World Cup 101 - The Roleplays

by **Dantopia** » Thu Jun 11, 2026 3:07 pm

VOL. 46,184

LION CITY, DANTOPIA

THURSDAY 11TH JUNE, 2026

₵100

Dantopia Dare To Dream — Advance To Round Of 32

Zeke Edwards Secures Comfortable 2-0 Victory Against Bostopia To Help Lions Finish Second In Group P

By SAUL ARNSTEIN

Bojno Polje
Dantopia2-0Bostopia
Half Time: 1-0
Brunson 38' (Pen)
Edwards 65'

See also... 26-man Roster | MD1 | MD2

FRÖNDT, FARFADILLIS — Zeke Edwards capped off Dantopia's World Cup group stage participation with acrobatic aplomb, as the national team won the battle of the 'topias' and defeated Bostopia 2-0 to secure second place in Group P, and a place in the knock-out stages' Round of 32. The Bostopians almost capitalised from a corner at the Bojno Polje stadium, following a slow start from Rick Bishop's side, but the Lions were able to put their opposition to the sword behind goals from their two strikers — Bradini Brunson finishing from the penalty spot in the first half, and Edwards coming on to replace the Lion City FC forward, grabbing a spectacular second to put the game to bed. Dantopia finished with six points out of a possible nine, an impressive feat for first time World Cup finals participants and will face second placed Group L nation Aleirave in the Round of 32.

After winning the coin toss and and opting to face the Bostopian fans in the first half, the pressure created by the travelling supporters proved to make for a difficult start to the match for Rick Bishop's men. Logan Grindle scuffed an opening shot to the match, sending it well wide of the mark, before a miscued pass out from the back by Eric Lucin was collected by Ezra Cunningham, but only a weak attempt rolled back to the relieved Bostopian goalkeeper. Grindle was in space to attempt a first-time volley in the box, which stung Bullvale's fingers, the Dantopian number one only able to parry it away for a corner. Then, the floated in set-piece met the head of the rising Francis Difort, who almost stunned the Dantopian supporters with a powerful effort that glanced the top of the crossbar, narrowly missing its intended target.

The fourth minute chance failed to be the wake-up call Lions required, as Nigel Roarn rushed down the right flank and fizzed an effort towards the far post, one that Alex Bullvale met cleanly, catching it with a diving ground save this time around. The lack of rhythm in Dantopia's play wasn't helped by Dalton O'Higgins failing to shrug off a knock sustained in a challenge by Ennis Thered. Raphael Lacroix would be called to early action from the bench, replacing O'Higgins, and a corner won by the right-back, following a blocked cross, was headed goal-wards by Makaio Cruz-Richards, but it hit Jules Nortton and bounced out. This was the first sign from the Dantopians that they had, in fact, turned up to the match. Not long after, Johnny Kealoha would provide a proper challenge for Lucin, when his free kick was tipped over the bar after it bent around the Bostopian wall well.

Bradini Brunson

With nine minutes left to play in the first half, Zaïre Thomas latched onto a superb ball across the top of the penalty box by Adebayo Adeyemi, and was pulled down in stride by Ian Pershaw, who tugged at the 20-year-old's shoulder. The referee pointed to the spot, after some deliberation, and there was then a lengthy VAR check, presumably to judge whether Thomas had dived or was indeed fouled by the Bostopian right back. With another defender in the box ready to challenge for the ball, it wasn't a denial of a goalscoring opportunity, but a yellow card was shown to Pershaw upon the resumption of play, and a penalty kick awarded to Dantopia. Eager to make amends for his missed spot-kick effort against Banija in the previous match, Bradini Brunson made no mistake and thundered the ball home from twelve yards, opting against his stutter-step technique in favour of a more traditional run-up.

The Lions comfortably saw their 1-0 lead into the break, thankful to be in a prime position to qualify out of Group P, given Banija's win over Farfadillis in their match-day three encounter. Whatever the team talk from Bishop was at half time, the impact was felt almost instantly in the second half, when Ezra Cunningham was felled by Duncan Kurtis, and a swung-in set-piece from Kealoha met the head of the skipper, who narrowly sent his header wide. Adeyemi then made a surge into the box that led to Brunson firing a shot that cannoned off Redling for a corner. The Lions were unable to capitalise from the resulting set-piece, but the momentum was clearly all in one direction now. A caution to Eric Lucin for time-wasting was illustrative of Bostopia's intentions to attempt to bring the sting out of Dantopia's flow, but they did offer a threat when Ethan Artson flashed one off target following a cross from Thered on the left-hand side.

Zeke Edwards

On the hour mark, Bishop would choose to change the forward line completely, bringing off Adeyemi, Brunson and Thomas, for Hollins, Edwards and Taramaia. The triple substitution proved fruitful after just five-minutes, when Taramaia's delightful cross was met by an acrobatic volley from the Waiakea Warriors forward, helping him net his ninth goal for the national team. Edwards would raise his fist pridefully in-front of the travelling Dantopian fanbase, confident that he had just secured his country with a place in the knock-out stages once and for all. The remainder of the match would indeed all go the Lions' way, but spirited efforts from Eric Lucin would deny the Dantopians a third goal, as the Bostopian keeper remained resolute to keep his side in the match. He frustrated Nico Hollins a couple of times, and thwarted a long-range effort from substitute Omari Opetaia, who replaced team captain Ezra Cunningham after seventy-two minutes.

Group P World Cup 101 Group Stage
POSNATIONPWDLGFGAGDPTS
1  Banija            3   3   0   0   8   2   +6   9
2  Dantopia          3   2   0   1   6   4   +2   6
3  Farfadillis       3   1   0   2   5   5    0    3
4  Bostopia          3   0   0   3   0   8   -8   0

The referee would eventually blow the whistle on proceedings, Rick Bishop's side failing to test the Bostopian back-line properly in the final quarter of the match, instead focussing on maintaining possession and seeing out the game professionally. With the win, the Dantopians can look forward to a fixture against Anaian side Aleirave. The Baptism of Fire 78 champions also secured a second-place finish in their group — defeating Valentine Z 4-1, playing out for a scoreless draw against the Bhumi Matawis Empire, and losing narrowly to the reigning World Cup champions, the Squornshelan Remnant States. 'The Seagulls' topped Group 2 with 41 points in qualifying and will provide a significant test for the Lions, outranking them by 53 places in the latest world rankings, which pit Dantopia in 82nd and Aleirave in 29th place respectively. 34-year-old Efineha Tesuna'e plays for Ko-oren top-flight side Katashi-Kanatsu and will likely provide the main threat.

Rick Bishop has masterfully guided the Lions not only to the World Cup finals, but now also to the knock-out stages of the competition being held in Farfadillis, Paradystopia ~~and Wight~~. For how much longer this fairy-tale story can go remains up in the air, though from this point onwards, every test will be incredibly difficult for the Lions, with such high stakes in every ninety-minute encounter — not that matches against Banija, Bostopia and hosts Farfadillis weren't challenging enough already. Fans of the national team in Farfadillis and Paradystopia, as well as back home, will undoubtedly continue to cheer on the Lions with fierce and fervent support. Perhaps something magical can happen against Aleirave too, but Rick Bishop and his men certainly have their work cut out for them.

xg.unit
1d

Dantopia (2.34) 2-0 (0.41) Bostopia #DANvsBOS #WorldCup101 #GroupStage #GroupP

dantopia.football
1d

Thanks to goals from @bradini.9.brunson and @zeke.edwards, the Lions have advanced to the knock-out stages in #WorldCup101 and will face #Aleirave in the Round of 32. #Dantopia #Lions #RoundOf32

Expected Line-up — Ro32 vs. Aleirave:

Starting Eleven:
GKP: 1. Alex Bullvale
DEF: 2. Sam Robinson-Tate — 5. Makaio Cruz-Richards — 4. Keegan Foster — 21. Kaleb Kahananui
MID: 8. Ezra Cunningham (C) — 6. Kai Watanabe — 10. Johnny Kealoha
FWD: 11. Adebayo Adeyemi — 9. Bradini Brunson — 7. Jeremiah Taramaia
Available Substitutes:
13. Winston Akana — 12. Raphael Lacroix — 15. Emerson Cromwell — 16. Dalton O'Higgins — 18. Elleby Young — 20. Bradley Bing — 17. Nico Hollins — 19. Zeke Edwards — 25. Zaïre Thomas

OOC DISCLAIMER: The portrait of the Dantopian player in the cica.da chirp image was created with the help of generative AI, but this was based on a completely hand-made kit image, and the entire image was also hand-edited afterwards. If proof is required for what the raw AI image was, this can be happily given upon request. The likenesses of players and managers have also been created with the help of generative AI. Every other image in this RP was completely hand-made.

by **Audioslavia** » Thu Jun 11, 2026 5:33 pm

Matchday three had started with a stampede. Kjartan Lúnquerque getting a second bite at a bouncing ball after Fahmi Zamri could only parry his first effort, digging the ball into the net on the turn, and pumping his fist in furious celebration. Then Denzel Keegan’s finish to make it two, the game not even twelve minutes old, and smiles all round the Audioslavians.

And then slowly, but surely, the game began to stagnate. Not in the way Audioslavian defences would like - with the opposition attack stifled through lack of space - but via mistakes creeping in to both sides, and routine defensive actions becoming slower and clumsier. Suddenly, late in the first half, Audioslavia’s lead halved, and throughout the second half the game was not so much a test of whether Audioslavia could rack up the required Goal Difference in order to be more certain of making the next round, but whether the side would even win at all.

Come full-time, the stats suggested Masraya had been the better, more enterprising team. The Bulls could count themselves lucky that results elsewhere put them through to the second round. Less fortunate news revealed the identity of their opponents in the Last 32.

There are so many retrospectives on the Audio/Squorn rivalry that you could do a retrospective of all the different retrospectives that have been done. A retrospective retrospective. There are deep dives into the history of the fixture that are, themselves, old enough to go and vote shortly after dropping their kid off at school. We won’t go over old ground (except for this part, which copies the previous retread that itself promised not to go over old ground). Here are the cliff notes:

Squornshelous usually win.

The Bulls are 3-2-8 all-time against Squornshelous and/or her Remnant States. The eight are in qualifiers, playoffs and friendly tournaments. The three takes in a World Cup Quarter-Final, a World Cup Semi-final and a World Cup final. The last but one World Cup final, of course. Goran Yurán from forty-five yards and all that.

So what's the 'rule' here? Do Audioslavia win if it's the business end of the World Cup? While Squornshelous win everything else? If so... where does the line go? Is the second round of the World Cup a 'business end'? The last 32? The knockout rounds? These are some vital questions that football fans will have to ask themselves as a distraction for the stress of having to go into a game against the reigning World Champions and world #1 ranked team while completely mis-firing yourselves.

Whatever the history books say, Tarbi Ksudach’s voice speaks louder. The Black-and-Reds are the best team in the world. The Bulls will need a visit from the gods at the weekend if they’re to come out on top.

--

9: Let Go, Take Flight
recommended soundtrack to accompany this text

In the final of World Cup 4, Brian Leetch scored a brace to win the title for Dennisov. Nobody else had ever scored two goals in a World Cup final, at least that we know of. These two goals put the striker alone at the top of the World Cup Final scoring chart for fourteen cycles before Sani Luvo’s futile hat-trick relegated him to second place. A handful of players would eventually join Luvo on three World Cup Final goals. Alongside fellow hat-trick heroes Brian Wilson and Jeong Jihun, two players managed to score their three goals over the course of two World Cup finals. Kiso Night scored in the World Cup 42 final to add to his brace in WC40. Karsten Eiger would score two goals in World Cup 63’s final and a notch again in World Cup 64.

Three goals is not the record, though. Not for WC final goals over the course of a career. And not even for goals scored in one single World Cup final.

Milchama had already suffered a heavy loss in a World Cup final, having been cast aside 4-1 by Ariddia in the WC34 final, and so when Migelo Luiso netted to put Capitaliszt Slani three-nothing up after just thirty-seven minutes of the WC39 final, the Milchamians at least recognised the writing on the wall. Luiso had started writing on the wall himself after just ten minutes, firing in the go-ahead goal, and was already well into his impassioned screed on thirteen minutes later when he’d added a second. That thirty-seventh minute strike made his WC final hat-trick the fastest in history at just twenty seven minutes from first goal to last.

Player     Minutes to complete hat-trick (goal times)
Migelo Luiso 27 (10, 13, 37)
Jeong Jihun  36 (15, 45+1, 51)
Sani Luvo    49 (14, 34, 63)
Brian Wilson 54 (4, 21, 58)

Karsten Piestert put the tie beyond doubt on sixty minutes with a goal to make it four-nothing, before Luiso popped up in injury time to add the cherry to the cake, becoming the first ever player - and to date, only player - to score four goals in a World Cup final.

And of course, with four goals, you could argue that he both tops and tails the above chart.

Player     Minutes to complete hat-trick (goal times)
Migelo Luiso 27 (10, 13, 37)
Jeong Jihun  36 (15, 45+1, 51)
Sani Luvo    49 (14, 34, 63)
Brian Wilson 54 (4, 21, 58)
Migelo Luiso 80 (13, 57, 90+3)

As of World Cup 100, only one other player has managed to hit exactly four WC final goals total. Banijan striker Abel Wesoloski-Okafor hit braces in the WC93 and WC94 finals to go joint second with Luiso on the all-time chart.

So Luiso and Wesoloski-Okafor are joint second, who’s first?

You know who. Six feet, five inches of nominative determinism. The perpetual motion machine. Dance With The Dead’s remix of Neo Tokyo. Laborious Hawk.

Okay let me try to describe to you the problem that lies in front of me once again.

When you try to help someone understand the sheer size of the Milky Way by writing to them about it in English, you rather step all over the idea you’re trying to convey. You’re trying to convey the majesty of one hundred thousand light years and four hundred thousand billion stars, but you’re doing so through employing the same grunts and squeaks you use when asking where the toilet is. Language is not the ideal medium. Music and video, that would help, but I still feel I’d rather limbo dance under a combine harvester than make a video, so I’ll persist with language.

Anyway. Every couple of years I sit here and I throw some stats together about something related to Vanorian football, and the numbers go so profoundly ↗ that I have something of a crisis when I try to sit and communicate the sheer fucking ↗ of the numbers.

Here’s the Laborious Hawk number. I will try to do justice to how indescribably ↗ it is.

We’ve already established that, across the 23-year, 234-goal history of the Nationstates World Cup Final, only five goals have been scored from a distance of 25 to 39 yards out. Only nine goals in total have been scored from further out than 25 yards of the goal, period. And three of them are god-mods.

So get this. Of all Laborious Hawk’s six WC final goals. The average distance from goal from which each shot was taken…

Is 26 yards.

With it just being twenty five yards out, Laborious decided he was going to have a crack on goal. With his powerful deliverry, he watched the ball curl around the wall and into the near corner, with Kanga not being able to react in time.
Valanora (2008-05-08)

It was not seven goals scored by him as legends and rumors would have, though a hat trick and an assist in the four other goals gave credence that he did indeed have a hand in every goal. A pair of his trademark thirty yard bomb set pieces in the first half gave the Marauders the halftime lead they desired.
Valanora (2012-09-21)

Ten minutes passed before there was another set piece, this time from just twenty two yards out that he atypical went with placement over power and gathered his hattrick.
Valanora (2012-09-21)

"Another round?" The waitress asked them. Said yes. They were drinking a local beer- why not?

The Banijans, in this half, were mostly sitting back. It was clear Pam Scott was happy being 2-0 up while being up a man- the odds were heavily stacked against Valanora at this point. "Man, I can't believe we're about to win this thing. Another World Cup! Pam Scott- the woman, the myth, the legend, the GOAT."

"Well, don't count your chickens before they hatch." Said another friend. "You know how these games go. One moment and..."

"Don't be nervous!" Lotobo said. "You know that we-" And then, he stopped. The moment everybody was worried about. A ball, popped straight up to the chest of Laborious Hawk. Hawk then controlled it, turned, and hit it with his left foot straight out of the air- nearly 30 yards from goal.

"You have GOT to be absolutely-" What Lotobo's friend was going to say, was never heard, as the bar exploded into delirium. It was a wonder goal. The Valanora commentator was screaming how this was potentially the goal of the tournament, and honestly, who could disagree. A half-volley in a World Cup Final to bring your team back to life? What was looking like a march for Banija was suddenly a game again- and everybody in the bar was energized. Laborious Hawk was playing like a madman- the passion was clear for everyone to see. He seemed as if he was two players at once, evening the numbers- everywhere and anywhere, and of course he would get this goal.

As Lothas Ludwig was digging the ball out of the net, they were imploring their fans to get louder, get more energized. Was a comeback starting for the 5 time world champions? Could they ever say die?

