World Cup 99 - RP Thread

[Visayas Islands]

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SUNG JISEOK OF KOREA, COMES BACK FROM MILITARY SERVICE
Roxas, Capiz

After years of his military service, Sung is coming back to Capiz to play with them again. The fans were excited about the announcement by the Korean army regarding the releasing of the completed conscripted soldiers in Seoul. "It was hard for me.", says Jiseok. "But it was a good experience to serve my country well." Fans at the Provincial Airport are awaiting him to come back and play for the auriazules again after years of compulsory service. Jiseok was assigned at the 8th Division Corps and has played with Gimcheon Sangmu, only to show up in some games as a substitute. Now playing again for Capiz for the 2025/26 season, he could elevate up his game with the Pearls after being a soldier for some months. And his teammates reaction is that of happiness they got. "When I first heard that he's coming back to us, I was going to be happy.", says Alvaro. "I hope his experience playing with the army could improve our teamwork and mentality." Jiseok and the Pearls will face Deportivo de Leganés in the 2025/26 season, but now, the players are still taking a break before the season starts.

[The Osnari Federation]

You open up YouTube on your computer and click over to one of your favorite YouTubers: ActuallyTrueWorldbuilding. You notice he has a new video out, featuring a nation with a flag you don’t really recognize. The Osnari Federation? Interesting. You take a look.

If, theoretically, you had closed captions on for the entire ten-minute video, this is what you would see scrolling up your screen:

Last month, we witnessed Indusse playing host to the 86th Baptism of Fire tournament. Now, the Baptism of Fire is a somewhat minor tournament in the World Cup cycle. It’s intended for new nations to introduce themselves to the world, playing in an international senior tournament with a chance at bringing home some hardware for the first time. In recent years, many of the world’s best international squads have come out of the tournament - just look at Edsmontik, champions of the 84th edition of the tournament, who followed that up by finishing 4th in just their second-ever World Cup. In this year’s Baptism of Fire, we saw a pretty fun tournament in Indusse, even including a group stage rematch in the final, where the Osnari Federation prevailed over Zirahuen to take the victory.

The Osnari Eagles’ win has left many people asking, as they often do after the Baptism of Fire: where did this team come from? Where is the Osnari Federation? What, exactly, is the Osnari Federation?

Buckle up, because those are the questions I’ll be answering for you today as I give you an overview of the Osnari Federation, with everything you need to know about the Baptism of Fire champions.

Let’s start with the basics. The Osnari Federation is a nation on the northeastern Anaian continent of Aurora. It is, in fact, a federation of states with a pretty high degree of independence. The federal government only has jurisdiction over international affairs and the interactions between the states, and attempts to expand the power of the federal government have been quickly and harshly beaten back. Each state sends a certain number of representatives to the Assembly of Osnari States, which is known more generally as the Assembly, and consists of 75 state representatives. Each of the five states - Suris, Buckenhofer, Teiningen, Grafling, and Westnar - sends five representatives plus a proportion of the remaining 50 seats based on population. The selection of these representatives remains up to the states’ discretion. In Suris, Buckenhofer, and Westnar, the representatives are elected democratically to represent their electoral district. In Grafling and Teiningen, the states are still ruled by barons, who personally select the representatives from their states.

The Osnari climate is mostly temperate, with enough rainfall to be ideal for agriculture, which is a very significant industry throughout the country, particularly in Suris, Teiningen, and Westnar. Much of the rain is a result of the rain shadow created by the Grafling mountain range in the north. Fall and spring see a lot of rain; in winter, snow dominates the landscape, even south of the Graflings. Summers are warm and often sunny, but rarely too hot. In terms of geography, the dominating feature of the Osnari Federation are the Grafling mountains that form the country’s northern border. For 8 to 9 months out of the year, these mountains form the core of the Federation’s strong tourism industry as visitors seek to ski, skate, snowshoe, and do nearly every form of snow sport available, retiring to one of the north’s picturesque towns. Roughly in the range’s center, the Kassel glacier feeds into the Gairien River, which roughly divides the country in two, forming the borders between Westnar and Suris in the west and Teiningen and Buckenhofer in the east, eventually running into the ocean through Ademar.

The Federation’s western border is similarly defined, reaching to the riverbanks of the Nordholz, beyond which is largely ungoverned territory. The eastern border is somewhat worse-defined, with Osnari territory stretching to the edge of the Wyrmendingen Forest. To the south, of course, is the ocean, with the Federation’s southernmost point being the Erlenbach Peninsula. Ober Island, to the peninsula’s west, also falls under Osnari jurisdiction as part of Suris.

The modern-day Osnari Federation was first settled sometime in the eleventh century. The origin of the settlers remains unknown, as their records, stories, and customs have largely been lost to time. Regardless of their homelands or their reasons for leaving, these settlers quickly spread across the region all the way to the foothills of the Grafling mountains, finding fertile soil perfectly suited to agriculture. The southern areas, settled first, developed rather quickly, and the city of Suris quickly became one of the most populous settlements thanks to its central location to much of the farming activity. Ademar, as well, developed rather quickly, as its place as the end of the largely tranquil Gairien River made it much easier for farmers to bring their goods to market there. Kinzach was the last major Osnari city to come into significance, as it exploded in population in the late 1800s as a steel city, taking advantage of the abundant natural resources in the foothills of the Grafling mountains. Its location on the Gairien River as well was not accidental, making it again very easy to ship out the city’s manufactured products.

Suris gradually formed into the most powerful city-state in the area, ruling the entirety of modern-day Osnar west of the Gairien, from the coast all the way north to the Graflings. Though it did not control Ademar, the key port city, its significant size and powerful army allowed it to heavily influence the other Osnari states, who at that time were fully sovereign. Though Suris and its neighbors fought several smaller wars and battles, the enmity didn’t fully come to a head until the year 1828. At the time, King Justin III of Suris was attempting to leverage the other states into paying Suris a tax on any trade going up or down the Gairien, ostensibly for the guarantee of protection. The Kings of Buckenhofer and Teiningen did not take kindly to this, and refused. After their refusal, the kingdoms’ trade ships began to see a concerning increase in raids, supposedly by pirates, who were clearly Surisian proxies. In the meantime, Surisian soldiers had been reported taking up positions on the eastern side of the Gairien.

The other nations of Osnar, again, did not take kindly to this escalation, and responded in kind, harassing Surisian soldiers on both sides of the Gairien and raiding Surisian ships. By 1831, the conflict had spiraled into all-out war. The full details of the war might be better covered elsewhere, so I’ll skip to the end here. By 1837, Suris had capitulated. Their resources spent on a long siege of Ademar early in the war, the kingdom quickly collapsed and the aftermath gave rise to the Federation we know today. Originally, the central body was simply intended to manage trade and certain interstate affairs. But as the countries realized they might multiply their power by presenting a shared face to the world, the central body became a central government, eventually morphing into the Osnari Federation whose national football team presented itself to the world at the 86th Baptism of Fire.

That’s all for today’s video, just a brief look at the Osnari Federation since I know many of you were curious. If you all remain curious about the Osnari Federation, I encourage you to comment, like, and subscribe, and if enough people do so I’ll send some more in-depth videos your way.

[Zenic]

"Honestly, I'm not even surprised anymore. This pretty much comes with the territory."

FZF President Killian and Survivors Manager Zys were having their cyclical pre-World Cup Qualifiers meeting at the Ministry of Sports. They each had enough time to go over the qualifying groups and schedule several times over and were prepared to discuss their options. Killian started off with the commentary. "So, the defending World Cup Champions are once again in our group: last cycle, we were both in Group I of the World Cup proper and now we're in the same qualifying group. Because of course we are." Zys chuckled at the comment, knowing full well that Margaret was responsible for this turn of events but that all they could do was roll with the punches.

"We also apparently tied the record for most Baptism of Fire winners in the same qualifying group with 3," Zys noted, looking over his own notes. "Really? Who else?" Zys decided to double check to make sure he had his facts correct. "We won the 55th edition, Xanneria won the 69th edition and The Osnari Federation just won the most recent one. According to our stats geniuses, 3 is still the record so we've made history already and the matches haven't even started yet."

"Look at us: record-breakers," Killian exclaimed, holding his arms wide open in faux celebration. Zys matched his gesture before continuing on. "Our remaining top 100 opposition are Zwangzug, Indusse and United Hawkland. Kaumann and Unitarnia round out the 200s club. Meanwhile, REPUBLICANLAND is this group's lone unranked team." Killian looked over his notes for each one. "Defeating the world champions is possible but unlikely so even two draws without compromising our style would be wins in my book. Zwangzug is our closest equal so actual wins against them will be vital, especially since they just barely missed the World Cup getting knocked out by The 14 Stars in the qualifying playoffs."

"Though we finished ahead of The 14 Stars in our group last cycle," Zys pointed out. "Duly noted. Let's see. Right. Indusse, Xanneria, and United Hawkland should be bare minimum 3 wins at home and take at least some points while on the road, if we want to prove that we are a top nation." Zys wrote that down in his meeting notes to go over with Tipi later. " Having said that, we need to win 6 out of 8 games against the bottom four ranked teams in our group. I understand that we will drop points to them but minimizing it to a potential 6 lost points out of a total of 24 is my goal for you folks." Zys noted that as well.

He flipped over to different page where he had written down the schedule in a way that worked best for him. "Okay, best way to organize this would probably be to see the order we face everyone and determine what our best possible total and realistic total would be by that point in the schedule. If I am reading this correctly, the order is: United Hawkland at home, REPUBLICANLAND away, Zwangzug home, The Osnari Federation home, Xanneria away, Kaumann home, Unitarnia away, Indusse home, and last but definitely not least, Flavovespia away. Then it repeats but all match locations are reversed."

"So, 21 points minimum during the first round robin and then approximately 12 points during the second round robin should do the trick. Maybe not enough to win the group but definitely to finish top three, which is all we need for this edition." Zys nodded his head in agreement as he too had arrived to the same totals based on the strength of their opponents and a bit of luck (both good and bad) factored in. Both had worried that another topic for this meeting would be the squad selection itself but the 4th place finish at Copa 48 thankfully redeemed the squad in the eyes of the supporters and bought them another cycle or two. With that, they had approached the end of the their cyclical meeting.

The two gentlemen stood up and slowly walked over to the door. "Well then, I do enjoy these little talks. Let's do it again next cycle, shall we?" Zys simply smiled and shook Killian's hand. "Sure thing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off onto our next journey to the promised land."

"I look forward to it, my friend."

[United States of Nova Calania]

It's party time!

Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer - World Cup 99 is about to start and the three hosts - Siovanija and Teusland, Squornshelan Remnant States and Banija - have decided it's party time with participating nations sending their local bands and sponsors to the host nations. At this time it's unsure which bands or sponsors will represent Nova Calania but we'll stay tuned. Participating nations have to qualify like every year and this cycle, Nova Calania is in group 10 with Valanora, HUElavia and Qusmo. 45 nations from 15 groups will qualify, meaning, if I'm correct, the top 3 nations from each group will qualify along the three hosts. Let's analyse our group.

02. Valanora : The best team in group 10 is obviously Valanora. They're currently ranked 2nd, lost in the World Cup 98 quarterfinals against Tanirinthia, which is considered a bad result for them. They have qualified in the last 10 World Cups and more, but I didn't dig further. This team is led by Laborious Hawk since forever. How can you stop him? I wouldn't be in our football players' feet. We know Laborious hawk the playmaker, but now we will meet Laborious Hawk the striker. The playmaking role has ben taken by Julia Strömberg on this team. Nova Calania will travel to Valanora on week 2 and we'll receive them on week 11 in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer. Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer is more conservative than Burnham-on-Stove, which is despised in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer for being " woke ".

When you think of Valanora, you obviously think of the Di Bradini Cup and the Nova Calanian roster features many players who played the Under 21 Cup in Valanora in the past, including Lily-Rose Malboeuf. Here's what Lily said about Valanora: " I'm very happy to have them in our group even if it means two automatic losses against them. I only played one DBC in Valanora but I've enjoyed my time and I'm very happy to come back 4 years later. Valanora is such a good place to be and I'm happy to have them visiting us too, we need to make sure we're a good host and impress them! "

27. HUElavia : One of our group 10 rivals is HUElavia. Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos are expected to qualify for the World Cup and Nova Calania will have to beat them if they wants to qualify. HUElavia have qualifed for World Cup 98 and lost against Saint Eleanor in Hexadecifinals. They also have qualified in 3 straight World Cups between WC 94 and WC96 before not qualifying in World Cup 97. They used some kid of 4-2-3-1 formation in the last World Cup with Nwoye Uchee as their primary striker. Nova Calania will receive them on week 1 at the Complexe sportif national located in the Sacré-Coeur district in Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-Mer which have many spanish speakers. We'll travel to HUElavia on week 10.

48. Qusmo : Qusmo is another group 10 rivals. Nova Calania is just 20 ranks behind them. Qusmo qualified for World Cup 98, finishing 4th in group C and not making the Hexadecifinals. The Tapirs will receive them on week 9 in Ostrow Krolewski, Odlegla Ziemia and will travel to Qusmo on the final matchday.

79. Ochre Islands : While Nova Calania will look ahead and try to beat HUElavia and Qusmo, they have to watch their back because the Ochre Islands are ranked just 11 ranks behind. The Ochre Islands finshed 5th in group 15 of the World Cup 98 qualifications and didn't qualify for the World Cup proper. They came close though because only 5 points separated the 3rd place from the 5th place. Being located in the Ocean of Ayes just west of the Nova Calanian sub-region, they're also a geographical rival with Cardenao being somewhat between the two nations. Nova Calania will travel to the Ochre Islands on week 8 and will receive them in Ostrow Krolewski on week 17.

113. Brusseldorf : Brusseldof were in 6th place of group 7 in the World Cup 98 qualifications. At first glance they doesn't seem to be a threat but an opponent should never be underestimated. Nova Calania will visit them on week 4 and will receive them on week 13 in Ostrow Krolewski.

