The Alice in Wondeland wrote:I take martial arts as well,and know how nit picky it gets.He is a Soke (10th degree black belt) in the aspects of weapons of every martial art.
Really? It takes about 48 years to get to the tenth dan(degree) in Taekwondo. That's just one of the MANY martial arts there are, and I'm assuming your character is not that old. Please show a little realism. My instructor is a very skilled martial artist, who has been training for close to 50 years, but he only has a 5th degree Black in hapkido, and a 3rd in Taekwondo. Please choose something more realistic.
OK,fine,the ethereal in his body responds to the psychological repulse of holy water,causing him injury
That works.
It's a sample I wrote in 15 minuets.I think it's fine for a rough draft.
It's not supposed to be a rough draft. It's supposed to be a sample that will get you into the RP. It's not so bad that I would deny you, but it certainly can be better. It shouldn't take any additional time to have grammar and spelling anyway. I typed this response to you in about five minutes, and it has perfect spelling and grammar.