World Cup 99 - RP Thread

[Squornshelan Remnant States]

RP Cutoff for WC99 Group Matchday 2

It's not all parties and parades this month, sometimes it's sad instead.


Today's matches are brought to you in part by:

A new logo for Jarongi, the sports-statistics-and-a-little-bit-of-betting company. Established in the 70s - World Cup cycles, that is - they've first started out gathering stats about the Ko-orenite national team and their opponents to help out our scouts, but built that knowledgebase into a comprehensive database for everything from individual player performance in IFCF finals to standings of the 3rd tier of Ko-orenite amateur curling. And to bankroll it all, they've also launched the immensely popular World Cup Qualification Fantasy game, where you pick the teams you think will surprise us. These guys have unofficially supported the World Cup for ages, and they want to be part of it in a more visible way.

It's definitely odd that Jarongi is the sponsor today, because the type of sports betting they leverage their massive statistics knowledge to profit on is, well, completely illegal in the SRS. Still, those fantasy reports are pretty neat, eh?

[TJUN-ia]

The Random Rambles of a Jaguar - WC99 Edition
with Killian Looker

And so, the time had arrived to play with the big guns in the greatest show of them all - and you are all cordially invited. Welcome back to this Random Ramble and welcome to WC99, Arrosia! The newest region out of those in the WCC system was hosting across three nations and looking to host a cracking tournament that will be filled with thrills and spills. TJUN-ia, under David Seems and Li Xiu YIng, were starting to get used to being at these tournaments, this being our third World Cup on the spin, and while we were proud to say that we were #15 in the world entering this tournament, that statement just didn't fell real at all. It feels weird to go to a major tournament with an expectation to reach the knockout rounds and while yes, expansion to 48 did help lower the bar, we're still talking about TJUN-ia here - a nation that never really does much outside of either the expectation or serious underperformance. With that in mind, TJUN-ia is about to enter the fray...so what can we do this time?

The Game
With the Squornshelan Remnant States as our home base for this group stage, we would play only one game at the Admiral Cherenkov Stadium in Santraginus, known locally as the Dockyard...but despite that, our only cameo in the waterfront was certainly one to remember for the locals who came to watch. The Dragoons of #32 Oberour Ar Moro were a team we knew all too well, a team that ultimately eliminated us from WC89 Qualifying on that fateful Final Day in TJUN-ia City...and we never forgot the pain of finishing 3rd that day. We knew that Lunen Margas' side was going to throw everything at us, but we hoped that our defence and our counterplay were enough for us to either overhaul or keep up.

What ended up happening here in Santraginus was a chaotic affair, a Deul in the Dockyard where one team's attack clashed with the other's counter-attack across 90+ minutes of enthralling football. Seriously. It was a back-and-forth duel of two forces, ones that seemed magnetised to each other with no separation allowed. Gao Wu Shi and Brivel des Aloz ended up picking the ball from their nets a combined eight times and because of that, defence wasn't exactly on the menu today. Stephan Fiedtkou struck first off the counter in the 23rd, then Blaise Leboeuf (31st) and Aloire des Cartes (33rd) established control of the wings for a while, all before Stephanie Barrientos headed home off a corner in the 45+3rd. 2-2 at Half-Time, and already, this game had seen a lot...but apparently not enough. Jean Rault added some pace to that Dragoon attack and he ended up scoring twice because of that, in the 56th and 59th....so with half an hour to go, we were two goals down in a desperate need for a big swing of momentum. That would end up arriving in the form of Odysseas Issigonis, who's introduction into this game in the 65th sparked a fightback from this teamm - frist through his head in the 72nd, then his leg in the 78th. From 4-2 down to 4-4, in the space of 6 minutes...but no team would end up getting a 5th. 4-4. What a way to start a World Cup, huh?

Reaction
Reactions to this game were...mixed to say the least, especially when we were 4-2 down, but once we leveled things up and it ended 4-4, the debates began. On the one hand, the Jaguars had to come back in that game twice and the fact they managed it successfully goes to show just how much fight this team is able to do when push comes to shove. On the other hand, this game felt messy by our standards - with zero defensive stability at all - and everyone felt that if we were to get out of this group, we would have to improve in our back line. Not every game is going to allow you to get points by conceeding four times. Simple as that.
What's Next?
So we are on the board, but the Striterax Cybernetics Arena will end up being the place where we either live or die. Saint Eleanor, the #10 White Stars, await us there after they won their opener 6-3. Defensive in their play, Gentle Breeze (Equestria) has got this team of bipeds playing a hoofball style that is flexible and deadly when you least expect it. We know this will be tough but for the neutrals, this will be #10 vs #15 - a clash of potential titans for an advantage in this group.

This will be tough. No sugar-coating that.
But we will certainly fight no matter what.
MARCH ON!
GO JAGS!

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SCHEDULE (Group L, Squornshelan Remnant States)
MD1: vs Oberour Ar Moro (32) - Admiral Cherenkov Stadium, Santraginus D 4-4 (T-2nd)
MD2: vs Saint Eleanor (10) - Striterax Cybernetics Arena, Striterax
MD3: vs Pyazhnaya (63) - Striterax Cybernetics Arena, Striterax

[Squornshelan Remnant States]

"Madathil, on your feet!" Esti sprang up from the bench, blood already plenty warm from the nervously bouncing her leg against the ground.

It had been that kind of match.

Three times the Black-and-Reds had forged ahead, putting the ball into their opponents' net to the delight of the majority in attendance. Three times the unheralded side across the pitch from them dug in and found an equalizer, each time to increasing shock and indignation from the Squornshelans in attendance. The Martian Independent Republic, by all accounts, were lucky just to be here, qualifying in third from Group 8 just a whisker ahead of the underachievers of the cycle, Crpostran. Their manager wasn't even with the team anymore, having fled the authorities during the Spiders' visit to Kanzlia on the penultimate matchday of qualifying under threat of arrest under suspicion of taking bribes on his return home. The interim manager appointed wasn't even someone who'd been with the team before, but rather a manager plucked from the Martian domestic league and abruptly plopped down on the touchline with little more than a 'good luck' to help her along. Yes, the team had pulled together despite the adversity against Kandorith to wrap things up, but they'd also needed a fortunate result from Mertagne to enable them to overtake Crpostran.

Suffice it to say, the multiverse's supposedly 78th-best team was not supposed to be putting up a legitimate fight against its third best on their own ground, in the first World Cup match ever hosted on their home soil.

Tatsinan had opened things up with a screamer from nearly 30 meters. The sort of moment everyone would remember, just 8 minutes in and a classic of a goal opened the World Cup for the hosts. Pure poetry. Jowling answered five minutes later, threading between Van and Tutku and onto the end of Barre's ball forward just in time to toe-poke it past the onrushing Bláha. Ok, no matter. We'll need more than one, but goals are hardly something in short supply when the Black-and-Reds take the field. Before the midpoint of the first half, the Martians were under pressure again, and it would be McGill this time, beating Vesperi clean to get onto the end of Shakhnovich's cross. The resulting header straight to the bottom corner; Enwye could only watch. Vesperi would make up for it herself though, climbing up over Van to find Carver's corner kick and level the score again just as the referee was about to blow time on the half. The difference in body language was evident as the teams headed to the dressing rooms. Credit to Madeiros though, the Black-and-Reds re-emerged with composure and purpose, holding the ball and pressing steadily forward, pushing for the goal they knew was coming.

They would find it, of course, with so few exceptions recently, this team always seems to find they goal they need. Shakhnovich made a slashing run to the inside this time after drawing Cheng in with a convincing fake cross into a turn. Enwye parried his shot at the near post, but failed to turn it out over the back line, instead spilling it into the penalty area where a scramble ensued. McGill blocked Howell's clearance, and the rebounding ball was in turn parried away from net by Enwye, diving back into the picture. Starovoitov though, arriving from the other flank, trapped the ball from the chest and in the end played it into the net off his knee. Not the prettiest goal, but it counted. Surely Bláha and the defense could make that one stand up. A valiant effort from a valiant opponent, so many fans both in attendance and at home must have thought, but enough is enough. Not enough for Katzenburg. Showing the sort of guts and clutch performance that earns one a captain's armband, he took a long clearance forward from Cheng in stride and took off. Fending off the defense with speed, and joined by the rest of the forward corps, Katzenburg was able to open enough space for a shot from just inside the box, and what a shot. A dipping, weaving, screwball of a shot that ended up diving down under Bláha's punch at the last moment. Magical stuff really, unless you were wearing black and red that afternoon.

And so it came down to the final fifteen minutes, and Madeiros opted to make all of his substitutions at once. True to form, the Juven manager had no intention of playing for extra time. Alongside Esti, Tarbi Ksudach and Zahida Thakkar had been tapped to kick-start the attack for one more goal.

"There's space down the wings," Madeiros said, moving back and forth in front of the three substitutes, occasionally punctuating a sentence with a finger jabbed in the general direction of the Martian goal. "Three across the middle, three at the back, there's been space all match, but now Tiiu and Øystein are too gassed to find it. That's your job. Find the space when it opens. Don't force it, it'll come, there's still time for that, and you'll know when it does. But when you see it, go!"

Esti tried to balance the competing imperatives of patience and decisiveness. Easier said than done. And then it happened. Starovoitov had come past her on an overlapping run and the Martian left midfielder, she'd forgotten their name in her focus on her own job. In any case, they hadn't backtracked fast enough. For a fleeting moment, there was only Cheng to face both her and Starovoitov as he pushed for the corner flag with the ball. She made for the top corner of the penalty area. Head up, where's the center half, where's the center mid, she reminded herself. McGill was pushing hard toward the penalty spot, forcing the defense to come with her. Then it came, the moment. Her moment. Starovoitov, finally cut off by Cheng, made a quick turn and led a ball into the penalty area. Esti could her the pounding feet behind her, hear the shouts from her teammates, but it was too late. She was in, the space was there. She took one touch, outside of her right foot, lead the ball forward to get a run up for some power. A stutter step to adjust her stride. There, eye on the ball, strike and follow through. Beautiful spin as she watched it arc away toward the far post.

*Thunk*

Esti's jaw fell open. The ball rebounded away toward the far corner flag, Ksudach scrambling after it with Howell in hot pursuit. No, that wasn't how it was supposed to be. She'd done everything right, waited for the moment, taken the chance. Mindlessly, her feet moved her back a bit, floating around vaguely in position to start a back post run as Ksudach played back and forth with Raynott along the far touchline. Behind her, she felt more than saw Starovoitov also tracking back. It was as if she could feel his disappointment, or was that only her own, reflecting off of everything. She drifted back toward the net now. Things were happening across the field as Ksudach and Raynott continued their combination play, now bringing in Thakkar, now Tatsinan. Back out to Ksudach it came, and suddenly he was past the defender, dancing along the end line and then back out into the six-yard box and smashing it home near side. 4-3 to the Confederacy, two minutes until stoppage time. A few minutes of hard-nosed defending and it was over. The celebration was muted. This hadn't been the easy victory expected, but a sobering reminder of how hard every match at the World Cup would be. Esti had hear the others, heard Madeiros speak about that. Now she had lived it. "It was a good play, Madathil, a good shot. You were unlucky, you'll get it next time. Just don't take it home with you, keep moving forward." Madeiros's words to her post match.

Don't take it home with you. Yeah, good luck with that.

[Tanirinthia]

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THE DIARY OF ONE VIOLA WHEELER
Monday - 23rd June 318
Yassaca, Squornshelan Remnant States

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A point is still a point, it's what I told the team in the dressing room afterwards and it's true. StrayaRoos aren't the same team as when we last faced them, they made the quarter-finals last go around and then only losing narrowly by one goal to eventual champions Flavovespia. But I know in my heart we've got to change this mentality of the team, and I know you lead from the top so it's got to come from me, we are the same side to beat Valanora. The same Valanora who had just smashed our current hosts Squornshelan Remnant States five goals to one in a dishing of revenge for losing both the previous World Cup and ARC final too. That was a side riding high, and it's not like we shut them out and eked our way past, we got four goals past them. Now we seem afraid of our own shadow, without the light of the public view we never saw or worried about it but it's now embedded in all our heads.

As I said I'm just as guilty and I've got to lead from the top, if we drop points against Huayramarca I am going to focus on that, we should be able to get the win against any team out there and it's not good enough if we don't. I'm going to push hard in training, and if there are those who aren't able to drop the shadow watching mentality then I'm going to speak to Algernon as to whether we put them on the bench, I think I'd rather have eleven that believe than the best eleven on paper.

As I sit alone in my hotel room I'm reminded of the famous idiom "It's lonely at the top". I think the adage has survived this long because of the truth, I can see the distance that people put between us, the conversations being cut or hushed when I walk in, I'm the captain and sometimes I feel like I'm in the team but not part of it. I've got to shoulder it all, and make it seem like I'm not. Got to keep stoking the fire of hope no matter how hopefuless I'm feeling, and at the end of the day I'm going to be in the position to make decisions about the rest of the team. So part of but at the time, other. But at the same time I do know what this team is capable of and maybe I'm just frustrated in my ability to get that out of everyone. It is nice in the domestic season playing for Anomalies not having to shoulder that burden, instead letting Jessika handle that and simply focusing on my game.

Got to get the balance right at training, walk that line between pushing the team and pulling the team down.

