World Cup 54: RP thread

[Cosumar]

The Cosumarite Courier
World Cup 54: On the verge of qualification, on the verge of elimination
Cosumar's #1 Sports News Source

Prior to last night's match against Bazalonia, the Cosumar Dragons had everything going for them. They had won 4 of their last 5 matches and held 2nd place in Zone 7 by a comfortable margin of 4 points. However, last night, the Dragons forfeited half of their lead in a 1-1 draw in Bazalonia and watched Cassandra Alyce Silver climb closer to overtaking the Dragons with a win over eliminated Royalsoldiers. Last night was a chance to lock up the zone with a win but they blew it, allowing the horde of teams behind them to catch up. All things considered though, the Dragons were lucky to come away with even a draw, given their horrendous play.

Unlike 2 matchdays ago, when Cosumar came out rolling on all cylinders scoring 4 goals against Royalsoldiers, the Dragons simply lacked that fire, that desire to win. The Bazalonian squad got their home crowd standing and rowdy only a few minutes into the game. In just the fourth minute, a Bazalonian striker flew past stumbling Cosumar defenders and smashed in a goal with ease making Cosumar look less like Dragons and more like helpless geckos.

For nearly all of the first half Bazalonia controlled the flow of the game and were running circles around the Dragons. Only lucky breaks and excellent play from Cosumar's goal keeper Jude Adjei-Kontoh and Defense Captain Thomas Hair prevented the Bazalonians from finding the net again. In fact, Hair made several excellent plays to single-handedly stop a Bazalonian short of knocking the ball into the goal, and Adjei-Kontoh made some brilliant saves himself. However, in every other aspect, the Bazalonians dominated and sent Cosumar back to the locker room at half time overwhelmed and confused.

"It was definitely not a good half for us. We had beaten them 1-0 last time, and we were sure we could do it again. I don't know what exactly what happened out there tonight, I just know we were outplayed in the first half and we're lucky we were able rally in the second part of the game" said discouraged Cosumarite forward Rikki Varshney.

As Varhsney mentioned, Cosumar was able to get things going and started looking like the Dragons who defeated The Babbage Islands last World Cup. However this revival came too late and the Dragons only managed to force the game into a draw at 1-1. But Bazalonia didn't just lie down and let Cosumar come back, there were a few factors aiding Cosumar's cause. Shortly after play resumed, in the 47th minute, a Bazalonian midfielder had to be helped off the field after what was later revealed to be a sprained ankle. Just 8 minutes later a Bazalonian striker was thrown out of the game after he was shown a red card for intentionally tripping Northbert Na'Shon, and then screaming at the referee.

With two of their key athletes removed from play, Bazalonia began to struggle to move the ball as efficiently as they had before. Cosumar exploited this weakness and turned the tables on Bazalonia, shifting the momentum. Only three minutes after the Bazalonian striker was removed from the game, Cosumarite striker Jakk Klyde took advantage of the Bazalonians' unease to get just what Cosumar needed - a goal. Varshney attracted the defenders on the left side and swiftly zinged the ball to an open patch near Klyde. Klyde saw the pass coming and dashed towards where he estimated the ball would land. Klyde collected the ball in stride, a step ahead of the defenders, and hurriedly chipped it towards the goal. The kick was a poor one but it had a peculiar spin. The Bazalonian goal keeper was unable to grip the spinning ball and it slid out of his hands and into the goal, evening the score at 1-1. Despite passionate efforts, neither team was able to find the net again, and the scoreboard remained at 1-1 for the remaining 32 minutes of the game.

"It was disappointing that we couldn't beat Bazalonia. We had already done it once but we failed to do it again, when we need to most. I feel like we played decent in the second half, but it just took us too long to warm up to the competition. We need to play our very best from the 1st minute to the end, and we will do our best to do just that against Pasarga tomorrow" said Klyde.

Cosumar - 1
Scorer: Klyde (58)
Bazalonia - 1
Scorer: Unknown striker (4)

The Cosumar Dragons are still 2nd place in Zone 7, as they have been for 4 matchdays, but after the 1-1 draw with Bazalonia, their lead has been reduced to 2 points. 3rd place Cassandra Alyce Silver knocked Royalsoldiers out of the competition last night to close the gap between them and Cosumar from 4 points to 2 points. The Dragons take on Pasarga (who defeated Cosumar 3-0 in matchday 4) at home tomorrow night in a match the Dragons cannot afford to lose. Depending on your point of view, the Dragons' situation could be viewed in two different lights.

Optimistic Cosumar fans will point out that we are still in 2nd, in a better position than any of the other teams (aside from Pasarga) can claim. They will also note that Cosumar hasn't lost in 6 matches and that this momentum will carry us through the rest of zonal play and into the Delaclava Interzonal phase. They would consider a win over Pasarga conceivable, likely even, and if this were to happen we would almost undoubtedly qualify.

Conversely, pessimistic, and perhaps more realistic Cosumar fans claim that a victory is nigh impossible against Pasarga. The former World Cup co-hosts are still undefeated and dealt Cosumar a 3-0 thrashing in their last meeting. In all likelihood, Cosumar will lose to Pasarga tomorrow, and if that happens, Cassandra Alyce Silver would just need to beat TaeGyeongGiJang to dethrone the Dragons from second place. In that scenario, Cosumar and Cassandra Alyce Silver's matchday 10 battle would be a battle for the right to move on, one that the Dragons would have to at least tie.

Either way, tomorrow night's game against Pasarga will be critical for the squad as they progress in the desperate journey to qualify for the World Cup. Pasarga has already locked up the first place slot in Zone 7 and will represent the zone in the Valladares Interzonal. They are the most skilled team in the zone and the Dragons will need a whole lot of luck to force a draw, let alone emerge victorious. However, anything is possible and the Dragons just might pull off the biggest feat of their career.

For a report of the match versus Pasarga and a preview of matchday 10's battle with Cassandra Alyce Silver, check out tomorrow's edition of The Cosumarite Courier. Below you can find the Zone 7 standings, Cosumar's schedule, and the photo of the day.

Zone 7 Standings

   Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 Pasarga                     8  6  2  0  21   5  +16  20 Q
 2 Cosumar                     8  3  3  2  13  10   +3  12
 3 Cassandra Alyce Silver      8  2  4  2   8  10   -2  10
 4 Bazalonia                   8  1  5  2   7   9   -2   8
 5 TaeGyeongGiJang             8  1  4  3   6  12   -6   7
 6 Royalsoldiers               8  1  2  5   8  17   -9   5 E

Thanks for reading,

Stephon Holcomb,
Staff Writer

Cosumar's World Cup 54 Journey
Publishers Cup 1st Round: Cosumar 0-0 Delaclava
Pre-Qualifying Friendly: Cosumar 0-0 Churchma
Matchday 1: TaeGyeongGiJang 1-1 Cosumar
Matchday 2: Cosumar 1-2 Royalsoldiers
Matchday 3: Cosumar 1-0 Bazalonia
Matchday 4: Pasarga 3-0 Cosumar
Matchday 5: Cassandra Alyce Silver 0-4 Cosumar
Publishers Cup 2nd Round: Moresnetujo 1-2 Cosumar
Mid-Zonal Friendly: Cosumar 3-1 Unitopolis
Matchday 6: Cosumar 1-1 TaeGyeongGiJang
Matchday 7: Royalsoldiers 2-4 Cosumar
Matchday 8: Bazalonia 1-1 Cosumar
Matchday 9: Cosumar v Pasarga
Matchday 10: Cosumar v Cassandra Alyce Silver
Publishers Cup 3rd Round: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega v Cosumar
Pre-Interzonal Friendly: Cosumar v Osarius
Interzonal Play: TBD
Post-Interzonal Friendly (King's Cup): Khytenna v Cosumar
World Cup Play: TBD

Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat

---

Photo of the Day: Cosumar's Jakk Klyde winding up to score the Dragons' only goal of the match in the 58th minute

[Newmanistan]

Courtney Keisler, with mother Stacey in tow arrive at the stadium in which the game will played. It was a little difficult for them to figure out where exactly they were playing, since they media sheet they had been provided from the Pocoans appeared to be something from Copa Rushmori 4, so it didn’t mention a stadium. Fortunately, Megan Dayten was aware of where her brother would be playing and informed the Keislers. They would eventually separate as Courtney would meet up with Megan and Stacey would sit in the broadcast booth of a Southport-based TV station, a station all too happy to have her presence on their broadcast knowing it would be a ratings boost.

In the suite, Courtney sat next to Megan and were surrounded by some members of the Dayten and Jackson families. An invitation was extended to Stacey, but she declined for the opportunity to speak her mind on the Southport TV station.

“Have you ever been here before, Courtney?” Megan asked.

“No, never. It’s kind of ok I guess. It’s better then Hossaim.”

“Yeah, I think the team will play better tonight. They were demoralized about the way the 4-2 loss went down, Myron and Chris and the rest of the guys are in great defensive form, so they won’t be putting four on us again, that’s for sure.”

“They need someone to score goals better.”

“Well, maybe their future star scorer is sitting right next me. I heard you want to play more then just baseball and you are doing well in football too.”

“I wish! I like playing football but I think I have to go with what is my best sport. Myron would crush me if I actually had to play against him.”

