World Cup 91 [roleplays]

[Sarzonia]

Eight matchdays and seven matches in a World Cup qualifying campaign that will consist of 22 matchdays and 20 matches is still too early to make any projections about football.

However, the Sarzonian national football team has seemingly made a habit of stumbling out of the gates in the first half of qualifying before rallying in the second half since their return to international football for World Cup 84 qualifying. The fact the team currently sit with a 5-1-1 record and 16 points, level with Huayramarca for third in the Group 5 table and are just three points behind Cassadaigua for the second spot in the World Cup proper, though the Stars have a match on hand against the three teams ahead of them in the table.

Manager Nathan Hanifer knows better than to show too much excitement over early results, pointing out that Sarzonia have only taken part in just over a third of their schedule. However, he did admit to feeling pressure regarding the typical slow starts.

"You never want to feel like you're behind the eight ball early," he said. "That's been what we're up against in qualifying, and it's likely tired us out when we've needed to win matches late. Hopefully if we play as well in the second half as we did in previous qualifying campaigns, we'll be able to qualify for the proper."

Hanifer admitted to "frustration" over the team's 2-2 away draw to Darmen, saying the Stars weren't able to take advantage of dominating possession and shots on goal.

"That's two points [in the group tables] that we'd dearly love to have right now," he said.

However, Hanifer was far more direct about the state of Dave Wilson Stadium following stadium officials to hold the Sarzonia-Delaclava World Bowl qualifying match there instead of the gridball team's home pitch at Joe Gibbs Stadium.

"They chewed up our pitch with a damn gridball match," Hanifer said. "I hope that pitch is gonna be ready for the Cassadaigua match there or we'll see some of our guys and some of their women risking injury." Hanifer said he was aware that the Incorporated Football Federation blessed that match, along with the college gridball match between Woodstock University and Northern Moravica, won by the Climbers 36-13. However, he said his contract didn't prevent him from speaking his mind about the decision to play gridball matches there.

"I don't have to like it, OK?" he said. "And I definitely don't like it one Goddamn bit."

[Sendhang]

No one was listening to the team captain's speech after the match against Sajnur. His speech on the need for a united team went on deaf ears, especially among the KS Tapaklaboh players who genuinely think that they were marginalized by their Nainhans counterparts.

The division among the players was made worse after that. The Putrasians only sit with the Putrasians while the Nainhans only sit with the Nainhans as they made the trip to Ceni for their 7th match in the 91st World Cup qualifiers.

That was when the local media first noticed the division among the players. They managed to hide it in the last 2 matches with victories but their body language during the 1-0 defeat at Ceni which ended their 3 matches win streak raised the eyebrow of some Sendhangites. And the rumors began.

"Tapaklaboh-Larantuka feud in the national team?" published on the back page of the Muaradano Times.

Hundreds of fans and media practitioners waited for the team at the Kambang International Airport as they return from Ceni to confirm the story. But none of the players opened their mouths.

The media practitioners though, knowing that the story will sell, started to follow the squad. They gathered outside of the team hotel. They followed the team to their training session. They followed the squad everywhere and every day until the day the national team played Adab at the Stadium Persekutuan in Kambang.

They ended the international break with a 6-3 loss to Adab. And by then, the whole country has believed that there is trouble in the national team.

[Adab]

Tuesday, November 16, 2038
Adab 1-0 Damukuni
Adab scorer: Yargab (75’)

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Tuesday, November 23, 2038
Sendhang 3-6 Adab
Salahuddin (22’, 38’), Samoi (54’) | Barzani (29’), Yissakar (58’), Yargab (63’, 78’, 90’+1), Arthur (85’)

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Bringing you the latest news and rumors in football, in Adab and abroad

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Tuesday, November 23, 2038 / 25 Shawwal 1460 / 25 Cheshvan 5799
Sendhang 3-6 Adab
Salahuddin (22’, 38’), Samoi (54’) | Barzani (29’), Yissakar (57’), Yargab (63’, 78’, 90’+1), Arthur (85’)

NEWS | WORLD CUP QUALIFIERS
By: Elymur Amwan

Adab prevail in nine-goal showdown at Sendhang

A dramatic nine-goal match saw Adab locked in a tight struggle and down 3-2 against hosts Sendhang at their Federal Stadium before Enlilbani Yargab’s entrance in the second half turned things around allowing the Adabians to run out 3-6 winners and solidify their hold on first place in Group 3 of the World Cup qualifiers.

Adab went on the attack as soon as the match began but soon ran into trouble as they found themselves unable to overcome Sendhang’s impervious defense, led by Teuku Muhammad Bari who put on a masterful display as he shut down Emma Arthur and Naram-Sin Samanu’s runs into the Sendhang half and cut off Adab’s front three from the midfielders, limiting the visitors’ goalscoring chances. Indeed, to the audible excitement of the home crowd, it was the hosts who put their name on the scoresheet first, as a mistake by Samanu in the 21st minute allowed the ball to land on the feet of Putra Lumipada, who sent a long ball to Sendhang striker Teuku Salahuddin at the front. Salahuddin made good of this opportunity, netting the ball home past Adab keeper Satchit Chandrasekar, who could only shake his head as Salahuddin’s goal went in to give the visitors the lead.

Nadje Barzani gave the visitors hope as she equalized for the visitors in the 29th minute, courtesy of an Arthur corner which sped just a little too fast past Kastiliasu Akaptaha in the box but nevertheless met Barzani at the right time, paving the way for her to send a header down into the goal, narrowly escaping Albertus Wageo’s flailing hands as the Sendhang keeper crumpled onto the grass, powerless to stop the ball from hitting the back of the net. Adab failed to extend their lead, however, and instead the Sendhangites continued to expose their vulnerability to counterattacks, absorbing the best of their gegenpressing tactics before punching back when a gap inevitably opened in the Adabian formation. Salahuddin was again the man of the moment as he put Sendhang back in the lead with a volley in the 38th minute to the raucous cheers of the home crowd, leaving the Adabians scrambling to find an answer to his imperious performance.

Aiming to breathe new life into his squad, Adab manager Saad Kaykali made two changes at the half-time break, replacing Sarrugi Akshak at the back and Ephraim Orlev at midfield with Yousif Issou and Amara Emmita. Yet early into the second half it appeared that Sendhang still had the upper hand, a fact which was reinforced for all when a nervous-looking Samanu committed an error when he tackled Nanang Wirajuda down in the 54th minute as the latter was tearing through the Adab midfield. Samanu earned a red card and Sendhang a free kick rather too close for comfort to the Adab box. Keylor Samoi took the free kick, and with a powerful right-footed strike promptly blasted the ball right into the net, prompting yet another round of cheers and singing among the Sendhang fans as their team went up 3-1.

A technical glitch from the 55th to 65th minutes resulted in the speakers at the Federal Stadium playing Elvis Costello’s “Pump It Up” three times in a row but it did not seem to perturb the home crowd, who kept on singing – some continuing to sing the old familiar chants, some attempting to follow along to this song now coming out of the speakers – and cheering their team. And nor did it disturb the Adabians, who, after having struggled for so long for a breakthrough, were now finally beginning to control the midfield and march down a faltering Sendhang defense, culminating in Rebekah Yissakar’s goal from close range in the 58th minute, allowing the visitors to cut the gap down to 3-2. Sendhang tightened their defense, and with Akaptaha squandering two chances to equalize in the 60th and 61st minutes – each time sending the ball just wide – it seemed that fortune favored the hosts still and they might even counterattack yet again and score another goal.

Enter Enlilbani Yargab. The veteran striker made his entrance in the 62nd minute in Adab’s third and final change of the night, replacing not Barzani as usual but Akaptaha. Yargab now occupied Akaptaha’s position on the left wing, a bit of an unusual proposition for the man who is more accustomed to being an out-and-out striker in the national team and lately usually alternates with Barzani in that time. Nevertheless the 39-year-old was still very much adept on the wing, and he demonstrated this less than a minute after coming onto the pitch, sending the ball flying from roughly halfway into the Sendhang half. He had apparently intended for the ball to find Barzani, who rushed through the center into the box precisely for that purpose, but instead the ball curved right down into the right crossbar and softly bounced into the net, stunning many Sendhang fans into silence and causing a fit of euphoria to spread through the visiting supporters.

Suddenly the teams found themselves tied at 3-3, and Adab were now increasingly assuming the initiative at midfield, Arthur and Samanu asserting control over that area and winning balls with much greater frequency as their opponents began to slow, ensuring the Adabians could now put the Sendhang goal under threat much more constantly. In the 78th minute, Yargab made his way into the box and passed to Barzani, who – with Sendhang defenders converging on her – passed it back to the relatively unguarded Yargab for a tap-in and his second goal of the night. For the first time in the match the Adabians were now leading at 3-4, and the visiting supporters made themselves heard as loudly as possible, Adabian chants taking over the stadium as the supporters realized their team might win the match after all.

The Sendhangites brought Bari out in favor of Kurniadi Pranoto in the 78th minute, and then replaced Samoi with Cezar Nowela in the 83rd minute. They attempted to keep on counterattacking, intent on regaining the lead or at least rescuing the draw, but instead overextended themselves, so when Arthur won the ball from Teuku Hassan Al-Qari in the 85th minute she found few Sendhang players blocking her way. From the center circle Arthur sprinted all the way to the box, calmly shooting the ball straight into the net to solidify Adab’s lead by two goals. In the end, it would fall to Yargab to put the finishing touch on Adab’s victory in the 91st minute, running past the scrambling Sendhangites and receiving the ball from Yissakar in the box, after which he netted the ball in past a frustrated Wageo to complete his hat-trick and ensure the Adabians would leave the stadium as 3-6 winners, a remarkable turnaround for a team who had been down 3-1 in the 54th minute.

Adab lineup for World Cup Qualifiers MD9 (December 7, 2038 vs. Tumbra at home) and MD10 (December 14, 2038 vs. Zwangzug away)

Starting lineup: Chandrasekar, Altun, Enmerkar (VC), Akshak, al-Maliki, Arthur, Emmita, Orlev, Akaptaha, Yissakar, Yargab (C)

Substitutes: Shulgi, al-Tikriti, Issou, Thomas, al-Muntar, Samanu, Uhwan, Zambiya, al-Kufa, Barzani

[Srednjaci]

IGOR BOŽIĆ

Dear viewers, welcome to our show dedicated to the World Cup 91 qualifiers. After the initial euphoria and the first three victories, in the next four matches we recorded two more new victories and the first two defeats.
Brenecia and Omerica inflicted 4-3 and 1-0 defeats on us.
Since our professional staff does not provide information before the matches about the atmosphere in our team, we will try to find out that information from another side.
Preparations for the great tennis NSTT spectacle, the Plava Laguna Open, are nearing completion at the Plava Laguna tourist center.
The face of protection is our best tennis player and Top 10 NSTT tennis player, Tena Špiričić. Tena is contacting us with a video link in a slightly more casual edition.
Tena, do we hear and see each other?



TENA: Yes Igor, let's talk and see.

IGOR: Welcome to the Tena show.

TENA: Thank you for the invitation and greetings to all viewers across the multiverse.

IGOR: Tena, although the show is football, I can't help but ask how the preparations for the tournament in Plava Laguna are going?

TENA: Plava Laguna literally lives for that tournament. Everything is almost ready. The last preparations remain. The economic symposium has already begun and the contestants are arriving. The journalists are already here and everything is very busy.

IGOR: You will not perform, but there are some other names ...

TENA: That's right. I can't play, this is a Tier 2 tournament and these are tournaments prepared for young and non-established tennis players. We have our names that will perform and they are Petra Mačinković, Dora Klemenčić, Igor Matković and Josip Ratković in single competition.

IGOR: We invited you to the show because, as our public knows, our best player in the Takanobu Tavano team is your fiancé. Do you hear from him?

TENA: That's a trick question now. Namely, when the players are in media silence, then they are in quarantine for their loved ones as well. This is usually on the day of the match. This is normal because you have to concentrate on the upcoming match. So I have to tell you, I haven't heard from him today.

IGOR: You must have talked in the past few days, what is the atmosphere like inside our camp?

TENA: although they were a little hit by defeats by Brnecio and Omerico, the atmosphere is still great. The team has a clear goal and that is placement on WC91. And I have to say that they are very focused to make that happen. They are more experienced and mature and the quality is really impressive.

IGOR: So we don't have to worry?

TENA: No fear. be carefree.

IGOR: You and your fiancé are very popular, very successful in your careers. Many will say that you are now the most popular couple in our country as celebrities. How do you manage to reconcile private life and sports?

TENA: Much harder than, say, Leo and Goran. The two of them are tennis players, they play together so they spend more time together but it is very difficult for me and Taki to reconcile his football obligations and my tennis obligations. We both train a lot, work a lot and I travel a lot. But there is always a way to find the right things.

IGOR: Tena, thank you for this short conversation. We wish you a lot of success and I look forward to seeing you on the court again.

TENA: Thank you for inviting me to the show.

IGOR: Dear viewers, after the commercials we join the live broadcast of the football match Srednjaci vs Natanians and Nosts

[Soldera]

When the Solderan national football team settled on Larry Carricker to serve as national team manager, it was a tacit admission that former World Cup team captain Joey Westway was not ready to assume the duties as manager.

Carricker said he didn't want the job, but he was eventually talked into taking it on a provisional basis by his eventual boss, the national team's technical director, who also happened to be his baby brother Norm Carricker.

So why did Norm want his brother to call the shots for the team when Larry Carricker originally said he didn't want the job?

"We felt as an organization that we were trending in the right direction after the previous World Cup qualifying campaign," Norm Carricker said. "We didn't want to change course on the system we use after the time and effort it took to build the program. All the candidates we spoke to about the opening wanted to make significant changes we felt would be reinventing the wheel, so to speak. We knew we were going to have a new voice at the top, but that didn't preclude our staying with a similar voice."

Larry Carricker said he wouldn't have taken the job if anyone other than his little brother had been the technical director.

"Norman knows how to get under my skin," he said with a grimace that he later admitted was expressing mock annoyance. "He knew what buttons to push to get me to say yes. But more importantly, we have nearly identical visions for how we think Solderan football should take its next steps internationally, and we both decided it was important for me to help see those developments through." Larry Carricker also said he was happy to help mentor Westway toward becoming a World Cup-caliber manager.

"The future of this position is going to be Joey Westway," Larry Carricker said. "I know that. Norman knows that. We both felt that having him as an assistant manager working alongside someone who's had more experience on the bench will benefit him moving forward." Larry Carricker said he's been pleased with Westway's progress as an assistant.

"I'm absolutely happy with how hard he's worked, how prepared he's been, how he's been able to reach players who were his mates before and he's coaching now," Larry Carricker said. "He's also gotten the respect of the younger players who weren't on the team when he played for us."

Both Carrickers should also be thrilled with the team's progress thus far in World Cup qualifying, as they are tied with Squidroidia with 18 standings points atop the Group 7 table. Squidroidia has six wins and one loss, while the Snakes are 5-3-0 in their eight matches. Even though the Snakes have drawn both their matches, a 2-2 affair against Valladares at King Anthony Stadium in Branwen and a goalless draw in Drawkland, the two results against higher-ranked sides. The road gets tougher after Soldera's home match against StrayaRoos Barrier Islands as they have to travel to top 10 powers Audioslavia. Larry Carricker said his focus is on simply playing the best brand of football possible against both opponents.

"We're not going to take StrayaRoos Barrier Islands lightly," he said. "We can't afford to not give a strong effort against them, no matter who the opponent that follows is." Larry Carricker said he warned his team against the prospect of a so-called "trap match" against StrayaRoos Barrier Islands as he said human nature likely dictates everyone on the team is already gearing up for Audioslavia.

"I know the tendency is to look forward to a match against a highly-ranked opponent and look past the match before it," he said, "but we need all the points we can get."

[Banija]

Pam Scott, the national team manager for Banija, following the Brookstation game

The final whistle had blown in Brookstation. It was their biggest win of the campaign, one that would send seismic shocks through Group 12- Banija, for the first time, had been defeated in this particular World Cup Qualifying campaign. A Kadongo Kamu team that had been dominating going forward the entire campaign had suddenly, for at least one game, been solved and shut down. Fans were booming the national anthem, and players on the other team were thoroughly enjoying the moment. Brookstation had dominated Banija defensively, especially in the midfield. Banija's midfield could not get anything going to control the game, and Brookstation were able to counter-attack at will, with authority, all day long. And they finished with authority as well, especially early on, scoring both goals in the opening 30 minutes. Despite Banija ending up with 62% possession, they were thoroughly out-played on the day. Brookstation had 7 shots on goal compared to just 2 for Banija, an embarrassing total after having so much possession.

