Independents Cup 16 - Revoda Sea IAC [IC]

[West Barack and East Obama]

To: Bartholomew Obamad, 23 Bloblama Avenue, Obamago, East Obama

From: Obamafinakis, Obamafinakis & Obamafinakis, Attorneys at Law, 38 Joebama Lane, Obamago, East Obama

BETWEEN A BAROCK AND A HARD PLACE!?

DEAREST AND ESTEEMED OBAMAN BARTOLOMEW OBAMMAD,

Have YOU ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Even more importantly, have YOU ever been accused of a crime you did commit, but it's not your fault because of our glorious nation's very extensive legal code? Most importantly, have YOU ever been accused of a crime you did commit, and you just want to get off scot free?

If you answered yes to to any of those questions, you better Buck-le your seatbelts, Tuck in your shirts, and Chuck whatever lawyer you're already hiring out of your nearest window because what you need is Obamafinakis, Obamafinakis & Obamafinakis attorneys at law! Look at our many successes:

1. We successfully negotiated for notorious terrorist and vlogger Jake T. Obamer to be extradited to Lozho, where instead of being hanged, drawn and quartered he's just doing life with hard labour at one of their factories!
2. We got infamous mobster and tax evader Obamal Capone a 2 year sentence instead of firing squad, through a clever interpretation of the 'donations to the judge's holiday fund' loophole!
3. We got the dishonourable murderer and rapper Obamaye West-Barack a full release from prison, provided that he spends the rest of his career in a studio in downtown New Barack City recording novelty rap parody verses for the national anthem.
4. We won a match 2-2 against HUElavia in the latest IAC match, by telling our players if we got knocked out we would sue them for every penny they've got!

We believe that the law can be bent to ours, the government's and YOUR advantage, a win-win-win, and that's why we fight for YOU, East Obama! Better Call Obamafinakis, Obamafinakis, and you guessed it, Obamafinakis!

Advertisement Approved By The Obaman Board of Adverts, with edits made to replace offensive/subversive content. Any reference made to exonerations are not coincidental just fictional, because you know that's never happening lmao.

actual match report to come soon

[Trolleborg]

Greetings, compatriots!
It’s TTV and in the air Tiernes Riper will have a conversation with Trolleborg FA CEO Torben Mortensen

[T.R.] Happy to see you here again, Torben. We haven't seen each other for a long time

[T.M.] This is true. And I understand that questions have accumulated, but I am afraid that some of them are beyond my capabilities to answer, and some of them we can only answered collectively with you, dear fellow citizens.

[T.R.] Yes, there have been questions. First, of course, how do you evaluate the results of the latest transfer campaign?

[T.M.] This was completely expected. Yes, that's right, everyone shouldn't be surprised. We have been talking about this for three years now, and personally I thought that we should entered transfer market earlier, then we would have comprehended and accepted the results of such a “opening to the world” and add something to our understanding of world football much earlier. For some reason, many football players thought that it was possible to play in the domestic championship at half strength, believing that they were underestimated here, but as soon as they got out to the international arena, they will play in full strenght and will be properly appreciated. And it turns out that everything is not so simple and beautiful. As you all know, out of five players only two have found new clubs, one of them on a free transfer. I am far from gloating, but it seems to me that everyone who thinks that he got less than he should from life better to think about this topic once again and not to save strength “for glorious times”.

[T.R.] And yet I think not everyone shared your skepticism.

[T.M.] Yes, probably. For some reason, the inhabitants of our country believe that we are a sports superpower, but this is far from being the case. Fans are waiting for victories, victories and more victories, no matter in what sport. Probably, relatively successful performances of football players in the first year of "opening to the world" are partly to blame for this. But look, let's say, at Graentfjall – this is how sports superpower looked like, even though this country appeared on the sports arena later than ours. And we still need to work a lot to get closer to this result. It's scary to even imagine how much work you have to do.

[T.R.] And which area needs the most intensive work?

[T.M.] In my opinion, this is both PR, and constant contacts with sports countries, and participation in the organization of tournaments ...

[T.R.] Are you say that we organize them badly?

[T.M.] No, not bad, but rarely, and I would say that we did not focus on those aspects that are interesting. It is enough to look at the winning applications to start drawing conclusions. And to continue them like this: you need to participate more often, get into co-hosts with prominent sports powers, learn from them and comprehend fully what and how they did. And besides, I will return to my previous thought, we need to interact more with foreigners who understand the matters. In short, not be limited to the sports component. It is necessary to make PR for our league, and domestic sports in general. I will again raise the issue of restoring TTV-Sport broadcasting soon, because I believe that without this it will be difficult for us to achieve anything at all in the field of PR. And when we work on the air not like last time, but much more intensively for a year and a half, then foreigners will not ask “who are all these people?” while having met the names of our players in the lists put up for transfer. They only see the matches of the national teams, and we do not indicate the clubs of the players playing for her, because it is believed that they represent the country.

[T.R.] But after all, the players listed are not the most famous. All of them have never been in the national team in the first roles and have not played for it for several years.

[T.M.] It's right. However, we in FA sat and analyzed what is happening in the football world and concluded that there is a significant demand for players of their class at such a price, and yet potential buyers preferred to take players from more well-known leagues. Actually, the same applies to Hendrick Kerr, who tried to look for work outside the country, who, by his coaching qualities and track record, could well count on fairly decent employment abroad - but who knows him if he does not closely follow the games of national teams. I am extremely sad that such a prominent specialist could not find a club appropriate for his coaching talent. For him, I think, it was a blow, and, taking this opportunity, I would like to tell him not to despair, the failures pursuing him will surely end soon.

[T.R.] Considering that this is our second coach in terms of merits and track record, the lack of demand for his services speaks as if in favor of your assumption that the matter is in PR.

[T.M.] I'm glad that there is a sign of consensus, but I would like to note that if you ask the fans who our third best coach is, the answers will differ quite thoroughly, since it is completely non-obvious. Club level and international football are two very different things. And it seems to me – I say that in the development of what has already been said – it is necessary to participate in international youth tournaments, and, perhaps, start preparing for participation in world club tournaments. The last one is not very obvious to me, but the first one I think is necessary. True, we need to see if our fans think it is necessary, since their vote is decisive. But let them take into account what situation we will be in if the current head coach resigns. Again call the national leader for a coach, like hockey and basketball teams did?
(both laughing)
So after all, Vladimir Finn is not a wizaed, and his successes – he said it himself – look impressive only for a completely novice coach as he was. And world football is much more difficult than basketball or hockey, with all due respect. So you don't need to rely on miracles, or, there, inviting foreigners, but you need to work and study and heavily concentrate on that .

[T.R.] And that concludes the first part of the interview. We will now take a break for the newsletter, and will be back on the air soon.

[Abanhfleft]

DISCLAIMER: Gaelic Gamers is an independents sports blogging website created by four cousins with a common liking and passion for sports of all kinds and is in no way or form affiliated with or organized by any official news organization in the Democratic Republic of Abanhfleft. All statements and opinions posted here are our own and not anyone else's.

---

Gaelic Gamers
Presents...

The Football Fallacies
with The Man from Markovsky

THIS IAC IS GETTING HOTTER IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

Hello and welcome to The Football Fallacies. Right, so that’s another IAC match done and dusted, and once again I am getting scared. We’ve all seen this exact same pattern play out before, haven’t we? Abanhfleft starts doing well in the group stage, and then once it’s time to get into the business end of things, the bastard Revolutionaries just can’t catch a break in the bloody round of 16! Like, seriously! This has happened so many times before that it’s not even funny anymore! There’s this clip floating around in the Internet that perfectly sums up my feelings about this situation, and though I can’t find it right now, I do know what it says: “Once is funny, twice is fucking annoying, no?” And while I definitely wouldn’t say that getting eliminated is funny, especially when it happens for the first time, because of the number of times that it’s happened to Abanhfleft (and usually at the hands of the same handful of teams as well), the time comes wherein the tragedy turns into a comedy, and now you have the origin story of a crazy yet beloved and popular comic book character. You know who I’m talking about. The one whose entire theme is about clowns and comedy. Which, come to think about it, almost entirely accurately represents Abanhfleft itself because almost every time that this country has tried to succeed in international sports, it turns into a massive clown show instead. Like I said, it would be funny if it didn’t happen so often.

But enough about me moaning about the distant past. Let’s start moaning about the more recent past. I’m talking specifically about the match between Abanhfleft and this country known simply as 69X. Now I do remember there once being a country named 95X that was actually quite good at football, but now I haven’t heard much from them so now we’ve been left with the 95X that we have at home. The result has very much gone Abanhfleft’s way once again, which is why I’ve once again got that sinking feeling in my stomach once again. Anyway, before we get to that, let’s just take a look at how Abanhfleft were able to score four goals once again and also drop the ball on keeping the clean sheet. That’s yet another thing that Abanhfleft does that I’ve just come to accept as an inevitability. Clean sheets simply aren’t something that Abanhfleft does. That’s what happens when you create a footballing culture which prioritizes goals above anything else. Defending becomes an afterthought; goalkeepers become stars simply because they have to do everything themselves, and despite all of that, attacking players still get all the credit for winning titles and cups and staying in their respective leagues. And you can see that mentality extending itself into international football, with the managers all being more focused on actually scoring more goals than the opponents and not caring as much about defending. Even those coaches who have been brought in with the intention of shoring up the defense, they all eventually cave in to the pressure and just go hell for leather by literally outscoring the opponent. We all know by now that that is an unsustainable way of playing football, but for some reason we just don’t want to learn!

Now that my usual ranting is done and out of the way, let’s talk about the match itself. Drawkland is apparently going through a heatwave during the third round of matches, and the Abanhfleft-69X match was one of the first ones affected by this heatwave. Some of the lads definitely adapted to the conditions better than others, most notably the likes of Sven Fahrni, Sam Baburov, Gary Sagun, and even Iraklis Babalioutas. I think you all could notice the same pattern here, and that is the fact that the aforementioned players have been playing in environments that have similar heat levels to what they’re currently experiencing with this heatwave. Some guys are definitely built to take this heat, and there are others who are literally wilting underneath these temperatures, specifically three-fourths of our current starting defense. Well, when you’ve been playing most of your careers over in the Capital Islands where most of the weather you have to worry about is storms, sometimes the heat can really do a number on you. You can really see it in the way that Chiba-san, Eli Thonet, and Chris Bellingham were all moving so sluggishly on the pitch. It’s not a good look for any of them, I’ll admit, but despite all of that, they still managed to keep 69X scoreless. Yes, ladies and gents, you read that right. Despite suffering from the effects of the Drawkian heatwave, the Revolutionaries defense still held firm against the onslaught of 69X. Not that there was much of an onslaught there, to be honest, but for what it’s worth, the lads held up under both the weather and their opponents, and that will have to be good enough for me.

