Awesome/Funny NS Quotes (Not Your Own Quotes, Please!)

[Camtropia]

I write english quite samely as slang as you motherlanguaged

[Tinhampton]

The duality of man (from What to Do After Winning the Lottery?)

This is not in fact an abstract question, as I recently won a significant sum - tax-free - on a television game show (please don't ask; I'm not allowed to share the details until the episode is broadcast, and I don't have a broadcast date yet; I also won't be paid until broadcast).

We decided to break the money down into three pots:

1) Just under 50% towards the mortgage (though paying across time rather than in a lump sum, to avoid early payment penalties).

2) Just under 25% towards home renovations (thereby increasing the value of our core asset; the house was also built in '63, and needs some love here and there).

3) A bit over 25% towards fun, including travel (business class, naturally), good wine, good food, and a few other things (but not hookers and cocaine; sorry, Ethel)

The production company has also provided us with a financial advisor as part of their duty of care, and we're discussing the practicalities of the best way of actioning the above so as to maximise interest and minimise tax obligations; the advisor was broadly positive about the plan itself, so it's just the implementation we're discussing.

And I suppose one of the awkward lessons of the above is... middle-aged middle-class people who win unexpected tidy sums of money are likely better-placed to manage the consequences of that windfall than people from disadvantaged socio-economic backgrounds.

Invest $100,000 and turn that into $16,000

[Nea Skotia]

You know what we should do?

We should sequester every smoker into a room, have them light up 24/7, and use the smoke generated to turn turbines to generate electricity.

[Almighty Bureaucracy]

They're putting chemicals in the frigging lattes to turn the liberals sad!

[La Xinga]

I look forward to the eventual appointment of Joe Rogan as the director of Area 51, so that he can finally initiate the long-anticipated Disclosure of the aliens.

[Pheonixknight]

Who's ready for another installment of...

A political action group tied to Elon Musk that has sought to influence Wisconsin’s high stakes Supreme Court election canceled a social media ad this week after it featured the wrong person.

The ad by the group Building America’s Future attempted to attack Dane County Judge Susan Crawford, the liberal candidate in the race. However the ad featured a photo of a different Susan Crawford. Instead of showing the judge, the ad, which attacked Crawford’s record on crime, featured former Harvard Law School Professor Susan P. Crawford.

Ladies and gentleman, the SCROTUS.

[Adamede]

How about on 4/9 we burn effigies of Confederate leaders?

The dead speak! Georgia has heard a mysterious broadcast, a threat of REVENGE in the sinister voice of the late GENERAL WILLIAM TECUMSEH SHERMAN.

GOVERNOR BRIAN KEMP dispatches agents to gather intelligence, while TRUMP, the last hope of the alt-right, trains for battle against the diabolical DARK WOKE.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader KAMALA HARRIS rages in search of the phantom general, determined to destroy any threat to her power...

[The Lazarene Republic]

[RFK is] literally a Goa'uld.

[USHALLNOTPASS]

Dear Kostane, I am not an ICE Officer.

[Nea Skotia]

How often do people walk up to a pig and just take a bite out of it?

No wonder the cops around here are so jumpy.

---

I'm not recommending that anyone eat endangered animals.

Doubly forbidden bacon.

[Comrade Leader Trump]

Rename New Mexico to New America

[The Western European Commonwealth]

Come here., I want to deposit some dinosaur shit in your shoes.

[Nea Skotia]

I nearly spat out my snack!

“I was a Trump supporter. I voted for Trump last election, but, because I thought it was going to be like ... against criminals, not every Hispanic, Spanish-lookalike”: a Trump supporter was wrongly detained by ICE.

I was wondering where GMS had got to lately.

[La Xinga]

Screw cow milk.

Odd way to get butter.

[Emotional Support Crocodile]

Trump about to repeal and replace obamacar

and replace it with the swasticar..

[Nu Elysium]

Anyway, with the combined tunnelling prowess of two of the major Abrahamic religions, I'm starting to think a two-state solution with a tunnel linking Gaza and the West Bank is more viable than it seems...

trvthnvke...

[Deutschbund AL]

I haven't been able to sleep very well this week for some reason the past few days. Probably too many things on my mind lol

frying pan to the head would work well

[The BlAAtschApen]

(Image)

The bureauntosaurus is alive and well.

[Pheonixknight]

Imagine of a church been built only for it to be dedicating and praising Trump.

The Church of Donald Trump and the Latter Day Republicans

[Imperializt Russia]

"Unfair" to whom, Sir Kier?

It sounds like he really wants to say "unfair to taxpayers" but can't bring himself to say it out loud.

[Comrade Leader Trump]

Libertarianism in a nutshell:

Alcohol, tobacco, and firearms should be a convenience store, not a government agency.

[Havl]

the blaatslapen

*Slaps sheep*
This bad boy can fit so much grass in it

[Pheonixknight]

I only date animals, and yes, you are about to take this the wrong way.

I’m not sure if you can take this the right way

[Luminesa]

Paradise Lost, the DLC

[Nea Skotia]

On methods of capital punishment:

Just sit them in a cybertruck until the inevitable happens.