Campionato Esportiva 35 - Everything

[Lozho]

35th Campionato Esportiva: Pelicans Must Buck Up Against Dod Ravians, Says Ponzo

Sponsored by Epic Games

Chamberley, Sylestone - After last night's 0-0 draw against Gouvanarch, the Pelicans remained in the bottom half of the table in Group 1 with no goals scored. Former Lozhoan national team manager Gezald Ponzo, who was sacked after poor performances in the 80th Baptism of Fire, did not hold back on his scathing criticism of the team's performances during an interview with Barack Broadcasting Corporation Interviewer-General Martin Obamaquais.

"Absolutely disgraceful, that's all I have to say. I turned off the television after the 60th minute of the mist recent game." Ponzo angrily yelled out after Obamaquais asked for his opinion on the team's performances since his departure. "Half the competition has passed and we still haven't showed up. Terrible link-up play, slow tempo and rubbish mentality has turned this team into a shadow of its former self. I can't even remember the last time this team even won a game, and I'm tired. The Pelicans must buck up against the Dod Ravians, or else it's all over. We can't keep throwing away points to the likes of Gouvanarch and Eshialand if we want to be seen as a serious team."

Ponzo's comments received polarised reactions from commentators. Whilst some agreed with his frustrations and the team's decline since the World Cup Qualification rounds, others wrote off his comments as saltiness due to his own sacking as the national team manager. In particular, many fans online opined that the team's draw to Gouvanarch and narrow defeat to Hannasea were far preferrable results than that of the 3-0 defeat to Novaros that ended Ponzo's position at the helm.

The Lozhoan national team will play Dod Rava, Sylestone and Irithoren in their remaining games. The most anticipated clash of the three is undoubtedly the one against Sylestone, as it would be the first meeting between the two rival nations in competitive football. Whilst the Hawthornes are a strong team who made it to the most recent World Cup Qualification playoffs, the Pelicans also demolished them 3-0 in their previous meeting during the Esporitvan Derby Series. Additionally, Lozhoans have a history of victories against Sylestone on their home turf, with fond memories of the Lozhoan national cricket team's stunning run in the EspoT20 III still lingering in the minds of many. Stay tuned for more exciting football updates.

[Natanians and Nosts]

Kits made by:K Kits

Coach:Johann C. Mureșan-Antonescu (51 y.o.)
Goalkeeper trainer:Márcus Carolus Ioanescu
Psychologist:Iohann Márcus Mihailescu

# name position height club

1	Daniel Whitcliffe	 	goalkeeper 	31	 	Dínamo N-City
2	Rato Ret	 	 	r. wingback	40	1,80	Notrina Lat F.C.
27	Cláudius Petre Constantinescu	centre back	24	1,78	The N. Blue Lions
28	Mikhail Ioan Ionescu	 	centre back	24	1,80	The N. Blue Lions
69	Caeso Júlio Probus	 	d. midfielder	22	1,80	"free agent"
6	Laço Tralto	 	 	l. wingback	40	1,80	Notrina Lat F.C.
5	Rodion Mihai Wafa	 	d. midfielder	27	1,83	The N. Blue Lions
7	Flávius Március Ionescu	 	a. midfielder	22	1,80	T-natanicus F.C.
9	Mihai Martim Martinescu	 	a. midfielder	22	1,80	T-natanicus F.C.
10	John Mihai García	 	centre-forward	21	1,87	Notrina Lat A. A.
8	Sheldon Ubuntu	 	 	centre-forward	23	1,90	The Northern Blue Lions
45	Mihai Xosé Apilescu	 	goalkeeper	33	1,90	S.C. N-City
13	Ápius Carolus Ionescu         	centre back	31	1,80	The N. Blue Lions
14	Marcus Caeso Domicianus	 	r. wingback	34	1,75	S.C. N-City
15	Paulus Mihai D'Orville       	centre back	27	1,90	S.C. N-City
16	Michel Carvalho	 	 	l. wingback	36	 	The Northern Blue Lions
17	Mihai C. Mureșan-Antonescu	a. midfielder	30	1,80	The S. Blue Lions
18	Ion Viktor Enderssen	 	d. midfielder	33	1,90	The Northern Blue Lions
19	Mihai Júnio Lima Larssen	d. midfielder	33	1,80	Rodion F.C.
20	Natan Gabriel Ademélsson-Vit	   striker	20	1,79	Dínamo N-City
21	Márius C. Mureșan-Antonescu	   striker	18	1,78	The S. Blue Lions
90	Getúlio Epitácio Soares	 	goalkeeper	32	1,80	N-City F.C.
23	Ion Claudiu t'Brāhinni	 	   striker	37	1,92	Notrina Lat F.C.

captain's name is in blue

Starters

10	 8	 
  
7	 	9

 5	69

6	28		27	2
1

RP Permissions
Choose my scorers:Yes*
Godmod scoring events: Yes
RP injuries to my players: No
Godmod Injuries to my players:No
Give Yellow Cards to my players:Yes (Maximum three per match)
Give Red Cards to my players:Yes (One per match,but never the goalkeeper)
Godmod other events:No
Style Modifier:-3

*Players that have the probability of scoring(in order from more probable to least,by number):
8,(23,)10,(21,20),7,9,(17,)69,5,27,28,4,6,(18,19,13,15)

[Sylestone]

Group A

Irithoren 2–2 Gouvanarch
Hannasea 3–3 Sylestone * scorinated by Tumbra
Lozho 0–0 Dod Rava

Group A              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Hannasea               3   2  1  0    5   3  +2    7
2 Sylestone              3   1  2  0    6   4  +2    5
3 Dod Rava               3   1  1  1    4   3  +1    4
4 Lozho                  3   0  2  1    0   1  −1    2
5 Gouvanarch             3   0  2  1    3   5  −2    2
  Irithoren              3   0  2  1    4   6  −2    2

Group B

Natanians and Nosts 3–2 Nova Anglicana AZE
BET Njaza 2–1 Neomaris
The Tumbran Northlands 1–0 Boring Paradise

  Group B                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Natanians and Nosts         3   3  0  0    8   3  +5    9
2 The Tumbran Northlands      3   2  1  0    4   0  +4    7
3 BET Njaza                   3   1  1  1    4   6  −2    4
4 Nova Anglicana AZE          3   0  2  1    3   4  −1    2
5 Neomaris                    3   0  1  2    2   4  −2    1
6 Boring Paradise             3   0  1  2    3   7  −4    1

Group C

Kita-Hinode 0–2 Ceyne Isles
Zirahuen 0–2 Macbon
Xanneria 2–0 Acadiana

  Group C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Xanneria               3   3  0  0   12   0 +12    9
2 Macbon                 3   2  1  0    5   1  +4    7
3 Acadiana               3   2  0  1    3   2  +1    6
4 Ceyne Isles            3   1  1  1    2   3  −1    4
5 Kita-Hinode            3   0  0  3    1   7  −6    0
6 Zirahuen               3   0  0  3    0  10 −10    0

Group D

South Newlandia 1–1 Fhulghamous Peninsula
United Dispian Quarters 0–2 Katterimunk
Tumbra 2–0 Capital Cove

  Group D                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Tumbra                       3   2  1  0    6   2  +4    7
2 Katterimunk                  3   2  1  0    7   4  +3    7
3 South Newlandia              3   1  2  0    4   2  +2    5
4 United Dispian Quarters      3   1  0  2    1   4  −3    3
5 Fhulghamous Peninsula        3   0  2  1    6   7  −1    2
6 Capital Cove                 3   0  0  3    0   5  −5    0

Group E

Racing 4–3 Drehda
Robostania 1–2 Cap Nord
Josifovo 2–1 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom

  Group E                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Cap Nord                       3   2  0  1    4   3  +1    6
2 Racing                         3   2  0  1    8   8   0    6
3 Josifovo                       3   1  1  1    7   7   0    4
  Robostania                     3   1  1  1    5   5   0    4
5 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom      3   1  0  2    5   5   0    3
6 Drehda                         3   1  0  2    6   7  −1    3

Group F

Ethane 0–1 Hallikshire
Brenecia 6–4 Esportivan Darmen
Bongo Johnson 0–1 Asgharbad

  Group F              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Brenecia               3   2  1  0    8   5  +3    7
2 Ethane                 3   2  0  1    5   4  +1    6
3 Bongo Johnson          3   1  1  1    4   2  +2    4
4 Asgharbad              3   1  0  2    1   2  −1    3
  Esportivan Darmen      3   1  0  2   12  13  −1    3
6 Hallikshire            3   1  0  2    4   8  −4    3

[Irithoren]

Soha Alqamar was at the point in her career where she had to start worrying about her time after football. Well, 'worrying' was a big word: football didn't pay too much on the cape, but ending her career would open up a lot of evenings and weekends, and perhaps she needed a hobby to take up to fill all that time. She didn't really have to worry about her job; teaching is just about as solid as it gets, and if anything, the amount of elementary school-aged kids only went up. Not all were eligible to one day take up her spot on the Irithoreni national team - with Irithoren's place within the Ko-orenite Constellation of Nations, the improving conditions, and the laid-back nature of the place, more and more Ko-orenites turned their back on the fast paced (and even higher expectationed) Anaian archipelago. Where the reflex a decade ago might have been to start a farm in Sudaefjoll, the most common thing these days is to move to a territory, and Irithoren was seeing more immigration than any.

As a result, the Ko-orenite embassy, starting out as a simple office when Soha signed her first contract with Al-Amid, grew out to a full floor around the time she became a starter, then took over the entire office building when she became Al-Amid captain, and now almost the entire block was decked out in the bright and tacky green and blue, housing offices representing Ko-oren's trade with all of Esportiva.

There were rumours (though Soha didn't really occupy herself with that kind of thing) that the Ko-orenites pressured Zeina Nayla Fizairdah, the Irithoreni prime minister, into pushing through tax reforms that helped the steady flow of Koronas from Anaia to Esportiva and back. The part-time contract that Soha is on at Al-Amid these days reflects a certain pay increase at the very least, so the rumours might well be true, and Al-Amid could know: as the club of the harbour, the more goods that flowed in and out, and the more expensive the stuff was that was in these anonymous containers, Al-Amid was always at the forefront of wage jumps to reflect the greater Esportivan economy. In most cases, players didn't exactly look for the club that represented the industry that could get them the biggest pay jumps - Irithoren's league was ""amateur"" after all - and usually you just played for the team that you supported growing up, but discussions among the players of the national team had them comparing their side hustle income. It wasn't a surprise that Al-Ettifaq could afford to pay out a little more, but it was striking how much the blue collar Al-Amid weren't in the bottom 50%, rather, they were the second best paying club out there.

Pay as in an 'allowance' for players to 'compensate' the costs they made for going to the training facility nearly every day, etcetera. Of course it wasn't a full wage - but even Soha had to admit it was a bit more than just a reimbursement.

Al-Nusur and Al-Soqur always lived large, pretending to give out the fattest contracts, but as the industry clubs (and rural ones at that), they gave out scraps compared to the inflated Dhidiyah clubs. Also surprisingly profitable: Al-Hudud, the club of the police and military, but it was best not to inquire further.