For those of our players who were actually used to playing in hot conditions such as these though, it was pretty much still business as normal. Mustafa Bensoussan was still proving a nuisance to the 69Xer defense (is that even the proper way to call them?), Sven Fahrni was brushing aside any and all attempts to trip him up, and Sacit Közalmaz was actually doing even better in the heat compared to the previous games when the heatwave wasn’t officially there in Drawkland yet. And it was these three lovely bastards who put Abanhfleft 3-0 up within the first 20 minutes, although not necessarily in that order. It was Közalmaz who scored first courtesy of a cutback from Carlos Lado, then Bensoussan had a tap-in from a Közalmaz attempt that was saved, then Fahrni struck a banger of a free kick to make sure that the three points were pretty much in the bag. This pretty much allowed Levi Baak to turn down the tempo and conserve his players under this heat, which could very well prove to be vital considering that we’ve still yet to face Drawkland, one half of the hosts of this IAC. And it’s perhaps a good thing that we’ve got a bye day as well to follow this game against 69X, but I also have this sinking feeling in my stomach once again that this bye day is going to ruin the team’s momentum. But that’s not really my job; it’s Levi Baak’s, and if he messes this up then I wouldn’t even be surprised. Every other manager has done it before him. Why should he be any different?

By the time the second half started, it was pretty obvious that the heat was taking its toll on everyone, even those players who were used to playing in hot conditions. Abanhfleft pretty much had the result in the bag anyway so there was no use forcing the issue, but despite that, Sven Fahrni was still sending goals into the final third for our forwards to chase after, and I have to say that it’s a bit of a funny sight to see. Remember how haughty Fahrni always is, and then combine that with the fact that the others are too sweaty and too gassed to be chasing balls. There was one close-up of Fahrni where his face was pretty much saying “I am surrounded by idiots.” But come on now, Svenny boy! If this was any other match, I would understand your frustration, but we are talking about a game of football being played in the middle of a bastard heatwave here! This is the time when you should be cutting your teammates some slack! They can’t all be emotionless and unfeeling robots like you are! You can’t expect them to perform to the same level that you, especially in this roiling heat! Seriously, man! How can this guy still be so calm and composed in these conditions?! I'm telling you all, that man is not human! You would think that after Drew Alonto scored that fourth goal that he would finally be happy to take his foot off the pedal but the man truly is relentless! He's like that robot assassin in the movies! He just wants to continue doing the job that Levi Baak programmed into his CPU. Not even that bastard own goal from Antonio Galindez was enough to get Fahrni's computer brain to switch to another program. That's how relentless that guy is.

Anyway, that's all that there is for me now. If you've got any comments or thoughts about the game against 69X or predictions against Drawkland then feel free to leave them down below. Until then, I've been the Man from Markovsky, disappointed that this wild ride that my country has put me on has to end somehow, and I don't think that it's an ending that I'll like.

               69X 1 - 4 ABANHFLEFT        
 GALINDEZ (72' og)       KÖZALMAZ (9')
                         BENSOUSSAN (13')
                         FAHRNI (20')
                         ALONTO (59')

[PotatoFarmers]

Poafmersia 2–0 Elmyia
Poafmersian Goals: Jordan Huerta 60' (pen); Ali Berger 87'
Lineup (4-3-3): Nicole Potts; Mitchel Rosales, Diamond Byan, Ali Berger, Mac Rojas; Michael Jackson, Min Berg, Aapeli Shea; Janelle Frederick, Jordan Huerta, Leontiy Seet
Substitutes: Zak Kaloyanov (Rosales 50'); Magreta Rym (Berg 78'); Huangdi MacRae (Byan 78'); Tessa Bjarnesen (Frederick 86')

---

Juvencus 4–2 Poafmersia
Poafmersian Goals: Janelle Frederick 30' (assisted by Abbott), Jordan Huerta 47' (assisted by Abbott)
Lineup (4-3-3): Nicole Potts; Mitchel Rosales, Diamond Byan, Ali Berger, Natalia Abbott; Leonora Hall, Michael Jackson, Valentin Gotti; Janelle Frederick, Jordan Huerta, Leontiy Seet
Substitutes: Aapeli Shea (Jackson 63'), Bolívar Tamura (Huerta 69'), Mac Rojas (Rosales 72')

Nisharian House, somewhere in Poafmersia
The Nisharian family can be seen as a dynasty of sorts. After all, the Kibi Party has been the leading party for more than three-quarter of its history, sliding in and out of government during the country's early days, and now, enjoying a period of dominance probably unseen in many other countries. For Pikashru Nisharian, winning 3 elections on the trot with supermajorities was absolutely gorgeous. His 24 years of Presidency was a regin similar to that of his late father, Gobi Nisharian, pushing out social welfare policies that steered the country past cycles of economic downturns.

Pikashru Nisharian knows that his capabilities to secure a supermajority may not last the end-of-year elections. However, the problem presented to him will probably be one of the strangest problems presented to the ruling party, going into their 11th consecutive election in governmnent. How can they utilise their open borders policy to give Poafmersia more economic and social clout? There is no easy answer to this. The social and economic benefits of the opening of the nation's borders may slowly creep in, but to expect it to cause a massive change may be a little too much for the government to bear. The President knows it would be a small problem. But for his majority to drop from the current 70% average to something in the late 50s will be a huge cause of concern for his party members, eager to push forward leadership elections to stop the 55 year old from completing his 5th election cycle.

[Drawkland]

Juve's cutoff has been moved. We're still rolling though, so cue the music, and cutoff for the Juven half of MD4!!!

---

Group E
Juvencus 4–2 Montaña Verde
Poafmersia 1–1 Arjunnagar

  Group E                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Juvencus                     3   3  0  0   10   5  +5    9
2 Montaña Verde                3   2  0  1    8   6  +2    6
3 Poafmersia                   3   1  1  1    5   5   0    4
4 Elmyia                       3   1  0  2    1   3  −2    3
5 Arjunnagar                   4   0  1  3    4   9  −5    1

Group F
West Barack and East Obama 1–0 Saterun
Eshialand 0–2 HUElavia

  Group F                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 HUElavia                     4   3  1  0   10   5  +5   10
2 Eshialand                    3   2  0  1    5   3  +2    6
3 West Barack and East Obama   3   1  1  1    4   6  −2    4
4 Bears Armed                  3   0  1  2    4   6  −2    1
5 Saterun                      3   0  1  2    1   4  −3    1

Group G
Adab 2–3 Indusse
Sevendia 4–2 Azevedocity

  Group G                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Indusse                      3   3  0  0    5   2  +3    9
2 Adab                         3   2  0  1    7   4  +3    6
3 Sevendia                     3   2  0  1    7   7   0    6
4 Strayaroos Barrier Islands   3   1  0  2    7   5  +2    3
5 Azevedocity                  4   0  0  4    4  12  −8    0

Group H
Belnegau 1–0 Sudilia
Bliuji 1–0 Omerica

  Group H                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Squidroidia                  3   3  0  0    6   1  +5    9
2 Belnegau                     3   2  0  1    3   1  +2    6
3 Sudilia                      3   1  0  2    5   7  −2    3
4 Bliuji                       3   1  0  2    1   4  −3    3
5 Omerica                      4   1  0  3    4   6  −2    3

[Juvencus]

OOC: Sorry for the delay, expect tomorrow's cutoff to be on time, however.

As we are closing in to the final matchday, the temperature really hits 100 degrees. CUTOFF FOR MD4 OF THE DRAWKIAN HALF!

GROUP A
Drawkland 2–1 69X
Octapolis 3–0 Sett Forest

  GROUP A              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Drawkland              3   2  1  0    6   2  +4    7
  Octapolis              3   2  1  0    5   1  +4    7
3 Abanhfleft             3   2  0  1    8   3  +5    6
4 Sett Forest            4   1  0  3    3  10  −7    3
5 69X                    3   0  0  3    2   8  −6    0

GROUP B
Sannyamathland 3–1 New Eestiball
TJUN-ia 3–1 Imoto

  GROUP B              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Geektopia              3   3  0  0   11   6  +5    9
2 TJUN-ia                3   2  0  1    8   5  +3    6
3 Sannyamathland         3   1  1  1    4   4   0    4
4 New Eestiball          3   1  0  2    4   7  −3    3
5 Imoto                  4   0  1  3    3   8  −5    1

GROUP C
Trolleborg 0–1 Britonisea
Bohr 2–3 Space

  GROUP C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Tjorl                  3   2  1  0   10   5  +5    7
2 Trolleborg             3   2  0  1    2   1  +1    6
3 Space                  4   2  0  2    6   8  −2    6
4 Britonisea             3   1  0  2    3   5  −2    3
5 Bohr                   3   0  1  2    3   5  −2    1

GROUP D
Ealdracaland 0–0 Cakranegara
Kriegiersien 1–0 Togonistan

  GROUP D              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kriegiersien           3   3  0  0    4   0  +4    9
2 Togonistan             4   2  0  2    8   6  +2    6
3 Valentine Z            3   1  1  1    5   6  −1    4
4 Cakranegara            3   0  2  1    1   2  −1    2
5 Ealdracaland           3   0  1  2    1   5  −4    1

[Elmyia]

Sometimes you can play the game exactly as you should. The game plan is set out - stay tight, stay compact, track your opposite number, push forward quickly and try and edge it - and the players follow it to a t. They don't give an inch. Aramis' heels are snapped at, Kristjana has nothing to run into, Primitivo can't finish a dribble. Osito is left drifting round the back line, denied service and looking increasingly forlorn. Going the other way, and with Rossi in for Harris, they look whip-smart. Bernardini drops into the space between the lines, giving Coco a horrible day. Marking her out off the ball, snapping at her when she was on it, and getting distance when he received. Balls curved out to Froggatt and Rossi, all speed and fury down the wings. Crosses are put back in, cut backs are made, and shots are taken.

Crucially, however, nothing quite comes off. Shots skew wide, passes don't meet targets and the game remains scrappy. It starts to drag on, legs tire in the heat. Eventually, the lines start to stretch, gaps open up, passes are taken shorter, defenders get dragged about. Eventually, Chizzo is out of position and cannot recover her position, Aramis receives from Primitivo and slips in Indiano. Shot taken, Butler beaten, 1-0 down. They do not have the legs to come back, Bernardini subs off for Benedetti, Reid in for Clifton. 5 minutes of furious energy. Then... nothing, the game peters out, and hopes of progression dim.

***

The camera pans in on Steven "Well Signors, I'm sure we can all agree, a disappointing result. But, was it a better performance, Benni?"

"For sure, for sure a better performance. You know, I have made it very clear, I would probably like to always see a bit more intent going forwards, but this was good. I liked the pace out wide, they were willing to attack the space behind the full backs, and bringing Rossi in was a good plan, much better than Harris at going in behind. Overall, I think Signor Varisco has shown some tactical intelligence here?"

"Well, with that being true, we did sadly still see Elmyia fail to come away with the result that they wanted, Paul, why do you think they ended up losing?"

"Their legs were gone, and I think a lot of that's mental. You can talk as much crap about tactics as you like but I think they lacked that last bit of motivation to get the job done."

After that performance, all he can think about is that? Man management? In a game of clear tactical patterns "Paul, Gio is a great man manager, he clearly gets a lot out of tactical players, surely you can see we were unlucky not to get a result?" Benni was enjoying this, not only was he clearly more intelligent, he now seemed more reasonable.

"Not at all, it's a results business and that's what matters. Clearly they don't yet have the mentality to be winners, and as much as I like and respect Gio, that falls at his door."

