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Cup of Harmony 84 - Rosters/RPs/Results

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Saint Eleanor
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 412
Founded: Feb 02, 2021
Compulsory Consumerist State

Postby Saint Eleanor » Thu Nov 17, 2022 7:07 pm

Cup of Harmony 84 - Group G, fifth game
Delte 0 (Guénolé-Tonnelier Jonque missed penalty 48', Guénolé-Tonnelier Jonque red card 89')
Saint Eleanor 2 (Steve Pilchard goal 45', Guénolé-Tonnelier Jonque own goal 84')

OOC: Teletext source
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Premium Coffee agrees pay deal with FSEU workers after epic dispute
Chief Business Correspondent Bill Hoskin reports on the end of Saint Eleanor's longest strike in almost fifteen years, and why the union sees it as a coup
Originally published on Saturday 17th August 2002

The past two weeks been shrouded for many Eleanorians by the ongoing Cup of Harmony. But for members of the Foodservice Employees Union who work at Premium Coffee it has been an epic struggle. They are members of Saint Eleanor's biggest and most powerful union; they work at Saint Eleanor's most prominent, chain of coffee stores - and Saint Eleanor seems to be almost terminally addicted to the imported beans.

For a nation that prides itself on being open to itself and the world for as long as it can possibly take, Saint Eleanor has an astonishingly strong union culture in retail and hospitality, two of the largest sectors of the economy - and ones which have historically been dominated by low pay and miserly conditions. Some estimates suggest that 80% of those workers are unionised; many of the rest working in small, independent shops where they can bargain independently yet effectively, but some small businesses tolerate and even welcome unionisation.

And they often get their way, too; many trade disputes have been rapidly resolved by the government threatening to step in and give the workers what they want. The most famous concession came fourteen years ago last month, after workers at retail giant OPAL went on strike for 25 days, leaving many shops open only between 10am and 6pm, and often with just one cashier. They demanded that OPAL increase their annual paid holiday allowance from three days to fourteen, in line with almost completely-unionised challenger Intershop. When they refused to listen, the Holiday Decree 1987 was enacted - giving everyone a two-week holiday allowance - and both sides backed off.

George Mitcham, Charlotte Morgan and friends are willing to put a stop to unfair working practices, lacklustre conditions and mismanaged pension schemes. But under no circumstances will they countenance a minimum wage - which proved a sticking point for the FSEU as its pay deals with two of Saint Eleanor's big three quick service restaurants, Willis and Premium, came up for negotiation this summer. (Unionised Torch employees have had their pay raised by inflation plus half a percent since 1993 as part of their rolling deal, agreed when staff threatened to engage a full indefinite walkout unless chief executive Gexavera zaPravela personally agreed - although he insists on offering similar pay to his few non-union workers.) When Willis offered 1.5% in early July and FSEU workers there said no, union leadership negotiated a 2.25% pay raise and agreed to bump up sick leave payments to $180 per week, a 20% increase; the members gobbled the offer up the second time around.

At Premium Coffee, however, the dynamic was completely different: the FSEU grudgingly accepted an eighteen-month pay freeze at the very start of 2001, meaning that when negotiations rolled around last month, unionised Premium workers were being paid less in real terms compared to 1990, itself a historic low ebb for Premium-union relations. The union had three core demands: extending time-and-a-half nighttime payments, which already covered 10pm to 6am, to be extended to between 8pm and 8am; an increase in Premium contributions to the company pension scheme from the legal minimum of 3% to 3.5%; and the crown jewel, an immediate, one-off 7% pay increase to compensate for historic deterioration. Premium threw all of that out, offered to freeze store manager pay until 2004 (in a perhaps misguided attempt to placate the union) and promised everyone else 3% increases for most workers over the next two years. The increases were deemed insufficient - but the pay freeze for managers, who themselves had a lot to deal with and were historically more supportive of unions than their Torch and Willis counterparts, was massively detested.

Although negotiations plodded on for weeks on end, there was hardly any news from either side, leaving many to believe that an improved agreement was in the works. The first sign of breakdown came on the afternoon of 30th July, the day of Saint Eleanor's first group game and a few hours after Willis workers had agreed to the company's proposal, when FSEU Local St George general counsel Lisa McEntire - who had been leading the union's negotiations with Premium - announced that there were "irreconcilable differences" on all three fronts. Negotiations formally collapsed the following morning and a swiftly-organised strike ballot showed near-unanimous support for a walkout until their demands were met.

The results were cataclysmal. As soon as the clock struck 6am on Friday 2nd August, unionised Premium workers walked out - and if they were not on duty at the time, they just did not go to work at all. Regular pickets were held outside most branches reiterating their demands: the banners invariably blared "Fair Pensions, Fair Pay, Fair Future." Anybody who wanted Premium Coffee would have to get past them, put up with reduced opening hours (if any), barebones staffing, and even occasionally raised prices. Anybody who wanted to cheat and buy coffee from the local supermarket would, more often than not, be left disappointed. The same goes double for independent coffee stores - at least outside Collegiate district, where the summer holidays are upon the University and Premium has never been able to secure a foothold.

This was, as I have said and everyone has feared, most certainly not a case of the government swooping in to give Premium what they wanted on multiple counts. So what exactly happened? Public pressure: Exandra Davies and Jessica Martin were the first to step into the fray, of course. A few other league jobbers here and there had their say, too - although only David Newcastle joined them in earnest. But it was Derek Pitta,- always sceptical of the unions, who almost clinched it in decrying the conditions of the Premium workers "who serve me and tens of thousands of others every day" who almost clinched it. The day after he made those comments, August 13th, Premium offered to return.

They didn't want any changes to overtime, at least until a new negotiating round to be held in April 2004; ttempts to get them to at least increase overtime pay were rebuffed, but that was brushed aside in a matter of hours. What the FSEU loved was a proposal to bump up employer pension contributions to 4%, beyond union demands, and offer every worker a 3.25% rise the following year - followed by a 2.65% rise every year until 2007. When the vote to confirm the pay deal landed on union workers' desks, they supported it by an 80% margin. McEntire tells me that the union was seriously considering keeping on the strike when they first heard of the Premium offer, but that "after a great deal of thinking, we reckoned it would be good for workers, good for Premium, and good for everyone who comes into their shops and treats the union folk with due respect."

The focus for 2004 will be on overtime: pay, duration, and conditions. But that is a sideshow, for now: the focus is on this week's successes, when union action effectively forced Premium to offer a long-term pay agreement that has not been seen anywhere in the hospitality sector other than Torch, make guarantees about workplace pension contributions (a subject too little discussed by the FSEU) - and yes, to go into the next batch of negotiations with a clear roadmap. Government action has taken the unions far, but the recent Premium strike is the first time in a while - perhaps since the chain last suffered large-scale nationwide walkouts in November 1990 - that the union has gone on strike and then extracted crucial demands directly from the business.

Do not be under any illusions that the FSEU has brought about an end to disputes. At Torch, certainly - but the Willis agreement was shaky in and of itself and might not survive the negotiations of summer 2004. OPAL and Intershop have fared little better in their post-1998 negotiating rounds, and their actions have repeatedly threatened walkouts, but they have only saved themselves by caving in and agreeing to most of the demands just in time (or two days later, as Intershop discovered to the union's surprise in March 2001). With that said, the Premium Coffee dispute was protracted almost as much as it was progressive - and the union is convinced it hasn't gotten such a good deal in a decade.
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****** The Grand Republic of Saint Eleanor - area 2,863mi2, population 489,816, 1.6 cups of coffee/Eleanorian/day - it's 2000 (OOC: obvious Tinhampton puppet)
BoF76 quarterfinalists --- WC91 participants

Why? George Mitcham, General then and now, cofounded the National Liberation Front in 1971 to demand a free Saint Eleanor. He got his wish in '75 after a 15-month war: becoming President, appointing notable NLF friends and some charity's executive director as VPs and calling them legislators. He has retained power through oil money; zero income tax; free healthcare, schooling, public transport - and markets; tolerating dissent on apolitical matters; allowing private gun ownership (with plenty of training) to protect against future invasions; high-quality PR; and football.

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PotatoFarmers
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1314
Founded: Jun 07, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby PotatoFarmers » Thu Nov 17, 2022 7:22 pm

Poafmersia 0–1 Audioslavia
Lineup: Nicole Potts (c); Kilikina Lee, Diamond Byan, Nikkita Alfaro, Xenophon Robson; Magreta Rym, Sylvia Fusco, Erle Sartini; Janelle Frederick, Agapito Murphy, Leontiy Seet
Substitutes: Dagur Lawrence (Rym 62'); Jordan Huerta (Murphy 68'); Tessa Bjarnesen (Frederick 84')


Chasing the Unknown
Thread C Part 2: Winning for 2 straight years without being the best at teamfights?


When the Glory Professional League first started, every reasonable team at the top of the league was just practicing two things - how to attack enemy's neutral resources (the jungle), and how to win teamfights. I mean, the logic is simple, right? If you can win team fights, you can gain an economy advantage, and then, profit from being able to use your numerical advantage to claim the jungle for yourself? And also being able to get more items so that you can cruise your way to victory?

While that typically is how the gameplay works in ranked modes, and also how it works in the early days of the tournament, there is a coach who believes that that is utter nonsense. Formerly a streamer who mains in the resource-management game Farmers United, LMT (which apparently stands for LeadMyTeam) believes that in playing MOBAs like Glory of Masters, a resource-management way should be an alternative path in trying to achieve victory in the game. According to the theory that LMT crafted, he believed that the minions should be considered as a key resource in defeating opponents. "If your ultimate goal is to push down the opponent's nexus crystal," he said on stream while watching a the 2101 GPL summer knockout round game, "then why are the players putting the minions at such a low priority?" When his fans asked him a bit more on his theory, he further elaborated. "Its a bit like the various strategies we have in Farmers United. Yes, you can establish a huge economy advantage than stack on the offensive capabilities - that is a legit strategy if your town hero is meant to use that strategy. But there are those tempo-based heros, those who have good solid damage & economic advantage early on. What we do using those heros is just to stack on the offensive capabilities early on, yes? And then make use of the tempo advantage of pushing down enemy lines to ensure that we can speed run to victory? Then force the opponentss to go on the defensive strategies early on and while they are doing that you just push for the tempo plays." He points out that from his experience of looking at the game and occasionally playing it, hthere are a particular few heros which he believes "fits the bill". "The ones that don't see much play in the professional scene because they don't do so well in team fights," he said. "In ranked play those methods are also simply too difficult to execute. Like, having to do lane swaps so as to be able to deal with the pressure face by the opponents - all that is too difficult to coordinate. But with a professional team, you can do just that. They are professionals - they synergise well with each other, they know how to coordinate their attacks. You just need to teach them when to do lane switches, when to prioritise pushing towers, when to gang up 5-0 and then threaten the opponents' towers. It takes a bit of time to train, but I believe that is very doable."

Just after a few weeks of saying that, he was invited by the All Gamers Club (AGC) to become their head coach. AGC, despite finishing second at the inaugural 2100 Spring season with their strong teamfight capabilities, was smashed at the subsequent seasons by fellow top competitors. This was especially with their teamfight methods being carefully studied by other teams and abused. The team couldn't adapt to the changing teamfight meta, and with the players' main heros getting nerfed, the team was struggling to get deep into the end-of-season playoffs. AGC felt it was time to experiement with something new, and therefore, was willing to invite LMT to be coach. The rest, of course, is history. 2103 Fall winners, 2104 Spring winners, 2104 Fall winners, 2105 Spring winners. Not to mention how he got the team consistently to top 4 positions throughout the rest of 2105 and 2106, even though he was struggling to find replacements for his ageing squad. And by the end of 2106, everyone learnt. Everyone figured out how to utilise this "resource management aspect" of the game to ensure that they meet the objective.

LMT's strategy path led to the experimentation of a slightly larger pool of heros. While it was the time before full ban-picks, AGC's games was the most fun to watch and they had the most diverse range of heros. The players could pull off with a high-power teamset, or smashed their opponents using more tempo-based heros that settled games in 15 minutes. In the era before the Ender Dragon's buff, that was really fast for games. And the diversity of heros that AGC had was perfect reason why full ban-pick system could be theoretically possible, with teams trying to use different strategies to counter different hero sets. But it was all LMT's hard work that started a new era in the GPL scene.
IC Name: The People's Republic of Poafmersia (Trigram: PFA)
IC Flag: Refer to my flag with my IC nation Poafmersia, though that nation's RP will be done with this account.

IC posts in WA, unless otherwise stated, are made by David Jossiah Beckingham, Chairman of Poafmersia's World Assembly Board.
Sportswire. Chasing The Unknown.
Achievements: BoF 71 Bronze; IAC X and IAC XI Champions
WCC Football (Pre-WCQ93) - 40th, with 18.62, Style: +1.2345
OptaPoaf at work: https://bit.ly/m/OptaPoaf

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Ceni
Senator
 
Posts: 4607
Founded: Jun 26, 2012
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ceni » Thu Nov 17, 2022 7:31 pm

Image

Delaclava 6–3 Brenecia
Pride of Manchester, Manchester

Audioslavia 1–1 Delte (1–1 AET) (4–2 pen.)
Black Forest, Farland

Saint Eleanor 3–2 Poafmersia
Cathedral Square, Christiana

Cardenao 3–3 Mertagne (3–4 AET)
Atlantis Casino Gardens, Cleopatrana

Quarterfinal Draw
Juvencus v. Gnejs @ Volatus Millennium Stadium, City Centre
Pasarga v. Yuezhou @ New Oxford Coliseum, New Oxford
Delaclava v. Audioslavia @ Valhalla Stadium, Valhalla
Saint Eleanor v. Mertagne @ Virtuous Stadium, Quinniville
Last edited by Ceni on Fri Nov 18, 2022 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
Air Terranea | The Wanderlust Guide to Ceni | Seven Restaurants in Seven Days: Cataloging Cenian Food
Champions: Di Bradini Cup 38, U-18 World Cup 17
Runners-up: Di Bradini Cup 39, Di Bradini Cup 41
NSTT #1s: Lonus Varalin, Ardil Navsal (singles), Gyrachor Rentos, Val Korekal, Elia Xal/Fia Xal (doubles)
UICA Champions' Cup titles (1): 1860 Azoth
World Cup 76, World Cup 79
Baptism of Fire 61
Cup of Harmony 63
Copa Rushmori 41
International Basketball Championships 20
Cenian Open (Grand Slam) 1-11
<Schottia> I always think of Ceni as what it would be like if Long Island was its own nation, ran by Bernie Sanders lol.
The user behind this nation uses he/him/his pronouns.

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Audioslavia
Retired Moderator
 
Posts: 3929
Founded: Antiquity
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Audioslavia » Fri Nov 18, 2022 4:14 am

Jeremy Jaffacake Deals With Losing His Job By Trying To Get A Hastily Written Country Song To Number One In the Singles Sales Charts
Seems Unaware That Nobody Has Bought Physical Singles For Decades, If Not Centuries


There was a time when being the number one selling single artist in your country either meant you were popular or you were the only painter who also sold their own pee and your love life was affected as a result. Nowadays, selling more physical copies of a song than anyone else is a bit like thatching more rooves than anyone else or fixing more typewriters than anyone else. Nobody cares and you're a hipster.

Jeremy Jaffacake is having a go, though.

Upon his jump-before-you're-shoved-into-a-rocket-and-flown-into-orbit from the Cathair Herald, Jaffacake has put his feelings into a song. A country song. A country song about how the author's own self-driving car left him. It's called Egon Must Done Stole My Bus and it's horrific.