[Xanneria]

The Goal Net: A song parody by Xanneria
(A parody of The Thin Wall by Ultravox)

The Fans are in the visitors stand
The goal celebration starts once again
They shuffle with a bovine grace and glide in syncopation
Just living vicariously through the team
With atmospheres of days scores now
With maroon n' gold faces
The footy scores call a message for the fandom

And those who strike will kick and kick
And those who defend will hard tackle
And those who are opponents will see the ball against the goal net
The goal net
Goal net

Maroons who speak of victory
Shed light upon teams dominance
They score by droves and act as if they're moved by unheard music
To step in an' score and break teams hearts
With uniforms maroon and gold
Opponents scorers cant no more
And then no chance equalize it

And those who coach will lead the team
And those who pass will hit the mark
And those who cheer will cheer aloud
And those who strike will kick and kick
And those who defend will hard tackle
And those who are opponents will see the ball against the goal net
The goal net
Goal net


The goal net [Repeat: x3]

And those who coach
The goal net
And those who pass
The goal net
And those who cheer
The goal net
And those who strike
The goal net
And those who coach
The goal net
And those who pass
The goal net
And those who cheer
The goal net
And those who strike
The goal net

XANNERIA - 2
Sequin 56'
Burnes 90+1

---

ARCADIANA - 0
NONE

[The Tumbran Northlands]

NORTHLANDER NEWS
The First Northlands Election: How To Vote, Who's Running And Their Stands On The Issues Of Today

With the end of the State of Emergency and the end of the United Clans terrorist threat, Administrator Percy Blunt today announced the writ of election for the inaugural eighty-seat Northlands Territorial Assembly. Five parties and a host of independents are expected to run, and today, the Northlander News is pleased to announce its election preview for the Northlands, as well as advice on how to fill out your ballot paper when you find yourself in the polling booth in four weeks' time.

How To Vote
Much like the elections for the Northlander delegates to the House of Representatives, the Northlands Assembly will be elected through single transferable vote. Depending on which part of the Northlands you live in, you will be part of one of sixteen constituencies, each electing five members to the Assembly. You will need to indicate at least five votes, in order of preference, for your vote to be counted as valid. You may wish to rank more; that's perfectly fine, but you will need to have at least five choices for your future MPs.

Who's running?
Five parties are set to run, each offering a different view on the future of the Northlands. While they'll have a decreased remit as compared to the Premiers of a regular state in Tumbra, major responsibilities such as policing, the justice system, and education are set to be devolved to the Territorial Assembly. A whole host of independents are set to run as well; look carefully for your polling card to see who's running in your constituency. The five major parties are as follows:

Northern Democrats - Led by former civil servant Ethan Sand, the Northern Democrats are widely expected to finish with the highest number of seats in the Assembly, but questions remain over whether they'll be able to form an executive on their own or if they'll need to fish for support from the other parties. Controversy has swirled over how much Sand is favoured by the federal government in Straton; but Sand has gone out of his way to convince voters that he will fight for Northlander interests against the federal government. They are largely in support of the proposed 2029 Proposal, which sets out a pathway to merger to join Tumbra as its 26th — or 11th — state in the next fifteen years or so. Economically, he's spoken of the need to increase foreign investment in the Northlands; and he's said that he would be very happy to allow Mertagne-based Origas and Quebec-based Shingoryeo Gas to set up shop in the region.

Twenty-Six - Led by small business owner Lena Prentice, the Twenty-Six wishes to strike out the 2029 Proposal in favour of a quicker unification timeline with the rest of Tumbra. Prentice has previously caught flak for her comments on the pacification campaigns against the United Clans, and was widely believed to have been extremely close to deceased former Northlander delegate Raymond Walters. Economically, the party wishes to see less interference in the affairs of "the regular person"; and has called for lower taxes and less regulation on businesses, while remaining staunchly nationalist — it believes that Origas and Shingoryeo Gas should not be allowed to set up shop in the region.

United - [Pursuant to Section 35 of the Northlands Security Act, this section of the article has been withheld until further notice]

Labour Front - The centre-left option in the Northlands, the Labour Front, led by Vincent Ponsonby, is largely in lock-step with the Northern Democrats when it comes to merger; and is speculated to be a potential coalition partner for the Northern Democrats, despite their ideological differences. Ponsonby, a teacher, has led his party down a more moderate and centrist route, leading to a split within three months of its foundation as much of the left wing of the party left to form the Radical Union. The party is expected to be moderately successful in the elections, though has suffered from limited reach as Ponsonby has struggled to make his voice heard amongst the personalities of the other party leaders.

Radical Union - Led by former stevedore Steve Pullman, the hard-left party would seek to extend the Tumbran Constitution fully to the territory — including, crucially, the right to unionise, which was not in the flurry of laws that saw the Tumbran Constitution apply to the Northlands. Pullman, whose leg was injured in a port accident in 2031 that saw him unable to work, has become a noted opponent of what he calls the federal government's "overreach" into Northlander affairs, and would seek to postpone independence while the 2029 Proposal is renegotiated — allowing for the Northlands to get the same amount of powers as other states before ascending to the Federal Republic. Currently, those powers would be granted after ascension.

[Cap Nord]

The Influx beats the Exodus

When the Capnordic football player market was internationalized three years ago, the opponents focussed on two strands of arguments to halt the (seemingly inevitable) evolution. As time has progressed, it is fair to say that both parts of the pleas remain rebuffed so far, yet not necessarily in the way the supporters of the measure had anticipated.

History books will point to the strange case of Rohan Williams but fewer will mention the seizable impact held by his agent, Loreen Auliffe, who tore down the limitations of the market almost single-handedly. When Capnordic football subscribed to their inaugural Campionato Esportiva, this visionary immediately spotted the potential impact on the squad builds of the local clubs. At least three club owners were quoted off record to have discussed the ‘Transfer Market Expansion Agreement’ with her, with some claiming she held the pen on the document. As a direct consequence of said agreement, all clubs were allowed to sign a single international in the final week of February 2023, the first transfer window with such an option. The very afternoon of the first day of said expansion, Nepharim Garrick Rustak signed with FF Stennköping and casually opened a whole new chapter in Capnordic football with his signature. The more eagle-eyed ones might spot, in the background of Rustak, coach Grenholm and GM Helmann shaking hands, the presence of Auliffe in the photos. Two years later, the TMEA has expanded and whilst a limit to five players without Capnordic passport (which in the three upcoming seasons will gradually be expanded to nine, of which at least three U23) is held, there is not yet a limit to the unstoppable influx.

Ten months later, Auliffe took the foreground much more when supporting Rohan Williams in his desire to leave the shores for a more prestigious competition. Lawyers had already discovered that such a move could not be forbidden for free agents, but that required one to part ways with the complete football pyramid. For the stars, that seemed impossible: what team would let those go without a transfer sum? But Auliffe found a backdoor for a transfer outside of the auspices of the FA. The only problem was that it required his club Sporting Noordende to sign papers that made the money flow back to them only if he found a club abroad. If Williams would doublecross them and sign domestically, they would have just given away their key man. Obviously, the club was not thrilled but strong-arming Noordende with a training strike, the winger got what he wanted in the end (not without signing a sizable ‘warranty’). The case made quite clear that such a construction, whilst possible for one player with clear interest from a foreign club, was not feasible as a business model. And as such, the clubs that initially had protested the idea of selling their players abroad became the first supporters of a better framework for international trade (especially when they noticed the sums paid during the international transfer window). That same summer, four more players followed in the footsteps of Williams.

Doomsday speakers predicted two trends of which neither has really materialized. First of all, they predicted a rapid departure of all valuable players abroad, leaking the quality of our competition to (financially) stronger countries. Two windows in, eleven football players ply their trade in a non-Capnordic first tier. The vast majority of them are either internationals or close to a call-up. This with Sven Kjaerstedt, a marxist student who joined Shambian’s Chisombe Sosec during an exchange, as the notable exception. When analyzing this subsection, it is clear that especially younger players, with room for further improvement, leave the competition. Still the interest remains limited: it is no wonder that the majority remain within Esportiva with the well-followed Sylestonian competition being the preferred destination. And, considering the status of Cap Nord in the football world, it is no wonder that most signed with clubs that sit in the middle or lower half of the respective tables, especially outside the region. Only Hella Veensma, Elodie Valdes and Siebe Moersleutel stand a realistic chance to add silverware to their trophy cabinet, with Bjerkness, Van Dijcke and Sangaré targetting an appearance in the next IFCF season. But the scaremongering talk about an exodus stands far from the actual reality: gifted youngsters such as Clark, Dahl, Tofte, McEnroy and in particular Simon Carstensen have remained in the Premier Division.

The second fear focussed on the arrival of large quantities of subpar level international players. If anything, the various internationals have drastically improved the level of the Premier Division with all but one (Forbrodring Opsvik) of the sixteen first-tier clubs relying on players with foreign roots. Even if only a handful of them are capped at the international level themselves (key examples Remi Gray and Harmony Ghilcrest not incidentally being present at the Campionato Esportiva as regional tournament), the majority form marquee players or at least valued starters in their respective clubs. The only warning signal might be in the influx of younger players, who make it more challenging for local youngsters to break into the selection: we generally see the latter popping up a season later, with a few claiming that ‘unfair competition’ forces them to make their way from the second or third tier. With that in mind, the limitations in numbers seem to do their work and should best remain in place to ensure a healthy football pyramid. When going through the figures, it deserves notice that only 20% of the foreign players hail from Esportiva (with a bizarre penchant for similarly named footballers in Gray and H. G(h)ilchr(i/e)st). It is the more established regions of Rushmore and Anaia that win in numbers. It is not accidental that Rushmore delivers key players for the current top three and names such as Tindarsson, Terzaghi, Collyer, Lin and MacGofraidh can easily be quoted to be among the best and most important players in the league. But Anaia picks up the pace, especially when it comes to young talent such as Charlie Adams or Singhateh. Young and promising are also words that encircle the Esportivan players and it is expected that clubs, for logistical and social reasons, will further expand on that market in the upcoming windows.

As a conclusion, the TMEA and the ‘Williams Rebellion’ have drastically shook the domestic competition, pushing it into a whole new direction. But in all, this has been an evolution for the best which pushed both the league and the national team to new heights. The question on either side of the transfer equation is where the saturation optimum lies: how many capped players should Cap Nord bleed before it harms the domestic level? And how many internationals is too much before they crowd out the youngsters? These are two key metrics to monitor for the future, but by now, neither has been reached and a further internationalization can be expected in the next few years.

Capnordic Players Playing Abroad

Esportiva - 6 players
Brenecia      1       Rozelle (Valdes)
Sylestone     3       Cleorough (Marzinn & Barnes)
                      Pesfield Trees (Veensma)
The Shambia   1       Chisombe Sosec (Kjaerstedt)
Tumbra        1       Columbia City (Vennema)

Rushmore - 2 players
Nephara       1       Corinthians No Longer (Williams)
Tikariot      1       Fort Viljan Northern FC (Bjerkness)

The (East) Pacific - 2 players
Patriotlandia 1       Griffin Isles United (Moersleutel)
Kelssek       1       Kirkenes FC (Van Dijcke)

Anaia - 1 player
Chromatika    1       Lhor (Sangaré)


International Players in Cap Nord

Rushmore - 16 players
Astograth     1       Nekol (Drochry)
Cabo Azure    1       Ventura (Sielhafen)
Cassadaigua   1       Collyer (Sandfjell)
Eastfield L.  1       Heather (Noordende)
Elmyia        1       McLoughlin (Fallwich)
Graintfjall   2       Tindarsson (Noordende), Bentleysson (Brouai)
Nephara       2       Seager (Crester), Rustak (Stennköping)
Pasarga       1       Hidalgo (Brouai)
Qusmo         1       Nev (Norreborg)
Savojarna     1       Viinanen (Clachonoch)
Tikariot      3       Hancock (Stennköping), MacGofraidh (Lydholm), Terzaghi (Noordende)
Yuezhou       1       Lin (Noordende)

Anaia - 10 players
Atheara       1       Alexorski (Fallwich)
Chromatika    1       Singhateh (Noordende)
Flavovespia   2       Owen (Crester), Adams (Sandfjell)
Ko-oren       2       Hinken (Draiewikum), Bonschotten (Lydholm)
Koronavia     1       Batersbee (Sandfjell)
Lexandrija    1       Bowman (SK)
Pyazhnaya     1       Pimenova (Clachonoch)
Quebec & Sh.  1       Djaozandry (Draiewikum)

