Festival of Local Anaian Games and Sports: Everything Thread

[Ochre Islands]

Palmsville, in the Ochre Islands, will be hosting it's first FLAGS Go-Kart Race after the first cut-off window ends.

RPs will not be graded based on 'they read my stuff', but if you're interested in the Ochres at all I have plenty of factbooks about our culture. Also for background, Palmsville is at the western end of the Bellflower Metropolitan Area (Bellflower being our capital) so is easily served by road, air and sea connections to other Ochre Islands and Anaia.

[Cobrio]

The Cobre cook-off event will be scorinated in three parts, one after each of cutoffs 2, 3, and 4.

The format will be a straight knockout tournament
Rounds one and two after cutoff 2
Rounds three and four after cutoff 3
And the final four matchups after cutoff 4

RP grading will be based on whatever you write in the interim, though a small, additional bonus will be available for those who specifically RP about foods from their nation.

[StrayaRoos]

Team Tennis Cutoff Windows
we'll be cutting off on windows 3,4,5 for the Round Robin and 7 for the placement games
RP Bonus will be based off humor and knoledge of the Cesspool of Emus,Beer and Sport that is StrayaRoos

[Krytenia]

As it makes sense to keep the food events together, The Spice-Off will be after cutoff 5.

Same criteria for RP grading applies as Cobrio's event.

[Legalese]

After a spicy cutoff 5, a refreshing beverage seems in order. The Competitive Beverage Prep and Service competitions will take place after cutoff 6.

An RP bonus will apply as follows: All RPs posted prior to cutoff 6 will be considered, and folks will be given a 0, 1, or 2 as follows:

A 2: Your body of work is entertaining, informative, provide insight into your nations' culture/cultural evolution, and at least one mentions your nations' food/beverage culture.
A 1: Your body of work does at least a couple of the things needed to get a 2, but is missing two or more/doesn't meet any of the elements that well.
A 0: Your body of work is nonexistent or copypasta.

A small adjustment to the catastrophic failure potential will go along with this: If your RP bonus is greater than 0, hitting a number in the catastrophic failure range that's not the failure number means you get a chance to save the failure! Here's how that works:
If your bonus is a 1: Roll a four-sided die; if a 1-3, your score's lowered by the number you rolled. If a 4, catastrophic failure.
If your bonus is a 2: Roll an eight-sided die; your score's lowered by one-half the number you rolled, rounded down to the nearest integer (1 = no deduction, 2 or 3 = 1 pt deduction, and so on). If an 8, catastrophic failure.

[Eselagel]

OOC: The Semaphore Bee results will be posted after the seventh cutoff, and scorinated at some point prior. RP Bonus will not be applied.

"Scribe!"

The Manne Whose Name is Unknown to Others entered the room, bowing. "Yes, milord, how may I be of service?"

Lord Ather averted his gaze, as was his custom. "Scribe, I would like you to take down a message to send to my brothers, as well as to the other relams in our region. Are you ready?"

"Of course, milord, quill and all." He clicked the ballpoint pen in his hand, disguised by the feather protruding from the end.

"Hear ye, all those who join us in a test of thy wit and knowledge! The celebration of the Semaphore Bee is upon us in the coming weeks. In our great culture, the Semaphore Bee serves as the test of skill showing everything a ruler needs: ability to communicate, knowledge of the seas, and the iron will to face thy opposition, and endure their best. It is, in fact, how I became the Lord King."

That, and arranging the word list carefully, the scribe thought.

"...whatever your ability, we do look forward to seeing you in our mighty Kingdom. We shall feast, we shall flag, and we shall rise once more, in two weeks time."

[The Karodin Tetrarchy]

The Gwaregata flammenniñ will be scorinated on Day 6 of FLAGS.

[Cobrio]

Two of the three Cobre entrants for FLAGS sat in the living room of their host house in Craebog -- the host family were out for the evening, it seemed -- while the third, Kolawale "Kolo" Aduba, was in the kitchen. Naturally.

"Did you tell him we can go out to eat and claim it on expenses?" Dibu asked.

"Yes," Kiké said "but he said something about not trusting 'the ugwu¹ man' to prepare food."

Dibu laughed softly. "Ah you know these provincial people, always convinced nobody else can cook good food eh."

"But I can understand it," said Kiké. "Have you seen some of the preparations in ugwu land? Servant of Ikpoa²... Also you have to remember that over time, it was only the farmers and their families who knew how best to cook."

"Ch!" Dibu waved a hand dismissively. "This is past. Today, many people can cook good food na."

"Good Cobre food is different. This is why the farmers were so defensive of it, I think."

"OK, on this one you are correct. But still, we don't have to eat Cobre food when we are in another country. They don't even grow the same vegetables here."

"Wait," said Kiké "you think Kolo is making traditional Cobre food right now? Kekeno tani...³"

"Of course. Why else would he insist on making the food?"

Kiké laughed. "You know Kolo doesn't make traditional food? Not really. This is how he is known in Cobrio. He makes good food that is like Cobre food, but without traditional ingredients. Lukiwani⁴. He had a television show about it na."