Egon Must Done Stole My Bus
in E

I'm at the alehouse, I'm at the bar
Cos for weeks now, I ain't seen my car
Show me a grizzly, and I would wrestle her
If only god would bring me back my Tesla

I never thought I would ever lose her
That from dawn to dusk each day I'd get to use her
But she fled Texas, went down to Cuba
And she got herself a job working for Uber

Self-driving car, you were my star
Carried me so very far
Now you're in the hands of overseas mechanics
Self driving car, you were my star
And it hurts to know you are
Just a taxi for some tropical hispanics

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeaheah


The jury is still out on where exactly 'texas' and 'cuba' are and what an 'uber' or a 'tesla' are. Jaffacake has, in a twiit, merely asserted that the lyrics are 'self explanatory'.

In Cathair Herald news, Jaffacakian enemy Egon Must has reportedly fired over half the staff, including the entirety of the team that works in the printing department, explaining that he 'doesn't really understand what they do so they can't be important'. Furthermore, after grading his journalistic team on how many lines they've written, he's fired those with the fewest lines. To cut a long story short, the guys who do the football results and league tables are now largely running the entire show in terms of content.

Having previously declared that it would take a miracle for the newspaper to make it to Christmas, it's now more likely that it will barely get to report on Audioslavia's upcoming CoH Quarter FInal with Sonnellian Co-Hosts Delaclava.

The Bulls rode their luck in defeating Delte in the round of sixteen. The Herald will have to ride even more over the coming weeks.
Last edited by Audioslavia on Fri Nov 18, 2022 4:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
=♉︎=IF YOUR SIGNATURE IS LARGER THAN THIS, WHY? THE SHORTER THE SIG, THE GREATER THE LENGTHS PEOPLE GO TO READ IT◤♕◢

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Delte
Envoy
 
Posts: 224
Founded: Apr 12, 2022
Anarchy

CoH-84 R16

Postby Delte » Fri Nov 18, 2022 4:34 am


Audioslavia 1-1 Delte (4-2 pens.)
Sports Correspondent Kim Samrodd at Tunn's Farm for Burye News

I won't dwell overly long on the finer details of this match, but certainly mention should be made of The Special Deltic-Cooperite Away Team's final brave stand against the mighty if diminutive Bulls to hold the reigning Harmony champions to another draw in regulation and extra time, only to be overcome in the shoot-out. Putting The Reps under the cosh for much of the first half but only managing to score once, The Bulls seemed perfectly happy to reorganise at half time to defend their lead. A fortunate equaliser midway through the second half by sub Teath Kelka seemed to flummox the World Champions who immediately retreated further to apparently secure a penalty shoot out. And it became clear why they opted for that strategy at the end of a stifling period of extra time in which almost no football was played - two spectacular saves from Constance Creighton, a giant amongst Audioslavs at 1,781mm, sent the Delts and Cooperites packing. Creighton seemed to defy gravity such as any ultra-dense body floating through empty space to twice reach shots, by Danny Mastorqua and Azaïs-Tonnelier (Asa) Lésé, that were at least half a metre off the ground. Extraordinary! For the people of the Valley, another cycle comes to a close and the Domestic Election World Cup will become just another talking point in the Six of Staves. For Audioslavia, a shot at a consecutive Cup of Harmony comes with a portent that failing to beat the rank amateurs from a small plot of land somewhere in the North Pacific last time around and ultimately lifting the trophy might be a sign of things to come. Or not. Maybe coincidence. Probably.


The Rushmori Boat People
7/7 : Maintain Harmony Under All Circumstances

“She says, there are a few things that have to stay off-limits,” said Darra Cankal, translating into Sicoutinaise for the Cooperite delegation, “you know, for sporting purposes. It is a cup of harmony after all.”

“That was a derisive snort,” said Darra Cankal, translating with unnecessarily excessive detail from Sicoutinaise for the Deltic officials, “and then she says, such as?”

It was nearly time for The Special Deltic-Cooperite Away Team to make haste for the shores of Delaclava and this month’s latest Cup of Harmony tournament, and the big boss of the valley Tessa Sack had invited Cònsol Rosalyne Tonnelier, mayor of Hagness and big boss of the Rushmori boat people, and Coach Romain Rivière, big boss of the strapping lads on the Away Team, for a quick briefing on how to drink appropriately from the harmonious cup. You know. Things that ought not be mentioned in polite company, such as

“Genocide, ethnic cleansing, imperialist butchers, violent racially-motivated land-grabbing, pink supremacists and the fallacious manifest destiny of pink people, bastard queens, dead queens, wish-they-were dead queens, killer queens, wicked princesses with nothing better to do than kill kill kill kill the poor, pink pogroms, killer queens, state-sponsored terrorism, mass graves, our stolen lands, pink priviledge, hashtag it’s not north cassadiagua, world cup pinkwash, rape torture and ethnic profiling on the Cooper River, war crimes, carnage, holocaust, mass murder, massacre, slaughter, annihilation, decimation, ethnic cleansing, mass execution, killer queens, race extermination, race murder, killer queens and anything that might call for Eura to nuke the Dagans and start a nuclear holocaust in Rushmore, (again)” said Tessa, “that sort of thing.”

Darra translated to Rosalyne and Romain.

“She says, what if we meet them in competition?” said Darra, in Anglican, for the benefit of the Delts in the room, “how can we make the most of such an opportunity?”

“Naturally, she says,” said Darra, in Sicoutinaise, for the benefit of the Cooperites in the room, “you should do your best to play them off the park and beat them fair and square. Sporting integrity permits this.”

“And may we kick them?” said Darra.

“A little bit,” said Darra.

“In the fancheetah?” said Darra.

“Harsh,” said Darra, “maybe just try to win.”


The Rushmori Boat People
Endpiece : Doctor Fuite’s Proposition
(A World Cup 93 Teaser)

I know what you are thinking: all the way through this I’ve been playing the harp for the poor half starved escapees of genocide who barely managed to come ashore in one piece at Deltemouth harbour after a terrible journey across the wide oceans in their rotting hulk, the Mothball - indeed, bringing their leader ashore already dead; whilst at the same time, using a repetition device for comedy value about ‘the strapping lads of the Cooper River’, who are supposedly the same half-starved refugees that barely made it to the green of the valley. You are right to be suspicious - and I congratulate you on spotting this peculiar inconsistency. Let me tell you, a Cooperite doctor called Jérôme Fuite, not a strapping doctor by any means but certainly a survivor of Sector C-17 in Rushmore and a passenger on board the Mothball where his medical expertise kept Captaine Gael alive well beyond his live-by date, was thinking the precise same thing as you, from his new surgery start-up in Hagness village. How had they recovered so well, so quickly? Was it for narrative convenience? Was it an unforgiveable oversight on the part of the author? Or was there something deeper going on here?

Naturally, it was the latter.
Last edited by Delte on Fri Nov 18, 2022 4:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
HOW GREEN IS THE VALLEY
AND ALSO THE RIVER

This nation is no longer in operation
Please redirect all mail to Taxhavn, thank you

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Mertagne
Diplomat
 
Posts: 530
Founded: Oct 24, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Mertagne » Fri Nov 18, 2022 5:18 am

The Cup of Harmony has been a thrilling competition for Mertagnian fans so far, with action right from the first matchday of the group stage. Mertagne have profited from their favourable group stage draw, in which they drew hosts Delaclava, the Pot 1 nation closest in rank to 50th ranked Mertagne, as well as Baggieland, West Barack and East Obama, and the Ochre Islands. This group of Sonnellians and Anaians alike could truly have been considered a 'group of life' by the statisticians across the multiverse, making this the second time in just as many Cups of Harmony that Mertagne has been drawn into such a group.

Ázëwyn Fëanáro's squad, unchanged from the World Cup 92 qualifiers, started the group stage off strong with a 3-2 victory against Baggieland, who were itching to get an early victory against what would be their toughest opponents on paper. With Baggieland 2-0 up at half time, it was looking likely that they would do just that, but the Mertagnian side, channelling a sleeping giant, came to life much more in the second half and bridged the goal gap by the hour mark, going on to score a third goal in the 61st minute. This was enough to lock in the three points and kick-start an ambitious Cup of Harmony campaign.

Mertagne's next victory came right around the corner, continuing on their good form and facing off against Sonnelian superstaracks West Barack and East Obama. The game, which saw an early goal from Neron Everdell, was played in a way more conservative style than the Mertagnian side was used to, with the Obamen defence proving itself to be watertight after the initial goal of the match. The Obamen attack was a proficient one, however it lacked the raw power to convert a push into a goal, with Damien Gannet working magic with his gloves and diving left and right to slip the ball away from the Mertagnian net.

Mertagne's winning streak looked to go unbeaten, chalking up another win in their dominant group stage campaign against region-mates Ochre Islands. The Ocean of Eyes, whose inhabitants would prove to be challenging opponents more than once in this competition, ratcheted up the goals alongside the Green Goblin side in a thrilling match that saw more than its fair share of tackles on both sides - what many people would say was the best of attacking football. Injuries were looking likely, but it seemed that once Mertagne managed to get the score up to 4-2, the pressure was taken off and the tackles seemed less deadly. Margaret Harlow was taken off the pitch due to injury in this match, and will likely fail to see play in the rest of the tournament. This win managed to seal qualification for the Round of 16, but Mertagne as a team were keen not to let their foot off of the accelerator pedal, with their next foes proving to be a brilliant test match for the caliber of opponents they would face in the knockouts.

The thrilling final matchday of the group stage was a match that many had been waiting for - a face off against hosts Delaclava. With just three places separating the two teams in the KPB rankings, this match would be a true test of similarly skilled teams, and the home support of the Deleclav fans provided an electric atmosphere in which to give the Phoenixes a run for their money. With the opponent placements in the Round of 16 up in the air at this point, tactics were on the table as to whether it would have been better to play for the win. However, in a pre-match interview, Kristie Ettrick dispelled many rumours that Mertagne were hoping to lose, claiming that "Delaclava aren't in the habit of losing, and we're not the type to disrespect our opponents by not bringing our very best in what could be the most thrilling match of the tournament."

The Phoenixes had a strong start which enchanted the crowd, and while Frederick Prost managed to put in the legwork to equalise the score at 1-1 in the 37th minute, it would be the home side that would take the victory and the bragging rights after the skilled work of Lukas Meyer and Mathias Gretler that slipped past the defence and turned up the fervor of the crowd with a tap in past Rhys le Besco. Sealing the fate of both teams, Delaclava would go on to play Brenecia, and Mertagne would square off against region-mates Cardenao. From the start, Ázëwyn Fëanáro was certain that either option would be a tough battle, with multiversal powerhouses Brenecia in a position with a lot to prove, and up-and-comers Cardenao looking to establish regional footballing dominance.

Meeting again for another clash against Scooter McNash's Blue and Golds, the Cardenian team came out of the gate with pace, easily winning the ball whenever possession flicked back to the Green Goblins, and ekeing out an early goal from a corner that saw Larrainzar curve the ball expertly to Diego Valenzuela, who get behind it with his head and sent it screaming into the goal. The connection between the captain and vice-captain of the Cardenian squad was unparalleled throughout the match, with the two forming a potent bulwark in the midfield that proved to be a difficult obstacle for the Mertagnians to overcome, especially in the second half. While Mertagne had managed to bring the scoreline up to 3-1 by the halfway mark, thinking that they could simply play a defensive game and grind out a win, the Cardenian attack, which many understimate, proved to punch above its weight and shock fans alike after Yeison Mesa surprised with his pace and shot skill, consistently placing himself in the right place at the right time to the ire of the Mertagnian side. His goal, in the 55th minute was followed four minutes later by a third Cardenian goal, this one again from captain Diego Valuneza, who continued to command play and developed an excellent run up the pitch, foiling the efforts of every one of Mertagne's back line defenders, and causing Rhiannon Fawn to knock knees and get the wrong touch on the ball, flicking what was a solid centre punt up to the top of the goal.

With the score tied after the 90th minute, and both teams tired from a volley of blocked attacks, the place in the quarter finals seemed within reach for both teams. Mertagne, understanding the all-or-nothing nature of the match, switched to an even more attacking formation that sacrified the defence to apply pressure to the Cardenian side. This paid off right out the gate, and six minutes into the first half of extra time, Holly Eveson would deliver the saving grace for the Green Goblin side, sprinting into a scrum situation that developed from a poorly converted Mertagnian corner and slipping the ball through the mass of legs and into the net. A scrappy goal, and one that went down in the press as largely undeserved, but ultimately a goal that stood and sent Mertagne through to the quarter finals.

"Cardenao proved to be worthy opponents that, when we inevitably meet next time, we will certainly be worried about," said Briac Lewis in a post match interview. "Valuneza played like a man possessed, and his man of the match award was well deserved. This was a hard game for us, and it's likely that the road to the finals will be made or broken on knife-edge games like this."

Mertagne enter the quarter finals alongside region-matesSaint Eleanor, who have had a very successful campaign so far, defeating bookmaker's prospects Poafmersia in a 3-2 match that showcased the best of what both teams had to offer. The Eleanorians, managed by a Priscilla Evans that is no stranger to Cup of Harmony victories, will likely prove to be Mertagne's toughest match in a cycle, and the team will certainly be looking to win and move to on either facing off in a rematch against hosts Delaclava, or another Anaian grudge match against ancient rivals Audioslavia.
Last edited by Mertagne on Sat Nov 19, 2022 1:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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The Nation of Mertagne
Capital: Dannin ⨳ Trigram: MRT ⨳ Demonym: Mertagnian ⨳ Map: Here! ⨳ Else: Here!
⨳ first to make a 'poor life choice' ⨳ ANAIA NATION ⨳ developing xkoranate-CE for NS Sports ⨳

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Gnejs
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Posts: 3385
Founded: May 11, 2006
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Gnejs » Fri Nov 18, 2022 4:22 pm

Part 7 - The King in the North

The season of 1983 was a perfect storm. The team perfectly embodied the philosophy that Coach Winger had imagined and he had helped perfected. They were an unstoppable force, and conceded only 6 goals in 30 games. That’s still a League 2 record. And they did it together, as he was now as integral to coaching the team as Winger herself. Towards the end of the season he even stood beside her down by the line during the games.

The players (and the coaching team) were hailed as heroes on the south side of town all throughout the season, and the attendance numbers on their small home ground grew ever larger. Even in other places around town you could see people wear the light green and purple Gressbakken colors. With the other Finntorp teams - Finntorp IK and Njaard - both in Allgnejsan, and Gressbakken thereby not posing any immediate threat, it seemed it came easier for fans of the other teams to support and rejoice the accomplishments of their «little brother».

Their style of play came across as unique in an atmosphere generally favoring attacking «southron football», and amongst other things they often utilized a perfectly executed offside-trap where the 5-man defensive line seemed almost mechanically in-sync. But they also delivered surprises on the offensive side, where he sometimes incorporated a few of his old plays from his days with The Ravens. For example they shocked fellow top-team IFK Nesby with a layered siege attack, where the entire team rushed into a frenzied attack in the style of old legions, hiding the ball within their ranks. Many commentators said it was more akin to a tactic from rugby or hockey, but the real inspiration came from the epic closing battle in The Mating Rituals of Stone Worms, the third book in the A Song of Slab and Gravel-saga

He and Ane got engaged about mid-season, and they moved in together in a slightly larger apartment on the west side of town. She also supported him and his team, but she insisted on attending their games in the black and yellow of Njaard; she eventually became a bit of a fixture at the games - standing out in her jersey and scarf - and earned the nickname «ladybug». They married late in 1983.