16th June 318 | 23rd June 318

[Eastfield Lodge]

The very abbreviated round-up of Eastfield Lodge's qualifying

WC99Q MD5: Brigantii 0–0 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-2-3-1): O’Sullivan - Guillou, Fawcett-Ferrand, Boyd, St Cleer (<> Webber 80’) - Farrow, Mirzadeh (<> Cope 73’) - Allred (<> Caceres 73’), Fredrich, Scripps (<> Lysander 56’) - Ahmed (<> Noble 56’)
Goals (Assists): N/A
Headline: Second string Eastfielders fail to gel against Brigantii

WC99Q MD6: Eastfield Lodge 3–0 Patriotlandia
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Guillou, Boyd (<> Strong 71’), St Cleer - Farrow (<> Mordecai 71’), Cope - Caceres, Fredrich (<> Hackett 78’), Lysander - Noble (<> Ahmed 78’)
Goals (Assists): Caceres (32’ - Noble), Cope (71’, 73’ - Caceres)
Headline: Eastfield Lodge go back top of group with Patriotlandia demolition

WC99Q MD7: Tikariot 1–2 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Guillou, Boyd, St Cleer - Farrow, Cope (<> Mordecai 74’) - Caceres (<> Gebo-McCraw 54’), Fredrich, Lysander (<> Hackett 74’) - Noble (<> Holdsworth 42’)
Goals (Assists): Holdsworth (48’ - Farrow), Farrow (90+2’)
Headline: Farrow Thunderbolt secures miracle win against Tikariot

WC99Q MD8: Eastfield Lodge 1–2 Vetrahjart
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Guillou (<> Duncan-Berntsen 32’), Boyd, St Cleer - Farrow (<> Mirzadeh 59’), Cope - Gebo-McGraw, Fredrich (<> Allred 59’), Lysander (<> Wraight 80’) - Holdsworth (<> Ahmed 80’)
Goals (Assists): Gebo-McCraw (21’)
Headline: Early own goal sets up Lodgers for failure

WC99Q MD9: Darkmania 0–3 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber (<> Vohra 67’), Kaber, Strong, Karson - Mordecai, Cope (<> Farrow 78’) - Gebo-McGraw (<> Fredrich 78’), Allred (<> Hackett 67’), Lysander - Holdsworth
Goals (Assists): Holdsworth (12’ - Lysander), Kaber (42’), Strong (71’ - Gebo-McCraw)
Headline: Hapless Darkmania expectantly swept aside

WC99Q MD10: Eastfield Lodge 3–2 Estorvipa and Estorpiva
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Kaber, Strong (<> Kirkup 80’), Karson - Mordecai, Cope (<> Farrow 60’) - Gebo-McGraw, Allred (<> Wraight 73’), Lysander - Holdsworth (<> Ahmed 73’)
Goals (Assists): Allred (30’), Mordecai (42’), Ahmed (78’)
Headline: Lodgers see off late E and E comeback to stay top of group

WC99Q MD11: Île de Richelieu 2–5 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Kaber, Kirkup, Karson (<> St Cleer 78’) - Mordecai, Farrow - Gebo-McGraw (<> Caceres 68’), Allred (<> Hackett 78’), Lysander (<> Scripps 68’) - Holdsworth
Goals (Assists): Holdsworth (14’, 29’ - Farrow, 89’ - Scripps), Farrow (45+1’), Allred (65’)
Headline: Eastfield Lodge secure revenge in second 7 goal thriller against Richelieu

WC99Q MD12: Eastfield Lodge 2–1 Cardenao
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Kaber, Kirkup (<> Strong 70’), Karson - Mordecai (<> Cope 70’), Farrow - Gebo-McGraw, Allred (<> Caceres 77’), Lysander - Holdsworth (<> Noble 77’)
Goals (Assists): Lysander (45+1’), Webber (90+1’ - Caceres)
Headline: Double stoppage time stopping blows puts Lodgers five points clear

WC99Q MD13: Woodsmere 1–1 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Kaber (<> Duncan-Berntsen 68’), Kirkup, Karson (<> St Cleer 79’) - Mordecai, Farrow - Gebo-McGraw (<> Caceres 79’), Allred, Lysander - Holdsworth (<> Noble 68’)
Goals (Assists): Noble (79’ - Caceres)
Headline: Subs combine to save Eastfield Lodge’s blushes

WC99Q MD14: Eastfield Lodge 2–0 Brigantii
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber (<> Fawcett-Ferrand 81’), Guillou, Strong, St Cleer (<> Karson 81’) - Farrow (<> Mordecai 70’), Cope (<> Mirzadeh 79’) - Caceres, Allred, Lysander (<> Wraight 83’) - Noble
Goals (Assists): Noble (21’ - Caceres, 54’)
Headline: Noble double keeps Lodgers on track to top the group.

WC99Q MD15: Patriotlandia 0–3 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Guillou, Strong, St Cleer - Farrow (<> Mordecai 81’), Cope - Caceres (<> Fredrich 59’), Allred (<> Gebo-McCraw 59’), Lysander - Noble (<> Ahmed 73’)
Goals (Assists): Cope (34’ - St Cleer), Guillou (47’ - Caceres), Ahmed (80’ - Farrow)
Headline: Eastfield Lodge on brink of securing qualification after comfortable Patriot win

WC99Q MD16: Eastfield Lodge 1–2 Tikariot
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Guillou, Strong (<> Kirkup 64’), St Cleer - Farrow, Cope (<> Mirzadeh 64’) - Caceres, Allred (<> Fredrich 73’), Lysander (<> Scripps 80’) - Noble (<> Holdsworth 73’)
Goals (Assists): Farrow (44’)
Headline: Eastfield Lodge lose to a comeback, qualify anyway

WC99Q MD17: Vetrahjart 3–5 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-2-3-1): O’Sullivan - Webber (<> Guillou 79’), Kaber, Kirkup (<> Boyd 79’), St Cleer - Mordecai, Mirzadeh - Caceres, Hackett, Wraight (<> Scripps 62’) - Holdsworth (<> Ahmed 62’)
Goals (Assists): Own goal (13’ - Holdsworth), Holdsworth (41’, 58’ - Hackett), Hackett (54’ - Wraight), Mirzadeh (73’)
Headline: Chaos in Vetrahjart helps secure top spot for Mersiades’ men and women.

WC99Q MD18: Eastfield Lodge 3–2 Darkmania
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Rudd - Duncan-Berntsen, Fawcett-Ferrand (<> Vohra 81’), Boyd, Webber (<> St Cleer 65’) - Winter-Lula, Scripps (<> Cope 65’) - Fredrich (<> Allred 72’), Hackett, Wraight - Ahmed
Goals (Assists): Ahmed (22’ - Wraight, 64’), Boyd (47’)
Headline: Experimental XI fights hard to finish qualifying on a high

[Osterhalten]

SOCIALIST REPUBLIC of OSTERHALTEN

Music of Osterhalten

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Osterhalten has a relatively uniform history with music, with shared characteristics appearing throughout all of the cultural regions of the nation. Osterhaltienne folk music is characterized by traditional horn instruments as well as early string instruments, such as fiddles and primitive violins. In high mountain regions of the Richelian region, music was typically transferred by oral tradition, rather than written songs and records. As a result, the music is very dialect heavy, and differs from valley to valley.

Osterhalten additionally has an extensive history with classical music, and was the home of many famed romantic composers throughout the Callistienne period of renaissance. Composers like Francois Gilbert and Karl Werheimer are the most famous composers from Richelieu and Vichelin, respectively, who composed mostly between 1740 and 1780. These composers were largely commissioned by the royals, though some romantic composers saw their success funded by wealthy families, theater halls or even local governments.

The first opera worldwide was founded in Hauberg by King Amadeus I, who was known as The Musician. Grand royal opera houses were constructed in major cities in a sort of duel to outdesign other royal families, with the most famous of Osterhalten being Hauberger Staatsoper, commissioned by King Frederik I, who never got to see his grand construction as result of a gargoyle falling on his head from 200 feet. A grand focal point of the city’s urban design, the new Hauberger Staatsoper was constructed in 1850 in the Baroque style and sits at the end of a major boulevard in the city center.

Today, Osterhalten and Ingny specifically, is known as a home of alternative rock and post-punk and a haven for artists of the genre. The most popular album of all time out of Osterhalten is Treachery by Delta, recorded at The Statler in the Argonne district of Ingny, which is widely regarded as one of the greatest albums of all time. Traditional elements of Osterhaltienne folk music are rarely embedded in music from the country, though there are some groups who incorporate historical sounds into their music.

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City of Myrtle Beach (3-5-9) 1-1 Osterhalten (11-2-4)
'64 Mazzini
Osterhalten (11-2-5) 1-2 Wedich (7-5-6)
'88 Ramadier (1)
Osterhalten (0-0-1) 2-3 Aphrilia (1-0-0)
'60 Haselhurst

[Siovanija and Teusland]

Time to cutoff for matchday 2 in the Banijan third!

Tonight's cutoff is brought to you by...

TAXwash
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While there are currently no locations in Siovanija & Teusland itself, we understand that when you're in Taxhavn, you are never more than a three-minute chauffeur-driven drive from one of their street-corner laundering services. And really, would it be a World Cup without a little money laundering er, laundry?

[The Martian Independent Republic]

Squornshelan Remnant States 4 - 3 The Martian Independent Republic
Tatsinan 8', McGill 21', Starovoitov 58', Ksudach 88' | Jowling 13', Vesperi 45+2', Katzenburg 75'

On Moral Victories, and How They Nevertheless Are Losses

Twice in this cycle the Spiders have lost 4-3, both in games hosted by the victor. Once to the 110th ranked team in the world, once to the 3rd ranked team in the world. In one of those games, the score was 4-1 until a pair of late consolation goals made the final result respectable. In the other, the Spiders showed they deserved to be there, equalizing thrice, but a fourth goal from their opponents was too much to handle.

The close game was against the third-ranked Squornshelan Remnant States. Yes, the ones that won World Cup 97.

This was Catalina Arran's second game in charge of the Spiders, and one could argue it was her first ever game against better opposition. Aeolis United has never played elite clubs like Chromatik or Kirkenes. The best opponents they've faced are Confederation Isidis, or maybe Sunrise Aeolis in one of their good years. Yes, the national team were a bit better than United, but the Black-and-Reds, hosts of this competition and two-time World Cup winners, were a sizable step up.

Yet eight words were enough to motivate the Spiders, to put a spark into them that nearly stole points nobody expected them to.

"Some say we don't deserve to be here."

On Mars, you cannot take unearned credit. If you're rewarded for something you didn't do, in the eyes of a Martian, your only option is to refuse the award and say that it should be given to the person who actually did the thing worth rewarding. Doing otherwise will make you an outcast, shunned by the entirety of society, even those at its lowest ranks.

However, the reverse is also true. You must take credit where credit is due. When Arran told the Spiders that others underestimated them, it was a perfect choice of words. In the eyes of the Martians, they finished third in their group - of course they deserve to be here! Yes, they had to depend on a late equalizer from Mertagne to even travel to Squornshelous, but the Spiders had beaten Mertagne. They had beaten Audioslavia. They hadn't lost to Crpostran, the team that almost everyone said had outplayed them. The Spiders had qualified on their own merit, and they wouldn't let anyone else say otherwise.

Now, how much of what Arran said was true? Almost none. While most predictions had the MIR bottom of the group, none of them said the Spiders shouldn't be here. To Arran, however, that doesn't matter - what matters is that it got the squad fired up. The Spiders nearly held the Black-and-Reds to a draw, and only a last-ditch attack, with a shot from Ksudach getting to the top left corner far faster than Enwye ever would, secured them the victory. Three times the Black-and-Reds took the lead, and three times those in black and orange equalized, but in the end, it wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough. A loss, no matter how exciting it was, no matter how close it was, no matter how much we overperformed, is still a loss. The Spiders remain on 0 points, as vibe points and style points unfortunately do not count when it comes to qualifying for the knockouts. It may have been inevitable, that SRS would win the first ever World Cup proper match on Confederate soil, but a loss, even an expected one, still stings.

Changes, of course, will be made - Arran has signaled that she will be using substitutes more readily, as it was the fresh legs of the Confederate substitutes that got Squornshelous the winning goal - but this loss was not fully a question of tactics. Opposing players, on average, will be better than Martian ones - strategy will be the only thing that secures the Spiders points, and even though this one worked, it didn't work well enough, and when the final whistle blew, the score was still 4-3.

The next match for the MIR is against Aleirave - the one advantage the Martians have is that the match will be played at Megabrantid Financial Field, where the Spiders have just played. Apart from that, everything else favors our fellow Anaians. Both sides have an offensive style of play, but the Seagulls do it better - they also have depth at goalkeeper, whereas even Enwye isn't that great. A win here is absolutely necessary if the Spiders are aiming to progress to the next round, and they will fight for it, but it will be tough.

[Pyazhnaya]

WORLD CUP 99 – MATCHDAY 1
Admiral Cherenkov Stadium, Santraginus
Pyazhnaya 3 – 6 Saint Eleanor
Attendance: 68,372 | Weather: Overcast, 12°C | Referee: Kazuki Ryugawa (KOR)

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“Cherenkov Mode? More like Chain-Reaction Mode.”
— Misha Retyunskikh, post-match, half laughing, half wheezing

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THE MATCH REPORT

Pyazhnaya’s World Cup debut promised chaos, goals, and a healthy dose of emotional whiplash—and it delivered. In a raucous, roaring Admiral Cherenkov Stadium—half-drenched in teal flags and giant cut-outs of Maksimilian Kartashov’s cheekbones—the underdogs came in swinging but were ultimately overpowered by a clinical and battle-hardened Saint Eleanor side.

The Peregrine Falcons—stoic, drilled, and anchored by the granite presence of Bridget Coombe—showed why they’re a permanent fixture in the World Cup elite. But for long stretches, it looked like Pyazhnaya might just hurl the form book into the harbour and set it alight.

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FIRST HALF

Pyazhnaya opened the match with all the subtlety of a meteor shower. Within 2 minutes, Danila Terentyev picked off a lazy pass from Vickers, drove down the right, and whipped a beauty across the box. Maksimilian Kartashov, who absolutely loves drama, backheeled it home from five yards out. 1–0 Pyazhnaya.

The crowd exploded. The bench sprinted. Sonya Mordvinova threw a water bottle into the air and kissed the badge on her hoodie. Aleksandra Agratova smirked like a woman who had planned the chaos.

But that’s the thing about Saint Eleanor: they don’t blink.

By the 14th minute, Olympia Woodward had found space in the half-channel, drew in both centre-backs, and slipped a no-look pass to Naclé Öhân, who tapped in with an elegance that almost felt rude. 1–1.

Then came a wave of three goals in seven minutes:

20’ – Coombe, from deep, pinged a 40-yard ball to Kavezalea Felaraneta, who controlled with the outside of his boot and chipped Moroshkin like he’d been doing it since kindergarten. 1–2.
22’ – Chaos in the box, corner from Lawson, Launceston got a forehead to it, the ball pinged off Solodnikov’s thigh, then his face, then in. 1–3 (technically an own goal, but nobody cared).
27’ – A brief Pyazhnayan counter led by Mukhametshin saw him slide the ball across to Timofey Aristarkhov, who rifled it bottom corner from outside the box. 2–3. Stadium back alive.

The match refused to breathe. Both teams pushed. But Saint Eleanor’s shape was too solid. In the 39th, another crisp passing move from midfield undid the defence, with Woodward finally scoring the goal her movement deserved. 2–4 at the half.

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SECOND HALF

Agratova made no changes. Because, frankly, she loved it. Loved the mess. Loved the noise. Loved that they were hanging in there, slinging punches with an established power.

But early in the second, Pyazhnaya ran out of adrenaline.

48’ – Öhân again, breaking into the half-space, latched onto a slick through-ball from Matsuda and beat Moroshkin at the near post. 2–5.
55’ – Vickers made up for her early error with a looping header from a set-piece. 2–6.

To their credit, Pyazhnaya didn’t collapse. In the 71st minute, Kartashov earned a free kick after a delicious feint sent Launceston stumbling. Retyunskikh curled in a textbook delivery, and Mukhametshin rose to nod it past Richardson. 3–6.

No more goals followed, but two yellow cards, one streaker (wearing a Danila Mukhametshin mask), and multiple chants of “WE’RE HERE TO LOSE BUT MAKE IT SPICY!” later, the match concluded in glorious absurdity.

---

FULL-TIME STATS

Goals:
PYA: Kartashov 2’, Aristarkhov 27’, Mukhametshin 71’
EXT: Öhân 14’, 48’; Felaraneta 20’; Solodnikov (OG) 22’; Woodward 39’; Vickers 55’

Assists:
PYA: Terentyev, Mukhametshin, Retyunskikh
EXT: Woodward (2), Coombe, Lawson, Matsuda, Felaraneta

Yellow Cards:
PYA: Solodnikov (45+2’), Vakhrushev (62’)
EXT: Matsuda (78’)

---

AFTERMATH: DEFEAT, DELIGHT, DISASTER (SORT OF)

After the match, Agratova gathered the team under the flickering neon glow of the hotel’s rooftop lounge. No speeches. No deep tactical breakdowns. Just laughter, open pizza boxes, and the occasional groan from a muscle cramp.

