Baptism of Fire 43 Rosters/RP/Scores Thread (IC)

by **Kagdazka and Pazhujebu** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:41 pm

Fušia and Peregrina are both unconscious, as they have beaten on each other too hard. They will undoubtedly wake up tomorrow and hear the Matchday Four scores, which are as follows:

Group E
Ockkorlond 0–2 Nitrome Island
Camerania 1–1 Burty Royals
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 0–0 Southern Cynocephali

--Group E                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Southern Cynocephali          4   3  1  0    7   2  +5   10
2 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk        4   1  3  0    5   3  +2    6
3 Burty Royals                  4   1  2  1    8   5  +3    5
4 Nitrome Island                4   1  2  1    6   5  +1    5
5 Camerania                     4   1  2  1    4   4   0    5
6 Ockkorlond                    4   0  0  4    0  11 −11    0

Group F
New Palmouth 4–0 Savski Venac
Armorgames 2–2 Autobotious
Lesser Cotswalds 0–4 Old Havansk

--Group F                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 New Palmouth                  4   2  2  0    5   0  +5    8
  Old Havansk                   4   2  2  0    5   0  +5    8
3 Armorgames                    4   1  3  0    4   2  +2    6
4 Lesser Cotswalds              4   1  1  2    2   7  −5    4
5 Savski Venac                  4   1  0  3    6   8  −2    3
6 Autobotious                   4   0  2  2    3   8  −5    2

Group G
Matting 0–2 Jedi8246
Rent is 3 Damn High 4–0 Ideam
Princess Béatrice Island 1–2 Florinthus

--Group G                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Jedi8246                      4   3  0  1    7   2  +5    9
  Rent is 3 Damn High           4   3  0  1    7   2  +5    9
3 Florinthus                    4   2  0  2    5   4  +1    6
4 Princess Béatrice Island      4   2  0  2    5   5   0    6
5 Ideam                         4   1  0  3    3  11  −8    3
6 Matting                       4   1  0  3    2   5  −3    3

Group H
Kalengorod 1–1 Okunion
Jimmer Fredette 3–0 Southwest 2Fort
Kalumba 1–0 Beaverriver

--Group H                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kalumba                       4   4  0  0    9   0  +9   12
2 Jimmer Fredette               4   3  0  1    8   6  +2    9
3 Beaverriver                   4   2  0  2    6   5  +1    6
4 Okunion                       4   1  1  2    5   8  −3    4
5 Southwest 2Fort               4   1  0  3    1   7  −6    3
6 Kalengorod                    4   0  1  3    2   5  −3    1

by **Kagdazka and Pazhujebu** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:49 pm

The KPFA Administrative Section for Stadia and Facility Management is happy to announce that the following venues have all been approved for use in the following Matchday Five fixtures.

Group E
Southern Cynocephali vs. Ockkorlond @ the Ice Cube, Dyurtyuli, Kagdazka
Burty Royals vs. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk @ Banditi Zaliv Stadion, Oktyabrsk, Kagdazka
Nitrome Island vs. Camerania @ Forestry Department Street, Gvardeysk, Kagdazka

Group F
Old Havansk vs. New Palmouth @ Gelendzhik Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka
Autobotious vs. Lesser Cotswalds @ FKM Arena, CMZ Metropolitan Area, Kagdazka
Savski Venac vs. Armorgames @ Yuzhniy Veter Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka

Group G
Florinthus vs. Matting @ Sampa Gumbada Stidiyama, Juvapanam, Pazhujebu
Ideam vs. Princess Béatrice Island @ Therakham Velodrama, Mahathu, Pazhujebu
Jedi8246 vs. Rent is 3 Damn High @ Praça de Prata, Mahathu, Pazhujebu

Group H
Beaverriver vs. Kalengorod @ Avazhughij Arena, Pkethat Šede, Pazhujebu
Southwest 2Fort vs. Kalumba @ Graha'ajat Stidiyama, Zhevassi, Pazhujebu
Okunion vs. Jimmer Fredette @ Oberlander'ajat Stidiyama, Urajbina, Pazhujebu

by **Chetkosk** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:06 pm

I bent down to put the little white plastic cup to the little white plastic tap and turned the valve. Clear, chilled, slightly chemical-tasting water trickled out of the tank held upside down in the dispenser - I could feel the level of liquid in the cup from the cold sensation rising on the inside of my hand. I revelled in the length of time it took to fill the cup, even going as far as to not wuite open the valve completely to elongate the process.
This was my eleventh cup of water that day.
It was 11:43am.

As you can probably tell by now, I'm not that keen on my job. In fact, I'd probably go as far as to say I don't like it. This theory is strengthened by the fact that I get my cups of water from the water cooler furthest away from my desk. I drew the line at taking the stairs to a different floor in search of water, but it was tempting.

I stood with my cup and slowly turned to face the large open plan office behind me, sipping at the cool liquid. The massed clitter-clatter of hundreds of keyboards being used at the same time filled the air, a distant phone rang briefly before being answered. Another rang, rang, rang again, and the thought crossed my mind that it might have been mine, calling for me to pick up the receiver whilst I hydrated myself for the eleventh time that morning.

The floor manager's office opened to my right, not too far away, and I swiftly began to look busy. I took several lengthy paces back towards my cubicle - little plastic cup in hand, hoping to not be noticed.
"Morning Danil."
"You've said that three times today, thirsty much?"
Danil was standing at the photocopier, printing another 35 copies of form 85C/25v3.1. Unfortunately for the both of us, the floor manager was out and about, and so were we.
"Gentlemen, hope you're not working too hard..." Danil and I exchanged glances, unsure of whether or not we were supposed to answer. Flavistadt was not alone, however. Today there was a man with him. He was fairly old, spectacled, with grey hair mingling with his natural light brown tones. Dressed as he was in an expensive-looking blue pinstripe suit, he was instantly recognisable as one of these mysterious consultants.

"This is Mr. Gruseyvidin. He's here with the, ah, consultancy group meeting with us upstairs." This Mr. Gruseyvidin smiled at the two of us - both of us managed a slight smile in return before exchanging another glance. On the consultant's chest was a plain white badge with the initials 'МИРУ' printed on it. What it stood for, I didn't know.
"Actually, Mr. Vyorshin, we were just discussing you in my office." Now THIS surprised me.
"Yes," Mr. Gruseyvidin began, "upon looking over your file, we'd like to have a little chat with you upstairs,...regarding a potential promotion?"

............WHAT?!

"Come along Mr. Vyorshin," the floor manager said in a matter-of-fact tone while placing his hand on my elbow with a surprisingly strong grip, steering me in the right direction, "back to work Ludovichia."
And with that the three of us walked towards the upper management lift, nobody talking, me confused, the other two smiling. Flavistadt turned around just before the lift opened, half-shouting across to Danil.
"Oh, and I'm going to have to ask you to come in on Saturday, Mr. Ludovichia. Thanks."
Somehow, I could tell that Danil had cursed under his breath.

by **Armorgames** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:42 pm

ARMORGAMES NEWS

Hello I am Malcom Harrison.

Well, this is disappointing. Armorgames ties the last place Autobotious 2-2. Not only does this drop AG from the first place spot, Armorgames goalie Erik Crater let up his first goal of the season, make that two.

The goal scorers for Armorgames were Max Krumm and Nail Vey. Who scored in the 19th and 57th minute respectively. Since Autobotious dose not have a roster I can not tell you who scored for them.

But I can tell you how they scored. Autobotious first goal came in the fifth minute off a corner kick that was poorly executed on defense by AG. The second goal came on a 35 yard laser that nobody could have stopped.

And Armorgames scored in the 19th minute when Krumm was behind the center line and lofted a moon shot that bounced behind the goalie and into the back of the net. Vey's goal came in off a throw in header.

There were no interviews after the match and Coach Charlie Klien held a closed door meeting which seems a little drastic after a draw.

The second part of the AGSN special has been delayed due to the AGSN station being down all day. Hopefully we can get that to you at the next broadcast.

So that is all for, wait, here come Erik Crater out of the locker room.

Erik! Erik! Hold up! Wait!

*Erik turns his head and looks at Malcom. He start to walk towards him.*

Erik Crater

Hey, whats up?

Malcom Harrison

Where are you going? I thought you guys were in a closed door meeting.

Erik Crater

Yeah we were, and still are. I was sitting near the back so I snuck out.

Malcom Harrison

Can you tell me what was being talked about in there?