So Gressbakken ended up winning, and Coach Winger often attributed him with providing the final push needed to make them a successful team, while he himself of course always downplayed his own part. However, the club would struggle in their transition to the top tier (this was the first time Gressbakken would ever play in Allgnejsan).

With their «perfect season» making waves all throughout Union football, other teams quickly garnered an interest in many of the team’s more prominent players. With the club’s finances still in shambles, it became too much of a temptation for the board, and they sold off a decent chunk of both first team defenders and midfield players before the start of their inaugural Allgnejsa. He of course argued against this development most insistently. While many of the players from the «83 dream squad» went on to have successful careers elsewhere, the winning ingredient of the 83 season was of course the collective and other teams soon realized that snatching one player from that daunting 5-man defensive line wouldn’t magically give you a great defense.

Their first season in Allgnejsan was a disappointment. While many of the old players remained, they were of course forced to recruit new ones to cover the holes in their squad. Many of the transfers has fetched decent money, but the board focused on consolidating the club’s finances as opposed to spend, and the quality of the new players were defined by this choice. A blend of people just past their prime and young players with a ways to go before reaching theirs, he and Winger had a hard time moulding them all together to a functioning machinery. The team worked hard, but never managed to recreate the «magic» of 83. In part because they never achieved the same «machine», and in part because they were now up against tougher opposition.

Late in the season something happened that deeply affected him. Coach Winger fell ill, and after she got diagnosed with cancer she hastily retired. She asked him to take over the team, but the board snubbed him. They instead brought in a new coach from down south (they apparently didn’t have any objections to spending money in this area), and said they’d love for him to stay on as assistant coach. On Winger’s insistence he stayed on, but quickly got sidelined by the new coach and the other assistant coaches she brought with her. The team played a bewildered kind of football the last couple of games, and only barely escaped relegation.

He and Ane spent most of their free-time after the ‘84 season ended with Winger, and as she grew ever weaker they helped her with all the little things you otherwise take for granted, but sickness robs you the dominion over. The cancer was aggressive, the treatment did little and she died the day before Christmas. She had no real family, and the only relatives were living down in her native south. So he and Ane made all the arrangements and sorted out practicalities. Per her wishes, they had her cremated and secretly spread her ashes in the middle of the pitch at Gressbakken’s home ground on a dark winters night.

On the first day of 1985 he was approached by Finntorp IK - the oldest and biggest of the Finntorp clubs - and offered the head coaching position. It came as a surprise to everyone, but after a string of disappointing seasons the old club was after a fresh start, and they gave him the explicit task of transforming their team into «a 83 Gressbakken fit for Allgnejsan». So he set out to do just that. He implemented his preferred training regimes that he had perfected at Gressbakken, drilled them in his somewhat unconventional strategies and started «transforming» the team. He also convinced the board to purchase a select few of his old players. The team responded poorly to beging with, and they ended his first season in the bottom half, conceding way more than he had aimed for, and scoring significantly less than they used to. But he had the confidence of the board, and they bought his argument that they would need patience. One a side note, Gressbakken ended the ‘85 season second to last and got relegated back to League 2.

It would take a little time, but he would deliver on the board’s wishes. After a mid-table finish in 1986, Finntorp IK emerged at the top of Allgnejsan in 1987, and they did it in a style very similar to Gressbakken’s earlier triumph, with a machine like efficiency peppered with eccentric plays. This ushered in an era of Finntorp IK domination, and they went on to win four consecutive seasons.
Last edited by Gnejs on Fri Nov 18, 2022 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Yue Zhou
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Posts: 334
Founded: Jun 06, 2017
Ex-Nation

Postby Yue Zhou » Sat Nov 19, 2022 11:54 am

The "Gang of Four" is what everyone called them. That new generation of young attacking Yue stars would deliver Yuezhou to the promised land. When the then-Red Dragons qualified for the Copa Rushmori for the first time in a decade, the long-suffering Yue football fans were optimistic as ever, especially with a 19-year-old Wen Xiaohui, a 23-year-old Li Jing, a 23-year-old Huang Shedong, and a 21-year-old Liu Huiying in the wings. Pace, power, goalscoring ability, creativity...the future Dragons, fans believed, would have it all. Soon, they would take an irrelevant, war-torn backwater to the World Cup, as well as national high-water marks in the Copa Rushmori (quarterfinals) and Cup of Harmony (TBD).
We now enter the one hundred and fifteenth minute of a match between two teams that have proved inseparable. First-half goals from Jiang Jieren and Liu Huiying were canceled out by the legendary Enlilbani Yargab's late brace. Now, with two goals apiece, Adab and Yuezhou are both staring down the barrel of a penalty shootout...

Li Jing was the elder statesman of that group, in a way. Considered the heir to captain and fellow center-midfielder Gu Zhalei, the SC Jiangdong starlet already possessed a maturity beyond both his years and his quick-twitch playstyle. The young attackers naturally found each other's company, with Li and the northerner Huang Shedong sharing a room in Sjoedrhavn. Soon, they would be flung to stardom in different corners of Rushmore - Nephara, Savojarna, Græntfjall. But for now, they were content to play cards and discuss when Wen and Li might get a start.
Still, there's plenty of time left, and you'd favor Adab to get a third before the Dragons, with Yargab and Khoury already missing big chances...speaking of, Yissakar gets the ball at the touchline and evades Lu's tackle, could be trouble here...Yissakar cuts inside, looking for Yargab, and Emmita receives it on the overlap as the Dragons try to cover...

That tournament was heavy in Li Jing's mind as he suited up to face Pasarga in the quarterfinals. He had only started to consider his footballing mortality when Huang Shedong, who had been the same age as him and risen to fame at the same time for SC Jiangdong, had been forced into early retirement. Huang had tried to go for one last dance with Jiangdong after Coret Hawks deemed his body too broken for their roster, but an ACL tear had taken whatever pace he'd had left. That was when the dreaded r-word - retirement - had first seeped into the back of his mind. And at times like those, that first Copa Rushmori twelve years ago felt further away than ever. A full third of his life on the Dragons, and just like that, it could be coming to a close.
Emmita pulls it back and floats a cross in, but it's headed back by Zhu Aiguo. Lu beats Yissakar to it and passes it into space, and it'll be Li Jing who gets to the ball first. He's surging forwards now, and what a feat that is in minute 117 and year 36...

But although the other three pressed on, the "Gang" had long since dissipated. Living in different countries would do that, and the stress of the Civil Wars hadn't exactly helped. The bright hope of that first Copa Rushmori had evolved into the slow grind of Qualifying and Cups of Harmony, as their country tried to rebuild from the ashes and as successive managers tried to bring them back to the World Cup. They had almost peaked too early, in hindsight, just four years into their international careers, and the cycle before Li Jing was given the armband. Maybe what his grandma said about there being too many Fours in his career was something to keep an eye on.
Under pressure, Li sends it diagonally upfield, and it's Jiang Jieren who latches onto it. Jiang now switches play to Luo Dan on the other side, and the Dragons might have something here as they start arriving in the box...

He knew objectively that there was no correlation between his ascendancy and the team's stagnation after that last-day victory over Farfadillis turned the fans' hope for the future into delusion. But it still weighed on him at times that his four cycles as captain hadn't produced anything better than his first three cycles as just another player. He thought of himself as a leader, and he prided himself on the time he'd spent as captain. But was there some spark missing, some leadership secret that Han Jian had that had never been passed down?
Luo forced to the byline, cuts it back to Li Jing, who'll surely be looking to hit a half-cross to Jiang or Liu...no, he's cutting inside, looking for space between Enmerkar and Akshak. He pulls back to shoot!...

Maybe his brain had just been corrupted by the media's constant talk of accomplishment and of legacy. Xiaohui and Huiying fit more cleanly into those boxes - the Sangauese separatist-turned-creative genius and the trailblazer who redefined Yue tactics and raised a generation of aspiring false-nines. Li Jing, though, just played hard for his country and led by example. Admirable traits, but nothing to be deified over. Then again, given that his job was to kick a ball into a net, why bother leaving any other legacy?
And it curls in past Chandrasekar! Yuezhou has stolen it! What a gift from Li Jing from the edge of the box, in what could've been his final match in the blue-and-gold! The captain puts the team on his back and gives them a last-minute lead in the Cup of Harmony Octofinals. Again, it's Yuezhou 3, Adab 2!...

But there was no use dwelling on it now. Maybe everyone retiring went through that final grasp for meaning. Maybe he just needed to go home.

Lineup to play Pasarga, QFs (4-3-3):
Ming; Jiawei, Yuan, Zhu M., Dong; Li Jing (C), Wan, Wen; Jiang, Liu, Luo N.

OUT: Zhao Deliang (ankle), Yang Tao (suspension)
Last edited by Yue Zhou on Sat Nov 19, 2022 11:57 am, edited 3 times in total.
The United Republics of Yuezhou (月州联合共和国)
Leader: President Zhuang Weilun
Capital: Nangang • Population: ~35,000,000

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Pasarga
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Posts: 1545
Founded: Feb 09, 2009
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Pasarga » Sat Nov 19, 2022 1:29 pm

Queen Azra had stopped short of her initial idea of proposing that her and Iskander would rule as dual Monarchs, like a few others had chosen to do. She was tempered though when she recalled how Iskander had wanted to deal with rebel Parliamentarians. Maybe it would have been the wiser of move to have cut off the head of the snake before it had been allowed to conduct its own strike. Yet her more reserved approach was paying dividends, first in the call to arms being answered by otherwise opposing forces, and now as the rebel forces were surrendering in droves. Was it worth the lives lost and those who had been disrupted by the rebel incursion? It would be a question that could never have an answer, the value of life was something that could never truly been quantified.

She was currently unsure what to do with those who had been captured and those who had surrendered after the coalition had achieved its quick victory. A blanket pardon to get the nation back to normal would make her and the government seem weak and potentially send the message that she did not value the lives lost by the Eurans, Saroggsans, and her own loyalists. Yet without a show of mercy she risk fanning the flames of dissent and radicalizing even more of the population against the crown. There had to be some sort of solution that would enable her to show both mercy but remain her strength as the monarch and valuing her allies. Consulting her advisors had done nothing but give her a headache, as some called more amnesty and others for hangings.

There had been some good news though, Iskander was healing well after his injuries and would be transferred back to the dual islands in the coming days. Their mother would be returning as well, bringing the entire family together once more. It would be nice to have everyone under one roof again and put the specter of danger behind them for good. It would put her mind at ease knowing that the entire family was together and that all of this travesty was well and truly behind them. Their family and the nation would all be best served in moving on as quickly as was possible.

Part of that return to normalcy was sport, as the Pasargan Football Association was inquiring as to whether the nation was deemed safe for the upcoming SuperLiga season. The league had spent the past season away to Valladares and the national team had taken up residence in Sargossa for their home matches during the qualifiers for the World Cup. However with the summer coming to a close, with the Wanderers currently participating in the Cup of Harmony, the club season would soon be underway once more. Sport would no doubt be a welcomed distraction for the population and going to see their clubs in person a step in the right direction of getting things back to normal. Azra was sure that the violence was behind them and decided to send a message to the PFA that operations should return to normal. The Wanderers and SuperLiga would be once again in their home shores in the fall.

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Juvencus
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Founded: Nov 29, 2016
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Juvencus » Sat Nov 19, 2022 4:16 pm

Image

IT IS ALL JUST A DREAM: GLI ATTACCANTI ADVANCE TO THE QUARTERFINALS OF THE CUP OF HARMONY!

Image
Insane late-game clutch brace by Ganymede Garcia keeps gli attaccanti's hopes for Cup of Harmony gold alive


Entering into the knockouts, this team that for so long had been weak in the second rounds of tournaments was entering a game against one of its fiercest rivals. While in more recent meetups between the two, favor had been on the side of the gli attaccanti, this matchday and all the previous "choking" that happened in the second rounds of major tournaments had plagued the team's mentality. This showed for the majority of the game, and while both sides had their chances at making it big, it was la squadra that managed to be the better one in the end. All of this was possible thanks to a beautiful Ganymede Garcia brace in the late stages of the game and thankfully, the fanbase was not one to cause negative havoc this time.

Madeiros' plans were simple against Mercedini, hit it now and hit it big. This was reflected on how the team entered the game, full of confidence and hunger to score. Chances of note were a beautiful solo run by Pereyra on which he nutmegged Santorino and followed it up with a cross towards Campana with the latter heading it to the crossbar, Martell was unable to finish on the rebound, as his shot was heroically stopped by Lyon Dalamai's body right on the goal line. Despite numerous complaints directed to the referee, no VAR check was ordered, which infuriated both players and fans alike. Luckily, chants did not become too offensive but boos could be echoed all around the stadium. Another opportunity that was indicative of la squadra's superior entry to the pitch was a Simon Oliveira through-ball that ended on Campana's feet with him swiftly passing the ball to Martell with a backheel for him to shoot a cannon just wide. A Dostalok shot in the dying minutes of the first half was saved by Sócrates Wright, who was replacing Ungaro who had mild pain in his left wrist.

Entering the second half, the engines slowed down for the first 20 minutes. Gli attaccanti was playing its possession-based game but the Mercedinian backline was too tough to crack. As a matter of fact, in the 77th minute, a cooperative effort by Talisky and Dostalok ended with the latter in front of Wright but his shot was saved by the AC Pomena keeper. With nothing to change the tides of the game and with the minutes not in gli attaccanti's favor, Dudu Madeiros resorted to his last option which was to bring on Ganymede Garcia, known for showing up in dire situations like this. This gamble would be paying its worth however as Garcia would prove himself to be the golden substitute. In the 86th minute, an interception by Kouyaté would translate itself to a cross that would be swiftly controlled and capitalised with a thunderbolt by Garcia to make it 1-0. Amidst the celebrations, Garcia would celebrate in the way known as corona zero. Celebrations had not calmed down when Garcia would once again write his name on the scoreboard with golden letters. This time, a Pereyra solo attempt would be promptly passed to Garcia for the tap in to make it 2-0, thus punching gli attaccanti's ticket to the quarter-finals of the Cup of Harmony.

With this victory, this becomes the 3rd time the team has qualified for the quarter-finals of the Cup of Harmony. If tradition holds true and the team beats group stage rivals in Gnejs, the team could be set to aim for gold.

Madeiros, despite the optimism decided to keep a more calm approach to the situation "We are obviously happy with the victory, but we have to set our sights for the next game and not get ahead of ourselves. The tournament has a long way to go until it is over." were his comments.
Last edited by Juvencus on Sat Nov 19, 2022 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Holy Empire of Juvencus
Diverse yet united
Demonym: Juven Trigram: JUE Capital: Pomena
Sonnel is my home<3

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Delaclava
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Posts: 5237
Founded: Jul 30, 2008
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Delaclava » Sat Nov 19, 2022 5:43 pm

DELACLAVA 6–3 Brenecia
Meyer 4' 22', Lindblad 15', Kovalev 27', Anagnakis 85' 90+1' | Baker 12', Lofthouse 34' 58'
James; Baxayev, Champagne, Gouin (Zhusupov 63'), Barry; Bartoš, Romeijn, Lindblad (Tudor 55'), Martin, Kovalev (Anagnakis 63'); Meyer.