Esportiva - 9 players
Brenecia      1       Caulker (Drochry)
Hannasea      1       Gray (Lydholm)
Licentian Is. 1       Gray (Drochry)
South Newl.   1       Wilson (Isbècque)
Sylestone     2       Alleyne (Draiewikum), Gilchrist (Stennköping)
The Shambia   1       Bwalya (Waalterzee)
Xanneria      1       Ghilchrest (Sandfjell)
Zeta Reka     1       Danilo (Sielhafen)

Atlantian Oceania - 2 players
Farfadillis   1       Dârgâneý (Sielhafen)
Qasden        1       Varnham (Fallwich)

The (North/East) Pacific - 2 players
Kelssek       1       Kalahuai (Norreborg)
TJUN-ia       1       James (Huftstad)

Wrigley - 1 player
Zwangzug      1       Staunt-Anderson (Clachonoch)

10000 Islands - 1 player
Murphtannia   1       Porter (Stennköping)

Zecrarth - 1 player
Anjung Batu   1       Tudorache (Crester)

PotatoFarmers - 1 player
Poafmersia    1       Friedrich (Sielhafen)

Europe - 1 player
Squidroidia   1       Kensan (Sandfjell)

The Graintfjaller Commonwealth - 1 player
Montana Verde 1       Del Pozo (Isbècque)

Mandalanusa - 1 player
Pemecutan     1       Anom (Waalterzee)

[Fhulghamous Peninsula]

DISCLAIMER: Gaelic Gamers is an independents sports blogging website created by four cousins with a common liking and passion for sports of all kinds and is in no way or form affiliated with or organized by any official news organization in the Democratic Republic of Abanhfleft. All statements and opinions posted here are our own and not anyone else's.

---

Gaelic Gamers
Presents...

The Football Fallacies
with The Man from Markovsky

YEAH, I DON'T THINK IT'S EVER GONNA HAPPEN NOW

Hello and welcome to The Football Fallacies. Right, then, well, I guess it’s time for the Peninsula to throw in the towel. Wave the white flag. Raise their hands in the air. It’s over. The dream of winning the Campionato Esportiva looks like it will have to wait for another couple of years. Oh Christ above, is this what eating my own words tastes like? I said time and again two years back that we really should just let Wellington Acuña cook when he took charge of the Peninsula for the first time, and now look at what he’s served up to us: a massive pile of crap that’s been left in the oven for too long and is now burnt to a bloody crisp. I’m not gonna lie, an actual pile of dog, horse, bull, and even human crap is probably a more appetizing option to me at this point compared to what we’re witnessing in the Campionato Esportiva right now. Jesus bloody Christ! It’s bad enough that the Peninsula got handed perhaps one of the worst schedules in the history of that bloody competition to kill any and all momentum that the Colonists might have had going into this Campionato, but if we’re all being real honest with ourselves, it was the loss against Katterimunk that killed this push before it even got started.

Okay, first of all, let me preface this by saying that there was little if any chance of us ever getting three points against Tumbra. We were bloody fortunate that we even managed to scrape one from under their noses because in 9 out of 10 matches, we’re not getting out of there with anything to show for our efforts. And it’s pretty much the same thing with South Newlandia. Just ignore for a moment the fact that SNL are ranked 12th in the Esportivan rankings. This is bloody South Newlandia we’re talking about here! The bloody Elephants! They’re still a bloody force to be reckoned with! And a team made up mostly of semi-pros and actual amateurs with only the occasional full professional player sprinkled here and there is supposed to be able to not only hang with them and take three points as well? Yeah, give me a bloody break already! This isn’t bloody professional wrestling! You can’t just write stuff up and expect anyone to believe that it’s even remotely possible. There’s this thing called suspension of disbelief which says that sometimes people just don’t think about the logic behind something if it means that it would stop them from enjoying the story, but a Fhulghamousian victory over South Newlandia breaks the suspension of disbelief no matter how you bloody look at it!

But, I have to give credit where credit is due, and the Fhulghamous Peninsula managed to hold their own when it comes to defending because they didn’t give SNL a lot of time to dwell on the ball and think about where they wanted to put it. It’s not often that I say that a team from either Abanhfleft or the Fhulghamous knows how to defend, and defend well at that, but again, I have to give credit to this bunch. Who would have guessed that not having an old guy with absolutely no pace whatsoever was going to help a team defend more properly? I’m sorry, Mutlaq el-Aboud, but you really did overstay your welcome in this Fhulghamous team, and it might have played a part in why the Colonists couldn’t really get beyond the group stage of the CE more times than they actually did. It’s really unfortunate to see the decline of Mutlaq getting played out on an international stage, and who would have thought that I would be saying that when I first saw Antonis Papadimitriou’s roster from his first ever Campionato? The guy really looked like he had a boatload of potential when he first showed up, but I guess his age just caught up to him and he couldn’t work on other areas of his game after that. What a real shame, I suppose. But what can you do about it?

Most of the action in this game happened in the second half. If I had known about that in advance then I probably wouldn’t have tried to find time to catch the first half because it was perhaps the biggest waste of 45 minutes of my life that I’ve ever made, and I’ve made a lot of questionable decisions in my life to boot! In fact, forget about the first twenty minutes of the second half as well. Everything from the first minute of this game to the 65th can be consigned to the trashbin of history or whatever it is that we call it now because nothing of real note happened in that time span. But starting from minute 66? Yeah, that looks like the moment when everyone realized that they had to win this game if they wanted a good chance of moving forward into the playoffs! And hats off to the Fhulghamous because they were actually the ones who tried to score the goal more than the other team. Maybe it's because the SNL players were quite knackered by the time. Holy mother of pearl, that roster of theirs must be one of the oldest that I've ever seen! Reminds me of the dark times when both Ranulph Bustamante and Holly Jonasson were trying to extract every last bit of talent from the Fleftic men's and women's teams respectively. Good God, some of the matches we had at that time were so difficult to watch! How in the world I managed to get past that dark and troubling time, I'll probably never know.

But all of that said, South Newlandia’s goalkeeper still had some skin in the game, and if it weren’t for that Edward Khan bastard, the Fhulghamous really would have been able to run away from this contest with all three points. It wouldn’t be until Giorgis Agiasmenakis dove deep into his playbook and brought out the scorpion kick that the Elephants’ keeper was finally beaten, and what a beauty of a goal it was! If Khan had saved that, it would still have been beautiful, but as we all know, goals only count when they cross that line and the ref’s watch vibrates. But as is often the case whenever a team under the management of someone who played or trained in Abanhfleft, everyone playing for the team in gray took their feet off the gas once Agiasmenakis had scored his goal. They were all probably thinking that there was no way that this team of old fogeys was going to be able to come back with so little time left on the clock. Looks like the bastards didn’t factor in a certain Angela Diaz, literally the youngest player in that South Newlandia roster at only 21 years of age. Unlike her teammates, she still had enough stamina to run around the pitch for the whole 90 minutes, and all she really needed was one moment of brilliance or one moment of stupidity from the Peninsular team to come back, and boy did she bloody take it!

On paper it looks like the Fhulghamous will have an easy run-in to the end of the group stage, but as we all discovered during the match against Katterimunk, nothing can ever be taken for granted in football. We all thought that that was going to be an easy three points for the Fhulghamous Peninsula, and look where that line of thinking got us. Instead of the supposed five to seven points that the Peninsula should have had to their name by now, we’ve only got a grand total of two points, and it doesn’t look like the Colonists are getting out of the group stage this time around. What a bloody bastard turnaround from just two years ago when we practically topped our group despite having a hodgepodge team managed by a gun who took the position literally just days before the start of the tournament. How the fuck did we go from that to scoring only two points now that our new manager has two years to settle into this side and introduce his ideas? Maybe we should just start hiring new managers days before every coming Campionato instead. It’s an idea, I guess, and probably worth a shot as well. I just want to see one of the teams that I support win a game of football! Is that too much to ask? Probably, knowing how the football gods like to operate.

Anyway, that’s all that there is from me now. If you’ve got any comments or thoughts of your own about the game between the Fhulghamous Peninsula and South Newlandia or predictions against Capital Cove then feel free to leave them down below. Until then, I’ve been the Man from Markovsky, still in disbelief that I’m being disappointed by my country’s own colony again.

  SOUTH NEWLANDIA 1 - 1 FHULGHAMOUS PENINSULA  
       DIAZ (83')       AGIASMENAKIS (75')

[South Newlandia]

Why did they build a city in the middle of the dang desert. This does not make any sense, that place has one and a half million people! I know Sun City is kinda in a similar spot, but at least they had a reason, that being the free solar energy real estate. That’s why they started building there, and it grew a little from there; and that place still only counts inhabitants in the five digits. I genuinely can’t think of a reason why Halpenley exists. There’s not even really enough river here for this to be remotely worth it. And I have to be here, freezing my butt off at night and already half out of sunscreen, and for what? To watch a relatively uninspiring Elephants team take on the United Dispian Quarters in the baking sun, before they inevitably get dropped off by Tumbra. I hate Tumbra. I’m not sure why I agreed to make this trip in the first place. Maybe I was hoping to see the first goal young prodigy striker Angela Diaz scores for the Elephants, but that’s not going to be possible anymore. I swear, if the Elephants somehow make the knockouts and have to play in Halpenley again, I will be so mad.

[Sylestone]

Group A

Gouvanarch 1–2 Dod Rava
Sylestone 3–0 Lozho * scorinated by Zwangzug
Irithoren 0–1 Hannasea

 Group A               Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Hannasea               4   3  1  0    6   3  +3   10
2 Sylestone              4   2  2  0    9   4  +5    8
3 Dod Rava               4   2  1  1    6   4  +2    7
4 Gouvanarch             4   0  2  2    4   7  −3    2
  Irithoren              4   0  2  2    4   7  −3    2
6 Lozho                  4   0  2  2    0   4  −4    2

Group B

Nova Anglicana AZE 4–3 Boring Paradise
Neomaris 2–1 The Tumbran Northlands
Natanians and Nosts 2–5 BET Njaza

  Group B                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Natanians and Nosts         4   3  0  1   10   8  +2    9
2 The Tumbran Northlands      4   2  1  1    5   2  +3    7
3 BET Njaza                   4   2  1  1    9   8  +1    7
4 Nova Anglicana AZE          4   1  2  1    7   7   0    5
5 Neomaris                    4   1  1  2    4   5  −1    4
6 Boring Paradise             4   0  1  3    6  11  −5    1

Group C

Ceyne Isles 0–2 Acadiana
Macbon 4–2 Xanneria
Kita-Hinode 1–1 Zirahuen

  Group C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Macbon                 4   3  1  0    9   3  +6   10
2 Xanneria               4   3  0  1   14   4 +10    9
3 Acadiana               4   3  0  1    5   2  +3    9
4 Ceyne Isles            4   1  1  2    2   5  −3    4
5 Kita-Hinode            4   0  1  3    2   8  −6    1
6 Zirahuen               4   0  1  3    1  11 −10    1

Group D

Fhulghamous Peninsula 5–3 Capital Cove
Katterimunk 0–2 Tumbra
South Newlandia 3–1 United Dispian Quarters

  Group D                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Tumbra                       4   3  1  0    8   2  +6   10
2 South Newlandia              4   2  2  0    7   3  +4    8
3 Katterimunk                  4   2  1  1    7   6  +1    7
4 Fhulghamous Peninsula        4   1  2  1   11  10  +1    5
5 United Dispian Quarters      4   1  0  3    2   7  −5    3
6 Capital Cove                 4   0  0  4    3  10  −7    0

Group E

Drehda 3–2 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom
Cap Nord 6–0 Josifovo
Racing 2–4 Robostania

  Group E                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Cap Nord                       4   3  0  1   10   3  +7    9
2 Robostania                     4   2  1  1    9   7  +2    7
3 Drehda                         4   2  0  2    9   9   0    6
4 Racing                         4   2  0  2   10  12  −2    6
5 Josifovo                       4   1  1  2    7  13  −6    4
6 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom      4   1  0  3    7   8  −1    3

Group F

Hallikshire 2–1 Asgharbad
Esportivan Darmen 5–2 Bongo Johnson
Ethane 0–0 Brenecia

  Group F              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Brenecia               4   2  2  0    8   5  +3    8
2 Ethane                 4   2  1  1    5   4  +1    7
3 Esportivan Darmen      4   2  0  2   17  15  +2    6
4 Hallikshire            4   2  0  2    6   9  −3    6
5 Bongo Johnson          4   1  1  2    6   7  −1    4
6 Asgharbad              4   1  0  3    2   4  −2    3

[Drehda]

Free-Wheeling Goshawks Reignite Qualification Hopes

Rookie National Team boss Jessica Greenwood can officially claim to be the country's "winning-est" head coach of all time as her side ran out victorious in yet another frantic, high scoring game. It's a modest claim as the game marked just Greenwood's second win with the Drehdan national team, but it does put her ahead of predecessor Darren Billers who only managed one victory over the two Campionatos he oversaw.