Banijan television commentators, 71st minute

Color Commmentator: Wow, oh wow! The drama of this World Cup Final. Banija seemed to be looking dead set at getting this trophy- our third ever World Cup title- but probably the nation that defines the very concept of winning in this tournament, Valanora, is back in it, and with a vengeance. Laborious Hawk's volley has put Valanora only down 1, and even while playing with only 10 players, they seem to be in pretty damn good shape.
Banija (2023-09-07)

Barely more than five minutes later, they would pick the defense apart once again, this time with Haaland laying the ball off to Hawk for an untouchable finish from the edge of the box. Two goals up inside of fifteen minutes, and with McGill struggling to get touches to that point, all seemed to be going to plan for the Marauders.
Squornshelous (2024-09-24)

Orange: Salakerijasamenatira Harakemindanutikejil’s 25-yard free-kick opened the scoring in the WC18 final. It ranks tenth in terms of the longest-range goals in World Cup history.
Marauder blue: The average distance from goal of a Laborious Hawk WC final goal

Hawk’s six goals are a record. He’s been conspicuous by his absence up to now because we wanted to give him his own Untitled Hawk Episode rather than spending a few lines in each section talking about him. He has a World Cup Final hat-trick to his name, netting three goals (and four assists) in Valanora’s 7-1 home win against The Sylvanaes Queendom in the final of World Cup 61. That he’s scored in four different World Cup finals - cycles 40, 61, 94 and 97 - is also a record, as is the fact that he’s scored in two different RL decades. As is the fact that he’s scored in three different RL decades. And we can’t even be sure he isn’t at the top of this table, which we present to you for the third and final time:

Player     Minutes to complete hat-trick (goal times)
Laborious Hawk ?? (First Half, First Half, 61)
Migelo Luiso   27 (10, 13, 37)
Jeong Jihun    36 (15, 45+1, 51)
Sani Luvo      49 (14, 34, 63)
Brian Wilson   54 (4, 21, 58)
Migelo Luiso   80 (13, 57, 90+3)

If it turns out the first of those free-kicks came on or before the 34th minute, then he also has the quickest hat-trick in WC final history.

If it weren’t for the fact that only six of Valanora’s nine World Cup final appearances were actually RP’d, some of these figures might have been even higher. Neither Valanora’s 5-1 win over Demot nor their 4-0 win over Sorthern Northland made it into print. Nor did a match that would otherwise be labelled one of the World Cup’s classic finals - Starblaydia 2-1 Valanora in the first cycle of the modern era.

Ten Vanorian goals go unaccounted for. It’s not unlikely that Laborious Hawk not only doubles the combined goal total of the second and third most prolific World Cup goalscorers, but that the combined distance of his shots covers more than the length of two football pitches. The six goals we have on record already stretch to around the length of one and a half football pitches.

The six Laborious Hawk goals in record are from a combined distance of 155 yards, well over the length of a full football pitch

by **Zenic** » Thu Jun 11, 2026 11:35 pm

Zys would agree that 'The Survivors' is an apt name for Zenic's national team after the most recent results in the World Cup.

After that horrific first match against Flavovespia, Zenic had been dealing with an uphill battle the rest of the group stage. They managed to beat HUElavia, if just barely thanks to a blitzing Devor's thundering shot within the opponent's penalty box on the counter. That gave them some breathing room as they could now advance with only a draw against The Golden Harp. Going for the draw had never truly been Zys' style and was only employed when absolutely needed. Going for the win against their final group stage opponent paid off, if just barely.

The Golden Harp actually got off to a quick start with an opening goal after 11 minutes. The Holy Harps recovered the ball near their goalie box and started the counter attack towards the Survivors goal. Eventually, the ball made its way to the feet of Ninniau Steed, who beat Mosley in a one-on-one by getting VERY open after breaking Gopal Pekko's ankles (figuratively, not literally) on a deke. It was the ideal start for the Independent squad and a nightmare start for the Rushmoris. In real time, Zenic were on the outside looking in amongst the rest of the third place teams. Zenic could have grown desperate and no one would have blamed them but Zys knew this squad was better than that.

The Survivors settled down and searched for the prime opportunity to equalize. They got it when the skipper, Faulkner Dejulio, threaded the needle and found Giuseppe Allegri Gentile on a run through the back line and right into the box. Gentile had yet to score in this World Cup but that changed when he beat the keeper on the near / right side for the tie with 3 minutes in regulation plus stoppage for the first half. The momentum from that score carried on as Zenic attacked a few more times in the first half and came close to making it 2-1. Alas, that score would have to wait until the second half before being realized as Undeio Dettmann was on the receiving end of a Nakazawa Shuji cross Dettmann slotted into the lower right corner to put his nation up 2-1 just 6 minutes into the second half.

While the Survivors appeared to have found their groove and were maintaining the lead comfortably, Zys decided to bring in both Burley Trac and Thuan Byford for their final World Cup group stage match with 15 minutes left in the game. It seemed like a welcomed decision as the Zenicians in the crowd roared in cheering and thunderous applause as the two veterans entered the pitch. The two had done so much for not just the Survivors but the Empire as well with their training academies and ventures abroad to display Zenician sporting talent. Zys wasn't sure how much he would be able to play the two in the knockout rounds so he wanted to at least get them one extra tally in the 'How many World Cups did Thuan Byford, Burley Trac, and co play in?' in the record books.. and bar trivia night question. The sentimental decision would thankfully pay off.

Maruscak was able to win a penalty in the 82nd minute with Zys motioning for everyone but Hodge, Mosley, and corner taker Dettmann into the box. Once the kick entered the box, Byford leapt into the air with as much force as he could muster now and somehow headed the ball towards goal. Gavin Kelleher did a fantastic job of saving the shot but was left in a position on the floor with little chance of saving a rebuttal, such as one from Burley Trac who launched into the top half of the net for a magical moment that would be remembered for the rest of their lives and everyone in attendance as well. 3-1 seemed like an insurmountable lead but the thought would perish shockingly quick as the Holy Harps responded in the 87th with a Hal Perrot strike from just outside the box. 3-2 definitely made many fans of the Survivors pucker up and start praying to any and every god of sports for their team to hold on. And they did, even with a few VERY close calls near the end.

The win saw them swap places with The Golden Harp, claiming second in the group as Flavovespia were guaranteed to win the group regardless of their result against HUElavia thanks to winning most tiebreakers against Zenic or The Golden Harp. The close match meant that Flavovespia, Zenic, and The Golden Harp would advance with the first two in automatic spots and the Golden Harp finishing in the top half of the best third place teams table. Thankfully, Zenic were seeded in a way that they were able to remain in Paradystopia and avoid having to factor in travel or jet lag into their preparation plans. And based on who they were pitted against in the Round of 32? They would need it.

Zenic would be traveling to Pantsdon (not too far from Farslum and Oeopolis) to play the 6th best team in the world rankings and fellow group runner-up, Aphrilia. As Zenic were holding on for dear life in Oeopolis against The Golden Harp, Aphrilia was knocking the socks off of another group of Rushmoris, Oberour Ar Moro, 4-0 in Urbsclavium. Geraldo Zys had spent a few late nights in a row thinking of ways to overcome such a talented team that had momentum on their side, even though Zenic were currently on a two game winning streak. Part of it was the enormous win over Oberour Ar Moro but part of it was also the motivation to win it all for their teammate, Amelia Haze. Zys had learned about the medical incident in the Chromatika - Aphrilia match on the news while working late night on a plan for the Zenic's final group stage match but unfortunately was unable to properly respond or do anything in support considering the situation he and the Survivors were caught in. Maybe he'd say some words of support before or after their Round of 32 match.

But Zenic had their own extra motivation to propel them forward: win it for the legends. For a 'last hurrah', it has certainly been a topsy-turvy ride from beginning until now. This squad had already achieved so much: win the Copa Rushmori, make 6 straight World Cups, relaunch Zenic's domestic league, and inspire a new generation of talent that's ready (or almost ready) to take over. The only thing that would make this even goodbye tour for some of this squad all the sweeter? Winning Zenic's first ever World Cup knockout round match. Being able to get past that seemingly unclimbable and unbreakable wall could have resonating effects that may legitimately change the futbol landscape for years to come.

Zys had already shifted the minds of the citizens of Zenic about just what they could accomplish on the international stage. Why not shift them just a little more?

by **Paradystopia** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 2:31 am

The Shoggoth

by Edgar Allan Pœnguin

'Twas upon an evening grey, the last fleeting flickers of the day
When night's sweet calm descends across the colony
Thus I allowed myself to rest, betwixt my neighbours tightly pressed
But an alien note had coalesced amidst the sound of sea
'Just some odd gull' I thought it must be, on the waves, out at sea
Yet the whisper on the wind, 'Tekeli-li'

Sleep did not come unperturbed, for something had my mind disturbed
Of what was the curious call of this banshee?
Then Lo, again I hear the cry, drifting through the darkened sky
Tones I can't identify, and growing closer clearly
'Whatever could this thing be that's approaching us so clearly?
With ominous drone of 'Tekeli-li''

By now I had been stirred alert, by unnatural sounds that disconcert
My brethren I aroused that they might see
The owner of this looming howl, in otherworldly hues so foul
A guttural and gruesome growl advancing upon us so rapidly
"What evil lurks there in the dark who nears this place so rapidly?"
A cold reply was heard of 'Tekeli-li'

"Show yourself!" was our demand, though unsure if the interloper would understand
Whilst we surveyed the murky night most anxiously
About the ground did suffuse, a vast and formless viridian ooze
Who reared up into our views grinning demonically
That is, two of three mouths sneered demonically
The third simply spake 'Tekeli-li'

Then quick as a flash, their motive was clear as a pseudopod did to my kinsman adhere
In spite of his fighting and flailing to get free
Then drawn he was into toothy maw, which proceeded to chew and grimly gnaw
Watch we did with panicked awe, 'Oh, the penguinity!'
'Will anyone save us and our penguinity!'
Quoth the shoggoth 'Tekeli-li'

So bravely did I then take up my sword ...

"Ok ... whoa whoa ... I'm gonna stop you there, Ed. Now whilst I'd like to maintain the artistic integrity of Penguin poetry open mic night, and allow everyone the opportunity to present their material upon any topic that inspires them, I do think that your poem, 'The Shoggoth' was it? Ok, well, I do think that in this case it might be a little ... well, insensitive ..."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, first of all, many of our kinfolk have actually died at the hands of shoggoths over the last few days so it's quite an emotionally charged subject matter. For you then to, and by all means stop me if I'm wrong, for you to then insinuate you would take up a weapon and strike down aforementioned beast thus becoming a self-declared hero of penguinkind, it's ... well, I for one feel it's a little too 'on the beak' as it were."

"I mean, I do reckon I could have one of those slimy buggers ..."

"As that may be, how would you actually hold a sword?"

"Should I change it to 'gun'?"

"I think my point still stands Ed. We have to accept that flippers aren't the most dextrous of appendages."

"Artistic licence?"

"I mean, that is true. However, in light of recent events, I feel it's best if we try avoid the subject of shoggoths and the potential genocide of our people attached to their being here in Paradystopia."

"At least Jim showed them what for in Saltquarry. 3-2 to Paradystopia. Take that, you stinky blobs! Actually, what if I changed the poem to be about Jim striking down shoggoths with a sword? Or a gun? Maybe even a big cannon? Splat them lumbering balls of pus!"

"Possibly Ed, but that's maybe a project for another time, okay? As I said, I really don't want to 'cramp your style' or suchlike, but I just feel that we should maybe not reference atrocities when they're quite so, well, 'fresh'"

"Ok, fair enough."

"Thank you Ed. Okay, who's next? Bernard? Wonderful. Okay Bernard, the stage is all yours ..."

Fish: A haiku

by Bernard

Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish.
In jars, tins, tubs and cartons.
I wish I had thumbs.

"That it? Ok, lovely. Short and sweet. Thank you, Bernard, though I do feel we need to wean you off of Vdaran poetry and on to something, well, better ..."

NB

All text above translated from penguin.
Any similarities between the first poem and this poem purely coincidental.
Any similarities between the second poem and one of these is completely intentional.

by **Squornshelan Remnant States** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 5:05 am

Ksudach Bounce Back propels Black-and-Reds

After a fairly quiet qualifying by his lofty standards, and some unsteady performances in the first two games of the group stage, overshadowed by fellow left wing Soile Raynott, Tarbi Ksudach reiterated his dominance as one of the foremost scoring threats in the game, scoring a pair of goals to erase an Aleiravan lead and later put the Confederacy into the lead, ensuring a perfect group stage record.

Perhaps more than Ksudach's performance, though, this match will be remembered for an absolutely frantic seven minutes in the first half, which began scoreless, and ended with the teams once again deadlocked, but this time at two-all. Neither goalkeeper nor back line was on point, as first Madathil, then Pekole, then Tyonko, and finally Ksudach found the back of the net. Pekole in particular looked very strong, and was probably the best player on either side in the first half after coming on when Fuseraka was in obvious discomfort after being clattered hard by Tatsinan early on. One certainly hopes it's just a bruise and that the Aleiravan defender will be able to return for the knockouts. Tatsinan, for her part, got her second booking in as many matches, and has looked distinctly out of sorts. She was replaced by Sevet-Ibilx at the half, and with the uncertainty of the knockout stages, one imagines that her World Cup might well be over, at least in terms of starting appearances.

The second half was generally more of what one would expect from the Black-and-Reds, controlling possession, pushing numbers forward toward goal when opportunity arose, but they were unable to find that little bit of touch to finish things off. Aodhan was not particularly accurate on the afternoon, squandering a few good half-chances, though in her defense there was nothing clear cut that she got a chance at. The space was more out on the wings, away from the dense Aleiravan center. Madathil and Starovoitov cooperated well as usual down the right, and it was one of their forays forward that created the winner, as they drew the defense gradually further and further outside, down toward the corner flag before Madathil somehow opened space from seemingly nowhere and whipped a cross past two Aleiravans. The incoming ball caught many in the box flat-footed, Ysenika and Deriglazov included, and as a result it actually hit the ground, bounding to the far side where Ksudach controlled it neatly from the chest and shot on the volley, finishing with the outside of his foot to send the ball back against the grain as Yusenika rushed across the goalmouth.

In the end maximum points from the group stage is perhaps a deceptive result, as the Black-and-Reds haven't had a signature, dominating win, taking all their contests by a single goal, trailing at multiple points, and needing late winners in all three matches to avoid dropping points. They'll be faced already with an opportunity to notch that signature win though, early in the knockout run as unexpected results in Group D have thrown two of the best teams in the world together, creating a matchup that could easily, and in fact has quite recently been a final, in the round of 32 instead. Rescuing themselves with a final matchday win after losing to Pasarga and Eshialand, it's none other than seventh-ranked Audioslavia who are paired with the Black-and-Reds from the third place table. So much for a high knockout seed guaranteeing an easier opponent. True, the Bulls are out of form, only managing to win the match against 144th-ranked Masraya. Still, as observed above, the Black-and-Reds have looked quite human in their finals matches thus far, and with a rivalry matchup like this, literally anything can happen. This is, however, the best opportunity yet for a Squornshelan team to finally take a win against Audioslavia in the World Cup Finals, so here's hoping.

SRS:

Pharlain     5.3
Kamgang      5.7
Tutku        6.0
Tirel        6.7
Tatsinan     5.6  _ 12'
Thakkar      6.6
Madathil     8.1  ○ 29'
Raynott      6.8
Starovoitov  7.0
Ksudach      7.1  ○ 36' & 84'
Aodhan       6.6
Subs:
Sevet-Ibilx  7.2           (Tatsinan)
Deriglazov   6.0           (Aodhan)
Detkov       6.7           (Madathil)
Shiben       5.8           (Kamgang)

ALR:

Yusenika       4.4
Evatene        4.6
Lehi'ona       6.1
T. Tesuna'e    4.8
Fuseraka       4.3
Lifevaneka     5.3
Tyonko         6.8  ○ 33'
E. Tesuna'e    4.7
Noselela       4.7
Ho'uminalu     5.0
Veshchik       6.0
Subs:
Pekole         7.1  ○ 30'    (Fuseraka)
Alako          5.4           (Evatene)
Fiasala        5.2           (Noselela)

Goals:
Madathil 29' (Thakkar)
Pekole 30' (Veshchik)
Tyonko 33' (Pekole)
Ksudach 36' (Starovoitov)
Ksudach 84' (Madathil)

Player of the Match
Tarbi Ksudach

by **Indusse** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 7:09 am

WORLD CUP SPECIAL | SPORTS EDITION

SAFE FOR NOW, BUT FOREVER?

St. Agnant's: Indusse had a very crucial match against Dhemixia in their last fixture at St. Agnant's in the World Cup group stage. Talk about how stressful the Indussean team and fans can be. The flocking blues managed to keep their World Cup dream alive by luck more than the skills. Indusse qualifies and goes into the Round of 32 as the 32nd and final qualifying team. As Indusse went for their final group stage match against Dhemixia, there was a lot of demands for qualification in their plate. They desperately needed a result and that too a victory to stay away from the red zone. The breakthrough that the team hoped finally came in the 65th minute when Djenkzo was able to score from a cross over the right corner securing a safe and dramatic victory for just one single goal.