“We shipped six but scored three,” said Terentyev, slicing a vending-machine cheesecake.
“That’s net positive vibes,” added Mordvinova.
“And net negative goal difference,” groaned Novoseltseva.

Still, spirits were surprisingly high. They weren’t meant to win. But they had meant something—an offensive threat, unpredictability, chaos in cleats. They made Saint Eleanor work.

---

BONUS CONTENT: THE “TEAM-BUILDING EXERCISE” THAT WENT ASTRAY

Earlier that week, Agratova had decreed a post-training “trust-building session” involving blindfolds, obstacle courses, and rope-pulling on the rooftop terrace of Node 6.

It started with high hopes.

Kartashov blindfolded, guided by Mordvinova’s voice.
Terentyev and Mukhametshin paired together—arguably a crime.
Moroshkin leading a line of midfielders like a Pyazhnayan conga train.

But then the following happened:

Someone (allegedly Mukhametshin) swapped out cones for stacks of recyclable chairs.
Aristarkhov attempted a blindfolded cartwheel and hit a pot of hydroponic basil.
The speakers playing relaxing ambient nature sounds were hijacked to blast hardbass.
A confused hotel guest wandered into the fray and was momentarily absorbed into the Pyazhnayan midfield.

By the end, the exercise had descended into a full-blown rooftop pillow fight using smuggled hotel bedding. Agratova showed up halfway through, caught a pillow to the face, and declared, “Fine. Fine. Next time we try yoga.”

---

NEXT UP: OBEROUR AR MORO

The stakes? Higher. The opponents? Just as good.
The defence? Definitely having a meeting.
The vibe? Immaculate chaos.

Pyazhnaya may not win this World Cup.
But they will make it memorable.

[Saint Eleanor]

OOC: APPROVED BY QUEB at 5:26am EEST (10:26pm EDT)

Group of Six meeting (LXXIX) --- Pyazhnaya 3-6 SAINT ELEANOR
Participants: Gentle Breeze, Reniira Clevinger, Stephen Mitcham ~ Bridget Coombe [C], Cathy Winchester [VC], Lydia Vickers [happy to be here]
Location: The National restaurant; Central district, Saint Eleanor city, EXT

LYDIA'S SUMMARY

First half: 1-0 [2m], 1-1 [14m], 1-2 [20m], 1-3 [22m], 2-3 [27m], 2-4 [41m]
Second half: 2-5 [48m], 2-6 [55m], 3-6 [71m]


Manager: Gentle Breeze pulled off a good result - not quite a masterstroke, as this was an open-ended match - but would do better to keep the shape she promised us. TWO CHEERS
Tactics: The more flexible, attacking approach worked a treat, all things considered; we'll be facing a 4-4-2 diamond with more limited attacking edge, so a return to the 4-2-3-1 would be warranted. PIVOT TO A MORE DEFENSIVE APPROACH

GK: Arielle Richardson was seen to have done a good job, if not quite a perfect one. She is as close as you can get to a nailed-on starter, however, and so she will be starting against TJUN-ia. KEEP

LB: Cathy Winchester was experienced, rather than tired with age as Curran was, and her consistent presence was reassuring as always. KEEP
CB: Lydia Vickers made a few mistakes, particularly the mistake that led to Pyazhnaya's first goal, but was more than pleased to get her own strike (typically Launceston's domain) and could be forgiven for all that. KEEP
CB: Esther Launceston was a bit better and the undeniable lion of the defence, depending on who you ask; she made one unforgiveable mistake, which I think is her mental quota for the group stage. KEEP
RB: Rachel Curran was repeatedly beaten on the wing and might not have had the best day; Barnett is her junior and held up better. DROP FOR BARNETT

LM: Graham Lawson was his normal self and didn't soil his reputation to such an extent that dropping him would be proportionate. KEEP
CM: Maria Morgan did very well for herself, but we think she might do better in a three-player central midfield (the Hollenberg role!) rather than having to carry all the water. KEEP
CDM: Bridget Coombe might have been a bit overstretched with all of the attacking focus and Maria's flexibility, but was delighted to have some relief in the second half. KEEP
RM: Nacle Ohan got our first goal, was an almost-intrusive presence throughout, and didn't have a single regret after the match. KEEP

ST: Olympia Woodward very nearly exhausted herself with how desperate she was to get us up and running, despite scoring the grand total of one goal. As TJUN-ia won't be as assertive, KEEP (but we'll have to talk to her!)
ST: Tim Hart should never have gotten injured, especially not so early. He'll be up and running in time for the knockouts, which I think we'll make, but his position is literally untenable at this time. DROP FOR MATSUDA

-----

RB (sub): Keith Barnett did much better than Curran, especially given the context; he kept Aristarkhov at bay for much of it. STARTING
CM (sub): Kichiro Matsuda was a good (if typically spicy) influence in all areas of the game, and once again showed why he is one of the best ever to make it rather than just one of the best in Celestia's history. STARTING
CAM (sub): Kavezalea Felaraneta was shockingly good in attack, but may have taken his job description too literally for the first time in forever. NOT LIKELY TO RETURN (we have Morgan instead)
RM (sub): Michelle Addison was good. Not perfect, but good enough to remain in the rotation LIKELY TO RETURN (especially if Ohan is exhausted)

-----

Hot: Morgan, Barnett, Matsuda
Not: Felaraneta, Curran, Hart
Shot: Hart

4-2-3-1 next time with Morgan in the hole

Despite Everything
Episode VIII

The year 2071 (Quebecois time)

Despite Everything wrapped filming about two weeks after the end of Episode VIII, at a total cost of around £26m ($80m). Post-production went off without a hitch, largely, and the movie was able to launch in a limited release on December 19th 2070 and more widely on Christmas Day - something that Lawton went along with, slightly reluctantly, yet again.

Some cuts were made to the more explicit scenes in the Eleanorian version of the film for a more accessible age rating, in exchange for a couple of more songs that were left on the cutting room floor elsewhere in the world. It made $300,000 in Saint Eleanor, not bad money at all considering its size. In Quebec, it would make no less than $200m - almost £70m. The rest of the world would rake in $400m.

Promotion, particularly of the cast, ran to such an extent that the break-even point was estimated at $200m if not $300m, making the film's massive take a relief for Moohangwedo and the individual participants alike.

Despite anger during production, the press tour proved to be rather more successful. David Ellis at The Reporter praised the film's "decent, if slightly more than controversial and slightly less than Eleanorian, production values" and suggested that "Zoe Craft could be in for much bigger things to come" - but argued that "the performances from the Quebecois actors were hardly underwhelming, even though you might have gotten that sense from the gossip columns many months ago."
Marat Stepanovich at Quebec's KinoWire noted that "Despite Everything went through a mountain of legal, artistic and production-based challenges across several countries, one that's evident from its stunning Q£26m budget. But was the gamble worth it for Lawton, and both Lagarce-Sonamoo and Moohangwedo Productions? Absolutely, because the resulting product's still solid with very high floor and slightly lower ceiling."
Lashens Taklik of the Zube Daily Times said that "the production travails had us bracing for either a classic or a catastrophe, probably the latter; we were wrong." The Kytlerian media were otherwise apt to joke about how "despite everything, the film was fine," and more generally about its chaotic productino.
The consistent four-star reviews were most likely the consensus in other countries whose media may not have been as privy to the trials and tribulations of the production.

Elizabeth Lawton must have been glad that this was not a festival release; she always considered herself a populist novelist more than anything. Lagarce-Sonamoo must have been delighted to learn that she had been contracted to direct Gonk Tuah 2, alongside star actress April McNeil; the film was reportedly still in pre-production as of this writing, but Lawton declared after the fact that "I hated working on that movie" (her unwittingly-crude debut, not the deliberately-crude superhero flick) and that she would be "back to writing highbrow romance" once she was freed from her cinematic obligations.

Zoe Craft would be circulated around the movie industry in the coming months for other roles. She would see success in a couple of other Eleanorian and overseas movies, but suffice to say nothing as big as this. As of this writing, she was considering a few high-profile roles, but hadn't said yes to anything yet.
Ettore Gascon Petruzziello was moving on to literally massive things - he's been tapped for the lead role in historical epic Higuera, which surely won't overshoot its hundred-million-pound budget.
Katherine Schnabel and Armand Turner would be returning... not as Rebecca and Jacob Randall in Despite Everything 2, mind you. Her husband, former Government minister of culture, and Air Force hero Oh Wook-Whan would soon be directing them in Pisinoe, a rather more tastefully romantic, and hopefully rather more independent, film. Oh, how blessed it must be to neither be a reluctant Eleanorian novelist, a medium-time actress nor some guy who just got out of drama school.
Joanne Willette-Cho, long removed from catching fire on set, would soon catch metaphorical fire on Quebecois television screens as the superstar of the Quebecois Broadcasting Corporation's soon-to-be-critically-acclaimed Tricolour: Yellow. The Eleanorian broadcasting rights will, of course, be sold to those dirty communists at Channel 5.
And, of course, Michael Randall... erm, Iago Benedetto would metamorphose into the protagonist of the long-awaited Agon: Hades. The first Agon movie in 25 years, I may add.

The set was an absolute disaster - it's a perfect lesson in how NOT to make a movie. But the promotion, the box-office success, and the generally excellent handling of the film by Moohangwedo is exactly how not to make a mess of a failed movie. Eleanorian cinema would have its apocalypse later, thank you very much. Elizabeth Lawton's film was, on paper and in the papers, very much a massive success... despite everything.

[The Kytler Peninsulae]

There was a curious aspect to the crowd for the Kytlerians' first group match of this World Cup.

The 65,000-odd in attendance in Albrechtsson Park in the south-west Squornshelan city of Damogran were, as expected, divided into fans of each team and a neutral aspect comprised of local fans and guests of the many official sponsors. Gnejs, of course, had plenty of backing from their supporters; the Kytlerians, perhaps inevitably, had the neutral support. But what they didn't have was that much of a travelling contingent of their own.

This, of course, was also a by-product of the same circumstances; to travel to any of the host nations of this tournament requires flying through the same notorious Blood Sea route where Flight 134 crashed before the start of qualification. It was an almost entirely new team - the only surviving veterans were those who didn't make the trip at all due to international club commitments, Andrew Patterson having an all-NSL squad outside of the Q-League's Vicente who simply took the shorter hop to Banija and back - that made it this far, and it was hardly surprising that the foundation of their success was their home record (undefeated with seven wins and two draws, the second of which was with qualification already wrapped up) with more difficulties on their travels. But Kytlerian demand for Blood Sea travel in general, and leisure travel in particular, had been... well you'd say it plummeted but then realise the potential bad taste of this when you consider the cause was that Flight 134 plummeted. Let's just say "not what it used to be."

The expectation was that the World Cup would be different - that there would effectively be a pilgrimage, something World Cups tend to produce in any circumstances let alone these. But when that pilgrimage takes you unavoidably into the very area where so many of your heroes died, in the same type of transportation vessel that had been vulnerable to some combination of technical, weather, and pilot error? (And for many it really would have been the exact same type; the Avro A350 forms essentially the entirety of the Kytlair long-haul fleet, though GAI offered a Bruenig-based alternative that had gained market share in this corridor of late. (Of a smaller market, of course.) Yet the extra direct flights from Zube International Airport to Damogran - a route that would normally require a connection at Brantisvogen - weren't nearly as crowded as expected. In total, the travelling contingent is estimated to be only around 8,000, far fewer than for the Kytlerians' World Cup debut across the Eastfield Lodge portal. (Their other appearance at the big show, of course, was on home soil.)

So the "Kytlerian end" of Albrechtsson Park was this weird Squornshelan-Kytlerian hybrid, the gap between the ticket allocation and the number of those willing to travel to Arrosia filled by local fans, and while they were rooting for the team in Margaret green too, they obviously didn't know the songs or chants or anything, so the sound didn't feel quite right. The Dandelions - with manager Timotej Hansen's distinctive "Tulip With Stinging Bees" approach that is apparently deemed to be a 2-3-2-1-2, though you could squint and think of it as a sort of 3-4-3 or 4-3-3 depending on how the odd-numbered lines operated; two central defenders, two central strikers, and a single wide player on each flank was the bit that wasn't ambiguous. And an emphasis on attack. That too.

Not that this was necessarily obvious when the match kicked off, as Hansen seemed to focus on the tulip side of things out of the gate - possibly thinking that the crowd would be more against them than it was. (Let's not forget that Gnejs made the same journey plus a bit more through the region itself, so it was surprising they had as many visiting fans as they did, but of course the Flight 134 tragedy wasn't personal to them in the same way.) The first twenty minutes passed by in a blur of, well, passing. Both sides looked to control the match, neither seemed that willing to take their chances; the Kytlerians probably shaded the balance of play, but the Dandelions had the best early chance when Nikolaj Fjällstrand snapped a shot from the corner of the six-yard box across the face of Peter de Beukelaer's goal.

It would be Fjällstrand who did break the deadlock on 26 minutes, as Cratylus Hansen's delightful outside-of-the-boot diagonal ball cut through the Kytlerian press and found Fjällstrand alone with only de Beukelaer to beat. His initial effort bounced off the shin of the young Kytlerian keeper and was returned to sender; the second delivery duly reached its intended address of Back of the Net. All credit has to go to Hansen - a key member of the TPL-winning Fort Viljan Northern FC side with nine assists to his name in their title-winning campaign, this functionally being an assist even though it won't go down as one statistically given the second-chance finish.

That second chance was almost the last of the match for either side - Hansen's Dandelions seemed to operate with more of a back five while leading, waiting to draw the sting out of Kytlerian possession and then hit on the break. The latter part of this formula didn't go to plan - Hansen came closest to doubling the lead on the hour with a pot-shot from range that grazed the outside of the post - but despite all the efforts of Thomas Hooker's side, there just weren't big chances at the other end, and the lead ultimately didn't need to be doubled.

Hooker was philosophical afterwards, perhaps inevitably given the context of, well, his entire tenure and squad. "I always felt that Andrew (Patterson, the former manager who died on Flight 134) had it right when he first took the job, simply saying we don't know how good we're going to be or how quickly we'll get there, just do our best every match and we'll find out our level from there. And that's where we are with this team. In this case, you have to give Gnejs the credit for such a good defensive showing, it's not what they're necessarily known for but they're stubborn as anything on their day and this was certainly their day on that front. We'll have to think about how we can be more aggressive in terms of finding openings and breaking down low blocks, especially as Cardenao might deploy one against us too, but - what matters is that we are here. That's the number one thing. That there is still a Kytlerian team, despite everything."

[Banija]

The second cutoff for the Squornshelous matches is brought to you by Brasserie Jour de match



Get your favorite World Cup themed beer! Particularly, the Abel Wesoloski-Okafor is pretty popular in Banija! And efficient at 9%

And after all this time... I'm still into you!

OOC Note: Card's RP below will count for MD2.

[Cardenao]

After the big game against the best team in the world, and the ensuing 0-1 loss, the Blue and Golds took some time to enjoy what would be their home for the rest of next month, the city of Damogran in the Squornshelan Remnant States. Located at the western edge of the southern state of Algolia, the mediterranean climate was mostly familiar to the Cardenaoan footballers so hopes were high heading into a group that couldn’t really have been more challenging for ourselves. There was the aforementioned game against Flavovespia, the world #1 defending World Cup and Copa Anaia champs, yada yada good for them, that had ended in a 1-0 loss, and upcoming games against the Kytler Peninsulae, 13th in the world and the top seed pot 2 team, and finally #38 Gnejs, who are undergoing a bit of a renaissance under head coach Timotej Hansen. For the first time in a decade, La Furia Azule were at the World Cup Finals and the group draw hadn’t been kind to them, so thus the reason for today’s excursion; leaving Damogran and the stress behind and exploring the Emerald Coast, one of Arrosia’s hidden gems.