Unsurprisingly, Pam Scott was in a bad mood when she went to the post-game press conferences in Brookstation. But, of course, she put things into perspective. This had been a pretty poor two-match international window, obviously. After three consecutive six point windows, nobody wanted a one point window. But things were still well in perspective. Banija was still in first place in the group, and with the second place team having played the same amount of games as them, Banija were still in a solid position in the table to achieve what they set out to do- qualify for the World Cup directly. But with 12 games left, and of course, the recency bias of many sports fans, she knew that the hounds in the media would be harsh after this one. And it was up to her, after just watching her team get beaten thoroughly by Brookstation, to offer a response to fans.

ABSM Reporter: "Pam, this World Cup Qualifying campaign has been absolutely brilliant until the last two weeks. There have been questions about the defense, but when our midfield struggled, their struggles really came out into the open. Do we need to take drastic steps to fix our back line?"

Pam Scott: "Our defense is fine. Obviously, it's not great to allow 2 goals each in our last two games, and it especially wasn't great to concede twice early today and allow Brookstation to simply dictate the pace of the game. But I think that we still have a defense capable of competing with the best of the best. We've got Tairu Conateh, who is a world class talent. We've got a highly decorated veteran goalkeeper, and there are plenty of young players looking to make their mark. While we can switch around combinations, I Think that our defense is certainly capable of getting the job done."

Istria Times Reporter: "What needs to change after this loss? Are you calm, do you think things will be fine for this team? Or is this an indicator of a larger issue that needs to be exposed?"

Pam Scott: "There are no 'larger issues' with this team that have been exposed as a result of this loss. It is one loss- nothing more, nothing less. We've had a great start to the World Cup Qualifying campaign, but these things are marathons. Nobody's going to go 20-0-0 through a Qualifying campaign as long as this, in a group as tough as this one. We've got highly talented opponents week in and week out, and one getting the better of us is not the end of the world. It should not cause a panic. We've got the fundamentals down, but as everybody saw, we failed to execute."

The press conference continued, and Pam Scott continued the same line. Trust in the team, trust in the process. A one point window is disappointing- but there are worse things in the world than a one point window. No time for anyone to like their wounds. Mon Sold were already in route to Jinja City, and there was a mouthwatering matchup on Matchday 10 upcoming between Eraman and Banija- who were both in the top 2 of Group 12 standings. Next.

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Anything written only represents the character, not the user behind Banija nor the views of Banijans in general. Accordingly, this is the furthest thing from an unbiased source of information you'll find about the NSCF.

The Coulibaly Corner: Your one stop shop for everything college football!

Hey guys! Welcome back to my corner of the internet for everything college football! I, of course, usually cover the NSCF, especially the two Banijan schools, as well as domestic college football here in Banija. I'm a University of Moravica grad- aka, we don't like either of the Banijan schools. But of course, due to physical proximity, they get the Lion's share of this blog's attention.

So for once, I woke up and was actually in a good mood! A rarity- some of my most widely circulated blog pieces are about ideas I've written about that'll piss off the most amount of people at once.

But here's a fun idea. How do we intersect the NSCF and the World Cup? My own personal area of expertise(the beauty and chaos of college football), with the largest sporting competition on Earth- aka, World Cup Qualifying? There are all sorts of ideas I had. But the one I ended up with?

Forming a soccer team based off of NSCF Players. We'll call it NSCF FC, eh? We're going to take NSCF players, both past and present, from all nations and Universities, and we are going to build out the best soccer team we possibly can. It'll be fun. But this can't possibly make anybody mad, can it?

Bad Idea Time- NSCF FC

Formation: 4-4-2 Diamond. Best to stick to the basics, eh?

Manager

There are quite a few NSCF head coaches that could probably be decent in this sport. It can't be those coaches who specialize in tactical mastery- obviously, being tactically adept at gridiron does not adept to being tactically adept in soccer. So that cuts out quite a few guys. That leaves out the true masterminds of the game- guys like Alanso Isa and both active two-time NSCF champion coaches. Chris Dale of Cold Hill and Kassen Horowitz would probably want to be left out. Even excellent head coaches like James Arthur probably wouldnt' translate to a different sport well.

No- it'd be somebody who can build a culture, and who know when to delegate. That would leave us with two options, really. Option 1B to manage a hypothetical NSCF FC would have to be Lance Kabuye, of Northern Moravica. Could you imagine him building out a soccer team? He'd be able to get players to respond to whatever the heck it is that he would try to do. He would get the buy-in, he would be successful at the ego management, he would do whatever it takes. Plus, imagine the legendary trash talking lines he'd give to any of his opponents, or the referees?

But there's only one top option. Who's 1A? None other than the other active two-time NSCF Champion, Misha Florentine of Felswyr State. Dude never even played the game- and yet, came from a country that previously had no gridiron culture whatsoever, to building out the present strongest program in the NSCF. We'd have to run the numbers, but can anyone match Florentine for the number of games he's won since they entered the NSCF in NSCF 22? Maybe Cold Hill? Quite possibly NMU. And that's it. It's not like he had an extensive class in a gridiron obsessed nation like Ranoria or Banija, either. Basically self-taught. One of the most incredible coaching jobs, honestly, that we've ever seen, regardless of sport. Maybe he'd do it

Goalkeeper
GK- Mikjel Ostgurn, QB for Alzburg-Dyka(Mytannion). Mytannion.

This was the hardest question to answer. But let's go with an ancient player- Mikjel Ostgurn. The definition of greatness. Honestly, although he played so long ago, he's still always brougth up in the conversation of 'best QB to ever do it in the NSCF'- alongside QBs like Gwenderyn, Isaka Jawara, and Diamond Rhine. He's in that rareified air. But his unstoppability is exactly why we should put him in net. He's got the vision to command a defense, and be able to learn the positioning. He's got the crazy confidence of a goalkeeper, and the work ethic to learn the craft. He can learn to catch the ball, right?

Defenders
LB- Abram Fairbanks, EDGE for Loyola-Istria(Banija). Ranoria.
CB- Isaiah Bryce, MLB for Richardson University(Ranoria). Banija.
CB- Johnny Farmer, TE for Richardson University(Ranoria). Ranoria.
RB- Nic Perrantes, RB for Ramusok Capital University(Cosumar). Cosumar.

Alright, we've got our defenders here. Let's start with our wing backs, shall we? First, we're gonna go with Nic Perrantes. The Heartbeat of RCU's NSCF 15 championship winning squad, Perrantes was an absolute force to deal with on the turf. He made all sorts of players miss, and combined that with power. That would put him in a position to be a marauding wingback in a 4-4-2. That combination of speed and size would make him both a threat to send in a cross(if he knew how), and yet the stamina would give him the ability to get back. As for Abram Fairbanks, you might question- a defensive ended at the other wingback spot? But if you've seen him play, you understand. It's hard to match that combination of strength, size, and speed that Fairbanks has. While probably much less of a threat going forward, he can help anchor the defense.

As for the center backs, we're going to put two people in the center of the defense that are absolute tanks. First, let's start with Isaiah Bryce. An absolutely beast of a man in the middle of the park. As a middle linebacker, he was both rangy and powerful, making sure that anybody who felt a hit from him would want to avoid going back. If he could learn the art of physical defending(aka avoiding a red card), he could probably be molded into an elite center back, if necessary. And then, of course, Johnny Farmer. He's got everything you want in a modern centerback. Big, strong, agile, and most of all, consistency. That's the thing about being a defender in this sport. You could play well for 88 minutes, have two mistakes, concede a pair of goals, and lose the game. You need somebody who can maintain excellence for the full 90. And Farmer, over his career, has shown that he can do it. He never shies away from the moment. He rises to the occasion. Imagine trying to win a header against this dude? Good luck.

Midfielders
LM- Dean Spencer, WR for Woodstock City College(Sarzonia). Sarzonia.
CM- Sarai Gwenderyn, QB for Felswyr State(Chromatika). Chromatika.
CM- Otto Mitchell, WR for Felswyr State(Chromatika). Drawkland.
RM- Chinweuba Jelan, WR for Raynor University(Valanora). Banija.

Now, let's start with our wide midfielders. We want pace and creativity. Let's start with one of the best WRs the NSCF has ever seen- Chinweuba Jelan. Dude once had a playoff game where he had a rushing, passing, receiving, and special teams touchdown. He's like a swiss army knife- he can beat you in so many different ways. And that's why, if he learned this sport, he could be an absolutely deadly winger. Jelan would be all sorts of creative. Probably could learn how to do stepovers, could always think of different ways to get into space and get the ball behind the defense. And as for Dean Spencer? His main attribute- speed. There are a few speed demons out there. But some may say Spencer is one of the fastest dudes in the entire NSCF. Any wingback who is responsible for him would be fearful of ever getting forward, as there's absolutely no way that they'd be able to recover and catch Dean Spencer.

And now, in the middle. We've got the artist, the magician- Sarai Gwenderyn. One of the best to ever do it at the collegiate level, Gwenderyn was elite in every way. She could run, she could throw. And think of the responsibility she had. FSU didn't have any Running backs when she was there. They simply gave her the ball on every single play, and made the decisions on every single play. And she simply always made the right calls. Obviously, one of the most talented athletes we've ever seen. But what vaulted her from 'fun to watch' to 'all-time great'? Her brain. That kind of decision-making would be great for an attacking midfielder. She could probably be taught to play some great balls forward.

And then, the other center mid position. Who do you want as your destroyer? Let's go with Otto Mitchell. A central midfield pairing with chemistry- Mitchell paired quite well with Gwenderyn in gridiron, why not in this sport? Would be interesting, in most cases. We were mostly considering one of the Mio sisters to go into this spot, if we're honest. But Otto Mitchell has been dominant with Gwenderyn, and dominant in general at FSU. Otto Mitchell, at over 7 feet tall, would have the range that most defensive midfielders could dream of. Could definitely teach him to be physical. He'd probably get called for a lot of fouls because of his size, but he could figure that out with good coaching.

Attackers
ST- Deondre Rhine, QB for Cold Hill(Ranoria). Ranoria.
ST- Ian Lautner, QB for Saguenay(Quebec). Quebec.

A pair of QBs at the striker spots, eh? First, let's go for Deondre Rhine. One of the greatest to ever do it. Lacks any sort of discipline, but still produces anyways. Trying to play him within a system would be useless, because he does whatever he wants. So you can't put him at the below levels. But put him as a roaming striker, free to do whatever he wants, and be aggressive as he likes? Absolutely. Plus, think about it like this with him. What does a quality #9 require the most? Confidence. Say whatever you like about Diamond Rhine, but one thing you cannot say is that he lacks confidence. Diamond Rhine is the dictionary definition of confidence. We'd say bordering on arrogance, but how many QBs have two NSCF rings? Exactly. It isn't arrogance if you back it up, right?

If you've going to have a free-roaming striker, who doesn't listen to anyone, at one spot, then you have to have a surgical tactician at the other spot. Who represents that better than Ian Lautner? There have been many great QBs to come out of Quebec. And Benoit Youngblood, oh my- is going to be part of the next generation of great QBs. But Ian Launter is probably the best- even better than the great Chae-Heung Kim, although I'll probably have to fight the next NMU fan I see at a bar for writing that line. Dude was nearly unstoppable, especially during domestic play. He would absolutely be a great striker partner for Diamond Rhine. Lautner, who lacks the massive ego, would be able to consistently set Rhine up for goals- goals that Diamond Rhine would score.

Super Sub
Davon Stovall, CB for Richardson. Ranoria.

Does anyone remember this dude? An absolutely, balls to the wall, shutdown corner. He made the game winning play of the first ever Rebel's Cannon Bowl, picking off Isaka Jawara right at the goal line. Crazy athletic, can run with anyone, great work ethic, constant motor. The exact type of guy, then, who can come off the bench and make an impact. If you need to change it up basically anywhere. He's got the size, the speed, the will to win. Why not?

Reactions

Of course, all of the above analysis assumes that these players played soccer from a young age, instead of gridiron. Obviously if you threw them on a pitch RN, they'd bomb hard. But what do you think? Do YOU Think you could put together a better version of NSCF FC?

[Raspotochje]

KOTIGA DAILY NEWS - Sports

FOOTBALL WORLD CUP 91
BIGGEST WIN EVER !

writter : Luka Trošić

I dreamed a dream of an amazing match. A game in which our team scored seven goals! The dream was so beautiful, wonderful and real, I would say tangible. I was happy in that dream, as a child, maybe I was a child, can't recall. If I was a kid, that could be a big problem because I had a can of beer in my hand.
Either way, in taht dream, children can also celebrate with a beer at the stadium. But, I don't care !
However, then I woke up, sat on my bed and thought about that dream.
Why did I dream that? Which could have caused such euphoria in me. Confused from sleeping I slowly realize it wasn’t a dream, but our team really won 7-1!
At the national stadium in Kotiga, a rhapsody of goals against the Stresia team! The 7-1 victory is the highest victory of our football team and it is also the second victory in these qualifications.
Although we lost the game in the next match, this magnificent match will be remembered for all time.

Raspotochje 7–1 Stresia
Kimi-Suomi 3–2 Raspotochje

-  Group 11                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Pemecutan                         8    7   1   0    31   10  +21    22
 2 Chromatika                        7    5   1   1    19    9  +10    16
 3 Cabo Azure                        8    5   0   3    17   15   +2    15
 4 Kimi-Suomi                        7    4   1   2    21   13   +8    13
 5 HUElavia                          7    3   3   1     9    3   +6    12
 6 Al Qurija                         7    3   1   3    14   14    0    10
 7 Saltstead                         8    3   0   5    17   21   −4     9
 8 Thibaea                           7    2   0   5    14   21   −7     6
 9 Raspotochje                       7    2   0   5    14   23   −9     6
10 Saterun                           7    1   2   4    10   13   −3     5
11 Stresia                           7    0   1   6     5   29  −24     1

Although our team lost to Kimi-Suomi, they played a great away game. The host had big problems in order to manage to beat our best players.
Can these two games be an additional boost in the back of our players so that they play even better? We will get the answer to that question in the next matches.

[HUElavia]

HUElavia 2-0 Saltstead
(Yom 18', Duarte 64')
Estadio Capital, Curumba, HUElavia

XI at Permecutan:
1 Lettmann, 4 Vargas, 2 Lavezzi, 3 Higashi, 5 Mitarte, 6 Font, 8 Brousseau, 10 Navarro-Hamada, 11 Chanca, 7 Honda (C), 9 Nascimento
Away Uniform will be worn

XI vs Raspotochje
Son, Prokopenko, Lian, Uzochukwu, Rosado, Simangan-Bayona, Leupold (C), Yom, Bellerose, Tan, Chamba
Home Uniform will be worn

A Chef's Tour

Bulking at Bagnano

"Hi, my name's Antoine Brousseau. For several years, I've been a chef for many years, working in various restaurants throughout HUElavia. The sights and smells of cuisine have been a part of my life since I was very young. But now, it's time for a new change in my life. It's time to travel throughout the country and sample the various dishes this country has to offer. I don't know what's ahead for me, but I got the appetite to find out."

"This is A Chef's Voyage."

Lights. Bright fluorescent lights, billboards and sounds engulf this coastal city in southwest HUElavia. Of course, I'm talking about Bagnano. A city of over 6.8 Million HUElavians, mainly of Guantzu descent, who call this place home. It's a major hub of industry, technology, and gambling. Lots and lots of gambling. There's many casinos throughout the city, and one way these casinos love to retain people is through food. I'm here to try some of their dishes in the most popular and famous casino of the city, The Lucky Lion, which also has a section dedicated towards Guantzu Culture as a mini-museum. And maybe I'll try my hand at some gambling.

In the dining room, it's filled with traditional Guantzu design and the dishes are exclusively Guantzu recipes for people to enjoy. My first dish: Kung Pao Chicken. It's a spicy, stir-fried Chinese dish made with cubes of chicken, peanuts, vegetables, and chili peppers. *Takes bite* Mmmm! Wow, that's scalding! It's very spicy, but it has a nice savory taste to it, the chicken is nice and moist, vegetables are crunchy and nice to eat, there's the nutty taste from the peanuts and it's a pretty great dish there. I've enjoyed it very much.

Next up: Spring Rolls. A traditional Guantzu snack consisting of thin sheets of dough that are filled with various ingredients, then deep-fried in hot oil. Usually the fillings include shredded pork, shrimp, mushrooms, and cabbage. *Takes bite* Mmmm! The pork is nice, has a slight dry taste to it, but it is salted just right. The shrimp has a succulent taste to it, with a bit of the earth-y seafood bit to its flavor. The mushrooms are soft to chew and enjoy, while the cabbage and the fried dough have a nice crunch to it with each bite. It's a nice snack to have and I've enjoyed having this as a side dish.

