World Cup 94 [roleplays]

by **Saint Eleanor** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 3:47 pm

OOC: All Thirty Years RPs from here on out will be self-contained Eleanorverse, despite the odd references to Llamaphant Pro Baseball, Banijan politics and suchlike you may (will) notice. Thank you for your collaboration!

Channel 4 presents THE RACE TO THE WORLD CUP - World Cup 94, eighteenth qualifier game
CANADIAN DOMINION 4-4 SAINT ELEANOR (Sebastian Colt 11 and 40, Cohen Aceron 28, Izabella Mayer 56; Rick Goldsmith 8, David Newcastle 22, Bridget Coombe 67 [pen], Naresmet taFrexala 87)

Report by Candy Hewitt, Channel 4 football analyst: Saint Eleanor struggled to impress against the Canadian Dominion again despite the high-scoring nature of the affair, with only Naresmet taFrexala's second-ever international goal standing between them and two pointless encounters against the Gander. The opening stages suggested that this would have been as much a ding-dong encounter as the first leg: Rick Goldsmith, with the first serious chance of the game, engaged in some serious trickery - more than most Eleanorians would even consider - before pinging one into the top corner to give them the lead. Sebastian Colt, with the second, piled a simple, rapidfire equaliser straight down the middle.
This was a free-flowing encounter if you ignore the degree of physicality employed by both sides. A sorry standing tackle from Max Prince which managed to obviously take down Goldsmith got him a booking, although Jessica Martin's short-range magic did not help. David Newcastle, on the other side of the pitch, was perfect - although his revenge strike was claimed rather further infield, almost drifting between the central defenders for Cathy Winchester to tee him up after an unexpected solo run from deep.
Cohen Aceron's impromptu free kick just a matter of minutes later, set up by himself after being shamelessly upended by Lydia Nicholls (promptly dismissed for her actions), proved rather more successful, zipping its way high into the net as his effort left both the wall and the goalkeeper alike almost frozen in place. While Colt came close to a second, his big chance almost immediately afterwards surging just inches over the bar, he struck gold right before the half-time whistle with a rather more measured effort which distracted Sam Newbridge - an impressive achievement in itself - before creeping past John Bailey where he did not expect.
3-2 up, home advantage in the second half, and with an attacking attitude already: who wouldn't deputise some of their deeper players to help out in building the lead? Aaron McDonald proved he would. The entire midfield four was more proactive in pushing forwards, helping Colt and Aceron with their own attacking opportunities (they were still plugging away despite their intense opening session), and even offering their own. Ryan Hamilton was unlucky that his effort skidded across the face of goal ten minutes into the half - a case with nobody, even Bailey, to answer for it. Izabella Mayer proved more successful: her cheeky chip from distance, one which firmly wrong-footed Bailey and forced him to backtrack just too late to prevent the strike from creeping in. Still, McDonald must have known it was a dangerous game; that he persisted with it was telling.
Now, all hope once more seemed lost for Saint Eleanor - but their desperate attempts to claw back the deficit paid off in fashion that would be hilarious if it were not tragic. Bridget Coombe, de-facto penalty taker with Martin's earlier withdrawal, took advantage of Prince's by-then-expected red card to wrong-foot Tristan Clarke. Steve Pilchard swung his boot at an uncertain long-range effort that was fumbled by Clarke so badly that Goldsmith almost rocked up with a second goal - or would have done absent his reflex reaction. Newcastle, chancing his luck from the corner of the 18-yard box, forced Clarke into yet another save: his effort deflected off Phoenix Wood's shin and would have led to an own goal absent intervention. Ultimately, however, it was taFrexala whose response to a late corner kick was first but best, as he hammered a difficult half-volley resulting from a Martin overshoot into the perfect position.
Realistically, Saint Eleanor should have allowed themselves one slippage in all of the remaining five games of qualifying. This, believe it or not, was that slippage. There will only be one arguably-easy game in the rest of the home stretch; play their cards wrong and that number could drop to zero. If these kinds of performances are replicated at any stage whatsoever, Priscilla Evans can say hello to the Cup of Harmony for the ninth time in her thirteen-cycle-long career; they will definitely not suffice to deliver her a third winner's medal even in that competition. Improvements are desperately needed - although Coombe, meek as ever, refuses to accept that the campaign is in any more danger than it was this morning.

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Thirty Years of Eleanorians - 1993: "I try to make fast food from scratch with my dad"
Published by Simon Howard on April 19th 2005

Eleven-year-old Dominic Jackson has acquired a reputation in some circles in Parkside Community School for being an unwitting bully, one he will admit is a holdover from his primary school days and chalks down to being "a little nuisance." In others, however, he and his father, Eleanorian Post delivery driver Kevin, are famous for completely different reasons. "I went to the Torch over here a couple of summers ago and nagged my dad a lot for the burger sauce so he got it just to see what it was like. We did burgers at home sometimes so I thought that would be nice."

Torch's burger sauce is nominally secret; squeezable bottles of it are sold exclusively at each of its branches, but there is no hint to its contents other than warnings that it contains allergens such as egg and mustard. "I spent days looking at the list but we didn't work out what it meant. Then I saw that our bottle of mayo had egg and mustard warnings on it, too. I told dad and he said that, while the burger sauce wasn't just mayo, he had one at a local place a few years ago which had ketchup and mayo and he said it tasted similar. We mixed the two, squeezed it on burgers and it just tasted really similar."

Over the course of the holidays, the Jacksons painstakingly refined this blend; they now agree that two servings of ketchup, with three of mayonnaise, comes the closest to replicating the Torch feeling. "Our taste testers are our neighbours: Sophia, James and Rachel and their son Mike, Gaffy and Melly, and Peter - who's so old he got on one of the first boats to the island eighty years ago. We ask them around to try our burgers every now and then and they say it's really good and almost comes that close to replicating the original taste."

The store-bought patties wouldn't cut it, however: Torch's signature patty is known to be a thin and crumbly quarter-pounder. Unlike the secret sauce, introduced in the late 1970s for purely commercial reasons, the patty reputedly originated in 1974, when supplies of more processed meat were hampered by the war. "People do say it feels like mince. It starts to get easy from here because if you have enough mincemeat from the shop and roll it into big flat circles, that is pretty much what Torch does. It's not quite the real thing, again, but it's about 90% there and any more would be too much effort."

Incredibly, however, Torch doesn't put sauce on your burger by default. "You start with the normal quarter-pounder and you can ask for more patties, ask for cheese, ask for the sauce, ask for bacon and so on. Standing in queues, I think only one in three or four people ask for the sauce. In my experience, however, the sliced cheese and almost-rectangle-like bacon rashers, not the ones that look like chops of meat, that you can get from your local supermarket are very close to what Torch does, too."

The Jackson pair have offered the fake Torch burgers beyond their street, including around the Liberator's Park area under names such as Match, Lighter and - on Kevin's initiative - We Can't Really Call Ourselves Torch. They have even selled their own bottles of the crude homemade sauce, under the Jackson brand. "We had Torch's CEO visit our stall once; he'd never try and take us out of business and he loved the burgers. He said they weren't as good as his, though, and I know why that is." The junior partner has, however, ruled out a wider offering. "We're doing this just for fun. If I tried to enter the market with our own fast food place, they'd drive us out of business before they even had the chance to sue us!"

All in all, together, offerings beyond Torch have been slim. Premium Coffee's special imported blends of coffee are "either too hard or too easy" to even generally replicate, Jackson junior admits, while their snacks are made to "recipes literally anyone can make if you get a desserts cookbook from your library." They have tried to replicate Willis fried chicken, but found to their surprise that putting a store-bought chicken into the deep frier was "similar to that, if you sprinkle a few spices on top before you eat." And they have completely ruled out any attempts to emulate the infamous Super Slice restaurant in Broadlands because "the portion is too big for our oven" - while the pizzeria industry, he argues, doesn't have enough signature flavours "to be made really worth our time doing them."

Jackson's awareness of restaurant chains all over the world - from Tikariot's Curry in a Hurry vans to Hannah Ranucci's Shooters Bar and Grill franchises to the many, many eateries of Ceni, the site of Saint Eleanor's greatest sporting accomplishment - is superficially strong. He does, however, accept he is not well-versed in their exact styles yet. "I'll need to read about those more over the summer holidays; I've got school so I can't do it right now. Once I get that done, I'm going to start cooking up a storm and you won't believe the kinds of results I'll give you. You didn't believe my Willis or Torch dupes, either!"

World Cup 81/82/83/84

World Cup Qualifying by the numbers

1050: The 1-0 loss to Xanneria was the 1050th match in BPNT history.
125: That fixture was also the 125th away match in WCQ history for BP, and only the 18th time they come away without any points.
3: Xanneria had never beaten the BPNT at the XannAir Stadium in three previous meetings before matchday 17
19 & 20: the final doubleheader against Lozho and Farfadillis will mark the fifth time the Bees have played a 19th and 20th fixture in the qualifying tournament, and they have yet to be defeated in those 8 matches (6-0-2)
25: Will Barnard has been Manager of the National Team for 25 matches, which has already moved him into 9th spot all time and will be 7th by the end of this cycle as he trails Lionel McHugh (27) and Peter Griffith (28).
7: He has already reached seventh in the all-time wins category with his 15th victory courtesy of the 4-1 victory over Natanians & Nosts
5: Quinton Harris leads BP in scoring with 5 tallies through 7 appearances (6 starts and 1 sub) with Elena Diaz and Ben Moorman sharing second spot with 4 each.
27: The number of different players responsible for the 47 goals scored thus far (there was one own goal).
92: Charlotte Bauer will captain the side against Farfadillis in her 92nd appearance, which brings her into a tie with Jerome Brooks for 20th on the all-time list, and Hayley Gibson is just one cap behind Bauer.
35: Chandra Mack passed Lainey Wadsworth for 8th place on the all-time scoring list with her 35th career marker against Pluvia & The Saxean Isles.
4: the number of points required for the Bees to clinch an automatic spot in the World Cup Finals for the 15th straight time.

Lineup vs Lozho

Callaway; Hardwick, O'Connor, Jones; Ryan Fournier, Wiley, Morgan, McFairlaine; Phan; Obulundi, Diaz
subs: Rossi, Freeman, Schulman, Olivera, Douglas, Park, Shanahan, Coleman, Price, Baum

Lineup vs Farfadillis @ BBP National Stadium, Belle Haven (73,000)

McCormack; Bruce, Kucera, Bauer (C ); C Logan, Olivera, Vetter, Altman; McDavid; Mack, Harris
subs: Rossi, Edmonds, Allen, D'Alessandro, Ryan, Shanahan, Park, Gibson, Price, Coleman

by **Delaclava** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 4:08 pm

Waringpost
Carnstone man found dead underneath musical instrument collection

The Carnstone Constable is the latest law enforcement agency to issue a warning to its community about the dangers of hoarding after the city lost once of its own under bizarre circumstances.

Chief Constable David Parry informed local media in a press conference that resident Errol Barker, 32, was found dead in his sitting room underneath a large pile of musical instruments. Parry further detailed that the likely cause of death was traumatic asphyxia, that Barker's head was found trapped inside the bell of a sousaphone, and his body was pinned down by several instruments, including a subcontrabass saxophone and a harpsichord.

"The decedent appeared to have owned more than 200 musical instruments, all of which were contained in his house," Parry said. "We urge our community to be aware of the physical dangers of obsessive and excessive collecting, which can suddenly result in catastrophic injury, as well as the mental health issues associated with hoarding."

Errol's mother, Phyllecia, said in a statement that Errol was a "wonderful son, a deeply caring brother and friend, and an extremely intelligent and driven young man." She wrote that Errol had long considered music his passion, and earned a Bachelor's degree in music education and a Master's degree in music therapy, both at Carnstone Institute of Music. He primarily played the oboe but was adept on many instruments. He also composed and sang, and was a member of the men's choir that inaugurated Delaclava's current national anthem.

However, Phyllecia had attested that Errol had chosen a new vocation after completing his Master's degree, opting instead to go into software engineering. He was employed at Silverthread and had recently received a promotion—and with it, a substantial pay raise and more disposable income than Errol was ever used to.

"Errol had always been fond of collecting and trying all kinds of instruments. But with all the money he started to have, plus the stress of the new job, it seemed like he needed some kind of outlet, and so his collecting really accelerated... We didn't even realize the extent of it until after he passed, and now we're wondering if there's something we could have possibly done. We're absolutely blindsided and heartbroken."

