World Cup 89 - Roleplay Thread

by **Drawkland** » Mon Oct 04, 2021 1:03 am

Drawkian National Network Nightly News

"Good evening, Drawkland. I'm Wilson Benton, and here are tonight's headlines. Drawkionels announce new national park to open this month, hurricane continues to develop along southeastern shoreline, a possible scandal brewing within DISC offices for issues with soccer national team, and more at 11.

"Right now, there are currently 19 national parks within Drawkland's borders, with dozens of territory and district parks peppered around the continent. By the beginning of next month, however-"

"Okay, can we skip this boring crap? I can't believe you're making me watch the DNN nightly news. I thought my grandma was the only one who still watched that."

"Listen, it's important we see how the media is portraying this whole thing. Too much negative language and our reputation among the general public will start to tank."

"Who cares about that? The sports fans are the ones who actually care enough to go to our games, I value their opinion more than that of people who don't even know what the World Cup is. Even then, their opinions are pretty much irrelevant compared to the opinion of the white collars at DISC. Doesn't matter what they're airing on TV, they're the ones signing our checks and keeping us around."

"Fine, let's go grab some chips and beer, they'll probably get to the segment on us by the time we get back."

"They better be, or else I'll stop watching and their national viewership will tank by one half."

"Shut up and help me decide which chips to eat tonight."

"... experts expect that the storm will range further west, which will thankfully minimize infrastructure damage in the area.

"In sports, trouble is brewing regarding Drawkland's soccer national team, the Kick Corps. For several cups now, the young group known as the Elite Eleven have represented Drawkland as the Corps, but it seems their time may be waning. Ahead of Drawkland's playoff against Eura for World Cup qualification, the entire group underwent a routine drug test, and the results were surprising for everybody. For the last few World Cups, the sporting world has been wary of a supposed performance enhancing drug known as Ripperonin, or RP, being employed by national teams to gain a competitive edge. Supplements have been injected or taken orally, in most cases. Allegedly, the Elite Eleven had received a tip that supporters of other nations could be attempting to spike their road meals with oral RP supplements in an effort to disqualify the Eleven from World Cup play. The Eleven wished to avoid such an event, so they received approval from WCC offices to take Reillaph, or RL, supplements. These are known to completely neutralize and counteract any potential effects from Ripperonin, and thus would ensure the Eleven would have a clean run.

"Disaster stuck, however, when the drug test results came in after the completion of the qualifying campaign. Instead of Reillaph being present, it was the notorious drug Coastten being listed positive. Coastten is another performance enhancing substance used among athletes, whose effects can replicate or even exceed Ripperonin's positive effects. The test could not tell how long the drug had been present, so it's under question whether the Eleven were doping for the entire campaign, the crucial back half, or in anticipation for the playoff series against Eura.

"When confronted about the results, the Eleven denied the accusations of using the PEDs for a competitive advantage. All members insisted that they had not taken any Coastten, and had only consumed RL supplements. They further elaborated by theorizing their RL supply had been spiked with Coastten against their wishes and without their knowledge. Detractors suggest that the Eleven intentionally consumed Coastten and only requested RL clearance to avoid suspicion.

"Investigations are currently underway by both DISC and the WCC to ascertain what exactly went wrong. Both organizations are also looking into appropriate punishment for the Kick Corps. At the very least, a Cup of Harmony invitation is out the window. In World Cup history, virtually every team caught with Coastten have been barred from the Cup of Harmony for that cycle. More details will be given as the story progresses in the coming weeks."

"Okay, what I hate the most is how they keep calling us 'The Eleven.' We call ourselves 'The Elite' in, like, every piece of marketing we have. It's just the conventional use."

"Well, Elite is an adjective, but only rarely a noun. Makes more sense to use the normal noun instead."

"Uh, Eleven is an adjective too. I'd say it's used as a noun just as rarely as Elite."

"Eleven is the actual noun in the name 'Elite Eleven,' though. Our name isn't two adjectives back to back, that doesn't make sense."

"Okay, but a number used as a noun just means it was previously an adjective, and you just took the actual noun away. Just because you're too lazy to use a real noun doesn't mean you can start hammering adjectives into being nouns."

"Actually, it means exactly that. You're wrong. Also, you're not even talking about what he actually said in the report. What do you think?"

"I think that it doesn't really matter what verbiage he used, Harvey Flantar is going to be the one signing off on whether we stay or go. Even then, it's not like we're going to be playing in a tournament anyway. By the time it's time to make the final call, we'll already be far out of the news cycle."

"What do you mean? We got rejected from CoH consideration, sure, but the World Cup is still in reach."

"In reach bro? Were you not playing in the same game as me last week? We got kicked by Eura 3-1 at home. You really think we're gonna travel to Eura and stick 3 goals on them without conceding twice as many? You're delusional."

"You're such a pessimist. You realize you get to play in that game too, right? Maybe if you actually tried then we'd have a shot."

"Yeah, we'd have a chance ... if we didn't have you defending the back line!"

"Come here, you bastard!"

by **Tumbra** » Mon Oct 04, 2021 12:38 pm

Tumbra 2 - 0 Quebec & Shingoryeo

TMB (4-2-3-1): 1 - John Lennon; 2 - Ryan Hughes, 4 - Ian Ashburn, 5 - Harry Henderson (14 - Louis Paterson, 75’), 19 - Russell White; 40 - Trudy Harrison, 6 - Vincent Hicks (15 - Alan Morgan, 82’), 10 - Phil Cole; 17 - George Hilton (7 - Neil Fraser, 82’), 9 - Robin Vaughn; 22 - Nick Riordan

TMB scorers: Nick Riordan (36’), Phil Cole (82’)

Player of the Match: Phil Cole (TMB)

Link to arc home
defender meets midfielder: season 4, part 2
double debuts

Chromatika
Capitalizt Dome

A warm afternoon (by Chromatik standards) saw a capacity crowd at the Capitalizt Dome. Chromatik versus Lhor; the Capitalizt versus the Orcas. This game could easily go either way; Lhor were not above spending to get success, and their midfield maestro Gereh Kama was easily pulling the strings out there. Only Cameron Win, Chromatik’s starting defender, and Trudy were keeping him at bay; though it was obvious that Kama was dominating the midfield. Stephen Kerr? On the bench, looking on with a mixture of excitement and intensity. Being on the bench wasn’t ideal, of course, but it was still the best seat in the house.

Nearly half an hour had gone; Cande Montalban, Chromatik’s new starting striker, had launched a ball past Freida Pearce; and they were ahead. But they were on the cusp of losing control; Kama had already broken through a few times, and he was looking dangerous with Orianne Marc on the right wing.

Cameron motioned at Trudy; motioned in the general direction of Kama, and himself pointed at Marc. Trudy nodded, perhaps a tad nervously; she obviously wasn’t used to going face-to-face against one of Banija’s biggest stars. Gereh Kama, though, was of a similar stature to Trudy, and she’d need to put in a worldie of a performance to ensure he wasn’t too involved in play.

“What’s Cameron doing? Stephen, do you think he’ll leave Trudy exposed?” came the inquisitive voice from next to him. It was Kattie Will, Stephen’s team-mate and effectively his mentor; though it wasn’t official or anything. The 32 year-old had simply seen the boy walk into training one day, and somehow, at that exact moment, decided to take him under her wing. No questions asked. She’d become a wealth of experience, although she was still extremely young herself; though in footballing terms she’d grown a bit long in the tooth. He wasn’t sure if she was framing her question as a genuine query on what Cameron was doing, or whether she wished to test Stephen on Chromatik’s style of play.

“Marc’s dangerous. I think Cam wants to close him down…but that leaves Gereh to do what he pleases. We-well, there’s still Trudy, of course.”

“Hm. Do you think Trudy can keep Gereh at bay?”

“I think she certainly can. Gereh’s nimble, aggressive, volatile…” Stephen racked off the qualities Jannick had mentioned when going through the tactical briefing. “...but he’s not physically the strongest. Trudy - well, she works best when she’s alone, I think. Part of why Gereh’s been so dangerous is because she’s not been allowed to screen him freely. Because she’s got to share that responsibility with Cameron. Kamil’s isolated Emdelbia, which means that Killion’s got nobody feeding balls to him for him to cut in.”

“Interesting observation. I think it’s got merit, for sure. Especially the part about Trudy working better on her own.” She turned to Stephen, smiling. “Is she like that off the pitch, too?”

Stephen was taken aback by the sudden launch into their personal lives. “I-I guess. I mean, you’ve been her team-mate for a year, I think you’d be a better grasp of her than I am —”

“Don’t be silly, Stephen, you’ve known her for longer than any of us have.”

“Yeah, I guess. She’s not...really one to show vulnerability. But thankfully she’s got the skills to, y’know, do it alone.”

The ball went flying to Kama’s feet; he skillfully began a dribble to try and look for Minsk Killion, since Dani Emdelbia, Lhor’s striker, was being marked out of the game. He looked frustrated; they’d drawn their previous game against Knetyohai, and the team hadn’t gelled together as quickly as he’d hoped. Twenty-five million from Kitara AA, the reigning Champions League winners, was his price; and he knew the eyes of the world were on him.

He, however, failed to notice a blur of grey coming up to try and dispossess him; and while he tried to keep control of the ball, he was muscled off it. The transition then began immediately; and Chromatik began advancing once more.

“Seems like you’re right. She does work better alone.”

“Hm…”

“And I must say, I thought Leysa would be a huge loss for the team — but she’s grown into her shoes magnificently. I think she’s not far off a full call-up for the senior team, actually. And you won’t be, too, given some time.”

“Really?”

“You’ve improved leaps and bounds since you arrived here. Not sure what Straton’s defending is like, but…”

“Yeah, it wasn’t the best,” Stephen said sheepishly. “Our two starting defenders don’t really work well together…”

“That’s a recipe for disaster.”

“Yep.”

Another dispossession; this time by Maxime Tennant on Mario Kogler. The Orcas raced up the wing, crossing wings, the ball ending up with Orianne Marc; on instinct, when he received the ball, he began running up the wing, ignoring the incoming Cameron —

They both went down as if they’d been shot; and while Marc got up almost instantly, Win continued on the floor. With a look of harried shock, Marc urgently waved to stop play and motioned for medics. The whistle was blown; the Chromatik medical team, clad in grey tracksuits, raced onto the pitch.

“Reckon he’s alright?”

“Maybe.”

The medics arrived at Cameron, and immediately began working; though it became obvious this would not be a short procedure. After a few minutes, however, Jannick looked increasingly concerned, and muttered to the fourth official about making a substitution.

“Kattie, I’d get prepared if I were you.”

“No, Stephen, I think you should be the one getting prepared,” she said with a smirk, directing Stephen’s attention to Jannick, who was motioning frantically at Stephen to begin his warm-up.

“Oh, shit, I —”

“Listen, Stephen, I know you don’t feel ready.”

“I don’t, y-yeah —”

“Remember what I’ve taught you in training, and you’ll be fine. Listen to Jannick, listen to Kamil, listen to Trudy. They’ll help you on the pitch.”

“I-am I-you really think-”

“Yes, you’re ready. Don’t think so much about it. Do your warm-up, quickly, before this turns into the last time you play for Chromatik.”

Stephen went through the motions, urgently trying to push the thought that he was trying to make his debut for his new club to the back of his mind. He’d literally been talking to Trudy a few days ago about this; now the opportunity had been foisted upon him.

With his warm-up complete, Stephen looked toward Jannick for approval, and he warmly nodded. Confirming his substitution, Cameron had gotten up; and was now, with the support of the medics, hobbling toward the Chromatik bench, to a wave of applause from the gathered home fans. Jannick motioned Stephen closer.

“Stephen, Stephen, Stephen,” he said, while rubbing his hands together before placing them on Stephen’s shoulders. “It’s time. Are you nervous?”

“Yes, Sir, I am.” Stephen had no idea why he’d called Jannick Sir; typically he called the manager “Coach” or “Boss”.

“I know you are. But I know that you’ll give me your best. You’ve spent the last two months on the bench, training very hard; and I’ve noticed that. I know you’re going to do very well out there. Kamil will help; but most of all, don’t worry.”

Stephen smiled. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Atta boy.” Jannick tapped Stephen hard, on both shoulders; and gave him a squeeze, for good measure. The moment Cameron stepped off the pitch, smiling weakly at Stephen, Jannick patted Stephen on the back, and said “Go!”

He barely had time to smile back at Cameron before he was running, filling in for Cameron. Applause emanated from throughout the Capitalizt Dome for their new player, one whose story had been oh-so-intriguing; now he was finally making his debut.

Stephen paused when he reached Kamil, exchanging some words; Kamil patted him on the shoulder, encouraged him not to worry. For some reason, the Mytanar’s words put him at ease; he was now at home. It was a hundred and five metres by sixty-eight of green turf with white lines; seven thousand, one hundred and forty square metres of grass. The surrounding atmosphere might have been different, but Straton played in a stadium of a hundred thousand, anyway; the Capitalizt Dome was little different.

He smiled, as Trudy caught his eye and grinned, ready for the restart of play.

Capitalizt Dome
Chromatik Team Room

The squad was in a celebratory mood; Cande had added to his early goal with a late strike, after Kama had finally equalised with a ricocheting shot that nobody really could stop; but Chromatik’s defence had held firm, and they’d come away with a win.

Stephen was happy, but first of all, tired; chasing down Lhor’s attacking trio had been harder than it looked. He’d exchanged words with Orianne Marc at full-time, and Marc had praised the young defender; Kerr had tackled Marc several times throughout the match, once while Marc was on goal.

In essence, then, today was the defence’s win; and Stephen had received plenty of noogies after, as the team celebrated both his debut and the immense performance that he’d put in. He was, after all, the third youngest player on the team; and was treated as such by the rest of them. It was a happy occasion; coupled with the fact that the result was a win against a side that would be competing against them for Champions’ League football, it was a genuinely good day for the side.

Trudy, for her part, refrained from giving Stephen a noogie; but they caught each other’s eyes and knew they had to talk after the game. Stephen, in any case, wanted to ask Trudy to come over for dinner and the movie. Just like she’d asked him to do, really.

Slowly but surely, the team filed out of the room as they prepared to head back to the team’s headquarters; Trudy came up to Stephen, the room darkened.

“You wanted to talk?”

“How’d you know?”

“You get a look in your eye when you want to do that.”

“Huh. Never noticed that.”

“You can’t see your own eyes, idiot.”

“Really?”

“Uh. Not really sure if you’re asking whether you can’t see your own eyes, or —”

“Pffft. Forget it.”

“So what’s up?”

“Was thinking if you wanted to come round today. For that dinner you wanted. And the movie. To celebrate.”

“You’re cooking?”

“I’m gonna teach you how to cook, too.”

“Uh…sure.”

“You look...worried.”

“I did say I’m not very good in the kitchen.”

“I’ll be there. There’ll be nothing to worry about.”

Trudy looked down for a moment, then looked back into Stephen’s eyes. They weren’t as close together physically as that night on the bench in Chromatik, but Stephen could still sense the uncertainty in her light blue eyes. Her trademark small grin, with the right side of her lip curling upwards while the rest of her lip remained flat, appeared.

