World Cup 54: RP thread

[Cassadaigua]

May the Interzonals, in my half, begin! Cutoff time.

Results

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Sea Dragons Play Dead

Kymy: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Ciara: Huh?

Kymy: I know the two of you can do better than that, I have seen you do it.

Emyle: Calm down Kymy. They will learn.

Kymy: We don’t have time to run a school for newbies right now. Every match counts and these two played like it was a pick-up game in the park.

Jonasei: Back off, Bitch!

Ciara: (begins crying)

Kymy: Bring it on, Ass. Ya should have plenty of energy after that performance.

Emyle: This bickering has to stop! It doesn’t do any of us any good.

Salis’hava: Mace is gonna sing! Isnt he dreamy?

Jonasei: Shut up!

Mace: I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you

Jonasei: Y’all let Riki Haas score. Don’t yell at me.

Ciara: (continues to cry)

Emyle: Riki Haas is one of the better forwards in the world, one goal conceded is something that will happen.

Kymy: But getting nothing more that one half-assed shot on goal out of a match is unacceptable for the squad we are supposed to be.

Mace: I was beat incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

Jonasei: Look. We messed up. What do we do now?

Kymy: We cant get this one back. And what’s worse is that Orlkjestad was perhaps the worst side in the group.

Mace: Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine

Emyle: We just have to play harder and not give any more matches away.

Ciara: I am gonna be sick.

Jonasei: Too much to drink?

Ciara: No. Look at Mace.

Mace: Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'Cause only love can last

All: (stunned silence)

Mace: You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold

Kymy: Dear God. Is that a replica of the dress from the video he’s wearing?

Jonasei: I need a stronger drink to deal with this.

Emyle: That and some blinders.

Salis’hava: Isn’t he just fabulous?

Mace: Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine

Ciara: By the Blessed Mother Star, I swear that I will never play so nonchalantly again if you will but remove this memory from my head.

Emyle: And Riki Haas will never score on us again if She will do the same for me.

Mace: You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide

Jonasei: On that note, I’ve gotta go.

Kymy: Wait up. Don’t even think you’re gonna leave us here.

[Tynelia]

PESSIMISTIC TIMES

[b] Even a Blind Squirrel…[/i]

OK so the analogy isn’t quite right. Because after all the blind squirrel DOES actually find a nut from time to time, completely unlike the Tynelian soccer team and the opponent’s net. Yup once again the team leads a yawner in yet another scoreless match. The only good thing is that the other team didn’t score either so at least we got a point out of it. Oh and once again Tynelia does something ridiculous and manages to steal a point off a top five team- this time the #4 team in the world – Albundania- in their opening match of the round. So while the foolish see this as a sign Tynelia will advance, I see it as a sign that Tynelia will lose matches it shouldn’t go goal-less many more times and get bounced with an 0-3-2 mark scoring 2 goals and giving up 3 (that’s two 1-0 losses, another scoreless draw and a 2-2 draw that uses up our allotment of goals for this round).

People tell me I’m too critical of the squad. I say this is starting to look like a Cup of Harmony repeat where we somehow-despite ourselves get by on penalty kicks after Coach Malloy’s newfangled offense continues to do absolutely nothing. Look at the numbers people- TV ratings are down 6.4% from last cup and 8.5% from our return to international competition. The reason? No scoring. Why would a devotee of the Lord of Scores watch a sporting event where His blessings are nowhere to be found? What is there to cheer about when every long range shot is easily knocked aside and where even the other team picks up our apathetic attack and just kicks the ball around the center of the pitch all match long until an errant pass accidently gets the ball within shouting distance of the net?

Of course now those fools running the Tynelian Soccer federation have been blogging about “Coach Malloy’s great planning which has allowed us to get draws with two of the top 5 teams in the world in three matches- a great sign for our chances in the Cup proper!” Hello! Ever consider that the team has to, you know, QUALIFY FIRST!?!?! And you don’t do that sitting around watching the grass grow and hoping maybe one of the keepers falls asleep from boredom and shot accidently rolls into the net somehow. You do that by attacking. And I speak for many of us when we tell, no we BEG assistant coach Masterson to knock Malloy upside the head with a blunt object before the match begins and do something, anything with the offense to actually do something.

But who am I kidding. It’s not going to change, enjoy Kulverint’s 1-0 win next match and tell yourselves that “we almost had it.” For the dozenth time this cup.

[Saugeais]

National Journal
Knights downed in high-scoring thriller

The scene from the Saxerdome in SaxerVilla, Qazox was electric for the first of five interzonal matches, which would determine who moves on to the World Cup finals. It would prove to be a rocky start for the Knights football team, as they were defeated by Queer Poco el Mono Ara in striking fashion, 5-3. The games tarted out exciting enough, with both teams driving deep into opponent territories and launching remarkable shots left and right. But QP ended up striking first, with Gilbert Batistuta leading a fast break with blinding speed and faked out the keeper to give QP the 1-0 lead early. But the Knights pressed on, trying desperately to equalize. Their prayers were answered in the 26th minute, when Thomas LeBoeuf, the team's veteran and so to be retiree, took the incoming corner kick and blasted it past the keeper, tying the game up. It wasn't long before QP scored again, with a laser from forward Vijay Kandakram that completely fooled Jenson Paulson, and the lead was once again with QP. Just before the half, Batistuta scored again off of a beautifully placed corner kick that gave the QP's a 3-1 lead at half time. "It was rough," said manager Benoit Howard. "We had a chance to show what our team can do in the early going, but nothing came of it. We got down and never really came back up."

The second half started more defensively for the Knights, as they just sat back and took everything that QP dished out. QP launched shots at Jenson, who thankfully stopped them this time. Jenson kicked a deep pass to Cane Pryor, who had gotten back deep into the QP zone, shook two defenders and smacked a shot that needed help from the post to go in, and the Knights were back to being down by one. The Knight then figured if it worked once, let's try it again. They stayed back and waited for the QP's to come at them again, which they did in full force. However, the Knights were a little too aggressive, and Troy Donovan fouled Batistuta hard in the penalty area. Batistuta had to leave the pitch for a short while to be attended to and Troy was given a yellow card for his actions. In Batistuta's place was midfielder Jordi, whose penalty kicking prowess was beyond repute. He blasted it just past the diving Paulson, and QP was back up by two, 4-2. Thomas LeBoeuf and Cane Pryor, realizing the game slipping away, started making mad dashes into the opponent's zone, firing shots wildly at the net. Then in the 77th minute, Cane lobbed a cross to a just onside LeBoeuf, who headed it past the unsuspecting keeper, and Saugeais edged back to being one down. With the tie in sight, the Knights decided to go all out offensive, but with just 3 minutes left the QP keeper stopped a cross and launched a deep pass behind the 7 attacking Knights. With just the three defenders and the keeper in the way, the QP forwards had little problem getting around them, with the returned Batistuta crossing to Vijay Kandakram for the strike and the win.

"You hate to see the first game go like that," said LeBoeuf after the game. "But everyone has games like that. We all played great, but Queer Poco clearly was the better team. We must now put this behind us and focus on the next match."

Half      1    2    F
QPdMA:    3    2    5
Saugeais: 1    2    3

Scorers

QPdMA:
Gilbert Batistuta - 15',  44'
Vijay Kandakram - 32',  87'
Jordi - 66' (pen.)

Saugeais:
Thomas LeBoeuf - 26', 79'
Cane Pryor - 53'

[Eastfield Lodge]

The Sporting Gazette

Good start for Eastfield Lodge in the Interzonals

Having suffered a defeat in the Publishers Cup against Albundania and winning against minnows Meguroko in a friendly, pundits were uncertain as to how the EL team would perform in this game. We're not going to focus on those matches, but we will say that we know face Swartaz in the Publishers Cup. For those who have been living in a place cut-off from the outside world but emerge from their isolatory shell just to buy a newspaper but have no idea what is going on otherwise, here are the scores for those two games:
Albundania 4-0 EL: Kurt Winger (11', 24', 39', 56')
Meguroko 0-2 EL: The Doctor (10', 82')

And after that, the team made their way to Queer Poco el Mono Ara for the Interzonal Phase, and their first opponent, in the Estadio de la Esperanza, was Khytenna, a nation not to be underestimated, which the team definitely did not do. The final score was 3-1 to Eastfield Lodge, as the EL team showed Khytenna how difficult a red card can be. Both teams started out with a similar attacking fashion, with end-to-end football and two sets of superb goalkeepers. Fergal Firestone came close to breaking the deadlock within just three minutes, seeing his mis-hit cross tipped over the bar by Aidan Jagger. Seconds later, Sameer Ahmad found himself unmarked, and could only manage to head Ben Madison's cross onto the roof of the net. Firestone came up with the first goal 21 minutes into the match. The EL defence were caught wide open, allowing Firestone to be set free to run and slot the ball into the corner, giving Khytenna a precious 1-0 lead. However, one defensive error let Thomas O'Henly through on the side, only to see his cross blocked by Oliver Testerman. The assistant linesman, who had a perfectly clear sight of the action, called for handball, and as Testerman was inside the box when the ball struck his hand, he was shown a red, and Sameer Ahmad fired home the penalty to level things up after 44 minutes.