"Then why is he so insistent?"

Kiké shrugged. "Some people are fussy."

* * * * *

"Ahhhh! Dinner is served!" Kolo entered from the kitchen, carrying two plates trailing fragrant steam.

"Ogya lugun⁵," Kiké breathed. She had seen him enter the kitchen with just a few fish, some rice, a few of a vegetable that, at a glance, looked like potatoes, and a handful of what she assumed were local herbs. Yet here he was. With food that somehow smelled like home. "Kolo what have you done, na?"

"I found some useful plants," Kolo shrugged. "I made food. It is simple, na."

Dibu just stared at their plate in silence.

Kiké, noticing Dibu's silence, nudged them gently. "Hey, buffalo brain, you still in there?"

Snapping out of their trance, Dibu nodded mutely and began to eat. The fish was steamed perfectly with herbs, and served in some kind of mildly spicy sauce with a starchy, almost creamy consistency. Kiké reeled off question after question, and Kolo, having returned from the kitchen with his own plate, seemed happy to answer between mouthfuls of rice and fish.

The two were exchanging knowledge, mentioning concepts and using terms that Dibu had to admit they simply didn't know or understand. They fell into a trance, eating dinner and listening to the conversation silently. So engrossed, in fact, they failed to realise they'd finished their plate and were absent-mindedly scraping the fork across the surface.

"You liked my newest creation, eh?" Kolo grinned at Dibu. "I can show you how to make it one day. Very simple."

Kiké laughed again. "You lie, Kolo. Simple only for you. For us, it will take many years to master these techniques."

"Of course, if you persist with that attitude." Kolo said, in a tone bordering on stern. "Cooking is not difficult, though. It only takes practice, like everything else. I cannot build a table today, but I am sure I could learn, na. Maybe not as good as you, Kiké, but well enough."

Kiké simply nodded.

"And just so, you can also learn to cook. Maybe not like me so quickly, but well enough. This is the truth of all things. Ologun blesses those who strive."

A few moments passed in silence, before Kiké spoke up, wanting to banish the awkwardness. "So this bog boarding," she said. "What is it all about anyway, na?"




¹ see: Ugwu. While Mertagnians are obviously not Osarian, Cobre people have a tendency to conflate all outsiders into one, vaguely defined group of "ugwu man" in a similar way that people use "global south" to refer to a wide variety of nations and cultures.
² see: Ikpoa. A servant of Ikpoa would be one who manifests the work of Ikpoa. The implication here being that such preparations of food are considered a destruction or corruption of human progress.
³ see: Kekezi. In this context, implying a degree of ignorance or foolishness (almost incredulously).
⁴ see: Kiwani. prefix "lu-" is negative, thus "not lies". Similar to how one might say "I swear to God" but without the implied possible blasphemy.
⁵ this is a mild curse, roughly on par with "Oh my God". The literal meaning is "mother's blood lacks ignorance" or "my ancestors know"; derived from the Akkano term "Ogya" (mother's blood) and the Father of the Irunashe, Ologun, whose name means "great one without ignorance" or "he who knows all".

[Mertagne]

Craebog, Dannmarsh, Mertagne
"The small town of Craebog clings to civilisation in one of the dampest and least hospitable parts of the Great Calanian Marsh. A large wetland areas that spans much of Dannmarsh province, the literal backwater proved a tough crossing for Mertagnian settlers as they moved towards the west of the country. However, many people chose to stick around and make the best of it, and the people of Craebog enjoy the comforts of community and some modern amenities, even if they're a bit of a hovercraft or boat journey away.

Every year, hundreds of people descend on Craebog for the National Bog Boarding Championship, and this year, the championship has been opened up to the competitors of the FLAGS. From across the region, multiple sporting and non-sporting folks alike will be competing to see who can manoeuvre their finely crafted Craebog body board across a dense muddy marsh - shallow enough to stand in, but sticky enough to sink in if you remain there too long. The officially designated bog boarding run has been demarked with a fancy new ruler specifically for the FLAGS, and a cultural festival has been planned for the day. Rumour has it that several Mertagnian celebrities will be there, and perhaps even a politician or two. All I'll say is, they all better watch out for the crocodiles. The politicians, that is. The competitors will surely be fine."

Nico Lavery clicked off his portable radio as he stumbled into the town of Craebog, a full backpack of survival gear stashed on his bulky shoulders. He had elected not to take the coach that many of the other competitors were taking from Dannin International Airport (note to junior pilots, that's two "n"'s), instead deciding to set off a week or so early and make the trek to Craebog from his home outside Brandistock, with nothing but the stuff on his back. After a confident start, he made it to the edge of Lake Shoda, choosing to move around its perimeter before tackling the Great Calanian Marsh. Sadly, his inflatable kayak had burst about six miles from Craebog, and he was forced to make the remaining trek by sinking his waterproof boots and trousers into the marsh, and using a large stick, poking around for hard enough spots to walk on. The last mile had been plain sailing in comparison, as in a stroke of equal parts luck and planning by the Mertagnian forebearers, Craebog sat on a slightly less damp foundation that the rest of the marsh that surrounded it.