“Sure.”

“That’s settled, then. We should go, before the team wonders where we are.”

“Yeah.” Trudy ventured back to her seat in the team room. “Oh. Congrats on your debut. Told you it’d only be a while,” she said, while beaming.

Chromia
The Apartment of Stephen Kerr
8:15pm

“You know, I’m not sure why cooking’s so popular, especially — when there’s just — so — bloody — much — to carry — Christ!”

“It’s worth it, Trudy, trust me,” said Stephen, as he opened the door to the apartment. “It’ll be some delicious food.” His calm steps, carrying a paper bag of groceries, was followed (and contrasted) by Trudy, who was exaggeratedly staggering underneath another big bag of groceries.

“Told you you should have put them in two bags.”, he said, laughing.

“How was I supposed to know this was supposed to go in two bags? Not my bloody fault the handle decided to snap —”

“Oh, you. C’mere, I’ll unpack.”

Trudy handed over the bag, wiped the sweat off her brow, and looked for the nearest sofa.

“You’ve got to prepare everything, you’ve got to deal with the fire, then you’ve got to clean — ugh, the cleaning’s the worst part —”

“You won’t need to clean anything today, Trudy, you’re my guest and I’m going to do the cleaning. All you need to do is to listen to what I say and you’ll be fine.”

“Sure hope so.” She cast a glance around the room. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.”

“So. What are we cooking?”

“Hm...rice. Fish. Tofu. Broccoli. Scallops. I’ll be honest, really — this will be the first time I use this kitchen to cook. A fitting stage, really, for your cooking debut.” A mischievous grin appeared on Stephen’s face.

“That’s a lot of food for the two of us.”

“Not really! I’ll keep the leftovers for breakfast tomorrow. And with you around it’ll be faster.” He grabbed a spatula from a nearby drawer. "Ready to learn how to cook, my student?" Stephen motioned exaggeratedly, mimicking one of the many famous celebrity chefs of the universe.

“O Stephen Kerr, master of the kitchen, please teach me how you cook,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“With pleasure.”

Stephen was right; it had been relatively smooth-sailing with regards to the cooking so far. The rice had simply been washed, and put inside a cooker; the broccoli had been grilled to perfection; now all that was left was the fish.

“Okay, you got enough oil on there?”

“I-I think so, yep.”

“Now the key to frying fish is knowing when to turn it over. You wanna listen to the crackle of it, move the fish around —” Stephen looked over Trudy’s left shoulder, glancing carefully at the fish in the pan; but he noticed that Trudy herself was gripping on to the pan with quite a bit of apprehension. “— but flip it, with a tong…”

“Flip it?”

“Yeah.”

“Stephen, I’m not sure if I can — uh —”

“No worries, I’ll flip it for you.” Her shoulders were noticeably tensed up; Stephen put one of his hands on her right shoulder, and she noticeably relaxed. “Right...there. Right, keep doing that.” He turned away, to grab a pair of tongs to flip the fish; but the instant he turned away, a shrill yelp emerged from behind him.

Immediately, he turned, to see Trudy grasping onto the pan still, with a huge column of orange flames bursting out of it; even from a few steps away, Stephen could feel the blaze radiate, the heat landing uncomfortably on his skin. Trudy let go of the pan, almost throwing it onto the grate, and stumbled backwards. She let out another yelp as she lost her balance and fell backwards; but the important thing was the fire, he had to put a lid on it —

It was grabbed, and Stephen, in one motion, clanged the steel lid onto the on-fire pan, and turned off the gas. Immediately the fire went out; but he barely had time to breathe a sigh of relief before he turned to Trudy, who looked positively shell shocked, and was sitting on the floor, left knee curled up to her face, right leg extended out.

“Trudy…” Stephen said, in a gentle voice, sitting down next to her.

“I’m sorry, Stephen,” she said in a small voice.

“Hey. Nothing to apologise for.”

“I ruined your fish.”

“You haven’t. I’ll be able to finish it. You’ve been great. Why...why don’t you go take a rest? I’ll pick things up from here. You can choose the movie we’re gonna watch. I’ve got RainboWire, they’ve got a lot more things in Chromatika than they do back home.”

“Sorry…”

“Hey,” he said in a deep, almost intimate tone. “You didn’t do anything wrong. C’mon. I’ll bring you to the sofa.”

She sat there for a few more seconds, then relented. Stephen would finish the cooking by himself as Trudy flicked through movies on RainboWire; she’d settled on one as the night lights of Chromia grew ever brighter.

They ate in silence; Stephen had managed to salvage the fish, and he’d added a bit of ginger to make the fish taste a bit better.

“You did great, y'know. In the kitchen.”

“Don’t patronise me, Stephen…”

“For someone who said they were ‘a disaster in the kitchen’ you did pretty well.”

“But the fire…”

“Grease fires are something we deal with from time to time. Don’t worry about it.”

“Right…”

Stephen motioned at the dishes on the table. Grilled broccoli with chilies, tofu with a healthy sprinkling of sesame sauce to give it flavour, fried fish that was a bit blackened, stir-fried scallops…

“Which of these was your favourite?”

“The scallops,” Trudy said without missing a beat.

“Hah! Knew it. No hesitation, too.”

“Something special about it?”

“Yeah, it’s my mom’s recipe.”

“She really taught you this?”

“Yeah. Had to bug her for a bit, but...before I left she taught this to me. I’m happy you liked it. It’s one of my personal favourite recipes, too; a bit of Tumbra, a bit of Xinhua…” He smiled. “I’ll have to tell her that you liked it.”

“You’d tell her that?”

“Yeah. She’s always convinced her recipes are too niche for anyone else to eat.”

They ate in relative silence after that — Stephen cleared all the leftovers into Tupperware to eat tomorrow and put it into the fridge, while leaving the dishes in the sink.

“A good meal, if I say so myself.”

“You did cook it.”

“Well, yes, but I had a capable assistant by my side. Anyway, we decided what we’re watching?”

“How The Wind Blows.”

“Classic.”

“Yeah.”

Stephen got up, and walked over to Trudy on the opposite side of the table.

“Well then, let’s go,” he said, extending an arm out to her and motioning to the sofa less than five minutes away.

“This isn’t some formal ball, Stephen, cut it out,” she said, but there was a giant smile on her face. The two of them looked into each other’s eyes, sharing a moment.

“Might as well be. And it is my home.”

She exhaled. “Fine, fine. Have it your way, dork,” trying her best not to laugh.

She got up, taking the proffered hand; and together they walked toward the sofa.

QUEBEC & SHINGORYEO VS TUMBRA - WORLD CUP 89 PLAYOFFS, LEG 2

Starters: 1 - John Lennon; 2 - Ryan Hughes, 4 - Ian Ashburn, 14 - Louis Paterson, 3 - Chris Carter; 6 - Vincent Hicks, 40 - Trudy Harrison, 10 - Phil Cole; 7 - Neil Fraser, 9 - Robin Vaughn, 22 - Nick Riordan

Bench: 13 - Nick Barker; 18 - Jacob Keene, 5 - Harry Henderson, 36 - Stephen Kerr, 19 - Russell White; 8 - Craig McGrath, 16 - Alan Morgan, 38 - Leo Hooper; 17 - George Hilton, 21 - Lynne Crossley; 11 - Marcus Sheldon, 44 - Nigel Erskine

by **Kelssek** » Mon Oct 04, 2021 3:12 pm

Qualifying playoff promises huge test for Kelssek

Kelssek faces a crunch match at Exhibition Place against Sargossa where what's at stake is clear as mud: winner goes to the World Cup finals. After a qualifying run that saw crucial mistakes in key moments leave Kelssek just short of the line, this is a match that could define the legacy of the current generation of players for better or worse.

Fans of Kelssek's football team will be anxious to see if they can find a way to connect their passes in the attacking end in the second leg. As frustrating as the thwarted link up play and ponderous efforts to recycle possession were, the 0-0 draw in Sargossa now puts the outcome in Kelssek's hands. The bright spot was holding a potent offence scoreless on their home turf, but something more than that is needed, and in the second 90 minutes these players will have to dig deep to find it.

Likely to feature in some capacity will be Thor Ibrahim Ahmad, who came off the bench to rescue what could have been a complete disaster against an ambitious Euran Oceania Territories team keen to leave a mark. A win against the group's first seed even if they couldn't make the dance themselves would have been a deserved milestone, but the youngster's 11-minute brace denied them that. Yet the draw meant Kelssek missed a chance to clinch automatic qualification, and the EOT might have claimed an indirect scalp if Kelssek fails to get a win tonight too.

Now with home advantage for Kelssek, losing against the odds will put enormous pressure on the team. Whisper it quietly, but failing to make the finals might also be seen as a sign Crowe has reached the high water mark and a new face on the bench might be called for. Not many coaches can boast of reaching the World Cup quarterfinals and one imagines the Nepharan will have no shortage of offers in such an eventuality. Can they thrive in this high stakes situation? It's in these fires that champions can be forged.

SARGOSSA 0
KELSSEK 0
St-Gerlais, Liadon, Halliger, Lozic, Bowler (Buené 73), Lapierre, Lafrenière (Dionne 65), Ó Tuathail, Hartpoach, Taleb (Ahmad 79), Maçon-Petrault

by **Ko-oren** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 5:55 am

Our first playoff game in fifteen (!) cycles! That's cause for celebration... and a lot of nails to bite. Hardware stores across Ko-oren were sold out as fans saw this fixture coming weeks in advance leading to iron shortages in Anaia - and then we weren't the only Anaian nation in there. Our brave neighbours in the northeast, the Quebecois, took on Tumbra on the same day. It was a good thing fans could catch the six playoff games in succession, as the other ones featured Sargossa (versus Kelssek), a team we've always likened ourselves to (and if you want to know why, count how many World Cup Rounds of 16 we've won between us) while some northeastern Ko-orenites (basically, Analor Avalor fans) probably have a thing for Kelssek. All in all, it would surprise you how many Ko-orenites have played there over time. While relatively few are known for national team efforts, it's strange how many of them were in Dragonfly conversation: Avalor (plenty of appearances), Vachimitsu, Watanuki, and now Doorwouds, as well as Betteridge and Hekkert (two players who went there at a young age, if you haven't heard of them).

Avalor was asked for a short insight in how the Kelssekians are holding up, saying "They're not taking it very well. More than ever, qualifying or not feels like a crossroads, and a loss here could have repercussions for the head coach. Kelssek has played some incredible football over the last few years, but with better results come higher expectations," and asking if that situation reminded him of another team, that may or may not start with a K, he added "Oh right, that's the exact situation Ko-oren is in."

Other games in the round featured dragonslayers Polkopia versus Trolleborg, Drawkland versus Eura (!), and the Vilitans took on Squidroidia. To say there weren't upsets would be a lie: Vilita lost, as did Trolleborg, and the Quebecois even lost by two. Notes on these teams probably say something like how many Ko-orenites play in Eura (also more than expected: Olink, Affré) with the crown prince (or, given his age now, we can just say 'king') of Ko-orenite football: Maximilien Longchambon, still going strong for the Revolutionaries. Plenty of connections!

While all that went on, the Dragonflies did get a result against their playoff opponents, Siovanija and Teusland. They might be known for their ice hockey (and consecutive titles therein), their football team is as capable and dangerous. The Anaian hosts won by the slimmest of margins, setting up a return match in Atlantian Oceania where we should be good as long as our defence holds up and we can score another goal. Home win, away draw is still the tried and tested method for advancing in IFCF playoffs, and they work similarly for the World Cup.

Erisia scored the lone goal according to the exact same recipe as many games earlier during the qualification campaign. This episode of "Attacker meets Goalkeeper" lasted just a few seconds, between Erisia's foot connecting with the ball and Heuser getting several fingertips to the attempt - all he could do was deflect the ball into the net instead of letting it fly straight in. This was all unlike the famously longstanding Tumbran soap series "defender meets midfielder" which just doesn't seem to ever end. Either the defender wrestles the ball away or the midfielder gets past the obstacle through passing or dribbling - that meeting should be over in seconds, not God knows how many seasons. Let's all thank Erisia for keeping this interaction to a few brief seconds.

Ko-oren, Tumbra, Eura, and Polkopia all have a slight advantage going into the second leg. Vilita looks down but at least they've got the coveted away goal, so any clean sheet win or a win by two or more goals is enough for them. Sargossa versus Kelssek is wide open still.

Top League: Offseason changes in a nutshell

The 12 clubs of the Top League haven't sat still, waiting for the new season to start. First of all, of course, the return of Tanques AOE to the league is a huge change and a return to the old - in a sense.

Transfer news
The Ko-orenite clubs have made a handful of offers for foreign players, but on the whole they're ok with where they stand. None of the offers have been accepted, which marks a first time since joining the international transfer window that no new players will be coming from overseas. In the meantime, Rutherford (ex-Fukushira) and Hellegeland (ex-Straudum VV) are moving on. All other Ko-orenites are sold from one foreign club to the other. In other words, Ko-oren will plunge on the financial rankings while returning players (not counted as transfers) from Taeshan and Tequilo have led to a slight increase in the competition's level nonetheless.

Coaching Staff
Bigger changes have come to front offices across the archipelago. Assistant managers named head coaches (Emeline Millet is now solely in charge of Aminey CS, Grady Donald has taken over Bruncester United AFC, hopefully providing some stability). Cicy Boisselot is just 42 and has landed his Tanques AOE in the Top League. The biggest stories are the new oldest and third-oldest managers in the club: both Miradela GD and Katashi-Kanatsu have looked abroad and signed Martin Costello (Tumbra) and Kiggwe Siakam (Banija). The former has to keep Miradela GD stable and in the Top League - and despite his previous club, West Couno, sacking him for inconsistent results even though he consistently kept West Couno in the league. The latter's task is to rejuvenate Katashi-Kanatsu's attacking playing style while keeping the club in the running for the IFCF spots. Ko-oren has a decent attacking tradition at the club level, but managers frequently have to look abroad for new offensive concepts - and Katashi-Kanatsu have decided to go one step further.

Youth players
Many clubs have plugged their numbers with youth players, that despite everything, can't assume they'll be starting most matches. Advance Alara was forced to put some youngsters in, with wunderkind Melchor Ferreira as their new centreback - projected to be the league's youngest starter at 20. Half their squad is under 25. Furthermore, Aminey CS have a new, all-baby defence, Miradela GD and Katashi-Kanatsu both had to plug in their most ready youth - the former especially seeing some financial trouble looming if they don't act. Straudum VV also have a perennially young squad: as soon as players get too good and too old, they're too much of a burden on the club's small books. The second division simultaneously has older squads (usually as they've just come down from the Top League) or younger squads (if they're making a run for promotion 3 years from now), with little around the Top League's average.

League name and identity
Still no news on this - though a flower-based naming system is likely coming. Exactly how that will happen and if any native flora will be used is unknown at this point - the biggest problem is that any name will have to be translatable to at least a dozen languages. Good luck!