Finally, we got desert: Baozi. A type of yeast-leavened filled bun that is filled with various fillings. In this instance, I'm having Naihuangbao, which is filled with a yellow custard. Time to enjoy this very appetizing dessert! *Takes bite* Mmmmmm... My God. It's so soft and sweet. The bun is steamed and it has a soft taste that easily breaks down in your mouth. The custard is very sweet and also melts in your mouth, very rich taste and flavor to it. Wow, I might have another, if you don't mind.

After having a nice series of dishes, I decide to take a walk to the small museum going over the history of the Guantzu in HUElavia. Arriving during the early 20th century, they settled in this area where they could make their businesses and contribute to HUElavian society. While it is not as popular compared to other Aesian groups in the country, it still has been a group that has enjoyed their steady contribution to the country. When gambling became legalized in the 1980s, the Guantzu-HUElavians jumped on that chance and began to build casinos. Thus, when the Casino boon occurred, this was the place to visit to enjoy these games. These people are also among the smartest of the country, scoring insanely high marks, and this is coming where HUElavia is one of the most intelligent nations in the multiverse. There, it shows off pottery, music samples, and popular clips of dramas and comedies created by Guantzu-HUElavians throughout the years.

After having a nice walk looking at the stuff, it's time to try what they have to offer in the Casino. Slots, cards, craps. You name it, they (probably) got it. I play some hands of poker, get a small, modest winning, and my producer spots for me, keeps me from losing it all. Move on to the slots, and after spending an hour and about 7.5K Hueks, I somehow end up winning the Jackpot! 16K Hueks, we've made up what we've spent and added some more. After deducing taxes from it, it's split among the crew and we feel it's a satisfying end to the night.

The Guantzu are a strong and quiet group of people that have adapted to needs of the people and have learned to make the best of their situation. They may not be looked at often compared to other groups, but it's well worth the visit to try their food, admire their culture, and maybe try your luck in some games.

[South Newlandia]

Do you do this because you lack ideas,
or do you just not care, or is it both,
he asked. No, he answered.
It's not either of those.
I do this because I have a surplus of
elephants in my head, and they want out.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

A STATEMENT FROM THE HOLY EMPIRE FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION

We recognise that there is some confusion over recent events in the football match between Chartistan and the Holy Empire. We are choosing to address this important issue rather than report over the routine 6-0 thrashing over Darkmania or the surprisingly tedious 4-2 victory over Star United States (without in any way traducing either of the latter two teams).

According to the official record advanced by the Holy Empire, 'Daniel Manouelites [m] - has grown extra two legs out of the top of his head in fourth match against Chartistan'.

However, in the official record advanced by the Chartistan authorities "Miguel Zarides AND Jorge Sphrantzes were down. ... Combbrush's joke regarding Zarides adding two legs to himself actually happened - A pair of legs, both without feet instead of with feet, sprouted from his back. As for Sphrantzes, he had to deal with an extra pair of ears on his head".

These reports are clearly in direct conflict, exacerbated by Imperial authorities separately reporting that Zarides 'has grown necklace of ears' in the exciting Calvinball match that broke out during the football match against New Eestiball (which we still maintain we won 18 - Q).

Now, the good people of Chartistan are clearly reporting events as they were perceived by our opponents during the match at the Old Town Park, Billboard. Similarly, all of the imperial players and officials at the match swear that their version of events is correct. Neither side is lying, both sides believe in the veracity of their account - yet it is impossible for both reports to be true.

As you can imagine, we have put the best oneirologists in the Holy Empire to work on attempting to establish what happened in Billboard the other night. Well, most of the best oneirologists; Professor Igor Von Madscientisto remains hard at work on the problem of the ongoing mutations afflicting the Holy Empire squad (though we seem to have escaped further episodes in the last two matches; perhaps the rest of our perfectly normal team is perfectly normal after all? We can but hope).

Having investigated the matter in some detail, our top boffins have reached the conclusion that the ongoing dimension-hopping adventures of Chartistan citizen Alice Wonderworld are causing temporary warps in reality perception in the immediate vicinity of Billboard. This is why, for example, 13 residents of the latter city were convinced they saw a large group of emperor penguins marching towards Old Town Park the other night, while other fans only saw a group of enthusiastic children chanting their appreciation of home central midfielder Tatertot Crazy. Elsewhere, while two hot dog vendors outside the stadium were convinced they saw a meteor shower destroy the home ground, all others present at the game enjoyed a pulsating football match only interrupted by the two different accounts of player mutations already recounted above.

Now, it is not for us to interfere in mundy affairs; we've tried to stay out of these things after that unfortunate incident with the Aztec deities a few world cups back. One near-apocalypse is enough for us. Yet we would nonetheless ask the good people of Chartistan to consider the possibility that if Ms Wonderworld were to continue her adventures without pause, these temporary warps in reality perception might continue to the point where our erstwhile hosts may no longer be able to distinguish between realities. By our estimation, this might take another 2532 local linear years, give or take a month here or there. We appreciate that most mundies outside of Valanora and Starblaydia will likely be dead by then, but we thought it best to share our concerns so that appropriate action can be taken before this potentially becomes a crisis.

Good luck out there!

The Holy Empire Football Association

[TJUN-ia]

By Peter Davis

After the old ghost of Ziwana returned to keep things at the status quo, the Jaguars of TJUN-ia found themselves in the exact situation they entered the last two games in - winless on the road, 4th and 6 points back on Tikariot. The feeling around? OK, but everyone knew that it could be a lot better if the dreaded away game hadn't made things tough as of late. Both David Seems and Li Xiu Ying knew that this stop-start momentum was going to get them nowhere in the long run and as such, they tried to focus this squad by reminding them of that World Cup dream of two years ago - "we made it then but now, it's all on you to get us back there".

This new mindset would be felt in the next TJUN-ian home game, with the Blue and Gold of Cardenao making the trip to Tallawah Stadium in Port Town for the debut of the CU in a WCQ Campaign. This place may not be the biggest or the flashiest, but it certainly was enough to fit in the passionate fanbase Portuaria and the CU Zone is known for. They certainly were here to have a party and bring that Caribbean flair...and they certainly would get a great game to enjoy with their steel drums and trumpets. Both Prince Carter and Archer Andrews were certainly up for this one and they would have a show out there in the first half, combining for 3 goals - 2 to Archer, 1 to Prince. The second would see Scooter McNash's side try to mount a bit of a fightback as Juanma Saez found a goal in the 56th but then, that would be put to bed soon enough as substitute Malhrani al-Kalhrani got the 4th and Archer got his hattrick in the 5th, him and Prince Carter posing like two boys who knew what they did but didn't care about it at all. It would end 5-1 in the end, a brilliant game that got us back on track once more and the gap at the top was down to 4.

But we had one more game before the upcoming by and that would be on the road against the team directly behind us in the group - Los Cerdos de la República Guanacasteca. Ruoyang Han's side was always going to be a tough cookie to crack on the road, but the game that ended up being played turned out to be a bit of a tight one towards the end. The Jaguars (or Los Jaguares) were a commanding team in the first half with all 4 of Andrews, Carter, Carlos Pique and Kelo Ngwemanagawa ending up on the scoresheet. Job done? Not quite, as Los Cerdos certainly weren't in the mood to give up. Sean Fuller gave the hosts a bit of hope...and then Manuel Peralta did the same soon after...and then 5 minutes before the end, it was 4-3 via Ricardo Linton. So yeah...very nervy towards the end but in the end, we did enough to hold on to that lead. It took 4 tries, but TJUN-ia finally had its road win. They were now level on points with 2nd and 3rd and 4 back on Tikariot...the game was certainly back on.

Our position will certainly worsen with the upcoming bye but both of the Top 2 are yet to take theirs too, so that will be very important to remember. After that, it will be the UO's time to shine as Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo in Kepu Manu hosts that 2nd place team - Bollonich. One big game in two weeks...bring it on in the Manufano Islands. GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group 9)
MD1: vs Kyhun (310) - Salam Liljamie Stadium, Al Kalifa W 3-1 (T-2nd)
MD2: @Pasarga (15) - Stade de Torgos, somewhere in Pasarga L 0-3 (7th)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD3: vs Barunia (55) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong W 4-1 (4th)
MD4: @Tikariot (40) - Citadel of the North, Fort Viljan L 2-3 (4th)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD5: vs Schima Bas (89) - Zebra Stadium, Toropo W 2-1 (4th)
MD6: @Ziwana (232) - Ziwanicell National Stadium, Birnin-Likulu L 1-2 (4th)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD7: vs Cardenao (277) - Tallawah Stadium, Port Town W 5-1 (4th)
MD8: @República Guanacasteca (137) W 4-3 (4th)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD9: BYE
MD10: vs Bollonich (85) - Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo, Kepu Manu
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD11: @Muralos (117)
MD12: @Kyhun (310)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD13: vs Pasarga (15) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City
MD14: @Barunia (55) - Memorial Stadium, Edwardton, Marion
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD15: vs Tikariot (40) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky
MD16: @Schima Bas (89)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD17: vs Ziwana (232) - Estadio Universidad Carlandas, Carlandas
MD18: @Cardenao (277)
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD19: vs República Guanacasteca (137) - Stade de la Victoire, Roi Ville
MD20: BYE
-----------------Boot It!-----------------
MD21: @Bollonich (85)
MD22: vs Muralos (117) - Estádio do Pacífico, Rio Pacífico

[Cardenao]

The Cardenian Inquirer
Kimi Time
Bell Curves and Fandom

Another two match days are in the bag ladies and gentlemen and folk of all national origin reading this fine newspaper today. Cardenao. What are we? A country. A conglomeration of people united through our birthing within a predefined set of arbitrarily drawn lines. Unity. And what’s the best way to show national unity? That’s right my friends, drink with your fellow countrymen while your national football team is being smacked around with a large trout 5-1 by TJUNA-ia. In what’s become a common occurrence, our beautiful lads in Blue and Gold gave it their best shot, played their hearts out, and showed the world what it means to be Cardonian. And getting absolutely destroyed in the process. But, but my dear reader, it’s the process that counts and we certainly trust the process! Things aren’t that bad after all, sure yes we are second from last in the group but, but we are only four points off 5th placed Muralos and we have six points in total from a win and drawing thrice, honestly that’s far better than I think any Cardonian could’ve predicted. Maybe three or four points but this many is just crazy and it’s great, it’s a sign that perhaps we’re already on the right path. Perhaps we can, one day in the far off distant future, become a name that is sorta known throughout the multiverse, like even partial recognition from a handful of people would be great. So how do we get there? Well not by losing 5-1 that’s for sure.

Honestly the game was such a blur of hopeless depression it’s really hard to say what even happened at all. I mean the whistle blew, I looked down at the match program for a second, I look up and it’s already 4-1 at the half and the game is said and done. How does that happen?? I’ll tell you how, it’s the process.

Think of it like a bell curve, cause that’s all that being a sports fan really is. We’re at the beginning of the bell curve if you will, the left side. Expectations are zero yet depression is constant and with happiness a brief illusion over that. However, and this is where the process comes into play, over time we will improve. The players will get better as young kids are inspired by this current crop of gladiators to go out into the world and bring the national team that much closer to World Cup glory. Eventually our domestic clubs will raise their level of play and competition to become the breeding ground of future champions. That’s when the bell curve starts to trend upwards, we start winning some games, things look good, maybe Chimo Ventura becomes the stud we hopes he does and is banging goals in for fun, maybe we start qualifying for the World Cup, we’re on the rise, the process is working, we’re climbing up the bell curve and we’re feeling good!

At some point, it will happen. The crowning achievement in Cardonian football. I do not know what that is. Maybe it’s winning the World Cup, maybe it’s doing a threepeat of the Cup of Harmony, maybe it’s only qualifying for the World Cup once. It could be anything but there will be a pinnacle and that is the top of the bell curve where depression begone cause here’s the ecstasy (both literally and metaphorically since Cardenao is pretty liberal with the whole drugs thing) of being a sports fan. Everything is the best during those fleeting moments of triumph, you feel on top of the world because you are on top of the world and nobody can take that away from you. But even that moment can’t last and it’s a slow descent back down the bell curve for the fandom as they desperately wait for the team to reach that pinnacle again, no matter how good the players do, fans are always chasing that big hit.

Or maybe Cardenao simply wins every single World Cup we enter in, that would be okay. These next two match days are vital, sure we probably aren’t going to qualify barring a severe act of God, but getting as many points as possible will help our KPB coefficient which means we can start feeding our players some ‘get better sauce’ and start climbing up the ladder. But that’s a way to go yet.

Godspeed Cardonians.

[Eraman]

The prime minister, Tun Rendra Usin was at Mon Sold for Eraman's 91st World Cup qualifying match when Wayan Bedal made the announcement.

"I've been thinking for a long time. The people want me to resign. So, I am resigning from all positions in the government and the Mitra and Soma Nationalist Party (MSNP) with immediate effect," announced Wayan Bedal in front of thousands of his supporters in the front yard of his house in Tunga, Mitra.

Tun Rendra Usin has been angry at Wayan Bedal for almost a year now. Despite being part of the government, the Tunga MP had been vocal against Tun Rendra Usin since the introduction of GST last year. The announcement made the prime minister even angrier at his former Rural Development Minister.

"Ungrateful son of a pig," he said after he was made aware of the announcement, cutting short his joy after Eraman's 3-2 victory over Mon Sold.

The relationship between the two has actually soured even before Tun Rendra Usin introduced GST. It actually started after the last general election, when Wayan Bedal's request to be appointed as the Chief Minister of Mitra was rejected by the prime minister in favor of the incumbent and MSNP vice president, Made Lesmana.

Nevertheless, everyone was shocked when Wayan Bedal made the announcement. No one saw it coming. No one expected the Rural Development Minister to resign. But there was something that Wayan Bedal knew that everybody didn't know. He knew of the plan to sack him for being too vocal. So he made the first move by resigning from all positions. And a few days later, the Mitra Heritage Party was announced with Wayan Bedal as its president.

[Kimi-Suomi]

Kimi-Suomi sijoittui MM-kisojen pudotuspeleihin. How did that happen? I don't know, you tell me! I don't know how Esko Laaksonen has managed this, but P3 after 5 games wasn't exactly in the script and that was a fact for sure. Of course, all good things have to come to an end, but to see this little nation in Northern AO up to 3rd in a WCQ was...kunnioitusta herättävää. How did we do now?

Let's start on the road in Pemecutan, at the Tegeh Kori National Stadium in Pemecutan Puri, the goal here was simple - älä nolaa itseäsi. Jalak Putih was the #4 team in the world and undefeated in this group, so losing to them wasn't a bad thing at all - but the main aim was to make sure the scoreline wasn't anything too ridiculous for anyone's liking. Surya Agung Pramana's side certainly had a lot of the ball, but Huuhkajat were admirable in their defence and they certainly gave the hosts a hard time in a few areas. But the goals would come eventually and to be fair, 0-3 was certainly not too bad of a result to take - with Rama Karyadi, Leo Olivando and Dewa Putu Mahardika nukuttaa meidät.

Now back down to 4th for obvious reasons, the new aim was to try and keep up with the Top 3 for as long as possible - starting back at Pesä against lowly Raspotochje. Filip Jurički's side was supposed to be a bit of an easy one to take down but to be fair to them, they entered Kimi Kaupunki up for a fight. Valtteri Nordström gave us the lead, but two quick goals from Sunara Bjelova would mean this supposed "easy foe" would lead 2-1 at the break. Emme voineet saada sitä, emme ollenkaan, and as such, it was our turn to fight when the 2nd arrived. Hannu Koivu ended up tieing the game up in the 66th before the eventual winner was sealed by substitute Jyrki Bottas in the 84th. It was close at times, but voitto oli silti voitto.

Now only a point off the Top 3, Kimi-Suomi will enter another big section looking to get at least 3 more points in the bag. Luokitteluamaton Thibaea will certainly be an interesting away day before the biggest match of the season thus far arrived when Chromatika come to Kimi Kaupunki. Who knows what may happen from here but no matter what happens, taistelemme viimeisestä pisteestä. NOSTA KUIN HUUHKAJAT!