A victory had finally happened, but that was not all. Indusse was sharing the same points as their rival Reçueçn. Indusse's fate was completely out of their hands and depended on Reçueçn's match against Saint Eleanor. Both Reçueçn and Saint Eleanor had defeated Indusse in their respective group fixtures which got the flocking blues in such an awkward situation. As the camp received the news of Reçueçn suffering a tough 2-0 defeat to Saint Eleanor, the fans and the players erupted with joy. Just because of how lucky the numbers turned out, Indusse got pushed to third place based on goal difference making a safe and close entry to the round of thirty two.

Indusse was lucky enough to grab the very last spot available for the knockout rounds with those numbers in hand. The round of thirty two matchups were drawn and Indusse has to face Chromatika at Farfadillis. This isn't just any regular knockout match for the flocking blues, It’s a massive revenge game for them. The last time these two teams faced off was in the exact same round during the 25th edition of the Independents Association Championship, and Chromatika walked away with the win. Indusse has been waiting for a chance to settle that score, and there is no bigger stage to do it than this. A game that was lost due to negligence was back here giving a second chance for the Flocking Blues.

Internal reports suggests that there won't be any tactical surprises or changes in the playing eleven heading into the match, with Indusse set to stick with the exact same starting eleven. Camanin has informed that substitutions will surely take place this time since this match needs power and pride. Will Indusse settle the score or is it another disappointing result that will send them back home?

Indusse 1 - 0 Dhemixia
Playing XI: Shehzad (GK), Cyrus, Paulson, Adhaan, Bhattacharya (All Defenders), O'Shaughnessy , Grundjee, Djetson (All Midfielders), Mersiás (c), Rahul, Djenkzo (All Attackers)
Substitutions: None
Goals: Djenkzo (65')

by **Yangchenia** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 7:54 am

A Stockholm Friendship
Chapter 18

It was now twelve o’clock, and Yuko was making his way to the dining hall, which was situated not that far from his classroom, just in the building across from his. This specific cafeteria, like many within the campus grounds, was crowded with students from different grade levels, some maybe in their later years of college, while others were still in their freshman years of high school. Laid out in neat rows were a hundred tables, each able to seat eight people, within this cafeteria alone to accommodate the nearly 30,000 students that attended UniRai, yet even with that amount of tables, it still wasn't enough to seat everyone who had made their way to this dining hall, as many students either gathered in small groups, maybe enough to fill half the seats of each table, while others were just completely on their own. Yuko belonged to the latter of this category, alongside many students who seemed to not be from Raijugang, or Yangchenia at all, for that matter. Across from him, seated at another table was a short, tan-skinned boy, who had a small turban wrapped around his head with a moon symbol fastened onto its front, yet it wasn't enough to hide the small strands of hair long enough to poke through. This boy wasn't new to Yuko, who remembered seeing him in his classroom as well, he was the Gesarian immigrant named Kiran, his surname he had forgotten. He didnt speak Yangini, Bajanese or Heimian (Chinese, Japanese and Russian) that well, yet he was able to understand basic English, alongside his native language, which Yuko believed was Qanupaq, judging by the way he had greeted Old Ta with a Nayamaste rather than Namashde in Standard Gesarian. He tried to strike a conversation with Kiran, a small gesture indicating Yuko was willing to talk, but it seemed Kiran was more of the shy type, who remained tight lipped, only uttering the words: “Bi chamlai mede-cindina”, which Yuko was unable to understand. Behind him on another table sat another boy, maybe sixteen years old who was also from his class. His name was Ren Tshangwen, who was born on the mainland in the city of Samdrup Jongkhar. Peeking over his shoulder, Yuko saw that Ren was on his phone, playing some game. He was completely silent this entire time, which was why it startled Yuko when he suddenly let out a loud scream audible throughout the hall.

“Well, that was loud. Are you playing something?”, Yuko attempted to strike a conversation.
“Uh, duh, it’s a game called Desavia 66, I’m playing as Miran Vost. And these bastards just shot my friend. FUCK THE ARMY.”
“Alright, maybe chill out for a second?”
“They shot her, that girl was damn hot and they drove a bullet straight through her cranium! FUCK YOU KARLA!”

Suddenly, one of the girls who were seated on the table in front of Yuko stood up from her seat, walked over to Ren, and decked him in the head, sending him tumbling to the ground. “And what do you want to fuck me for, huh new kid? I’m Karla Zavara, my father is in the army as well, do you hate us or something? You should know that I can sue your ass into the slums, you dimwit!”
Alright, maybe let him cooldown for a while, he thought.

Towards the other side of the dining hall meanwhile were a group of students creating what seemed to be protest signs. These were the fellow scholarship students who came from the less-fortunate neighborhoods of Raijugang like Kanazawa, most of them sitting in the classroom directly next to Yuko’s, a political group of students demanding reform and aid to the poor from a government rife with corruption.

While all the other tables around Yuko were crowded with people, in contrast, he still sat there in solitude. A new student, and worse, one from a poorer background, his peers, who all came from the wealthy elite, weren't exactly interested in socializing with someone from such an origin. Juxtaposing his situation, in front of him was another table of around eight girls—their table brimming with all kinds of food from different cuisines, seemingly discussing all the latest fashion trends sweeping Raijugang. Yuko’s table however, remained bare except for the table cloth. His pockets were empty, say for a small 5 Ngultrum coin, its copper surface glinting as it caught the rays of sunlight passing through the open area, which in this city, could barely buy you anything. The money his father had given him, all 15,000 Ngultrums of his hard-earned savings which was supposed to be for paying off his creditors, was all he had, and he didn't want to spend the money Riku had sacrificed to give to him on small things. That was his blood money. But as someone from Kanazawa, he was used to hunger, so not eating, even for an entire day, was normal for him.

He was still watching the group of girls sitting in front of him from a distance, overhearing their conversation. The blonde haired girl whose back was facing towards him, whom they called Alina, seemingly bragged about her father buying her a private jet for her 18th birthday, which was in a week from now. “Such a lavish gift”, Yuko believed. “A full damn plane.” Gifts of such magnitude were completely foreign to him, not that he was well acquainted with receiving any gifts at all. The best he could hope for during his childhood was maybe a piece of street food sold by many roaming vendors in Kanazawa, yet this was already a cause of guilt for him given his family’s financial situation. Expecting gifts in his mind was nothing short of selfishness—disrespect towards one who had sacrificed everything to earn enough to raise him. Another person, this time a boy dressed in a neatly-pressed polo laughed from the table across them. “That’s all you got? I got a full private island for my 18th birthday!”, he said with a smug grin forming on his face. “A luxurious retreat in the Serentia islands.” A waitress suddenly waltzed over to the girls’ table, delivering more of their orders. She read out their total bill, 18,000 Ngultrums (600 USD), just for a single day’s lunch. Yuko’s jaw almost dropped. That’s more than his father’s entire savings, more money than the entire Tanaka family had to their name, all spent in just a single lunch. It was only then when he realized he truly didnt belong to this world. It was only fortune that brought such a man here.

He was still gobsmacked when he suddenly heard someone pull out the chair next to his. At first he thought someone was just borrowing the chair, after all, no one else was seated at his table. Then, from the corner of his eye, he saw a figure sit down right next to him. He never expected anyone to sit next to him. But there, as his eyes shot sideward, there she was, seated on the chair to his right, her dark hair, coupled with her red bowtie immediately giving her identity away. It was Kaya.
Yuko’s breath hitched in his throat. “Wh-wh-what are you doing here?”
“Come on. The entire table’s empty. I don't think you have seven people all this late, right?”
“No, it's true, I am alone, but—”
“So it is just you. Then I can sit here.”, she shot back.
“Well, yes, but—”
“But what?”
“But why? Everything why! Why sit next to someone like me?”
“Why not?”
“Why not? You’re the daughter of the most powerful man in this fucking island. The daughter of the Yazawa boss. I’m just the son of your debtor. We are not equals.”
“First of all, she’s the most powerful woman in this fucking island. Second of all, I know that we aren't equals, but who cares? I can sit wherever I want, and I want to sit next to you. You said we aren't equals, so why question my decision?”
“I—fine.”, Yuko relented. “But I have so many questions right now.”
Kaya let out a light laugh, then stared at the empty table.
“You haven't eaten yet?”, she said, surprised.
“Not really. Like I said, my family’s poor, and I come from a rundown area. This place is expensive. Besides, I’m used to going hungry anyway, so I—”
Before he had the chance to finish, Kaya reached into her purse before laying down 5000 Ngultrums in front of him, the face of the three captains of the Sapphire Swan, the first Msalkan ship to circumnavigate the world, printed onto the sleek plastic bill.
“Here. Go get yourself something.”
“But…”, he said surprised. “This is your money!”
“I have three hundred thousand in my purse. It’s nothing.”
“THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND?”
Kaya smiled. “Yes. I'm still Yazawa, you know. Now go get something. I dont want my friend going hungry.”
Yuko stopped her there. “Now hold on, who said we were friends?”
“I did.”
Her answer felt final.
“You can't just decide that on your own!”
“I can. And you are my friend now. Besides.”
Kaya moved her chair closer to his, her dark eyes staring directly into his own. “It’s better to be my friend than my foe, otherwise you never know whether or not each day will be your last.”
Yuko backed down for a second, really processing what she just said. The blood of the most powerful clan in Raijugang, the blood of the people that sent his entire family down with the chains of debt, the very blood that killed his father, now considered him a “friend.” Not foe or fiend, friend.
“What?”, he said, the word escaping as a dry wheeze. “You really do?”
“Why would I be lying? I’m serious.”
“But why?”
“Oh, you’re so full of questions.”, she said in a playfully annoyed manner. Then her smile gave way to that serious look she normally sports, letting out a disappointed sigh. “But the truth is, this is a rare moment for me since I’ve always been alone my entire life. The daughter of a powerful mafia family can attract foes, but it doesn't really help attract friends you know? True friends I mean. The only friends I’ve ever known were ones that were only after my connections to the mafia. Other than that, they didn't give a damn about me. Oftentimes anyone I try to talk to just runs away before giving me a chance. They label me a monster before they even hear my voice. I know what my family does. I am not denying that our business is clean, and I myself have partaken in really messed up shit. But for once, I want to be a normal kid. I want to be both Yazawa and normal in a way. But I’ve long accepted that that is an impossible ask. You cant separate power from my surname. Until I met you. You didn't give a care in the world that people were avoiding me. That’s different. That’s what makes you my friend now.

So please, no matter what I may seem to you, don't be like them. I just want someone that sees the girl within the monster’s hide.”

Love is Blind
a WC story by Yangchenia

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* the game Desavia 66 was actually made by our next match opponent, Kanzlia. We're referencing each other's works in our posts.

MATCHDAY 1 KO STAGE
Paradystopia
Reference: http://www.sports.yn/results/ko-1
Kanzlia vs Yangchenia

Yangchenia Blazing Dragons
"In the flames of sport, our iron will is forged"

UNPATRIOTIC BLOKES DESPAIR OVER DRAGON'S VICTORY
Wealthy folks lost 50 million dollars betting against the national team, Nationalists labels attempted as “Traitorous Acts”

The streets of Raijugang are filled with mixed emotions as many sports betters made or broke their wallets after the results of the World Cup Group Stage had been finalized. The Yangchenia Blazing Dragons, who have autoqualified for the World Cup after they had placed second in the qualifiers, now moves on to the knockout stage after once again placing second in the group stage, following a 1-1-1 run—a win against Bonusia, a draw against the Busoga Islands and a loss to Kwrpania.

But while many Yangini sports fans celebrated the national team’s victory in the group stage, others however, saw the victory as an unfortunate surprise. One such person whom we interviewed was Ivan Kadyshev, a businessman from Lhamo who came to Raijugang this weekend to bet on the results of the World Cup with a group of friends. Against most people’s decisions at the Belvedere Casino’s sports betting section where Mr. Kadyshev was gambling, he bet almost a million dollars (30 million Ngultrums), against the national team, where he was met with the unfortunate surprise after learning the Dragons had pulled through the Group Stage, and now made it to the knockoffs.

“I just didnt expect it you know? We’ve historically played like shit. Then suddenly we pull through like that.”

Kadyshev isn't alone however. Recent polling has suggested that the Dragons’ victory in the group stage caused almost 50 million dollars in lost bets, resulting in major profit margins for Raijugang casinos. In an interview, Yangini hockey player and heiress to the largest entertainment corporation in the Raijugang Strip, the now 11th grade student Zandrina Rasavova told our interviewer:

“It’s funny you know, to see these rich men lose big betting against their own country on the international stage. Sure, we may play like crap sometimes, but I know our team are very resilient people, and they can turn even the worst luck around. I have my faith in them as someone who has represented Yangchenia abroad in hockey. These traitorous blokes deserved it.”

Many among Yangchenia’s nationalists similarly showed little pity for the despairing gamblers, with nationalist influencer Lin Feng labelling them on the social media platform Twitter as “traitors to the nation.”

With the Yangchenia Blazing Dragons now into the knockoff stage, this marks the furthest the team has gone within a World Cup cycle, passing their first ever appearance in World Cup 100, where the team placed 5th in the qualifiers, before competing in the Cup of Harmony.

Hsiao Feng
Yangchenia Sports Correspondent

by **Busoga Islands** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 7:56 am

Emeline Millet, the Busogan manager, at halftime of Busoga's group stage match with Bonusia

Millet was walking to the locker room, with her head down. The Busogans were on the brink of a nightmare, and everybody was getting pissed at one another. What a tremendous start to the tournament- a 2-1 upset win over a Pot 1 team, Kwrpania. A top 10 squad, one who was a dark horse pick by many, going into the tournament at least, to make a deep run here at World Cup 101. But then a drab 0-0 draw with Yangchenia put them in a dangerous spot- probably going to make the World Cup knockout stages, but certainly not guaranteed. If Kwrpania beat Yangchenia by 1, and Bonusia beat the Busoga Islands by 2- then the Busogans would very likely get 4 points and yet end up in fourth place in the group- dead last group stage elimination. Like we said, an absolute nightmare scenario.

Millet whipped out her phone to try and check the scores going on- but, this being Paradystopia, cell phone service was shoddy even in the best of times. Now, pack tens of thousands of people into Zygnusgrad, at the stadium? Well, it was going to be shoddy. So she didn't know the score of the other game, which should also be going into halftime right around the same time. But more importantly, she knew the score of this game- and Bonusia was currently winning 2-1. All they could do was win by 2, and then hope and pray that they got the help that they needed elsewhere- and Kwrpania were a top 10 team, remember. So if they did get the help that they needed elsewhere, they'd be moving on- while the Busogans would be going home. A nightmare scenario, one to be avoided at all costs.

Even the lone Busogan goal was a weak one. It was, admittedly, one of the softest penalties that Millet had ever seen given in her life. And you know how many games she has been on the touchline for, across her entire career? It had looked like, honest to goodness, that Abu Sesay had tripped on his own in the box, the defender just was near him. But the referee had given the penalty. And just then, the video camera, for the VAR system, had broken down- so they couldn't even review it. Eventually, the press would lose its mind over that penalty given- but you know what they say. Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity. Isa Kujabi Jr. stepped up and absolutely drilled his penalty.

But otherwise, Bonusia had largely dominated the vast majority of stretches throughout this match. L'Estrella Negra was dominating the game in essentially all and every fashion- the lion's share of possesion, creating chances, getting guys wide open, and putting them away. 2 goals was a good return, but when Millet eventually looked at the advanced stats afterwards, she would be horrified- a total xG of 3.01 for the first half, for the opposition.

"Guys." She started by pausing, and then looking around at everybody. "This performance? It is horrific. Embarrassing. We probably should be down 3-0, but as we all know- soft penalty. Now, I've got no idea what the score is out in the Kwrpania match, but we can all agree that it wouldn't exactly be the 8th wonder of the world for a top 10 Kwrpania to win a group stage match here at the World Cup- right? Right?" She said that last part, rather angrily.

"We're a Bonusia goal away from elimination, and group stage elimination is not something that I intend to contemplate." She looked around. "Desperate times call for desperate measures- we're using all 5 substitutions, right here, right now." The players looked around, shocked. Overreaction? Maybe. But this was, indeed, a desperate situation. Millet was a woman who had coached in a World Cup Final, for heaven's sake, with Valanora. Taken them up to #1 in the KPB+ rankings. Flown as high as possible in the Sun. While those heights were not possible with the Busoga Islands, their possible heights surely reached beyond last place in their group. And she refused to let her team go down early.

"Kurt is on for Jallow. Unlem Olmez into the game for Kujabi Jr." SHe paused, looking at her notes- and then straight at the captain, Coro Dibahari. "ERdal, you're in the game for Coro. Ali Al-Hussein, you will play center back in place of Fajkat Balli. ANd lastly, I want Qasim Gamouh in at right back, for Zaki al-Hassan. Big changes, folks!"

