World Cup 99 - RP Thread

by **The Martian Independent Republic** » Sat May 24, 2025 3:58 pm

Sel Appa 2 - 5 The Martian Independent Republic
#9 44', #10 88' | Garamond 7', 66', Jowling 25', 79', Katzenburg 56'

The Martian Independent Republic 2 - 2 Crpostran
Caballi 34', Jowling 85' | Hudson 15', Dubois 45+2'

On Strings, and Those Who Control Them
The Martian Independent Republic did not do well in CAFA XI, by any measure of the word. The defense-focused style led only to being unable to come back from deficits, even one-goal ones. Potsiri Russell was disgraced. He nearly lost his job. The operative word, in that sentence, being nearly.

It was due to the intervention of one man that Russell kept his job. But it came at a price. There's a reason the Spiders switched to an aggressive 3-3-4, fighting for wins, in direct opposition to the belief that unifies nearly all of Mars: It's better to take a sure draw than an uncertain win, in any circumstance. The operative word, again, being nearly.

Yes, the 3-3-4 is a 3-5-2 most of the time, with Katzenburg and Caballi dropping back, but it's a far cry from the traditional 4-3-3. You can see this in the fact that the Spiders scored the same number of goals in the first game of WC99 qualifying as they did in the first four of WC98 qualifying. That, alone, should tell you Russell is coach in name only.

In Martian football, anyone closely associated with the team (the coach, the players, etc.) is thoroughly investigated for corruption before they are allowed to coach or play. There have been enough match-fixing and bribery scandals, in various sports, that for a long time the only sport permitted by the authorities was chess - if someone wanted to be a professional chess player, they clearly weren't in it for the money. The reopening of sport hinged on its integrity. But "team advisors" do not have to be vetted.

And if that "team advisor" is deciding the starting lineup and radioing in substitutions as he watches the game? That sounds a lot like a coach. Potsiri Russell's kept his salary and his job title, but you can pin the success, and possible failure, of the Spiders on one man. Who just happens to have a lot of money.

For now, nobody in the know will tell - after all, holding the world #5 to a draw is definitely a positive result. But one wrong move, one missed opportunity, and it could all come crumbling down.

by **Tanirinthia** » Sat May 24, 2025 4:01 pm

THE LAST DIPLOMAT
Chapter Three - Everything Changes

Today was the day. The day everything changes for nearly all of the eight billion people on Tanirinth, the day our understanding of our place in existence changes. What would happen once everyone learned that we were just a small part in a multiverse? He had been in the rooms where all the possibilities had been thrown around; anarchy in the streets, a nihilist depression across the population or simply a murmur before everyone just carried on with their lives. The truth is that no-one really knows what is going to happen across society, however Sebastian thought the most likely option is what he went through, the initial receiving of the fact our universe was simply one of many was just an abstract fact, he imagined he would similarly react if astronomers announced that there was a new planet discovered in our solar system, something which has new information that changed how he thought of things but that had no tangible effect on his life. But in the longer term as there became tangible effects, as he travelled to other worlds and the abstract became real and he had time to process what that meant.

Tanirinth had for hundreds of years now been simple the whole, there were no other nations, variations through the whole but just as a dialect is not another language, the way things are done across Tanirinth fundamentally was the same everywhere. But there was a multiverse of difference out there. Once that was there and available for the people to see and experience, what that would lead to he couldn't say the details but this was a threshold once crossed there would be no turning back, just as our dates are deliminated as Before Unification and After Unification, I have not double sociologists of the future will deliminate between yesterday and today in the same way.

He had thought often of whether this was the right choice, if he was the one to make the decision about whether people should know, what would he do? I mean some say that ignorance is bliss, however when he lay awake thinking of this he landed on another adage; better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

(O.O) · by **TJUN-ia** » Sat May 24, 2025 4:09 pm

The Random Rambles of a Jaguar - WC99 Qualifying Edition
with Killian Looker

And so, here we go again. After another CE where Eshialand put us in the ground, the time had come for David Seems and Li Xiu Ying to see if they could engineer a third-straight WC Finals appearance out of this Jaguars team. Diana Sharafutdinov would lead this very experience side into battle hoping to continue the joy of the past 4 years, hoping to make this form more of a pattern than pure luck. 18 games to find a Top 3 to go to Arrosia sounds like a good time, but would that good time be experienced by us?

The Games
Sharktail are team we knew all too well, the Blue Monster a side we have certainly faced before in the contexts of WCQ, so facing them on the road on MD1 wasn't exactly out of the ordinary for ourselves and our fans. What was out of the ordinary for this opening game was the margin we managed to put into the Blue Monster before the game was over. Normally, the Opening Day is a slow affair as we get back into the swing of things and get used to the schedule...but not this time, as we came out swinging from kickoff and never looked back. Diana Sharafutdinov managed a first-half hat-trick to try and set the tone for the campaign to come, Zaine Bowry got a second-half brace to add to the joy and while the hosts got one back late on, that wasn't of concern to us. 5-1 to start us off. Not bad at all.

Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo in Kepu Manu was packed as the UO Zone got the honour of hosting our first home game of the campaign against New Crywyzyxycynya - New Cry-wiz-ix-ic-inya, apparently, but that name is surprisingly more difficult to pronounce than certain words in UO languages. Anyway, New C (as the local papers called them) were the team that we would be facing at home first...and just like the Sharktail game, TJUN-ia showed no mercy. Diana Sharafutdinov and Zaine Bowry were in the goals again, this time joined by Stephan Fiedtkou and Odysseas Issigonis, and while the clean sheet was gone in the 78th, that was no issue to us. 5-1 and 4-1. A great start, all things considered.

Reaction
A good start indeed. Going 9-2 on aggregate to start a campaign is always going to be seen as great by those on the sofas and online, but the questions remain the same? Can we keep this up wen tough opponents come flying in?

What's Next?
Two teams in the 50s are up next for us, facing Saterun in Tsear before Sargossa goes to the cauldron of noise known as Beregozera in Szensky. This campaign has started off so well, but these next two games will be crucial in setting overall expectations.
From here on out, things get real.
GO JAGS!

SCHEDULE (Group 12)
(Stadium Guide can be found here)
MD1: @Sharktail (180) W 5-1 (1st)
MD2: vs New Crywyzyxycynya (143) - Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo, Kepu Manu W 4-1 (1st)
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD3: @Saterun (56) - Tsear Tsuperdome, Tsear(?)
MD4: vs Sargossa (51) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD5: @Notcommunist3 (UR)
MD6: vs Pasarga (17) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD7: @Cobrio (114) - Tukari Kaita National Stadium, Camaron
MD8: vs Legalese (76) - Estadio Universidad Carlandas, Carlandas
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD9: @American Generations (283)
MD10: vs Sharktail (180) - Estádio do Pacífico, Rio Pacífico
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD11: @New Crywyzyxycynya (143)
MD12: vs Saterun (56) - Stade de la Victoire, Roi Ville
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD13: @Sargossa (51)
MD14: vs Notcommunist3 (UR) - Tallawah Stadium, Port Town/Portuaria
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD15: @Pasarga (17) - Stade de Torgos, Torgos
MD16: vs Cobrio (114) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD17: @Legalese (76) - National Stadium, Central Junction
MD18: vs American Generations (283) - Zebra Stadium, Toropo/Almadinat

by **Kimi-Suomi** » Sat May 24, 2025 4:53 pm

Kimi-Suomi - Top 100 in the world, yet feels like 200th. Kimi-Suomi takes huge pride in their Huuhkajat, they are so supportive of Esko Laaksonen and the squad co-captained by Remu Jantunen and Karl Leif Svonsson, but are also easily frustrated by how much squandering they seem to do come WCQ time. Sure, JYK-inen took until WC90 - their 7th cycle - to finally get good enough to make the dance. But this is Kimi-Suomi's 11th WCQ attempt and the only things they really have to show for it thus far are a playoff appearance and deep runs in AO and Anaia. This nation has toiled over the past 20+ years for progress, to see if their Huuhkajat could finally deliver them something after all of this pysähtyneisyys...but is that allowed in this maailmankaikkeus? Is a successful Huuhkajat football team...legal?

At Pesä, the finding out would begin against the 93 Nodes and Diodes of Alanis Star - the sister of Valentine Z and a nation we knew very well, thanks to Big Blue herself (Clarissa Alanis Star) in NSSCRA. That is why this game was the 1st part of NSSCRA Warz to us and so for this game, the feeling certainly felt cordial when kick-off arrived. This game between #95 and #119 was certainly close, with both teams having big chances go ary in the first half, but things would certainly open up in the second. Jason Jenner-Pokka, one of the younger members of the starting XI, managed to squeeze past Victor Antonovich Onufri W. Denisovich in the 56th and may felt that was the start we were hoping for...until Stella Silesius D. Concetta Iannaccone headed home in the 81st to settle things for a draw. Not too bad a start, but still work to do.

Night 2 of the NSSCRA Warz would be at the Nathan Ellis SuperStadium against former regional rivals Hapilopper played host in the middle of a footballing civil war - between the OG Ellis Football, led by Thomas Perkins, in Hapilopper City and Ernie Stevenson's Kensington Town FC in HOT-DAMN (HMA-DAM in Finnish). This battle for the legacy Nathan Ellis left behind was a shame to those in Kimi Kaupunki, but the fans that attended the game in Hapilopper made their opinions clear with a sign prior to kick off: "There's only one Nathan Ellis. There's only one Ellis Football. The match itself was what you would expect considering Hapilopper's Top 50 status and +5 matchup - Stan McLamb got a brace in the first half, Anne Marie Leppälä got one back on the counter in the 2nd but we couldn't find a second. Winless in our opening duo isn't a good start to say the least...but at least we could say we lost to the real Ellis Football instead of an Anaian forgery.

Natkr will mark the arrival of Light Night in Lumikukkulat, where torchlight is mandatory, before we take the trip to face Germaaninen Kissa. Two games many will hope we can win but with this team, straightforward is anything but. NOSTA KUIN HUUHKAJAT!

SCHEDULE/AJOITTAA (Group 13)
MD1: vs Alanis Star (119) - The Nest [Pesä], Kimi Kaupunki (NSSCRA Warz I) D 1-1 (T-4th)
MD2: @Hapilopper (49) - Nathan Ellis SuperStadium, Hapilopper City (NSSCRA Warz II) L 1-2 (T-7th)
---------
MD3: vs Natkr (110) - Galaktien Colosseum (Colosseum of the Galaxies), Lumikukkulat (Light Night)
MD4: @Germaaninen Kissa [Germanic Cat] (269)
---------
MD5: vs Aphrilinen [Aphrilia] (57) - The Nest [Pesä], Kimi Kaupunki (NSSCRA Warz III)
MD6: @StrayaRoos (22) (Border Bust-Up)
---------
MD7: vs Pohjois-Puolan Unioni [The North Polish Union] (224) - Galaktien Colosseum (Colosseum of the Galaxies), Lumikukkulat (Blue Night)
MD8: @Kytlerin Niemimaa [The Kytler Peninsulae] (15)
---------
MD9: vs Anewkansas (UR) - The Nest [Pesä], Kimi Kaupunki (Family Night)
MD10: @Alanis Star (119) (NSSCRA Warz IV)
---------
MD11: vs Hapilopper (49) - Galaktien Colosseum (Colosseum of the Galaxies), Lumikukkulat (NSSCRA Warz V, HM Night)
MD12: @Natkr (110)
---------
MD13: vs Germaaninen Kissa [Germanic Cat] (269) - The Nest [Pesä], Kimi Kaupunki (White Night)
MD14: @Aphrilinen [Aphrilia] (57) - Millennium Dawn Stadium, Darlingtown (NSSCRA Warz VI)
---------
MD15: vs StrayaRoos (22) - Galaktien Colosseum (Colosseum of the Galaxies), Lumikukkulat (Rajan Rikkoutuminen)
MD16: @Pohjois-Puolan Unioni [The North Polish Union] (224)
---------
MD17: vs Kytlerin Niemimaa [The Kytler Peninsulae] (15) - The Nest [Pesä], Kimi Kaupunki (Kytlair Flight 134 Memorial Night)
MD18: @Anewkansas (UR) - Fallstaff Stadium, Bridgehead(?)