Having just lost both a man and their one-goal lead so close to half-time seemingly demoralised Khytenna, and in the second half, the intensity with which they attacked was much less, as Khytenna coach Tyler Proctor had opted to defend and keep the point. But the hole in the defence was exploited brilliantly by both Adam Johnson and O'Henly, as they both gave Left-Back Shad Vancil a torrid day in the office, and at one such opportunity, Malik Deshazior came to block up the gap, but this left Alex Gallagher free on the edge of the box. He was picked out by O'Henly, and fired one into the top corner to give EL the lead for the first time, 65 minutes into the match. The three points were sealed when Sameer Ahmad doubled his tally 5 minutes from time, losing his marker to head in Ben Madison's corner.

This result gives the team the start they needed in this tough Interzonal Phase, and with captain Shabeen Ahmad III set to return from injury two matchdays earlier than originally expected, the team looks like they aren't going to go out without one hell of a fight. The team's next opponents are Jalanat, who lost 3-1 to Qazox, in the Jewel In The Desert in Monolithia.

---

Team to play Jalanat: Starting XI (all fit)

Goal Tally WC54Q:
Shabeen Ahmad III: 13
Sameer Ahmad: 9
The Doctor: 5
Hadia Ahmad: 2
Rory the Plastic Centurion: 1
Ben Madison: 1
Thomas O'Henly: 1
Sarah Douglas: 1
Callum Douglas: 1
Toby Callahan: 1
John Bell: 1
Adam Johnson: 1
Alex Gallagher: 1

[Cafundeu]

FOLHA DA CAPITAL
O jornal no lugar certo na hora certa da notícia

Edição de Domingo - Ano 240 - Caderno III - Preço: V$3,80

---

PAST AND PRESENT - A FAMILY TRIP

The initial arrangements for this story were simple: our selected reporter had to meet Augusto César and his family at his hotel, during the morning, so she could follow their entire day, the day of the match against Pasarga, which they were going to see. The idea was to let things go naturally, so she wouldn't ask many questions to the family neither interrupt their actions. But, once inside the stadium, some questions could appear, just to take some comments about specific issues. And, with this strategy in mind, the reporter Melissa Dourado brings us the first episode of this special series:

It's 8 a.m. here in Carloburgo, and I am sitting on a comfortable sofa on the Alpine Hotel, a 5-star one located far from the centre of the city. It is a somewhat isolated place, good for people who want some calmness but luxury at the same time, and close to the road that goes directly to the alps, a perfect place for a family to spend some time after the matches. This was the intention of Augusto César when he chose this hotel: to have a good relaxing atmosphere and at the same time find places where his children could have some kind of fun. But today isn't a day for visiting the alps or wasting time in the hotel's swimming pool: at 18:60 Cafundéu plays its first match of the interzonals, against Pasarga, and I'm going with them to watch the game. Around fifteen minutes after I arrive at the hotel, Augusto César comes out from the elevator with his wife and kids, in order to have breakfast. This is not the time to interrupt them, so I patiently just follow their actions until the time of the game. After eating, they take a taxi towards the centre of the time, to do some shopping. This is just their way to kill some time before the big moment.

Finally taking their way towards the Olympic Stadium, the family is walking to the entrance door of the most expensive sector of the stadium. If this happened many years ago, Augusto César would be surrounded by football fans, asking autographs and to take photos with him. Yes, he was a very famous footballer, and the best that the country had during some time. His highest moment was at exactly twenty years ago, during World Cup 44. He remembers it well: "I remember those days in Kura-Pelland. We were a motivated team, and a side respected as one of the best in the world, you simply cannot compare today's Cafundéu with that team, we were surely different. It was pretty unfortunate that we lost that World Cup final, surely one of the most tense matches ever of the competition. Penalty kicks, the referee ordering us to repeat the shot every time, and at the end each team had to take ten kicks... insane." Nowadays, much less people recognize Augusto César at sight: only the older Cafundelenses, who are also in Carloburgo willing to watch the match, remember the talented footballer. One of them comments: "Twenty years ago was when I was first taking interest in football. At that time, Augusto César was my idol. Too bad that we lost that final, I thought we would get that title." After giving attention to the supporters who wish to talk to him, the family enter the stadium.

They are watching a difficult game, where a irregular Cafundéu has once again difficulties, this time against an ambitious Pasarga squad. I ask Renata how was it like when Augusto César was still playing: "We used to follow him only in the home matches, since my children were just kids at that time and still had school to attend. Now they are grown-up, Paulo is even engaged... they were really proud of their father, always wanting to go to the stadium. I wasn't much a fan of football, but learnt to enjoy it seeing my husband playing. We only avoided going in the matches against Ranca Toco, Petardos S/A or other teams with more violent fans, since I was really worried with my kids, but most matches were calm, since A.F.F., Augusto's team, is one with peaceful supporters." Talking to Augusto César about the present, and how watching a football match can become a good family moment, he answers: "Due to my profession, I couldn't be much present when the kids were growing up... I didn't watch football games with them like I'm doing now, so it's like trying to recover this time. But of course they aren't children anymore, so it's not the same thing. Paulo is close to his thirties, you know."

Then, Pasarga scores a goal with Robles, due to a mistake by Catimba. The whole family laments, and doesn't commemorate much when Marco Aurélio scores soon after. The first half ends with a draw, and only Romergleydson's goal at the beginning of the second half is able to force some positive reactions from them, some smiles and applause. Pasarga scored the second goal when there were only fifteen minutes for the end, producing some worried faces on the stands, eyes looking angrily at Robles again. But in the end, the relief was evident when Esquerdinha managed to score from a free kick, guaranteeing the victory of the Cafundelenses in this tough first match. Augusto César told me: "This Cafundéu team is very fragile. The players aren't that bad, but in the end the team doesn't seem to be special when playing. I know Ganz Ijak, he was part of the staff in the World Cups I played, so I know he has the ability to improve this squad, but it really needs improvement." He hears his son talking something about how the team is missing a leading figure, and how he could fit this spot, and he answers: "Yes, you're right... I wish I was still playing, honestly. I miss those times, though I'm used to this now... the first moments after the retirement that are tough, you sometimes simply don't know what are you going to do in your life... well, my son is right, the team needs some leader, Lewton or Marco Aurélio could be the one, but they aren't working hard enough... Paulo knows a lot about football, even though he didn't want to follow my profession, he became an economist."

After the match, it is time to return to the hotel. They take another taxi, when I give goodbye to them. But, of course, before going to my own hotel room, I ask them what they are going to do next in that day, after the match. Renata answers: "First we're getting back to the hotel, taking a shower, changing clothes... then it's dinner and perhaps a movie. These are our vacations, so we ought not to stay inside a hotel room doing nothing, we need to go out and have some fun." But I'm sure they could have fun even inside the hotel... that one is much better than the smelly one I'm staying.

Just for information, the basic details of Cafundéu 3x2 Pasarga:

Place: Olympic Stadium, Carloburgo.
Time: 18:30 local time.
Weather: clear, 18ºC
Referee: Devon Marshall (Bostopia).
Assistants: Gilbert Mirren and Mariano Tombini (both from Starblaydia).

CAFUNDÉU: Cleston; Maurício, Esquerdinha, Teteo and Catimba; Lewton, Bino, Marco Aurélio (Vinícius Oliveira 80') and Godô (Sidmar 68'); Romergleydson and Danilinho (Tico 56').
Coach: Ganz Ijak.

PASARGA: Kamstra; Džafić, Bányay, Milano and Jewell; Szöllössy, Lo Duca (Haddad 83'), Romo (Villaseñor 76') and Frías; Beijesbergen (Sawicki 62') and Robles.
Coach: Kapolcs Mester.

Goals:CAF: Marco Aurélio 26' , Romergleydson 59' , Esquerdinha 81'.
PAS: Robles 22'/78'.

Yellow cards: Catimba and Bino (CAF); Milano and Lo Duca (PAS).

[Landau Institute]

OFFICIAL REPORT FROM LANDAU INSTITUTE SQUAD
topics: lack of ideas; Al-Mumtaz's game; our selected anthems

We are without much data to work on, our opponents haven't been telling us much in order to aid our squad in our studies, and this lead us to a state of lack of things to write about. But then we have thought of something... why not make a small reflection exactly about this, about the possible effects and consequences of a true lack of ideas. Why the mind goes blank sometimes, even if you had previously decided to make a certain sequence of events, but now you simply don't know how to make it evolve, and get worried that this development may take some time, because you don't know what to do in order to make your thoughts appear clearer in order to make you know what to do in order to develop the idea you currently don't know how to develop but wish you knew what to do in order to develop it so your mind wouldn't be blank anymore. Difficult situation this one, and one I think all of us pass through in a certain moment of our lives, or in several moments of it. So, making the intended reflection, I thought about my current situation and feelings. I'm in a certain state of anxiety, missing a certain person who I will only see again in a month's time, and counting the days for this to happen. Also, there are several plans already made for the future which cannot be done until I get to a certain place. So, would anxiety be the main factor for the failure of idea production? Actually, this makes sense in the sense that my mind got filled with these other thoughts, and perhaps little space would remain available for the development of other thoughts, as I'm too worried with the ones I've just commented about. But there is another possibility that may fit even better: perhaps it's just tiredness, lack of sleep combined with lack of motivation to work, a natural lazyness? No, we cannot be lazy, we have a study to do, but sometimes it's difficult to fight against one's own nature. But... what am I talking about? This shouldn't be the issue today, I had to talk about our discoveries during the match versus Al-Mumtaz.