Kristie Ettrick, on the other hand, was getting an earful from Ron Newey, who had sat next to her on the coach. Clearly trying to foster some sort of bond for the team sports that would be to come, Ettrick realised she was perhaps being a bit too non-committal as he tried to make conversation.

"... Which is when I said to him, 'Mate, I don't know what you're going to do with that urn, but when you do sell it, I'll expect a cut of the profit!' ... Yeah, 'cut of the profit, prophet?'"

"Oh!" Kristie said, tuning back in at just the wrong time to hear the punchline to a joke she'd missed half of. "Very good."

She thought to pause a bit to let the conversation breathe, before realising that Newey would jump into that gap if she didn't take it.

"So you won your spot on a TV show. Outfox the Foreman? I don't think I've seen it, how does that one work? Is it a quiz?" bombarding him with questions, she hoped, would serve both the purpose of getting him to stop making jokes, and also to learn a bit more about her teammate.

Newey beamed. "It's not really a quiz. I'm not Sir Eeberal enough for that. You have this central character, The Foreman - he's played by Magnus Chambers, right? And his team comes up with these absurd tasks you've got to do. Interestingly, he does them all himself, but he usually has some kind of ridiculous advantage. Anyway, each season, they get like five celebrities on, and they all have to do the task. If they do one better than Chambers, they've 'Outfoxed the Foreman'. The first task of each recorded episode is an object assignment, and you have to bring something in, yeah? So this series just gone, I was on with Diane Trexent, you know, Minister for Sport? You'd know her. Anyway, the assignment was "Get me access to the most lucrative event of the year", and she brought in a ticket to this, the FLAGS. I won the episode, so I got the ticket, along with a bunch of other really cool experiences - it's a nice perk of winning, which made up a bit for the lousy pay they gave me for being on the series. But that's a secret between you and me, right? I can't be too picky with the events I take part in nowadays. Hence..." he gestured around the coach.

"I see. Well, luckily I didn't have to do any strange tasks - just a charitable donation. I'm quite looking forward to this, I think it'll be a welcome break from the day job, and some good PR for myself and the national football team." Ettrick replied.

"Ah, that's where you're from! I knew I recognised your face from somewhere. I'm more of a darts guy, me. Football is... Well, it's alright. We never do any good, though."

The coach rolled to a halt at the dock closest to Craebog. Uniquely, the town wasn't accessible by car, only by boat, and as the coach denizens piled out, Kristie could only think thank god as Ron Newey stepped into the aisle and went to grab his bags.

Luckily for her, the first couple of events were more... individualistic than team-based. Plenty of time to get to know her fellow teammates and competitors as the Festival continued. She only hoped that the dentist was a bit less abrasive.

[Ochre Islands]

'Hiya Bobbie, how's everything back in the office?'
...
'Oh that's good. Have we missed much while we've been away?'
...
'25 tonnes?'
...
'Outside the Foreign Ministry? But that's the weight of a fully loaded bin lorry. Seriously?'
...
'Wow. And they sent us all of it?'
...
'Yeah no I'm not surprised you invoked distribution protocol 7E. I might have gone for distribution protocol 4J but 7E, wow, yeah, good call.'
...
'Yes it's all expenses paid. Really nice of Mr. Gilbertini. Given us some flax-paper diaries to hand out as well as business cards, which aren't proving as popular so we're hiding them in the diaries.'
...
'Mmm Dannin'
...
'Mertagne.'
...
'Mertagne.'
...
'That is how I'm saying it. Mertagne.'
...
'Yep, on the coach now. Hang on Steve wants a word.'...'Bobbie. Bobbie. Yeah it's me Ste.'
...
'Steve then. You ok? Weather nice? How's erm, how's your boyfriend?'
...
'Is he yeah? Okay. Ok. Yeah. Here's Ellen then... She wants you Ellen.'
...
'I didn't say-no no. Yeah. Yeah. No I get it. Totally. Yeah. Like a little lost puppy at the moment.' [insert laugh track]
...
'For three weeks now? And he doesn't-'
...
'Oh that's cruel.'
...
'Yeah I agree, probably. Yeah we're bog-boarding today.'
...
'Bog-boarding. Running at a bog clutching a body-board, then jumping on it and sliding as far as we can across it.'
...
'Yeah it should be fun. Hopefully I get it all out of my hair before we have to get back on the coach though.'
...
'Oh yeah I suppose it is. Speak to you soon then.'
...
'Alright, bye.'

[Anaia Region]

Day 1 Cutoff

Day 1's cut-off for the FLAGS is here! Best of luck in the games to come!

The cut-off for Day 2 will be in approximately 48 hours, between 21:00-22:00 UTC on May 21st.

[Mriin]

Locking in Cliff Grazing (on behalf of Austailia) for Day 3.

Locking in Privateering for Day 6.