Megan grins just before the stadium announcer comes on, “And now, please rise for the national anthem of Newmanistan.” A couple drunks in the stands boo, but in general the stadium becomes silent and respectful. The anthem plays, and Newmanistanian camera crews seem a little more interested in showing Megan and Courtney standing next to one another then they do in respecting the Empire’s anthem. A few stations even get all wise about it do a split screen of the ladies in the luxury suite and Myron on the pitch. At the conclusion of the anthem, and some respectful applause, the fans begin to do whatever it is they do leading up to their own anthem and stand quietly at attention as it plays. (OOC: Or if you don’t do that, QPeMA, they do whatever it is the custom). It is then that Courtney notices that pretty much every Newmanistanian camera is pointing at them. She thinks about saying something, but waits for the anthem to conclude as to not give them another “story” to exaggerate.

“Megan, I think they are already talking about us.”

“Yeah, I noticed too. This is gonna be fun and it really is an honor to meet you. I do watch baseball, to but my fastball tops off at about 40 MPH, so I could never do what it is you do.”

(Small talk such as this continues throughout the course of the game. Meanwhile, in the broadcast booth of Southport’s TV-10, Stacey Keisler has plenty of opportunity to defend her daughter given the lack of goals in the match. They agree to do a brief Q & A section with callers from Newmanistan to ask Stacey during halftime. Here is a transcript:).

Q: Stacey, this is Jim from Riverside. What do you think the chances of the Rockets repeating as champions in World Baseball Classic 18 will be?

TV-10 announcer interruption: Please, people, no questions about baseball. Keep it to World Cup qualifying or the alleged rumors concerning her daughter. This is why she is here. Thank you.

A: Well I’ll briefly take this one. I think they are wonderful, but let’s not get sidetracked with baseball right now as hard as it is for me to say that.

Q: Stacey, Kirk from Olympia. Who do you think the Rockets will pull from the starting rotation in World Baseball Classic 18 to accommodate your daughter?

TV-10 announcer: Oh brother. I knew this was a bad idea. We’re gonna have to pre-screen the calls and keep it from being completely live, it appears. Look at your TV station. What does the topic header say? Next. Pre-screened, please.

Q: Yeah uh, Joe from West Loudon, did you read Meghan’s Space this morning? The Cassadagan World Bowl blog? What did you think of it?

TV- 10 announcer: Dammit! World Bowl, now?!?!?!

Joe from West Loudon, interrupting: “In it, Meghan Caprotti mentions Courtney’s affair. What do think about this now even reaching the rest of the world and now your daughter is going to be considered a slut. How do you even defend this, Stacey?”

A: I’m glad the Cassadagans are keeping a close eye on what is going on here. Her blog was mentioned to me, and you have to remember that Dagan athletes are not always the little angels that everyone thinks they are. At least “Tegan Tells” has been more classy. At this point though, I am not surprised that people all throughout the world are talking about it now. Meghan Caprotti should just keep that to herself, but I can’t fault her because she is only going off of what she sees on TV or reads about. My daughter has done nothing wrong, and neither has Myron Jackson. I am sure you have seen the ample shots her and his girlfriend sitting together in the luxury suite in a show of solidarity. Do you think they would be doing that if there was any truth to these stories?

Q: Hey! It’s Lauren from Putnam Lake and I just wanna say that you shouldn’t be mad at your daughter cuz I would wanna get with Myron too.

TV-10 announcer: Can we do a better job with the pre-screening, please?

A: Next?

Q: Hello Stacey. Michael from Pocono City. You have been seen a lot with Jeremy McAllister, Jr lately. What is up with that?

A: Jeremy and I are good friends. I think that’s well known enough of a fact and I don’t need to defend it. We’re taking in the football, and choosing to do it together sometimes. Next?

Michael from PC: What else are yo.... (he gets cut off)

Q: Hey Stacey, it’s Jessica from Pocono City. Wassup? I don’t know that Michael guy. Tell Courtney she is a kickass pitcher, all these media people wanting to bring her down need to go to hell, and I look forward to being her teammate in World Baseball Classic 18. Yours truly, Jessica Brasfield. Rock on, Stacey! Now go Rockets and kick some Pocoan ass! Interzonals baby!!

A: (laughs) Thanks Brazzy, good to hear from you. That’s exactly what I wish everyone would be focused on right now. The Rockets have played a great first half of football tonight and they are really busting their ass. I think if you apply common sense, and see Courtney up there with Megan and that Myron and Chris Dayten continue to play so well together, it is obvious that there was no affair. In this day and age of jumping to conclusions, it seems as though a man and a woman, whenever they appear close, have to be dating. Myron Jackson is an honorable man. I think too, a lot of people just think athletes are scum and we all know that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

TV-10 announcer: Well, time flies but I must end this segment. Thanks for all the callers and our surprise special caller. The second half begins after this commercial break.


The game comes to an end, and the Rockets are excited to have gained a point in the match. It was hard-earned, and even though you always want to win, every point helps if the team is going to be heading to the interzonals. Reporters wait outside the luxury suite in which Megan and Courtney have been seated, though stadium security is asked to escort them away before they leave as they would not be answering questions. Stacey Keisler is happy with the way things went, and now the big question is, what kind of post-game response would there be in the media?

[Stuffed Taxidermists]

The National
World Cup
Stuffed Taxidermists still have a chance of qualifying for the World Cup after a nil all draw with Telibi. The game wasn't very exciting, with both teams being very defensive. 'I'm proud of the boys performance' said the Manager, Mark Railes. 'I don't mind if we don't qualify, we put up a good fight and we could still be invited to the Cup of Harmony'. The National team are one point behind second placed Novikov, and require a win to progress to the World Cup.

[Akbarabad]

Egregiously shoddy reporting irritates Akbarabadi supporters ahead of big game against Eastfield Lodge.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): Supporters of the national side were temporarily distracted from the upcoming game against Eastfield Lodge with a truly terrible match report of our game against Socialist States Owen that was published by our oponnents. Not only did the report singularly fail to identify a single Akbarabadi player, but our country's name was misspelled as "Abkarabad" throughout the whole report. We, of course have been faced with libels and slurs from opposing teams before, but none of them went as far as deliberately and insidiously renaming our country in order to insult us. Lets hope that Socialist States Owen withdraws this heinous calumny and apologises unconditionally.

In more important news,Tiger Eaters now host Eastfield Lodge in a must win game if they are to win the group and consequently play the inter-zonal matches in Queer Poco el Mono. It is still unclear however whether we will face an easier group by winning the group or by finishing second, but all thing being equal, we would prefer to finish first. If nothing else, it would be a terrible blow to our prestige to fail to win such an easy group.


Akbarabad 4-1 Socialist States Owen
( Samin Akbar 30" pen, 82", Zahid Mohammed 83",Zohaib Khan 90") (Lee Sharp 47")

[The Babbage Islands]

C-c-c-c-c-cut-OFF, c-c-c-cut-OFF! One more to go in Zones 16-30!

Matchday Nine

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Dr. Zotkin: We're back for the final portion of my interview with Baba Yaga. Well, I don't know what to say other than congratulations, Babushka. The Federation are through and they are in brilliant form to boot. That's nine unanswered goals on the trot. Remarkable that you've managed to get such effective results out of a lineup heavy with players from the rival clubs Juvapanam and Urajbina, with Ghur, Oujadda, and Chadi looking the most dangerous players in attack.

Baba Yaga: Well, let's bear in mind that there is one game left, and it will decide whether we progress as a group winner or runner-up. I for one would like to win the group because we'd then have a slightly better chance in the interzonal.

Hopefully you'll do so. Should be a great match to watch, Tarrentum v. Federation, two very different strategies in opposition, what with their very fluent attack.

Qund, Gennesse... tough group to shut down. We didn't last time.

True. Well, since this is our last interview I thought I'd ask you about a player who has been picked for just about every squad the Pazhujeb Islands or the Federation has thrown together over the course of the last twenty years. This is a man who is so old, he once played under Jaime Oberlander. He won the Baptism of Fire, long, long ago. He played for Ranca Toco of Cafundéu once upon a time. And now he's collected Player of the Year honors for his performance in the most recent KPFA League First Division season, during which his Juvapanam shockingly won the title. In fact, if there's anything Šušan'ikara Ghur hasn't done, I do not know about it. Why you selected him his beyond reproach... he's such an icon of Pazhujebi football that any manager would. But you made a somewhat controversial decision when you put him right back into the starting lineup at 39 whopping years old. Why did you do that?

Ah... Šušan'ikara, the legend...

Once upon a time, in a land called Al Magani, where red sand beaches stretch for miles across the horizon on a peaceful ocean, there lived an old man and his daughter. The old man had once had had four daughters, but the first three had married cruel men and were no longer heard from. One had married a general for an evil imperial army, one had married a loan shark who tortured those who did not pay him, and one had married a madman, a composer of such frightening music that it was played only at funerals. The old man was ashamed of himself for having married his daughters of so foolishly, for his own wife had died in a tragic accident.

So the old man was very protective of his youngest daughter, and decided to house her atop a tall astronomy tower. The girl was unhappy there, and wanted to be running about on the grounds, but the old man was steadfast.

"By my old bones, you shall never marry!"