Erik Crater

Honestly, I wasn't listening, I don't care if the cameras are on and coach can watch this. He is making to big of a deal out of a draw.

Malcom Harrison

Well, what did you think of your game today?

Erik Crater

Oh man did I do bad. We should of won that game. I bet thats what coach was yelling about but whatever.

Malcom Harrison

Thats a different approach to take to this but okay then.

Erik Crater

I think I should leave now before anyone can find me.

Well then. So now I guess thats all we have here.

by **Southern Cynocephali** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:37 pm

Excerpt from 'Baptism of Fire 43 Guide: Southern Cynocephali'

Arron Yuill (Captain)
Age: 24
Height: 196cm
Position: Goalkeeper
Place of Birth: Timaeus, Southern Cynocephali
Nationality: Southern Cynocephalian
Club Team: Lilter United
International Caps: 13

Awards:
Club:
Champions Season 1 & 2
Individual:
SCCPL Player of the Year Season 1,
SCCPL Team of the Year Season 1, Season 2
Arron was born into a third generation copper mining family in the mining town of Timaeus;
a hard working and frugal family of which he was the youngest of three boys. Arron spent
his early years in the scarred environment of the hills surrounding Timaeus, and as soon as
he could walk, he began (trying) to play association football at the local field with his older
brothers. His father's sudden death in a mining incident saw the family move to Lilter, as
his mother could not support the family herself. Despite possessing his father and
brothers' size, Arron was also blessed with a natural agility; an ability that was spotted by
a scout from Indica United who happened to be holidaying in the southern city.

Arron was quickly picked up by the Indica United youth squad and moved to the capital,
his family staying behind in Lilter. Arron however failed to find his feet in a team dominated
by Indican locals, his southern dialect being a distinction of difference that he could not
overcome. Poor performances for the youth team saw his contract not renewed on his
17th birthday, and he returned dejected to his family in Lilter. On the advice of his older
brothers, he attended trials at Lilter United, who saw the potential that his unique abilities
offered, and offered him a squad contract.

Soon after his contract with Lilter United, Arron was struck by tragedy as both his brothers
were killed in an accident at the same facility as their father. Wanting to carry on the family
mining tradition the brothers moved back to Timaeus to work in the mines. His brothers, Seau
and Alain, were reportedly intoxicated when they decided to take the company plane for a joyride, a small four seater aircraft that the company based at the mines. In the dead of the night, they managed to sneak onto the small dirt tarmac and get the aircraft in the air. After flying low over the surrounding areas, it is speculated they became disoriented, and their lack of training resulted in controlled flight into terrain.

Arron was strongly shaken by the loss of his brothers, which resulted on him throwing all his energy into his football. Strong performances saw Arron replace the aging incumbent, Fabian Lowe, just prior to the launch of the inaugural SCCPL. Over his time at number one, he has performed strongly in the league, averaging below 0.5 goals conceeded per game over two seasons. Arron was awarded the captaincy by Ramolino on the formation of the national team, and his strong national team performaces have even seen him accepted by Indica United fans, becoming a household name in Southern Cynocephali in the process. He was also awarded SCCPL Player of the Year in the first season, and his shirt sales at Lilter United account for over 35% of all sales.

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 0–0 Southern Cynocephali

Post-match Interview with SCNews

Q: "Thanks Mélissa, I've managed to catch manager Napoleone Ramolino on his way to the dressing rooms for a quick word. Mr Ramolino, you've qualified for the next stage, in first place no less. Are you happy with this result?"

Ramolino: "Yes, the boys have played well. We only needed to secure the point out there today to guarantee first in the group. Yes, I would have liked to have won, but I knew this game would be our toughest. The lads did as I asked so I am pleased."

Q: "The last group match of the stage is against Ockkorlond, who have yet to score a goal. How will you approach this now meaningless game?"

Ramolino: "It is a game I would prefer not to play, to be honest. The lads have done well to get into this position, and the danger of an injury or suspension in a meaningless tie is a concern. I will be calling on the reserve players to step up."

Q: "How do you mean, step up? Will they be starting?"

Ramolino: "Yes, I imagine we will see a vastly different lineup for the last match."

Q: "Any news on Sal Lazzara? He hasn't been seen in camp since the first match, but you have remained very tight lipped about his whereabouts."

Ramolino: "No comment."

Q: "Surely you understand the nation is concerned for his wellbeing. Can you confirm the rumour that he walked out of the team hotel and hasn't been seen since?"

Ramolino: "Thank you. I must be going."

Q: "Well, Mélissa, there you have it. Nothing further on Lazzara at this stage, but Les Cynos have qualified in first place of Group E. We will be watching Group F for who their opponents in the next round will be, increasingly it looks like Lesser Cotswalds will be their first test in the knockout stage."

by **Michael VII** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:10 pm

Soccer Daily

8 July 2011 SCE

Full roster publicly announced for the first time. PLUS first three games results!

Michael VII 3 - 2 Nothan

Michael VII 1 - 0 Italian Mafias

Michael VII 4 - 1 Yankees123

Game One
The stakes were high and Michael VII were ready for their first ever 'official' international soccer match. The location of this match? At Baptism of fire 43, the only time that Michael VII will ever be allowed to attend this prestigious event, and Michael VII wish to make this the best possible event, because this will be their only chance to ever get their names written down in this history book. A great result came for Michael VII, winning a tight game 3-2 with the game winning goal coming after 84 minutes! Nothan played a huge game, but couldn't quite manage to pull off the result that they wanted. Michael VII bravely fought back from 1-2 after 74 minutes, scoring twice in 10 minutes to seal off their first ever BoF win, and their first international win! Man of the match: Joseph Faber, who scored a hat trick in this match and obviously was the difference in this one.

Game Two
Now that Michael VII had the confidence that they could win a big match, they were ready to take on the team from Italian Mafias. This match was full of anticipation, right until the end, with Michael VII squeezing out a very close 1-0 win, holding on for 76 minutes following the 14th minute goal scored by Allen Willie. A huge match came from veteran goalkeeper Bryan Merriweather, coming up with a huge clean sheet that held true in the most clutch of moments. This definitely gave him the man of the match award. Sometimes the best defense really is the defense, and a brilliant goalkeeper certainly helps in the efforts of winning big matches.

Game Three
By now, the coaching staff for the Michael VII side must have known that they have a big chance in winning this tournament, and group 4th place, Yankees123 wouldn't have to be Michael VII's biggest worry. 2 from 2 victories has to be promising, and now Michael VII wanted a 3 from 3. Especially from the central sector of Michael VII, where soccer has its biggest following! And in the end, it was an easy win, the final goal was just a consolation goal after 85 minutes after Michael VII had already racked up a 4-0 lead and a guaranteed win. But the players will tell you that there is no such thing as an easy win, we'll confidently say that this one was easy to watch from the press boxes. A capacity crowd witnessed this one, where Michael VII won 4-1, with goals coming in the 4th, 29th, 45th and 63rd minutes. 2 of those game from Joseph Faber, and another two from Allen Willie. This sealed the match by half time and Michael VII could comfortably sleep knowing that they were at equal terms with the group leaders on points. Obviously, Goal Difference is Michael VII's biggest enemy, but after three games, the knockout spots are almost guaranteed to hold Michael VII's name in the matchups, needing only a top four group finish to qualify. All this being said, qualifying is good, but no one wants to qualify, everyone just wants to win. No matter what the odds are, Michael VII can still win this thing!