"Well gentlemen, we can see that Elmyia are not technically eliminated yet, but what do we think the odds of them going through are now?"

Paul jumped it "Well, we're not out, we have the players, it down to them now to show they have the balls to get the result and continue in this competition."

"Paul, surely you can see we're at the end of the road here? We play the hosts, the strongest side in the group, surely they have the capability to put us away. Especially given they have not secured their passage already."

"Nonsense, nonsense. This is a strong side, a good side, absolutely premium players. They've got it in them, they need to do it."

Benni sighed why's he spinning it this way, clearly I'm not the only one angling for this.

"Well, as alluded to signors, one group game to go against Juvencus, the hosts and quite possibly one of the favourites to push on in this tournament, Paul, how do you rate our chances then?"

"We go man to man, we just have to prove we're better."

"Benni?"

"So, both sides play a 3-4-3/5-2-3, so we both very much have each player with an opposite number to track and stop. Juvencus use a lot of width, their centre mids seem to push wide, the wingers cut in and the wide midfielders push forward. That would leave us overwhelmed as we like to play quite narrow, but if our central midfielders are left in space as a result, it could be devastating. I expect, going one on one in each position, we might be overwhelmed by their quality. I don't think we can be too disappointed if we play well and give them a game."

***

Gio stepped out of the team hotel into the small outside area of the bar. He had never been somewhere that felt so similar to Elmyia, yet so foreign. Similar climate, familiar food, same cigar, same glass of smooth brandy. He missed home, his wife, his daughters, sitting on the veranda and feeling entirely in place. He smoothed the crease out of his suit, took a seat and lit his cigar, which took him back to where he belonged. Two men were clearly gunning for his job, he'd studiously avoided watching their tedious in studio bickering. What could he really say though, they were the coming men of Elmyian football. Paul Reynard, hard case, man manager, terrifying and commanding of respect. He'd make a final national team manager, sure some would be rubbed up the wrong way. He chuckled thinking of how Bernardini might react to the barrackings. On the other hand, Benni Massi, tactical genius, difficult, retiring and frequently viewed with suspicion. He was whip smart though, sharp and intense. He'd get this lot running hard and organised. Gio, however, his strength is making people happy. Keeping the stars on board and expressing themselves, getting confidence into the team, making it a nice environment. Maybe that's not what they need right now. His mobile buzzed in his pocket, it was Marina.

"Marina, mi Tesora, it warms me to hear from you. How is home, how are my angels?"

"Ah, we're okay, Emma and Sofia, they miss you dearly. They were sad to see you lose, but hope it means you'll be home soon!"

"It's the one saving grace of the result my sweet, I shall we so happy to be back with you. I want to eat a perfect pientanze domenica, even if it is a Monday."

"So you're missing home as much as it is missing you?"

"I am, even more than I thought, even more than I thought. How's the mood at home? I feel they might come for my head after all of this?"

"No, no, not at all, people still think you're great, but the question is, do you want to keep doing this?"

"My dear I am not sure, it is such an honour to have this job, truly the peak of my career. But I do question if I am losing sight of what is important. I liked being able to sleep each night by your side, be there with you all in the morning, cook the pancetta y uovo."

"If you were to come home and manage the most dead end club, and it made you happy, I shall support you."

"I suppose we'll see how this last game goes. Whatever happens, I cannot wait to be home with you all. If there's a next time you'll have to come out with me."

"A great idea amore mio, I love you, speak soon"

"I love you too, sweet dreams." He hung up. Leaving and managing a small club might not be too bad, this amount of loneliness and hard work surely deserves more payoff. He took a long puff on his cigar and glanced up to the night sky. No stars, just clouds. He sighed and got out his notebook. How can we get in behind Juvencus?

[New Eestiball]

AN EXPECTED LOSS
Doorknobs lose 3-1 against wherever it is today, and are scheduled to be beaten again by TJUN-ia.

[TJUN-ia]

By Peter Davis

After a great bounce-back win over our nearest rivals Sannyamathland book off our first half, the Jaguars of TJUN-ia were looking to continue the good times after the bye which saw them left alone in 2nd spot in Group B of IAC16. The 3-1 win we managed to get over the #9 side in IAC certainly did feel good and both David Seems and Li Xiu Ying hoped that the performance we all put up in that great game could be repeated for the rest of the way, but this group also has a sense of being a battle right to the end and so every game has to be taken as seriously as the next.

Even this game, back at The Budgie Nest Stadium against unranked Imoto, a nation with only a single point to their name, was supposed to be treated seriously, considering how tight things were, and to be fair to us, that is exactly what we did. We treated Imoto with respect, as we should after their recent draw with Sannyamathland, and we made sure that we took them down in the most respectable way possible...through an Archer Andrews hattrick. One via his own trick plays, another through a cracking assist from Prince Carter and the other because Malhrani al-Kalhrani did most of the work and provided him with an easy tap-in. It certainly was some fun football being played out there and while Imoto did get a goal back, they simply didn't have enough to overhaul us here in Missomen. Another 3-1 win in the bag and this time, we will lead the battle for 2nd by 2 points entering the final day.

In order to absolutely be sure that we make it in, we have to beat New Eestiball back in Masteser. New Eestiball is a team that apparently has already given up after a 3-1 loss to Sannyamathland, but that doesn't mean they aren't any less dangerous. The White Lions are ready to pounce if we cannot deal with the Doorknobs...and that should be enough motivation for us to focus on. GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group B, Drawkland)
MD1: vs Geektopia (21) - Panar Bank Park, Masteser L 2-3 (4th)
MD2: vs Sannyamathland (9) - The Budgie Nest Stadium, Missomen W 3-1 (T-2nd)
MD3: BYE (2nd)
MD4: vs Imoto (UR) - The Budgie Nest Stadium, Missomen W 3-1 (2nd)
MD5: vs New Eestiball (48) - Panar Bank Park, Masteser

[Geektopia]

SportsSurveillanceCams.geecom Pickup of the Month for January 7986: Julio goes more into detail about the shoes after scolding Rinnert for pressing them too hard after first bout in Panar Bank

---

Rinnert: Nankervis!

Nankervis: Mm?

Rinnert: With regards to the development of our understanding these sneakers-

Julio: No, wait! Before we talk about this, everyone should have to turn off their watch attachments and put them in the trash here!

Nankervis: No, you wait. And, uhhh.. tell me why we're supposed to unlatch these because I'm confused and wasn't at the meeting before last.

Julio: Well, you weren't at the meeting prior to this one either, and that's when I was issuing everyone their protocol in regards to these. Now is everyone here? (grumbling)

Julio: O.K., I see now. Well, you've got to feel assured that everything will be fine with my talking and your listening. Good, let's proceed with the taking off of our DocuClocks, not including me, and I will explain the use of our doing it to cover everyone.

Everyone puts their DocuClocks in the bin.

Julio: So for instance, I discovered that one reason why we will take and turn these off before talking to another about the shoes is that for every game there is, you have given them away to the association every time you have left the stadia in which you have played, and for each time you have entered the stadia in which you are to play, you will have received one. So why is this? Simple. Your handing these watches to the association makes it so that they can hand the watches with the recorded audio to sports media networks who own shares, so that the sports media networks can then share the audio by uploading audio files or text transcripts to a .gee.com base website. So I figured we shouldn't be doing two things at the same time, that is, having these watches that we are forced to turn into the association by after hours on without the knowledge of how to delete entries and talking about things that are trying to be hidden by important shady officials. But I don't know why the information on these shoes are hidden, because people these days are so simple-minded that if they knew about such stuff being from Chohn-Singh they'd either still not care, or dedicate the rest of their lives to get into that moving pirate ship.

Livengood: Not speaking for everyone here, but I guess we understand. And what is it that the shoes do?

Julio: It is such a unique design on the sole here that looks like it has many buttons, but you press the either one of the three with the yellow outlines on the lower left here, and you are transported back in time as far as one minute. Actually, there are a few things I didn't tell you about these. Well, first of all, they have an insole in the heel area, so they are light-weight. The more pressure you put on the heel and the less on the ball of the foot, the faster the insole moves back. so it does wear. Secondly, these pairs are all linked in some way, so that if just the one person presses the button with the number "15" under it within ten seconds, instead of seventeen people or more, the function does not work. It has to be majority decision within ten seconds, and so this is why I have so much of our bench out to watch in these football games. The last tidbit of information, of course: these shoes have a circular fly in the back, with a thin elastic band connecting them to the insole and the heel so that they can be worn while your feet are restrained. You can see the elastic band in this photograph. It's the green portion of the image. Oh, yes, but this is really not the last thing. Rinnert, in the game you were so mad while wearing these shoes when you lost the ball in a critical area that you pressed the fifteen second button much more forcefully than the rest of us, and so this led to the loss of floodlight power in Panar Bank Park, where we played. Does anyone have any theories about this loss of power? How the shoes could have caused it? I am going to scold Rinnert further after this, and maybe take his shoe privileges away until we play Sannyamathland. Rinnert, you don't have to worry because you will not be selected until Sannyamathland, and so this way is the best way, for it gives you a few days to let what I said sink in. Oh, and I'm sure you don't want to lose the elastic and ergonomic capabilities of these, so I'll have my shoemaker friend Njongue design a pair for you after these Championships are over. In case you didn't hear what Njongue said about them, "They are the most perfect shoes ever made."

Blask: If you all didn't know, I think there's a connection between these shoes and a little something called the theory of relativity, because while the little sneakers do what they do, the infringement of light that's traveling at the same speed makes it so that with every unsuccessful attempt at going back through time, a major loss of light occurs. The power loss we incurred versus TJUN-ia was close to fifteen minutes, but was only fourteen and Rinnert pressed the fifteen second button, right?

Rinnert: That's right, and I hope you'll understand that I pushed it a few times after this to go back in time again before the floodlights went low, but no one was listening to me! So I too think there is a connection between the shoes and relativity, and that the unsuccessful pushing of the thirty second button as well as the fifteen second button has bad reciprocations, as in it could wipe out power for up to a minute for every second you'd go back.

Blask: But shouldn't we devise something as far as the area of the electrical loss goes? For instance, the average size of a football pitch would be one hundred and five by sixty eight meters, so if merely pressing the fifteen second rewind button in the wrong way took out all four of those lights, then the area of light and electricity loss doubles for thirty seconds, right? You can only assume.

Diminno: Hey, that's just math! One doesn't necessarily need to calculate this.

Blask: But what about you? If you don't have any theories, I'll have to start taking away all of your shoe privileges.

Diminno: Then Julio's shoemaker friend would have to make me some of the finest rubber on the Kwandoan continent. Presumably.

Julio: Yeah, so now that I've told you everything about these shoes and have gotten some very valuable feedback in return as to how they really work, we are going to talk about other things which your previous manager Hojnacki did. What I'm led to believe is that he fed you guys misinformation in regards to pre-workout supps, right? I know that you guys wanted to get a leg up on our own team, so you were willing to do whatever it took. Because of this, you guys are now feeling the effects of the illegal substances we gave you. And they are illegal because Hojnacki was willing to run through walls for you as far as robbing stores that sold whey goes. And Hojnacki fixed you all up on these whey supplements before you did deadlifts in our gyms back at home, whereas its much better to eat less whey before doing abs, cardio, circuit, and weights. So I understand in two ways why you're out of shape now. Oh, by the way, how's project Swadley going, Swadley?