Stadiums
The Top League is home to some small stadiums as clubs held off on renovations pending the promotion/relegation situation, but now that it turns out only one club goes down, many clubs feel safe enough to consider putting in extra seats. This offseason we'll see the 18500-seater of Straudum VV, the Hazel Arena, enlarged to at least 22000 seats. Bruncester United AFC are trying to one-up local rivals Cirelbourne for good by creating the largest stadium of the southwest. Advance Alara are planning minor work done on their headquarters, with the Spider Stadium going from 21000 to 25000. Couziers-Olympiques will almost double their stadium from 12100 to 20000, and WSR AFC feel safe enough to go from just ten thousand seats to over 16000. Clubs at the second level are hedging their bets, though Huthwich Et Iduloren (now in the modest 5000 Ovation Station) and Limecroft Et Abyss FC (in the 5000 Lebanon Lane) both considering major upgrades.

by **Southwest Eastnorth** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 10:18 am

The Shoe is on the other foot!?
excerpt from http://www.swensports.swe

SOUTHWEST EASTNORTH - Coach Jayson Rox stopped by the Pat & Pat show today and had some interesting comments. The Pat & Pat show is a well known SWEN tv show on Swensports where various sports guess come on and the talk was all about the final week of games. A horrible 6-2 loss did dampen the mood for Rox. But there's been something on coach Jayson's brain. The game was a four point loss and in the grand scheme of thing that four points got the Zwangzug team a locked in spot. This has lead a lot of people to surmise that the game could have been fix job. At least according to Rox most of those bloggers were on blogs with .st sites and that may be part of it. This is a noted piece of irony, the SWEN coach was noted as having argued a conspiracy that Tikariot and Savojarna conspired against SWEN to knock out of the Copa Rushmori 6 years ago. Rox has said in the past and still doubles down that a 90th minute goal from Savojarnia's Flemming Skov knocked out the Pioneers.

But Rox went on to say the following

Really does make you think how these armchair pundits can be like this. They are actually tricking people into think shit like this is real. We just had a bad game and we've had issues keeping the guys on the field after the ccards handed out at the Fleftic and Banijan games, and yet people think we'd take bribes from Zwangzug? Man there needs to be accountability for these man children claiming bullshit like this.

The game against Zwangzug was a messy affair and the depth issues stung the team. Esther Axelrod-Conway Took advantage and got a midfielder's hat trick with an amazing four goal performence. The game was out of hand early and often as she and Gordon Blum dominated the Pioneers. Three minutes in the pain started as a wayward ball from Axlerod-Conway found its way into the goal. Houton tried his best the get the ball into the Zwang goal but got dove at by a Zug defender. Ever the actor, Chris Houton flung his body at the ground and drew a penalty and a yellowcard from the defender. This drew the game up at one and gave a soon to be false hope for the Pioneers. But sadly unbeknownst tot the Pioneers, the game was over early and often. Conway and Gordon Blum slung back to back rockerts past the Keeper who again was Trevor Ducksby, and it was on from there as in a span of less than 15 minutes, from the Easther Axlelrod Conway goal at 28' to her next goal she scored at 42' it was a disaster. The teamc oudln't get the ball past the mid point fo the field and the Zwangzug teams imply overpowered the Pioneers, and again a surge of goals around the hour mark left it 6-1 at minute 66'. At the end all the BS of the qualifiers is over and the Pioneers now await a Cup of Harmony invite.

SOUTHWEST EASTNORTH - 2
Houton 12' (PK) 65' (PK) 

ZWANGZUG - 6
Axelrod-Conway 3' 28' 42' 66'
Blum 33' 60'

by **Graintfjall** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 12:33 pm

Sarzonia – 2 (2)
Campos (7’, 10’), Aguirre (57’), King (68’), Wilson (90’)

Græntfjall – 1 (1)
Hárlaugsdóttir (68’); Lúthersdóttir (72’ Björnsdóttir ), Thorleifsson (68’), Kristersson, Vilbertsdóttir (68’); Marvinsson; Þorfinnsson, Guttisdóttir (68’), Urbansson; Dannysdóttir (22’) (50’ J. Wolfgangsdóttir ), Jonathansdóttir (51’ L. Wolfgangsdóttir )

The final game of qualifying was a dead rubber, but Sarzonia didn’t play like it. It meant consecutive defeats for the first team since the Eagle’s Cup and took something of a gloss off the celebrations for qualification – also, the giant kraken attack and revelation that a former team member had been turned into an unhinged slasher-killer, all the little things kind of add up – but at least provided a chance for Justiina Dannysdóttir, largely left out of the starting lineup during qualifying despite her sensational domestic form, to get a game in place of Jason Þórhallursson and duly register a headed goal to remind Igrene Cantor, about to whittle a bloated longlist squad down to a tight 23, of her goal scoring credentials.

The biggest takeaway from the match was a challenge from Charlie King that left Elektra Lúthersdóttir clutching her ankle (and the Dagan referee clutching their yellow card as Snow Wolves swarmed her to complain about King receiving only a booking); the injury-prone Lúthersdóttir had proven one of the most consistent players during qualifying, firmly establishing herself ahead of Michelle Matteosdóttir, only to be brought down at the very last hurdle and stretchered off in tears, facing the prospect of missing a World Cup finals she had done so much to work for. After that, the energy dissipated from the game, and the novelty of having the Wolfgangsdóttir sisters make a dual appearance up front did nothing to enliven matters.

Selection of articles from Græntfjaller news media, covering the weeks between qualifying and the World Cup finals.

Vilita’s biggest new import? Ernestisson brothers join Vilitan League

I think.

Injuries force Cantor’s hand in finals squad selection

All injuries can be assumed to be healed in time for next domestic season!

Though as pointed out by sharp-eyed operatives in Super Llamaland, Petter's recovery is not quite a sure thing.

Grímólfursson chief beneficiary of Ásvaldursson injury as Cantor unveils team

Squad:

GK Björnólfur Ernestisson Marine Coast United
DF Else Svennsdóttir Stahlburg Rovers
DF Emeli Vilbertsdóttir Altendalur
DF Hjörleifur Reynarsson Steinaux
DF Stefan Jokulsson Gladerial United
MF Jade Miansdóttir Porter United
MF Sara Kristoffersdóttir Wirr Tsi
MF Amanda Guttisdóttir Holdenberg City
FW Jason Þórhallursson Herzegovina City
FW Justiina Dannysdóttir Crossroads
FW Eiríka Jonathansdóttir Starling
GK Christian Einvarðursson GT Molding
DF Arinbjörn Markusson Mühlrich
FW Hanne Heikkisdóttir Holdenberg City
MF Benoný Ísarrsson Star of Confederation
MF Johanna Álvgeirsdóttir Megabrantid
DF Tom Ernestisson Inland Peaks
DF Grímúlfur Gunnþórsson Mühlrich
MF Tinni Grímólfursson Avenida Leal
FW Lara Auðunsdóttir St Thomas
MF Kæja Finnvarðsdóttir Altendalur
FW Ásvarður Bergmundursson St Astons City
GK Emmely Aaronsdóttir Folte

by **Krytenia** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 4:10 pm

Well, World Cup Qualification means Krytie song parody. You've missed this.

EVERYBODY (KRYTIE'S BACK)
To the tune of this. Or, better yet, this.

Everybody,
Time to party,
Everybody,
Time to join the fight,
Krytie's back, alright!

Fifty-two years on the shelf
Last time we played we had the bloody elf
We're gonna bring the noise, we're gonna take you down
'Cause you know we are
The biggest game in town

Are we good to go? (yeah)
Are we the cyan ones? (yeah)
Can we bring it home? (yeah)
We've got everything we need
You better listen to us now

Everybody,
Time to party,
Everybody,
Time to join the fight,
Krytie's back, alright!

Snelders puts it on the spot,
Al and Cande gonna take their shot,
Robbie Dubs is the human wall,
And Ross Okano's gonna stop you all...

Are we good to go? (yeah)
Are we the cyan ones? (yeah)
Can we bring it home? (yeah)
We've got everything we need
You better listen to us now

Everybody,
Time to party,
Everybody,
Time to join the fight,
Krytie's back, alright!

Everybody,
Time to party,
Everybody,
Time to join the fight,
Krytie's back, alright!

Everybody,
Time to party,
Everybody,
Time to join the fight,
Krytie's back, alright!

by **Eura** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 5:38 pm

WORLD CUP 89 – PLAYOFF MATCH 1ST LEG
DRAWKLAND 1 – 3 EURA
Scorers: Robson 33, Almwood 40, Bond 67
Lineup: 1 k Belgrave, 2. H Wheeler, 4. J Menard, 15. T Green, 5. K Sherwood (sub Coles 77), 3. L Almwood, 6. M Rowland, 8. V Robshaw (sub Erskine 83), 7. M Woakes, 10. I Tomlinson (sub Bond 62), 14. S Robson

Rain was streaming down Katie’s window in front of her when she heard the door bell ring. She had already seen who was coming. A younger woman, smartly dressed in a military uniform, with an umbrella rigidly gripped in her right hand as she pressed the button with her left. A car behind her with two men in uniform waiting in the rain.
‘No…no no no…’
‘Mum?’
Katie whipped around and saw her son, sleepy eyed, lumbering down the stairs of their semi-detached home to see what was going on.
‘Go back to bed.’ She could barely conceal that her voice was about to break. ‘Just go!’
Her son hastily made his way back upstairs without a word. She turned to face the door, trembling like a leaf. She paused to contemplate what she assumed was coming, then swung open the door.
‘Mrs Maisey? I’m Major Taylor Webb. Can I come in and speak with you a moment?’
She couldn’t breathe. Neighbours were gathered on the opposite side of the road and a delivery driver had ground to a halt on their moped.
‘What is it?’

Major Webb glanced over her shoulder at the onlookers crowing their necks to see what was going on. ‘Why don’t we go inside and discu-‘
‘Whatever you want to tell me, you can tell me it right here, now.’ Katie crossed her arms and tried to look defiant, but her lip was already wobbling and her eyes welling up.
Major Webb had been in this situation before. The Great Endemian War that had riven this country not so long ago had created plenty of widows and widowers. As the years passed and Eura returned to its “business as usual” norms, this became a thankfully less common task. But when it was required…well, it never got any easier. She decided to go off script in order to smooth the rails, leaning forward to whisper in Katie’s ear. ‘Ma’am, its much easier if we do this without an audience.’
Katie flinched ever so slightly. This was it, then. Katie took a moment to take a breathe, not wanting to collapse on her porch. Not in front of the entire street. He wouldn’t want that. Low-key and dignified like most of the military partners in Eura’s uptight culture of grief, she puffed her chest out, straightened up, and nodded politely. ‘Please follow me.’

It took five minutes in all to go through the motions that always happen. Telling Katie – Mrs Maisey – the bad news, and the official explanation rather than any kind of truth. A few seconds where she tries to hold it all together. Then a few more where the dam bursts and she does the exact opposite. The reassuring pat on the back, the sharing of tea, the inevitable flurry of questions once the initial shock wears off. And after that a cold, horrible quiet.
‘Would you like me to call anyone Katie? Can I call you that?’
‘Yes. I mean, no, no-one to call. And you can call me that. Sorry.’
‘That’s ok, there’s nothing to apologise for. We’ll be putting you in touch with a counsellor soon but here’s are my contact details.’ Major Webb slipped her a small card. ‘I want you to call me if you need any help whatsoever. The Marines look after our own, alright?’ Katie said nothing in reply as she slipped the card into her shirt pocket. ‘Do you want me to call your work or anything like that?’
‘I don’t. Work, that is. On the income, aren’t I?’ This was slang for being on the much maligned “State Income”, a national stipend designed to iron out the effects of the long-term under-employment that had afflicted millions of Eurans for decades.

‘Of course, sorry, I should have known that. But, like I said, if there’s anything, just call me. I really am very sorry for your loss. I didn’t know Simon but I’m sure he was a good man. And a good Marine, at that.’ Sensing the time had come, Major Webb got to her feet and moved to leave.
Before she could reach the door Katie lifted her head slightly and spoke. ‘What do I tell our son?’
Major Webb halted on the spot. This wasn’t a first either. ‘Well, I think its best you’re honest with him. How old is he?’
‘Thirteen.’
‘Then he’s old enough to know it all. From my experience, that is.’
‘Huh. And I’m not?’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t follow.’
‘You’re not telling me what really happened.’ Katie was staring at the back of her head, and she could feel it. She went to open the door and looked back at the new widow once more. ‘I can only tell you what the regiment says. Simon was-‘
‘Yeah, on a training deployment, you said. I’ve never heard so much bullshit in my life.’ Katie picked up a newspaper and hurled it at the door. Grief had turned into anger. Major Webb looked down at the front page and saw a headline about the crisis in Nyowani Kitara.

‘You think I’m some dense housewife? I know its not a coincidence. Things kick off somewhere no-one’s heard of before last week, and as soon as that happens, my husband doesn’t come home! Twenty years he was in the service, and he got through it all you know. He was in Aspel, Bregaland, the island campaigns. And you people send him off to fight in some overcooked family dispute in god-knows-where, and that’s it! That’s just it! And you expect me to just accept that?’
‘Mrs Maisey I can’t-‘
‘You can give me a body you said earlier. Can you really though? If I look in the casket, is it going to be empty or something? Who do I believe anymore? No, I don’t want to hear any more of it. Just get out.’
‘Ma’am.’
‘I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!’
Major Webb shut up and made her way out of the door, relieved to be out of there, but guilty to her core that she had to have been in the first place. Watching her leave was Katie and Simon’s son, sat in the upstairs hallway looking out from the first-floor window. He could see her walk away to the car, getting in without looking back. It pulled away just as the rain began to ease and the wind dropped off. The Euran flag hanging off his neighbour’s flagpole fell limp, rainwater dripping from one of its corners.
There was a knock on his door. Mrs Maisey was ready to tell her son his father wouldn’t be coming home, and then, she was going to do something to make sure she’d find out why.

The Minister of Defence, Sterling Thorpe, was rudely awakened from a good night’s sleep by the buzzing of his mobile phone on the side table. His husband Austin mumbled something irritable into his pillow and turned away. ‘Sorry, sorry. I’ll only be a minute.’ Sterling picked up the phone. ‘Whatever this is, it better be urgent.’
‘Morning, Minister.’ It was his chief political advisor.
‘Dan, make it quick.’
‘There’s a bit of an issue here we need to discuss. Can I pop over? I’ll bring Julie with me.’ That was his director of communications. When your main policy brain and head of comms call you in the middle of the night it can never be good news.
‘What are you two doing up at this time of night together?’ Sterling paused and lowered his voice. ‘You’re not shagging, are you?’
‘What? No, sir – just be ready. We will be there in fifteen minutes.’
The phone went dead. Sterling sighed and put it down, rose from the bed, and headed to the kitchen to make himself a beverage.

A strong coffee would do. By the time he’d finished with it, his phone buzzed again.
We are outside, let us up.
That was quick. He went to let them into the building, a 60-storey skyscraper full of luxury apartments that fitted in nicely with Bastion’s skyline of numerous high-rises. Sterling opened his door once the lift arrived, Dan burst in without so much as knocking.
‘What on earth are you doing? Its barely five in the morning, watch the fucking noise, eh?’
‘Apologies Minister, but this really can’t wait. Julie, have you got it?’ Julie came in next, and Sterling shut the door behind her as she opened up a small laptop. ‘Hold on’ said Sterling, ‘let’s not do this right next to the door, we could be heard in the hallway. Put it on the counter in the lounge.’ They proceeded through as he suggested and showed Sterling a very troubling email from the Emplor newspaper, Eura’s most well-known national broadsheet.