The roaring energy of the 112,000-strong crowd at the Pride of Manchester was contagious, and inspired the Phoenixes to put on a frenetic, daring pace, incredibly risky against the Brenecia Patriots, but certainly a viable strategic choice against a side that had looked vulnerable many times over the past several months. However, it worked wonders, with the Phoenixes blitzing to a 4-1 lead through 27 minutes, including three unanswered golds in just twelve minutes. The Phoenixes were buoyed by the return of Kent Lindblad, who started for the first time since a 3-0 loss to Flavovespia and had long struggled with Achilles tendon issues. From there, Brenecia managed to dig their heels in and control possession much more effectively, moving up and down the pitch with just a bit more energy as Jadwiga Lofthouse tallied two goals, first to stop the home team's momentum and then to bring the Patriots within striking distance with plenty of game to play. However, the entrance of the veteran Rahmonberdi Zhusupov and of the pint-sized wunderkind Vangelis Anagnakis both anchored the Delaclav defense and allowed them to keep going for the throat in a time where other teams would have tightened up. It was Anagnakis himself who scored a crafty goal late in the game to get the insurance, and would then add one more academic tally as an ultra-aggressive Brenecia attempt to come back fell apart and Anagnakis floated a long shot past the out-of-position Cessair Meade. The Phoenixes head up north to take on Audioslavia in their first Cup of Harmony quarterfinal, and surely are feeling the confidence and the fitness to claim another big scalp.


Waringpost

Experts attempt to explain the sudden popularity of elephant meat

It's the newest culinary craze. You can find it in everything from ground meat and flank steaks to bacon and salami at the supermarket. It's made its way to street tacos, to pasta dishes smothered in tomato and cheese, and the grease is a highly prized cooking fat in kitchens, diner and gourmet alike. It's elephant meat.

"Elephant meat has had a remarkable rise in popularity and prevalence," said chef Gil Barkov, who owns several top-rated restaurants in Delaclava, most notably Stonehearth in downtown Quinniville. "And it's about time. It's a great option for chefs like me, for families cooking at home. It's changed up the way we look at food and how we can combine flavors with nutrition."

Why the sudden rise in popularity? "It's hard to know exactly where these things start," Barkov admitted. "I think you see a lot of cultural osmosis with places like Tumbra, Quebec, the region of Sonnel, and I'm sure there are more qualified academics who know how things began there. But I've seen this really interesting blend of taste tests on BingBong, travelers who have tried to bring those culinary experiences back home.

"The first elephant dish I really saw was a nice elephant strip steak I had in Cleopatrana, at Woodard's down by the pier. People were raving about it there. It's spread like wildfire and now there's almost a fanatical appetite for the stuff."

Indeed, elephant consumption has risen 10930% and won't be stopping anytime soon. Recipes are found in top-rated restaurants, at greasy spoons, and on cooking channels. And because companies can't import elephant meat fast enough, the Cleopatrana Zoo has taken the lead in converting its purpose to the Cleopatrana Zoo and Farm.

The newest trend is controversial, in more ways that one. First, the taste and quality of the meat itself has received mixed reviews. Some have described it as "rich and succulent," "pleasantly earthy," or "gamey yet satisfying in the hands of the right chef." Others have described it as "gritty and leathery," "absolutely foul," or even "weirdly sour." "I cannot understand for the life of me how this has caught on so quickly," said renowned Mersathan chef Ignacio Chela. "It is extremely difficult to work with, both in the preparation and the cooking, and the best-case scenario isn't something worth paying a quid for."

Others have yet to embrace a practice that has long been considered verboten. "You can talk all you want about the taste," said imprisoned former Parlamontdamme Alex Amethyst Clymer, "but it's simply a horrendous practice. Elephants are gentle, adorable creatures. They are not meant to be used as food, as transportation, or as sex toys." (Notice that not a single person suggested that elephants be used in the latter fashion. What a freak.)

But some experts have indicated that elephant meat consumption is one of the last few food taboos to be torn down. According to Kathryn Shields, an anthropologist at the National Institute of Food and Drink, "There's been a stigma about eating elephant meat for a long time, but much of that has come largely from the difficult of harvesting meat, the tastes of people in the past, and the general affinity for elephants as a species that ought to be protected. But there are no major downsides to the increased popularity of elephant meat, and it clearly has both some culinary and societal value.

"Initially, I believe there was some excitement about entering a new world of tastes and possibilities, and that still persists as there's still a perception that it's in the counterculture of food. But at the same time, it's a plentiful and affordable source of protein and vitamins that's become a staple for many families. Having that option is a boon for our food economy and stability."

And, summed up by biologist and noted carnivore Jack Grayson, "Elephants are like any other animal out there. It's a natural part of the food chain, kill and eat or be killed and eaten. It's not like elephants are endangered, are they? There are literally entire countries teeming with them. Who cares if we eat some, or even most of them?" He then had a manic grin, saliva sliding from his lips as he finished, "Even... all of them..."
Last edited by Delaclava on Sat Nov 19, 2022 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sports Honor Roll
Football: 2x WORLD BOWL CHAMPIONS (13 & 15), 1x Runner-up (11), 4x Third Place (41-44), 1x Regional Champions
Hockey: World Cup 16 Third Place, 2x World Juniors Champion (18 & 22), 3x World Junior Runners-up (16, 17, 19), 1x Regional Silver
Basketball: 2x IBC Runners-up (31 and 36), 4x Regional Medal (1 Silver, 3 Bronze)
Lacrosse: 2x Worlds Runners-up (16 and 41) 1x Regional Silver
Soccer: Olympic Gold (V), 3rd at IAC 18 3rd at Di Bradini Cup 15, 4th at Baptism of Fire 34
Host of WC 55; CoH 44, 46, 84, and 87; BoF 72; World Bowl 11, 15, 39, and 43; IBC 7 and 31; AOCAF 31; WJHC 16 and 18; etc. Founder of Scott Cup and World Team Tennis Championship.

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Delaclava
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Founded: Jul 30, 2008
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Delaclava » Sat Nov 19, 2022 6:02 pm

Quarterfinals cutoff!

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Juvencus 1–1 Gnejs (2–1 AET)
@ Volatus Millennium Stadium, City Centre

Pasarga 2–2 Yuezhou (2–2 AET) (2–4 pen.)
@ New Oxford Coliseum, New Oxford


Semifinal Draw

Juvencus vs. Yuezhou @ TBA

Delaclava/Audioslavia vs. Saint Eleanor/Mertagne @ FleurBanc Park (95,000), Santa Lourdes
Last edited by Delaclava on Sat Nov 19, 2022 6:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sports Honor Roll
Football: 2x WORLD BOWL CHAMPIONS (13 & 15), 1x Runner-up (11), 4x Third Place (41-44), 1x Regional Champions
Hockey: World Cup 16 Third Place, 2x World Juniors Champion (18 & 22), 3x World Junior Runners-up (16, 17, 19), 1x Regional Silver
Basketball: 2x IBC Runners-up (31 and 36), 4x Regional Medal (1 Silver, 3 Bronze)
Lacrosse: 2x Worlds Runners-up (16 and 41) 1x Regional Silver
Soccer: Olympic Gold (V), 3rd at IAC 18 3rd at Di Bradini Cup 15, 4th at Baptism of Fire 34
Host of WC 55; CoH 44, 46, 84, and 87; BoF 72; World Bowl 11, 15, 39, and 43; IBC 7 and 31; AOCAF 31; WJHC 16 and 18; etc. Founder of Scott Cup and World Team Tennis Championship.

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Saint Eleanor
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 412
Founded: Feb 02, 2021
Compulsory Consumerist State

Not a match report, sorry: Saint Eleanor 3-2 Poafmersia

Postby Saint Eleanor » Sat Nov 19, 2022 7:08 pm

THE NEWS LETTER
PROUD TO SERVE THE EAST COAST SINCE 1963


Jim Paterson on Saturday: Saint Eleanor may never make the World Cup again. Here's why

Saint Eleanor has never - never, ever, ever, ever - defeated a side ranked above 30th. They are small game players and they cannot even win small games. Felinetopia showed it. Winnebogan showed it. Fort McKinley showed it. West Barack and East Obama showed it. New South Yukon showed it - thrice. And Poafmersia so very nearly showed it. But, no matter how many times they broke through, however many times they looked like waking Priscilla Evans out of her mediocrity-induced slumber, they did not.

The last sixteen tie was appalling from start to finish and I cannot quite fathom how Saint Eleanor managed to get through it. Bridget Coombe was by some distance the weakest link in an already-weak squad that was almost entirely unchanged from the fortitious group-stage win against Delte. The first goal, an early quickfire effort by Janelle Frederick, was almost entirely her fault: she was surprised by Jordan Huerta playing in a deeper position than normal, struggled to mark him, and was punished when he just about evaded her to knock a quick ball forward which Frederick was deft and fast enough to net first-time. The rest of the match was hardly any better for her, as she struggled to get to grips with Poafmersia's fluid play, let a couple of free kicks go, and failed to make any passes of significance. She must not be allowed within fifty yards of Evans' starting lineup again.

The attack was also typically subpar, and I am not only speaking of Dekamela weMexala, herself one of Coombe's most rabid supporters. It has faltered in every single one of the group games: hindered by poorly considered strategy against Talannua, shut out against Sendhang, bailed out by Exandra Davies - a right-back, of all positions - against Brookstation, and helped by more than a bit of Oli Jonque tomfoolery against Delte. It did at least have the dignity to splutter into life in Christiana: when weMexala equalised just over twenty minutes in, she decided it would just be best to almost ram into Diamond Byan and leave him just about upright, clearing enough space for her to slam her attempt past Nicole Potts.

While the lone striker was having a good time, the wingers - to put it bluntly, as I always do - were not. No matter how much David Newcastle wishes to religiously praise his self-declared attentiveness, he cannot hide the fact that he could not and did not match up to expectations today; he failed to keep up with his teammates and opposing rightback Zak Kaloyanov either, and was rightly dragged off for a much better Hugh Roanoke early in the second half. Jessica Martin thought she could help out up front but was instead thwarted by nearly the entire Poafmer defence on one occasion or another and could barely merit one shot on target, making her look all the more silly. Cathy Winchester was okay in attack - she even scored her team's second with thirty minutes to go, a decent chipped attempt from the flanks - but only took as much care in defence as she thought necessary, which is not the attitude you expect from an international. Exandra Davies was far too streaky to care about, with Frederick as her wtiness.

The blame for the first goal is Coombe's alone - but a plethora of her teammates were responsible for the second, and the near-evisceration of Eleanorian hopes on multiple occasions afterwards. Liam West was mediocre - and I do not have to explain how and why this is harmful. If you captain the national team and the hopes of an entire nation rest on how you perform, you just cannot make seventy or eighty percent of your tackles and hope to avoid scrutiny. Colleague John Bailey was suffering from an outbreak of poor choice: he attempted several poor clearances, was too daring in going for the ball, and gifted Frederick a second goal when he chose to palm away a speculative Michael Jackson effort rather than hang on.

Esther Launceston struggled to pay attention, perhaps overly distracted by the showbiz career she wished she had instead; when she did have to face a Poafmer attacker, she let them off too often and easily, and gave away an obvious penalty five minutes after play restarted which Huerta mercifully hammered over the bar. Even in comparison to that, Lydia Nicholls was so brutish she might as well try and forge an Audioslav passport, and hardly for the first time: I'll refrain from talking about the many times she tried to make Min Berg's life hell, but getting sent off right on the brink of half-time for what she insisted was a badly-timed tackle was not the best idea she's ever had. In short, from top to bottom, almost every single person who took that pitch today showed they just cannot cut it at a higher level than a Cup of Harmony last-sixteen match against a lower-ranked team, never mind a key World Cup qualifier or finals match.

There is one person I have praise for, however scant. Steve Pilchard was the only serious attacking pivot, and then he was dependent on long balls from almost everywhere, many of which had a scant chance of coming off in the first instance. But every time he won possession, he was just as raw - and just as easy to let go of - as gold dust. Twice he hit the woodwork; once, just two minutes after Winchester pulled an equaliser out her obnoxiously posh, foot-long top hat, he nearly put them clear, but Potts scraped his effort off the line. His get-out-of-jail-free card had to wait until ten minutes from the end, when a speculative effort swerved from just wide of the post to the back of the next; this time, the opposing goalkeeper had no answer.

Be under no illusions: it will be Saint Eleanor, not eleven Pilchard clones, who play Mertagne next. At fiftieth in the world, seven places below the wounded Poafmers, they pose a seemingly easier challenge. But it is not: their squad is much younger and vibrant than the Red Panjias. Their manager is Ázëwyn Fëanáro, in charge of the Starblaydia team that knocked Saint Eleanor out of the last Cup of Harmony they played; their players are competent, have diverse skillsets, and ply their trade in almost every country you can name; their fans, you would likely not hasten to say, truly believe they can go all the way. They even have their own Lydia in central midfield: madame Gomboult, more than a good shot at free kicks and now with Tumbra's Clyde Park. None of this particularly screams good omens.

Yet the long-term trends are even worse than these fleeting troubles of glory. Evans must take responsibility not only for her choice of players and strategy, but also for her historical treatment of the whole roster. Evans got rid of one-third of the squad after the 90th World Cup - a group of poorly-behaved players by anyone's standards - and succeeded. She got rid of another third after the 91st World Cup - decent, honourable, if somewhat aging players - and is failing. She has created a squad that was one goal away from the World Cup round of sixteen, made it a squad that was one goal away from the World Cup playoffs, and is turning it into a squad that will regularly come four or five points short when the crunch comes. For the oblivious: the crunch always comes.

Donald Lucas may be reading this and thinking of calling in Evans and yet another third of her team to a meeting room and telling them to get fucked. But not only is this the least adhesive of sticking plasters possible, it will destroy his nation's already precarious-at-best position: a new manager, and too many new players, may make the national team even less resilient and capable than clinging onto forlorn hopes. I am afraid that the only solution for Saint Eleanor is to suffer for two or three more cycles - and then get an only marginally better batch of youth in place for the next go-around. They will fail, too, but only a bit less miserably.
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ESTHER LAUNCESTON: This is our greatest generation yet - and we won't stop here

I would like to start this piece with a simple warning: do not listen to Jim Paterson. To be clear, it has never been a good idea to listen to Jim Paterson. Not in 1976, when he called Lydia Sharp "a hasbeen already" who would "offer nothing of substance" for Independence 1975. Not in 1983, when he declared Army and Navy to be "a strong, durable squad" that would "dominate the rest of the 1980s." Not in 1986, when he described Liam West as "an interim solution at centreback." Not in 1991, when he swore that "our next generation of players promise little and will deliver little." Not in 1994, when he described SEFA plans to enter international competitions as "a welcome relief: the multiversal wheat will be a million miles away from the Eleanorian chaff." And not in 1998, either, when he fancied Bridget Coombe for "a liberal arts student stranded in an advanced calculus class."

But there may never be a worse time to listen to him than August 2002. According to him, hardly anyone in the Eleanorian national team is worth a damn. If he is to be believed now, yours truly was "distracted by the showbiz career she wished she had instead." Cathy Winchester lacks "the attitude you expect from an international." David Newcastle will "religiously praise his self-declared attentiveness" and then have a pile of criticism dumped on him when he comes up short. Lydia Nicholls is "so brutish she might as well try and forge an Audioslav passport." And Coombe, by now his favourite target, "must not be allowed within fifty yards of Evans' starting lineup again."