And so years passed under this arrangement. The daughter grew to the age of eighteen all the while cooped up in the tower, her hair growing long and her heart growing restless.

One day, a butcher's apprentice passed the castle on foot. He was in a bit of a hurry since he was late to meet his master, but was curious as he thought he heard a soft female voice from the astronomy tower. He paused and looked up.

Never had he gazed upon such a lovely sight. She was beautiful, long black hair flowing down her back and gathered upon the ledge of the tower. Her voice was like that of an angel, lighter than air.

"Dear lady!" he called to her. "Forgive my intrusion, but I must tell you: truly, never have my eyes been so graced with such beauty!"

The girl was flattered, for the butcher's apprentice was quite handsome. "But good sir, how could you possibly be any judge of my beauty from so far away? Do climb up to my tower so that we may gaze upon one another!"

And the girl threw down her long flowing hair. The boy climbed as hastily as he could, and they spoke to another in hushed but romantic tones. They agreed that they were irreplaceably in love with each other, and that they should immediately be married. They had begun to kiss when the old man tottered up into the tower, surprising the two lovers.

"What is this? An invader on my property attempting to violate my daughter?!"

"Father, no!" the girl cried. "This is the man who is to be my husband! His beauty is unrivaled!"

"Only by yours!" responded the butcher's apprentice to the girl.

"Ha!" sneered the old man. "Love. What a fairy tale this is to be, I imagine. You shall live happily ever after, I imagine. Poppycock! I have married off my other daughters to greater men than mere butcher's apprentices, and even those haven't turned out well! By my old bones, you shall never marry!" And with that, the old man dragged the boy off his property.

He wheeled on his daughter. "So you invite strangers up to your tower, now, do you?"

"Father, you have judged him before you have known him!"

"You who have known him yourself for mere hours. Bah! I shall ensure you never do anything like this again!" And with that, the old man fetched the largest and sharpest pair of shears he could find and lopped his daughter's hair right off, leaving it at the foot of the tower as a reminder to the boy if he ever returned. The girl sobbed and sobbed, feeling herself to no longer be beautiful.

But meanwhile the butcher's apprentice was undeterred. He consulted with a local mathematician who helped him construct an enormous catapult. The boy trusted the mathematician, and he needed to, for if the catapult didn't work, it would hurl him into the side of the castle. They assembled the machine outside the tower.

"Dear girl who is to be my wife! I have assembled this catapult! I shall ascend to your tower immediately!"

"No! You must not!"

"I am not afraid of your father!"

"Neither am I. It is my hair, dear sir. I fear that should you ascend this tower and lay eyes upon me once more, you will no longer find me beautiful."

"Impossible. I shall prove to you that-"

But their conversation was cut short by the old man, who had heard all of this commotion and had tottered out onto the grounds.

"Boy, what on earth is that?"

"Oh!" said the butcher's apprentice, surprised. "It... it is..."

"It's a catapult, isn't it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have any idea how unlikely it is that that will work, boy?"

"I... yes, sir."

The boy hung his head. He had never truly believed that this story could ever have a happy ending. He turned to leave, his heart broken.

The old man sighed. His head was spinning. Only true love could have inspired a boy to assemble such an extravagant death trap as this in order to see the girl.

"Wait, boy."

The butcher's apprentice turned around.

"I shall live to regret this until the day I die. Since my wife died I have lived only to ensure that my daughters were as happy as I could make them. But upon every occasion I would marry one of them, fate would slap me in the face. Now all but one of my daughters in miserable. If you make her miserable, too, so help me God I will... well. Never mind. I shall give you permission to marry my daughter, but only for the reason that I know, in my old age, that trust is the only antidote to grief. In my grief, I place not only my daughter, but my own hopes and fears, in your hands."

"Thank you, sir."

"Thank you, father."

And so the boy and the girl were married, though it really did take a cosmetic miracle to make the daughter's sheep-shorn hair look all right for the wedding. Aside from that, they all lived happily ever after.

I notice that this was the only story in which you yourself did not make an appearance, Babushka.

In those other stories, the individuals had much to learn and needed my teachings. These people did not. It is no coincidence, then, that I told this story when you asked me of Ghur.

I understand. Well, dear Babushka, thank you for your hospitality and thank you for your time. Many readers will, I'm sure, have gotten a much-desired window into the mind of their national team manager. Thank you.

Thank you. Now, Dr. Zotkin, when I eat you would you like to be prepared with a zesty citrus sauce or perhaps a black peppercorn blend?

Wh- what?

Just kidding.

(OOC: Obviously this story draws strong influence from Rapunzel and from the Persian folk tale from which Rapunzel is drawn, Rudaba. Mostly my work, but inspired by other sources... yada yada yada.)

[Cassadaigua]

K & P sneaks that in just before the buzzer! Cutoff time!

More Q's and E's

[Haginonia]

Haginonia Qualify for Inter-Zonal

Haginonia have qualified for the next phase of world cup qualification, the inter-zonal phase, with one match in hand. Today they beat CR Oscilloscopes four-one. Haginonia gave some of their unused squad members games today against the bottom side. One of these players was their second goalkeeper, Almutis Rékus, who let through the only goal. The goals were scored by Dario Puskas, Simba Emilike, Diego and Roberto Vieri.

"This is a great day for Haginonian football," coach Aloizs Sakars said after the match,"this is the most successful in international competition our side has been and hopefully we can make history in the inter-zonal by qualifying for the world cup." Haginonia's great run of form started on matchday two with a one all draw against Swilatia. Starting in that game, Haginonia have had eight consecutive unbeaten games, with seven consecutive wins, the longest unbeaten and winning streak in Haginonian history. Throughout the unbeaten streak, Haginonia have conceded just three goals while scoring 19.

Thousands of Haginonian fans made the long journey to CR Oscilloscopes to see Haginonia qualify for the next stage of qualification.

Haginonia's final zone game comes against third place Tretskivucia at home. These two sides met on matchday five where Haginonia won two-nil. This will be a great game for Haginonia going into the inter-zonal phase. By coming up against a strong opponent, Haginonia will have to continue playing well which can only help them when they continue to the inter-zonal matches.

Zone 4 Standings

   Team                  P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 Haginonia             9  7  1  1  19   4  +15  22 Q
 2 Consortina            9  6  1  2  15   9   +6  19 Q
 3 Tretskivucia          9  4  3  2  14   8   +6  15 E
 4 Swilatia              9  4  3  2   8   5   +3  15 E
 5 Carasatoga            9  1  1  7   5  16  -11   4 E
 6 CR Oscilloscopes      9  0  1  8   3  22  -19   1 E

Roberto Vieri scored one of four goals for Haginonia.

[Erathore]

Some random fan blog:

Well we have a little Q next to our name and I'm going to assume that stands for qualified! That's friking awesome guys! We are moving on in our first World Cup. Now I can't help but not celebrate as hardly as the majority of Erathi are. That's because, whilst we may have moved on, all of the other really damn good teams moved on as well. So we might as well celebrate our short lived victory because we will probably get rolled. On a side note, in the game against D Land and Isles, Mericci scored both of our goals so congrats to him! Although we will probably lose, go Erathore!

[Novikov]

Revenge!

After a dismal 1-2 loss at Pinsk in match-day four, the Novikovian team rebounded nicely, scoring a dominant 2-0 victory at home to avenge their earlier loss. The team appeared energetic as they stepped onto the field to a massive crowd of over 50.000 cheering fans. The early game was back and forth, with neither team exercising effective control of the midfield. The young Novikovian keeper Rybar saved the team twice in the first thirty minutes of play after the aggressive Pinsk offense drove down field to make two shots on goal. The Novikovians answered in minute 39, midfielder Zupan dribbling past two surprised defenders only to cross to striker Balázs, who scored the team's first goal.

The score left Pinsk demoralized, and their coach substituted in another striker in hopes of finding more scoring opportunities. This, however, weakened their control over the midfield and seemed to throw the entire team off. Throughout the second half, the Novikovians gradually began to dominate the midfield, keeping the ball away from the Pinsk strikers and only allowing them two shooting opportunities the rest of the game. In minute 63, midfielder Volkov shot wide of the goal, but the ball was headed in by striker C. Cvrtlanik to bring Novikov's lead to 2-0. After the second score, the pace of play seemed to slow, with the Novikovian team simply focusing on maintaining possession and limiting their opponents shooting opportunities. This measured control continued essentially unchecked for the remaining thirty minutes of the match, and at minute 93 the officials ended the game before either team could score again.

The victory was important, keeping the Novikovian team in contention, still trailing one point behind group leader Kulverint and one point ahead of the Stuffed Taxidermists. Novikovian fans will anxiously watch the upcoming match between Kulverint and Stuffed Taxidermists. The results of this match will likely decide Novikov's fate in the group. If Kulverint wins, Novikov's advance to the inter-zonal phase is all but assured. If not, Novikov's head-to-head advantage against Kulverint may prove decisive in determining which team will advance.