EMBARGOED – GOING TO PRESS AT 6AM TODAY, PUBLICATION IN ONLINE EDITION AT 8AM.

PM AND DEFENCE SECRETARY UNDER FIRE FOR BREAKING THEIR WORD
- Leaked records from veterans families about deaths in training support accusations of cover-up
- Opposition claim Euran forces are in action in Nyowani Kitara and that PM has lied to Parliament
- Ministry of Defence asked for comment as Euran role in conflict remains opaque

‘Fuuuuck.’
‘Yeah, that’s how we reacted too.’
‘This isn’t…it can’t be verifiable, right? There’s no way any of the people we’ve got over there in a combat capacity are going around bragging about where they are or taking selfies.’
‘No, we don’t think so, but obviously the forces community networks are pretty wide ranging. Essentially, some bereaved partner has blabbed to their local that they think something fishy is going on. Their husband has died in service, and it was explained as a training exercise.’
‘That’s standard procedure, right?’
‘Yes. Its possible she didn’t know he was operational, but she must have known he was a Commando and that we don’t routinely publicise their activities.’
‘What’s the problem then’ Sterling asked, ‘its not like she’s got proof, surely?’

‘Not that he died in Nyowani Kitara, no. Although we’ve checked and he definitely did – one of three killed in action since deployment. But it turns out all three KIA are from the same regiment, and by coincidence, their families know each other. They’re from the same town. So, they get word from the first one’s wife, she persuades them something’s not right, they run to the local newspaper and…’
‘...and that paper is an affilitate of the Emplor, so it goes national immediately. Shit.’
‘Exactly. And just because they don’t have direct proof, doesn’t mean this won’t gain traction. The Marines are usually fairly open about training accidents that lead to deaths, and there’s been no significant ones for weeks anywhere we are deployed.’ Dan paused to let this sink in, then continued. ‘That makes it very hard for us to deny they were killed in combat operations.’
‘Could we, you know, make one up?’
Dan resisted the urge to roll his eyes. ‘No, Minister. This isn’t a spy movie.’

Julie stared down at her shoes as Sterling stared at the screen. ‘Minister, I think we need to work out a handling strategy for this immediately. We’re already under pressure on other fronts and you know how anxious the PM is to make this a clean intervention.’
‘We lost millions of people in the war’, Sterling muttered mournfully as he pushed what was left of his coffee away, ‘and yet once a bit of time has passed, we start losing our minds over every last Private that cops it anywhere. No-one would care if he’d been hit by a car or had a heart attack. This country is losing its balls.’
Julie and Dan looked at one another without saying another word, neither wanting to be the one to say what they were all thinking. Sterling saved them the trouble. ‘If this gathers enough steam, I’m fucked, aren’t I?’
‘Its too early to say-‘
‘Yes.’ Dan had sought to soothe his boss, but Julie knew what he really appreciated was honesty. ‘And the PM will let you take the hit. He can’t afford another one after all.’

A floorboard creaked in the next room. ‘That’s my husband woken up.’ Austin walked into the kitchen and shook his head with a smile on his face. ‘Bastion never sleeps, am I right?’
‘Sorry, love. You’ve met Dan and Julie before, right?’
‘Yeah, yeah. Hope you’re both doing ok. Listen, if you guys are going to be working from now, I might as well try and get to the office early and get some casework done.’ Austin gave Sterling an affectionate rub on the shoulder, grabbed a glass of water and headed off to get changed. Sterling had no idea if Austin had overheard the conversation, but if he had he was hiding any worries well. Never mind – that could be dealt with later. ‘Ok then. Let’s handle it. What’s the plan Julie?’
‘I’m assuming you agree the “undermine and belittle” playbook is out of the window with grieving family members of the troops, so I think our best bet is to go for the press instead. Claim they’re undermining national security and taking advantage of the bereaved. The Emplor have pissed in your cereal enough recently, let’s take a pop at them.’

‘That won’t make it go away.’
‘No, but it injects a bit of fog of war into the situation. Changes the conversation. In the meantime, we get our ducks in a row to make a bold announcement. We accept that there has been limited combat operations in Nyowani Kitara.’
Sterling stared at her in disbelief. Dan blew air threw his teeth and went for the fridge. ‘I think I’m going to need a beer.’
‘Are you out of your fucking mind’ Sterling said, ‘that would be a complete breach of our usual policy and would admit we’d deceived Parliament.’
‘Or it shows that you’re looking out for the national interest because, at the same time, you and the PM can reveal the extent of Sameban fascist elements in the KFF. And fluff it up a little bit. We don’t want to undersell the case for having people over there.’ Dan came back with three bottles of Temperate Ale in his grasp and cracked open one for each of them. It was definitely going to be one of those days where doing something as student-like as drinking beers at five in the morning seemed normal.

Dan was impressed with the plan in its basic form. ‘She’s right, it’s a good counter. And has the added benefit of at least being partially true.’
Sterling wasn’t having any of it. ‘I just don’t see how the PM could go for this. Ever. We’ve got enough to deal with without him telling the country “Hey, you know that war we said we wouldn’t get directly involved in, turns out we had Eurans fighting and dying before I’d even spoken to parliament”. We’d be crucified.’
‘He would be. You might benefit.’
‘What are you suggesting?’
‘We all know what’s happening at the moment. Smith is on the slow slide out of office, and it looks like our party is too. Succession planning will already be on the mind of half the Cabinet, and you should be considering where you fit into the future as well. So, let’s flip this on its head. All the country needs to know is that you, Sterling Thorpe MP, did your duty. You ensured Euran troops were over there for a purpose relevant to this country’s interests – to take out threats to our security. Sameban nationalists, for example. The PM signed off on it, sure, but we brief the papers that you pushed for that focus, and without that impetus, the PM would have us losing brave Eurans in Nyowani Kitara for the sake of some communist despots and the Nepharans.’

Sterling considered the situation thoughtfully as he stared out at the city lights of Bastion. It was just about starting to rain. ‘It’s a dangerous game that. He’s not stupid. He’ll know it came from us.’
‘Worst case scenario, if you think about it Minister, is that he makes you resign if it backfires. At which point you still say you did the right thing, retreat to the backbenches, and wait for your moment.’
‘Watch our party get battered in the next general and then run for the leadership you mean.’
Julie shrugged as if to suggest that wasn’t the end of the world. ‘I’m no ideologue, sir. You gave me this job to protect your interests, not just those of the government or the party.’
‘She’s on point here’ Dan added with gusto, ‘as usual.’
‘Oh, enough’ Sterling said, waving them away. ‘I knew there’s something going on with you two.’
Dan looked embarrassed and Julie confused, raising an eyebrow. Sterling had miscalculated. ‘…or not. Forget I said anything. Let’s focus on dealing with the immediate threat – Julie, I want you to get onto the legal advisory team immediately and see if there’s any options to kill this story. There’s got to be some injunction we can use. Dan, get a briefing for me on the scale of the former Sameban regime threats in Nyowani Kitara. If we’re going to spin this favourably, we’ll need ammunition.’

by **Vilita** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 5:50 pm

GAME: Drive Car in Circle :: One of the first introductions of the Vilitan population to the Inkling Nation of Squidroidia was through the NSSCRA Stock Car Auto Racing circuit, famous for the old trope that the competitors just sit back and drive their cars around in circles all day long. Stepping on Vilitan soil as a competitor for the first time, Squiroidia's Shigeru Ishikawa was their nations only representative to the first competitive action of the NSSCRA 10's Toys '4' All 500 Race Weekend: Vilaye Energy Drink Pole Qualifying.

The rules of the game are simple: Drive the car around the circle as fast as you can. The fastest driver gets rewarded.

Drivers from throughout the multiverse competed and some got to advance to keep playing on race day while some were eliminated for being too slow. One driver who would not be eliminated was Vilita's own NSSCRA Superstar River 'Shark' Suzgar II. One could ask the question, who would win a heads up battle, a Shark or a Giant Squid? On this day, the answer was clear. The 'Shark' set a time of 15.150 seconds around the one-third mile short track.. turning left the entire way in order to take the take spot and claim pole position for the Toys '4' All 500 NSSCRA Top Tier series event. Squidroidia's Top performer on the day, Shigeru Ishikawa, was 25th fastest. While immune from elimination in qualifying, Ishikawa's time of 14.847 seconds was less than three tenths of a second from the elimination cutoff line which had been the 32nd fastest time of Hossem Nasri. Both Survived the Game and finished the full distance of the race without elimination.

GAME: Stay Within the Lines :: Squidroidia's introduction to the World Grand Prix Championships was a bumpy ride with driver Daryl Mizushima representing the World Grand Prix Motorworks Team and struggling to get their chance to Qualify on a race to race basis. The car that Misushima was assigned was underpowered at best and to make matters worse, it wasn't enough for Mizushima to post a speed within 106% of the pole winners speed but the Squidroidia driver would also need to beat two of their WGPC Motorworks teammates on a weekly basis just to be able to start a race. It was suggested at times that Mizushima was better at predicting race results than achieving them on their own. That would turn around finally during the Mid-Season exhibitions where Mizushima would get the chance to start at the front of the pack and prove just what they could do if given a fair chance to play the game.

The rules of the game are simple: Keep the Car on Track and don't touch the Walls. Maintain speed and finish ahead of your opponents.

The now-infamous Hapilopper City Grand Prix Course claimed a number of high profile stars who couldn't follow the games simple rule. Jean Mercer-Daly. iBen Toralmintii. William Archer. Wall. Wall. Wall. Scores of other drivers also made contact with "Oh Crap There's a wall" and did massive damage to their driver's championship points total. For those who did manage to Stay Within the Lines, however, the reward in most cases was Championship points and for some a best career finish. One of those was Squidroidia's Daryl Mizushima. Taking time off from their primary job of accurately projecting the finishing positions of select drivers in NSSCRA Playoff races, Mizushima was highly impressive in the under-funded WGPC Motorworks entry, advancing all the way through to the Final Round of the Elimination Qualifying session and starting the race in 6th position just ahead of Vilitan driver R.L. Cruisin. The two would be in an intense battle throughout the race to ot only Stay Wtihin the Line but also keep each other out of traffic and protect against an early elimination.

As the race progressed, the Race Eelandii Vilita & Turori Grand Prix team of Vilitan R.L. Cruisin and Jaguar driver Lane Carter - close friends with Mizushima - moved toward the front doing the best jobs of any driver outside local hero Rudy Edwards at not only staying within the lines but advancing in the running order at the same time. The Vilitan driver rounded out the podium while Mizushima would collect their first two points of their World Grand Prix career finishing in 9th position. Both Survived the Game and finished the full distance of the race without elimination.

GAME: Get Ball in Net :: After placing second in their World Cup 89 Qualifying Group and narrowly missing out on an Automatic Qualifying berth for second place finishers, The Vilitan National Team would have to face a two-legged playoff against another second place team from elsewhere in the Qualifiers. Having narrowly missed out Vilita would be a high seed in the Playoff Draw. Their opponents: Squidroidia.

The Inklings entered the World Cup 89 Qualifiers ranked 61st in the multiverse as the second-lowest of the Pot 3 seeds. However through a fortunate series of results on the final match day, Squidroidia were able to leap over their Pot 2 rivals HUElavia when the 28th ranked nation was held on the road by Le Choix on the final matchday allowing the Inklings to sneak through by a single point in to the Playoffs.

The rules of the game are simple: Put the ball into the opponents net more times than they put it into your own.

The first leg of the two-legged playoff between Squidroidia and Vilita would be the first meeting between the two sides at the World Cup Qualifiers or in a playoff scenario. As the lower seed based on performance in qualifying, the first leg would be played with Squidroidia the home side at the Inkopolis City Stadium in Inkopolis. What is the largest stadium in Squidroidia with a capacity of 50,000 - would comparatively be one of the smallest in the Vilitan League on a scale comparable with that of Marine Coast United's home ground Marine World Park in Corsaibi, Vilita. The stadium is multi-use as home not only to the Squiroidian National Football Team but also as home venue for Squidroidia in the World Bowl as well as for Lacrosse. Like the Tivali Ring Stadium in Alikki-Corra Vilita, home of the Vilita National Team and the venue for the second leg of the playoff, Inkopolis City Stadium is also home to the main offices of the Squidroidian Football Association.

If there were ever a time and place for Squidroidia to get a signature victory that would be talked about in Inkling circles for generations to come, this was the moment. Regardless of the result of the two-legged playoff, Squidroidia were welcoming a five time World Champion in their home venue with the ultimate prize on the line.

The football association of Vilita made the bold choice to stand behind their head coach Cavuna Aquafek after an abysmal first half of qualifying and were nearly rewarded when Aquafek when undefeated in the second half of World Cup 89 Qualifying - right up until the game the Jungle Cats actually needed to win to advance to the World Cup Finals, losing to Kandorith and setting up the two-legged duel with Squidroidia.

Despite the final result, the Football Association deemed it prudent to reduce turmoil within the team and allow the players and staff to focus on the Playoffs without shaking things up with a manager change with minimal time for the players to get accustomed to the new staff. However, a crisis in match readiness hit the Vilitan National Team with goalkeeper Mako Canopii relegated to the bench with an undisclosed injury and, after giving up six goals on the final match day of Qualifying to Kandorith, Jungle Strike FC net minder Vernasa Sanamun was left out of the squad altogether. Aquafek decided to turn to Tropicorp FC net-minder Hanauma Ranbomahi who had started just one game throughout the World Cup Qualifiers - the 3-2 victory over Barunia on Matchday 10 that started the Jungle Cats 8-game second half unbeaten run.

The decision seemed to be an outstanding call from Aquafek as Ranbomahi put on an excellent first half performance stopping three Squidroidia shots including a close range effort from Inkling veteran Yoneda Toshikuni of Dhun Lagarr FC who collected a loose ball at the top of the box and had room to step in only for a charging Ranbomahi to get just enough of the shot to push it aside for a corner kick.

The Jungle Cats would silence the Inkling City crowd with the first half's only goal which came in the 23rd minute. The 30 year old Eastal Lunar FC forward would latch on to an early cross from surprise starter Sami Samii'i before firing past Takemoto Shingen to give Vilita a 1-0 lead which they would carry through to half time.

Despite having the lead and controlling the possession, it was no surprise when the teams returned for the second half that the relatively inexperienced Samii'i was no longer on the field and had instead been replaced by Fishtii Blikala. With more experience on the field, Aquafek was hoping to continue being able to control the midfield and by extension the game - riding the 1-0 advantage through to full time and take the lead and the away goal back with the team home to Alikki-Corra. However, the surprising change came as Ranbomahi had taken off the gloves and Mako Canopii was back in net for the Jungle Cats. While reports from the sideline were that Canopii was only ruled out moments before the start of the match after straining something in warmups and worked thoughout the opening forty-five minutes with trainers to achieve match fitness. No reason was immediately offered up for the change which was deemed tactical but may still have an undisclosed injury component given the nature of the substitution.

