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Sports Section
Your Mid-Season Power Rankings
Wow! Can you believe we went half a season in one matchday with only three posts in between? Time flies when time is a construct and you decide to ignore it. Anyway here are the standings as we reach the halfway point of the MBL season:
MBL
Team Name Pld W L RF RA RD
1 Tel Chittor Forts 83 63 20 478 281 +197
2 Herzegovina City Hippos 83 55 28 428 279 +149
3 Istria Vultures 83 54 29 445 350 +95
4 New Sparta Phalanx 83 52 31 421 310 +111
5 Alexandria Commies 83 50 33 432 338 +94
6 Alexandria Ships 83 45 38 379 354 +25
7 Jinja City Baboons 83 45 38 361 377 −16
8 Busukuma Rhinos 83 43 40 397 330 +67
9 New Babylon Pirates 83 43 40 403 400 +3
10 Karakorum Mongols 83 38 45 315 345 −30
11 Wakiso Chimpanzees 83 35 48 345 402 −57
12 Kabakono Baseball Club 83 34 49 373 425 −52
13 Akkad Libraries 83 30 53 304 397 −93
14 Kosactus Forest Elephants 83 30 53 276 419 −143
15 Karakorum Horses 83 25 58 331 515 −184
16 Mynda Shockers 83 22 61 285 451 −166
So the time has come, as we reach the all star break to do some power rankings. As a reminder the power rankings are based on form, talent level, and expected finish it's not just record here people! So just because Istria might just be ahead of either Alexandria side right now doesn't mean that they are necessarily better.
1. Tel Chittor Forts
That said, let's be honest here. Tel Chittor is 63-20. Let's look at the record again, 63-20! That's Drawkland in the current WBC numbers! That's Newmanistan in any WBC numbers! That's South Newlandia on a heater numbers! Maybe some of the games are close, I don't care! They're 63-20! They're on pace for a 40 loss season, that's legit insane. So then who is doing well as we evaluate at the halfway point? Everyone, Tal Ted, NTer and first baseman career year. Kip McPhee, the second baseman, career year. Sally Tannenbaum at short, career year. Billy Kiddingston in right, career year. All the starters, career year. I want to point out Lev Garrick here in particular because whatever struggles he might be having in the Classic are not playing out in the league where he is 17-2 already with a ridiculous 1.83 ERA. Guy is on a heater. What a team.
2. Herzegovina City Hippos
So I say that disclaimer up top and then immediately take Herzegovina City number 2 but look, they were absolutely an expected playoff team and are playing pretty well themselves. If Tel Chittor was not possibly the best team ever, we would all be saluting the Hippos for some pretty good play. In particular I want to call out the outfield here; Salia Kamara, Brahma Namugala, and Twinamaani Kiyuka have anchored one of the best outfield defenses ever, it's basically a death to flying things out there for the Hippos. Beyond that, each have hit much better than expected. Yeah Kiyuka is batting 9th but he should get a promotion for hitting .310. It's not like the Muziraga twins have been slouches but it's just hard to compete with this ridiculous outfield. Join us next week when I talk about the Muziraga twins for three sentences. Either way, Herzegovina City is clearly the class of the Banijan teams and expect them in the playoffs.
3. New Sparta Phalanx
The defending champs go here. I think both the Commies and the Vultures have played better ball recently. And frankly we might be underrating the Ships also but, seriously, there is no way to put the Phalanx any lower. They're still the defending champs and it's clear that they've gotten a lot better. The Phalanx kinda snuck into the playoffs last year but now they're really not on that level. Dalia Bat Tzvi in right field has been incredible, she's moved up to the clean up spot this year and just raked with a .890 OPS and then of course Riise Gendleman who has become a reliable starter this year after a great playoffs last year. Expect Gendleman to join the NT soon if he keeps these performances up.