The Lakiska Daily

5(!) subs at halftime lead to furious Busogan comeback against Bonusia, as they top their group at World Cup 101

ZYGNUSGRAD, PARADYSTOPIA- Going into their final group stage game against Bonusia, the Busogans knew that the odds were in their favor. But in the first half, that got flipped on its head. "It was the worst half, frankly, that we may have ever played under Emeline MIllet." Said one Busogan TV analyst. And he wasn't wrong. The only saving grace of the first half, was that we got one of the softest penalties that this NT has ever seen. But still, down 2-1, when we should have been down 2 or 3, and with Kwrpania doing well in the other match, meant that the Busogans were a goal away from the Bonusians from seeing elimination. And then, maybe in a panic, maybe with sense of urgency, Millet used her "in case of emergency, break glass" button. Has anyone ever seen 5 subs all used at the halftime break?

Maybe reckless, maybe insane- who knows what she was thinking? But they needed to do a lot to fix things- and it was a move that would pay off. All the substitutions would end up completely disrupting Bonusia's flow, as they were not ready for all these new players, and a much more aggressive play style from the Busogans. A team that normally does not get forward a ton was suddenly flying forward at will- creating chances, getting their bench players some critical playing time. Unlem Kurt, the 18 year old, scored yet another World Cup Finals goal, heading in the equalizer in the 64th minute, and then it was another substitute, Unlem Olmez, who would score the winner- the Lakiska SC winger striking home powerfully in the 77th minute.

What a game, what a comeback, what a win. And now, the Kytler Peninsulae in the Round of 32. Can Busoga win a tangle with one of Rushmore's giants?

by **Biyambi** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 8:03 am

Black Leopards had failed to defend their crown but they still had a chance at redemption, they had made two finals, the Balabet UBIFA Cup and the CMFA Champions League. The first final they would play would be the Balabet Cup against Western United.

Western United had missed out on international football for the second successive season, winning the cup was a chance to get back into the international stage.

Who among the two sides was desperate enough to lift the prestigious national cup competition?

The match was held at the cathedral of football in Biyambi, the 80,000 capacity Amirawemata Stadium in the Biyambian capital, Mrima Nlluwa.

This was Black Leopards third Balabet Cup final. They had reached the final of the first two editions of the cup, facing off against Mansanduni Union in both of them. They won the first edition on penalties and lost the second edition against the Peoples’ Team 4-nil. The Leopards faithful would be looking at adding a second Balabet Cup trophy to their trophy cabinet.

Western United were quite the dominant side in the past, but in present times they were a far cry to the team they were in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Winning the Balabet Cup would be an important step in beginning to rebuild their legacy.

It was the experienced finalists, Black Leopards who would draw first blood, with midfielder Feston Nyambe shocking waUmrela (rebels) with the fastest goal in Balabet Cup history after just 16 seconds. Nyambe had scored a stunning dipping volley goal past the young United shot stopper Francis Puia to put the men in yellow 1 goal up.

Western United did not dwell on the goal for long, putting pressure on Black Leopards and forcing a penalty through handball. The first goal scorer, Feston Nyambe was penalized for a handball whilst defending a Samuel Harry cross. waUmrela captain, Samuel Chite stepped up to take the penalty and coolly sent Exildah Munsaka the wrong way to make it 1-1 in the 8th minute of the game. United were back in the game.

Orama Bukani would restore Black Leopards lead in the 33rd minute. Like his counterpart, he scored a volley, this time the volley bounced through a crowded box past Francis Puia into the back of the net, 2-1.

After halftime Leopards coach decided to manage the game by packing the bus believing his players had enough experience to keep the desperate Rebels at bay. However, the Rebels frantically increased the pressure and had several close chances. As the game was ending, with the 90th minute fast approaching the Rebels won their 4th corner kick of the game. Bhumish right back Achmad Dwi Anggara took the set piece. There was a scramble in the box but the Rebels captain Samuel Chite stepped once more reacting first and firing Western United to an equalizer in the 88th minute.

The game would go into extra time and this time it was Western United who would score first with Indussean Chandan Chaterjee scoring a magnificent swerving free-kick into the top left corner. The Rebels would go on and win the game despite Black Leopards attempt at getting back into the game.

It was a proud moment for captain Samuel Chite as he lifted Western United’s first Balabet Cup, and as his eyes glistened with tears of joy we can assume he wanted this moment to happen more often. Would Western United build from this cup win next season or would they fade away as others had done in the past after lifting a domestic cup?

Black Leopards had one more final to salvage a season in which they failed to defend their Super League title finishing 3rd, blew their lead in the UBIFA Cup final and lost the cup, got knocked out in the Top 8 quarter-final, and got knocked out of the TNB Knockout in the semi-final.

Like the Balabet Cup final, the Leopards were facing debut finalist in PSM Mangkasara.

PSM Mangkasara dominated the first half with four clear cut chances but Exildah Munsaka came to the rescue for Black Leopards.

In the second half, PSM Mangkasara through caution to the wind and went full attacking but the Leopards who had been at that stage before stayed calm and remained resilient.

Their resilience would pay with Gede Purnama’s curled free kick giving the Biyambians the lead in the 68th minute.

In the 87th minute PSM Mangkasara would briefly have a sigh of relief after scoring an equalizer but it would be quickly ruled out as an offside.

few minutes later Steve Rayes would bury the game after firing a composed finish past the PSM Mangkasara goalie, 2-0.

Black Leopards were champions again.

by **Flavovespia** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 8:27 am

After a qualifying campaign that tailed away towards the end, it was no surprise Flavovespia entered the World Cup 101 with some concerns about their performances. Their first game of Group B (confusingly the first group in this tournament in an anti-AI stance) saw them face Pot 2 Zenic, a side tipped to be a potential dark horse. However, Flavovespia ended up making it look far more one-sided than even the most optimistic Flavovespian thought. Daniel Emmerson was coming of age now, with a brilliant hat-track. 2 of his goals came within the first 20 minutes, with Anthony Lane adding a third just before the break with a skillful dribble and shot into the corner. It was Christopher Hill who found the net in the 55th minute, making it 4-0 with little doubt where the 3 points would go. Cecil Maruscak would pull one back with Zenic having a positive spell, but Emmerson finished the scoring 5 minutes from time to secure his hat-trick. Flavovespia had been not at their best in the Qualifiers and the relative political and economic instability hardly helped the mood in the nation but this 5-1 win brought out a wave of joy.

It was 2 wins in 2 for Flavovespia against The Golden Harp. Ranked a round #100, and one of the lower Pot 4 teams, they were the underdogs here, but Flavovespia know themselves that underdogs should never be underestimated. It was Flavovespia who made the bright start, keen to press their advantage and show why they won 5-1 last time out. An 11th minute goal by Charles Shepherd, drilled in low from a few failed clearances was what Flavovespia hoped would open up their opponents. But to the credit of The Golden Harp, they resisted Flavovespia’s pressure in the first half and kept it to 1-0. The second half was even closer arguably, The Golden Harp leaving little on the table in search of an equaliser, yet keeping it tight at the back. Peter Marriott was well tested, and his clean sheet was no walk in the park. Flavovespia would win and the points see them go through, but The Golden Harp played it much closer than the gap between them in the rankings suggests.

Flavovespia and HUElavia became a 6 goal thriller. There was some rotation for Flavovespia, and HUElavia had a must win game on their hands. The decision to let Dylan Bourguignon start didn’t look good when a relatively weak shot deceived him to open the scoring in the 9th minute. By 30 minutes it was 0-2, bad marking at a corner allowing a free header that was converted. Daniel Emmerson halved the deficit just before the break, Flavovespia’s first real positive of the game. In the second half, Steve Moseley was the surprise scorer of the equaliser, when a free kick deflected and fell to him, his shot on target and catching the keeper by surprise. 2-2 and the final minutes became frantic. Paul Doyle thought he had the winner in the 89th minute when on the break he finished a one on one. But 2 minutes later HUElavia equalised in a goalmouth scramble where somehow no foul either way was adjudged. HUElavia threw everything at getting a winner, even ending up Dylan Bourguignon clattered and taken off with seconds to go, leaving Charles Shepherd a makeshift goalkeeper. No winner was scored though, and 3-3 it ended.

So how do Flavovespia look going into the knockout stages? At their fullest strength they remind people of how they came to be World Cup 98 Champions. But that was in one game. Their second showed a potential fragility if teams can wear out the attack without conceding, and the third showed that if the best 11 aren’t on the field, Flavovespia can soon become disjointed. Balancing talent and fatigue will be key for a prolonged stay in the knockout stages.

by **Edsmontik** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 9:11 am

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VERY CLOSE QUALIFICATION WITH MARGARET'S BLESSING

Tuesday, 10/25/2033, 3:00am
Written by Recha Saz-Stovver

Nobody had expected the Eagles to lose, yet it came as a surprise when the Eagles finally came to a 2-0 win. it was said that they made a prayer to Margaret, and Margaret answered the wishes of not only the team, but also the wishes of der-Ghavyr, who had announced the requirements for surviving the group stage and entering the knockouts.

The game began with a kickoff by the Eagles. The Eagles instantly formed their 4-2-4 to begin attacking, but it had seemed like they were a little behind and not on the top of their game. The passing overall was considered "slow and uneventful" by many, and their opponents, Kimi-Suomi, can close to interceptions on several occasions. Nevertheless, it was clear that the Eagles were trying their best. Motivation was low after Tanirinthia, but knowing that there was indeed a possibility they could make it into the Round of 32, they had to push through.

After a few minutes of sluggish gameplay, the Eagles began to snap into their rhythm. In the back, the defense was able to coordinate better endings to Kimi-Suomen attacks. Within minutes, the Eagles' attacking side was also up in the Kimi-Suomi box. It seemed as if all things were now going extremely well for the Eagles as they made shot after shot.

And then, out of nowhere, a tackle by Keisala sent Stuero down on his stomach, sliding across the box. With his hands up, he shouted for a penalty. But the referees were one step ahead, having already seen the tackle. A yellow card was raised, and Stuero was awarded a penalty to kick. The Edsmon fans were going wild, chanting as the striker stood up to take his position.

After a few minutes of delays, everything was set for the kick. Maartin Stuero stepped up, behind him his team and his opponents. Ahead of him stood one man that could keep the game dead for the Eagles or let them through. It was Maloney-Pohojnen. He stood intimidatingly at net, waiting for the shot to be fired.

"I felt absolutely nothing." Stuero said. "At least, I think I felt absolutely nothing. All I knew though was that the goal was necessary."

With one kick, Stuero locked the ball at the right of the net. The ball skipped against the ground, rolling and rolling... but it was not enough. Maloney-Pohojnen made the right dive, barely pushing the ball out. As players from both sides rushed in, the keeper was just barely able to pick it up before Ghreksbvy reached it.

The second half was luckily not worse than the first half. The Eagles, having already missed a clear chance, would not give up just yet. The Kimi-Suomen start was instantly intercepted within half a minute, allowing the Eagles time to plan out their next move. Just ten minutes after the second half began, their plan worked.

For the first few minutes of the half, they were stalling the game. Passes among defenders and slow jogs were some of the examples. "This time killing was meant to slow down the game for the Kimi-Suomen." der-Ghavyr told us. "Once we had the chance, we would fire away with all of our power to abuse the slowness."

In the 56th minute, with an assist from Utravak, Stuero stormed the Kimi-Suomen defense, cutting in while everyone was slowing down. Within seconds, he flicked the ball into a good spot and fired a powerful shot with his left foot. The ball curved through the air, catching Maloney-Pohojnen a little off guard. Despite the good dive, he was unable to prevent Stuero's ball from entering the net. Just like that, the opener had been scored.

For the following 15 minutes, the Eagles continued to dominate the Kimi-Suomen. However, they weren't able to score. The opposing defense was still resilient and trying to do everything they could to prevent a loss because losing here almost meant a certain end to Kimi-Suomi's campaign.

Despite all of their work, the Eagles still managed to find room to strike. In the 72nd minute, with a powerful corner, the ball lingered int he air long enough for Benzor Norseden to fire a powerful header into the net, past the arms of Maloney-Pohojnen to secure a 2-0 lead. Just like that, things were looking better for the Eagles.

As the game continued, things began to go even further downhill for the Kimi-Suomen. A supposed goal in the 82nd minute that would have revived their hopes, taken by Jenner-Pokka, was ruled offside after a very close look at VAR. With nothing left, the Kimi-Suomen held on to the last string of survival to just save their dignity by preventing another goal.

Luckily for them, the Eagles didn't score any more goals. The game ended just like that, and with a roar of cheers, the Eagles would enter the Round of 32 to compete against their strongest opponent yet, stronger than even Tanirinthia, who bested them 5-3 in MD2. It was none other than the five-time world champion Valanora. Whether or not the Eagles will survive this shall be left completely up to the day they play and the wishes of Margaret.

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Berkeleprostehav837
The game was great! My only problem: WHY DO WE HAVE TO PLAY VALANORA?! It's absolutely over, but I will still hope that everyone and I will believe fully in the Eagles! #GOEDSMONEAGLES
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H1derSpaggre
There's no reason to fear, as I know Edsmontik will go into this game with all they have, and hopefully, this leads up to an upset win! Hail Margaret, Good luck to the Edsmon Eagles!
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Edsmon Lineup, Ro32 v. Valanora
der-Stoiuben - Kizani, Javarqa, Norseden, Jervanois - Aespana, Ystermakt, Ghreksbvy - Svaardaen, Stuero [C] - Bervaign

by **Valanora** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 9:50 am

TJUN-ia nil, the Marauders two was the final scoreline, a game where the team from the Empire played with a quiet confidence and the sort of professionalism that you might be more used to seeing in a domestic league match than one in international football. The Vanorian team played as if it were only another match that they had to get through and that they should only exert as much energy as they had to to get the job done. When you enter into the last matchday of the group with four points already in hand and all but assured of a place in the knockouts, you can enter into what on paper was still a game that they had to get a result from without feeling too much pressure. That TJUN-ia had also completely stumbled through their first two games without picking up even a point made the situation all the more favorable for the Marauders to simply come into the game, play up to a good level and see out a result that would ensure that they would finish in the top two of the group. Fortune would have it be that it was the top spot in the group after Vdara was held to only a draw against Biyambi, a point that helped the latter's chances of moving on into the knockouts as much as it gave the Empire the group title.

Goals from Leandro Nyquist and Caspian Garberg were both clean, well worked team efforts that both had at least passes in the build up to the goals, both coming in the second half after the pair had entered in as substitutes just shy of the hour mark in the game. Ellzidan had played the starters knowing that there was still a need of a point to ensure that the squad would clench qualification, in the event that Biyambi would have been able to upend Vdara all the way in a possible coup of the group on the last matchday. That move proved fruitful with the Marauders dominating for large patches of the match even if they had not yet put a goal on the board to take the lead, ease the bit of pressure that was on the team and in the match. When Nyquist put the ball into the back of the net just a few minutes after coming on to the pitch, the tension that was starting to build in the stadium simply lifted away and the heads of the players from TJUN-ia seemed to drop. Garberg getting the insurance goal just before the eightieth minute ensured there would be no late heroics from TJUN-ia and the game was a clean and comfortable victory for the Marauders in the end.

Now came the hard part, a five game gauntlet where the margins were razor thin and if you were not on your best you were very likely on the next plane heading back to your home country. The knockouts take no prisoners, they do not care about the reputation of your team, they do not care about whatever record that you had in the qualifiers or the group stage, they do not care about the history of your team. You could be the most formidable team in all of history with all sorts of records that make historians of the games eyes go sideways and head hurt in the thought of how it was even achievable or you could be the newest team to qualify and make it out of the groups, the knockouts do not care one single iota. When you get to this stage in the tournament, it is time to put up or shut up, all of your previous accolades mean absolutely nothing and you have to be focused and ready for the match at hand. No one in the knockouts got there by mere happenstance, they had to earn their spot here through a grueling qualifying process and then come through the highly competitive group stages, even now in the expanded era no knockout team should be underestimated in the slightest.

The Marauders will no doubt look to lean on the talent and the experience of the likes of Laborious Hawk, the legendary captain having done this all before and having won everything and so he knows exactly what is needed, and Imre Haaland who despite being thirty-two still seems to be in his prime. The attack will be hard to contain even for teams like Audioslavia and Ko-oren who like to sit ten men behind the ball and dare you to try and break down their defensive structure until you are blue in the face and they can get the sole goal they usually need to take the match. Normally there would be questions about the defense but you would be hard pressed to raise them considering the spectacular job that the defense did in the qualifiers and then in the groups, allowing only a single goal against Vdara and then Biyambi. When the usual weakness of the team is playing at a high level, there is plenty of reasons to be hopeful that the Marauders are locked in as they can be for the contests at hand and with their goals there within reach if they can simply take to the pitch and play at the level everyone knows they are capable of for five straight games.