[Turori]

Turori Just Chil'n for Win'n in Folgoria

The Chill'n Zone, Folgoria, New Folgore :: Very little was known about the nation of New Folgore prior to World Cup 91 Qualifying and now that the Turori National Team has traveled to New Folgore to play a World Cup Qualifying match and returned home to Eelandii - still very little is known about the nation of New Folgore or any of its National Team Players. Clearly running on a shoestring budget, the New Folgore team took to the field with no names on the uniforms and even appeared at times to have different shades of blue on their shirts with some playing in a deeper blue and others in something a little lighter. All the same, the Turorian National Team were wearing Eelskin Brown and Nigel's Lime Green so had no trouble distinguishing themselves from the hosts. Throughout the course of play the Turorians in attendance would learn just one thing about new Folgore: They loved to chat. Nothing but chat. In New Folgore they have communal place known as 'The Hub' where citizens take part in the national past time of " just chill'n ". Much like on the streets, the New Folgore players seemed to be living by the just chill'n mantra on the field as well - never really seeming to be too bothered with the idea of fighting too hard to win a ball. Their relaxed approach to the game was actually conducive to disrupting Tarek Edgeli's game plan as the Folgorians were adept at not being unnerved by pressure from the Turorian defenders and non-nonchalantly being able to locate a free player to offload the ball to. While Turori's defense easily protected against any real offensive threat posed by New Folgore, the amount of time spent chasing the ball around in midfield reduced the number of quality goal scoring opportunities the Eels could take advantage of.

Making their first start of the campaign, goalkeeper Timaala Hualtia had very little to do in the first half of play being called into action just once - conceding a corner kick that was easily dealt with by the Turorian defense. Despite heading into the half time break with a goalless scoreline, head coach Tarek Edgeli made no changes at the half and sent their side back out into the chill zone to attempt to secure a winning goal. 20 minutes into the second half, Edgeli finally frew tired of waiting and began to take action with a double substitution bringing on Jungle Strike FC's Lutara Makakio and Eura League defender Cusaram Sakeri in place of Loala Inkabu and Amakli Inuro'o. Five minutes later, Edgeli would use their last substitution to bring Kiidallen Aeroluzzi into the fold replacing Tulaki Rauogba.

After over an hour chasing the just chill'n style of New Folgore, Edgeli's Eels finally found their own chill in the final quarter-of-an-hour beginning with Lutara Makakio's chill-ful lob shot from a Lati'ala Giaoka delivered corner kick. Watching much of the match from the sidelines, Makakio had picked up on the fact that it appeared New Folgore would get spooked whenever the Eels began playing with too much conviction, the home side would snap into the action and make the native reactionary movements required to thwart the Turorian advance. So on this corner kick, Giaoka and Makakio took a different approach with Giaoka playing a high graceful ball to the top of the area and Makakio calmly and softly bouncing a looping ball over the mass of bodies in the area and quietly dropping it into the back of the net.

The change in pace allowed the Eels to get a second goal in quick fashion as Turakia Diijelhma was able to take advantage of the skillful adjustments made by their younger teammate off the bench. With a two-goal lead, the Turori National Team had what they needed and New Folgore wouldn't be fooled again, the match ending with the same scoreline as the Eels headed back home.

 Turori 2 - 0 New Folgore	
	Turori Goals:	:: 75' Lutara Makakio:: 77' Turakia Diijelhma             
	Stats :: Turori 	:: Possession: 60%:: Shots: 7:: Corners: 16 :: New Folgore :: Possession: 40%:: Shots: 3:: Corners: 1
	Turori Lineup :: 	Timaala Hualtia, Moumouni Verre'elali, Karek Edgeli, Amakli Inuro'o (Cusaram Sakeri 64'), H’munao Cagomia, Tulaki Rauogba (Kiidallen Aeroluzzi 72'), Lumlao Noauryua, Cuoabaza Orani’aoa, Lati'ala Giaoka, Loala Inkabu (Lutara Makakio 65'), Turakia Diijelhma

Eels Park, Eelandii, Turori :: When the Turori National Team arrived back at Eels Park, their opponent would be one of the surprise packages of World Cup 91 Qualifying thus far - not so much for their modest barely 0.500 record with a negative goal differential entering the match, but for the wild swings of form that the team ran through in the course of their campaign. It was perhaps a predictably troubled start for Metherwoll who failed to score a single goal in their opening three matches of the campaign against Wreckeria, The 14 Stars and Juvencus - the three teams that occupied the two pots directly above and one below them to start the campaign - a quick dive into heartbreak for the team and their fans who must have already made peace with the fact that their World Cup 91 Qualifying campaign was all but over just three matches in before their side had scored a single goal.

Then, an interesting thing happened. After losing their first three matches, two of which were at home and none of which they were even able to score a goal in - Metherwoll would go on a four match winning streak where they would score seven goals and concede zero. None. Nada. Zilch. After scoring no goals in their first three games - all losses, Metherwoll now went four matches without conceding a goal. They weren't just any matches either, as Metherwoll went into Starblaydia and shut out the Five Time World Cup Champions by a 2-0 scoreline. They weren't content with only defeating the Groups second seeds, however, and Metherwoll would go one further taking down third seed Savojarna with their fourth straight shutout.

On paper, it was a match that the Turori National Team should not only have been favored to win - but favored to win even with a squad full of reserves. In practice, however, the form books said Metherwoll was a potential banana peel for the Eels and Tarek Edgeli was taking no chances, recalling Derizi Amatopa to the starting lineup in goal and fielding a strong first choice team at Eels Park.

If there was any form book concerning Metherwoll in World Cup 91 Qualifying - the predictions would be very simple. If Metherwoll score a goal, they win. If Metherwoll concede a goal, they lose. The formula was really quite simple which made Cuoabaza Orani'aoa's fourth minute opener all the more critical for the Turori National Team. While there was still over 85 minutes of action remaining plus stoppage time in the match - if the form book was anything to go by, Metherwoll had already lost. With the Eels holding on to what felt like a comfortable 1-0 lead at half time, Tarek Edgeli would make one change with experience in mind, bringing on Sokattack Mliona youngster Lumlao Noauryua in place of Naraiza Ruaplal who headed to the sidelines early for the second consecutive match. Despite the form books suggesting the match was already won, Edgeli would press for a second goal as the match went on and would make a rare attack-minded tactical substitution replacing defender Moumouni Verre'elali with veteran attacker Turakia Diijelhma - adjusting the Eels into a near 3-4-3 formation in search of the insurance tally. It would ttake Diijelhma less than three minutes to deliver the goods that Edgeli had sent them into the match for, latching on to a long ball from Planio'o Nrujsa before firing across the face of Gregor McGregor's goal and into the back of the net - doubling Turori's lead and ultimately securing all three points for the Eels who took it upon themselves to bit-flip the Metherwoll form book once more. While Edgeli's Eels maintained their own form, a difficult path still awaited the Eels who would have to play their next three consecutive games against each of the teams placed directly behind them in 4th, 3rd and finally 2nd place in the Group 14 Table. With Edgeli's Eels entering just two points clear of Juvencus atop the group standings, the next three match stretch would almost certainly tell the tale of World Cup 91 Qualifying for the Turori National Team.

 Turori 2 - 0 Metherwoll	
	Turori Goals:	:: 4' Cuoabaza Orani’aoa:: 76' Turakia Diijelhma             
	Stats :: Turori 	:: Possession: 57%:: Shots: 6:: Corners: 9 :: Metherwell :: Possession: 43%:: Shots: 3:: Corners: 3
	Turori Lineup :: 	Derizi Amatopa, Biliki Rona'atu'i, Moumouni Verre'elali (Turakia Diijelhma 73'), Karek Edgeli, Planio’o Nrujsa, Kinabo Telioa, Naraiza Ruaplal (Lumlao Noauryua 45'), Lati'ala Giaoka (Daliora Toru'u 72'), Cuoabaza Orani’aoa, Loala Inkabu, Nua'oma Aikiki

TURORI NATIONAL ✓

@TuroriNat

Turori National Team #Eels maintain momentum in #Group14 with a strong victory over Metherwoll at #EelsPark. Follow the Story Here...

#WC91Q - #TURvMTH - #Group14

---

While the Turori National Team have managed to largely survive their Group 14 matches thus far, the upcoming stretch of games for Tarek Edgeli and the Eels will be the real litmus test for the team as they move forth toward the halfway mark of World Cup 91 Qualifying. Over the next three matchdays, the Turori National Team will have to contest matchups against the three teams currently closest to them in the Group 14 standings - two of the three whom have a superior goal differential when compared with the Eels. Perhaps the most difficult of those matches will be on the road on Matchday 11 against Juvencus in what is set to be a top-of-the-table clash with Juvencus currently sitting two points behind the Eels in second place in the Group 14 table. Before they can play Juvencus, however, the Eels will get the opportunity to plant the seeds of a new regional rivalry with the Hapiloppan sub-nation of Wreckeria. Well known to motorsports fans as the home of journeyman stock car driver Scott Hawking, Wreckeria turned heads during their World Cup 90 Qualifying Campaign after withdrawing, then re-applying to be considered for entry, then entering and then nearly qualifying for the World Cup Finals.

The road matchup against Wreckeria will not be a heavy logistical lift for the Football Association of Turori (FAT) as the team will just need to go a tad bit south from the Vilitan Cove and if they've hit Milchama they will have gone too far. From there it will be a short return to Turori's smaller island for a second match of the campaign in Mliona where the Eels will take on the 14 Stars at Iobabao Legendary Park, home of Mliona-Lpaka AFC.

Next Matchday Venue Information & Preview:

Mliona, Turori

Fixture :: World Cup 91 Qualifying Matchday 10 v. the 14 Stars

Capacity :: 90,500

Location :: The Island Emirate of Turori has four main zones as part of is primary inhabited areas. The majority of Turori's Population resides on the south eastern portion of Turori's main Island. This includes the Capital City of Almintora, the surrounding capital region including Cednia and the purpose built sportropolis of Eelandii as well as on the Northern shore the city of Kionao. While Almintora is still the largest city in the Island Emirate, Cednia and its associate Beach life at the southern tip of Turori's main Island have become one of its most popular for entertainment as well as holiday style tourism. Outside of this, the large portion of Turori's remaining population are in the Mliona region of Turori's smaller Island, where folks who want to be detached from the hustle bustle of the Capital City life tend to reside.

Mliona is a growing technology hub within the Island Emirate - including the headquarters of two of the most well known Turorian corporations: The Cocoa-bo Eatery Group and the Turorian Weather & Information Interchange (twii.tur)

Stadium & Tenant History :: The rising success of Mliona-Lpaka in the modern era of the Vilitan League necessitated the renovation of the old Mliona Park stadium to improve not only capacity but quality of experience as it was no longer just locals but foreign visitors and clubs travelling to Turori to visit the stadium. While some funding came from the clubs success, others came from Turorian Tourism funding to ensure visiting fans wanted to come back to Turori after their first impressions. After the renovations were complete, the stadium was renamed after former Mliona-Lpaka and Turori National Team star Kaboafo Iobabao who also holds the record for most goals in a single season for Mliona-Lpaka AFC.

Mliona-Lpaka are heavily funded by the Cocoa-bo Eatery who serve as the teams primary kit sponsor as well as a major presence inside the arena with over 60% of the food services in the venue provided by Cocoa-bo. Cocoa-bo, an establishment taking its name directly from the beloved national animal of Turori, started as a small dessert shop in Kionao. However, it was only after they added chocolate topped drinks to their menu that their popularity started to soar. As more and more patrons scooped up their chocolate flavored pick-me-ups, demand for the Cocoa-bo product skyrocketed and soon new franchised locations were popping up all throughout Turori. Shifting to more of a social 'hang-out' then just a casual place to drop in, get a dessert, and leave, the new locations started adding small foods such as Bagels for the morning, Soups and Sandwiches for Lunch or Dinner and Salads for the entire day. The Cocoa-bo stadium experience includes many of the most popular Cocoa-bo offerings as well as some more traditional stadium foods. Because of the close association with Cocoa-bo, the Iobabao Legendary Park was one of the central investigative focuses during the infamous Cocoabo Inquisition led by Sir Barnaselphus of the dreamed realm. It is possible that the recent downturn in performance of Mliona-Lpaka AFC, who had previously been the first Turorian team to win the Vilitan Cup but more recently saw relegation to the Vilitan Declasse, as one of the contributing factors to the case against Cocoa-bo being largely dropped.

Matchday 10 of World Cup 91 Qualifying will be the first time the venue will host the 14 Stars in competition.

---

[Mertagne]

WHO'S WHO AT THE MERTAGNIAN ASSEMBLY
By Statesman Joseio Roper, on behalf of The Advocate

After an ascendance from the National Forum of approximately 60%, and a sign-off by President Hydguera, the Mertagnian Assembly is finally convening in the city of Dannin next week. Hosted at the historic Bowerton House, the gathering of nearly one hundred delegates from across Mertagne's nineteen provinces - known officially as the Mertagnian Emergency Constitutional Reform Session at Bowerton House, but called the 'Assembly' for short, will come together to outline the key goals to be accomplished in editing the current form of the Mertagnian Charter, before proposing several suggestions to be voted on by the Assembly and the current National Forum. As the motion which enabled the assembly to convene states, the form of the new version of the Mertagnian Charter will be finalised by the Assembly, after which it will be inspected by the National Forum before being put to a public referendum once the wording has been finalised.

With just a few days to go until the Assembly, the list of delegates has been revealed, and contains several important names, among whom include:

Alyson Hydguera, Senior Delegate, representing Plitterland - President of Mertagne [UMP]
It's very easy to forget that Hydguera actually hails from New Fligsive, when so much of her political career has been based in and around Dannin. The nation's president, she has elected to represent her home province of Plitterland in these negotiations, as the sweeping reforms that her rival political block Aurrera! wish to implement may mean that she leaves her position as President of the nation. Whatever form the new Charter will take, it seems that Hydguera believes that her leadership skills will still be in demand. While Hydguera has proven a popular president over the last few years, her support is waning in the wake of new blood, and a demand for a Mertagne that can keep up with modern times, in which more and more nations are following in Mertagne's footsteps and emerging into the multiversal community.

Malcolm Noirot, Senior Delegate, representing Freskovia - Chief Whip of the Aurrera! Block [AUR!]
Noirot has been thrust forward by the bulk of the Aurrera! electorate into the position of a capable spokesperson - and appears to be filling that role well. Noirot's marred past into Mertagnian separatist movements appears to have only steeled him further into the mindset of making waves, and making change - and it's certainly possible that his ideas for government reform could prove revolutionary for Mertagne, or be consigned to the history books as a failed experiment. Either way, it was his politicking in the National Forum that paved the way for the Assembly to occur in the first place, so expect Noirot's voice to be a commanding one amongst those that share his views.

Annick Wardle, Delegate, representing Bardiche - Co-Leader of the Worker's Unions of Mertagne [WUM]
Bardiche, the breadbasket of Mertagne, has often been represented by parties that represent Mertagnian workers. Annick Wardle sits on the council that oversees the WUM, and while she has no seat in the National Forum, she sits on the Federal Council as Head of the Department of Agriculture, one of the nation's largest government departments. Agriculture is one of Mertagne's biggest industries, and having a spokesperson present is sure to ensure that the Farmers Unions are represented fairly in whatever form the new Charter takes. Wardle has always been a staunch proponent of worker's rights, and she may butt heads with some of the more privatised delegates that are inevitably going to make up the Assembly.

Mari Hurst, Delegate, representing Touchpoint - CEO of Stag Media [FMIG]
Mari Hurst, who owns a staggeringly large number of newspapers in Mertagne and beyond (but notably not The Advocate, which is why I'm here), will be present at the Assembly. Hurst is a high profile media presence, owning not just newspapers, but radio stations, TV broadcasting networks, and even has a stake in a social media website. Surely to be a key voice during the process, Hurst will, like many that have crossed palms to get to the delegation, be looking to strike down lobbying legislation, and also have a direct stake in any legislation surrounding the freedom of the press.

Anton Tannet, Delegate, representing Wesaxe - Owner of Tannet Enterprises [FMIG]
Tannet has come out in support of the Free Market in Action Group - a political block of large business owners and the lawyers that represent them, in order to have a say in the government of Mertagne, due to anti-lobbying laws that were placed into the Charter. A clever solution, and while Tannet was not the architect of it, he has risen to be a prominent voice in the nation due to his ownership of Tannet Enterprises - a conglomerate which deals in many of Mertagne's key industries, ranging from pharmaceuticals to information technology. Tannet will undoubtedly be looking to secure business interests in the creation of the updated Charter, although he may find a strong union presence that could see tensions between the two groups spill over. Tannet has already been vocal about his anti-union stance, with millions of ducats being spent on union-busting movements across the country in his conglomerate's businesses.

Noan Friend, Junior Delegate, representing Besny - Tech Entrepeneur [SWB]
Noan Friend has been very supportive of political blocks such as the "Squeaky Wheel" Block during his career as a tech entrepreneur, eschewing the Free Market in Action Group by very carefully toe-ing the line between individual actor and corporation. Pioneering some of Mertagne's biggest software companies, Friend's name has been seen in some circles as a bit of a misnomer, and his company - Solv - has come up against the federal court on more than one occasion regarding the collection of data on social media sites and beyond without the consent of the users. The multinational company owner is using his Mertagnian heritage to gain a seat at the table, and will likely be utilising his ability to keep up on the nation's trending thoughts and feelings to rally the populist cause and ensure it is reflected in the new Charter.