[Mertagne]

Bog Boarding Preliminaries

Distances are in metres. The bog boarding track has the benefit of being on a slight incline, and very slippery. An X implies a result that was too short to bother measuring (by way of falling off the board immediately, veering straight off the track, or slipping backwards after your run up, for example).

Pos.	Competitor			 	       Run1   Run2   Run3    Best
 1 Dibu Iduzoka (Cobrio)                              33.26  64.90  38.46    64.90
 2 Kristie Ettrick (Mertagne)                         61.19  64.50  63.08    64.50
 3 Ste Chrisson (Ochre Islands)                       64.36  62.08  59.32    64.36
 4 Ellen Grainger (Ochre Islands)                     17.75   6.63  63.57    63.57
 5 Kiké Baloyi (Cobrio)                               33.90  63.47   6.22    63.47
 6 Nico Lavery (Mertagne)                             59.27  63.36  60.42    63.36
 7 Horst Wildly (Audioslavia)                         62.43  35.38      X    62.43
 8 Sara Patrese (Krytenia)                            62.31  60.78  50.76    62.31
 9 Laser Shark #1 (Aquacorp)                          58.84  58.78  61.92    61.92
10 Kolawale Aduba (Cobrio)                            58.91  61.84  60.33    61.84
11 Nova Wexler (Aquacorp)                             61.84  36.38  58.24    61.84
12 Otutodilinna Choike (Avorago)                      51.61   7.55  61.59    61.59
13 Kevin (Austailia)                                  61.47  30.88  56.27    61.47
14 James Makone (Krytenia)                            58.15  61.43  61.17    61.43
15 Lucinda Flincham (Ochre Islands)                       X  61.42  60.24    61.42
16 Braelynn Debenham (Gortolekua)                     56.11  59.31  61.35    61.35
17 Ulthor the Bold (Eselagel)                         43.88  61.25  10.06    61.25
18 Alexis Håus (Saltstead)                            58.00  61.23  19.55    61.23
19 Ron Newey (Mertagne)                               61.05  27.43  16.79    61.05
20 Loreithel (The Plough Islands)                     59.64  57.55  60.85    60.85
21 Linda Morea (Audioslavia)                          58.98  60.65  58.90    60.65
22 Leanne Amanda Martin (The Plough Islands)          60.52  28.68  57.97    60.52
23 Chinelo Chimaijem (Avorago)                        60.08  45.05  60.27    60.27
24 Stan Mina (Audioslavia)                            60.22  57.88  20.86    60.22
25 Tipalo Nado (Aquacorp)                             32.03  24.38  60.17    60.17
26 Jonas Wilson (Ko-oren)                             60.14  59.39  25.27    60.14
27 Wulf (Eselagel)                                    45.81  57.70  60.14    60.14
28 Chris Adams (New Gesem)                            60.11  58.21  28.69    60.11
29 Evan (Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land)      57.51  60.02  58.15    60.02
30 Harmon Mulvahil (Ko-oren)                          60.02  35.15  57.66    60.02
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
31 Eva (Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land)       58.63  59.84  56.98    59.84
32 Anya (Austailia)                                   59.16  57.94  59.83    59.83
33 Zinibia Volaan (Mriin)                             16.02  57.83  59.80    59.80
34 Luci Asqi (StrayaRoos)                             10.22  59.50  43.54    59.50
35 Phoenixperson (Osarius)                            34.52  58.31  59.48    59.48
36 Lucea Hyde (Osarius)                               59.20  57.62  59.42    59.42
37 Hektor Corgman (Legalese)                              X  59.38  57.47    59.38
38 Cruz Kaiplo (StrayaRoos)                               X  58.71  59.29    59.29
39 Shelby Beach (New Gesem)                           59.21  49.56  58.91    59.21
40 Ephraim the Wretched (Austailia)                   21.81  36.69  59.16    59.16
41 Kormok Tekmalaana (Mriin)                          59.14  58.58  58.87    59.14
42 Augustus Smith (Ko-oren)                           55.52  57.55  59.08    59.08
43 Rozena Le Hir (The Karodin Tetrarchy)              55.79  59.06      X    59.06
44 Mary Carmen Zark (Legalese)                        59.05  58.81  51.89    59.05
45 Bob (Saltstead)                                    58.97  57.36      X    58.97
46 Morna Le Guyader (The Karodin Tetrarchy)           58.84  57.94  58.30    58.84
47 Jared Rhodes (New Gesem)                           36.25  57.05  58.71    58.71
48 Miria Taniir (Mriin)                               58.64  57.66  56.69    58.64
49 Supreme Athlete Jeff Kal (StrayaRoos)              58.39  58.32  57.96    58.39
50 Jonathan Welch (Krytenia)                              X  57.69  58.32    58.32
51 Olthur the Brave (Eselagel)                            X  58.11  57.83    58.11
52 Jerrye Agnew (Legalese)                            56.03  57.85      X    57.85
53 Evgeny Sergeyevich Levenko (The Plough Islands)    57.84  55.91      X    57.84
54 Taavet Sniders (Gortolekua)                            X  41.36  57.40    57.40
55 Toussaint Lupin (Osarius)                          57.30  43.79  57.32    57.32
56 Tla (Space Laser Dinosaur Robot Pirate Land)       56.69  13.11  56.78    56.78
57 Natalie de Marħt (Saltstead)                       56.64  25.96  16.35    56.64
58 Finn Gilchrist (Gortolekua)                            X  56.57  56.17    56.57
59 Audrey Laorans (The Karodin Tetrarchy)             13.25      X  51.08    51.08
 — Osinachi Amadi (Avorago)                               X      X      X        X