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Rebel Slaves              3    3    0    0     9     0     +9     9
Michael VII               3    3    0    0     8     3     +5     9
Alexanderburn             3    1    1    1     2     2      0     4
Yankees123                3    0    2    1     4     7     -3     2
Nothan                    3    0    1    2     4     9     -5     1
Italian Mafias            3    0    0    3     0     6     -6     0

by **Andossa Se Mitrin Vega** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:17 pm

Time now for your Yumbo Jumbo Cutoff

Flavor of the day - Yumbo Jumbo Zero - That's right folks, Zero Calories, Zero Flavor, and Zero Fun. Inspired by all the inactive media outlets of BoF participants.
We would say "Enjoy!" but there is Zero chance of that.

by **Andossa Se Mitrin Vega** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:57 pm

Group A
Licentia 1–0 Arnett Mead
Bleak Rock 5–1 Citadel of Cittagazze
VANTELIRA 2–2 Cyborg Holland

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Bleak Rock                4    3    1    0    12     2    +10    10
Arnett Mead               4    3    0    1     5     3     +2     9
Citadel of Cittagazze     4    2    0    2     8     8      0     6
VANTELIRA                 4    1    2    1     5     3     +2     5
Licentia                  4    1    0    3     2     8     -6     3
Cyborg Holland            4    0    1    3     2    10     -8     1

Group B
Darmen  5–0 Sneaky Nuts
Cbngggfv 1–0 West Guiana
Scrap Brain Zone 0–0 Oiseaui

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Cbngggfv                  4    3    0    1     7     3     +4     9
Darmen                    4    2    2    0     8     0     +8     8
Scrap Brain Zone          4    2    2    0     6     2     +4     8
Sneaky Nuts               4    1    0    3     4    13     -9     3
West Guiana               4    0    2    2     3     5     -2     2
Ouiseaui                  4    0    2    2     2     7     -5     2

Group C
Nordstaaten 2–1 San Havana
Nzyghistan 0–2 Utmost Upright
Chetkosk 1–0 Nicole Riche

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Utmost Upright            4    4    0    0    10     1     +9    12
Chetkosk                  4    2    1    1     4     2     +2     7
Nzyghistan                4    2    1    1     4     4      0     7
San Havana                4    1    1    2     3     5     -2     4
Nordstaaten               4    1    0    3     3     7     -4     3
Nicole Riche              4    0    1    3     2     7     -5     1



Group D
Yankees123 1–2 Italian Mafias
Rebel Slaves 1–1 Michael VII
Alexanderburn 3–0 Nothan

Team                      P    W    D    L    PF    PA    +/-   Pts
Rebel Slaves              4    3    1    0    10     1     +9    10
Michael VII               4    3    1    0     9     4     +5    10
Alexanderburn             4    2    1    1     5     2     +3     7
Italian Mafias            4    1    0    3     2     7     -5     3
Yankees123                4    0    2    2     5     9     -4     2
Nothan                    4    0    1    3     4    12     -8     1

by **Rent is 3 Damn High** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:10 am

The High Paper
4-0 you say?
4-0?
Four fricking nil!
The people of RI3DH rejoice over the win, and it looks very likely that the Highmen will qualify for the second round. That would be very nice. Very nice. The nation is so happy, that it is rumoured that our leader the mighty Jimmy Mack XVII personally rang Vladintosk I, the leader of Stuffed Loserdermists (I mean Taxidermists) and simply shoted 4-0 and hung up. Quite the character. The big win came over a nation called Ideam, and I'm going to be quite honest, we dominated them. Our midifeld controlled the ball most of the game, and Jimmy Mack Jr. and Jimmy Mack Jr Jr. managed a goal each, both courtesy of strikes from outside the box. The small amount of RI3DH fans went wild, and by half time we were up 2-0. Jimy Mack Sr. gave his team an inspiring speech about cookies and margaritas after the game, and they fired on. A goal to James Mack in the 54th minute and then a superb header from Declan Roimozek got the team pumped, and yet another hotel room was trashed overnight. It is understood that Jimmy Mack Sr. came out with a hell of a hangover and refused to train the team, instead making them sit down and watch Sesame Street, which he says is inspirational. More updates are sure to come later on in our BoF experience. Works for me, as I'm paid for every article I write for this paper. So they better win god dammit.

by **Nitrome Island** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:08 am

Keroku was doing his pre-match warm up for the game against Ockkorland and a thought occured to him. His whole life had changed since he got promoted to the Nitrome Natives senior team when he was 16. He was always treated badly in school and was always picked on by the middle class white children and the teachers never believed his stories when he told them he was being picked on. Even though he was much better then all the other boys at football the school team never let him play. He was always first suspect for trouble. When he finally moved away from Kleinburg and joined the Nitrome Natives academy he could not have been happier. He was no longer being bullied or pushed around. A year later he was moved up to the senior team and played regularly in the league. He soon became well known and many teams tried to sign him. After 3 years in the league he played in his first Regional Super Cup Final. It was his late goal against Highroyds FC that one them the title. Another 3 years later the 2 leagues from Nitrome Island and The Kiaser Colonies joined and that made him even more well known and began to get transfer offers from foreign teams. Now he was on the national team in the Baptism of Fire. Now the bullies from school wanted his autograph and by him drinks. Sure the campaign had not been great so far with a late draw, a loss and another draw but today was their chance to win the first game. He was ready to face anything.

He lined up in the tunnel to go out to the pitch. As they walked out he took in the sight before him. The bright flood lights and camera flashes. The Nitrome Island flags outnumbered the Ockkorland ones. The cheering and singing was deafening, as usual. He wouldn't rather be anywhere else. The crowds stood for the national anthems and then the teams set up. The whistle blew and the game was on.

A quick goal was the preferred way to start the match. He examined the opposition. He noticed a gap at right back. He ran off down the wing. Hopefully Ameke would notice him. He did. The 30 yard pass was inch perfect and he was in behind the defence. He just needed to beat the keeper. Left or right? Overhead. His chip rose over the ducking keeper and descended into the net. 1-0. Perfect start. He ran to the corner flag and did his celebratory dance.

Ockkorland regathered themselves and restarted the match. They couldn't get past the midfield. Not one shot on target all half. While he and the others ripped them a part. Nitrome Island fans began to cheer and sing louder. Keroku then heard something he never heard before. The crowd were chanting a song about him in english. This was different because the only chants people had for him were in the language of the natives and so only Nitrome Natives fans knew them. But here were fans speaking english and chanting about him. He couldn't help but listen.
"Keroku, Keroku!
He is gonna slaughter you!
He'll put the ball in the back of your net
And make sure that I win my bet!
The song inspired him. With a huge sense of pride he called for the ball. He received the pass from Tom Parks. He spun round a tackler running up behind him. A 1,2 with Kambia Swah got him past the last defender. He was 1 on 1 with the keeper. He shot left and the keeper went right. The fans erupted into cheering. Keroku ran along the stand behind the goal to high 5 the fans. 2-0 and it was half time.

The second half was dull and uneventful. Ockkorland seemed to have learnt from the first half and the defence was tough to beat. Even when he did get behind them the keeper was able to make a save. Luckily Ockkorland couldn't beat the Nitrome Island defence and failed to score. As much as he had wished he could score a hat trick, Keroku had to settle for 2. The referee blew his whistle to end the half. Final score 2-0 and a first win in the BoF. Nitrome Island were up to 4th. And could still quallify for the next round.

by **Rebel Slaves** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:35 am

"Hi honey, how was your day." "Good dear." Tom, who was now awake, thanks to his perky wife, Stephanie. Why did I marry her, Oh right, because I love everything about her, exept for her God Damn perky attitude. "Good, I'm making your favorite for supper tonight, Cow intestines!" "Oh thankyou honey, what would I do without you." I know, I would stop eating them damn Cow intestines, I don't know why I ever told her I loved them in the first place, Oh ya, because she was upset that she lost her job.

Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang BBBBang. SSSSTTTEEEPPPHHHAAANNNIIIEEE NNNNNNOOOO!!!!! The shot blew through the window and into Tom's wife. By the time Tom was able to get to her, She was gone. He then quickly relized though, the children, they were outside playing. His son Markus, and his Daughter Silvia, had gone out back earlier to play catch or somthing, by the time he was able to get out back, His son was dead, but there was no sign of his daughter. "Silvia!!!" After a few hours of sitting with his wife and son in the corner, he decided to do what nobody with brains would ever do, He would go, assemble and army, and get back his daughter, and if that ment overthrowing his Lordship, so be it.

by **Andossa Se Mitrin Vega** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:57 am

MD 5 Venues. Good luck to those still searching for qualification.

MD5: 3v6, 4v2, 5v1

Group A - All matches @ Gahiji Urdinhertal, Radience
Cyborg Holland vs. Licentia
Citadel of Cittagazze vs. VANTELIRA
Arnett Mead vs. Bleak Rock

Grooup B - All Matches @ 4th Quad Stadium, Errion Vega
Oiseaui vs. Sneaky Nuts
West Guiana vs. Scrap Brain Zone
Darmen vs. Cbngggfv

Group C - All Matches @ Twisted Sports Arena, Tobia
Nicole Riche vs. Nordstaaten
Utmost Upright vs. Chetkosk
San Havana vs. Nzyghistan

Group D - All matches @ The Pit, Erda Khaza
Nothan vs. Italian Mafias
Michael VII vs. Alexanderburn
Yankees123 vs. Rebel Slaves

by **Utmost Upright** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 9:48 am

Reverend William smiled as he looked over the pitch as the producer counted down in his ear. "3...2...1...and we're on."

