team is doing so well, seeing as how they have no media attention (OOC: no roster, and they're doing this well! MARAGARET!!). Despite no roster, it is clear that this team lives and dies with their defense, seeing as how they've only allowed ten goals in 12 matches. We're thinking that if Durman and one more Gator can score, two goals should be enough to beat this team. But if we let them control the tempo, and let the home crowd rattle us, this could be the last step before the fat lady sings.

Assuming that we can get passed Sarzoclava, our road doesn't get any easier, as we'll go on to face Swartaz at home. If you recall the last article I wrote, you'll remember how I noted the Hesse vs. Cote matchup as the key to the game. It was no question that Hesse dominated his competition, as Swartaz was the match 3-1. But now these two clubs will play at Tru G Stadium in what will most likely be the most-watched sporting event in Churchma since World Baseball Classic 19.

One thing is clear, Ryan Cote is not going to lose this matchup a second time around.

"Hesse embarassed me and my country in our last matchup. I can't wait to have another shot at going against a great player like him," Cote said of the great Swartaz midfielder. "But we have more important things to deal with first- if we can't make it past Sarzoclava then it is likely that this entire run is over and we'll have to settle for another Cup of Harmony. I don't want to have to deal with that again. It's our time to do this, and it has to start now otherwise it's going to be too late."

To wrap things up, I'm going to make it clear. Unless Churchma wins their final two games, the Gators will most likely be Cup of Harmony-bound. With that being said, let's maks sure Tru G Stadium is rocking in a few weeks when we take on Swartaz. This is Churchma's chance to finally advance in the world's most prestigious advance. Let's see if these boys can weather the storm.

Churchma World Cup 56 Schedule
Total Record: 9-3-5
World Cup Record: 6-2-4
Pre-Qual: Churchma 1 at Cosumar 1
Pre-Qual: Arkinesia 0 at Churchma 3
Pre-Qual: Andossa Se Mtrin Vega 1 at Churchma 0
MD 1: Ma Raque 1 at Churchma 0
MD 2: Churchma 0 at Nitrome Island 2
MD 3: Nothan 0 at Churchma 1
MD 4: Octinstine 0 at Churchma 4
MD 5: Churchma 2 at Kulverint 1
MD 6: Sarzoclava 1 at Churchma 1
MD 7: Churchma 1 at Swartaz 3
Mid-Qual: Pretty Awesome Persons at Churchma CANCELLED
Mid-Qual: Civil Citizenry 1 at Churchma 3
Mid-Qual: Virabia 1 at Churchma 2
MD 8: Churchma 1 at Ma Raque 0
MD 9: Nitrome Island 0 at Churchma 1
MD 10: Churchma 1 at Nothan 1
MD 11: Churchma 1 at Octinstine 2
MD 12: Kulverint 0 at Churchma 1
MD 13: Churchma at Sarzoclava
MD 14: Swartaz at Churchma
Post-Qual: Osarius at Churchma
Post-Qual: Cotdelapoms at Churchma

Churchma World Cup 56 Goal Count
23 Total Goals
Jack Durman- 10
Preston Griffin- 4
Ryan Cote- 3
Mariano Wilson- 3
Kyle Chuckson- 1
Rolando Madison- 1
Alberto Severt- 1

[Valladares]

V-Sport - The Leading Sport Magazine in Valladares


Marín's return home ends burying Sargossan hopes

SOLUCA, SARGOSSA (VP) - Valladares managed to stand firm in second place of Group 8 with a well-deserved win at the hostile ediraf Arena in Soluca, Sargossa. What was expected to be one of the toughest games in the group for Les Gones ended in a kind of walk in the park where Frank Zapata ended nearly single-handedly with the rival's slim hopes of staying in contention for the playoff spot.

Before the match, there was big expectation in Sargossa created by José Marín's return to his homeland, however, beyond celebrating the return of a coach kicked out through the back door in his own country and now turned into a celebrity in another nation, the Sargossans had the urgency to defeat the second seed in the group in order to keep their qualifying hopes alive. On the other hand, Les Gones were (and still are) in the middle of a heated fight with Ocel0t for the second place of Group 8, and arrived to Sargossa in order to get three vital points which allowed them to get closer to at least, the qualifying playoff. Getting a different result to a win would have been lethal to the valladars' hopes, and the coach and players were aware of that.