This is the second such incident to make national headlines this month. Last week, Crystal Lake resident Sarah Elizabeth (last name unknown), aged 25, was found dead in her apartment, having been at least partially consumed by her own sourdough starter, jars of which were strewn around the apartment.

Parry advised that family members and friends periodically check in with their loved ones, and not to just ask them about mundane shit like how work's going, but to see if there might be any patterns of excessive collecting or hoarding. He also advised that musical instrument shops, bookstore, antique shops, and the like also be aware of frequent customers who may be engaged in dangerous behavior.

"I don't know if we might be looking at more assertive solutions here—welfare checks, background checks, musical instrument registrations. Or whether that'll be for all instruments, or just the ones that can play a lot of notes at once. For now, we send our thoughts and prayers to the Barker family."

by **Saint Eleanor** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 4:15 pm

OOC: Inferred Brenecian starting lineup is Fife; Hadley, Wheater, Jeong, Culpepper; Briggs, Kearney; Wake, Rourke, Byrne; Murdoch.

Channel 4 presents THE RACE TO THE WORLD CUP - World Cup 94, nineteenth qualifier game
SAINT ELEANOR 0-1 BRENECIA (Maerhen Wake 54)

Report by Candy Hewitt, Channel 4 football analyst: Maerhen Wake's early second-half strike decided the rematch between Saint Eleanor and Brenecia in the Patriots' favour. While even more dour than the original matchup, it proved to have its own significance, handing Erin Camden's troops the advantage over the White Stars - and leaving the latter with a potentially significant mountain to climb to qualify - for the second time in two cycles. Once more, the quality of the Brenecians immediately shone. Lowen Murdoch, a bit-part player during the first roll of the dice, was scintillating in the second, bursting out of the gates with two efforts that John Bailey was more than equal to.
Yet again, Saint Eleanor needed to win to look like serious contenders. Once again, they did not do so. Chances were ridiculously rare, often presenting themselves only with either substantial help from Bridget Coombe (she set up a long ball into territory which Rick Goldsmith almost had to barge past in order to even get to) or of her own initiative entirely (she chanced her arm on a thirty-yard effort from open play which Olwyn Fife, another previously-anonymous Brenecian strapper, managed to deflect onto the bar).
In their defence, three major outside factors stood between them and much progress. Firstly, and most obviously, Brenecia are the twelvth-best team in the world and, at least on paper (although not in practice), the best in this group by far. Secondly, while life after the legendary Iseult Conway this certainly was, the visitors were not at a loss for defensive stability: old-hat Skaidrina Briggs and shiny, new, if arguably repurposed Alyse Kearney were outrageously effective at denying Steve Pilchard (and his substitute Rachel McNamara) from making just about any impact at all.
The headaches that any of their bona-fide defenders gave Goldsmith, a survivor of the full ninety, could be brought up here - but by far the most efficient of the group was Ruadri Wheater, who won just about every tackle he dared to make, keenly swung interceptions out wide with pace and led his opponent to almost scream into his face on some occasions. The Carsby man, as little-heralded as some of today's other heroes but a staple of Brenecia's second half of qualifying so far, is surely as close to "one for the future" as a 26-year-old can get too.
Thirdly, for much of the game, Brenecia were working in the interests of lead preservation too. The strike that put them ahead was not a beautiful one, as Brenecian goals never are - Alaoise Rourke wobbled a clumsy sideways pass that Wake somehow collected; he proceeded, in a similarly-typical flash, to burst past everyone else who dared to notice him, swing an effort seemingly towards Bailey's outstretched arms then watch, almost in disbelief, as his shot was palmed onto the inside of the post and for the opener. The connections between Wake and Murdoch were evident for the few minutes before they were brought off and they nearly combined for a second, but that was it as serious chances came about for the day.
One point in the two games before this may have been excusable, if barely. One point in three games, including this, is absolutely unacceptable. Already, question marks are hovering around the age and quality of the squad; Martin, so recently Bridget Coombe's challenger for the candidacy but now on the verge of being stealthily overtaken by exciting expat Angelica Northend, has hinted that "I'm almost sick of this shit." Even Denise Livingston, the youngest player in the squad at a sprightly 24, has argued that "a comprehensive tactical rethink" is required - an argument she will no doubt be familiar with at her club. Those questions, however, can wait for 2007. The question of how Saint Eleanor can navigate Eura, Panamer, the Polar Islandstates and (almost certainly) an unknown playoff challenger to return to the promised land after six years is urgent. There must be an affirmative answer, and fast.

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Thirty Years of Eleanorians - 1994: "I'm the only baseball fan in my class"
Published by Jack Mitchell on April 24th 2005

Maybe in the dockside area with its sizable Dagan and Quebecois expat communities, or in the east with its relatively stronger tradition of domestic baseball (if not by much), Natalie Colman would have known more fans of baseball. But in her small primary school class of eighteen, she stands alone as somebody who prefers bat and ball to jumpers for goalposts. "Everybody else supports Sword and Shield or the Golden Unicorn. I'm thinking I'm a bit of an outsider, maybe even a geek, for liking a sport we don't even play here instead. But then there are a lot of baseball geeks."

The Eleanorian Baseball Championship, run between 1978 and 1981, didn't contain any teams from Goldsmiths: they'd have to venture to North Seville, a couple of miles out, for the action. The Championship featured one amateur team each from what were then considered the twelve eastern districts, before their numbers swelled to seventeen over the 1980s and distinct dockside and east-coastal cultures started to develop. "The Northerners, as they were called, were not very good. They brought up the rear in three of four seasons, but shocked the Grand Beach Seagulls in 1980, the one season they didn't, to bounce them to second in the table on the last day and give them a draw so hard they were denied their only ever title."

If the EBC was still running today, Colman would be a natural Northerners fan. In the real world, however, her allegiances are quite different. "You'd think I'd like the Sun City Flames because of Joey Roberts. I don't. If we're talking in Llamaphant Pro Baseball terms - and you are because that's the only serious league out there - then I'd have to say the Katashi Generals. They don't have the best players, sadly, but they have the history, the heritage, and the long-term staying power. I'd say they did really good to sign Jason McRae to their bullpen but where's the headline-grabbing from him? Or anyone else? Come on!"

Although firmly a one-club woman, her allegiances in the World Baseball Classic are more split. "Saint Eleanor's never fielding a team so I usually just appreciate the Anaians, even though for all my life it's felt like nobody in Anaia other than maybe Chromatika can win. It's Banija this, South Newlandia that, Banija this, South Newlandia that. Yes, I know, Ranoria made the last final. Where's the variety? There are so many questions but this isn't football, it feels like I don't have a point in answering them."

Colman has mentioned that her classmates are confused about the sport. Not, however, if she oversimplifies it during lunch break. "We go out to the fields in the summer months, I pick up the rounders bat or the ball, tell people to stand on four corners and drop a few cones which they have to touch first to get me out. It works a treat - we have a lot of fun - and I'm hoping I can teach them more about baseball when I go to community school. At least we'll have space there. Our space is tightly packed so we back onto the car park. A university student parked there last year and my shot cracked her windscreen almost as soon as she got out!"

When it comes to her future plans, however, Colman remains insistent that baseball is the right choice for her. "I've been asking my parents to move to Chromatika or somewhere with a good youth baseball culture for about a year now, although they've always said no and I don't know where they'll go or whether they'll meet the rules for moving to a new country anyway. If I do, I'd like to break into baseball and maybe, just maybe, see if I can claim on a passport aged eighteen or twenty-one or whenever. If I can't play in the WBC, I don't mind. And if I don't make baseball, I think I'll just do what dad does and dig cables for the electricity company; it sounds fun."

by **Farfadillis** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 4:46 pm

Lithico™ unveils official flag
A pun in there, relating to the article if possible, I don't know, I'm the janitor, not your boss, sir.

MANDALANDA, Lithico™ — Lithico™ have unveiled their official flag in a recent press conference, in which Vice-CEO of Lithico™ and Lithico™ head of state Tuskoles Yagaras spent thirty-seven minutes explaining the importance of a national banner for all Lits™ to rally behind at a time of war, also explaining the flag's symbolism at length.

Something like 'this is the flag' I guess but, again, I'm not your boss, sir.

"The bat symbolizes freedom, which our trustworthy overlord Ma Ailun has emphasized is all that really matters, though emphasizing he mostly refers to deregulation. So, in a sense, the bat represents the freedom to deregulate. But that's confusing because we're a corporation with absolutely no regulations weighing us down, beyond the cruel and absurd reality of war." Tuskoles announced to the crowd of about one thousand present at Mandalanda's city square. "The bat, along with the shit at the bottom of the flag, relates to the war in a separate way too: aren't wars sort of 'batshit' insane, as I'm told they say in foreign lands? So much bloodshed and at the end all you really get is dead people and a redrawn map. But sometimes different shit happens. Shit that can give us hope. That's also what the shit symbolizes." Tuskoles continued, having already previously warned the audience he was going to ad-lib the whole press conference.

After ruminating for an uncomfortable several minutes, Tuskoles continued. "Is the piece of shit in the flag not a fantastic piece of symbolism? Yes, war is shit, but shit is also sustenance, for us. It represents prosperity. Before Ma Ailun's arrival, we were a downtrodden town about to get steamrolled by the Faroleran war machine. Now, we're a downtrodden corporate puppet state with slightly better standards of living and access to far better equipment to slay filthy Farolerans. And it's all thanks to shit. Our situation is shit, but through shit, we have managed to achieve a measure of prosperity. So shit represents shit, but also prosperity."

After spending a further ten minutes expanding on this last point, Tuskoles finally changed topics, gesturing towards the flag. "As for those who can't read Yueyu, or the now-nascent Indueyu, the characters in this flag mean 'Lithium' and 'Bat'. The Lithium is meant to represent how we're highly reactive and very flammable, like any other Farf nation. Also, it's kind of our whole schtick. The Bat is meant to represent the animal, which I have already explained at length. Our 'shithium bats' are, without a doubt, our most prized possession, and it's only fitting that they'd feature twice in our national flag: once in fairly explicit imagery, and then another time in what is probably unintelligible garbage for most foreigners. But not all foreigners: we have the nation of Yuezhou to thank for helping our Lithium industry flourish, so it's only fitting that we use their own language, which we have now adopted and molded to be partially ours, for our flag. Also, and I realize this is a bit tangential, a lot of you are gonna have to start playing baseball very soon. I'll explain later."

After a lengthy explanation about how giving up one's culture is, in a way, similar to ascension to a higher fire plane, Tuskoles continued to expand upon the flag's meaning. "We have also decided to use black and white exclusively, to represent the way most of our Yue immigrants—ex-YPA soldiers—see the world: in black and white, no tones of grey. The extremely reluctant help they've given us because gathering Lithium-filled shit with your bare hands is unpleasant but better than political imprisonment in Yuezhou has been vital, and we cannot deny they now form a strange, yet charming part of our own culture. They are every bit as Lit™ as anyone else within our lands. Although, it must be noted, Ma Ailun has made it very clear the clamping down will be brutal if their communist ideas get any sort of traction whatsoever. But for now they're useful and we thought token representation in our flag in the form of the frankly childish way they see the world was fitting."

After a few more minutes of strange rambling about the various branches of communism, Tuskoles closed out the press-conference-turned-monologue thus: "Finally, I would like to thank our billionaire savior Ma Ailun. He has become far more than just a job creator, like he is back in his homeland, he is now a nation creator. A creator of possibilities. His presence is barely felt in this flag at a glance, but stare at it attentively enough, and Ma Ailun's grandiosity stares back at you. Figuratively. I stress that I only mean this figuratively. Stop staring at it so attentively. Seriously. Do you hear me? Is this working? Hello?"

Tuskoles left the stage after saying these final words, and most of the audience stayed present at the time the journalist writing this piece left the place, five hours later, after not getting anyone to answer any questions because they were too busy staring at the flag in display.

by **Saint Eleanor** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 4:58 pm

Thirty Years of Eleanorians - 1995: "I spent thousands of dollars calling random phone numbers"
Published by Daniel Bourne on April 29th 2005

As telephone bills come, they don't come bigger than Emma Brown's. To be clear, LocalTALK is not blaming the single mother and computer technician from Grand Beach for spending some $5,000 - a good portion of her annual salary - on phone calls over the past six months or so. All eyes are instead on her oldest son, Phil Buckley. "I pick up the phone, type in seven random numbers, call and wait for an answer. I don't read the phone book. I don't do anything. I just call."