[Socialist States Owen]

FSSO GO OUT WITH A WIN DESPITE LATE PENALTY AND IRRITATING FOREIGN PRESS REPORTS

SOCIALIST STATES OWEN 1
JIMMY WALES 0

First of all, a message to some notable critics from the press of the country of Abkebab Akbarbab Akhububab HubbaBubba Abkarabad (God knows if thats spelt correctly) who critcised our report of the FSSO's 4-1 defeat to their nation. First of all, they neglect to understand that our newswriting crew of highly trained penguins are deadpan snarkers who don't take shit lightly, and will send porn spam to your nations government run websites with immediate effect. We are assholes like that. They unfortunatley were drunk after the celebrations following the underdogs FSSO winning the Market Cup, and so the spelling was not 100% correct.

Secondly, we would have named your players but shortly after the match, one of your teams press organisers approached us. He angrily told us that if we indicated anything negative to do with his players, such as them scoring being bad for us, he would take our water bottles and use them as throwing knifes, so we declined to name their players. Originally the report didn't even say we scored or one of your players was sent off, but we changed it as we would not sell out that much.

This man had a moustache and a leather handbag. We were not prepared to deal with serious business and so had to succumb to his needs. Keep control of your employees, AbKantBelieveItsNotButterbab FA. And your players - many football commentators recoiled in shock following your players red card tackle on one of ours. Dirty stuff.

Back to the match report, the FSSO dominated a poor Jimmy Wales side to seal a hard earned 1-0 win, leaving them in a good mood despite now being out of this years World Cup. There was chances all over the place and somehow Jimmy Wales lasted until the 80th minute, when notoriously awful at shooting centre back Mike Humprey drove home from the edge of the box for his first ever international goal. The FSSO leave the world cup with their heads held high, having finished on a respectable 10 points, only 5 points behind the very high ranked teams of Eastfield Lodge and Abhahdhababsbabsabb. Having won the Market Cup in style as well and not having done too badly in the Baptism of Fire, the FSSO team are expected to recieve a heros welcome home having excelled in all three tournaments - especially the Market Cup.

[Jalanat]

High five for Jalanat!
Jalanat played a very good match against Civil Citizenry on matchday 9 of the zonal stage. Jalanat looked for a victory in the match against the last-placed team in the group stage and a victory they got. This victory couldn't have come at a better time either, Jalanat needed to win matches if they ever wanted to stand a decent chance to qualify for the inter-zonal stage.

The match started of greatly for Jalanat, scoring their first goal early in the match, in the 7th minute. Jin To was at the ball and made a long pass forward to García. García dribbled past the defender quite easily and had just the keeper to beat. He took the shot, the ball flew towards the top-left corner of the net. The keeper jumped to try and save it but couldn't reach it. Jalanat got an early goal in the match, a great morale boost for the team.

Jalanat was clearly the better team in this match but both teams had gotten their chances to score, including a very close chance for Civil Citizenry Striker Vomare in the 14th minute. He got a chance to score from a cross and shot the ball goalwards but it hit the post. He tried again from the rebound but couldn't control the ball and it went over.

In the 34th minute, it was Left Midfielder Wieling who scored a very good goal after he received a pass from Paintsil. Wieling has to get past the defender, fakes a right turn but quickly passes the defender on his left side. He was in the penalty area and shot the ball with a good curve into the back of the net.

In the second half, Jalanat continued playing at the same good performance as was demonstrated by a long distance goal from Nakamura from the edge of the penalty area in the 61st minute. A strong, powerful shot, the keeper couldn't go anywhere near the ball as it flied into the top-right corner of the net.

Little more than 10 minutes later, Paintsil made a deep pass which was received by Nakamura. He got into the penalty area but he gets tackled harshly by Civil Citizenry defender Onp. The referee blew his whistle. It was a penalty for Jalanat! He got out his card and he presented the yellow card to Onp for his foul. The penalty was taken by Nakamura. He took the shot neatly and the ball went to the top-left corner, the keeper dove the wrong way and Nakamura scored again. The scores were 4-0 for Jalanat and the team was absolutely certain of it, they would win this match.

During the added time, Jalanat stretched the lead even more from a very good cross by Right Midfielder Petrov. The ball flew to the far post where Nakamura stood. He jumped and headed the ball goalwards. He scored his third goal, and so he completed his hat-trick.

An astonishing 5-0 win for Jalanat against Civil Citizenry. It could not have come at a better time, with this win, Jalanat managed to seize the second place in the group as Leiceister lost their match against the Holy Empire by 1-5. "A really great performance!" Oliver DuWisse said in an interview with a broad grin on his face. "We really needed this win and now we got one, and how! We've now taken the second place and we're going to do everything we got to keep that position."

Zone 13 Standings

   Team                 P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 The Holy Empire      8  7  1  0  22   4  +18  22 Q
 2 Jalanat              7  3  1  3  11   8   +3  10
 3 Leiceister           7  2  2  3   8  13   -5   8
 4 Toyur                7  1  3  3   3   6   -3   6 E
 5 Civil Citizenry      7  1  1  5   3  16  -13   4 E

[Kazzoria]

Kazzoria Times
Terrible result leads to much worry

With the first stage of qualifying drawing to an end Kazzoria have much to worry about. With a terrible result Kazzoria's hope seemed to fail and things are looking scary. There is still a lot of confidence over making it to the next round, but a few people are starting to become a bit sceptical. The fact is we are one point behind Orlkjestad and both of our teams are fighting to make second place. In our last game against Gray Harbour we only managed a draw when a win would have securely locked us in second. But instead we now not only have to win our last game to be very secure, but we also have to rely on Nethertopia holding Orlkjestad to a draw. Hopefully and most likely they will manage it, but we will still have to put out an amazing performance in our last game just to be certain.

It looks as if we struggle against smaller sides. Maybe we come under pressure and struggle to perform as well as we should against the underdogs. But we always seem to make up for it by putting in decent performances against the bigger sides while still getting enough point from the smaller teams. Hopefully as we improve we will overcome this problem, or at least become good enough to make it to the next round and beat all the big guns. This pattern though makes it look as though we won't do too badly in the world cup when it comes to it. The big teams will probably dismiss us before they come up against us and we might be able to nick a few cheeky wins from the big guns.

The game against Grays Harbour was dire. Neither side dominated in position and neither side got a foot hold in the match. The Kazzorian side nearly looked in a trance and didn't look up for a game of football. In the end the spell was broken in the 56th minute when Bob Lee buried the ball. After the Kazzoria looked slightly more with things and made a few chances. But this spell of activity was short lived when Grays Harbour scored the equalizer and both teams both drifted back into a state of day dreaming. The Kazzoria players seemed to wake up for the last five minutes after a lot of shouting from the bench. They nearly scored the winner, but it wasn't to be and the game finished at an abysmal 1-1. After this we heard Matthias was taken off to room 101 for job re-training. Lets hope that King Lucases unique and correct approach will pay off.

With the first stage of qualifying drawing to a close it doesn't just mean a lot of panicking and crying for the fans. It also means that the new list of rivals will be put up by the Kazzorian government. It also means we are going to look at the high and low point of the campaign. First lets look at the rivals list with the new rivalries explained in detail. (Listed in order of importance.)

1: Khytenna
2: Qazox
3: Valladares
4: Orlkjestad:
After the mocked us in their radio report we hated them. The fact was they had decided that they could write us off as minor opposition and thought they could just glide past us. This would be enough in it's own to make them rivals, but it get even more fierce due to our revenge. After this it was decided that we had to show them who's boss when it came to the pitch instead of the media. We managed to pull the double over them and because of that they also hate us now and it's one of the greatest rivalries that we have.
5: Sarzonia
6: Nethertopia
We defiantly have unfinished business with them. They managed to edge a victory over us, but then we got a draw. But a draw isn't revenge in anyone's books. We want to come back and beat them. It wasn't fair at all anyway. They don't really care about the world cup anyway, their media hasn't uttered a word so far. So anyway, we can't wait to play them again and hopefully win over them.

Now for the low of the world cup so far. It must be the draw to Grays Harbour and the draw to Spliffters. With these results the manager was taken to room 101, which while it helps his mental health it probably affects his physical healthy badly. Oh well we always seemed to bounce back after these bore draw. The first one was so dull that the stadium emptied out and only 5,000 supporters were left watching. That is the lowest attendance ever seen by a Kazzoria crowd. The other game saw a lot of the crowd empty, but there were still at least 20,000 left in the stadium. Still it wasn't that exciting.

The high point of the world cup so far was getting the double over Orlkjestad. The first game was the best with an enormous 90,000 Kazzorian supporters cramming their way into the home stadium. They watched one of the best performances from the Kazzoria side since the 3-0 victory over a Sarzonian side. The game was sweet revenge and a big lift after the 3-2 defeat to the Nethertopian side. The second game was away and the 15,000 travelling fans weren't disappointed. They watched Kazzoria play a very tight game against Orlkjestad with the winner coming in the last few minutes. It was defiantly a perfect piece of drama.

[Tynelia]

Pessimistic Times

Frickin’ LASERS!

Hey lookie here- our awesome Coach managed to lose yet another match to a team that is ranked so far below us we couldn’t; even find them on the rankings. That’s right those People Who Like Lasers with their forehead laser equipped shark mascots managed to fire the only laser in this one and Tynelia lost 1-0. Hey look ma we got shutout again. Sure the team is still in second only because Valanora beat Les Jeremies but still- we’re only 1 point up on them with one match to play. Does anyone in the right minds think we have any business going down to the final match in a group like this and STILL not have clinched a spot yet? Thanks Coach Malloy.