Reverend William turned around just in time for the cameras to start rolling. "Welcome once again to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega for the 4th match of group play for our boys from Utmost Upright. There is a lot on the line tonight for Utmost Upright, even though they have already clinched qualification for the Round of 32. With a victory over 2nd place Nzyghistan, Utmost Upright would clinch 1st place in their group and a match with the 4th place team from Group D in the Round of 32, which would be easily winnable. Alongside me tonight, as always, is Friar Edward and we're ready to bring you all of the exciting action."

"Right you are, William. Utmost Upright has been blessed with copious amounts of success thusfar in the 43rd Baptism of Fire tournament. The defense has been nearly impenetrable and the offense has been scoring more than 2 goals per match. Some people are beginning to wonder if any defense in the tournament can shutdown this consistent scoring attack."

"In our group tonight's opponent, the heathens from Nzyghistan, probably has the best chance to rein in the powerful Utmost Upright attack, as they have conceded only 2 goals in their first 3 matches. That may be in part because it is hard to get a scouting report on their team."

"And here come the teams on to the pitch. The boys from Utmost Upright look supremely confidant, and why wouldn't they? They are one of only 6 teams in the tournament that enters this round of play unbeaten and untied. Cardinal Moses has pulled all of the right strings so far in this outstanding start to Utmost Upright's debut in international play."

"Nzyghistan is ready to kick off...And we are under way before this standing room only crowd. And we literally mean standing room only, as there are no seats around this pitch at Et’ai Zirakul."

"That was a surprising pitch selection, as this match is between the top 2 teams in the group. You'd think we'd get placed in one of their nicer stadiums, but instead we get treated like a couple of children's recreation league teams."

"Now, Edward, let's not start insulting our hosts. This gives the fans a chance to suffer hardship alongside the players."

"Good point."

[19th minute]

"Utmost Upright has been dominant here early on...Another chance starting to develop for our boys...Reverend Philip feeds the ball inside to Brother Matthew...He quickly touches it through to Friar Belmore...The flag stays down...Friar Belmore with a chance...Off the post! The defender quickly clears it away for the moment. Friar Belmore almost gave Utmost Upright the lead right there."

"He'll want that one back, William. Friar Belmore is shaking his head in disgust. He knows that ball should have been in the back of the net. The Nzyghistan keeper was completely frozen in place."

[27th minute]

"Nzyghistan finally getting something going here...There's a ball into the box...Two men are on the ground...The ref's blown his whistle and is pointing to the spot!...Friar Grey and the Nzyghistan player's feet got tangled up in the box, and the ref awarded the heathens of Nzyghistan with the penalty."

"I don't know about that call, William. The ref should have let them play on, as there was certainly no intent by Friar Grey to keep the attacker from getting to the ball."

"The refereeing has been excellent thus far in the tournament, Edward, and we all sin and fall short of the glory of God."

"I hope you plan to personally go down and lead the referee through confession and absolution after we go off air tonight."

"Don't worry, I will."

"Here's the shot...Diving save by Brother Francis! And Friar Grey redeems himself by getting in to clear the loose ball out for a Nzyghistan throw."

"Huge save by Brother Francis there. He hasn't been tested often in this tournament, but he's come up big when he's had to."

"Brother Francis is one of the main reasons that Utmost Upright has not trailed yet in this tournament, Edward."

[Halftime]

"In a surprising turn of events, even after dominating the 1st half the score at half is 0-0. Nzyghistan's keeper has certainly been up to the challenge so far, Edward."

"Indeed he has, William. The heathen keeper is credited with 3 saves already, compared to the 1 on the penalty for Brother Francis."

"It sounds like you've finally forgiven the referee for the questionable penalty call, Edward."

"I have. Brother Francis did a great job saving Friar Grey and the ref on the penalty, and we have a great match going on here. Nzyghistan is giving Utmost Upright their biggest challenge since the boys wore blindfolds for the match against the seductress heathens from Nicole Riche in the opener."

"What adjustments do you expect Cardinal Moses to make in the locker room? This is the longest the vaunted Utmost Upright attack has gone without scoring in the tournament."

"I don't know that he needs to make any adjustments. Cardinal Moses didn't use any of his substitutions the other day against San Havana where the match was close late, so that wouldn't be something he hasn't done before. The boys have been dominating, so any adjustments would be to counter any potential heathen adjustments."

[53rd Minute]

"Utmost Upright is continuing to dominate this match all over the pitch, but the heathen keeper from Nzyghistan has been up to the task so far...The Utmost Upright offense is on the attack again...Father John feeds the ball into the middle...Brother Matthew picks it up...Nice move there to get around his defender...He sends the ball over the top...There's Father Martin...Hallelujah! Father Martin gives Utmost Upright the 1-0 lead in the 53rd minute."

"That was a great feed by Brother Matthew, and Father Martin promptly put it just past the fingertips of the diving heathen keeper for Nzyghistan. Great goal!"

"Now the Nzyghistan captain is arguing with the ref, presumably trying to argue that Father Martin was offsides, but it was very clear up here in the both that he was onside."

[64th Minute]

"I don't understand the lack of urgency by Nzyghistan here, Edward. You'd think they'd be trying to equalize, but they're playing more like they simply minimize their goal differential hit."

"That's a losing attitude, and I don't understand it either. It's these sorts of matches that can quickly get ugly if the losing team doesn't get their act together."

"Here's Friar Timothy with the ball on the attack...He makes a nice move around his defender...The defender pins Friar Timothy to the outside...There's a cross from Friar Timothy...Cardinal Paul heads the ball down...Right to the feet of Friar Belmore...Hallelujah! Friar Belmore likely clinches the Group C title for Utmost Upright as his powerful right leg gives Utmost Upright a 2-0 lead in the 64th minute."

"What a pretty attacking sequence by Utmost Upright. Friar Belmore has certainly made the most of his two starts, scoring his third goal of the tournament equaling Father Martin for the team lead. Now we may see Cardinal Moses go to his bench to give his starters some rest before the knockout rounds."

"I agree, Edward. No need risking needless injury in the final group stage match with absolutely nothing to play for."

[Post Match]

"And there's the final whistle! Utmost Upright are the Group C Champions with a convincing 2-0 win over the heathens of Nzyghistan. After the final group stage match against the blasphemous heathens of Chetkosk, Utmost Upright will play against the 4th place team from Group D in the Round of 32."

"Results are trickling in from both host nations, and the only other team to have won all 4 of their matches is Kalumba, playing over in Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, so our boys wouldn't play them until the Final."

"Kalumba has scored 9 goals without conceding yet, so our teams are equally impressive in terms of goal differential. I have to tip my cap to them for not conceding a goal yet. They are sure to at some point, if nothing else to us in the Final."

"Brother Francis came up big again today with 3 saves for the clean sheet. He's conceded only 1 goal in 4 matches. That's an impressive performance."

"Indeed, Edward. Hopefully he can keep up that impressive effort up all the way through the Final."

"We are definitely one of the favorites to reach the Final with our performance so far."

"Praise God! Amen!"

Utmost Upright 2
goal scorers: Father Martin (53rd from Brother Matthew), Friar Belmore (64th from Cardinal Paul)
clean sheet: Brother Francis
Nzyghistan 0

Group C
Nordstaaten 2–1 San Havana
Nzyghistan 0–2 Utmost Upright
Chetkosk 1–0 Nicole Riche

Code: Select all: Team P W D L PF PA +/- Pts Utmost Upright 4 4 0 0 10 1 +9 12 Chetkosk 4 2 1 1 4 2 +2 7 Nzyghistan 4 2 1 1 4 4 0 7 San Havana 4 1 1 2 3 5 -2 4 Nordstaaten 4 1 0 3 3 7 -4 3 Nicole Riche 4 0 1 3 2 7 -5 1

Cardinal Moses announces different line-up for final group stage match
by Friar Woodward

After clinching the Group C championship against Nzyghistan yesterday, Cardinal Moses announced that he was going to give some of his starters the match off against the blasphemous heathens of Chetkosk. When pressed for details, Cardinal Moses released his starting line-up early.