NSSCRA Warz Table                     Pld  W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
 1 Hapilopper                          1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
 2 Alanis Star                         1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
 3 Kimi-Suomi                          2   0  1  1    2   3  -1    1
 - Aphrilinen                          0   0  0  0    0   0   0    0

by **Saint Eleanor** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:09 pm

Group of Six meeting (LXI) --- SAINT ELEANOR 2-0 Zirahuén
Participants: Gentle Breeze, Reniira Clevinger, Stephen Mitcham ~ Bridget Coombe [C], Cathy Winchester [VC], Olympia Woodward ["ballot"]
Location: Mawgan's Coffee, Queenston, Saint Eleanor

I only had a doppio espresso; normally I'd have a cappuccino with almond milk, but I'm tired and depressed.

I am markedly less well-dressed than I normally am, although the ACL absolutely does not help. Nobody commented, although quite a few people expressed their lamentations. I appreciated that. Hopefully this doesn't ever happen again.

What did everyone think about the actual football, then?

Gentle Breeze: "Zirahuén went guns blazing at us, which is not a surprise. I have to praise their high pressing technique, though. We don't have any idea how Qasden's going to play against us, though."

Clevinger: "I'm with the pony. No need for any changes. Okay, maybe we can revert back to normal but that's not a big deal."

Mitcham: "One to eleven. Not you, madam. Simple as. We can act like normal, go full-bore attack or defence as the situation requires, like we normally do. Tinkerwoman, huh?"

Coombe: "Dare I disagree with the staff? No, I don't."

Winchester: threw her hands up in despair

So we have a consensus, then. The rest of the meeting was spent talking about our own past injuries. Did you know that Stephen once had his wife drop a toolbox on him? Oh, dear; I wouldn't want that to happen to me. Or that Bridget got a perforated eardrum in her primary school days, which has long since recovered but which seems like almost an aberrational moment in her otherwise-perfect career. I think we would all want to be more like Bridget, except in that field.

(Olympia)

Isabella Bright: "I like blowing things up - all for good, honest, policing purposes"
Chief Football Correspondent Jamie Rodgers prods Saint Eleanor's new not-quite-a-star striker over her expectations, of which there are quite a few
Originally published on Friday 30th January 2015

Isabella Bright might just be the single most contrarian person ever called up to the Eleanorian national team, or at least for the past fifteen years or so. "I am not! I have my opinions, I stand by them, and I perhaps occasionally manage to convince other people to believe that I've hammered the nail on the head."

Much like her icon, Bridget Coombe, Bright was academically excellent, if far from the most football-obsessed in her class. "I don't deny she's my icon. She is everyone's; perhaps even her own. If I had to pick one all-timer striker from this side, however, definitely Tim Hart; that man's gone so far, so late, that I don't see a reason to hate him. Regardless, I do think it's an objective fact that I did rather well in the sciences; if I hadn't, I would absolutely not be one of the sappers. More about that on LocalTALK, I assume, but I like blowing things up - all for good, honest, policing purposes - and to do that effectively, you've got to know the electrics. How do you know the electrics? By paying attention in class. I'm not stupid; I'm astute, I know my stuff, I'm confident and I have more than half a mind on the long-term consequences. These are all necessary skills for being a footballer. Not so much for bonding with all the other nerds, but it genuinely helps."

While my last interviewee, Michelle Addison, won the 2006 Charles Trump Shield final, Bright was on the Whitehammer CS team that lost it. "And we had to win all four group games to get there. It was exciting stuff and I'm not denying my part in any of it." She scored six of the club's fourteen group goals, including all three against Carpentersville. "They are long, long removed from Liam West's glory days. I'm just thankful I scored a hat-trick; you never get that in Eleanorian football nowadays." Does the final defeat rankle at all? "No. I would much rather remember the penalty shootout against the Army School - or, for that matter, the equaliser in the final. I am unbelievably thankful I got all of those opportunities; I'd say I really liked everyone on that team, but to no avail other than everlasting friendship. Shout-out to my co-striker, John Portman."

There was in 2008 - and quite possibly still is in 2015 - some controversy over Bright's decision to enlist with the Army in the first place and thus make her eligible for the Army and Navy side. "Cool Hand Luke McCarthy... what can I say? The decision was my own; ask any of my teachers from 2005, 2006, or any time around then and I can assure you they knew of my intention to serve. I wouldn't have gone in had I been easily bored and it proved doubly so, because I get to do electrical work and I get to start up front." The Soldiers, much like the White Stars, have a defensive tilt and a focus on a single striker. "That's not really hurt me. Mark [Gould] and Sarah [Wallace] have been the big wingers, there have been a few subs floating about and I've gotten help from a lot of other players too, but that's where it ends. We're a bit regimented, so I just bang in the goals, maybe help them out from time to time, and roughly the inverse for the midfield. It's worked a treat, even if I'm not getting extortionate numbers. It probably doesn't profit me a lot to talk about my own experiences as a player because I have all the requisite training and my service speaks for itself."

We have already heard Bright's praise for Coombe and Hart. Does she have anyone else she appreciates on the team? "The other strikers and attacking midfielders, of course. They are quite literally doing rather thankless work out there; we should be more grateful that Saint Eleanor is even producing creative players to begin with. Otherwise, I've talked to all the starters - including Olympia [Woodward], who's still injured, bless her heart and I genuinely hope that her recovery goes on schedule. I'm hearing she'll only be back for matchday four of qualifying, which is a shame as I think we can do with her right now. Arielle Richardson is a legend, if rather more introverted than I am. Naclé Öhân, another legend. Wunderbar [Kichirō Matsuda], another legend, if not quite my perfect twin in temperament - I try to keep my shouting off the pitch. And Lydia Vickers? An absolute legend. I am definitely voting for her in the captaincy election. She's a sensible human being. Can we please swap realities? I'd appreciate it!"

Isabella Bright may be a nuisance to some, but she is increasingly well-regarded, if not necessarily as a debater than certainly as a decent or even thought-provoking human being. Many a time have Saint Eleanor's strikers been collaborative and positionally fluid; Bright is not, and there are certainly good reasons to deploy her, even as a starter, if needs must - something that cannot be said of everybody originally foreseen as one of Priscilla Evans' or Gentle Breeze's dutiful substitute.

Group of Six meeting (LXII) --- Qasden 1-2 SAINT ELEANOR
Participants: Gentle Breeze, Reniira Clevinger, Stephen Mitcham ~ Bridget Coombe [C], Cathy Winchester [VC], Denise Livingston [ballot]
Location: the National Liberation Club; Oaktree district, Saint Eleanor city, EXT

Stephen here. I was unanimously agreed to be the note-taker when Olympia turned up; the first item of business was to confirm Cathy's notation after the next game. Qasden posed a mild shock to us, but nothing more; Nacle's brace, either side of their equaliser and of the half-time break, proved more than enough to see us through. He was acclaimed to be our standout player, but Reniira also sought to put a good word in for Rachel Curran, who was shockingly effective out wide.

Looking ahead to next time, Nexxus Drako have no recent pedigree, no points, no goals, and - more or less - pose no threat to us. Our boffins have worked out that Olympia will finally recover from her ACL in the months between this match and the one against the markedly less pathetic Vaishnavarian outfit, so with that caveat in mind, Isabella Bright will be granted her first-ever start up top instead. The usual 1-11 otherwise applies.

by **Pasarga** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:09 pm

Why does everyone in the dual islands hate Santos Luega? Despite being one of the founding members of the original Pasargan first division as well as a multiple time winner of both the league as well as the cup, the Tecos hold perhaps the most infamous honor of being the one club that every other club as well as the fans and supporters of those clubs hate in the dual islands. Naturally you would assume some sort of hatred of rivalry with that of CA Paulinthal and Paulinthal FC or perhaps even Athletic Sutra, the other three clubs that play in the famous port city. However for just about everyone in Pasarga that follows football to actively have a dislike against you, you really have had to stir the pot in some awful way, as uniting all the various clubs and supporters is hard to do if they are not rooting on the national team in some World Cup or Copa Rushmori event. So how has it come to pass that one of the founding members of football in the nation has over time then become one of its most disliked villains, such that the most successful club in Pasarga history in CA Paulinthal is beloved in stark contrast despite the two not being that far apart?

For that you have to understand both Pasarga as well as Paulinthal specifically, as being one of the oldest cities in the nation besides Torgos and Targas, Paulinthal is an old, historic city whose port has at times been one of the most profitable hubs in all of Pasarga. Even in the modern day, the port of Paulinthal is second only to that of Torgos when it comes to the amount of goods being imported or exported through its harbor, such is the significance of it and the sheer economic factor it made the city for the nation. Go back a few hundred years, well before the modernization effort over the course of two decades by Eura nearly sixty five years ago, and you have one of the two places in the Empire that is somewhat metropolitan and industrial. Different peoples from all over the world would come and peddle their wares in Paulinthal, it is how the sport of football arrived in the dual islands, as these merchants and their sailor crews brought the sport that they either had played back in their homelands or had seen in their travels across the seas.

Football would not be the only import that would come with these travelers, as they would also bring their languages with them. Two of these would find their way into use in Paulinthal, with that being what we Pasargans call common and then what is called Santiguan. The latter took root in the Santos district of Paulinthal, not too far from the harbor that saw the exchange of goods culture back and forth. It is also within the district where some of the merchants and their crews would end up deciding to retire to after they had made their treasure, claiming that they slower, more simple life that they found in Pasarga was a welcomed gift at the end of a long voyage of labor. They would help found football clubs, with the first of these being Club Atlético Paulinthal, CA Paulinthal for short, who to this day is the first recorded football club in the islands, even if Club Stein-los disputes that. Afterwards a more particular group of these immigrants would found Santos Luega, taking the name of the district that many of them were living in, though they would add certain stipulations to their club.

That stipulation was that only those who were born within the Santos district or who spoke some form of Santiguan would be allowed to play for the club, which they did believing that they were the best at the game that they had brought to the shores and they could create an elite club. While over time there has been some provisions and exceptions made to this rule, it is still mostly a policy that the club uses to this day. This stood in stark contrast to CA Paulinthal, which was an every person's club, welcoming all within its ranks if they had the talent to be there. Though it would take near on three decades for that open policy to bear fruit, when it did it allowed CA Paulinthal to truly blossom and go from merely the first club in Pasarga to one of its most dominant and into the most decorated club in the nation and eventually all of Rushmore. The continued practice of only accepting those from the Santos district or who speak Santiguan is why the rest of the nation's clubs look on Santos Luega with disdain, why even an old money club like Tanrısal has a more favorable view from the common person. Perhaps the club might change but after over a century of this practice, it is hard to see them diverting course and they are like as not to ever be the villains of the SuperLiga.

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:17 pm

Cutoff for matchdays 3 and 4, groups 6 through 10!

by **Tikariot** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:18 pm

Chapter 1: Welcome to Sugar Creek

Chapter 2: Cupcake Awakening
Undeterred by the flying sparks, Doug continued to mix the batter, his sleeves rolled up and his expression practically glowing with anticipation. The batter itself seemed to share his excitement—thickening and pulsing with a soft golden light, like it was alive.

“I don’t think batter is supposed to do that, Doug!” Lucy said, her voice trembling as she stepped back.

“Oh that?” Doug flashed a boyish grin. “That’s just the proof that the Vita Sweets is working.”

Lucy bit her lip, uncertain, as she lined the trays with paper. The batter thickened even more, taking on a taffy-like resistance. It clung to Doug’s spoon and resisted being poured, stretching with elastic defiance. As he finally coaxed it into the trays, the metallic scent of caramel and something sharper—like burnt sugar laced with ozone—filled the air.

Lucy’s nose wrinkled. “That smells... wrong.”

Doug waved her off, though his own brow furrowed for a moment. “Magic always smells a little funny.”

They slid the trays into the ovens, Doug humming under his breath as though casting a silent spell. “This is it. Perfect cupcakes. You’ll see—they’ll be magical.”

Lucy glanced at the ovens, unease prickling her spine. “Yeah. Just what kind of magic, though...?”

The oven’s glow intensified, flickering between gold and a strange violet hue. The appliances began to tremble, as if struggling to contain the surging energy within. The metallic-caramel scent thickened, clogging the air with a sticky sweetness that made Lucy’s eyes water.