Unfortunately, newly signed Makosile United recruit Makino Hideo would be an even bigger problem for Vilita in the second half. Hideo made the switch to the Vilitan League during the 33rd Transfer Window after their contract at Villa in Murphtannia ran out freeing them up to sign a contract with the Makos, arguable the largest and most supported Vilitan League side currently outside the Stellar Division.

Just three minutes into the second half, Hideo collected a pass from Shiba Tetsuo and fired past Canopii who was facing their first shot of the night in the Vilitan goal. Hideo wheeled away in celebration and crucially got the locals spitting their collective inks in celebration and fully back behind their team powering them back into the match as an effective 'twelfth man' THe Jungle Cats had no immediate answer for the Inklings. Aquafek would make one more change as the Jungle Cats kept pressing now in search of a winner and a second away goal. Aquafek would remove defender Rojara Tiones and insert attacking midfielder Cywrenta Vlinteji in an attempt to re-establish possession and find a winner.

However, Squidroidia still had the momentum. After a shot from Clarana Refiami was thwarted by Takemoto Shingen, the Inklings quickly re-distributed the ball up field and had a good luck with some of the Vilitan defenders out of position as a result of having supported the most recent attacking chance. Shiba Tetsuo - who delivered the pass for Squidroidia's first goal - would now get on the scoresheet themselves. It was undoubtedly the biggest goal in the career of the Squidoridian as it gave the home side a 2-1 lead much to the delight of the Inkling Fans in attendance. Squidroidia would hang on for the final minutes of the game to take a 2-1 aggregate lead back with them to Vilita.

 Vilita [1] - [2] Squidroidia
				
	GOALS:	Vilita 	:: 23' Nii'arala Milaaso              		
	STATS:	Vilita 	:: Possession: 51%:: Shots: 4:: Corners: 6	Squidroidia 	:: Possession: 49%:: Shots: 6:: Corners: 11
	Lineup:	[GK]  Hanauma Ranbomahi, [D.]  Inteali Koranjo, [D.]  Rojara Tiones, [D.]  Lohani Riiyaaw, [ML]  Jurzen Devmiko, [MC]  Limu Katarakhna, [MC]  Kudii Davasarii, [MC]  Polaox Torerun, [MR]  Sami Samii’i, [FC]  Nii'arala Milaaso, [FC]  Clarana Refiami			
	Bench:	[FC]  Fishtii Blikala, [FC]  Tenziki Kulakao, [M]  Intikko Kuhilana, [M]  Cywrenta Vlintejni, [U ]  Lentali Purama, [D]  Linkat Cjinder, [GK]  Mako Canopii

Thankfully for the Jungle Cats, this Untitled Squid Game is not over yet. Despite falling apart in the second half of the first leg of their World Cup 89 Qualification Playoff, there will still be one final game to play. Vilita will host Squidroidia in the second leg of their World Cup Playoff knowing they will likely need to win by two goals to defeat their opponent over two legs unless somehow Mako Canopii returns to fitness and the Yeaddin Owls netminder is able to add to the three clean sheets they already recorded during Qualifications with a further perfect night against Squidroidia. In their two qualifying matches against Top-60 Ranked sides during World Cup 89 Qualifying, Aquafek's Jungle Cats gave up 8 total goes for an average of four in each home game against high ranked opposition. With just one goal scored in the Away leg it seems possible that the Jungle Cats would have more luck relying on scoring Early and Often than in playing out a close victory with a 1-0 clean sheet. Ultimately, any victory by two goals or more will be enough to send the Jungle Cats through to the World Cup Finals.

Since losing 0-4 to Savojarna in their opening home match of World Cup 89 Qualifying, the Vilita Jungle Cats would win all but one of their home games - with the lone remaining blemish the defeat to Kandorith on Matchday 9. However, a number of the Jungle Cats home victories - if repeated - would not be enough to avoid elimination against Squidroidia. 3-2 Home Victories against Cabo Azure and Barunia would not be enough. Nor would a repeat of the 4-3 victory over Mertagne on Matchday 11. Due to Squidroidia's 2-1 upset over the former World Champions in the first leg, simply winning would not be enough. Of course, a simple 1-0 victory - like Vilita was able to secure twice at home during the qualifying campaign against both Nyowani Kitara and Fluvannia - would be enough. A 2-1 victory in regular time would send the match into an extended session. Victories by two goals or more would see Vilitan fans booking tickets for South Newlandia and Tikariot Anything else could spell the end for Cavuna Aquafek's time in charge of the Vilitan National Team.

All together there are six spots remaining in the World Cup 89 finals with each to be decided in the second leg playoff fixtures. Just one team playing at home during the second leg will come into the match with an existing advantage with Eura having already earned a 3-1 victory on the road at Drawkland. Along with Vilita, Trolleborg, the Independent Athletes from Quebec and Atlantian Oceania side Siovanija and Teusland will all come in to their home stadiums with a deficit from the first leg - while only the Jungle Cats have an away goal scored to work with. Rushmori Champions Sargossa who were runners up to Turori in Group 13 and whom were eliminated through a toin coss at the group stage of the Mens Football Competition at the XV Olympic Summer Games will travel to Kelssek after a goalless draw in the first leg. The final field for World Cup 89 will soon be set with six teams moving on and six eliminated.

With the lone goal for Vilita in the opening leg of the World Cup 89 Playoffs, Nii'arala Milaaso broke their personal best mark of 8 goals in a qualifying campaign set just one cycle prior during World Cup 88 Qualifying where they also led all Vilita National Team players in goalscoring. Milaaso will be looking to become the first player to score double-digit goals in a World Cup Qualifying Cycle since Sipke Tarala and Enzoril Alabonii each posted 13 goals during the World Cup 84 Qualification Campaign.

The Vilisorma Beverage Company, one of the biggest beverage companies in the Vilitan Cove region and maker of the popular Vilaye Energy Drink Brand has announced the temporary return of its Cans 4 Life promotion with Vilitan fans having the opportunity to win the ultimate prize in beverage consumption if the Jungle Cats can overcome their first leg deficit and advance to the World Cup 89 Finals. Should Vilita advance one fan at random will be chosen from among all twii.tur users who use the poundtag #vilaye4life. If the Jungle Cats manage to click and score big in front of the home crowd then additional fans would be chosen as contest winners from among the entrants. The promotion is part of a new push from the Vilisorma Beverage Company to leverage social platforms such as twii.tur in its grass roots marketing focuses.

VILAYE ENERGY DRINK ✓

@VILAYE
Jungle Cat Fans! Make sure to use #vilaye4life today to enter into our latest "Cans 4 Life" contest! If the Jungle Cats Win, you can win too!

#WC89 - #VILvSQR - #TivaliRing

by **Polkopia** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 6:01 pm

With Qualification in Polkopia's Sights, the Team Travels to Trolleborg for Their Last Match of WCQ

"Right guys, so what do we know about these guys?" Nikita Rudin raised his voice to break the murmuring among the players in the hotel room. The team had already checked into their respective rooms and were planning on hanging around one of the players' rooms before heading to bed at a reasonable hour before their game.

"What do you mean by that question, we already played them once, Nikita!" Stepen Azarov yelled back, resulting in a series of laughs from some of the players nearest to him.

"Yeah," Rudin continued, "but honestly, it was a weird game. Like, most of you guys agreed that we weren't our best, and it didn't feel like they were either. It was slow and really, not that much fun, so I hope this is a much better game."

"And that's weird, right?" Maksim Pašin said, "Because some of us watched film with Coach and they're usually super aggressive an-"

"Right!" Rudin clapped and pointed toward Pašin, "That's what I mean! It was weird and didn't feel like they were on their A-game either. So I don't want us walking the ball down the pitch again, I don't want to see sloppy passing again, and I really just don't want to see a bunch of bullshit, because I think we all know how good we are, and that last game was not our best."

Several players nodded and looked down at the ground. Their performance last game was the subject of heavy criticism by fans and media outlets alike. Sloppy passing combined with a seemingly lackadaisical attitude on the field made for a boring game to watch, to say the least, and felt very unlike Polkopia, who had won the hearts of many across the multiverse for their aggressive and tactful playstyle, beating opponents who had been ranked much better than them and became a sort of dark horse in their group. Their last game against Trolleborg, however, was anything but that.

Most of the players faced the backlash of the critiques from social media, however nobody was subject of more criticism than Polkopian striker Yakoby Kosyo. At one point, the young forward was 1-on-1 with Tomas Kot Kotsson, the goalkeeper for Trolleborg, and instead of taking a direct shot, he tried rouletting the ball past the keeper. In the middle of his stunt, however, the keeper dove for the ball and swiped it right out from between Kosyo's feet, ending the Polkopian attack right them and there. Kosyo had later mentioned to the team that he thought that the pass he had received was offsides and wanted to taunt the opponent, but Coach Dyakov laid into him and ridiculed him for his seemingly arrogant attitude on the pitch and how he expected that from certain players, but not him. A lot of the players felt the same, but Kosyo was certainly not arrogant, and only a few of his teammates really knew him well enough to know that.

This next leg was quite possibly the last chance Kosyo had to prove himself to Polkopia; he had played well all tournament, but it only took one game for the entire nation to seemingly turn on him. For a while, he even believed that he wouldn't be starting this game, as social media users everywhere called for Kosyo to be sat for a few games to teach him a lesson in humility. Coach Dyakov apparently thought differently; he must have known how much Kosyo regretted pulling that trick and believed that starting Kosyo would be the best chance the team had in winning. After all, he was the starting forward in the vast majority of the games during the qualifiers and, for the most part, seemed to gel pretty well with the rest of the team. Coach must have known better than to give into the pressure from people who knew far less than football than anyone else here on the pitch.

"Right." Kosyo said, nodding with the rest of the team, who fell silent after hearing him speak, "And let me just say again, I won't fuck this one up again. I'm really sorry about last game and I-"

Danya Siyan held up his hand and interrupted Kosyo, "No, no, no, stop that. We're not talking about last game anymore alright? We're done with it, we've moved on, let's just shut up, enjoy tonight, and play our asses off tomorrow. I love you guys, let's head to bed, and we'll kick some Trolleborg ass tomorrow!"

The rest of the team clapped, and some players hooted as they all stood up and made their way to their hotel rooms. Siyan stopped Kosyo as he followed some of the other players to his room and pulled him aside.

"I mean it, don't focus on last time, alright?" Siyan looked directly at Kosyo, tightening his grip on his shoulder.

"I know," Kosyo nodded, "and thanks Dany."

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 6:29 pm

Somewhere in Nyowani Kitara

“I feel like we’ve been walking for a month now,”

“Not much more now Amadou, we’re almost there.”

The group of four had continued their trek through the Nyowani Kitaran backcountry, but the extended journey was starting to take its toll on the group. They were running out of food, and had resorted to drawing water from local streams - luckily, Juma had thought ahead to bring a water purifying tool.

It was now nighttime - Juma had convinced them to take one final long journey, knowing that they could reach Inhalo if they just made it a little further in one day. It was a lot to ask at the end of a week-long trek that had demanded a great deal of toughness both physically and mentally.

“We get through this, the war will be nothing,” Juma had said one morning as they set out. But Kemo wasn’t sure if they would get through it - they were tired, and anything going wrong now would certainly be the end of their journey.

They exited a clearance, reaching the top of a hill. Suddenly Juma, who led the group, stopped.

“Look, boys. Look at that.”

There were some lights off in the distance - the lights of the city of Inhalo, the capital of KFF-held territory. That gave the group some vigour as they continued on, reaching the outskirts of the city. Finally, they found a quick spot to set up a camp for the night - hopefully the final of their nomadic trip.

“Think we can get a hotel?” asked Amadou.

Juma laughed. “The days of luxury are over for us for now, Amadou. We’re going to camp out wherever we can find a spot, get some food, and then tomorrow morning find someone associated with the KFF.”

Juma had been a drill sergeant most of the trip - waking them up at 6am daily, and on the trail by 7. But even he relented on the final night, allowing the group to sleep in a bit more. Kemo was thankful for that, happy to have at least a little bit of rest before getting ready for the big day ahead.

As Juma cooked up some toast over the fire that morning, Kemo came over to join him.

“We did it, man,” Kemo said.

“Nothing’s done yet. It’s the end of the beginning,” he replied.

“You said getting here would be the hardest part,” Kemo smirked.

“Yeah, well, I needed to keep you guys walking somehow. Look, Kemo, I have no idea what it’s gonna be like after today. But I’m glad we’re going to experience it all together.”

“Of course.”

“I’m not afraid, though, you know. My whole life I’ve always wanted something more, some adventure. And this already has been the time of my life. Whatever happens out here, I’m ready to accept.”

Kemo just nodded, unsure of what to say back. He didn’t quite share Juma’s willingness to accept whatever fate was in store for him - he had a home back in St. Jakob, a mom and dad to return to, a girl he’d seen at church a few times he had his eye on.

Amadou and Manlafi were up now, grabbing themselves some breakfast too. Kemo had known Juma since he was only 5 or 6, the other two had come along a bit later - but they really filled out the gang, Amadou providing a more light-hearted, carefree view of the world, and Manlafi a bit quieter, but always a loyal friend. They’d gone through a lot together - and now, here was one more challenge.

Shortly after breakfast, the gang entered the city of Inhalo, walking through some of the lower-class neighbourhoods of the city towards the downtown core. They got some glances - surely many in this neighbourhood had never heard the Teus language before, and at a time like this, outsiders were sure to get a frosty reception at first.

A few hours of walking - much to Amadou’s dismay - took them into the downtown of the city, where the full extent of the war was present, with soldiers a common sight across the city.

“So how exactly does one go about joining the KFF,” said Amadou.

“It’s not quite like back home, is it,” laughed Juma. “Kemo, how are your language skills? Think you can talk to one of these Kitarans for us?”

“I’ll try,” he said.

It took a few minutes of broken translations to understand each other, and an officer called in by a regular soldier for things to happen for them: soon enough, they were taken to a fort and outfitted with some standard equipment - their proof of having served in Siovanija & Teusland’s army giving them an upper leg on the process.

“We’ve had a few people like that come through over the last few weeks. Hopefully you know what you’re doing like they do,” said the officer who had made overseeing the gang his personal responsibility.

Kemo had a friendly relationship with him, but Juma was already a bit annoyed by how the officer seemed to dismiss them a bit. “You realize we’ve marched a few hundred kilometers just to get here,” he’d told him.

All that tension would boil over when the gang received their first assignment.

“You guys have professional military training, which is something we need desperately. We’d like you to spend some time training some of our younger recruits - and it’ll help you learn about the situation, too. I’ll go clear a spot in the barracks.”

Kemo, Amadou and Manlafi agreed, nodding. Juma said nothing. And as soon as the officer left the room…

“Bastard! Who does he think he is? Making us train their cannon fodder, when we should be on the front lines tomorrow morning! I want to fight, not sit back in the barracks. We should go find a different officer.”

“Juma, you can’t expect them to throw us in right away. The only proof they have that we are who we say we are is a little piece of paper in Teus saying we were in the army 4 years ago. I don’t even know if this guy understands that. We’re starting from the bottom - but we know what we’re doing, and we’ll get there eventually,” said Kemo.

