ELLIS FOOTBALL: THE HAPILOPPIAN TEAM
Full Nation Name: The Dominion of Hapilopper
Trigramme: HAP
Nickname: The Haps, Mainline Hapilopper, the Mainline Haps
Team Colors: Blue, Green
Info:
A schism has developed in the aftermath of Hapilopper's elimination in World Cup 98. A mixture of infighting from the Hapiloppian side and the HOT-DAMN squad seeking to remain competitive has meant that Hapiloppian football has essentially split in two. You have the Team Hapilopper players, players that have been invited to play for the Mainline Haps, and those that, to the surprise of everyone, chose to defect to play for HOT-DAMN. Ernie Stevenson, perhaps buoyed by disagreements between him and Thom Perkins, left Team Hapilopper to become the manager of the HapAnaia squad. Perkins is looking at building a brand new staff and hoping that his team will maintain some of the momentum it had when it qualified for World Cup 98. This could wind up being an off year for Hapilopper, whose team had a very unimpressive Campionato Esportiva. This is a bad time to have a bad year. The team will debut a new stadium this year, a 120,000-seat stadium in the middle of the Hapilopper National Exhibition Grounds. On top of that, Hapiloppian executives would like to have some way to make this team as competitive as possible before that landmark 100th World Cup coming next year.
COACHING STAFF:
DIRECTOR: Dominic Probst
Dominic Probst, more commonly known as "Dom", is the man in charge of the sport of football in Hapilopper. He'd like to be in charge of all football in Hapilopper. We probably wouldn't have had HOT-DAMN if he was. He's run the sport in Hapilopper since the early 2000s, and was directly responsible for Hapilopper fielding a national team 16 years ago. After a brief time away, he returned to the helm several years ago. He developed an uneasy truce with Nathan Ellis as Ellis built his own national team from the ground up. After Ellis died, the team retained the name "Ellis Football" as a memorial to him. But questions remain just how long that memorial will stand. Rumors stand that Probst
PERMANENT HEAD COACH: Nathan Ellis
The shadow of the late Nathan Ellis looms large over both the Hapiloppian and HOT-DAMN squads. For a refresher: Ellis was Hapilopper's ill-tempered and very violent starting defenseman dating back to the days of the Baptism of Fire. Ellis gained a reputation as a violent gentleman but the most important figure for Hapilopper's football program. He was the spiritual leader of Hapiloppian football, and after restarting the national team in his own image, he was the leader of Hapiloppian Football for sure. Ellis contracted double pneumonia and passed away several years ago from complications. Both Team Hapilopper and HOT-DAMN lay claim to being the side Ellis would have supported - HOT-DAMN especially so with Ernie Stevenson running it. The truth is probably somewhat more complicated than that.
ACTING HEAD COACH: Thomas Perkins
Thom Perkins, Hapilopper's original head coach, took the job back after Ellis's death. His offense-heavy style of football - the so-called "Funball" style of football that was popularized by Ellis - will allow goals to be scored, but it will score plenty of goals against sides that are not ready for it. While Perkins' tenure at Team Hapilopper is secure due to his close allegiance with Dom Probst, it remains to be seen if the fans will continue to tolerate his presence. The rift between he and Ernie Stevenson was very public and Stevenson, beloved among Hapiloppians, made his feelings known about the whole situation. This has made Perkins incredibly unpopular among Hapiloppian sports fans. It's plenty possible he may have to lead this team all the way to the top for the fans to forgive him. Perkins relies on a 4-4-2 formation.
ASSISTANT MANAGER: Dennis Billett
GOALKEEPING COACH: Mark Tillett
TRAINER: Bill Rothstein
TECHNICAL DIRECTOR: Lyndon Auditor
PHYSIO: Tab Butler
My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Yes
Godmod scoring events: TG me first, or ping me on the NS Sports Discord, and we'll talk about it
RP injuries to my players: Yes, but TG me if you want to do something serious
Godmod injuries to my players: TG me first, or ping me on the NS Sports Discord, and we'll talk about it
Hand out yellow cards to my players: Yes
Hand out red cards to my players: TG me first, or ping me on the NS Sports Discord, and we'll talk about it
Godmod other events: Yes, but TG me first
RP Coronavirus-related events: No.