Now we all know Dingbu will roll over and play dead for les Jeremies- I mean Greater Tyrol’s the only team they actually scored against so far more or less. On the other hand we’re not doing much better as Greater Tyrol comes to the Michael McPhee Memorial Stadium to finish out group play for us. But hey that should be an easy win right? They’re well over 100 ranks below us in the rankings. Great, except for that minor detail that they actually BEAT US when we played them the first time around so even if les Jeremies somehow manage to lose to Dingbu a loss by us and Greater Tyrol gets the second spot via a head to head sweep! We’ll probably end up with another 0-0 score or something and Les Jeremies will jump over us in the standings with a win and we get to watch the second stage at home. Thanks Coach Malloy.

Then there’s the three way tie scenario where we lose and Les Jeremies draw with Dingbu. Then the only thing in our favor is goal differential as everyone is equal on wins and we’d have swept Les Jeremies who swept Greater Tyrol who would have swept us. We’re not going to bother figuring out away goals because anything involving goals scored isn’t going to favor us in any way shape or form. Thanks Coach Malloy.

Now if by some miracle we actually do somehow survive and move to the second stage I predict we’d still go home with some sort of screwy 0-2-3 record because if we can’t score against these no name teams that can’t even afford to bring their press to the Cup what exactly are we going to do against- you know- the GOOD teams? Thanks again Coach Malloy.

[Eastfield Lodge]

The Sporting Gazette

Zone 12 wrapped up, but the order of qualification is still to be decided.

Having already qualified with two Zonal matchdays to spare, the Eastfield Lodge went to Akbarabad looking the point (or three) that would see them progress to the Interzonals as Zone winners. They got neither, and ended up losing 3-0 to an Akbarabad side quite desperate to get to the top of the group, one which, on paper, they should easily have conquered. And that desperation clearly showed in the way they played, helped along with some ... questionable decisions, let's say, from the referee and the linesmen. The decisions that caused the most concern were the two that led to the first goal, 18 minutes into the match. Zakir Ahmed wildly tackled Shabeen Ahmad just inside the box, and while Shabeen was writing in pain on the ground, the ref only gave a yellow card to Zakir and awarded a free kick instead of a penalty. Shabeen had to be stretchered off, and Sameer Ahmad sent the free kick into the wall. The ball was then cleared out to Zeeshan Alam, who sprinted clear on the flank, and seeing Samin Akbar racing ahead of the defence, slid the ball through, and Samin finished the ball neatly. However, Samin was clearly in an offside position when the ball was played, so instead of an almost definite 1-0 lead, the EL team found themselves 1-0 down. However, the second Akbarabad goal was completely legitimate, and it was courtesy of Zahid Mohammed, heading in a corner after 43 minutes of play. But the next piece of bad refereeing came on the verge of half time, with Sameer Ahmad given his marching orders for seemingly using his hand to deflect the ball into the back of the net, even though it didn't strike his arm but his stomach instead. Reduced to ten-men, and without their captain to rally them (until MD3 of the Interzonals), the EL team soon crumbled, and Zakir Ahmed got a scrappy goal after a corner was badly cleared 5 minutes from time.

The first Zonal loss leaves Akbarabad a point behind Eastfield Lodge, with both playing on the final day. We play third place FSSO, who already have been eliminated, but will be looking for a good end to their campaign, while Akbarabad will be playing third seed and fourth placed Greater Cotswalds. To progress as group winners, we will need to get the same result as Akbarabad. If we lose, and Akbarabad get points, they will win the group due head-to-head (draw) or by clear points (win). If we draw, Akbarabad will need a win to win the group. If we win, then we progress as group winners. And as for the Interzonals, here is the result for our Zone;
Zone Winners (go to QPeMA): Qazox, Kagdazka and Pazhujebu/Tarrentum, Jalanat/Leiceister, Balida/Churchma, Valladares/Khytenna (most likely Khytenna)
Zone Runners-up (go to Valladares): Cafundéu/Fellow Citizens, Kagdazka and Pazhujebu/Tarrentum, Rejistania, Jerusalem, Pasarga
Looking at the Interzonals, it seems fairly clear that we want to win the group to go to the QPeMA Interzonal, where the opposition looks to be a little easier.

---

Team to play FSSO at home: Doctor Who roster

Goal Tally WC54Q:
Shabeen Ahmad III: 13
Sameer Ahmad: 7
The Doctor: 3
Hadia Ahmad: 2
Rory the Plastic Centurion: 1
Ben Madison: 1
Thomas O'Henly: 1
Sarah Douglas: 1
Callum Douglas: 1
Toby Callahan: 1
John Bell: 1

[Saugeais]

Saugeais Sports Briefs
Must win for football team to make finals

It's down to the last game for Saugeais to qualify for their first World Cup final. They are currently tied with Western Cuba after drawing with them in the last match 1-1. The Knights need to win their last game against Strapszor at their opponent's pitch to have a chance. Of course, everyone in the nation will be rooting against the Western Cubans in their match in the hopes that Saugeais will advance. "It's tough, it really is, coming down to the wire like this," said manager Benoit Howard. "I'm getting too old for this. I think I'll have a heart attack if with don't pull this out, it's so intense." "We all need to play to our fullest extent," said forward Thomas LeBoeuf. "Especially myself, since I will be retiring after this cup, I'll put everything I have out on that field to give our team the win."

Since the halfway point, the team hasn't won a game. They were routed by Bears Armed 3-0, which was predicted to happen even in the first match. Then they were shocked and surprised to only draw Keilriagorth and Western Cuba, both sup par football teams. "Yeah, we were lax on the most recent matches," said Cane Pryor. "We felt that we could easily better them and put ourselves in a position to lose with that mentality. Fortunately, we only drew with them, giving us a chance to still play in the finals."

Saugeais is considered a sleeper team to get into the finals, possibly even make the quarterfinals. But only time and ability will tell if that is true.

Saugeais Knights (2-3-2)
MD1 L vs. Bears Armed 0-1
MD2 off
MD3 W vs. Keilriagorth 1-0
MD4 W vs. Western Cuba 2-0
MD5 D at Strapszor 1-1
MD6 L AT Bears Armed 0-3
MD7 off
MD8 D AT Keilriagorth 1-1
MD9 D AT Western Cuba 1-1
MD10 vs. Strapszor

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

Estadio Victoria was packed to the rafters, after the goalless stalemate The Whites were still looking for the three points that would push them through into the interzonal qualifying stage.

The crowd got right behind the team from the off, the deafening din of Pocoan fans roared from the kick off to the end of the game and was relentless even on the odd occasion when the visitors threatened the home goal.

The Whites took the lead through Gilbert Batistuta who found space in the box and managed to side foot the ball beyond the keeper after only 11 minutes. The striker doubled his tally just before the break with a superb solo effort. Picking up on the right wing he cut back inside and darted towards goal. Breaking one challenge, then avoiding a sliding tackle he smashed the ball into the net, keeping it low and just inside the near post.

The White’s then made it 3-0 when Jordi’s unstoppable long range drive beat the visiting keeper and secured Queer Poco’s passage into the next round of qualifying. By this time the home fans were bouncing up and down before the icing on the cake and a goal for right back Clancy Gibson. The Pythons midfielder played a one-two with Hugo Anderson before his shot ricocheted off the heel of a retreating Whirl Islands defender.

-----

Welcome to Queer Poco el Mono Ara, home to the happiest citizens in Rushmore.

We hope you’ll be just as happy when you come to visit and why wouldn’t you be, our glorious weather is all year round, our tourist locations will leave take your breath away and our hospitality will make you wish you never had to go home.

We all know the main reason you are here in our diminutive little slice of heaven, the World Cup Inter-Zonal qualifying stage. If your home country has made it here or you are a neutral who just came to soak up the atmosphere we hope you enjoy the one of the four stadiums that have been put forth to host the qualifying matches, The Estadio Victoria, The New World Stadium, The Jewel in the Desert or the Estadio de la Esperanza.

Estadio Victoria. The 60,000 all seater stadium is located on the outskirts of the tiny village of Ambrose and has been home to the Queer Poco el Mono Ara international team since the inception of a national team. The village of Ambrose is home to just over 2,000 people and regularly received over 30 times that many people in and around the outskirts for international football matches, as such Ambrose has a wealth of accommodation available, ranging from 5 star hotels to quaint bed and breakfasts to a camp site between the village and its neighbor Oxbridge. If village life isn’t your scene why not hop on a train and visit the capital city of Queer Poco el Mono Ara, Khaldoon. The bustling metropolitan city has anything you might want or need from tourists locations to trendy night spots and is only a 30 minute train ride away.

The Jewel in the Desert. The 60,000 all seater stadium was purpose built for the most recent Baptism of Fire held here in Queer Poco el Mono Ara and Nethertopia. A desert oasis amongst the white pyramids of Monolithia the Jewel in the Desert is an glorious sight to behold amongst the backdrop of ancient Queer Poco el Mono Ara. But just because it’s out in the desert doesn’t mean our visitors will feel isolated from civilization. The area is home to an opulent complex of hotels, restaurants, night clubs and high fashion boutiques for those of you looking to take an expensive souvenir home.