If there is one thing we could notice about our opponents at first sight, it is that they have a team composed by young players, some still are teenagers or have just left this phase of their lives. You know that many teenagers are not very eager to contribute to our studies, frequently doubting our ability to help them or even defying us to discover something about them, when the issue is not this, but how to help them to face their own doubts and challenges in life. This time, our worry in taking information out of them ended harming our performance in the footballing level. We were expecting a victory, but ended with just a draw, and were extremely threatened by their attackers... we almost lost the match. This time, the defenders saved our lives. White and Wundt were our goalscorers, which serves to show us that the entire team is important. Another thing worth noting about our opponents of this match is that their captain has only one name, differently than all the other members of the squad who have more than one: perhaps, in their culture, this is a way to show superiority, even if the name sounds funny, like in Batutah's case.

And, in order to end this report, we have decided the selected works to use as our national anthems during the next matches of this interzonal stage. Opponent squads must note that it's not that the entire book/article/work will be read, just an excerpt will be read before the match. We will make no notes about these works during our reports, they'll just be used as anthems. They will be the following: against Sibirsky - The Fear of Freedom, by Erich Fromm; against Tynelia - Totem and Taboo, by Sigmund Freud; against Albundania - Seminar 22, by Jacques Lacan; against Kulverint - The Archetypes and Collective Unconscious, by Carl Jung. We hope this can give us enough inspiration to win the next matches.

[The Archregimancy]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

COACH DENOUNCES WC54 QUALIFYING FORMAT AS 'UNTRADITIONAL AND UNORTHODOX'
Squad Welcomes 'Bracing', 'Relaxing' Climate in Cotdelapoms

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Archregimancy national team coach Fr. Sozon the Simple today denounced the World Cup 54 qualifying tournament as "untraditional and unorthodox - though not necessarily un-Orthodox".

"I am but a simple worm of a sinning monk-wretch" said Fr. Sozon, "but I know change when I see it. The Orthodox Church hasn't remained true to tradition for a couple of thousand years by embracing innovation for the sake of it. As far as I'm concerned, all this faffing about with pre-qualification zones and interzonal competitions is as bad as the filioque."

Sources close to the Monastic Football Association were quick to clarify that they did not believe that Fr. Sozon was actually stating that the WC54 qualification structure was, like the filioque, a divisive and arguably theological matter - merely that he was speaking personally on a matter of World Cup organisation. "The MFA is nonetheless of the opinion that large-scale innovations in the qualification structure were not, in retrospect, wholly necessary" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "and that the current structure has led to too many meaningless and uninspiring qualifications matches between cannon fodder, as opposed to the usual practice of extensive meaningless and uninspiring qualification matches between established nations."

Elsewhere, sources close to the team have noted that the squad have embraced the soul-strengthening arctic conditions in interzonal host nation Cotdelapoms. Fr. Sozon reacted to the blizzard white-out conditions in the first match against Carpathia and Ruthenia by making a rare tactical goalkeeping switch, fielding his namesake Fr. Sozon of Borisoglebsky, whose Monastic League Team from the latter monastery regularly play in temperatures that are described by even the most hardened Slavic monk as 'invigorating'. Fr. Irenaeus the Ascetic indeed drew a caution from the be-mittened and be-hatted referee after taking his shirt off to prove that a passing flurry leaving 60cm on snow over two hours was no obstacle to the God-fearing Orthodox, especially when accompanied by a light breeze of some 25km an hour winds.

The match apparently ended in a 2-1 victory for the Archregimancy, though no one is quite sure of the details given the impossibility of actually watching the match in the testing conditions.

[Qazox]

The Road to One Big Island and World Cup 54

THREE.

In international soccer you get three points for a victory. Usually if a team scores 3 goals in a match, that's enough for a victory. So fittingly enough, Qazox scored three goals and got three points against Jalanat 3-1 at Esatadio Victoria today. Despite the pressures of having the best record of the teams in this interzonal phase and the pressures of recent history, the Pheonix rose to the occasion, despite allowing an early goal to Tercero García just 11 minutes in. But the Calvin twins showed why they are a formidable pair in front, sending passes back and forth enough to allow Lonnie Dobbs to break free and tie the match at 1-all in the 17th minute.

The remainder of the first half was relatively tame, excepting a pair of yellow cards, one on each side, for tackles that were at worst no harder than the average tackle. In the 2nd half, Coach Holtz suprisingly took out Ryanne Halpberg and added Iona Laughlin on the front end. The change worked as Qazox dominated possession in the 2nd half (59%-41%) and Laughlin added the final goal in the 71st minute.

But 12 minutes prior, Tanya Calvin put Qazox ahead for good with a play hat has been marked with controversy. Seasn Eason, was taking the corner and sent it just a bit high for most. Tanya Calvin, though numeous replays could not differeniate between the two, headed it or punched it (depending on your view) past Ren Sishemuya. Both coaches came running on the pitch to see the referee's decision. After a moments discussion with the 5th offical; the referee signaled a Pheonix goal. I was stationed near the goal where this event occured, and even looking at a few still photos my photographer shot, i still can't tell if it went off Calvin's chin or her fist.

Now Qazox prepares to face Churchma, 2-1 winners over Kagdazka and Pazhujebu yesterday. Much is one the line for this match, as the winner would be 2-0-0 and would be in a position to clinch a World Cup berth with possibly just one more victory. Expect this one to be a close match, possibly decided late.

SCORELINE

JAL  1 0  1
QZX  1 2  3

Scoring:
Tercero García (JAL) 11'
Lonnie Dobbs (QZX) (2)17'
YC- Sean Eason (QZX) 33'
YC- Erik McGraw (JAL) 45+1'
Tanya Calvin (QZX) (4) 59'
Iona Laughlin (QZX) (2) 71'

ZONAL SCHEDULE:
MD1: @ Cafundeu L 0-4
MD2: v. Daemonheart @ Estadia Pika, Pika City. Capacity: 84,562 W 1-0
MD3: v. Sirain @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 94,500 W 3-2
MD4: BYE
MD5: @ Fellow Citizens W 3-0
MD6: v. Cafundeu @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City. Capacity: 100,052 W 2-0
MD7: @ Daemonheart W 4-1
MD8: @ Sirain W 4-1
MD9: BYE
MD10: v. Fellow Citizens @ New Bruxen Hotel & Casino Field, New Bruxen. Capacity: 77,721 W 3-1
INTERZONAL SCHEDULE:
MD11: Jalanat @ Estadio Victoria, Ambrose W 3-1
MD12: Churchma @ New World Stadium, Flynn’s Isle
MD13: Eastfield Lodge @ New World Stadium, Flynn’s Isle
MD14: Khytenna @ Estadio de la Esperanza, Minanda
MD15: Kagdazka and Pazhujebu @ Estadio de la Esperanza, Minanda

[Khytenna]

Result: Red card for Testerman as Khytenna slump to a 3-1 defeat
Khytenna: 1
Firestone 21st

Eastfield Lodge: 3
Sameer Ahmad 44th 85th
Gallagher 65th

Reporter John Dark.

Khytenna looked the dominate team as they powered home the opening goal, but after Testerman’s red card, Khytenna defence eventually feel like a pack of cards.

Some foreign pundits have been referring to Khytenna as the dark horse of the group, the team that no one should underestimate, well today Eastfield lodge must of been reading these reports well, they where the better team today. Khytenna however showed there magic, and in the 3rd minute, Firestone made his name known as his miss kick only just missed the goal. Khytenna where looking dangerious and where moving the ball around well, with EL getting good chances as well. But Khytenna got the opening goal in the 21st minute as Carmichael made the perfect through ball to firestone, who chiped the ball to the corner of the net, and Khytenna had the lead, the Khytennan travelling fans where going crazy, with flags waving and more chanting, the stadium was becoming like Palace Park from home. Khytenna managed to keep the lead and the dominance till the last part of the half, Khytenna’s Throne struck a beautiful free kick towards goal, but the keeper just kept it out. Unfortunately, tragedy literally struck Khytenna as Testerman gave away a penalty, it came after Thomas O'Henly found his way unmarked to the penalty box, for a cross, Testerman did well to rush for the ball to get there before O’Henly, he managed to chest the cross, but the ball came down and struck his hand, he didn’t make any effort to move it, and his face could tell he knew what was coming, Testerman received to straight red (which resulted in a massive cheer from the EL crowd) and Testerman walked of the pitch with his head low. Sameer Ahmad put the penalty away past Troy and Khytenna lost the lead before half time, the first half ended 1-1, with Khytenna down to 10 men.