Lydeer Tappin, Senior Delegate, representing The Forkelands, - Public Servant [IND]
Thankfully, the delegations are not wholly staffed by businesspeople - it's just that many of the more normal governmental types are those that you would expect to be at an Assembly of this importance, and as such will seamlessly blend into the background as they perform their jobs with the ruthless governmental efficiency that the electorate can be proud of*. Lydeer Tappin, however, stands out. She is a diligent public servant that has served for as long as there has been a government, and has performed a variety of management jobs within the Department of Education, a key specialist area of hers. Mertagne's education system would not have gotten back on its feet as quickly as it did without her help, and she will be a part of the team representing her home province of The Forkelands in the Assembly.

Armel Larkin, Delegate, representing Harridan, - Army General [IND]
General Larkin is among the Mertagnian Military's top tactical minds, and has served in key Mertagnian operations over the last decade plus. His logistical expertise was vital in ensuring I could complete my journey across the nation to meet with community leaders in a time of crisis, and it will be his proficiency in this area which I predict will be useful in finding an effective balance of power between the branches of government which are to be created. The Mertagnian Army is of course commanded by the President, but I am doubtful that the aims of the military will align with the aims of the president. Expect Larkin to push for the continuation of National Service, however.

Guren Ayerbe, Senior Delegate, representing Dannmarsh - Public Defender [IND]
If there's anything that this Mertagnian Assembly needs, it is lawyers. Lawmakers will need to ensure that this new draft of the Charter is as watertight - if not more so - than the current version. A good charter will need to ensure that people are made accountable for their actions, and that their actions do not go against the ethos of the nation. Guren Ayerbe is just the kind of person that will be able to scrutinise the Charter with a keen eye, and I am sure that, like myself, he'll be keen to spot injustice and correct it if necessary.

Joseio Roper, Senior Delegate, representing Hardcastle - Statesman, Former President, Current Federal Judge [IND]
Authoring the Mertagnian Charter with a group of like-minded people will always be my greatest accomplishment, and as such the nation's second government, its first under free elections, offered me the title of "Statesman". For those that don't know, I spent six long years during the Insulation communicating with local community leaders across what is (and, in my opinion, has always been) Mertagne, and standing up to the corporate action groups that had a stranglehold on the nation during the Insulation. My efforts would not have been so prosperous without the strength of the people behind me, and therefore it is a further honour to have been asked by the people of Hardcastle, my home, to represent them in the Assembly as a senior Delegate. I created parts of the charter to combat and protect against the tyranny that my parents had seen at the hands of Corvidae, and to recover that small yet prosperous boom period we so fleetingly captured between the inception of the nation and the Insulation. While I admit it wasn't a perfect document, I believe that we incorporated enough checks and balances so that change could be made in due time. However, I am a believer in democracy above all, and therefore I am keen to take part in this Assembly, that the electorate has decided is the best course of action for our country to take. Many of those same strong people that stood behind me during the creation of the Charter will be present at the Assembly, and I look forward to working with them.

It is my sincere hope that the delegates selected for the Assembly understand the privilege that they have in being a key part of this process. I believed that it would be a once in a lifetime opportunity to draft the Frame of Government for a nation that is re-learning how to walk, but it seems that life has a habit of surprising you. You might think that the general public seems to believe that we got it wrong the first time, but I choose to believe that we didn't - instead, the success and determination of the Mertagnian people and the structures we put in place means that they simply outgrew the current Charter. Like growing a tree, we need to readjust the space in which it will grow, and make sure to ring-fence key areas in a sustainable manner for it to best flourish, and bear fruit. Only together will we all be able to enjoy the fruits of this communal effort, and I for one cannot wait to hear the innovative ideas that our delegates believe deserve to be in the new Mertagnian Charter.

*OOC Note: Statesman Roper is being biased here - the Mertagnian Government is incredibly slow to react, and is a mess of bureaucracy.

[Tikariot]

Soundtrack: The Gathering - Mandylion

The darkness gives way to a whitish/greyish picture, very indistinct and looking like it is both still and moving at the same time. An oriental flute sets in, followed by atmospheric keyboards, while the whitish grey substance seems to start swirling slightly, the first sign of actual movement, showing hints of something darker underneath. A distant rumble can be heard as the keyboards gain in intensity behind the flute. As the picture slowly zooms out, it reveals that the swirling substance is fog slowly snaking between barren trees like a wispy, ethereal scarf wrapping itself around the gnarled roots, creeping into crevices and through cracks in the bark, giving them the impression of moving.

As the flute's sounds fade deep into the emerging forest, tribal drums join the atmosphere of the keyboards, bearing an ominous feeling with them as the skeletal silhouettes of the trees continue to reach upwards into darkening skies, outlined against low clouds being pushed across the firmament, with no visible light source other than presumedly the fading rays of the sun, hidden beyond. A low, spoken voice begins to whisper over the low-key, dark music.

They say that every journey begins with the first step, yet what lies before the first step? What leads to this step...?

Ethereal female vocalizations join the keyboards and drums as the whispered words fade away, before fading themselves. The picture begins to slowly turn, showing that the barren forest extends into all directions with the odd lighting serving as outline the same everywhere, not allowing any sense of direction at all, adding to the strangely oppressive feeling.

The first step can be inspired by very different things. It can be to signify a brand new journey, a new, different path to reach a new goal, discover terra incognita and make it your own.

As the drums intensify, the light is faltering, receding, slowly dying, making the rolling clouds above become darker and darker until they are not much more than a dark, broiling mass, while the distant rumble ever so slowly becomes louder. The previously smooth pan of the picture to take in the surroundings becomes a little more erratic, the rumble in the distance causing a jerk in the movement, like getting caught unprepared.

Sometimes the first step in a journey isn't actually the first step. It could be the continuation of a journey that has been put on hold, a journey that may have taken a wrong turn or may have gone completely wrong altogether. It may not have been destined to continue, it may have ended in disaster.

The keyboards slowly build up until the drums hit harder, giving way to a more intense atmosphere, which is furthered by the sound of bells joining in. The now barely visible clouds above are being whipped forward by what seems to be increasing winds, while the flickering of a fire illuminates the wisps of fog curling between the trees' trunks, giving them the image of movement, as if their skeletal branches were swaying to the tune of the music.

Some journeys are merely exploratory, while others have a clear, distinct course. One to right a wrong, to re-write the story, adding a new chapter.

Suddenly the drums drop off and all there is are atmospheric, ethereal keyboards, as if the fog had turned into sound. The female vocalizations return and through the trunks a figure becomes visible, silhouetted against the fire, blacking out the flames behind it. Its head bowed, its arms are spread out as if trying to summon something into its embrace, in his hand a staff with the carved head of an owl at its very top.

The step, this precious first step can be taken timidly, probing the ground, testing its firmness or it can be taken with confidence, with purpose, with a clear-cut goal in mind, searching for revenge, searching for retribution.

Suddenly the head whips up and despite there being nothing but deepest blackness, the intensity of the stare can be felt. Just as suddenly a movement from the side catches the attention and a giant shadow floats into view, wings spread far out, landing on top of the owl head, revealing itself as the outline of a big snowy owl.

The Dark Tide is in motion and you can attempt to resist or you can just allow yourself to be swept away with it...

The picture zooms in to where the face of the figure would be, but there is nothing but total blackness until at the very far end a faint light becomes visible, the flickering flames of a fire illuminating wispy shreds of fog. As it comes closer, it is the same forest, the same fire as before, but there is nobody...

[Saint Eleanor]

World Cup 91 - seventh matchday of qualification
Saint Eleanor 1 (Katie O'Donnell goal 39')
Krytenia 0

---

Steve Pilchard: "Everyone thinks Exandra's the crazy one but she's not"
Chief Football Correspondent Jamie Rodgers talks with - possibly - Saint Eleanor's best upcoming midfielder about how and what he's doing
Originally published on Friday 2nd July 1999

Anybody who knows Steve Pilchard knows that he likes going outside and having some fun. Most people have believed he was fated to do that, but not in the way you'd expect. "I mean, I'm on the whole... neurodiversity register, whatever it's called now, and my dad looks after the Liberators' Park in Parkside - where I was born, where I still live, basically what the whole place is named after. So the punters in my year group at school said I was going to become a gardener! Seriously."

If you've met one person with autism, then you've met one person with autism - and, for many Eleanorians, Pilchard is that person. "Well, the one they remember, anyway. Everybody thinks Exandra's [Davies] the crazy one but she's not. She probably has the strongest, most unimpeachable sense of justice of... almost anyone in the country, really. I'm the one who knows a lot about football for some reason - never got into trains other than having a look at the tube map - and does the really ridiculous things like hammering a gavel on a table so many times it breaks to get people to listen to me. Not that I like talking, anyway. David's [Newcastle] right on this one." What differences did it make to his experience at Parkside Community School? "That was where I swung the gavel: I used to be in the School Council and stole the Head Boy's ornament without asking him. Got summarily kicked in the end. I'll reassure you that most Eleanorians do not - DO NOT - make a lot of friends; everybody stays in their friend circles. Even the national team, which is really a big friend circle. I hardly made any in my time, maybe one or two - Dan Ellis was the biggest one - and we still go to the coffee shop sometimes. I just wanted to be left alone to study, eat my lunch, play football, and yes, sometimes help my Dad out with the park."

Pilchard was, contrary to popular belief, the lead striker in Parkside's setup as they won the 1994 Charles Trump Shield, still the only time they have ever done so. "I scored in every round, I think. Everybody says Parkside has a strong football culture but we'd been beaten in too many semis to count, plus the... 1983 final, I think. We'd beaten the big two schools, Whitehammer and the [Eleanorian] Academy, to get here, a couple of hard-fought wins and we got past Grand Beach on penalties in the last sixteen. Newbanks had dumped University College unceremoniously - wasn't it their first final? - and pushed us all the way through to the end." How does he feel about being beaten to the Golden Backpack by Newbanks CS goalkeeper Carla Hawkins? "Funnily enough, she was the goalkeeper in the final; I don't feel I did justice to it just now. it came up 1-0 after extra time and it was very much a game where nothing happened except in the murkier parts of midfield I have no intention of traversing! I didn't score but set up that one chap out wide for the winner and you could almost sense the disappointment. I think Carla was hard done by for a couple of years, none of the clubs really wanted her for some reason, but I'm glad to see her for Newbanks United now. From what I can tell she's a typically nice, well-read, middle-class Newbanks person, surprisingly competitive, likes holding her defenders accountable, still knows where she has to improve when she does - but I don't think she'll ever get called up. Not unless Brian Tarrant gets killed in action!"

What were the three games that have developed him most as a footballer - so far? "I take it we're not counting the Charles Trump Shield? No, no: we're not. I'll go with the 1-1 against Army and Navy in 1997 first, back end of the season. So you don't press the autism point for Olympic, people there found me annoying pretty much from the off: willing to learn, not willing to run my mouth like certain other people - not that it's a bad thing when the people doing it are pretty cerebral sorts compared to the rest of the world of football - didn't get on the wrong side of Fetakela Manuta, the manager, who just sensed I'd be a regular at the club, but a lot of other people disliked me. They even said I was rolling my eyes too obviously sometimes. A bit of handwaving later, we'd had a typical late-season revival, I vowed to myself I'd show these people I'm not actually that bad, and then - my goodness, that didn't go according to plan. The shots I took weren't good, the passes I took didn't land, I might have accidentally shoulder-barged a couple of them, and I pretty much learned I shouldn't be dribbling too much with the ball because I can get a bit distracted and have absolutely no clue where I want to go before it gets taken off me, especially against this opposition. Then I actually got onto the training ground; Galton Park's a nice little place in case you feel like visiting." Will he ever leave? "No - it's my club and I don't think I could cope with living outside of Saint Eleanor."

He follows up with "the 7-3 over Arsenal [Sword and Shield], glorious summer of '98. Definitely. I know that was the season you were talking about me accidentally setting Bridget Coombe up for a goal - Renaissance woman of sorts, one of the good guys, sometimes told me off but never for the sake of making me upset - but I did a lot of other things too. I think I did too many things here. I scored two of my own, one from about ten yards out after something that can be best described as an epic goalmouth scramble, the second from the edge of the box because I felt I had no other choice. Samuel Short's first goal was basically an accident because I was supposed to hit the ball forwards but got forced to a sideways pass, a bit in the air, which he somehow got to. No luck with any of the other goals, but I definitely had a few opportunities to widen the lead, everybody was pushing forwards, we couldn't believe our luck against this team - title contenders, I thought, but we were somehow the real challengers. Do not ask me how. Do not ask me why. We were simply, apparently, good enough. It was magic in the sense that something ridiculously mysterious is magic."

His latest fond memory comes from Olympic's 3-0 win over 1896 Ebor - a remarkable turnaround against the Mytanar side which sent them through to the fourth qualifying round of the Challengers' Cup. "The Eborians were good. I'd almost say they were too good for us, but... somebody, I think, told me they weren't. Probably Manuta. We went out to the Parkside Stadium that day, pretty much imagined we were armed to the teeth with everything you could want, or at least I did, and I didn't score but I set up a couple of good opportunities. The first is Samuel Short's fault - captain of the team, absolute legend of the club. Number two was basically Adam Denby passing the ball back to me - the two of us sometimes swap places - then I flubbed it to Dekamela weMexala, I think that's how you pronounce it, and she whacked it first time. The deal was sealed after 78 minutes, I took a free-kick as I normally do and hit the ball forward for her, it didn't come off, but another scramble before Denby curves around a couple of their lot and hammers it into the net. Great stuff - and it showed I could crack it on the big stage, too." The IFCF are proposing to send all national champions eliminated from the Challengers' Cup qualifiers to a new Associations' Trophy starting next year. What does Pilchard think? "I have some serious questions about the execution and, simply, the need for this entire new tournament thing to take place and I'd like to have a good word with them about fixture congestion, but - on the whole - it's a good thing for clubs, more silverware available is good for the game and hopefully everyone has fun there."

Pilchard is joined by four of his Olympic colleagues in the national team and "we're about as good as you'd expect with each other;" when pressed on who his favourite player out of the rest is, he goes for "John Bailey: decent bloke, lives for the country, the game and his friends, not showy at all - he just does the right thing at the right time. Did I say that the national team was a group of friends? Yes, I did - I like talking to people at Olympic, everybody's nice there, and now everybody's nice here too. I could hardly find a bad word about any of them. We are a team and we act like one, that's all I can add without making this conversation unoriginal and boring. I hate interviews but I don't hate them as much as Amber Sunday off of The 14 Stars does, trust me."

Despite being the youngest player in Saint Eleanor's squads for the 89th and 90th World Cups, he never got regular game time, but insists that "I'd only ever played for Parkside CS and in a few friendlies in the eighteen months after that for a quasi-official Olympic youth team. Yes, I scored a lot and set up a lot in both of them - mostly against far weaker teams - but that and 'he has potential' apparently sufficed for me to be chosen? The FA could have at least dipped for Charlotte Bryant or Douglas Westwood first! Everyone I know says the gamble paid off, anyway." Priscilla Evans, the only manager the Eleanorian national team has ever known, has naturally given Pilchard his opportunity to rise through its ranks - is he not grateful? "I've gone on the record about autism, she went on the record about ADHD... what, three or four years ago? She's the big talker on the squad, likes telling people what to do - we all know Stephen Mitcham's side of the job - and I do, actually, appreciate her for the chance. She likes me too, mostly because I didn't want her gone last year. But not entirely. It would be horribly transactional if it was."

In a desperate attempt to hark back to his Parkside heyday, many people have argued that Steve Pilchard acts as a third striker for club and country. This view ignores his development as a player: his fluid movement off the ball and his simple accuracy on it makes him particularly strong in attack, but he is capable of moving the ball places and tracking back to defend (sometimes with success) as well. He isn't quite there in terms of football - or social - skills, but with any luck he could and should turn out to be one of the Eleanorian greats.

[Mercedini]

91st World Cup Qualification Review So Far
@ Zoloroni Sports City Stadium - Zoloroni, Mercedini

It's safe to say that it has not been a great qualification phase so far for the Golden Eagles, with much of their early bite taken out by a dismal opening to the group. Billic's team currently sit eighth out of eleven nations with two wins and four losses out of seven matches, including a narrow 1-0 loss to Nephara at the Sport City Stadium. Things will have to change quickly for Mercedini if they are to qualify for the World Cup, or even qualify for the Cup of Harmony.