Edsmontik will stand as the first obstacle in the gauntlet, the first of many if you are one of the fans of the Marauders who are desperately looking for the team to undo the curse of six as it is being called. Edsmontik finished second in Group C with four points, securing their spot in the knockouts thanks to a two to nothing defeat of Kimi-Suomi on the final matchday after drawing Pomachetti on the opening matchday of the group and then losing to Tanirinthia in the middle fixture. That games against Tanirinthia saw the team concede five goals, which shows that the attack should have plenty of opportunities to put goals on the scoresheet, they simply will have to be clinical when those opportunities come. It has been a series of close calls for the team as they finished third in their group of qualifying behind Qusmo and Busoga Islands, facing Myrtle Beach in a playoff that required a third neutral game to decide the winner. A free flowing style of attack will look to press against the Marauders defense and test the capabilities of the midfield to retain possession to give our own attack the lion's share of the scoring chances in the game. Their captain, Maartin Stuero, will likely be the biggest goal threat in their three striker setup and it will be imperative the midfield dominates the possession to keep the three headed attack from getting loose. Every goal starts with the first step and this need be the Marauders first as they attempt to chase down the elusive goal of the past hundred years.

by **Pasarga** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 10:20 am

Bogdan Laszlo was sitting quietly in his hotel room in Farfadillis two days before the Wanderers were set to take to the pitch in their Round of Thirty-Two fixture, the team having arrived in Arrosia the day before. The morning training had gone fairly well, ninety minutes of various drills and routines and a few rounds of five versus five to get ready for the match on the morrow before a thirty minute film session to round it all out. The manager had made sure that the team spent at least ten minutes practicing their penalty taking, or penalty saving for the three keepers that had made the trip, on the off chance that the tie would head to the skill challenge to decide the match. Bogdan was fairly confident that if he was asked to step up to take a penalty in a shootout that he would be able to convert, he had around an eighty percent conversion for his career with both the national team as well as at club level. He was also confident in Járngrímur to convert if called upon, as he was the team's designated penalty taker as long as he was on the field and someone was not up for a hattrick opportunity. The rest of the team he had fairly high hopes for, at least until you got to the defense, then it became a little less certain.

The jet lag had certainly not made training the last two days very comfortable, though with the way that the hosts had decided to determine the seeding for the knockouts there was always a good chance that they were going to have to switch nations if they made the knockouts. At least they were far from the only team that was having to make a switch here between the end of the group stage and the start of the knockout rounds. As much as a burden as it was to have to pick up everything and move your base camp in the middle of the competition, Bogdan was glad to do so as it meant that the Wanderers had achieved their initial goal of making it to the knockout rounds in the first place. After the way that the team failed to perform in the last World Cup, where it was far more comfortable playing in Rushmore, that they were able to turn it around and put on the sort of performance that they had in this group stage made him feel a lot better about the years he had spent in the national team. He was no fool, he knew this or the Copa Rushmori in a months time were likely going to be his last games playing in the Wanderers kit and he wanted to cherish that time.

Playing against Eshialand in that last group stage game had been a bit odd with both teams having already secured their passage to the knockouts with a pair of victories each, both stunning the group favorite in Audioslavia to put the Bulls on the ropes. Neither of the Marauders victories had been particularly impressive, they had been workman like and had not been for the fans of attacking football with only a goal in either of those games, fortunately for the team from the Dual Islands on both occasions. This last game though was quite different, it had been a pretty open affair as both teams had been playing loose knowing that the stakes for the game were far lower than they might otherwise could have been, it was a game only for seeding purposes and not fighting for your knockout survival. Bogdan had managed to grab a goal and an assist in the game, having set up his strike partner for a goal, while Daniela Zagorec would get the third and decisive goal for the squad. It was another single goal victory for the Wanderers but it was three wins from three and no one asks how you won only if you did, which the squad had done in every match in the Finals thus far.

Farfadillis was an odd nation, a nation was a loose term to even call the place in truth and there was a lot to be said about a certain lack of feeling entirely safe in the place as well. It was a stark contrast to the way that the Dual Islands were, to the way that Audioslavia where he had been born and raised was. He wondered if the harsh conditions here is what made the locals who became footballers be the sort of players that they were, a certain flair and chip on their shoulder, a certain attitude that everything was on the table if it meant that they could win the match. Many players and teams will say that they are willing to do just about anything to win a match, here in Farfadillis though they actually meant it and would go through with it. It no doubt was part of the reason the Farves were the way that they were, maybe also why even their diaspora seemed to mostly be insular and not really integrate into the cultures and societies that they were living in. Regardless, they loved the game much like just about anywhere else in the world and the quality of their players, clubs, and national team could never be questioned, nor the passion that the fans would show in the stands.

How much of that passion would be behind the Wanderers when they took to the pitch against Biyambi and how much of it would be behind their foes he wondered. Bogdan was not sure how many Pasargans would have been able to make the flight to Farfadillis and how many would have wanted to given its reputation for being a bit of a dangerous place to visit, with a genocide having occurred in recent history. There was not likely to be many Pasargans in the stands rooting the team on no matter how far into the tournament the side got, though maybe if the squad somehow got the Final or Semifinals there would be an increase. He knew this was to be a cauldron that the side was going to have to attend, fortunately having grown up in Cathair and having played for Shamrock, Bogdan was well equipped to handle those pressures. He might not be the best player on the squad but he had the experience to help lead the team through the tempest that was going to be these knockout stages. It was a long way to come from being a bit of a controversial pick to be on the national team having not been born in Pasarga to now being one of the leaders of the team as they looked to make sure their stay in Arrosia lasted more than just a few days.

by **The Kytler Peninsulae** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 11:03 am

Previously on WC101, KP wrote:There was just one small problem with Egill's plan. Hitting the ball as hard as he did - off a metal bat as well, not the competition-approved wooden ones - made one heck of a resonant sound. The immediate question it asked was "what the hell was that?", and a few seconds later - or a bit more, depending on the method of broadcast - their televisions would provide the answer. And it turned out that one police officer had just finished responding to an unrelated burglary report when she heard that noise. A few seconds later, she caught a glimpse of the bat and batter that had produced it, and rushed off on foot in that direction. At which point, another part of Egill's most recent RBL season statistics - zero steals from two attempts - started to look more relevant...

In theory, an elite athlete - and the best player in even the de facto "second division" of the national baseball league of the nation that just won the World Baseball Classic is at worst on the cusp of being an elite athlete (two separate statistical models equated Egill's KBL performance to roughly that of a low-end regular in REBL) - should easily be able to escape from a police officer on foot patrol, especially if given a substantial headstart.

But Egill's elite athleticism began and basically ended at "being able to murdertwat a baseball with enough power and precision to take out an NBO drone hovering roughly 109.3m above your head.¹ In particular, it did not extend to being able to run as fast as one might expect of someone in a sport in which running is an integral aspect. There's a reason that, when it came to the fielding side of things, Egill was either hidden at first base, hidden differently in an outfield corner, or hidden altogether by using him only as a pinch-hitter every now and again. If the KBL had the designated hitter rule he'd probably be one full-time, but it doesn't, so he can't.²

And, besides, the police officer in question was a former athlete herself at a lower level, and did have running ability; growing up in the hilly Northern Downs, she was a medallist in a schools cross-country running competition and was also a key part of her school Babbageball³ team. Over any meaningful distance, she was surely faster than a rocked-up BFG like Egill.

Sure enough, as she took off after the drone-destroying dude, his initial burst of escape probably went no further than the ball he hit - and that on the horizontal plane, when his entire purpose was generating power vertically. After five or six powerful strides briefly got him a little more distance, he was already starting to slow up as he rounded a 90-degree turn in a very rounded way indeed - to the point of having to suddenly slow up to get out of the way of a passing cyclist. His more agile pursuer negotiated that same junction with ease, was now right on his heels, and finally grabbed hold of his left arm as he approached another set of traffic lights.

"I'm arresting you under suspicion of criminal damage," she began as she deployed her handcuffs. A passer-by went to grab the bat that Egill dropped as he was caught; the police officer ushered him away, given that it would need to be gathered by her as evidence. Not that it exactly needed evidence to show its use here - or to ascertain Egill's guilt.

"You're DAMN RIGHT I did!" he declared. "No surrender to state surveillance of Varnian patriots!"

The line is that "anything you do say may be given in evidence," and hoo boy did Egill provide some evidence. "I knew that was covering the march against Tikariot, I knew it would be flying in this area because I'd seen the previous (unrelated) aerial coverage on NBO that got angles from this area, so I went here to assist my fellow patriots and do what I could to help them."

How he could position himself this precisely was left unstated for now, but once inside the nearest police station, he would confess to being given a tipoff from a Varnian lawyer - specifically James D. Greene, anti-RPD conspiracist and activist - over the likely location of drone activity. "I've known him for years, he backed me up on refusing to play in REBL once the Victors were left out of it - the Stars tried to call me up so many times⁴ and I just refused to give them the time of day even if it was the best for my career in theory, to play in this top-level league that should never have existed because we knew all along that Tikariot weren't playing fair. NBO knew, they covered it up, they're a legitimate target and I got 'em."

The officers in this pocket of Zube were no strangers to interesting characters - this was an area where crime tended to be white-collar in nature, and this station was the home of a specialist anti-fraud unit with national scope (and they'd heard some stories!) - but the sheer chutzpah, the brazen admission of guilt and attempt to argue it was for the common good, from a legitimately well-known public figure in sporting and especially Varnian circles? Nobody could remember the like.

¹ UK regulations on drones set a maximum height limit of 400ft; whether or not NS follows RL in terms of all aviation management operating in Vibe Units rather than metric is not something I think has ever been confirmed, but it's reasonable to assume that Kytlerian legislation has a drone flight limit of either the same 400ft if it does or a comparable 125/150m if it doesn't.

² What it does have instead is the so-called "Kytlerian Compromise" rule whereby a pinch-hitter can be called for the pitcher exactly once per game without yoinking the pitcher from the mound. This translates to pitchers not taking many at-bats after all - in part because of the eventual Kytlerian meta of a smaller core of starting pitchers making more, shorter starts - but without the ability to use an Oops! All Bat player like Egill across the entire game without requiring the ability to play some kind of defensive role.

³ AKA "Babbage rules football," an explicitly co-ed flag football code created by The Babbage Islands which previously had international competition (and, by extension, still has a xkor file!) and remains a popular Kytlerian school sport.

⁴ When REBL was founded, 12 of the 24 KBL teams became REBL teams and each had one of the remaining KBL teams assigned as their farm team. Egill's Borlfield Victors were the feeder to the Santa Mordana Stars.

by **Chromatika** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 11:09 am

Five Biggest Football Cities in Chromatika

With Chromatika entering the thirty-sixth season of domestic football competition, let us take a deeper look at which cities drive the game forward for the country in terms of player base, club power, fan power, and just the impact on the sport as a whole. Everyone understands who will be at #1, but the other four places may surprise some.

#5 - Wirr Tsi
Wirr Tsi may only be ninth on the list of most populous cities in Chromatika, but with the club being heavily influenced by the Chromatik Air Force, and the government always having close ties with the Chromatik National Team, The Shock have had a loyal fanbase for many a season. Add in the fact that they were the original "small club that could" led by Zhanxi Nanlei and a world-class defense, along with the fact that they won four of the first twelve titles in the Rainbow League System, and it can be understood why Wirr Tsi is on this list. Lately, the Shock have fallen off a bit, outdone by bigger clubs with more money, but the Lightning have appeared and cemented themselves as a reliable midtable team, doing battle with the Shock on more than one occasion. They've good branding, they've history, and the name Wirr Tsi will always carry a bit of fear from the rest of the league. Oh and by the way, they've won two IFCF CC titles and placed second twice as well.

#4 - Tihon
The third most populous city in Chromatika, Tihon has the moniker of being the only five-time champion of Chromatik football to win every title in a row - in a bygone era known as the Chromatik League, before the rebranding to the Rainbow League System. Since then, the Tide have been a decent contender but never won the title - a twenty-five season drought. In that time, they've only won one Violet Cup as well. With international success in the books - having had some success before the IFCF era, Tihon is the definition of remaining relevant despite not having the most recent success. Add in the success of Tihon United, a team that has established itself as the perennial team to always finish in the top ten and then make a run at the IFCF CC, and it's understood how Tihon has stayed here despite the lack of success.

#3 - Urrheddiao
Fourth most populous city in Chromatika, Urrheddiao's footballing history is an interesting one. They've only ever won two domestic titles - Season 4 of the League Chromatiks and Season 17 of the Rainbow League System. Despite this lack of success (though helped along by four domestic cup titles), the Purple-and-Gold have the second biggest fanbase in the country behind Chromatik. This is mostly due to the fact that The Golden Standard, Urrheddiao's owners, are one of the biggest hedge funds in Chromatika with a ton of advertising. United play a style of football that may not be the sexiest but remain very even-keeled, something that appeals to the Chromatik spirit at large. Urrhed FC, a second team that has remained pesky every time they've made it to the Chromatik second tier, adds spice - as well as the fact that Urrheddiao is part of the second biggest derby in the country (the Urrhed Island Derby). It can be argued which team on Urrhed Island should be #3, but they are definitely #3-#4.

#2 - Myana
Second biggest city in Chromatika. Biggest port city in Chromatika. Ties to the Chromatik Navy. The first three titles of Chromatik football was won by Myana, and they've won four since then to tie Chromatik as the team with the most titles the league. The islanders have absolute dominance over Myana Island as the premier team on the island (though Eyrods deserves a shout-out for managing to be a mainstay for so long). The lack of a second team actually helps the Islander brand, as well as the fact that the team has had Laborious Hawk's services for thirteen seasons and counting now. Always in the mix, with a fervent fanbase, Myana looks to return to its glory days of trumping the Chromia clubs.

#1 - Chromia
The National Capital possesses three clubs in the Red League with a combined count of sixteen titles (7 Chromatik, 6 Crossroads, 3 Anomalies). The Capitalizt are always in the title mix, Anomalies had a point of dominance in history, and Crossroads's rise to power has been unprecedented. These three fanbases hate each other, but this hate only drives up involvement and the importance of football in the nation's capital. Chromatik's ineptitude in an international final combined with Crossroads winning two Champions' League also drive up interest. Chromia Central College University is also the best college in the country in terms of footballing history, Chromatik U-18s is the most decorated youth club, and even if you split 5.8 million people into three clubs, it's more than any one club has outside the capital. As Chromia goes, the league goes - and it's great for the sport that at the moment, there are two title contenders hailing from the capital.

by **Aleirave** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 11:34 am

Move Past the Past

Everything was ready to go. The Squornshelans were ready to close out their perfect group stage, the fans in Farfadillis were sitting with baited breath ready to enjoy the match, and the Aleiravan team… oh, I suppose not everything was ready to go, was it?

This team’s nerves were jangling. There was no just shaking off the last time. Something like that sticks with you forever, and the only thing that can put it in the past is by making it not be the last time anymore. Like it or not, they would just have to stick it out, even if there was no amount of being “ready for it” that could prevent such an outcome from being on the table.

“We proved in the group stage that yes, we can compete with the Black-and-Reds now.”

These were the infamous last words from Haulafo’s presser after Aleirave’s WC99 Round of 32, the one right before the 1-7. Well, not the last words, but they were the ones that popularly circulated in off-island football circles because they hit differently than “Win or lose, this has been an incredible run... but it's not over. We can do this.”. After all, the idea of saying “we can compete with [them] now” right before getting absolutely ass-blasted into the stratosphere is a hilarious juxtaposition. Haulafo didn’t want to have to eat his words like he did two years before, so he just didn’t. He didn’t say a word about what was to come.

Perhaps the most traumatized player on the team was Tatyana Yusenika, who, at the age of 21, was thrusted straight into the starting keeper position upon Falena Rukipiato’s retirement against Yuezhou at the end of the qualifiers. She seemed to be doing okay in the group stage, and hopes were high that she’d be a worthy successor to the position. Everything looked good in the group stage, and the match against StrayaRoos had been okay, but against Squornshelous the Aleiravan net had turned into swiss cheese. As good as she had been since then, this one match and its disgusting 7 GA stat was a permanent blotch on the start of a young and promising career.

In stark contrast, this disaster had also affected the ends of careers, too. Terale Fiasala, for example, had planned on his final match being the one against StrayaRoos right before. Instead, because of the exile that Haulafo (retrospectively, foolishly) imposed on the team, Terale’s retirement was thrown into complete disarray, as he, unlike Falena, was forced to keep traveling with the team. He explicitly asked to never get another second on the pitch, because he wanted his final moments on the pitch to be those ones against StrayaRoos, and Haulafo was good at respecting that… but because Aleiravan scouting hadn’t been working well since the incident, he kept being brought along because Haulafo literally could not find a better replacement for him. He didn’t mind being here if he was absolutely needed, but it’d be lying to say he didn’t just want to move on from all of this. He stayed on the bench “just in case”, and now that meant he was back here watching the same old story play out against the same guys, even though he never wanted to be in that position again.

Even players who weren’t there were affected. Ta’apo Kaharika knew that he’d likely be a callup for CAFA Cup XII to replace Falena Rukipiato. There weren’t that many Aleiravans who were really good in goal, especially not at his age. However, because of what happened, he was effectively snatched from the island under cover of night and told to never speak of anything that happened during his first cycle with the team. Instead of the warm and normal welcome he was expecting, all of a sudden he felt like he was a part of something wrong. This wasn’t the Seagulls experience he came for. Not by a longshot.