Khytenna’s men looked demoralised when they came on the field, they could sense that this half was going to be tough, Proctor ordered his team to play defenseivly, he knew that the points where precious, and the EL where going for the push, But EL got the winner in the 65th after Khytenna’s defence was ripped open. EL used the fact that they had more players on the field to there advantage, and boy did it work, after a mistake by Vancil, O’Henly was left free to make a superb through ball to Alex Gallagher, who smashed the ball in to the top corner, Troy could no way get to that ball, and the EL had the lead for the first time of the game, Khytenna knew that they would never see it again. Sameer Ahmad wrapped up the game in the 85th minute to seal Khytenna’s fate, after out pacing the tired Bohannan to a cross and headed it past Troy.
The Game ended 3-1 to EL, Khytenna played like lions in the first half, but after Testermans Red, it all fell apart, Khytenna will be with our him for a game as he know serves his match Ban

Khytenna’s young Bowman makes a surprise start in defence, as Khytenna take on Kagdazka and Pazhujebu


GK 19. Roary Troy (25 Blue Bay)
RB 3. james Ursua (vice captain) (23 Blue bay)
LB 2. Shad Vancil (23 Keltyme Foresters)
DC 17. Nelson Bohannan(26 Alterdamm Merchants, Gray harbour)
DC 23. Brian Bowman (19 Blue bay)
[color=#40FF40]RM RM 7. Casey Thorne(captain) (24 Xephic Reds)
LM .16. jamie Pittenger (20 Blue bay)
CM 12. Malik Deshazior (21 Percepi Sharks)
CAM 4. John Carmichael (21 Central FC) (21 Percepi Sharks)
FW Lini Pellett (20 AC New Haven, Silver beach)
FW 9. Fergal Firestone (20 blue bay)

                           Troy
 Ursua          Bohannan       Bowman            Vancil

Thorne                 Deshazior                Pittenger
                            
                       Carmichael
                    
                 Pellett        Firestone

[Swartaz]

The Insight

Well I didn't expect that result when I arrived at Tundra Falls Proving Grounds this morning.....

So, we arrived at the stadium that hosted the final of World Cup 49 to face the defending champions Dorian & Sonya, in undoubtedly our toughest game thus far. The atmosphere was electric, with our fans chants filling the air of the entire area. The Dorian & Sonya fans were slightly subdued in comparison, expecting to be able to chant exclusively when they went ahead, and they were able to, as J’hys Ickaeth broke the deadlock around 10 minutes in with a cracking 30 yard effort.

This quitened our fans down a bit, as the Dorian and Sonya fans now had the freedom to chant whatever they wanted to freely. However, we weren't planning on keeping it that way for long. As kick-off was taken, Olec knocked it back to Vaarger in goal, who wellied it right in to their half. Olec then picked it up again, let it bounce, took it on the half-volley, and rifled it into the top corner of the net, to the utter dismay and shock of everyone in the stadium. It was undoubtedly the best goal I have ever seen in my life, and not only was it brilliant, it was important. It pulled us back on equal terms, and gave us the confidence to go forward with.

The second half started on a bad note, as a arkward challenge by Bage Euloropth saw Gosta fall strangely on his leg, and being strechered off. The resulting free-kick however gave great joy to the team, with Asbjorn curling a well crafted free-kick into the top corner of the net to send our fans into a bout of ecstasy. With our opponents visibly shaken by going behind, we lifted off a bit and let them play a bit more football, without remembering we were up against the defending world champions. Airewen Rololond was the converter of a devestating counter attack near 80 minutes to send the entire stadium silent. This continued until 88 minutes in, when Hugo Lukas made a goal saving last ditch tackle on J’hys Ickaeth. He booted the ball to me (Johan Hesse), and I spread it out wide to Karl. Karl darted toward the box with the ball, and put in a high cross at the precise moment Olec Dasra began his run to the front post. Olec made great contact with his head, and in a flash the ball was in the back of the net. A few seconds went passed as everyone took in what had just happened before the stadium exploded with noise from the Swartazian fans. The final whistle saw our fans stream onto the pitch to celebrate with the players, and the parties will undoubtedly last long through the night here in Newmanistan.

[Pretty Awesome Persons]

PAP Sports
First Interzonal Game Results in Loss

Pretty Awesome Persons 1 (Gonzalez '54)
Aguazul 3 (Cisneros '11, '32; Aspe '45+3)


Steven Sanchez after full time.

By the end of the first half, Aguazul led three nil and a comeback wasn't possible at this point. Steven Sanchez could only watch as his defense was destroyed. Aguazul had Gonzalez and Co. marked well so they were once again not able to create any plays. If the 4-2-1-3 formation isn't dead by now, I don't know what will happen. Results like these will keep on coming, and we'll end up with zero points.
There was some celebration when Gonzalez took one back in the 54th minute, scoring his 30th international goal in 35 appearances.
The game ended 3-1 and PAP was at the bottom of the interzonal table. It looks like we won't make the WC again, and maybe we'll end up in the Cup of Harmony, only to end up eliminated in the quarter-finals again.


Frank Roderick after the match

It has been revealed by Steven Sanchez that he is going to try a 3-4-3 (diamond) formation

------------------Alvarez------------------

-----Henry-----Ramos-----Martin-----

------Herrera-----

------Taylor-------------Zepeda------

----Zizi----------*Figo*----Mendoza----

-----Gonzalez-----

Style Modifier: -2

You can notice that Alvarez has replaced Frank Roderick for the match against Bears Armed

Strategy:
-Wingers (Zizi and Mendoza)/ Pullbacks (Martin, Henry, Taylor, Zepeda) stay close to central area.
-When the opponenet does not have the ball, the pull back (Martin/Henry) stays back.
-When the opponent does have the ball, the pull back is the first to put pressure on the opponent. The CB (Herrera) then backs him up.
-For defense, the striker (Gonzalez) should move up and down the center line.
-Wingers and pullbacks should cross the ball into the box when they have the chance. The striker is the first to go to the near post. Then, the other winger/pullback is to go to the far post.
-Of course the rest of the team moves up as well.
-The middle diamond (Herrera, Taylor, Zepeda and Figo) are the engine of the team. They are to defend and start attacks.
-Overlapping will be very important. For example, when Mendoza attacks, Martin may choose to come up with him.

Interzonal Schedule:
MD1 - @Dyurtyuli, Kagdazka: Pretty Awesome Persons (69th) v Aguazul (10th)
MD2 - @Oktyabrsk, Kagdazka: Bears Armed (26th) v Pretty Awesome Persons (69th)
MD3 - @Zhevassi, Pazhujebu: Pretty Awesome Persons (69th) v Novikov (46th)
MD4 - @Urajbina, Pazhujebu: Bostopia (28th) v Pretty Awesome Persons (69th)
MD5 - @Pkethat Šede, Pazhujebu: Pretty Awesome Persons (69th) v Burchadinger (60th)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BREAKING NEWS:
STEVEN SANCHEZ OFFERED COACHING POSITION IN ONE OF KAGDAZAKA & PAZHUJEBU'S CLUB TEAMS.

Yes, you read it right. Steven Sanchez, PAP's very own national team coach, has been offered a job in one of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu's club teams who have been searching for managers recently. Accepting the job would no longer allow him to coach PAP's national football team. K&P has realized the problem with leaving a team like PAP coach-less and has offered to "trade" Steven Sanchez for some of K&P's top coaches such as Prosha Tsilevich or Khuzhu Uthassišabipa.
Chances are, Steven Sanchez will wait until the end of our WC54 campaign or maybe the CoH (if we're invited.)
More details to come as soon as we hear them.

[Sorthern Northland]

The Football Paper

Opinion

Coming off the back off a disappointing campaign in which Sorthern Northland went from being runners-up in World Cup 52 to picking up just a point and finishing bottom in the group stage of World Cup 53 some may have wondered if the start of a decline in Sorthern football was happening.

On the face of it World Cup 54 qualifying appears to have well and truly put that notion to bed. A 3-1 victory over Jesselton in front of just under 65,000 watching spectators in Delaclava's Tristinian Stadium means the Sorthern side have now won all eleven of the qualifiers they have played in this campaign so far. With four matches left to play such records would have normally already seen the side able to check prices for flights and hotels to and in the host nations of the upcoming finals.

A change in the structure of qualifying however sees that all change and means that Sorthern Northland's place in The Babbage Islands or Cassadaigua whilst on the face of it likely, far from confirmed. It also begs the question of just how impressive the current eleven match winning streak in competitive matches really is.

Loonaterian, Rustika, Cursores, Octinstine and Los Estados del Sol, the five nations Sorthern Northland vanquished in the opening stage of qualification are certainly not names to spread fear into footballing nations wanting to make any claim to being a major international side and indeed offered a very gentle task for a team looking to recapture form.

Certainly a much tougher task was to be expected within the second stage of qualifying, the so called internerzonal phase. Among the challenges are that rather than playing home and away against each opponent the matches are instead played on a single round robin on neutral ground, Sorthern Northland finding themselves in the group playing in Delaclava.