Following the 4-3 defeat to Racing in Match Day 3, the Goshawks came into their game against Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom knowing that anything less than victory would almost certainly end their hopes of qualifying from the group. It's been a below-par turnout for Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom but they brought huge pedigree into the competition as beaten quarter finalists in CE34 and defeated finalists in CE33, where they went down 1-0 to the seemingly unstoppable Trumbran juggernaught.

Greenwood made a number of significant changes from her usual line up in a bid to try and firm up the Goshawk's worryingly porous backline which had shipped seven goals in their first three games. Drehda broke from their traditional 3-at-the-back formations to shape up in a 4-1-4-1. 18 year Tymall Briggs came in at centre back to partner skipper Yossi Leventhal, Ewan Curry played the anchor role to screen the back line with Pete Jacks and Henrik Hellman reunited as a central pairing. Victoria Shankwell's Jamal Orozco was pushed out to play on the left side of midfield with club teammate Julian Rosales getting his first start of the tournament as an auxiliary right sided winger.

With the pressure on the Goshawks' players well documented before kick off and a low nervous hum among the Drehdan fans in attendance at the hallowed Kitchener Stadium, the team looked to their top goalscorer Sándor Mészöly to guide them to victory. In the 17th minute, Jamal Orozco intercepted a loose pass and was dragged down by a desperate Rekan defender in a dangerous region of the pitch. The Rekan goalie went to great pains to marshall his defenders, agonising over the exact structure of the wall. Mészöly produced yet another fantastic moment which will be long remembered in his glittering career and the story of Drehdan football, stepping up to produce a curling strike which floated effortlessly over around the wall to find it's destination in the top corner of the net. A classic slice of Mészöly Magic to cut through the tension and give the Goshawks the lead.

Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom hit back just after 30 minutes. A long forward pass was flicked on, captain Leventhal was able to block the first shot but the ball cannoned away to wrongfoot goalie Chris White and allowed a Rekan striker to knock the ball home. Level pegging and the nerves began to creep in around the stands.

Enter, once again, the irrepressible Sándor Mészöly. Shoulder length dark hair tied back in a ponytail, characteristic van dyke facial hair and socks rolled down almost to his ankles, Mészöly played with the air of a man knocking about with his friends at an after-work 5-a-side kickabout rather than carrying his entire nation forward at an elite level international tournament. Dropping deep into midfield, Mészöly spun neatly on the ball, whipped it away from an onrushing midfielder before pushing forward. The centre-half looked to have squared Mészöly up perfectly, but a deft dip of the shoulder and change of pace saw the ball fizzed through the defenders leg. The final coup de grace, an audacious little dink from the edge of the area to lob the goalie and give Drehda the lead once again.

But he was not done there! Sándor Mészöly plays with a loveable and undeniable panache and style but beneath that he does have the clinical instincts of an elite goalhunting striker. Just before half time, Drehda won a corner. Pete Jacks thumped the ball into the penalty area and Magic Mészöly out-muscled his marker to leap clear and send a bullet header past a helpless Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom goalie.

As both sides trooped off at half time, Mészöly drank in the applause and adulation of the travelling Goshawks fans.

Before the competition, Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom were ranked 6th overall but the form they've brought in to the games has not matched this lofty reputation. The thorough dressing down brought upon them by Mészöly seemed to have crushed the last of their spirit and they were unable to rally any great comeback. The second half was a much quieter affair, save for a flash of refereeing controversy in the 86th minute. A rare Rekan attack of note pushed into the penalty area and Chris White rushed out at the feet of the attacker who went sprawling. The referee awarded the penalty despite protests that there had been no actual contact. To make things worse, the ref decided that White had denied a clear goalscoring opportunity and issued the young goalie with a straight red card. Teenage Russford Blues gloveman Louis Fuller was summonsed off the bench but was unable to save the spot kick. Despite only being a goal down, the body language of Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom players showed no stomach for a mad late thrust and the last few minutes merely petered out.

More defensive concerns for Greenwood going into a crucial MD6 against Robostania. Too many goals have been conceded and now without their first choice goalie. The positives? The sparkling form of their main striker, who has been playing at a level to match any striker in the competition. The other positive, although by way of slightly perverse logic, is the state of Group E. A draw or defeat is of next to no value at all to the Goshawks as they would be left hoping for the most unlikely set of results to go their way across both Group E and Group F to place them as one of the qualifying best losers. The path to qualification with any creditable chance of success is to simple beat Robostania. Any win would give the Goshawks 9 points and a positive goal difference, meaning that Racing would have to beat unranked Josifovo by at least four clear goals.

[South Newlandia]

Elephants push through in the scorching heat, but Tumbra looms

After Angela Diaz scored her first goal for the Elephants with a late equalizer against Fhulghamous Peninsula, it did not take long for her to record her second. From the kick-off, it took the Elephants 41 seconds to take the lead, with Finnley Wallis setting up the youngster for a beatiful goal right under the crossbar, shooting from the left corner of the penalty box. Granted, the goalkeeper of the United Dispian Quarters did not look good on the shot at all, but the Elephants were still ahead.

The Elephants were the better team for the first time since MD1, and managed to add another goal about 15 minutes in; this time, it was Donald Lancaster bringing in a long free kick, with Brandon Irving showing off his goal instincts, standing right where he needed to score an easy second goal. 2-0 Elephants, and they seemingly were only getting started in this game that was regularly intercut by water breaks to ensure players were staying hydrated in the hostile conditions of Halpenley.

However, much like any water in the city, Elephant opportunities soon dried up, and instead their opponents got on the scoreboard late in the first half. A moment of slipping attention, Valeria Lerida had allowed a striker to get loose, and he managed to chip over Khan in goal to make it a one-goal game. Heading into the half, the Ellies had some questions to answer.

Coach Dale Hartford-Phelps made three substitutions at the half, trying to get some freshness onto the field. Leon Mazza replaced Valerie Lerida defensively, 41-year-old Finnley Wallis was replaced by Betty Collins in midfield, and midfielder Julian Schuster got to make his Elephants debut, coming on for Tom Sloan. The teenager is the youngest player on the roster, one of a few young midfielders, seemingly one of the only positions the Elephants have any resemblance of youth at the moment. Schuster plays for Mount Olympus FC in The 14 Stars, seemingly the new hot place for young South Newlandian footballers.

In the second half, the Elephants returned to their dominance of the early match. Mo Moss had one of the best chances, denied by a brilliant save. Eventually, it was Jack Flores who managed to mark his first goal as an Elephant, with the defender rising above everyone on a Lancaster corner in the 72nd minute to more or less decide the game.

Rooting guide for Elefans heading into MD5:

1) South Newlandia over Tumbra
If South Newlandia manages a shocking upset win in this match, they’re through immediately. A draw might be helpful, too, while a loss probably deals them out.

2) Capital Cove over Katterimunk,
United Dispian Quarters over Fhulghamous Peninsula

If the Ellies fail to win their tie, they may be jumped by either over Katterimunk and/or Fhulghamous Peninsula. Any Katterimunk win over the pointless Capital Cove would lift them over the Elephants, while a draw would still be enough if the Ellies lose by four or three (in which case, lots would be drawn). For the Peninsula to jump the Elephants, they need to rely on the Ellies losing and them beating UDQ, while they make up four (three -> lots) goals of GD. If both teams jump the Elephants, they’ll be dealt out with 8 points after a final MD loss for the second tournament in a row; if only one of them rises above the Ellies, we’re looking at 3rd-placed teams.

3) Sylestone over Dod Rava
The hosts taking this matchup would ensure that the latter team remains at 7 points in third, which the Elephants would beat.

Natanians and Nosts over The Tumbran Northlands
In group B, it would be useful if the Northlands could remain at 7 points. Good news is that BET Njaza and Nova Anglicana AZE play one another, which means that one of them will stay at 7 points or fewer.

Macbon over Acadiana
This one is the least likely to matter, but Acadiana would be at 9 points with a worse GD than the Elephants if they draw.

Josifovo over (or draw) Racing
This would keep Racing at 7 points or less. Robostania and Drehda facing off means that a Racing win is the only scenario in which three teams in Group E rise above seven points.

Bongo Johnson over Ethane
Asgharbad over (or draw) Esportivan Darmen
Brenecia over (or draw) Hallikshire
Unless all three of those turn up against the Elephants, they’d also be ahead of the third-placed team from Group F.

Looking at all of this, it might be easy to conclude that the Elephants are in a decent spot; but a loss against Tumbra, coupled with Fhulghamous Peninsula and Katterimunk winning very winnable games, could deal the Ellies out before third-placed teams are even looked at.

[Xanneria]

FLOX head calls into question "Tumbran Northlands" existence.
excerpt from http://www.xtrasports.xan/nationalteam.html

SYLESTONE - One of the big headlines of the Campionato Esportiva 35 has been the entry of a team from the "Tumbra Northlands". As many know the Northlands are an area north of Tumbra that has been recent, let's say allocated to Tumbra, at the behest of some powerful Tumbrans. Let's go with that as the easy description of whats happening. The Northlands are heading to vote in the coming few months and many of the parties are supporting a merger between the Northlands and the rest of the state.

This leads us to FLOX head Johnathan Ingles, the recently appointed head of the Football League of Xanneria (Not the Football Association, the League) has gone on and stated on twii.tur that he thinks the Northlands team in the Campionato Esportiva.

I think it's a gimmick and a bad one at that. Imagine being used by your FA like that. They are out there working their ass of but they are mostly second tier players. Now it is Tumbra and the nation's second tier can holds it's own, but you gotta believe this is a PR stunt and they really don't care.

He later went on to write another comment about the situation comparing the Tumbran Northlands team to that of the military backed Jeruselam team "Jeru FC" that competed at many world cups in the past.

Sir this team might be a less serious entry than any of the Jeru FC teams that the Jeruselam military team. Jeruselam has more legit side project than Tumbra. Think about that.

While the Football Association of Xanneria, the parent orginization of FLOX has stated they are aware of the comments being made, they are monitoring the situation but said likely they wont' be able to do anything as there is no confession of any physicall harm int hos comments. They would open to let the court of public opinion do what it must on Mr. Ingles if nessicary. But otherwise they will be staying out of any course unless any of the Tumbran governing bodies of sport so choose to intervene.