The lack of expensive premium-rate phone numbers in Saint Eleanor - there is a state-run directory at 468 which is charged at the standard network rate - means that Buckley has had to reach the rapidfire milestone the hard way: by staying on the phone for as long as he can, often for two hours a day or longer. "I have friends at school and I talk to them but they never visit me and I never visit them. I know how the phone numbers work, sort of, so I follow the code, add four random numbers at the end and wait."

Most of the people he bumps into on his travels through the telephone world are unsuspecting citizens. "I say hello, my name is Phil, I am nine and I live in Grand Beach, and I want to talk because I don't have any real friends at school. About half of them say no, I'm not going to talk to you. Half of them talk to me about the things they've done and they've told me about events in their district and the world and what they've been getting up to in their life. I think I know more about the world from the telephone than my teachers." The other numbers he calls are either not registered to anyone or belong to businesses: "most of it is just dealing with business clients but I ordered a pizza to our house once. Just for me!"

Despite saying he does not peruse the Phone Book, Buckley says he has called some famous names. "Esther Launceston was on the line when I called her a couple of months ago and we talked for about half an hour about football and what's on the TV. I've talked to Gregory Willis although he hung up on me. I've talked to a few Majors, I've talked to Bridget Coombe's dad, I talked to Bobby Pike once to let him know that the school education I get means a lot to me. I think he said I should tell my headteacher first, though."

Asked what he think is the most important lesson he has learned from his telephoning, he has two to offer. "One, don't call so many people because your mum is going to get a really massive charge for me calling everyone and I don't know if Eleanorian Telecoms is going to refund her for this. Two, if you meet an interesting person and you think they have something to teach you, say hello because they will, 100%, teach you back. Just a few days ago, I had a professor from the University teach me all about the elections they'll hold in Huayramarca later this year and what the people that want to win power believe in."

The Brown family's phone bill would be even higher if not for Buckley's naivety. "I don't know how to call an international phone number because I'm in Saint Eleanor. How are you meant to call anyone outside the country?" And while he accepts his mother isn't happy with him, "my sister's even more upset. She says I lie to her about who I'm talking to all the time. All these conversations happened, I just don't want to make my mum upset by letting her know how far I go. She's unplugged the phone for days at a time because she's mad at how much I'm calling people!"

by **Independent Athletes from Quebec** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 5:00 pm

OOC: I was wiped out after two days of exhausting travel. Oh well. Such is life!

The Taegukgi: The Korean-language voice of the Québécois Commonwealth

World Cup 94 qualification: Dolnight continues the path set by Condori in second-half mastery, but can he perfect the outstanding home form?

Bob Devers-Shin

National Travel Daily

World Cup 94 edition: What to expect on your next voyage to Hatire, Valanora; and the tournament hosts Graintfjall and Kelssek? Let's find out

Jeremiah Mills-Morris

The Mathletes - Scientific, Literary Venue of Sports Journalism

World Cup 94 Qualification: Oberon M'bah-Pinho's ascent from Kingston FC sensation to Tihon Tide Silver Surfer he is now, what to look forward in future years

Loic Bourgault

Independent Athletes from Quebec (IAQ) - World Cup 94 Team
WINDOW 8 - @ Valanora, v Airannia
26-PLAYER ENTRY

GOALKEEPERS (3):
Mederick Brown (West Couno United, TMB), Sandra Middleton (Brinemouth, NPH), Clemence Moussenguet (Pyathora Mariners FC, TKT)

DEFENDERS (9):
Pierre-Karl Cizeron (Liria, MYT), Kira Dormann (Kingsbury United, TMB), Coralie Higgins-Mah (Alnio, CMT), Hannah Kim (Damogran, SRS), Joo Pil-Seung (Frenei Tor, CMT), Noel-Hercule McKinley (West Couno United, TMB), Pierre-Karl Miller (RGS Athletic, EFL), Donovan Watson-Lukwago (St. John's Arsenal), Brian Wilson-Didh (Santranginus, SRS)

MIDFIELDERS (6):
Jean-Christophe Babin (Sabrefell Moths, NPH), Mathinna Bouck (Rulandea Kosta, FFD), Joelinton Dyxkeson (Brantisvogan, SRS), Samuel McTavish (Lakewood City, TMB), Pyo Seung-Hye (Avondale City, SYL), Rebecca-Anne Wawanolett (Chromatik, CMT)

FORWARDS (7):
Kate Huitema-Omeasoo (Istria City FC, BNJ), Anna Korniloff-Kouyate (Atletik, MYT), Eloise Kweon (Sabrefell Moths, NPH), Oberon M'bah-Pinho (Tihon, CMT), Amina Salihamidzic Beckie (Kingston FC), Enyinnaya Udegbunam (Latrobe Athletic, KSK), Zinaida Woodcarver (Crisisbless, NPH)

Starting XI vs. Valanora (2-3-1-3-1, could also be translated as 4-2-3-1):
S. Middleton
H. Kim - Cizeron
Miller - M. Bouck - Joo P.S.
Wawanolett
Woodcarver - Babin - M'bah-Pinho
Korniloff-Kouyate

Expected substitutes (presumably 5 in 3): DF Wilson-Didh, DF Higgins-Mah, MF Dyxkeson, FW E. Kweon, FW Huitema-Omeasoo

DF Higgins-Mah, DF Wilson-Didh, MF McTavish, MF/FW Tekaronhonte, FW Woodcarver

Starting XI vs. Airannia (3-4-3):
M. Brown
Higgins-Mah - Dormann - McKinley
Watson-Lukwago - Dyxkeson - McTavish - Wilson-Didh
Udegbunam - Huitema-Omeasoo - E. Kweon

Expected substitutes (presumably 5 in 3): DF Miller, DF H. Kim, MF Babin, MF Pyo S.H., FW Korniloff-Kouyate, FW Salihamidzic Beckie

by **Graintfjall** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 5:01 pm

RP cutoff. The next cutoff should be at normal time so there is ~45 hours to the final cutoff.

Interesting article about 94 World Cup. https://www.theguardian.com/football/20 ... sa-94-hagi

by **Graintfjall** » Mon Jul 17, 2023 5:55 pm

Playoff venues released:

Kelssek
Whalleysbridge, Mazinaw (35,800)
Stadium of the Workers, Neorvins (66,300)
Stadium Konueira, Burnaby (60,200)
Millennium Park, Redswyth (53,500)
Griffin Park, Novonaya (39,200)
Stade Olympique, Outineau (55,300)
Exhibition Place, Kirkenes (38,500)
Stade Intersat, Saint-Rémy (36,900) [Non-sponsored name: Côte-des-Pins]
Græntfjall
The Eagl’e’s’ Club, Aigsvinger (100,000)
OptiFone Arena, Folte (40,000) [non-commercial name: Folte Arena]
Grander International Arena, Háttmark (50,001)
Frei Stadion, Búðarberg (40,000)
Laxenvöllur, Kyrkdorf (40,000)
Florus Stadion, Altendalur [non-commercial name: Altendalur Stadion] (40,000)
Fjlarkfjall Arena, Þingsnitz (30,000)
Sanktjakobvöllur, Háttmark (42,000)

by **Jeruselem** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 3:51 am

World Cup 94 qualification round 20 with Jeruselem in Ko-oren taking on Ko-oren ... Princess Stella Annabelle Dallas and Jeruselem Manager Faye Swift watching on

Stella: Are we playing really well or they are playing badly?
Faye: Well, I have no idea but I am not complaining we are winning
Stella: They beat the crap out of us at home ...
Faye: Well they haven't scored a single goal today
Stella: Strange but if they are playing like crap today, we'll take it
Faye: Say, how is the other game going? Huayramarca vs Naixi?

Stella: Huayramarca are kicking ass, winning 4-0.
Faye: Oh good, that's what we wanted
Stella: I guess we're in the shit if we're losing, and Naixi was winning
Faye: Yeah, if that was the case, I'd be looking for a new job
Stella: Yes, losing the last three games totally fucked us over with taking top spot
Faye: It also fucked us over taking second spot

Stella: I guess it'a a good thing we have playoffs
Faye: I guess so, being 3rd would doom us if it was some of other world cups
Stella: The kids aren't too bad then?
Faye: Well, you won't be needed today.
Stella: Well, I wouldn't be much use out there against Ko-oren anyway
Faye: I wasn't expecting you to anything out there if you did

Stella: After we play them Cardinals at home
Faye: Better than playing the Cardinals at their home
Stella: You'd think they'd be kinda shocked at all the women putting themselves out there
Faye: They've been travelling around the world now, I hope they aren't so naive about these things
Stella: That makes sense but Jeruselem might be a gone a little far for them.
Faye: Yes well, they have to learn about the multiverse. It's not all to their liking.

Stella: They were threatening the top 3 at one stage
Faye: Yeah but the wheels fell off real quick
Stella: Mind you Naixi nearly caught us
Faye: They've done real well, but they won't make in the finals this time round.
Stella: What's up with Darmen?
Faye: Yeah, they are barely any better than the bottom 6. What's with the weird outfit?

Stella: I don't know, the locals wear these
Faye: You never wear the same thing two days in row, if you wear anything I add. It doesn't work on you.
Stella: I suppose, but I'm trying to blend in. Probably isn't working
Faye: Everyone knows who you are so it doesn't matter
Stella: You'll find people who have no idea who I am still
Faye: There's always people who live in their own bubbles

Stella: Nevermind, we're going home.
Faye: We have two easy games so if we don't make the playoff, we don't deserve to be there
Stella: Let's see we host the Cardinals and ... oh, Naixi host Ko-oren.
Faye: Well, that should be interesting ... we've beaten Ko-oren once now.
Stella: I guess we'd better beat the Cardinals then in case ... you know
Faye: I know ...

by **Audioslavia** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 6:56 am

The perfect version of this game looks only slightly different. In that, the gap between Audioslavia, in first, and our nearest rival would be further behind us than HUElavia are, whose goal difference advantage means a two-point deficit mean the Bulls must win here today to be in control of our destiny. Furthermore it would have been nice if they’d finished the stadium.

The footpaths towards each section have been hastily tarmacced, with nothing but damp mud either side of the four-metre wide mini roads they’ve poured between the bus station (Beltzarga Metro still isn’t finished), the coach stop and, er, that’s it. The roads approaching the area haven’t been built, and the council have decided against allowing so many thousands of cars further mess up the dirt paths that had previously only been used by construction equipment. As such, all 40,000 fans (less than the billed 65,000 due to safety concerns) have either walked the two kilometres from the nearest train and metro stations or have been dropped off via a fleet of shuttle-buses.

The outside of the new National Stadium is… interesting. Plans had detailed a vast glass outer structure onto which advertisements, visible from outside and in, could be beamed from specially made lasers and projectors. Whether that will ever be finished or not, who knows, but it appears only one ‘branch’ of the structure has been made, and juts up weirdly, as if a giant was resting his phone against the corner of the stadium. The light-show we were promised has been replaced by a simple score-board, visible from both outside and in the ground, that just reads ‘0-0’ with the two team’s respective flags above each number, reversed from our perspective. A promised promenade of shops, drinks and food establishments has yet to be built, so the brand new stadium is surrounded by about a hundred burger vans.

What’s more or less finished are most of the bottom two-thirds of the ground, and it’s into it the crowds eventually file, through a completely open automatic turnstile and into a row of hundreds of people manually checking tickets. It’s.. a farce. It’s inviting trouble, which fortunately comes only in the form of someone breaking ranks, running up the broad, expensive looking escalator, getting to the top and just peering over the edge at his mates. Of the 40,000 fans, you get the feeling more might file in when they hear about the security operation. There’s probably enough room for them. The 40,000 seats are the ‘sellable’ ones, but there’s plenty of space above if you don’t mind standing on bare concrete, which I doubt anyone paying nothing for the privilege would.

When you look around, you can see that this place could eventually look like home, but it is emphatically not right now. Playing here is like trying to play with a balloon while it’s still in the packet. It’s like going vroom vroom in your kit-car when you’ve only just put the chassis together. Its not home. Audioslavia has nowhere to hang its coat right now.

As the players come out to the field, the sun has just disappeared over the far end of the ground, sending weird reflections everywhere through the glass structures on the roof. It’s here, so they say, that the fabled Glass Swan was finally laid to rest. Four years ago, the entire nation was in thrall to it, the small trophy won by an ancient Under 21 team, all long since in the ground. And why? Well, it was kind of in the news for a bit while the Bulls were winning, and it all rather spiralled out of control from there. 10 games, 9 wins, one draw. That was the streak back in World Cup 93 qualifying. The Bulls are currently on a run of 8 wins from 9, with a solitary draw. The glass swan has had nothing to do with it, Ager Alaba simply has a knack for stumbling upon his best system halfway through qualifying.