The opposition should be tougher as well, in theory at least. Each of Sorthern Northland's opponents is very much at this stage on merit and deserves recognition for their performances in reaching it. Looking around the interzonal groups though the argument could be made that the draw has been kind to Sorthern Northland.

Nethertopia are nominally a better team than Sorthern Northland, being ranked a single place higher, one senses though a weakness in Nethertopia though. Jesselton, already brushed aside by Sorthern Northland are also a team on the decline, leaving the minnows of Arda, Haginonia and Cosumar the ones hoping to spring something of an upset. Going into the stage one would have put Arda as the least likely of those to have a successful interzonal, their 3-1 win over Haginonia however has changed all that, though it is Cosumar who look to have the most in them to be the dark horses of the group, assuming of course they can recover from their 2-0 defeat against Nethertopia.

Having had to play the top seed in the group in the opening match things don't get any easier for them with Sorthern Northland being their next opponents, and indeed having to play the top two seeds first could be the killer for them rather than any lack of ability. For Sorthern Northland however, a victory would mean those at the SNFA responsible for travel arrangements can start to make provisional plans for flights and hotels to the finals.

It looks to be there, rather than during qualifying that one will be able to gage whether World Cup 53 was merely a blip for Sorthern Northland's national football team.

[Erathore]

Conversation between two Erathi:
"You see the World Cup game? Against Valanora?"
"Nope. Too tied up with work and family. We win?"
"What do you think?"
"Good point. How badly did we lose?"
"Not too badly. Only by one goal. It was 1-0."
"Who scored?"
"I dunno. They never said his name. Shame really. Beautiful shot from the 18 with the inside of his foot. Curved right past Vito."
"I feel bad for Vito. He's losing it. Don't think he can take the pressure."
"Yup. Bennedetto is looking good though. And Del Nieran. That guy can curve it for sure! And shoot and pass like everyone else. But man the curve…"
"Amazing?"
"Damn straight. You've seen him play right?"
"Yup. Saw a lot of him back when he played for EMI FC. I look forward to his year with FC Mildrid. I'm putting them at first and getting another Copa win."
"Yup. I think FC Mildrid will place first. Then Juvillian. Then Vincanto."
"Same here. Well how about the weather?"

[Cotdelapoms]

Apples Shock Valladares Again

POCONO CITY, NEWMANISTAN: In the opening round of the Newmanistan Interzonal, Cotdelapoms' pulled off an impressive upset victory, taking out highly reputable Valladares for the third time in three different nations, having previously defeated them in friendlies in both Cotdelapoms and Valladares.

José Marín's men got off to the stronger start, as they are a much stronger offensive side and were probably much less nervous, having previously been on such a large stage. Having already lost to Cotdelapoms' once in this World Cup cycle (albeit in a friendly, though it was on home soil), they had a point to prove, and so they came out attacking on all cylinders. Only through the grace of God did the pacy young superstar Yoan Gignac not score first in the early minutes after he absolutely tore apart the Cotdelapomais defence- but he blasted his shot too hard from too far away and it went straight up and over the bar, much to the relief of Thierry Junot.

Les Gones got right back at it, working through midfield and exploiting the jumpy and uncharacteristically undisciplined Apples, who were trying too desperately to counter-punch and left themselves exposed. Armando Rivas chipped a ball through traffic that ended up at the feet of Gignac again, but his shot was low and was redirected by Jonathan Barrie. Miguel Flórez tried to corral the rebound, but he lost possession and Einar Sigurdsson booted it as far up the park as possible, to safety. Rodrigo Lopez tried to take this the other way and get an attack going, but he was largely alone, and was easily disposessed.

Les Pommes Blanc got their first real chance at the end of the first half, when Jesper Jensen did what he does best and zig-zagged through Rivas and Ruben Calheira, but left with nobody to provide to, decided to take a shot that was well within his range but did not have his regular zeal, and was easily detained by Luis Fuentes. The two teams entered the break scoreless, and the Valladar supporters in attendance started to look nervous. The TV17 cameras took surprising glee in panning across their frustrated faces and juxtaposing that with celebrating Cotdelapomais fans, happy just to have gotten this far in the tournament. This did not quite paint a fair picture, as many Valladar fans were still supremely confident, knowing they are the better side historically, and there was no lack of sad looking White Apples in the crowd.

Come kickoff of the second half, Sacha Chrétien had made an important tactical change, opting to remove the highly talented but occasionally clumsy Rodrigo Lopez with Alexandre Faille, whose motor and strength in possession were key assets in the second half. Alongside Jonathan Watson, the centre of midfield belonged almost exclusively to the Apples, whose strength in numbers was overwhelming once Lopez, who usually plays more like a second forward was taken out. Chrétien was savvy to not use René Boisbriand, who, whilst an excellent player and very aware of the tendencies of their rivals, has trouble staying in position and would have leaked the ball too much as well.

The Apples' midfield power and decision to slow the game down completely changed the complexion, and Cotdelapoms' held on to the ball at a nearly 65% clip. By slow playing and exploiting the midfield advantage, the Apples first were able to get the highly pro-Valladar crowd out of the match. José Marín's men are well-disciplined, but with their support waning and the pressure mounting, they were lured out of position, forcing a tactical change that Marín likely did not want to make. At this point he seemingly had conceded the match tactically, and so it was no surprise when a series of short passes up the field led to too many men pinching forward and Ajax Carloburgo striker Per-Olivier Johansson-Bakvis beating an offside trap and marching down the pitch to slip one in past a diving Fuentes for the only goal of the match.

Johansson-Bakvis celebrated the goal by taking a bite out of an apple a fan had tossed for him and throwing it back into the navy blue mass in the south end of the Empress Jessica Stadium. After this point, Les Gones made more substitutions and attacked ferociously, but wave after wave were deflected and in the end, the 1-0 lead held.

There were reports of countless apples being dumped into the Penthoria River in celebration after the match, as the 20,000-odd traveling Cotdelapomais took over Pocono City, with Johansson-Bakvis allegedly joining them later on.

"We don't want to get too cocky, but it's good to know that we have the number of one of the best teams in the world. It does worlds for our confidence- when we know that we can go out there and beat a Valladares three times in a row, it means we can go out there and beat anyone. P-O has been so great for us, he knows these guys so well, it must be extra special for him, even if it means he won't be the most popular man in the country when he goes back." said Sacha Chrétien to reporters in the post-match gathering.

Captain Jesper Jensen added, "This is one of the greatest matches I've ever been a part of, I've never been prouder of these boys."

Cotdelapoms' travel next to Loudon to take on the Holy Empire, a result would be amazing, but at this point Cotdelapoms have already exceeded expectations, so anything would be a joy.

[Jesselton]

News deleted. No news is getting out of the Jesselton's border. Hail the new regime.

[Jeruselem]

After Jeruselem beat Tarrentum 2-1 in their interzonal game in Valladares. Sharnee "Peppers" Bellpepper relaxing with Amy Pond

Peppers: I got the DNA tests back.
Amy: Yeah, so who's the father of your kid?
Peppers: It's Man Go Mouse.
Amy: Say what?
Peppers: See ...
Amy: Mango Mousse, ya dill.
Peppers: Oh yes, I misread that.
Amy: Well, Mango is a smooth operator. He must have been in the mood.
Peppers: What do I do now?
Amy: Well, you could marry him.
Peppers: I dunno, he's just a silly drunk army guy.
Amy: Sam Sallad married her Jeru FC guy.
Peppers: But them Dallas girls make up any excuse to get married.
Amy: Does he know yet?
Peppers: Not yet.
Amy: You going to tell him?
Peppers: I will, but what will I do?
Amy: Get him to give you money.
Peppers: But he doesn't have a lot of money.
Amy: God sakes. Just get married. You need a man and I'm sure he needs a wife.
Peppers: I suppose. He's a nice fella, and isn't dumb.
Amy: He's one of the smarter Jeru FC cookies out there.
Peppers: I suppose I'm lucky it wasn't Pumpkin Head.
Amy: God, he's dumber than you.
Peppers: I don't want rush into these things.
Amy: There's far too many single Mums out there.
Peppers: Like that Stacey Keisler?
Amy: There's a lot more in Jeruselem than Newmanistan.
Peppers: Maybe it's best I don't tell him.
Amy: Come on Peppers, he'll find out anyway. I'm sure he will.
Peppers: How?
Amy: Jeru FC have connections to the Dallas girls.
Peppers: I suppose you're right.
Amy: I think he likes kids anyway.
Peppers: I hope so.

[Aguazul]

La Verdad

Prettiness, awesomeness under dispute

The national football team won its first interzonal match against Pretty Awesome Person, scoring three goals in the first half to only one in eventual reply. Afterwards, it was unclear how awesome, or indeed pretty, the underdogs actually were.

"I wouldn't call their performance awesome," admitted Pelayo Sortani. "Wait, were they saying they were only pretty awesome? Because that's more likely. Unless they're both pretty and awesome...no, that's back to where we started." Gunsedal Cisneros, who scored two goals in the first half, said "I was too busy cutting past that one dude [probably Carlos Ramos] to pay attention to whether they were pretty or not."