“They’ve had a few come through from St. Jakob already knows! I earned my rank, Unteroffizier Juma Diawara. This guy plays dress-up, I doubt he’s even seen the front line.”

“And with all due respect, Unteroffizier, that means absolutely nothing out here. We have to earn our stripes. Is that going to be ok?”

Juma sat silently, before signalling that perhaps his outburst had been a little immature. A few seconds later, the officer returned.

“I know you came to be part of the fight. And you will, I promise. But this is how all of the volunteers from your country have started - helping train the recruits. You will have the adventure you seek soon enough.”

And so, in their new KFF digs, the gang marched across the fort to their barracks. Who knew what would lie ahead.

by **Independent Athletes from Quebec** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 8:05 pm

An emergency Board meeting at the Golden Room, the Royal Quebecois Football Association (RQFA) headquarters

Michelle Glauber-Shin, the RQFA President, watched as every one of 40 seats at the Golden Room of the headquarters were filled to the brim. There was no denial in that all of them, no matter how much they had tried to frame it, were extremely unhappy with how everything fell apart for the Grim Reapers on the second half. On the surface the Grim Reapers seemed fine - the 21st side finishing second on their group, having an upper seed at the half and a home game to overturn the 0-2 deficit they suffered in Straton just last week- but it was clear it was a disaster on the inside. After the nearly-flawless first half, the Grim Reapers suffered two humiliating losses to much inferior opponents in Rizealand (home) and Chartistan (away), a de facto humiliation suffered at the hands of Recuecn, whom they drew at home, and not to mention a major 2-3 home loss to Starblaydia which knocked them out of what looked to be a surefire playoff spot. Not to mention their shocking 2-1-2 W-D-L form at home - beyond what the RQFA had considered to be acceptable.

After the Grim Reapers' away loss, there were some sights. Players were crying on the bench, coaches Wangolo and Rassmussen were seen arguing about strategies, and the fans pelted thousands of tomatoes and cabbages at the national team as they exited the turf, which then continued with several fans being arrested for attempting to set the Grim Reapers' bus on fire.

It was clear everything had fallen apart in the second half and the playoffs. And while such a loss can always be turned around, the people present in the Golden Room felt differently, especially given that this wasn't just limited to one match, and one match only. Their humiliating form at home, where a Mjolnir had to be brought out to spank each and every player present 50 times...not just once, but twice, were enough to convince them so. And with how outmatched the Grim Reapers were against the Tumbra side that looked more or less ready, they had felt that the Grim Reapers were more or less eliminated, with a likely [but nowhere near certain] invitation to Cup of Harmony.

It took about five minutes for all members to be seated, and another five before the cannabis fume cleared from the room. Now, it was time for the meeting to convene. Sir. Marcel Cody-Yi, the Quebecois Intercollegiate Sports (QIS) president and the Board member, broke the silence. 'Well, this is not what any of us had expected of a second half of the qualifying window, and not the one expected of ourselves either,' the 2020 olympic gold medalist in men's team sabre, who has since carved a career as the Athletic Director for Mount Ester University and Queen's College before being appointed the QIS president, said. 'There are many questions to be asked of Mr. Wangolo's performance, especially after a nearly flawless first half of the campaign to kick things off. What happened to this team on the second half? What have enabled their poor performance? And most importantly, their poor performance at home? It is quite disappointing I have to say this myself, but poor form on home is nothing to come home to.'

'That is what we are concerned about, first and foremost, as we face a crucial home match next week at Iqaluit Stadium, yes.' answered Sir. Lionel Mah, the hall of fame coach with Schottian and Quebecois national teams, two sides where his names became particularly known. To this day, it is said that he is the most famous Quebecois to have graced the Schottian soil, even more so than the dual-national Corinne Martel-Burns, and his ability in win in all match situations were the very reasons why. 'I've seen past versions of this team win on crucial home matches, and beating out those above and below them. And George certainly has the ability to propel this team to victories with more than two goals- the team's wins over Murderbum (6-1, 7-2), Krbustan (5-1) and Sharktail (7-2) can tell us that. Of course, it would be unfair to say that Tumbrans are at their level of strength, but it's not impossible.'

'You are absolutely right, Lionel, but we are concerned about George Wangolo's failure to win the close matches where he is being depended upon.' responded Eugene Cohen, the former technical director of the national team. 'We have seen this team beat the top seeds or at least come close during your time as the manager. During your first cycle as the manager, we drew Brenecia while they were still on top of their game, and we also beat Filindostan and Recuecn at home when nobody bet on us. Many had bet on us to crap the bed. Your second cycle, the Grim Reapers beat Cassadaigua away in Concord Heights, under the presence of the Majesties, and that team has gone undefeated in 52 games since. We swept the weeaboo freaks of Main Nations Ministry like a child whose innocence's ruined by hourly exposure to NSSCRA romance novels and Kissing the Coronavirus series too, and swept Electrum. So no, I don't buy this argument about keeping Lionel Mah, when he has not won a single match in two cycles against a top seed, and has shown a tendency to be humiliated against sides we should be winning.'

This was true. After three cycles of at least breaking a point against top seeds, the Grim Reapers have come empty-handed against top seeds. Frankly, one of them was The Holy Empire and other Starblaydia, but winning 0 point against them were starting to get into the heads of the RQFA officials, especially after their struggles against top 2 seeds on their last 3 World Cup appearances as well. With their frustrations escalating, those in the room continued to argue before being stopped by the chairman. 'Alright, well we have a fairly straightforward solution,' said Glauber-Shin, coughing twice before continuing. 'It was just last cycle when we suffered horrible, horrible, losses to Islands of Ventro and-' Glauber-Shin spat on the floor. 'Silvedania. But George, believe it or not, has pulled us through when the tides were rough, and delivered where it mattered. The Grim Reapers did sweep all of Sargossa, Indusse and The Licentian Isles after all, and that's how we won it. So if that Wangolo can do it....why not this one? Let's wait it out until after the board meeting, though it's best to leave it out.'

'What if he fails to do so, and we do not win by 2 or more?' asked Mah. He, unlike Wangolo, never faced the risk of being fired. When he first took over for Schottia after a brilliant (to be used in French nuance) tenure with the CSKA Quebec, Schottia had a low-period of back-to-back failures in qualification. He brought them up to eight years of glory, a Cup of Harmony final, a third place and the victory in the World Cup, before Schottian national team went on the initial hiatus. The second time, it was his call to retire from management after the two-cycle contract expired, and all was good.

'Then Federico (Rassmussen) takes over as the interim, for the course of Cup of Harmony,' Michelle Glauber-Shin answered.

by **Tikariot** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 8:06 pm

Harken "The Mystical Words Of The Wise" - thy time hath come to hear the final toll of the bell...

by **Independent Athletes from Quebec** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 8:25 pm

The Taegukgi: The Korean-language voice of the Québécois Commonwealth

Independent Athletes from Quebec Fires Manager George Wangolo after World Cup 88 Qualifying Failure

Bob Devers-Shin

RENEEGRAD, CAPITALE-NATIONALE - Independent Athletes from Quebec manager George Wangolo has been dismissed, mid-game, following the Grim Reapers' failure to qualify for the World Cup 89, to be held this June in South Newlandia and Tikariot.

The 53-year old Banijan, who has succeeded in bringing the Grim Reapers to qualification for the last two world cups, is fired in disgrace after a spectacular second half left him criticised for the playoff loss to Tumbra that left the northwestern Anaia nation fail to qualify for the first time since the World Cup 85.

The Royal Quebecois Football Association statement remains simple on the matter, only saying that 'Mr. George Wangolo has been dismissed from his position on the national team, effective immediately.'

by **Xanneria** » Tue Oct 05, 2021 10:36 pm

FAX NEWS! Bacon to step down!
excerpt from http://www.xtrasports.xan/blogpost.htm

XANNERIA - After one of the worst performances in modern Xannerian football, the news has come out of the FAX offices in Marietta that FAX President, and head of the FLOX, Clive Bacon will step down effective at February 29th 2040. Bacon took over the FAX and by extension FLOX in the middle of Cycle 84 and worked 18 years at the the offices in Marietta. He was responsible for several progressive moves including the switch to a 3-4-3 and eventually a 3-2-3-2 which the team used to much annoyance and despair during the latter half of the WCQ qualifiers in cycle 89. While the team did struggle in the prior cycle three years ago, that was due to a lack of "Ripperonin" a naturally occurring substance mined in Electrum that is used by most of the WCQ Qualifying teams as a legal booster of performance.

It is said though that between that shortage in the prior cycle and the resulting secondary shortage at the start of the Qualifying cycle probably doomed him. You see there was a major shortage when the FAX people decided to give a large boost of Ripperonin to FLOX players first and the National team suffered. A 0-0 draw to The Jovannic, a 3-2 loss to Kiltoch, and a 4-1 loss to Jeruselem. While it looked as if the Maroons would pull out of the tailspin after a victory over long time agitator Baker Park the team responded quite well in fact, scoring points against against teams like Jovannic, Kiltoch and Sajnur it looked up! The Maroons had been found in fourth place only two victories and a couple of pratfalls from their opponents would send the Maroons skyward and in a contending spot for the playoffs. Then the doors fell off and the steering wheel melted. The Maroons lost at home to Jeruselem 3-0 it slid the team down a dark path. Five consecutive losses doomed the Maroons, the hardest probably a stagnant Flavovespia or the AVN game to end it, there was just nothing coming out of the team.

Maybe the team had just fallen flat on its face with aging players, a problem that Bacon was hired to fix in fact, but maybe the new formation also gave the team fits as they try to modernize into the worlds game a bit more. Obviously the early years were weird with upwards of five strikers and a all sorts of weird "throw yourself at the ball mentality, but coach Rhule has done his best to re-form the game to multiversal standards. Hopefully the next FAX/FLOX Head can continue this trend though as it will be seen what is done. That being said one of the last things Clive Bacon has done is to mput a hold on any international games for the next 6 months till the team and its future leadership can be reformatted. In a worded response Clive had the following to say

I do believe that me stepping down is for the greater good. I do wish the next person who gets the reigns the best and I will be spending the next 29 days doing my best to find the person. I do hope that we can get Xanneria moving in a direction that can see some actual progress. We here at the FAX are dedicated to the cause of Xannerian Football and will do our best to keep Xanneria and the peak of the Multiverse. Football is at the forfront of the Multiverse and we strive to keep our teams competitive and willing to move in ways that will obtain goals set forth by the want to be competitive we hope in the future the foundations layed will support the tower that Xannerian football can become.

All in all it will be interesting to see where this goes. Talking point are obviously going to surround Coach Rhule and if he stays, weather the formation will change and what does FLOX need to do to be competitive and regain the glory of that East End FC run in IFCF CC1.

We'll see starting at the Campianato Esportiva XXXI.

by **Squidroidia** » Wed Oct 06, 2021 4:03 pm

"And there's the whistle from Alikki-Corra, and there is STILL nothing separating these 2 sides even after 30 minutes of added time! It looks like Team 32 will be decided on what the Inklings haven't witnessed in a competitive fixture until now, the dreaded penalty shootout."

The Tivali-Ring Stadium, home of the Vilitan national team, had witnessed a roller-coaster ride of a game between the Jungle Cats and the visitors from Squidroidia. Trailing by 2 goals to one as the ball kicked off for what would be the most crucial 90 minutes Cavuna Aquafek would face in his history with the 5 time champions. And look at where he was now, standing on the same pitch as a proven winner in Squidroidia manager Adam Johnson, having produced a 2-1 scoreline of his own to match the 2-1 scoreline for Squidroidia in that first leg in Inkopolis. But while Jurzen Devmiko and Clarana Refiami scored early in the first half to all but ice Squidroidia's chances, the expertise of a veteran manager like Johnson singlehandedly kept the Inklings alive, as the 2nd half, and much of extra time as well, was advantage Squidroidia. In the 73rd minute, Sho Itō would grab the aggregate tier and revive the Inklings' hopes of reaching the promised land with a well placed header into the back of the net, but neither him, Hideo, Tetsuo, or even subs Ashihei and Bertolini could find the back of the net to end it. Next thing you knew, the 2 sides were here.

The Squidroidians made their way to the bench, 87,000 fans mostly cheering on Vilita, hoping to meet Adam Johnson himself for advice heading into the penalty shootout. Only Itō really had taken a penalty while Adam managed the national team, in the IAC 12 final against Tequilo. But this was much more important than that famed final in Muralos. This was for a spot in the World Cup proper. The final spot no less, as all of the other playoff games were decided after full time in the second leg. This tie, between a legendary team that qualified for the World Cup on 30 straight occasions leading up into this game and a team just hoping to make the World Cup for the first time ever, went past extra time and headed into PKs. The fate of 2 nations essentially held in the balance of a couple kicks.

The players who played up to the whistle of the end of extra time would huddle around the mercurial Barunian for one last talk, one last meeting before being cast into the fire - Shingen, Meeuwessen, Bertolini, Toki, Kane, Ashihei, Toshikuni, Brooks, Tetsuo, Hideo, Itō. All of them wearing Squidroidian blue and white, huddling around a veteran manager who had been managing in penalty shootouts before. Any sort of advice would be appreciated right about now. This was their first penalty shootout as a team, and they needed all the help they could get.

With the Squidroidians at home and in the stadium falling silent, heading into the unknown, Adam opened his mouth.

"I get this feeling you all have right now. 'Penalties? We never even thought of that scenario before this playoff tie!' I get it. We only practiced penalty kicks as soon as we got here before this very game, but that experience during that training session is vital. Most of you, aside from maybe cup ties, have never kicked a penalty other than training. I have suffered through penalty kicks ever since I took the post for the Maroons, and that Cup of Harmony final in Qasden still haunts me. I don't want you to be haunted by not making the World Cup this time. I want you to step up and finish the fight. End the era of Vilitan success and start something special with the blue and white flag on your chests."

Then, with mere moments remaining until the coin toss, he gave out his first 5 up. "Itō, you're up first. Tetsuo, you'll be second, followed by Hideo. I'll get Haruko on as the 4th kicker and, since this is the Inklings, Henriette Brooks... You are the number 5. You may be blessed with a great chance to put the dagger in the heart of the Jungle Cats or cursed with the burden of scoring the goal needed to keep our hopes alive. But cherish this opportunity. You won't forget it, squid kid. And to everyone else... Good luck."

The team got up from their huddle as Takemoto Shingen, Squidroidian captain, was present for the coin toss for the penalty shootout. The first flip went up, then down, landing on heads for Vilita. The Jungle Cats elected to have the kicks take place at their end, with their loyal fans being right behind the goal. For the 2nd coin flip, it landed heads again. Vilita would take the first kick of the shootout, and Takemoto Shingen was right in net to start, with Nii'arala Milaaso staring him down. Vilita would score to kick things off, while Itō fired the ball into the net to tie up the game.

And then Sami Samii’i stepped up. The ball went wide of the goal, giving Shiba Tetso the chance for Squidroidia to take the lead. Canopii saved it. 1-1.