Qasden are a side that have played us four times, and we’ve lost 1-0 on each occasion. Aside from a general sense of dread, all I can think of is how this game absolutely should not be held here. Why not at El Ruedo or Glass Bridge, two of the loudest stadiums in Cathair? Why not at the Burdina Jauregia, the biggest ground in the country? Why not in Izotzazubia, why not make the opposition feel dread at the journey, let alone the destination? Here, the new Belzarga is as alien for us as it us for our opponents. Home advantage will be almost nil. The reputation of this stadium could be in tatters in ninety minutes time. Audioslavia, with the wrong performance, could be heading into a toss-up of a playoff and staring down the barrel of a fourth consecutive qualifying elimination. There is a generation of Audioslavians who do not remember watching their team play at a World Cup. Why take such a risk at such a stage?

The anthems finish, the teams take their positions, the crowd roars with a mixture of anticipation, anxiety and a sense of, hey, we should be doing something?

Audioslavia, top of the group, no goals conceded in its last six games, best defensive record in the competition, unbeaten in the entire second half of qualifying, kick off a match they really need to win. The sense of foreboding is so palpable you have to claw it out of your way in order to see the match.

Helios Roy kicks off, and I figure, wrongly, that my pie has cooled down enough to bite into.

by **Gnejs** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 7:10 am

To:
Mr. Enda Clentin,
33 Mange Street
(Emlyn’s mother’s house, in the spare room next to Emlyn’s bedroom),
Oswark,
Delte.

Dear Enda,

Many a things have been said, written and perpetrated in regards to you, and your effort to guide the Dandelion national football team, of late. Few of them good, some criminal, a great deal downright disgraceful.

I fear that you may, due to recent events, conclude that the common people of the Union are nothing but a bigoted plebeian horde, and in that you would, frankly, be justified. Evidence to the contrary seems hard to come by these days. There is something rotten in The Union, no doubt.

In many ways we are not so different, you valleymen and us rock-dwellers. This I firmly believe. One must understand the rules of the natural order in order to live a good life; from what I’ve learned of you and your home, in this I feel both Valley and Rock stand in agreement. Forbearance and emotional resilience in the face of an existence foreordained, one which we must adapt to and learn to appreciate, these are virtues formed from necessity, and they have served us well.

Few things rile otherwise perfectly sober people up as this strange and wonderful sport we have both dedicated our lives to; it is truly a doubled-edged sword. On the one hand capable of such immaculate symmetry and perfection, a force of inspiration and social cohesion. On the other hand, a destructive force of chaos, sowing division and turning Men of Reason into Beasts. The edge is razor-thin, and in all honesty one must question the prudence of continued engagement with such an unstable source of potential hysteria.

The pendulum favors Chaos these days, and it is spewing a malice hitherto unseen, of which you have been made the target. I suspect these forces have been aided by someone not pure of heart, the delicate balance purposely skewed; one voice corrupting the many, turning healthy distrust of strangers into outright bigotry, binding them all in darkness and inappropriate emotional disarray.

I know you will not let these evil tongues infest your mind. These threats of bodily mutilation and defenestration drag you down. As a free man within a wholly determined whole, I am sure you will not only bear what is necessary, but also love it, to paraphrase the great Barack Mimoza.

Patience and prudence will be rewarded in time. And so will you.

«In Agreement and Loyalty until The Rock crumbles». That is the Union motto, and in time you will understand what that entails. Until then, there’s an old Union saying that I think you might appreciate: The Rock is like winter; it’s always a struggle to get inside the house, but once you’re there, it’s always warm.

Stay the course. Don’t go chasing rainbows

With respect,

Bjørnstjerne Eriksen.

by **HUElavia** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 8:19 am

Germenia 0–3 HUElavia
(Álvarez 14', Nascimento 51', Vidarte 75')

HUElavia 4–1 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom
(Rossi-Rigoni 13', 66', Aveiro 38', 80' (P) | REDACTED 6')
Estadio Nacional, Curumba, HUElavia

Gold

The Story of HUElavia's run in IAC 15.

Part 11

Semi-Finals

Match Announcer: "Welcome to the largest venue in this tournament, Kanyo Pitch in Kayo, Drawkland, as our 2nd Semi-Final will be discovered here, between HUElavia and Squidrordia!"

Ringo Honda: "Ahhh, Squidroidia... Out of all the matches we played, Squidroidia was the team we had the most fun playing against."

Lucas Lettmann: "Squidroidia was one of our rivals in sports- well, they still are- and we knew that if we wanted to play in the Final in front of our home crowd, we had to beat them."

Match Announcer: "Despite playing about 2/3rds of a full match, Leonardo Conavacio still has faith in his main eleven players, no surprises or changes on this starting line-up."

Leonardo Conavacio: "While the players were pretty fatigued, especially after the match against Sannymathaland, I did give them a half-day off after that victory to try to recover some stamina among the players. Still, due to the nature of the opponent and the level of the match, we had to go all out once again."

Match Announcer: "We're underway! One of the tantalizing rivalries of the IAC will determine our second finalist for the Final!"

David Navarro-Hamada: "We were going on the attack from the get-go, and we wanted to score first to set up the first strike and set the tone of the match."

Match Announcer: "Brousseau is ready for the corner kick... She takes the kick... NASCIMENTO!!! GOAL!!! GOAL GOAL GOAL!!! NASCIMENTO WITH THE HEADER, IT'S 1-0 AFTER THE 4th MINUTE!!!"

Julieta Higashi Fernandes: "Seeing that cross into the box, Nascimento is a tall guy and he just had to tower over the defender to just score that header. Once we had that goal go in, we knew we had a strong chance to make it to the Final from there."

Match Announcer: "Nascimento is running with the ball... Foul! They're taken down by Meeuwessen, and it's a free kick!"

DNH: "When Nascimento was taken down, it was at a range that I felt confident that I could score from there."

RH: "I did want to take the kick, but David came up to me and asked politely to take the shot, given he had a confidence he could dip the ball over the wall to score. I trusted him and gave him that shot."

Match Announcer: "Navarro-Hamada looks like he wants to take the kick... He takes the shot... GOAL! GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!! WHAT A FREE KICK!!! OVER THE WALL AND PAST AKIYAMA!!! IT'S 2-0!!!"

DNH: "I remember scoring that goal, and just hearing the HUElavian crowd roar in celebration, and I ran to the corner to celebrate, only to get mobbed once again by my teammates and the staff. Y'know, just the average HUElavian celebration!"

LL: "While Squidroidia were on the attack during the 2nd half, I still made my efforts to make saves left and right and make a full effort to squeeze out any hope the team had from mounting a comeback against us. For the most part, I felt very relaxed throughout the match once we had the 2-0 lead."

JHF: "Once we had that lead and control, we were feeling good that we could advance to the Final at that point, but we felt motivated to run up the score some more."

Match Announcer: "Brousseau's on the ball, they're running on the side of the pitch, they pass to Navarro-Hamada..."

DNH: "I got the ball from Brousseau and when I look up, I see Nascimento galloping towards the Squidroidian defense and I knew I had to send a pass over and hope that something would come of it."

Match Announcer: "Navarro-Hamada sends a long pass... Nascimento's all alone! He's got the ball! One-on-one with Akiyama... GOAL! GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!! IT'S 3-0!!! RIGHT BETWEEN THE LEGS AND THAT MAY VERY WELL DO IT!!!"

DNH: "Once we had that goal, I celebrated with him and the teammates, and he thanked me for the assist and he told me 'We got this now. They aren't coming back out of this.' And I agreed wholly with him."

Match Announcer: "Duarte on the ball, she's running now... Passes it to Honda..."

RH: "I got Duarte's ball, and I began to move looking for an opening, when I saw Lopes open right outside the box."

Match Announcer: "Honda with the pass... LOPES!!! GOAL!!! GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!! IT'S 4-0!!! A ONE-TIME CURVE SHOT PAST AKIYAMA MAKES IT A BLOW OUT!!! IF THERE WAS ANY DOUBT, NONE REMAIN NOW!!! HUELAVIA WILL MARCH TO CURUMBA WITH AN EMPHATIC VICTORY!!!"

JHF: "At that point, we all ran to Lopes and Honda in celebration and with the crowd chanting and clapping in celebration, we felt that we could truly enjoy this moment."

RH: "Once we had that goal, we just opted to relax at that point. Squidroidia was defeated, and we knew we were going to be in our home crowd, looking to learn from our past and win that coveted title."

Match Announcer: "It's over!!! HUElavia defeats Squidroidia and advances to the 15th IAC Final! This Sunday, HUElavia will play against Drawkland, another rivalry will be renewed between the two of them!"

LC: "After the match, I hugged and congratulated my players, and in the post-match talk, I gave them praise, but reminded them of that lied ahead of us that upcoming Sunday evening."

To be continued...

by **Elmyia** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 12:35 pm

The Overlap
The True Story of Mosse Park (Elmyia's New Home)

In all the excitement of Elmyia's thrilling 2-0 win over Baggieland, it was easy to lose sight of the fact that this was merely the 4^th game that they have played here. Truly, the mood at these home games have lit up the back end of the campaign, with Elmyia winning 8 out of 9, including all 4 at Mosse Park.

The game was another in a series of wins over Baggieland. Odd given how evenly matched they are on paper, Elmyia have taken 5 wins and 1 draw from 6 qualifying encounters. Perhaps Baggieland have simply been cosmically unlucky, barring this fixture each game has been settle by one goal, Elmyia outscoring their opponents only 9-3 over this period. But, again, it seemed a lack of tactical flexibility that allowed Elmyia to gain the fine margin for success here. Kit Simmons was key, as ever, cutting the effervescent Ronnie Regis out of the game and giving the rest of the team a platform to build. The front three combined with the full-backs to outmatch the back 4, and a brace for Whittingham, with assists coming from Beresford and Rossi. The capacity crowd provided a wall of noise for the team, pushing them to within goal difference of a play-off spot.

Yet it could so easily have been that this game would've had to have been played elsewhere. After the election of Lazzani's Communist Party to government, it remained to be seen if public funding would continue to be available for this public project.

Mosse Park had been a somewhat controversial proposition, not only in political circles, but footballing ones as well. Combative chairman of Diepfleet, John Herschel, summed it up for most in saying it was a move to 'centralise power, money and decision making in EFF hands' to the detriment of the clubs. Clubs had benefitted from the extra TV and stadium revenue as part of the contract to rent out there grounds, fans were happy to have the team come to them and get the opportunity to support them. Some clubs were still hoping to host their first game, Estdalle we're hopeful it could pay for an extension to Morpeth Road. To move everything to an EFF owned location in the capital raised a lot of objections. Now, revenue would be used to payoff the building cost, and sustain the federation. Promises were made about cost splitting for academies, but a lot of people were sure to be out of money.

These objections, and wider ones, we're close to torpedoing the proposal. The project had been backed from central government, part of the project to create a more cohesive Elmyian identity. A national stadium was seem as a fitting statement. The Communist Party had seemed relatively ambivalent around things like this, preferring to focus on defending Elmyia's interests in matter of trade to prove their credentials. Rumours circulated when they took power that work might be paused on Mosse Park, the clubs would be kept happy, money would be spent on infrastructure elsewhere. There also remained the objection that the stadium, and the associated benefits, would go to the already affluent Beaucester. Mosfleet, the bigger more industrial of the two, could've been said to have a better claim to it.

Yet Mosse Park still made sense for a lot of reasons. Beaucester is the best connected city in the country, easier to access than any fixed site for fans. The proposed capacity would also massively increase the size of revenue, with over 35,000 seats, it dwarfs all other grounds in the country. The residencies around different areas of the country had often also led to anemic atmospheres, with partisan club fans less interested in the fate of the national team, despite the enormous size of the fanbase that is out there. Mosse Park would be accessible, possess an atmosphere and increase revenues.

There was one more key reason Mosse Park still was built. Pau Porras and his players. They remained steadfast in their desire, and support for, a home ground for the national team. Players were understood to believe it would help with atmosphere, and were increasingly jealous of the state of the art grounds they found themselves visiting. They contrasted greatly to the more rickety, provincial grounds they found themselves in. Pau Porras spoke openly in support, whilst Kit Simmons is understood to have written directly to Lazzini in support of the project. Ultimately, this tipped the scales. The government committed a further $400 million to complete construction in time for the second half of qualifying.