XANNERIA - 2
Burnes 12'
D Hailey 45+1'

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MACBON - 4
TBD' 18' 57'
TBD 70 90+3'

[Fhulghamous Peninsula]

DISCLAIMER: Gaelic Gamers is an independents sports blogging website created by four cousins with a common liking and passion for sports of all kinds and is in no way or form affiliated with or organized by any official news organization in the Democratic Republic of Abanhfleft. All statements and opinions posted here are our own and not anyone else's.

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Gaelic Gamers
Presents...

The Football Fallacies
with The Man from Markovsky

DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT THERE'S A CHANCE

Hello and welcome to The Football Fallacies. Right, so you’re telling me that there’s a chance? There’s a chance that the Fhulghamous Peninsula might still be able to salvage something out of this burning garbage pile that is their Campionato Esportiva 35 campaign? Don’t you bloody tell me that there’s still a bloody chance for the bloody Peninsula! I didn’t just bitch and moan my way through three bastard matches where this team got only two points out of a possible nine to be given a sliver of an opportunity for this team of ragtag misfits from all over one of Abanhfleft’s last two remaining colonies and told that this bastard team has still got a chance to fight for Esportivan glory! No, you don’t do that to me! And you especially don’t get to do that after making me suffer through a series of bloody heart attacks throughout ninety minutes of football! It’s a bloody literal medical miracle that I’m still up and walking after all of that pain to my poor heart and chest! Christ above, if I don’t keel over dead tomorrow night then someone must be keeping me alive just to put me through even more emotional torture!

Jesus H. Christ up above in Heaven with all the angels and saints! We’ve got eight goals in this game so I better get started if I want to make it to the deadline and catch some of that Jenna Raven Cup action. All right, Man from Markovsky, where the heck are your bloody notes? How did all of this bloody chaos get started in the first place? Well, I’ll tell you what, I think you can all blame Anselmo Iñiguez for this one, lads! If Anselmo hadn’t scored the opening goal of the game in just three minutes, I don’t think this game would have had the time to become as chaotic as it became. I mean, yeah, there have been games where a goal in the third minute was more than enough to take the points to the side that scored it, but there are also other games out there where a third minute goal was just the start of absolute chaos and craziness. This game between the Fhulghamous Peninsula and Capital Cove was one of those latter games. There was just so much action in this game that my notes look like I’ve written down something of note that happened in every single minute. And I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t like taking down notes at all! I guess that’s one reason why I never did well at school, but I’m earning thousands of nups just being an absolute arse on the Internet so who’s laughing now, Mr. Sembrano?!

It literally was just people kicking the crap out of that poor football and sometimes each other. Wellington Acuña’s men sensed that there was blood in the water and they really went hell for leather. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Peninsula team take shot after shot at the opposition’s box as many times as the Colonists did in the first ten minutes of this game. Capital Cove really looked like they were hanging on for dear life during those first ten to fifteen minutes. The Fhulghamous Peninsula really trapped those guys inside their own half and choked the air out of their lungs. And given the sheer volume of shots being thrown at that goal, it was pretty much inevitable that at least one was going to end up in the back of the net as well, and that honor went to Krystallis Antonakakis. Man, that kid really is a big “what could have been?” story here in Abanhfleft. If he didn’t break his leg against the team that shall not be named, if he hadn’t been the victim of locker room bullying, where could his career possibly have ended up? Definitely not in the Fhulghamous Peninsula, I’m pretty sure about that! He’d probably be playing for Abanhfleft itself and experiencing all of this heartbreak and disappointment in the World Cup qualifiers or the Independent Associations Championship instead of the Campionato Esportiva.

Heh, now that I think about it, I think the bastard actually caught a lucky break with that one! If he had been called up for Abanhfleft then he would have had to deal with all of that crap about always missing out on the World Cup finals or not getting past the Round of 16 in the Independents Cup. Everything is much more chill over in the Fhulghamous, where the most that Krystallis has to worry about is not making it past the Round of 16 in the Campionato Esportiva. Yeah, it’s still a prestigious cup and I’m gonna celebrate the hell out of it if the Peninsula somehow manages to win the whole bloody thing, but let’s be honest with ourselves. It’s not quite the World Cup, is it? And while I do admit that a bigger part of the fanbase has become more rabid and demanding ever since I started covering the damn bastards, at the end of the day they’re still a much more chill bunch than us Fleftic fans, I can tell you all that much!

But now to get back to the action. I’ve only talked about two goals in sixteen minutes in this particular game, so get ready for a lot more of where that came from. So remember when I said that the Colonists sensed that Capital Cove was right there for the taking and that was why they were bombarding their opponents’ goal for the first fifteen to twenty minutes? Well, after Krystallis scored his first goal of the tournament, the Fhulghamousians must have thought that they had already done their job because they backed off after that Antonakakis goal and there wasn’t as much urgency into their moves and passes as there were in the first twenty minutes. This time it was Capital Cove’s turn to sense that they were being given a lifeline back into this game, and boy did those bastards take it! It was the usual bullshit goal usually conceded by Abanhfleft as well, with all defenders in the vicinity of the ball carrier shutting off their brains at the same time, leaving Thanasis Tsiros with everything to do without any sort of backup, and it was inevitable that the Fhulghamous wouldn’t finish this match with a clean sheet.

Now I’m actually running out of time so I’m going to make the rest of this game quick. Giorgis Agiasmenakis scored the Peninsula’s third goal near the end of the first half to hand the Colonists their two-goal lead back, and then Capital Cove scored almost right from the second half kickoff to bring that lead back down to one goal once again. True helter skelter stuff, and I’ve barely just started on the second half! Now we've got a 3-2 scoreline just five minutes into the second half. Surely there wasn't anything more left in the tank, right? Well, guess what!? There definitely is more still left in the tank! The Fhulghamous doesn't want to have less than a two-goal lead in this game, and Capital Cove refuses to let that happen for as long as possible. Anselmo Iñiguez scored his second goal of the game right on the hour mark? Capital Cove responded to that with a bloody marvelous free kick that even I could appreciate in any context! Capital Cove just flat out refuses to roll over and die. They say what Katterimunk was able to do to the Colonists, and they want to do the same. Scary thought, that, right?

Enter Alibek Sokolov. The son of Pridnestrovian immigrants to the Fhulghamous Peninsula was brought on for the man with the brace to his name for the last 25 or so minutes, and though his cameo was going to be tragically brief, this Sokolov guy showed us all enough hints about his talent and skill that he just left us wanting for more. The man is a proper flat track bully, I'll tell you all that much! It has to be seen to be believed, and I'm afraid that all of those FaceTube highlights and clips aren't going to do him any favors at all. Sokolov is an embodiment of that meme with the square-jawed muscle man who does whatever he wants, refuses to elaborate, and leaves the scene just like that. Sokolov came on to the pitch, slapped around some defenders, scored a goal from a corner kick, and then went off with what looked like an ankle injury. What a way for the man to make his debut for the Fhulghamous Peninsula, huh? Shame it didn't last very long, but who knows what that bastard is going to be capable of once he comes back from that injury? I don't really know, but I think I wanna see it!

Anyway, that's all that there is from me now. If you've got any thoughts or comments of your own about the game against Capital Cove or predictions against the United Dispian Quarters then feel free to leave them down below. Until then, I've been the Man from Markovsky, disappointed in the fact that I feel like I'm being led on by my country's colony.

  FHULGHAMOUS PENINSULA 5 - 3 CAPITAL COVE    
      IÑIGUEZ (3', 60')       (31')
      ANTONAKAKIS (16')       (49')
     AGIASMENAKIS (44')       (65')
          SOKOLOV (72')

[Sylestone]

Group A

Hannasea 2–2 Gouvanarch
Lozho 0–2 Irithoren
Dod Rava 0–1 Sylestone * scorinated by Tumbra

 Group A               Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Sylestone              5   3  2  0   10   4  +6   11
2 Hannasea               5   3  2  0    8   5  +3   11
3 Dod Rava               5   2  1  2    6   5  +1    7
4 Irithoren              5   1  2  2    6   7  −1    5
5 Gouvanarch             5   0  3  2    6   9  −3    3
6 Lozho                  5   0  2  3    0   6  −6    2

Group B

BET Njaza 2–1 Nova Anglicana AZE
The Tumbran Northlands 1–0 Natanians and Nosts
Boring Paradise 0–2 Neomaris

  Group B                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 The Tumbran Northlands      5   3  1  1    6   2  +4   10
2 BET Njaza                   5   3  1  1   11   9  +2   10
3 Natanians and Nosts         5   3  0  2   10   9  +1    9
4 Neomaris                    5   2  1  2    6   5  +1    7
5 Nova Anglicana AZE          5   1  2  2    8   9  −1    5
6 Boring Paradise             5   0  1  4    6  13  −7    1

Group C

Zirahuen 0–1 Ceyne Isles
Xanneria 6–0 Kita-Hinode
Acadiana 1–0 Macbon

  Group C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Xanneria               5   4  0  1   20   4 +16   12
2 Acadiana               5   4  0  1    6   2  +4   12
3 Macbon                 5   3  1  1    9   4  +5   10
4 Ceyne Isles            5   2  1  2    3   5  −2    7
5 Zirahuen               5   0  1  4    1  12 −11    1
6 Kita-Hinode            5   0  1  4    2  14 −12    1

Group D

United Dispian Quarters 1–7 Fhulghamous Peninsula
Tumbra 0–1 South Newlandia
Capital Cove 0–3 Katterimunk

  Group D                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 South Newlandia              5   3  2  0    8   3  +5   11
2 Tumbra                       5   3  1  1    8   3  +5   10
3 Katterimunk                  5   3  1  1   10   6  +4   10
4 Fhulghamous Peninsula        5   2  2  1   18  11  +7    8
5 United Dispian Quarters      5   1  0  4    3  14 −11    3
6 Capital Cove                 5   0  0  5    3  13 −10    0

Group E

Robostania 3–4 Drehda
Josifovo 3–1 Racing
Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom 0–2 Cap Nord

  Group E                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Cap Nord                       5   4  0  1   12   3  +9   12
2 Drehda                         5   3  0  2   13  12  +1    9
3 Robostania                     5   2  1  2   12  11  +1    7
4 Josifovo                       5   2  1  2   10  14  −4    7
5 Racing                         5   2  0  3   11  15  −4    6
6 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom      5   1  0  4    7  10  −3    3

Group F

Brenecia 5–1 Hallikshire
Bongo Johnson 1–0 Ethane
Asgharbad 2–0 Esportivan Darmen

  Group F              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Brenecia               5   3  2  0   13   6  +7   11
2 Bongo Johnson          5   2  1  2    7   7   0    7
3 Ethane                 5   2  1  2    5   5   0    7
4 Asgharbad              5   2  0  3    4   4   0    6
5 Esportivan Darmen      5   2  0  3   17  17   0    6
6 Hallikshire            5   2  0  3    7  14  −7    6

---

Third-placed Teams

3 Macbon                      5   3  1  1    9   4  +5   10
3 Katterimunk                 5   3  1  1   10   6  +4   10
3 Natanians and Nosts         5   3  0  2   10   9  +1    9
3 Dod Rava                    5   2  1  2    6   5  +1    7
3 Robostania                  5   2  1  2   12  11  +1    7
3 Ethane                      5   2  1  2    5   5   0    7

Dod Rava 0–1 Robostania

[Sylestone]