Limu Katarakhna stepped up for Vilita and buried the hatchet for a 2-1 lead, only for Makino Hideo to just barely get his ball out of Mako's grasps to tie things up. Same would happen for Torerun and Uda Haruko. 3-3 heading into the final round. Clarana Refiami stepped up for Vilita for their final kick of the first 5. It had devolved into sudden death. Vilita needed to score and hope for Brooks to miss her shot to qualify for the 31st straight time. With the ball kicked to their right hand side of the net, Takemoto Shingen went over and pulled off the save, using both of his hands. Aquafek's managerial career flashed in their eyes. Perhaps it was over. the streak, the glory, the pride of a nation in the tropics of AO... Johnson could only get excited.

But there was still one more player up for her shot - The Inkling, Henriette Brooks, member of the Calamari Wanderers. At 26 years old, she knows she has only 2 more cycles left in her before retirement, as Inklings fall off faster at their 30s than humans. But she had been in a huge penalty shootout before - An FFI Liga dos Venecedores (Now League of Victors) final. Her team won that game, so maybe she could win this tie. As she stepped up to the penalty spot, staring the Viltan supporters and Mako Canopii down, she got the ball in her hands and set it down, before taking a couple steps back. No person, no Inkling, no squid nor kid, had taken a penalty THIS big for the Squidroidian national team. Score and the Inklings would be in the World Cup proper and end a streak that stretched through 4 World Cup victories, 5 total World Cup finals, 3 more semi-final appearances and countless memories for Jungle Cats fans. Miss and Vilita had a chance to make that 31 straight appearances.

With the blow of the whistle, the Inkling ran to the ball and with the weight of an entire nation, she striked it towards the top left corner.

Canopii dived right.

The ball went in.

The Untitled Squid Game was over.

Squidroidia survived the Game. Vilita were eliminated.

Brooks wheeled away in celebration towards the center of the pitch, only to be met by an onslaught of Squidroidian players, and then a charge from Shingen himself, all of them celebrating the victory together. Adam Johnson and the substitutes ran out as soon as the win was secured and added onto the cavalcade, millions more at home celebrating as a nation. The Tivali-Ring Stadium was silent, in disbelief, apart from the loyal Squidward Roids who made the trip to the Tropics, rewarded with a moment they would cherish forever. The 22 other players and the manager all hoisted Brooks up, who looked at the fans and pointed to them.

"Loyal to the Inklings", she yelled out on top of the sea of bodies. They were indeed loyal.

After the pandemonium, the team would go over to the traveling supporters, most if not all of the Vilitans having left the stadium along with the players and the Jungle Cats themselves. They all knew they wanted to do this in the Inkopolis City Stadium, but this will have to do. Celebrations ensued for 10 brief but emotional minutes, Henriette having most of the fun herself as the squid who scored the winning goal in the shootout. When all was set and over and the Squidward Roids went home, the partying went back into the locker room, champagne spraying out. When all of that was over, Johnson took the stage once again.

"YOU DID IT! I knew you would end the fight! I know I've been in multiple World Cups before myself, so this isn't very new to me, but for all of you... This is your first time in a World Cup proper. And your road to getting here has been nothing short of extraordinary, too! You never thought when we went to Moliza and LOST to them we would be here, right now, punching our tickets to the freaking WORLD CUP! All I want to add to all of this is simple... Cherish this moment! Remember it! Heroes are remembered, but LEGENDS NEVER DIE!"

He was right. The Class of 89. Team 32. The Miracle of Alikki-Corra. The rivalry with HUElavia. Moliza. An Answered Prayer. The memories of the World Cup 89 qualifiers would be enscribed forever more in Squidroidian legend, mentioned in the same sentence in their sporting history as the day the Calamari Wanderers, the club Brooks plays for, went to the Challengers Cup group stage in the 2nd year of the Squidroidian Super League's existence. Something like, "Team 32's story is MILES better than the Wanderers beating Bastion." They didn't matter if they tanked when they went to the World Cup proper itself. The memories of that first qualification were enough to put that smile on their face.

It was a great night.

The End

by **Kelssek** » Thu Oct 07, 2021 4:24 pm

Ahmad’s wonder goal sends Kelssek to World Cup finals

Football is all about moments like these, when it all comes together in something truly magical. The occasion, the timing, a spectacular connection between boot and ball, the ripple of the net, and a goal of great consequence.

That moment came in the 86th minute of play under the lights at Exhibition Place. The score tied at one, Kelssek pushing for the goal they needed, Sargossa desperately holding out against one more attack. It began with James McDonald wiggling out some space for a cross on the right flank and finally squeezing it past his defender.

If the ball doesn’t graze the head of Alfonso Barrueco, trying to block the delivery but adding loft to its trajectory, perhaps this play would have had no consequence at all. Or the cross might have been right in the intended place, with Loïc Maçon-Petrault attacking the near post. If Sargossa goalkeeper Alejandro Martinez had gotten a better read on it, perhaps losing it in the floodlights, he might have been able to rush out and claim it.

And maybe if Thor Ibrahim Ahmad had been a step slower, it wouldn’t have come a bit behind him and he wouldn’t have tried that ludicrous bicycle kick. And if he’d got a sweeter connection, ironically, it might have flown wide instead of bouncing beyond the reach of and into the net.

The stuttering manner of Kelssek’s qualifying run, and how close they came to not making the finals for the first time in five cycles is not going to bother manager Andrea Crowe, she said.

“The job was to qualify and we’ve done that. So now we think about the three matches and how to progress through the group, and not about water under the bridge. Of course, you always want to learn from mistakes but dwelling on them is counter-productive.”

One of Crowe’s key selection decisions for the strikeforce. Someone will probably have to miss out among the star names who’ve all done a job when called upon during the qualifiers. While few doubt that Loïc Maçon-Petrault and Shaheen Taleb will be in the squad, at least one of Danielle Maradrogba, Seamus Wylten, Thor Ibrahim Ahmad, or Brayden Custworth is likely to miss out.

KELSSEK 2 – Lapierre (15’), Ahmad (86’)
Gallagher, Liadon, Lozic, Halliger, Buené, Lapierre, Dionne (Lafrenière 80’), Ó Tuathail, Taleb (McDonald 71’), Maçon-Petrault, Wylten (Ahmad 64’).
SARGOSSA 1 – Varela (42’)
Exhibition Place, Kirkenes (attendance 35,899)

World Cup 81/82/83/84

Banija tap Scott to lead Kadongo Kamu
Scott McCrae
The Daily Mail Chief Soccer Writer

Following the dismissal of World Cup winning manager Marcus Waters after failing to make the Finals in South Newlandia & Tikariot, the Royal Banijan Soccer Association set out to find a replacement that could take their National Team forward into a new era.
Ideally, that candidate would be a proven winner managing in the international game, have a track record of qualifying for the World Cup and could handle the pressure of following a legendary Cup winning boss.

The person who checked all those boxes happened to be in their backyard the whole time, and so former Farfadillis & Baker Park boss Pamela Scott was introduced as the fifth Manager of the Banijian National Team, taking charge of the squad for the Cup of Harmony to be played in Sylestone & Zwangzug.

Scott has remained in Banija following her dismissal from the Farfs after AOCAF 64, working as a studio analyst for the Shango-Fogoa Premier League overseas broadcast package; she comes in having a certain amount of knowledge about the players already in the Kadongo Kamu pool which should give her a bit of a head start that she didn't have in Farfadillis.

Scott is the first woman to hold the NT job in the deeply conservative country, although there was no real opposition voiced during the time she has been discussed in the media as one of the candidates. Her record of 137 wins, 46 defeats and 36 draws and four trips via qualification to the World Cup in her 6 year career following her time as the Women's NT manager for the Commonwealth--winning 19 and drawing 7 in 31 matches, making it an even 250 fixtures in her career--left little doubt about her ability to take over for Waters, just as she followed Ichi Tuzzio in Farfadillis.

Scott was also under consideration for the manager's role at two clubs in high profile leagues, Eura and Brenecia, but for now she will focus solely on the task at the Stadium of the Restoration; the streak of nine consecutive WCF berths was snapped on the final day of qualification, as Zwangzug pipped the Banijans to the runner-up spot in Group 11 under the leadership of Scott's former #2 Kate DiMarini, who will be in the Finals for the second straight Cup.

by **Ko-oren** » Fri Oct 08, 2021 2:24 am

The Problems in Front of us

The best league of the multiverse - as some (especially in Anaia) would say, Audioslavians somehow stayed relevant even with the influx of foreign stars. This resulted in them qualifying time and time again, all the way until World Cup 88, where an all-Anaian group with Audioslavia, Starblaydia, Tequilo, and Ko-oren was probably the highlight of the group stage. Ko-oren entered that as the previous tournament's runner up, hoping to finally be named as one of the multiverse's greats, until actual greats like Starblaydia and Audioslavia put them in their place. Both immediately rose back to top 10 spots on the KPB list, and so it's the Bulls who are the highest ranked team in the group with the highest chance of making a deep run. In addition, they're the only team in Group F who won their qualification group (Group 6, over Electrum, New Lusitania, et al). The most recent meetings between the Dragonflies and the Bulls was a 2-0 Audioslavian win, setting them up for third place in World Cup 88, as well as a 0-0 draw at the inagural CAFA Cup.

Plenty of Ko-orenites have Audioslavia as their backup favourite team, a 3-4-2-1 full of the least likeable - yet defensive, that does it for us - ~~fuckers~~ players you'll find. They mostly play their football at clubs in the country, between the Cathairs, Itzalovalle, and Izotz Zubia, with some players in Eura's Holdenberg or Nephara's Crisisbless. Man, Audioslavians really do not play in a league ranked 6th or lower in the IFCF, do they? Hopefully we can use our knowledge of meeting them twice in one cycle, as well as the experience of Dragonflies playing over there, like Minne van Schelven (1830 Cathair), Atole Kaplan (AC Izotz Zubia), and two unselected players: Mulvahil at Osarese Marcadia or yTewgneoll for Shamrock Cathair. It's obvious the Bulls mean business but can they avoid getting tripped up on the way to greatness?

The nation known for its ~~football~~, eh, ~~World Cup wins~~, no, wait, ~~domestic league~~, oh, I got it now: the nation known for one of the most popular news outlets in the multiverse, Electrum, is one of the best runners-up, finishing behind Audioslavia (pause for scornful laughter), beating them once 1-0 and losing the other 0-2. The Electrumite roster helpfully indicates "Style: 0" which probably summarises things better than anything. No style, no flair, no discerning characteristics except a sentient ball of energy (to be kept at bay by Van Schelven with a vacuum cleaner before 'SEB' dons his jacket), the 'king of armoured bears', and an android likely swiped from a Tropicorp factory.

Most players are employed by a local club, except Sapper, still listed as playing in Taeshan - you might want to check on Elenora's employment status, and Alan Moore in Eura. This team is mostly a mystery, so as poignant question at the end of this blurb about their chances in South Newlandia and Tikariot we'll just leave a question mark and we'll leave you to come up with a good question yourself?

In a group full of runners-up, Mercedini were the king of consolation prizes. They were the best runner-up in the Multiverse, finishing a point behind Cassadaigua but leaving plenty of actual group winners behind them. They were rightfully rewarded with a direct qualification spot, showing they have little trouble finding the net, even against good teams. They scored four in 180 minutes against the Dagans, in a 2-2 draw and a 4-2 loss. They were involved in more shootouts, like the 5-3 over Freeport, a 5-2 over Geektopia, and these scores highlight a vulnerability: the Golden Eagles can't keep a sheet clean. That said, they won nearly everything - but can they rely on outscoring their opponents going forward?

They play a 4-4-2 with most players appearing somewhere in their own league, with notable exceptions in Audioslavia and Eura. Starting striker Dostalok plays for Nepharan Starling - the old club of our very own Antoine Duchemin. Only one Ko-orenite player earns their money in Mercedini: Vicenzo Vinal, at RFK Ogdenagorv.

Three things we learned about the Dragonflies
1) Change is good, but too much change isn't.
After a few cycles of smooth sailing, not only did we have to rely on the playoffs, we nearly missed out on those altogether. And that's all after Juliasterinthen announced some of the biggest starting XI turnover during his reign: no Aiamara or Aelisire on the flanks. Mizuno moved outward, making room for central defenders that do not include Benjamin, Breukelaar, Munnaring, or Lampshire, players that have made up the core of the World Cup 87 and 88 teams, as well as star power from before. The team was punished for this: 11 goals conceded in 18 games (0.61 goals conceded per game) is worse than the 88 numbers (13 conceded, or 0.72 per game) but much, MUCH worse than before. The miracle World Cup 87 qualification run saw us concede 5 in 18 (0.28 per game), 86 was about as good with 7 goals against (0.39 per game), and we have to go back to the upstart teams of the qualification campaigns of 82 and 83 to find teams on par with this one - and back then we were looking for a new core. That core turned out to be the one taking us to the final in 87. And while you need some turnover to introduce new players into the squad, maybe Juliasterinthen's overdone it this time.
Expect to see a starting back line of Van Kalvenhaar, Parrott, Benjamin, Van Schelven, and Aiamara, keeping the best from the 87/88 cycles but going with the times and the positives from 89.

2) Goalscoring ability is down, WAY DOWN.
We've never been a team to score a lot, but we need a few goals here and there to turn those 0-0s into 1-0 wins. Erisia is the lone starting forward in the 5-4-1 as the most reliable striker, by far, on the Ko-orenite archipelago. At that position, we need a ruthless finisher or a clever opportunist rather than someone who embodies the 'beautiful game', and Erisia is exactly that. Moore can set up fellow strikers - of which there are none, but it works for his club football at Straudum. Hekkert has plenty of conviction but lacks physicality. Okawa is a phenomenal goalscorer for Advance Alara, but then again, that club is geared towards lots of scoring and involving multiple forwards and midfielders, which the national team does not do. Looking further down the pecking order, Vashila has bounced around between several clubs before landing in Schemerdrecht where his talent is obvious, his production shows promise, the system used resembles the Dragonflies a bit, but the level isn't quite there yet. It's almost like focusing solely on defence for several decades hamstrings you completely in developing attackers.
The midfield, however, can do it all. Four players: two defensive playmakers and two wingers. Or do you need a single creative player up front and three holding midfielders? Or how about a diamond. Or a narrow 2-2. Or four wide players? There's a group for every single need, all of which involve Janoreirinthen, and most of which involve Longchambon. Vaugrenard offers width and pace. Odgers is an unmoveable object. Wickham is a great man-marker. Ensaunden is a clever force that can get in between everything. And so on. Besides Janoreirinthen there's even Lysander Forward as backup playmaker. It's really up to Juliasterinthen as to how to use this unit - and this is where our (tactical) superiority should be coming from. Not from the defence.
Erisia reigns supreme up front, supported by Longchambon and/or Vaugrenard, with plenty of chances and choices on midfield but an extremely slim group of forwards.