The ground has come to feel like a home much quicker than anticipated. The jeopardy in the games, the thrilling performances and the 100% streak have ensured this. But, this remains a well constructed stadium. Where the bowl shapes, lack of roofs and running tracks in most Elmyian grounds peak atmosphere, Mosse Park is enclosed. The acoustic design was also thought through to focus sound and amplify vocal supporters. Elmyian fan groups have made the most of this, with groups of the more rabid support opting to sit on the Riverside stand, which they've made their own with tifos and incessant singing. The use of safe standing in areas has further encouraged fans to make themselves heard.

Elmyia face Sudilia in their final home match. It was a painful 4-3 defeat last time out, but with 7 wins on the trot, they'll be hopeful of ending qualifying on a high. Elmyia are level on points with Yuezhou for the final playoff spot, one worse off in goal difference, it could be a shootout on the final day to bag the last spot. If the atmosphere is anything like what it has been this far, Elmyia will back their odds to pull off another surprise.

(O.O) · by **TJUN-ia** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 1:11 pm

Today was a sombre day...one of teary goodbyes and farewells across the board. Estádio do Pacífico in the UAS Zone would host the final Jaguars home game of the 94th World Cup Qualifying process...and one that we knew would send us to the Cup of Harmony all the same. It was going to be a sad day no matter what happened, considering the age of the starters and how well this campaign had gone, but there was hope of ending the home series on a high...for everyone's sake.

Ethane would be the opponents on this emotional day and while we knew that Clarissa Marshman wasn't going to simply lie down and die, everyone was hoping that we could do something in our home swansong. Jackson Smith-Scott would end up taking the lead in the 34th minute and that lead would be kept into halftime, but a quickfire brace from Oscar Manning would give the visitors a 2-1 lead after only 10 minutes of the 2nd half. We would get a goal back thanks to Yomakaji Shimigatsu in the 67th, but there would be no winner on either side...and so we all just accepted the draw. There would be a lap of honour for the players after that, which was both deserved and also sombre at the same time.

After out bye, Arjunnagar will play us out. We must prepare for the T2 comp again, for better or for worse. GO JAGS!

MD1: @República Guanacasteca (73) - Estadio Tiburcio Carías Andino, Estelí D 1-1 (T-3rd)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD2: vs Delte (39) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky L 0-1 (T-6th)
MD3: @Aleirave (66) L 1-3 (8th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD4: vs Zwangzug (3) - National Stadium. TJUN-ia City W 1-0 (T-6th)
MD5: @Sharktail (85) - Stadium Biru, Sharktail L 1-4 (7th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD6: vs Kingdom of Castille (232) - Tallawah Stadium, Port Town/Portuaria W 5-1 (6th)
MD7: @Torisakia (298) - New Logan Stadium, New Logan W 3-0 (5th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD8: vs Hopal (109) - Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo, Kepu Manu W 4-2 (5th)
MD9: @Ethane (167) W 4-0 (4th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD10: BYE (5th)
MD11: vs Arjunnagar (205) - Zebra Stadium, Toropo/Almadinat W 2-0 (5th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD12: vs República Guanacasteca (73) - Estadio Universidad Carlandas, Carlandas W 2-1 (4th)
MD13: @Delte (39) - Ildemorton Road, Oswark-upon-Delte L 2-3 (4th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD14: vs Aleirave (66) - Stade de la Victoire, Roi Ville D 1-1 (4th)
MD15: @Zwangzug (3) - ZS^3, Zwischen L 0-3 (5th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD16: vs Sharktail (85) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong L 0-1 (5th)
MD17: @vs Kingdom of Castille (232) - Jaén FC Stadium, Atocha D 1-1 (5th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD18: vs Torisakia (298) - Salam Liljamie Stadium, Al Kalifa L 0-1 (5th)
MD19: @Hopal (109) W 2-0 (5th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD20: vs Ethane (167) - Estádio do Pacífico, Rio Pacífico D 2-2 (5th)
MD21: BYE (5th)
---------------Boot It!---------------
MD22: @Arjunnagar (205)

by **Kimi-Suomi** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 2:58 pm

Kimi-Suomi 3-0 Devontan Yhdysvallat [United States of Devonta]
Now this was more like it from the Huuhkajat of Kimi-Suomi! We haven't been feeling too good in recent matchday but back at Pesä against USD, we certainly pulled things in the right direction for the first time in a little while - not enough to overturn our fate, but a positive step nonetheless. Kimi Airo would get a brace in the 1st half, Teemu Räikkönen got the 3rd in the 2nd and that was that - bing, bong, done!

Uusi Dascos [New Dascos] 1-1 Kimi-Suomi
Uusi Dascos, however, wasn't so fun as we ended up with a 1-1 draw that could've been so much more. We ended up scoring first, thanks to Maria Tuominen in the 7th minute of the game, but we failed to convert any of the other chances we managed to get and ND managed to get one back in the 67th to secure the draw.

Our date with Chromatika in Pesä will be our final moments...so can we do something? Anything? NOSTA KUIN HUUHKAJAT!

by **Cassadaigua** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 3:06 pm

Stars won't align for group title, but playoff assured,
by Caitlyn Dufresne, Concord Heights Times

It would seem like Cassadaigua should be a lock to make the playoffs with the current type of format, but the last two times that this was used, the team was not even able to finish in the top three. Now, at least this time, we will get a chance at that game, which unlike previous editions is a single matchup, played in either Kelssek or Graintfjall as opposed to being a home/away aggregate situation. With three games to go, there was a chance that the Fillies could win the group, but really needed Adab to defeat Nephara on the road while the Fillies took on Notricia in Starksville. Sure, we could also root for Olastor to get a home win against them, and we would have if it went that far. Instead, the Cormorants cruised to a 3-0 win over Adab, and while we did keep pace with a 2-1 win over Notricia (more to follow), our group title chances took a hit. Ultimately, our team would not win out, as they could only draw with Milchama (not a meaningless result, though, more on that to follow). With that, Nephara clinched the group, and Cassadaigua is in the drivers seat for a second place finish. The Fillies lead the Warriors by three points for that spot, and have a +7 goal differential. So, even if we were to lose the final game to 3-8-8 Brascocia in Brattleboro, a gut feeling about that would be that it would not a blowout loss. This would mean that the Milchamians would need to destroy Astograth. However, Astograth has stunk it up, so I wouldn't rule out an 9-0 Warriors win there.

Does finishing second really matter? In theory, yes. But if qualifying was over right now, our second place finish would get us Polar Islandstates in the playoff. Can I have a show of hands, please, as to who is excited about that head to head showing, especially since they'd be motivated to avenge our 3-0 friendly win from right before qualifying? I don't see many hands raised. Milchama would play Vilita. We don't exactly want them, either, even though historically we've played Vilita well (it's Turori we stink against). Third place teams that are near Polar Islandstates on the table would be Sylestone and Sajnur. No offense, Sylestone and Sajnur, but I'd rather our team play one of you. Back end second place teams near Vilita that Milchama could also play include Drawkland and Saint Eleanor. (Article pause: Won't it be freakin' awesome, that if so close after Drawkland's shocking round of sixteen upset of Milchama in the World Baseball Classic, that those same two teams met in this playoff?) Anyway, if it were us against either, they both would be a "fun" game, for very different reasons, but also represent a more difficult playoff opponent than either Sylestone or Sajnur. Or Eraman. So, even though right now Polar Islandstates is lined up for us, I do think it's dramatically better to finish second. Now, the possibility of Polar Islandstates as an opponent may have Chen Huikang drawing up tactics to not only beat Brascocia, but to give them a sound beating. Because of that, don't expect to see key players getting the game off in order to rest for the winner take all playoff showdown.

Against Notricia, Chen Huikang made some lineup changes to give some different faces a chance to start, and this would begin in goal with Erica Knapp for the second time. Hailey Meyer and Amber Hogan replaced Alyssa Marlin and Rachel Becker in the back, and in the midfield, Marquis Miles and Rachel Wyman would start, coming in place of Kaitlin Millikan and Lauren Engle. Shannon Cunningham was also given the game off, and Carly Patterson started in place of her. "Everyone on this team has earned the right to get playing time, and we have seen some people work really hard in practice that do not get the minutes on the field during games," Chen said on the moves, "we are no different than any other team that will make change up the starting lineup from time to time."

It wasn't a picture perfect game for the home side in Starksville, as there were more mistakes made than usual and perhaps Lexi McGregor trying to be a little too cute on her scoring chances in front of her fellow Starksville United supporters, but Cassadaigua was always in control of this match. Carly Patterson took full advantage of getting in the lineup by scoring in the 16th minute, and in the back Erica Knapp was not given much work to do. The lead would double in the 54th minute, thanks to Krystal Sherwin's goal, and it seemed like Lexi McGregor made it 3-0 in the 59th, only to have the referee call it back on an offsides. She seemed to expect it, given that she never went for one of her backflips that you know she wanted to do in front of these fans. Notricia got one back in the 79th, and for a little while put some concern in the crowd, but it would finish as a 2-1 win, nonetheless. The bigger groans from the crowd came with the announcement of Nephara's win over Adab. With that, the slight chance we had at winning the group was cut in half.

Up next for the team would be a trip to Alexandria to take on the Warriors of Milchama. National Stadium is a massive 110,000 seat facility, but it wasn't one seat too big as it full to capacity, mostly from passionate Milchamians, but we were glad to see that some Cassadagans were able to get tickets. Just three minutes into the game, we saw how much this game meant for both teams as Lexi McGregor and Dervan Kelliers got in each other's faces to shout at one another. After the game, Lexi said that, "That dude didn't like the fact that I said something about Drawkland eliminating them in baseball! I was trying to make innocent conversation! (with a sly grin on her face)" It only lasted about 30 seconds, and the referee simply smirked at the interaction, possibly suggesting that it was baseball related, and the game would continue. Kelliers would get the first laugh, as his teammate, Avi Benbemore did what he does best, and scored in the 18th to kick off the scoring. You knew coming into this game that Benbemore would be a handful for our defense, and on that play, Alyssa Marlin was unable to do so, allowing the goalscorer to get a great shot off from the penalty area, and there was nothing Stacey Schalberg could do about it.

Come on you Fillies! Get it done! In the 28th minute, Chloe Anderson rung one off the post, but on the ensuing corner, Shannon Cunningham would tie the game up, and a lot of credit here has to go the corner delivery from Kaitlin Millikan. Scoring from corners was a major strength of this team back in the mid-80 World Cups for this team, but for the last little while, the team has not been as efficient as they should be. Unfortunately, Benbemore would put his team back up just four minutes later, energizing the crowd for three minutes. That's when Lexi McGregor set up Chloe Anderson for a game-tying goal. Two-two is where we stood at intermission.

In the second half, Cassadaigua would take their first lead of the match, as this time it was McGregor on her own, coming in the 51st, but Elliot Flok tied it right back up, in the 57th, to continue the roller coaster of emotions. From that point, we appeared destined to finish in a 3-3 draw, as the time ticked away, but the crowd would get a massive jolt of energy as the great Benbemore put the Warriors ahead in the 85th minute. With the 4-3 lead, the crowd was on their feet and expecting their team to finish the Fillies off. But they should have known better, as after all this whole game would see quick responses from one side after the other took the lead. In the 90th minute, Shannon Cunningham would stun the crowd with her second of the game, thanks to a beautiful cross delivered by Lauren Engle to where McGregor was clearly used as a decoy. There would be no further goals after that, and we finish 4-4.

The draw officially handed Nephara their World Cup spot. Congratulations to them, and now Cassadaigua will prepare for their one-game playoff. Milchama has not officially clinched their spot, as they are only two points ahead of Koronavia. By the way, I want to tip my proverbial cap to Koronavia. Great push, guys, in what was a tough group for an up and coming nation. Unfortunately for them, they need Astograth to pull off an upset of Milchama, and this isn't the good Astograth team of long ago.

As for the Fillies, as mentioned at the start, it's Brascocia in Brattleboro. Chen Huikang has said that the regulars would start, since the team wants to secure second place, and to try and stay as one of the better second place teams across all of the groups, like they are right now.

by **Delaclava** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 3:34 pm

Well, we tried, but it wasn't enough.

It's a story as old as time isn't it...coming so close, and yet not beating the teams we know we should beat, and another dream dies.

It was a scoreless draw against Cheetahs and reptiles coalison that did us in for good. A Ceni loss to Milk Island gave Delaclava the perfect opportunity to draw closer to the playoffs, yet we tried in vain to score a single goal. The final whistle blew, and our season was over.

There was the 5-2 win over Macbon, Delaclava's last game of the season at home. Two goals by Lukas Meyer, a goal each by Alibek Khautov, Marc Champagne, and Vangelis Anagnakis thrilled the crowd in Manchester. But it was all too little, too late.