Competitors outlined in brown are eliminated from the bog boarding, and are treated to a hot shower, a change into a knitted jumper, a complimentary Craebog blanket, and nice warm cocoa (don't get it confused with mud!) in order to most enjoy watching the rest of the revelry.

[Ko-oren]

Locking in Ko-orienteering for Day 4.

The results will be generated using a modified Men's Marathon file: the times will reflect a 12~ hour event, and DNFs are removed.

[Ko-oren]

"Jonas, welcome to the studio! Have a seat. Of course, we want to know all about the Greencaster Godspeed season - but pardon me if I say that that is ultimately falling apart. Turns out a good Western division is too much for arguably the worst team in said division, though I'm sure that's ultimately not your fault, Jonas. In fact, why not cut straight to the important bit - you're representing us in the FLAGS! How hyped are you?"

"Very! I'd also have liked to finish the season with the Godspeed, but if this opportunity comes, you have to take that. Well, not that there was a choice, they said that I was the best player for the job in tackling all kinds of odd sports from the region - that I haven't travelled in a lot, I'm afraid, there's not a tonne of gridiron in Anaia - so I'd love to see the sights, be on flights, and face my frights-"

"Fears-"

"Yes."

"Any events you're looking forward to?"

"The Orienteering is the biggest one for me. We spent so many holidays, on vacation with the family, in a tent, somewhere in Mawryshire, usually, doing the trails set up around there. It's the Ko-orenite pastime for a reason, as they say. I think Coo Runnings sounds a lot like running a football through a bunch of defenders, so I think I'm naturally better at that as well. Inshore yacht racing would be another one, again, going back to those family vacations in Mawryshire. Lots of water around, so lots of boating to be done. Not to get political, but go-karting should be 100% an option in Ko-oren, we can probably find a way around the motor vehicle restrictions by making them quieter and run on electricity."

"Oh my, that's a brave opinion indeed!"

"Underwater Laser Tag, Gwaregata Flammenniñ (which sounds like a great Mawr metal band) are other things I'd love to try, but probably won't be great at."

"By the way, have you met the other two yet?"

"I think I ran into Augustus Smith before, you know, both of us playing and living in Greencaster. But not really talked to, no."

"Good news, folks, because we have all three of our gladiators here! Please welcome... Augustus Smith! Now, Augustus, have a seat, and how are you enjoying the news?"

"A lot! What an honour. I've been to Krytenia and the Plough Islands before, definitely, and I'm glad this cricket heavy region has another reason for me to travel around."

"Same question, what events are you going to win for us?"

"Ooh, I have got to say that Orienteering is the big one, of course. Gwaregata Flammenniñ stood out to me as well. The Semaphore Bee could be useful for us if we need to relay fielding instructions from captain to cow corner, so I've been training [as Augustus semaphores several no-no words in studio], and I've been wanting everyone to know that I know about the finer things in life, so beverage prep, the cook-off, looking forward to those."

"How are you going to tackle the group assignments?"

"The only thing I know is that you appoint a captain, as we do. I'm happy to do that - being the captain, not appointing them - if you're ok with that."

"How about we ask the third member of our representation - here's Harmon Mulvahil! Harmon, thanks for being here, and thanks to the staff of Osarese Marcadia for letting you go a little early!"

"Thanks! And thanks to the club as well, but I think FLAGS has become a thing across the region, so it didn't take them long to think about it. There's some PR for the club in having a FLAGS competitor on the squad, I guess."

"Great! And which events are you looking forward to?"

"Without naming the exact same ones as my colleagues - but the Orienteering is fantastic - I'm hoping to make an impression in the spice-off, beverage prep (not so much the service), and as strange as it sounds, tennis."

"Ooh, you played when you were younger?"

"Definitely did! And I still like to play, if the training schedule allows. Bog boarding should be a lot like celebrating a goal on a bad field in Straudum - so I have no idea what that would be like - and to be fair I kind of hoped some of these events were open to a little gamesmanship. I suppose me, and all Audioslavians, are not catered to 100% with these events."

"So, one last question. What are you playing in Gortolekua?