As we moan and groan about the performances, let us reflect and hypothesise as to what has gone wrong with the team tipped to challenge for a qualification spot. Well, the lack of changes in a team which has had to develop over the coming cycles looks to have been their undoing so far. Tactics which may have worked two or three editions ago are being easily sussed out by opponents, which the well-documented Mercedinian apathy setting in. The Sports City Stadium drew in a capacity crowd for their big match against Nephara, but as soon as those opening losses set in, and Dini lost ground, the attendances started dropping. It only compounds Mercedinian problems, with the Golden Eagles quickly losing support in their quest for a seventh qualification to the World Cup Group Stage.

The World Cup of Hockey is expected to begin shortly too, and there could be big issues with the clash of tournaments effecting viewership and support of both sides. Billic managed to save himself with a wonderful performance at the Cup of Harmony, but he could be feeling the pressure as the realisation sets in that they could miss the NSWC's secondary tournament as well. It's something which Dini has never done (missing a post-quals tournament), so history could be made in al the wrong areas if a streak like this continues.

-  Group 2                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Nephara                             7    5   2   0    19   12   +7    17
 2 United Adaikes                      8    5   0   3    22   21   +1    15
 3 Valentine Z                         7    4   2   1    21   15   +6    14
 4 Yuezhou                             7    4   1   2    17   13   +4    13
 5 Pluvia and the Saxean Isles         7    3   2   2    17   12   +5    11  MD10 (A)
 6 Tjorl                               8    3   2   3    12   14   −2    11
 7 Oberour Ar Moro                     7    2   3   2    17   15   +2     9  MD9  (H)
 8 Mercedini                           7    2   1   4    11   12   −1     7
 9 The Gothanita Isles                 8    2   1   5     6   10   −4     7
10 Kamisato Ayaka Nation               7    1   3   3    11   19   −8     6
11 North and South Vietnam             7    0   1   6    10   20  −10     1  MD11 (H)

With the first half of games set to conclude shortly, Billic is hoping to salvage what he can from the team's remaining opponents. Eight points is the current gap from the Golden Eagles and second, with the gap from themselves to last only six points. Nine points are up for grabs as Dini round out the first batch of matches, with Oberour Ar Moro (7th), Pluvia and the Saxean Isles (5th) and North and South Vietnam (11th) waiting in the wings. The chance of earning points off all of these teams is high on paper, but we have seen Dini struggle against teams further down the world rankings, so any result is positive as the team rebuilds from it's dire position. Three wins from their remaining matches would see Dini end their first half 5-1-4, and within touching distance of making a late run for the playoff spot. Everyone expects Nephara to stroll through to the World Cup, but practically the entire group is fighting for the scraps.

That concludes our quick review of the games and results so far. It has been a tough journey for Dini to handle thus far, but when is a World Cup Qualification cycle ever easy? We will give you all of the action and reaction following those aforementioned games both home and away. Dini's chances have been lifted somewhat, thanks to a 2-0 away win and a bye match from the most recent duet of matches. Fans are hoping for more of the same as they attempt to claw back their massive deficit which they have amassed for themselves. Andiamo, we will certainly need it for this cycle.

[Kandorith]

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Shinonome Kyoai - International

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Massive success for Kandorese Team

As the first phase of the qualifiers for World Cup 91 is nearing, the Kandorese team has shown no signs of stopping with massive scores and wins. Under Kaya Michiyu’s reign, the Kandorese national team has been a story of success and discipline.
By Natsumi Miyasaki
Sports

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 PGroup 10                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Kandorith                         8    8   0   0    28   13  +15    24
 2 South Newlandia                   8    5   2   1    21   10  +11    17
 3 Krytenia                          7    5   0   2    15    9   +6    15
 4 Saint Eleanor                     7    4   2   1    16    8   +8    14
 5 Indusse                           7    4   1   2    20    8  +12    13
 6 Fort McKinley                     7    3   1   3    14   17   −3    10
 7 Ochre Islands                     8    3   0   5    13   18   −5     9
 8 Sannyamathland                    7    2   0   5     9   19  −10     6
 9 Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison    7    1   1   5     7   19  −12     4
10 Reorganized Portugal              7    1   0   6     9   16   −7     3
11 Armbruster                        7    0   1   6     5   20  −15     1

Ever since the ball first rolled over the field during this qualification campaign, the Kandorese team has been showing their prowess on the field. With 28 goals scored and leading the group with 24 points, there seems to be no stopping power large enough for the swift and decisive total football of Michiyu’s squad, now nicknamed Mekahi, Rising Sun.

Most Kandorese football fans remember the dark times of the ever-revolving door for the Kandorese leadership and the corruption of the football association. Most even remember tournaments where the Kandorese unit did not even participate in the qualifiers. Seemingly, the national team and the Kandorese Football Association were bound for dismantlement after the massive corruption and nepotism were exposed by the press. When the Kandorese S.S.R. government fell in 1962, so did most government instances, including the KFA. Many Kandorese who had hoped for a cultural revival of the nation thought of it as the end of football throughout the entire empire.

It would take years of reshuffling cabinets, reconstructions of government offices, and eventually establishing the ministry of sports to have a glimpse of a future in football for the Kandorese people. The Kimoto administration was responsible for establishing the Imperial Kandorese Football Association and its two professional leagues, three lower leagues, two national cup competitions, and one regional cup tournament.

The revival of Kandorese football started in the ’90s and quickly gained success nationwide as the sport was massively popular among young adults and youth alike. This resulted in the formation of Kandorith's oldest major league, the Hishikawa Hosei K1 League, also known as the First Kandorese League. The K1 League started as the "first division league" but was renamed in 2012. The league is contested by 18 clubs and operates on a relegation and promotion system together with the K2 League. This is where Kandorese football got its foothold in domestic football and, from this, multiple amateur leagues would be established, all based on the success of the two major leagues in the empire.

Moriyase’s vision

The Kandorese international team would also appear on the international stage again, although with the lowest rating at that time, at 174. This is where one of the first "greats" would be in charge of the Kandorese team to try and turn it around. Saitou Moriyase was appointed as manager and, together with Toshi Fujiwara, they would lead the Kandorese national team into a brand new era. The first qualification campaign since World Cup 74 for the Kandorese The team ended their qualifiers third, behind Semarland and Ficiscia.


World Cup 82 would not be the year for Kandorith, though, as Moriyase’s team ended in 6th place with 43 goals against and only 23 points; it was, however, a return to the qualifiers. The following Cup of Harmony, 74 would also spell disaster for the Kandorese as they were obliterated by the likes of Drawkland, Main Nation Ministry, and Xanneria. Even though the team had disappointing results, Moriyase would return for a shot at qualifying during World Cup 84, which saw the now ranked 179th team ended in fifth place, much to the surprise of the Kandorese. However, this would spell the end of the managing position of Moriyase.

A Legend is born

Ken Hayabusa was in charge now, the eccentric young manager from Imakazawa Ravens who did not shy away from the spotlights. Kandorith would go on to play in the quarter-finals of CoH 76, only to be eliminated by Terre Septentrionale, after beating names such as Bears Armed, Hampton Island, Squornshelan Remnant States, and Poafmersia.

Kandorith would not stay quiet, however, and was to be in the qualifiers for World Cup 85. A new team, a new national spirit, and massive new infrastructure projects across the empire to turn football into the largest sport in the nation. It would also mean the nation’s introduction to the idea of total football and possessive domination. As the qualifiers progressed, the Kandorese were a force to be reckoned with, and the nation would end up third in the qualifiers under Equestria and HUElavia, against all odds.

The invitation for the Cup of Harmony 77 stood, and with pride, the Kandorese would join the tournament. Here, Ken Hayabusa and his team shook the very foundation of Kandorese football. Ending second in Group 4 with Vdara, Delaclava, Filindostan, and Maccian, the round of 32 and beyond would be even more awe-inspiring for the Kandorese football fans. Kandorith would advance to the Kirkenes semi-finals against Mercedini after defeating Riena 3–2, Kohnhead 3–2, and Krytenia. The Kandorese fans were blown away by the sudden success of their national team and the unspeakable happened. Hayabusa led the empire to the finals, where they defeated Geektopia 5–1 and took home the trophy. As Tenkyo erupted in festivities, there was massive disbelief that the Kandorese would take home a trophy for the first time in their international history.

World Cup 86 now loomed, and Kandorith was now 39th in the rankings and was ready to face the qualifiers. Hayabusa led his team to massive success as they finished second in the group with only three defeats, one behind Valanora. The playoffs against South Covello ended in a decisive home victory, and the Kandorese would go to the World Cup, joining Baker Park, Audioslavia, and Turori in Group H. This is where disaster would strike, however; with only one point from three matches, the Kandorese were eliminated from the tournament, but with a smile as they were in the World Cup once again.

The searching years

Ken Hayabusa would quit after the massive success, much to the dismay of the Kandorese people, but he said he did believe greater success would be on the way. Akira Watanabe was the next man for the job as the Kandorese team was preparing themselves for World Cup 87. Aggressive and quick football was the game now, and a new vision was there. Watanabe would only aim for the top. With a bit of arrogance and flair, Watanabe was sure he could equal Hayabusa’s success and lead the Kandorese into the World Cup directly.

A completely different story unfolded as the team could not find themselves against Nephara, South Covello and Græntfjall, leaving the Kandorese national team in the dust and out of the tournament. During World Cup 87, Watanabe would get another chance to turn the team completely around again. Ranked in 46th place, there was work to be done.
Eventually, Watanabe’s era would end during the Cup of Harmony 80. After constantly failing to reach goals despite promises and internal struggles with the Kandorese Football Association, Watanabe was sacked.

The new Era

After the failure of Watanabe, the KFA was much in doubt about whom to appoint. The first name uttered in the halls was, of course, Ken Hayabusa, but he declined the offer, and one person stepped forward. Kaya Michiyu. A manager with a certain illusiveness around them and a strange taste in fashion, there is no doubt about the determination Michiyu has. The Kandorese system was completely altered, and instead of only selecting players from the two largest teams, players from lower-ranked teams were now also given a chance to make the squad.
Michiyu’s era began with World Cup 89, with a lot of controversy surrounding the new appointment and rather surprised reactions from the Kandorese. However, all doubts and concerns were quickly dispelled as the Kandorese stormed through the qualifiers, winning 14 games and drawing four to go undefeated with 46 points and 59 goals. An absolute record for the Kandorese national team.

The start of the World Cup against Nephara, however, would get some people angsty. A 4–3 loss against Nephara was seen as a bad omen, though Michiyu seemingly had no worries. The second game against Chromatika would be more important, and the Kandorese eliminated them from the tournament with a 2 to 1 victory and would now be on equal points with Eura. Both with a goal difference of zero or three points. Michiyu, who appeared to have steel nerves, was certain of what the Kandorese needed to do to win, and after the 3 – 1 victory, Kandorith would advance to the round of 16 of World Cup 89, a massive success for football in the empire.
Michiyu was not finished, as the Kandorese defeated Twicetagria in the round of 16 to advance to the World Cup quarter-finals, and rumours of a new Hayabusa-styled manager began to circulate. They would face the football giants Turori in the quarter-finals, and giants they would prove to be to the Kandorese, as Turori eventually defeated the Kandorese and left a devastated, but proud, side with two goals against three.

While it has not always been smooth sailing under Michiyu’s reign, the results speak for themselves. The once small team, which had a good run, was dismantled and did not appear on the World Cup stage for years, now has a rocky history of re-establishing its football prowess. Together with Michiyu, they are on top of the world right now as the team is steady in the first place in Group 10 without a single defeat or draw, and we are certain that Michiyu is looking for more for the team that now holds the the13th position in the ranking.

[Squornshelan Remnant States]

What kind of Forfeit Rule is this Anyway?
Salwan Mynhier

Football fans across the Confederacy are in outrage at a bizarre and unprecedented decision by WCC authorities to award Lumbinipur a 3-2 victory by forfeit over the SRS. This decision was reached on the spurious grounds that the Confederate team failed to appear at the venue, or indeed in the country of Lumbinipur at all. The SCFA has protested the ruling, pointing out that at no point has Lumbinipur’s football association designated a venue, or indeed a roster, or its nation’s very location within the multiverse. Personally, I'm not convinced that this nation actually exists at all, whatever the so-called The Order of Buddhist and Hindu Nations says. Absent this crucial information, the Black-and-Reds could hardly be expected to chance upon the correct location by happenstance. Further, the assignment of a score of 3-2 is irregular in the extreme, as precedent dictates a 3-0 assigned scoreline for forfeits. My request for clarification from the WCC was answered only by the following admonition: “Question not the divine will of Margaret, infidel.”

In quite possibly related news, I was unable to find any rubber chickens at my local rubber livestock supply store. The clerk at the counter said that a mysterious woman in a trenchcoat, hat, and dark glasses had bought the entire supply, and that she looked quite a bit like Anne-Sophie Groothuis, except for her large handlebar mustache. I asked the clerk whether she thought it might have been a disguise, but she said she didn’t get paid enough to care about that, which to be fair is probably true. Asking the manager on duty wasn’t particularly helpful either, as it almost immediately devolved into a rant about “no one wanting to work anymore.” For some reason he went all red in the face and said he had to go inventory the back room when I asked what starting wage he was offering. Oh well. Hopefully Margaret will accept the rubber ducks and geese I was able to find in the spirit that they’re given.

Schedule and Results:

FRND: SRS 2–4 TKT @ Albrechtsson Park (cap. 65,400), Damogran, Algolia, SRS
FRND: SVG 3–2 SRS @ Stadio del Piero, Acqui Bollente, SVG

MD1:  ERM 1-1 SRS @ Daulapura Stadium (cap. 40,000), Daulapura, Daula, ERM
MD2:  SRS 3-5 BNJ @ Radlov Arena (cap. 76,800), Brantisvogan, Megabrantis, SRS
MD3:  QUK 2-1 SRS @ TBA
MD4:      BYE
MD5:  SRS 4-1 MIL @ Overburg Arena (cap. 46,222), Damogran, Algolia, SRS
MD6:  EFK 1-2 SRS @ Lake Dal Stadium (cap. 55,900), Kebmot', Ssedbam, EFK
MD7:  SRS 3-1 ALR @ Eichlen Stadium (cap. 37,500), Rudlit, West Flania, SRS
MD8:  LMB 3-2 SRS @ TBA
MD9:  SRS  v  SRG @ Civic Arena (cap. 58, 300), Viltvodle, Megabrantis, SRS
MD10: BRO  v  SRS @ TBA
MD11: SRS  v  MNS @ Killough Grove (cap. 31,400), Han Wavel, Han Dold, SRS
MD12: SRS  v  ERM @ Striterax Cybernetics Arena (cap. 64,325), Striterax, Isle of Squornshelous, SRS
MD13: BNJ  v  SRS @ The Stadium of the Restoration (cap. 91,835), Busukuma, National Capitol Region, BNJ
MD14: SRS  v  QUK @ Zenith Stadium (cap. 58,400), Stavromula, Isle of Squornshelous, SRS
MD15:     BYE
MD16: MIL  v  SRS @ TBA
MD17: SRS  v  EFK @ Synesoft Arena (cap. 46,950), Syneca, Sivolvia, SRS
MD18: ALR  v  SRS @ A field (cap. 100), Lahaira, ALV
MD19: SRS  v  LMB @ Smolak Systemy Stadion (cap. 31,200), Sjerezo, Molvania, SRS
MD20: SRG  v  SRS @ Estadio Generalissimo Joaquín Delgado (cap. 108,879), Soluca, SRG
MD21: SRS  v  BRO @ Emerald Coast Colliseum (cap. 31,200), Vassilian, Algolia, SRS
MD22: MNS  v  SRS @ TBA

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World Come Undone, Part 3
“. . . withdraw when he advances; harass him when he stops; strike him when he is weary; pursue him when he withdraws.”
CW: Violence

The underlying concept, as well as the affected voice of this series is conceptually indebted to the outstanding work of Indy Neidell, Astrid Deinhard, Spartacus Olson, and the rest of the incredible team at Time Ghost History. I cannot recommend their work enough to anyone with any interest at all in 20th-century history, and I urge those of you who are interested to support that work.

As we’ve seen, in recent months, revolutionary groups have stepped up attacks on Imperial military and government targets, and a wave of young people, mostly men, have swelled their ranks. After this initial surge, however, the number of pro-independence fighters in the countryside of West Squornshelous plateaus. There are, after all, only so many people who are particularly eager to take up arms for this cause. Certainly there is still a trickle of new recruits to the insurgency, but they’ve dwindled to the point of just about making up for the resistance’s combat losses.