Estadio de la Esperanza. The 58,000 all seater stadium is the biggest stadium currently in use in the Pocoan football league, the Una Serie. Home to the League II side Real Minanda, the stadium is in the Southern city of Minanda. A thriving city a stone’s throw from the sea. Much like all big cities in Queer Poco el Mono Ara there is more to explore and to do once the football is over. Why not head over to the Minanda Museum of Curiosities or take a tour of the Coorsberg factory and see how we brew the country’s favorite lager.

The New World Stadium. The 60,000 all seater stadium was purpose built for the most recent Baptism of Fire held here in Queer Poco el Mono Ara and Nethertopia. Located on the overseas Pocoan island territory of Flynn’s Isle traveling to the stadium will allow you to see much more of Rushmore than you expected. Flights directly to the island take off from Khaldoon International Airport and during the qualifying campaign prices have been slashed to alleviate the burden of paying for air travel. If you don’t fancy flying why not hop aboard the ferry from Renato and head to Flynn’s Isle by sea. When there experience the laidback island life and enjoy being surrounded by beautiful scenery and the relaxing lapping of the sea.

What else can you do here in Queer Poco el Mono Ara?

Why not head North to the Pocoan border with Steroga and take a walk in the forests of Ridgemont. The scent of fresh pine and the refreshing air will clear your sinuses and the surroundings will be a feast for your eyes, just beware of the legendary Slate Tiger said to roam the woods. If you’d rather be in the water head South to Renato and learn to windsurf, or if you are already experienced why not have a go in our ideal waters.

Indoor activities more your thing, why not experience the local cuisine? Our top locations to dine out include:

Go Sushi. With the abundance of fish off our coast seafood is something of a specialty here so head on down to one of our numerous Go Sushi bars and tuck in. If fish isn’t your bag you could always add a little spice and go to Hafeez’s and try one of their excellent curries. In a country built from the spice trade we have a knack for making scrumptious curries and Hafeez’s is the finest Pocoan curry restaurant. Or if you have a jonesing for fast food have a burger at the Double Meat Palace* or head over to Big Kahuna Burger*.

Need to know anything else? Call the Pocoan Tourism and Hospitality board and they can answer all your questions.



*These companies can be found in other works of fiction and as such I’m putting a disclaimer here to say I didn’t create them and acknowledge that… just in case it came up : )

[Qlumez]

What a way to go
Syracusse 5-10 Qlumez

A match to remember.

Qlumez's last shot at a World Cup spot ends with a ludicrous 15 goals scored. That's an average of one every six minutes. Goals for every taste: ugly goals, beautiful goals, dead ball, moving ball, headers, strikes, keeper goal... the only thing missing was an own goal. I even lost count at a certain point. The crowd was so ecstactic, I was afraid they were going to bring the entire stadium down! It was shaking, I tell ya! The match was full of twists as well, the lead changed a couple times before we were able to get some more goals in. Vucmi and Cahbul were at the top of their game - the boy scored another hat-trick! That means he scored 11 goals in this qualifying season alone, and it's not even over yet. Licuzsecwi came back from his injury and helped us score the last couple goals. I'm sad that it's probably his last shot at a WC. It's unlikely that Liqecwi will be back as well, but we'll see. He's an excellent player. Our young players are, of course, all deserving of praise. The new generation of Qlumezian football is going to rock the world in the years to come. Well, back to the game. The Syracusse guys really put up a good fight. The game was 4-4 in the first half, and I could barely believe what my eyes were seeing. When the game ended I felt like crying. I WAS BORN TO SEE THIS. EVERY FOOTBALL MATCH DESERVES TO BE THIS AWESOME. Dear readers, any time someone asks why you watch football, show them a compilation of this match. Damn. I'm just so pumped right now, I want to blow a vuvuzela out of my window, which I can't because it's 2 AM and my neighbors gotta sleep. They were shouting with me during the match, though.

Here's the score chart for us.

Cahbul 21' 63' 90'
Duni 8' 67'
Liqecwi 61'
Vucmi 39'
Licuzsecwi 82'
Lubelam 41'
Nweuvi 53'
Suceaz 80'

They scored at 4', 20', 25', 36' and 57'.

THAT'S ALL.

Ao
Mio qlumezaeli
Rib boeni ilvozwi
Rib boeni ubil

[Mangolana]

Mangolana Gazzette
Mangolana controls destiny

Mangolana has won again, this time off a hat trick from their star striker, Franklim Ordonez, as the defeated Great viveka 3-0 to put their fate in their own hands for advancement into the next round. Those situations include, win and your in, draw and have Sibirsky draw their match, and hopefully not our result, lose and have Sibirsky lose their match. Their are also many other results that can lead to Mangolana advancement, but none of these are likely to happen. Once again Mangolana controls their own destiny in qualification for the next round, and hopefully the prayers of our nation will be answered, so don't forget to toon in at 1 pm Mangolana standard time, to see if Mangolana can make the next round

[Pretty Awesome Persons]

PAP Sports
WE INTERZONALS NOW!



Landau Institute 1 (Freud '87)
PAP 2 (Gonzalez '57, '90+2)

NEVER SAY NEVER.

At Ex-New York, PAP lost to Landau Institute 2-0, after they tore apart the PAP defense.
So everyone pretty much thought PAP would lose 4-0 and even 5-0 at the Sector Delta Sporting Field.
In an attempt to avoid this, Steven Sanchez employed a super defensive 6-4-0 formation and ordered the 6 man defensive line to form a wall and to stop any attack. He ordered the 4 man midfield to focus on defending, but to take any opportunities.
It worked.

Critics everywhere hated Steven Sanchez's 6-4-0 formation, calling him a "coward" and saying that "he doesn't want to move on."
They were all wrong.

57th minute:
"Figo has the ball, he tries to pass to Mendoza, but he's covered, he sees Gonzalez, he does a long, high pass to Gonzalez and he takes off! Gonzalez, wow look at the speed, he's running down the field, he's dodged every defender, and OH! what a beautiful turn! It's Gonzalez, Gonzalez, Gonzalez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT A GOAL! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! GONZALEZ! THIS MIGHT BE THE GOAL WE NEEDED! WE LEAD ONE-NIL!

The second Gonzalez broke through the defense, he ran like a bullet train on steroids and fired a rocket into the net, scoring the first goal of the game and apparently the most important.

87th minute:
"We have this game, 3 minutes left, we have won. And it's Piaget with the ball, a nice pass to Freud, what will he do with it, he's going for it!
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY. 35 YARDS OUT, FREUD TIES THE GAME IN THE 87TH MINUTE WITH A SPLENDID SHOT, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT WE WON!

Somehow, Piaget managed to get past the midfielders and pass the ball to Freud, who smashed it from 35 yards out. The inexperienced Antonio Alvarez trying to block it, but it went in.
It seemed that this game would go on to a tie and the teams would share the spoils.

A miracle then happened.
92nd minute:
"This is the last minute of extra time, we have drawn with Landau Institute, its an accomplishment either way, it's all good. It's Rafael Herrera, gives it to Mendoza, Mendoza starts a one-two with Figo, he gives the ball to Gonzalez, who strikes, and it looks like its Gonzalez, Francisco Gonzalez, Francisco Gonzalez, Francisco Gonzalez and he's going the shot, FRANCISCO GONZALEZ! FRANCISCO GONZALEZ!FRANCISCO GONZALEZ!FRANCISCO GONZALEZ!FRANCISCO GONZALEZ!FRANCISCO GONZALEZ!OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, MENDOZA WITH A LONG PASS TO THE ONSIDE GONZALEZ MAKES IT 2-1 IN THE LAST MINUTE OF THE GAME! INCREDIBLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! WE HAVE WON THE MATCH IN THE LAST MINUTE! FRANCISCO GONZALEZ!!!!!HOORAY!!!!!!

And just like that, we won. 2-1.

Francisco Gonzalez, PAP's legend.

Overall Goal Totals:
F. Gonzalez: 9 goals (Total WC Goals:18; Int'l Goals: 27)
L. Zizi: 4 goals (Total WC (Int'l) Goals: 6)
H. Mendoza: 3 goals(Total WC (Int'l) Goals: 4)
R. Herrera: 2 goals
R. Figo: (Int'l Goals: 5)
J. Ashley: (WC/Int'l Goals: 4)

Schedule:

Pre-qual friendlies
MD1 : PAP 4-2 Wewtlandem (WIN)
MD2 : PAP 2-0 Mytannion (WIN)
MD3 : North Alexandera 0-2 PAP (WIN)
MD4 : PAP 0-2 Landau Institute (LOSS)
MD5 : PAP 2-0 Mongea (WIN)
Mid-zonal friendlies (1-1)
MD6 : Wewtlandem 2-2 PAP (DRAW)
MD7 : Mytannion 0-2 PAP (WIN)
MD8 : PAP 2-0 North Alexandera (WIN)
MD9 : Landau Insitute 1-2 PAP (WIN)
MD10 : Mongea vs PAP
Pre-interzonal friendlies

Prediction vs Mongea:2-0

Roster vs Mongea:
Starting XI

Inspiration for Gonzalez's goal commentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsZkCFoqSBs&feature=related

[Consortina]

Scouting Report 54104091 Consortina (observed) vs. Tretskivucia

Strategical Situation: After 8 rounds, Consortina was placed 2nd, 1point ahead of Tretskivucia. The first place (Haginonia) most likely out of reach and the 4th place (Swilatia) likely to catch up to Tretskivucia with that matchday’s game. For Consortina a win would have likely sufficed given their match against a weaker side for the last matchgame while Tretskivucia still had to face Haginonia. This gives a clear case of a one-sided must-win situation.
Environmental Factors: Consortina has been an underdog in the group and had a strong upswing against Swilatia in the game before, where they endured 90 minutes of pressure from their opponents. The game has given them a lot of upswing. Tretskivucia, on the other hand, has been struggling in the zone most of the time and suffered from an internal affair that forced their head coach to withdraw from the team after matchday three. The favorable odds that Tretskivucia would normally have had, were pretty much diminished by now.
Tactical Deployment: Predictably, Consortina didn’t stray from their solid setup that brought them victory against Swilatia. Two experienced defensive midfielders hold the center, the secondary striker has experience as holding midfielder and the wingbacks are oriented in the defense. Tretskivucia chose their usual 4-3-3 although they had numerous problems with it in the past games.