160. Archalit : 7th place in group 11 last cycle. Once again, we shouldn't underestimate them. The Tapirs will receive them in Shanzhou on week 5 and will travel to Archalit on week 14.

205. The Golden Harp : The Golden Harp is a relatively new nation who finished 7th in group 10 in their World Cup debut. Nova Calania will receive them in Burnham-on-Stove, more precisely in the West Burnham district, which is Burnham-on-Stove's westernmost district. The Yellow Reds will travel to The Golden Harp on week 12.

252. Oscioru : Oscioru didn't participate in the World Cup 98 qualifications and weren't in the Baptism of Fire that just ended. Apparently they are a returning nation. Nova Calania will travel to Oscioru on week 6 and will receive them in Burnham-on-Stove on week 15, more precisely in the Downtown district.

UR. Sadame : Nova Calania will receive Sadame on week 7 at Stade Fernand-Desgroseilliers, located in the Baie-Sainte-Marguerite district of Saint-Jean-Jacques-sur-mer. The Tapirs will travel to Sadame on week 16.

[Oscioru]

Image was generated with deepai

✣CANZARIA QUOTIDIANO✣

WORLD CUP QUALIFIERS IN HORIZON - LA NAZIONALE HAS TITANIC TASK AT HAND - LOOKING TOWARDS SONNELIANS FOR GOOD EXAMPLES


People flooding the streets of Brullo, east of Poma in anticipation for the team's participation in the World Cup Qualifiers

Entering into -still- unfamiliar territory as Oscioru is entering the World Cup Qualifiers only for the third time in its history. La Nazionale has struggled to find consistency in both entering a squad and in performances that would match other nations of Sonnel, a region that tends to send nations that punch above their perceived weight a lot of the time. From the quick recent rise of Juvencus in the ranks(and 2 Independents Cup victories) to Drawkland's consistent back-to-back debut World Cup qualifications(and singular Independents Cup victory among endless deep runs) to West Barrack and East Obama's impenetrable defence and UNDEFEATED qualifiers run last cycle, with many others following. With that said, La Nazionale has big examples to look towards in order to get its own identity out to the world.

What exactly does La Nazionale need to get past this monumental task? Is it riches? A talented squad? Experienced coaches? A maniacal dictatorship to push the Republicans to victory? There are a few examples in this article worth looking to.

JUVENCUS' EXAMPLE: The relationship between Oscioru and Juvencus is complex politically, culturally and even more so in sports. A border that is heavily armed in several spots but completely open in others, where urban regions extend towards each nation and yet a history riddled by war, mistrust and ethnic ambition. In sports, the merger of leagues in football and basketball as well as a unified olympic delegation has left Oscioru without many choices but to rely on the occasional World Baseball Classic appearance or the return of La Nazionale to the World Cup as sources of looking towards Osci sporting prowess. However, in the midst of this there is a bright beacon and an example to take into consideration. Those Juven people are not messing about when it comes to footballing ambition, their determination has bled into all walks of football from the smallest leagues to the highest league and their team currently has a deep available pool of high-caliber players in all positions and this is a major reason as to why they are currently sitting at 10th in the world. Aside from that, the nation's rich history, regional and linguistic diversity(which are a characteristic of the Osci nation as well) have given rise to coaches that can do great man management and also toy with the media with relative ease, which is helpful in taking the pressure off of their players' backs. Dudu Madeiros(who is a recent world champion), August Toset and current manager Gael Gaetan are all prime examples of elite coaching that everyone in the Osci position should look towards emulating.

The lessons to take from the Juven are simple. It all starts in the grass roots of the sport, good academies and young, exciting players combined with more experienced players are a recipe for success. This golden generation may take a while to manifest, however with some dual-national gems picking Oscioru over Juvencus, a pool of experienced and talented players is already available. As for coaching, the mentality comes from experience at the top level, Roberto De Casio might now be used to such a level but as a Juven coach, he has the grit and the charisma to keep talented Osci players together and give them the necessary advice needed to improve.

DRAWKLAND'S EXAMPLE: Oscioru and Drawkland do not have much contact outside of trade. For Drawkians and their superior technology, Oscioru(much like most of Sonnel) is seen as a living artifact. However, politically they enjoy a good relationship and many Osci individuals do reside in Drawkland, however under the greater umbrella of the massive number of over 35 million Juven ethnics rather than as a distinct entity. In Drawkland, association football is traditionally a sport relegated to mostly a secondary position below other sports such as gridiron football, baseball and others. However, given their competitiveness and grit, always wanting to be number 1, Drawkland has had a rich history in the sport despite recent hiccups. From its debut in World Cup 77(alongside Juvencus) and for a long series of cycles afterward, the Corps qualified to every single World Cup they participated for. This is a feat that many elite nations did not achieve until quite later on in their history and even in their golden generations. Despite this, it never managed to get past the round of 16 in the World Cup but Drawkland's women(as football is a ladies' sport in the nation and have been the representative of Drawkland for the majority of its World Cup participations) have shown skill and excellent usage of their special(incredibly tall and lanky) physique to their advantadge.

The Drawkians show that consistency, hard work and adaptability are all necessary traits for the Osci team to use in order to succeed in an ever growing multiversal football scene. To achieve that, a core team needs to be attained and then a general idea as to what Oscioru is and what it can be in the future. Consistency is not someting La Nazionale is known for as it has been alternating between defensive and aggressive football for the entirety of its history, however De Casio's task is to finely attune his players in order for this identity to finally root itself on the ground.

WEST BARRACK AND EAST OBAMA'S EXAMPLE: News about that nation could bring mixed feelings and conflicted opinions to the average Osci, Suntae and Sonnel citizen. Depending on their place in the political spectrum one could speak for a hard-working populace which is loyal to its leader, others could describe it as a maniacal dictatorship but its football has a different story to say. A slow and steady rise through the ranks, with players determined to fight to the last minute to maintain a lead that they could have taken from the early stages of the game. A style of football older Osci people will look towards and long for, rough players and a strong, united force to be reckoned with. Recent success shows that this team has no signs of slowing down and is rightfully a great representative of Sonnelian football to the multiverse.

La Nazionale should not be afraid to take on opponents much stronger than them nor underrate those who are seemingly weaker. With bravery and unity, a lead can be taken and maintained even in the hardest of conditions. With many players taking the risk to represent a harder nation over a more comfortably-placed one, there is a confidence in the air and De Casio is tasked to maintain it and instill it to current players and also the ones to come.

Taking heed of those examples, Oscioru, being a Sonnelian nation has a great foundation to do great in these qualifiers. The aim is always towards achieving a qualification to the World Cup, however, a participation in competitions such as the Cup of Harmony in case the dream is not yet realised are treated with great eagerness and excitement, mostly due to the fairness and close neck-to-neck competitiveness of such competitions.

[Auprussia]

A MEETING

Pierre Camanin entered the conference room with a clear plan and a goal. Auprussia qualified in an excellent effort last year but this year's qualifying is a different animal. He's starting to not like the sight of Edsmontik after their battles last year and even though it was only one match he did not appreciate what happened against Chromatika. Rien Charbreaux and Eleo Vicard entered shortly after him and sat down at the glass table. "Ok gentleman we have Edsmontik and Chromatika to start this qualifying and I want to get off to the best start we possibly can". Pierre continued "I think while we should maintain our aggression we have to make sure our defense is containing the inevitable counter-attacks". Vicard spoke up "We do already have Pardau dropping back, should we also have Briganteun do the same?". Rien countered "If we do it makes passing through the middle difficult unless we are going to attack extremely directly.". Pierre calmly spoke: "I think being direct is a good idea in this case, remember Miren is not our starter this time, it's Ariou.". Vicard nodded and said: "So you want the central midfield to lob balls up for Ariou, you think he's physical enough to win those battles?" "Certainly".

Vicard then voiced his concern over substitutes. "I know it has worked out in the past but I think utilizing your substitutes a bit more should be on the agenda". Pierre understood and recognized that was an issue in previous qualifying seasons and asked: "Do you have anything in mind?". Vicard handed a notebook to Pierre and said: "I have notes on the matter here, especially since we have some former starters still on this team we should be utilizing them to the best of our abilities, it's not like two years ago where we had very little depth". Pierre agreed although he did note the little shot Vicard took at him here. Rien then interjected: "I have a question". "What is it?" Pierre asked. "Where in this place can we go get some food? I'm starving out here!" Pierre and Vicard both chuckled and all 3 left the conference in a jovial mood.

Back at home Pierre still couldn't shake his own doubts. Last year was incredible but still had issues that he himself knew were a result of his own aggressive approach. While it had brought success it also made ever game a heart-attack waiting to happen. For the first time since Auprussia first participated in qualifying he was unsure not of the players or even his assistants, but of himself. Was last year just an aberration? Was he just lucky? As these questions swirled around in his head he took a lantern and went out to his boat. Pierre started fishing under the moonlight leaving the stress of the day behind.

[Wedich]

Polzvo St. Station, Seir-Kenzorth, Wedich
1:04PM, Sunday, September 7th, 2031

"When is this train arriving? We have to get to the airport as soon as possible!"

"I'll check the departure board."

The Wedichians were waiting for a metro service to the airport.
However, things weren't going as planned.
They must have forgotten that little to no trains run on the weekend.
So there the team sat, waiting over 10 minutes for a service to arrive.

"Coach, the next train is in a good six minutes."

Sozvastero was already bummed about getting knocked out of the BoF just a few months prior.
He saw the World Cup as a chance to regain traction and prove to the Wedichian Fustbaal Association that he had stuff to bring.
But if they were late to their first qualifying match, that would end it all.

Only two days remained until the opening games for Group 11.
The flight to Bohr was already a good 24 hours long.

If their metro did not arrive soon, they would have less than a day to get settled for the match.
The team needed luck to be on their side for the upcoming games.

***

Royzevo Station, Seir-Kenzorth, Wedich
1:17PM, Sunday, September 7th, 2031

"WHY HAVE WE BEEN STUCK IN THIS ONE STATION FOR SIX MINUTES!"

"Look coach, I know your frustration, but now isn't the time to get angr-"

"WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE AT ROYZEVO FOR SIX MINUTES!"

Everyone was frustrated now.
Six minutes of being stopped at a station.
Was the network really that congested?

At least they had gotten on the train.
That was something good.

But they'd only gone one stop.
The airport was still nine stops away.
It was going to be a hell of a ride for the Wedichians going forward.

***

Airport Station, Seir-Kenzorth, Wedich
2:23PM, Sunday, September 7th, 2031

"Over an hour for nine stops... I'm just tired now."

The doors to the Wedichian metro beeped open.
Passengers flooded out slowly.

The Wedichians trudged into the shuttle, and off they went to the airport.
Just an hour later, they boarded their flight to Bohr.

"I seriously feel like that one hour on the train was a good ten years."

"Same here."

"I'm glad that we're on the plane now. We can finally get some rest before the game."

The Wedichians were overall not very prepared.
They now only have the plane ride to rest and the next day to practice.
If they aren't quick, they might as well say goodbye to a chance to qualify.

[Grand Exultia]

Good afternoon and welcome back once again to Patsy’s Pitch Perspectives with me, your host, Patsy Orchinaoff. We are entering a new cycle so you know what that means, a new qualifying campaign for our brave men and women who will represent our national side in the hopes of achieving everlasting glory by being the first Exultians to achieve qualification.
Last cycle we saw our first foray onto the multiversal stage, some minor honours with silverware coming from our Baptism of Fire win and an invitation to the Cup of Harmony. We’ve burst onto the scene about as well as one could expect and now ranked in the top 100 we have been plucked out of pot 5 and thrust into group 14. As the fifth highest ranked team let’s take a quick look at the schedule and our predictions of fortune.

MD1 – @ Vielfaltig
MD2 – V Sarzonia
MD3 - @ Francobalkan Peninsula
MD4 - @ Drawkland
MD5 – v Olastor
MD6 - @ Gnejs
MD7 – V Bostopia
MD8 - @ Vdara
MD9 – V Solgavden
MD10 – V Vielfaltig
MD11 - @ Sarzonia
MD12 – V Francobalkan Peninsula
MD13 – V Drawkland
MD14 - @ Olastor
MD15 – V Gnejs
MD16 - @ Bostopia
MD17 – V Vdara
MD18 - @ Solgavden

A hard task to start with 4 away matches from the opening six, two of those being against higher ranked opposition but anything is possible in this crazy sport and you never know when Margaret may shine fortune on you.
With three teams progressing from the group stage we will have to perform better than our ranking, we will need to make the Gyrinx National Park a fortress and look to take points off the top teams where we can, first chance will be our second matchday where we play host to Sarzonia, favourites to top the group so a point will be a huge result in my opinion.
With all of our away fixtures predominantly against higher ranked opposition the first half of qualifying will definitely be harder than last.

[Drawkland]

These are the venues for Drawkland's World Cup 99 Qualifying home games.

Yeah, we're doing this thing again. Rather than limiting all the national team action to one or two cities in the nation's central cluster, DISC has once again elected to spread the fun across the huge nation of Drawkland. Nine home qualifying games is a little more than recent cycles, so a larger variety of Drawkian cities will be able to "enjoy" watching their national team in person.

The Kick Corps pulled 8 points out of their 7 home games last cycle. Yeesh. Let's hope for a little more luck on the home grounds, eh?

As usual, the larger stadiums and those in bigger cities with more significant soccer fanbases get preferential treatment in match scheduling. The "traditional" home venues of Drawk City Stadium and Spartan Veteran Stadium get the home opener and home closer, of course. Fans of all teams in Group 14 are welcome! We hope you enjoy your stay, except for the part where your team loses (please).

WC99 Qualifying Home Schedule
Matchday, Opponent, Stadium Name, Capacity, City
Kick Corps record at stadium (plus a nickname if one exists)
Fun fact about venue

MD2 vs Francobalkan Peninsula: Drawk City Stadium (175,000), Drawk City
Kick Corps record at the de facto national soccer stadium: 44-16-8
Drawkland is 5-2-3 when playing at Drawk City Stadium in one-off qualifying matches.