What can we say about the match? It was tough for both sides, with humidity hitting hard and both teams feeling the pressure exerted by 105,000 people at the stands in the stadium. However, Les Gones scored first with Frank Zapata. The Tannenberg FC's player, whose club rejected an offer from the Cafundelense Primeirona to play in Dunboor FC the next season, managed to receive an assistance from Tommy Taylor and got rid easily of the fairly unexperienced Sargossan midfield, eventually punishing them with a powerful shot in the 15th minute. Sargossa seemed to awake from that hard blow and tried to create some good chances, however, the valladar defense successfully controlled the home team's reaction. Miguel Flórez had the opportunity to increase the advantage to two-nil in a counterattack, but the goalkeeper Leiva deflected the shot.

For the second half, Sargossa tried to level the score and Luis Fuentes had some work during the first minutes of the second half, however, Les Gones proved once again to be experts at creating lethal counterattacks, with Frank Zapata scoring the second goal of the match in the 63rd minute, thus way, dooming Sargossa, a former Rushmori football power, to an early elimination from the World Cup, which anyways was expected in their nation due to their absence from the most recent World Cup cycles. Celso Esquivel's goal for the home team during injury time helped Sargossa recover some honor, but was not enough to avoid a valladar victory that keeps the away team closer to the qualifying playoff to the World Cup.

How are things in Group 8 now?

Unofficial Group 8 Standings:

Pos Team               P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Delaclava          12  9  1  2  21  10 +11  28
 2 Valladares         12  6  4  2  23  11 +12  22
 3 Ocel0t             12  5  4  3  17  10  +7  19
 4 Sargossa           12  4  2  6  11  18  -7  14
 5 Meguroko           12  4  2  6  11  21 -10  14
 6 The Yorozuya       12  3  4  5  12  14  -2  13
 7 Mangolana          12  2  6  4   7   9  -2  12
 8 Alexanderburn      12  1  5  6   4  13  -9   8

Can only qualify to the play-off
Eliminated

On the next matchday (August 2):

• Delaclava will qualify to the World Cup if they defeat Ocel0t OR if Valladares do NOT defeat Mangolana
• Valladares will qualify to the Qualifying Play-Off if they defeat Mangolana AND Ocel0t do NOT defeat Delaclava

PRE-QUAL: Valladares 1-5 Bears Armed - Venue: Albert Field, Edmonton (Cap. 20,000)
PRE-QUAL: Bergnovinaia 0-0 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Bergnovinaia

MD1: Delaclava 1-0 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Delaclava
MD2: Valladares 3-1 Ocel0t - Venue: Alain Tramontin Stadium, Eterna City (Cap. 55,000)
MD3: The Yorozuya 1-1 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in The Yorozuya
MD4: Valladares 5-1 Meguroko - Venue: Estádio Estadual Armando Bozelli, Campo Grande (Cap. 50,000)
MD5: Valladares 2-0 Sargossa - Venue: Estadio de la Riviera, Slateport (Cap. 40,000)
MD6: Mangolana 1-2 Valladares - Venue: Stadium, Mangolana City, Mangolana
MD7: Valladares 1-1 Alexanderburn - Venue: Stade Jules Picot, Bezieres (Cap. 38,000)

MID-QUAL: Valladares 3-3 Whirl Islands (Heritage Cup) - Venue: Arena do Oriente, Chiquito (Cap. 37,000)

MD8: Valladares 1-2 Delaclava - Venue: Alexander I National Stadium, Swangard-Metropolis (Cap. 85,000)
MD9: Ocel0t 0-0 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Ocel0t
MD10: Valladares 1-1 The Yorozuya - Venue: Estadio Gobernador Villa, Pradera (Cap. 25,572)
MD11: Meguroko 1-5 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Meguroko
MD12: Sargossa 1-2 Valladares - Venue: ediraf Arena, Soluca, Sargossa (Cap. 105,000)
MD13: Valladares vs. Mangolana - Venue: Olympic Stadium, Carloburgo (Cap. 62,000)
MD14: Alexanderburn vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC

[Kazzoria]

Kaz Blogs
How to deal with forigners

Forigners, who needs them? They smell, they take our jobs, they eat weird things, they speak funny and take all the good women. But the few Kazzorian fans left in existance will need to be wary to survive the world cup in Valanora, so here is a guide to dealing with forigners. Just make sure you read this guide before you find yourself cooked up on a plate by cannibals in Snorthern Northlands.