Gerardo Riquelme took an unnecessarily diplomatic approach. "Well, I...I wouldn't say that particular showing was awesome. But they've got four more matches against teams that might not be as good, so they might have more time to demonstrate it later."

Fransisco Gonzalez eventually broke through for Pretty Awesome Persons in the second half, but they never truly rallied. Sortani announced that Blas Pulido and Pepe Raúl Corretja would start in Pkethat Šede, a "home game" for the latter. "Only a few teams at this stage will have home fans this dedicated to supporting a particular player," said Sortani. "We'll take what we can get."

Between Cisneros' pair of goals, Pedro Sanchez and Javier Zepeda collided in midfield. Zepeda made a quick recovery; Sanchez took his time getting back into play, although he might just have been struggling to acclimatize. Either way, plenty of injury time was required in the first half, and three minutes after the clock stopped running, Vincente Aspe scored another goal for Aguazul. "It always racks your nerves a little when you don't know how much time is left," he said. "It's frustrating, but I guess it's part of what makes it a fun game. And scoring that late was...

Gosh. I'd call it pretty awesome."

[Valladares]

Valladares Sports Network

WORLD CUP 54 QUALIFYING ROUND - Third loss to Cotdelapoms lights up the Citizens' rage

YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A TFC FAN RIGHT NOW, WOULD YOU?

By: Alan Rosero,
Blogger from "The National Kickoff"

POCONO CITY, NEWMANISTAN (VP) - José Marín's men were off to a bad start in the Newmanistan Interzonal, as Cotdelapoms defeated Les Gones (once again), although I must say they were lucky again. However, the one-nil loss at Empress Jessica Stadium enraged Tannenberg FC's fans, who made almost 75% of the valladar fans present at the match. And when I say "enraged", I mean it. No wonder TFC fans have been awarded the "NK Bulldozer Award" to the worst and most destructive fans in the Super League. Seven straight times.

At the beginning of the match, the 23,500 valladar fans were confident the Valladar NT would finally defeat the White Apples, and the players tried to score as soon as it was possible. However, Yoan Gignac, Miguel Flórez and Jefferson Ospina wasted lots of chances against Thierry Junot during the first minutes. The Apples had no real chances during the first half, and the scoreless stalemate at the end of the first half was unfair for the valladars, who created lots of chances and shots and all of them went either missing or deflected by the Cotdelapomais goalkeeper. The tifo displayed by the fans who were sitting in the north end of the stadium before the start of the match was a thing to feature, and the good environment between TFC's, Eterna's and MA's fans (something that only happens once every 100 years) was another thing to feature.

However, the second half brought the catastrophe, as Alexandre Faille's entry contributed to close Cotdelapoms' midfield to the valladar offensive tandem, and the White Apples slowly gained possesion of the ball. Seeing that the strategy used during the first half wasn't working, José Marín decided to move his team, sending Tommy Taylor out of the pitch and replacing him with Manuel Santos, with the idea of recovering possession and create dangerous attacks again. Although Santos' entry was initially a good idea, the wings were left unprotected, and Per-Olivier Johansson-Bakvis took advantage of this in order to score the lone goal of the game. After this, the chants cheering the Valladar NT, began to turn into offensive chants against Johannson-Bakvis made by the TFC fans, big majority at the stadium. Johansson-Bakvis is, per se, already hated by Tannenberg fans just because he plays for Ajax Carloburgo, Tannenberg's crosstown rivals. In order to get the team back to the game, Marín did more tactical changes, but the match ended with Valladares' inability to equalize the match after waves of ferocious attacks.

It was known that at the end of the match, lots of TFC fans clashed with the police in Carloburgo's Maine Square, where giant screens had been set by the Mayoralty in order to watch the match. Also, Ajax's home stadium (Parken Road) and headquarters were vandalized by the fans. It was reported that 78 people had been arrested and 16 people were wounded during the clashes, including six policemen. Anyways, our next match in Newmanistan will be against Swartaz, who upset world champions Dorian & Sonya in their first match. This decisive game will be played at the mythical Proving Grounds, in Tundra Falls, where the final match of World Cup 49 was played. It's important to get a victory in this match to keep the hope to qualify to TBI/Cassadaigua still alive.

Before I finish this entry, I'd like to give some advice to Per-Olivier Johansson-Bakvis: Try to look for another team for the next Super League season. Tannenberg's fans don't want you in Carloburgo. Just think about this...

PRE-QUAL: Valladares 5-0 Whirl Islands (Heritage Cup) - Venue: Frank Clair Stadium, Fauxham (Cap. 15,500)
PRE-QUAL: Valladares 2-1 Bears Armed - Venue: Dragon Stadium, Canalave (Cap. 35,000)
MSMT: Valladares 0-4 Eastfield Lodge - Venue: Mike Sarzo Stadium, Nicksia, Benatar, Sarzonia

MD1: Valladares 4-0 Arse of Asia - Venue: Stade Jules Picot, Bezieres (Cap. 38,000)
MD2: Valladares 4-0 Khytenna - Venue: Estadio de la Riviera, Slateport (Cap. 40,000)
MD3: Iglesian Archipelago 0-3 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Iglesian Archipelago
MD4: Valladares 2-0 Ibasira - Venue: Stade de la Frontière, Fontvielle (Cap. 36,500)
MD5: BYE

MID-ZONAL: Valladares 2-3 Cotdelapoms - Venue: White Meadow Arena, Carloburgo (Cap. 69,070)

MD6: Arse of Asia 0-1 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Arse of Asia
MD7: Khytenna 1-0 Valladares - Venue: Central Palace Park, Khytenna
MD8: Valladares 2-0 Iglesian Archipelago - Venue: Estádio Armando Bozzelli, Campo Grande (Cap. 50,000)
MD9: Ibasira 0-0 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Ibasira
MD10: BYE

PRE-INTERZONAL: Mytannion 2-7 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Mytannion

MD11: Valladares 0-1 Cotdelapoms - Venue: Empress Jessica Stadium, Pocono City, Newmanistan
MD12: Swartaz vs. Valladares - Venue: Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, Tundra Falls, Newmanistan
MD13: TailsPrower vs. Valladares - Venue: Benedict Freeman Stadium, Jessicaville, Newmanistan
MD14: Valladares vs. Dorian and Sonya - Venue: Jeremy McAllister Stadium, Putnam Lake, Newmanistan
MD15: The Holy Empire vs. Valladares - Venue: Empress Jessica Stadium, Pocono City, Newmanistan

[Newmanistan]

Courtney looked into Junior’s eyes, wanting to talk, but looked to her mother, and spoke, “Why? Why couldn’t you just tell me? You knew all this time?”

Junior took a deep breath as Stacey took her daughter’s understand, “Courtney, as the years went by this became tougher and tougher to keep from you. It seemed like the best idea when you were born. I wasn’t in love with Jeremy, and we just thought it was best for our careers. We soon learned that we were stuck with that decision. But you know, we couldn’t keep it from you forever and this seemed like a good time.”

Junior would add, “It wasn’t that we weren’t friends, or weren’t close, we just knew there was never going to be any deep kind of relationship, at least then that’s what I thought. I was so busy with my football and Stacey was with baseball that it just wasn’t ever going to work. We talked about it so long, but I admit it was a selfish decision of your mother and I, and we do regret it. Courtney, please, allow me into your life now. I can’t change the past, but the future is still very bright.”

Courtney looked into both of her parents eyes, and saw something from each of the them that the world had never seen: tears. “Mom, it’s just so weird. You know you always taught me not to take shit from anyone but... but, you took the easy way out here. And d..d... dad, I, I guess I can. I mean I’ve liked you, and I always looked at you as a great friend.”

Stacey took a deep breath, “Courtney, when the pressure was on, I gave up back-to-back homeruns here. I know. It is the biggest mistake of my life in not telling you. But you have to understand that once we decided not to tell you when you were little, it just snowballed into bigger things and made it more and more impossible for me to tell you.”

Junior sighed, “I’ve always wanted to be there. But like she said, once we made that decision, we were stuck with it.”

Courtney looked again at them and answered, “I understand that part. That makes sense I guess that once you made your decision you were stuck with it, but I don’t know why you just couldn’t have told me in the first place. Why did you have to make up this whole story and now that I know, what’s gonna happen now? You’re gonna look even stupider now then you would have if you just told the world the truth 15 years ago.”

“Whatever kind of fallout happens over this in the presses, it is my fault and your dad’s fault and we accept whatever comes.”

“I agree,” Jeremy nodded.

“And what about me? I’m just gonna hear it too. First the whole thing with Myron Jackson and once that began to die down, now I have to deal with this. We’ll never be able to be a normal family. Never!”

“That’s not true,” Stacey re-assured her daughter, “It will even (gets interrupted.....)”

Courtney interrupts, “Yes it is true, mom! What’s gonna happen when we are done with this conversation. We’re gonna go home to Southport, Jerem... I mean, and dad is going to go to his home in Putnam Lake. Again, we will be separate. You have your life, he has is. I mean you have to do more then just say all this to me now to make us all of the sudden be a normal family. Are you two gonna live together now? Where are we all gonna live? You’re still not married. You each still have your separate lives. So great, I know who my father is now. Dad, I am seriously glad to know this now and I would like to have you in my life more but what are you two gonna do? It’s still not gonna be normal. (Raising voice) It’s NEVER EVER gonna be normal!!!!!”