And now, here this whole team was, mentally broken from before, facing off against the now-defending champions as if Margaret, or whoever else it was who commanded the group draws, was playing a cruel joke on them. As long as things didn’t completely go to birdshit, it would be okay.

In the 12th minute, Lunaha Fuseraka, the oldest starter left on the team, was forced to come off after a rough hit from Maram Tatsinan. She had long been thinking about making this her last World Cup, and this in her words, “was the final straw”. When asked at halftime, she said that she felt she’d be fine to play any knockout matches if the Seagulls got there, but come CAFA Cup XIV she’d be done with international football. “It’s been an insane ride, but at the end of the day I think it’s time to pass the torch on before I get myself hurt even more, haha.”

If anything made it look like this match was going to be another bloodbath, it was that. Early on in the game, Aleiravans were already being forced off on account of injury, and it was all a sign that things were going wrong. And then, the 29th minute hit, and the whole match, which so far had been at an effective standstill in terms of proper opportunities, flipped on its head.

Esti Madathil made it 1-0 for the champions, then just a minute later Ka’ale Pekole scored his first international goal to tie it. Valeri Tyonko, also on the verge of retirement, gave the Seagulls an unexpected lead, then Tarbi Ksudach tied it all up. Within the span of just seven minutes, a match that seemed to have been going nowhere got blasted right open.

And then… it all got blasted shut again. Aleirave were able to hold on to a tied score, against all expectations, for the next 48 minutes. Ksudach did end up adding a second goal in the 84th, but even if Aleirave weren’t winning this thing, they still fought. They proved to themselves, and to everyone else, that 1-7 was a fluke. That’s all it was, just a blip in history that they could move past.

In the 88th minute, Ivefela Noselela was getting tired. It was time for her to come off, and usually Oleg Vorstyn would come on any day of the week. Instead, Haulafo made an unusual call: 99 out, 28 in.

“What are you doing?” Terale asked. “I thought I told you I was done with all this…”

“Terale… I don’t want your last match to be stained by what happened right after. I know it probably doesn’t matter much, but the idea that your sendoff is marred by 1-7 coming right after… to me that feels like a bad way to end a career. Instead, you can end it right here, righting the wrongs of the past. The other one can always be your last start, at least.”

After Haulafo explained himself, Terale reluctantly took the pitch for the final minutes of the match, to a standing ovation from the Aleiravan section. Nothing came of his few minutes on the pitch, as Aleirave didn’t generate more opportunities and the score remained 2-3… but Haulafo was right. It felt good for Terale to be a part of a match that meant so much to the team and to the nation. It may not have been a win, but it was a reminder that yes, they belonged here. They weren’t just those guys who got throttled.

They may have lost the match, but they were headed back to the knockouts as heroes.

Aleirave’s first knockout match since Jaglan was set to be against 82nd-ranked Dantopia, the 2nd lowest-ranked team remaining behind the Golden Harp. Don’t let the low ranking deceive you, however, as they earned their spot here by beating Bostopia and, incredibly, Farfadillis, both by multiple goals. Their qualifying run to make this their first finals was incredible as well, with a 5-1 victory against second seeds Eshialand being a major wake-up call for everyone to take them seriously.

These would also be Aleirave’s first opponents in this World Cup proper who they had never played before. There was a markedly different vibe when it came to facing new teams versus ones you’ve seen before. It’s a refreshing change to be against something fresh and new, but you also don’t know anything about them so you can’t get the feel for what’s about to come until it happens.

Ka’ale Pekole, after scoring just 18 minutes of pitch time into his career, was more than ready to start this match in Fuseraka’s place. She would keep herself available in the event of a substitution, but she felt very good about giving Pekole her spot in the starting XI. “He’s got a lot of talent that I feel we’ve been sleeping on.” she said. “He’s gonna do wonders in the matches and cycles to come, I can feel it.”

Even if Aleirave didn’t have the experience against Dantopia directly, they did have one piece of history going for them in this matchup, and that was in Dantopia’s qualifying. After all, Aleirave’s relationship with Eshialand was… complicated. Aleirave was a part of the Kingdom of Eshialand after all, even if it was a part that had a lot of autonomy and their own national football team. This relationship often manifested in the form of a friendly rivalry between the two, with each one trying to outshine the other in everything they did. This is where Dantopia comes in.

Eshialand’s matches against Dantopia in qualifying — 4-3 to the Owls in Eshialand, but more importantly the massive 5-1 victory for the hosts in their first meeting in Dantopia — set a mark. It was now Aleirave’s chance to prove that they were better than Eshialand by not getting absolutely blasted. Unlike Squornshelous, history didn’t mean personal demons to move past, but instead a chance to prove that they were better than those blasted mainlanders. And as a bonus, the Owls’ first match against Dantopia served as a perfect example for Haulafo and the team of what not to do. This wasn’t just about beating Dantopia, this was about outshining a mainland squad that, for the first time, would be in the knockouts alongside Aleirave.

After all, the Seagulls couldn’t ever miss a chance to prove they were the better Eshian team.

by **Alasdair I Frosticus** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 12:09 pm

OOC: A Morse Code translator can be found here: https://morsecode.world/international/translator.html

A Selection of Letters, E-mails, Semaphore, Smoke Signal, Morse Code, and Aldis Lamp sent to the Paradystopi Football Association

Dear Paradystopi Football Association,

We, the members of AAARGH (Advocates for Abominations, Aberrations, and the Rights of Grotesque Horrors), collectively write to you in sorrow and anger to complain in the strongest possible terms to protest against the underhand tactics used by local officials in last night's match against the Holy Empire - who, we would remind you, are guests in our country.

As you well know, in the Empire's first two matches in Paradystopia, their squad availed themselves of the ample provision of penguins here in Paradystopia - a country where penguins are so rife as to be akin to pests - to feast on their natural diet of Spheniscidae. While we concede that the manner in which they chose to exercise their instincts may have been somewhat unconventional in football terms, it was by no means unusual in shoggoth terms.

How disappointing it was, then, to discover that the mascots in last night's match between the Holy Empire and Paradystopia were geese that had been painted black and white rather than penguins. It was clear that the shoggoths immediately detected the subterfuge, and while the scenes at the ground where the shoggoths went on the rampage during the national anthems to try and find any penguins that might have wandered into the ground - successfully in at least one case - were, we concede, somewhat disconcerting, not least for the little girl whose parents now have to buy her a new pet penguin, we remain of the view that these scene could have been avoided had we simply provided the Empire with penguin mascots that the imperial squad could consume immediately after the anthems. We have no one but ourselves to blame for denying our visitors their usual diet and natural instincts.

While we are pleased at last night's victory that secured us first place in the group, we would surely have felt happier at the outcome had we not so dishonoured our guests.

Yours, etc

AAARGH

Dear Paradystopi Football Association,

Geese? GEESE?

What's the problem with letting the shoggoths eat a few penguins? Noisy, foul-smelling, fish-eating pests, the lot of 'em.

Here at PAPA (the Paradystopi Anti-Penguin Alliance), we welcome the coming inevitable penguincide. Instead of trying to pass off geese as penguins, we should be actively seeking an inter-multiverse shoggoth exchange programme whereby for one week of the year a set quota of shoggoths are allowed the freedom of New Newetoun to 'clean up the streets'.

We concede that we might also need to keep all small children of all Paradystopi sentient species indoors during said week in order to avoid any unfortunate misunderstandings over the similar height between the Greater Paradystopi Penguin and your average 6-year-old - especially if the exchange week should coincide with National Tuxedo Awareness Month - but this is a small price to pay if it means we can cull the small feathered shit producers from our streets.

Yours, etc.

PAPA

.--. . .-. ... --- -. .- .-.. .-.. -.-- --..-- / .. / -.. --- -. .----. - / ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. / .-- .... .- - / .- .-.. .-.. / --- ..-. / - .... . / ..-. ..- ... ... / .. ... / .- -... --- ..- - .-.-.- / .. / -.. --- -. .----. - / .-.. .. -.- . / .--. . -. --. ..- .. -. ... / .- .-.. .-.. / - .... .- - / -- ..- -.-. .... / -- -.-- ... . .-.. ..-. .-.-.- / .. / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -- ..- -.-. .... / .-. .- - .... . .-. / . .- - / ... . .- --. ..- .-.. .-.. ... .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- .-. ... --..-- / .- / ...- . .-. -.-- / -.-. --- -. ..-. ..- ... . -.. / .--. . .-. ... --- -. .-.-.-

Deare Stinky-poopy-pants at teh ~~Paradistopie~~ ~~Parradystohpee~~ ~~Pardistohbi~~ peeple who run football in my country.

How dare you try to feed those nice shoggoths geese. I will never watch the national team again. I am very sorry that we beat the shoggoths. The shoggoths are nice.

I like to watch the shoggoths eat penguins. In the first two games I watched the penguin-eating sections of the matches again and again and again on YourTube. I liked to watch the penguins get eaten. In last night's match I really liked the bit where the shoggoths went running around the stadium looking for penguins to eat. It made me laugh when they found the little gurl's penguin and ate it because they could not find any other penguins to eat. She was clearly terrified. She cried. Good. Silly little gurl bringing her pet penguin to a game where there were shoggoths.

My mummy says that my psychological testing show that I am a 'terrifying little sociopath'. I do not know what a 'terrifying little sociopath is', but I hope to one day become a leader of our country, so that I can force you to allow visiting shoggoths to eat penguins.

Zvonka Stanin

PS: I also like to pull the wings off flies. I thought you should know this.

by **Snestar** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 12:21 pm

(AI Generated image in the background)

WC101 Group F Matchday 3: Baker Park 1-2 Snestar
Goalscorers (Baker Park):
37’ Heather Womack
Goalscorers (Snestar):
2’ Nicola Ragusa
82’ Mattia Castelletti
Player of the Match: Federico Calvaresi

Snestar barely advances to the knockouts after surprise victory over Baker Park, finding its first ever World Cup win

Against all odds, the tiny Viola has managed to scrape a knockout round spot, after eliminating the Commonwealth of Baker Park in a thrilling 1-2 victory. Thanks to the three points awarded to Snestar, the nation has managed to secure third place in Group F, ranked 7th out of the 12 third placed nations, which allows it to barely gain a World Cup qualification spot. The match, which had been broadcasted all over Snestar marketed as the “last WC101 match for the Viola” (since Snestaryan media already considered the Viola to have been eliminated after the first few performances) will likely remain a piece of history for the Snestaryan National Team, as it marks both the first points and the first win secured in a World Cup tournament.

Baker Park 1-2 Snestar: Match Report

After The Holy Empire’s terrifying but still not-so-crushing defeat, and the hard-fought 0-1 defeat against host nation Paradystopia, the Viola was already feeling the pressure regarding what seemed like almost certain qualification. Despite their displays being somewhat above average, Snestar hadn’t managed to collect a single points at that point, which led Snestaryan newspaper to expect another loss to close the World Cup campaign. Yet Edoardo Di Palma’s squad was about to surprise the whole nation. Right from the start, Nicola Ragusa secured the first goal after a misaligned pass by keeper Mitch Longstreet allowed the Snestaryan to press and quickly win the ball. From there, the Viola immediately shut itself inside of its own half, attempting to hold onto the narrow advantage for as much time as possible. Federico Calvaresi especially kept the Viola afloat, distinguishing himself thanks to his impressive 8 saves, but a fantastic power ball by Heather Womack spooked him in the 37th minute, allowing Baker Park to equalize and conclude the first half on a 1-1.

Upon returning to the pitch, Snestar made sure the second half would remain perfectly balanced: now seeking another goal, the Viola returned to its cautious but slightly more aggressive approach, compared to the highly defensive tactic used in the first half, and proceeded to slowly attempt to pick apart Baker Park, juggling the ball forward and passing the opponents one by one. In particular, Veronica Lodigiani (the Viola’s only remaining striker after The Holy Empire’s slaughter of penguins traumatized both Martinelli and Sjölund) found herself quite at ease with the strategy put in place by Edoardo Di Palma, causing immense trouble to Baker Park’s Dorrie Franklin, and getting a few shots of her own directed towards the goal. Then, after thirty minutes of exciting constant pressure, disaster struck in the 82nd minute… in favor of Snestar, for once! A badly thrown corner kick by Baker Park, intercepted by Federico Calvaresi and then counter-intercepted by Becky Shock resulted in a huge moment of confusion inside of the Viola’s penalty box. The ball was being juggled everywhere, bouncing around the players as if they were inside of a pinball machine, until it was thrown over the area, landing right into the lone Lodigiani. She ran right into the goal, finding herself in a 1v2, but then she spotted Mattia Castelletti sprinting towards the side with all his remaining strength, and chose to assist him in the decisive, spectacular 1-2 goal. As he scored, the entire Snestaryan bench invaded the pitch and swarmed Castelletti, erupting in joy.

After the match, we interviewed Edoardo di Palma, curious to hear his thoughts on the now-secured knockout rounds. Initially, we had quite a hard time getting him to respond, since he was too busy getting drunk with his crew, but in the end he (albeit in a slightly inebriated state) agreed to answer a few questions.

“Nobody thought we would get this far! The tiny eeny miney Viola has advanced to the knockout rounds! And it was all because of the beautiful team we have constructed over these last few months. The passion is there, the quality is there…Everything is in its right place!”

Round of 32 vs Banija
5-4-1 Formation
GK 1 Federico Calvaresi (C)
LB 5 Riccardo Cavaliere
CB 2 Giulio Maritan
CB 4 Vittorio Gallerani
CB 32 Sebastiano Balestri
RB 13 Marta Camilla Barami
LM 10 Martin de Roux
CDM 25 Nicolò Fusar Bassini
CDM 6 Davide Scognamiglio
RM 20 Fabio de Filippi
ST 21 Veronica Lodigiani

by **Dhemixia** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 2:03 pm

St. Agnant's, Paradystopia
Copse Lane Park
GS MD3 vs. Indusse

Newly enlightened with the knowledge that nobody in the front office actually cares, this is now personal for the Dhemixians. They don't want to win this game, they want to make the higher-ups at the Dhemixian FA as angry as possible. And can you really blame them? If you knew your boss cared but his boss had no investment in you, would you not also do things just to spite him? Sitting at second in the group, all the Serps need is a point from Indusse to advance to the knockouts. That's easier said than done.

Dhemixian broadcast booth wrote:We've arrived. This is definitively the largest game in Dhemixia's history, and that transcends sports. The Serpents have a chance to get to the WC knockouts for the first time ever, let alone making the WC groups for the first time. This is uncharted territory; this is the Idiot Project zone. The best part? They're not alone in The South Pacific. For the first time maybe ever, the known sporting region of TSP has two nations on the cusp of the knockouts. It's up to the Serpents to guarantee one of those spots today.

The Serps all wanted to be the hero. Not just for the national fame and stardom, but solely for the opportunity to give their FA President the middle finger on multiversal TV.

21st minute, set piece just beyond the box. Both teams knew this ball was going to Randy Calhoun and it didn't matter. Calhoun was maybe just a little too eager to let a bird fly, though.

Dhemixian broadcast booth wrote:Sanford to take the free kick - it's direct, but I doubt he'll go for goal here. Runs up, attackers crash the box, floated to the back post - CALHOOOOOOOOOOOUN!!!! 1-0 DHEMIXI- NO! THE FLAG'S GONE UP, IT WON'T COUNT! Randy just had a shoulder beyond Adhaan there and it's come back! He's got no idea it's tied, he's still celebrating over in the corner. Speaking of, he's just flipped off the cameraman? What is he doing? And he's been yellowed for it! Unbelievable from the Dhemixian. Actually that's quite believable, that's basically par for the course with this team.

The good news? The Dhemixians in the stands weren't just watching that game. Should Saint Eleanor win by more than Dhemixia lose, Dhemixia are through. The Eleanorians would give them some support.

Dhemixian broadcast booth wrote:Mid-stages here as Indusse controls it in the back. Working it into the middle third, looking for a throughball. It would appear as though the Dhemixian fans are now celebrating like they've just scored a goal? Ah, they've just put in on the video board here in St. Agnant's: Saint Eleanor have just netted one against Reçueçn. The Serps need a Saint Eleanor win, so that can only be good.

Halftime would come and go, but the second half wouldn't be all good for the Dhemixians.

Dhemixian broadcast booth wrote:65th minute at Copse Lane Park, Mersiás on the wing defended by Bush. Cuts in, breaks back outside, sends in a sweeping cross for the forward - Djenkzo! No! He's found the bottom corner with a header! Indusse lead with 25 to go! If Reçueçn find one against Saint Eleanor, Dhemixia are on the ropes. Not at all good.

It wouldn't end up mattering, though. Enter, stage left, Saint Eleanor with a steel chair.

Dhemixian broadcast booth wrote:We're just entering injury time at Copse Lane Park, and the Dhemixians have almost parked the bus while down 1? This is why they brought in Boro Ouattara? Yet another thunderous roar from the Dhemixian supporters - Saint Eleanor's won! That's why he's parking the bus! At present, Dhemixia are in second and through to the knockouts!