This presents a serious problem for revolutionary leaders, because after a string of high-profile setbacks and embarrassments, the Imperial Army is about to get serious. Ten divisions, numbering over 100,000 troops, have been mobilized, and are now being deployed across West Squornshelous. Still, the resistance bands in the countryside are determined not to give up the fight. Buoyed by the successes of the past few months, harrying and hemming in the Imperium's overextended occupying forces, they feel that momentum is on their side, and a final victory cannot be too far off. This attitude breeds excellent morale and esprit de corps among the revolutionary troops, but it also leads to overconfidence and complacency.

Near Jaglan, a resistance group calling itself the Royal Guard has been wreaking havoc on the garrison forces tasked with protecting traffic on the river route from Jaglan to Vassilian on the coast. The long, narrow extent of the area to be defended makes it difficult for Imperial units to support one another when ambushed, and by the time a significant force can be concentrated, the Royal Guard have slipped away. The Guard's leader, Rugar Pilvinen, has started to let the success go to his head. When he learns of the arrival of heavily armed gunboats to defend the river, he just sees another target opportunity. In their encounters with Imperial troops patrolling the river on foot or by truck, Pilvinen's fighters have captured a pair of infantry mortars. It seems to him that this will be the perfect weapon to destroy the gunboats, raining down indirect fire on them before they even know they're in danger.

Crucially, though, Pilvinen's force has had very little practice with the mortars, lacking sufficient ammunition. He also has only one machine gun, and the majority of his men will be taking bolt-action rifles into battle against a pair of gunboats bristling with automatic weaponry. Still, he picks his location well, positioning his men on the reverse slope of a low ridge, with spotters along the crest. The plan has a chance for success if the Guards achieve surprise and can make the most of it. The surprise is certainly achieved. The gunboats appear around a bend in the river, and motor steadily toward the ambush. Men are stationed at the guns, but through Pilvinen's binoculars he can tell that the fatigue of the long trip upriver has dulled their focus. The first warning the patrol has is a pair of mortar rounds detonating. Luckily for the men on board the boats, both fall well short of their targets, and their detonation does little but send gouts of muddy water skyward.

Jolted back into alertness, the gunboats quickly begin sweeping the ridgeside with 20 and 37 millimeter fire, and lobbing their own mortar shells over the ridge at their best guess of Pilvinen's location. At this point, Pilvinen had a choice to make. He could either accept that his plan had failed, withdraw and save his men, or press the attack, risking everything, but maintain a slim chance of victory. He did not choose wisely. Only after a one-sided exchange that saw Pilvinen lose half his force as casualties as well as his only machine gun did he finally order his troops to withdraw. Over the next several days, tracked by reconnaissance aircraft and hounded by motorized infantry, the Royal Guards were further whittled away. Finally, exhausted and desperately low on ammunition, they surrendered to their pursuers.

Elsewhere in Algolia, as well as Brantisvogan and Molvania, many revolutionary groups operating too openly, too brazenly suffered similar fates. Those leaders with a bit more prudence noted the ever increasing numbers of Imperial Troops, and realized that open country was now as lost to the enemy as the cities had been. All across West Squornshelous, insurgent groups sought the refuge of the mountains and forests, whether the Molvanian Alps, the rugged interiors of Sivolvia and Han Dold, or the vast taigas of Flania. It is a dark time for the resistance as the revolt nears its first anniversary. Still, this retreat to places where the terrain provides refuge forces the diverse and disunited revolutionaries into closer contact than ever before. On this so called, March to the Mountains, agreements are reached and groups merged and reordered. If the revolution can survive the Imperial assault, they could emerge stronger and better organized than ever, and provide the nucleus for a truly formidable fighting force. One that might even stand a chance against the Imperial Army.

But that's all still speculation for the moment, and for the moment, those weary and footsore revolutionaries must be doing some serious soul searching. Is it worth keeping up the fight? Can they really still hope to win? Only time can tell what their answer will be.

[Mytanija]

EPISODE 1: DIRTY OLD TOWN
EPISODE 2: START AGAIN
EPISODE 3: BEYOND THE SEA

The title music begins to play and a video montage of footballers playing on muddy pitches whirs across the screen. The camera images are grainy, these are clearly some old-timey footballers, the programme is clearly set at some undefined point in the future looking back on the past. Images of the Mytanar port city of Severyan are interspersed between the football, along with street scenes from Severyan and the supporters of the only football club in the city, Ararat. Above all there is a focus on the legendary manager, Misel Ravnjak, he can often be seen drinking or smoking or even on a television chat show. Finally, the montage settles on the title image.

EPISODE 4: STEP ON

“That was a really fucking strong 1896 Ebor team too, no surprise they were bookies’ favourites.” Mateja Stojkovic says as he sips a coffee, leafing through some of the preparatory material he had been given by the producers. “You forget who they had in their squad as time goes by because they didn’t quite deliver on the quality they had but if you look at their team from that time, wow, there’s real international level players right across the pitch. Oduor Bigombe, the Kitaran ‘keeper; Alexandre Onio was in the Savigliane team and Chris Thompson alongside him eventually got in the Licentian one too if I’m not mistaken; Hong Guo and Michael Baer for Yuezhou and Pasarga; a Mytanar international winger on each side with Dalibor and Brajko Gavrilovic; and Anne-Linde van Oers up top, another Licentian. Even Srdan Vukovic at left-back, he nearly got 100 caps for Mytanija, might have been on the wane a little at that time, but still a quality operator at Top League level.”

“Does looking back on that make you appreciate the success even more?” The interviewer asks.

“Absolutely it does, I don’t see how it couldn’t! Not that we didn’t have some great players, of course we did, but that was a very, very good 1896 Ebor team and they had a ten point lead in the league at one point. We had them at six and then slipped a little bit, a couple of under-par results made the job even harder for ourselves but the manager knew that we had the capability to turn it around.”

“You’ve mentioned this ‘accelerating’ idea he had before, how did he actually get that across to the group?”

“Well, he literally spoke about stepping on the gas at the right time and being ready for that final third of the season. He didn’t pretend that it was going to be easy, that we’d win a couple of matches and Ebor would crumble – with a ten point lead they had a nice cushion – but he said we had to be ready for that final period. Get ourselves into peak form, fitness, whatever we could to try and contribute to the final run in. ‘Pressure does strange things to people’ was a phrase the gaffer liked, but he’d always follow it with ‘make sure you can control your own response to that pressure as much as possible’. He wanted us to channel it as positively as we could and I think that’s where having older heads like myself and Zelimir Apostolov around the team and ready to slot in really helped.”

“You still had 1896 Ebor, Litala ’93, 1923 Esca, Atletik Thessia and Liria Prizren to play in those final ten games, did Misel Ravnjak see that as an opportunity? Is that why he had such a focus on being ready for the final third of the season, with so many matches against tough opponents?”

“He always said the same thing about the final ten games, so I’m not sure it was a specific focus on the fixtures or anything like that. Every year he saw it as the time of the year where you could make a difference to your season.” Mateja says firmly. “Having said that, though, with hindsight I’m sure he saw those fixtures at the start of the season and made a note of them. He probably knew he had to emphasise his usual view on that time of year even more. All of those clubs are big clubs in Mytanar football, famous clubs, historic clubs. None of them would be easy games. I think they all finished in the top-half too?”

“They did, yeah…”

“We had to be prepared for that time of year come what may, but I’m sure the gaffer knew we’d have to be especially focused that particular year, even more so because he believed we could do something special.”

“Did you think it would go as well as it did in the end? 22 points from a possible 30; Seven wins, a draw and two losses.”

“Perhaps not quite that well, but then I’m not sure we expected 1896 Ebor to wilt as much as they did either. But our performances almost forced that too, quite a few people try to take the credit away from us, saying it was 1896 Ebor bottling it more than us winning it, but our form over those final ten games put the pressure on their camp and then put it beyond them. People had been saying for a long time that we couldn’t do it, but the manager instilled the belief in us that we could. And then we did.”

The old-timey video footage crackles into life again, grainy football pitches baked hard as spring turns towards summer across Mytanija. Supporters mill around in the streets around Ararat’s Korecky Road, children play hastily put together football matches on the cobbled streets whilst older men and women smoke, putting the world to rights as they await their heroes on the stadium’s hallowed turf. Ultras begin to gather, banging their drums and waving their flags as they start their pre-match corteo to the ground, some drink beer whilst others smoke lazily out of the side of their mouths, seemingly more interested in clapping their hands together in unison than getting their nicotine hit.

Suddenly the footage changes to inside the stadium, the stands are now full and the songs of the Ararat crowd can be heard loud and clear. Both ends chant ‘Ararat, Ararat, prvaki!’ Trying to outdo one another with the number of decibels achieved. Pedja Kasun can be seen leading his team out onto the pitch, Mingrong Yuan, Ermin Urankar, Dordo Urbanc following him, with Lindse Kvasina and Vido Mehic bringing up the rear. The camera changes to the bench, Misel Ravnjak is stood, staring intently at the pitch; meanwhile the veterans Mateja Stojkovic and Zelimir Apostolov can be seen sat in the dugout behind him, deep in conversation.

“1896 Ebor are top of the table, but you can be sure that they will face a tough challenge against an extremely hard-working Ararat side who are punching above their weight at the moment.” The lead commentator says, nasal voice in tow once again. “You can be sure that this partisan crowd will have an affect too!”

And as the game starts the Ararat players can be seen refusing to shirk any tackles. Dordo Urbanc and Jonatan Rebernik – Ravnjak’s twin attack dogs in the centre of midfield – scythe down the Ebor midfielders, Baer, Guo and Nygaard, wherever possible. One particularly nasty one by Rebernik on Nygaard finally draws the referee’s attention. “I think Rebernik’s going to get an early yellow card there, only twenty minutes in and he’s in the referee’s book. He will have to be very careful for the remainder of this game.”

The footage fast-forwards and an Ararat attack down the left appears to bear fruit, Ermin Urankar making a rare foray forward on the overlap past Viggo Sjostrom. Urankar whips the ball across and whilst Chris Thompson clears, it falls to the feet of Lindse Kvasina, the Nepharan being arguably the last person anybody on the 1896 Ebor team would have liked the ball to fall to around twenty yards out. “Here’s Kvasina, can she get a shot off? Yes! It’s there! 1-0 Ararat! We might have a title race on our hands once again!”

1896 Ebor don’t take the first goal of the game lying down, though and Michael Baer can be seen dribbling away from Jonatan Rebernik. Rebernik unable to bring Baer down for fear of a second booking. Baer approaches the Ararat back four and slides a pass between Yuan and Pestotnik – the rarest of occurrences. Anne-Linde van Oers never required a second invitation. “That’s a delightful ball through by Baer and here’s van Oers… van Oers has scored the equaliser for the Northmen! An excellent pass from Baer has unlocked the Ararat door and van Oers has smashed it open!”

A grizzled Mateja Stojkovic can be seen entering the fray, replacing the booked Jonatan Rebernik and instantly receiving a booking of his own for a hard challenge on his old friend – and former Ararat teammate – Dalibor Vlahovic. Stojkovic’s impact was positive too, although that came later. The experienced midfielder can be seen picking the pocket of his younger opponent Sebastian Nygaard and then playing a speculative ball over the 1896 Ebor central defenders. Vido Mehic races through, his gangly frame deceptively quick, but instead of taking a touch he scoops the ball first time with his right foot, over the onrushing Bigombe’s head. “Oh that is audacious! Unbelievable ingenuity by Vido Mehic! A man in the form of his life for his boyhood club!”

“Ararat 2, 1896 Ebor 1. An excellent victory for Misel Ravnjak’s men and one which perhaps breathes some life into what many believed was a dead title race!”

A snapshot of the league table flashes onto the screen, 1896 Ebor top on 46 points; Liria suddenly only four behind on 42; and Ararat sitting pretty in third on 39. The footage then speeds up, highlights of other games crossing the screen with screeching commentators providing some context to the goals.

Vido Mehic can be seen diving at the near post to glance a header beyond the NK Dyka goalkeeper at Drachevo. “Mehic! Against his old club! The club which gave him a chance when he was deemed surplus to requirements at Ararat, he has come back to haunt them with the club of his youth!”

“It looks like Litala ’93 might get a result here, they’ve played fantastic against this stout Ararat defence, but the away side might get one more chance. Here’s Stojkovic, bringing the ball forwards, he flashes it out wide to young Vasja Vansek. The 18 year old has a chance to run at Zivorad Moldovan here, he’s had some joy against him today, Vansek… Oh that’s excellent, he’s past Moldovan, he needs a good ball in here. That’s dangerous… Mehic! Mehic is there! Mehic is the man once again for Ararat Severyan! That is truly excellent centre forward play by Vido Mehic after some brilliant work down the right-wing by the youngster Vasja Vansek, no wonder Mehic is thanking him. The Ararat bench are out on the pitch in celebration! What an important three points this could be for Ararat Severyan.”

The footage speeds up further as comprehensive wins against the likes of 1923 Esca, Nyva Zvornik and BVK Dinamo – all having supporters who regard Ararat Severyan as the political enemy – leave less room for drama. “Ararat are really picking up a head of steam here! Five wins, a draw and only one loss in their last seven games and they’re now only a point behind 1896 Ebor in the league table! The Northmen’s collapse has been staggering but Ararat Severyan’s chase has been ferocious and no wonder it has inspired this loss of form in the Ebor players! They play Atletik Thessia next.”

“So the league table heading into match day 28 had 1896 Ebor top on 53 points, Ararat in second on 52, Liria on 49 and Atletik on 47. Any of the four could still win the title. You still had to play Atletik and Liria. Surely you’re thinking it’s going to be difficult from there?” The interviewer asks Mateja Stojkovic.

“Oh, definitely, but we knew that everybody had been dropping points. I think some thought that Atletik might do it, they were the most in-form team over the second-half of the season, even more so than ourselves and of course they always have that knack of doing it at the right time. I think that’s almost what the gaffer wanted to copy. But we were only a point behind and 1896 Ebor had been in absolutely dire form, they’d been so good over the first-half of the season and then they’d absolutely collapsed, they’d lost four of their last seven or something crazy. Liria weren’t much better either. We felt like we could strike.”

“What about after the Atletik game?” The interviewer asks. “The hope must have gone slightly after falling to that defeat, narrow though it was.

“Ah, well, when we were still out on the pitch we were devastated, obviously. It felt like we’d got so close only to let it slip away from us. But then the news filtered through, 1896 Ebor had lost again. Liria had won but we had far better goal difference. We were still only a point behind. Atletik were dangerously close but we didn’t have to play them again and were still a couple of points ahead. It might not be in our own hands but we had a chance still. The defeat didn’t have to be the end of our season.”

“Is that what the manager said?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Mateja replies. “He was always super positive, even when we were all sat on the pitch after Atletik beat us, he was there going around and telling us to get up. Even if Ebor had won I think he would have felt we could do it still, but luck was on our side. We smashed Arka in the next game, 1896 Ebor and Liria drew. Atletik won again, I think Omer actually scored for them, but suddenly we were top, a point ahead of Ebor and Liria and a couple ahead of Atletik.”

“Suddenly it was in your own hands?” The interviewer smiles. “Stepping on the accelerator worked.”

“You could say that.” Mateja laughs.

“How were the nerves heading into that final match day? Obviously a few of you had been there before. Yourself, Zelimir, Pedja Kasun. Only Pedja was really a guaranteed starter at that point, wasn’t he? Were the younger players feeling it? It was basically a head-to-head game where either team could win the title with a victory.”

“Well I think some of them were. Vasja Vansek in particular. The gaffer actually went with Mevludin Kadic ahead of him if I remember right, Vasja wasn’t happy but he had been a wreck all week, only 18 and I think the manager didn’t want him doing anything silly early doors. Kadic was experienced, he wouldn’t do anything exceptional but you knew what you were getting with him, defensively in particular. The good thing about the other young players we had – Dordo Urbanc, Lindse Kvasina, even Bosko Pestotnik, he was still 16 at that point – was that they were all players who just played the match in front of them. They didn’t let the occasion get to them too much. Lindse may have done at times after that, but with Ararat she rarely did, even if she could be heated on the pitch. They were all international players eventually, so I think that shows the mentality. The manager kept the same atmosphere going, ‘let’s keep accelerating, right through the finish line, let’s prove all those doubters wrong’.”

“It worked pretty nicely…”

“Aye, it really did.”

