Eshialand 12-2 Placely Placington
Taxonomic Kingdoms 1-3 Eshialand
"That was certainly... something else, wasn't it?"
"And Heperuda takes the puck, he passes it up to Mason Mentee, who dekes Test Subject 4 so hard that his ankles collapse like wet papier maché! Mentee passes it to St. John, and HE SCORES! 1-0 ESHIALAND!"
"I mean, I told you that you had to do better after that game against Poafmersia, but this?"
"And Jessica Lambeau skates past Test Subject 9, she gets all the way to the blue line, firing it straight through Test Subject 1, he's gonna catch fire from... friction? AND IT'S IN! 2-0 ESHIALAND!!"
"You made mincemeat of the Placely Placingtonians! It wasn't even fair!"
"Danica Joseph and Brayden Williams are passing it back and forth, and Danica misses the pass and it bounces off Test Subject 18's head, and it proceeds to bounce around the arena like a pinball..."
"The puck?"
"The head! Joseph gets the puck back, AND SHE BANGS IT DOWN TOP SHELF! 3-0 ESHIALAND!!!"
"3-1 at the first intermission was absolutely more than I could've asked for, props to you all, but the whole game was probably the most ridiculous thing that's ever happened in Eshialand, and that's sure as heck saying something."
"Raleigh takes the puck, and she skates past Test Subject 13, who proceeds to melt on the spot, she passes to Degle AND HE SCORES! 4-1!!
"What in the world was that? I mean, you've done wacky stuff before, but... what the heck??"
"Logan Barrow steals the puck from Test Subject 10, and he starts skating around the ice with the puck, not passing, just to show off!"
"He must be crazy!"
"The Owls are up 4-2, so he really can do whatever, and he's gonna shoot it from behind the red line!"
"Whaaa?"
"And all of the Test Subjects can't do a dang thing about it, IT'S IN, 5-2!!"
"That showboating was pretty stupid, but it worked, sure enough..."
"Test Subject 5 takes the puck from Degle, and he takes the puck right back, and Test Subject 5 loses his stick in the kerfuffle! And... his hand goes with the stick?? Degle shoots, and HE SCORES! 6-2 ESHIALAND!! And that's gonna mark the end of the game for Test Subject 1, as I see Test Subject 99 coming off of the bench."
"And was the game over after the goalie was pulled? Of course you made sure it wasn't. Of course."
"St. John has the puck, and he's gonna shoot it, blocked by Test Subject 2..."
"Wait, what's going on?"
"It seems to have triggered some sort of self-destruct mechanism! Test Subject 2 explodes, and the puck goes flying... INTO THE NET!! 7-2 OWLSSSSS!!!"
"7-2 after 40 minutes... at that point it could've been considered a crime against humanity, or... whatever the Placely Placingtonians are... but you weren't done, were you?"
"Lambeau skating up the ice again, and she fires it from THE BLUE LINE but it bounces off the crossbar, BUT BIANCA JEFFREY GETS THE REBOUND AND SCORES!!!! 8-2!!!"
"It doesn't even make much sense to define that game, I'm... lost for words as to what it was."
"Ridley takes the puck from Test Subject 6, I don't even remember if she did anything last year, but she's doing something now, firing a shot straight into Test Subject 99's eye! He falls down like a ragdoll, BACKWARDS INTO THE NET!! 9-2!!!"
"Maybe we shouldn't define your game in terms of goal count, but rather kill count, because heads sure did roll... and explode... and melt..."
"Johansson wins the faceoff and passes it back to Heperuda, he flicks it up high into the air and it goes to Degle, he's gonna shoot AND MAKE TEST SUBJECT 99 DISINTEGRATE ON CONTACT!! HAT TRICK FOR DEGLE! DOUBLE DIGITS FOR THE OWLS! TEN TO TWO, ESHIALAAAAAAND!!!!"
"That hat trick sure was a sight to behold, truly... but two in one game was not my expectation."
"And now St. John has the puck, he's gonna pass to Jason Mentee..."
"Look at the number, that one's Mason."
"Gosh, you're right! They switched wings just for the fun of it! It seems to have confused the Test Subjects too, as they're skating right into one another! Mason passes back to St. John, WHO GETS HIMSELF A HAT TRICK! 11-2, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING?!?!"
"Denneman Gardens wasn't even an arena for that game, was it? You know what it was? A slaughterhouse, that's what it was."
"Here we are in the dying seconds, the score at 11-2, by all accounts the Placely Placington team should just give up the sport of hockey at this point... and Xavier Grant has the puck, and with 3 seconds to go, he flicks it harmlessly into the air... and EVEN THAT MANAGES TO GO IN! 12-2 WILL BE THE FINAL SCORE IN THIS GAME!!!"
"So, I only have one question... how did you pull that one off?"
"I dunno Coach..." Devon St. John replied. "We were just on a hot streak, I suppose."