MD4 vs Grand Exultia: Castle Stadium (149,500), Raikennax
Kick Corps record at the Charge's Fortress: 11-2-2
Raikennax has played host to 10 qualifying matches for the Kick Corps. MD4 will be the earliest in the schedule they've ever hosted.

MD6 vs Olastor: Treasure Trove Stadium (106,150), Shire-Port
Kick Corps record at Shire-Port-Bay: 4-0-0
The last match the Corps played here was also the biggest in its history: a 6-2 victory over Juvencus in the IAC-16 quarterfinals.

MD8 vs Gnejs: Kanyo Pitch (164,000), Kayo
Kick Corps record at the Crown Ring: 7-3-3
This stadium is a rounded bowl with 12 symmetrical sections. The legend goes that this was done intentionally to reference the 12 schools of magic recognized by Drawkian mages.

MD10 vs Bostopia: The Raceway Nest (155,500), Owabrok
The Kick Corps has never played at Owabrok Speedway's Main Infield Venue.
A rather plain bowl-style stadium built on the infield of the Owabrok Racing Complex, the main feature of which is a superspeedway track.

MD12 vs Vdara: National Pitch (149,000), Metropolon
Kick Corps record in NatPitch: 6-2-3
The last four matches the Kick Corps has played at National Pitch ended with a 3-1 scoreline.
Unfortunately only two of those ended in Drawkland's favor.

MD14 vs Solgavden: Pitch of the Plains (101,000), Bellator
Kick Corps record in NatPitch: 2-1-0
Located on the edges of Greater Bellator, the eastern end of the upper deck is open, showing a pretty vista of the mostly-undeveloped grasslands outside of town.

MD16 vs Vielfaltig: Thunder Park (105,500), Jaffro
Kick Corps record in the Eye of the Storm: 3-0-1
Jaffro is home to a team called the Storm, currently playing in The Outbox League. They're named for the commonly unpredictable weather on the north coast. Prepare for rain!

MD18 vs Sarzonia: Spartan Veteran Stadium (107,500), Sadeg
Kick Corps record at the Vet: 37-12-13
The last time the Kick Corps lost a WC-sanctioned game here was the first leg of a qualifying playoff against Eura in WC89.
Given the opponent, that unbeaten streak probably ends this cycle.

If you want more details about any of these venues, let me know and I'll be glad to provide them.

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

World Cup 99 Factsheet
For further information contact Sasha Henderson, FAC Director of Media and Communication

BP at 20: World Cup 99 to mark milestone cycle

The Commonwealth of Baker Park National Team will encounter a number of choices along their path as to the direction it will take as the qualification for World Cup 99--to be co-hosted in Arrosia by Siovanija & Teusland, Banija, and the Squornshelan Remnant States--begins the third cycle of the 48 nation World Cup Final.

--Baker Park has co-hosted two previous editions of the World Cup, making the current qualifying tournament the eighteenth time the Football Association of the Commonwealth have submitted the paperwork necessary to express intent; only twice in history have the Gold & Black failed to advance from qualifying after having made their mark in the record book as debutant qualifiers and extending that streak longer (15 straight) than any nation previously.

--BP have regained some of their previous mid 80's cycle glory, rising to 21st in the current KPB+ ahead of start of qualifying after having fallen into the mid-30's following their failure to make the Finals in WC 95 and 96; they are one of seven nations from Arrosia that occupy places in the top 21 internationally as play begins to whittle down a field of 150 to 45 survivors that will join the co-hosts.

--Two of those hosts have direct connections with Baker Park's historic milestone cycle—Banija were co-hosts of Baptism of Fire 67 and would later make an incredible run to qualifying for their first World Cup at EqueStar 80 alongside BP, while S&T were similarly making their NSWC debut in BOF 67 and the nations met in the quarterfinals at Star Field in Herzegovina City, where BP came away 3-1 victors on the way to their loss in the tournament Final to Beepee; currently the three nations are separated by only tenths in 19th, 20th and 21st in the most recent ranking.

--The FAC will mark Baker Park's 20th cycle with a series of friendlies ahead of the start of qualifying and will also be planning ahead for the National Team's 1,200th all time fixture which will come during the first half of qualifying, as well as the 800th match played since their opening BOF 67 fixture in Banija against Norcambria which will arrive near the end of the second half of the tournament.

One notable opponent that will appear in the buildup will be the reigning World Cup silver medalists from Crpostran, ranked 5th overall. The Sapphire Strikers have made an incredible rise to their current position, supplanting BP in the role of debut Finals qualifiers in World Cup 96—and joined by Edsmontik in the following tournament—and needing only three cycles to reach the pinnacle of the sport. They will look to erase their not so long ago memory of the first meeting between the nations when they face off in Belle Haven, which will come exactly 100 fixtures in Bees history after the 7-2 whitewash applied at the BBP National Stadium prior to the Baptism of Fire, which established the record defeat for the nation from Karma in their short history. Baker Park made a return trip as the visitors on the dedication of the Olympic Stadium in Crpostown prior to World Cup 97 qualifying, a 3-3 draw that was considered a fair result on balance, reflecting the state of both sides at that point when the Gold & Black were looking to rebound from having missed out on consecutive Finals berths.

--Manager Will Barnard will be in charge for his sixth cycle, as he sits just 8 victories from tying Ichi Tuzzio for second all time on the managerial win list; he already has taken charge of more national team fixtures than anyone except Jennifer Prescott with 133, which is still nearly half as many as the record (256).

--There will be 52 players in the selection pool with eighteen qualifying fixtures scheduled but the balance of that group will be weighted towards inexperience as 27 players have 10 or fewer caps while at the opposite end just four returners have over 60 appearances with another six having between 50 and 57 caps. Cyndi Garfield and David Coleman will share the squad captaincy although Barnard is expected to continue the policy of spreading the game day leadership among several of the most experienced team members.

--The BPNT will visit a few venues that have missed out on matches in the last couple of cycles, with Collins Park in Oceana and the Queen Victoria Stadium in Ezriquay both being named for qualifying fixtures, the former last hosting the Gold & Black in a friendly against Captina Island prior to WCQ 97 and the latter not being included in the rotation since WCQ 94,when Natanians & Nosts were the guests.

--N & N return to the list of group opponents for the third time—they also were home & away foes in WCQ 82—alongside the top seeds in Group 6, Saint Eleanor, ranked 12th internationally; they too were an opponent in cycle 94, albeit in the Finals proper. BP had already advanced to the knockout stage rendering their 1-0 loss in Folte meaningless but with Park missing out in WC 95 it was the penultimate fixture in the 15 cycle run of never failing to qualify since their debut.

--Also on the schedule will be the nation that Baker Park defeated in the playoff in their debut cycle, the BOF 67 co-hosts, Qasden; the Arrosian sides will face off on matchday 1 in Oceana as they will renew their rivalry after having played one another in the most recent ARC in Siovanija & Teusland, a 4-2 victory for BP that was the tenth in 12 meetings. HOT-DAMN, the Anaian nation affiliated with Hapilopper that made a surprise debut in the Finals in last World Cup with a squad of part-timers will also look to make it two qualifications on the bounce while looking to get the better of the Bees.

[Flavovespia]

Starting From The Top

What a difference a few years can make. Last cycle it was a question of trying to break the curse of no winning a World Cup knockout game, and coming off the CAFA Cup 10 double final loss to Mertagne. Now, Flavovespia begin World Cup Qualifiers 99 as the holders of the World Cup, CAFA Cup, and ranked #1 in the world. Victor Adeyemo hasn’t just smashed one ceiling, he’s smashed them all.

No doubting for the nation this truly is a glorious era, but that won’t mean the players or manager will be resting on their laurels. In his opening press conference, sat looking at the Flavovespia crest adorned with a gold star and 3 purple stars, he confidently said “I’m always up for the challenge, what’s better than winning a World Cup? Winning a second World Cup”. Banija last achieved that in World Cup 93 and 94, but to do the double will require a lot of toughness and resilience from Flavovespia.

Flavovespia will be no doubt looking for stars across the experience range to guide them. At the top end, Jonatan Bagshaw comes in at the age off 33, and almost without doubt the GOAT of Flavovespian football now. For him, the remarkable target of 300 caps is the goal, he’ll probably reach the centennial World Cup, but he’ll know this could be the last cycle he’s confident he has the stamina to keep going. Paul Taylor is in a similar spot, 34, this could very well be his twilight tour, but there’s no doubt he’ll be giving it his all. Paul Amos is 31, and this means Flavovespia will soon be casting an eye for new centre backs.

Of course there’s plenty of young talent in the squad, as evidenced by recent form. Peter Marriott is just 24, but he could be the goalkeeper for a decade on current form. A goalkeeper who never seems to falter even after mistakes, he’s been a revelation after some predicted the goalkeeper golden generation would be hard to replace. Christopher Hill has been a key playmaker, it’s hard to remember sometimes he’s still only 27, likewise with 25 year old Charles Shepherd and 26 year old Peter Langdon, such a key generation of players. This does look a fine squad for Flavovespia.

Familiar names make our qualifying group. Zenic come from Pot 2, and after Flavovespia eliminated Zenic from World Cup 98, revenge will surely be on the cards. Zwangzug come from Pot 3, winners of World Cup 92, there’s no doubting their credentials as a footballing nation, and can certainly surprise. Indusse from Pot 4 are a new opponent for Flavovespia, but will hope for some good results to be in contention for a qualifying spot. Xanneria come out in Pot 5, a nation who’ve had plenty of their footballers play in Flavovespia and vice versa, the two nations have played before and have a good familiarity, which will aid a lively atmosphere. United Hawkland from Pot 6 know what it takes to beat Flavovespia in a World Cup Qualifier, and Flavovespia will want to avoid a similar fate.
The Osnari Federation, Kaumann, Unitarnia and REPUBLICANLAND are new opponents, but will relish a chance to take on the holders. No playoffs here, only the Top 3 qualify. Nothing should be taken for granted, Flavovespia will look to come out firing on all cylinders to get early points on the board.
Judd Stafford

[The Archregimancy]

From the Diaries of Swole Santa

Strangeness upon strangeness.

I find myself in a reality where some claim that there are other Santas, Santas who reward the good while only providing symbolic punishment to the naughty. How can this be so? Can there be alter egos of mine who have gone soft? Who have never tasted the succulent flesh of raw cows liver and sheep's testicles? Who don't work out early and often? Who don't take protein supplements? Who are - and imagine me shuddering as I write this - weak beta males?

I have been searching for information about our opponents in this 'World Cup' in which I have agreed to compete, along with a select few of my elves. My magic Tome of Naughtiness is still taking time to calibrate to the realities with which we find ourselves engaging, but already some information is becoming clear.

Doubeia is a team of ... girls. HA! Let me tell you, it's not all sugar and spice and all things nice with little girls. I see the hair pulling, the tripping, the insidious forming of vindictive little cliques ... and I like it. You think boys can be naughty? They have nothing - nothing, I tell you - on little girls. Just wait until I find out the secrets of this Dakari Balakleyets and her football playing schoolyard friends.

Little information is available on Dhemixia, but I will look into the pasts of Mario Hutchinson, Wesley Williamson, and the other members of their starting XI - and I will find them wanting.

These Ko-orenites, these dragonflies... They seem to play defensively, to which I ask... just what are they defensive about? Is the team nickname a hint? Did Geom yCinrhadd pull the wings off dragonflies as a child? Did he revel in their suffering as he watched their wingless bodies writhe on the ground? Soon the entire team's secrets will be mine.

And the dragoons of of Oberour Ar Moro... I applaud their commitment to the attack, but I will look upon their pasts and find them wanting. Jacques-Maurice Destelan de Saint-Joseph strikes me as just the sort of person who made his sister cry on her birthday when she was just six years old. I will concede that I have no proof of this as yet; but I will, soon I will.

Before each match, I will know their secrets, I will look upon their souls, I will know when they've been naughty, and revel in the stench of their fear. And if they've been good? Implausible though it may seem that any sentient entity could be good, this will merely give me the opportunity to mock their weakness.

As yet there is no information available on the other teams in the groups. But through both the Tome of Naughtiness and the mystical abilities of my power-lifting elves, soon there shall be no secrets from Swole Santa in WC99 Group 1.

I shall feast upon their fear, and it will be good.

You better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why...
Santa Claus is coming to town.

[Tikariot]

Chapter 1: Welcome to Sugar Creek
Located in the picturesque foothills of Saburnia, Sugar Creek is nestled along the banks of the small river of the same name, which, via several tributaries, leads to the Steamouth River, which eventually pours out into the Morannon Sound. Picture a village in the encyclopedia next to the entry of "find the middle of nowhere, turn right and continue on," and you will find this small town of 5,000 souls, where the most exciting thing to happen in the last five years was when the town’s only traffic light malfunctioned and blinked yellow for an entire week, causing widespread confusion and exactly zero accidents.

On the edge of the small market square, which is the centre of life for Sugar Creek, lies the Sweet Delights Bakery, owned by Doug Whiskers, a lifelong baker with a particular sweet tooth. Having learned from his father and grandfather, he was not content with just baking bread or pastries. No, he had ambitions. See, every year, The Grand Order of Saburnian Master Artisan Bakers and Culinary Laureates, or GOSMABCL (Gesundheit!), organizes The Exalted Trials of Flour, Fire, and Frivolous Garnishes™ (the formal title is "The Exalted and Most August Trials of Flour, Fire, and Frivolous Garnishes, Held Under the Benevolent Gaze of the Custard Crown and the Sovereign Council of Spatulas"), where the best bakers of the province come together to decide who is the best of the best.