”Ararat 55, 1896 Ebor 54, Liria and Atletik 53. Any of them can win the title on the final day,” The commentator says in his network’s opening sequence. “Ararat versus Liria; Atletik versus Nyva Zvornik; and 1896 Ebor travel to 1923 Esca. Ararat only have to match their rivals to secure what would be the club’s third Mytanar Top League title and perhaps the most famous given the way they have fought back over this final third of the season, reeling 1896 Ebor in and then bursting past them as they have faltered. Misel Ravnjak has competed with Mytanija’s footballing giants with a fraction of the budget and this will be his magnum opus should his side complete the task at hand today. Liria will be no pushovers, looking for back-to-back titles under new manager Adel Gudelj, the man looking to continue Danek Badjkev’s legacy at the Prizren club.”

“Nahia Legarra has Atletik 2-0 up against Nyva, they’ve done their bit and you can feel the nerves amongst the Korecky Road faithful ever so slightly here. The atmosphere is crackling, you just wonder which side can make it explode.” The commentator says as Ararat pass the ball around their midfield tentatively. Misel Ravnjak can be seen on the sideline, pensive.

“I’m hearing news of a double sending off at Radnika! Sebastian Nygaard and Imanuel Smiciklas both dismissed for violent conduct after the pair clashed. That won’t make things much easier for an 1896 Ebor side struggling for form, confidence and fitness as of late.”

“Here’s Sjostrom down the right, he’s come inside to allow Urankar to overlap and there’s the pass we’ve become so accustomed to seeing! Urankar, first time ball across for Mehic. Mehic! At the second time of asking! His first effort was saved by Lazar Obradovic but he’s poked it home at the second attempt! Vido Mehic with his 16th goal of the campaign! What a season he has had and he could well have Ararat Severyan – his boyhood club – on their way to their third Mytanar Top League title here today! The Korecky Road crowd can barely contain themselves! What a sight! A sea of red roaring their team on!”

The whole Ararat team embrace in front of the ultras section, even Pedja Kasun comes up from his penalty area to celebrate with his team. It’s a weight off, it isn’t the job done, but the players can be seen playing with a little more freedom on the old footage.

“News of a goal at Radnika! The home side are 1-0 up. 1896 Ebor are losing! As it stands they fall down to third place. Ararat could afford to draw if results stay like this!”

Thankfully Ararat do not take any heed, unable to hear the commentator out on the Korecky Road turf. Lindse Kvasina picks the ball up off the substitute Mateja Stojkovic, dribbling amongst the Liria midfielders, leaving them stood like statues. Vido Mehic drops deep, drawing both Liria centre-halves forward and suddenly Dordo Urbanc is bursting beyond them – timing his run perfectly to avoid the offside trap – with Kvasina sending him surging towards goal with a beautifully weighted pass. Urbanc doesn’t hesitate, feinting to shoot to sit Lazar Obradovic down before delicately chipping the ball over him. 2-0. Korecky Road explodes, some fans can be seen invading the pitch, they know that it is done.

“Urbanc has scored and you have to think that that is the goal which secures Ararat Severyan the title! A sensational piece of play by Kvasina, great movement by Mehic to move the Liria defence around and courageous play by Urbanc to vacate his position and take the chance to secure glory for his team. Ararat are so often a team who make themselves hard to beat but that run by Urbanc has broken the Liria defence, Kvasina has found him and he has finished with aplomb. Sensational!”

The minutes tick by and eventually the referee blows the final whistle. The Ararat players either collapse to the grass, overcome by emotion; or jump into the air in celebration. Their supporters rush onto the pitch, eager to greet their heroes and thank them for their efforts.

“Ararat Severyan are champions of Mytanija for the third time! Misel Ravnjak has his second title with this club, a title secure with very little money to spend on players, a title nobody thought was possible in an era with Mytanija’s ‘big three’ so strong. Ravnjak has ensured it is possible! This war-torn region of Mytanija has been turned into a footballing hotbed under his watch, a city targeted by the Kalinina regime, a population who deserve every bit of joy given the suffering they have endured. They will enjoy this! Severyan is known for its music, its festivals, you can be sure that they will have one hell of a party on tonight to celebrate this wondrous football team! Ararat Ararat prvaki is the cry from the terraces. They are champions!”

[Valanora]

The people of the Eternal Empire
Part I: Elves

When people think of the Eternal Empire, they often think of the elves who used to make up the majority of the population and were the founding members of the Empire, settling the lands that would eventually become the Vanorian mainland. However these days the elven population is far from what it once was, where there had been tens of millions of elves throughout the Empire, there are now but tens of thousands, maybe a hundred thousand at most. The elves are not native to the Vanorian mainland, instead according to their lore and history, they traveled to the lands that would become their home from some distant place, with an assertion that they original started in another realm of existence entirely. According to Vanorian mythology, when an elf feels like their time in this existence has come to pass, they feel a longing to return back to where they original came from and seem to leave en masse in an event known as "The Calling", the last of which saw the majority of the elves supposedly return back to their original cosmic origins.

Whether or not they originate from some cosmic origin or another plane of existence, what is certain is that elven physiology is quite a bit different from other humanoid species. Standing at an average five foot ten inches tall for both male and female elves and an average of weighing a hundred forty pounds for women and a hundred fifty pounds for men, elves tend to be a very lithe and somewhat lanky sort of build. Despite this lithe appearance, elves tend to have a far greater strength than one would normally associate with their sort of physiology and have a high degree of pace, acceleration, and agility that makes them very nimble and surprisingly good athletes as well as warriors when violence is needed. All in all, they are on average taller than most normal humanoids but also quite a bit lighter, though even though they are stronger than they appear, they do lack the higher strength on average compared to the average human.

In lifespans, elves are seemingly immortal as there are elves that claim to have live for tens of thousands of years, dating back to near on the first landing of the elves on the Vanorian home continent of Arrosia. However this is not a true immortality, for elves are able to be slain, rather it appears that they are more long lived while having a high immunity to most common diseases and other maladies that typically would be fatal towards those who would not have such immunity. Perhaps because of this long life span, many elves tend to seem a bit aloof when conversing with other species and tend to keep to themselves when not doing whatever task they have previously been set upon. Elves typically consider themselves better than other humanoid species, with many claims that they helped develop the other species along the cultural and evolutionary paths to get them where they are today. There is some mistrust between elves and other species, particularly humans, as there were repeated attempts from these outside forces to try and invade the early elven kingdoms.

[Audioslavia]

Jeremy Jaffacake had a special sweater for these types of interviews. The cosy ones. Soft lighting, beige sofa, lamps, wood, 'a quiet half hour with the celebrity' type affairs. It was a woollen sweater so thick that it could dance in the background of a rap video. Reclining on the sofa, he could barely see over the top of its beige and pewter diamond pattern. As his interviewee spoke, Jeremy occasionally had to smooth the front of it down so as to keep track of his question cards. Across from him, on one of those chairs that are eggs for no reason, was Audioslavian national team manager RJ Styrn.

"So, RJ. It's Anaia Day today" said Jeremy, after an exchange of pleasantries. "What do you make of the relationship between Anaia and AO"
"I'm a football manager, the hell should I know"
"You hear rumours" said the hack. "Some folk from AO have said they wouldn't feel safe in Anaia"
"Has there ever been a case of violence or whatever in the however many years?"
"No"
"Well then. I think Anaia has a plutonic relationship with AO"
"Plutonic?"
"Yeah we're very far away and we suspect they've downgraded our status to 'dwarf region'"
Jeremy chuckled and tried in vain to get in on the joke.
"It's not that they're worried we'll steal their Olive Oil"
"What?"
"...yeah no nevermind" he said, rifling through his sweater for another card.
"Would you prefer to have won most of our games and be top, or..."
"Yes" said RJ, interrupting.
"You haven't heard the second part yet"
"It's that one through" said RJ, leaning forward, rubbing her hands, tilting her head to one side. "Let me guess, the other option was 'Unbeaten but...'
"Exactly" said Jeremy, "..or to go unbeaten but stay third or f"
"Look I don't take any pride in this newfangled fashion of... bloody... appreciating a nil-nil as something other than... other than a failure from literally everyone's point of view. Everyone on the side of the favourites, that is. Which is us"
"But Ko-orenites would..."
"But Ko-or.. fu... listen this rivalry we have with the Dragonflies now it isn't... it's not as if they're sitting there in Group One thinking 'oh I hope audio senpai notices our defensive record', they're just getting on with it. They're top of the group. They're not thinking about us at all. What I want, what my job requires I do, is drag our lot to the top of the group as well"
"Are you missing Koenraad Rijsbergen" asked Jeremy
"No. We spent a few hundred years without a big trebuchet up front, we can figure out how to survive for a few more. It's a young team, we're gelling, it just takes time"
"Uh huh" said Jeremy, fishing for another card from his jumper and finding only a dollop of oatmeal and two badgers.
"Err" said RJ, grimacing at Jeremy's general direction
"It's okay I think I've got this, just don't make any sudden moves"

[Saint Eleanor]

World Cup 91 - eighth matchday of qualification
Reorganized Portugal 0 (Reorganized Ukraine would have drawn more cheers from the travelling fans - what with Saint Eleanor literally only being independent because they had to fight their way to it)
Saint Eleanor 1 (Darren Batchelor goal 53')

---

Katie O'Donnell: "If I can keep the Curse of Pemecutan going, I might get the top spot"
Chief Football Correspondent Jamie Rodgers runs the rule with Saint Eleanor's star striker about what happened back then and where to next
Originally published on Wednesday 18th August 1999

Mark O'Donnell, the Head of Years 13 and 14 at Whitehammer Community School, is an erstwhile, organised, most-certainly-can-do, if somewhat silly kind of person, as generations that have come through the establishment can testify: he's held the top job for eighteen years and been teaching there for three decades, before the War of Independence. But, despite the vacancy having arisen twice since 1981, he has never wanted to become the headteacher. His daughter also insists that "I've never been in it for the fame."

That particular boast is certainly believable: the O'Donnells had been pillars of Whitehammer's community for a while by the time she seriously started playing football aged ten. "I'd had a few kickabouts, but so did my mum and dad - Deborah owns her own hair salon that's gotten everyone that's everyone who's a woman in the local area there since she opened it and Mark is, of course, a very trustworthy teacher. Well, he's my dad, of course he's trustworthy. But neither of them really wanted to make it big, they were happy in their stations so I figured I had to be, too. I loved studying, reading, talking to my friends, all that sort of stuff, and I had more than a couple of teachers say I was qualified to do just about whatever I wanted after I left school and - if I wanted to go there - university." She naturally denies any and all allegations of favouritism while at school, "especially for the Charles Trump Shield [of 1987] team - my dad was a geography teacher, nothing to do with PE. Well, almost, but I've always wanted to travel the world for some reason."

O'Donnell, however, recalls that "we just hit the minibus and went on the road a couple of times - I mean a couple. I scored twice in the first game, a hattrick against the out-of-city people in the second, won a penalty against Bramblewood in the third - first opposition I can be bothered to remember - but we won 3-0 anyway. The quarterfinal was against... Trident? Oh, my God, they were horrible, didn't stop pushing and shoving any of us about, tried to kill me when I took a shot but I got off with it. This time, I did score with a diving header from around the penalty spot, but it wasn't a penalty and it just cut the lead to 2-1 anyway. I felt as though I did a good job, then I signed the contract with Athletic Saint Eleanor and hey presto, there I was in '89 for some reason." She calls the class of 1987 was a fairly solid team out back, Michael Kent and Cameron Barry the centrebacks both joined that year, but my favourite member of the team never wanted to carry on with the game. Alan Carver, central midfield with a hint of what you'd call 'attacking impulse,' good to talk to, good to work with, almost my boyfriend at times, sensible and dedicated, the kind of player I'd love to have had at all regards over there - but alas."

Before I can ask her what the three games that shaped her after joining the Reds were, she's off with a quick "2-0 against Indy, second-to-last game of 1989. Did it mean anything? No, it didn't, I was nineteen years old and just getting started as a professional footballer, while we as a team had just about no hope of winning the title, not even if a miracle happened. What we could do was derail those bastards' title charge and give the title to the University if they could just hold on and win a game. First things first, four minutes in, I pass the ball to Victor South - retired from football now, unfortunately - and he hammers home from twenty out. The rest of the game was surprising, we chucked everything we had at those lot and they always held firm, but they always tried to choke our position out of viability, snatch an equaliser, take the game to the final day, and they possible should have: they hit the post twice and had an equaliser ruled out for offside! Cue the 75-minute mark, we win a free kick in nondescript territory, the ball pops forward to me, I head it to the man out wide, I've forgotten his name, then he hands it back to me and I hit it clean through, that's it, game over, Indy can't win the title, congratulations to Sword and Shield."

Number two was a 2-2 draw against the Golden Unicorn towards the end of the 1994 season, which gave Athletic their first serious shout of winning that year's title. "We'd won once in my time here, 1992, but that was unnecessarily heart-attack-inducing and I wanted no more of this nonsense. As I said earlier, my parents were focused on being the best they could be in their jobs rather than just mindlessly climbing the ranks and I am ever so grateful to Harriet Williams for leading us to the title that year and in this one. We didn't know it, but Army and Navy were going down against the Good Hope Club and a point would have closed the gap to three with them still to play later in the season. We were 2-0 down after fifty minutes, weren't really focusing, then Hattie slapped the shit into me just after half-time, told me I had to get up there and make a serious difference, then I charge forwards with hardly a defender in sight, lash it past Georgia Wood and all of a sudden it's 2-1. Fast forward half an hour, we throw everything we have at them when we get a free kick and the skipper sends it over whatever the hell their wall is, I attempt a bicycle kick - yes, I know - and Wood saves it but then out of nowhere Philip Coal, on as a sub two minutes earlier, hammers his first touch of the game into the back of the net, we win all our remaining games and just about win the title on goal difference. Again! I know, right?"

Her third choice - the 2-1 win against Delaclava at last year's Cup of Harmony - comes as a surprise. "I don't think Athletic have ever lived up to their expectations! I've definitely had my moments with the national team but if you asked someone today about any of them, they'd definitely go on about this one. It was exactly as you called it: 1-0 loss in the first game, the Phoenixes were thrashed even worse and we felt as though we had to win, I had a good shout early on but I didn't get there and I don't know why; my second serious attempt was completely accidental, kudos to Sandy [Exandra Davies] for the spot, I latched on and got it almost the first time around. We'd never been asked to stay back after the equaliser, I just thought everyone was tired - at least nobody was serious about anything so I didn't have any chances to make or take. Then bang - twenty minutes to go, free kick, Gregory long to Donald, Donald to Pilchard, he gets the ball for a few seconds and gives it to me, I swirl past one of their lot for a bit then have a got, we get back in front and, for the most part, just hold on. Was it a boring game? Yes, but I was on top form after that early mistake, didn't put a foot wrong, hardly got any chances but took the ones I had - and although we lost the next game, I'm ridiculously thankful for the ride."

O'Donnell was surprisingly quiet on who she's friendliest with in the national team, but admits that "if I had to choose one person on that squad I'd want to be stranded with on an uninhabited island after some outrageous shit happens that I'd rather not talk about, I would absolutely go with Hattie: I know she'll say 'I'd rather be with Alice [Christopher],' but she's a natural-born leader, has all the tools she needs to be a good midfielder - a bit like Alan Carver, come to think of it - and is quite simply the perfect blend of 'I like talking' and 'yeah, sure, I have a couple of minutes, I'll hear you out.' If she's dead, Steve Pilchard is a bit on the quiet side but very much a problem solver who'll explain what needs to be done after going off on a bit of an annoying tangent. If he's gone, too, probably Jessica Martin: big public life, big professional life, big ego - somehow uses it for good - and actually not that bad to work with once you realise what she stands for and why."

Despite having recently moved to Kitara AA of Banija in possibly the latest deal of 1998's transfer window, it appears likely that she will play second fiddle to Pemecutanian World Cup silver medalist Dewa Putu Mahardika: "he's younger than me, has more of a future, I'm happy to accept I'm there as backup and hopefully he'll go on to do big things with his career." But in a very confused reference to the White Myna's 0-for-3 record in finals and their infamously atrocious record against lower-ranked teams in general, she jokes that "if I can keep the Curse of Pemecutan going, I might get the top spot! Very tempting, isn't it? Probably not." Some have doubted that her move, which came in exchange for 31-year-old Equestrian striker Nightingale, will benefit Athletic's seemingly squalid youth movement, but "we have plenty of old-timers who the next manager after Adam Woolley should sell or retire - I don't see Adam staying in office long - and once that's done we'll be back and fighting like never before."

There are two types, or at least stereotypes, of Eleanorians. One is quiet, hard-working, focused and unavowedly pragmatic; the other is bubbly, willing to experiment, sees freedom as more of an attribute than a characteristic and desperately wants to know more about the world around them - somehow. Katie O'Donnell is definitely in the second category, and she has the most powerful toolbox of any striker in Saint Eleanor, too. Enough said.