Swadley: Oh, I just feel like I'm in the middle of it all. While traveling to all sorts of countries with my buds makes me feel inclined to not do air force, I'm getting pudgier at the same time, and Project my name hasn't helped in the long range. I need a transformation. Oh, and is it true that Trujillo Villanueva used to work at a bigger gym than Hojnacki?

Nankervis: What?

Julio: Yes, yes, he did. In his sixth year of work, he was a trainer for the men's basketball team at the University of Montree des Fallins, and so he gained a lot of experience during those years as well as when he was clocking time at the big gyms in Mukladrue, Zune, and Mordecai. You know, big city gyms, where people question your certifications all the time? I'm sure he's a great people person too, since he likes to talk to the clients while they're squatting and can usually lift more than twice what they can.

Swadley: I wouldn't say I'm a good people person, but I'm pretty great at lifting heavy things. But yeah, I'm not the most fit person alive right now, but I'm working my ass off and earning that money to change myself and inspire others who are having bad patches. Like you, Ogrodowski!

Ogrodowski: In your case, isn't it unwise to call someone a hard gainer when you are a hard gainer?

Julio: Please, please don't talk about your weight and diet habits in front of me anymore. I'm a huge supporter of the Great Man Theory, and I don't want you to ruin that for me.

Swadley: I'm sorry, Julio, but your theory is too much. The way you treat me is not fair, and I have been exercising as well as eating right.

Julio: Well, you are supposed to be able to gain muscle mass (after all).

Swadley: Anyways, bro, I was at the Place of Valence before the thing against Aut-Ves-Nat in March 7919 doing some stretches on our parking lot, and no nonsense Matkowski had arrived at the same time as me and just went into the building. But after that time, Julio had arrived, and I'm looking at him, and it looks like his arms grew since the last time I saw him.

Julio: Sweet.

Swadley: That's fucked up.

Julio: I-I mean, that's cool with me.

Swadley: I'm not joking. He's probably done something to his body. And you know what? I bet he's even using steroids.

Nankervis: Dude, accusations like that are not funny.

Blask: Oh, don't worry, he's just kidding! But what is your opinion? Have you noticed anything else out of the ordinary with Julio's body?

Julio: No, I haven't myself. Not for a minute.

Blask: Oh, okay.

Julio: I think I need to get myself a good weight routine so I can lift like you do, Blask.

Blask: You will have to find a weight routine yourself, because I'm not going to coach you in weightlifting. That is for the experts.

Nankervis: Is this the part where you tell us that you're going to be the next great weightlifter to come out of the Kwandoan International Glutes Confederation?

Abdill: Oh, yeah I've heard Blask go on about his glutes and how jacked that lower part of his body up to his midsection is. You know, I'd wager that he even goes on about them in his sleep.

Blask: What? Pfft, no way.

Nankervis: And I've also heard him say that his muscles are as big as his brain, and that he thinks he's smarter than the rest of us.

Julio: That's completely false. What Blask said, I mean.

The TJUN-ia match was held January the 16th, 7927 (Kwandoan calendar)

Geektopia 4-2 New Eestiball <> 82,135 @ The Budgie Nest Stadium, Missomen, Drawkland

G's: 28' by #27 Swenty for GEE (assisted by #2 Muratbek Nurasq Qaq Eul), 37' by 982 for NEE (assisted by 303), 40' by #2 Muratbek Nurasq Qaq Eul for GEE (assisted by #26 Gerking), 64' by #16 Witrago for GEE (assisted by #27 Swenty), 90+2' by #25 Vert for GEE (assisted by #32 Boblett), 90+4' by 303 for NEE (assisted by 857)
Notable Fouls (GEE): YC in the 59' via #27 Gerking
Substitutions: N/A

Player Ratings

ON FOR 90 MINS
#32 Boblett: 7.5
#28 Ogrodowski: 7.0
#38 Lierin Minilinsirtaytfah Y Nayj: 7.0
#35 Ratter: 7.0
#30 Ponti: 7.0
#10 Nankervis: 7.0
#26 Gerking: 7.4
#16 Witrago: 8.0
#2 Muratbek Nurasq Qaq Eul: 8.5
#27 Swenty: 8.5
#25 Vert: 8.0

[West Barack and East Obama]

BBC OFFICIAL REPORT: Obamen Inch Closer To Knockout Qualification Following Crucial Win

By Football Correspondent Gary Obamaniker

Port-Pegasu, Juvencus - West Barack and East Obama grabbed their first competitive win in international footballer following a close 1-0 victory against Saterun, who have now been knocked out of the tournament.

With a recent heatwave terrorising the people, the inexperienced Obamen were not expected to win this match, even if it was against a team has been largely absent and in poor form this competition. Following a superb 2-2 draw against strong favourites HUElavia however, the Obamen were in full swing and ready to give it their all. With Barack Denovitz still suspended for the red card he received on the first matchday, he was still missing from the lineup. Other than that, the Obaman team was the same as usual.

Things started off slowly. Taking it slow, the Obamen played with their typical defensive style and conserving energy for counterattacks. The Sateryuns tried to break through the Obamen fortress, but it was to no avail. One of their players almost scored from a dangerous free kick, but the ball was shoved away by Dwayne Obama with the tips of his fingers.

Soon, it was the 39th minute. After gaining possession from a throw-in, Jenny Barracki charged down the left wing. One of the opposition went in for a slide tackle, but accidentally knocked her over, earning the Obamen a free kick. Lily Chobamya stepped up and shot the ball right over the heads of the wall and into the net, completely bamboozling the keeper who probably never thought that someone could score from that angle. It was 1-0 to the Obamen at half time, and they were elated. Most importantly, it looked like the coaching staff could remain unexecuted for the time being with qualification on the horizon.

After half time, the Obamen became even more defensive. Despite most land vehicles being banned in the nation, they were really parking the bus here. The Obamen hoofed the ball left, right and centre, continuously frustrating the Sateryuns who needed to prevent an Obaman victory to have a chance at qualifying for the next round. Every minute, it looked like the Obamen would collapse under the immense heat and pressure placed upon them, but they held firm with their superb tackling, marking and kicking the ball anywhere but their half.

One minute into extra time, Dwayne Obama gave away penalty during a sloppy tackle. It was now or never for Saterun. Their striker stepped up, and managed to fool the keeper into diving the wrong way. However, the ball was just a little bit too wide, and went flying towards the stands. The crowd went wide, and the Saterna players immediately surrounded the referee to demand another penalty, arguing that the keeper was over his line or that the players encroached on the penalty box. Regardless, Saterun threw away their chances at progressing through the competition and were eventually defeated.

Following this victory, the Obamen must avoid defeat against fellow third place challenger Bears Armed, whom had the advantage of a rest day during this match day. A defeat of any magnitude will send the Obamen out of the competition. If pigs decide to fly and Saterun grab a shock victory against Eshialand while the Obamen draw, the Obamen will also be out, but if we win while Eshialand is defeated we stand a chance of achieving 2nd place. Hopefully this momentum will carry the Obamen to the knockout stages.

[Tjorl]

Late at night, somewhere in Drawkland

Coach Viktor Mandel can't sleep. Tjorl's booked a spot in the last 20, sure, but there's just something about their game tomorrow against Trolleborg that makes him nervous. It's not the first time the two sides have met; the Trolls convincingly defeated Tjorl by two goals last edition. With nothing better to do, he does what a lot of bored people do when they are unable to sleep: check social media. In particular, Twittur, which he's just discovered recently. Decent app, but there's just something about the community that makes it less enjoyable. The memes are still fun to read, though. Mandel tires of scrolling through Twittur pretty quickly, so he decides to head to the lounge. Surprisingly, he sees Hans Beringer, one of the players that he has designated as a starter, awake. While he knows Beringer shouldn't be awake, he also realizes he shouldn't be awake at such a time.

Then he notices something. Hans is watching something on his phone. Does he dare ask what he's watching? Coach decides that he should, and so he does. Quietly, Hans responds "It's just the game between Eraman and Tecoia". Oh, right, there is a game between Eraman and Tecoia today! Considering Tjorl's close and cordial relationship with the Tecoians, most Tjorlins support Tecoia in Mandalanusa events. No different for Hans and Coach. Coach asks something again, this time it's about who's leading. Since Coach is expecting to hear "Eraman", it comes as a shock to him when he hears "Tecoia" instead. Now Coach has a lot of questions to ask. Who are the scorers? (Simões twice, Corte-Real once.) Does that mean that the Tecoians are currently through? (If Berdeng Bundok pull off a win against the Island of the Lost, then yes.) Will there be a celebration that he can get invited to? (Big no.)

Despite having a big game tomorrow, the two decide to be awake for just a little bit longer so they can see how the match ends. Few minutes later, final whistle is sounded, and the Tecoians celebrate their passage to the knock-out rounds. When he saw this, Coach was reminded of something. It was like Tjorl's debut appearance at the IAC. They don't know how, but they made it to the final 24. Before they were eliminated, they even knocked out powerhouses like then-defending champs Adab and unpredictable Kriegiersien. He wanted these things to happen again, but better. However, he knows this will take a lot of hard work and a lot of luck. The team has worked hard for this edition, and even simply getting first place in the group will be a joy for the Tjorlish sporting world. While qualifying for the next stages has already been celebrated quite a bit back home, Coach and De Frostkjemper are still looking to achieve something bigger. However, before they can dream of a victory tomorrow, they'll both need some sleep. Also, Coach asks to himself one more question before he shuts his eyes. Should he bench Beringer for being up so late? Probably not. Unless he performs terribly.

[Adab]

Saturday, June 23, 2040
Adab 2-3 Indusse
Adab scorers: Yargab (30’), Akaptaha (58’)

A Dance with Football
Snapshots of the lives of the people involved in Adabian football and those associated with them
For a full list of chapters click here. To read all the chapters in one go click here
For an (incomplete) list of major/prominent characters in this story click here and scroll down to the ‘Football’ section

Chapter 68: Changes

November 11, 2036
Taymour Frangieh’s house
Adab City

There had been a brief debate between him and Taymour over who should take the call downstairs, but in the end Taymour won out, insisting that Eni take it as he was probably the most famous and respected player in the entire national team. Eni reluctantly agreed, trudging downstairs towards the phone with no particular enthusiasm at the prospect of speaking with the activist-politician.

“Am I talking with Amarutu Tabira?” he began, raising the handset to his ear. In a time where virtually everyone else had moved on to mobile phones, Taymour, always a bit old-fashioned, still insisted on maintaining a home telephone.

Nothing came from the other side, not for a while. Though Eni had no way of knowing, the man he was talking to had been taken aback by his voice. He had called Taymour Frangieh’s house hoping to speak to Taymour Frangieh. He didn’t take into account the possibility that there would be someone else in the house, let alone him, even though the man calling knew he was also part of this whole plot. For a second there he was starstruck, but he composed himself quickly enough. “Yes,” he finally answered. “Am… am I talking to Enlilbani Yargab?”