Doug flipped through the Vita Sweets box absentmindedly, muttering to himself. “Maybe I overdid the measurements... did it say one scoop or two?”

Inside the ovens, the cupcake tops ballooned dramatically, swelling over the liners like rising dough on steroids. Lucy’s pulse raced. “Doug, something’s definitely wrong here.”

Doug’s confident smile wavered. “Extra fluffy?”

A faint crackle echoed from inside the ovens, like static electricity dancing over the glass. Lucy sat down, her gaze locked on the swelling cupcakes. A shudder rippled through one. Then another. She blinked. Was it just her imagination, or had that one... twitched?

Before she could voice her fears, the timer buzzed. Doug rushed over, oven mitts on, and slid the trays onto the cooling racks. He gazed at the enormous cupcakes with glee, not noticing the subtle movements—a ripple here, a quiver there.

Lucy crept closer, her breath catching. One cupcake stirred and rose up from its mould, hopping onto the counter with a soft, almost playful bounce. It blinked—blinked!—revealing a tiny raspberry eye. It let out a high-pitched chirrup.

Lucy’s face lit up for a split second. “Aw, it’s kinda cute—”

The cupcake hissed. A jet of hot caramel shot from its frosting, revealing a sharp, caramelized maw. Lucy yelped, stumbling backward. “D-Doug! The cupcake... it hissed at me!”

Doug, still flipping through the Vita Sweets box, scoffed. “Lucy, you watch too many horror movies.”

But then more cupcakes stirred. One leapt off the tray, knocking over a jar of sprinkles. Another climbed the shelves like a sugary spider. Bottles of vanilla extract shattered on the floor.

Lucy’s heart pounded. “Doug, I *told* you!”

The chaos escalated as a cupcake inflated like a marshmallow balloon and exploded, showering the walls and ceiling with sticky frosting shrapnel. Lucy ducked, but a shard of caramel stuck to her sleeve and burned through the fabric. She shrieked, batting it away.

Doug finally looked up, pale-faced. “This... might be a little more than extra fluffy.”

Lucy grabbed a whisk and swatted at an advancing cupcake wielding a frosting tentacle. The utensil was yanked from her hand and flung across the room. “Doug, this is bad. Really, really bad!”

More cupcakes hatched from the trays, crawling and bouncing like a demented cupcake colony. The glow from the oven now pulsed like a heartbeat, shadows flickering wildly against the bakery walls. Even the lights above buzzed and flickered, struggling to compete with the unnatural energy.

Just then, the front door burst open with an authoritative *slam*.

“THIS IS AN UNANNOUNCED HEALTH INSPECTION!” barked Sandy Fluff, the notoriously strict inspector. She was the epitome of regulation: clipboard pristine, hair bun tight, glasses gleaming, and pencil sharpened to a weaponized point.

Her heels clicked authoritatively as she strode into the kitchen, completely ignoring the chaos. “I’ve received complaints about your ingredient sourcing and—”

She stopped short.

Her gaze took in the frosting-coated walls, the shattered jars, and—most egregiously—a cupcake climbing up a shelf like a frosted spider monkey.

Her mouth opened and closed. “This... this is a violation of every health code in the book—”

A rogue cupcake leapt onto her shoulder and sprayed frosting against her ear. She yelped and swatted at it, but more cupcakes swarmed like ants. Another one bit into her clipboard, tearing a chunk out of it.

“This—this isn’t in the manual!” she shrieked.

The cupcakes parted like a sugary sea as something larger—something the size of a beach ball—rolled forward. It left a glistening trail of frosting behind it and opened a wide, caramel maw lined with jagged sugar-crystal teeth.

Lucy froze, heart hammering, while Doug frantically flipped through the Vita Sweets box for any hint of a solution. Sandy backed up, wide-eyed, her authoritative persona crumbling.

The monstrous cupcake lunged toward her with a squelch and a high-pitched cackle—

—and the scene cut to black.

by **Qusmo** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:23 pm

qusmofan.317
11h

wait shouldn’t we have a roster by now

fuzponqusma.rumors
3h

The @valanora.times reports that @qusmo.football is “struggling a bit to get things ready for this cycle.” Concerning.
fuzpon.realist
3h

if they’re struggling to get things ready any more than they were last cycle then i think that’s the last world cup we’ll ever play in
qusqusqusqusqusuqudwuququwqu.
2h

i swear to fucking margaret if they call up kepex potts just because they played on the same club in the same non ifcf league as the manager used to i’m going to lose it
q.fan7483
2h

The 2x Galactico couldn’t do it. The mid-tournament CAFA winner couldn’t do it. So Fuzpon Qusma gets someone who was in charge of the 7th-place team in a non-IFCF league? Not even Couno, but West Couno? Wouldn’t surprise if Intov-Helek is so out of their depth that they try to start Kepex-Potts in Archalit (also they use he/him btw) or make Sevet-Matez Fox (from their time together at Brantisvogan) captain

qusqusqusqusqusuqudwuququwqu.
2h

go fuck yourself binary genders don’t exist in qusmo they they they they THEY triggered???

daily.positivity.qus
1h

the random 1 word sentences at the end of these posts are so fucking pretentious and weird. Wanker.
q.87482190
47m

Oh dear, I do hope they sort it out in time.

by **Vdara** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:40 pm

A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realised
I started lookin' and the bubble burst
I started lookin' for excuses

A shaky start against rock-solid opposition had already put the squad on edge. Markos however, kept the faith, retaining the under-pressure Emilios Nicolides between the sticks for the second match against Bostopia despite conceding four. Problems really began to emerge when he did it again, though, with his mistakes ultimately being too costly. Thus, a dilemma was starting to emerge, and if Markos didn’t act quickly the team would suffer the consequences. He began to mull it all over.

A Large Vdaran Airlines Jet
Somewhere In The Sky

For someone who had been involved in football for as long as he had, Markos took much pride in being adaptable and up to date. Hence, during the squad’s flight back for the next match, he pulled up some clips of Nicolides in recent matches, comparing them to those of the reserve goalkeepers. He really hoped that he’d see something in the youngsters, something that would make him want to take the plunge and swap in Alexandrou or Zannallis, something inspirational. Indeed, the first problem arose when he realised that Karolos Zannallis had been continually playing in Sylestone, which had wound down its footballing capacities somewhat. Secondly, he had only one arm. Seriously. The man had spent multiple years plying his trade in Sylestone with only one functional arm and a prosthetic limb. Markos, of course, knew this - he was the one who’d called him up, after all - but he never really appreciated how much of a feat it was that he was playing competitive football without an arm.

”This explains why he was listed as a ‘left goalkeeper’, actually.”

Illiana Alexandrou, on the other hand, had two functioning arms and played regularly in the Polar Islandstates for Matahiko Victory. Were she to start between the sticks, she’d be the first woman in Vdaran NT history to do so, something which appealed to Markos’ nature to make history - mundanely or otherwise. Nevertheless, he found himself still at a crossroads of sorts, finding different aspects of merit to each goalkeeper. Nicolides had experience, Alexandrou would be a trailblazer, and Zannallis would likely cause much debate around whether or not playing with a bionic prosthetic limb gives him - and thus the team - an unfair advantage. He decided that the debate wasn’t worth it, at least for now. He’d let Nicolides start against Drawkland, but Alexandrou would get the nod against Solgavden at home. Depending on these next two games, either goalkeeper could cement their spot in the team. If they both performed well, they would create more competition for the spot. On the other hand, if they were both rubbish, there was always a chance for the one-armed wonder. Satisfied with his conclusion, he reclined in his seat and snoozed.

Pre-MD3 Interview

”You mentioned that after the last result you’d ‘take a step back and evaluate things’, but you’ve named an unchanged starting lineup for today’s match. Is conceding eight goals in two games good enough?”

“Well, we’re still a very good goal-scoring side, so I’m not exactly rushing to replace any of the players up front at the moment. I’m yet to spot any real issues with the midfield - Maria runs that exceptionally well - and I feel like our defence has just been somewhat unlucky lately. In my view, more positive results will come from sticking by the squad than chopping and changing things drastically.”

“No mention of the goalkeeping spot?”

”Look, Emilios hasn’t had the best of starts to the campaign. He’ll tell you that himself. However, lumping all of the blame onto one player would be both far too easy and far too disdainful on my part. We win and lose as a team, and at the end of the day there were a lot of areas where Bostopia were just better than us. Of course, we were able to compensate for it a fair bit against Gnejs - I mean, it’s not often you see us scoring seven - but here it didn’t happen. I’ve heard that the Drawkians quite like the number seven, though, so it would be nice if we could repeat that.”

“You sound rather confident. Are you perhaps getting too confident, or complacent?”

“It’s almost impossible to get complacent after two games, mate. Even if we’d beaten Bostopia, I’d be shitting myself for this game. Come back and ask me the same question in around ten games’ time, then we’ll see.”

by **Cardenao** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:52 pm

Missy LeCrown looked up from her script, having given it a brief read through prior to getting in-front of the camera.

“Umm……what the hell is this?” She said with an eyebrow cocked like a loaded pistol. Missy was used to her scripts, the things she said and what she said them about, changing and adapting to fit the situation and the crowd, but this was something else entirely.

“Problem, Missy?” It was Gregio, her long term shooting director tasked with really getting the Missy into Missy LeCrown, making sure her words and actions fit the carefully produced script. She was the face of Cardenao, after all, perhaps one of the most recognizable people besides Bobby Dials, Haritz Larrainzar, and Mihaly himself. It was only natural then that making sure she delivered the message perfectly was an economy on its own, with Gregio the tip of the iceberg.

“Yeah, problemo G. I mean…I don’t know where to start, I thought this was going to be a World Cup puff piece and not whatever this is? I mean why is it so…smokey if that makes sense?”

“Hmm smokey, yeah no I totally get that Missy, but this is a puff piece, just a, uhhh, bit of a different vibe to it, you know how the producers are!”

“Yeah I mean, I see that. Some lip service to different parts of Cardenao, blah blah blah we’re beautiful, we’re building, I get the parallel to national team building back up, but it just has such a…I don’t know. It feels so zoomed out, like we’re not focusing on the World Cup team and the players, it feels more ‘Hellllooooo Cardenao’ coded,” Missy complained. She liked being the bright, bubbly smile that the nation loved so much. She tried hard to avoid any sort of negative news, every bit of politics, anything that could take away from her positive image as ‘Miss Cardenao’, and her gut told her that this broadcast could come back to her in a negative way.

“Missy, oh Missy see this is why you were born for this, you’ve got great insight I mean, yeah this is ‘zoomed out’, but there's a good reason for that and it’s actually sooo World Cup. I mean, think about it, you’re talking about all Cardenao, the highs, the lows, the valleys; it’s grime, grit, and glory baby! All of that wrapped up in Blue and Gold, neatly tied up and hot dropped into TVs, phones, and airwaves all across the multiverse…the World Cup is about everything and that’s what you’re speaking on!” Gregio was rubbing his hands together like he did whenever he was a combination of excited and nervous. Excited because, well this was Missy’s chance to shine a light on Cardenao, the good and the bad, and nervous because she didn’t seem sold on it.

Silence hung in the air for a fair few moments as Missy mulled it over, brows furrowed as she chewed on her cheek. “I…guess. But it’s still weird I don’t even talk about the results, I mean we’re already two matches up in this thing, I should say something about that. We spanked Vetrahjart and the loss against Estorvipa and Estorpiva will definitely be a big deal come qualification time, people want to hear about that!”

G shook his head as he pleaded his case. “It’s like you said earlier, Missy, big picture! We want to focus people’s attention on the painting, not the brushstrokes, sure alright you can slip a line in about the Blue and Golds getting off to a good start, but don’t mention specifics. Please!”

“Alright, alright! Well, let’s get this taken care of then, I have a flight to catch to Banija.”

With that, she returned to getting camera ready while the team finished setting up the shot. They were on a makeshift rooftop studio overlooking Unity Square, refurbished with big screens, small football pitches, and plenty of vendors to support the tens of thousands of Cardenaoans and foreign nationals who visited to cheer their teams on and partake in the drink and smoke that is a Cardenaoan hello. The sun was just starting to set, so the square and the skyscrapers of New Cardonia behind would be bathed in the rosy fingers of an Iceethu Sea sunset, and Missy would be looking her best.