OK the first thing you need to know about forigners is that they are stupider than you are. Remember that you are supirior to them in looks and intellectually. You are also better at sports than them, unless they are Snorth Northian they are the best in the world. Anyway, if a forigner challenges your supiriority then kill them with your government issued hand guns. They aren't only used to keep the evil king of Mossulia away you know! Anway remember this and you will survive.

Carry your baggage with you at all times, Forigners are theiving brutes and will strip of all your possesions including clothes given half a chance. Train in self defence before you leave, forigners have no sense of space and kicking them will relieve frustration. Be especially careful of Orkljestadians, they are the worst. And talking about them:

If a forigner appears to be from Orkljestad, kill on sight. Haven't you heard that they kill babies for laughs and giggles? I have, and it ain't nice. Orkljestadians are born killers and pests, they are nothing more than animals. If they qualify, find their fan base and kill all of them. They are evil, they will take your women, your dignity and all your breath mints. Hopefully King Lucas will invade Orkljestad and they can all be put into death and work camps for the good of our nation!

[Burty Royals]

King Lucas adds another country to n00kz list, n00kz levels running low

King Lucas has annouced that he is intent on n00king the country of Cotdelapoms. He has decided to do this on the basis that they have annouced in a press article that Burty Royals are not only stupid but have small genitals. This is a lie and King Lucas has decided that cotelapoms should be eliminated so they can say "at least we have some." This childish game might go on for a while. It is also not true that Burty Royal'uns are stupid in the way said. They simply just believe everything that they are told and do everything they are told, they are more gullible than stupid. They are also only stupid for the sake of ease, do you know how hard it is controling the country? Because of all of this and providing correct ansewers King Lucas demands that he is given the flights vouchers. He says he will use this to steal more nookz from their neighbours to attack the insulting and ignorant Cotdelapomies with.

[Saugeais]

Saugeais slipping with draw against cellar dweller

The first half of the match was very defensive-minded, but don't fault the Knights for lack of attempts to score. They did manage to get the ball deep into opponent territory, but every attempt was squandered by either bad shots or quality tackles by the defenders. Luko Šimić only got 4 shots off all match, and not one of them even hit the post. Amaechi Olsen had better luck, shooting at the net 9 times in the first half alone, but the keeper was strong and agile today, blocking anything that came his way. While the first half felt like it dragged on, the second half flew by with the amount of pressure both teams applied. They came out of the tunnel ready for some offensive football, and the play on the pitch proved that fact. Rhodesiah and Saugeais traded shots up and down the field, but it was Saugeais that struck first. Amaechi Olsen received a through ball while staying very narrowly onsides. As the opposing players raised their arms signaling they thought he was off, the ref let Olsen play on as he ran uncontested at the keeper, firing a shot between his legs to give Saugeais the lead. The Knights did not let up though, as Rhodesiah never let them have a chance. They came back with a few shots of their own, but just like the Rhodesian keeper, Jenson Paulson also was on his game, catching and punching away any ball that went near him. The Knights thought they had this game in the bag as the match neared the final whistle, but a costly penalty from newly subbed in left back Klaus Rheinholt led to his getting a yellow card, but more importantly, Rhodesiah receiving a penalty kick. Jenson happened to dive the right way as the kicker smacked the ball at the net, but Jenson could not lay a finger on it the deflect its flight, and Rhodesiah tied up the match with mere seconds left remaining. Saugeais tried to mount one more attack, but as their kicks sailed wide, the ref blew the full time whistle and the game was over. The fans were irate at the outcome, and let the players know about it.