This year, Doug really wants to win and put Sugar Creek on the map (quite literally, as many Saburnian maps do not actually feature Sugar Creek). His plan: Create the perfect cupcake. Well, he has had this plan for years and went to great lengths to research and study, until he finds a book in an old, dusty thrift store, ominously titled "The Dark Arts of Confectionary." Not very well-versed with the world of magic, Doug does not see anything wrong with the title and buys the old, decrepit tome, which smells faintly like vanilla extract and motor oil, and brings it to the bakery, where his trusted apprentice Lucy Sweet makes Doug wince with her rather unconventional approach to baking that views measurements (and instructions) as mere suggestions. With, at times, actually edible outcomes.

The old tome writes about a mysterious ingredient named "Vita Sweets," which is said to transform any baked good into a true piece of culinary art, into the epitome of excellence. Now, the only problem is, where to procure such an ingredient. Not only without garnering suspicion but on a far more basic level. How?

Through endless studies of the tome, molecular structures, the internet and an obscure search engine called Grmblflyx, Doug finds one store in far-off Alcassar that has carried the ingredient at least once, approximately 35 years ago. Filled with determination, Doug undertakes the journey across Saburnia and Balkash into tropical Acrassia, seeking out "Arcane & Edible, Purveyors of Confectionary Curiosities and Ingredients of Questionable Origin." As he enters the shop, it is empty. With the exception of one small box on an empty shelf.

An old man, who looks like the equivalent of an overcooked prune left out in the sun for three months, looks up from the counter and says, "I have been waiting for you for years."

Doug looks at the old man with confusion, "How could you have been waiting for me for this long when I found out about this store only two days ago?"

The old man gives a wheezing laugh, "Legend has foretold that one day, an idi--, uh, ambitious baker will come here in the pursuit of pastry perfection."

Doug looks around the store. "Not much to pursue here, is there?"

"Oh, there is. Right there, that box in that shelf. It holds everything you are hoping for. And then some."

He points at the small box sitting forlorn on the dusty shelf that does not look like it has seen a duster in decades. Doug quietly approaches it and lifts it off the shelf, which immediately collapses, startling the baker. He brings the box to the counter and carefully sets it down. The old man looks at him with a warm smile. "That would be 250 thousand auranurs."

Doug gulps audibly, "Wh-what?"

Another wheezing laugh that gives way to a two-minute cough attack that rattles the old man's frail body to the point Doug is worried he might shake some limbs loose follows. "I am just joking."

"Phew, good!" Doug exhales.

"It is only 200 thousand. But for you, I will make an exception. A special discount."

Doug looks at him hopeful and the old man looks back at him, not saying a word. After about five minutes, he gives a start as if being roused from a catatonic state. "5 auranurs and this box is yours."

----

Two days later, Doug arrives back at Sweet Delights late at night, the full moon illuminating the bakery's signage, exhausted yet excited. "Lucy! I found it!"

Lucy, both of her arms elbow deep in a strangely grey substance that looks more like cement than batter, looks at him. "Found what?"

"Vita Sweets! My ticket to stardom! The missing link to making the perfect cupcake! Gather everything, tonight, we are making cupcake history!"

Lucy stands there, her arms now stuck in her batter, which begins to resemble the consistency of cement as well, looking at Doug wide-eyed. "Right now?"

Doug's eyes are gleaming with excitement. "Yes, right now!"

Lucy attempts to lift her arms out of... whatever she was trying to make, however she is stuck. After 20 minutes of patient chiselling, Doug frees Lucy from her prison and begins to collect ingredients.

Doug sets the small, unassuming box of Vita Sweets on the central counter like it’s made of crystal, reverently brushing off a thin layer of dust that somehow accumulated on it during the journey back, despite it being tightly sealed in his luggage the entire time. Lucy peers over his shoulder, her hair still flecked with flakes of whatever her batter abomination was supposed to be.

“Are we sure this isn’t just powdered sugar?” she asks, narrowing her eyes at the fine, pale substance inside the box. “Or drywall dust?”

Doug snatches it protectively away. “This,” he says, “is the culmination of centuries of sugarcraft. An alchemical miracle. A sweetener of destiny.”

Lucy raises an eyebrow. “It smells like burnt marshmallows and radiator fluid.”

Doug shrugs. “It’s supposed to.”

They gather the other ingredients: eggs so fresh they’re still warm, butter imported from the grass-fed cows of Eastern Saburnia, flour ground from heirloom wheat Doug had milled by a suspiciously intense man in a windmill, and a secret blend of spices that Lucy swore was just cinnamon and a lot of optimism.

The kitchen hums with a sense of occasion. Doug lights his grandfather’s old pilot stove by striking a match against his apron—a practiced move that goes slightly wrong and singes his sleeve. Lucy quietly douses it with a spray bottle labeled “Emergency Mist.”

Bowls clatter. Flour flies. There’s laughter, bickering, and a minor incident with a bag of sugar that ends in a sticky floor and Doug slipping dramatically into a shelf of sprinkles. But finally, everything is ready.

The batter gleams in the bowl, rich and golden. Lucy looks at it skeptically. “It’s good. But not perfect.”

Doug nods solemnly. “That’s where this comes in.”

He lifts the box of Vita Sweets with both hands like it’s the Holy Grail. Carefully, he opens the lid. A strange hum fills the air—like the sound of a harp being tuned underwater. The powder inside glows faintly, shifting in color from soft pink to deep gold, then back again. Lucy steps back.

“Doug… are you sure?”

“No,” he says, grinning. “But when has that ever stopped me?”

He takes a deep breath, dips a silver spoon into the powder, and gently pours a small amount into the batter.

The moment Doug pours some of the Vita Sweets in, lightning strikes the bakery...

[HOT-DAMN]

Jane’s Diner, New Hap City, HOT-DAMN
Two nights before Match 1 of World Cup 99 Qualifying - HOT-DAMN v. Nexxus Drako

Jane’s Diner was Hapilopper’s answer to the all-night greasy spoon, the kind of diner that was open 24 hours a day, turned nobody away and provided the kind of meal that any drunken fool could relish. It didn’t matter if you were some guy getting off the late shift, someone needing a refuel from a night of bar-hopping or the head coach of the territory’s national football team, Jane’s Diner welcomed everyone, and no one felt superior or inferior to the other. And that’s why Ernie Stevenson loved the place so much. His wife and children were fast asleep in the coastal villa overlooking the sea. Ernie had worked so many late nights lately as he got his team ready for the first match of the World Cup Qualifiers, the home opener against Nexxus Drako.

He probably didn’t need to worry too badly. Nexxus Drako was the bottom-seeded team in the group, the only team in pot 10 with a ranking. Nexxus Drako was in a sea of unknown commodities, one-offs, hopefuls, and whatever you could call nations like “REPUBLICANLAND” and “Notcommunist3”. HOT-DAMN, on the other hand, was one of the top teams in the group, bested only by teams like Saint Eleanor and Baker Park. Two teams that, to put it mildly, would give Ernie - or any footballing mind with half a brain - pretty intense heartburn. But still, Ernie didn’t want to look past Nexxus Drako. He wanted to take them about as seriously as humanly possible. To not do so would be to invite danger. That’s how HOT-DAMN could stand to get defeated by a side like Nexxus Drako.

Even still, some wondered if Ernie was taking the assignment of Nexxus Drako a little too seriously. Specifically, the barflies at Laughing Pup had heckled Ernie, telling him that Nexxus Drako didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of beating HOT-DAMN, so why worry?

“Because sometimes, snowballs get through, you fools!” Ernie barked at a couple of them.

It was 2:40 in the morning in New Hap City. Ernie needed some time away from his office, and he needed some food. He didn’t want to go to Laughing Pup - not at least, until the end of the match. He felt like he’d get distracted there, and heckled by people who had drank more beers than they had brain cells. But even as he ordered his food - the kind of meal his brother Drake would get - three eggs scrambled with cheese, hashbrowns scattered, smothered, covered, chunked and peppered, and a slice of country ham - he realized that he wouldn’t be safe from anyone here in HOT-DAMN.

“Yo, you’re the gaffer, are ya?” a drunk man slurred in a heavy country accent. “You that Ernie Stevenson guy!”

“Yeah, keep it to yourself,” Ernie responded. “I’m trying to get some peace and quiet. Some time away from football.”

“Yeaaaaa... don’t FUUUCK this one up, Steve’son,” the drunk man said. “Who tha’FUUUCK is Nexxus DRAYYY-KO?”

Ernie could only stare. Nothing he would say would benefit this situation. He called the waitress over and decided he’d take care of this guy.

“Ma’am,” Ernie said quietly. “Get this guy a tall-ass coffee and a cab for when he’s done. I’ll pay for his meal and for his cab.”

“Sure thing,” the waitress said.

“SEEERousLEE,” the drunk asshole continued, his volume ever-steadily increasing. “WHAT THA FUUUUCK IS A NEXT-US DRAYKO? WE GONNA KEEEL THEM TEN NOTHING! AIN’T THAT RIGHT, MR. GAFF-UHR?”

On the other side of the drunk asshole was a 20-something man and his girlfriend. The girlfriend was very, clearly, obviously uncomfortable with the drunk asshole waxing less-than-poetic about how terrible Nexxus Drako was. Obviously the guy had entered one of those zones where he got on a tangent and couldn’t quite get off it. That man in his 20s looked like he could kick some serious ass in a mixed martial arts ring. But he also looked like someone that chose not to. Which, in turn, probably made him more dangerous. The man looked at Ernie, shook his head in frustration, and then looked at the drunk asshole.

The drunk asshole, relishing in the attention he was drawing, looked around and saw the whole diner was looking at him. Ernie looked like he wanted to kill the guy for drawing attention to him. The man in his 20s wanted to slam the drunk asshole’s head into the floor for making his girlfriend uncomfortable. A group of drunks across the diner looked like they wanted to get involved, too. Ernie shook his head and realized he might be getting involved, unwittingly, in one of those famous Jane’s Diner brawls that make headlines back home.

“Brotha, lay off,” the man in his 20s barked at the drunk asshole. “You’re making my woman uncomfortable.”

“YOUR WO-MAN?” the drunk asshole bellowed. “WELL EXCUSE ME!”

Ernie shook his head. “Cancel my order,” he said to the waitress, handing her a $50 bill for the trouble. “I want no part of this.”

“HEY, WHERE TH’FUCK YA GOIN, GAFF-URRR?” the drunk asshole yelled.

“Fuck off, asshole, I need some peace,” Ernie barked before walking away. He stormed out of the diner as things turned south very, very quickly. As Ernie opened the door to leave, the man in his 20s yelled something at the drunk asshole and that set off the powder keg. A brawl broke out, enveloping the entire diner as Ernie could only walk away, not even bothering to look at the shitstorm that had unfolded inside. But such was life. That’s how people in HOT-DAMN felt. So confident in themselves that they were certain the Beer Leaguers could roll over Nexxus Drako. So confident in themselves that they didn’t care who they offended, they were gonna get blitzed and yell all varieties of obscenities.

Ernie, on the other hand, wanted some peace and quiet. He drove back home for a little bit, turned on the TV, and became transfixed with an encore presentation of “Bowling for Dollars” from Hapilopper City, a show that for one reason or another, was one of the most popular show in New Hap City.

As Ernie sat there and watched Dave Stevens, a pipefitter from Hapilopper City trying to win money bowling on “Bowling for Dollars,” he slowly fell asleep. Next thing he knew, his wife Wendy and their kids Nathan and Patty had come downstairs for breakfast, and Wendy was wondering if Ernie had gone binge-drinking the night before. He hadn’t, he hadn’t had a drink in weeks. But he had been around drunks.

[Chromatika]

Projected Lineups for World Cup 99 Qualifying Matchdays 1 and 2
vs. (235) Vixette @ The Shock, Wirr Tsi, Capital District (Cap. 51,350; 18,000 Seats), @ (58) Auprussia
Starting XI: Sourtois; Coulibaly - Jackson-Jones - Nodis; Fillar, G. - Mesic-Mizayaki - Fillar, B. - Fillar, E.; Françine-Miklavivec; Xuen-Zhukov - Howard-Dawes.
Substitutes: GK Jill Swanson, GK Jessika Aniston, DCR Paisley Paterson, DC Claudia Lethbridge-Antonio, DCL Uemura Saburo, DC Samantha Han Cunningham, WBR Jacoliene Hauptmeijer, WBL Nemes Mátyás, MR Kandice Oriol, DLP Alija Mesic-Mizayaki, CDM Jayla Lethbridge-Antonio, CDM Cassandra Van Der Borght, AM Maddie Prenn, AF Kaytlyn Jean-Baptiste, CF Harriet Baïe-Verte, AF Adélaide Bittencourt.
Preview: The most important cycle of the Alina Khabibullina era begins. The Pyazhnayan has been successful in returning Chromatika to the World Cup Proper; after going winless in World Cup 97 and barely making the Round of 32 in World Cup 98 before losing, the expectations are to go even further this time around - or she may not see an extension. With the big match against top seeds Edsmontik looming in Matchday 4, Khabibullina has said that the First String XI will play the first four games; it all starts with a home tie against Vixette and a road trip to Auprussia, the Group's first true test. Hailee Sourtois finally gets the nod at Goalkeeper - but the rest of the Starting XI know how to play with each other. The team, as usual, will revolve around the remaining three Fillars and Xuen-Zhukov. Will they start strong?

DISCOVERY OF THE AGES
I. The Find

Nevin Ishmael was a frustrated, miserable man.

Sheets of rain came down in a dreary, wet Chromatik day as he made his way to Construction Site A-31, in the northeastern side of what used to be the site of the city of Eyrods before the Abyssal Incursion and Occupation. Normally, he would rather do anything else than be working when it was pouring down rain like this - but he didn't have a choice when Management was on him about making sure that they were on time to build the power plant that would furnish one of the boroughs of the new city of Eyrods.

As an excavator operator who moonlighted as an electrician, Ishmael was the head of a small crew that was in charge of digging up the ground around the site - in preparation of the power plant being built. He wouldn't need the rest of his five-person crew there today - though they way that misery loves company, only one had to get soaked despite wearing waterproof gear from head to toe getting from the parking lot to the construction site.