Dhemixia in the knockouts. That's not a sentence I thought I would ever utter. Multiple Drawkians died at the sound of that. They are sacrifices I'm willing to make. The only things that matter are the two universal truths that have just been affirmed: TSP is a sporting region, and the Serps are massive

by **Qusmo** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 2:47 pm

Howdy, boys and girls and children of all ages! Step right up — yes, it’s time for QSIM again!

Farf’s favorite concept in the Multiverse is back and better than ever. This time, instead of making no effort to account for RP bonus, we’ve made zero effort. Doesn’t that sound better? It’s a number now, not a determiner! Boo determiners. Surely that was the one and only issue Farf had with QSIM. Great, now that we’ve got that wrapped up:

This edition of QSIM is much simpler than the rest. Quite simply, I’ve taken the bracket as is and calculated the odds each team will advance to the octofinals. Then, I’ve taken every potential octofinal pairing, calculated the odds it’ll actually happen by multiplying together the odds both referenced teams will actually make it that far, then calculated the odds each team would win that fixture if it were to occur, then calculated the odds each team would win that particular fixture against that particular team in that particular round by multiplying the odds the match’ll occur by the odds the team’ll win that match, then I’ve added together the probabilities for every scenario in which a certain team could win an octofinal to move on to the quarterfinals — and then I’ve done the exact same thing for every subsequent round, right up through the World Cup final. Like I said, simple. (Compared to most of my other QSIMs this cycle, it is, actually.)

In the Calculations tab, you can see every possible match, the round it’d happen in, the probability it would happen, and the probability each team would win if it does happen. The Parameters tab adds that all up and also provides a bit more of a color-coded guide to see which teams are in line to meet which others in which rounds, at a glance.

The Index tab is where you’ll likely actually want to spend your time. Going column by column: QSIM just gives a list from 1–32 that won’t change, no matter how you sort. Ordr will put the teams in bracket order, with 1 playing 2 in the hexadecifinals, the winner of that match playing 3 or 4 in the octofinals, and so on. Best means the best performance a team has ever had at a prior World Cup. Prev means how a team performed at World Cup 100. WC means World Cup champion, and n/a means the team didn’t play in that (or potentially any prior) World Cup.

GrpR records both which group a team played in and where they finished in that group — L1 finished first in Group L. Rank is a team’s position in the current KPB+ rankings. Seed is which seed the team was assigned, per Qusma seeding. (1-01 means best group winner, 2-L1 means best runner-up on the left side of the bracket, 3TR1 means best third-place team in the top right quarter of the bracket, and so on.) Team is the name of the nation, and Rank is how many KPB+ points the team has.

Then, what you actually care about if you care about QSIM: the odds each team will reach each round up to and including lifting the World Cup trophy. Every team has 100% odds in the HF column, because they’ve already made it to the hexadecifinals. The sheet is sorted by WC101, the odds each team will win this World Cup, by default.

Again: the Mathletic will be extremely confident in these numbers. You shouldn’t necessarily also be. I’ll continue to stand by the opinion that QSIM is an excellent IC prediction tool, but it’s clearly lacking a very important OOC piece of the puzzle. Nevertheless, I do hope you enjoy this latest edition of QSIM.

The Mathletic
Informed analysis.

This Qusma team is historic — and probably won’t win a knockout fixture
Analyzing the Caldera Sun’s incredible group stage with an eye towards what’s to come

So, uh, I suppose we’d better address the elephant in the room, shouldn’t we? Qusmo has the longest active winning streak of any active team in the Multiverse, at fifteen consecutive wins, and absolutely obliterated their group stage opponents, winning the top overall seed in the tournament by five goals’ worth of goal differential over second-seeded Banija. Qusmo had the tournament’s joint-best defensive record, with one goal allowed, and the tournament’s best goalscoring output bar none, with twelve goals scored.

Qusmo somehow demolished Ko-oren — a top-ten team in the Multiverse, and top-two defense in the Multiverse — by a score of five-nil. Even going back to Qualifying, Qusmo demonstrated a threat by finishing in the top five in the Multiverse for both points per match and goals conceded per match. For the past fifteen matchdays, the Caldera Sun have been absolutely incredible. Could the number one overall seed in the tournament potentially go all the way and win it?

Well, let’s not get too carried away just yet. Qusmo is still ranked only twenty-eighth in the Multiverse. It will face a higher-ranked opponent in the hexadecifinals. There is a good chance Qusmo would have to face a yet-higher-ranked opponent in the octofinals if they make it, with a five-time World Cup champion the alternative. Three of Qusmo’s four potential quarterfinals opponents are even higher ranked than either of Qusmo’s potential octofinal opponents, including a former World Cup champion ranked fourth, a former World Cup champion host nation, and the fifth-ranked nation which made it all the way to the final last cycle. Half of Qusmo’s potential semifinal opponents are higher-ranked, and of those higher-ranked teams, a majority are Rushmori, from the very same region has long struggled against. And that doesn’t even take into consideration the teams ranked first, second, or third, one of which would likely be waiting the Caldera Sun in the final.

And that presupposes that Qusmo would go on a run in the first place. Qusmo has never before even won a knockout fixture at a World Cup. At top-level tournaments — including the Copa Rushmori, but excluding the Cup of Harmony — this will be Qusmo’s seventh knockout fixture in total. Qusmo has won one: a Copa Rushmori octofinal played at home against an unranked opponent eighteen cycles ago. This is not that — particularly given the pressure the Caldera Sun will be under, as a lower-ranked team on an incredible run of form.

Fifteen consecutive wins: that’s more than any other team at any point this cycle. Saint Eleanor’s petered out at fourteen, Squornshelous is on fourteen and counting, Valanora’s and Audioslavia’s streaks ended at twelve, and Banija has the next-longest active winning streak at nine. Getting a bit more specific, Qusmo has won each of their past six matches against independent nations, with seventeen wins, five draws, and just one loss in their past twenty-two fixtures against independents.

The Caldera Sun has previously played seven matches against teams from the North Pacific in its history, and it has yet to be defeated, with six wins and one draw. Qusmo has scored multiple goals in every match it has ever played against opposition from the North Pacific in its history thus far. Of course, that one draw was Qusmo’s sole prior fixture against Valentine Z: a two-all draw in Qusmo’s opening match of World Cup 98. But that was a horrid tournament overall for Qusmo, as that match was the only time the Caldera Sun collected any points, and they would only score one more goal for the rest of their original home tournament.

But it’s not just good current form for Qusmo, or good prior performance against an increasingly small subset of teams. Qusmo’s form at this tournament thus far has been legitimately historic. Per the Aesthetic, of the three thousand twelve instances of a particular nation in a particular cycle playing at a World Cup from the tournament’s inaugural edition through World Cup 101, two hundred twenty-one have earned a perfect nine points from three group stage matches — equivalent to about 6.7% of teams.

Qusmo is one of only twelve such nine-point teams which have had +10 or better goal difference, as well as one seven-point team which exceeded the +10 goal difference threshold as well. Either way, that comes out to just 0.4% of all teams at any World Cup which have accomplished what Qusmo just did. Qusmo’s record of nine points and a +11 goal difference is the joint-seventh-best performance of all time in a World Cup group stage, and it is the joint-best of any team in the group stages of the past forty tournaments.

 WC   Team                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA   GD  Pts     Result
 10   Giant Zucchini        3   3  0  0   11   1  +10    9     Final
 28   New Montreal States   3   3  0  0   11   1  +10    9     Octofinal
 29   Liventia              3   3  0  0   12   0  +12    9     Octofinal
 40   Milchama              3   3  0  0   13   1  +12    9     Octofinal
 54   Cassadaigua           3   3  0  0   14   1  +13    9     Quarterfinal
 54   Bears Armed           3   3  0  0   12   2  +10    9     Final
 56   Valanora              3   3  0  0   16   0  +16    9     Octofinal
 56   Bears Armed           3   3  0  0   14   1  +13    9     Quarterfinal
 58   Krytenia              3   2  1  0   16   3  +13    7     Final
 61   The Holy Empire       3   3  0  0   14   1  +13    9     Final
 90   The Holy Empire       3   3  0  0   16   5  +11    9     Champions
 96   Delte                 3   3  0  0   12   2  +10    9     Octofinal
101   Qusmo                 3   3  0  0   12   1  +11    9

To look at it another way, Qusmo is tremendously balanced. It scored a dozen goals in the group stage and only conceded one — best and joint-best in this tournament, respectively. Sure, some teams have excellent defenses — two hundred forty-seven teams, or 7.5%, have conceded zero or one goals over the course of a group stage, and thirty-eight teams, or 1.1%, have scored at least twelve.

But the ability to do both is rare. This is only the tenth time in World Cup history that a team has scored double-digit goals without conceding multiple goals in the group stage of a World Cup, and Qusmo is the first team to do it in the past forty cycles. Narrow the criteria further to at least twelve goals scored and at most one goal conceded, and Qusmo becomes only the seventh team in World Cup history to accomplish such a feat.

 WC   Team                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA   GD  Pts     Result
 10   Giant Zucchini        3   3  0  0   11   1  +10    9     Final
 28   New Montreal States   3   3  0  0   11   1  +10    9     Octofinal
 29   Liventia              3   3  0  0   12   0  +12    9     Octofinal
 40   Milchama              3   3  0  0   13   1  +12    9     Octofinal
 50   Valanora              3   3  0  0   10   1   +9    9     Octofinal
 54   Cassadaigua           3   3  0  0   14   1  +13    9     Quarterfinal
 56   Valanora              3   3  0  0   16   0  +16    9     Octofinal
 56   Bears Armed           3   3  0  0   14   1  +13    9     Quarterfinal
 61   The Holy Empire       3   3  0  0   14   1  +13    9     Final
101   Qusmo                 3   3  0  0   12   1  +11    9

But the problem for Qusmo: the group stage doesn’t really actually matter all that much. It’s impressive, without a doubt. As a result of being among the top four group winners, Qusmo gets to play a third-placed team in the hexadecifinals and would be guaranteed to play a group runner-up in the octofinals if they get that far. But Qusmo is in the hexadecifinals, just like the eighth-best third-placed team. Qusmo may have won three straight matches here in Farfadillis, but they need to win five more in succession to win a trophy — exactly the same position all thirty-one other teams remaining in the tournament find themselves in.

On some level, it doesn’t really matter if Qusmo rides high into the knockouts on the back of a superb group stage or just barely stumbles in on the strength of a single win and a pair of losses. Even more so, it doesn’t really matter at all if Qusmo made it to the World Cup on a long hot streak or if they bumbled their way through penalty shootout after penalty shootout in successive rounds of playoffs. They have the advantage of being in the bracket and having been seeded highly, but once the bracket is set, their group stage performance will confer them no benefit. If Qusmo goes down a goal to Valentine Z, they can’t use up one of their extras from the Ko-oren or Sernet matches. A single moment could, and likely will, be the difference between advancing and being eliminated. That is the beauty of the World Cup, and the pain.

A cursory look through the prior histories of such group stage wonders as Qusmo may now compare itself to do well to illustrate this. Of twelve prior teams with double-digit positive goal differences in a World Cup group stage, five of them were eliminated immediately in the first knockout fixture they played following that amazing group stage. Only one has gone on to actually lift the trophy. Considering the fact that all prior such teams were playing in thirty-two-team World Cups with sixteen teams in each knockout stage, those odds are scarcely better than random chance.

When looking at the supremely balanced teams with exceptional defenses — long thought to be particularly valuable in knockout football — there have been nine prior teams to score double-digit group stage goals and avoid conceding multiple group stage goals, and the majority have bowed out in their very first knockout fixture. Only two played any more than a fifth game at the tournament. None lifted the trophy.

Then, consider this fact: this is the first time a team has accomplished any of these feats in the forty-eight-team World Cup era. The group stage is, simply, easier with sixteen extra teams qualifying on the back end, sixteen extra spots in the group stage, and four extra teams per pot. Qusmo’s prior best-ever group stage performance in a World Cup was in the eighty-second edition, when they played teams ranked fifth, seventh, and seventeenth in the Multiverse at that time. Even a Qusmo making its World Cup debut in its third-ever cycle was ranked thirty-fourth. At this tournament, Qusmo played teams ranked tenth, thirty-ninth, and seventy-seventh.

It is simply easier to dominate a group stage in this era of the tournament than it was in the past. If dominating a more difficult slate of group opponents led to success extremely rarely over four knockout matches, what’s to say Qusmo will buck the trend and have more success, in the aftermath of similar results against lower-ranked opponents on average, needing to navigate five knockout fixtures along the way?

That may be why QSIM, the Mathletic’s in-house statistical model, is so much more pessimistic about Qusmo’s chances than one may expect with such domineering performances at this tournament thus far. QSIM thinks Qusmo has less than a fifty percent chance of winning the nation’s first-ever World Cup knockout fixture in its history — and it expects that Qusmo would have under a fifty percent chance of winning every subsequent round, even if it makes it there, as well. QSIM gives Qusmo its eighteenth-best odds of reaching both the octofinals and the quarterfinals, its twentieth-best odds of reaching the semifinals, its nineteenth-best odds of playing in the final, and its twentieth-best odds of winning the World Cup, at just 1.41%.

Yes, this Qusma team has been incredible. It has scored goals in bunches and been phenomenal at the back. It has achieved all that thanks to magnificent midfield control, a unique tactical vision, and the experience, chemistry, and intelligence to work together as a single unit, more than the sum of its parts. This may well be the greatest team in the history of the Caldera Sun. But it has yet to play a top-nine opponent this cycle. It still hasn’t won a knockout fixture. And it isn’t the favorite to hoist the trophy. Can Qusmo do incredible things at this tournament? Yes, they already have. But will they? We can hope — but for all of us who aren’t lucky enough to be out on the pitch, we can do no more than simply hope, and wait, and dream.

by **Abhyuday** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 3:21 pm

Hello guys, I wanted to join, my team is Basketstates for basketball, where is it and how can I join, for soccer, its Abhyudian Republic

by **Paradystopia** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 3:41 pm

CUT-OFF FOR ROUND OF 32 MATCHES
(FARF HALF)

by **Eshialand** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 4:04 pm

Robbery

“I still don’t get why I need to be here,” the king said to Detective Bronwyn, “shouldn’t this just be as easy as you going back to your desk and grabbing the thing?”
“I mean, it is after hours, so we have to be at least a little sneaky. He’s gonna wonder why I’m going into my office after 6:30.”
“Is he even gonna be there?”
“Always, he practically lives in that place. Especially with his heightened paranoia after Mr. Davidson called Garber… I don’t think I’ve seen his car out of the parking lot once before 10 p.m.”
“Then why can’t this wait for tomorrow? He’s not going to check your desk or anything!”
“You’d be surprised how far his paranoia goes. He’s been checking everything he sees because he doesn’t know who’s trailing him. He knows people are onto him and Garber, and he doesn’t want any evidence getting out of there. If he sees a USB stick labeled ‘evidence’ on my desk…”
“Why the hell did you label it ‘evidence’??”
“So I wouldn’t lose it!”
“And how did that work out?”

Bronwyn fell silent, as he really had no rebuttal to this comment. He knew just how hard he’d messed up.

“Anyway, can you even explain what I’m supposed to be here for?” the king once again asked.
“I need a distraction for Monley. Just someone to occupy his attention while I go in there.”
“And you don’t think he’s going to wonder why the king, who he already knows is onto him, is there after hours?”
“That’s why I brought this!” Jake said, pulling an Eshian Postal Service uniform out of his bag.
“Oh, so me pretending to be an EIS agent is a no-no but you just have a Postal Service uniform lying around?”
“It’s called going undercover. Totally fair ball for actual agents! Anyway, put this on and go around the service entrance at the back. Ring up and tell Monley you’re a new delivery guy, you came early because you’re new on the job and you need him to guide you to the mail room.”
“But I don’t have any mail to deliver, what do I do?”

Bronwyn handed the king his bag, which had a few envelopes underneath the uniform. “Now you do! Go quick and hit this button—” he said as he handed the king a small clicker, “—when he answers the door. “I’m not gonna have much time so you’re gonna need to be as quick as you can with the click and distract him as much as possible. If you need to, tell him you need to use the washroom too.”

“How will I know if I need to?”
“I have a button that syncs to your button. I’ll hit it when I’m done and you’ll feel the vibration. If you haven’t felt it, that’s your cue to ask for the bathroom.”

The king put the outfit on over his street clothes, and he felt ridiculous as he walked to the service entrance. Yes, he’d gone undercover before*, but not in cosplay and certainly not masquerading as a public employee at a government office. The mustache that Jake gave him to hide his easily recognizable face just made him feel even stupider.

ding dong!

Mark Monley was this close to figuring out what was on that USB. He just put the thing into his computer, he was about to open the folder, but of course the damned service bell had to ring, and as long as he was in the office he was the only one allowed to open that door. Any attempt to look at what was in there would have to wait.

He walked to the service entrance to open the door, only to find a mailman there. This early? he thought, I thought overnight deliveries only came after 9!

Meanwhile, at the front entrance, Bronwyn felt his button vibrate. He opened up the door with his key and he knew he had to rush to his desk. There was zero time to waste in this stupid plan, because if he got caught it would absolutely be over.