STADIUMS:
Nathan Ellis SuperStadium | Hapilopper City | Built: 2030
Capacity: 120,032 | Open-Air | Natural Grass
The long-awaited new stadium for Team Hapilopper, Ellis SuperStadium sits on the grounds of the Hapilopper National Exhibition. The multi-purpose stadium can house multiple codes of football, including gridiron and association, and baseball. But the only permanent tenants in National Exhibition Stadium are the Hapilopper National teams of football and baseball, should that ever exist again. The club teams for both baseball and football remain in Capital Stadium across town. The point of the new stadium is simple: A large enough home for Hapilopper's national team, and a home for a Hapiloppian World Cup Final, should Hapilopper ever host a World Cup Proper. The stadium would become the centerpiece of a "Hapilopper World Cup Exhibition," where Hapilopper's biggest annual party of the summertime, the Hapilopper National Exhibition, would be retooled around the World Cup Proper, and the centerpiece of the national fair would be the World Cup Final.
Jerseys:
PLAYERS:
With the influx of new players arriving to both the Hapiloppian and HOT-DAMN squads, the roster posts have been revamped. There may be a little less detail to go around, but there are more players on both squads to worry about. Not to worry, you'll still learn more about these players as time progresses.
HAPILOPPER PLAYER POOL - WORLD CUP 99 CYCLE
(Likely starters in red, bench players in bold)
GOALKEEPERS
## Player Age Position Team Kicks Personality
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1 Lou Hyde 28 Sweeper United Hampton Right Brooding
30 Manny Wakefield 26 Sweeper Highway Patrol Right Intense
60 Fox Humbert 23 Save/Pray Lake Sprague FC Left Clumsy
90 Bernie Willoughby 21 Standard FC Surrey Left Creative
91 Clint German 34 Sweeper Minortown SC Right Goofball
92 Denny Wagg 20 Standard Hap City Generals Right Obnoxious
93 Randall Herta 29 Standard Surrey United Right Relaxed
94 Alex Hargrove 30 Sweeper FC Buckridge Right Professional
95 Adam Haverty 28 Standard W.H. Sports Club Right Stupid
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
Louis Hyde is retained as the starting keeper for Team Hapilopper. A quiet, dark-haired man that sits in his corner by himself, Hyde prefers the company of his cat, Smokey, slow mournful tunes on the radio and poetry. He doesn't drink. He doesn't party. He doesn't carouse. He's the anti-Hapiloppian athlete, if that makes sense. But yet, he has been a crucial piece of Hapilopper's national team, a major reason why the team has made it to the World Cup a lot lately. His immediate backups are Manny Wakefield, a nice guy off the pitch but a real demon behind the net. Number three on the depth chart is Adam Haverty, the insanely lucky keeper for West Hampton Sports Club.
Haverty is known for saving sure goals in the stupidest and most idiotic of ways, including, last year in a match against FC Surrey, a save where, not thinking about it, he performed a pelvic thrust at the ball, not thinking there was any other way to save a sure goal. The ball made direct contact with his nuts. He went down in a heap, but no goal was scored. It led to the Hapilopper Football Association considering a rule stating that a player must not intentionally contact the ball with his nuts, on top of his hands and arms. The so-called "Nutball" regulation was voted down by HFA head Dom Probst, because it was just plain stupid.
DEFENSEMEN
## Player Age Position Team Kicks Personality
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2 H. McCullough 28 Def. Back K. Warriors Left Asshole
3 Arnold March 27 D. Enforcer H.C. Soldiers Right Asshole
4 Scott Roundtree 24 Centerback Halsted Heat Right Intense
05 Rod Cutt 28 Def. Back Minortown SC Right Maj. Asshole
21 Daniel Bradford 24 Centerback FC Buckridge Ass (L) Redneck
22 Tim Stone 25 Def. Back United Hampton Right Calm
23 David Colt 26 Centerback W.H. Sports Club Left Antisocial
24 Peter Hardy 31 Def. Back H.C. Soldiers Right Goofball
25 Shan Bone 24 Def. Back K. Warriors Left Calm
26 Mack Beadle 30 Def. Back Halsted Heat Left Asshole
27 Darren Knowlton 29 Centerback H.C. Soldiers Right Creative
28 A.R. Prince 32 Centerback Surrey United Left Relaxed
29 Ted Shammes 19 Def. Back FC Buckridge Right Asshole
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
Not a lot of changes expected in the defense room. Ellis Football's defense room is full of assholes and other borderline personalities. As you were. McCullough, March, Roundtree and Cutt are expected to start - which is a miracle if you consider Cutt spent a couple weeks in jail in the aftermath of the Campionato Esportiva for beating the crap out of a reporter. Three of the four - McCullough, March and Cutt - are not among the nicest people in Hapiloppian sport, and have been typically looked at as the cause of bar fights in and around the Dominion. As you can tell, not much has changed on that end. Roundtree, meanwhile, is known for an incident two years ago where he ended up covered in blood after getting spiked in the face and laughed it off. Pictures of a smiling Roundtree, covered in blood, made newspapers all over Hapilopper.