All of a sudden, panic was swept across the nation of Saugeais. Their once dominant football team, seemingly willing to challenge Krytenia for the top of the group, has stumbled twice in consecutive game and is now hanging on to the hope of finishing second. If the 4-1 loss against Landau Institute wasn't bad enough, to come out the next match and draw a Rhodesian team who are planted at the bottom of the group is completely unacceptable by Benoit Howard's stance. He stood in front of his players, and let them know what was on his mind. "You let your fans down today, boys. You had the chance to wipe the floor with this team, but you didn't. Be thankful your costly plays near the end of the game didn't give them the victory. You heard them as we were coming off the pitch: they were directing all of there boos and jeers at you. They fully expected a win out of you to put a little distance on some of the remaining teams. Now it's just a jumbled mess, and it is imperative now that we win these last two. Boys, I will never forgive you, the fans will never forgive, even some of your teammates will never forgive you if you so much as draw another match. It was our destiny to get into the Finals this year, and I'll be damned if that doesn't happen. So look alive, boys, you'll be practicing harder than ever to take out the last two teams."

Saugeais is sitting in a virtual tie for 2nd place with Landau and The Kiaser Colonies with 21 points, but Landau leads on goal difference, the same tie breaker Saugeais has over TKC. Stuffed Taxidermists is right on the heels of these three with 20 points. Any one of these teams can make it now, but they all need to win over each other. Saugeais has Stuffed Taxidermists at their place, the Kiaser Colonies at home to close out the qualifying. The Knights need to win both matches and hope that Landau losses at least one of their remaining two to qualify.

Scoring recap

Goals:
Saugeais:  Amaechi Olsen  56'

Rhodesiah: Chris de Nysschen  89'

Substitutes:
Saugeais: Steve Park (John Barker)   78'
Klaus Rheinholt (Thomas Quentin)  83'

Landau Institute: ???

Yellow/Red Cards
Saugeais: Klaus Rheinholt (yellow)

Landau Institute: Fiks van der Merwe (yellow)

Saugeais Qualifying Schedule:
MD 1: vs. Krytenia L 1-2
MD 2: @ Jedi8246 D 1-1
MD 3: vs. West Guiana D 1-1
MD 4: vs. Landau Institute W 1-0
MD 5: @ Rhodesiah W 2-0
MD 6: vs. Stuffed Taxidermists W 2-1
MD 7: @ Kiaser Colonies W 1-0
MD 8: @ Krytenia L 2-3
MD 9: vs. Jedi8246 W 3-2
MD 10: @ West Guiana W 4-0
MD 11: @ Landau Institute L 1-4
MD 12: vs. Rhodesiah D 1-1
MD 13: @ Stuffed Taxidermists
MD 14: vs. Kiaser Colonies

[Mytannion]

by Vyacheslav Kokorin

Yeah, we're scrapping the 'Other News' section. We can't be bothered typing that up every time, when it can just as easily be put in the first part. Combined with the main match reports and all that. It's all quite easy really. Anyway.

Maybe I shouldn't be as pessimistic everytime I write a report like this. I said that we didn't have a chance of qualifying last time, but right now - it really is beginning to look like we can qualify. Of course, we're still in third - but with another win under our belt, and with group leaders Newmanistan somehow losing against Old Havansk, by two goals to one. And our Rushmori friendos/enemies Queer Poco el Mono Ara also lost to our nemesis (well, our nemesis this time around in qualifying), Carasatoga.

We won, as I said before. It was a nice game for us too, a game which allowed us to give some players a run-out which they may not have made otherwise. This game was against Rushmori nation, Logria - and we won 3-1. A game which was easy enough to win, and if we hadn't won - we would never have deserved to qualify for the World Cup this cycle. But as it is, we still can. This was thanks to some youngsters stringing together some nice play as they gave the more experienced first eleven a rest. Of course, a couple of our normal starters were in the game, Holzman in net, Kislasson and Njulae at the back, Hjik, Alixysev and Visoisse in midfield. But other than that, five of the eleven players weren't normal starters - but it was these players that made the maximum impact for us, and made the most important impact.