1 Xanneria                    5   4  0  1   20   4 +16   12
1 Cap Nord                    5   4  0  1   12   3  +9   12
1 Brenecia                    5   3  2  0   13   6  +7   11
1 Sylestone                   5   3  2  0   10   4  +6   11
1 South Newlandia             5   3  2  0    8   3  +5   11
1 The Tumbran Northlands      5   3  1  1    6   2  +4   10
2 Acadiana                    5   4  0  1    6   2  +4   12
2 Hannasea                    5   3  2  0    8   5  +3   11
2 Tumbra                      5   3  1  1    8   3  +5   10
2 BET Njaza                   5   3  1  1   11   9  +2   10
2 Drehda                      5   3  0  2   13  12  +1    9
2 Bongo Johnson               5   2  1  2    7   7   0    7
3 Macbon                      5   3  1  1    9   4  +5   10
3 Katterimunk                 5   3  1  1   10   6  +4   10
3 Natanians and Nosts         5   3  0  2   10   9  +1    9
3 Robostania                  5   2  1  2   12  11  +1    7

Round of 16 Draw

Xanneria (1) vs (16) Robostania @ Sentient Oval, Kirkham

Hannasea (8) vs (9) Tumbra @ Avondale International Sports Stadium, Avondale

Sylestone (4) vs (13) Macbon @ Chamberley Institute of Sport, Chamberley

South Newlandia (5) vs (12) Bongo Johnson @ Sunlife Stadium, Halpenley

Cap Nord (2) vs (15) Natanians and Nosts @ The Bay Reserve, Betham

Acadiana (7) vs (10) BET Njaza @ Ground of Dunkirk, Dunkirk

Brenecia (3) vs (14) Katterimunk @ Carson Stadium, Cleorough

The Tumbran Northlands (6) vs (11) Drehda @ The Trees, Pesfield

[Drehda]

CHAOTIC DREHDANS PASS TO K.O STAGES

Yet another topsy-turvy turbulent 90 minutes of football eventually saw Jessica Greenwood's team achieve a crucial victory and secure historic passage out of the Campionato Espotiva group stages into the round of sixteen.

Despite repeated tactical reshuffles and public pleas for her charges to shore up the Goshawks back line, the Drehdan's have developed a reputation for heart-racing, unpredictable brand of football relying on creativity and direct forward running to simply outscore their opponents no matter how many go in at their own end.

Greenwood retained the 4-1-4-1 formation which gave her side victory, returning to a Marquez-Leventhal partnership at the heart of defence and bringing in Tyrelle Burns for Hellman in central midfield. Reede and Orozco both started, but swapped from the previous line up meaning that Reede hung out on left hand touch line and Orozco pushing forward centrally to support the irrepressible Sándor Mészöly.

Coming up to kick off, much of the audience both in attendance and watching at home must have been sparing a thought for teenage goalkeeper Louis Fuller. Handed his first cap in an emergency situation after first choice Chris White was given a red card in the Zeta Reka & Hugeltaldom game, Fuller was given his full debut at perhaps one of the most important positions on the field in arguably the most high-pressure game in the Goshawks' history. As the sides lined up for the traditional rendition of national anthems and handshakes, the nerves appeared plain on the young gloveman's face for all to see. There were touching moments as the senior members of the squad - Leventhal, Mészöly, Jacks and even substitute centre back Fraser Alnwick - took time to embrace the young rookie and pass on some final words of encouragement.

The game, speaking plainly, couldn't have gotten off to much of a worse start. The Red Dragons came roaring out the blocks, Hillary Masha finding ample space down the right hand side almost directly from kick off then centering a high cross. Angelo Marquez rose with a header to muster a half-clearance, which fell to Ferdinand Burghan on the edge of the Drehdan penalty area. Burghan thumped a half volley goalwards which took a vicious deflection off of Marquez' outstretched knee to bounce past a hideously wrong-footed Fuller. Just 90 seconds in and the Goshawks hopes were already looking to be up in the flames of the Red Dragons.

It wasn't long until things got yet worse as Federick Emmeryn's players looked to press home their early advantage. Gannat Maqbool was able to dispossess a dallying Jamal Orozco in midfield and sprung a quick switch ball over the Drehdan backline. Mallard Trevuss displayed impressive upper body strength to hold off right sided full back Alvin O'Gallagher and a predator's eye as he struck a firm low strike past the gloves of Fuller into the far bottom corner of the net.

Two goals down and with their hopes of qualification circling the drain, the Goshawks started to look for their leaders to stand up and be counted. Pete Jacks pumped his arms to excite the crowd and get some fire burning in his comrades and replicated his hunger for victory once play got restarted. The Drehdans initiated their first meaningful attack of the day as Donovan Reede teased his way inside the defensive lines. Reede found the opportunity to shoot shut robustly in his face by a lunging Lawrence Zirres but the tackle sent the ball loose only for Pete Jacks to lash a thunderbolt first time shot past a sprawling Honnor Gomez in the Red Dragons' goal. 2-1 with just half an hour played and the stadium was rocking with excitement.

In a game filled to the brim with emotional tension and nervousness there was always going to be at least one moment for the iconic Sándor Mészöly to take centre stage with his artful, almost spectral style of play. Jamal Orozco relayed the ball to Mészöly who turned and looked up from the right hand edge of the penalty area. Haridev Gummara threw himself in front of Mészöly, who slipped the ball away from the tackle with almost blatant disinterest before standing a cross up to the back post with a sumptuous rabona kick which was met by a flying Donovan Reede who smashed the volley home from just 8 yards out.

Half time came and both sides came out for the 45 minutes which would determine their respective fates for the competition with the game all square. Despite having allowed their opponents back into the game, The Red Dragons upped their standards once again after the restart and Josh Kirawn went close with a flashing drive which whistled past the Fuller's goalpost on the 52nd minute. Once again it was midfield dynamo Pete Jacks who forced the Goshawks' forward. A lung bursting, driving run at the heart of the Robostani defensive line forced a desperate attempt at a tackle by Gannat Maqbool which took much more of the man than the ball and resulted in an indisputable penalty to Drehda. Upstepped the main man Magic Mészöly to coolly pass the spot kick into the net to give his team a 3-2 lead.

As time ticked away and legs got ever heavier, gaps began to open up all over the pitch. Both sides pushed forward, the Goshawks to try and build an unassailable lead and the Red Dragons to try and even the scores once again. Shots were poured on goal and both goalies acquitted themselves admirably. In the 77th minute, John Keville found a slice of outstanding magic to bring the game to tremendous crescendo as he crashed a 24 yard free kick low under the wall of defensive players to bamboozle the young goalie in the sticks.

With the scores once again all level and less than 10 minutes to go, Drehda started piling men forward and Hector Berlioz was brought on for defensive midfielder Ewan Curry to make it two up. With the clock winding down, Alvin O'Gallagher collected the ball just inside the right hand byline and launched a high, arcing ball into the crowded penalty area. Berlioz leapt high and got his head to the ball just nano-seconds before the flying fists of the rushing Honnor Gomez. Berlioz' header flew towards the open goal but clipped the underside of the crossbar and bounced back out into the six yard box to be stabbed home by Sándor Mészöly from close range.

With barely more than two minutes left including stoppage time, the tide turned for the Robostanis to start piling on the pressure and launch long passes into the danger area. One long pass was met by the forehead of Mallard Trevuss but Louis Fuller came up trumps to pull off a fantastic reaction save. Fuller showed another flash of why he is such a highly rated prospect as he came racing off his line and fought his way through a crowd of bodies to get both hands on the resulting corner kick. The Drehdan crowd and players celebrated Fuller's handling of the cross as passionately as they had the game winning goal as the youngster clutched the ball to his chest and lay down in the penalty box and the referee blew the final whistle.

The win takes Drehda through to the Campionato Espotiva knock out stages for the first time in their history after two previous failed campaigns. Pre-tournament expectations were for the Goshawks to put in a robust and competitive showing and possibly challenge for a third place best-loser slot, so automatic qualification means Greenwood will go down in history for her achievements and fans are fascinated to see just how far she can take this team. There have been huge question marks in the press over how long-term success can be built off a defensive unit which has conceded more goals than any other qualifying team. The Drehdan fans however seem content to get behind Greenwood's side and ride the exceptional form of Sándor Mészöly as far into the tournament as they can.

Northlands ties causes political rumblings for jubilant Goshawks

The shock and excitement of Drehda qualifying for the CE35 knock outs burned brightly up until Jessica Greenwood's subsequent press conference where she appeared visibly uncomfortable when facing down questions from the regional media about the ethics and legitimacy of their Round of 16 opponents - The Tumbran Northlands. Social Media has also been alive with swirling rumours that the Goshawks players will wear black armbands to protest the alleged illegal occupation.

"Look, that's really not something we can do anything about or something that me spouting off an opinion will have any impact on. I certainly understand the importance of the question and perhaps if I was in another job or we were in another setting my answer would be different, but the facts are that I've been employed to oversee the most successful Campionato Espotiva Drehda has ever had and I'm incredibly proud that my players have achieved that. My focus can only be on preparing tactically and striving to qualify for the quarter finals. I can only acknowledge the Northlands as a quality football team, everything else is background noise to me and for other people to talk about.

Greenwood remained coy when asked about the black armband rumours, saying:

"I've not heard anything about that from the playing group but again, it's not really something I'm interested in. These are a group of grown men representing their country, they don't need to ask my permission how to do their hair or what bootlaces they want to wear. I trust my players to express themselves appropriately and abide by any kit and uniform rules the CE organisers have in place."

As election fever grows back home in the capital city Fort Hope, politicians of various stripes have been showing a sudden interest in the football to chip in their two sterls.

Jay Billerant, leader of the Socialist Worker's Union Party, called for the Goshawks to "boycott" the rest of the competition rather than "provide even a crumb of legitimacy to the illegal and immoral military annexation of the free Northlands". Drehdan Future Party leader Ernest Greene told reporters "the idea of forfeiting the chance of sporting glory for some wild far left nonsense is palpably absurd and we shouldn't even be discussing this. In any event, the Tumbran government is a legitimate and entirely respectable authority and the Tumbran Northlands represent a phenomenal economic opportunity for the people there and the region at large". Interim First Secretary from the ruling National Progress Party, Claire De Villiers was drawn to comment on the matter saying "we Drehdans of course are almost instinctively drawn to support freedom and independence because of our history, but the real sovereignty and legitimacy comes from the people of the Northlands. The Drehdan government will observe the elections with interest and respect whatever the voters decide for themselves".

[Natanians and Nosts]

After defeat to Njaza,Natanians and Nosts struggles against the Tumbran Northlands

After a good start and a sad defeat and unbeaten streak break to BET Njaza,Natanians and Nosts went to face the United Clans,or rather The Tumbran Northlands,who sent a team for the Campionato,and were drawn together with Natanians and Nosts in group B,the near full-N group (N&N,NAAZE,Njaza BET,Northlands,Neomaris;BP).
After an average (read:mediocre) WCQ,Johann C. Mureșan-Antonescu finished the group stage of his first CE ahead of the squad as a manager.His results were good only up to page three,when MD4 happened,and now MD5.The attack failed heavily,while Graeme Lawrence managed to best Whitcliffe and secure the Tumbran Northlands' victory.The three alterations were dumb and meaningless.
After the sequence of unfavourable matches,Natanians and Nosts will face Cap Nord,who made an astounding campaing this cycle.The Natanians and Nost team,who has been playing an uninspired football for the last two matches,some argue for way more,will begin with the same starting list (Whitcliffe - Ret;Constantinescu,Ionescu MI;Tralto - Probus,Wafa;Martinescu,Ionescu FM - Ubuntu,García) to bore you out with their pathetic and lame attempt at playing football,all the while being eliminated again at the oitaver-finals,and dreaming that this cycle was just a bad one,and being out at the quarter-finals will be the norm.