“Yes,” came the simple reply. “Taymour wanted me to answer your call. Also, how did you get the number to this house?”

“A friend of a friend,” he said. “Oh, and uh, Mr. Yargab, I just want to say just how much I admire you. You’re my favorite football player and I think you’re the greatest to ever play the game-“

“Alright, alright, spare me your praise. God knows I’ve received more than my share,” Eni cut him off, sounding almost bored. “Oh, and you can call me Eni. Now, let’s just get to the point, if you will. Is this about the protests and all this chaos that’s going on outside?”

“Exactly,” Eni could hear the man’s voice brighten at that very moment. “You can call me Amar if you want-“

“Well, Amar, what I want is for you to tell all your people to go home,” Eni said sharply. “It’s getting late and- come on, I mean surely you’ve been watching the telly. There are crowds every-fucking-where, protests there, protests here, police everywhere. I want the situation to remain controlled and peaceful. Violence will only play into Naram-Sin’s hands.”

“Don’t worry about that. They’re peaceful protestors. They’ll go home. And I’ll put out a statement on social media telling them to go home if necessary,” Amar confidently responded. “Now, Eni, the reason I’m calling you – well, Mr. Frangieh, actually, but you’re also here – is that I want you and all the other players who are taking a stand to join us. Especially Emma and Alulim, of course. I would love it if we could all maybe get together and discuss-“

“So you’re co-opting us?”

“Oh, no, no. I’m not co-opting you, I can assure you of that,” Amar replied. “I believe that it is only right that we join forces. I mean, Eni, think about it. Look at everyone marching on the streets out there. Sure, they may be doing this because of Emma and Alulim, but they’re only the final straw. The poor, the underprivileged, the minorities, they’ve been oppressed and ignored by the government for ages. They go out there to defend not just Emma and Alulim, but also to defend their rights. Our rights.”

“They’re doing it because they identify with Emma and Alulim.”

“Exactly!” Amar shouted excitedly over the line. “The government knows just how much influence public figures like them hold over our people, so then they came out with all this nonsense like the ban on interreligious marriages and all that. Which one of our liberties will they take next? This is a matter of concern not just for football fans, but for everyone in this country! This is bigger than football. And you are the leaders of this movement. Emma and Alulim were the wakeup call. Now we must fight together to save the soul of this nation.”

“Right, right,” Eni simply said, as if he wanted to think first about Amar’s request. At that moment, Taymour’s housekeeper came up a few feet behind him.

“Mr. Yargab, Ms. Arthur is here.”

---

November 12, 2036
AFA headquarters
Adab City

The desolation of it all dawned on Rashid Abbas as his car unceremoniously rolled down the streets of Adab City. Under the bright blue sky the dust blew along the paved surface. The fire had largely been put out, leaving behind several wrecked, darkened buildings. Smashed windows and a smattering of burned-out cars and twisted motorcycles lined up along the route, providing not exactly a cozy welcome for the man who had just come back from Faraby. Police and common citizenry alike were at work, clearing away what remained of the rubble that had spilled onto the streets and the sidewalks. He had seen it all on the way from the airport to bungalow, but it was only now, as his car took him towards the city center, that he realized this was even worse than he thought – and much more tragic than anything he had seen on TV. Pictures broadcast through a screen did not do it justice; this was the scene of mass anger and destruction. And it could have been worse. And it still could very well take a turn for the worse. God, look at this place. And we’re just fucking getting started.

His driver, like virtually everyone and everything else provided to him for his stay here, had been provided by the Prince of Faraby. He did not speak much, maybe out of respect for Rashid, most likely because they simply had little in common and even less to talk about, which only added to the sinister air of the whole thing. Rashid was left to admire his driving, his hands gripping and gently turning the steering wheel as the car strode past the monuments to yesterday’s violence and onto the grounds of the Adabian Football Association. Scores of policemen guarded the gates, cold, wary eyes watching with what Rashid believed were rifles in hand as his car entered the place. Perfectly understandable considering the headquarters were a primary target of the protests.

Even inside the building itself, things had changed. Everyone seemed so much more guarded and tense. If before all this, they would greet “Mr. Abbas” with a bright expression, now even a somewhat wide smile was already extraordinary. There was an air of suspicion, of paranoia, of fear as Rashid walked down the hallways and past the offices like he had done so many times before. Mentally, the headquarters had turned into a fortress. So strong and unavoidable was this sinister air that Rashid himself almost felt compelled to adopt the siege mentality that others in here had seemingly adopted.

And when his long walk finally ended in the office, there was nothing to assure him that things would get better. Firmly seated behind his desk, Naram-Sin appeared a lot of things: old, worn-out with milk white hair and lines across his face, grumpy, sneering, and most of all defiant and unwilling to let go of his post. One of the few times he even remotely smiled was when Rashid delivered the Prince’s greetings to him. “Tell him I send my regards,” he said, managing something of a smile between obviously agitated breaths. “It’s been a while since I last saw him. How is he doing now?”

“He’s doing well,” Rashid replied matter-of-factly, and said no more. Trying to keep a calm, if not cool, face, at the same time he found himself subtly tapping his fingers on his knees. Anything to keep the nerves in control. Though he would not admit it, he did feel nervous, and this sinister environment wasn’t helping at all.

“Good,” Naram-Sin said. His smile, or whatever it was that he was displaying, had disappeared. His face was grim, hard as a stone, betraying no signs of ever changing his mind. “I must say your coming here is unexpected, although I know you have been here for a while with your father. But it’s nice to see you here, especially in the midst of all that is happening, and I really mean that. You know,” he glanced over for a hot second at the window, “we’re not exactly in a condition to accept visitors.”

“I understand,” Rashid solemnly raised one hand from his knee and laid it on the table, as if reaching out for Naram-Sin. “The truth is, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I would have preferred to stay in the safety of my home with my father.”

“It’s fine,” Naram-Sin said. His voice was understanding, if devoid of affection. Rashid could see him rocking back and forth a little in his seat. Maybe he’s nervous too? “Let me guess, you’re here with a message from someone. Those fools? Or Kaykali? Or your prince?” Suddenly his tone began to rise with every sentence. “Are you here to tell me that you are also going to oppose me?”

Whether this was a not-so-subtle attempt at intimidation, or an obviously stressed man trying to find a way to release his bottled-up emotions, Rashid couldn’t care less. “The Prince sent me here,” he informed Naram-Sin almost flatly. Today he would try to be the coldest man in the room. “He hopes and trusts,” he tried to remember what the Prince had told him to say to Naram-Sin, “that you are taking a good look at the situation and doing what is best for the country and for football.”

Naram-Sin did not immediately respond, instead he nodded in understanding and continued to rock back and forth on his chair. An uneasy silence settled in between the two men as Naram-Sin contemplated the Prince’s message. “Well,” he finally spoke, “that… can be interpreted in a number of ways. Inside he had an inkling of what the Prince was saying between the lines, but surely that wasn’t the only possible conclusion that could be gleaned from this message.

“He believes in you,” Rashid added, which did little to clear up the vagueness of the message.

There was another period of quiet, in which Rashid just uneasily stared at Naram-Sin, who in turn simply bowed his head, his mouth clenched shut but his jaw slowly moving as if he was eating something. “Rashid,” he began, “I don’t… to be honest, I don’t quite understand what he wants from me. If he wants me to step down, then he knows very well that I won’t. Who will be running this organization if I’m not here? Thulus? Kaykali? None of them has the trust of the Palace. But I do. Without me we won’t be getting the funds required to keep our national team going, and I think you know that, too. And I do wonder why he is suddenly interested in what I’m doing, but maybe he’s just trying to look out for a friend.”

For now Rashid kept his silence, though he had no choice as Naram-Sin kept on talking anyway. “You know, Rashid, I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while, and now that you are here I figure I should just ask you now before I forget about it.”

Rashid did not say a word, furrowing his brows. “I’d like to offer you the position of manager of the national team. As far as I’m aware you haven’t joined this rebellion, and if you have then frankly I don’t care. What I do care about is that I think you can make a greater contribution to our team. The players look up to you and I know you’ve been devising the tactics and all that. Kaykali is growing old, and with each passing day that he refuses to confirm whether he stands with us or against us he’s only further contribution to this farcical media circus and endangering our reputation as well as his own.

“But you, I believe you are the future of this team. I have always admired your hard work and I have faith that you will be capable of leading our next generation of players to even greater glory.”

Adab lineup for IAC Group G MD5 (June 23, 2040 vs. StrayaRoos Barrier Islands)

Starting lineup: Chandrasekar, Altun, Enmerkar (VC), Issou, Thomas, Arthur, Sinmuballit, Orlev, Akaptaha, Yissakar, Yargab (C)

Substitutes: Shulgi, al-Tikriti, Akshak, al-Maliki, Anwar, Samanu, Emmita, Khoury, Sarsour, Abbas, al-Amin, Barzani

[Juvencus]

As we are leaving the group stages, it is time to say goodbye to some nations. CUTOFF FOR MD5 FOR THE DRAWKIAN HALF.

---

GROUP A
69X 0–3 Octapolis
Abanhfleft 2–3 Drawkland

  GROUP A              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Octapolis              4   3  1  0    8   1  +7   10* 
2 Drawkland              4   3  1  0    9   4  +5   10*
3 Abanhfleft             4   2  0  2   10   6  +4    6
4 Sett Forest            4   1  0  3    3  10  −7    3
5 69X                    4   0  0  4    2  11  −9    0
*Octapolis ahead of Drawkland on Goal Difference.

GROUP B
New Eestiball 0–3 TJUN-ia
Geektopia 4–3 Sannyamathland

  GROUP B              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Geektopia              4   4  0  0   15   9  +6   12
2 TJUN-ia                4   3  0  1   11   5  +6    9
3 Sannyamathland         4   1  1  2    7   8  −1    4
4 New Eestiball          4   1  0  3    4  10  −6    3
5 Imoto                  4   0  1  3    3   8  −5    1

GROUP C
Britonisea 3–3 Bohr
Tjorl 0–4 Trolleborg

  GROUP C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Trolleborg             4   3  0  1    6   1  +5    9
2 Tjorl                  4   2  1  1   10   9  +1    7
3 Space                  4   2  0  2    6   8  −2    6
4 Britonisea             4   1  1  2    6   8  −2    4
5 Bohr                   4   0  2  2    6   8  −2    2

GROUP D
Cakranegara 1–0 Kriegiersien
Valentine Z 0–0 Ealdracaland

  GROUP D              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kriegiersien           4   3  0  1    4   1  +3    9
2 Togonistan             4   2  0  2    8   6  +2    6
3 Cakranegara            4   1  2  1    2   2   0    5*
4 Valentine Z            4   1  2  1    5   6  −1    5*
5 Ealdracaland           4   0  2  2    1   5  −4    2
*Cakranegara ahead of Valentine Z on Goal Difference.

Light Blue: Team has topped group, certain qualification at least to the round of 20, possible bye through the Round of 20 into the Round of 16(Awaiting Group E-H results).
Green: Team has qualified to the round of 20
Orange: Team may qualify to the round of 20(Awaiting Group E-H results)

[Drawkland]

Final games of the group stage! Music and cutoff for the Juven half of MD5!!