These kind of expectations stick. They will stick to journalists, home and abroad, who will use them as convenient measuring sticks with which to whip Eleanorians they believe to be substandard. They will stick to vitriolic ultras, who will give them abuse - and worse - at almost any possible opportunity, no matter how they perform. But most of all, they will stick to the everyday fan, whether the twenty thousand in Delaclava or the 420,000 watching at home, who will lose faith in Eleanorian football and everything it stands for. They will no longer buy tickets, attend barbeques with friends while listening to games on the radio, read about games, or, put simply, care about football. This is bad for our nation and bad for our national sport.

My mother and I grew up reading The Reporter, which has always seen the positives in our players and our teams. The situation on the field is good enough: everybody on the team has gelled, a stark contrast to previous generations, and they are performing better than ever before as a result. As a matter of fact, this is our best group stage performance, in any WCC competition, since our Baptism of Fire six-and-a-half years ago. We performed commendably against Sendhang, matching them on shots on target and in possession - and have defeated the other four teams we've faced on our own merits, rather than the failings of the opposition. Plus we have players in multiple top-32 leagues, getting regular games, adulation from the fans, and the positive name recognition they need.

But even beyond that, so many of the White Stars who have delivered over ninety minutes are keen to give back to the community and those around them after the final whistle goes. Liam West's little corner shop in Carpentersville is legendary, and those who have done business with him on long off-season evenings are happy to report the same. Jessica Martin, a campaigner on fundamental social issues, was also a key influence in making the White Stars as amicable as they are today. Exandra Davies, the daughter of two Docksiders in insecure work, is possibly the strongest voice our unions could have. Nicholls says a little prayer before every game and asks everyone to join her - even if she's suspended, as she will be against Mertagne next Monday. After Grand Beach training, you won't see Tim Brandon go home - he's helping the cleaning staff, manning the reception desk and talking to Julia Atherton about tactics. I could carry on forever.

These facts do not indicate that Saint Eleanor is not focusing on the football. They do not indicate that we are entering a slump which we deserve to go through, whether for reasons of karmic retribution or otherwise. They do not indicate that our players are unworthy, bad people, or simply not good enough. And they do not indicate, as one columnist argued last year, that "the entire Eleanorian squad - every last one of them, from the manager and her captain right down to the assistant deputy therapist - should be forced to recite a declaration of Arctic Pride and take advanced classes in vacuum cleaning, under the surveillance of Yahlia himself, until the message sticks." The journalist in question? Jim Paterson.

Let's be clear: we are good, and we are getting better. We have shown - in the qualifiers, in the Cup of Harmony, and in less competitive venues - that we can work to deliver strong outcomes, even while facing challenges. Like most Eleanorians, we are kind, empathic, fair, honest, seekers of truth and justice - and we never forget to let our hair down afterwards. So many of us were brought up in working-class families that had to go further than most people imagine just to deliver for themselves and their children - and, as a result, we all know the value of setting goals, reaching them, and knowing what to do next in case we don't quite make it. This is the best generation of footballers Saint Eleanor has ever had, and I see no reason to believe it will get any worse.

To put it another way, this is the first Cup of Harmony I have ever played in. With enough good fortune, it might well be my last - or, indeed, the last that the children and grandchildren of this generation of Eleanorians will remember us playing in.
****** The Grand Republic of Saint Eleanor - area 2,863mi2, population 489,816, 1.6 cups of coffee/Eleanorian/day - it's 2000 (OOC: obvious Tinhampton puppet)
BoF76 quarterfinalists --- WC91 participants

Why? George Mitcham, General then and now, cofounded the National Liberation Front in 1971 to demand a free Saint Eleanor. He got his wish in '75 after a 15-month war: becoming President, appointing notable NLF friends and some charity's executive director as VPs and calling them legislators. He has retained power through oil money; zero income tax; free healthcare, schooling, public transport - and markets; tolerating dissent on apolitical matters; allowing private gun ownership (with plenty of training) to protect against future invasions; high-quality PR; and football.

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Ceni
Senator
 
Posts: 4607
Founded: Jun 26, 2012
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ceni » Sat Nov 19, 2022 7:27 pm

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Delaclava 0–3 Audioslavia
Valhalla Stadium, Valhalla

Saint Eleanor 0–0 Mertagne (0–0 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Virtuous Stadium, Quinniville

Semifinal Draw
Juvencus vs. Yuezhou @ Cenial Halcyon National Stadium, Cenial
Audioslavia v. Saint Eleanor @ FleurBanc Park, Santa Lourdes
Air Terranea | The Wanderlust Guide to Ceni | Seven Restaurants in Seven Days: Cataloging Cenian Food
Champions: Di Bradini Cup 38, U-18 World Cup 17
Runners-up: Di Bradini Cup 39, Di Bradini Cup 41
NSTT #1s: Lonus Varalin, Ardil Navsal (singles), Gyrachor Rentos, Val Korekal, Elia Xal/Fia Xal (doubles)
UICA Champions' Cup titles (1): 1860 Azoth
World Cup 76, World Cup 79
Baptism of Fire 61
Cup of Harmony 63
Copa Rushmori 41
International Basketball Championships 20
Cenian Open (Grand Slam) 1-11
<Schottia> I always think of Ceni as what it would be like if Long Island was its own nation, ran by Bernie Sanders lol.
The user behind this nation uses he/him/his pronouns.

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Yue Zhou
Envoy
 
Posts: 334
Founded: Jun 06, 2017
Ex-Nation

Postby Yue Zhou » Sat Nov 19, 2022 9:52 pm

There's a unique mixture of excitement and dread associated with being the goalkeeper in the final seconds of extra time. Unless someone - hopefully one of your teammates - scores at the death, the gauntlet of the penalty shootout is about to be thrown down. And while five of your teammates will get their own chance to make their mark on this tiebreaker, the bulk of the responsibilities rests on your shoulders. That weird vibe is heightened when there's a better shot-stopper on the bench, and you risk the ignominy of the late penalty substitution. As terrible as the shootout is, Ming Xilang still wanted to be a part of it.

He never thought he would be in this position - a quarterfinal against Pasarga, and the Dragons were relying on some journeyman goalkeeper with one cap to his name to be the star. And by all rights, he shouldn't be - Zhao Deliang is the team's star keeper, a shot-stopping phenom who plies his trade at Atletik Thessia, a top-tier foreign team. Zhao's temporary absence due to an ankle injury, however, left things to his new backup. Even the substitute position on the CoH roster is more than Ming Xilang ever dreamt of, though. He'd plugged away at Xihaishi for six years, never really achieving much surrounded by one of the worst defenses in the Yue Premier League. Xihaishi had moved him on to Platinastigrade, in Zeta Reka & Hugeltaldom. They offered more money than the dirt-poor Yue leagues, but he never quite managed to settle in as the first choice and was quickly moved to Eraman's Mitra (the only team that offered a contract). He'd figured his career was basically over by then, but just a few years later, he was winning Golden Gloves awards. It had taken even longer after that for the national team to discover him. Eraman wasn't a league most Yueren had their eye on, and although he was playing well, his time in Xihaishi earned him a reputation as a sweeper keeper who could count on one hand the number of actual saves he made every season. But eventually, his work had been noticed. And now, improbably, he was here.

He'd at least been judged ready to stay on for the shootout by Chen Huikang, who instead opted to substitute on Ji Weibo and Luo Dan for potential penalties. Still, though, Pasarga had to like their chances. Tomáš Přibyl was one of the best shot-stoppers in the world, while Ming Xilang was Some Dude. But whatever confidence they had would be badly shaken when Elek Salai stepped up and sent the first penalty off the crossbar. Ming had been completely wrongfooted, his body almost forgetting to dive...and it hadn't mattered. Dragons captain Li Jing, in yet another Possible Last Match With The Dragons, then calmly sent Přibyl the wrong way with a rocket into the bottom-right corner, and Yuezhou found themselves 1-0 up.

Ming Xilang steadied himself, breathing deeply in and out. Vázsony Sallay would be next up. He remembered from his notes that Sallay would likely go to the keeper's left, and prepared to dive accordingly. In, out, in, out...go!...fuck. He'd gone left, Sallay had acquiesced and given him a waist-high ball to the left, and he'd even gotten his fingertips to it. But there was just too much pace, and it'd slipped through and equalized. Maybe there was a reason he was only known as a sweeper-keeper and had barely scrounged his way onto the squad. Still, for the time being, though, it didn't matter who was in the net for Yuezhou, as the substitute Luo Dan put the Dragons back up with a rocket up the middle.

Right. So the situation was still okay - they were up, right? Even if he had made fewer saves than the crossbar. Which was inanimate. He steeled his nerves, trying to ward off the panic, as Vojmil Topić stepped up and gently rolled the ball into the bottom of the net, on the precise opposite side of the goal from a diving Ming Xilang. The Wanderers were back again, and each time Xilang failed to make a save, the chances that Yuezhou wouldn't retake the lead only grew. The Mitra star was a bundle of anxiety as he helplessly watched Liu Huiying step up for the Dragons' third penalty. Not there was a lot to worry about with Liu Huiying, who sent Přibyl flying the wrong way with a brilliantly-placed shot.

So with two penalties remaining on either side, Yuezhou remained up 3-2, with a key Ilona Kárpáty penalty coming up. Xilang was so wired at this point that he'd had to reread his water bottle notes three or four times to understand them. Then it was back to the line for him, as he did his best to wipe the sweat out of his eyes and ready himself for the onslaught. As Kárpáty placed the ball, whatever part of his brain was responsible for audio processing seemed to freeze, and he could only hear the rush of blood and the thump of his heart as the midfielder prepared to level the scores. He bounced once, twice as Kárpáty stepped up to the ball, then leaped with all his might to the left as the CAP star made contact. Both hands desperately stretched out — one made contact with the ball — and he felt it slap his palm as he clawed it away from the goal.

Xilang landed in a heap, screaming in joy (or relief?) into the Volatus Millenium Stadium turf as half the stadium erupted in jubilation. Yuezhou was one penalty from two chances away from advancing to a historic Cup of Harmony semifinal. But with Osarese Marcadia star Jiang Jieren up, they wouldn't need two chances, as Jiang sent the ball between Přibyl's legs to put the Dragons through.

Cup of Harmony 84, Quarterfinals: Pasarga 2-2 Yuezhou (2-2 AET; 2-4 pens)
Starting Lineup (4-3-3): Ming; Jiawei (Lu 80), Yuan, Zhu M. (Ji 118), Dong (Reeve 67); Li Jing (C), Wan, Wen (Tao 67); Jiang, Liu, Luo N. (Luo D. 118)
Goals: Salai 11, Pálffy 76 / Luo N. 48, Wen 64
Penalties: Salai O Li X / Sallay X Luo D. X / Topić X Liu X / Kárpáty O Jiang X

Lineup to play Juvencus, SFs (4-3-3):
Ming; Lu, Yang, Yuan, Dong; Li Jing (C), Wan, Wen; Jiang, Liu, Luo N.

OUT: Zhao Deliang (ankle)
Last edited by Yue Zhou on Sat Nov 19, 2022 10:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The United Republics of Yuezhou (月州联合共和国)
Leader: President Zhuang Weilun
Capital: Nangang • Population: ~35,000,000

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Audioslavia
Retired Moderator
 
Posts: 3929
Founded: Antiquity
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Audioslavia » Mon Nov 21, 2022 4:17 am

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. As the newly made full-blown editor of the Cathair Herald, Jeremy Jaffacake simply wouldn’t have the time to continue The Idiot Podcast alongside Defecating Daffodil. Daff, these days with media and journalistic opportunities coming out of wherever his wazoo was, duly got on with other things in his life, including the brief best-seller Statistics, Damned Statistics and Jaywalking, an entertaining toilet book that hilariously overanalysed various statistics about every day life.

And then smug brollionaire Egon Must had arrived and ruined everything. No more cushy gig in the corner office at the Herald. Jeremy had had to give his notice at the job before he’d even finished moving his shit. The paper, now owned by Egon Must and edited by his son, Egonius Mustard Junior, started running Jaffacake’s name through the muck at every opportunity. There was, to be fair, a lot of muck to be run through and plenty of skeletons therein. Deep down, Jaffacake knew that his all-money no-thoughts rival was just trying to get Jeremy to bite back at him. He almost didn’t want to, but this is Jeremy Jaffacake. The wikipedia entry for Petty Public Squabbles has a picture of Jaffacake on it for the five minutes a week that it isn’t having a hardware-induced existential crisis.

And so up went the plans for a comeback of The Idiot Podcast, and then down went those very same plans when Daffy was just too damned busy being successful to come back and play the straight man for JJ one more time. Could he have found someone else? Sure, but that ‘someone’ would be someone the listeners either didn’t know or didn’t believe could do anything other than provide JJ with a string of hastily put-together strawmen for the old hack to eviscerate.

And so he had to bite the bullet. After years of being asked, he finally accepted the invite.

Rook Jogan had made a tiny name for himself as a light-heavyweight boxer out of Crisisbless, Nephara. He’d quit after a modest 9-1 professional record to become a Declasse grade stand-up comedian, where he found moderate fame making basic observations about Cazaran society to the bros of Cathair. From there, he used the two television appearances he made in Audioslavia to promote a short-lived heavyweight MMA career fighting hand-picked bums paid too much to care that an increasingly balloony Rook hadn’t been drug-tested in a decade. He never announced his retirement (still active, bro, still in the testing pool, all this is natty bro), but hasn’t fought for eight years, having moved into a commentary position before becoming the face of MMA in Audioslavia, presenting their A PPVs as well as a popular B show on free-to-air television, Wednesday Night Fights. It was from there that the Rook Jogan Podcast had been born, quickly becoming the most popular in the country.

The premise of the Rook Jogan podcast is simple. You take the maximum amount of time you could possibly spend listening to two people talk about three topics they only kind of know about and you multiply that figure by four. What Rook Jogan then does is find a way to interview his guest for exactly that amount of time - typically two to six hours - while ensuring the two of them spend the maximum amount of time talking about things neither of them know anything about, ideally with so many tangents that the conversation simply descends into an expensively produced wall of nothing that serves as background noise in between barbell sets.

So far, he’d spent four hours in this basement, surrounded by the most expensive recording equipment he’d ever seen and a crew of prematurely bald weightlifters paid to laugh at the appropriate times, which they were summoned to do via a signal above their heads and, thus, always seemed to be uncannily late to ‘get’ something funny. So far, Rook and he had discussed the merits of taxation, which neither knew anything about, the Nyowani Kitara conflict, which neither knew anything about, the benefits of testosterone pills, which Jeremy knew nothing about but Rook went on about for as long as he could, and cheesemaking in late 14th century Commerce Heights, which neither knew anything about other than that workers unions would likely not have accepted ‘slaughtered and turned into burgers’ as adequate payment for their milk, and that you probably didn’t make cheese from shaking the cow first.

Any topic Jeremy actually knew shit about - football, lock picking, climbing, arsony, and how to wind up Krytenians - tended to get talked over by a host loudly pontificating about whether a gorilla could do any of those things (yes, no, yes, no, hope so). Only after the pair of them covered the recent football match between Audioslavia and Delaclava, and whether the three-nothing scoreline constituted a thrashing or not (it did and didn’t. Two-nothings aren’t thrashings, four-nothings are, three-nothings depend on the manner of victory. They could sometimes be described as thrashings, but they could always be called comfortable, comprehensive or decisive victories), did they finally get onto the topic of Egon Must.