Goalkeeper: Brother Francis
Wingbacks: Reverend Noah and Brother Lawrence
Central Defenders: Reverend Edmund and Cardinal David
Wingers: Brother Josiah and Reverend Philip
Inner Mids: Friar Timothy (Captain) and Brother Thomas
Forwards: Father Martin and Friar Belmore

That is a 4-4-2 formation, instead of the typical 3-5-2. Cardinal Moses did insist that the regular starting line-up will return for the knockout rounds. Cardinal James is announced to be too injured to play yet.

by **Kalumba** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 10:53 am

The Herald: Sport Today

Report by Bruce Mtwetwe
In Kagdazka and Pazhujebu

What a game. And, for us, what a result. Kalumba overcame the marvellous Beaverriver in a match that will surely go down in BoF history. I think the words of George Davies sum up everyones feelings about the game "We should have won, they should have won. We should have scored more as they should, never in my forty-one year career have i seen a match so close. If we had lost i would have been proud of how my team played. End to end stuff. This is what every football match should be like." And he is right, other than the score line nothing seperated these teams and sadly, from a purist point of view, it was only luck that created a goal.

Also sadly for the game this was in the third minute of play. Cheeter had a volley brilliantly tipped over by Avis Bahl, who at full stretch got fingers to the ball and just turned it over the top. The corner was swung in by Abouto and headed goalwards by Klaus van Harniggen. His header was cleared off the line by Hillary Tullery but the volleyed clearance struck the referee in the face and rebounded into the goal. Despite the protestations of the Beaverriver players, and a few words from our players objecting to the goal, the referee had to let it stand. Kalumba did not celebrate and simply arranged themselves ready for the restart, sadly this event would decide the match.

But the rest of the first was a joy to watch. Beaverriver attacked with great style the ball barely leaving the ground as it was zipped around midfield. Man of the match Neil Galdi was untouchable, every pass he played found a player in space or played them through on goal. After ten minutes he played the pass of the tournament surely. He picked the ball up just inside his half turned Anderson and gently chipped the ball forward. The length of the pass was immaculate just in front of the defence so they could come and clear but the pace of the ball allowed it to bounce over the centre backs to the feet of Patrick Larios. Larios showed composure and skill as he cut back onto his right foot and chipped the ball over onrushing keeper Ottbourne. Hearts were in mouths as the ball looped goalwards and clipped the underside of the bar. The ball bounced, seemingly on the line, before being volleyed clear by Pilgrim. Controvesy will surround this event as neither linesman or referee were in a position to see if the ball crossed the line and replays were inconclusive.

As the half came to an end Kalumba hit the cross bar after a 25 yard effort from Cheeter and should have doubled their advantage when Davis miscued his follow up to the rebound and the ball passed agonisingly close to the post. Hoping to equalise before the break Bahl punted the ball upfield where Larios headed it down to Galdi. Galdi drove forward to the edge of the 'D' and let fly a rocket shot. Ottbourne stood rooted to the ground and could only watch as the effort flew past him, but thankfully onto the post and wide. Half time brought no change from either manager but both teams came out with renewed energy and belief and the second half began.

Kalumba started better than Beaverriver again forcing a corner, this time Abouto's cross was charged down. As the corner swung in Davis rose like a salmon to power a header goalwards, but the outstanding Bahl was equal to it. Diving low to his right he somehow got a finger to the ball and diverted it around the post. The next corner was headed away with ease by Ellerman and Beaverriver broke down the left. Pilgrim stepped out to try and del with the danger but was beaten by a clever one-two and Larios was through on goal. This time it was the Kalumban keeper who made a wonder save. Ottbourne closed the angle well but the curling effort from Larrios was goal bound, at full stretch and leaning back he somehow clawed the ball out where Pilgrim, back in positon, cleared well.

Kalumba picked the ball up in midfield with ten minutes remaining and looked about to win the game when Abouto played an excellent triangle with Cheeter and Davis and was in the box. He danced passed Bahl and had an open goal ahead of him. But then he slipped on the wet ground and completely miscued his finish sending the ball high and wide of the goal. To add to his humiliation, as both sets of fans jeered him, he slipped again and landed face first in a muddy patch. This brought howls of laughter to a very tense crowd.

The last two minutes were surely hell for for all Kalumbans. Beaverriver were in complete possesion of the ball and did not give us a touch. Shot after shot rained on Ottbourne's goal and our war hero keeper was equal to everything, flying left and right to beat the ball away. In those last minutes we conceded no less than five corners. In the last minute of added time we conceded a sixth. Up came the entire Beaverriver team, including keeper Bahl. The ball swung in high and the green jerseyed keeper rose above all the defenders to head goalwards. Would this be his fairytale moment? It seemed as if time had frozen as everyone's eyes locked on the ball and then the net bulged. Roars of delight from the Beaverriver fans and tears for those of Kalumba, but emotions quickly reversed. The header had flown over and hit the top of the net. The whistle went and an engrossing match was over. Instead of the usual elation and despair both teams shook hands, swapped shirts and left the field together, knowing they had participated in a once in a lifetime game. Reports came back of fans drinking together in bars and simply saying 'what a game'. This will not be forgotten and we dearly hope to play Beaverriver again because this was a football match like no other.

Match Stats:
Possesion: K 47% - Br 53%
Goals: 1 - 0
Shots on target: 3 - 6
Shots off target: 4 - 8
Bookings: 0 - 0
Red Cards: 0 - 0
Offsides: 2 - 2
Corners: 6 - 9

Kalumban Dressing Room
Davies was shaking each players hand and congratulating the whole team. This was a game that showed how good the team were. He even joked with Abouto about his miss "Even my grandmother would have scored you useless bugger" before hugging his winger. "Now remember we have one game to go" getting back to the serious buisness of the tournament "We still have to win this to finish top and that is important for our knock out game. Not to be disrespectful but we want the easiest gaem we can get. So tommorow it is back to work but tonight enjoy yourselves. Pilgrim, you can even do your Nazi impression of me if you want" he said with a twinkle in his eye and the players left, Pilgrim with a bright red face. "Oh Roberts, please see me in my office in five minutes."

Ollie Roberts was sweating when he went into Davies's office. He feared the manger had learnt his secret and the moment he stepped into the office his worst fears were confirmed. Davies was holding that bloody picture. Whoever had taken had ruined his life. His sponsors were all dropping him and he was ridiculed all accross his homeland, and now his manager was going to drop him from the team. "You goddamn, stupid poofter! Why the fuck weren't you doing this in your room? That way the press won't find out, fucking idiot." Roberts was confused the manger wasn't killing him. "Sorry boss..." "You fucking will be if you get caught again. Tell them you were pissed as fuck and you can't remember anything. This won't affect your performance will it?" "No boss, and thank you." Davies looked hard at the player "You know i hate what you are but i treat each of my players like a son. Just don't do it again until the tournament is over we need to capitalise on our good start." "Yes boss." Roberts was so happy that he could carry on his love life and play the game he loved.

Kalumba Gossip Today

Gay rumours a lie by Susan Mtwetwe

Apparently Ollie Roberts was in 'that' picture. But he claims he was drunk and cannot remember what happened. As such this magazine apologises fully for any offence caused and as such removes any risk of a libel lawsuit. However in this reporters opinion there is still homosexuals in the national team. We will find them.

by **Jimmer Fredette** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:20 am

Jimmer Fredette Daily
Sports
By:John Jackson

We won again,by the same score,but this time over Southwest2Fort,3-0.The game was dominated by Jimmer Fredette and from the start,there was no way Southwest2Fort was going to win the game.From the start,Jimmer Fredette,scored in the second minute,by William Gold.The next goal was in the 43,right before half time,this time by Howard Whittington.The final goal,in the 84 minute,Greg Weathersby,scored his first goal of the season.Now lets go over the goals.In the second minute,William Gold took the ball up,faked out the goalie and easily knocked it in.In the 43 minute,Howard Whittington smashed the ball into the top right corner from the out of bounds line.To finish it off,in the 84 minute,Greg Weathersby kicked the ball passed three defenders into the bcak of the net.Coach Whitson said he was very pleased with his teams performance,and he hopes we can keep it up.Maybe,eventually we can get to the playoffs and this team can thrive.William Gold said he was happy to get his second goal and now he seems to be fine with anything.Lionel Mcaffe said he has a great soccer name,and so far it has seemed to work.My defense is much better than normal and our team is doing great.We're doing great,and remember,LETS GO JIMMER FREDETTE!

Here is a four part story on goalie,Wayne Glenn,and how he is where he is today.

Wayne thinking to himself as a kid:My family doesn't have much money.I only have one friend,Mike,and all we do is play soccer.All I have is a soccer ball and net.

Wayne's mom:Wayne,dinners ready!

Wayne:OK I'm coming!

Wayne's mom:I've got bread and rice!

Wayne:Can't we have something else?We've had it for the past week.

Wayne's mom:We don't have the money son.