She took her spot, the cameras whirred to life, and it was go time.

“From the turquoise waters of Sareña to the mines of Küsbon, the eyes of Cardenaoans all across the land will be glued to the pitch as La Furia Azule clash against Eastfield Lodge. After a mixed start to qualification, the boys in blue will be giving it their all to get six points from this window. But, make no mistake, as the national team tries to get back to winning ways, this is more than just football. This is planting the flag in the ground, a declaration that we’re not who we used to be, an underdeveloped nation with a team slipping in the rankings, but that we’re actually taking the next step in our shared development–we’re becoming the Cardenao we’ve always had the potential to be.

For generations, Cardenao was wrapped in the threadbare coat of being a ‘developing country’, faded, formless, foreign. But now, we find ourselves at the center of a transformation so breathtakingly rapid, so uneven, yet so precisely engineered, that looking in the mirror shows a stranger.

Under President Mihaly, yes he prefers the modest title of President despite nearly 25 years charting the course of our nation, we’ve seen factories rise where sugar cane used to grow. Dirt roads have been paved and children from far off fishing villages can use them to get to new schools off government sponsorships.

Sure as the sun comes in the morning, the tide is rising in Cardenao, but we know a thing or two about tides; they don’t lift all boats equally. Ask around the Outer Isles or poke about the blackened neighborhoods that still lay outside the electrical grid, see if they have access to the same luxuries and dreams as the technocrats living close to the Palace of Tears. The jobs program has done wonders for the country, but ask those who are still left behind how connected to the Blue and Gold they feel.

They’ll tell you, with a smile not quite reaching their eyes, that Mihaly is a good man…and he is. He has built schools, he has built foreign bridges, Mihaly has transformed our country forever for the better. In this time, so has our national teams gone from strength to strength across various sporting disciplines; who can forget the shocking victory in the 49th World Bowl? But those teams, like all other aspects of our society, flow through Mihaly, even rumors of him having a say in player selection, and that brings us to the root of the matter — so much power in one man’s hands, something is sure to slip through.

Look at Team Cardenao, once with a top-50 ranking and a MegaPower League that streamed into millions of homes across the multiverse, now we’re lucky to be top-100 and it’s been years since the MPL was functional and running. It is a clash of tides rising and falling, but we are united in our blue and gold.

Tonight, we cheer for La Furia Azule, but beneath the singing, behind the banners and the marching bands, a question has begun to stir in the minds of many. Of course Mihaly has a plan, he always does. The question is: who gets to benefit from it, and how can we ensure important things, like Team Cardenao, the MegaPower League, and the people in the Outer Isles, can thrive without his oversight.”

Missy kept smiling at the camera until the lights were cut–that’s a wrap. The moment she was free, the smile dropped to the face of someone equal parts pissed, mortified, and fearful because this was NOT the script she had reviewed. Angrier than words could describe, she stormed over to Gregio, who was dreading this moment.

“Gregio……what the FUCK was that, dude?? That was nothing like the read through I did a couple minutes ago, what the shit have you done??? Are you crazy man? Are you fucking insane, having me say those sort of things? What the shit is wrong with you G, Mihaly will be watching that, he watches all my stuff everyone does.”

Gregio hesitated for a minute, this moment was arguably just as important as the one that just occurred unbeknownst to Missy. His role in this whole thing was already complete, he’d just used Cardenao’s most famous face to get some doubts about Mihaly out there, beamed straight into people’s homes to give them a chance to break through the propaganda and think clearly for the first time in two and a half decades. It’d taken a lot of work, planning, and patience to get him close to Missy, into her circle, and eventually to become her trusted confidant in the entertainment industry. But now came the critical moment, share the plan with her, or throw his hands up in the air and claim to be in the dark? Or, why not both? Why give up his concealed position of trust now?

“Jesus Missy I’m so sorry, those changes came from the top at the last second, I didn’t even get a chance to review them myself! This is way beyond what we’re trying to do with the Missy program, I don’t know what the hell they were thinking!”

“Hmmph…” she pursed her lips, having no reason to disbelieve him but still needed an outlet for her rage. “We gotta do damage control G, he’s gonna be pisssssed!”

“For sure, you got it, Missy! But, I just want you to ask yourself….why are you so scared of Mihaly? Makes you think about the words you just said to all of Cardenao.”

Missy LeCrown didn’t answer him but they both knew the reason. A dictator was still a dictator, and he was benevolent if he felt he needed to be.

by **Hapilopper** » Sat May 24, 2025 5:55 pm

Zube Olympic Stadium, Zube, the Kytler Peninsulae
World Cup 98 Qualifying Match 1: Hapilopper v. the Kytler Peninsulae

“Woah.”

The first match of a World Cup qualifier always had a special excitement to it. It always had a special energy that could hardly be described accurately. The team would be beyond pumped for it, ready to kick some ass and ready for a fantastic campaign. That was typically the case. And it was typically the case that the opposing team would just as much be taken in by that energy - for it was today, and today only, everyone - from the Flavovespias to the Tikariots to the Hapiloppers and the Kytler Peninsulaes, down to nations like Archalit, Nova Calania and even to the rumored generic Celtic Lands team playing the role of seven different nations at once, everyone was equal in points.

But this day was different. Much different. Thom Perkins felt the air shift as he led his team onto the field at the Zube Olympic Stadium. This wasn’t out of intimidation, this was out of deference. Where he and his team had been so high for the day to come, all of a sudden, everything just felt... different.

Not much time had passed since the Kytler Peninsulae had encountered one of the worst tragedies it could recall, the mysterious crash of Kytlair Flight 134, a crash that claimed the lives of the Kytlerian national team. The nation, Thom could see, was still reeling from it. Kytlerian football, it seemed, had to rebuild from the ground up. And this was the first World Cup qualifying match for the new-look Kytler Peninsulae national team since that tragic day. And Thom realized right then and there - hell, all the Hapiloppian players and staff realized - this was going to be a different kind of day.

Thom stood there on the touch line, somewhat taken aback by the energy. He could feel it. He turned to look at his players and nodded his head.

“Guys, this is gonna be a different kind of match, just... do your best,” he said. “These boys have nothing to lose. They’re gonna need this more than we do.”

That energy seemed to subdue the Haps. They had seen tragedy and death too. They could sympathise with the Kytlerians. And that, in of itself, made this first match of the qualifying campaign feel so different, so much more melancholy than normal. It felt like this match almost didn’t matter. There were other things that just meant more, made more of a difference than what was going on in this beautiful stadium. But in the first half, things seemed to change as Lou Hyde stared Zachary Edwards-Hillier down as he made his way toward goal. He fired it toward Vicente, who sent it to Dino Azar and back. Lou realized he was in trouble as Vicente chip-shotted the ball. Lou couldn’t react in time.

As he sat there on the turf in Zube, Lou realized that he needed to get his head in the game. There was nothing he could have done. He looked up and saw the raw, emotional reaction from the fans behind him. He couldn’t be mad. He just couldn’t. It seemed like they needed this more than he did. Lou got up, brushed himself off and placed himself back into position. But he couldn’t help but stare back at the fans behind him, reacting so emotionally to a goal that they desperately needed.

In the second half, things got, shall we say, stupid. Thom Perkins, sensing a possible weakness, informed Stan McLamb that he could hit the showers. He was putting someone else in.

“I’m sorry, what?” Stan asked.

“Got a long campaign ahead, and I need you to rest,” Thom explained. “I’m putting in Pinto.”

“WHAT?” Stan yelled. “That guy’s a disaster area!”

“I said what I said, McLamb, hit the showers!” Thom barked. “I don’t need you getting another yellow!”

This might have been a mistake. Frank Colin Pinto, the young, good-looking foward for FC Buckridge had quite a passionate fan following for some reason. And his fans flooded social media to let everyone know he had to have playing time. But Thom wasn’t looking at that, he was looking at someone that could get the job done. It didn’t matter that Frank’s playing highlights more closely resembled “Hapilopper’s Stupidest Home Videos” than an actual football highlight reel, and it didn’t matter that the most popular viral hit on the video sharing site Veedeo involved Frank tripping on the way to goal, headbutting the keeper for Peoria FC and cracking his nuts against the goalpost. He was still a good player.

And it seemed like an accident was inevitable. With Colin Pinto (as some announcers referred to him) on the field and with the ball, it seemed like that meathead with the nice hair was going to crash faster than a young race car driver trying to impress a creepy-ass team boss. It happened in the 47th minute when Colin Pinto seemingly lost his footing. He stumbled around hilariously and dumbly, running for two or three yards to try to get his footing. He collided with Yvie Grant-Estill in such a stupid manner, Thom had half a mind to walk over and apologize to Thomas Hooker on the Kytlerian touchline.

Inexplicably, Pinto got the penalty. Nobody believed it. Certainly the Kytlerians had to have hated it. Thom thought it was ridiculous. Even the commentators for the Hapilopper Television Network thought it was stupid.

“They put that moron out on the field?” Jon Arnold of HTN asked. “I don’t know how that was a penalty.”

Fortunately, Dennis Waterloo took the penalty kick.

Unfortunately for the Haps, that was not how the match ended. It ended with Vicente working some stunning magic. Magic that could only be described as a “murdertwat,” whatever the hell that meant. Lou Hyde saw it sail past and could only sit there and watch in awe.

It was a bad start, but much of it couldn’t be held against the Haps. It was just a different kind of match. It was a strange kind of match. The only person that really got the heat - well, two actually - was Thom Perkins and Frank Pinto. People couldn’t help but ask why Thom replaced Stan McLamb with that idiot. And people were roaring asking why Frank Pinto pulled off that kind of ridiculousness. For many, it looked like a dive - the cardinal sin in Hapiloppian football. But Pinto swore it wasn’t a dive.

ISideWith UK · by **Eastfield Lodge** » Sat May 24, 2025 6:10 pm

Estorvipa and Estorpiva line-up

GK: Aleksandr Susloparov
CB: Svitlana Kondratyuk
CB: Lukas Kukumberg 78'
RB: Ruslana Savelyeva (<> Slobodan Kladar 79')
LB: Tatjana Arnautovic
CMF: Arkady Teplinsky 34' (<> Kresimir Tasić 72')
CMF: Grigoriy Zayakin
RMF: Zhanna Papirova
LMF: Vyacheslav Tsyganov 74'
AMF: Baltazar Kolomyjski 51' (<> Pylyp Brahinskyy 79' 84')
ST: Bohdan Tatulyan (<> Tony Pascalin 72')

Eastfield Lodge line-up

GK: Amin Horak
CB: Jazzmine Guillou 83'
CB: Zakaria Webber
RB: Keyshawn Strong 41' (<> Diana Kirkup 59')
LB: Sadid St Cleer
DMF: Harun Farrow 45+2'
DMF: Vonn Cope
RMF: Boet Caceres 17' (<> Hackett 72')
LMF: Monique Fredrich (<> Lalo Allred 59')
AMF: Paisley Lysander (<> Florian Mordecai 72')
ST: Fidelina Noble

World Cup 99 Qualifying Group 15 Matchday 1

Location: Unknown Stadium, Estorvipa and Estorpiva
Attendance: ??,???