Game progress: The first half went back and forth with both teams having equal share of play but not making the most of their opportunities. The first major turning point happened in the 37th minute when Joris Eisenberg toppled Vladimir Grelosk in the box. This turned out in the worst way possible since Eisenberg injured himself AND gave away a penalty with the rash challenge. Reserve keeper Zorin took his place and even managed to save the penalty. Nonetheless, the Consoritnean defense came under more pressure and Tretskivucia started to take over domination in the midfield. The second half saw barely a chance for Consortina until a wide goal kick from Zorin was mishandled by Alexandr Karskov which enabled Mühlbergen a clear shot at the goal which the striker duly converted. After that, Consortina found their pace again and gained control of the pace. After the 2-0 in the 72nd minute – Leonbert worked his way through the defense before setting up the shot for Ravenburg – Tretskivucia lost their grip on the game entirely and Consortina brought it home easily.


Observed players:

Levon Beer de Shevin: Played another solid game in the defense with Goldstein. Won pretty much all 1on1 situations and tacklings but he was outrun once or twice by the quick Bjetchorsk. He relies on the keeper or second centerback to clean up behind him and intercept attackers that break through past him. Positively, his coordination with the holding midfielders has improved and he actively participates in keeping the neighboring flank closed
Possibly Interesting

Ömer Gülyin: The discovery of the Cup may be a player not to be expected. Gülyin played a strong game on the right side where Josef Frez and Mikhail Kraznsk barely posed any danger. Worked well with the center backs and holding midfielders to create double marking. His weakness in supporting the offensive midfielder is known but he shows some progress over his performances in Kankürüspor. There may be potential for him.
Interesting

Frodo Erdstetten: Consortina’s left flank was not as watertight as the right one but we need to consider that Erdstetten has just returned to professional soccer and has just played is second game in the cup. Considering this, he did a good job. He had two good forward runs with Peace, one of which ended in a good chance that barely missed. His strength in duels on the flank has improved since the previous game but are still improvable.
Possibly Interesting

Wildmut Weyerhagen: His place in the formation seems secure now. His short break on the bench has done no harm to his function as leader on the pitch. Covered a lot of distance, lend much sport on the wing, won two crucial 1on1s and initiated several attacks. Had one bad miscontrol that conceded a chance for Tretskivucia. In a formation that can fit him in, he will be of much use.
Interesting

Stanislaus Leonbert: This probably was the best game so far by him. Led most of the attacks, assisted the second goal and was close to scoring himself. He also improved his backwards movement and supported the defense especially in the phases when Consortina came under heavy pressure. Apart from trying a solo run a bit too often, there is not much that needs to be improved in his game right now.
Very Interesting

Mary Peace: Is currently struggling to keep her position in the first squad against Tore Toivonen (no report for him this time since he was on the pitch only for six minutes). In this form she is going to lose it. Solid in the defense but in the forward movement her coordination with Ravenburg was horrible and she went alone against two opponents way too often. She created one good chance with a no-look pass but her total quota is still not improving over the unsatisfactory 60%
Not Interesting

Other players:
- Peer Zorin has been substituted for Joris Eisenberg. If the first keeper misses more games it may be sensible to start a file for Zorin.
- For Aiko Ravenburg and Titus Goldstein, I continue to assume that they are out of the price league. Should this ever change, both need to be examined further. Today more than ever they are two of the key players for the squad.
- Yngfrid Reich, Joris Eisenberg and Ernhold Mühlbergen were ommitted for age reasons
- Tore Toivonen and Trautman Rothschild were not long enough on the pitch to warrant a report.

THE NEXT MATCH:
Next match is meaningless for both Consortina and their opponents, Carasatoga since it is highly unlikely that either of them will move up or down in the standings. A lot of reserve players will see play but with this game not being played in a competitive situation, the value of the next report should be significantly lower than this one.

-------------------------------------------# 12 Zorin --------------------------------------------

#21 de Haayen------#22 Einfreden--------#4 Beer de Shevin-------#13 Erdstetten

--------------------------#15 Krok------------#10 Weyerhagen------------------------------

-----#17 Leonbert-----------------#18 Ravenburg---------------------#7 Toivonen------

-----------------------------------------#9 Rothschild -------------------------------------------

(Style will be +3)

[Lycrabon]

CAPITAL CITY GAzETTE

"Embarrassing" loss eliminates River Warriors; North Cuyahoga in all-or-nothing game

JERU FC -- Lycrabon's advancement hopes died in the Jeru land, falling 7-0. The match was so ugly, we will not torture you with details.

"(Expletive) ugly. A win could have force their (expletive) hand." That was the coach's words after the match, as a Lycrabon win woul have forced a Unitopolis win to force the tiebreaker.

1 Jeru FC         7  7  0  0  37   4  +33  21 Q1
2 Unitopolis      7  3  1  3   7   9   -2  10 Q2
3 Lycrabon        8  2  3  3  12  20   -8   8 E
4 Ibrox Park      7  1  3  3   6  15   -9   6 E
5 Alpakaa         7  0  3  4   6  20  -14   3 E

It's all on the line

After a 2-0 win, Osarius set up an all-or-nothing game at Stambaugh Stadium in Youngstown. It's the simplest scenario of all: a win or tie for Osarius sends them through; a North Cuyahoga win sends them through via the sweep. Lycrabon President Hodge has already announced that he will be attending to cheer the orange and brown on, saying, "North Cuyahoga is our sister nation, so if we can't advance -- we want them to."

1 Bostopia            7  6  0  1  17   8  +9  18 Q1
2 Osarius             7  4  1  2  10   7  +3  13
3 North Cuyahoga      7  3  1  3   8  10  -2  10

Either Osarius or North Cuyahoga advance by winning; Osarius advance on a draw.

[Whirl Islands]

THE NAVEL POST
First and Best Newspaper in the Whirl Islands
Navel Island, Friday, January 28, 2011

WORLD CUP 54 - Loss to Queer Poco el Mono Ara leaves Whirl Islands with a foot out of the World Cup

ISLANDERS DROWNING

By: Jairo Meluk,
Sports Editor

AMBROSE, QUEER POCO EL MONO ARA (WIP) - Whirl Islands were humiliated by Queer Poco el Mono Ara at the Estadio Victoria in Ambrose and were left reeling in third place of Zone 26, trailing Newmanistan by one point.

The Pocoans, who clinched qualification to the Interzonal stage in the process, were practical and, like the last match at Portomar Field, knew well how to discover the Islanders' defensive flaws, which have cost them crucial matches. The Whites took the lead since the 11th minute, thanks to a goal by Gilbert Batistuta, who scored the second goal before halftime, practically breaking the Islanders' hopes into pieces.

In the second half, the Pocoans managed to double their amount of goals, thanks to Jordi and Clancy Gibson, who took advantage not only of the Islanders' defensive fragility and their null offensive presence, which are the most important things for Jean-Claude Vermillion to correct before the make-or-break match against Newmanistan at Portomar Field. For this match, to be played in a hot afternoon at the Islands, 21,800 tickets were printed, all of them only available to the local fans.

How will we qualify to the Interzonals? The answer to this question is quite simple, defeating Newmanistan. If we draw or lose, it's all over.

[Qazox]

The Road to One Big Island and World Cup 54

QPeMA.

No it's not a disease or a phonetic spelling of quipemma, a rare flower found in Prux. No that a shorter name for where Qazox will be going for the interzonal stage, Queer Poco el Mono Ara; as the Zone 11 champions. Cafundeu's stunning 2-1 loss at Fellow Citizens clinched the group for Qazox. Now comes a tough decision. Do we basically 'lay down' for Fellow Citizens, in the case of a Cafundelese loss or draw vs. Daemonheart, and allow FC to advance over Cafundeu; or do we play it straight and let the ball fall where it may? Coach Holtz has stated that the starters will be rested, but which ones? We expected intrigue on the final Day, but we expected it to involve the Pheonix having to win to qualify for the next round; not having to win or draw to see Cafundeu through to the next round.