Stacey and Jeremy looked at one another. They hadn’t really thought about all of that yet. Then, perhaps with the spirits of the Proving Grounds possessing him, Jeremy took Stacey’s hand.

“Stacey, I don’t have a ring. I’ll get one. But hearing Courtney now, I wanna do it. Let’s do it, will you marry me? We’ll live together and I’ll move to Southport.” He paused, “Here, I’ll get you diamond ring, I promise, but for now, take this as a symbol.” Junior slides his Cup of Harmony 37 championship ring off his finger and offers it to Stacey.

Courtney stood there shocked, and happy at the same time. Stacey saw that and smiled, “Jeremy, I accept the ring. And here, take this (Stacey slides her World Baseball Classic 12 Champions ring off her finger and gives it to Jeremy). See, we won a real championship, not a consolation championship. (Courtney laughs, Junior chuckles as Stacey lightens the mood) Ok, I’m kidding. I do. You’re right. This whole thing was about uniting our teams, and I do that now. Let’s get married.”

Courtney clapped and hugged both of them. “This is so great. Oh my!”

Junior looked at both of them and asked, “How about we get away from Newmanistan for a while and spend some time in Bostopia, if you know that I mean?!”

“I’ve never been to Bostopia,” replied Stacey, “But there’s a first time for everything. I do know Delaclava though, we own them in baseball.”

“We own everyone in baseball.” Courtney replied. “I wanna go.”

“Bostopia’s a nice place. It’s got some unique cultural nuances to it though.” Junior answered, “Well let’s be on our way then.”

The three make their way to Bostopia the next day, and freely walk around with each other, making some media outlets begin to wonder what’s been going on. Their time includes viewing the 2-2 draw with Delaclava to open up interzonal play, picking up a big point.

[Jeru FC]

Mango Mousse and the coach of Jeru FC Ailill Ó Riagáin

Ailill: Ok, what funny business have you been up do?
Mango: Nothing, nothing at all.
Ailill: I'm not stupid. I know you know something.
Mango: Apparently, I'm a Dad now.
Ailill: God, just what the world needs ... more Jeru FC babies.
Mango: Well, I'm sure I have more than one kids out there.
Ailill: Know who the mother is?
Mango: Actually, no. It's not a Dallas though.
Ailill: Well, congratuations.
Mango: Of course, I'd like to meet the little kids too.
Ailill: I'm sure the kid is going to a bit of ratbag like yourself.
Mango: Well, I'm be around to make sure they know who Dad is.
Ailill: Got any idea who the Mum is?
Mango: There's a few girls I think it could be.
Ailill: That Peppers girl recently had a kid.
Mango: Yes, she's a bundle of fun.
Ailill: I'm sure she is.
Mango: There's the Princess, maybe she might know.
Shay: Oh hi, what's up
Ailill: He wants to know who he knocked up.
Mango: Yeah, I'm trying to be responsible.
Shay: I'm not really supposed to tell anyone you know
Ailill: You might as well tell us now. I'm sure the press will find out anyway
Mango: Yeah, I'm no deadbeat Dad.
Shay: I suppose, I think the entire Jeruselem team know anyway.
Ailill: See, you can tell us too.
Mango: Well?
Shay: It's that Peppers dumbo.
Ailill: I thought so.
Mango: She's a nice girl, a bit stupid but I'm sure a good Mum
Shay: So what you going to do?
Ailill: Not that Mango has a lot of money anyway to provide.
Mango: I'm willing to stay home do my domestics.
Ailill: Well, that's nice to hear.
Shay: What about marriage?
Mango: Why not, I need to settle down and have a real family.
Ailill: This might be your last World Cup. We're long overdue to replace the team.
Mango: I'm not getting any younger.
Shay: You need to get a job and provide for your kids.
Ailill: Let's celebrate with some beer.
Mango: Yes, I'm a Dad.
Shay: Isn't that how you got into this business?
Mango: Yes, great isn't it.
Shay: I wouldn't be here either, my mother Jacinta was a bit of an accident.
Mango: Jeru FC providing a service.
Ailill: Even more reason to celebrate!

[Al-Mumtaz]

PHOENIX POST
Al-Mumtaz salvage 2-2 draw in 1st round of Interzonal with Landau Institute

Sorthern Northland - The Holy Phoenix, battled back twice for a 2-2 draw with the Landau Insitute in a fiercely fought match at James Connolly Stadium .
Wilhelm Wundt put the Landau Insitute ahead in the 13th minute when he raced on to a delightful through ball from midfielder Jacques Lacan.
Lacan, lofted a left footed pass over the top to Wilhelm who showed a cool touch to slot LI.
Al-Mumtaz then put a shaky looking LI defense under pressure and got back on level terms on the half hour.
Wilhelm Wundt made a mess of an attempted clearance, slicing the ball high into his own penalty where Michael White failed to control and Batutah was alert to set up Arkudia Mall who fired past Burrhus Skinner.
Landau Institute got back in front though seven minutes after the break when Wilhelm made amends for his mistake with an expertly struck corner which Michael White met with a firm header.
The Holy Phoenix always dangerous on the counter-attack it was a high-tempo game and one played in a lively atmosphere with a large turnout from Al-Mumtaz Fanatic Supporter. ,
Those fans had cause for celebration in the 73rd minute when Batutah, who plays for Black Phoenix FC, made it 2-2 with a lovely diagonal shot from the outside of his right foot which curled past Skinner.

This is the list of our matches in WC 54 Qualifying :
World Cup 54
Zonal Group
Al-Mumtaz 1-0 Kericia (Arkudia Mall)
Al-Mumtaz 0-3 Vescia
Krytenia 1-1 Al-Mumtaz (Arkudia)
Al-Mumtaz 3-1 Simtek (Arkudia, James, James)
Al-Mumtaz 5-3 Tropicarno (Arkudia 3, Batutah2)
Kericia 1-2 Al-Mumtaz (Arkudia, Batutah)
Vescia 2-2 Al-Mumtaz (Batutah 2)
Al-Mumtaz 3-1 Krytenia (Arkudia, Nobunaga, Batutah)
Simtek 1-2 Al-Mumtaz (Batutah 2)
Tropicarno 1-1 Al-Mumtaz (Batutah)

Interzonal Phase
Sorthern Northland Interzonal (Winners Zones 16-18; Runners-up Zones 19-21)
Al-Mumtaz 2-2 Landau Institute (arkudia, batutah)

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Adventures in Queer Poco el Mono Ara: the Diary of a Notorious Witch

I felt myself rather distracted as I walked into the players and staff tunnel at the New World Stadium. I had woken up still feeling rather confused about the vivid dream I had had the night before and, in hopes of clearing my head, had opted to fly from the hotel to the stadium via broom rather than take the bus. But this hadn't helped at all, somehow my mind drifted to the fluffy white clouds in the clear blue sky and the sharp green color of the leaves on the palms beneath me as I flew.

Pre-game warm-ups seemed to fly past, much faster than I had wished for. Still my mind could not focus. I pulled Boris Timriz, who that morning I had just named permanent captain, aside.

"I want you to speak to your teammates. Do not trust your instinct to be amicable and polite in order to win over hearts and minds, for you have done that already through your dedication. Rather you must be a spark plug, an energizer, a leader of the battle cry, even a tyrant if you must be. Go, Boris, speak to them. I need you to be a leader today, for something is wrong with me."

And so Timriz did speak with the team. I sat down for a moment and once again instead of the upcoming game the imagery of the dream was what filled my head.

That burning blood.

I followed the starting eleven, clad in their wisteria and green strip, out of the tunnel and onto the pitch. Had I been feeling myself, I would have heard the chanting of the crowd; it was mostly Kagdazka and Pazhujebu fans there in Newton as football in Churchma is a secondary sport and their fans rarely travel. Had I been feeling myself, I would have at least registered that the national anthems were being performed, but I somehow never noticed they had actually happened.

I never did feel in control of things during the game. Though I had planned to employ the usual hyperdefensive tactics during the first half, somehow the team continually found itself venturing forward, which concerned me. The last thing I wanted was for us to concede an early goal on a counter, which I was sure was exactly what Churchma was playing at. More than anything, I simply didn't want too many of the starting eleven to have worn themselves out my the time my notorious second-half reinforcements arrived.

But they were doing just that, pushing themselves to the limit, wearing themselves out, taking chances in attack. While it seemed that I could almost hear the purists purring with content at "positive football," I myself was worried. By the half hour mark, I had only taken to simply shouting at the team to get back and defend. We set ourselves up in a first-half 5-4-1 for a reason. For the team to waste energy trying to attack in such a formation...

And I was proven right when at halftime the score was nil nil and the starting eleven were exhausted. I was bitterly angry, and yet still incapable of summoning the clarity needed to see who was really at blame for the performance so far: myself.