For Kai Chidubem, ChuChu Hernandez, and Htay Koko, this meant ditching the friendly, if quite stubborn locals and leaving the open woods of the pineland in the rearview to go on a bit of a safari in the grasslands. ChuChu had heard word of some interesting animals and, being the team’s resident nature show lover, pestered some of his good mates into going with him. That’s how the trio found themselves far away from any sort of worries about the upcoming must-win game against The Kytler Peninsulae, no need to stress and fret about the #13 team in the world when you’re looking at…

“What the hell is that??” Kai yelled out as the 6’3 goalkeeper unfurled himself from the cramped seat and stood up through the sunroof. It was a deer-like creature unlike anything the Cardenaoans had ever seen. Not entirely a deer, no it was more antelope looking save for one major distinguishing feature.

“Bro has a horn for a nose!” ChuChu laughed out as the trio saw their first Fork Deer out here in the dry grass of the Emerald Coast.

“No no, wait…wait there will be more,” their experienced tour guide muttered as he peered through the grass. Sure enough after several seconds, the rest of the pack emerged, cautiously flitting their ears and tails as they followed the larger alpha the footballers had seen first. There were a little over a dozen of the pictures, and one particularly sweet looking doe seemed to stare right into ChuChu’s camera, the perfect photo to share with his followers! As he snapped the pic, the winds changed and it didn’t take long for the deer’s expression to turn from idyllic to clearly concerned.

“He smells us,” Htay said with a knowing nod, which got the tour guide shaking his head in good natured ribbing.

“Close but not quite, my friend,” he said with a tight smile as he stood on his seat looking around them, “She smells something more dangerous than you or me.”

“She probably smells me then,” Kai observed.

“You are very funny, friend, but it is not you……it is a predator.”

The footballing trio lost their bravado at this, cowering as they realized the decision to rent an open-topped truck might ruin their day, but fortunately they were not on the menu.

The guide crouched down in his seat and pointed to the smallest disturbance of bush behind them. “There,” he whispered.

The footballers strained their eyes as they tried to determine what was windswept grass and what was predator movement. Kai was about to roll his eyes and complain when ChuChu cut him off with a voice barely above a whisper.

“I see it.”

Kai felt a chill go down his neck at this, a primal fear that had shot down his long-distance ancestor’s spines too no doubt. He couldn’t see the predator but he knew it was right…freaking…there and that’s pretty terrifying, even if you are used to it as the guide pulled his rifle tighter.

“Barbourofelidae,” he whispered through gritted teeth.

“The Suntiger,” ChuChu excitedly translated for his less than enthused friends.

“A fucking tiger? What the shit ChuChu??” They said in unison.

“Oh don’t worry, it doesn’t care about us!”

“Yeah, that’s what the rifle is for then.” Htay said, raising the obvious concern.

Just then, the beast emerged and all were stunned into silence.

Packed with muscle yet slinking through the bush like an owl through the night’s sky, the trio were stunned by the length of sabers thrusting out of its jaw like two swords carefully sharpened for murderous intent.

The guide let out a low whistle at the sight of such a well developed beast, to have those tusks meant this creature had survived many trials to reach this stage in its life.

“It’s beautiful…” the four of them murmured. Which turned to gasps of appreciation as a second, then a third, and a fourth suntiger appeared and flanked a particularly sick looking fork deer.

“What happens now is what we need to do against Kytler,” ChuChu said to inspire his friends as the feast began.

[Kanzlia]

Danzer class

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Katzeburgian DANZER class submarine

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Displacement:  230t
Speed:  12kts surfaced, 7kts submerged. 1000nm at 7kts surfaced, 650nm submerged.
Armament:  2-457mm/18in (bow), 1-7.92mm (1x1)

No.	Name	Builder	Laid Down	Launched	Commissioned	Fate
O1	DANZER renamed AUGUSTA	Stoneturm Shipyards	15.6.1916	18.5.1917	24.3.1918	To Kanzlia 8.1.1921 Stricken 8.9.1940
O2	DOUBTFUL renamed AUGUSTIN	Stoneturm Shipyards	18.7.1916	20.8.1917	4.5.1918	To Kanzlia 8.1.1921 Stricken 8.9.1940

Submarine technological advancements has pushed the submarine from what the Kanzlian Navy considered silly little gimmicks into potent threats that could destroy an entire battlefleet several decades in the making with just a couple thousand tons of submerged steel. In 1915 Kanzlian naval attaches in Katzeburg were invited to take a look at Katzeburgs newest developments in submarine technology. The attaches were very impressed at the performance modern submarines were able to conjure. Previous looks into the submarine showed a clumsy and unreliable technology that could be swept up by the waves. But now they were a potent threat in the high seas. Technologies to counter them was practically non-existent, and their submerged time was getting longer every year. Intrigued by the development of submarine technology, the Kanzlian Navy lobbied the civilian government to negotiate a deal to buy the two submarines the naval attaches got a look into.

In August 11 1920 a deal worth 2 million Gelders was finalised for the purchase of the Danzer and Doubtful into the Kanzlian Navy. The two were officially transferred to the Kanzlian Navy on the Navy's birthday on January 8 1921. The Danzer was renamed to Augusta and Doubtful to Augustin. The name were chosen to honour the twin newborn of naval attache Real Admiral Martin Velleux that championed and signed the agreement. Their Katzeburg made machine guns were replaced with Kanzlian made ones to ease logistics. The Navy studied the submarine extensively, especially with its dual propulsion system which the Navy had been struggling to work. Ibsian Heart was also subcontracted to make their own submarine design based on the Velleux Twins as the media dubbed them. This would culminate in the B class submarines.

In active service Augusta and Augustin served dilligently as Kanzlia's very first submarines until Ibsian Heart built the B class submarines 5 years later. The Velleux Twins range deteriorated over time due to insufficient maintenance over the years and besides taking part in training exercises and helping with counter submarine research, the Velleux Twins didn't do much. During their many testing, Augusta was once fitted with a crane and a seaplane launch platform to test the viability of submarine launched aircraft. Augustin was rebuilt in 1932 to be a submersible depot ship in another Navy experiment. The Velleux Twins were decommissioned in 1940 as their structure were immensely weakened by fatigue. They were, by then, unable to submerge without encountering critical structural faults.

B class

---

B class submarine

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Displacement:  350t
Speed:  15kts surfaced, 8kts submerged. 2000nm at 8kts surfaced, 850nm submerged.
Armament:  3-457mm/18in (2 bow, 1 stern), 1-7.92mm (1x1)

No.	Name	Builder	Laid Down	Launched	Commissioned	Fate
O3	BRUTISH	Ibsian Heart	12.8.1924	30.5.1925	2.12.1925	Stricken 2.10.1943
O4	BANISH	Ibsian Heart	12.8.1924	5.6.1925	--	Lost 8.11.1925
O5	BENIGN	Ibsian Heart	12.8.1924	3.5.1925	18.12.1925	Stricken 2.10.1943

The B class were the result of extensive inspections of the Katzeburg-bought Velleux Twins by engineers and researchers from the Navy and Ibsian Heart. After combing through the design thoroughly, Ibsian Heart felt confident enough to have a crack at designing their own submarine heavily based on their findings. The main propulsion was kept exactly the same. Ibsian Heart had many trouble configuring the entire dual propulsion system in their own attempts, but with a working example by Katzeburgian engineers as reference, they were able to build a working design. Ibsian Heart took the working propulsion system of the Velleux Twins into their other designs resulting in the B class submarine.

The changes were aplenty when it comes to everything not propulsion related. For one, Ibsian Heart placed an extra torpedo tube stern of the submarine. The conning tower design was also completely different from what the Katzeburgians came up with. Ibsian Heart were able to conjure up a design which allowed optimal air intake. It wasn't a snorkel system, but it was getting there. Plans to upsize the torpedo tubes weren't possible without significant compromises on the speed, so it was decided to stick with 18 inch torpedoes. This was a major point of contention when presented to the Kanzlian Navy, but eventually an order of 3 was placed. All three units started construction on August 1924 and commissioned by December 1925.

Unfortunately, KNS Banish was lost during sea trials before she were commissioned. When it came to the diving test, Banish never resurfaced. A 10 day search was conducted before it was called off. The Banish would disappear for another 20 years before advancements in Sonar technology would finally locate the wreck at a depth of 320 meters. The wreck was refloated and after briefly inspected, was scrapped. The official Navy investigation of the accident pinpointed to a torpedo tube opening jammed open after improper diving protocols saw the bow of the ship scraping a reef. Thankfully, her other two sisters, Brutish and Benign had quieter careers. However, they were rapidly made obsolete when submarines ballooned in size in other navies around this time. The B class had a length of 25 odd meters, but foreign navies were bringing in submarines reaching lengths as high as 60 meters. With a torpedo arsenal of 8 tubes in some. Whilst commissioned in the mid 1920s, the B class as it turns out were equivalent to mid 1910s submarines. By the mid 1930s it was hopelessly outclassed. But without significant interest from the Navy, and with Jean Wiel not seeing a place for them in his fleet, the B class was the mainstay of the Kanzlian submarine fleet for nearly two decades before the Zwaard class brought them into the modern age.

[Gnejs]

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!

Come gather around you children of spring and let us remember those who were left behind.

It was no coincidence that the players and staff history knows as «The Dandelions» were abroad on those fateful days, for the fall of The Prosaic Union coincided with the 99th World Cup and Fate would have it so that the national football team of said union eventually managed to qualify to that gathering of titans - unconvincingly and after much hardship, some would say, but I think that’s a bit unfair because they did fairly well all things considered and even qualified with two whole matches to spare which is not nothing after all. However, that is not the point. Now, I do not know if that one star made any sort of special appearance on the night sky down in Arrosia, or if the ground trembled ever so slightly. I would guess the answer to be no, but if you’ll excuse my digression I’d simultaneously like to claim that if anyone was particularly well-placed to bear witness about celestial irregularities over there during those days it would’ve been Dandelion head coach and chronic insomniac Timotej Hansen, who in his own way was essential to the continued survival of the extended Dandelion family.

Timotej was an unsettled soul. This was known, and it had always been the case, although everything had become more accentuated ever since he was thrust into the chair of Dandelion head coach at the cusp of the 98th World Cup. He survived the ordeal of navigating a traditional World Cup group stage exit, barely, but any hope he had of subsequently getting sacked was thwarted when the Prosaic Union Football Federation (PUFF) proclaimed that Coach Hansen was their «man of the future». While being a head coach in between international tournaments was taxing in and of itself, the gauntlet of trying to qualify for a World Cup was like clammy hands slowly garroting you for someone like poor Timotej.

He could stomach it all in the off-season; it did bring home the bacon (to speak in the parlance of our time) and he had to cover the expenses of his wife’s failing burlesque enterprise after her JustSupporters scheme failed to garner much income, but the added pressure to perform in the competitive setting of qualifying for the 99th World Cup was nervewrecking in the purest sense of the word. Timotej had introduced his strange 2-3-2-1-2 formation philosophy, known as The Tulip With Stinging Bees, on the eve of the 98th World Cup and many later claimed that this sudden rupture with previous dogma greatly contributed to the team’s underwhelming performances down by the Xandrian Sea. This scathing criticism did not go unnoticed by Timotej, who was an ardent addict of the darker shades of social media, and it started the process of assembling his insides into a tightly knitted knot. As a new qualification campaign loomed, he had taken to mask these deep insecurities by arbitrarily alternating his coaching style between gratuitous authoritarianism and categorical dissociation, which made for a strained and more than slightly dysfunctional working environment in the Dandelion qualification camp. It was never pretty and it was never very efficient, but despite their shortcomings, our Dandelions in the end managed to navigate the challenges of qualifying group 14 - only being foiled (twice!) by those pesky Vdarans - and come away with one of the golden tickets to the upcoming World Cup.

They were supposed to be happy times, those days when The Dandelions and their families embarked on another WC adventure in the Squornshelan Remnant States, and in many ways they were. The Prosaic Union had qualified for their third consecutive World Cup, and they were finally ranked higher than Baggieland on the KPB+ rankings. As they boarded the first of many flights down southron way, there was seemingly no one star on the night sky foreshadowing doom, the ground did not noticeably tremble with malicious intent and none of the troubles had started. The players themselves were cautiously optimistic about their prospects, finally feeling like they had somewhat mastered playing «The Tulip», even though they would hardly be considered favorites against teams like Flavovespia, The Kytler Peninsulae and Cardenao. However, select corners of the internet were much less eupeptic and rather reveled in espousing gloomy expressions and dire predictions about Dandelion prospects. These were the corners of the ether that Timotej Hansen had a habit of frequenting.

«Bringing this shambles of a footballing philosophy to the World Cup spells nothing less than the end of the world! Mark my words!». This was just one of the many less than positive predictions one could find on Dreddit.com and the subdreddit dr/Dandelions in the days just prior to the 99th World Cup kicking off down in Arrosia. I picked this one as an example, of course, because of the delicious irony in a simple troll accurately - in a sense - capturing the events that would follow. Let’s be clear: it was never Timotej Hansen’s fault that the Prosaic Union ceased to be. Firstly, the prophecy clearly stated that it was the conjunction of several independent factors that would usher in the fall of gnejsian civilization, where Stoic Press and Layered Wall being substituted for The Tulip with Stinging Bees was only one piece of a convoluted delphic puzzle. Secondly, even if it indeed was Timotej that brought about this final piece, the essence of a true prophecy means that he was merely acting out what had been ordained since the beginning of time. It is the cruelty of Fate, once again, that you have no say in what transpires, because what happened was always meant to happen.

When Timotej got sucked into at nefarious spiral of doomscrolling content exclusively dedicated to spelling out - fittingly - doom and slandering his professional capabilities, it banished any hope of sleep and the arguably quirky quaintness of his customarily frazzled persona quickly morphed and descended into a brewing mental breakdown devoid of much charm. About 72 hours into their travels, Timotej decided that internet access was the devil and forced every single person in the Dandelion contingent to relinquish all their devices, which he gathered in a great woven sack that he insisted to keep on his person and carry around wherever he went. Once at their designated living and training quarters on the outskirts of Damogran, he then proceeded to keep everyone on «lockdown» - terrified that players, staff or family members would instigate a revolution against him if they caught wind of the online backlash - and only allowed the players sporadic training sessions in smaller groups. He isolated himself, watching over his sack of «Devil Devices» and playing solitaire with a deck of 51 cards for hours. He contemplated not showing up to the opening game against The Kytler Peninsulae, absconding and living out the remainder of his days hiding down in Bongo Johnson, but in the end he relented and was there on the sidelines on the opening matchday as The Dandelions snagged a surprising 1-0 win. As an aside, let us just highlight the twisted irony that those two teams would face one another at that time. A Kytlerian squad hastily assembled together from the grief infected rubble of a footballing community and nation that had just lost the spearhead of a golden generation in that tragedy of Flight 134, and a Dandelion squad who - unbeknownst to them at the time - were on the brink of losing their very home and becoming a small part amongst the very few survivors.