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Group E
Montaña Verde 0–2 Poafmersia
Elmyia 1–4 Juvencus

  Group E                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Juvencus                     4   4  0  0   14   6  +8   12
2 Poafmersia                   4   2  1  1    7   5  +2    7
3 Montaña Verde                4   2  0  2    8   8   0    6
4 Elmyia                       4   1  0  3    2   7  −5    3
5 Arjunnagar                   4   0  1  3    4   9  −5    1

Group F
Saterun 1–0 Eshialand
Bears Armed 0–1 West Barack and East Obama

  Group F                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 HUElavia                     4   3  1  0   10   5  +5   10
2 West Barack and East Obama   4   2  1  1    5   6  −1    7
3 Eshialand                    4   2  0  2    5   4  +1    6
4 Saterun                      4   1  1  2    2   4  −2    4
5 Bears Armed                  4   0  1  3    4   7  −3    1

Group G
Indusse 2–3 Sevendia
Strayaroos Barrier Islands 3–3 Adab

  Group G                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Sevendia                     4   3  0  1   10   9  +1    9
2 Indusse                      4   3  0  1    7   5  +2    9
3 Adab                         4   2  1  1   10   7  +3    7
4 Strayaroos Barrier Islands   4   1  1  2   10   8  +2    4
5 Azevedocity                  4   0  0  4    4  12  −8    0

Group H
Sudilia 4–1 Bliuji
Squidroidia 1–1 Belnegau

  Group H                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Squidroidia                  4   3  1  0    7   2  +5   10
2 Belnegau                     4   2  1  1    4   2  +2    7
3 Sudilia                      4   2  0  2    9   8  +1    6
4 Bliuji                       4   1  0  3    2   8  −6    3
5 Omerica                      4   1  0  3    4   6  −2    3

Light Blue: Team has topped group, certain qualification at least to the round of 20, possible bye through the Round of 20 into the Round of 16(Awaiting Group E-H results).
Green: Team has qualified to the round of 20
Orange: Team may qualify to the round of 20 (awaiting seeding).

[Drawkland]

PLAYOFF SEEDINGS

20 teams will participate in the IAC-16 playoffs. The #1 and #2 placed nations in each group receive berths to the playoffs. The top four of the #3 nations in each group will also earn a playoff berth. The four #3 placed teams will face the worst four #2 place teams in the Round of 20, while every other nation receives a bye to the Round of 16. The bracket is split into two halves, one played in Juvencus, one played in Drawkland. Teams are not guaranteed to stay in the same nation they played the group stage in, but they should stay in the same nation throughout the playoffs themselves.

  First Seeds                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts  Seed
1 Juvencus                     4   4  0  0   14   6  +8   12     1
1 Geektopia                    4   4  0  0   15   9  +6   12     2
1 Octapolis                    4   3  1  0    8   1  +7   10     3
1 HUElavia                     4   3  1  0   10   5  +5   10*    4
1 Squidroidia                  4   3  1  0    7   2  +5   10*    5
1 Trolleborg                   4   3  0  1    6   1  +5    9     6
1 Kriegiersien                 4   3  0  1    4   1  +3    9     7
1 Sevendia                     4   3  0  1   10   9  +1    9     8
------------------------------------------------------------------
  Second Seeds               Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts  Seed
2 Drawkland                    4   3  1  0    9   4  +5   10     9
2 TJUN-ia                      4   3  0  1   11   5  +6    9    10
2 Indusse                      4   3  0  1    7   5  +2    9    11
2 Poafmersia                   4   2  1  1    7   5  +2    7*   12
2 Belnegau                     4   2  1  1    4   2  +2    7*   13
2 Tjorl                        4   2  1  1   10   9  +1    7    14
2 West Barack and East Obama   4   2  1  1    5   6  −1    7    15
2 Togonistan                   4   2  0  2    8   6  +2    6    16
------------------------------------------------------------------
  Third Seeds                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts  Seed
3 Adab                         4   2  1  1   10   7  +3    7    17
3 Abanhfleft                   4   2  0  2   10   6  +4    6    18
3 Eshialand                    4   2  0  2    5   4  +1    6*   19
3 Sudilia                      4   2  0  2    9   8  +1    6*   20
3 Montaña Verde                4   2  0  2    8   8   0    6
3 Space                        4   2  0  2    6   8  −2    6
3 Cakranegara                  4   1  2  1    2   2   0    5
3 Sannyamathland               4   1  1  2    7   8  −1    4

* These ties were broken by "coinflip," a scorinated match between the two teams using RP bonus.

DRAWKIAN HALF
This half of the bracket will be hosted in Drawkland and scorinated by Drawkland. There are a couple exceptions.
Drawkland games will be scorinated by Juvencus during his normal cutoff times, though those games will be held in Drawkland still.
Any game involving Juvencus will be held in Juvencus but scorinated by Drawkland with the rest of this side of the bracket.
In the event we both advance to face each other in the quarterfinals, a third party scorinator will be found for that match.

ROUND of 20
#16 Togonistan vs #17 Adab
Winner plays #1 Juvencus

#13 Belnegau vs #20 Sudilia
Winner plays #4 HUElavia

ROUND of 16
#1 Juvencus vs (Togonistan/Adab)
#8 Sevendia vs #9 Drawkland

#4 HUElavia vs (Belnegau/Sudilia)
#5 Squidroidia / #12 Poafmersia

JUVEN HALF
This whole bracket will be contested in Juvencus and scorinated by Juvencus.
The championship match will be in Seven Stars Stadium in Drawkland.
The third place match will be held in Il Nuovo Stadio Olimpico Della Pomena in Juvencus.

ROUND of 20
#15 West Barack and East Obama vs #18 Abanhfleft
Winner plays #2 Geektopia

#14 Tjorl vs #19 Eshialand
Winner plays #3 Octapolis

ROUND of 16
#2 Geektopia vs (West Barack and East Obama/Abanhfleft)
#7 Kriegiersien vs #10 TJUN-ia

#3 Octapolis vs (Tjorl/Eshialand)
#6 Trolleborg vs #11 Indusse

The venues for the Round of 20 and Round of 16 games will be specified tomorrow and edited into this post at once. The next cutoff window begins in less than 48 hours, like usual.

[Sevendia]

[West Barack and East Obama]

(Image)

OOC: One seven boi? Don't you mean SEVEN seven bois???

[Indusse]

News Clips from the Past
Part - II

[PotatoFarmers]

Poafmersia 1-1 Arjunnagar
Poafmersian Goals: Jordan Huerta 78' (assisted by Natalia Abbott)
Lineup (4-4-2): Nicole Potts; Mac Rojas, Diamond Byan, Ali Berger, Natalia Abbott; Leonora Hall, Magreta Rym, Michael Jackson, Valentin Gotti; Liina Williamson, Jordan Huerta
Substitutes: Lesia Astrauskas (Rym 67'), Padrig Dürr (Hall 67'), Bolívar Tamura (Williamson 78'), Janelle Frederick (Jackson 85'), Huangdi MacRae (Byan 85')

Montaña Verde 0-2 Poafmersia
Poafmersian Goals: Leonity Seet 27' (assisted by Jackson); Jordan Huerya 84' (assisted by Frederick)
Lineup (4-3-3): Nicole Potts; Mitchel Rosales, Diamond Byan, Ali Berger, Natalia Abbott; Magreta Rym, Min Berg, Michael Jackson; Janelle Frederick, Jordan Huerta, Leontiy Seet
Substitutes: Lesia Astrauskas (Rym 78'); Huangdi MacRae (Berger 78')

Poafmer Times

Ridimag Elections 2112: To keep supermajority, Kibi Party needs to keep Democracy Front and Cochas in check
Reported by Bernard Sanders with inputs from Poafmer Times politics team

Cochas State Council

Government
Kibi Party (59)

Opposition
Congress Party (7)
Democracy Front (4)
Makara Party (3)
Socialist Party (2)

Vote Distribution (2106)
Kibi Party - 150,248,203 (78.27%)
Congress Party - 17,912,120 (9.33%)
Democracy Front - 9,829,202 (5.12%)
Makara Party - 7,020,129 (3.66%)
Socialist Party - 4,983,422 (2.60%)
Bijara Party - 1,264,129 (0.66%)
Farmers League Party - 700,129 (0.36%)
Total Valid Votes - 191,957,334

Mancodas - A recent poll among 10,000 Mancodans (people from Mancodas) found that around 37% of the respondents disagreed with President Pikashru Nisharian's current foreign policy. Given how Mancodas has always been a Kibi Party stronghold, it can only provide warning signals that the ruling party's supermajority is not always as safe as it looks.

The government has been pursuing a mix of policies that seems to have dominated the country for close to 60 years for now. Lowering the voting age to match the age of majority, keeping the Value-Added Tax under 10%, and flattening the economic downturn curve such that the majority didn't get affected. Not to mention the "open-border" policy that was promised 3 elections ago - that has been the policy that brought the Kibi Party from stagnating around 55-60% of the national tally to the 70-75% votes it enjoys today. The opposition has been struggling to break this era of dominance - even though the Democracy Front and the Makara Party was set up to do just that. The young voters have been the main group that went back to the Kibi Party from the latter 2 parties following the "open-border" policy campaign, and now they are the ones who threaten to crumble the President's vote share at the upcoming elections.

Just last week, OptaPoaf conducted a straw poll on the 3 most important things for Poafmers, and for the first time in a long while, "foreign policy" has topped the list with 55% of the population wanting the government to "have a stronger foreign policy" in terms of establishing more relations with other countries. The second on the list turned out to be "economic integration", asking the government to do more in terms of trade agreements with other countries. That was polled a solid 42%. The last one on the list was for more welfare protections for elderly and the needy, something that the government has always been trying to improve, but has always been on the list for the longest of times.

Cochas is a very good indication of where the national tally is going. This is because its voting population is the largest in the entire country - at close to 200 million voters, it takes up a quarter of the total number of voters nationwide. While this is Kibi Party's 3rd best state in terms of the percenatage of votes, it is also worth noting that this state is the most sensitive when it comes to campaign promises - in 2088, a total of 78 million voters voted for Democracy Front, following their promise to push the government to repeal the State Media Act. That was the last time the Kibi Party lost its supermajority - in fact, President Nisharian was so worried that immediately he asked for a look into how the media industry can be opened up. That led to the repeal of the State Media Act, and in its replacement, the "Newspapers and Media Control Act", which was less restrictive in nature, and opened up the media world to private companies, as well as foreign-backed media companies to set-up news outlets in the country. Of course that was Democracy Front's major act, and instead of an increase in votes for the party, it instead shrunk in the 2094 elections, before losing out to Congress Party in terms of vote share once again.