The next day Wayne went to play with Mike.

Wayne:Mike,I'm gonna go home,I don't feel good.

Mike:OK,see ya.

Wayne:Mom I don't feel good.

Mom:I don't know what it is.We'll take you to the hospital.

Doctor:Oh no.That's not good.He has a severe case a leukemia.

Wayne's mom.WHAT!Do you have a cure?

Doctor:Yes,but it's gonna cost you.

Wayne's mom:How much.

Doctor:5,000 dollars.

Mom:WHAT!We don't have the money.It's worse since my spouse died.

Doctor:I'll try to help you.

To be continued.

by **Scrap Brain Zone** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:18 pm

before that match...

Orbot had a little malfunction, but don't despair! Fortunately I'm here to coach the team!

First things first. You guys with the spiky hair, you're going to attack. If there's something I learned with the good doctor, is that guys with spikes on their head are always fast.

You good for nothing fat guys, you don't look like you can play football. Just... stay near our goal and take space.

Shorty, you're too small for a goalkeeper. Let this other guy who looks like an eagle to take your place.

Now, for training, you're going to do a hundred pushups and then twenty laps across the field!

...
==========
REPORT

STARTING 0-7 RESERVES

Starting formation:
Hawk; Chaos Gamma, Eggrobo, Heavy; Red, Mecha Knuckles, Johnny, Phi; Mecha Sonic, Silver, Shadow Android.
Reserves formation:
Dummy; Green, Blue, Purple, Bunny Pawn, Falcon; Yellow, Solid Pawn, Egg Knight, Egg Pawn; Mecha Knuckles.

==========
...

Hmm, the reserves seem better than the starting guys! I KNOW! Let's switch them around!

...

by **Kagdazka and Pazhujebu** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:31 pm

Behold, the Great Baptism of Fire Samurai! He has cut off many a man's arm, but can he cut off a matchday?

He... can! K&P zone MD5 RPs, you're done!

by **Kagdazka and Pazhujebu** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:51 pm

Fušia and Peregrina sit in silence, both nursing black eyes and bloody noses from their 48-hour-long scuffle. They are now too tired to throw any more punches, though if the looks they are giving each other could talk...

The radio remains on across the room, now insignificant to the two belligerents. After a few Yumbo Jumbo commercials buzz by with tacky sound effects galore, a news report comes on.

Radio: Breaking away from Baptism of Fire coverage, which has kept the Federation's rapt attention for some days now. The reputable learning institution University of Gvardeysk has breaking news to report from their Department of Medicine. A cure for leukemia now exists, with the University accrediting some of the research help to foreign sources. Costing only five thousand dollars, it is apparently already available commercially in the nation of Jimmer Fredette. As part of the research, a mysterious truth about the disease was unearthed; apparently, persons who eat bread and rice too much are nearly 345 times more susceptible than average.

Peregrina: Uh-oh. I like bread and rice.

Fušia: You probably have leukemia.

Peregrina: Really?

Fušia: I hope so.

Radio: Now, back to Baptism of Fire coverage! As the tournament has progressed, several players have caught the eyes of fans and ensnared the hearts of fans in the Federation. Nitrome Island's Keroku is particularly well supported in Dyurtyuli, and when he recently appeared for his national team in a match at the Ice Cube, spontaneous chants began to emerge in support of him.

Peregrina: That's weird. Usually when I play games at the Ice Cube the fans just chant at me to, like, take my shirt off.

Fušia: Can't imagine why they would do that.

Peregrina: Me neither. I mean, it's always so cold there; what am I going to do, like, just wear a sports bra?

Fušia: You are spectacularly stupid.

Radio: Finally, the cracking match between Beaverriver and Kalumba that was recently contested in Urajbina has achieved such fame on internet forums and in casual conversation that the KPFA has called upon famous talking cockroach Edward to help set up roach pits throughout the nation that will recreate the now-famous match. For those fans not familiar, a roach pit is a deeply traditional Pazhujebi custom that allows fans to witness a football match by seeing painted cockroaches act out a match in a large rectangular hole dug in the ground.

Fušia: Too bad we missed that one.

Peregrina: If we get off this damned broken monorail, maybe we can, like, go to one of those roach pit reenactments.

Fušia: Good idea.

A pause.

Fušia: What?

Peregrina: I'm just waiting for the punchline. You know, the part where you wittily insult me and then we get in a fistfight.

Fušia: Too tired for another fight. Plus, I've got nothing anyway.

Peregrina: Oh, okay. Good. Well, then, for once we can hear the scores. It's Matchday Twenty-Eight, right?

Fušia: Yup.

Peregrina: Hey, I got it right!

Fušia mutters something like 'so stupid' under her breath as the Matchday Five scores start to be announced.

Group E
Southern Cynocephali 2–0 Ockkorlond
Burty Royals 0–1 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk
Nitrome Island 1–1 Camerania

--Group E                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Southern Cynocephali          5   4  1  0    9   2  +7   13
2 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk        5   2  3  0    6   3  +3    9
3 Nitrome Island                5   1  3  1    7   6  +1    6
4 Camerania                     5   1  3  1    5   5   0    6
5 Burty Royals                  5   1  2  2    8   6  +2    5
6 Ockkorlond                    5   0  0  5    0  13 −13    0

Nitrome Island and Camerania even on total points and all head-to-head tiebreakers; Nitrome Island over Camerania on overall goal difference

Group F
Old Havansk 1–0 New Palmouth
Autobotious 1–0 Lesser Cotswalds
Savski Venac 1–2 Armorgames

--Group F                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Old Havansk                   5   3  2  0    6   0  +6   11
2 Armorgames                    5   2  3  0    6   3  +3    9
3 New Palmouth                  5   2  2  1    5   1  +4    8
4 Autobotious                   5   1  2  2    4   8  −4    5
5 Lesser Cotswalds              5   1  1  3    2   8  −6    4
6 Savski Venac                  5   1  0  4    7  10  −3    3

Group G
Florinthus 3–0 Matting
Ideam 1–2 Princess Béatrice Island
Jedi8246 0–2 Rent is 3 Damn High

--Group G                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Rent is 3 Damn High           5   4  0  1    9   2  +7   12
2 Princess Béatrice Island      5   3  0  2    7   6  +1    9
3 Jedi8246                      5   3  0  2    7   4  +3    9
4 Florinthus                    5   3  0  2    8   4  +4    9
5 Ideam                         5   1  0  4    4  13  −9    3
6 Matting                       5   1  0  4    2   8  −6    3

Princess Béatrice Island, Jedi8246, and Florinthus even on total points, head-to-head points, and head-to-head goal difference; Princess Béatrice Island over Jedi8246 over Florinthus on head-to-head goals scored

Group H
Beaverriver 2–0 Kalengorod
Southwest 2Fort 0–3 Kalumba
Okunion 0–2 Jimmer Fredette

--Group H                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kalumba                       5   5  0  0   12   0 +12   15
2 Jimmer Fredette               5   4  0  1   10   6  +4   12
3 Beaverriver                   5   3  0  2    8   5  +3    9
4 Okunion                       5   1  1  3    5  10  −5    4
5 Southwest 2Fort               5   1  0  4    1  10  −9    3
6 Kalengorod                    5   0  1  4    2   7  −5    1

by **Kagdazka and Pazhujebu** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:07 pm

KAGDAZKA AND PAZHUJEBU BRACKET KNOCKOUT FIXTURES

Regional Octofinal 1: Southern Cynocephali (E1) vs. Autobotious (F4) @ Forestry Department Street, Gvardeysk, Kagdazka
Regional Octofinal 2: Jimmer Fredette (H2) vs. Jedi8246 (G3) @ Oberlander'ajat Stidiyama, Urajbina, Pazhujebu
Regional Octofinal 3: Old Havansk (F1) vs. Camerania (E4) @ Gelendzhik Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka
Regional Octofinal 4: Princess Béatrice Island (G2) vs. Beaverriver (H3) @ Therakham Velodrama, Mahathu, Pazhujebu
Regional Octofinal 5: Rent is 3 Damn High (G1) vs. Okunion (H4) @ Praça de Prata, Mahathu, Pazhujebu
Regional Octofinal 6: Armorgames (F2) vs. Nitrome Island (E3) @ Yuzhniy Veter Stadion, Gelendzhik, Kagdazka
Regional Octofinal 7: Kalumba (H1) vs. Florinthus (G4) @ Graha'ajat Stidiyama, Zhevassi, Pazhujebu
Regional Octofinal 8: Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk (E2) vs. New Palmouth (F3) @ Banditi Zaliv Stadion, Oktyabrsk, Kagdazka