After the opening triumph, things - surprisingly - got even worse. Timotej became terrified at the prospect of facing Flavovespia - World Nr. 1 at the time - and intensified his lockdown policies. He arranged for the entire Dandelion contingent getting locked into their rooms and then ran out into the Algolian night. He tried to solicit the services of a lady of the night, but broke down crying when she insisted on tying the laces of his shoes before getting down to business. He tried alleviating the pressure by making love to a fistful of roast beef but the folds were all wrong and he ended up discussing merits of the hermeneutic circle with a group of homeless men under a bridge before attending an impromptu live podcast recording session with a former neo-nazi who had renounced his usual drivel and instead started espousing the gospel of chaos deities Sausages and Yogurt after a life-altering acid trip allowed him a glimpse behind the thin veneer of perceived reality.

At this point in time, The Prosaic Union of Gnejs was no more, but due to Timotej’s draconian device rules and isolationist policies, no one in the Dandelion camp was aware of how their home had ceased to be. It was a man in a velvet robe - some say a mad fae trickster - that alerted Timotej to the fact when he approached Timotej and offered deepest condolences on the petrifaction of his home. After this, Timotej's mind started spiraling out of control and he hallucinated an abyss opening up beneath him as podcast disciples chanted

«Beware the blue rose of the Sausage King! Beware the blue rose of the Sausage King!»

The next thing Timotej could remember was clinging to an advertisement board on the pitch sideline, days later, as his Dandelions were on the verge of yet again defying expectations in holding the reigning World Champions to a draw.

[Zwangzug]

The Spenson Star

Hello, it's me again! Zwangzug's defense was crisp in a splendid shutout against Juvencus in the opening match at Molin Park, let's see what we can pull off this time.

1': Yes, I tried the Stahlberger. It was fine. Not the best thing I ever had but not the worst either.
4': Padma from Guariday says "typical burger-enjoyer mentality " For the benefit of our foreign readers, I should probably note that far-leftists in Zwangzug think it's easier to mock the omnivorous aspirations of the non-proletariat than to figure out how to spell bourgouisie bourguazay boughwazee you know who I mean.
8': Daniel from South Newlandia informs me the foreigners just spell it "bougie" now. Good to know.
12': Goal! Harold Carre plays it over to Brian Spand-Maunk, who sends it forward to Brunnhilde Lavrans, who taps it in. Mallory Clighbar couldn't have drawn it up any better if she'd been doing tactics for Ephesian FC. (Differently, yes, yes, I know. But not better.)
14': Natalie from Spenson says: "when we got drawn with the top-ranking third seeds some of my friends thought it was a bad sign but I think we're catching them at a down ebb, we can do this!" I admire the optimism.
16': Tawan from the FTC points out: "Kamijiro participated in World Baseball Classic 59 and put together a great group stage despite being an unranked team, they pitched a no-hitter and managed not to be insufferable about it. I actually got to see them on the East Side. If their football team is like their baseball team, don't count them out." Fair warning.
17': Prescient. Hiroshi Abiko sets up Sōji Kokubun, who equalizes for Kamijiro.
21': Jane from Zwischen says: "if you think Ephesian are dominant, keep in mind six of Kamijiro's starting eleven play for Miraisaki United." Touche.
25': Katsu Fujiwara taps forward to the attacking midfielder, Kento Kanazono, who makes Blanche Coogan-Bucknell look like a fool. 2-1 to Kamijiro.
29': Tawan from the FTC also wants to know if I visited the famous red light district of Felsenkirchen, since I was here anyway. Thanks, but not for me.
33': Impressive shot from Hiroshi Abiko just at the edge of the box, Coogan-Bucknell flails at it, but to no avail, and Kamijiro now lead 3-1.
45': Six minutes added on, it's been a much more eventful first half than the one against Juvencus (hard not to be).
45+4': Welp. Kokobun with a header, and it's 4-1. Raiji Kagawa's side are running away with it here.
46': Getting back underway. Scott in Arlington points out that we shouldn't underrate Saiichi Demizu's contribution to the attack, he's been the engine behind much of Kamijiro's success. Exactly so. As they say in Cafundéu, sometimes defensive midfielders can be the best players!
47': Bishen Varadarajan made lots of changes at halftime. I'm going to hope this is baseball-nerd speak for "obviously the first half approach didn't work in the least so we're retooling it," not "we're giving up and playing the kids," but I'm not sure you can tell.
51': Heather from Belpub points out "in baseball if the score gets really lopsided they put position players in to pitch, is there anything like that in football?" Don't say it so loud, freaking Clighbar will get ideas!
56': Matt from Danhy asks: "In lieu of analyzing our defense, how's the visit been to Teusland so far?" Thanks Matt. Um, the weather has been pleasant, it was a little humid this morning but it cleared off before the game. I'm glad we didn't get the Vrnovo match, that's a bit hot for my tastes.
63': Chloe Flen-Willis, on at halftime, makes an impact now, dribbling past Akinari Akaminai against the run of play! Could this be the start of something?
67': Kento Kanazono converts a pass from the tireless Demizu to make it 5-2, so as you were, then.
70': You know, if Coogan-Bucknell was just gonna totally implode like this, it would have been a lot more fun during the qualifiers when I could get quotes from Tinn Jejue being truthful to a fault about everything. Now he's all "focusing on the tournament" and stuff.
71': On current form he might even get a chance against Pasarga, who knows.
78': Shoutouts to Diana Schell-Cioban, another one of the halftime subs. She was #25 during the previous cycle and didn't get to see much playing time. For her first game in the proper, she's acquitting herself, uh, tepidly, which is about as much as you can say for anyone else here.
82': I don't even think I'd like beer and I'm looking for a glass of Kohev Küngas-Vaga brew to make this more tolerable.
90': Five additional minutes of this invigorating stuff.
90+5': Your final score is Miraisaki United 5, Ephesian FC 2. If someone could go check on Natalie from Spenson and make sure she's okay, I'd appreciate it.

[Eshialand]

Failure to Convert
Eshialand 3-3 Vdara

“I suppose that there’s good news and bad news to this…” Kenny Morgan had to say in the post-match presser, one where emotions were all over the place after another disappointing 3-3 draw, this one coming to the second-seeded Vdaran side.

On the one hand, The Owls had, once again, scored a record-tying 3 goals against a side that they had the opportunity and ability to completely shit the bed against. Unfortunately, that was just about all the good news that could be said about this matchup, as everything else went from bad to worse.

Once again, the Eshian defense turned to Hannasean cheese, as this match, while it may have been the third one to end in three Eshian goals, it also ended up being the third one to end in a 3-all draw, which led to the paradoxical situation they found themselves in: while they had already scored more goals than they had in any World Cup appearance previously, those goals had such little impact that all they amounted to was another disappointingly mid campaign. With only one matchup to go in the group stage, echoes of a year nobody wants to remember were getting louder and louder…

World Cup 97
A Loss So Inevitable Never Felt So Bitter

So much of this lined up with what had happened in WC97, if you stop and think about it. A 2-2 draw against Saterun and a 3-3 draw against TJUN-ia, set the tone that, while this wasn’t the Eshian squad that had lost their first 6 World Cup matches by a combined score of 1-12, they were still underperforming against teams that, at least on paper, they shouldn’t be having a hard time beating. Accepting draws against teams you should be beating is no way to advance in a competition where you need to perform your absolute best.

In a way, World Cup 97 was the epitome of a modern Eshian World Cup visit: show up after performing to your rank or better in qualifiers, play like a 4th seed in the finals, go home, rinse, repeat. Now, it was all replaying in everyone’s heads, except for the fact that their final matchup was slightly more winnable than 97’s was against Valanora: the Snowy Owls, although a team much better than the Eshian Owls were, definitely showed a lot more chinks in their armor, getting blanked 0-2 by the Vdaran side the Eshians just showed themselves to be nearly-equal to.

“Yeah, I do think there’s a lot of merit to the comparisons being made,” Kenny said amid the media firestorm, “but let’s face it, there are different factors at play here. The Owl Derby is far from an unwinnable match, and it’s definitely far from an undrawable one. They aren’t Valanora, there are solid chances here.”

The point about this being drawable was an important factor to mention. What’s lost on a lot of people in the World Cup 97 situation was that, had the Owls managed to secure a draw in that matchup, they would’ve made it into the knockouts. StrayaRoos made it in with 3 points and a -2 GD, so three draws would certainly have been enough. It would likely be the case again here too: with Chromatika having drawn 3 times and advanced in the last World Cup, there was a clear precedent that, as long as your GD wasn’t dipping into the negatives, the third-place table is your friend. (The diciest part, really, was the factor that Kwrpania could beat Vdara and eliminate Eshialand on a cruel 4-4-4-3 table, but Kenny, along with Josh Seametzle, agreed that for the sanity of the nation that possibility should never ever be mentioned.)

The odds may have looked long, but there were still assurances that the Owls were very much in this, and hell, even had the future in their hands. “Last year, our fates were decided in the Owl Derby, with only one set of Owls able to go on…” Kenny said to conclude his presser, “and this year is no different. This is our chance to earn our revenge. We can do this, it’s just a matter of proving that.”

---

*OOC Note: the following is a reference to this old RP of mine. You don’t have to read that one to get this one, though.

https://www.blogwrite.esh/statscorner/11-24-32/oh_for_many

STATS CORNER
Eshian Sports by the Numbers

---

OH FOR MANY
A year later, a follow-up to flawed research..

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Stats Corner. I’m your host Josh Seametzle, and I’m back to have a chat about the chat we had last year. No, the other one. Not that one. Nope, but closer… yeah, that one.

Last year, I decided to tell you all about the other teams who faced an 0-for-11 situation, as the Owls had to that point. Some people credited me as an inspiration, telling a story for the nation to rally around as the Owls managed to break their curse and make their record 1-3-8. In that story, I suppose we were Antoletia, rather than the Five Civilized Nations.

However, something bothered me about that article. It wasn’t the writing, I think it holds up. No, it’s just the stats gathered weren’t all that… complete. Sure, I could pick records out of a hat and be like “THESE guys were probably 0 for a lot” but something would always slip through the cracks. As a responsible journalist, this won’t do. I had to do something… extreme.

So, I set to work, copying every World Cup Finals match in the Idiot Project database into a file, which I then set to work parsing with the help of some scripts I slapped together haphazardly to get an idea of just how awful my data was… and you know what? Names did, indeed, slip through the cracks.

So yes, Antoletia, Eshialand, and the Nations were all, in fact, high in this list, but they were far from alone. In fact, the Nations barely crack the top 3, and there are weird tidbits involving each of them.

Tied for fourth with the Owls and Fire Ants (although having one more draw in their pre-win record) were Gesamtkuntswerk, whose name definitely didn’t take me three attempts to type out correctly. This team was far, far older than any of the other ones I’ve talked about, with their first qualification dating back to World Cup 4. As for actually winning? That would take until Matchday 2 of World Cup 8, against none other than Bedistan, ending with a pre-win total of 0-4-7.

You may be wondering… MD2? But the other 0-for-11 teams got their win on MD3… and you’d be right, the math doesn’t add up. Unless… by some freak of Margaret… no, it can’t be.

World Cup 5            GP  W  D  L GF GA GD Pts
Ironchefk               3  2  1  0  7  3 +4   7
Gesamtkuntswerk         3  0  3  0  3  3  0   3
Quohog                  3  0  2  1  3  5 -2   2
Steel Shadows           3  0  2  1  3  5 -2   2

I could probably count on two hands the number of times a team made it to the knockouts without winning in the 32-team era, but the fact that it worked out for this team who had never won in the finals before and wouldn’t for another two and a half cycles after? Peak NationStates multiverse. Unfortunately, Gesamtkuntswerk’s first opponents in the knockouts would be a seemingly unstoppable Brazillico side well on their way to their first World Cup win… but a weird bit of history was already made.

Next up, quite surprisingly, Krytenia. Yeah, the Dragons at one point were 0-4-9 in the World Cup, before a win over Total n Utter Insanity in World Cup 22. Krytenia had the fastest path up to the top out of any of these teams after getting their first win, as within two cycles, they won World Cup bronze in WC24 against… huh, wouldn’t ya know, Total n Utter Insanity. It all comes back around.

One of Krytenia’s other bronzes came in World Cup 32. Why is this at all relevant? Because of who won silver in that cup, none other than Jeruselem, who were 0-6-8 before their first win against Fmjphoenix in WC23. The Princesses hold the sole record for the most games played in the World Cup before getting a win… and you know what? They’re still here. They never went anywhere. They stuck it out, and anyone saying Eshialand is doomed? This is proof they’re wrong.

This is the full list of all teams who didn’t win any of their first 10 World Cup matches. Notably, three of these teams are still active as of World Cup 99, and all of them were drawn into Qualifying Group 4. Margaret hides little secrets in her draws, only meant to be discovered fashionably late, while they’re still somewhat relevant but not at all topical.

Curiously, these top two, Jeruselem and Krytenia, are also the two highest nations in the SRS+ rankings to have never won a World Cup. When a colleague of mine in Bohr reminded me of this fact, I damn near shat my pants. I promise, this does not bode poorly for the Owls going forward… unless it does, I’m no clairvoyant.

And so, this was a somewhat dubious look into the definitively dubious methodology of last year’s article, and a look at the statistical oddities that seem to follow these teams. Did I learn anything in this investigation? Actually, yes. The last article seemed all doom and gloom, looking back. The best comparisons I could make back then were to teams that, even if success did finally come, flamed out before anything more could come. But now? We, dear Eshians, are in a club that's won two spots in the Hall of Fame, two World Cup silvers, 2 IAC championships, a CAFA Cup, and an AOCAF Cup. Teams that have had the same hard times as we all moaned about, but got through it and shone. That’s the real message we should be taking from investigations like these, not whatever doomer drivel came from the last one.

And with that note, I’d say it’s about time to wrap this article up. Until next time, I’ve been Josh Seametzle, looking forward to the next time I get to automate sifting through data instead of doing it myself. I do hope you’ve enjoyed this rambling, and I’ll see you all again soon.

[United States of Nova Calania]

We lost, but it's not over

Starting XI - Matchday 2 vs Zenic @ Keystone Stadium, Sisonke, Kitara, Banija - Home: Nova Calania - Away: Zenic
GK SERGE - LB ALYSSA (Phoebe 65') - CB VLODZY - CB GIBBY - RB EVAN - DCM LE GÉNÉRAL - LW MEI (Lily 65') - RW ROSE (Lettie 83') - ACM CHARLOTTE - S ROD - S FRED

Sisonke, Kitara, Banija - On matchday 2, Nova Calania played against Zenic, ranked 33rd in the multiverse, and we lost 5-3. Nova Calania worn their yellow red home uniforms and Zenic had their yellow red away jerseys. It was a bit confusing honestly. Zenic started strong with 3 goals in the first 30 minutes and the score at halftime was 3-0 Zenic. The Tapirs put themselves on the scoring board at the 54th minute when Charlotte Gibouleau-Beaudoin made a short pass to Rodrigo Guénette-Velazquez who kicked the ball and it's in. Nova Calania kept attacking at the 67th minute when Rose Van der Jagt passed to Lily-Rose Malboeuf, who just subbed in, she shoots and she scores. Zenic had a corner kick at the 75th minute and Undeio Dettmann kicked the ball, it goes directly into the net without touching anyone! Nova Calania had the ball at the 79th minute when Charlotte Gibouleau-Beaudoin dribblled with the ball and passed on the side to Rodrigo Guénette-Velazquez who made a cross to Frédérique Goudreau-Luneau. She kicks it past Saúl Mosley and it's a goal. Nova Calania kept attacking at the 87th minute but Evan MacNeely's pass intended to Scarlett McCaskill was intercepted by Nakazawa Shuji who made a long pass to Pilypas Aldhard who subbed in earlier. Aldhard kicks from 30 meters and it goes in. The final score was 5-3 Zenic.