57% - Possession - 43%
19 - Shots - 18
13 - Shots on Target - 11
5 - Corners - 7
15 - Fouls - 16

Estorvipa and Estorpiva 5 – 6 Eastfield Lodge

Tatulyan (45+2’ [p], 62’) ___ Lysander (14', 28')
Papirova (51’, 83') ___ Noble (18', 67', 78' [p])
Pascalin (90+7’) ___ Hackett (90+1')

Eastfield Lodge line-up

GK: Amin Horak
CB: Nino Duncan-Berntsen
CB: Zakaria Webber
RB: Keyshawn Strong 45'
LB: Sadid St Cleer (<> Guillem Karson 73’)
DMF: Florian Mordecai
DMF: Vonn Cope 64'
RMF: Boet Caceres (<> Sundus Gebo-McCraw 73’)
LMF: Monique Fredrich (<> Rafeeda Scripps 85’)
AMF: Paisley Lysander 61' (<> Genaro Wraight 63’)
ST: Fidelina Noble (<> Chappell Holdsworth 63’)

Île de Richelieu line-up

GK: Bjørnar Grendahl-Kalberg
CB: Vladimir Gutierrez Salazar (<> Pierre-Alexandre Sorensen 63’)
RB: Mamadou Ndiaye 54'
LB: Hjalmar Boberg (<> Carolanne Lacouture 79’)
CMF: Xavier Maisonneuve-Tranchemontagne 21' (<> Astrid Kjellberg 63’)
RMF: Tor Øivind Urdahl
LMF: Cassandra Bellerose-Desbois
AMF: Ulfhild Lillegard-Omdahl (<> Jessica Ronningen 79’)
AMF: Asbjørn Lillegard-Omdahl
ST: Rose-Émilie Bouthillette (<> Borghild Eggum 79’)
ST: Knut Olav Aasgaard

World Cup 99 Qualifying Group 15 Matchday 2

Location: Lodger City Memorial Stadium, New Lodger City, Eastfield Lodge
Attendance: 142,983

50% - Possession - 50%
12 - Shots - 16
6 - Shots on Target - 10
9 - Corners - 12
10 - Fouls - 8

Eastfield Lodge 3 – 4 Île de Richelieu

Fredrich (23’) ___ Aasgaard (6', 34')
Holdsworth (64’, 88’) ___ A. Lillegard-Omdahl (44')
___ Eggum (78')

Likely line-up to play Cardenao (4-2-3-1):
Horak - Guillou, Webber, Kirkup, St Cleer - Winter-Lula, Cope - Caceres, Fredrich, Lysander - Noble
Suspended: Harun Farrow
Injured: N/A

by **Osterhalten** » Sat May 24, 2025 6:49 pm

SOCIALIST REPUBLIC of OSTERHALTEN

Education in Osterhalten

The Youth Education system in Osterhalten is completely free and schools are centralized, overseen by the Ministry of Education. Any form of private schooling as well as homeschooling is forbidden. Osterhalten mandates 13 years of schooling for students, with an additional optional preschooling year before entrance into proper elementary school. Most parents opt to have their children attend pre-school. Osterhalten’s elementary schools begin enrolment at age 4, in pre-school, followed by kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grades. Osterhalten’s primary schools enroll students from 4th to 8th grade, occupying the middle years of a child’s education. Finally, students can choose between two tracks of education heading into their secondary schools: Vocational and Academic tracks, which both enroll students from 9th to 12th grade. Most students graduate at age 17 or 18 and enter the university system, and as of last school year, 15,124,842 students attended an Osterhaltienne Youth School. Osterhalten’s schools, though rigorous, have great learning outcomes, as Osterhaltienne 12th grade students rank 1st in the world in reading, 4th in mathematics, and 5th in science, while 8th graders perform 2nd, 7th, and 4th, and 3rd graders perform 1st, 8th, and 6th, respectively.

The educational budget of the Osterhaltienne government was 201,084,774,000 dollars last fiscal year. The nation spends approximately $13,295 per student in the Youth Education system annually, though this figure varies year-to-year, making up about 7.7% of the government’s budget. The teachers and professors of Osterhalten are unionized under the Osterhaltienne Educators’ Union, and the median salary of an Osterhaltienne teacher is $74,050, moderately above the national median wage of $68,000.

When entering secondary school, students can choose between two tracks to determine their future education: Academic and Vocational. The share of students who choose each path is roughly 50/50, as the Academic path is extremely rigorous and the education that students receive is par none worldwide, for a public school system. The Vocational path still offers a great education, though students who enter select a focus or trade to gain experience in when they enter the system. Academic schools have a set of curriculum, aptly titled ‘Academic Courses’ (ACs), which are available for sale to other nations or select schools that desire to use them. Vocational schools may offer a few select ACs, though the majority of courses are lower-level, less-rigorous ones. Osterhalten has a five-day school week, for approximately 40 weeks from beginning to end of the year, for a total of 170 days per year, accounting for breaks and days off. There are three one-week breaks in late December, February, and April. School days are seven hours long, broken into seven hour-long periods daily. A typical school day will see an Academic-track student take one science, math, history, local language, another Osterhaltienne language alternating with physical education, and elective classes, with one combined lunch and recess period around midday. Vocational schools instead swap out the elective class for a class in their field of study. Students graduating from an Academic school will usually leave school fluent in English/Terranean, German/Teus and French/Azertienne, while students graduating from a Vocational school will be fluent in English/Terranean and one of the other two. More foreign languages are available as electives, such as Spanish/Faroleran and Latin/Romanic, among others. Electives are selected at the beginning of 9th grade, and the subject is continued through 12th grade. The electives tend to be on the more rigorous end of classes, as they are the only real specialization that a student can have within the very formulaic secondary school system.

The federal government runs just 5, highly-selective, prestigious universities in major cities across Osterhalten: the Grand Universities of Ingny, Hauberg, Dreamcliff, Colorac, and Vigny. These institutions are remnants of the pre-unification era, formerly run and maintained by the royal families of the three kingdoms and transformed into nationally-owned and operated universities after the unification and dethroning of the royals. These universities typically occupy sizable portions of the cities they reside in, and have ornate campuses with plenty of green space and promenades between major campus buildings. The admissions process for these universities is very selective. The best performing students in the Academic track with average grades above 95% and scores between 95 and 99 on the Placement Exam are entered into a lottery with 25,000 spots available, approximately 5,000 at each school, with only around 150 available spots in any given program. Students who achieved a 100 on the Placement Exam are given their choice of any program at any of the five universities, if they so desire. These institutions are each ranked among the best 20 universities worldwide, and are completely free of charge. However, the Grand Universities do not offer bachelor’s degrees: only master’s and doctorates, making the decision to attend more difficult for those who are granted access.

Approximately 3.5 million students are enrolled in universities across Osterhalten. While the federal government does run a few, highly-prestigious, universities, the majority of the Osterhaltienne university system is run by state governments. Each of the 650 State universities across Osterhalten are free of charge for all students, both foreign and domestic. However, foreign students are held to a higher standard for entrance examinations, while any student who took the Academic path is able to enter most state universities. Students in the Vocational track with excellent grades are also permitted to attend if so desired, while lower-performing Vocational students are required to take the same entrance examination as foreign students are. Most bachelor’s degrees require the completion of 100 credits worth of instruction, with each credit corresponding to approximately 50 hours of schooling in addition to a bachelor’s thesis. A master’s degree requires another 70 credits plus thesis, while a doctoral degree requires a dissertation with extensive, original research. Most universities also have sports teams competing against other university teams. However, funding for these is not paid for directly by taxpayers. Instead, these are largely funded by ticket and merchandise sales as well as donations from former and current alumni or beneficiaries of the university.

OSTERHALTEN 3-0 Epicly Amazing Giraffes

'24 Haselhurst (1)
'27 Mazzini (1)
'68 Haselhurst (2)

OSTERHALTEN 1-0 Bohr

'55 Haselhurst (3)

by **Drawkland** » Sat May 24, 2025 6:58 pm

What does this have to do with soccer? Absolutely nothing. My brain is mush.

Drawkland's Amusement Parks

It's summer in Drawkland. The warm weather draws people outside, and the break from school draws adolescents anywhere outside the house. Families vacation, friends go on trips together. There's a million attractions throughout Drawkland that can satisfy the wanderlust for nearly any taste. In the summer months, the most popular of these draws are the amusement and roller coaster parks scattered across the continent.

The most notable parks are found in Drawkland's biggest cities and tourist-attracting areas, yet nearly every major population center has a park or two to call "home." Some of the largest parks are independent, owned by entertainment companies who do more than just physical attractions. A vast majority of big-name amusement parks in Drawkland are owned by one of "The Big Two" companies: Seven Pennants Parks and Herrio Faire Company.

The rivalry between Seven Pennants and Herrio Faire has only benefitted the average Drawkian: every new park they build or old park they buy and refurbish has gotten significantly better as each company tries to outdo the other (and stay ahead of the big name indie parks as well). This summer, we'll talk about some of Drawkland's best amusement parks. If you're a thrillseeker, these are must-see locations if you ever visit Drawkland!

SEVEN PENNANTS PARKS

FOUNDING
Seven Pennants Park was founded in Missomen, Drawkland. Originally built as a lakeside fair with a boardwalk a few miles from downtown Missomen, the name came from the seven skinny flags that flew over the entrance gate. It was easy to access for a lot of northern Ellzidanet, but not as busy as any places in Shire-Port to the east. The first ride built at the original Seven Pennants Park was a large carousel, but it was joined by a chairswing and ferris wheel a year later. These rides, in addition to the pre-existing carnival and promenade, resulted in consistent visitor numbers that allowed the park to thrive. The park quickly grew in popularity thanks to Missomen's central location on Ellzidanet's northern coast.

After a few years, a simple minecart ride was added with a new park expansion. The more "lax" safety and construction standards in the Ellzidanet territory worked in Seven Pennant's advantage, as they were one of the first fairs to have a "roller coaster" on their grounds. The wealth built up over the first couple decades of operation was put to good use. Two more wooden track rides were added in two years, making Seven Pennants Park one of the first true roller coaster parks in Drawkland.

EXPANSION

The "original" Seven Pennants Park was so lucrative that the owners decided to branch out. A satellite location was built to the west in Ducentu, dubbed "Seven Pennants Two Rivers" in reference to the two rivers that wind through the Greater Ducentu area. Those rivers empty into the same sea that holds Missomen on its coast. Once 7P2R was stable, the owners moved across the narrow sea to Tula Ports, establishing "Seven Pennants Peninsula" named for the peninsula that Tula inhabits. With multiple locations now under their belt, the owners renamed the original location "Seven Pennants Promenade" as a nod to the boardwalk where the park itself began.

Technology advanced rapidly during this century, as well as the average household income in Drawkland. This resulted in a boom of amusement parks (among other things). More people were able to go out on trips, and parks were able to build more impressive and exciting rides. During this boom, Seven Pennants expanded rapidly on Drawkland's eastern half. Parks were established in Gelia and North Point, completing Seven Pennants' dominance of the inland sea.

Away from the sea, Seven Pennants bought and refurbished some parks elsewhere in Ellzidan's territory, though they were never able to break into the Yokare Lake market. The company territory slowly expanded northward, breaking into the Kanyoet market. This was a little more difficult due to the higher construction standards in Kanyo's territory slowing the building pace. By now the Seven Pennants Parks company was pretty well-off, and eyed a national presence.

This turned out to be harder than expected due to the dominance of Herrio Faires on the western half of the continent, but nowadays Seven Pennants has parks from coast to coast. Some of their smaller locations have been forced to close their doors in the years since the roller coast boom, but Seven Pennants has a very solid brand of parks which should be around for awhile.

IDENTITY

Despite the homely and picturesque vibe of their original location in Missomen, a lot of more modern Seven Pennants locations have been derided for being less visually appealing than their counterparts. Seven Pennants makes up for this by offering a more exciting ride experience at most of their parks. The average Seven Pennants location has 2.5 more roller coaster rides than their competitors.

The freedom to take risks afforded by the less restrictive local ordinances in Ellzidanet provided a perfect testing ground for developing more thrilling rides than anywhere else. While Seven Pennants never had any huge safety incidents, there were definitely some insane coaster ideas that were introduced and tinkered with in Seven Pennants' backyard. Once perfected, these ride concepts were brought to other parks in their umbrella. This gave Seven Pennants a reputation as a riskier but more exciting experience regardless of location.