"Zubeida," I snarled at the goalkeeper, "what were you doing pushing your midfielders up so far on goal kicks? Did you forget what half it is? And Chaya," I turned malevolently on the striker, "do you have an ounce of energy left? You've run yourself ragged and now I'm going to have to substitute you when I need you the most! Have you forgotten how to pace yourself? And Fušia," next my target was the teenage right wing, "what good have your tricks and flicks done us in the final third when you've been too impatient to hold the ball up and wait for support play?

"There are forty-five minutes left to play, and a trip to the finals could be on the line. You've all had a fire lit beneath you that I now cannot extinguish." And the image of the sizzling red blood running down the sides of the funeral pyre flashed before me once again, making me feel even more out of sorts and distracted.

My halftime talk was as ineffective as I had assumed it would be, as no more than six minutes had passed after the restart when the Churchma captain Shoop found the end of a low arcing cross at point blank range. My team, the Federation, was trailing.

My immediate reaction was to punish. I decided (I now realize rather unfairly) that this was all the new captain's fault, that whatever I had hoped his first speech to the team would be, Timriz had flubbed his lines. So I took him off and replaced him with a man who was actually in form (Zlatko Zedafski).

And I thought myself to be very wise when in the 62nd minute, Nikolic scored. I was a bit surprised when it went in, not that we had scored, but at who had scored it. Lazar had been in a foul mood all day, I had noticed in the run-up to the game, and I had for a moment thought about asking him to sit the match out. But all was forgotten for a brief moment as he furiously punched the air in his celebration, exalting himself.

I realize now that there is a moral to this small parable: no matter what the sanctimonious mob of so-called humanists tell you, sometimes the best response to evil is evil. I had been unfair to the team during the halftime speech, and Nikolic's bad-tempered and immature response turned out to be, in the end, the best response. It had somehow immunized him to my temporary ineffectiveness as a manager.

But I did not realize that until later. For the rest of the half, I continued to try and eek out every attacking move the squad had left in it, but as I had been worried would happen during the first forty five, the added pressure on my players took a toll.

Vaskaryev seriously hurt himself lunging in on a tackle, and I had to take him off, forcing me to use a substitution that normally would have been saved for tactical purposes on a medical fix. Doctors would later tell me that the left back was going to miss the rest of the interzonal.

Though the score was level as the clock reached ninety minutes, I was still deeply concerned. The second half strategy, which some in the media refer to as "Baba Yaga's Best Defense is a Good Offense Tactic" functions on attacking players pinning back opposition wingbacks, and my attackers (chiefly, Vuhumkara) were too gassed to pull that off. I wasn't the least bit surprised as Gomez shrugged off a defender, stepped outside, and slotted home with a shot across the face of goal.

We had lost. I was angry, but by the time we made it back into the dressing rooms I recognized that there was something suspicious about my not knowing who I was truly angry at. I told the players that I would speak with them the next day.

Again, before my eyes, the pyre, the altar, the blood. Someone had told me something about something like this a week or two before our departure for Queer Poco el Mono Ara... but who was it? And what was it?

We wasted no time in leaving Flynn's Isle behind. This was our only game at the New World Stadium, and I think I speak for the whole side when I say that we're in no rush to make it back and repeat what we got up to there again (AKA lose). Our flight out took us directly to Minanda, where the Estadio de la Esperanza lies and where we will face Khytenna for our next match. We took taxis to our small but very high-end hotel.

I dropped my overnight bag, filled with my crucial collection of spellbooks, toad guts, werewolf teeth, voodoo dolls, crucifixes, mucus cultures, and zebra fur, onto the floor of my suite. It is easy sometimes to forget that I am not only a football manager, I am still a witch, too.

And then it occurred to me. My distraction because of the previous night's odd dream had in many ways cost us the Churchma game. We could not afford for it to happen again. And, being a witch, I had a way to ensure that.

I advanced upon my bag. There were vials in here somewhere, and if I stopped up the restroom sink it would serve as a nice cauldron (provided the hotel staff didn't find out). And if I used all of the zebra fur and yellow mucus I had and stirred it with the crucifix, I wouldn't need the other ingredients traditionally used to prepare the Dreamcatching Draught.

I would find out what this strange boiling blood dream meant. I would find out.

[Akbarabad]

System Karela stymied as Akbarabad take a step closer to qualification.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): A magnificent 1-0 victory over Rejistania keeps qualification hopes for the Tiger Eaters on track. In truth after an early strike from Samin Akbar, the defensive minded rejistanis seemed to have no clue in how to get back into the game. System Karela might work better when you can nick a goal and then throw men behind the ball, but this time they never looked like scoring. The Tiger Eaters were ready to hit them on the break, but they never even displayed a minimum amount of attacking intent to facilitate even that. Ultimately though a win is a win and we will be more than satisfied with a 1-0 scoreline in our favour.

Pasarga is up next for the Tiger Eaters and they look far less threatening then they did the last time we knocked them out of qualification. The encounter gains further importance, as it has rapidly become apparent that Jeruselem and Cafundéu will provide the toughest tests in the group. It is crucial that we take all three points against Pasarga before we have to face either of the top two teams. Better to seal up qualification before the last day.


Akbarabad 1-0 Rejistania
( Samin Akbar 9")

[The Archregimancy]

Juan Tzimisces sighed.

Deeply.

He'd missed the last few matches as he'd attempted to find Simeone Di Bradini back in medieval Starblaydia. It hadn't gone well. For some reason SBIS had never quite managed to get the portals calibrated properly, and after a week fending off monstrous lizards in the Starblaydi equivalent of the Cretaceous, another two days teaching cavemen how to make fire, and a particularly entertaining month in the far-flung future as an immortal general leading the Imperial Death Legions of some interstellar theocracy that seemed to have Simeone mixed up with that Tiberius chap, he'd given up, and was back home.

In the meantime, HEFA had run the squad by committee - and had done reasonably well, with only a draw against Toyur when HEFA had fielded a squad of giant brainless flying jellyfish that swam in the clouds of a gas giant in the Akbarabad planetary system offering a minor blip.

But this.....

How was he going to work with this goalkeeper? And who in Eastfield Lodge had come up with this idea anyway?


------------------------------------------

"...here in Newmanistan, as the Holy Empire - clad in their famous gold and red, or tinted gold and red with the one player in gaseous form - take on TailsPrower."

"That's right Basil, and this is one of the stranger squads, if you'd care to outline it for us."

"Delighted, Theo.

In goal we have Hydrogen, which might be more than a problem given that this is a formless, odourless, colourless gas that, for today's purposes has been lighted coloured gold and red, but is still virtually invisible and otherwise intangible.

In defence we have Thorium, Plutonium, and Protactinium"

"So it would seem that the tactic is to field as toxic and radioactive a defence as possible in order to keep TailsPrower as far away from the Imperial goal as possible."

"And it might just work, Theo. In midfield, on the wings we have Ytterbium - a malleable player from who we expect some swift reactions, unless it rains, in which case expect him to react more slowly, and Mercury, who will be fast like quicksilver..."

"I'm sorry, Basil?"

"Mercury, fast like quicksilver."

"Mercury is quicksilver, Basil."

"Yeah; I know - it's a metaphor, like."

"No it isn't... It would be a metaphor if you said 'Mercury, fast like the wind'; it's not a metaphor if you describe it as being like something it already is. It's as stupid as someone writing a song lyric along the lines of 'As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti'... You mean a mountain rises above a plain like a smaller mountain that the line claims rises above the plain that the first mountain in fact rises over? What sort of idiocy is that anyway?"

"I think someone did write that lyric, Theo."

"Not in my reality, they didn't."

"Would you like to hear about the central midfielders?"

"Does it involve a stupid metaphor that isn't really a metaphor at all?"

"Don't think so, Theo."

"Go ahead then."

"Yes, anyway, in central midfield we have a very solid and weighty trio: Iron, Lead, and Tungsten. Some might object that Lead is somewhat more pliable than the other two, but no one can say that these aren't some heavy metals at the centre of what looks like a very tough midfield.

And finally, it looks like HEFA have gone for a bit of bling up front, with Gold and Platinum leading the attack"

"So a gas in goal, toxic radioactive elements in defence, a liquid .... don't say it ... on one wing, and heavy metals in the centre of midfield?"

"That's about the size of it Theo."

"Love the look of that forward line, though, Basil...."

<90 minutes later>

"...an easy 2-0 win, as the plucky underdogs from TailsPrower collapse from radiation poisoning. Basil?"

"Well, it looks like that Tzimisces' defensive tactics worked a dream; the minute any opposing player crossed the halfway line, they started to vomit violently, and never threatened the gaseous goalkeeper."

"And some lovely interplay from the two forwards."

"Absolutely, Theo - all that glitters need not be Gold when Platinum's on the field of play. A goal each for the forwards, and I'm sure Tzimisces will be pleased."

"And I'm happy to confirm that word from the dressing room is that the TailsPrower squad are expected to fully recover for their next match. So happy news all round. Any thoughts on the next squad?"

"Not sure on the details, but I understand that they're likely to be a bunch of comedians"