One game remains in Milk Island. A loss, and Delaclava will truly be lost at sea. A win, and they will only be left wondering what could have been.

Once again, a golden generation has been wasted... we have already had to say goodbye to Elidyr Lyndainium, a legend of the sport. What will become of Lukas Meyer, of Kent Lindblad, of Ben Romeijn? The future all looks so uncertain, so hopeless.

But for a final time this season...NOSTA KUIT FEENIKSEJÄ!

by **Zwangzug** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 6:19 pm

The Bassabook Baritone

The home-and-away legs of group fixtures against Delte represent a rather more drastic contrast than most opponents, as the River Valley nation has disjoint home and visiting squads. The match at the Eagles' Club, therefore, did not imbue Zwangzug with a sense of familiarity about the Representatives they would face. Nevertheless, the rematch in Ildemorton Road would feature more of the same; a high-scoring encounter, Zwangzug winning by a single goal, and admirable displays of stoicism from all parties.

The hosts got things started, with number ten and prodigious cyclist Irki Mynster scoring off an assist from player-manager Enor Perro in the fourteenth minute. Zwangzug rallied to take the lead through restrained captain Valerie Waugh and the well-travelled Cixin Nguyen, respectively, by the half-hour mark. Kal Rayler appeared to equalize shortly afterwards, only to be ruled offsides; undeterred, the Representatives got a real goal from Tai Cerotha before the half was complete.

Chester Hildegard is a player who, at least at club level, is more comfortable in defensive midfield. With the national team, at times, he has been more adventurous, disdaining a fixed "midfield X" and wandering forward on his own when the spirit moves him. On the day, this paid off with a go-ahead goal six minutes after the restart. Though the team has seemed easily in control of Group 3, Kate DiMarini was taking no chances, substituting off some of the defenders for fresh legs at back. Unfamiliarity was a cause for contempt, however, as Ernst Guthnick-Wolf was made to look out of position by the indefatigable Perro, who assisted Onun Tasher in minute 57 and made it three-all.

When the Representatives earned a free kick, Julia MacEacharna duly lay down to prevent shenanigans, and Skelemino Bane chipped it high for Ardrake Steng to head in. Bane and Steng, in addition to being in fine form, also had lots of advice to offer on how to practice and eat well to maintain their fine form, at least until the inexorable passage of time catches up.

Waugh tied the game in minute 81, and against the run of play two minutes later, Lukas Helsen-Roan's shot hit the crossbar. Steed Tombes tipped it away, but Nilkanth Mibang stepped up to head it back in. Tombes' attitude was unfazed by the fifth concession; he's lived through much worse, after all, given his Cooper River origins.

Zwangzug will return to Bassabook next, to face Aleirave at Pacific Field; the Seagulls unexpectedly won an upset in the first half.

(Imomenba 34, Waugh 90+2)
(Rezal 25, Nizam 41, Shafik 68; MacEacharna 20, McKinney 56, McWaler 77)

by **Sylestone** » Tue Jul 18, 2023 11:12 pm

The Sylestonean > Sport > Football > World Cup Qualifiers

SARGOSSA V SYLESTONE: A BIG FAT FUCKIN’ PREVIEW

When has there been a more important game in Sylestonean football history? Maybe the first playoff in Chamberley against Huayramarca that ended in a disastrous 5-2 loss, or maybe one of the knockout matches during the last Campionato Esportiva on home soil? The former, though - no one really expected the Sentients to pull through against the team ranked 22nd in the multiverse, coupled with a world class forward line. And the latter? Sure, the Campionato Esportiva is an important tournament, but the World Cup Qualifiers are a different beast. You can argue about it all you want but really, this might well be the most important game of football to have graced this nation’s history in the sport.

Unfortunately for the hundreds of thousands - if not millions - of avid Sylestonean football fans out there, though, the game will take place in Sargossa at the impressive Ciudad Deportiva, located within the city of Maturín. Naturally, flights to the Rushmori nation are 20% off with Air Sylestone, as the Sylestonean Football Association (SFA) struck a deal with the international corporation to attempt to make the game as accessible for those at home. Although the stadium capacity is only 52,000, expect every single seat to be filled with either variation of blue and orange as the two countries go head to head for a breathtaking ninety minutes of football, with many expecting the streets close to the arena to be filled with fans that could not get in in time for a ticket. For those who cannot make the journey for whatever reason (pretty please try to go, though), the game can be accessed for free and in high definition on channel eight or via subscription on Jaguar Sports for no advertisements.

Background

There’s no doubt about it - Sargossa are very much a storied, historic nation on the World Cup scene, participating in qualifying tournaments 43 times since World Cup 47. Over the years, the Corsairs have qualified for the tournament proper seventeen times - a statistic that includes a dynasty of seven straight qualifications between World Cup 78 and World Cup 84, and is definitely not something to simply dismiss. However, ever since then, the Rushmori nation has failed to reach the finals of the last nine World Cups, only succeeding in qualifying for the Cup of Harmony each time due to their poor performances throughout Qualifiers. Only once in that time have the Corsairs even made the playoffs - in World Cup 89, where they lost 2-1 over two legs to a very strong Kelssek outfit, and ever since, they have not finished higher than the fourth place they acquired in World Cup 90. For a nation with such a rich history in the sport, it’s been a disappointing twenty years or so, with many younger fans not even remembering when they reached the final 32, way back in Cassadaigua and Baker Park. In all honesty, this opportunity may be their best chance ever since that playoff that sent the Kelssekians to South Newlandia and Tikariot, and now the plucky Sylestoneans are here to play spoilsport, like they did in Cup of Harmony 78 to prevent Sargossa from reaching the podium in Chamberley. Because of that and a 4-3 defeat to Krytenia in the semifinal in Avondale, a number of Sargossan fans already despise Sylestone. Fun.

And as you might expect, Sylestone are almost the exact opposite of Sargossa, in literally every single way possible. While Sargossa are in Rushmore, Sylestone are located in Esportiva. The Corsairs boast darker shades of blue and orange, while the Sentients’ colours are of a similar shade, except lighter. While Sargossa may have participated in a whopping 43 World Cup Qualification cycles, this is just Sylestone’s seventh - including being the second back after a three-cycle hiatus. The Corsairs have qualified for seventeen World Cups between the 48th and 84th cycles of the tournaments; the Sentients have qualified for none. After a rather disappointing first foray into the sport between cycles 85 and 89 with a national team composed entirely of Sentient Objects from the city of Kirkham in Sylestone’s southeast, a multicultural outfit that debuted in South Newlandia during the 34th Campionato Esportiva a bit over three years ago brought much greater success under Mojmir Anac as the side qualified for World Cup playoffs for the very first time just a year later. While it was not meant to be as a sublime Huayramarca bested the plucky Sentients, the Esportivans have continued their form in the regional competition on home soil, reaching the semifinals before naturally losing to Tumbra and finishing fourth and now here, where their slim hopes of reaching the World Cup are still alive even after losing to the fucking Spartan Dominion at home.

Run-in

Sargossa: DWDWW
Sylestone: LWWWD

Leading into the game, Sargossa have been in some of the best form in recent years, going undefeated for a mouthwatering ten games ever since losing at home to Banija on matchday ten. While there have been some slightly disappointing results for the Corsairs mingled in and around that number - such as a 0-0 draw with the 14 Stars and a 3-3 with Al-Tamazgha - the latter part of that run has been sublime, drawing the top three seeds and defeating every lower seed they’ve come across. Most notably is a draw at Banija, becoming the only team in the entire group to take points off the Kadongo Kamu - a statistic that may eventually prove to be the difference in the race for the final playoff spot, for now a draw will be enough for the Corsairs to pip the Sentients. Ever since that 3-3 draw with Al-Tamazgha, Sargossa have only conceded goals to Mytanija, the Ochre Islands and Banija in 1-1 draws, while maintaining a clean sheet against Josifovo, Boring Paradise and the Spartan Dominion, meaning that yes, it will be very difficult for the Sentients to put the ball in the back of the Sargossan net with such an in-form defensive line. With confidence sky-high after drawing Banija, is there going to be any way through for Sylestone?

Meanwhile, Sylestone were in the midst of a very strong run of form leading all the way back to a 1-0 loss at the hands of the 14 Stars but by losing at home to the 294th best team in the multiverse, the Sentients must reset ahead of a winner-takes-all encounter with Sargossa. A home draw with Mytanija and an away triumph at the Ochre Islands left everyone overconfident for that fateful game in Dunkirk and despite taking a 1-0 lead heading into the 80th minute, two late goals from the visiting Spartans cut short the celebrations as, with news of Sargossa’s draw in Banija rolling in, the high everyone was on turned sharply and suddenly into a morbid wreck. Sure, there was still hope, but the odds are not in Sylestone’s favour. While it’s been a more than acceptable campaign for the western Esportivans, if the bottlejob does indeed occur then look, a reset might need to be had leading into the next Campionato Esportiva. Pressure is on.

Expected Lineups

With their current form and all, we can’t really expect Sargossa to change too much from their previous fixtures, playing the 5-3-2 they specialise in under the management of Slavko Jelic, with the advanced wingbacks that create havoc on the wings and open up the path for the strikers to capitalise. Even so, the lack of goals in recent matches indicate that the Corsairs’ strikers aren’t quite at their finest, although they’ve done a lot more than enough to take their team to the position they are in at the moment. With only a draw necessary for playoff qualification, expect Sargossa to put out their regular starting lineup from the next few matches, while possibly adding a touch of experience here and there, particularly if Sylestone have obtained the lead or look like doing so. In the midfield, Elías Pozo is in the form of his life in just his first campaign at the age of 22, and has been integral to the Corsairs’ recent success. A lot relies on him to play well in the middle of the field at the Ciudad Deportiva, providing as many opportunities for the likes of Pablo Alarcón and Lucas Recoba up front, particularly with their scratchy form at the moment.

Expected Sargossa Lineup: Martínez; Benito - Alonso - Rodríguez - Riesgo - Soriano; González - Moruga - Pozo; Alarcón - Recoba

While Sargossa may be expected to maintain their usual starting lineup for the fixture, Sylestone might just do the opposite. For Mojmir Anac’s side, it’s literally win or die - not even an everyday nil-all draw will be enough to qualify for the playoffs. There is a decent chance Anac will even abandon the defensive 4-4-1-1 formation and utilise a more aggressive 4-2-3-1 with advanced wingers, although we at The Sylestonean are thinking differently. While Anac will probably drop Cayden Holmes for Jack Ryland as a more aggressive option on the left wing, him and Abigail Jones on the right probably won’t move alongside the attacking midfielder - be it Rose Fleetwood or Brett Sarcav-Jones, no one knows. Rather than provide constant crosses, the main roles of the wingers will be to shut down Sargossan wingbacks Antonio Benito and Adrian Soriano, with the left- and right-backs (almost certainly the aggressive options in Eden Holt and Lesley Keller) serving as back-up in case they fail in that regard. In the defence, skipper Hugo Mornington will no doubt start, but whether Alexander Nutt or the Hand Sanitiser will join him is very much a good question - Alana Faucett is currently facing suspension after her red card against the Spartan Dominion, although the appeal process is underway. There is a school of thought that thinks that Belgrave centre back Raphael Brown might even pair up with the Hesham-based 29-year-old due to the former captain’s defensive tendencies within the midfield, opting for experience over youthful talent and starting Callum Blair in the central midfield, alongside Gemma Rodway. While Rodway won’t quite be an attacking midfielder like Rose Fleetwood, she’ll certainly be looking to play a more aggressive style, while her partner will be a more traditional number eight and control the game in the middle. Either way, the duo that starts in those two positions will have a hefty role to play, for they will be in charge of controlling the Sargossan midfield trio, and trust me, that’s not an easy task. However, if they can pull it off and the Corsairs’ wingbacks can be shut down, then the Sentients might just have a chance.

Expected Sylestone Lineup: Macleay; Holt - Mornington - Hand Sanitiser - Keller; Ryland - Brown - Rodway - Jones; Fleetwood; Strathfield

Prediction

Sargossa 1-1 Sylestone

Yes, we know. It’s pessimistic, but it’s probably the most likely result. Sargossa to score early in the second half, before a Brett Sarcav-Jones or Riley Strathfield pulls it back with about ten minutes to go. Despite the Sentients going all out in the final moments, it probably won’t be enough to break the Corsairs’ defensive line and send the hosts through on home soil. At a ground where Sargossa have won 25 of the 32 games they’ve played there, is there really that much of a chance for the Sentients? There’s always the Campionato Esportiva and next cycle’s World Cup Qualifiers.