Harmon Mulvahil: Sleeping on my Dreams

Augustus Smith: Sleepyhead

Jonas Wilson: Now, for a non-sleep related song, Tongue Tied

[Ochre Islands]

1 Team Legalese - 1:43:19.687
2 Team Cobrio - 1:43:20.819
3 Team Krytenia - 1:43:26.104
4 Team Saltstead - 1:44:00.873
5 Team Ko-oren - 1:44:15.298
6 Team Austailia - 1:44:16.393
7 Team New Gesem - 1:44:17.906
8 Team Audioslavia - 1:44:19.096
9 Team Osarius - 1:44:24.494
10 Team Mriin - 1:44:28.212
11 Team Ochre Islands - 1:44:28.611
12 Team Avorago - 1:44:35.576
13 Team StrayaRoos - 1:44:37.253
14 Team Aquacorp - 1:44:40.188
15 Team S.L.D.R.P.L. - 1:44:48.864
16 Team Karodin Tetrarchy - 1:44:49.150
17 Team Gortolekua - 1:45:02.653
18 Team Eselagel - 1:45:03.436
19 Team Mertagne - 1:45:15.117
20 Team Plough Islands - 1:45:15.325

In what turned out to be a tight finish in Palmsville, Team Legalese have emerged the winners of the first Palmsville Go-Kart Team Event, which was held over 45 laps and had the drivers swap after laps 15 and 30.

The Ochre Islands, whose team have their offices within a half a mile of the circuit, couldn't use their local knowledge particularly well and have ended up in 11th place. They finished a minute and 9 seconds down, largely due to a mix-up during a driver swap.

[Osarius]

Lucea Hyde glanced at the timer as Touey crosses the finish line in Palmsville, and grimaced. Not quick enough to finish top three. "Why did they have to keep the costume on for this?" She muttered under her breath, while watching Phoenixperson, who was trying in vain to scrub a dark stain out of their cape. Without any water. Something about it "interfering with [their] flame heart".

Perhaps she was being harsh with Phoenixperson, still annoyed at the way their driver swap went. That is to say, not well. Lucea had been ready to go, but Phoenixperson's cape had gotten stuck in the kart, costing them about a minute to wrestle them free. She tried to calm herself by noting that even if they had been a minute quicker overall, they still wouldn't have won. They might have managed third place, but that was about as good as it could have been. Besides, top ten was still good.

Touey made his way over eventually, and upon seeing her face, winced slightly.

"Ah, not quite quick enough, eh?" So much for calming herself.

"No," Lucea said. "But we did okay."

"You're not happy?"

Lucea barked a short laugh. "Touey, I'm a professional athlete. I'm never happy unless I'm winning."

He laughed at that. "My uncle is the same."

She said nothing to this, but raised an eyebrow.

"Ah you don't know him. Uncle Mathieu used to slam dunk against us when we were children you know?"

That got a smile out of her. Grudgingly.

"Don't smile! It was terrifying! He is not a small man, eh? But I was even smaller then."

Lucea became acutely aware of the height difference between them for a moment. A fleeting one, but a moment nonetheless. She hoped it didn't show on her face, but she still didn't particularly like that she was taller than most guys she knew. Sure, being over six feet tall helped in her football career, but in most other areas of life, it wasn't great. Even today, cramming herself into the go-kart, she had been self-conscious. All those jokes she'd become accustomed to hearing over the years.

"Does that bother you sometimes, Touey?" Lucea asked.

"Of course. But not so much. Sometimes people will make jokes, but this is fine. It is when they don't notice me that I will worry." Touey wagged a finger, knowingly.

"Interesting way to look at it," she said.

"Think of it like this," he said. "If they don't even notice me, how can I be sure that I matter?"

Turned out that Touey, for all his unremarkability, was surprisingly astute at reading people.

* * * * *

Osarius entries for Scratch the Decks as reviewed by Romain Trésor


"Rien Ne M'Arrêtera" by MDN
Toussaint went with this uplifting joint from MDN (Mecs du Nord), a rap group from his hometown of Châteaurenard. Unlike most rap groups in Osarius, MDN's origins are in a pretty affluent neighbourhood -- they actually attended the same school as Touey -- but you can't fault their ability. It's a pretty uplifting joint, though it does show that Touey probably doesn't hit clubs all too often, since you gotta question whether this track would actually fill a dancefloor in a club.

"Candy" by The Diamond Street Players
Ah, a staple of Osarian family events -- particularly those of Aquilliano descent, like Lucea; since there's a whole dance routine to go with this one -- it's an oldie but a goodie. The group made their name in jazz-funk bars on Diamond Street in Carbonia, but have been quiet in recent years, though various members have worked with more contemporary acts to great success. True to her no-nonsense attitude on the pitch, Lucea has gone for tried and tested. Whether that will translate well to a foreign audience remains to be seen, of course.

"Worlds on Fire" by Tika Riot
Phoenixperson uh... they... went with something a little disturbing, frankly, when you consider the implication. Though I suppose it speaks to their decision to become a superhero. Particularly since phoenixes can't be harmed by f-... no. I can't do this anymore. The tune slaps, though. Pretty good song to feature if anyone ever... I can't believe I'm saying this... makes a documentary about Phoenixperson. That aside, Tika Riot's ability to distill social commentary into visceral, high energy music might do the trick in this event.