[Xanneria]

Xanneria runs ransack over Kita-Hinode, moves on to round of 16.
excerpt from http://www.xtraport.xan

SYLESTONE - A 6-0 dominating victory saw Xanneria head into the playoffs with a ton of momentum. With Allison Burnes scoring four goals on a little over an hour, the Xannerian Maroons recovered wonderfully from their 4-2 loss to Macbon. Burnes scored a wonderful hook shot from a bit outside the goal zone started the scoring. She then followed it up 5 minutes later with a diving header. Burnes was on fire and so was her right foot. She shot another shot from outside the goal zone. Her fourth and final goal was a massive one as she actually kicked the ball from about half way across the field. The ball took an awkward path and both the intended target, Paul Gessecki and the Hinodijan keeper missed it and ball akward bounced in. Two more goals were scored that day though, a header, by Paul "the Header specialist" Gessecki and a Dillon Hailey Penalty Kick. Next up for the Maroons though is ROBOSTANIA a team with a history of CE entries as long as Xannerias. Thats not what the big concern is though in the Maroons camp. The Quarter Final game Xanneria would play if they won involves a matchup between either Esportivan #1 Tumbra or #8 Hannasea. While there a chance the Maroons could be looking a head, I think a lot of teams are looking at that matchup.

XANNERIA - 6
Burnes 11' 16' 31' 52'
Gessecki 70'
D Hailey 84'

---

KITA-HINODE - 0
NONE

[Cap Nord]

Pazron Finchley had an amused grin on his face as he watched how the national press crawled on top of one another, each of them trying to push their microphone under his nose. The importance of the duel against neighbor and rival Zeta Reka was widely shared by the domestic audience and even the abominable form of the southern foe made no difference to that. Whilst the latter barely bothered about the existence of Cap Nord, the Capnordic watched them closely, with a certain envy: beating their ‘bigger brother’ meant the world. Sometimes, it was an advantage to coaches that the journalists swore by the result of the day and having a 2-0 win gave the Lozhoan the upper hand. Deep down, he knew that not everything had been a breeze, but with the recent scorelines and the resulting #2 pick, the story appeared rosy. He could give the events of the last two games a special spin.

”And it is six all against Josifovo, the Whalers tear apart the debuting opposition in the second half after a difficult first forty-five minutes. Six goals for Cap Nord and six different names on the scoresheet, but surprisingly none of those is Till Myrrheim. The national record goalscorer remained on the bench for ninety minutes, while Jackson and Sangaré took their opportunity to break into the first eleven with a goal each. Elliott Jackson towered over Karandzhulov for a powerful header and the brand-new Lhor striker escaped through the backline for a successful one-on-one.”

He could, if he wanted. But did he want to?

”Twenty minutes left on the clock and it goes halfway between a chess game and football here in the Kitchener Stadium. The game begs for a decent opportunity, a genuine attack, just any sort of inspiration. But both sides blocked all routes for the opposition, sacrificing manpower there which disallows them to make an impact on the other half of the pitch. Finchley still stands by the sideline trying to bring the wingers in position for some sort of cross but Brymsaeter seems to be going backward tonight.”

It was not even a matter of ‘what is in it for me’. If he made a bold statement tonight about his own tactical genius, the press would be eating it up like pie. How the confidence on the team would be, that was to be seen, but the confidence on the manager would reach its zenith. And the selection, well, they were all pro’s so they knew the game. Boasting about tonight seemed all winner.

But he didn’t want to. Because Finchley knew he did not believe it himself.

”Ample time left now but Till Myrrheim returns to the eleven. His replacement Elliott Jackson worked hard but could not make a dent in the Zeta Rekan wall. Can the Sandfjell forward do so in the remaining minutes?”

It would sound so good. So… “Mastermind”. Something like ‘I knew that Till would be there for us when things looked ugly, but for that I needed to make sure that he was sharp. That he was one hundred percent with his head in it. He needed that bit on the bench to bring him to his best level, before releasing him on the Rekan defense.’

”A cross by Poulsen, it looks a bit low but oh, Myrrheim, fights himself to the ball but he is on the edge of the box, two men breathing down his neck. A pass back to Carstensen and yes, the doublepass and it is Myrrheim, he’s stronger, a dribble, the shot! Yes! Till Myrrheim finds the smallest of holes near the Rekan goalkeeper, a brilliant moment for the attacker! And what a relief, for the team, for the fans but most definitely for Till Myrrheim! The number one forward of the Whalers has been benched for three consecutive games, unseen in his career, but now he shook that off and put it all in one thunderous shot. Beautiful work by Myrrheim who rushes to the bench… Does he have an open account to settle with Finchley?”

As the journo’s had found their spot, Pazron Finchley cleared his throat and kicked off the press conference with a short statement. “I had doubts about Till. And maybe I was not the only one. But I was wrong, wrong to doubt him and wrong to leave him off the team.”

There was a tear in the eye of Myrrheim as he made his way through the embracing teammates and the ecstatic staff to Finchley. The striker towered over the gaffer and as he embraced the Lozhoan, the Sandfjell player seemed to engulf him. Words were abundant but between sobs, Myrrheim managed to mutter softly, just for the two of them. “Thank you.”

No one bothered about what Finchley said afterwards, the front pages were already written. Till Myrrheim had always been rated as a great striker but was now confirmed as an unmissable striker.

”No, thank you.”

[South Newlandia]

Elephants stun Tumbra with upset win in Halpenley heat, move on to knockouts

The South Newlandia-Tumbra rivalry has probably passed its metaphorical hottest point by now. With the Elephants pulling out of WCC events and Tumbra establishing themselves as a multiversal footballing powerhouse, the score seemed to be settled for good. South Newlandia had won some crucial battles in the past, including beating the Black Eagles 4-0 at home to notch their first ever World Cup qualification, and defeating them in a hard-fought semifinal in Ethane, where the Ellies ultimately went on to win their only Campionato Esportiva title. However, the Elephants struggling and becoming a second-rate team in Esportiva has opened up the opportunity of group stage matches against top opposition. That's what made this crucial final MD matchup between Tumbra and South Newlandia possible.
For the Tumbrans, this match was mostly one for pride and seeding, with the powerhouse team already basically through to the knockout stages. With the inhospitable conditions of Halpenley under consideration, the Tumbran coach Peter Gabriel elected to rest a few of his key stars. Meanwhile, for the Elephants and coach Dale Hartford-Phelps, a lot was on the line. They would need to get at least a draw going to feel confident, with a loss likely to knock them out before the knockouts for the second Campionato in a row; a result that could have cost Hartford-Phelps his job.
This is not to say that only the South Newlandians were taking this match seriously. The Tumbrans, even when not at full strength, were eager to defeat their rival, likely also hoping to knock the team out of the tournament if given the chance.

In what was probably the literally hottest game of this rivalry, the Black Eagles took control early, forcing multiple great saves from Elephants GK Edward Khan before the teams even had their first hydration break. Ian Robertson and Valerie Wells were seemingly just toying with the Elephants interior defense, with a slick double pass leaving everyone flat footed. Wells’s shot was not quite precise enough, and Khan was able to clear the ball for a corner kick.
Brought in by Wells, that corner went right to Wendy Pritchett, who got a good header on the goal, but right to where Khan was standing; allowing the goalkeeper to make another nice save.
Only six minutes had been played when Tumbra had their third major opportunity, this time via a Phil Cole dribbling, where the oldest Tumbran on the field proceeded to find some space and decided to take a long shot, pushing the ball wide by a matter of inches.
Early on, the Elephants struggled to gain any relief from the constant Tumbran attacks. Like in their previous two matches against top opposition, they were mostly limited to counter-attacks, with one of those in the early parts of the game ultimately resulting in a tactical foul that resulted in a booking for Tumbran Pritchett.

Tumbra continued to be the dominant team throughout the first half, but the go-ahead goal eluded them. Henshaw had a good chance about half an hour in, but it was again Khan who saved the 0 on the scoreboard, with the Sylestonian turning in his best game of the tournament.
At the half, the Tumbrans had about two thirds of total possession, and far more chances to score, but the scoreboard still showed two big zeroes.

Early in the second half, things went very awry for the Black Eagles, when Wendy Pritchett came too late trying to tackle Elephants’ midfielder Donald Lancaster. Her second booking of the game meant that the Elephants were now playing 11-on-10 for about 40 minutes, and the game finally opened up.

The goal, ultimately, was just as lucky as the rest of the win. Subbed-on midfielder Arnold Bois-Miller tried to test his luck with a shot from a distance, and goalkeeper Nick Barker could only watch helplessly as it fell right into the corner to give the Elephants a go-ahead goal they would not relinquish.

This means that despite being pretty clearly outplayed in the majority of their matchups, the Elephants have won the group, and are now matched up with Bongo Johnson, still in Halpenley; giving the Ellies an additional resting advantage as they will not have to travel.

[Sylestone]

Round of 16

Xanneria 2–2 Robostania (2–2 AET) (3–4 pen.) @ Sentient Oval, Kirkham

Hannasea 0–3 Tumbra @ Avondale International Sports Stadium, Avondale

Sylestone 2-0 Macbon @ Chambelrey Institute of Sport, Chamberley

South Newlandia 5-2 Bongo Johnson @ Sunlife Stadium, Halpenley

Cap Nord 0–1 Natanians and Nosts @ The Bay Reserve, Betham

Acadiana 2–0 BET Njaza @ Ground of Dunkirk, Dunkirk

Brenecia 3–1 Katterimunk @ Carson Stadium, Cleorough

The Tumbran Northlands 2–1 Drehda @ The Trees, Pesfield


Quarterfinal Draw

Robostania (16) vs (9) Tumbra @ Carson Stadium, Cleorough

Sylestone (4) vs (5) South Newlandia @ Sunlife Stadium, Halpenley

Natanians and Nosts (15) vs (7) Acadiana @ Ground of Dunkirk, Dunkirk

Brenecia (3) vs (6) The Tumbran Northlands @ Sentient Oval, Kirkham

[Natanians and Nosts]

[syʁ.pʁi(:)z]!

Natanians and Nosts defeated Cap Nord and advanced to the quarter-finals of the 35th Campionato Esportiva.Natanians and Nosts was in a two-match losing streak (BET Njaza and The Tumbran Northlands) after a "good" group stage start,with three wins in-a-row,including against NAAZE.Cap Nord came in a three-match streak (including a 6x0 victory over Josifovo),only dropping points to the traditional football of Racing on the second matchday.The squad scored thanks to a last minute goal by Ademélsson-Vit,who entred ten minutes prior,replacing García who got hurt.Besides the 48th minute goal,the football presented by Natanians and Nosts was lackluster,not even reminding the style once played by the nation,and not even five years ago...By the way,García's exams were normal,and he is ready to play next match.If not for Whitcliffe coming back to normality,Jorgen Bjerkness would have given much trouble to Natanians and Nosts,besides great passes to Myrrheim and Williams,Bjerkness would've scored three goals,stopped by brilliant deffences from Daniel Whitcliffe!
The national squad will play Acadiana next, who defeated BET Njaza.The line-up will be:Whitcliffe - Ret;Constantinescu,Ionescu MI;Tralto - Probus,Wafa;Ademélsson-Vit,Martinescu - García,t'Brāhinni.If he manages to get to the semifinal,Johann C. Mureșan-Antonescu will become part of the select group of managers to have brought Natanians and Nosts at least a fourth palce on the CE,and he would be the most successful relatively,having had a great performance in just one time,even if the football was somewhat lacking for half of the games.