Regional Quarterfinal 1: Winner Octofinal 1 vs. Winner Octofinal 2 @ the Ice Cube, Dyurtyuli, Kagdazka
Regional Quarterfinal 2: Winner Octofinal 3 vs. Winner Octofinal 4 @ FKM Arena, CMZ Metropolitan Area, Kagdazka
Regional Quarterfinal 3: Winner Octofinal 5 vs. Winner Octofinal 6 @ Sampa Gumbada Stidiyama, Juvapanam, Pazhujebu
Regional Quarterfinal 4: Winner Octofinal 7 vs. Winner Octofinal 8 @ Avazhughij Arena, Pkethat Šede, Pazhujebu

Regional Semifinal 1: Winner Quarterfinal 1 vs. Winner Quarterfinal 2 @ the Ice Cube, Dyurtyuli, Kagdazka
Regional Semifinal 2: Winner Quarterfinal 3 vs. Winner Quarterfinal 4 @ Sampa Gumbada Stidiyama, Juvapanam, Pazhujebu

Regional Final: Winner Semifinal 1 vs. Winner Semifinal 2 @ Graha'ajat Stidiyama, Zhevassi, Pazhujebu

Grand Final: Winner ASMV Regional Final vs. Winner K&P Regional Final @ Graha'ajat Stidiyama, Zhevassi, Pazhujebu

by **Rent is 3 Damn High** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:10 pm

The High Paper
We made it. A win over Jedi 8246 had got us first place in the group with 4 wins and 1 loss. The next round will be harder, of course, but there is a chance we could make it further than some would have thought. The win over Jedi 8246 was good, and as they were our main challengers it has shown that our team has talent, if not an attitude. The team are regarded as sore winners, refusing to shake the hands of the opponents. Well most of the team. The Mack family are perfectly fine shaking the opponents hands. When the team is asked about this practice, they usually mutter something about hand infections then walk away. On the contrary, a new club record of 3 hotel rooms were trashed after the victory, and it is said that Jimmy Mack Jr. Jr. got so drunk he bought a Labradoodle from a pet shop. Whatever. We don't really care what the players do, as long as the give us a win. The public expectations are for us to get past the next round, but then get knocked out. As long as we get further than the Taxidermists did, then the public will be happy. We've alread done that, so that's one tick on our list. Now we have to win the next round against Okunion.

by **Chetkosk** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:36 pm

Late in the day, employees can sometimes lose focus on their jobs and duties. Work ethic wanes, work rate slows, sometimes work even stops completely. For Danil, this was a regular occurence.

Swivelling softly to and fro on his office chair, the clock on the wall of his tiny little cubicle slowly ticked from 4:57pm and 28 seconds, to 4:57pm and 29 seconds. But Danil was not simply wasting time. Inside his head he was trying to understand what was happening here. It had been three days since the thirsty man had gone for a chat upstairs - the water cooler had never looked so full - and nobody else in the office seemed to have realised this fact. Danil had attempted to build up a bit of a buzz about the disappearence of the employees earlier that day, but had got nowhere...

---
"Jon, have you heard from that girl from down by the printer recently?"
"Hmm?"
"The girl from down by the printer, Miss. Eseylya, have you heard from her recently?"
"Who?"
"Eseylya, kinda short, blonde, quiet. As far as I can see there's a new woman working in her cubicle now."
Jon shrugged and went back to picking at his sandwiches, tugging the rocket leaves from under the ham.
"Dunno pal, probably quit or something."
"She went up to see the consultants first..."
"Well she was fired then, you know how the bosses never really mean 'consultants' when they say it - they mean 'experts at letting people go'."
"Well how about-" Danil caught his breath in his throat. He couldn't even remember the guy's name. Did anybody know his name?
"-ahm, how about the water cooler guy?"
"Who?"
"You know, the guy who drank a lot of water..."
"Ohhhh, 'the one who drinks', yeah what about him?"
"Well he hasn't been seen in three days."
"So? He'll be ill or something. Probably dehydrated, hehehee..."
Jon chuckled to himself while Danil rubbed his temples with his fingers.
---

The time for action had come.
Danil took the initiative, if not for the first time in his life then for the first time in a long time, and maximised the web browser. Opening a new tab, he typed what he had seen on the badge of the 'consultant' three days ago into the search engine and hit enter. The four initials М, И, Р, and У. From that moment on, Danil's remaining time in the company was drastically reduced to approximately ten minutes.

On the previous tab was a live stream of the most recent Chetkosk game played earlier that day. Danil had wasted away more time reading it twice...

---
Full Time: Final Score, Chetkosk 1-0 Nicole Riche

90:00 +1:02
The referee signals the end of the game.

89:17
Last ditch attempt by Tussak is blocked by McAverage and the keeper collects.

84:23
Free kick taken by Borodiuk.

81:13
The ball is delivered by Heimpfel, swinging right over McGeneric and landing at the feet of Tomislav Puzin, who knocks it the wrong side of the near post.

77:14
Byshovetsiy is justified in his second substitution as Tsarev is instrumental in stopping a Nicole Riche attack on goal.

73:32 Substitution
Yuri Tsarev replaces Alexey Simiertino.

70:54
Nico Tussak celebrates after flicking the ball into the corner of the net, however the goal is disallowed due to the assistant referee signalling offside.

67:02 Substitution
Missing McRoster is replaced by Lacking McName.

67:02 Substitution
Tomislav Puzin comes on to replace Vyacheslav Torbinskiy.

64:35
Though Chetkosk have very much taken the heat off Nicole Riche in the second half, they are still playing some excellent football. After a strong attack from the latter, Anton Smertin breaks along with Tussak to set up a fantastic opportunity which is squandered as the ball flies past the far post.

54:47 Booking
McAverage is booked for foul-mouthed descent.

53:19
Inswinging corner taken by Simiertino nearly allows Heimpfel to head in the ball.

49:07
McGeneric fouls again and gifts a free kick to Chetkosk. Borodiuk makes an error and overshoots the cross.

45:01
The whistle blows to get the second half started.

Half Time

42:35
Chetkosk have lost momentum after scoring, but are still in control of the game. Tussak curves a shot in from an unlikely angle, and makes the keeper work to keep the ball out of the net.

32:19 GOAL - Vyacheslav Torbinskiy
Chetkosk 1-0 Nicole Riche
Torbinskiy finally gets onto the score sheet with a curving ball on the edge of the penalty box. The Nicole Riche goalkeeper doesn't get a finger to it. Assist form Nico Tussak.

27:45
Heimpfel has a try after receiving a cross from Borodiuk, nothing comes of it.

22:31
Scorching shot outside the box from Torbinskiy skims past the post.

16:13 Booking
Missing McRoster goes into the referee's book after a shocking tackle against Marko Voronin.

13:44
Byshovetsiy shouts furiously from the side line as Torbinskiy misses a perfect opportunity to score.

11:55
Mostovoi stops a Nicole Riche attack in its tracks with a sublime tackle.

10:02
McGeneric pulls Simiertino back on the near side and the referee awards a free kick. Borodiuk takes it, delivering the ball to just inside the penalty box where Heimpfel sends it over the crossbar.

7:25
Tussak makes a run down the far side and loops a cross in to Torbinskiy, McAverage makes the clearence.

1:53
Second corner comes to nothing and is cleared by McGeneric for Nicole Riche.

1:18
Chetkosk earn a corner early in the game, which is taken by Borodiuk. The ball is played to the near post from the far side line, where Tussak makes an effort on goal but Nicole Riche's goalkeeper puts it over.

0:00
The referee blows the whistle to start the match.
---

Four to five minutes of searching had revealed nothing about the enigmatic МИРУ. A few small organisations cropped up along the way, but none of them felt right, none of them made even the slightest sense in being affiliated with the company that employed Danil. Engrossed in his search for answers, Danil didn't notice the floor manager's office open. His relentless trawling of the internet finally produced some answers. Admittedly it was on a site created by an insane conspiracy theorist, but it was the best he had found so far. МИРУ apparently stood for Meтaфизичecкoи Иccлeвoжaтeл Pгyнн Yчeпэи. Now Danil knew what this meant straight away but, unfortunately, those reading this are unlikely to read the native language of Chetkosk. Transliterating into the roman alphabet reveals 'МИРУ' to equal 'MIGU', and 'Meтaфизичecкoи Иccлeвoжaтeл Pгyнн Yчeпэи' to equal 'Metafizicheskoi Issledovatel Grupp Uchenyi'. This phrase, when translated from Russo-Chetkoski to English, read 'Metaphysical Sciences Research Group'.