4. Alexandria Commies
Are we underrating Istria? Possibly but then again, in general, the Milchamian teams have been more successful so far so we need to separate these two teams that are pretty close. I'd go with the Commies here, mostly because they are the Commies. They're the best team in Milchamian baseball! How the hell are they not doing so well! What is going on?! Even without the history, these last two weeks have been incredible for the Commies, an 8 game win streak and a 12-3 last 15 games. With form like that this is the time to buy. I might regret this pick later but for now they go here. Never bet against Marius McNeesh.
5. Istria Vultures
Yet again the folks we'll say we're underrating Istria. Are we? Let's look at the facts here: One they have the 5th best difference, sure it's only by 1 to the Commies but still 5th best = 5th best. Also, again we need to talk about the Banijan teams in the MBL so far. Can the Vultures sustain this? I'm not sure. Kaminsky has played out of her mind but also has a .430 BABIP, I don't think that's sustainable even though she is legit fast. Madongo Kiribata looks to be overperforming as he's been outperforming his HR percentage for his career, Hatabu Jagne isn't striking enough people out consistently, and the bullpen seems to blow at least one game a week. Are we sure this team is legit? They're solid, they're fine, but I can't feel confident in them to say playoffs right now.
6. Bukusuma Rhinos
These guys are just underperforming. They have the 6th best run differential in the league and they are hitting the cover off the ball. New Milchamian first baseman Hamilton Brooks has definitely been worth the price of admission alone; 26 homers in 83 games and he leads the league in HRs, RBIs, slugging, and OPS. Not bad for your "backup" off season signing. Still around him there has also been some improvement, I'd look out for Isa Sey, he's young but he's already the clear ace of this staff, the Rhinos are 14-3 in his 17 starts so far which is almost Fortian in its dominance. The other thing to note here is that their bullpen has been a bit of an issue, let's see if the Rhinos keep to their free spending ways and find something to improve about it over the second half.
7. Alexandria Ships
Yeah they made the playoffs last year but the Ships are not looking as upright this year. Everything about them screams that they should be better but it's not coming together. Dillon Marks isn't hitting as well, Hendrick Farlin has had a big dropoff, and, of course, Diego Numarkez has come back down to Earth. This team should be better but it's not. It could be a long, and kinda irrelevant, second half for the Ships. At least there are plenty of people who will go down with the Ships.
8. Jinja City Baboons and 9. New Babylon Pirates
The Baboons are here because they are two games up on the Pirates. Both teams look to be dreadfully midtable and if we talk about one we're going to end up talking about the other so I'm going to throw them both here. While Goldman has looked good on the Pirates, only having 2.2 WAR at the halfway isn't quite what New Babylon was looking for, which, of course, is why New Babylon is so fiercely midtable. It looks even worse when you compare it to the Baboons who have used a combo of Tombe Namukoka, Cyper Coulibaly, and Alieu Ouattara who have all played a part in doing something interesting. The Baboons are just a great fiesty team, they're never quite good enough to challenge the true top teams but if you don't watch out you will lose a series, or two, against them and they never lose by that much. That definitely goes down to the bullpen with Sutay Savaneh, the setup man, getting particular credit for his ridiculous .78 WHIP. New Babylon's bullpen, by contrast, has been terrible and manager Kip Perriwinkle's insistence on using a traditional closer is clearly costing the team wins. Myla Goldberg might set a steady hand on her brow but she can't get batters out.
Anyway, expect better things from the Baboons and worse things from the Pirates going forward.
10. Karakorum Mongols
From here we go from the ok to the bad. It's pretty clear that there are tiers in this league and we've hit the bottom tier. It's the Top 5, the Middle 4, and then everybody else. The Mongols are the class of the second division and while it's nice for them to be in charge of something, Karakorum is still not good enough to seriously compete. Besides Liam Hasalinger there isn't a player here who would consistently start on any of the top 5 teams and Hasalinger only gets there because he can play plus defense at 7 positions, including every position up the middle. This versatility inflates his WAR, currently at a ridiculous 3.8, but his bat is still just a cut above average. His 101 OPS+ is fine but nothing to write home about. The rest of the team is irrelevant.