Likely backups are that bumpkin fool Dan Bradford, Mack Beadle and Ted Shammes. None of these three are people you'd want your daughter to come home with. Bradford is an avid listener of outlaw country music, drives an old pickup truck and has started more than his share of fights at a honky tonk because some cowboy didn't like Bradford hooking up with his girl. Bradford doesn't lose fights, by the way. Beadle, meanwhile, is the kind of low-down, dirty bastard that doesn't mind rubbing a forward's face in the mud. He actually did that to FC Buckridge striker Frank Pinto after Pinto tripped and fell in the mud on a rainy day in Halsted last year. And Ted Shammes, meanwhile, tackled Beadle after that happened. Pinto had a face full of mud. Shammes and Beadle started trading punches. Both became friends after that. Hapiloppian football is weird, y'all.
MIDFIELDERS
## Player Age Position Team Kicks Personality
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
6 Tim Radomia 26 Def. Midfield Garvinson Trojans Left Stoner
7 Jamie Hause 23 Def. Midfield Lake Sprague FC Right Calm
8 Trevor Jericho 24 Off. Midfield Highway Patrol Right Clumsy
9 David Chaney 22 Off. Midfield F.C. Hap City Right Calm
31 Lee Victor 24 Hybrid Midfld West River FC Left Patient
32 Stan Batson 20 Def. Midfield FC Buckridge Left Redneck
33 Tony Novella 25 Off. Midfield Halsted Heat Right Professional
34 Milo Joyce 18 Hybrid Midfld C. Harris' School Right Intense
35 Jay Viland 23 Def. Midfield H.C. Soldiers Right Professional
36 Ron Markway 24 Off. Midfield Highway Patrol Right Relaxed
37 Orson Meyer 27 Hybrid Midfld Minortown SC Right Professional
38 Tim Leslie 23 Hybrid Midfld Garvinson Trojans Right Brooding
39 Wyatt Spencer 27 Hybrid Midfld H.C. Generals Left Asshole
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
Tim Radomia leads the midfielder's room. Radomia, still the biggest pothead in all of Hapiloppian sports, received an immense amount of criticism during the Campionato Esportiva for finding a way to burn one before matches. He argued it would help his concentration. The opposite happened. Radomia went from being a force in the midfield to a total liability, and led Thom Perkins to rip him a new one in front of the rest of the team. He will be joined by Jamie Hause, Trevor Jericho and David Chaney, new additions to the team. All three of them are those you'd be fine letting your daughter date.
Hause is an avid reader. He enjoys reading newspapers every day and also enjoys the fishing at Lake Sprague. During the offseason, you can find him in the mornings on his little fishing boat, trying to catch something to enjoy on the day. He's said to be very wise beyond his years and likely has a bright future with Team Hapilopper. Jericho, on the other hand, would be considered a great player if he didn't have two left feet. He's right-footed, by the way. Some have accused him of diving - a very serious charge in the Hapiloppian game. Players found guilty of diving are given straight red cards and automatic 10-match suspensions. David Chaney, meanwhile, is a quiet - yet scary - midfielder that can be a deceptive goal threat on the field, and a deceptive threat to steal your girlfriend off the field.