Ure Rundschau started up-top, and he made an instant impact as he scored after only eight minutes into the game. He took the ball at the edge of the box, flicked it out wide to Niek van der Smeejin who was making an unusual run down the wing. Rundschau spun the defender, moved towards the near-post and van der Smeejin put a nice ball into him, it was low and had plenty of pace about it, all Rundschau had to do was make contact. That he did, and an emphatic strike into the bottom corner. Well, it wasn't all that emphatic, he just sorta' side-footed it and the pace on the ball meant that it just glanced into the net. It was still a nice goal though.

Niek van der Smeejin turned from provider to scorer though, normally that cliche is the other way around. 'He turned from scorer to provider...' But meh, we'll get on with it. Filip Bosc had the ball at his feet and simply flicked the ball between two Logrian players, Smith and Callender; I think it was - and he then noticed the nice run that van der Smeejin was making through the middle. The defensive midfielder charged onto the ball, took it past Garrett and then just hit a screamer into the top corner, past the outstretched arms of Logrian 'keeper Peter Bowes. 2-0 before half-time.

Filip Bosc got the third shortly after half-time, getting his 6th international goal in his 16th international cap. He worked an opening for himselfat the edge of the box as defenders tried to challenge him and just stroked the ball past Bowes. Bosc had probably scored the goal of the game, the dribble to accompany the goal was brilliant - but he just jogged back to the halfway line like he had done nothing special. He's going to be a star for the national side as soon as Lenart Goricag retires from international football, which won't be more than a few seasons.

Ronnie Winson, a young 21-year old striker for Ecclestone Orient got a late consolation goal for Logria - he found himself, somehow through on goal after a lapse in concentration from our back-line - and the young man did well under pressure, keeping his composure to slot past Rudi Holzman and make the final scoreline 3-1.

Our last two games are Newmanistan and Lesser Cotswalds, a head-to-head battle against one of the other teams at the top of our group. A game which will be very important in the course of our group. If we beat Newmanistan, we have a very good chance of qualification - if we don't, we'll probably be heading towards the Cup of Harmony, with a one-way ticket too. The Lesser Cotswalds game is less important, but we'll still have to get a good result if we want to qualify.

Newmanistan have to play us, and... Queer Poco el Mono Ara. So they're in a much tougher situation, they have to beat us to basically secure qualification - and then also beat our Rushmori rivals to make sure they hold onto the top spot in the group, and don't fall into the play-off spots again. They have a very tough run-in.

Queer Poco el Mono Ara have to play Logria, and that is certainly a game they should win. They then have to play Newmanistan, if they win that - and we beat Newmanistan - then it will be us and Queer Poco el Mono Ara qualifying. So it is all very confused currently.

No one really knows what is going on, and it could all still change - our group is very, very close at the top. And only tomorrow will we know how things are truly going to pan out. Either way, it is a win-win situation. We qualify for the World Cup proper again, or we have the chance at a very good run in the Cup of Harmony. It's all good now.

Oh look! There's Geese on the Pitch!
Well our friends in Cotdelapoms appear to have started a war with Burty Royals. They have been placed on the Burty Royals 'to-nuke' list anyway, so if there is a nuclear war - we know that the Cotdelapomais will lose, mainly because they don't have any army or weaponry, or anything we can see. Not that we can talk, we'd just have a massive guerrilla army, we have a really small organised military but most of our citizens have weapons, so that'd be combined. Anyway, I'm rambling - but maybe that is the point of this thing, I don't know...

Yeah, if there's a nuclear war we're fucked.

[The Archregimancy]

THE NATURE SHOW
On Squirrels and the Future

With Fr. David Doer of Little

Hello, and welcome to the Nature Show here on Monastic Radio, with me, Fr. David Doer of Little.

Say, did you catch that Archregimancy result against Errinundera last night? The Potoroos come from a land well-known for its natural wonders, and their caring attitude towards God's creation so it grieved me somewhat to see them lose so heavily. Still, a win's a win, right - and goal difference may well prove crucial in the final run-in.

But it's not football or even potoroos I wish to speak of tonight....

No, it's squirrels.

You may not realise this, but the family Sciuridae are specially chosen of God.

How could you doubt this? Are they not supremely cute when they forage for nuts, or run around trees, or pause in a grassy forest clearing, appearing as if to pray before they scurry along to find another source of food.