SCHEDULE:
MD1: @ Cafundeu L 0-4
MD2: v. Daemonheart @ Estadia Pika, Pika City. Capacity: 84,562 W 1-0
MD3: v. Sirain @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 94,500 W 3-2
MD4: BYE
MD5: @ Fellow Citizens W 3-0
MD6: v. Cafundeu @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City. Capacity: 100,052 W 2-0
MD7: @ Daemonheart W 4-1
MD8: @ Sirain W 4-1
MD9: BYE
MD10: v. Fellow Citizens @ New Bruxen Hotel & Casino Field, New Bruxen. Capacity: 77,721

<Meanwhile> somewhere between Karibaton (still looking for it!) and Qazox...

'If 4 goes into 4 once; four will become 1.' Kyle Cartman kept repeating in his head, and muttering to himself. Ever since Eris give him this 'hint' as to what Dennis Halpbrg was planning; he'd remained as stumped now as when he first heard it. As he got up to head towards the airplane's bathroom, a wizened old man sitting alone in the backrow tugged at his sleeve.

"After you're done, I need to speak with you, Kyle" the man said.

"What? Who are you and why do you know my name?" Kyle replied, with a baffled look on his face.

"After you're done, just sit next to me, and I'll tell you." the man replied.

So after taking care of business, Kyle looked for the old man, but saw a young man instead.

"Excuse me, but wasn't there an older gentleman sitting here a moment ago?" Kyle asked.

"Yes, he told me to talk to you instead, Kyle." the young man replied with a twinkle in his eye.

"Are you the old man?" Kyle asked suspiously.

"Well now, you took all the fun out of it, but yes I was him." the man replied. "And no I'm not Eris, that crazy woman's looking in on a sporting event or two right now. I still wonder what she does with those millions of rubber chickens she gets every few months, but I digress. Still puzzled by her clue, huh?"

"'If 4 goes into 4 once; one will become 4.' I know the 4 most likely involve the items I have collected, but I'll be dammed if I know what Halpberg is trying to do with them." Kyle answered.

"One more hint. I know you're a scientist, or was one, I don't come to the mortal realms much after Ragnarok happened, so I'm not that caught up to speed. Each of the items you have a special scientific property to them. Once you figure that out, you'll hopefully get the rest. I really don't want to have to send my crazy son down here to stop Halpberg. Silly boy thinks he's the God of Thunder and his hammer shoots lightning. I knew I shouldn't have had Loki baby-sit him that one day, and sure enough he fell to Aerth and knocked him silly. But I digress again. " The man replied before disappearing with a wink of his one eye.

'4 scientific properties? Well that clearing it up a bit' Kyle thought as he returned to his seat, with no one else on the plane having noticed that Kyle had just been talking to a Norse God.
(To be continued...)

[Newmanistan]

Stacey Keisler immediately picked up the morning paper upon returning to Newmanistan from Queer Poco el Mono Ara. As expected, the front page showed her daughter next to Megan Dayten instead of perhaps a more deserving party, like Kyle Perry, a defender, or any player on the Rockets for that matter considering they went to Rushmore and picked up a point. Though the article itself concentrated on the big game, they did make it a point to mention the fact that they sat together. For the most part, the tabloids chose not to make any more stories concerning them, but naturally they stopped short of either apologizing or perhaps mentioning that they may have made mountains out of molehills. It led to a pretty relaxing week for the Keislers, something they hadn’t had in a while, and they would make plans to go to the Proving Grounds for the game against Hemas.

The Rockets themselves were feeling confident going into the game, but coach Tremblay was sure to keep that from getting out of hand. It’s not as if that was a problem, considering the one dud that this team had during qualifying thus far was the 1-nil loss to them. The lack of goal scoring in the last few games led media outlets to begin questioning Tremblay about changes up front and Steve had some fun with it in this exchange with the Olympia Observer:

“Coach, the team is not scoring. You have two talented young 18-year olds on the roster that play up front but do not start. Don’t you think it is time to give them a chance?” asked one of the reporters in what would normally be a very basic question.

Tremblay laughed, “Don’t you have a side story to talk about? Since when are you asking me about football? We are sticking with the lineup that put us in this situation.” It was good to talk about football again, and the players enjoyed it too. However even though Tremblay appeared to give a vote of confidence to his forwards to the media, he challenged them in the locker room. They had to pick up their game, and the message was delivered. Six minutes into the match Shane Bartley gave the Rockets the lead and Michael Couture followed it up just eight minutes later. Not to be outdone, Bartley got another in the 21st minute. Up 3-0, all seemed well. They were scoring again! They may have got a little too excited in allowing Hemas to cut it to 3-2 by the 35th, but a second from Couture make it 4-2 just before the half. In the second half, Newmanistan scored twice more, leading to an eventual 6-3 victory. So for those of you keeping score at home, the Rockets had seven goals in their first six games, and then six in one match following Tremblay’s speech.

The Keislers had attended the match, as did Jeremy McAllister, Jr, but they watched it from different locations. It was certainly an exciting contest, and national pride filled the Proving Grounds. Courtney had again planned to hang out with Megan Dayten, and she would eventually do so and be with her for the rest of the evening. Stacey, however, would remain there, and meet up with Jeremy.

“Hey, enjoy the goals?!” Asked Junior.

“Yeah, that’s the kind of football that I like to watch. Good game and all we need to do is win the next one.” replied Stacey.

“I hope so, but all know the history. World Cup 42, all we needed to do was get a point in the final two games to qualify. And didn’t. World Cup 43, all we needed to do was win our final game, albeit against Starblaydia, and didn’t. World Cup 44, 45, 47, similar heartbreaks. In fact, I think everytime the Rockets have been in a must win situation like this, they have not delivered. You know that song, Same ol’ Situation. Well it is. You get some people who hypothesize that it is the Spirits way of even-ing out all of the dramatic baseball victories we have had. And after the way the Rockets won the last World Baseball Classic title, they might be planning something especially hard for us to swallow.”

“Sure, blame it on the baseball team!”

“Hey I’m not the one who says that. I love watching you succeed though wish we could have the same thing. You know, I just had a thought. It’s weird and you might not like it, but I am going to say it anyway.”

Stacey takes a deep breath, “Ok, go for it.”

“If indeed the Spirits use the fortunes of the baseball team as a means of justifying the struggles of the football team, especially in winning the big games when they absolutely need too, perhaps the solution is to show the ultimate solidarity between the two teams. We both know from our own experiences, that there has been little cooperation between our teams throughout all these years.”

“Ok, well, it doesn’t sound that weird yet.”

“I’m getting there, don’t worry! We’re at the perfect place right now, The Proving Grounds, where the World Cup 49 title game was played. The Spirits were here, watching, and perhaps they did something very, very special that day, to not just provide a great game, but to even, save the world.”

“Save the world? Ok, now it’s gonna weird.”

“Well let’s just say we know that they all-powerful and leave it at that. Perhaps it is the baseball team that saved Newmanistan sports. We all know that the Emperor was very close to leaving the interregional sports scene for good. But from these Spirits, legend has it, granted permission for the baseball team to continue on, and they did, and they remained strong. This year, the Emperor has brought back football, and the Empire as a whole, is making this great comeback. But solidarity and togetherness between the baseball team and the football team is crucial if each is to have success. So far it’s been one sided.”

“Ooohkayyy.”

“Something else has been one sided and let me finish this entire thought before you say anything about it, please.”

“Ok, fine. I will.”

“Ok, here it goes. What also has been one sided is the life of our daughter, Courtney, towards baseball, and with her mother, who has loved her very much and provided her with a wonderful life as she has grown up and become a wonderful child. But as she reaches adulthood soon(OOC: again remember in Newmanistan one is an adult at 16), she will move on. We have this great opportunity now, to bring together Courtney’s parents, me and you. Bring together, the baseball and the football teams. I will never be able to be as great of a father to her as you have been a mother and the football team will never be as great as the baseball team. But they can become closer. We can show that solidarity. Stacey, I ask you to put that in the Spirits hands. Is it time?”

“How do we put it in the Spirits hands?”

“Some may sacrifice a rubber chicken. Only the Spirits know if these two teams can become closer together. So while it will not be a rubber chicken, I ask to sacrifice our greatest secret. Which, is of course, letting Courtney know the truth, and then the three of us, living as a nomal family.”

Taking another deep breath, Stacey whispers, “How do we make the sacrifice?”

“In theory, it is simple. By sacrificing the greatest secret of two of the main figureheads of each sporting team, we will know if the Spirits wish for the teams to become closer together or remain distant of one another. It is in the best interest of all of us, me, you, Courtney, and Newmanistan. Let us, for once, win the must-win game, or at least get a draw, in football just like we do in baseball. Show us, almighty Spirits that the teams can be closer together.”

Perhaps overtaken by the presence of the Spirits, Stacey replies, “I’m in. Let’s do it.”

Junior gets a very serious look to him as he looks to the Heavens, “Almighty Spirits you have heard the wishes, you know what is right. Point us in our future direction, allow the team to do what it needs to do to make the interzonals in The Whirl Islands, and Courtney will be told the truth. Otherwise, anything less will be considered your wish of keeping the teams more distant, and ultimately, keeping the distance between myself and Stacey, and where our daughter is raised.”

Stacey then suddenly a very serious look to her, and she too, looks above, “Advice us now, where we should go from here.”


So now, Spirits of the Proving Grounds and the deity known us Margaret, provide the direction of this story from here.