He got into the excavator with a bit of difficulty due to the severe weather, thanking the stars that it was just rain and not severe wind, as well as the fact that he was working in a covered area. It shouldn't take more than three hours to get back on track - and hopefully by the end of it, the weather would be a lot better. Turning on a playlist of modern Chromatik/Banijan music that he liked, Nevin went to work.

Two and a half hours later, his work was interrupted when the bucket of the excavator struck something hard. He tried to get the bucket to angle in such a way to get to the bottom of whatever was blocking it, but it kept striking the same thing. On the fourth try, the bucket broke through what was blocking it, causing him to decide to get out of the excavator and go look at what he had broken through.

Stopping the excavator completely, he stepped out and made his way carefully to the pit. Leaning in, what he found would change the course of his life forever.

A broken casket, made of wood and metal, with a crack through it that the bucket had caused. Making a sign of the cross, Nevin leaned in check what was below the lid - and recoiled back almost immediately as he saw a full human skeleton.

A burial? Here? According to the records of Eyrods before the invasion and occupation, this had been a kid's playground - corrupted by the Yesopalithan abyss. Why was a casket here? What did it all mean?

Nevin picked up his phone and called his foreman. This was going to put a damper on their plans, and the plans of the Eyrodii Rebuilding Commission at large.

Nevin Ishmael had no idea just how much this would change Chromatika at a fundamental level - and his life, too.

[Natkr]

ReemSports: World Cup Edition

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The country of Natkr is filled with anticipation throughout and the scent of freshly cut grass at Natkr's National Training Centre in Nordhammer lighting the way as the Natkrian national team embarks on its biggest challenge yet: the qualification journey for the 99th NS World Cup. Under the major guidance of veteran Shew Shore FC coach and former player, Kyes Adam Weah, the squad is undergoing a major restructuring phase ahead of their first crucial opening qualifiers against the mainly new team of North Polish Union and the hardest opponent of the group in 15 placed The Kytler Peninsulae. Coach Kyes Weah has made it extremely clear to the team : they will put their absolute best in their historic quest for their first World Cup spot.

The average training session under Coach Kyes Weah is surprisingly demanding, with players subjected to daily triple sessions that combine many tactical drills together with intense physical endurance. Leaked reports from within the camp suggest a steady increase in focus on defensive roles/abilities and the many counter-attacks made by both teams, strategies and tactics which are made to battle Natkr’s opponents’ tactics and special features, like for The North Polish Union. Team sports says that, the CB1 in David Lopez of Grand FC, has been crucial in each defensive preparation camo by following Weah’s defensive plan for the pitch, leading in drills mainly everytime.

The North Polish Union presents a huge challenge to the Green on Blue. Known for physical play and hard attacking football, they possess a skillful Polish team to work on, with popular players and names like Marek Zawadzki, Sebastian Meister, and Hieronim Kalinowski. Natkr's coaching scourts and analysts has spent countless hours before the World Cup watching and analyzing The North Polish Union at' previous tournaments, particularly focusing on their successful set-piece tricks and the movement of their poacher in a striker, Marek Zawadzki. The use to fight a team is simply needed to move forward in the battle for glory in Arrosia. (and plus we won’t get trolled online anymore for the 2458th time this week)

What is challenging however, actually in a bigger way than the North Polish Union, is the threat hanged by, none other than the Kytler Peninsulae, the biggest team in our group. Now it had to come. Sooner or later. It just had too. Their national team mainly provides an unpredictable style of play, compared to most teams with a balance of attacking style which it is what makes them the best. Before we go on in this segment, we at ReemSports would like to show respect for the victims of Flight 134. We have a memorial of the fallen players before our qualifying home game. Their attacking midfielder, Stijn BEVERWIJK, is a particular concern, capable of unlocking defences with a simple flick up that will leave you all twisted up. Natkr's main preparations for this match include extensive video analysis of Kytler Peninsulae’s players’ play style and drills designed to disrupt their attacks and to start an interception.

The pressure on each player in the Natkrian squad is major. With Natkr’s sporting achievements at stake and the dream of going to the World Cup hanging in the corner quietly, every training session, every important discussion, and every moment of rest is being used to improve the team every step of the way. The atmosphere, while focused, also carries an undeniable sense of nervousness to the team as they work more and more closer to the opening game at Skyhold’s Keoad Stadium. ReemSports.com is providing ultimate access to the team's journey to everyone with Reem+, bringing fans closer to the team’s feelings and emotions.

Beyond the football preparations in front, Natkrian psychologists have been brought in to work with the players, checking they are mentally ready enough and stable to handle the pressures of the qualification campaign and everything potentially after it. Maintaining focus and navigating all these expectations, both from the coaches and for the country back for home, definitely isn’t going to be easy for any of these players at all.The journey to the 99th World Cup hopefully promises to be a great one for Natkr.

As the kick-off against the North Polish Union comes tomorrow, followed the next day by the clash against group favorites the Kytler Peninsulae, the nation and the team holds their breath.. Reem+ will be your exclusive home for all the games and in-depth analysis as Natkr attempts to jump right in to Arrosia but with a few obstacles in their way. Can they overcome these early hurdles to eventually finish strong and win big, or will they seek an early flight home? Everyone will be watching on ReemSports.com and Reem+.

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

Bees seemingly have their sting, ready for WCQ
Scott McCrae
The Daily Mail Chief Soccer Writer

The Commonwealth of Baker Park National Team have prepared for their twentieth cycle with all the special party tricks and bells & whistles ready to show off--there's a special FAC badge affixed to the front of a special redesign of the kits worn by the side that competed in Baptism of Fire 67 and the subsequent qualifying for World Cup EqueStar 80.

They've put on a preseason series of matches against a lineup of strong opposition that includes the fifth, sixth, fifteenth and twentieth ranked nations and come away looking like a team that should be good value for money if one were looking to predict which nations will be visiting Banija, Siovanija & Teusland or the Squornshelan Remnant States for World Cup 99; form can be fleeting but the last time BP looked this sharp ahead of qualifying they were on their way to Eastfield Lodge after winning 11 and drawing 2 of the 16 matches in WCQ 97.

Many of the players who were gaining experience during that era will be leading those in the next generation in this tournament so parallels abound within the larger selection pool that will certainly have a different makeup when the centenary World Cup gets underway.

Will Barnard's charges were not a prolific scoring side in the last cycle but if the early returns thus far hold up, Baker Park could find themselves punching a ticket as a Pot 1 World Cup Finals side.

There are numerous coincidences that could point a superstitious fan towards believing that this will be BP's time to rise to the top--Flavovespia's triumph over Crpostran in the Rushmori WCF will give plenty of nations a newfound sense of confidence in the thinking "Why Not Us?" as the 45 nation Finals concept has proven what its champions said it would accomplish, i.e., made the pool of potential winners deeper.

The historical elements of this cycle for the Commonwealth--the 1,200th all time fixture and the 800th fixture of the mixed gender era, plus the connections to the BOF67/WC80 which will get an immediate focus as the Turkish Vans from Qasden will come carrying their existential loathing of all things Baker Park to Oceana--to name just three in the short term, threaten to overwhelm the actual narrative of the qualifying series itself. The team still have to show up and perform on the night over 18 rounds in an exercise that has become increasingly more difficult as the quality of competition has gotten better since BP began their particular trick of sometimes making it look easier than it really is.
They've played exactly 300 qualifying fixtures, not including playoffs, and have won or drawn 5 out of every 6 (43 losses to be exact) over that span. Their 44th loss, if you include the 9 playoff matches in the overall total, was BP 3-4 Qasden in TV City. Even winning felt like losing if you were a Qad.

Lineup vs Qasden MD 1

Albertson; Andrews, Little, A.Jones; Martini, Garfield (c), Morgan, Howard; Grayson; London, Khan
subs: Fraley, Frost, Milhouse, McKenzie, Douglas, D'Alessandro, S. Logan, Prince, Ibrahim, Shock, Azikiwe, Hardison, Delacroix

Lineup vs Nexus Drako MD 2

Longstreet; Frost, Milhouse, McKenzie; Douglas, D'Alessandro (c), S. Logan, Prince; Shock; Coleman, Hardison
subs: Duffy, Womack, Morris, A Jones, Gonzales, Domicelli, Ibrahim, Morgan, Kirby, Applegate, Ikedieze, Kaeppler, Azikiwe

[Kwrpania]

SPORT

Baptism of Fire bronze salves semifinal loss heartbreak

TYDEBWG, NORTH PROVINCE – A heroes' welcome greeted the Kwrpan national team at Tydebwg International Airport as they celebrated their first international football medal.

The semifinal marked the first defeat for manager Dobgazoz-bof, as a rampant Zirahuen side thoroughly dominated the first half to take a 3-0 lead into the break. Rebounds were the cause of the first two, as striker Foa-Chaxa showed a killer instinct to follow in shots from teammates and slot them into the bottom corner. Fellow striker Quini-Timax capitalized on a clearly rattled Kwrpan defense right before half-time, pouncing on a poor back-pass by Kwrpan right back Synydwb-pyt and coolly chipping the ball over the onrushing Fakswr-rof.

Dobgazoz-bof emphasized the need to bounce back stronger in the third-place playoff in his closing press conference, and right winger Vabwpetok-zok seemingly took that to heart, collecting the ball just inside his own half and launching a driving run that ended with a curling shot into the top left corner. It all seemed to slip away, though, as goals from Mármarosi and Vincze put the Electric Eels behind at the break yet again. Dobgazoz-bof had also looked for fight from this team, though, and they showed how much they really had when Vabwpetok-zok turned provider, wiggling his way through several Gyaromian defenders before sliding a perfect pass for Magnws-rym to slot home for his sixth goal of the tournament. He would get his seventh before too long, as a whipped cross by young left back Mamzwb-zok was deflected off the arm of Gyaromia right back Szollár, sending Magnws-rym to slide the ball into the bottom right corner from the penalty spot.

The disappointment of the semifinal loss was still evident on the faces of many of the Kwrpan side, but hearing the national anthem ring around an emptying IFA National Academy Stadium brought proud smiles throughout, as did the presentation of bronze medals to the squad. Reflecting on the tournament, Dobgazoz-bof emphasized his pride in the team. "This was their first experience playing outside Kwrpania, let alone on a stage as big as this, and they showed real heart and real fight throughout this entire tournament. It's been a long few weeks, away from the comforts of home, and we'll be glad to be heading back, but this experience will have shaped a lot of these players for the better, and we can't underestimate that."

The attention of the national team now turns to World Cup qualification. Kwrpania has been drawn into Group 4 for the qualifiers, alongside Juvencus, Eshialand, Valentine Z, Sudilia, the Busoga Islands, Jeruselem, Quakmybush, Pakhomiya, and Tevuekk. The Electric Eels open qualification at home against Pakhomiya at the Natioanl Stadium in Tydebwg, before travelling to 10th-ranked Juvencus at the Stadio Electrico in Aguajú.

Kwrpania vs. Zirahuen (4-4-2):
Fakswr-rof
Synydwb-pyt, Petobsw-nam, Rynropeka-mwń, Mamzwb-zok
Vabwpetok-zok, Gofanws-vyn, Magnws-rab, Taftyr-mwń
Magnws-rym, Vabwpro-pyt

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Summary:
[ZIR] Foa-Chaxa 18'
[ZIR] Foa-Chaxa 34'
[ZIR] Quini-Timax 45+1'

Kwrpania vs. Gyaromia (4-4-2):
Fakswr-rof
Synydwb-pyt, Petobsw-nam, Rynropeka-mwń, Mamzwb-zok
Vabwpetok-zok, Taftyr-mwń, Gofanws-vyn, Magnws-rab
Magnws-rym, Vabwpro-pyt

---

Summary:
[KWR] Vabwpetok-zok 14'
[GYR] Máramarosi 25'
[GYR] Vincze 42'
[KWR] Magnws-rym 89' (Vabwpetok-zok)
[KWR] Magnws-rym 110' (pen)

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POLITICS

Election called as government collapses

KWRPANMAP, CAPITAL PROVINCE – The First Minister, together with the First Elder, today announced the dissolution of the Popular Council.

The announcement came just days after the leaders of the opposition Our Democracy and Progress parties officially called for a vote of no-confidence in the Government, following the defections of several Homeland councilors. In a press conference given from his recovery center outside Bezbenpam, Our Democracy leader Robensw-bof welcomed the dissolution, calling for all Kwrpan to "do their duty, to save our democracy, to stop this tyrannical security bill and to get justice for those that this government wants to see harm done upon".

The announcement also marks the beginning of the three-week election campaign, with the first 60-second party advertisements scheduled to be aired during half-time of Kwrpania's upcoming away match at Juvencus. The official allocations of party campaign money have yet to be provided to the public, though Homeland is naturally expected to get the lion's share as the largest vote-getter during the previous election.

Initial polling suggests a potentially significant drop in seats for Homeland, with their Rural Constituency seats in the South under threat from Kwrpan Union and the rising Southern Movement, while the growth of Our Democracy and Progress is expected to draw Urban Constituency seats away, especially in the North. Homeland's government, working with a two seat majority (in confidence and supply with Kwrpan Union), had previously been relatively productive in passing legislation, but the Law on State Security that passed the Council of Provinces two weeks ago seemed to be the last straw for multiple deputies, and for a lot of the public, with Kwrpanbox polling showing a several-point drop in support for the government parties.

The Popular Council is the publicly elected lower house of the Kwrpan legislature. The 131-seat body is comprised of 101 members from Urban Constituencies, 20 from Rural Constituencies, and 10 "national-provincial members". Urban constituencies are multi-member constituencies, covering an urban or metro area, with seats allocated by proportional representation, while rural constituencies are single-member constituencies, where the party (voters vote for parties, not candidates) that receives the most votes wins. National-provincial members are allocated, 2 per province, to the party that receives the most overall votes within each province - a system that seems near-incontrovertibly designed to provide Homeland, as the largest party by some distance, a guaranteed ten seats in every election.