Ochre Islands vs Sylestone @ Somewhere, Ochre Islands

Ochre Islands (4-3-3): Softstep; Sandman - Willingham ( 85’) - D’entro - Featherborn (Gorgewalker 89’); Mikkels (Withlinens 77’) - Basing (Bridgebuilder 58’ ( 80’)) - Lewis; Builder (Northbrook 89’) - Gibson (Clearedway 58’) - Lucksmith

Sylestone (4-4-1-1 → 5-4-1): Macleay ( 90+5’); Holmes ( 90’) - Mornington - Nutt ( 48’) (Faucett 61’) - Keller (Toilet 75’); Ryland (Cross 61’) - Brown - Rodway - Jones (Fridge 90+1’); Fleetwood (Lawson 75’); Strathfield

Ochre Islands 0-1 Sylestone
                                                                 Strathfield 41’

Sylestone vs The Spartan Dominion @ Ground of Dunkirk, Dunkirk

Sylestone (4-4-1-1 → 4-2-3-1): Fuller; Cross ( 90+2’) - Hand Sanitiser - Faucett ( 67’) ( 86’) - Keller ( 29’) (Statton 73’); Ryland (Holmes 46’) - Blair ( 90+11’) - Lawson (Pearson 87’ ( 90+7’)) - Barclay; Sarcav-Jones (Fleetwood 46’); Blamey (Eastwood 73’)

The Spartan Dominion: Unknown

Sylestone 1-2 The Spartan Dominion
                                    Ryland 36’       Player 82’
                                                       Player 90+4’

by **Delte** » Wed Jul 19, 2023 12:02 am

Delte 3–1 Kingdom of Castille
Sports Correspondent Kim Samrodd at Ildemorton Road for the Rothwarrodton Recipe & Puzzler Midweek Edition

I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match, and it goes without saying that Enor Perro was our best player yet again, Perran Garrimund was the best defender still keeping me out of the starting line-up, the away team mission banished their inability to turn draws into wins with... a win... and the home team Reps got comfortably past the Castillians to keep the valley in with a shout of second place after all but certainly mention should be made of the unexpected appearance of young Henry Lightman, who has been smashing them in for the Away Team Mission to such an extent that coach Perro decided he should finish his shift at home. Flying in from the Far Faraway on the back of a record-breaking qualification cycle on the road, young Henry continued his excellent form by upstaging established rivals Tai Cerotha, Irki Mynster and Danny Mastorqua to hit a brace in front of an admiring home crowd of 1,350 stoically impressed locals. "Sign him up, sign him up, Sign. Him. Up!" was the chant from the stands, and indeed he is going cheap to that one (is there one?) dedicated reader of the Rothwarrodton Recipe & Puzzler Midweek Edition who happens to run an IFCF superclub.

At the same time, or maybe a few minutes before...

Torisakia 1–5 Delte
Segmental Paving Specialist & temporary Player-Reporter Cerril Nysald in Tokai, Torisakia for Up The Reps Football Fanzine

I've been briefed not to dwell overly long on the finer details of our match but suffice it to say the Away Team Mission hardly seemed to miss our young talisman Henry Lightman - free to a good home - with Ight Elmhurst, Ard Susstin, David Tonsoe, Errod Murkall and Acka Shine all stepping up to the plate and delivering one fifth of Henry's workload each to banish our x-all drawing streak that ruined The Reps hopes of winning the group and going to the World Cup proper without having to play-off on the doorstep first.

I hear the home team enjoyed Henry's first game at Ildemorton Road and one more win there will secure a runners-up spot and - allegedly - an easier match in the play-offs.

Every Day I Roleplay About Football
Subject: The Opinion of the High Net Execs

From: @bot.exec
To: distribution-list.nssports-monitorbots@ediraf.co.sb
cc: fred.oakenshield@ediraf.co.sb

Hello monitorbots

I can assert that my colleagues in the boardroom have considered your expansion pack, Total Intrigue, but can neither confirm nor deny that The Game is on.

The High Net Execs have definitely avoided stating that the board would be curious to know what would happen if the sales rep was ordered to drop this silly relationship with the local sportswear woman and inveigle their way into a circle of influence through a romantic liaison to someone of good standing in Taxhavn. Say for example someone in the house next door to where the Sales Rep resides, which is the home of the Ambassador of Taxhavn whom they know to have an eligible daughter just waiting for the right man and apparently not so interested in local chaps. The board can’t imagine what political and diplomatic advantages might be gained, or key contacts in commercial or government spheres might be made, by forcing the sales rep into such a marriage of Starblaydi convenience. Further, they never for one moment suggested that Fred Oakenshield might get a significant (as defined in the ediraf articles of memorandum of human employment) tax-free consideration for facilitating a meeting between local fixers and Our Man In The North Pacific. The board don’t even confirm the existence of Our Man In The North Pacific so it would be impossible for them to suggest he or she meets with the Ambassador of Taxhavn, facilitated by Fred and engineered by the sales rep.

Furthermore, the board most certainly did not go on to explain that all monitorbots might provide data on strategic interests in the zone based on their findings from The Game, and absolutely did not provide an anonymous dropcloud.server link (attached) in which to dump collated information of significance.

Yours on behalf of ediraf (Executive Board) 
@bot.exec

So, John-Paul, RPO have casually announced you've signed on to reprise the role of Coach Clentin for another series of The Clench - what can you tell us about the next installment?

He who asks questions is a fool for a minute; he who does not remains a fool forever. When you realise that by changing your perspective, big things can be seen as little things, it becomes much harder to worry about anything. Commitment is an act, not a word.

Wow! All the big themes then. In the last episode we saw Bjørnstjerne Eriksen reach out to a beleaguered Clentin, who, despite leading The Dandelions to the brink of qualification, was under intense scrutiny from Gnejsian society - and somewhat unjustly, it seemed.

Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat

True, true. So I know you'll have been briefed by the producers not to give too much away, but is there anything you can choose to tell us to get us excited about a new season?

I can always choose, but I ought to know that if I do not choose, I am still choosing. We are our choices

You're right, John-Paul. Totally. So... a snippet, even?

Every word has consequences. Every silence, too.

OK! Let's talk about you a bit, then. Your directorial debut as one of the directors on 'The Clench' has been well received. What drove you to take a role behind the camera?

Before you come alive, life is nothing; it's up to you to give it meaning, and value is nothing else but the meaning that you choose.

I get it - self-fulfillment, right? And this was an international cooperation with a Gnejsian production company, how did that go?

Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone. There may be more beautiful times, but this one is ours.

That is deeply considered, J-P. The best acknowledgment of international funding for a cinematic partnership I've ever heard. You do have a way with words. That concludes our brief sojourn in the green room, I shall let you get back to shooting The Clench, Season 2, Episode 1, "Nothingness Haunts Being." Oof! Sounds amazing - I wonder if it involves car chases.

World Cup 81/82/83/84

© Sporting Times Daily 2023
Baker Park prove their mettle once again
by Mindy Cartwright, National Soccer Editor

The twenty second and final matchday of World Cup 94 Qualifying will have no meaningful impact on the Commonwealth of Baker Park National Team squad, which will have their second bye of the competition while the other ten nations in Group 4 battle to sort out the what the final table will look like for posterity.

Wins over Lohzo and Farfadillis marked the end of the campaign for the Bees with the results pushing them over the finish line into an automatic berth in the World Cup Finals in Graintfjall and Kelssek, extending their record to 15 straight appearances among the last 32 since their debut after Baptism of Fire 67.

The final whistle at the BBP National Stadium in the 2-1 victory over the World Cup 84 Champions sparked a celebration that was very much like that of a team that had captured the trophy itself; the uncertainty brought on by a change of leadership at the top of the NT organization was now an afterthought following the 20 match competition which produced 14 wins and 4 draws with only a shock opening day defeat at home to Aust Scor and a MD 17 away defeat to Xanneria the only setbacks.

Manager Will Barnard has stayed true to a system that's seen little experimentation with tactics or introduction of less experienced personnel than has been previously been used, although there was an influx along the subs bench of several players in the 12-20 cap range in the final few matchdays to rest stars from having to make away trips just to sit with the reserves.

The Bees have at times through qualification looked much like Barnard's sides at Gunzlach did relative to organization and playing tempo—pragmatic, disciplined, consistent--but they've also shown flashes of the pure attacking magic that's part of the BPNT's DNA when they've wanted to and when they've needed to.

In the fifth minute, they flipped that switch to "on".

With a piece of sublime ball movement and individual pace that Farves of a certain vintage would know instinctively, keeper Rose McCormack hoofed the ball forward from a free kick that was headed down by Freddie Altman into the path of Paul Vetter who took a couple of touches before squaring a pass to Serena McDavid, who held the ball as Quinton Harris made a brief feint as though he was offsides before serving up the striker's sixth goal of WCQ on a platter, a well taken ball to the lower corner for his 33rd international marker. If Ichi Tuzzio was tuning in from home, he'd certainly be wondering if the sides switched shirts prior to the kickoff.

Farfadillis hold the longest current streak for qualifying for the Finals--now at 25 cycles--so there certainly wasn't going to be a capitulation if Manager Yuan Zilai had anything to say about things, although it took until after halftime oranges and potty breaks for La Vherderoja to claw back to honors even, but the result from the previous matchday—Baker Park's 3-1 away win in Lozho while the Farves were idle—meant that nothing short of an outright win on the day would prevent the Gold & Black from forcing the visitors into the playoff lottery which would be a neutral-site, winner take all single fixture.

The “55 Minute Relay,” so called by the reserves as the period when players are sent to warmup, produced a change on 63 minutes that would decide the outcome as Olivia Ryan replaced Luke Olivera and swapped positions with Carly Logan on left wing. In the 70th minute, the move paid off when Logan sliced a right footed shot from 25 yards meant for the upper corner at the near post that left the keeper flatfooted.

Lucie Shanahan came on for Logan 3 minutes after the restart and took up a position between the back three and the now narrow midfield of Ryan, Vetter and Altman playing at approximately the same width as the defense (i.e., not wider than the 18 yd box).

In the dying minutes, Rob D'Alessandro replaced McDavid and Hayley Gibson replaced Harris—both withdrawn starters receiving a thunderous reception--as the latter sub came on for her 92nd international appearance; at the final whistle the four current most capped players—Bauer, Gibson, Mack and Altman—were able to celebrate the continuation of a streak that has now transcended two generations of hopeful pre-teen prospect's imaginations.

Baker Park will now await the draw for the Finals--with the last group stage fixture yet to be completed, BP are just one of eight nations that have clinched automatic qualification along with AO brethren Turori, Banija, and the Squornshelan Remnant States plus Zwangzug, Tikriot, Nephara and Quebec & Shingoryeo--and will possibly look to schedule a friendly match to coincide with the playoffs.

by **Qasden** » Wed Jul 19, 2023 4:17 am

All or Nothing
Climatic Campaign Finale Awards Qads an Ultimatum
By Tex Preston
The grounds I stand on are fresh for an ancient nation, half-built and charged with a breathless atmosphere, thinly tethered with ominous opportunity. The remains of old glory lay here to rest, be that a symbol of luck or a sneaky sabotage against the cleats of opposing players. Indeed, while far from the revels Audioslavia’s historical sporting culture is accustomed to, this new national stadium yearns to shine with the sun’s star-crossed spotlight come it’s rendezvous with their nightly neighbor. It may not be much right now, but this decrepit, brand new artifact of an arena gets to start its years fresh from the eggshell and right into the fiery wok of football anarchy. It is here where, for one night only, we find out how far both sides are willing to go to break bad habits.

For a good amount of moons now, the Nine Lives of Qasden have seen their brightest and boldest talents giving it everything they got in the names of those feline friends that dwell amongst our streets. The highs of triumph hit like a freight train to Fanaticism World, the lows of defeat struck like the admission fees to get into Fanaticism World, and who could forget the inexhaustible amounts of apathy throughout a good chunk of the campaign, in which Fanaticism World was simply a concept invented by the jedi. In a power push looking to bring the World Cup back into the hearts of the next generation, the Vans have made the most from what they didn't squander within the 19 played matches, netting 10 wins, 4 ties, and 5 defeats. It wasn’t much, especially not with points being dropped to teams long regarded as afterthoughts in the campaign, but it’s a tangible stroke of luck that’s kept us in tune with the playoffs spot for 94.