[Cobrio]

Kiké Baloyi leapt from the go-kart after crossing the finish line, and quite literally danced her way over to her grinning teammates, loudly singing her favourite song; "Aneka, ka, ka, Aneka, how you gonna play me like Mo-seees oh, Mo-seees..." which she promptly started searching for on her phone.

Kolo was shaking his head, but still smiling. "Why are you like this, ah?"

"Loosen up ngugu, this is a time for celebration! We are enjoying the festival with all these lovely people, na. Dibu, speak to your uncle, na"

Dibu paused, confused. "But we are not re-"

"Ori buruku, a figure of speech I speak na. Maybe Kolo is right, young people have straw for brains."

"Ch! I never said young people have straw for brains. I said your schools do not teach you properly. This is two different things, na." Kolo said.

"But you're a young person..." Dibu muttered, trailing off.

"Yeah yeah okay but can you two loosen up and dance?" Kiké said. "Everybody knows if you are Cobre you can dance. This is part of ogya for all Cobre people." She hit play on the music player app on her phone, starting the song she had been singing earlier.

"I can't dance." Dibu mumbled.

"Ki-wa-niiii oh," Kolo exclaimed, punctuating every syllable. "I refuse to believe this lie, Dibu." He started to dance, an old dance. Settling into a half-squat, with his hands by his head, shifting his gaze from side to side with each beat. "Even my nnenne can do this dance," he said. "And she has been dead for twenty years, na"

Awkwardly, Dibu joined them, with Kiké singing along very loudly, and Kolo ad-libbing along with her. After a couple of minutes, they realised something. "Hey Kolo you were right, I can dance!"

"Ch!" Kolo sucked his teeth. "Ori buruku..." He said, shaking his head gently with a smile. "This is who you are, Dibu. This is your culture and heritage. It lives in here," he pointed at his chest, roughly where his heart would be.

"No more lectures Kolo!" Kiké shouted, turning up the volume on her phone. "Only dancing!" She continued to dance around the area, beckoning for other FLAGS entrants to join in. "But I don't take requests," she warned them.






Cobrio entries for Scratch the Decks

Kolawale Aduba:Wisdom Khumalo - "Ori Buruku"
Kolo says: "I went for something old school. I'm old school. As n'katoma -- small n, not from the Council -- I have to provide a message for the younger people. This one is a favourite of mine because of the critique of Cobre schooling. We must do better, and not rely only on traditions. We cannot go forward if we are only looking at the past, na."

Kiké Baloyi: Da Shiki - "Moses (Aneka)"
Kiké says: "I just went with my favourite song to dance to. That's the aim of the event, isn't it? To make people dance? Doesn't hurt that the title is a reference to Moses Lofuko, my favourite footballer. And future husband."

Dibu Iduzoka: Odikolo Gold - "Pipin"
Dibu says: "The song title means 'Division', and the lyrics criticise the tribal nature of inter-ethnic conflicts within Cobrio, and how such attitudes are holding the country back. Odikolo Gold are probably my favourite band, I love their energetic style. This should get people moving."

[Aquacorp]

Laser Shark #1 Undeterred by inability to quickly drive a kart out of water

---

The Format for Underwater Lazer Tag will be as follows:

Each competing nation will assign one of their competitors to be "randomly" drawn on one of the following teams who will then battle for Underwater Lazer Supremacy

• Team A
• Team Two
• Essential Team
• There is no "I" in Team
• Mock Team

There is room in the schedule for a second round but no details have been announced. All competitors are requested to be present. Friends may become enemies at this time.

---

Lazer Shark #1, Also known as Finny, will be introducing their fellow lazer sharks with their scratch entry

[Krytenia]

"Good evening and welcome to KBS Two's coverage of the Festival of Local Anaian Games and Sports. I'm Olivia Mason, and this is Steve Herrera."

"Thanks Olivia, and we'll be over to Palmsville shortly for the go-karting event. First of all, though, we're going to introduce our competitiors and see how they got on with the first event - Mertagnian bog boarding.

First of all, we have Jonathan Welch. Some of you know him from his series of Second City Murders novels, others from his role as one of the resident brains on the quiz show Brains Trust. Very much an intellectual, so perhaps not the best fit for the more physical events."

"Indeed Steve. Poor Jonathan got his technique all wrong on his first run, planting his board nose-first into the peat and recording a zero. He got the hang of it a bit more on his subsequent runs, but a distance of 58.32 metres wasn't enough to elevate him in the top thirty. He won't be back for the final."

"Not to worry though, because we've seen him in practice for the karting, and he's really got the hang of it. He has a very methodical style, knowing where the braking points and apexes are. Let's hope that translates to a good performance."

"Next up, we have James Makone, biathlon gold medallist and double Olympian. He's always super competitive, so this sort of thing will be right up his street."

"That's right. His boarding technique may not have been perfect, but a strong second run placed him fourteenth and into the final."

"Finally, we have KBS' own Sara Patrese. She's taking time off from presenting the drivetime programme on Radio Hits to slide across the mud."