Mr Johnathan Kuberyashin, the Chief Secretary of the Democracy Front, believes that there are many political changes that can be made in the country. An example is on abolishing the death penalty - something which neither the Kibi Party and Congress Party is willing to support at this stage of the time. They are likely to get support from the Makara Party, given that the Makara Party wants to loosen the century-old policy on cigraettes, drugs and alcohols, something which the younger generation wants to support. But the Democracy Front believes it can convince Mancodans (and people from Cochas as a whole) to support broader political changes, including doing away with the restrictions on the size of individual state councils. Currently, under the Elections and Legislature Act of 2009, State Councils are restricted to just 75 seats, and when you compare Cochas, the biggest state in the country, to Piskn, who had just under 30 million voters last election, you would wonder whether these numbers are fair. But the party is threading a really careful line on this. While it wants fairer proportional representation, a sect of the Democracy Front prefers to also scale the number of state-based seats to tally with the population of the state, and people of Cochas are extremely against it for good reasons. This is why Democracy Front's vote count has been stagnating at the single digit percentage, and why it is not in a position to threaten the Congress Party in Cochas as yet.

[West Barack and East Obama]

BBC OFFICIAL REPORT: Obamen To Face Abahnfleft Following Victory Over Bears

By Football Correspondent Gary Obamaniker

Scudelli, Juvencus - Following another narrow 1-0 victory, this time against fellow unranked team Bears Armed, the Obamen moved up to a surprising 2nd place in their IAC group on the final matchday. The Obamen leapfrogged Eshialand, who defeated the Obamen 4-1, following their shock 1-0 defeat against Saterun.

With Denovitz finally returning to the squad, the Obamen were dangerous. However, Bears Armed were also ready to give it their all, as a victory for them could give them a small chance at qualifying for the knockouts. With Saterun already out and nothing to play for, the Obamen were ready to settle for third place.

Walking onto the field, the Obamen decided to play a very attack-minded formation. A victory was important, and they needed to take advantage of their good form to send the Ursines back home to their forests. The Bears were also not ready to give up, and were on high alert to deliver some devastating counterattacks to the Obamen. In the furst ten minutes, the Obamen wingers were already exhausted from running up and down the wing, and this was looking to be a long match.

In the 25th minute, skipper Trent Vobama gained possession of the ball from one of the Ursine forwards, then hoofed it all the way to the other end of the pitch. Obamadeus-Mozart grabbed the ball, and knocked it towards a waiting Fred Olibama. Olibama was ready to receive the ball, and swung his head hard to score, but unfortunately was just a few centimetres wide of the goalpost. A golden opportunity was just scattered into the wind, and the Ursine fans could be heard chanting and jeering. Or, at least that's what we thought it was. The collective grunting and 'Hrrmm'ing was a little unclear.

Despite each team throwing attack after attack at each other, it was still deadlocked at half time. We were able to quote the following exclusive content from the changing rooms of West Barack and East Obama during halftime:

Listen here you [CENSORED] I'm not losing my [CENSORED] over this [CENSORED] match against some [CENSORED] bears so you better [CENSORED] or I will [CENSORED] all of your [CENSORED].

Wow! With such an inspiring talk, it was no wonder that the Obamen looked as focused as ever after the break! They also changed to a 4-3-1-2 formation, with skipper Vobama being bumped up to central midfield, and Obamadeus-Mozart moving towards a more attacking position.

This worked like a charm. Within a few minutes, goalkeeper Dwayne Obama passed the ball to Barack Denovitz. Denovitz slotted the ball towards Vobama, who lobbed it to a waiting Obamadeus-Mozart. Obamadeus-Mozart made an incisive pass towards Olibama, who struck the ball as hard as he could, clearly having [CENSORED] on his mind. At the 52nd minute, the Obamen were 1-0 up. They were looking towards qualifying from the group, and the Bears looked like they were out.

Following that, the Ursines went into overdrive mode. They were shooting on sight, hoping that a stray ball might confound the keeper and cause the two magnificent goals they needed for their comeback, but it was to no avail. Soon, the exhausted bears gave up and accepted the reality of them being knocked out, with the score ending at 1-0.

In a surprise result, Eshialand (who destroyed us 4-1 in the first game, and the only team to have defeated the Obamen so far) lost to Saterun, and thus were relegated to 3rd place whilst we clinched 2nd in the group, guaranteeing a place in the round 2. Going from last in the group to second is not too shabby for unranked debutants! We will face heavy favourites Abahnfleft, but with the Obamen on cloud nine anything is possible.

[Abanhfleft]

DISCLAIMER: Gaelic Gamers is an independents sports blogging website created by four cousins with a common liking and passion for sports of all kinds and is in no way or form affiliated with or organized by any official news organization in the Democratic Republic of Abanhfleft. All statements and opinions posted here are our own and not anyone else's.

---

Gaelic Gamers
Presents...

The Football Fallacies
with The Man from Markovsky

NORMAL SERVICE IS RESUMED

Hello and welcome to The Football Fallacies. Right, so what did I tell you about this? What did I tell all of you bastards, huh?! Didn’t I warn you all that there was a disaster looming in the immediate future of the national team? I bloody warned all of you! And you all didn’t listen to me. You all thought that Abanhfleft’s future in this particular Independent Associations Championship was all but secure, but I could see the truth flashing before my eyes. Everyone called me a fool for doubting this team, but I told you all before, I’ve been watching this team for so long that I know that every single time that this team does good, there’s always a moment in the future when this team will inevitably fuck up. And of course there are those clowns who will claim that the team wants to do this the hard way by going through as many hurdles as possible to show everyone else that we’re not a bunch of bottlers and that we can forge through and hurdle and obstacle, just in time to see the team flop face-first against the very first team they’re up against. I’m telling you all, life is a circle, and this circle is actually a wheel and we’re all just getting run over again and again.

Look, all I’m saying is that this match against Drawkland might have been the most important one that the Revolutionaries have played in quite some time. Then again, every single match that Abanhfleft’s ever played is the single most important one in their lives, but that’s only because it’s self-inflicted every time. And I would hazard to say that this one was self-inflicted as well, just as almost all of the wounds that Abanhfleft had sustained throughout its years of trying to stay competitive and relevant in the multiverse were all self-inflicted as well. Anyway, Levi Baak and company knew that we needed to win against Drawkland to make sure that we actually could get out of the group stage as one of the top two teams in our group and not have to rely on being among the best third-placed teams to sneak into the next round. But it wouldn’t be Abanhfleft if we didn’t just barely scrape by, right? No, that would be antithesis to the essence of Abanhfleft. Isn’t supporting this team lovely?

And the really mind-numbing thing about this whole affair was that we definitely had the tools to get this done, but we just chose not to. I mean, can you imagine being a team that has the ability to get three points against Drawkland easily and with no fuss but then choosing to gift those three points back to those tall bastards? Like, I would really like to understand the thought processes that go into these decisions because I just do not understand how someone who is not overtly neurodivergent could even think that letting Drawkland back into the game when we’ve clearly had their number for much of the game is a good idea! Why does Abanhfleft love to keep torturing their fans like this. Why can’t they ever make anything easy anymore?

I’m pretty sure that the heatwave in the host nation is still going strong because I can feel the heat emanating from my laptop screen, but despite that, the Revolutionaries were still going strong. The bye day might have had something to do with it as well, but don’t quote me on that. Anyway, Abanhfleft were hot right out of the gates, and I don’t just mean that in the literal sense, although you could definitely see the sweat pouring down their faces right from the kickoff. Of course, we already know that the Drawks aren’t exactly the same as humans, but you would think that they would have some sort of adaptation to the heatwave that’s rolling through their country right now, but apparently not. Apparently the Fleftics of Abanhfleft are better at handling the heat than the local Drawks, at least at the start of the match. Anyway, you want to know who else isn’t actually human? Sven Fahrni. I’m telling you, that football player is actually a football-trained robot with a fleshy skin wrapped around its metal endoskeleton. The only thing that it’s lacking in is the emotional component, which explains why Fahrni is so blunt and uncaring about what comes out of his mouth.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that despite the heat, Sven Fahrni was still capable of pinging passes right into the feet of his teammates. Or at least he would be finding them if they weren’t wilting under the heat. Actually, that’s not true. They’re not literally wilting under the heat just yet, but they’re a bit slower than usual because of it, and Fahrni’s targeting algorithms haven’t taken that into account yet. After the now-customary yelling at the others to get on his level, it was Fahrni who changed up his tactics and adjusted his passes so that they were now actually landing on his teammates’ feet, so at least the robot is adaptable. And it finally paid off for the Revolutionaries as the forward players started getting chances at goal. But it was actually a midfielder, specifically new boy Audric Dubreucq (who was in the starting lineup for this match to give extra rest time to James Carmichael who was one of those who looked especially knackered during the game against 69X) who would open the scoring. Carlos Lado had gotten a free kick and Sacit Közalmaz swung it into the box, and it was Dubreucq who leaped the highest and got the telling touch on the ball to put it past the goalkeeper. Also, here’s something strange about the Drawkian keeper: he’s wearing the bloody number 7 shirt! I mean, which goalkeeper in their right bloody mind would allow themselves to be given the number 7 shirt! I’ve seen some stupid shirt numbering conventions in my lifetime but the Drawkians’ one has to take the cake!

Yeah, the Drawks were able to find an equalizer shortly afterwards, but despite that (or maybe because of it) the Revolutionaries still maintained their high tempo, thanks in large part to the Fahrni-nator. That lad just won’t quit. He probably doesn’t even know the meaning of the bloody word! And you wanna know the name of another lad who doesn’t know how to quit? Carlos Lado. Or, to use his full name, Roberto Carlos Lado Curty. You all know how those Spanish-descended guys have those hellishly long names. Anyway, Carlos Lado was once again making a probing run into the Drawkian box, and once again Sven Fahrni found him with an inch-perfect pass. The pass was so perfect that Lado didn’t even need another touch to steady the ball. He just let it land on his boot and then he whipped it into the top left corner, calm as you like.

And you know what? If the game had ended right then and there, or at least ended with that particular scoreline of 2-1, it would have been an accurate reflection of the game itself. Abanhfleft and Drawkland both had good chances, but up to that point, it was the Revolutionaries that could actually convert those chances. Now that’s not something you usually associate with Abanhfleft again, converting chances. This team has always been very creative, but most of the time they’ve relied too much on their strikers to convert said chances, and the wingers and advanced midfielders don’t shoot as much. They don’t take their own chances as much as they could, instead relying on the guy (or gal; this issue is also prevalent in the women’s team) wearing the number 9 to actually put the ball into the back of the net. Thankfully, now it looks like our current crop of wingers and advanced mids are taking that scoring burden off of Mustafa Bensoussan’s shoulders. I mean, I know that the man is a goalscoring beast but he’s also 30 bastard years old already! The team can’t rely on him to score goals forever, just as it couldn’t rely on Kareem Dagen and Kevin Kelvin and Kelly McGinnis and Chelsea Stuart to keep scoring goals forever. At least it looks like Levi Baak has finally found a support crew for Bensoussan that’s actually worthy of the name.