“He’s ruined the Cathair Herald” Jeremy started. For the first time in the conversation, he began talking over Rook, who he figured would try to step in to defend his hair-plug trust-fund douche-douche friend. “He says he’s getting more eyes on the product than ever before, but but he’s full of it. You can get eyes on your supercar by painting in flo-yellow or chrome, but you can get even more by crashing it into a fiery mess against a monument and that’s what he’s done. He ran that poll, ‘should we bring back page three girls’, on page three of the newspaper and came back with the results the next day. “Yes, 58%, No, 40%”. What does that even mean? How do we know who voted? There wasn’t a phone number, an email, I doubt you could go to the offices and vote in person, not after he accidentally locked everyone out, anyway. He’s turned a previously respectable broadsheet - yeah, even after I started running it - into a crashed chrome supercar. Spectacular in every negative way possible. Tasteless, dangerous in various ways.”
“He’s been thinking of closing down the print version and releasing it as an NFT” said Rook
“I… hadn’t heard of that” replied Jeremy, “but it would go against his claim that the newspaper is selling more copies than ever, against all logic and the existing systems of measurement for circulation, if he could only sell one copy per day.”
“Making people pay eight dollars to write an article though, that’s inspired” said Rook
“It is inspired, I wholeheartedly agree, it’s just also the stupidest thing anyone’s ever seen, even if they don’t know it. Look. I’m going to publicly ruin this guy”
“Woah”
“Woah indeed. Mark my words. There’s only one terribly written cartoon character in this country and it’s Jeremiah Power Javinnen and his many straight-men. Give it a couple of years and I promise you, you’ll see the last of this squishy-faced cringe billionaire douche-fud.”
“What are you going to do, man?”
“Something incredibly clever. So clever I haven’t even thought about it yet”
“You know what would be clever?” asked Rook. “What if a gorilla could eat donuts”

Sometimes the best course of action is to just nod, put your hat back on and leave the room.
=♉︎=IF YOUR SIGNATURE IS LARGER THAN THIS, WHY? THE SHORTER THE SIG, THE GREATER THE LENGTHS PEOPLE GO TO READ IT◤♕◢

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Juvencus
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1062
Founded: Nov 29, 2016
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Juvencus » Mon Nov 21, 2022 3:06 pm

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EVEN GOD IS ON THE SIDE OF THE JUVEN: CAMPANA IS A NATIONAL HERO

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Campana rocket sends la squadra to the semifinals of the Cup of Harmony!


With nothing but hope left, gli attaccanti managed to break a curse that had been plaguing the team for so long. That curse of not being able to hit the top 4 of any tournament had been against them since the scary and badly-documented times of the Pandemic. But this time, they managed to do it defeating rivals Gnejs in a nail-biting thriller that went to extra time and only a Campana masterclass would manage to save. This is being described by fans all over social media as a divine intervention, stating that God is by the side of Juven. Seeing as the team is on its 3rd ever Cup of Harmony semi-finals after this, they might as well be right.

Madeiros knew the play of the Gnejsians from the qualifiers, they like to play a very defensively sound style of football akin to Ko-oren's with little to no openings to exploit. That would initially frustrate the players of la squadra, being forced to play a more posession-based game while looking out for openings. Not many opportunities followed for the first 30 minutes of the half. A smart and sudden through-ball by Kouyaté found Pereyra and a beautiful effort followed. Pereyra would go on to nutmeg Horndal and then as Bjørneboe would approach to steal the ball he'd chip it just above his feet, openinging a lot of space for the team. He proceeded to cross the ball and while Campana missed it, Martell was there to take the volley and nail the ball on the top left side of the net. This was a much-needed ice breaker but in reality this did not really affect the Gnejsian players who kept playing as usual. In the dying minutes of the first half, a Hansen cross would be headed by Svensson right into Ungaro's hands for the block. With the first half over at 1-0, gli attaccanti had to figure out ways to increase their advantadge, seeing how dangerously the Gnejsians played.

In the second half, some troubles followed. The Gnejsian backline resembled more of a brick wall, with zero openings to go through. This kept going for the entire half, with la squadra exchanging balls and having the majority of the ball possession for a big chunk of the time. At some point even reaching an 80% ball possession for gli attaccanti and 20% ball possession for the Rock. This would eventually force the gli attaccanti to resort to having to take long range shots on which almost the entire team participated. The most dangerous ones being by both Campana and Pereyra, which were both saved by Wijk and the crossbar, respectively. It gave the following advantadge for the Gnejsians however which was to be able to get spaces for the counter-attack. This is something they took advantadge of in the 90th minute, an interception by Nes would lead to a through ball to mostly open Svensson, which would lead to the equaliser that gli attaccanti most feared. And with that, the game would have to go to extra time.

The first half of extra time would be described by very slow tempo, with lots of crosses and lobs by both teams, trying to claim supremacy in the air instead with whatever they had in their lungs. A dreamfully logged shot by Campana would be stopped by the side post, with the Gnejsians kicking it back away. The second half of extra time, however would be one filled with drama and action. Both sides revved their engines, with the Rock's prolific striker, Svensson's shot being deflected by Ungaro, with Callejon clearing on the rebound. At the 118th minute, a lucky cross by Ibarra would find Santini, with him sprinting for 10 meters before crossing the ball to Campana and the latter would score a bicycle kick concurrently with a bright lightning flash to make it 2-1. Celebrations erupted by the Juven side as this seemed to be divine intervention on their side. The Gnejsians would try to counter-attack to get this game to pens, however the Juven backline remained strong, with CDM in Portieri and the subbed Sissoko covering any holes in the defence.

With the quarter-finals victory against Gnejs, this becomes the 3rd ever semi-finals appearance of la squadra in the Cup of Harmony. Perhaps its most important performance ever in history, as a rebound is necessary after the troubles of the past. They will be facing group stage rivals Yuezhou, that they beat with a 3-1 scoreline, this time without any gaps in neither backline or frontline and if tradition holds true, the team could be dreaming of a 3rd Cup of Harmony appearance.

"Nothing is over. We remain humble and move forwards." were Dudu Madeiros' comments after the game.
The Holy Empire of Juvencus
Diverse yet united
Demonym: Juven Trigram: JUE Capital: Pomena
Sonnel is my home<3

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Saint Eleanor
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 412
Founded: Feb 02, 2021
Compulsory Consumerist State

Postby Saint Eleanor » Mon Nov 21, 2022 5:01 pm

OOC: Do not be deceived by the "Oneshot" branding: this is actually one of three tenuously-connected RPs I'll get out over the rest of this CoH. The first and last roleplays are self-contained within the Eleanorverse. The second roleplay involves one of Mertagne's characters and has been cleared in principle with Mert, but he can't talk details before cutoff due to IRL and it'll therefore have to wait until the final/3PPO (delete as appropriate).
Oneshot: Education Within Saint Eleanor

Every single day of the past twenty-five years or so, for the most part

There are two important things you need to know about education within Saint Eleanor. (This is actually a bare-faced lie, but it's always good to have a few starting points.) The first thing you need to know is that it is governed predominantly by the Education Decree 1976, a boring, technical document that everybody pretends to care about. The second thing is that schools run on a calendar-year basis, beginning from the year you turn five - also known as Year 1.

There is a firm divide between primary schools and community schools, and not just because every district has multiple primaries that feed into a single local CS. The emphasis in Years 1 through to 7, the domain of the primaries, is in the fundamental subjects. In Terranean, the focus is initially on phonics, ramping up to students reading more and more complex texts by the end of their final year - while learning about linguistic devices and techniques. (They might even be able to plough through an entire issue of The Reporter by that point.) Mathematics teaches them addition and subtraction at first, although this isn't always obvious to some of the younger ones grappling with how to use foam blocks; multiplication, normal division, long division, division by calculator, and how to actually bloody use a calculator follow, among other things. Science (to some extent) and PE (to a great extent) are more nebulously defined, more questionable, more prone to exuberance and excitement - but somehow, they work. History and geography are touched on a bit, but everybody will be able to look at a map of Anaia and say how all the different countries happened once they matriculate. Oh, and the war. Don't forget the war.

Community schools run from Years 8 through to 14. That's ages twelve to eighteen if you're paying attention. But you're not: the next level up isn't as clean-cut as that. All the subjects you know and love from primary return to the fray, and thank goodness. More of the same in Terranean; regular, structured activities (including football) in PE; compounding basic skills on all fronts and learning new ones in maths. Yes, algebra, trigonometry, financial mathematics and how to convert imperial to metric units are skills however much you may hate them. History goes deeper into major world events while Geography gets the most serious, as you learn more about the physical landscape and how people (especially in their droves) interact with it. But what was more than likely a single science class is split off into physics, chemistry and biology... I'd need a book to explain all of that here.

Only at secondary level, however, does philosophy start to get attention. It is supposedly a quick barrel down the fundamental beliefs and different strands of thought of the big religions that make Saint Eleanor - Catholicism, Islam, and the several zillion different flavours of Evangelical Christianity - numerous secular value systems, and how they apply to modern ethical situations. Most people who actually expect it to be quick find themselves disappointed when they realise it's been seven years, their first philosophy exam's coming up next week and they still don't have a clue what half of this crap means. When you get to choosing which subjects you want to focus on before Year 12 begins (and keep in mind 12 is more of a preparatory year; Year 13 is where the heat starts getting ratcheted up), you don't have much of a choice anyway: all of these subjects are mandatory. And all of them - except PE, for whatever forsaken reason - will be assessed via crucial School Certificate exams at the end of Year 14, all graded from A to F and based wholly on final exams. E is the lowest passing grade and expected in Terranean and Maths at least.

Where you do get a choice is in two broad subject areas that also join the mix at CS level - although they generally rotate rather than having year-round fixed slots, primarily due to time, and all contain elements of coursework. Technology, by now the more cramped of the subjects, is also the more underestimated. Food technology is the most niche of the lot and doesn't do what it says on the tin because you're supposed to make the bloody recipes from scratch, mate. Textiles, which is known to draw the more visual-artsy types, has been described by almost everybody of any other description who's ever taken it as an advanced sewing course. Engineering is widely accepted to be where the fun happens: computer aided design, levers, funky electronic things, a couple of nominal woodworking classes - you name it. ICT, which combines instruction on effective software use with information about coding and computer science, has been rapidly gaining in popularity. (The ICT Decree 1995 requires that all students be "proficient" in computing skills, but this has largely been integrated into the curriculum of pre-existing subjects and there is little appetite for ICT to be a mandatory, 8-to-14 subject.)

The creative arts are also lurking, although that is most likely an understatement. Art is, at its core, a study of different styles, the things that characterise them, and what can be best described at attempts to mimic them. (And bloody hard work, too.) You could almost say the same of music, although thankfully most music teachers run the gamut of the subject and teach the cross-genre fundamentals as well. Trailed in some Terranean-class studies of plays, Drama also comes into its own, although thankfully its contents overlap very little with the football lessons they sometimes give in PE. You're encouraged to choose one arts and one technology subject - but in practice, the three arts subjects usually have enough student overlap with each other that you could choose two of those without much fuss. Unless you choose engineering and ICT, it's unlikely you'd be able to fit two technology classes together.

This applies for the three private schools just as much as it does the council-owned, council-branded community schools. While President Mitcham, Vice-President for Education Pike and co would rather they not exist in an ideal world, despite their other convictions and perhaps due to the success of the state monopoly on public transport and healthcare, they are allowed for very different reasons. Saint Benedict's Catholic was ostensibly designed to host those seeking a Catholic education from across the city - and Catholics account for around one-tenth of the population - although their audience is primarily in the north for obvious reasons (those reasons not just being "they're the most Catholic parts of Saint Eleanor"). The Boys' and Girls' Preparatories offer perfectly secular single-sex education, which is well-received for the most part - although they too have a more Docksider and eastern bent. The west is either too bureaucratic or too crime-ridden to bother with going private. The towns trust the government and its schools. That's geopolitics for you.

And, of course, not to forget extracurricular activities... which, true to form, are thin on the ground. Every school has three things: a School Council, the last democratic excesses of Tinhamptonian colonisation, there to try and improve school facilities and verifiably boost their own members' CVs. A football team, almost always alongside a broad non-competitive football infrastructure, so that they can look competitive in the Charles Trump Shield, the only known cup competition for school-based football teams. And a trivia club, which exists only so that students can take part in their school teams for the Schools Trivia Challenge, the most annoying thing ever to happen to the last Friday of the summer holidays. Some schools have their quirks - the more "legacy" schools like Whitehammer, Uni Coll and the Academy have debate clubs which often throw shit at each other in quasi-regular competitions; Marketplace has its infamous cheerleaders, Cassadaigua's only cultural import of note to the nation (and a couple of them have even crept into the Saint Eleanor League over the years) - but other than that, nothing to see here. Or most other places.

Once you've finished your School Certs, you might be tempted to ask: What now? (I do not say "once you've passed your School Certs." The concept of retaking a year is anathema in Eleanorian law and culture: up to Year 13 due to a lack of high-stakes examinations, and in Year 14 due to a desire to get everyone out of the school system and into the wide world of Your Own Merits as soon as possible.) There are two obvious options: the first is to skip out of higher education and get a job. Or, if you've done really badly, resit English and Maths at your local adult education center; most employers expect at least a passing grade in those. The second is, of course, to go to university. If you don't want to go abroad, as almost all Eleanorians who choose this option - or, indeed, the other one - do, you are faced with another set of two choices.

The University of Saint Eleanor is the fairly prestigious research university with the hard academic subjects on offer and those annoying little terraced houses where you get tiny little parking spaces outside and all of your neighbours are students who know as much about independent living as you do - they even have Collegiate district all to themselves. They'll generally expect a C in your Terranean and Maths exams, and a B in the subject you want to carry onto university. (Yes, they believe maths is economics and geography is geology for that reason. And no, they don't require an engineering School Cert for engineering: a B in maths and either that or ICT will do.) The Polytechnic Institute is of lower quality and provides instruction in more practical subjects, most infamously Sports Science; they'll broadly be fine with Ds all around. And they don't supply housing, with private landlords dominating northern Buckhead district where the Poly is.

It is a little known fact that in the great Eleanorian spirit of free enterprise, anybody with a 2:1 or first from a local university, or a similar qualification from one of many non-Eleanorian "accredited" universities that are all somehow good, can teach the subject they graduated from at schools - subject to conditions like criminal records that exist everywhere else. (Although the universities themselves insist on a relevant PhD or else they wouldn't be serious universities, now, would they?) Although I beseech the poor students at University College not to expect Jessica Martin to step back from her day job and moonlight as their geography teacher any time soon. She's planning on becoming a freelance journalist after she retires anyway.

What does this have to do with football, never mind the Cup of Harmony? Notwithstanding the fact that every member of the Eleanorian national team (bar one) played in the Charles Trump Shield, many of them have also played at some point for one of the two clubs with either historic or actual ties with the respective institution. Sword and Shield, inconsistent title challengers across their history but most regularly about ten or twelve years ago, have started to emerge as a very, very minor force in the IFCF courtesy of a princess who didn't even go to school in Saint Eleanor, among other people. Juventud, meanwhile, are crap and I don't need to explain how or why. The good university has the good team. The bad university has the bad team. Billiam Maskey would have a field day with this.
****** The Grand Republic of Saint Eleanor - area 2,863mi2, population 489,816, 1.6 cups of coffee/Eleanorian/day - it's 2000 (OOC: obvious Tinhampton puppet)
BoF76 quarterfinalists --- WC91 participants

Why? George Mitcham, General then and now, cofounded the National Liberation Front in 1971 to demand a free Saint Eleanor. He got his wish in '75 after a 15-month war: becoming President, appointing notable NLF friends and some charity's executive director as VPs and calling them legislators. He has retained power through oil money; zero income tax; free healthcare, schooling, public transport - and markets; tolerating dissent on apolitical matters; allowing private gun ownership (with plenty of training) to protect against future invasions; high-quality PR; and football.