"And slide she did! Her technique was excellent, and the extra centimetres gained from her butterfly-style push at the end elevated her to eighth place. Not only that, but she's an absolute dynamo behind the wheel, so she should be spectacular to watch in the go-karting."

"And with that, it's time to join our commentary team in the Ochre Islands. Get ready, petrolheads, it's time for the Ochre Grandish Prix!"

[Krytenia]

Krytenia's submissions to Scratch the Decks:

Sara Patrese - a reggaeton classic, unsurprising considering her Avidian roots.
James Makone - apparently, this is on his headphones for his morning run every. damn. day.
Jonathan Welch - turns out the megabrain likes a pounding bit of EDM. Who knew?

[New Gesem]

New Gesem's Entrants for Scratch the Decks:

Shelby Beach-"Nice & Easy" by Kickdrum. An EDM-rap track that is a signature of Shelby's playlists at her gym. Of the track, she says, "It's high energy, and it always makes me dig a little deeper. Also, when you think the bass has dropped, it hasn't dropped yet."

Chris Adams-"Wobble" by Five Alive. A hit that dominated Gesemite Christian radio a decade ago and saw substantial crossover play thanks to its infectious hook and easy-to-copy dance moves. Definitely a throwback, but the crowd in Gortolekua doesn't know that.

Jared Rhodes-"Lonely" by Key Chain. A song released posthumously after the artist was killed in a street robbery in 2012.

[StrayaRoos]

The Scratch the decks entries for StrayaRoos
(the titles are Artist-Song)
Supreme Athlete Jeff Kal
αlρηα-Stars,StrayaRoos' entry for the Upcoming 99th WorldVision Song Contestin Densmouth,Carrelie,lyrics are HERE
Cruz Kaiplo
Sajuna-Sharks,StrayaRoos' entry for the 96th WorldVision Song Contest that took place in Valletta,Malta Comino Gozo and finished 26th with 56 Points,It sadly had to participate after a Massacre of Participants by the Iqq Northwest Bir Tawil Halaib Triangles entrant,Lyrics are HERE
Luci Asqi
Altos-Unite,StrayaRoos' entry for the 63th World Hit Festival in Eritus,Scotatrova,that was sung in English,Spanish,French,Italian,Chinese,Japanese and Ukranian,and Finished 13th with 1 Point,Lyrics are HERE

[Mriin]

Following a thoroughly mediocre set of results in the first two FLAGS events, the Mrii contingent welcomed the more... expressive forms of competition on the horizon.

Well, two of them were. Miria was more focused on scrubbing her hair. "I still haven't gotten the swamp smell out, christ. How am I supposed to cook when I can't smell the food?!"

"So what's the party scene like in Maal?" Kormok and Zinibia were off to the other side of the hotel room, pointing their noses towards the open window. "I've never been, just too expensive on a uni budget."

"I'm hardly the best person to ask—canvassing season never ends for us, so even when I'm out late on the town I'm spending it networking with club owners than being on the floor. But it's impossible to be anywhere near without your skull shaking—hardstyle is all the rage now, where you take your house songs and distort the hell out of the drums while putting some really stupid vocals over it. Already sent the track I'm basing my set off to TAG."

"Must make for good moshing. Hosingr's clubs are... well, it's mostly exhausted workers drinking away the last week, and the music matches the industrial feel of the city. I think I've got a pretty good idea of my submission, just need to send it off. It's good music, don't get me wrong, but not really the vibe I'm looking for and campus is dead on the weekends. So I've been hopping over to Vidial to party and they've got, uh, some interesting stuff going on over there..."

"Oi!" Miria finally looked up from her third meticulous shampooing of the day. "I know it's cheesy, but the retro revival is fun as hell and you can't deny that."

"Sure," nodded Kormok, "it's a good time and you can't really ask for more than that, but that the DJs are bragging about 'blurring the line between the ironic and the sincere with copious amounts of alcohol' is just... a little on the nose, y'know?"

"Hate all you want, I know the perfect timeless classic to get those Gortolekuans bouncing."

---

Condensed Scratch the Decks entries:
Zinibia Volaan - https://youtu.be/YJhtsfUdH5Y
Kormok Tekmalaana - https://youtu.be/xwhOTNQcQq4
Miria Taniir - https://youtu.be/Pav2f4b-1ZE

[Austailia]

Music is naturally a very important piece of Austailian culture. But there's hardly much, if any, of a 'party scene' on the pastoral and sparsely-populated islands. So the three goats tasked with finding tunes to get these strange foreign humans dancing were left a bit adrift, and eventually settled on using their traditional songs rather than hastily trying to absorb a crash-course on mainlander music to appease the crowd. Surely they clubgoers will appreciate the authenticity brought to bear, a sincere display in a world beset by constant trend-chasing.

Anya - https://youtu.be/vEcwHiTSRWM
Ephraim the Wretched - https://youtu.be/XQPZwYHNnnk
Kevin - https://youtu.be/VSiX71-zMz4