Party manifestos are expected to be announced throughout the remaining weeks.

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[Jeruselem]

Naked News Jeruselem's Princess Alice Stella Dallas (naked) at the Naked News Jeruselem studio

Hello! I'm Princess Alice Stella Dallas of Jeruselem. Err, just call be Alice because my full name is bit long for most.
Yes I am an actually Princess, not one of those wannabe celebrities who call themself a Princess.
I am also one of the official spokespeople for the Jeruselem Royal Family.
This video is directed at those people who will soon visit Jeruselem for the World Cup 99.
Particularly for those who come from teams in Group 4 in the World Cup 99, excluding ourselves.
This means it's for people from Quakmybush, Eshialand, Busoga Islands, Kwrpania, Tevuekk, Valentine Z, Pakhomiya, Juvencus, Sudilia

First things first, we're not some kind of liberal democracy. Outwardly we do look like but there is a Royal family, of which I am a member.
The ruling Monarch is Queen Bella I or if you want be really totally formal "Queen Bella I of Jeruselem and God Empress of the Holy Latin Empire, Defender of Faith".
Before you ask, the Holy Latin Empire does not exist and we're last remnants of it. Hence why we have the title of God Empress of the Holy Latin Empire stuck in formal name.
It doesn't really mean anything these days but we are what's left of that Empire.

We do actually have a parliament and senate but the final say with laws is with us still.
It's just we don't go writing them, that's their job.
No they do not have the powers to remove the monarchy.

Jeruselem is one of the older nations who have been in the World Cup, we've been here since World Cup 6.
We've never won it but we're no quitters. Mind you it's getting harder with so many new nations in the cup these days.
We've never won the Cup of Harmony either.

We apologise for the rather austere security but we can't avoid it.
Due to us being brunt of some unwanted negative sentiments build up over time.
Yes we do have this certain reputation, especially our female population for being morally relaxed about nudity and sex.
I mean, I'm here not wearing much.

There's plenty to offer here to a holiday.
If you want to visit religious places and ne pious, we aren't stopping you. Just don't pushing your values on others.
On the other side, if you like a good time and party, we have plenty of that too.
I'm sure there's few loose women around to keep you busy. Not that I'm a model of good behaviour anyway.

We do have official web site for those who don't want to get into trouble here so you avoid well, legal problems.
No we don't go snooping what's on your personal digital devices by default unless you've ended up on our blacklists which is something else.
We got better things to do.
OK, that's it. Oh yes, one change from last World Cup.

Twitter or X is banned.
There's a few other sites too but that's the main one.
This is due some recent incidents on the site where local X users got out of control and started directing unpleasant things at us.
We do have a local X clone called D, D for Dallas. We're not very creative with names.

[Katzeburg]

Message In A Bottle - How Wolfenholm North frames the election

By Antony Rotweiss, KBC Election Correspondent

If you need any idea of just how the Katzeburgian political landscape looks heading into the upcoming election, you only need to look as far as the seat of Wolfenholm North to get a microcosm of this election season. The once long-held Social Harmony seat under former Katzeburgian Football Federation chair Brennan Kerr was thrown into chaos when the MP was caught out in a corruption scandal two years earlier. Following his departure from the KFF and parliament - where he was forced out after a second vote in the chambers after the first descended into violent fracas - the seat went to a by-election, where the Social Harmony party was destroyed by the electorate.

“Kerr’s tainted the party round here, that’s for sure,” Wolfenholm butcher Jack Slasher tells me over a pint one afternoon in The Roaring Wolf, a local hotspot for the community and home to one of KNL side Wolfenholm United’s largest fan clubs. “Many of us were fine that once he took on the KFF role he spent less time in the area. He was a busy man with a lot to do. But bringing corruption into football was the final straw for a lot of us. We wear green on our sleeves out here - bringing the competition into disrepute was something which was a bridge too far.”

The electorate by and large agreed with Slasher’s view - at the by-election 18 months ago, Social Harmony placed fourth on the overall first votes, behind the Katzeburg First, Katzeburg National, and the Radical Worker parties. With the country’s preferential voting method in place, the Social Harmony party at least had enough votes flow from eliminated parties to push it past the Radical Worker party, but it was eliminated in third, a long way behind the Katzeburg First and Katzeburg National parties. The by-election would be ultimately be won by far-right group Katzeburg First and their local member Ray Sistley, eking out a 0.3% win over the Katzeburg National candidate, but Sistley’s reign as MP has been what many in the community think is an unmitigated disaster.

Above: The Wolfenholm North by-election results which saw Ray Sistley elected after Kerr's resignation.

“The man’s a moron, putting it bluntly,” Wolfenholm school teacher Andrea Waterstone said while she worked as part of a growing movement to get Sistley voted out of office in the coming election. “People were rightly mad at Kerr for his scandal, but overcorrected by voting for someone who barely has two braincells to rub together. The sole benefit of him and all his other Katzeburg First cronies is that them having spots in the current parliament shows the voting base just how useless they’ve been, so giving them any power would be a waste of our nation’s time.”

Waterstone is not alone in this viewpoint - Sistley has overseen a series of unforced errors during his time as Wolfenholm North MP, with some highlights including wrongly naming the seat he won in his victory speech (He called it North Campbellnia instead, a constituency which is on the other side of North Katzeburg), seeing his local branch of Katzeburg First declare bankruptcy after personally falling victim to an identity theft scam and wiring all the branches funds to an account purporting to be from the party's head office, and personally overseeing and signing a deal which would turn historically listed parkland just on the edge of the city into the nation’s largest landfill, infamously stating “Who gives a shit about protected animals?” when defending the deal.

But arguably his biggest scandal was his suspension from parliament for a month for purposely sharing false information on the floor, alleging that refugees were coming “illegally in the thousands” to small Katzeburgian towns like Hangpifel and Skyberg via boat from regional neighbour South Newlandia. This was wrong in a number of ways, namely that South Newlandia has no reported refugees heading to Katzeburg (or anywhere for that matter, as the nation is well-regarded for its positive standard of living), that the last illegal boat of refugees to be intercepted by the nation’s border patrol was over a decade ago, and most importantly - neither Hangpifel or Skyberg have any river access, meaning it would be impossible for a boat to arrive in these towns.

All parties in the government were swift to condemn the comments, as were many outlets in the media. In the seat of Wolfenholm North, however - the comments went down like a lead balloon. “I was shocked reading that, to be honest with you,” Slasher told me. “None of it made no sense, it’s like the guy had never seen a map of the country before. He was just there to stir up hate and foster some sort of stupid culture war. I think that was the final straw for many of us.”

Sistley is running to retain his seat in the coming election, but data indicates he is on course to be voted out in record numbers. Both he and Katzeburg First refused to comment as part of this piece, with the only statement we received from either to be a simple “Get Fucked.” from Sistley when we enquired about an interview. But who is the favourite to win Wolfenholm North now? It appears that there are three main contenders heading into the campaign - the Katzeburg National Party, the Social Harmony Party, and the party of the current government, the Katzeburgian Alliance. The National Party are early odds-on favourites for the seat, with particular investment in campaigning within the seat after coming so close to securing it last time out at the by-election. They are led in Wolfenholm by long-time local councillor Jeff Adamson, who is campaigning on the little things which the area needs to address to bring up living standards.

“The suburbs and villages which make up Wolfenholm North is an unsung gem of North Katzeburg,” Adamson told me at a campaign stop in the small village of Duck-on-the-Cuomo, a village with just 25 people, but exactly the type of voter base Adamson wants to reach out to. “It’s clear that the Katzeburgian Alliance doesn’t have the interests of people in places like Duck-on-the-Cuomo at heart when they make decisions in Katzestadt. These people care about how they can get to work in a sustainable manner, what the price of a pint is down at the village pub, and ensuring that the next generation of Katzeburgians have somewhere wonderful to live. That’s why it’s so vital to come down to these small areas and get the real scope of what our country is facing, and if elected, I’ll guarantee the KNP listens to those voices day in and day out.”

When I posed to him the fact that the party struggled to secure enough support in the previous by-election, Adamson downplayed the results. “It’s clear that the by-election last time out was a knee-jerk reaction to the scandal that Kerr and the Social Harmony party brought on themselves,” he said. “It’s clear that since getting into the position, Ray [Sistley] and the Katzeburg First party have done nothing but obstruct, insult, and delay important works that this region needs. We’re constantly learning from our communities that we are in, and we’re confident that this time around, we have a comprehensive set of policies that resonate with our voters.”

But what of the current party in power? The Katzeburgian Alliance has never been a serious contender in the seat, even go as far as to pull all funding from their local candidate a few cycles back - but this time they sense a winnable seat, and one which could be quite useful in helping Cari Victors and the party remain in power. “It’s fair to say there’s been a change in the wind here in the constituency,” said KA candidate James Josephson when we met him on the outskirts of Wolfenholm going on a door-knocking route. “The biggest challenge here for a long time has been getting into those discussions as the Social Harmony party dominated the community, which is brilliant to see, but it’s fair to say a lot of people have been turned off of them of late.

“We’re out there talking to people day in and day out - I mean myself, I spend a lot of time down at the football grounds helping coach youth teams, so you hear a lot of what people think about our government and the less than kind thoughts about our local MP. The KA has experience of bringing positive change to the nation, and I’m confident we can continue to do that here in the region.”

And what of the Social Harmony party? Data highlights there is a swelling of support for the party still present in the seat, but recent scandals have hit the party hard, leading the current candidate, Justine Schenke, to make it clear that she is a clear split from the Social Harmony candidates of the past. “Progress is the name of the game here,” Justine said as she took a quick break out of a community meeting to sit with us and talk about the upcoming election. “Wolfenholm North is statistically one of the constituencies which has been left worse off and left behind in recent years - and yes, it’s fair to say that our party has been involved in that to a degree. But people learn and change, and our party here has gone through a lot of reflection in recent years to commit to what we want the direction of our country and communities like this to be, and we’re hopeful that people look past the person wanting your vote and see the policies at the heart of our campaign. They are the things which will bring change, not you or I.”

One final spanner in the works could be the former MP himself in Brennan Kerr, who earlier this week announced his candidacy for the seat as an independent, separate to the Social Harmony party. In his announcement to media, Kerr said he “was incredibly sorry for my conduct over the last few years but I’ll promise to you, the voters, today that things will be different this time around” and “we need a pragmatic voice in parliament to heal from the last few years of chaos for this region.” But initial polling has Kerr just ahead of Sistley in voting intention, with the combined total for both being less than three percent of the polling base. It seems like for now, voters are wanting something fresh.

So how does this scale to a national level? Wolfenholm North is just one of many of the nation’s 500 seats which are rapidly reviewing their political stances on a local level, with the story of Kerr and Sistley not just an exception, but a sadly too common story for communities up and down the country. The Katzeburgian Alliance has for the most part, avoided this type of drama to date and been able to buckle down and deliver a number of their campaign promises, but in what seems like an age where the candidate at the door is better than the one in the shadows, parties which are listening to what their locals need may just have a chance at pulling up some stumps come polling day.

OOC - A huge shoutout to South Newlandia for letting us name them as a beacon of modern society!

[Oberour Ar Moro]

On the Movements of the Nations
A Serious Title for What Is Largely Just Observations About 15 Slightly Improved Football Teams

By Hermesent Tripier

This is all a bit much. And you’d be right. This is an analysis of fifteen national teams that are ranked between “hopeful” and “present and accounted for”. But this is what the World Cup Committee wanted

The World Cup Committee, with the goal of helping teams grow and improve their place in the footballing world, presented and voted on “The World Rankings”.

The difference: Now rankings would calculate not just performance in World Cup Qualification, a Baptism of Fire appearance, and how you did in the World Cup or Cup of Harmony. They would calculate your nation’s best result between the World Cup, Cup of Harmony, and your Regional Tournament performance.

Voted on just before World Cup 97 and officially implemented with World Cup 98, it created a new ritual. Before this change the football fans who had the most interest in the first rankings of the cycle were Baptism of Fire participants who wanted to see where they initially slotted in. Otherwise those from established nations would shrug. Their ranking would be basically where they ended after the post World Cup/Cup of Harmony rankings released previously.

But with the new World Rankings era this brings us to the most recent update, entitled World Ranking 99.1. Where Oberour Ar Moro are ranked 41st.

Forty-first in the world.

I’m not ashamed to say that I nearly spit out my coffee when I saw the new number. In 98.3, the Dragoons were ranked 61st. Between Cup of Harmony 90 and the end of Baptism of Fire they jumped 20 places. Leaped. Sprung. Bounded.

This doesn’t feel like a small feat. But it does lead one to wonder who else is gaining in this new world of World Rankings. How does this Oberour Ar Moro rise compare?

Let’s poke at a spreadsheet.

Who Is In This List, and Why?

To gain some insight into the World Rankings system, we looked at 15 nations who have made upward moves between World Cups 98 and 99, and sorted them into three categories:

The Established: Five extant national sides who improved thanks to their performances in regional tournaments.

The Overachievers: Five double-dipping teams who competed in a regional tournament and then the Baptism of Fire.

The Initiated: Five Baptism of Fire-only sides, going about their business in the old-fashioned way.

Each group has something to say about how this new system rewards presence and activity.

Who is not in this list? Nations that competed in their regional tournament and nowhere else. Some nations vastly improved their ranking from that, and we respect that. Here’s to you Limey George (241 to 161). The World Cup is overrated anyways.

The Established

Who cares if the World Cup Qualifying didn’t go the way you wanted, and your Cup of Harmony ran way out of tune. Just roll up to your next regional tournament and make some noise there. And isn’t impressing the neighbors really important anyways?