Holy Scripture - both Old Testament and New Testament - is surprisingly totally free of any references to squirrels. Why, neither the heretical restorationist 'Book of Mormon' or the Koran of the heathen Muslims mention squirrels. I have had my research staff search high and low for squirrels in just about every holy book under the sun, and still there is no mention of squirrels.

So how can I claim that they are specially chosen of God?

Because select squirrels can foretell the future.

Now don't laugh - if humans can be granted the gift of prophecy by the Lord our God, then why not squirrels?

Why, right now there could be a squirrel gifted with prophecy in the Holy Empire, the Archregimancy - or even, hard though it is to credit, a mundy Ordinary Reality nation like Starblaydia - who is attempting to share his prophetic vision with the secular authorities!

Now, I know that...

What are you doing?

Stop that!

I'M COMPLETELY SANE I TELL YOU!!!!

DON'T TOUCH THA.....

<The Monastic Radio Network apologises for this unscheduled break in transmission; normal programming will resume as soon as possible>

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

A WEB TV TALK SHOW!

A jaunty but exceptionally annoying theme song plays, wherein the phrase 'Grilled Brie for 3' is simply sung over and over again, ad infinitum. Following a series of terrible CGI special effects, which display a drawing of the globe slamming into the flag of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, causing a massive explosion, the camera jerkily pans to the two very irritated-looking hosts of the show, Fušia Oujadda and Peregrina Thašighi. Today they are sitting in the lavish dining area of Whale Blubber for Breakfast, one of Dyurtyuli's most critically acclaimed gourmet restaurants. Despite being in by far the coldest city of the nation, they are both wearing some of the skimpiest outfits known to man (as seen below), presumably because they are attempting to outdo each other.

YOUR HOSTS:

<-- Fušia Oujadda
Peregrina Thašighi -->

TODAY'S GUEST:

Father Boris the Blind

Fušia: Oh my God, that smells so bad.

Peregrina: Why is it that you say that at the start of like every show?

Fušia: You, obviously.

Peregrina: Ugh, God.

A small cough is heard out of frame.

Fušia: Nice work; you've offended our guest.

Peregrina: Oh, whatever, if he could see what we're wearing he'd be even more pissed off.

Out-of-Frame Voice: What, if I may ask, are you wea-

Fušia: Nothing!

Out-of-Frame Voice: You're wearing nothing?

Fušia: No! No, no, no... I don't mean we're wearing nothing! I mean, uh... we're wearing... robes... and stuff.

Peregrina: Robes with like, crosses, and shit.

Fušia: Yeah! Crosses.

Out-of-Frame: Oh.

Fušia: Whew! Close one. So, anyway... you have probably heard that the show has been suspended for some months now.

Peregrina: Oh, it was so awesome.

Fušia: Yeah, it was.

Peregrina: We got to go, like, a whole month without ever talking to each other.

Fušia: Sadly, the show is back. Supposedly the MFA and the KPFA have resolved a bunch of issues regarding the content of the show, and I've been told our guest here today is an envoy for the MFA. Once he appears on the show, he will return to the Dreamed Realm to vouch for its wholesomeness.

Peregrina: We don't want to be called drunken, wanton women, or whatever it was they called us.

Fušia: Even though in your case it was basically true.

An annoyed Peregrina begins to shout at someone out of frame.

Peregrina: Excuse me, waiter?

Out-of-Frame Voice: Yes?

Peregrina: If I bring my own whale blubber in, can you make a breakfast out of it?

Out-of-Frame Voice: Sure!

Peregrina: Okay, here you go.

Peregrina grabs Fušia's arm and jokingly tries to drag her over to the waiter.

Fušia: Let go of me! That was like the stupidest joke you have ever come up with!

Peregrina: You're the stupidest joke your mom ever came up with.

Fušia: You... okay. Whatever. Let's just get this idiotic piece of crap over with.

Peregrina: Agreed. Welcome to Grilled Brie for 3. I'm your very good-looking host, Peregrina Thašighi.

Fušia: I thought we were going to omit that 'very good-looking' part on account of you-know-who over here, Peregrina!

Peregrina: Oh, right! Sorry, force of habit. Welcome to Grilled Brie for 3. I'm your very modestly-dressed and only-attractive-in-a-pious-and-certainly-not-sexual way host Peregrina Thašighi.