Not the outcome we wanted, I'm actually drinking an Abel Wesoloski-Okafor to drown my sorrows. it's not over but I don't see how we can beat Edsmontik. We're gonna lose for sure and we need to hope Baggieland will lose too, so we will have a tie for 3rd place. If Baggieland lose against Zenic, Nova Calania needs to have a better goal differential or hope we have Margaret favors in case of a coin toss. I need another Abel Wesoloski-Okafor.

Starting XI - Matchday 3 vs Edsmontik @ Istria Olympic Stadium, Istria, Moravica, Banija - Home: Edsmontik - Away: Nova Calania
GK SERGE - LB ALYSSA - CB VLODZY - CB GIBBY - RB NATEY - DCM LE GÉNÉRAL - LW MEI - RW ROSE - ACM CHARLOTTE - S ROD - S FRED

Paul-André Veilleux

[Audioslavia]

Closer
Written: October 2024

*for a second time that morning the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages was startled by something in the sports pages of "Scuttlebutt". the Minister slams down his beer (instantly regretting that, as he spills quite a bit in the process.)*
- Margaret!!
- Yes, Minister?
- Look at this. That lune Luniker picked Tanah Burung over the Hooligans.
- Well, sir, they are ranked higher, and...
- So!! So!!
*the Minister stuggles to control his spluttering. Margaret sighs in anticipation of another tantrum*

:- Snub Nose 38, 2003-07-24

The 23rd of July 2003 is the first recorded appearance of the entity known as Margaret. Back then, a simple secretary for the Snubnosian Minister of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages (MoAOaAB).

In the summer of 2003, it was believed that she was in service to the random number gods, donning robes and offering sacrifices in return for positive results in favour of the Snub Nose 38 National Football Team.

*we are standing in the hallway just outside the office of the Snub Nose 38 Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. the door slowly opens. through the open door we see the minister dancing maniacally. he is chanting*

-WE'RE NUMBER ONE!! WE'RE NUMBER ONE!!

*just behind the minister, we see his secretary, margaret. margaret is wearing a deep burgundy robe and a midnight blue hooded cape. in her left hand is a small leather pouch tied tightly shut with a cord of silver, which also affixes two eagle feathers to the pouch. in her right hand is a heavy wooden staff, worn smooth with age. margaret is waving the leather pouch slowly over the smooth granite table in front of her, her eyes closed. margaret is also chanting*

- Oh Random Number Gods! We beseach thee, grant us LARGE numbers! We offer this sacrifice in supplication!

*a curious gust of wind that seems to come directly out of the wall to our left blows the door of the Snub Nose 38 Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages closed.*

:- Snub Nose 38, 2003-07-29

Even at this point, her appearance is defined. A deep burgundy robe with a hooded cape in midnight blue. She holds a leather pouch tightly tied shut with a silver cord, attached to which are two eagle feathers. In her right hand, a heavy, wooden staff, worn smooth with age.

The transformation of Margaret from secretary to god is a collective hallucination on NS Sport. Initially, the cult of Margaretism came about as a way of winning her favour. *You* wouldn’t sacrifice rubber chickens, you would make a sacrifice to Margaret in the hope that *she* would sacrifice some extra chickens to your cause, not only that of her home nation. Rubber chickens have always been a viable alternative, if less potent, but the imagery of a vaguely druidic secretary burning rubber chickens in order to influence major international football games has proven more powerful than the truth.. The disappearance of Snub Nose 38 from the international stage late in 2004 only served to elevate the myth at the expense of fact, to the point that, if a random number god appears, it is now always in this Margaretian form.

One other constant is the attitude. Secretary Margaret is coarse, opinionated and lacks empathy. If 21 years of NS Sport have taught us anything, it’s that the random number gods are the same. Drawkians, especially, would agree.

Franklin Bell’s services as a closer, someone who closes games when his team are ahead, are not required in games 3, 4 or 5 of the WBC56 Round of 16. The rest of the Base Corps are entirely capable of failing all of their own accord, without the need for specialists. Drawkland lose 2-3 to Milchama. The round of sixteen proves to be the ceiling once more.

A veteran of 16 tournaments, Franklin Bell announces, before the start of WBC57, that he will retire after the tournament. Retribution for WBC41 or not, vengeance for WBC56 or not, this competition will be his last.

But to celebrate his final tournament, Margaret has plans. Margaretian plans. She will once again reach into his soul and see what he is made of. This is, after all, her favourite son.

Franklin Bell, little oopsies here, little slip-ups there, and the Corps crashes, again and again and again. The poor fool doesn't even know that his pitches are being thrown with the invisible marionette strings pulling them errant. This curse will continue to haunt the Corps forever, unless Bell can somehow break the spell and win a decisive elimination game for Drawkland. Otherwise, we are headed for doom, Classic after Classic. I don't trust him though. I believe the Base Corps is destined for mediocrity, to continue being Maggie's sick punchline for the baseballing world to gape incredulously at, then proceed to laugh hysterically. This is the truth, and I stand by it.

:- Drawkland, 2020-11-24

In WBC57, Drawkland make it out of the group stage comfortably and find themselves, once again, in the round of sixteen.

Once again, standing between them and salvation, is Milchama.

The teams exchange the opening two games. Franklin Bell successfully closes Game Three for a 2-1 lead, but Milchama prove too strong in game four.

The teams are tied at two apiece in the series, which means Game Five is the decider. Bell, therefore, is going into the game believing - knowing - that it will be his last. Such is the life of the Closer, who doesn’t even know if he’ll play at all. If Milchama wipe the floor with Drawkland, his services won’t be required. If Drawkland start winning, then he’ll have to go out there, in front of the world, and as publicly as possible go out on the biggest high possible by, in one fell swoop, avenging the spirits of 41, breaking the curse, and slapping Margaret in the face.

No. That can’t happen. That’s too hollywood. Too cliche. Too nerve-wracking for everyone involved.

Or is it?

So here we are. It’s the bottom of the ninth inning. It’s Game 5 of the Round of 16. Drawkland is currently winning the game 9-3. Their opponent only has three outs left to mount a seemingly impossible comeback. The bullpen door has swung open, and out trots Franklin Bell. This time, he isn’t in his first national team season, but his last. The veteran takes his time with the slow jog across the grass, slowing down to stride carefully to the mound. As he warms up with a few tosses on the mound, all of us here in Cooper Stadium wait with bated breath."

"You think Bell is gonna let a few runs score? For old time’s sake?"

"I don’t want to tempt fate here."

"Hey, as long as it’s less than six runs, I’ll take it!"

:- Drawkland 2023-07-10

Franklin Bell’s ability to get through the hoop is still in doubt, despite his solid performances at this stage in WBC56. The types of pitches he’s capable of throwing are as closely guarded a secret as they could be. Here, for our eyes only, is the arsenal at his disposal.
Fastball, designed to get past the batter before he sees it coming.
Changeup. When the batter has gotten used to your speed, throw a slow one, ruin their timing.
Slider. A fast pitch that fades away from a right-handed batter, leaving them swinging at air.
Knuckle-curve, a variation of the curveball, breaking faster than a slider, and finally the patented forkball.

First at-bat for Milchama. Bottom of the ninth. Bell on the mound. Drawkland leading 9-3. Fastball. Changeup. Fastball. Milchama’s Shosh Hamat is no match for either ball. Strikes one, two and three. Bell puts an out on the board.

Batter two. Another fastball, aimed in the part of the box closest to the batter. Tziporah Sephoran swings at it, and is just as surprised as everyone else when the ball comes off the inside of the bat, beats the third baseman and travels far enough to earn her a spot on First Base.

Noah Holny returns to the plate next, and the Milchaman opener uses his blistering speed to get on first base from a bunt, with Sephoran sliding into second.

Next up, Dalen Daniels. Ball one. Ball two. Ball three. Strike one. Ball four. Sephoran, Holny and Daniels walk to bases three, two and one respectively.

Next batter, the talismanic Marius McNeesh. Milchama are still six behind, but there are three batters on base and Franklin Bell on the mound. The Milchamans in the audience begin to believe that the comeback might be on. Fastball, swinging, strike one. Changeup, ball one. Slider, swinging, strike two. Fastball, high, ball two. Okay. Now we’re in a bind. Forkball. Forkball it is.

Here’s the throw from Bell."

*CRACK*

"Oh my … McNeesh crushes this one, sent to deep center field, Kavana is back at the track, at the wall, and he turns and watches this one land WAY past the wall in center. McNeesh with the ninth inning grand slam, and the score is 9-7 Drawkland."

"That was a hanger from Bell. Looks like it was the forkball, but McNeesh stayed back and absolutely unloaded on this baseball."

"Now you’re especially grateful for Kavana’s hit last inning

Drawkland 2023-07-10

From 9-3 ahead, the score is now 9-7. Two outs remaining. Milchama need two runs to find extra innings, three to win, and to send Drawkland out at the last sixteen yet, yet again.

Batter. Six. Maia Tennons. Ball one. Hit, deep into left field. Tenonns makes second base. There are only three batters left, now. Dionizas Altani, left-handed, Batya Jones, left-handed, Naomi Kerenton, left-handed. I can’t tell you why, but left-handed batters tend to have an advantage over right-handed pitchers, and vice versa. If there was a time to hook Bell for a left-handed pitcher, it was now, but the Base Corps don’t budge.
Altani swings at a low ball, hits it, and sends it to the centre. It’s too close to second and third base for Tennons to run, but Altani gets to first base.

Jones. Ball one. Strike one. Hit. Mis-fielded. Tennons can get to third, and could probably get home if they’d tried, but risking everything for 9-8 isn’t the game-plan. Still at one out, and against The Pitcher Who Does This Kind Of Thing, Milchama believe they can win.

Kerenton. Slider. Strike one. A burst of relief, a slight increase in confidence. Fastball. A wild swing. Hit.
The runners get going. The ball pops up into the air. Lane Kavana, whose heroics at the top of the ninth have given Drawkland this cushion in the first place, sprints, dives, catches, and readies to throw Tennons out for a game-winning double-play. Tennons stops and doubles back to third base.

Two outs. Two runs ahead. Three runners on base. Shosh Hamat, who’d stood at the plate when the inning started, what feels like hours ago, returns to bat. Hamat had started with a three-pitch strike-out. Here, she was looking to make amends to find the game-winning runs for Milchama.

Strike one. Ball one. Ball two. Strike two. Ball three. Full count. Bases loaded. Last ball. Bell crouches, ready to deliver a fastball, and then thinks better of it, and steps off the mound for a second.

Probabilities melted and froze and reformed, the threads of time furled and twisted and straightened, and all poor Maggie could do was watch. She watched in complete astonishment as the cloud of randomness coalesced and converged in front of her, landing on a result that should be impossible.

Drawkland 2023-07-10

"Franklin Bell has Drawkland one strike away from victory, Shosh Hamat has Milchama one swing away from safety. This crowd of over 48 thousand stands as one. The payoff pitch from Bell …"

"SWING AND A MISS! STRIKE THREE! HE’S DONE IT! HE’S DONE IT! HE’S DONE IT! The wait is over! The curse is no more! Drawkland is going to the quarterfinals here in Cassadaigua … and it was done by none other than Franklin Bell! We’ve witnessed HISTORY in Moreau tonight!"

Drawkland 2023-07-10

Deep inside, [Margaret] didn’t feel any fury, indignation, outrage, or disappointment. Deep within herself, in the core that was once human, once just a sports fan on earth like everyone else, she felt something else. Happiness wasn’t quite the right word. After all, she was a true neutral for all nations and teams (besides Snub Nose 38, of course). For something like this, it was different. It was a triumph, not just of one man, or one team, or one nation. This is what sport is about. This is why the game is played, and without it, Maggie wouldn’t be here at all. So though she’d be paying for her lost bet for the next few months, Margaret wasn’t bitter. It was bound to happen eventually anyway, right?

… right?

Drawkland 2023-07-10
Honestly, just read Drawk’s RP, it’s an all-time great

Whether the curse was broken, or even existed in the first place, is not for us to say. It’s certainly *not* an Audioslavian thing to go around talking about curses like they don’t exist and can’t hurt you.

The Drawkland Base Corps would bow out immediately to a strong South Newlandia team, but would go further two cycles later, reaching the final of the competition, and losing to South Newlandia yet again. The unbreakable curse has been replaced with an unwinnable rivalry.

Franklin Bell followed through on his promise to retire at the end of the tournament, having banished the demons of WBC41 forever.

In the end. He came up Clutch.

---

Bulls Clutch Balls

Denzel Keegan's 88th minute strike may not have lifted the Bulls from the bottom of Group A, but it sends a lifeline to a team who most had written off after that opening day shellacking by Drawkland. The late substitute was able to reach a deflected shot ahead of Andrews and drill the loose ball into the bottom corner with the keeper wrong-footed.

In the wild and wonderful world of the 48-team World Cup, it's not quite worth pondering which particular permutations would help or hinder the Bulls. A win guarantees an appearance in the last 32, but the side could also contrive to lose the match 3-0 and qualify, should either of the other matches in the group finish with a bad enough scoreline to move the losing team's goal differential below that of Audioslavia. From there, all the Bulls would have to do would be to wait to see how many third-placed finishers in other groups also got three points.

'There is little else to do but go for a win' said Salvador Monterroso, speaking about the game. "Not an ideal situation to find ourselves in' he continued, speaking about our general reputation for defensiveness and bottling important games.

[Eastfield Lodge]

The Lodger

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Sport >>> Football >>> World Cup 99 Finals

Damning defensive disasterclass doesn’t desist dominance of the Lodgers

HOT-DAMN line-up

GK: Jim Dash
CB: Bruce Tatum 24' (<> Red Duggan 65')
CB: Gael Hicks 43'
RB: Randy Russell
LB: Elwood Davis (<> Freddy Joyner 76')
DMF: R.J. Grove 84'
CMF: Rex Hughes (<> Lee Mallinger 65')
RMF: Anthony Donis
LMF: Zack Webster 54' (<> Hosea Darcy 80')
ST: Cale Mallett (<> Ted Ingram 76')
ST: Justin Cherry

Eastfield Lodge line-up

GK: Amin Horak
CB: Zakaria Webber
CB: Jazzmine Guillou
RB: Keyshawn Strong (<> Diana Kirkup 67')
LB: Guillem Karson 68' (<> Sadid St Cleer 77')
DMF: Harun Farrow (<> Florian Mordecai 67')
CMF: Vonn Cope 78'
RMF: Boet Caceres
LMF: Daisi Hackett 43' (<> Monique Fredrich 59')
AMF: Lalo Allred
ST: Fidelina Noble (<> Evander Ahmed 77')

World Cup 99 Qualifying Group B Matchday 2

Location: Franz-Gorz-Stadion, Stelburg, Siovanija and Teusland
Attendance: 69,102

50% - Possession - 50%
15 - Shots - 23
8 - Shots on Target - 15
11 - Corners - 7
9 - Fouls - 8

HOT-DAMN 4 – 6 Eastfield Lodge

Cherry (36’) ––– Noble (13', 70')
Donis (45+4’) ––– Allred (32')
Hicks (55’) ––– Cope (43', 89')
Webster (60’) ––– Caceres (48')

Corinne Mersiades’ side recovered from the controversial late Farf equaliser in their opening match of World Cup 99 to defeat the Anaian Hapilopper side in a match that featured both some abject defending and clinical finishing from both sides, a 10 goal barnstormer seeing Eastfield Lodge all but through to the knockout stages.