____VIELFALTIG_____________
219 ▸ 134 (+85)
+ 2.69 KPB+

Vielfaltig's Veiled Knights took World Cup 98 off, I imagine to meditate and forget the 2-1-13 mess that was their qualification effort for World Cup 97. But something in the South Newlandian air during Campionato Esportiva 40 did wonders for them. They went 3-1-1 in the group stage, and just won and won and lost and won to take third place overall.

____OSCIORU_______________
336 ▸ 252 (+84)
+ .75 KPB+

Poor Oscioru had the bad luck and worse paperwork to be excluded from World Cup 98 qualifying altogether. And their run in the Independent Associations Championship wasn't the stuff of sporting legend, with one win, one draw, and two losses to finish fourth in their group. But this modest campaign was more than enough to leap 84 spots to the nose-bleed heights of the mid-two hundreds.

____SEL APPA_______________
226 ▸ 190 (+36)
+ .75 KPB+

Sel Appa entered World Cup 98 qualifiers, went 2–0–12, and politely finished last in their group. They followed that up with a 1–1–2 group-stage effort in IAC 23, which was interestingly enough identical to Oscioru. The numbers won’t freak your bean, but Sel Appa are called the Turtles for a reason. They’re not here to sprint. They’re clearly here to slowly, steadily, and unbotheredly exist.

____OBEROUR AR MORO____
61 ▸ 41 (+20)
+ 2.59 KPB+

It was preparing to be another cycle to completely forget: Losing in the playoffs and failing to qualify for the World Cup proper, then a 2-0-2 group stage exit from Cup of Harmony. But in the Kytler Peninsulae for Copa Rushmori 48 the Dragoons woke all the way up. Seven wins and run to the final turned a bummer into a stunner. Twenty spots up the rankings and the Dragoons may not be sneaking up on anyone but stomping straight at them.

____BOHR___________________
151 ▸ 132 (+19)
+ .54 KPB+

“Not-strictly-awful-in-terms-of-results-but-utterly-horrible-to-watch.” That’s how the Bohr press described their Copa Rushmori performance. But beneath the groaning, there was progress. 19 whole places worth of progress. Quietly doing the job is a kind of success. Or, as I told my disapproving parents: "C's get degrees."

The Overachievers

They are eager. Ambitious. And have impressive time-management skills. Each of these nations took part in a regional tournament first and then carried on to the Baptism of Fire. Let this demonstration of pure international football love and/or dangerous inabilities to say no be an inspiration to us all.

____GIRINATHA EMPIRE_____
UR ▸ 150

Their debut has been a dream thus far. They stormed through the group stage of CMFA Mandalanusa Cup 18, finishing second in their group only on goal difference. They reached the third-place playoff and only lost on penalties. Then at the Baptism of Fire they topped their group, made the quarterfinals, and only the eventual champions could stop them. Rank 150 surely isn't a peak. It's a starting line.

____VISAYAS ISLANDS_______
UR ▸ 154

• IAC 23: Undefeated group stage, Round of 16 exit
• BoF: 1–2–0 in the group, Round of 16 exit
• Vibes: Less a football team than an event here to create chaos
• Interstellar Equivalent: A beam of destructive electromagnetic radiation from a pulsar light-years away, ready to shred atmospheres
• Rank: 154

____WEDICH________________
UR ▸ 230

Two tournaments in, and Wedich has two wins to show for it. They finished fourth in the IAC 40 group and made the Round of 16 in the Baptism of Fire. Not overly flashy, but they are gathering strength. The Wedichian Hurricane has only just formed. Storms build over warm water, and Wedich is heading for open seas.

____VIXETTE________________
UR ▸ 235

IAC 40 was extremely tough to Vixette. No wins, no momentum, a stumble into international competition. But the Baptism of Fire was a completely different story. They went undefeated in the group stage and roared into the knockouts. Bad start, good middle, bad end is just a pattern, not a prophecy. The Lionesses are known, possibly dramatically, as The Accursed are simply learning to find their, let us say, certainly metaphorical paws.

____THE ENQAB ARCHIPELAGO LABORATORIES_
UR ▸ 248

The EvoBallers™ broke New Game’s formatting for nation names. They also broke tradition by bringing robots with AI to play football. What they didn’t break was the sport itself, as they crashed out in the CAFA Cup group stages and lost in the Baptism of Fire Round of 16. But they’re officially in the rankings. The machines… they’re… learning.

The Initiated

The true newcomers. They followed the arrows and signs, had their paperwork in hand, and took the designated entrance into international football. And you can't argue with the results.

____OSNARI FEDERATION__
UR ▸ 165

The Osnari Federation made a show of the Baptism of Fire. They went 1–2–0 in the group stage, because why make things simple? But once they hit the knockouts, they tore through opponents with a devil-may-care attacking style. If it weren't a tournament designed for newcomers you'd think they'd been doing this for years. And if they keep playing like this, we will be seeing them for years to come.

____ZIRAHUEN______________
UR ▸ 184

It was such a perfect encapsulation of what the Baptism of Fire is supposed to be that it felt like propaganda. Zirahueños vastly prefer the traditional game of Uárukua Ch'anakua to football, but the 23 who traveled to Indusse brought a love for the game and an unmatched poise that carried them all the way to the final. A nation of stickball poets, nearly winning their debut tournament? I’d absolutely watch that story on my phone at 11 PM.

____KWRPANIA______________
UR ▸ 192

Kwrpania didn’t come quietly. The Electric Eels played like they had somewhere to be and a no time to get there. Third place in the BoF. Potential future regional rivals to Oberour Ar Moro. Short circuits and loose sparks a plenty on the pitch.

____GYAROMIA______________
UR ▸ 200

Gyaromia don't dazzle, and they don't overwhelm, but there is something steady about them. They endure. Their defensive style kept them undefeated until the Baptism of Fire semifinals. And even then, they played with the composure of a more seasoned side. They've appeared at the youth level before, but this was their full debut. And it was an earnest, earthy, solid debut that couldn't help but impress.

____NORTH POLISH UNION_
UR ▸ 224

Fifteen nations in and you know the shape of the story: New team, decent run, surprised a few people. But the North Polish Union brought something heavier with them. They played their debut tournament under the shadow of a tragic explosion back home with over 40 lives lost.

And somehow, they still made the quarterfinals. Somehow, they gave their people something to rally around. And that resilience may be the most remarkable thing of all.

So What Does All This Mean?

Not much. But not nothing.

Rankings are rankings. And seeing the size of the number next to your nation’s name decrease is only that. It isn’t a trophy, or a win you can brag about. This doesn’t guarantee future results. But this is a signal. They tell us who’s rising or holding steady. They tell us whose work is paying off now or will maybe pay off later. The rankings care if you care.

For returning nations, it’s a chance to make up for crummy results. And for the newcomers, It’s the footballing nutrition that can help a national team grow big and strong some day.

The World Rankings today reward volume. Show up and compete, and you’ll see that ranking move. Maybe a little, maybe a lot. Sure, you could be Oscioru and see that massive increase but still be ranked below 250. But it may be the difference from being a Pot 9 team and a Pot 10 team in the World Cup proper. That might be worth a point from a draw, who knows?

And most importantly of all it gives me an excuse to write 2,000 words about numbers on a spreadsheet rather than reply to work e-mails.

TL;DR: Rankings at a Glance

You’re a busy reader with things to do. I’ll let you get back to your other 15 tabs and let you see the nations and numbers without the metaphors. No judgement here.

41 — Oberour Ar Moro (Established)
132 — Bohr (Established)
134 — Vielfaltig (Established)
150 — Girinatha Empire (Overachiever)
154 — Visayas Islands (Overachiever)
165 — Osnari Federation (Initiated)
184 — Zirahuen (Initiated)
190 — Sel Appa (Established)
192 — Kwrpania (Initiated)
200 — Gyaromia (Initiated)
224 — North Polish Union (Initiated)
230 — Wedich (Overachiever)
235 — Vixette (Overachiever)
248 — The Enqab Archipelago Laboratories (Overachiever)
252 — Oscioru (Established)

---

Oberour Businessmen Sought in “Rug Pull” Probe
Igratian investigators seek answers after cryptocurrency exchange freezes withdrawals

By Christopher le Picarde

Luxton, Igratia - Investigators in the Commonwealth of Igratia have opened an inquiry into Stellar Bridge, the Luxton-based cryptocurrency exchange whose sudden operational freeze left thousands of investors unable to access their accounts. Authorities are seeking to interview its Oberour founders, Georges-Charles le Parquier and Victor du Val, who have returned to Oberour Ar Moro.

At approximately 10:33 PM CoT last Monday, blockchain data shows Stellar Bridge's $15 million liquidity pool was withdrawn into four anonymous wallets and routed through privacy mixers. Trading was simultaneously disabled, leading to speculation about the platform's collapse.

"There was no warning," said Éric Lecocq, a Côte d'Saphir based investor. "I woke up and the balance was zero."

While some users have accused Messieurs le Parquier and du Val of a so-called "rug pull," others note that token unlocks and a sharp sell-off by outside holders may have triggered the platform’s instability. Igratian authorities have not yet announced charges as of writing.

Although funds disappeared, social media accounts were deactivated, and Stellar Bridge's founders left Igratia hours before the exchange's closure, spokeswoman Juye de Vieulxville insisted the situation was "not suspicious in any way." She described it as "an unfortunate and coincidental confluence of scheduled lock-up expiration, algorithmic pool balancing, and external market volatility."

"This was not misconduct," said Madame de Vieulxville. “The AAP tokens remain fully tradable,” she added.

As of publication, the most valuable AAP-Bridge token is trading at 1.093×10⁻²¹ Argenteus.

When asked if either Messieurs le Parquier and du Val were available for comment, Madame de Vieulxville noted that Monsieur le Parquier was currently finalizing the purchase of a yacht, and Monsieur du Val was engaged at an art auction.

The exchange's collapse has also affected Stellar Bridge’s sponsorships, including a major deal with the Igratia Football Federation (IFF). A concurrent paperwork issue has led to the Igratia National Football Team being removed from World Cup Qualifying, but according to one IFF official, the loss of sponsorship revenue may have doomed a potential qualifying effort regardless. Stated one federation official speaking on the condition of anonymously, "Without Stellar Bridge

“Realistically, without the money from Stellar Bridge we were promised, I don’t think we could have afforded to jet the team to Zirahuen,” said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

Meanwhile, Oberour Ar Moro officials have rejected suggestions that their nationals should return to Igratia for questioning.

“Messieurs le Parquier and du Val are citizens of Oberour Ar Moro," stated Jean-Hubert Monnoier, spokesman for the Ministry of Justice, "and are entitled to the full protection of our laws and institutions. We reject any implication of wrongdoing in the absence of formal charges."

"We discourage the use of cryptocurrency, of course," Monnoier continued. "It is speculative and ultimately destabilizing.

He then added, "But we still recognize the entrepreneurial acumen of Oberours."

[Cobrio]

Part I | II | III | IV |

---

It had been over a year since Damisakiri had ascended. Yet, the word had lost much of its meaning to him now. What was a year, anyway? After spending much of the past year in periods of days, even weeks at at time in the Djalia, mortal time was some abstract concept hovering just outside his ken.

Ezinne's house was now his, after his aunt chose to retire to the Djalia herself, much like his uncle, Amari, had decades prior. Yet Damisakiri still did not consider it home. Increasingly, he found himself longing for the richness of the myriad okun he was directly connected to in the ancestral plane. And so, here he was. Again.

He glanced upward and smiled at Ezinne, in the form of a silver and azure shrike, she was gliding around beneath the dark green sky and it's golden, glittering smear, resembling a vast crack in a giant plate, which someone had performed njikoledo (lit. "golden linking") on.

"Uncle," he said. "Did you ever wonder what that is?"

"Sometimes," Amari replied. "But I never find answer, Dami."

"No," Dami paused. "I don't think anyone has."

Amari smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. Eyes still carrying a faint sadness that Dami could not fail to notice, though he chose not to bring it up. Yet. "Perhaps you will be first, na."

"Perhaps."

"And perhaps you should resume your duties, nephew." Ezinne had landed nearby, and packed so much suggestion into that single word, Dami could not help but chuckle.

"Aunty, please," he laughed. "I thought you trusted me?"

Ezinne sucked her teeth and said nothing.

"Ah Dami, Zini-dan make good point, na." Amari said. "No just connect here be djeli role. Also kobu."

"I know." Dami forced a smile. "I jus-"

"Aht!" Amari cut him off. "Uncle Amari sabi wetin you dey say. But in Djalia, we dey go stay, sabi? For kobu you dey go live."

"You understand the gift you have been given, nephew?" Ezinne added. "There are many lost in the world. Just as you were. Now you must be the shepherd. You have walked the path, and now you must guide others."

"Just so." Amari said.

"So if I must find the lost sheep... where do I start?"

"Not in fields, Dami."

* * * * *

Eleven Months Ago
Georgstead, Limey George

Emmanuel Pourrien hated dealing with football club executives. It was a necessary evil, in order to secure the best deals for his sons -- and not just the two born of his own seed; all twenty-six of them -- but he hated it nonetheless.

"...and so you see, Mister Pourrien, that would be the best choice for both Joseph and Dieumerci." The executive finished. Emmanuel always flinched a little when hearing his youngest son's name. "Thank God". He and his wife had named the boy after years of failed attempts to conceive had finally yielded joy. Naturally, they felt it necessary to protect him at all costs, which led to Emmanuel sitting in a board room with a couple of suits from a football club in, as far as he could tell, an authoritarian hellscape of a country. Of course, he kept those thoughts to himself.

"I see." He said to the suits. "But can you meet the asking price set by Trothwands Evolution?"

"We see no reason this would be a stumbling block," one of the suits replied. The same one who had been speaking before. The balding one, with a physical build. Emmanuel couldn't remember their names. The other had slicked back hair and soft hands, so Emmanuel assumed he was the "money man", and this other fellow was likely a coach of some sort at this club.

"I'll let Dieumerci know."

"And not Joseph?" Slicked back hair asked.