Most Drawkian roller coaster enthusiasts, when asked of their favorite or most exciting coaster, will end up picking one from a Seven Pennants Park. However, you'll find that few will choose a Seven Pennants park as their favorite amusement park in general. It's an interesting tradeoff for sure, but visitors from the local area of a park are usually fond of their home park even if it doesn't stack up to the best in the nation.

by **Solgavden** » Sat May 24, 2025 6:59 pm

Morning of Match 1
A moderately good hotel room in a moderately good part of Lysborg

Marco Kurosawa has the tacky wallpaper in his room burned into his mind, considering he's been staring at it for over two hours. The 18 year-old from Lysborg has only gotten a few hours of sleep, considering this would soon be his first ever game in the world cup. He's only a substitute, likely only to be called upon after Tennefjord or Halvorsan already had their glory. But still, you can't blame him, right? He's only been day-dreaming about this since he was a child (when he should've been doing his schoolwork). Although he already had his own success, including leading Olympisk Kolvereid's youth team to a title, he has been left out of the national team. He's used to it, as the kid with the funny name compared to everyone else, and his somewhat short and scrawny build. He what he doesn't lack is heart, and a burning determination to make a name for himself. As such, he set himself a relatively simple task: score a goal during qualifiers. Most Solgavs have already come to terms with the fact that De Rega Röda aren't going to do much this World Cup cycle, so scoring now would be the perfect opportunity to make an impression with Peter Strömberg, Solgavden's calculating, experienced (and terrifying) manager.

As he made his way over to Harald Kistner Memorial Stadium, the grandeur of it all nearly took his breath away. He's been there plenty of times already, but the stadium is still imposing, as it's the largest in all of Solgavden. The fact that it's dedicated to one of Solgavden's greatest athletes gives the stadium a sense of awe. Every wall, every seat, and even every blade of grass invokes Harald Kistner's memory, and Marco was sure that he would live up to his legacy. When he entered the dressing room, he briefly locked eyes with the man himself... the captain, Sig Halvorsan. Just meeting him would've gave Marco palpitations a few short years ago, but the fact that he was about to play an actual World Cup qualifier game with him?!?! Halvorsan stood just under a foot taller than Kurosawa, but it might as well have been ten, as Marco practically melted on the floor when Halvorsan walked over to him and said, "Hope you have a good game, mate". Still flabbergasted at the fact that Mr. Halvorsan called him "mate", Kurosawa hastily tied his boots and rushed out to the pitch, just in time for the opening ceremony. If there was a list of things Solgavs love, pomp and circumstance would be high on it. Of course the first game of the cycle at home would have some fanfare, but Marco wasn't expecting a group of Royal Marines in dress uniform presenting the kingdom's colors, an award winning singer performing the anthem, and a fly-by with a small group of fighter jets. Once the all of the handshaking got out the way, the game could finally, finally begin.

...If there was one thing Kurosawa wasn't expecting from this game, boredom wouldn't be one of them. 70 minutes in, and the score is 4-1 in favor of Solgavden. Halvorsan scored two goals back-to-back (Marco would later learn that Prince Frederik described Halvorsan's goals as being "struck like greased lightning"), and the game was pretty much over by halftime. Still, the young player wanted his chance to strike it in the net. When Strömberg gave him a simple nod, he knew it was his time to shine. However, he in fact did not shine. Far, far from it, as he lost possession of the ball in their defensive half, leading to an Olastor goal. The icy look by Strömberg sent chills down Marco's spine, but it also lit a fire inside him, as he soon crossed a beautiful ball to his buddy Hannes Ossler, and he hammered it in for the 5th and final goal of the night. While he didn't get his goal just yet, he at least earned the approval from the gaffer, who already promised him a halftime substitution against both Bostopia, and highly ranked (also highly dangerous) Vdara.

by **Banija** » Sat May 24, 2025 7:02 pm

And the second cutoff for groups 11-15 in here! Here's some dance music!

by **Visayas Islands** » Sat May 24, 2025 7:29 pm

A DRAW AND A WIN IN THE NASTAZZI
Roxas, Capiz

Ah, the Adolfo Nastazzi Stadium, the home of the Pearls of the Capiz provincial football team. Named after the late Argentinean coach who led the Pearls to its golden era in the late 70s-early 80s winning both nationally and internationally. Now, it's the home of the Bulls as they went on for a match against the dystopian country of West Vdara and the newcomers, Shep. And in the first game, the game with West Vdara was just a plain, boring match for the boys in light and dark blue. The only goals for the match were of Viray's and a West Vdaran penalty goal. "It was tough to beat them", says Ayala. "But I hope we could get better when facing Shep." And so, the preparations begin in the Pearls' training facility to face the newcomers, Shep. And now, it's showtime for the Bulls. In the first half, the Visayan defense was still going strong for the Visayan boys as it led to some goals from Villariño and Uemura. It was going well for the boys but in the second half began, the Shepian offense showed its magic against the Visayan spirit that led to 2 Shepian goals. But in the dying minutes, the Shepian magic lost to a defensive Visayan team of Baconawa, Zaldarriaga, and the captain himself, Pascual and gave Agcaoili to shine on with a goal over the Shepian net. And the fans were crazy in this point and it was full of ecstatic LBDT boys who wanted to keep their hopes on their team alive. "We're so close to lose to an unranked team", says Agcaoili. "But good game for them, they've shown their play against us." "I think, this could be our turning point in this qualifiers.", says Ayala. "I hope our next games will be a start for our team to dominate, but this could be a tough challenge." The Bulls will face Calgasia at Melperk and Pyazhnaya way back home in this qualifiers. Will the Bulls dominate the two teams or the two of them are strong enough for them?

by **Jeruselem** » Sat May 24, 2025 10:04 pm

Naked News Jeruselem's Princess Alice Stella Dallas (naked) and Jeruselem Manager Sam Maxis in Orange Field in Dukuma, North Island. Busoga Islands after losing to the local team 2-1

Sam: I get the feeling we've been here before
Alice: Not this specific stadium but we have been to Busoga Islands before. Well not recently, it's been a while.
Sam: Not in my lifetime anyway
Alice: Definitely not my lifetime until today
Sam: I guess we have a large database of what to expect everywhere we visit
Alice: I mean most of the time, most places are pretty much the same until it's some particular places which are quite different to others

Sam: Anything special about Busoga Islands?
Alice: Other than their Islamic origins, not really. We got Islamic people in Jeruselem too, so it's not we don't know how to behave around them.
Sam: The customs folk got a little confused with your name
Alice: What's wrong with Princess Alice Stella Dallas of Jeruselem
Sam: They had to check you were an actually a Princess
Alice: There are quite a few Alices in my family, not the royal part but none can use a name like mine.

Sam: Your passport looks more like book
Alice: I expect to use it a lot
Sam: I had to get a new one, mine was already rather full from the last world cup.
Alice: Actually most folk end up doing that because they don't use them much before the World Cups
Sam: Why are kids passports so expensive? I had to pay for the ones for my kids.
Alice: You have verify the child's identification and the identification of the parents.

Sam: I guess if person submitting the passport application for the child isn't real, then the chance child isn't real other.
Alice: We don't want people running with real passports from us matching fake IDs
Sam: That sounds like a bad thing
Alice: Now we have to check we're not processing AI generated photos too now.
Sam: I guess that's why you don't accept digital photos for the photo
Alice: Too easy to fake photos these days, we have verify the person actually exists

Sam: You sure don't want people travelling the world pretending to be you
Alice: Sadly it happens and why customs people check sus passports
Sam: Good thing no one wants to be me
Alice: There's a lot fake "Princesses" out there but we even have a special department in immigration and customers for that, so we don't have these fake Princesses scamming people.
Sam: Yeah sadly scammers come in all shapes and sizes
Alice: There's always bad people who don't want make an honest means to earn money

Sam: Is it me, or we get sometimes pulled up for looking too young when we visit other countries.
Alice: Meh, happens to me all the time. They seem to think I'm under 18 in some places. I'm used to it.
Sam: I've aged enough to avoid that one
Alice: It's just Jeruselem women are actually kinda shorter than people expect and when look younger, people think they might be children. Characteristic of childrens.
Sam: Like that weird AI avatar of yours
Alice: It looks like me, truly. Same mental too! Well almost.

OOC
Passports in Jeruselem aren't free and really expensive to apply for.

by **Zenic** » Sun May 25, 2025 12:51 am

What was a nice, calm meal with the family would soon be interrupted by the most annoying type of reporter: the 'scoop' reporter.

Luke, Serena, and their two sons, Joshua and William, had found some time to finally meet up and have dinner as a family of grown ups. Serena was constantly occupied coming up with new fragrances and brand deals for her perfume and cologne company Odorem, Joshua was busy prepping and scouting for the next U-18 World Cup, William was working for Real Old Maiz in a role he was secretive about, and Luke was clearly dealing with almost anything and everything related to futbol in the Empire. It was a minor miracle they could all find the time to meet up at Versinho's.

"You ever gonna tell us about that job of yours? You've been acting as if that job of yours is some kind of national secret." Joshua asked his brother while adding a pinch of salt and some extra cilantro to his seafood stew. Luke and Serena glanced at each other, both also curious about the job Leonel Martino had offered him as well as worried the two would get into an argument in the middle of one of the top restaurants in New Citium and the whole of the Empire." You'll learn soon enough. I legal can't say what it is at the moment as I'm sure all of us have had to do at some time." They all looked at each other, acknowledging that each had signed at least 1 NDA, temporary or long term, in their lives. "Fair enough."

Serena wiped her mouth gently and paused her shrimp scampi to ask her son an important question. "But you will let us know before anyone else, right?" William hesitantly nodded his head. "I'll try, Mom." Serena mouthed a quiet 'thank you' before everyone went back to their meals. Everyone except for Luke. The patriarch noticed one of the waitstaff glancing over at the Killian table more often than most, even while serving other tables. Most of the workers here are accustomed to big names dining so a brief glance here and there at someone they love or hate is normal. But the glances from this guy seemed calculated: as if he was trying to see what was going on without the table knowing. Almost like a......

"God damn it," is all he could utter as the reporter in disguise made a beeline for one of the exits immediately after realizing he had been made. Luke made the assigned signal to alert security and one LITERALLY pounced on the reporter near the table closest to the side exit. All attention moved to the spectacle as other security arrived to assist their coworker. "Let go of me! I'm with 'The Sensation.' I'm just trying to report on the news!" He basically just uttered variations on those same three sentences as the security began to pick him up and drag him out. "Hold on," Luke said as he wiped his mouth and gently tossed his napkin on the table. "I'll be right back." He stood up and walked with the group outside. "What exactly are you looking for? Our favorite meals? How much we spend? Our fashion sense? What are you hoping to gain from this for your 'scoop'?" That last part was accompanied by air quotes mimed by his fingers.

"I can't reveal that. I just need to get some important news about your son." The reporter's, and Luke's eyes, widened at the slip up. Luke scowled for a few seconds before regaining his composure. "Hold him for a little longer. I need to call someone." He pulled out his phone, walked away a bit and dialed a government number. "Hallo. This is the one and only. How can the Consul help you tonight?" Luke sighed. "It's me, Luke. You know, the President of the FZF?"

"Weird, I thought I had saved your number but guess not. How can I assist?" Luke had a puzzled expression. "Yes, yes. I can feel it through the phone. Only a handful of people call me at this hour to my personal phone for chit chat and you aren't on that list at the moment. So, something must have happened and you need the big guns." Luke wanted to make sure he picked his words precisely. "Probably more like your medium sized guns. I need a guy detained and interrogated for a bit." The Consul was not expecting that; normally, people asked for help with parking tickets or loaning a car for a date. "Whom and on what grounds?"

Luke looked over at the reporter and security guards. "We might have leak in the Ministry of Sports or the Federation. Someone knows something about my son William's new job with one of the Empire's futbol clubs and is trying to get it leaked organically so it doesn't trace back to them. We got a random guy from some rag called 'The Sensation' who dressed up as a waiter and booked it the moment he got spotted," Luke explained as best he could. "But what could be so tantalizing about your son working for a futbol club? That's like the most basic nepo baby thing. And William is actually competent so it's not even that controversial." Luke looked around before following up on Justo Felipe's question. "I don't know for a fact but I'm guessing that FC Virtus will announce William as either the first manager of the team, or the first President of Futbol Operations, in the rebuilt league once it's official restarted. No real reason for a NDA to prevent you saying your job title."

Killian was expecting a quip but heard silence on the other side of the line. "Hello? You still there."