Fušia: And I'm Fušia Oujadda. Ditto on the whole modestly-dressed thing.

Peregrina: And our guest today is the esteemed or something Father Boris the Blind of the Archregimancy. Now, Father Boris, we've been, like, told that you are not actually officially connected with the Archregimancy national football team.

Father Boris: Yes, Ms. Thašighi, that is correct. I am merely a humble fan of the sport. However, I do enjoy it so much that I attend all of the Archregimancy's home games.

Fušia: Doesn't that nine-hour liturgy thing before each match get a little tiresome?

Father Boris: Why no, of course not, Ms. Oujadda. Without the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom, football matches simply aren't the same! Why, when I saw the Archregimancy's semifinal match in the last Worl-

Peregrina: I'm, like, pretty sure you didn't see anything.

Fušia: Oh my God. Shut the hell up, Peregrina.

Peregrina: Oh, look who's got the potty mouth now. 'Nice work; you've offended our guest.' 'Nice work; you've offended our guest.' 'Nice work; you've offended our guest.'

Fušia: What is this, the broken record treatment? Maybe I shouldn't have sworn, but you've directly insulted our guest.

Peregrina: You insulted him when you showed up with that unacceptably flabby beer gut of yours.

Fušia: THAT IS IT!

Fušia grabs the nearest chunk of poached whale fat and proceeds to shove it down the front of Peregrina's top, after which she starts punching the now-screaming Peregrina repeatedly in the chest. There is a brief melee, which several frightened waiters attempt to break up the fight, to no avail. The camera cuts out before immediately cutting back in, apparently resuming several minutes later. This time, Father Boris is in frame.

Fušia (still angry): Okay. Normally this is where we'd just stop shooting the show, but the KPFA says that there's some big contract that we'd lose if Father Boris goes back to the Archregimancy and says bad things about the show, so here we are. Evidently our guest has been given a 'special pill' of some kind which will prevent him from remembering the conflagration we've just witnessed here. I presume 'special pill' means roofie, just for the sake of transparency.

Peregrina (still crying): Whatever. If I have to spend another second with this horrible bitch I think I might kill myself.

The monk interjects with slurred speech and a monotonous tone, clearly affected by the mysterious pill he's been given.

Father Boris: Ms. Thašighi, our faith teaches us that, no matter how hopeless our plight in life may seem, with God there is always cause to have hope. Our Lord continually emphasizes this, not only by His words, but likewise by His deeds, and most specifically by the miracles that He performed which transformed what often seemed to be hopeless situations into occasions of joy.

As seen in the image of Judas, who sunk into despair and hopelessness and hung himself—he, like the Wise Thief, could have repented and sought and received forgiveness—when one forgets that “with God, all things are possible,” one can indeed sink to such a state of despair that suicide might appear to be a solution. However, as we know, suicide is never a valid solution to life’s trials and difficulties and, as such, it might be termed the ultimate form of despair, the ultimate admission that even with God, there is no hope for one’s life and crises.

God is the Source and Giver of life—life which is sustained by the Holy Spirit, Who dwells within each of us. To willfully take one’s life, then, is to willfully cut oneself off from the Source of one’s life, to project a sense of hopelessness that cannot be reversed, even by the God Who sent His Son into this world precisely to give us the faith and hope to see, to accept, and to share His divine love. There is no problem, no crisis, no sin that is too great to overcome, if only we hold fast to that hope which is, as Scripture teaches, in us by virtue of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, Who abides in us and claims us as God’s own.

Silence for several seconds.

Fušia: Well, that was new.

Peregrina (still crying): I was really just using, like, a figure of speech, Mr. Boris.

Father Boris: Of course, there are many factors to consider in cases of sui-

Fušia: Okay, okay. We got it, Father Boris. Thank you. We all feel very... edified... and stuff. Now, moving on... Father Boris... let's just briefly discuss the situation in Group 7. The group has, as many pundits predicted at the outset of qualifying, proven to be the tournament's Group of Death by quite a wide margin. With the quality of the opposition being so enormously high, it is now effectively impossible for the Urchins to advance. To do so they would need to defeat the Archregimancy tonight and then beat Wolfmanne the next week along with some help. Father Boris, do we have any chance of defeating your beloved monks tomorrow evening?