There may have been some consternation amongst Eastfield Lodge fans heading into this crucial fixture against Group B’s third seeds, the Anaian Maritime Neighbourhood of Hapilopper, or as they’re more commonly (and/or affectionately) known, HOT-DAMN, following the Lodgers’ late draw against top seeds Farfadillis, with key player Paisley Lysander pulling a hamstring late in the match. The news out of the camp is that this would likely rule him out until the Round of 16 at the earliest, meaning he would miss this vital match. Mersiades made a few changes for this match, Lalo Allred continuing to show fine international form despite the Architects’ relegation in the league last season and being rewarded as the replacement behind Fidelina Noble in the Lysander role. Monique Fredrich was a surprise omission on the team sheet also makes way, the Olympia midfielder having been revealed to be carrying a minor knock that sees them replaced by new Felswyr signing Daisi Hackett, whilst Travis Boyd is dropped to the bench in favour of the more attacking Guillem Karson at left back. As for HOT-DAMN, Ernie Stevenson names two changes to the side that defeated Captina Island 4-2 to lead Group B, the injured Buckshot Bellwood replaced by Rex Hughes, with Elwood Davis starting his first match of the finals in the place of Freddy Joyner.

Despite the stakes at hand, the match started off as anything but cagey, both sides going full throttle from the opening whistle, and the first good chance on goal came from a second minute corner, Harun Farrow’s daisy cutter cross flicked into the side netting by Noble despite being heavily marked. The Beer Leaguers did not appear at all frightened or bowed by the occasion, mounting good pressure of their own, but the third seeds struggled to create a meaningful chance in the early exchanges, a fact that the Imperial Commonwealth capitalised upon when Noble opened the scoring short of 15 minutes into the match, the Olympia striker on the swivel to squeeze a pullback from Hackett underneath HOT-DAMN keeper Jim Dash. The Anaian side did bounce back quickly however, Cale Mallett testing Amin Horak’s palms from distance two minutes later, before he had another bite at the cherry with an unmarked header from a corner that he could only direct over Horak’s crossbar. Hackett nearly turned provider herself shortly before the half hour mark, as the former Strawberries winger picked the pocket of a defender, only to pull her shot across the face of goal closer to the corner flag than to the far post.

Nonetheless, it would be the Lodgers who would score next, Lalo Allred doubling Eastfield Lodge’s lead after a backpass was sliced awkwardly by Dash, spiralling to the newly minted Olympia midfielder who took it down and fired a low hard effort past a stricken Dash and into the empty net. That vital 2 goal cushion only last for four minutes though, before the Beer Leaguers finally kicked into gear and created a major chance - a defence splitting pass from Rex Hughes played Cale Mallett through on goal as he was left unmarked by Jazzmine Guillou, only to see his shot come off the inside of the near post and along the goal-line where Justin Cherry could react quickest to bundle it home, narrowing the score to 2-1. This back and forth pattern very much defined the middle third of the match, and the second seeds would restore their two goal lead with just two minutes of normal time to play in the first half. Hackett, continuing to be a menace down the left, cut inside and drew a foul from Gael Hicks whilst bearing down on goal - however, the ref awarded yellows to both players, with Hackett penalised for excessive complaining. Noble stepped up to take the penalty, only to miss her mark poorly and fire the ball straight off the crossbar and back out. Fortunately, Vonn Cope reached it first, the RGS midfielder tucking home to spare Noble’s blushes.

But the Beer Leaguers would not sit back and take it. Due to the argument ensuing prior to the penalty, a grand total of three minutes was awarded for first half stoppage time. And, predictably, HOT-DAMN needed all three of those minutes and then the extra minute granted by the referee to finish their attack, with Anthony Davis eventually getting a shot off from the corner of the box that took a wicked deflection off the back of Zakaria Webber to wrong-foot Horak in the Eastfielder net, the HOT-DAMN winger bringing proceedings back to 3-2 with the final kick of the first half. Come the second half, there was a rare occurrence as Davis’ 49th minute goal was followed up by a 48th minute goal, Eastfield Lodge once again restoring their two goal lead through another Royals player, this time Boet Caceres curling a simple yet elegant 25 yard free kick from the left side of the Beer Leaguer box past a flat-footed Jim Dash in the HOT-DAMN net. 4-2, but the chaos would continue shortly. Again, only seven minutes more elapsed before another defensive error, but this time on the past of Mersiades’ side as they failed to clear a corner at all, and in the chaos, Guillou tried punting the ball clear, only to find the face of Gael Hicks, the defender inadvertently converting the clearance into a goal whilst maybe slightly concussed.

With the lead now cut down to 4-3 in the Lodgers’ favour, the next pattern step would be for the second seeds to score to once again restore that two goal lead, but instead the next significant chance became the equalising goal for HOT-DAMN. This time, it was the turn of winger Zack Webster to get on the scoresheet as the fourth different Beer Leaguer goalscorer of the evening, the winger catching Webber lax on the ball, snatching it from his feet with a first-time hit, and surprisingly flying like an arrow into the top corner at the near post, Horak unable to adjust and reach in time. At 4-4, and with qualification to the knockouts on the line, both teams started ringing the changes from the bench, but it would transpire to be the Eastfielder changes that made the difference, first blood in this tie falling to Fidelina Noble as substitute Florian Mordecai blocked a goalbound effort at one end of the pitch before clearing the ball forward to Noble who had been left entirely alone behind the HOT-DAMN defensive line. Noble had the whole freedom of the attacking half to make her move, running at Jim Dash and coolly sneaking the ball under the HOT-DAMN keeper to make it 5-4. It could have been 6-4 just a minute later, with Noble once again missing a hat-trick as she was left unmarked at a free kick, but couldn’t quite stretch to meet Boet Caceres’ cross properly at the far post.

The nail in the HOT-DAMN was placed before stoppage time, with the third seeds visibly running out of gas towards the end of the match despite their changes. Vonn Cope grabbed his second of the night in the 89th minute, the RGS midfielder picking the ball up from substitute Evander Ahmed in the middle of the park and given the space to advance without being challenged, before a one-two with Ahmed played Cope in behind the defence where he smashed his shot into the roof of the net. 6-4 to Eastfield Lodge, and with their opponents visibly running out of ideas and stamina, the Lodgers’ kept control of the dying embers of the match to secure the win, moving onto four points from six and moving to the top of the group following Farfadilis’s draw against bottom side Captina Island. Despite the loss, HOT-DAMN remain in second in Group B and in pole position to secure a place in the Round of 32. Farfadillis with their uncharacteristically poor two draws are sitting in third, with these two sides playing each other on the final day for a guaranteed spot in the knockouts. Eastfield Lodge’s next opponents would be Captina Island, bottom of the group with a point, but still with a shout of qualifying with a win against Corinne Mersiades and her players.

---

WC99F MD1: Eastfield Lodge 1–1 Farfadillis
Line-up (4-2-3-1): Horak - Webber, Guillou (<> Kaber 67’), Strong, Boyd - Farrow, Cope - Caceres (<> Allred 75’), Fredrich, Lysander (<> Scripps 90’) - Noble (<> Ahmed 67’)
Goals (Assists): Lysander (21’ - Horak)
Headline: Heartless Lôçô' mars Farfadillis draw with controversial counter-attacking goal.

Likely line-up to play Captina Island (4-2-3-1):
Horak - Guillou, Kaber, Strong, Webber - Mordecai, Cope - Gebo-McCraw, Hackett, Allred - Holdsworth
Suspended: N/A
Injured: Paisley Lysander [out until Ro16 - hamstring], Fredrich [out for MD3 - knock]

[Siovanija and Teusland]

Trouble in Paradise

Part II

Serdar Buranov stood at the edge of his property, overlooking the city of Vrnovo as the sun rose above it. The time was 7:28am. He’d had approximately zero minutes of sleep, since the assassination attempt against him last night. Hands in his pockets, he was deep in thought - who could’ve done this?

He was stirred only by a tap on the shoulder from an old friend.

“Serdar, my boy, are you alright?” The raspy voice of Evgeni Dusek.

Serdar could only smile at that voice. “I’m fine, vuicho” The word for ‘uncle’ was a common name used for elders in this business, even with no blood connection - but Serdar and Evgeni went far enough back that the word meant far more than that.

Evgeni Dusek was one of Serdar’s father’s childhood friends. When Vojislav Buranov formed his own crew, Evgeni was the first one to join him. He rapidly became the most feared mutra, or ‘mug’, in the Vrnovo scene and a brutal, bloody reputation preceded him.

Serdar didn’t know any of that, though, at least not as a child. He knew the man who was always present at birthday celebrations, always with the biggest gift. The man who always told the best jokes at every gathering. And, gradually, a second father to him. Where Vojislav kept a bit of a cold distance from the young Serdar, Evgeni served as a mentor. When Serdar got into trouble as a youth - crashing his car on the way back from the city one night, for example - his first call was always Evgeni.

That was one thing Serdar and his father did have in common after all. Vojislav also counted heavily on Evgeni, in their younger days as a brutal enforcer but as time went on as a wise, rational advisor. When Vojislav started the war 25 years prior that saw the Buranov family rise to the top of Vrnovo’s crime scene, Evgeni Dusek was the man who coordinated everything, and even took down one of the top Orlov soldiers himself. When Vojislav lay on his deathbed, his final words were for the man who had served him for a lifetime.

Evgeni dedicated himself just as loyally to Serdar right away, and for the young boss he was really the only link left back to the time of his father. Evgeni would turn 75 in a few months, now, and he was completely retired from the ‘active’ side of the business - but was still there, always, to offer advice.

“Evgeni, it doesn’t make sense.”

“They never do.”

“I meet Vlad Orlov in 2 hours. The fuck am I supposed to do?”

“Do you know it was Orlov?”

“Who else?”

“Have your people identified the gunmen yet?”

“They’re running the checks now. Of course no ID, but they don’t look like people we’re familiar with. Definitely not Orlov soldiers. They had to have brought in guys from the mainland.”

“Or could it be someone from the mainland? I fought Vlad Orlov - I know his style. This isn’t it.”

“Who on the mainland has the power to send guys on a suicide mission like that?”

Evgeni paused before he spoke next. “Serdar, if you ask me, I’m sorry to tell you this. But there has to be a traitor from within. Remember what I always told your father? All our people are motivated by money. Their loyalty depends on that. Who would’ve been on this property enough to know about your glass window? To get onto it in the first place, past the maze of guards you have out there?”

Serder turned to Evgeni. A name formed in his mind. No way, he quickly thought. “Then I must find the traitor within our family,” he said. Evgeni gave him a pat on the shoulder, they embraced, and the old man got into his own car and left. One of only two men he was sure he could fully trust right now - the other being his own man Bojan.

Thirty minutes later, Serdar was seated in the back of the black TMW, Bojan once again at the wheel. His meeting with Vladimir Orlov this morning was meant to be about the World Cup, and how both men would take a profit from it. Now, Serdar would use it to find out if Vlad Orlov was really behind the attack on his home last night. He’d already called this morning and made a last-minute switch to the location of their meeting - from the Club Dolphin office to the executive suite on the 24th floor of the Vrnovo Grand Palace Hotel, the new and fresh hotel Buranov was unofficially the owner of, thanks to his friendship with Ruslan Karamov. The move had a few reasons - firstly, if the Orlovs had assets in place to sabotage the meeting at the club, they’d likely have to call them off on such short notice. Secondly, simply, it would mess with Vlad’s head a bit.

Soon enough, Serdar was sitting behind a desk in the hotel room. Next to him was only Bojan - but in the next room of the suite was a team of 20 elite security guards, all of them ex-military. Serdar at this moment didn’t fully trust them - but his gut told him that since these men were never assigned to the detail guarding his own home, they were incredibly unlikely to be compromised. The clock ticked to 9:01. Vladimir Orlov was late. By 9:11, Serdar was beginning to think he wouldn’t show. But then, the door burst open.

“Serdar, there you are! What’s with this last minute change? It’s a nice hotel, sure, but it’s on the other side of town!”

Serdar faked a smile back to him. “I had to make sure you’d be fully awake for our meeting, Vlad.”

Vlad Orlov always tried to act like a father or an uncle to him, thought Serdar. But in every word Serdar always sensed a touch of resentment. There’d been peace - even if uneasy at times - ever since the end of his father’s war all those years ago, but the Orlovs had never truly gotten over it. Vojislav Buranov had never told his son a good word about an Orlov, and Serdar mistrusted them entirely. Only on matters of mutual interest was it ever easy to deal with them.

Fortunately, the World Cup was a matter of mutual interest. A match being held here in Vrnovo was a boon for them - visitors galore, bars and clubs packed, and plenty of rich visitors looking to engage in the illicit activities only Vlad and Serdar could supply them. It also meant, however, more attention from the long arm of law enforcement. With the world’s eyes on Siovanija & Teusland, the government wanted to keep as clean an image as possible. Being too open about ‘business’ could, in fact, harm the business. Vlad Orlov was so easy to deal with today that, for a few moments, Serdar almost forgot that just 7 hours ago he’d almost been killed.

“I think we agree totally. My people and your people will stick to our own areas. Let business come to us. And I’ll pass the message down to my people to be careful about doing business with foreigners,” said the boss of Vrnovo’s second family.

“Certainly. We don’t need some visitor who can’t speak a word of the language getting ripped off by our dealers, or by one of our girls, and running to the police.”

Orlov’s next words, however, reminded Serdar of everything: “The police will just be looking to come down on us like broken glass from a window if they get the chance.”

Serdar kept his poker face, but stared directly at Orlov - Orlov stared back. There was a pause for what seemed like almost an eternity before Serdar smiled and said back: “Of course they will. Vlad, thank you for coming today, and I’m glad that we’re in agreement.”

Both men rose and shook hands, before Orlov departed the room. Serdar turned to Bojan.

“He knows,” said the boss.

“But was he behind it?”

Serdar paused for another eternity. “I don’t believe so. He caved on everything I asked for in that meeting. His family have targeted tourists in their scams for decades - he has no reason to let up now. Other than that he wanted to show me that he was not the one to break the peace.”

“Who could it be?”

Serder dodged the question. “Bojan, when was the last time you were in Borograd? Our dear friend Ruslan Karamov seems to be in a bit of trouble. I think we should pay him a visit.”