11. Kabakono Baseball Club
Despite having the worst nickname in the MBL you can't really hate on Kabakano as the only socialist owned club in Banija. Of course that means in the horrible capitalist hellhole that is Banija they are horribly outgunned and thus can't get the best players. I'm glad they're doing so well right now midtable but they just don't have the guy(s) you need to compete. Here are the ages of their 2-5 guys in the lineup: 22, 19, 25, 21. That's a AAA lineup, that's a reserve team lineup, that's not a lineup you put in to seriously compete for trophies. Yes Akia Nameleego is the real deal but he can't carry a team by himself. Also, the other guys in there (Karutunda Mukooza, Kamirakwo Sejjala, Musisi Buvumbo) look like they could be good but goddamn can it be frustrating watching Buvumbo throw a ball he has no business throwing away or Mukooza chasing a pitch way out of the strike zone. Thus is the life of a socialist club in a capitalist system though. We'll keep rooting for them.
12. Wakiso Chimpanzees
Yeah the Chimpanzees have a better record than the Kangas of Kabakano but one of them is socialist owned so, you know, we give them a little extra leeway. Also, Kabakano has a more interesting team which matters a lot when we get into #12 on these rankings. These are the teams that are unlikely to be relegated but clearly won't be winning anything. What should I say about them? That maybe the Chimps shouldn't have a 39 year old centerfielder who has already cost the team 14 runs defensively? Sure, we all already know that and I know Wakiso fans have said it since the beginning of the season. There just isn't anything new to say about these guys, next.
13. Akkad Libraries
Of course Akkad has the same problem as the Kangas except in Milchamian terms. What's wrong with Akkad in a league where there is basically salary parity and a team with a historically great youth system? I have one question for you: have you been to Akkad? Besides the very nice baseball stadium there is nothing to do there. The bars all close at 10, at least it feels that way, the museums are second rate at best, the newspaper only has two names (Akkad Times-Warrior) it's a second rate town. You bet that folks will flee unless there is something in particular keeping them there. I love that Sydney Meyer found such a nice husband who works as a lawyer because she's still the best and absolutely the right call to be one of the best shortstops in all the land. Hopefully her contributions can keep Akkad up because it's fun to watch them play and it's nice that such a small town can keep a MBL team.
14. Kosactus Forest Elephants
Nope. They suck. Only thing I'll say here you should keep your eye on the pitching. The top three starters and three of the top four relievers are all under 24. Mulowa Kantu looks like a future Banijan ace, the rest of the team can be sold for parts.
15. Karakorum Horses
The Banijan experiment failed. They should have stuck with Milchamians. Ochola Nkuusa is hitting .230 with 5 homers, Angori Kigonge has been hit all over the park, it's just not going to work. Expect them to be sold back to Banija and replaced with some Milchamians when the Horses inevitably get promoted again.
16. Mynda Shockers
There's a reason they're in last place. I think one year down will do a lot for them to sell off their top talent, get some more money and players into the system, and then get promoted real quick where they can become a solid midtable team. This year is already a lost year, maybe they can knock off the Forest Elephants but it'll take some much better batting to do it.
And now, with all that out of the way, let's end with the traditional prayer to Margaret that ends all articles in this paper:
"Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''
"Now repeat after me!"
"Forini! Forini!"
"Finidi! Finidi!"
"George! George!"
"Oh Brother! Oh brother!"
*They strip and run around for 18 minutes*
"We pray the Margaret of SnubNose 38 and Random Number God that you may deliver us victory over all infidels that we face in international play"
"Sacrifice the Rubber Chicken!"
*Swoosh of an axe and the chicken is dead*
"Margaret we pray that you take this sacrifice of a rubber chicken in good faith and that by your deliverance Milchama does well in all international competitions"
"Come on You Warriors!"
"Let's Go Milchama!"