Father Boris: With success comes the ever-present danger of immodesty, Ms. Oujadda. Should you fail to qualify, you need not feel so glum. For in the Cup of Harmony you may find, like Christ himse-

Fušia: And yadda yadda redemption and stuff. Thank you for that. All I know about it is that we're probably going to end up being the team with the highest point total of any non-World Cup qualifier. Just look at the tables... no third-place team has collected more points than we have.

Peregrina: If we don't qualify, though... that means the monks don't get to change our team names. Won't that make you, like, sad and stuff, Mr. Boris?

Fušia: His name is not Mr. Bori-

Father Boris: We in the Archregimancy are hopeful that the KPFA will choose to change the team names voluntarily, should such a scenario come to pass.

Fušia: 'AFC Venerable Zeno the Hermit of Antioch the Disciple of St Basil the Great?' Don't hold your breath. All right, I think that does it for us.

Peregrina: Good. Thank you for watching the show today, everybody...

Peregrina starts sobbing again.

Fušia: Oh, knock it off, you big crybaby. What are you on about now?

Peregrina: I just... don't... like... understand! Why are you so mean to me? What did I ever do to you?

Fušia: Well, you call me fat once every twenty-two seconds.

Peregrina: I'm only joking! I don't think you're fat! I actually think you're really pretty! I only say you're fat because you're always making catty little remarks about me! I'm just trying to keep up!

Fušia: Oh. Well, I think you're pretty too.

Peregrina: Really?

Fušia (shyly): Yeah, I guess.

The next few seconds are very awkward. Even the extremely-dazed Father Boris picks up on the tension in the room, prompting someone right behind the camera to whisper 'fuck, not again; cut!' The last thing the camera shows is Peregrina wrapping her arm around Fušia's shoulder...

(OOC: Portions of this RP have been directly plagiarized from the Orthodox Church in America website. However, since I can't even attempt to replicate Arch's exquisite style, and since he himself sent me the link, I feel like it's okay. )

[Aguazul]

"Okay, okay, maybe my guess is better than yours," Ricardo said eagerly. "Pablo, right? I used to have another linesman, named Pablo. Maybe it's him."

"Hmm," said José. "Has he ever met Miguel?"

"To my knowledge? No. But it's a guess, okay?"

"Whatever. My turn," he said, pacing. "How about...a commentator from overseas?"

"From overseas?"

"Yeah. They'd give opinions on stuff...on bad officials...and it wouldn't be anyone we know."

"Good idea," Ricardo admitted, scribbling it down.

"You do know I'm memorizing all this too, right? Because for all I know you could be writing down whatever, or just claim that you had it when we ever find out."

"Oh, are you?" said Ricardo. "Should've told me and I wouldn't have bothered."

Meanwhile, elsewhere...

"Look," Miguel repeated, "I go overseas for the matches. Because if it weren't for people like me, then people would have to ref their own country's games, and maybe they'd cheat."

"So you cheat."

"No! And I'm back now, aren't I? I have the next league weekends but I'm not doing much during the week."

"So you're a deadbeat who can't hold down a job during the normal workweek?"

"No! You..." Miguel broke off, exercising some restraint in not calling Antonia exactly what he thought of her at that moment. "What do you want, anyway?"

"I want you to have a normal job and be able to stay home and be with...well, I mean...I want to know I can trust you."

"Of course you can trust me! What have I ever done to make you not trust me?"

"Sneak out overseas with your...secret codes and flags and things."

"My flags? My only flag is Aguazul's. Maybe the other countries have their own flags, but I don't care about theirs."

"Your colored signally things?"

"Those are part of the rules of football! Haven't I ever been through this with you?"

"No. You haven't."

"That's because this has never been an issue before. Why is it now?"

She opened her mouth, then shut it, unable to come up with an answer.

Once again Miguel showed great restraint in failing to mention the mysterious Pablo. Perhaps if he had, things would have gone differently; instead, he just smugly grinned.

(Sarmiento 5, Cisneros 22, Cerezo 39, Oraglio 66, Oraglio 72)