"Yup, yup. Still here. That is indeed juicy enough to try and confirm with a trick straight out of a cartoon show. However, that doesn't necessarily mean the leak is in our house since it could be from FC Virtus themselves. Buuuuuuut better to be safe than sorry, right? I'll get some Domestic Security Force's guys down there in a bit to pick him up and see what he knows tomorrow. I'll need to inform Maxene, Judge Marguerite, and Alaia about this. Maybe even Ascanio if the attempted leak involved someone abroad or foreign. Just make sure no one roughs him up. Oh, and tell Zys to go 2 for 2 next window: we need all the points we can get in this first half of qualifiers."

"Thank you and I will let him know as soon as possible." The call ended and Luke walked over to explain the situation to one of the guards privately. Luke thanked the security and walked back in to finish his meal. "Anything we need to worry about?" Killian glanced over discreetly and noticed the DSF SUV pull up, handcuffing the reporter and putting him into the vehicle.

"We've got it all taken care of. Let's enjoy our Killian family time, shall we?"

by **Gnejs** » Sun May 25, 2025 1:39 am

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!

Come gather around you children of spring and let us continue the tale of how The Prosaic Union of Gnejs ceased to be.

Many still expressed doubt about that one star twinkling just a tad bit too intensely on the night sky as Elsa Svensson pushed her cart with afternoon snacks into the meeting room at the headquarters of the Prosaic Union Craqcuet Klubb (PUCK) which was really just a storage area in the basement of the building housing the Prosaic Union Football Federation (PUFF). Tarf, it has been said, was the star that radiated so ominously during those days. An orange K-type cool giant in the constellation of Cancer, its name allegedly translates into «the end» and it would indeed make some sort of poetic sense if it would be the one acting as The Prosaic Union’s own ominous morning star. There was no doubt about the ground very much trembling softly (but with malicious intent) on that day however, and this was especially noticeable for old Elsa and the boys down on the basement level as they were getting ready to send in their application to the upcoming GCF ODI World Trophy. But I digress.

Things had been pretty quiet in the Union cracquet community since that heroic showing in the GCF ODI World Trophy down in Liventia so and so long ago. It had not only been The Elderberries that walked away with a newfound respect within the international cracquet community on that occasion - due to performing extraordinarily well - but also old Elsa achieved something of a legendary status after she single-handedly brought down the grotesquely corrupt Baggie coach Garry Greenidge and foiled his plan to sabotage the gnejsian cracquet campaign. By the way, did you know that at the end of that World Trophy, The Prosaic Union of Gnejs was ranked higher than Baggieland on the certified international rankings? It’s true. Sadly, PUCK and The Elderberries had never managed to capitalize on that momentum and quickly faded back into obscurity. It was never an organic process, the manner in which cracquet became a «Union Game», although this has been chronicled elsewhere and let’s not needlessly repeat ourselves. Let’s just say that there was never any public demand for cracquet, and despite honest efforts and multiple awareness campaigns from the authorities all attempts at cultivating any interest ultimately failed. There are probably many reasons here, but in all honesty it was mostly about how no one ever truly managed to grasp the rules; seriously, it is a silly game! They never gave up though, and while most people eventually just forgot about the Union having their very own cracquet team, PUCK and The Elderberries continued working and practicing tirelessly with the end goal being a return to international competition and the GCF ODI World Trophy. Elsa Svensson continued with her vocation as well, and she kept on delivering tasty treats as The Elderberries’ official snack purveyor.

The day in question was a special occasion, because finally sign-ups to the next World Trophy had opened, and Head of PUCK, Euronymous Heyerdahl (in actuality PUCK consisted solely of Euronymous and his laptop), had gathered all the players in the meeting room to celebrate their World Trophy return by having snacks and sending in the application together. While the lot of them sat huddled over Euronymous’ laptop, old Elsa rolled in the tray containing the afternoon treats de jour and said «I may not know a lot about cracquet, but I know a lot about making a traditional Battenberg cake, and that’s what you’re having today,» while snatching the gingham kitchen towel away to reveal a set of the most exquisite Battenbergers you could imagine.

«It’s no straightforward endeavor, making a traditional Battenberg cake,» Elsa said as she started cutting the first cake into suitably thick pieces. «First of all, you need to prepare your tin, and it’s not just any tin, oh no. You need a 20cm square one - size matters! - and you have to line it with some parchment paper because otherwise you’ll get sticking and your heat distribution will be off!» Elsa continued as all the players started to line up next to the tray. «And then it’s your dividers! You can’t very well make a Battenberg if you’re gonna have your batters mixing! Now, old Helga will tell you to use foil, and that’s fine I suppose, but I have always sworn to using cardboard; it’s just neater that way.» Elsa started handing out thick and lucious pieces of cake and smiled to all her Elderberries as she went on discoursing on the subtle art of making Battenbergers. «As you set your oven to preheat - 180 degrees - you have to beat your butter with the sugar, but make sure you’ve left the butter sitting out for a bit first so it’s nice and soft, and make sure you use caster sugar! The crystals are just more fine in the caster and they dissolve more easily! It’ll give you a smoother texture all things put together, trust me!» Elsa shouted as she handed out the final piece of cake to Euronymous.

«Beat it until it’s light and fluffy before you add the eggs, and make sure you do so one at a time and with a spoonful of your flour to prevent it from curdling! And then you start with folding in the dry ingredients, and my secret here is always to use self-raising flour and a little extra baking powder, because with that little extra you can also add some ground almonds and still get a good rise!»

Euronymous and the players all smiled at old Elsa as they were eating their cakes, but they devoted little attention to her valuable life lessons as Euronymous was just about ready to press the final button and submit their formal application. «A traditional Battenberg cake comes in two colors, pink and yellow! Everyone knows that, but while old Helga will tell you to just use the artificial food coloring you find in the stores, my Battenbergs are always colored using beetroot juice and lemon zest! So you divide your batter into two separate bowls and add the beetroot to the first one and the zest to the other one,» Elsa chirped as she cut a sliver of cake for herself to have just a little nibble before the boys were going to start lining up for seconds. «And then it’s about time to spoon each batter…» Elsa started, but it was just around here that the ground started trembling. It was still trembling softly, at least compared to what would follow, but it was definitely a bigger tremor than previous ones. It knocked old Elsa off her feet and she fell on the tray. The remaining Battenbergers were catapulted across the room and several of the cake projectiles hit the lanky bookshelf just behind Euronymous and a copy of the latest Plemons' Almanackle fell down and crushed his laptop completely. Which was ironic, because thereby the same treatise that properly introduced the sport of cracquet to the Prosaic Union also put a symbolic end to it.

Even though Euronymous might've succeeded in convincing The Ministry for Culture, Sports and Other Charitable Activities to spring for a new laptop, these tremors were a dark omen, and although none present understood it at the time, their cracquet playing days were soon over. Which was sad, of course, but what was even worse was that the full story on how to make a spectacular traditional Battenberg cake was left forever unresolved.

by **Burikinia** » Sun May 25, 2025 6:05 am

World Cup 99: Going Worldwide!

MATCH SUMMARY

BURIKINIA
KATZEBURG
3
3
(G) Aoto MITSUYAMA 36'
(G) Aoto MITSUYAMA 52'
~~(G)~~ Marciel LAFREY 72'
(G) Kenjiro TAKANE 79'
21' Drake WRUCK (P)
62' Meriel ARKWRIGHT (G)
88' Denny HOBBS (G)

NEW FERNIA
BURIKINIA
1
2
(G) NAME UNKNOWN 79'
31' Takeda MORIYAMA (P)
87' Dae-Woo SEONG (G)

The World Cup fever finally hits Burikinia! The national team has finally made its mark at the world-famous event. Burikinia, like the rest of the teams in this World Cup, has already played two matches in the group stage. The Azure Dragons have managed to snag 4 points in their group stage matches with a draw against Katzeburg and a victory against New Fernia. The report of the matches shall follow suit.

In the first match against Katzeburg, the play was nothing short of a thriller. Katzeburg opened the score tally through a penalty from Drake Wruck, a seasoned Katzeburg forward, in the 21st minute. Burikinia would get its equalizer in the 36th minute with a curved shot from the ever-strong Mitsuyama. Past the first half, Burikinia would get an edge in the 52nd minute with an absolute worldie, yet again from Mitsuyama. The goal was more than ordinary; no one could hold their shock when Mitsuyama volleyed a through pass from Brown after flicking it over a defender, not to mention that everything was done from outside the box. Alas, the lead would not persist in the 62nd minute as Meriel Arkwright headed the ball over Lamiroir. In the 72nd minute, Burikinia has a chance to get one over Katzeburg. Lafrey manages to dribble the ball past defenders with ease, and he did a magnificent one-two with Luca. There was only one thing that he could do: score. He then volleyed the ball into the net. It went in. Alas, the flag went up. Katzeburg used this chance to immediately start a counterattack. Before it could do much damage, however, talented youngster Bergamini intercepted a through pass. He scanned the field to find the best possible target to pass. Takane. He lobbed it across the field, and Takane received it. He penetrated Katzeburg's defence and scored in a one-on-one; Burikinia regained its lead in the 79th minute. Just when Burikinia started showing minor signs of relaxation, however, Denny Hobbs took advantage of the fatigued Burikinian defence, and scored. Katzeburg drew to Burikinia in the 88th minute. The whistle blew shortly after.

The second match against New Fernia was less exciting than the one against Katzeburg. We won 2-1, I guess.

As per usual, we were able to interview the dressing room:
Leonard Ferenc (Our lovely field reporter, who, coincidentally, also wrote this article): "Congrats on doing well on your first matches. How do you guys feel right now?"
Mitsuyama: "Man, I've been missing international fixtures, so this event's just perfect. I even said hello with a brace, y'know. And that Bergamini debut? Phenomenal."
Luca: "I loved Paolo's debut against Katzeburg. Always knew he'd make it big when I played against him back then.
Bergamini: "Grazie Mille, Luca. Let me be honest here; that intercept was very daunti-"
Takane: "Yeah, yeah. Now say some funny sh*t. You ain't a National Team player 'till you say some of 'em in an interview."
Bergamini: "Alright. Hey, Lafrey! Come over here, you twink!"
Lafrey: "I'm not a twink, Bergamini. I just have a feminine body stature....."
Takane: "There we f*ckin' go."
>>Ferenc: "Stop cursing on interviews, Kenjiro."
Takane: "Yeah, yeah.... Next question, I guess."

>>Ferenc: "Alright, any expectations for the next fixture?"
Holger: "To be honest, I don't know what to expect in the coming days, so I guess we'll just train."
Lamiroir: "Aww, come on.... You know I hate training, right?"
Moriyama: "Don't be like that, Sebastian. We have to win the next matches, right? We gotta train for that!"
Lamiroir: "That's an awesome idea, Take-chan~ Come on, everyone, it's training time!"
Nicolescu: "Du-te dracu, Sebastian! You bootlicker!"

>>Ferenc: "Ok. Impressions on the last several matches?"
Juniardi: "My heart could not stop beating even on the bench during that time against Katzenburg. I still get chills, man!"
Efrenkov: "Chills? Hah! Look at this guy who thinks he's some hot sh*t! I could face another hundred of those matches!"
Zhang: "You literally slipped 3 times in that match. Don't blame the field, it was dry back then."
Efrenkov: "Idi nahui, Zhang!"

To cap off this report, any final remarks?
Souza: "GIVE ME GAME TIME, MR. AOYAMA!"
Aoyama: "Maybe if you'd actually press on during attacks instead of tricking the enemy until they're pissed."
Salvatore: "A Burikinian who hates tricks in football? How unpatriotic!"

**INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT ENDS HERE.

by **United States of Nova Calania** » Sun May 25, 2025 6:19 am

Finally a win on matchday 4

Casablanca, Brusseldorf - Already 4 games played and I feel like it just started! The day before matchday 3, the Nova Calanian Football Federation and Brasserie Jour de match announced they are bidding for Brasserie Jour de match to become an official sponsor of World Cup 99. Then, on matchday 3, Nova Calania received The Golden Harp at Burnham Ground, home of West Burnham United. Brasserie jour de match actually gave free beers to our national team before the match against The Golden Harp and players were drinking in the locker room. I drank with them, obviously. Charlotte Gibouleau-Beaudoin, the younger sister of the co-owner of Brasserie Jour de match was removed from the starting XI because she passed out and Malgorzata Wolkowicz replaced her in the starting XI. It was a mess on Nova Calania's side and they couldn't generate any offensive. Serge Bleau-Bean, on another hand, played one of the best game of his life, blocking all 9 shots on target. After the game he said the beers gave him some energy. The final score was 0-0.