Likely backups are Milo Joyce, Ron Markway and Wyatt Spencer. Joyce does not have a club team yet, and is instead a recent graduate of Cooter Harris's School of Fine Football Learnin'. Harris views Joyce as his star graduate for this year, and gave a strong recommendation to Team Hapilopper to invite him for the World Cup 99 cycle. He impressed in practices, and his age and inexperience is the only thing keeping him from starting. Markway, meanwhile, is best known for his gentle presence in the Highway Patrol locker room. He lounges in his chair, reading a newspaper and sipping on a cup of hot tea prior to taking the field. He doesn't get anxious nor does he get too keyed up. This is a good thing: It helps relax his teammates. Spencer could use that kind of energy. He's a dirty player, seeking any kind of advantage - whether that involve surreptitiously diving, or if it involves sneakily cheap-shotting an opponent or doing anything to draw the referee's attention. Among his teammates, his nickname is "Captain Dickhead." We'll let you draw your opinions from that nickname.
FORWARDS
## Player Age Position Team Kicks Personality
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 Dennis Waterloo 23 Goalscorer U. Hampton Cities Left Professional
11 Stan McLamb 27 Goalscorer Garvinson Trojans Right Asshole
12 Nick Lawrence 32 Striker U. Hampton Cities Right Relaxed
13 Frank Mintzer 26 Goalscorer North Hampton FC Right Professional
14 Frank Pinto 21 Striker FC Buckridge Left Very Clumsy
15 Aaron Edelin 19 Striker Pinkerton City SC Right Redneck
16 Greg Hefti 28 Goalscorer Peoria FC Right Calm
17 Jamie Rupert 23 Striker Surrey United Left Drunk
18 Zack Gardener 25 Striker Surrey United Right Drunk
19 Alvin Saldana 28 Goalscorer Halsted Heat Right Asshole
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
Stan McLamb, the star goalscorer from Team Hapilopper's World Cup 97 and 98 efforts returns. McLamb, the egotistical dickhead of a goalscorer, can put goal after goal in the back of the net and put his team on the board with ease. And he knows it. And he wants you to know that he knows it. Stan is a player that lives and dies by the old slogan of "win the whole fucking thing" and feels the team is running out of time to do just that. He's the only striker remaining from the World Cup 98 squad, though. Dennis Waterloo, who scored 29 goals with United Hampton Cities last year, is the number 10 this year. Waterloo is much different from McLamb. While McLamb wants you to know how great he is, Waterloo is more concerned with actually being great. He's not the kind of person that's going to toot his own horn, he's going to spend his time getting the job done and eschewing the limelight. He doesn't get into trouble, he doesn't showboat, he just does his job and goes home.
Three players are expected to be the regular bench players. Jamie Rupert and Zack Gardener, the so-called "sloshed scorers" from Surrey, are two of those. Rupert and Gardener ranked third and fourth in the league in goals scored last year, but led the league in blood alcohol content. They also led the league in bars thrown out of and embarrassing social media photos taken. Fans all across Hapilopper have stories about how Rupert and Gardener enjoyed a wild evening after a match with them, and then just about got them in trouble. They aren't violent drunks, and you won't hear about bar fights, they just go to a bar, have the proverbial one beer, and next thing you know, that "one beer" has become "one case of beer and two bottles of 100-proof liquor." And eventually a quiet discussion became a rip-roaring debate on the physics of golf carts.
The third player, Frank C. Pinto, could be Hapilopper's next great goal-scorer. He could be a total superstar. He's got the looks for it, no less. He's got the talent for it. And maybe he'll grow into it. The problem, though, is that he might be the single clumsiest player in Hapiloppian football. Pinto has a tendency to get himself into trouble when nobody else is around or when no one could cause any sort of issue. Some joke he's accidentally tied his shoes together. Others compare him to a popular and fast, but wildly crashy, Hapiloppian ChampCar single-seater racer who broke the Hapiloppian record for most wrecks in a season last year. Thom Perkins wants to work with him to figure out this clumsiness, but until he does, a starting role is very unlikely.
) - Sudjuven/Pomenienze
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, age 25, Tanrısal (F)
, age 32, Stein-los Turkish (F)
, age 28, CA Paulinthal 
not the tallest keeper, but is very quick and agile, compensating for the relative lack of reach
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(Pridnestrovia), 
(Copper Cuprum)
(Riena)
(Sultanate of Oontaz)
Ellzidan (F)
(F)
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| 18 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| 26 | 2 | 0 | 0 |
