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Bridget Coombe's Tweed Chart
Ever the fashionista, Bridget Coombe - newly-elected captain of the Eleanorian national team - has recently taken to acquiring seven tweed suits for use at press conferences. (Those dodgy Farf-run charity shops can work wonders sometimes.) This marks a break from her forebear Liam West's habit of wearing the officially-issued SEFA blazer... when he did turn up and didn't just silo off interview duties to his teammates instead.
The twist is that each of these has been themed - by herself, obviously - to reflect various moods that she could manifest on behalf of the national team's performances and short-term vision for the future. (Don't ask me what that last term means, either.) Please enjoy the following, officially-authorised interpretations of what her attempt to look like a 60-year-old actually means. And please, please, remember that the circle with a little arrow pointing up at the Channel 4 report indicates what she was wearing at the post-match presser.
*** Cream: The classic. If nothing much is happening, no message needs to be conveyed and "keep on keeping on" is the order of the day, don't expect anything snazzy from Coombe. Expect this instead.
Examples of past occasions she could have worn this: the vast majority of dead-rubber qualifiers
*** Light green: Saint Eleanor has often been derided as an underachieving football nation - including by Coombe herself. There are, nevertheless, some challenges the national team has gone through which she thinks are instructive more than damning. This jacket comes in handy for those moments of cautious optimism.
Examples of past occasions she could have worn this: Juvencus 2-2 Saint Eleanor (WCQ91, playoff first leg); Saint Eleanor 4-3 Nyowani Kitara (WCQ92, MD1); Sendhang 1-0 Saint Eleanor (CoH84, second group game)
*** Racing green: For every failure that clears a path forward, there's a failure that poses a serious danger to the national team's hopes and dreams. The solution is usually quite simple, however: remind them that repeated lapses will not be tolerated in future games, and hope they listen.
Examples of past occasions she could have worn this: Saint Eleanor 5-5 Indusse (WCQ91, MD21); West Barack and East Obama 3-0 Saint Eleanor (WCQ92, MD9); Aleirave 4-4 Saint Eleanor (CoH85, first group game)
*** Light blue: Landmarks of a more delightful sort can be hard to come by - but, when they arrive, it seems that they are almost always something to cherish, an example for future (perhaps even present) generations, perhaps even the best thing since sliced bread. If Bridget thinks this is the case, she'll let you know...
Examples of past occasions she could have worn this: Banija 0-0 Saint Eleanor (CoH81, first group game); Saint Eleanor 0-0 Kandorith (WCQ91, MD11); Saint Eleanor 2-1 Juvencus (WCQ91, playoff second leg); Audioslavia 1-2 Saint Eleanor (CoH84, semifinal)
*** Navy blue: The ultimate admission of defeat. It's hard to tell the difference from the dark-green coat on sight alone, but you'll know she has this one on when she starts insisting that the result is immensely disappointing and requires a serious regrouping, as opposed to a fleeting setback the team will get back from in no time.
Examples of past occasions she could have worn this: Græntfjall 1-0 Saint Eleanor (WC91, third group game); Saint Eleanor 0-0 New South Yukon (WCQ92, MD5); Saint Eleanor 1-1 The Holy Empire (WCQ92, MD22); Brenecia 4-1 Saint Eleanor (WCQ93, playoff first leg)
*** Lavender: While the vibrant blue jacket is Coombe as cheerleader, its purple-hued counterpart is Coombe as therapist. Famously one of the calmest members of the national team, she'll wear this one when Saint Eleanor's on the right track and she wants to allay any nerves her players may have.
Examples of past occasions she could have worn this: Ochre Islands 1-2 Saint Eleanor (BoF76, octofinal); Saint Eleanor 4-2 Nyowani Kitara (WC91, second group game); Saint Eleanor 4-2 Yuezhou (CoH84, final); Mertagne 1-2 Saint Eleanor (WCQ92, MD12)
*** Blood orange: If Bridget's wearing this, something has gone existentially wrong. This particularly fetching coat is reserved for those times when the very stability of the national team is under threat, whether due to internal factionalism, outside pressure, or recurring Cup of Harmony participation - and she will most certainly not be happy.
Comprehensive list of past occasions she could have worn this: Winnebogan 0-0 Saint Eleanor (WCQ90, MD5); Saint Eleanor 2-2 Qasden (WCQ90, MD10); all three group games (CoH82); Lozho 0-0 Saint Eleanor (CoH85, fourth group game)

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