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Ceni
Senator
 
Posts: 4607
Founded: Jun 26, 2012
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ceni » Mon Nov 21, 2022 5:06 pm

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Audioslavia 0–0 Saint Eleanor (1–2 AET)
FleurBanc Park, Santa Lourdes
Air Terranea | The Wanderlust Guide to Ceni | Seven Restaurants in Seven Days: Cataloging Cenian Food
Champions: Di Bradini Cup 38, U-18 World Cup 17
Runners-up: Di Bradini Cup 39, Di Bradini Cup 41
NSTT #1s: Lonus Varalin, Ardil Navsal (singles), Gyrachor Rentos, Val Korekal, Elia Xal/Fia Xal (doubles)
UICA Champions' Cup titles (1): 1860 Azoth
World Cup 76, World Cup 79
Baptism of Fire 61
Cup of Harmony 63
Copa Rushmori 41
International Basketball Championships 20
Cenian Open (Grand Slam) 1-11
<Schottia> I always think of Ceni as what it would be like if Long Island was its own nation, ran by Bernie Sanders lol.
The user behind this nation uses he/him/his pronouns.

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Delaclava
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5237
Founded: Jul 30, 2008
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Delaclava » Mon Nov 21, 2022 5:13 pm

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Juvencus 1–1 Yuezhou (1–2 AET)
Cenial Halcyon National Stadium, Cenial



Third Place Playoff

Juvencus vs. Audioslavia
Berrera Stadium, Catherina


Cup of Harmony 84 Final

Yuezhou vs. Saint Eleanor
Cenial Halcyon National Stadium, Cenial


The third place playoff will be scorinated by Delaclava on Tuesday 11/22 at 8:00 EST (Wednesday 11/23 at 0100 UTC).
The final will be scorinated by Ceni on Wednesday 11/23 around 9:00 EST (Thursday 11/24 around 0200 UTC).
Sports Honor Roll
Football: 2x WORLD BOWL CHAMPIONS (13 & 15), 1x Runner-up (11), 4x Third Place (41-44), 1x Regional Champions
Hockey: World Cup 16 Third Place, 2x World Juniors Champion (18 & 22), 3x World Junior Runners-up (16, 17, 19), 1x Regional Silver
Basketball: 2x IBC Runners-up (31 and 36), 4x Regional Medal (1 Silver, 3 Bronze)
Lacrosse: 2x Worlds Runners-up (16 and 41) 1x Regional Silver
Soccer: Olympic Gold (V), 3rd at IAC 18 3rd at Di Bradini Cup 15, 4th at Baptism of Fire 34
Host of WC 55; CoH 44, 46, 84, and 87; BoF 72; World Bowl 11, 15, 39, and 43; IBC 7 and 31; AOCAF 31; WJHC 16 and 18; etc. Founder of Scott Cup and World Team Tennis Championship.

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Audioslavia
Retired Moderator
 
Posts: 3929
Founded: Antiquity
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Audioslavia » Tue Nov 22, 2022 4:41 am

Styrn to ‘Call Time’ on Career
Announces Retirement After Juvencus Third Place Playoff


After rolling her eyes through questions regarding Audioslavia’s attempt at a dubious ‘record’ of attaining a podium spot in each of the World Cup, Cup of Harmony and a regional championship, as well as gold in the Baptism of Fire, RJ Styrn has announced that the ninety minutes the national team will play against Sonnellian powerhouse Juvencus will be her last either on or beside a football pitch.

Ronda Judit Styrn, daughter of national champion boxer Layla ‘Bomber’ Styrn, blazed a trail for Audioslavian women into top-level football via Cazadores Cathair in the early days of the LigAnaia, forming a strike partnership with Espiridon Caszely at Cazadores, the Audioslavia National Team and, eventually, Polarian powerhouses Red Star Severny, with Styrn enjoying a brief but dramatic stint at Caza’s hated rivals 1830 Cathair in between.

Styrn won sixty-nine caps for Audioslavia, most notably playing in the World Cup 69 final in a losing effort against The Holy Empire.

Her life took her to Calorborne where she, like all residents of the island, aged at a slower rate than the rest of the world, allowing her to come back into the sport decades later aged just fifty. From there, she would take charge of Audioslavia’s Guerrilla Cathair, helping the side to promotion to the top flight of Audioslavian football for the first and only time.

The national team came calling soon after, following Rohan Cammers’s resignation, but despite winning the CAFA Cup at her first attempt, Styrn could not force her side into even the playoffs of the subsequent World Cup. Victory in the Cup of Harmony not only sealed her position for another cycle but sealed Audioslavia as the 4th/5th (your multiverse may vary) team to complete the Grand Slam of major football tournaments. Qualification for World Cup 92 was set as a target. It was missed. A semi-final appearance at the Cup of Harmony has not proven good enough for the manager to keep her job, and so rather than venture back out into club football, RJ has chosen to hang up her managerial boots and, presumably, retire back into life on Calorborne.

Win against Juvencus and Audioslavia will not only seal that all-podium-places record, they will not only win important ranking points for they qualifying seeding next cycle, but will also end Styrn’s career on a bitter-sweet note. She will be remembered as a manager who did the best she could with what she had. It wasn’t quite enough on both counts, but those who were around to see the CAFA Cup and Cup of Harmony triumph will often ask themselves over the years to come whether Styrn might have been given another chance to showcase her aptitude for tournament football just one more time.
=♉︎=IF YOUR SIGNATURE IS LARGER THAN THIS, WHY? THE SHORTER THE SIG, THE GREATER THE LENGTHS PEOPLE GO TO READ IT◤♕◢

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Juvencus
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1062
Founded: Nov 29, 2016
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Juvencus » Tue Nov 22, 2022 6:28 am

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HEARTBREAKING DEFEAT AT SEMI-FINAL LEAVES JUVENCUS FIGHTING FOR BRONZE: BUT WHAT IS NEXT?

Image
Reverse-sweep defeat at the hands of Yuezhou leaves gli attaccanti in scramble for the bronze medal and a big trip to Delaclava


Martell's first half goal and a myriad of chances that followed would not be enough for the gli attaccanti to keep its chances at going to the final alive, as the Yueren would score a late equaliser and then turn the tables around providing a heartbreak only comparable to the Cup of Harmony 73 final defeat against the Tinhamptonians. With that said however, the team has been presented with an opportunity unlike any other, firstly to take home a bronze medal finish and stop another curse that runs across all sports for Juven national teams and to exact revenge for a play-off defeat against none other but the mighty Audioslavia. And secondly, with this momentum they could be aiming to be a world-cup worthy side in the cycles to come. What are these exact opportunities, however? What is next?

First and foremost, the campaign is not over yet: The team has had one of its longest and most tiring campaigns to date this entire summer, filled with travel and practice with little to no rest. But that also means the team has one more game to play before they get to rest and then return to their domestic side duties back at home or abroad. As is obvious, the team will have to play against Audioslavia which found themselves losing to Saint Eleanor, a rival many Juven were eager with facing but it was not to be. Instead, exacting revenge for the play-offs defeat long ago while also taking home the bronze is the next goal and the team is preparing itself tirelessly to get their third ever WCC-sanctioned medal. A win in this game could propel the team back to its previous stardom pre-Pandemic.

Madeiros has put in WORK: Madeiros' more strict lineups and focus on bringing young and refreshing talent and finally kicking out some older players has seemed to pay off. The last few cycles the team has improved little by little with good participations in both world cup qualifications, Independents Association Cup and the Cup of Harmony. Despite the rocky start, he seems to have gotten the importance of his role as a coach of the national team and at last he is getting his much deserved respect. From now onward though, he will have to improve on his tactics and propel the team to the top much like Toset, a name no other manager but him have come close to getting in the shoes of.

Juvencus finally getting where it belongs: Although it might be a bit too early for predictions like this, the last 2 campaigns have proven that the team is heading towards the right direction. A more dangerous attack filled with superstars combined with a more disciplined backline have seen the team concede less goals while scoring way more for quite a while now. With that said, after this 3rd place play-off is finished, the team has a lot to show for and the future is looking brighter than ever. This could be the lucky break that the people have needed for the longest time.

And lastly, some sad news: Martell has said that after the next campaign is over, he will finally be hanging his boots from international football. Fret not as we will enjoy his football for one more campaign however. With a storied career in multiple nations such as Cosumar and Farfadillis as well as being the last remaining player from the Cup of Harmony winning squad, he can only be described as the GOAT of Juven football. Il Scudelliano would like to take its time and request the utmost respect be shown to the player both in the 3rd place play-offs as well as the next world cup cycle, it will be much-needed. And good luck to la squadra as a whole!
Last edited by Juvencus on Tue Nov 22, 2022 6:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Holy Empire of Juvencus
Diverse yet united
Demonym: Juven Trigram: JUE Capital: Pomena
Sonnel is my home<3

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Yue Zhou
Envoy
 
Posts: 334
Founded: Jun 06, 2017
Ex-Nation

Postby Yue Zhou » Tue Nov 22, 2022 3:52 pm

Cup of Harmony 84, Semifinals: Juvencus 1-1 Yuezhou (1-2 AET)
Starting Lineup (4-3-3): Ming; Lu, Yang T. (Zhu A. 35), Yuan, Dong (Reeve 63); Li Jing (C) (Tao 70), Wan (Yang X. 63), Wen; Jiang (Luo D. 70), Liu, Luo N.
Goals: Martell 13 / Tao 87, Yuan 105+1

Much has been made of Yuezhou's need for a new youth movement. But against Juvencus in the semifinals, it was old heroes of the World Cup 88 campaign who ultimately made the difference as the Dragons advance to a first-ever major final.

This was the Dragons' second matchup against la squadra, and just like in the first, Juvencus came out swinging. The timeless Joaquim Martell, in yet another chapter of a storied NT career, ran rampant on the left flank. Within five minutes, he'd set up Julio Campana with a perfect chance that the New Lakeland SC star had sent just wide. And after being denied by a flying save from Zhao Deliang, back from injury with a vengeance, the veteran winger would put Juvencus ahead (again). A sumptuous combination with Michelangelo Santini left him open from a narrow angle, and Martell fired off the post and in to send the Sonnelian fans into ecstasy. Juvencus could've doubled their lead at multiple points in the first half, as they overwhelmed the Dragons with their speed and aggressive playstyle. Pereyra missed badly from a free header caused by Yang Tao's injury, while Zhao Deliang magnificently denied a Cantù shot that seemed destined for the top bin.

Yuezhou managed to settle themselves in the second half, with the veteran playstyle of Zhu Aiguo (in for the injured Yang) soothing Martell's fiery presence on the left. While they often remained pinned back by gli attacanti's style of play, they reverted to old counterattacking habits, and nearly equalized through a devastating Luo Nanwei solo run. The match remained on a knife-edge, as neutrals wondered whether 2-0 or 1-1 was coming first. But with the clock winding down to midnight on Yuezhou's magical Cup of Harmony run, Zhao would deny Martell once again with a fabulous stretching effort, which would spark a fateful counterattack. Yuan Mingrong found Li Jing long, and the soon-to-retire captain pushed forward to Tao Beiliang. Tao then found Luo Dan, who cut outside before floating a speculative cross back that the rushing Tao fired home from the half-volley. It was an almost miraculous counterattack, as the team invoked the spirit of Lu Jialan's World Cup qualifiers to finally equalize against an overextended Juvencus. If there was any doubt before that the Dragons were a team of destiny this cycle, Tao's run seemed to dispel it.

The match would then go to extra time, and while Yuezhou theoretically held all the momentum, they were also exhausted at the prospect of a third straight knockout match going to extra time. The first half of extra time was a slow, grinding affair, as the dispirited squadra and the tired Dragons matched up. But in the dying moments of stoppage time, Luo Dan won his team a corner. And it would be Yuan Mingrong, the quiet hero of so many matches over his time with Yuezhou and Ararat, who leaped the highest to head the ball home past Ungaro in goal. Juvencus would push hard in the final fifteen minutes, but a stout defensive performance allowed Yuezhou to hold on - and jump yet another hurdle on the quest to deliver their Golden Generation a trophy for the first (and last) time.
Lineup to play Saint Eleanor, Finals (4-3-3):
Zhao; Lu, Zhu M., Yuan, Dong; Li Jing (C), Wan, Wen; Jiang, Liu, Luo N.

OUT: Yang Tao (hamstring)

Chen Huikang had seen some shit as a manager. He'd been fired from his first job, as assistant manager of the Yue National Team, because he had called Nanhai independence "interesting", rather than "an unspeakable atrocity that spits on the faces of workers everywhere". He thought he'd bounced back when he landed a job in the Q-League, with CSKA Quebec, but quickly came to the realization that all of his players were insane. So that hadn't exactly gone well, either.

He'd agonized in private over whether to take the Yuezhou job two years ago, worried that it could combine the toxic politicization of his first job with the toxic personalities and locker-room drama of the second. After all, this was the nation that had gone through four managers in the previous eight years, with the tenures of Yuan, Lu, Kang, and Hayabusa all coming to tumultuous ends. And despite the apparent talent of their stars, Yuezhou had never quite been able to put it together in the four rocky cycles since that magical qualification run under Lu Jialan. This was something that his mentor, Kang Guilin, privately blamed on having to reconcile communist sympathizers and their massive egos with southern separatists and their enormous egos.

But this hadn't been like either of those. In fact, after the team's semifinal win, it was starting to remind him an awful lot of Glenmount Town.

He'd taken the reins at the Licentian club in the aftermath of his sacking from Quebec. At the time, Glenmount Town were underachievers in dire need of a clearout. They had made some noise in the past, losing the title on the final day two seasons ago, but had emotionally crumpled the previous season, finishing tenth of sixteen. As a result, morale was in the basement, the roster was direly outdated, and Chen had been chosen to lead the rebuild. Things had begun somewhat rockily, as the Mountaineers had sputtered to three straight losses in Chen's first few matches. They had even scrapped for relegation in that first season, as Chen tried to rebuild a championship-contending team on the fly while maintaining the dressing room and doing his best to tune out the calls for his head.

But slowly, steadily, everything had come together. Of course, he wouldn't dare take all the credit - new additions like Gastaldo, Coste, and yCinrhadd revitalized the roster, while the old stars came together under the new manager. They'd finished fifth the year after, heavily contending for the IFCF places. And the year after that, things really came to a head. They took the league lead in Week 13 with a resounding win over St. Thomas, and never let go. They were challenged frequently that season, but Chen always had the sense that they were a team of destiny, and that the boys would come together under him to pull through. And when the dust settled, they were atop the Licentian Premier League by eleven points.

And he was starting to feel the same energy from this Dragons side. The old legends - Li Jing, Liu Huiying, and Yuan Mingrong - had trusted him with their final run as stars. The up-and-comers - Jiang Jieren, Zhao Deliang, and Luo Nanwei - had revitalized a tired squad in need of a rebuild. And even those who Chen had marginalized - like Zhu Aiguo and Luo Dan, stripped of their starting spots - had been the best teammates possible. From defeat had risen a stronger, better Yuezhou - and they could taste the Cup of Harmony in front of them.