"Well Joseph is not the brother you want, truly, is he?" Emmanuel shrugged. "It's okay. He knows, too."

Slicked back hair stammered a little and was about to sputter out a protest when the bald one interrupted. "We'd hoped offering Joseph a contract as well would be a deciding factor, to be honest." He paused. "Good to know that doesn't really matter."

Slicked back hair's eyes bugged. "Sigmar, what are you doing?!" He hissed.

"Being honest." The bald one, Sigmar, said. "I get the impression Mister Pourrien appreciates honesty."

"I do."

"And so, I think it important that you understand our motivations here. I am of the opinion that Dieumerci could be a generational talent, to put it bluntly. Even if he were to agree to sign on a permanent deal, I fully expect he would leave soon enough. To greener pastures. Bigger clubs. Bigger wages."

Emmanuel said nothing, but nodded slightly.

"My colleague here thinks he can entice you to keep your sons with us long term," he jerked a thumb at Slicked back hair. "But we both know that's ridiculous, no?"

"Well surely there's a chance," Slicked back hair insisted.

"Of course there is. In the same way there is a chance I get struck by lightning as I step outside this building." Sigmar retorted. "But realistically, if he'd agree to even a year with us, we'd be lucky, am I right, Mister Pourrien?"

Emmanuel said nothing, but opened his hands in a gesture of vague agreement.

"So, what we really should be asking you here today, is how much would it take to convince your son to play for Georgstead Albion next season?"

Emmanuel smiled. He decided he liked this Sigmar fellow. He couldn't even remember speaking to him when arranging the loan move earlier in the season, and wondered whether he'd been involved back then. Surely someone like this wouldn't be easy to forget.

"Honestly, if I had been involved in the previous negotiations," Ah. There it was. "I would have pushed for an option to sign a permanent deal at the end of the loan. But not everyone could see what I saw in your son."

Emmanuel paused, thinking. Should he say some ridiculous number, knowing they probably could pay it, but risking putting them off? Should he play it coy to see how much they'd offer? Should he entertain this offer at all, knowing that there were teams in significantly better leagues with interest?

"I can't answer that, I'm afraid." He said eventually. "The final decision lies with my son. But I will advise him to consider your offer seriously. Dieumerci has not always been appreciated by his previous clubs. But you... You I think understand this about my son better than most. That is not something to be taken lightly."

* * * * *

"...but they really want you, son." Emmanuel said into the mouthpiece of his phone.

"Who else has made offers?" Dieumerci said.

"Nobody yet. But I'm sure someone will."

"You said this last week. And here we are."

"Last week a lot of teams were still finishing up domestic seasons, and working out their finances."

"I bet it's Jacquet again, stirring up nonsen-"

"Son." Emmanuel cut him off. "Trothwands want to sell your contract, it makes no sense to let anyone speak ill of you to reduce your chances of a deal."

"Maybe they don't know!"

"Son, trust me. When have I ever let you down?"

"You're right, you're right. But honestly, Papa, it's a weird country and I don't really want to go there if there are other offers."

"You know, they offered Joseph a contract too?"

"Why? He would only play in the reserves."

"I know. But they thought that might sway you," Emmanuel chuckled.

"Joseph will be fine wherever I go."

"I know. But perhaps it won't be so bad being in a 'weird country' if your brother is with you."

"Whatever. Let me know if a better deal comes. I don't need a chaperone." Dieumerci said, hanging up the call.

"So you say..." Emmanuel muttered, to nobody in particular.

[Paradystopia]

Translated from Xat’ for ease of comprehension

---

“Hello, and welcome to Sporting Mewsings on Paradystopi National Radio 2; the xat’i language sporting chat show by cats, and for cats. I’m your host, Kwrau and I’m joined today by a very special guest who’s graciously taken the time out of his rigorous schedule of naps, personal grooming and, one would hope, a bit of football training to join us here in the studio to discuss what we can expect from the Paradystopi team in the upcoming World Cup qualifying campaign. Please give a warm welcome to Olii to the studio.”
“Hello Kwrau. Glad to be here, I guess … I think one of the production team mentioned something about food? …”
“Haha. Glad to have you here Olii. I’m sure we can manage some food for you after the interview. So, qualification for the World Cup? Are you excited?”
“The what?”
“The World Cup qualifiers. I believe it’s this evening that you’ll be departing for Yuugria, yes? Can we expect Paradystopia to start the campaign with a bang, despite our lowly status? What sort of a chance do you give yourselves against Yuugria?”
“Who?”
“Ok … so moving on … After your initial away match, our local fans will get the chance to see the Paradystopi team at home. Seemingly difficult opposition too in Abanhfleft …”
“Bless you.”
“No, Abanhfleft will be your next opponent. How do you rate your chances given some had two respectable showings against big opposition in the warm-up friendlies?”
“Never heard of them.”
“Right … Ok … Riveting analysis there … Anyway, looking further ahead. The other nations in your group? Anybody stand out? Any teams the squad are particularly fearful of, or against whom they feel an upset could be on the cards?”
“Who else is in the group again?”
“Well, starting at the bottom end of the rankings, we have Moladea. Fresh from the latest Baptism of Fire, though knocked out in the round of 16. Do you think we can break some Moladean hearts?”
“Maybe? Don’t think I’ve heard of them … When am I getting food again? … You did mention food, right?”
“There will be food after the interview Olii. So, ‘no comment’ on our chances against Moladea. Speaking of the 86^th Baptism of Fire, we will also be facing off against the Girinatha Empire. The Girinathans who, despite knocking Moladea out of the BoF …”
“The what?”
“The BoF … Baptism of Fire …”
“Oh …”
“So, despite knocking Moladea out of the BoF, The Girinatha Empire could only manage to go one step further to the Quarter-finals. Do you think we have a chance at taking points from the Empire this campaign?”
“Which empire?”
“The Girinatha Empire”
“Who?”
“Nevermind … Am I right in also assuming that you wouldn’t know anything of The Accursed? The Lyon of Vixette?”
“Lions?!”
“Lyon.”
“Oh, then I don’t know. It’s a good job they’re not lions. We’d probably lose to lions.”
“Well, actually … you know what, nevermind. You’re saying that you don’t rate our chances against Vixette then? Interesting.”
“Maybe? As long as they’re just lyon and not lions.”
“Ok … “
“Who are we talking about again?”
“Vixette.”
“Oh … Never heard of them.”
“The Lyon?”
“Oh yeah. The not-lions, right?”
“... moving swiftly on … I’m guessing you don’t, but maybe you have thoughts on Britonsea?”
“Who?”
“What about Chromatika?”
“Nope. … Oh, wait … Wasn’t there a team called something-tikka, or tikka-something?”
“I fear that you’re thinking of Tikariot, against whom you played a friendly match recently as opposed to Chromatika.”
“And these teams have been in the World Cup before?”
“Yes … “
“Are you sure? I’ve never heard of either of them.”
“For one, Chromatika have been a mainstay of the World Cup for most incarnations since the late 70’s. Second place in 93, qualified at least for the finals in the last seven, is it? They’re pretty big and established. Then secondly, you played against Tikariot last week! Two-one? Paradystopia’s first international goal of the modern era? Unfortunately scored by Error Message who’s been wearing a damned ‘Paradystopia’s Top International Goalscorer’ shirt ever since but that’s by the by. They’re the sixth ranked team in the multiverse. By my mother’s furballs, how can you not have heard of them either?!”
“Just haven’t. Sorry. Can I have some food yet?”
“Could we please just try to get though the interview first? You know, once I’ve gleaned all the totally enthralling and extremely valuable insight I can into the upcoming fixtures ahead from you. There’s just one more team in your group.”
“Who’s that then?”
“Edsmontik.”
“Should I have heard of them?”
“Given this is one of the three teams you’ve already played, yes, you should.”
“Must’ve forgotten then. Did we win?”
“You lost 1-0”
“Oh …”
“Out of curiosity, do the names Flavovespia, or Valanora ring any bells? Crpostran, or Tanirinthia, by any chance? The Squornshelan Remnant States, perhaps?”
“Nope. Are they any good?”
“What about Paradystopia?”
“Ahh! There’s one I’ve heard of. Apparently, they’re totally shit so I’m sure we could thrash them.”
“Indeed … Well, there you have it. The only team we can say with any certainty that we can beat is ourselves. And that, dear listeners is (thankfully) the end of our show. I’ve been Kwrau, here in the studio with Olii and you’ve been listening to Sporting Mewsings on Paradystopi National Radio 2. Join me in wishing the Paradystopi team all the best in qualification, and from Olii and myself, thanks for listening.”
“Is it food time now? … And what did you mean about the only team we can beat is ourselves?”

[Vdara]

The world might not be shaking yet
But you might prove them wrong
Even long shots make it
Just don’t come home too soon

FAVdara Offices
Chania

The memories of World Cup 97 had already entered the distant past for most. No normal or rational sentient being would dare to even think of losing to Yuugria, or Baker Park, or Yuezhou. The titles of “normal”, “rational”, and some may argue “sentient being” did not belong to Markos Moustakakos, however, who had spent the past two years lying awake constantly replaying the last moments of Vdara versus Yuezhou in his head - his heart shattering into tiny pieces as a last-ditch effort from the opposition flew past the flappy hands of Emilios Nicolides and sent them homeward to think again. He had made the decision to leave the young goalkeeper in after he kept a clean sheet against the Busoga Islands, but the extent to which it had blown up in his face pained him. For much of the last two years, he had concluded to himself that changes were going to come, that changes had to come. Thus, when he called up an almost-unchanged lineup for the provisional World Cup 99 squadlist, the most shocked person of anyone was perhaps himself. ”This better be worth it.” he thought, sipping on his milky coffee. Indeed, he had added a bit too much milk, making it slightly too weak for him. He wondered if it made him a weaker man, whether people thought he was up to the job. He cast those thoughts aside.

Training Pitches
VdarArena Training Centre

The qualifying group draw brought with it much food for thought. The team that most stuck out like a sore thumb was the Prosaic Union of Gnejs, whom Vdara had played multiple times prior, but a meeting with region-mates Bostopia was not to be sniffed at. Other teams, meanwhile, were unknowns. Never met, never played. A chance for opportunity - or disaster. It was too early to think about disaster, though. Or was it? Markos pondered the prospect of collapse as he watched the players train, Emilios struggling to reach balls as outfield players fired them towards the net. He had put his faith in him many times before, but this time was different. He was putting his status as manager, as a legend, and as the man many depended on, into the floppy hands of Emilios Nicolides. He hoped he wouldn’t regret it, as he has last time. Perhaps people would view Emilios’ continued involvement as a sign of weakness of his, that he was no longer the ruthless tyrant he was once thought of, that he wasn’t up to it. He cast those thoughts aside, continuing to encourage his players through passing drills. Young Espressitis, who had come through a relatively unknown team’s youth academy, was starting to impress. It had only been a few cycles since Markos had cleared out the old guard in favour of young talent, but the option had always been available to do it again. Too early yet, though.

Markos’ Bed
Next to Markos’ Hot Wife

The manager lay awake in the night, his hazelly eyes glaring at the ceiling fan. Shortly before he got tucked up, he had went to shave. In the mirror, he noticed more grey hairs than usual. More wrinkles. More scars of life. He recalled the days of yesteryear, fourteen cycles prior, when he was the starting goalkeeper in Vdara’s debut campaign, his luscious jet black locks flowing as he made save after save - and often, let a few fly past him. His skin was smooth, his mind young, and his joints free of aching. None of these things rang true anymore. Early on in his managerial tenure, around 11 cycles ago, he felt like his best years were still ahead, that he was the dog’s bollocks, that he was untouchable, that he would be beloved forever and ever. Now that he was pushing sixty, these thoughts had somewhat dissipated, and he lay in bed thinking about how old he’d gotten, and how annoyed it made him that his knees were beginning to cry a bit when he went on the long beach runs he used to adore. His hair now significantly shorter and greyer, his mind now wiser - yet far more strained. He knew fine well that he definitely wouldn’t be manager for another fourteen cycles. Heck, he might not even be alive in fourteen cycles. He might not be alive in four. Nevertheless, he hoped to remain in charge no matter what it took, and thus his team’s drop in the rankings after WC98 had really troubled him. ”What if I fail? Is this my last chance to show what I’ve got?” He cast those thoughts aside, turning over and falling asleep. Gnejs at home awaited.

[West Vdara]

Dear esteemed penpal,

May the harvest be kind to you, and may peace be upon you. Times in our nation are hard, particularly with sanctions crippling our food industries. The government tells us that ‘capitalist pigdog scum’ are putting poisonous substances on our crops, and that this is why we currently endure such a famine, but I doubt this is the case. Why would any group of peoples be so cruel, after all?

I am told that the World Cup is approaching once more. I have many happy memories of celebrating with my three brothers and my parents as we eagerly awaited the televisual broadcast of our glorious victory, and how we took to the streets to welcome these heroes home. A glimmer of hope and joy amidst these tough times, to be sure. I will be glad to hear of our team’s victories once more, but truth be told I would trade it all away for an end to rationing and starvation. I am told that many other countries have it worse. I sincerely hope this is not the case.

There have been many squabbles and protests around our beautiful islands lately, it’s scary. Personally, I think it detracts from the natural beauty of our nation, as well as the strong, united, collectivist presumptions that your wonderful people have of ours. I find it sweet that even despite our distances, we retain such positive views of one another. Long may it continue. Alas, our prior leader Comrade Papadopoulos was recently deposed in a rather tumultuous coup ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴘʟᴀᴄᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇɴᴇᴠᴏʟᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴏᴍʀᴀᴅᴇ ᴀʀᴋʜɪᴘᴏᴠ. ɢʟᴏʀʏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴇꜱᴛᴇʀɴ ᴠᴅᴀʀᴀɴ ᴛᴇʀʀɪᴛᴏʀɪᴇꜱ!

ꜱɪɴᴄᴇʀᴇʟʏ,
ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ɢɪʀʟ