He rushed over to his desk as Monley and Will walked over to the mail room together, and the moment he got there he let out an audible “shit!”.

“What was that?” the EIS director asked the “new mailman”.
“Excuse me, sorry, these shoes are really squeaky, I still have to break them in.” the king said, scrambling for some sort of cover. Bronwyn’s voice was just muffled enough for him to get away with this excuse, despite how unbelievable the whole thing sounded.

Jake had to scramble to Monley’s office, knowing that the stick had to be in there. There was no way he had enough time to do this, right?

“Alright, um… what was your name again?”
“Doug.” the king replied, trying to use a better cover name than his own this time.
“Right, Doug. I’ll leave you to it in here, I just have to head back to my office…”

Will hadn’t felt the buzzer yet though. Jake must still have been in there, and he needed to buy some time. “Could I also know where the commode is in here?”
“Commode?”
“You know, lavatory, washroom, porcelain throne?”
“I’m familiar with the word, just who the hell even says that?”
“I was just trying to be respectful sir. Do you know where I could find it?”
“Just down the hall over there, you can’t miss it. Now, if you would excuse me…”

It didn’t buy as much time as he was hoping. Monley was headed back to his office and Jake was still nowhere to be heard from. He had to start hitting the button over and over again to warn him…

Jake made it into Monley’s office, and there the stick was, plugged into Monley’s computer. It seemed he had gotten there just in time, as the folder appeared on his desktop but it hadn’t yet been opened. All he had to do was eject the drive and…

bzzz bzzz bzzzz bzzzzzz

Oh dear Margaret, that buzzer was frantic. It must’ve been a warning, Monley was coming. Jake peeped out the door, and he saw Monley already walking down the hall. There was no getting out except for… no, he couldn’t. But there was no time for anything else.

Monley arrived in his office, and he felt an unusual puff of a cold evening wind. The door was opened. The USB he had pilfered from Bronwyn’s desk wasn’t in his computer. It must’ve been stolen. “Dear Margaret…” he said, before calling the EIS Capital Detachment for backup. It was sort of ironic to be calling the EIS to go to EIS HQ, but HQ never had night shift workers, not even before paranoia undid Monley’s mental health. After all, this is where you went to work when you got high enough in the ladder to not have to work nights anymore.

Jake started frantically buzzing Will back. Not just one buzz to tell him he was done, but enough to tell him that this was no normal ending to this mission, and he needed to get the hell out of dodge before there were serious consequences. Everything was going wrong, and the heat was on.

*OOC Note: see these two WC96 RPs for a previous instance. (Both words are different links)

Eshialand’s final group stage matchup of World Cup 101 had a very strange feeling to it for this team. For the first time ever, they were playing an MD3 match where they knew they wouldn’t be going home afterwards regardless of the result. They also weren’t really playing spoiler, since Pasarga were continuing on anyway as well. They were just playing for the nebulous and possibly advantage-less idea of having a better seed.

While the team did fight hard for the chance to win this group, it just wasn’t going to happen. The Wanderers were the better team, and they did what they had to do to win. The Owls, to their credit, did keep the match close. They fought as hard as they could to a 2-3 score which sent a message to both themselves and onlookers: “we earned this spot,” as Mel Carey said after the match, “even if some of our greatest fans counted us out after so many failures, we do deserve this.”

Finishing second in the group with a 2-0-1 record, on paper, should’ve meant avoiding some of the heavyweights in the knockouts. Of course, this was only on paper, and in reality the Qusma seeding used ended up sticking them against Ko-oren.

You see a name like Ko-oren and you think of only one thing: you’re fucked. After all, this was a team ranked within the top 10 in the world that had won a World Cup within recent memory. However, there was a glimmer of hope: they, like Eshialand, had a curse on their backs. While Eshialand’s curse involved Group Stage flops, Ko-oren, who had qualified for the knockouts in every World Cup since the Owls’ first appearance in WC95, had only survived the first round of knockouts once, and even that required penalty kicks against TJUN-ia. They were an incredible team past the first round of knockouts, but if you were to pair against them in a Round of 32, you might just have a shot.

Granted, “you might just have a shot” doesn’t mean anything is gonna be easy in any way. After all, this was a rank 37 team taking on rank 10. By no stretch of the imagination are you gonna have a fun time. All it meant was that there was no reason to feel like it was an impossible task.

For Eshialand, this was the best chance they’d ever had to reach the top 16. In 32-team World Cups, they were always the little fish in a big pond and got 0 points to show for them. In 48-team ones, the only other time they were one step away was against a Tikariot team that was left with an asterisk next to it following the events of this year’s qualifying. But while they’d never had a chance like this before…

…they knew, with how they were improving, they’d have another one someday.

by **Saint Eleanor** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 6:24 pm

Group of Six meeting (CXXVIII) --- SAINT ELEANOR 2-0 Recuecn
Participants: Gentle Breeze, Reniira Clevinger, Stephen Mitcham ~ Lydia Vickers [C], Kichirō Matsuda [VC], Isabella Bright [ballot]
Location: Gathered around the table in a typically sticky pub; Urbsclavium, PDT

I'm Stephen Mitcham, and I am here as originally discussed. Recuecn, shorn of Rebecca Firaut, were fortunate if not lucky to have scraped their win over Indusse - although Kichiro astutely notes that you could say much the same about our win against Huayramarca in 2006, both tough games for the underdog following a two-goal defeat on the first matchday, decided in the underdog's favour through a dramatic intervention by the captain and star defensive midfielder - and proved to be less industrious against us. To her credit, Lauretta Giordano proved to be far more commendable for the bulk of the ninety minutes than she ever was when she barely even glimmered against Pierre Camanin's men, although swamping her from time to time may have done more harm than good. Though Asselineau could not possibly replicate her synergy with Firaut junior, either, she proved to be the biggest attacking threat, repeatedly breaking past our lines and forcing Kirsti Sundgren into save after save. Otherwise, however, it was a very regimented day out for les Licornes.

On the contrary, while Firaut senior has retired, I would dare argue that their backline has improved on what it was when we last met at the start of the decade: Elizabeth Wootton found it easy enough against Konig; Nacle Ohan was the right choice at starboard and he literally needed to extract every ounce of his trickery to break past Breault. Kevin O'Leary had to lie in deep and work closely with Gisken Aldra to crack their centreback pairing, but the opening goal midway through the first half was almost a moment of individual genius on his part, almost as good as anything Heloise could stitch together. While he almost got outwitted by Allard way outside the area, his first reaction was to punch the ball to Ohan for a stone-cold first-timer - half a second before the lad got flagged offside for his troubles. An eye had barely blinked before O'Leary, Aldra and Matsuda pushed forward together to literally move the ball behind Ziswiler's back, enabling Gisken to land the shot with almost no opposition and making the final twenty minutes a formality.

By numbers alone (and, according to Kichiro, perhaps even if you trust the Mathletic's numbers), our last thirty-two tie should be one of the most lopsided games in World Cup finals history: the second-best team in the world - and the World Cup - against the third-weakest team of the tournament and the world's 85th-best side, somewhere between Sel Appa and Kandorith. However, The Golden Harp has remembered well that the two most important numbers in football are how many you concede and how many you score; twenty-two goals conceded in qualifying, despite a whole bagful of them in the playoffs and the group stage, is not a bad figure for a relatively newer side. They can be capable on an average day - and dangerous on a very good day.

Even if the Holy Harps are not a well-known team, how they play absolutely should be. We have seen, time and again, how much they love to soak up the pressure: they will counter-attack in numbers when they get the ball back, although not to the extent of sacrificing their defence, mainly relying on left-wingback Evan Kelleher and playmaker Garbhan Watt to provide the attacking magic alongside their more well-established attackers - although, remarkably, only Steed and Perrot have found the net in their three games in Oeopolis. Less well-known is the Woodsmere incident, when they struggled to do anything other than defend after getting a man sent off. But perhaps most pertinently for us, nobody in, or around, The Golden Harp will ever forgive Cyrile Resnais-Mahama. They are probably still thinking about how many yards offside he was when he found the net so late on, and I have no doubt they will attempt other dirty tricks against ourselves, another much-fancied team.

The attacking threat is more collective than individual and, if we ask our defensive midfielders to stay back - perhaps even further back than against Dhemixia - and allow them to break down the opposition quintet, we should be well on our way to a clean sheet. At the same time, pace and accuracy will be key when moving the ball forward, including into space that should be wide open if we can time our balls right: centreback Darren Keane's irritated reaction to the Resnais-Mahama goal was remarkable and Isabella is definitely made of the right stuff when it comes to facing off against him, although she would do amazingly not to become the first player in national team history to get sent off for backchat instead of ramming into one of the other players. Gavin Kelleher's status as a goalkeeper, perhaps even an undeniable one, is in no doubt - this conversation was, in fact, massively sidetracked when Kichiro and Isabella decided to compare him to some of the other goalkeepers taking part at this tournament!

Defensively, we have one of the most proven backlines anywhere, and their strength in numbers should be more than a match for the Golden Harpians' - Keith and Edward have proven to be better fullbacks on the international stage than perhaps even they anticipated, while Lydia and Katy are solid, pragmatic central defenders who should keep Garbhan and the strikers at bay. When it comes to standing up to Evan Kelleher, we'll need the Keith who held off Gregory Baker for the full ninety minutes and then some, rather than the Keith who got skinned by Winfred Aspach in both the matches he played against him - and I trust that we will get the good Keith, which should really unlock Nacle's potential on the right wing and perhaps even get him the goal that puts him level with Bridget Coombe on our World Cup finals top scorers list.

We cannot just ignore the rest of our midfielders, however. Elizabeth Wootton will do a spectacular job as ever and should at least do plenty against the less-than-noteworthy Jones Collins. Gisken Aldra has always had that creative spark around them, but the midfield battle can be easily won by just not playing it, so I'd like to ask them to really pay attention, shuffle back if needs must, and feed Nacle, Liz or Isabella when it's convenient. I've already made clear that Kichiro and Maria Morgan should stay back, helping to really break up the counter-attack, and let our attacking players take the strain up front, but if they are outnumbered or outpaced, Gentle Breeze is clear that she'd happily let them take more attacking initiative. Besides, if someone has to go a man down, I'd rather it be Keane for losing his temper rather than one of ours for trying to physically break them, and our holding pair can be two of the best in the world on that front!

While I say that, Isabella, who was sat out against Recuecn and for good reason, has astutely pointed out that six of our seven of our goals so far were scored by midfielders, and that Kevin might as well have been one of their number with how he was acting at the Old Breakers' Yard. Izzy is no giant - she is shorter than every Chromatik who could possibly play against our Group K rivals Indusse, save for Edith Fillar - but she knows how to bring a ball under control, really run with it, and test the goalkeeper, so I would advise against just thumping the ball into space, but instead ask our defenders and midfielders to carve it open themselves before launching it to one of the front four. With any luck, we can cut out their midfield, make their defenders irrelevant and turn Kelleher into the star of the defensive show; it certainly worked out in our favour when we turned the table on Wesley Williamson.

That is a lot of words to say that we will be returning to the usual starting lineup, while focusing on really solid zonal marking in defence; low, long and accurate balls in transition; and pace along with ball control in attack: Sundgren; Ruthan, Vickers, Wilson, Barnett; Morgan, Matsuda; Wootton, Aldra, Ohan; BRIGHT.

Oneshot: When should YOU take your annual leave?

Unlike most countries, Saint Eleanor does not have bank holidays or even public holidays: the First Bank of Saint Eleanor is open 6am until 10pm every day except Christmas Day. Famously, Eleanorian workers had no legally-guaranteed holiday protections for over a decade after independence, until a labour dispute had to be defused at the less-than-union-friendly OPAL. Today, full-time workers get at least two weeks of paid annual leave, but the story is more complicated for just about everyone.

Shift workers are the most obvious exception to the rule; surprisingly, the biggest shift employer in the country are not the supermarkets (who value consistency and will normally only hire shift employees to work less-than-sociable hours, not like we're introverts anyway) but the Army, which requires a 24/7 presence and whose personnel already get four weeks' paid leave; and the hospitality sector, where shift hours are relatively consistent week-on-week. Shift workers, like part-time workers, get holiday pro rata - it's assumed that people work eight hours a day, five days a week, so you're assumed to be working five shifts a week; all shift workers must have at least forty-eight consecutive hours in each seven-day period where they do not have to work a shift, and must have reasonable notice of their shift patterns. While you are by definition not guaranteed any days off, except the official holidays for retail and hospitality workers (more on that right below you), it is not unknown for workers to anticipate their holiday even before they are advised of their shift pattern and book it accordingly - even if it normally looks like one of the below.

The wrinkle for most people comes in terms of the official holidays. All shops and restaurants must close their doors on Christmas Day (for obvious reasons), Boxing Day (because people are hungover), and New Years' Day (because people are literally hungover). Shops must close on Easter Sunday (because we remember the life and resurrection of Christ Jesus), but not restaurants (because Sunday roasts are enough of a treat to warrant it). In practice, more or less all non-essential employees - no matter the employer - are off work on the 25th, 26th, 1st, and Good Friday, or else their days in lieu. Liberation Day - June 23rd - is not a holiday for retail and hospitality staff, quite the contrary, but it is also universally treated as a day off work for everyone else. Most people also normally get weekends off as well as four weeks' holiday, roughly in line with the international standard, perhaps even a week's worth of carryover of unused leave if they're lucky although people who aren't lucky enough to work in a nice little office will normally have the legal minimum of two weeks.

So, how should you swing it? The following, based on a survey I did with a few employees across Saint Eleanor, should give you an idea:

Sarah, who recently graduated from the University and now works for a local independent bookshop, has two weeks of leave now she's on a full-time contract. While her workplace is closed over Christmas and New Years', in no small part because students aren't in class, she tends to take one week off around Easter and another in late September, saying that she tends to use her time reading even more books at home and exploring the local area, and adding that the summer isn't any more or less stressful than other times of year.
Jack, a fitter at the Hiyashi plant in Broadlands who gets three weeks off, says that while he takes the days around Christmas off, the megacorporation gives everyone Christmas Eve off so people can buy presents and better prepare for the big day. Otherwise, though, his mind is set on the big summer holiday which he books every year, and jokes that "it's the time of year where I have to use my brain the most - I follow a routine process back at work but it's sometimes a bit chaotic finding my way around wherever!"
Darren, a car mechanic who gets the bare minimum from his employer, tells me that he books the entire festive period off so he can spend more time with his family. Of what's left, however, he tends to book "just a day or two of leave at a time, normally around when the football is" - but adds that his employer is understanding on those occasions where he does need to have a bit more leave, even if he doesn't get paid for it.
Annabel, who works in human resources for a medium-sized business, gets to enjoy four weeks of leave. She likes to have all seven days off around Christmas and New Year so she can prepare to host her family, but that she sometimes books an extra week at the back if Christmas is at the start of the week like it was in 2017. Other than that, she will tend to book a week off around Liberation Day, perhaps another week in the autumn (normally around the time of the IFCF finals!), and a few days around the year - Easter Monday is one of her favourites - in order to have a bit of a longer weekend and expand her mind.
Palenaxena, one of OPAL's many store managers, gets two weeks off - just like her staff. Despite being a devout Christian herself, she doesn't book leave around the festive period: "there's a lot of people doing a lot of things and it makes sense if I'm there to keep everything in check and make sure things are going smoothly." However, she normally takes six or seven days off in October so that she can visit her extended family in Gladom Newion, as well as the first few days after Easter to have a bit of time to herself.
Johanna, a secondary school science teacher, doesn't actually get a block of holidays - she technically gets months off, owing to how the school year works. However, when she's not spending her evenings or weekends marking her pupils' homework or writing notes in their books, she likes travelling about and visiting new places with her husband and seven-year-old son, calling it "a great idea: you can get out there, relax, let your hair down and get your mind off some of the more annoying teenagers!"

Lydia Stamper, a workforce analyst and boutique management consultant, told me that most of the employees she talks to use up a week of leave over Christmas - although not all seven days, as some baseline cover is still required in most roles - and another week during the summertime, with additional holiday here and there or maybe even a longer summer break common among those with more allowance. She said that more and more employers are offering their extra days off over Christmastime - whether Christmas Eve, New Years' Eve, or sometimes both - reducing administrative burdens and freeing up a bit more time for workers to book leave at other times of year. She added that while bumping up the legal minimum holiday allowance from two weeks to three "will probably happen within my lifetime" (she's just turned 43), it's likely to face resistance if not by OPAL and Intershop then by the Eleanorian Chamber of Commerce's small businesses, and that it will probably take another epic labour dispute for change to happen.

But enough about them - how about YOU? Are you having a big Christmas break, a week's summer holiday, a few days off to watch World Cup games on the telly on weekdays - or all of these? Let me know in the comments and I'll let you know whether I think you have the right idea!

by **Farfadillis** » Fri Jun 12, 2026 7:47 pm

CUT-OFF FOR ROUND OF 32 MATCHES
(PARADYSTOPI HALF)

World Cup 101 - The Roleplays

WC101 MD3

My team

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