World Cup 99 - Matchday 2

Siovanija & Teusland 3-1 Drawkland
Olimpski-Stadion, Borograd

XI: Kranz; Schwefel, Sanner, Apel, Mesko; Porsche (Kramer 60’), Winter, Le Meji (Pavlicek 80’); Korlikov, A. Kosch-Kovarik (Zschokke 60’), Hackl
Goals: Dusan Korlikov 14’, Einar Hackl 30’, Aleksander Kosch-Kovarik 44’

XI vs Audioslavia: Kranz; Schwefel, Sanner, Apel, Mesko; Porsche, Winter, Le Meji; Korlikov, A. Kosch-Kovarik, Hackl

[HUElavia]

HUElavia 3–2 Squornshelan Remnant States
(Girard 20', Milano 72', 90+4' | Tatsinan 41', McGill 85')
Megabrantid Financial Field, Brantisvogan, Squornshelan Remnant States

THE CARDIAC CATS MAKES HISTORY FOR HUELAVIA!

HUElavia earns a historic upset over co-hosts SRS in a thrilling match to secure a spot into the Round-of-32!

Matchday 1 saw HUElavia fight thoroughly to earn the much needed 3 Points over Aleirave to open up their World Cup campaign. Now, on Matchday 2, HUElavia had their biggest task yet for this tournament: taking on No. 3 and Co-hosts Squornshelan Remnant States. It is not every day that one takes on a Top 10 team in the Multiverse. It's another thing to take on a Top 5 team. Even another thing when said team was one of the co-hosts and the best ranked of the three. Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos came into the match feeling very motivated, despite being placed as the underdogs by the bookies. Still, such odds did not matter to the team and fans. After all, HUElavia was known to be a team that can punch hard above their weight, and tonight was a chance to prove they belong at the World Cup. Despite a smaller range of HUElavian fans in the left endzone with the vast majority being the Confederates cheering on their team, the fans draped their endzone and made themselves be heard with their cheering and chanting. The A-Team came out once more, with Coach Casillas giving his confidence to his main XI to get the job done.

Much like the match against Aleirave, HUElavia and SRS were going at each other's throats from the get-go, with Ancel and Blaha making blocks and saves, getting applause by the respective HUElavians and Confederates for the performance by the goalies. In the 20th minute, Arruda was on the ball where he took a shot that deflected off Tutku to go out for a corner kick. Kim would come to take the corner, sending it into the box, where Girard would tower over Van to head the ball past a diving reach by Blaha into the goal, making it 1-0. The HUElavians present would jump with joy and passion, while the silence among the Confederates was notable, all while Girard would hug her teammates, especially Kim for the goal and assist respectably. SRS would begin to pressure more and more, now beginning to show their strength and skill befitting of their ranking. Yet, HUElavia would defend deep and push for counter-attacks when possible, just trying to get another goal if possible. Such attacks would eventually pay off for the co-hosts, as in the 41st minute, Wahle was dispossessed by Starovoitov, who began to run on the wing being covered by Lobo, before sending a cross to the other side of the pitch, being received by Tatsinan, who got covered by Manco, before going to her right and giving a blistering, curving shot that went past the reach of Ancel into the goal, making it 1-1. The Confederates erupted in the stadium, cheering loudly while Tatsinan ran and kneeled at the corner flag in celebration, while the HUElavians were stunned by the goal, all while Coach Casillas began giving orders and adjusting tactics. At the half, it was 1-1, with both teams still hungry for more.

The second half still continued with both teams going ebb and flow on the attacks, with HUElavia having more control and patience, despite the constant whistles and jeers from the Confederates. Time ticked on and on, where people began to think this would end in a 1-1 draw. Eventually in the 72nd minute, a pass from Sol (in for Wahle) would get to Schmidt, who would begin to run, being covered by Thakkar (in for Raynott), before passing to the right to Milano, who would get past Drenel to go one-on-one against Blaha to send a shot between his legs to roll into the goal, to make it 2-1. The HUElavian crowd erupted in joy while Milano did the cross and jumped over the advertising boards to wave and hype the crowd, while his teammates jumped in to celebrate and hug Milano, while Coach Madeiros would give out orders and adjustments in reaction to the goal. SRS would attack more and more, refusing to take a defeat in front of their home crowd, while HUElavia continued to defend desperately, wanting to hold on to the lead. In the 85th minute, a foul by Brandt over Madathil (in for Starovoitov) would give way for a free kick in a dangerous position. Sevet-Ibilx would send a cross into the box where McGill towered over Arias (in for Kim) to head the ball past the diving fingertips of Ancel into the goal, making it 2-2. The Confederates in the crowd erupted once more with McGill being mobbed by her teammates and the bench for the goal, with Coach Casillas giving orders once more. Additional Time came, and HUElavia began to give pressure, now wanting to pull the upset over the co-hosts. Eventually in the 90+4th minute, Arias got the ball from Madathil, who then passed it to an unopposed Milano, who went one-on-one against Blaha to chip the ball over them to roll into the open goal, making it 3-2. The HUElaivans erupted while Milano did the cross before being mobbed by his teammates and the bench in celebration for the late winner while the SRS players were left stunned at the goal. Shortly after, the match ended and the bench came running out to hug the HUElavian players as HUElavia had secured their spot to the Knockouts with a game to spare.

In the other Group I game, Aleirave defeated The Martian Independent Republic, to have HUElavia in 1st, Aleirave in 2nd, Squornshelan Remnant States in 3rd and The Martian Independent Republic in 4th, with the three still fighting for a chance to advance while HUElavia already clinched a direct spot to the Round-of-32. Coach Casillas was quoted as saying "We're grateful for the victory and for how resilient our team was today. The team may have had hiccups with their defending, but they were able to respond and the offense was great. We're blessed to have Milano on the team, such a fun and great player to watch, and he really came in clutch for us. This was a historic, statement victory and we look forward to our next match against The Martian Independent Republic. We plan to rotate players, but we still strive to do well and go for a perfect record into the knockouts. We're grateful for our fans supporting us and we still count on them for this and the knockout match we're into already." Fans back home celbrated in droves for the victory and advance, with millions glued to screens throughout the country, watching and celebrating the team. The media have nicknamed the team as the "Cardiac Cats" from how dramatic the victories have been, which much of the fans have come to love giving the team the moniker. Here's to what can be a historic sweep for Matchday 3!

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

[Zenic]

"Oh, thank god."

Thanks to some meetings being pushed, Luke Killian was able to watch a World Cup match alongside the Emperor, Consul, and Minister of Sports instead of debriefing. He hated having to practice different ways of saying the same thing and picking one out in hopes that it gets the response he was looking for. But it also would have made it very awkward if the Survivors had lost in an embarrassing manner. So, when the Survivors made it a 2 goal lead with 7 minutes left in regulation, Killian watched the last few minutes with bated breath as he hoped with every fiber of his being that the lead would be held.

Of course, that meant when regulation ended and the fourth referee put up 6 minutes of stoppage time, Killian strung together two full sentences of pure curse words under his breath. "Why are you so nervous? I mean, it's appropriate to be nervous but you seem doubly so." Killian turned and noticed the question came from Deputy Minister of Sports, Heung Soo-min. It was Soo-min's first time joining these meetings so Luke forgot he was in the room. "Everyone knows that 2-0 is the most dangerous lead in Futbol. I mean, not even three goal leads are truly safe as we almost blew that. I figured it would be the same in Hockey, is it not?"

"I've heard of it but I don't think it's real," Heung replied. Instantly, Luke lunged at Soo-min to cover his mouth. "Don't say that out loud. Are you LOOKING to anger the Sporting Gods?" Soo-min could do nothing but shake his head vehemently. "Good," Luke said as he removed his hand from Soo-min's face, "You know better than to question those kind of things BEFORE or DURING a game. After? Sure, go ahead. It is a free country after all. By that point, nothing you say can influence the game. But for now, it's best to just watch the game and hope for the best." Soo-min nervously nodded and turned to watch the waning minutes of the match with everyone else.

Did Luke Killian actually believe in those sports superstitions? Not really. However, he still avoided, or continued to perform, the appropriate superstitions: partially because he grew up in locker rooms filled with said superstitions but also because he never really was able to determine if they were real or not based on his own testing. Eventually, he snapped back to reality and watched the final minute of stoppage time.

As the final whistle blew to end the match, the aforementioned "Oh, thank god" slipped from Killian's mouth as the rest of the room clapped and cheered in celebration. Zenic had managed to hold off a solid Anaian team for their first, and hopefully not last, win of World Cup 99. With said win, it meant that the Survivors would be guaranteed qualification to the knockouts with any result except a loss against Baggieland. Even if they were to lose, they had a chance to qualify as one of the 8 best third place teams as long as it wasn't a lopsided loss. And Killian didn't even have to say it himself as the announcers stated that fact themselves just a few seconds after he thought them.

Killian didn't want to get ahead of himself but as long as they avoided qualification via third place finish, their path through the first few rounds of the knockout stages might actual be navigable. As the festivities continued and Killian almost slept-walk his way through the high fives and food, this warm feeling crept through Killian. Was this hope?

If so, he just hoped the team over in Banija were feeling it as well.

[Juvencus]

Il Scudelliano is under new management, one that presents the news about la squadra as it should instead of being a third party newspaper that supports the team only when it wants, and will remain that way until further notice

JOAO PERES MASTERCLASS SAVES NATION FROM DISASTER

Second matchday of the World Cup saw la squadra not take yet another opportunity as a pot 1 team to establish its dominance in a group it should have topped by now. A third meetup in 2 cycles against Pasarga and the total is 2 losses and 1 draw. A first half where la squadra was unrecognisable was salvaged by what could be described as Joao Peres' best performance in the red and gold and perhaps a bit of a wakeup call at half-time.

PASARGAN POSSESSION TOO GOOD FOR GLI ATTACCANTI: The truth is that from the get go, Pasarga managed to play the game at its own tempo, its own pace. The Wanderers were all over the pitch and pressuring la squadra's side so much that it had to resort to its temporary 5-2-3 formation for much of the first half. A standout from the Pasargan game and perhaps the most domineering presence on the pitch was Zágon Schmid, being a set up maker for most of the Pasargan attacks, including the first goal. A piercing through-ball saw a DEADLY Bogdan Laslzo chip the ball over the head of Juan Carlos Ungaro, rendering him unable to react and leave la squadra behind, as it was for the majority of the first half. Schmid would also score a rocket later on to make it 2-0, that possession play was too much for la squadra to handle or to give air to breathe and reinvent itself on the pitch.

AGE CATCHING UP TO CALLEJON?: While the most commanding figure in the Juven side has always been Carlo Callejon. While a player of intense physicality and speed, he has been getting slower and with a somewhat lower stamina in the latter years. It has been especially prevalent this cycle, where stronger teams would find him an exceptionally vulnerable player and easy to surpass compared to younger players like Pujals or Marroqui. This could also be hinting at a general gap in the Juven backline, considering it has been reliant on fast and positionally adept players like Callejon to do the cleanup instead of more imposing players like Pau Puig.

JOAO PERES FOR JUVEN PLAYER OF THE YEAR: The second half saw la squadra finally emerge from the flames, it could manage to hold onto the possession it could not have in the first half and finally push to the counter. While 2-0 down against an opponent that has been familiar against most of la squadra's strategies, especially its very well-known reversals, something sparked inside and with several entrances to the pitch everything became easier. Joao Peres, while mostly underutilised in the first half could finally get hold of the ball more often, while Paola Cernoia and Raul Viejo were entered onto the pitch for more accurate and quick passing game to flourish. Leading the team in most attacks, being the main orchistrator, Joao Peres became the main playmaker of the team, although he would unwillingly end up its hero. To break the ice, Joao Peres would swiftly dribble past Remi van Blijderveen followed by a rocket on Topić's top left side and despite her dive, she was unable to make the catch. No celebrations would ensue as Joao Peres would quickly pick the ball up in an effort to complete another Juven Remontada. In the dying minutes of the game, a well-placed cross by Peres would find Roberta Mancini on the right side completely free, she would then make the cross which Audiol would not convert but give back to Joao Peres who would nail the ball in for the equaliser, thus turning to a hero.

JOAO PERES' MESSAGE IS CLEAR - JUVENCUS IS CATHOLIC AND IN SOLITUDE TO ITS LEADER: In the celebrations that ensued following the equaliser, Joao Peres revealed in his shirt a powerful message, the diseased Holy Emperor Nicola II's face was engraved on the shirt with the following bible verse of Apocalipse 21:4 in Peres' native language of Poi. Revelation 21:4 states " He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

When approached about his celebration, Joao Peres only stated that "God has always been by the side of our people, especially when he gave us a leader as good as he(the Holy Emperor Nicola II) was. We may not have gotten the win today but we will get it soon and fight for him and his honor. VAI JUVENCUS VAI!"

The last group stage matchday is against a deadly Kamijiro side that THRASHED the Zwangzugian side with a 5-2 scoreline in what could be described as a much more eventful match than the one la squadra had. An opponent that cannot be underestimated facing la squadra that is determined to do everything to get past this group of death. In a do-or-die matchup, Juvencus is tasked to do the impossible yet again for one more chance to get to the knockouts of the World Cup and eventually have the run the people have always dreamed of, one of going to the top of the food chain.

[Flavovespia]

Two All Leaves Group With All To Play For

Game 2 of Group J for Flavovespia, and it ended in a 2-2 draw. The result keeps Flavovespia and Gnejs on top with 4 points, with Cardenao and The Kytler Peninsulae on 1 point. A balanced game with a rapid start, and good spells for both.

Flavovespia were the ones to make the better start, and it paid dividends just 5 minutes in. Jonathan Bagshaw whipped in a good early cross to the far post. Charles Shepherd headed it back across the face of goal, and Peter Langdon was there, outpacing his marker to slot the ball home. A perfect start for Flavovespia, as they seemed to wrap up qualification to the knockout stages.

Gnejs were undeterred, and with their first big attack on the quarter hour mark, they netted an equaliser. It was a goal in many ways similar to Flavovespia’s. A long cross came in to the far post, and was flung back towards the penalty spot. The striker was there just before Peter Marriott, and they stretched to toe poke the shot over the line. 1-1, a thrilling start to this game.

The first half saw plenty further waves of attacks and pressure. Ooohs and Aaahs rang out as plenty of good chances fell just short of leading to another goal. It was tied at 1-1 at the break, an exciting game, but by this point Flavovespia would’ve taken a boring game if they were leading.

Into the second half and it was Gnejs who seized the initiative in the 54th minute. Paul Amos conceded a foul just under 25 metres out. It was lined up well for a direct effort at goal, and that’s what happened. A perfectly placed shot, Peter Marriott beaten, and Gnejs had the lead. They’d made the comeback, the question was if Flavovespia had it in them to avoid defeat?

The second half was one of toil for Flavovespia after that goal. A good number of chances, but little in the way of clear cut chances. However they’d get another 80+ minutes goal, their second of this tournament. It was a long run by Stan Scott-Wilson, who then angled a ball into the box. An awkward deflection off a defender sent the ball into the path of Charles Shepherd. He had a heavy touch, but the second touch saw him shoot and find the net. 2-2, a bit of a fortunate goal but Flavovespia would take it.

The finish was tantalisingly set up for a heroic late goal, but there was not be one. Flavovespia and Gnejs have 4 points, Cardenao and The Kytler Peninsulae have 1 point heading into the final Matchday of the group. A draw sees Flavovespia through, although Flavovespia will hope they can win the group. Nothing is secure yet, even a loss could still see Flavovespia through, but it could send them on an early journey home.
Alexander Schmitt