[Sylestone]

SYLESTONE VS SOUTH NEWLANDIA: THE RISING STARS VS THE FALLING GIANTS

Sylestone (4-4-1-1 → 5-4-1): Fuller; Holt (Ironing Board 74’) - Mornington ( 65’) - Faucett - Keller; Holmes - Rodway (Paterson 81’) - Brown - Jones (Fridge 89’); Fleetwood (Keyes 74’); Strathfield (Nutt 74’)

Macbon: Unknown

HALPENLEY, SYLESTONE - Never before have the Sentients participated in such an enormous Campionato Esportiva match. Not during the country’s first foray into international football, and not since humans were allowed into the team. Similarly, never have the Sentients played against a team that knows so much about them on a personal scale - after all, no small portion of this Elephants squad plays domestically in Sylestone. Despite the torturous heat of Halpenley (it’s not as bad as South Newlandian reporters say it is - 40C isn’t that much!), the ground that has historically provided the Sentients with their strongest home advantage has been all but nullified due to this the fact that their opponents have spent their past fortnight in the city due to the gruelling nature of their schedule, which may or may not have been tampered with.

It’s not even a match between Esportiva’s two biggest powerhouses. Tumbra, Brenecia, Xanneria, even Cap Nord have a far more prestigious reputation than the Sentients, although South Newlandia’s multiple World Cup appearances and Campionato Esportiva title mean that history is certainly on their side. However, due to their footballing body opting against entering future World Cup Qualifying competitions, interest in football has gradually died down across the smaller island nation, resulting in that shock group stage elimination on their home soil last year.

This year, though, it’s a quarterfinal to savour - two in-form teams who have not lost a game all tournament, and one must go home. That’s twelve games between the teams and along the way, they have had to play the likes of Fhulghamous Peninsula, Hannasea and last but not least, the defending champions themselves. Against teams brimming with such calibre and with the likes of Xanneria and Cap Nord suffering shock losses in the round of 16, the winner in Halpenley may well become the team that holds aloft the trophy at Chamberley in just a bit over a weeks’ time.

Despite no small portion of South Newlandia’s squad having acclimated to the Sylestonean climate over the past year or two, Sunlife Stadium will no doubt be rocking, with tickets to the 52,000-seater close to the heart of the Sylestonean desert completely sold out ahead of the blockbuster fixture. With Tumbra playing the relatively unknown Robostania, Natanians and Nosts taking on Sylestone’s southern neighbour in Acadiana and Brenecia playing a nation that many question should not be here in the Tumbran Northlands, this is easily the quarterfinal of the round, and there’s not really much competition. Sure, if the Xannerians hadn’t copped their second brain fade in the space of the week, losing 4-2 to Macbon and then on penalties to Robostania in Kirkham, that may have been different, but I’m not sure local authorities really care. A massive game for the hosts against one of the best teams in the competition? Sure thing!

Coming into the match, Sylestone have failed to concede in each of their past three matches against Lozho, Dod Rava and Macbon - hardly big names, but still an achievement nonetheless. Keep in mind that Lozho are coming off a largely successful World Cup Qualifying campaign (we’ll ignore the fact that they didn’t score a single goal over the course of the entire Campionato Esportiva, though) and beat the Sentients themselves 3-0 less than a year ago, while Macbon stuck four past Xanneria in one of the upsets of the tournament, right up there with Cap Nord’s two losses, or even debatably Tumbra’s loss to South Newlandia in arguably the biggest Esportivan derby of the modern era. That result, and the Elephants’ 5-2 triumph over Bongo Johnson in the same city is probably what makes them the slight favourites, despite boasting a far lower quantity of players in top 32 leagues worldwide. Sure, there’s probably more quality within the Sylestonean squad - two players in Chromatika really tells you all you need to know - but South Newlandia have accomplished something the Sentients have never achieved before by defeating the Eagles in Halpenley. With three wins from three at Sunlife, no statistic will be stopping them from going out there and wanting that victory.

Between the two teams, only the Hand Sanitiser is out of action, having sustained that nasty injury against Irithoren on just matchday two. However, the likes of Alana Faucett and even Sophia Pearson and Alexander Nutt when necessary have filled in that void in the back line, joining Hugo Mornington and forging a strong partnership after shipping three against the now-eliminated Hannaseans. Goals have come at a steady rate throughout the tournament, too - only once have the Sentients failed to score in an encounter, and thrice in six games have they scored three. Riley Strathfield up front is in the form of his life as he awaits his transfer to Chardonnay Rangers next season, and will be looking to leave his nation on a high. Although he won’t be back in Betham this tournament no matter the final result - the “other” semifinal will be fought out at the Bay Reserve, these days all of Sylestone is his happy hunting ground.

The Newark Argyle midfield duo of Gemma Rodway and Rose Fleetwood are in similarly superior form, while it was Cameron Keyes who sealed the victory from the bench against Macbon in style, continuing to prove his worth as a super sub as he hits the wrong side of thirty. Georgina Fuller has more or less proved to be reliable in goals despite making a fatal blunder in that Hannasean thriller, while the wingers and wingbacks have all held themselves up, even if at times they have failed to stand out. Only Abigail Jones and to an extent, Eden Holt, have really shone, but everyone is entitled to their off days time and time again. Not that the likes of Lesley Keller, Cayden Holmes or Colbrook City’s Jack Ryland have been poor; they’ve just slotted in and completed the hard work while the bigger names and more creative names have taken the larger share of the glory.

For South Newlandia, it’s Avondale City goalkeeper Edward Khan who has shone throughout the tournament, making a series of gravity-defying saves that have seen the Elephants obtain unprecedented levels of success throughout the tournament, despite no small portion of their squad aged at over 35 years. Jet McBride has been consistent as always - after all, he does play for Chromatik for a good reason - and it was Arnold Bois-Miller who scored the winner against Tumbra in a candidate for goal of the tournament. Despite the ages of players within the squad, no small portion of them play in massive leagues such as those in Nephara and Kelssek, and cannot be taken lightly.

Due to that age gap, though, it is so important that the Sentients are able to achieve a stranglehold on the match from early on, forcing the Elephants into running around and tiring themselves out, letting the host nation attack them on the counter. With a little more youthful exuberance on the bench, though, it is entirely possible that head coach Dale Hartford-Phelps may look to start a few of his younger players to prevent that from happening, perhaps making it a little more difficult for Anac and his players to exploit that weakness.

Since the return of Sylestonean football to the international scene, this is the second straight quarterfinal Mytanar head coach has qualified his team for. Last time, the Sentients were able to take it to extra time before the mighty Tumbrans found a winner; this time, it’s against a team that have beaten those Tumbrans not much more than a week ago. Sylestone versus South Newlandia - both teams are able to go on to take out the trophy, but only one can make the final four. Which group will have the balls to take out the match and lock horns in a likely semifinal fixture against Tumbra?

Sylestone 2-0 Macbon
                                              Jones 39’
                                              Keyes 90’

---

Starting Lineup vs South Newlandia @ Sunlife Stadium, Halpenley

Fuller; Holt - Mornington - Faucett - Keller; Holmes - Rodway - Brown - Jones; Fleetwood; Strathfield

[South Newlandia]

(I used the Bongonian CE34 roster)

Elephants with possession here, looking for a potential breakthrough. Hartford-Phelps’ changes to the squad, giving starts to Leon Mazza and Betty Collins, haven’t really paid off quite yet, with the two teams about evenly matched in Halpenley. Donald Lancaster over the left side, has some room, dribbles against Carbtree, to Collins, back to Lancaster, and there’s some open space! Lancaster, a cross into the middle, there’s Diaz, and GOAL! Elephants lead it! Lancaster with a perfect cross, and Angela Diaz rises above Teebaghar in the box, Adam Jones in the goal without a chance! Angela Diaz brings the Ellies ahead in the 14’, beautiful goal!

And that’s going to be a throw-in for the Elephants in dangerous position. Defender Jack Flores will bring it in from the right side. Takes a lot of steps back, throws, Moss heads it further, Angela Diaz – GOAL! 2-0 Elephants, Angela Diaz has done it again! Mo Moss extends the throw-in with the back of his head, and Angela Diaz takes it volley into the top corner! 23 minutes played here in Halpenley, and the star of the Desert Lions has herself another one. At this rate, The 14 Stars have definitely uncovered and polished a gem in the striker.

Bongo Johnson keeping the pressure high, they are looking to make this a one-goal game if they can. McGurkin has the ball, to van Bichael, tries to find Bongald but Mazza gets there first, clears the ball, and the Elephant counter-attack is rolling, three on two. Irving has it, to the right side to Sloan, back to Elefantea. Two on one now, to Angela Diaz, and she’s only got the keeper to beat! Adam Jones is rushing out to try and stop her, she’s trying to dribble around him, just out of the keeper’s reach, and Diaz has an empty net! Three-nothing Elephants, a perfect hat-trick for Angela Diaz here in the first half! She’s had plenty of those with the Lions, but pulling it off here, with the Elephants on the biggest stage, that’s clearly special.

The Bongonian team is coming refreshed out of this hydration break, coach Benoit probably with some well-chosen words in there to build his team back up. Speedy Wheels on the left side, against Jack Flores, the player in orange maintains possession. On the left side, tries to cut into the penalty box, and he’s taken down by Valeria Lerida! The referee signals no foul, the ball trickles to Khan, surely, this will be looked at again. […]
Penalty kick Bongo Johnson! Lerida clearly had gotten him around the shin, obviously contact there, and captain Bongald will have a chance to put his team on the scoreboard here in the 37th minute. Takes aim, sends Khan into the wrong corner, 1-3! Bongo Johnson is not done yet.

Stoppage time now before the half-time break, both sides are clearly looking to take a few minutes to catch their breath at this point. Elephants keeping the pressure high, Tom Sloan with a shot from a distance, forces a great save from Adam Jones! That’ll be a corner kick for the Elephants, that’s the speciality of Donald Lancaster. He’ll bring it in from the left side, cuts in dangerously, Jet McBride is there, goal! 4-1 Elephants! McBride headed it towards the second post, looked just off-line, but Bolzak Teebaghar could not get out of the way in time. The ball bounced off his hip into the goal; looks like they’ll rule it an own-goal. No matter, 4-1 Elephants, and the referee calls for half-time.

Bongo Johnson coming out of the half-time break looking good, they’ve made a couple of changes at half-time, and so have the Elephants, with Luisa Johnson, Nita Hanson and Marc Westond now in play for Lancaster, Sloan and McBride. Van Bichael has the ball for the Bongos, they’re still not giving up, looking to make this a game. To Provolone, he’s going to take aim, and goal! 2-4 Bongo Johnson! Edward Khan not looking good on this shot from a distance, going in after a bounce, just getting away from him. The 25-year-old surely saves that one on a better day, and the Bongonian team takes it within two in the 47th.

70 minutes played, and with some defensive reinforcements, the Elephants have been able to prevent any further Bongo goals. Here they are on another counter-attack, Diaz, to Hanson. Hanson, over the middle, dribbling, still dribbling, still dribbling against Teebaghar in the box, and Hanson falls! Looked like some incidental contact there, but the ref immediately points to the spot! Will this be looked at again? No signal so far, looks like the Elephants have a chance to put this game away. With Elefantea already subbed off, looks like Angela Diaz is stepping up for the shot. Diaz against Jones. Diaz, hammed, GOAL! 5-2 Elephants, that looked like it was shot from a rocket. Jones has the correct side, but the ball is hit too hard, 5-2 Elephants, Angela Diaz with four goals!

And that’ll do it. Elephants will be moving on the face Sylestone, still here in Halpenley, where the Ellies have played really well so far. Can they manage to take down the hosts, who’re playing probably the best football they ever have? We’ll have to find out.

(aggressively steals Syle’s formatting)

South Newlandia 5-2 Bongo Johnson
                                       
                                                                                    Diaz 14’, 24’, 31’, 72' (P)                 Bongald 37' (P)
                                                                                    Teebaghar 45+2’ (OG)                        Provolone 47'