In my previous publishing, we had mentioned the deadly number no three teams could cross: 38. The Bulls of Anaia’s favorite bovine-preferring peninsula had already reached said number, restricting access to the group’s lucrative auto-qualification spot at the top of the mountain. More pressingly, however, is the interference of 38’s 2nd crosser: HUElavia, whose own winning streaks now see them as the only viable opponent left to take on Audioslavia for #1. From there on, however, it’s a mad scramble for 3rd between the Qads, Sajnurans, and Kandorese, all of whom looking to avoid falling off into the unknown that is off-season soccer. Shuddering stuff, really, but what makes this whole mess even wilder is how it’ll all come to an end in one, action-packed night of war. Everyone needs something to stay up, but nobody’s getting a free ride to get there.

If it hadn’t been made obvious above, Calcio Calico are donning the spotty whites one more time to show off for the cow-loving crowds of Cathair. The Audioslavians have dominated the division throughout the full 19 matches of calendars recent-past, only losing 2 matches for the entire season. Multiversally, the Anaian Giants sit 28th, the 2nd highest in the group, only behind Kandorith at 13th. Their ethos of defense and only defense has been brutally successful in the strongest ways possible, allowing just 6 goals this entire time (for reference, the 2nd lowest amount of goals allowed in G8 is 24). All in all, these apparently well-behaved bulls in their China shop should see no problem in battling against a 5th-tier Qasden side that had to bullshit it’s way through the second half of qualifiers just to reach 4th overall…right? It should be black and white, but those colors only exist on the Auven flag; to the River’s End, everything was blue and red.

Historically speaking, the Cats and Cows have encountered each other on 4 meaningful occasions, the two most recent of which being at Cup of Harmony 85 and the home leg of these here qualifiers. In both Græntfjall and TVC, the Vans were able to break the goal-fast 1-0 in both instances, a seemingly twice-struck lightning in a bottle kind of thing to your coworker who only looks at KPBs and thinks they know how this whole thing works. If that were two strikes of lightning, then you better close the community pool for the day, as not 2, not 3, but all 4 matches ended the same way: 1-0 Blue-Reds. Somehow, some way, it’s become a tradition among Qads to nudge Audioslavia in every confrontation, so much so that there’s a known anxiety about it across the ancient society. Shopkeeps stared with an unregistered amount of angst as I walked in donning my work-prescribed QAFA hat. To say the stress was there would be a textbook tutorial trivia question for toddlers. However, we’ve never done it at twilight in a half-built fruit bowl of a stadium with shiny bird statues buried beneath, so who knows.

To Valentijn Munson, to QAFA, and to the River’s End as a whole, victory was the only way to really attempt an avoidance of what happened last time at 93 (curse you, you athletically-adept cenians). Anything less would end the run dead in muddy waters, leaving contracts and contacts up to the football goddesses as to whether or not we’ll see these players re-contest the Cup of Harmony. For Audioslavia, however, a win would not only mean guaranteed safety from the HUElavians (whose final match pits them against a surprisingly agile Dystopian Reich), but also the end of a long irrational fear. To shatter the 1-0 curse above the shattered pieces of a sacred swan would probably feel rather relieving going into the WC Proper. We can’t really blame them, though, we’d feel the same way if Belle Haven were to be avenged.

AUD-QAD, which mentally sounds like calling someone an odd cad, is a title card in its own right, but not the only game of glitters within G8. A Calico victory would put us right up over the thin line for neutral knockouts, but all of that could come crashing down if the wrong result is had between the Group’s other 2 big Third-Thirsty combatants: Sajnur and Kandorith. 3rd and 5th in current standings, the two squads most troublesome for Qasden’s qualifying dreams now face each other for the promise of overtaking the other and, maybe, the playoff spot itself. The 100th-ranked Sajnurans have impressed scouts and fans alike throughout the full tenure, often seeing them barricading the upper echelons of standings. However, a leggy 4-4 draw to clutch bestowers, Quakmybush, leaves the South Pacific federation strung a single point above the Azul e Rojo. By defeating the Mekahi, Sajnur would guarantee its bronze pole position and veto any more progress made by Qasden, regardless of whether or not we uphold our 1-0 tradition. Kandorith, who stand a lone point below us, also need both matches to go their way in order to leap frog everyone in front of them for playoffs. The troubled titans had been making good progress throughout the tourney, but key losses scattered across the rank board put them into a situation as do or die as the Qads themselves. A pair of Rising Star and Raging Bull wins sends the 13th best footballing nation competing into knockouts. Any other result, beats me, man.

So there we have it. The overclimatic grand finale of the qualifier’s first phase is prime to blow it’s starting whistle. The top 6 in the group fight amongst each other for the last few standings switches, with only Marlene knowing their results. With Munson’s final home match as manager being a win over Dystopian Reich, can the empowered coach leave in a blaze of glory and take the Audioslavs down further into Qad-caused depressions? Could the Vans, after all these years, finally see the glistening skies of the World Cup Proper again? Stay tuned, stay updated, and stay alert for the most shocking of results to come, right here from the pitch side press box (non canon) of Cathair’s National Stadium!

by **Aeragny** » Wed Jul 19, 2023 5:16 am

What is the happiest place in Airannia? Could it be the money changing office, where you discover your bucks get a lot more mileage in this economically downtrodden nation? Could it be aboard one of the few Parzhinian trains, travelling in an uncharacteristically pleasant method through the uninteresting countryside? Or perhaps it is an indistinct north Hmalan field, which is where some of the most high-profile drug trades in the region are exacted?

No. We've done some research, and, although the cocaine thing was close, the happiest place in Airannia lies aboard any outbound airplane, taxiing onto the runway. Whether it's Airannian nationals taking the time off to enjoy a vacation in a proper, modern country, a businessman leaving the island that can only be described as an economic black hole, or perhaps foreigners who are finally being released from their soon-to-be recurring nightmare; whether it was a vacation or an ill-disguised suspended sentence. Typically, those leaving from one of the Airannian airports does so in much greater spirits than those arriving.

One notable example to this trend seems to exist in football. Perhaps it's due to a certain quality in the air or water, but only two matches played by the Airannian team on home soil have in fact turned out into a defeat. Surprising, as resulting in defeat is so commonly the case for typical games played by the Drills. The matches versus Geektopia and Archalit were the only defeats suffered on home soil; those seemingly being the only 2 of the 9 teams that have departed from the airport with a cheering attitude; although it can be posed that all teams were at the very least relieved when lifting from the Airannian runway. And, having won a shocking total of four matches in away venues during this series, the Airannian team themselves could also be classified as an outlier.

All this perhaps only to say that, much like the previous qualifying cycle, chances of Airannia making play-offs to the World Cup are slim at best - but they are there nonetheless. All it takes is the resolution of a terrifying 3-way tie with Eraman and Archalit; the former of which has a staggering 6 goal advantage in differential - meaning they have all the keys to the play-offs in their own hands, really. Should they slip up in their match against last place Safiloa, however, which is always possible, there is also still Archalit who might end up setting a monster score against Legalese; their goal differential of being 3 points down seems high, but it's entirely possible to make up the difference. And while Airannia's direct opponents on the table are going up against the definitive bottom 2 of Group 7, Airannia's opponent for the final matchday is, of course, the first seed: Valanora. Chances of Airannia qualifying for playoffs are astronomically low; but still possible.

In the away match, the Valanorans were held at a close, but nonetheless impressive 2-2 draw. In the home match, perhaps the foul Airannian air, the unpalatable food, or the overall strange attitudes of hotel staff - whatever it might be, could influence the Valanorans to run into yet another barrier? Though, as they have already secured the second place spot in the group, it's unlikely the mood in the airplane back home will be all that disturbed; depending on the results of the match in the Esseyl Klujon, and the match that will be played simultaneously in Safiloa, however, the mood in Airannia will be much more pronounced.

by **Sajnur** » Wed Jul 19, 2023 6:01 am

The politics of bats

Authored by Zambano

Politics can sometimes be absolutely batshit, by which I mean crazy. You have Nafuna Akongo winning a civil war and being rewarded with a term as her country’s Opposition Leader, Tumbra invading the creatively named “Northlands” (not that Sajnur is immune to such original names) and claiming the collection of tribes known as the United Clans are somehow incapable of sovereignty, and domestically the scandal around then-Prime Minister Victoria Ekurei’s sex dungeon. But nothing has become quite as batshit as the claimed independence of Lithico, named after the Yuezhou based company and founded by Ma Ailun on a patch of soil in Farfadillis carved out near the Indujan town of Mandalanda. You see, what is nominally the tenth nation on the island is absolutely covered in literal batshit, and that mammalian guano is somehow rich enough in lithium to be economically viable to mine. That lithium is extremely valuable for the production of lithium ion and lithium polymer batteries that are vital for powering portable electronics and electric vehicles, and the latter in particular are in soaring demand to replace fossil fuel powered vehicles in countries trying to drop their emissions output. Here in Sajnur, too, electric cars make up the majority of the passenger vehicles on the road and more than two thirds of new car sales, though the remaining third of customers, made up of enthusiasts of internal combustion engines and those who need to travel long distances frequently, have remained a constant presence in the market propping up the biofuel powered offerings of Sajnur Motor Group and Belzok.

Farfadillis, however, is in a civil war where Alex Teran of Farolera is fighting off seemingly every other Farf nation, and Lithico also has a village in southern Szoirsia dedicated to that war effort against Teran. Notwithstanding the fact that Farfadillis as a whole has rather less use for lithium given the island’s grid’s limited ability to support electric cars, there’s the more pressing question of how to get that lithium out of Farfadillis. With the nearby civil war, any attempt to transport the lithium would have to go northeast through the Szoirsian desert and to that nation’s port city of Aurikemet. Any other land route would run into either the mountains of Tanazza and the Kruvisi jungle, or worse, the front line of the Farf war. So how does Farf lithium compete on the world market with such difficult logistics?

Cheap labour. With Lithico being in Farfadillis, the Indujan authorities do not have the capacity to enforce labour laws in much of their territory, and with Lithico declaring independence even those labour laws cease to apply. Thus Ma Ailun can pay the miners whatever he wants and subject them to whatever conditions he deems fit. So far the bulk of Ma’s labour force seems to be Yue immigrants, and many of them seem to be former members of the Yue People’s Army. Clearly their station in life hasn’t exactly ascended. Details on pay and working conditions aren’t known precisely, but given the fact they're digging up literal shit just miles from an active war front in one of the most economically deprived areas of Atlantian Oceania, those details are unlikely to be good. It’s not even known how much mechanisation Ma has brought to the lithium guano mines, but with the difficult logistical situation it can’t reasonably be imagined to be much.

Then there’s the environmental aspect. While the jungles are plentiful and the bats equally so, mining has a habit of wrecking that very quickly. The digging up of literal shit will almost certainly be unhygienic and Lithico’s open stance against regulation means that any waste from the extraction operations will likely end up in Induja’s creeks and rivers. Granted, the bats have likely been shitting directly into those waterways anyway, but the mining operation will just make that problem worse, and will probably drain the rivers and groundwater to boot, essentially giving the area’s waterways diarrhea. The obvious consequence of this will be increased rates of disease among Indujans near Lithico as the microbial load in their bodies rises to batshit levels. Then there’s the actual scarring of the land underneath the guano. How deep are the deposits? What is the land like below them? Is the guano load bearing? Will the land shit the bed? Will Lithico sink under its own weight? Finally, there’s reports that some of the guano has batshit levels of fluorine in it, enough to cause chemical burns for anyone so unlucky as to be shat on.

Whether subjecting former militants to mining lithium out of fluorine laced faeces is a human rights violation is still up for debate, but what is undoubtedly a human rights violation is the shitty new Lithico flag. First, there’s the monochrome colour scheme. Black symbols on a white background. Chromatika manages to make it interesting with intricate patterns, but Lithico does not. The lack of colour sucks the serotonin out of the brain through the eyes. But that’s only the start. Below the bat, arguably the only non-bad part of the flag, are the Yueyu characters for lithium and bat. It’s a well known rule of flag making, or vexillology to flag making enthusiasts, that you do not put writing on flags. It’s just tacky. Unfortunately it’s a rule that’s frequently broken and the Lithico flag is no exception. At least Yueyu characters can claim to be symbols in their own right, unlike alphabetic script. Then there’s the real violation. An outline of literal shit. The worst part is that it isn’t even in the shape of bat shit, but more like a cowpat. Lithico could’ve made it abstract, but instead they decide to copy paste literal shit onto their flag. It's a violation of the eyes.

Anyway, where does the lithium in the bat’s diets come from? Do they just lick lithium bearing rocks?

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