But would it be a mirage, like the Glenmount that met final-day heartbreak? Or would it be real, era-defining triumph, like the Glenmount that won it all? Only ninety (or more realistically, one hundred and twenty) minutes could tell the true answer. But Chen Huikang was hopeful.
Last edited by Yue Zhou on Tue Nov 22, 2022 6:30 pm, edited 5 times in total.
The United Republics of Yuezhou (月州联合共和国)
Leader: President Zhuang Weilun
Capital: Nangang • Population: ~35,000,000

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Delaclava
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5237
Founded: Jul 30, 2008
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Delaclava » Tue Nov 22, 2022 5:26 pm

Image

Third Place Playoff

Juvencus 4–2 Audioslavia
Berrera Stadium, Catherina


Congratulations to La squadra for finishing off with a win; commiserations to Audioslavia after a formidable run. We now await (in about 24 hours time) our champion...
Sports Honor Roll
Football: 2x WORLD BOWL CHAMPIONS (13 & 15), 1x Runner-up (11), 4x Third Place (41-44), 1x Regional Champions
Hockey: World Cup 16 Third Place, 2x World Juniors Champion (18 & 22), 3x World Junior Runners-up (16, 17, 19), 1x Regional Silver
Basketball: 2x IBC Runners-up (31 and 36), 4x Regional Medal (1 Silver, 3 Bronze)
Lacrosse: 2x Worlds Runners-up (16 and 41) 1x Regional Silver
Soccer: Olympic Gold (V), 3rd at IAC 18 3rd at Di Bradini Cup 15, 4th at Baptism of Fire 34
Host of WC 55; CoH 44, 46, 84, and 87; BoF 72; World Bowl 11, 15, 39, and 43; IBC 7 and 31; AOCAF 31; WJHC 16 and 18; etc. Founder of Scott Cup and World Team Tennis Championship.

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Saint Eleanor
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 412
Founded: Feb 02, 2021
Compulsory Consumerist State

Postby Saint Eleanor » Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:39 pm

OOC: This roleplay is here, as promised. The first two sections of this RP are also 100% Mertagne-approved, as I think I promised. (Section three is Eleanorverse.)

The Eleanorian Brewery, an arms-length state enterprise, brews cask ales including White Star, the signature blonde real ale. Other brands in the Brewery's silo include Black Star, the dark ale; Bronze Star, the gluten-free version; Gold Star, a more citrusy hit which is totally not Goose IPA; and Blue Star, an alcohol-free beer.
Oneshot: Education Beyond Saint Eleanor

Ridiculous o'clock - Monday 26th August 2002

The end always comes. And John Bailey, now more than ever, wanted the end to come.

Seventh up... some hotshot, he figured. Was she number seven? He'd forgotten. Our Cilla, the one who'd been involved in a Cup of Harmony shootout reputedly even more epic than this, didn't bother to prep him on everybody. No problem, he told himself; look at where they're standing, look indecisive, dive in the direction they're standing and then pray, silently and without any obvious assistance.

He looked, even for a fraction of a second, fully intent on diving right whatever the consequences - and courtesy of Narry all the way back there, there would be no more consequences but another two minutes of this charade. It took more than that for him to actually brace for impact. The save, the moment that would dump a heaving mountain of concrete on his already-secure place in the pantheon of Eleanorian greats.

It never happened.

He dove right. She just put it down the middle - and it spun enough, just enough, that it landed right on top of the netting.

The end. The bloody end. It always comes. At least for John over here, it did.

∴


12:32pm (local time) - Tuesday 27th August 2002

I'm afraid that the Tinhamptonian tendency of bumping into opposing players at restaurants and other hospitality venues has, at this point, firmly carried over to their Eleanorian progeny. Or, to put it in slightly more familiar terms: Crap. Not again.

Definitely not again, reckoned Adam Denby, as he stared profusely at his already-tattered import copy of The Express, the only paper anyone in the proper western city really cared about - even though he hasn't lived there for a few years:
Quick stats

Cup of Harmony 84, fourth quarterfinal

Saint Eleanor 0 [4]
Mertagne 0 [3]

Virtuous Stadium, Quinniville, DEL
Attendance: 67,252 (of 80,000)

Possession: 54% vs 46%
Shots [on target]: 6 [4] vs 10 [8]
Corner kicks: 3 vs 3
Free kicks: 2 vs 4
Fouls: 9 vs 5

Best player: Bailey, EXT (9.1)
Full player ratings: overleaf

Penalty shootout breakdown
EXT: Martin √, Denby X (saved), Pazorzal √, Hollenberg √, Newcastle X (saved), taFrexala √
MRT: Everdell √, de la Fontaine √, Harlow X (wide), Feu X (saved), Eveson √, Gomboult X (crossbar)

Welcome to the patio bit of some fancy caff about two miles away from the V Stad, a million miles away from Eleanorian base camp and a reasonably-priced monorail ticket away from the semis. It only hit him when he put the paper down, reckoning he'd take a few seconds out at best to savour his coffee. "What the fuck... I mean yeah, that happened, didn't it?"

"Indeed it did."

"Is this..."

"Lydia Gomboult, yes. You probably remember me from the other day, although I can understand if you were... too giddy not to. I have some concerns about your behaviour during the shootout the other day." I mean, she looks the part, Denby suspected.

"I had more concerns about your behaviour. Time and space are the two most important things in football, you have both of those when a match goes to pens and - well, no!"

"Remember what you were told at school: the manager's decision is final. She makes decisions for the team based on what individuals can contribute, what they've done for them in the past and what is going to work out best for the side all things considered."

"I won't claim to know about the internal workings of your side. Our spying operation's pretty much nonexistent."

"Scouting. It's called scouting. You would not be anywhere near the Cup of Harmony if your team management wasn't looking at the opposition all the time, reviewing their data and looking at how best to go after them."

"No, we'd be in the World Cup by a substantial margin... actually, you recognise me, I think. If you don't, I'm Adam Denby; Olympic Thessia and Saint Eleanor. Most people love me, but it feels like everyone else kind of likes me at least. I haven't been too important for the national team as of late, but you know, I took part for a bit the other day and it was a good outcome."

"You'd say that. I'm convinced we didn't go for the jugular enough. What was the best opportunity that anybody that day had? Pazorzal, ten or fifteen minutes after coming on, spots a cross that's going backwards, bends the shot around his foot and dupes la Besco into thinking he can get it. He can't. Naturally, he was just offside and we played the remaining minute of stoppage time and the final thirty with nothing going for us."

"Come on - you had a very, very good opportunity at the end of the first half of ET, floated into the box, everyone's waiting and then it just gets cleared miles away! My interpretation's a bit fuzzy - I was on the halfway line "just in case," which shouldn't be the case, really - but that's not how I'd win a match if I was you."

"Taking a shot from thirty yards out... and it's a free kick. A very winnable position, I'll grant you, but not the outcome I expected to have the best chance of putting us ahead. I'd have hoped my teammates would cluster around the ball and I'd say two or three of them were moving forwards, but Liam West had the better of the situation. Most people are glad he's indispensable, but I wouldn't have been!"

"For now. You've heard he's retiring at the end of next cycle, don't you? 2004, although I think you're a bit past that."

"That was not funny. Our calendar is different."

"I can't even keep up with all of this date-setting! But please - that's the end of the game sorted. As far as I'm concerned, it was Mertagne trying to rip us to shreds for thirty minutes, with maybe one or two honourable exceptions. West and Bailey - can't talk about us without them - were on top form, everyone else got their pieces in place, we slowed down the opposition really well and a great deal of the fact it went down to penalties was because we were ordered."

"Absolutely - although I wouldn't say the counter-attacks were 'honourable' given the quality of them."

"So to everything else, then. It was a bit of a boring match, come to think of it, really, wasn't it?"

"This is a boring conversation. None of us have learned anything new so far; I'll... you know what? I'll keep up the conversation if you order a large cappuccino. No funny add-ons, please."

"I have enough coffee on my plate, but if that's what you want, alright."

12:43pm (local time) - Tuesday 27th August 2002

"It took a bit of time but heeeeeeeeeeeeere we go, madam."

"Don't 'madam' me in future, thanks. We introduced each other about five minutes ago. You see? I warned you about the quarterfinal sugar high."

"We should still be talking about that. And not the end bits. You think they're predictable and I think we'll just be retreading familiar ground. But to start, the bits I was on the bench for were even more squalid. We were pinching possession, moving the ball a bit but always going forward - and you lot were, well, obvious. Anything for an opening goal."

"There are plenty of hard men and women in Mertagne but I'm told I'm not one of them, as far as I'm aware. Thankfully; you know what I'm good at and being suspended is not going to help with that."

"Yeah, there was a bit of that but also, as far as I could tell... out-and-out attack? Typically, Saint Eleanor always has a period of dominance or two, but that wasn't really obvious the other day; we were always droning away, pushing for the goal and always being stopped about halfway into your half. We did actually have a few attempts, but they were spaced out... and generally okay. Not good, just okay."

"If you're hanging on for your dear life, then we're doing something right. We've done it before and we will go back and do it again - against other teams first, of course."

"Now, your qualifying performance was all well and good; hats off for that. But the last few games you played have been a bit of a struggle: knocked off by Delaclava, barely scraping by Cardenao after going gangbusters on them, and now losing on penalties against us - a match you feel you had every right to win, possibly even within thirty minutes before packing up for the day."

"If I've gotten my numbers wrong, tell me, but Saint Eleanor was the first team we've played at this tournament who are actually ranked above us. I can say we're proud for putting you on the ropes and making you fear for two hours, but you did a good job at stopping us as well. We could and, I think, should have tried harder, even if we were only 5% below capacity, but it wasn't to be. I'll talk to the manager, although she probably knows."

"The manager... I have every right to shudder. She was with Starblaydia two cycles ago, wasn't she? I'd say we should have defeated them, too, but they were far too strong and as it turns out, we were far too busy squabbling about something I have almost completely forgotten about. It was something to do with our manager, but I don't know why."

"Miss Fëanáro stood down as manager after that competition and was almost immediately appointed by the FMF, who are now here waiting to go back home while the Starblaydi were at home all this time watching the penalty shootout. The Kryties aren't here, either. That tells you something about the state of Calania these days."

"I don't think any of us could relate: Tinhampton hasn't had a viable football infrastructure for years and there are hardly any other nations in our part of Anaia. Thankfully we get on with most of them, somehow. How the hell does your nation function with three tiers of government?"

"How does your nation function with the largest civil-servant-to-politician ratio I've ever seen? Anyway, the legislature isn't tricameral any more. I'm surprised you don't know this. A few years ago, the people of Mertagne voted to amend the Charter to slim down that part a bit. Now, everybody in the country has the chance to be drawn into the Citizens Assembly and they can vote for members of one of the two houses of parliament, the Regional Forum, and elections happen once every often in any given area although they happen very often if you're just looking at all the areas at the same time. Now the Regional Forum Members nominate the National Forum Members rather than the National Forum being directly elected, and the National Forum makes national laws while the Regional Forum makes regional laws, even though there isn't a lot of space for national laws like in most nations. When the National Forum passes a national law, the law goes to the Citizens Assembly, who can stop that law from passing or ask for it to be amended in some way, and when the National Forum meets to elect a leader that leader nominates government members and judges, and the Citizens Assembly has to confirm the National Forum's choice of judges in addition to listening to the government members appointed by the leader who..."

"Sorry I have to go, but I have an important business meeting," groaned Denby, as he finished the rest of his drink, walked off, and dropped the newspaper on his chair. An important business meeting, my arse. This was going to be the biggest sixty hours of his life.

∴


Something like 1am - isn't it the 30th already? Yeah, big game's coming up soon.

It took me a few hours, more than a few Karsikas, a few days of training, some mental prepping beforehand and a bit of faith at the start of the second batch of extra time I've been tortured in this month, but I finally had my first goal since the West East Barack Obama Joe Bidenistan revenge job. In fact, I had two... and they somehow won us a place in the final of the Cup of Harmony! The final! Can you believe it? All this time we spent worrying about not making the World Cup and all of a sudden, we're in the final? Of the Cup of Harmony? The one our manager won?

Yeah, we'll talk about that later. No use getting your head up in the clouds when it's been a few hours, we've all gotten ourselves out of kit and we're trying to clear our minds for the least exciting holiday ever. What better way to do that than just venting off? Today's paper is outdated and just won't cut it, so I leave my digs - yeah, key card's in my gown pocket - stumble diagonally to room 318 and knock. "Helloooooooooooooooo-oooo?"

"It's okay, Adam," insisted the surely inimitable Sylvia Hollen... something, I can't be arsed to remember, she won't mind if I just call her Sylvia, "you can just knock on the door next time. I've never been a stickler for early morning engagements." Good lady. Should be dead posh, but doesn't act like it. DIdn't fuck up her penalty... unlike either of us the other night.

"I'm not sure why I'm even here; talking to people, trying to get to sleep, something like that. Some of us are sleeping already, aren't we?"

"I say that, but 1:30 for a 9am start is seven-and-a-half hours, which is what I usually survive on."

"No, our flight to Drawkland or whatever is not at 9am. The final is in Ceni!"

"It is, but you go in and out of Sonnel via Drawkland. That takes you to the Isles of Avon, which are quite close to Ceni. And from there, we can settle down, relax a bit, and prepare for the next match."

"I'd react to this with a Canarinho head but I think I'll just nod instead." And I nodded. "So... anything else you want to talk about?"

"Yes, actually. Nice work on the two goals the other night. The Audioslavs kept pushing all the way but it was your simple brilliance that put us in the final. Oh, and that first assist - I wonder who to blame for that."

"Oooooh, the final - I won't get too carried away by that. Thanks; I wouldn't say the goals were too good, really, but they weren't absolute shambles either like some of the big Bulls goals in recent years. Are you up for a celebraratarar... a Blue Star for our victory thing? Sorry, I am actually lost for words. It's not just a cliche tonight."

"I don't think the Eleanorian Brewery supplies this hotel! That and I'm just preparing to go to bed now, as you gathered earlier. But yes, at least you remembered that about me; I like alcohol-free beer, not normal beer or anything like that - nothing to do with morality or anything, just personal preference - and the informal non-drinkers' discussion group in the squad doesn't. I'm slacking and should really start getting together with that lot."

"I'll go on my own, Sylvia, don't worry. 'Normal beer,' as you said, is good; the non-alcoholic stuff is a bit flavoury but I should manage. I just need to get my wallet first..."

"Please do! Just because you won the semifinal doesn't quite mean you get free drinks. I'm a member of royalty and I don't!" So I had a feel of my gown pocket, went back to my room, grabbed my wallet, and went down the stairs all the way to the hotel bar. Then suddenly, some guy with the widest smile in the world who I'm entirely convinced was the one working the bar that night was congratulating me on the goals and offered me a free round of drinks. For fuck's sake.
****** The Grand Republic of Saint Eleanor - area 2,863mi2, population 489,816, 1.6 cups of coffee/Eleanorian/day - it's 2000 (OOC: obvious Tinhampton puppet)
BoF76 quarterfinalists --- WC91 participants

Why? George Mitcham, General then and now, cofounded the National Liberation Front in 1971 to demand a free Saint Eleanor. He got his wish in '75 after a 15-month war: becoming President, appointing notable NLF friends and some charity's executive director as VPs and calling them legislators. He has retained power through oil money; zero income tax; free healthcare, schooling, public transport - and markets; tolerating dissent on apolitical matters; allowing private gun ownership (with plenty of training) to protect against future invasions; high-quality PR; and football.

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