On week 4, Nova Calania travelled to Brusseldorf to play against them. Rodrigo Guénette-Velazquez was still out of the starting XI because of an injury suffered in game 1 and Lily-Rose Malboeuf replaced him. The Tapirs took the lead in the 18th minute when Charlotte Gibouleau-Beaudoin made a short pass to Lily-Rose Malboeuf who kicks the ball and it goes in. The score at halftime was 1-0 Nova Calania. The Tapirs attacked at the 65th minute when Mei Qi Xiong made a cross to Frédérique Goudreau-Luneau who heads the ball past the goalkeeper. Brusseldorf finally scored at the 81st minute with a goal from #9. Brusseldorf kept attacking at the 85th minute but Zia Guerrero Lopez intercepts the ball and made a long pass to Rose Van der Jagt who shoots from 40 meters and the ball goes in. The final score was 3-1. Finally a win for the Tapirs!

We have some weird results in group 10 with Nova Calania, Valanora and Qusmo all having bad starts. HUElavia, the only team who didn't choke, is in the drivers seat with 3 wins and a draw for the 1st place. Two unknown teams are 2nd and 3rd. Valanora is tied for the 3rd place. Nova Calania is in 6th place with a win, two draws and a loss. On matchday 5, the Tapirs wil receive Archalit at home in Shanzhou and they will travel to Oscioru on week 6. Coach FIndlay has a dilemma because he likes to bench his best players against low ranked teams, but these teams are 2nd and 3rd in the standings, what does he do? I wouldn't like to be in his shoes.

MATCHDAY 4 vs BRUSSELDORF

18th     GOAL NOVA CALANIA   Lily-Rose Malboeuf assisted by Charlotte Gibouleau-Beaudoin
65th     GOAL NOVA CALANIA   Frédérique Goudreau-Luneau assisted by Mei Qi Xiong 
81st     GOAL BRUSSELDORF   Player #9 assisted by Player #7
85th     GOAL NOVA CALANIA   Rose Van der Jagt assisted by Zia Guerrero Lopez

Starting XI vs Archalit @ Zhāng Jiānglǐng Guójiā Tǐyùchǎng, Shanzhou
GK ANNE - LB ALYSSA - CB VLODZY - CB FX - EVAN - DCM KYLE - LW ASHY - RW ROSE - ACM MO - S LILY - S LP

Starting XI @ Oscioru
GK SERGE - LB OUZY - CB ZIA - CB PHOEBE - RB NATEY - DCM YI MING - LW MEI - RW LETTIE - ACM CHARLOTTE - S ROD - S LILY

Paul-André Veilleux

by **Sarzonia** » Sun May 25, 2025 11:20 am

Spencer Wilson doesn't usually go to bars, at least not the straight bars frequented by most of his mates on the Sarzonian national football team.

He sent a text to goalkeeper John Wells to tell him he needed alone time, telling Wells to get the message to the rest of the team that he wouldn't be joining them at the team's watering hole after their 3-2 away loss to Gnejs. It didn't matter that Wilson scored both goals on the night and made what seemed like a match-saving tackle as Sarzonia played their "total football on steriods" style to perfection. Sure, it was the defence that faltered, and Wells made a critical mistake in the 85th minute that turned a potential draw into a heartbreaking loss, but that wasn't what was bothering Wilson.

He sat, hunched over his beer at the far end of the Pink Triangle, a gay bar in Woodstock, staring at the top of his bottle. Attempts by bartenders to engage in small talk only resulted in grunts and nods that felt dismissive. Kent, a bartender who had just clocked in and was getting ready to start his shift, glanced at Wilson and he seemed to understand immediately what was going on. He looked at the bottle Wilson was nursing and noticed it was empty.

"Can I get you another one?" Kent asked.

"Please," Wilson said. Kent reached in to pull out a light beer, which was Wilson's drink of choice, but then he noticed the new beer that had just been shipped in from Nova Calania. He looked at Wilson for a moment, then looked at the beer. He decided to pull one out for Wilson along with the light beer Wilson had been drinking just in case he wasn't in the mood for experimenting on drinks. As Kent began to reach in, he saw another man walk in out of the corner of his eye. He could tell by the way he walken the man wasn't used to going to gay bars. His walk was hesitant, although Kent got the sense it wasn't because the man was a homophobe, just that it wasn't his usual scene.

"John, what are you doing here?" Wilson asked. "I told you I needed some alone time."

"You looked like you could use a friend," Wells said. "If you want me to leave, I will."

"No," Wilson said. "I just don't wanna talk."

"Okay," Wells said. "I'll sit with you and make sure you get back to the room safely." Kent heard this as he was walking toward Wilson with the beer. He turned around and fetched a second bottle of the new Nova Calanian beer and walked over to the spot where the two players sat.

"Wanna try this new beer?" Kent asked. "Figured you might enjoy it," he said with a smirk toward Wilson.

"Uh, I don't really like IPAs," Wells said. He looked for a moment at the beer and noticed the name on it. "But I'll give this one a try. You should too, Spencer."

Wilson looked at the label for a second, then, even in his dejected state, he did a double-take. He looked at the beer more closely.

"Brian Wilson NEIPA?" WIlson read aloud. "Wait, my grandfather has a beer named after him?"

"From Nova Calania, no less," Wells said.

Spencer WIlson read the description more closely. "Brian Wilson is arguably the brightest "Star" among all the players who have ever donned a Sarzonia kit. He's noted for being the second player to score a hat trick in a World Cup final during Sarzonia's 4-0 victory in the World Cup 22 championship match. He also managed the Stars like his father, World Cup 22 championship-winning manager Dave Wilson. Holy shit, they even mentioned Grempy!"

"Who's 'Grempy'?" Wells asked before he read the descriptor.

"My great-grandfather," Spencer WIlson said just as Wells saw the late Dave Wilson mentioned in the description on the bottle.

"Oh my God," Wells said. Wells knew full well that Spencer Wilson was part of the fourth generation of Wilsons, indisputably the royal family of Sarzonian footie. He knew Cameron Wilson, Spencer's nephew, was trending in the direction of becoming the fifth generation Wilson to play some role in the Navy and Silver. But Wells hadn't really considered the full weight of that lineage until just now, in this bar as Kent waited expectantly for the two players' reactions to the beer.

Wells took a sip and grimaced slightly. He sat for a moment and pondered it for a moment before he smiled ever so slightly. It was true he didn't enjoy IPAs, but he was OK with this one, at least for now. Spencer Wilson drank it and, for once after the final whistle blew against Gnejs, he finally cracked a smile at the foreign tribute to his grandfather, and to the Wilson family lineage.

by **The North Polish Union** » Sun May 25, 2025 11:47 am

KÖNIGSBERGER ZEITUNG

Lithuanian Presidential Election Date Draws Near

With the first round of the Lithuanian presidential election rapidly approaching, opinion polling shows some interesting trends as a large share of voters appear to be tired of establishment politics and looking towards a potential populist swing. The story of the election has been the rhetorical excesses from multiple candidates that have inflamed the region's ethnic tensions to a height not seen in recent decades, and the fact that these candidates swing firmly to the populist sentiment sweeping the region.

In second-place in current polling is the youngest major candidate in the election, Kaunas mayor Neringa Barauskienė, a right-libertarian on economic policy who has vowed to slash government spending and tax burden, primarily by ending development and language programs in the predominantly Slavic southeast and a return to single-language primary school curricula in an effort to reduce the administrative overhead required by the dual-languages ones common in Slavic areas. Barauskienė has pointed the economic success of Kaunas under her mayorship as evidence that her policies work, although critics have claimed that economic growth was primarily driven by federal and regional tax spending and not municipal policy, she also did not have to navigate the region's often-tricky ethnic relations in the very-homogeneous Kaunas. Nonetheless, she has dramatically increased her opinion polling and earned herself name recognition.

Sitting right behind Barauskienė is the even more radical Domantas Sabonis, running in his first election of any sort. Sabonis has captured huge numbers of Slavic, primarily earned from the collapsing campaign of Gintaras Paulauskas. Sabonis, who spent his entire career as an agronomist in the Slavic southeast, has called for an end to Lithuanian minority-rule and and a radical reformation of government. His campaign numbers have not been hindered by his at-times-bizarre claims and tendency to go off-script at rallies, including an incident where he claimed that carbonated beverages contain nanochips to be used for nefarious purposes. Sabonis has shown himself a master of campaigning on social media and has produced a voluminous amount of short-form campaign content, effectively nullifying the fact that Lithuania's political establishment has ostracized him and declined to invite him to any major debates. Several other candidates and parties, however, have filed allegations in court that Sabonis has gained support and resources from the banned terrorist group Committee for the Liberation of Belarus (Kamitet Wyzwallenia Biełarusi) which if substantiated would mean his likely arrest and imprisonment.

Of final interest in this discussion is preliminary front-runner Gintaras Paulauskas, who has seen his polling collapse over the course of the campaign. Having spent nearly two decades in federal politics, most recently as Secretary of Defense, Paulauskas attempted to present himself as a centrist technocrat who could serve as an impartial mediator among Lithuania's many political factions. He began his precipitous fall following a series of televised debates in which the other candidates repeatedly attacked him on his lack of actual knowledge of regional politics. Still maintaining a sizable support from Slavic voters who hoped his technocratic platform would avoid the ethnic tribalism of mainstream regional politics, he soon lost even this as ethnic tensions were inflamed by candidates such as Barauskienė, Sabonis, and Gylys and support crystallized along ethnic lines.

With the final days of campaigning ongoing, the most recent polling for the major candidates out of the region is as follows:
Šapoka (SP) - 22% (+2%)
Barauskienė (GLS) - 18% (+11%)
Sabonis - 17% (+6%)
Žukauskas (ALS) - 16% (-1%)
Gylys (NLP) - 10% (+1%)
Paulauskas - 7% (-17%)

SPORT - National Team Drops Three Straight in World Cup Qualifying, Manager Kluckhohn Under Fire

Following a promising 1-1 draw with Natkr in the opening match of WC qualification, the Union team has lost an embarrassing 3 straight games to Germanic Cat, Aphrilia, and StrayaRoos. Worse still, the team has been held goalless for over 240 minutes and counting, as Karł Wołoszin was the most recent scorer in the 26th minute against Germanic Cat.

Amid this slide, the practices of eccentric manager Udo Kluckhohn have come under fire. Despite being the only manager the national team has ever had, his highly defensive style of play and odd coaching decisions have drawn criticism before. Kluckhohn responded to complaints about the goalscoring drought with the observation that his team had been held scoreless even longer in the Campionato Esportiva 40, until Maksimilian Woronow gave them their first-ever goal in international competition 76 minutes into their third-ever game.

Kluckhohn has also been criticized for his odd statements, such as an insistence following the loss to Aphrilia that the team would need to rely on the "Duck of God that takes away the sins of the team" (translated from Kluckhohn's use of Latin: Anas Dei qui tollis peccata bigas). A clear bastardization of the Agnus Dei, the comment drew heavy rebuke from the Union's influential clergy.

Disappointed with the losses, but clearly not willing to place the blame on the team's nonexistent (by design?) offense, Kluckhohn made the announcement that goalkeeper Hieronim Kalinowski would be replaced on the next match against Anewkansas by usual backup Bernd Grunewald, "because in Kansas they do not have trees, so why should we fear the new version?"

World Cup 99 - RP Thread

Rambles WC99 I (Sharktail and New C.)

Here We Go Again...

Isabella Bright on Isabella Bright

Seven Pennants Intro

Who is online

BURIKINIA	KATZEBURG
3	3
(G) Aoto MITSUYAMA 36' (G) Aoto MITSUYAMA 52' ~~(G)~~ Marciel LAFREY 72' (G) Kenjiro TAKANE 79'	21' Drake WRUCK (P) 62' Meriel ARKWRIGHT (G) 88' Denny HOBBS (G)

NEW FERNIA	BURIKINIA
1	2
(G) NAME UNKNOWN 79'	31' Takeda MORIYAMA (P) 87' Dae-Woo SEONG (G)