"Ludovichia," said the voice from behind him.
Danil's blood froze.
"Can I have a word? Perhaps you'd like to join myself and the consultants for a little chat, upstairs..."

by **Bleak Rock** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:45 pm

Quietly, sitting alone in his custody cell, sat Jossi Kamchatka, silently contemplating what he'd done and cursing the day that Yuri Kasparov ever provoked him to the point of violence. This just wasn't like him.

There was a sliding noise, it was the shutter in the door.

"Mr Kamchatka?" It was the constable in charge of the custody block, young and nervous, but fair. "I've brought the newspaper you wanted. All the way from Polar Islandstates. We don't get many of these delivered I can tell you." And with a flopping sound, he dropped the paper through the shutter, and left, his footsteps echoing down the polished corridors.

Getting up slowly, Jossi smiled. It was his favourite satire rag, The Polar Preacher. He opened to page 2, and began to read...

"BAPTISM OF FIRE WATCH
So, those Blockhead friends of ours are doing pretty well, eh? I wonder what this competition might look like if all the nations involved were like, ball-shaped and talking to each other... hmmm...

(OOC: The Polar Preacher is a satirical piece that means no offence either by inclusion or exclusion of your nation in the above.)

* * * * *

DO YOU LIKE BLOCK MUSIC?
A music blog by Ingeborg Guðmundottir

Listen guys, I'm a bit pushed for time tonight, as yious see, I've only just got bac from the bar where we've beewn parrrrtying away! Imight rerget this later, but i said I've give a match report every day, and weeven when i can't reeeally see the keyboard, i shall do so.

You lukcy people you!

five goals! five! thye conceded one, obviously, but still! FIVE GOALLY GOALS!

Eygenrohy slammed a freekick in past the keeper in the first half, before setting up boy wonder Rosenmeyer for a slottled goal just before the break. Rosenmeyer is cute eh? he's a little cutipie and i want to snog him! But I digress. After the half time cup of tea thing, the other team managed to sqeuak a gaol back, squak a goal back, sueak a goal back, squak a, oh whatever. But then rosenmeyer, my hero, got another goal back and then set up his mate mackenzie for a goal! how selflessof him. how cute

And then Tommisen came up for a corner and headed in the fifth goal! five goals! i thought they were meant to be a defensive team! ah well.

Guys, i've got to go. some people are at the bar buying shots to celebrate getting into the next rounmd, and they want to start a comnga line, or something. love yas!

Cya,
Ingy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

by **Armorgames** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:08 pm

ARMORGAMES NEWS

Malcom Harrison reporting.

We made it! With Armorgame's win over Savski Venac 2 to 1, Armorgames moves on as a two seed. Everybody was excited except for Erik Crater who got benched after leaving the meeting after the last game. Christian Fiddler started. And by the way, the team that we tied to last week and coach got all upset, well they also made the playoffs.

Armorgames played stellar today. Ted Bresee scored in the 42nd minute and Clayton Job scored in the 67th minute. Savski Venac scored in the 49th minute.

We have the call from the AGSN on Armorgames two goals and Savski Venac's goal.

42nd minute
Rick Stansean "Here come Bresee, thats some fancy footwork there, and he gets by him! He shoots from 10 yards away and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Ted Bresee scores. AG gets out to a one nil lead"
Marvin Welch "What a brilliant goal by Teddy. He did that all by himself. That is his first career international goal. A great end of the first half for Armorgames.

49th minute
Rick Stansean "Uh oh. Here comes Savski Venac. He shoots from 20 yards back and he scores.
Marvin Welch "Thats a tie now. Armorgames needs to step up their performance."
Rick Stansean "Nice try from Christian Fiddler. That was a though one."

67th minute
Marvin Welch "Julio Gautreau with the ball. He dribbles around one defender, past another, a great pass to Clayton! Clayton sends a laser beam from there and GOAL! GOAL! GOAL! An absolute beauty from Clayton Job!"
Rick Stansean "That puts Armorgames up a goal. Lets hope they hold on and are in the post season!"

90th minute
Marvin Welch "Thats it! Thats it! Armorgames wins! On to the post season!"

That is what this game sounded like.

I also have an interview with coach Charlie Klien.

Malcom Harrison

First off, congrats on making the playoffs.

Coach

Thanks Malcom.

Malcom Harrison

What do you think of Clayton's performance?

Coach

He played great. He lived up to that captain armband. Unlike some captains.

Malcom Harrison

Speaking of that other captain, is he going to start in the playoffs?

Coach

We'll see. I don't think he'll get the captains band back but he might start.

Malcom Harrison

What is something that your team needs to do better in the post season?

Coach

The defense needs to get more involved and we need to score more goals.

Malcom Harrison

Do you know that Autobotious made the playoffs?

Coach

Hahaha really? Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on the players. Anyways I got to go. I have lots of interviews to do.

Now for information on the Regional Octofinal 6. Armorgames plays Nitrome Island who went 1-1-3 in Group E. They will play at Yuzhniy Veter Stadion in Gelendzhik, Kagdazka.

And now for the last part of the two part special. Or not. AG News is telling me I took too much time and now I got to go. So bye then!

Oh one last thing. I have just been told we were not in The Polar Preacher's comic thing. WE ARE OFFENDED. Wait, I just looked at the end of the comic. Never mind. And you can meet all of the players at some bar somewhere. So if you can find it tell everyone on some social networking site.

That was actually two things. Or possibly three. And now the network says I really Really REALLY need to get off of the air and they are about to black out the channel. So now I really got to say bye.

by **Southern Cynocephali** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:42 pm

Southern Cynocephali News
Baptism of Fire 43

Les Cynos qualify for knockout, still undefeated

Les Cynos finished the group stage in style with a 2-0 win over
lowly Ockkorlond. With top place secure, Ramolino gave the
back up members of the squad a run in the meaningless fixture.
After an ealy goal from Yong Schweiss, Damian Plambeck sealed
the victory with his strike mid way through the second half.
Les Cynos controlled the play, giving their opponents barely a
single chance on goal. Dion Jantot was injured by a rash
challenge late in the match, which went unpunished by the
referee much to the protests of stand in keeper, Stephen
Mahoney. Mahoney was booked for his dissent, however replays
confirmed the keeper had every right to complain about the
dangerous two footed challenge on his teammate. The solid
performance by the reserves will surely give the team
confidence as they enter the unforgiving group stage, where all
members will need to perform.

Two more victories will see the team reach the regional semifinal;
the final eight of the competition. This was stated by team
officials as the goal prior to the tournament, and with each round
it appears to be increasingly likely, although the team must
continue to work hard and not tempt lady luck to side with the
opposition. Look for Ramolino to perhaps start Schweiss in the
place of Bugay for some upcoming matches.

Octofinal 1
Southern Cynocephali vs Autobotious

The strong showing in the group stage by Les Cynos has seen them draw the
fourth best finisher from group F, Autobotious; who looked unlikely to
proceed to the next stage, however managed to pick up their first win in
the final group match. Their win could see them come into some form at the
right time, and Les Cynos will have to ensure that any complacency is in
check. A danger match if not approached correctly, however we expect
Ramolino to prepare his team well. The team will undoubtedly look to go on
the front foot from the first whistle, controlling the speed of play and
possession. This match will see the return of Gauvain Mercier, who sat out
the last match, to the front line and he will undoubtedly look to continue his
fine form in the knockout stages. We ask all fans to be as vocal as they can
in their support from the stadium for Les Cynos.

Where in the world is Lazzara?

Concerns are rising across Southern Cynocephali at the disapperance of Sal
Lazzara after the first match of the tournament. Southern Cynocephalian
government officials arrived in Gvardeysk, Kagdazka today to meet with
team officials including team manager, Ramolino. Local authorities have not
been informed of his disappearance as yet, as it was originally suspected he
was missing voluntarily, although rumours now widely abound that he may
have met a nefarious end. If you have any information about Sal Lazzara's
whereabouts, please contact you local SCDF station immediately.

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by **Andossa Se Mitrin Vega** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 10:02 pm

This is your RP cutoff. And I am laughing too hard at Bleak Rock's post to come up with a Yumbo Jumbo. Awesomeness.

Baptism of Fire 43 Rosters/RP/Scores Thread (IC)

Jimmer Fredette Beats Southwest2Fort

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