But you know who isn’t worthy of their name at the end of this game? The defense. And I’m not talking about the starting backline for this game; no, I’m actually talking about the two defensive subs that Baak put into the game to give both Eli Thonet and Chris Bellingham a rest. Yes, Apolloscleiyali and Paco Matundan, I’m looking at the both of you! You two are among the elite of the elite of the Fleftic Premier League! Bloody fucking hell, you two are playing for some of the most successful sides in the whole history of Fleftic football, not just the FPL! Now you’re telling me that you’re just as good at defending as the likes of Bruno Bravo and Spyros Mylonas? (If you haven’t seen the Fhulghamous Peninsula in the 33rd Campionato Esportiva then you probably don’t know what I’m talking about.) Give me a fucking bastard break, man! How difficult is it to keep an eye on a couple of Drawkian players? Bloody hell, it should actually be easier to mark those kinds because of how humongous they bloody are! You were brought into the game to close it out with your veteran experience, not to give it right back to the hosts with clown defending that actually makes Tweedledee and Tweedledum look like a bunch of Nepharan or Pasargan defenders!

So that’s how Abanhfleft went from being 2-1 up to being 3-2 down, and because of that loss (and the loss against Octapolis), the Revolutionaries are now left to fend for themselves and hope that they’ve still enough gas left in the tank to claw their way out of the round of 20. Well, that’s the hope anyway, but we all know how rotten Abanhfleft’s luck is when it comes to the first round of the knockout stage of any given competition, especially when it’s football. No matter which opponent Abanhfleft faces, whether it’s an unranked newcomer or one of the most successful sides in football, the Revolutionaries will almost always lose. There are no Cinderella runs or fairy tale endings for Abanhfleft, unless that fairy tale is from those two German brothers. Standing in the Revolutionaries’ way into the round of 16 is a nation called West Barack and East Obama, a side that’s only popped up on the international stage very recently but is already making a name for themselves by virtue of stunning performances in this very same Independent Associations Championship. The winner of this particular game will win a meeting against second seed Geektopia, so no matter which way you look at it, Abanhfleft is pretty much boned. Is it time to shelve those dreams of finally being able to improve on our showing in the very first Independents Cup? Probably. All I’m saying is that if you’re in Drawkland or Juvencus in person to watch this IAC, don’t plan on staying there for much longer unless you’re rooting for other teams as well.

Anyway, that’s all that there is for me now. If you’ve got any thoughts or comments about the game against Drawkland or predictions of your own against West Barack and East Obama then feel free to leave them down below. Until then, I’ve been the Man from Markovsky, just bracing myself for the inevitable disappointment to come from my country for my country.

        ABANHFLEFT 2 - 3 DRAWKLAND     
    DUBREUCQ (22')       MADISON (31')
 CARLOS LADO (43')       APOLLO (76')
                         GARNET (85')

[Sudilia]

Sudilian Fever!

Sudilia feels the football fever after a historic advance to the knockouts!

Four years ago, Sudilia was making their debut in a major tournament, serving as a co-host in IAC 15. The team only got 3 Points, but that one victory was a historic one for the team. setting their print into the football landscape. Four years later, the team enters Drawkland and Juvencus, being major underdogs ranked at #59. Needless to say, the Tricolor/Le Tricolor have not let that ranking affect them and made it their objective to go as far as they can.

Of course, they set notice to the IAC when they upset former champions and #14 Omerica on Matchday 1 with a dramatic 4-3 victory. The goals from Lyle and Labelle were enough to secure the team's first ever upset victory in an official tournament, sending the Sudilians in the stands and back home in a frenzy over such an upset victory. Of course, the team was brought back to reality, where after the Matchday 2 bye, they lost 1-3 to Squidroidia, with a late goal from Gesner to give the Sudilians a lifeline in the standings. Of course, in Matchday 4, Sudilia fell short in a late goal by Lothar to lose 1-0 to Belnegau, putting them at risk of missing out the knockouts. On Matchday 5, a hat-trick by Ouimet and a goal by Labelle gave way for Sudilia to obliterate Bliuji 4-1, allowing the Tricolor/Le Tricolor to narrowly qualify to the Knockout Stage as the #20 seed.

With the Group Stage Winners, Runners Up and the best 4 teams finishing in 3rd Place, all is reset for a #1-#20 knockout stage. Sudilia will rematch once again with Belnegau, with the winner advancing to the Round-of-16 against reigning champions HUElavia. While the Tricolor/Le Tricolor are not favorites to the match, they are willing to give it their all to get another historic victory. Back in Manchbury and all around Sudilia, watch parties have been the rage, with thousands of fans going to the streets to cheer on the team and go crazy in celebrations over the victories. Here's to what can be a historic day in Sudilian Football.

GO SUDILIA! ALLEZ SUDILLE!

[Adab]

KickTheBall.com
Bringing you the latest news and rumors in football, in Adab and abroad

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Saturday, June 23, 2040 / 12 Jumada al-Akhir 1462 / 12 Tammuz 5800
StrayaRoos Barrier Islands 3-3 Adab
Yugimo (20’), Iapoa (67’), Samuels (79’) | Yargab (36’), Barzani (49’), Yissakar (58’)

NEWS | IAC
By: Aziz al-Baghdadi

Surprising draw with SBI condemns Adab to round of 20

Leading by two goals at the 58th minute, Adab faltered and allowed a battling StrayaRoos Barrier Islands side to mount a comeback and equalize, meaning that Adab will now have to go through the round of 20 playoffs in order to progress further in the IAC.

Adab had come into the match with high spirits, believing they had a good chance to qualify out of Group G straight to the round of 16 as one of the four best second-placed teams. They were second in the group with six points, below only a dominant Indusse squad with nine and leading Sevendia – also with six points – by virtue of goal difference. With Adab on the cusp of what was widely expected to be an easy win over an unheralded SBI side, and Sevendia going up against Indusse, Adab seemed poised to hold on to their second place.

By the end of the day, Sevendia had shocked many by going out 2-3 winners against Indusse and topping the group (although Indusse still qualified directly to the round of 16 anyway), and what was supposed to be an easy win for Adab had instead ended in an agonizing draw.

The first signs that things were not going according to plan appeared early in the match, as SBI turned out to be an unexpectedly aggressive side and Adab’s midfield could not deal with the energetic movement of Luca Iapoa and Lucas Samuels. SBI’s excellent young forward Yugimo was soon at the receiving end of more balls than expected, which the latter put to good use in the 20th minute to catapult SBI into the lead with a left-footed strike which went over the head of Adab keeper Satchit Chandrasekar and curved into the left corner of the net.

Adab’s veteran striker Enlilbani Yargab, 41, equalized with a tap-in off a Rebekah Yissakar cross in the 36th minute but was brought out to make room for Nadje Barzani just four minutes later, as manager Saad Kaykali appeared increasingly discontent with his team’s lethargic playing and shouting from the sidelines, urging his players to be more aggressive and creative.

The start of the second half featured box-to-box action as both sides were determined to seize every small opportunity, but the tide appeared to turn in the Adabians’ favor. Barzani, as usual, repaid Kaykali’s faith in her, netting in a header in the 49th minute after an aerial battle in the box involving her, Yissakar, and a slew of SBI defenders. Nine minutes later, it was Yissakar’s turn to score with a powerful shot from just inside the penalty box line. Yousif Issou was substituted for Sarrugi Akshak a minute later, and Adab’s position appeared secure.

But from this point on, the Adabians’ energy began to falter, as players including Emma Arthur and Alulim Sinmuballit began losing the ball at a higher rate to an SBI side who simply refused to go away. Iapoa, having been so instrumental in the midfield for SBI, finally got his moment in the spotlight in the 67th minute, blasting the ball in after receiving it from a Yugimo backward pass in the box. An aghast Kaykali pulled Sinmuballit out three minutes later, sending in Naram-Sin Samanu.

The SBI side had caught their second wind, however, and even Adab’s younger players struggled to overpower them. Kaykali made his final substitution of the day in the 75th minute, replacing the 41-year-old Ephraim Orlev with Amara Emmita to inject some energy into the Adabian side, but it would fall to Samuels to produce the final goal of the match four minutes later, sliding the ball in after a pass from Yugimo which caught the Adab defenders off-guard. From the sidelines, Kaykali could do nothing but slam the ground with his feet.

The draw left Adab in third place in Group G with seven points. Sevendia and Indusse now both had nine points, but Sevendia edged out Indusse on goal difference (+10 to Indusse’s +7).

“It was an unfortunate result, and I am obviously not pleased with it. Nobody is,” Kaykali said in his post-match interview. “But we will keep on fighting and, with the quality that we have here, I know we can make it to the round of 16.

“To quote Kurt Cobain, ‘It ain’t over ‘til it’s over’.” (It is actually Lenny Kravitz).

Adab lineup for IAC Round of 20 (Wednesday, June 27, 2040 vs. Togonistan)

Starting lineup: Chandrasekar, Altun, Enmerkar (VC), Issou, Thomas, Arthur, Sinmuballit, Orlev, Akaptaha, Yissakar, Yargab (C)

Substitutes: Shulgi, al-Tikriti, Akshak, al-Maliki, Anwar, Samanu, Emmita, Khoury, Sarsour, Abbas, al-Amin, Barzani

[Tjorl]

In a recording studio somewhere in Czujon...

Pitch Talk Season 3 Episode 29: Some Random Football Thoughts

"Good morning, Tjorl! It's me, Rafael Nilsund, and thank you all for listening today! This episode of Pitch Talk is going to be kinda interesting. Today, I first decided that I was gonna talk about the game between Tjorl and Trolleborg. However, seeing that we got absolutely demolished, I've changed my mind since I'm still too upset to talk about that. Probably in a few days. Instead, I'm just gonna talk about any football stuff that comes to my mind. One of those topics is Torleif Persson's international retirement. As we know, Persson's just retired a few weeks ago, before the start of IAC 16. Another, numerous rumours have sprouted saying that he might be transferring clubs. However, no official announcements have been made. Now, if I was Persson, I'd most likely switch clubs, preferably to an upper midtable side like Drazieu or Mauschlag that can use my services in the last few years of my career. I'll still get lots of valuable playing time and I can heavily contribute to the free-flowing attacking units of both aforementioned clubs. As for Afoln, this can be a win for them as this could mean getting a decent amount of money for a 33-year old.

Next up, I would like to talk about Tjorl and their next match against Eshialand. Like with their previous opponent Trolleborg, the two sides have met before, which also ended in a loss for Tjorl. In this edition of the IAC, the two teams are going to clash again, this time in the Round of 20. Undeniably, a crucial match for us if we want to keep our IAC hopes alive. Also, I've heard that Elisa Karstensen might replace Harald Giehl in the starting line-up. Uh, why? Yes, our defense has been in a bit of a slump recently, but I really don't think that Giehl should start the game on the bench instead of out on the field. He's good at progressing the ball from back to front, he's good at quickly transitioning from defense to attack. Why should he be benched? Our players on the right have been performing well together recently, and removing one of them from the starting line-up is just gonna mess it up. If Coach Mandel is listening, I hope he considers the choice that Giehl should not be benched. Of course, it's kinda weird that our national football team's coach is gonna take advice from some football podcast, but like c'mon, it's clear as daylight that the defensive line should remain as it currently is. As for my projection for the match, I really can't see this going one's way overwhelmingly. I think that the two sides are kinda matched for now? I don't know, I haven't had much success predicting international matches and analyzing foreign teams. Eshialand is a good squad, so we definitely have to watch out for them. They're higher in rank, but hopefully our players have prepared enough."

(to be continued if we don't get eliminated tomorrow, definitely won't be continued if we are)