3) Juliasterinthen is here to stay... for another (short) while.
It's not a secret that the KFA is keeping tabs on potential successors to the head coach. While he's delivered results since taking over, there's a real sense that in order to continually dominate and shoot for a top 10 spot, we need someone else at the helm. Finding that person is nearly impossible, though. You need to replace a top 20 coach with a top 10 one. The former are rare, and the latter extremely so, while keeping an eye on the compatability between a very defensive playerbase and an equally defensive head coach. All the while, Juliasterinthen keeps delivering the Dragonflies to the World Cup - and has even slain the Round of 16 demon - so why consider a new head coach at all?
As long as Ko-oren keeps making it to the big dance, expect no changes. As soon as the team slacks - and the next CAFA will be telling - Juliasterinthen is out.

A is for Asportiva: South Newlandia, Brenecia, and Ethane are all from there, but Squidroidia are not,
B is for Beginnings are hard - Pemecutan will need some luck to avoid the fourth spot.
C is for Cool beans, this group is anyone's yet the Holy Empire is the one to go with,
D is for Damn son, are we glad not to be among Nephara, Chrom, Eura, or Kandorith.
E is for Eww it's basically the second-lowest team from every pot (and Pasarga) in there,
F is for Fuck, it's Audioslavia again, and we'll also suffer from the Turnip's fair share.
G is for GREAT - as the purples claimed before Græntfjall was picked,
H is for Hell yes, this group looks fun but hard to predict.

by **Squidroidia** » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:06 pm

As a result of Squidroidia qualifying for the World Cup, the Squidroidian Football Association (Otherwise known as the SFA) commissioned a "Squidroidian Anthem" for the competition, with it being used as part of the Squidroidian Broadcasting Network's (SBN's) coverage of the World Cup from Tikariot and South Newlandia. The winning entrant, a tune called "Destiny Calling", was written and sung by a female human, Midori Noguchi, and produced by renowned Inkling EDM producer Wesley Wayne. This is Wayne's first sports-themed anthem that saw the light of day, but he had produced an unreleased anthem for the inaugural Sepak Takraw World Cup, which was held in Squidroidia.

"Destiny Calling"
The Official Squidroidian Anthem for World Cup 89
By Wesley Wayne and Midori Noguchi

Tune - "Devil Inside Me" by KSHMR x KAAZE featuring KAARA

The music video starts off with Noguichi besides what appears to be a rough cliffside emblimatic of Tikariot, with face paintings of the Squidroidian flag on each of her cheeks. She's also wearing a Squidroidian national team jersey, appearing to be Henriette Brooks and her #73 in blue markings, as Brooks was the scorer of the penalty that sent Squidroidia to the World Cup.

The terrace chants of such long memories,
Where players are shined for the glory...
It's not for most, it's only few,
That hear the destiny calling,

Noguichi steps forward as the camera backs up, showing the famed shirt of the Squidroidian national team that they had worn since IAC 11. On either sleeve, the World Cup 89 logo was stitched on. Noguichi is on some rocks as she proceeds to step forward, before finding herself on grass, symbolizing South Newlandia and its plains.

And when the ball is kicked and flown around.
Nobody but your head can hear its sound...
When thy time rise, it's only few,
That hear the destiny calling.

As Wayne's pre-drop sounds build up, the scene is transformed to a large, expansive stadium, with the Squidroidian national team behind Noguichi. Hideo, Tetsuo, Shingen and Itō could all be seen sprung to life, with a call of a raven being drowned out by the crowd cheering them on. Blue smoke envelops the stadium as a faint whistle was heard.

The destiny calling!

Wayne drops the beat and Noguichi slams the ball high, high enough to focus on the smoky grandstands before cutting back to Noguichi and the national team playing a game of football. Interspliced between the scenes of the Inklings were those from Squidroidia's run in World Cup qualification, from the tying goal against HUElavia in the opening game of the campaign, to Takemoto Shingen saving the ball against what seemed to be Britland, but others thinking it was Brenecia, which would end up being one of Squidroidia's opponents in their World Cup group.

Destiny calling...
Oh when the Inklings come around, we unite as all, all!
No team is big enough to make our team so small, small!
We fly the squid and stripes, Squidroidia's delight!
Because it's destiny calling!

The scene shifts to a small, run-down pitch in Spartansburg, Squidroidia. Noguichi is seen carrying a ball down towards the referee, which volunteered for this youth effort. Besides her are a couple of bleachers with only a few fans, mostly parents of the players involved, ready to see the match.

When we were young, we all knew what we would do...
Anything to pull on the shirt,
The kit of those in blue and white, oh!

The scene then transitioned to a more high stakes tie - It appeared to be a match in Squidroidia's highest tier, the Squidroidian Super League, as Tractor Club Sawayama, Noguichi's favorite club, took on the mighty Inkopolis FC, with players vying to be selected for their country on either side. In real life, Tractor Club were in the Squidroidian Challenge League, the 2nd tier of football in the nation. This scene was entirely fictional for this music video.

We rise and fall, but we all end up somewhere...
It's never down in the green grass,
But standing in white!

Then, a locker room is shown with the Squidroidian players gearing up for the match in question. All of them have their kits ready and are sitting down in the bleachers waiting for the cue to get up for the walk out into the pitch. Many of the Squidroidian players are there, from Brooks to Tetsuo to Yugi Korin, but it was Noguichi that the camera focused on. It was back to the chorus.

The terrace chants of such long memories,
Where players are shined for the glory...
It's not for most, it's only few,
That hear the destiny calling.

As she finished the title words, the Squidroidians were ordered up by a shadowy figure in a blue tie, representing national team boss Adam Johnson, which elected not to actually appear in the video itself. They all get up and in their assigned positions, with Noguichi standing in the back, before walking as a team.

And when the ball is kicked and flown around,
Nobody but your head can hear its sound...
When thy time rise, it's only few,
That hear the destiny calling.

As the players get in their positions with the opposition next to them, the scene cuts to a shot of the Squidroidian fans themselves cheering the team on with a chant before they came out onto the pitch. The chant itself was written by members of Squidroidia's ultras group, the Squidward Roids, with some help by Wayne and Noguichi.

Blue and white as we live and die,
Inkling flag soaring to the sky,
Chaos can't stop our battle cry,
"It's destiny calling!"

The line "Chaos can't stop our battle cry" refers to the events known to many as either "The Incident" or "The Chaos", the event that ended the former nation of Inkhalla and ended up founding the nation of Squidroidia, involving 2 robot pop star Inklings brainwashing citizens into anarchy. For 5 months Inkhalla stood lifeless until current Leader of Squidroidia Higa Takanori ended it and founded this nation. As the players came onto the pitch, Noguichi saw the stadium in view and the fans themselves, a loud thunder clap being heard as the music rose, the chant repeated

Blue and white as we live and die,
Inkling flag soaring to the sky,
Chaos can't stop our battle cry,
"It's destiny calling!"

As the drop neared, the national team stood in their positions and had their hands on the back of the other players shoulders, ready to sing the national anthem of Squidroidia. The camera turned to Noguichi again, her eyes shining blue.

It's destiny calling!

The scene transitioned back to a game of football as the beat dropped once more, this time being spliced not only with scenes of the Squidroidian national team's World Cup qualification performance towards the back half, but with Squidroidian fans being given more of a spotlight, especially Squidward Roid members. With the sound blaring, Noguichi had the ball as a defender on the opposite team went in for a tackle, and she went down for a penalty.

Destiny calling...
Oh when the Inklings come around, we unite as all, all!
No team is big enough to make our team so small, small!
We fly the squid and stripes, Squidroidia's delight!
Because it's destiny calling!

As the cry was sung out one last time, Henriette Brooks stepped up for a penalty, just like she did against Vilita in the penalty shootout. Breathing in and out, she put the ball in the net towards the right, not like her top left corner kick in that shootout. Regardless, the scene from the shootout after Brooks's kick is still added onto the video, before cutting to a Squidroidian team celebrating together, with Midori Noguchi saying that final line before the song ended and the camera panned to the night sky.

by **Tumbra** » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:12 pm

Quebec & Shingoryeo 1 - 2 Tumbra (Tumbra wins, 4-1 on aggregate)

TMB (4-2-3-1): 1 - John Lennon; 2 - Ryan Hughes (18 - Jacob Keene, 75'), 4 - Ian Ashburn (36 - Stephen Kerr, 61'), 14 - Louis Paterson (5 - Harry Henderson, 82'), 3 - Chris Carter; 6 - Vincent Hicks, 40 - Trudy Harrison, 10 - Phil Cole; 7 - Neil Fraser, 9 - Robin Vaughn, 22 - Nick Riordan

TMB scorers: Nick Riordan (12'), Robin Vaughn (43' - pen)

Player of the Match: Trudy Harrison (TMB)

The Soaring Falcon Pub
Ridgewell, Tumbra

The warm evening air was very uncomfortable for old Jasper Holliday in his cloth cap as he made his way down to the Soaring Falcon, a pub in the old industrial district of Ridgewell, Tumbra. The North Coast of Tumbra was a hotbed of industrial activity, and Ridgewell was its heart — or at least that was its claim to fame in the old days. Everything you could think of was made here. Coal, iron ore, tin, you name it — they were all mined in the mountains to the far west, then brought here by train, and then packed onto ships for the great beyond. It was a far cry from what Ridgewell was now, even if most of the buildings were from that golden era of industry; the mines had closed, the economy's heart moved east; and the city had been left behind.

He, at the age of seventy-four, had lived long enough to see the smokestacks of the manufactories belch black smoke, then go silent, and eventually disappear together. He'd lived long enough to see the street he lived on go from thriving heartland to broken-window desolation to new-fangled cafes or shops pop up, usually run by people in their twenties or thirties. He never paid much thought to them — the sight of young people moving into his street was a damn sight better than the broken windows and constant police patrols, of course.

But at least one thing hadn't changed. The Soaring Falcon was still here; founded even before he was born, and hadn't changed since his first visit to it as an eighteen year-old rapscallion. Times had changed — so had the owners — but the bar had retained most of its original flavour. The dark mahogany wood tables; the pillars that looked like they were from another era. It was a trip back in time for old Japser, back to when he was still young, still healthy.

Jasper put most of his weight against the door, and it opened; the bell on the door tinkled with a nice charm as he the smoke-filled air hit him. The bar was rather empty for this time of day; but the usual dinner crowd hadn't flowed in yet, and Jim wanted to secure his usual spot at the counter for what was going on tonight. The second leg of Tumbra versus Quebec and Shingoryeo. Tumbra held a two-nil lead going to Quebec; they'd scheduled the match for Iqualuit, thanks to their national stadium having been burnt down a few months ago by renegade supporters.

"Ev'nin, Jasper," came the voice of the bartender, Jim Cairns.

"Aye, Jim."

"You're here to watch the footy, then?"

"Thought I'd secure meself a good seat before the rest of the crowd came in."

"Aye, that's smart. Nothin' for you yet, then?"

"No. I'm seventy-four, but that doesn't mean I've lost control of me liver yet."

He settled into the tall stool nearest to the cashier, which was best placed to watch the television; unlike the rest of the pub, this was noticeably new. Jim the bartender liked football. And it showed. Nine times out of ten the television would be playing a Ridgewell Rovers match — no United fans here, thank you — but today it was focused solely on TBC One, where the match would begin playing in less than an hour.

"Think the boys'll hold their nerve, then, Jim?" Jasper enquired

"'Course I do. Doesnae help that they moved the match to where my balls would probably freeze off." Jim put down the glass he was polishing. "I've got a bet that Vaughn'll score, though."

"You never like it when Vaughn turns up against the Rovers."

"I like the fucker when he plays in black. Not when he plays in blue. Though I think next season we'll do well. We've got that Riester girl coming in — four million! — hopefully she'll be good for Aurelie, eh?"

"Aurelie was special."

"She really was, yeah. Scotch egg for ye? Lil appetiser?"

"Aye."

The bar filled up with Ridgewellians, the old and somewhat young filling up the bar. The Falcon was the only bar in this neighbourhood that served decent food; this meant that it was full every night, but even more so now. Football was a religion in Tumbra; and while Ridgewell wasn't its main altar, there was a reason why productivity would dip today. Yuan Zilai was ninety minutes away from bringing Tumbra to their first World Cup. He'd gotten over the initial stutter with the disappointing Campionato Esportiva and a draw to Martune with ten win from their last fourteen games. Nick Riordan and Phil Cole had put Tumbra halfway towards qualifying for their first ever World Cup; now they had to hope that Iqualuit's hostile atmosphere wouldn't put the Tumbrans off.

They were ninety minutes away from achieving a dream that had seemed out of reach just four years ago; when on the final day of their first attempt of qualifying for the World Cup had ended in failure, when they'd been beaten black and blue by South Newlandia, four goals to nil. Two years ago, chasing Drawkland for second, they'd put three past a Gyatso-kai side...only to receive the news late on that Drawkland had scored four against Kandorith.

Then they'd done everything right. Luck had finally shined on them, after they'd come close to spilling qualifying again Trailing the Squornshelous Remnant States by two points, they'd slotted four past Ottoman Syldavia, while Nephara did their bit by beating the Squornshelans three goals to two. The celebrations that night were audible throughout the city; much beer was spilled. If Tumbra won tonight — and there was a quiet sense of confidence that they would — the celebrations would probably be mental.

A useful distraction from the tanks moving north, of course.

SPORT: THE PROMISED LAND

TUMBRA 4-1 QUEBEC (AGG); YUAN DOES THE IMPOSSIBLE; "WE'VE ARRIVED ON THE WORLD STAGE": VAUGHN; FINAL 23 PREDICTIONS; TIME FOR TIKARIOT AND SOUTH NEWLANDIA

by **Mercedini** » Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:25 pm

89th World Cup Qualification MD18 LIVE
Mercedini vs. Beaverriver
@ Zoloroni Sports City Stadium - Zoloroni, Mercedini

Good evening one and all and welcome to the Mercedinian capital of Zoloroni for the eighteenth and final match of qualification for the 89th World Cup. I'm sitting here in the gantry of a Sports City Stadium which is packed to the rafters as Mercedinians attend in their tens of thousands so see their lads out in what has been a very successful camapign for the Golden Eagles. Despite still fighting for the group's top spot, themselves and Cassadaigua are already qualified to the World Cup by virtue of both locking in a 'best runner-up' spot at the very least. The Golden Eagles are currently unbeated in sixteen with two draws and one loss to their name. Funnily enough, the only group which Mercedini wouldn't win with their current points tally, is the one they are currently in, with the current leader, Cassadaigua, one game away from completing an unbeaten run throughout this edition's qualifying phase. One point stands between Cassadaigua and Mercedini in the group table, so the Golden Eagles are looking for a slip-up from the Pot 1 side if they are to earn the pleasure of winning the group. However, for both sides, their final game is largely administrative, with the group long since over when it comes to permutations.

It brings us back to today, where Billic and his team hold their final game before they look to the group draw of the World Cup Group Stage itself. It is expected that Billic will see a highly rotated squad with none of the big names on the pitch to avoid an injury catastrophe before the big time. The crowd may want to see the main stars, but even with second and third-choice players in their positions, the Golden Eagles are expected to see out last placed Beaverriver in their final match. The teams are coming out of the tunnel, with cheers ringing around the stadium. I have never seen the stadium as loud as this for a pre-match presentation, but the crowd are behind these players as we begin a competitive match with the pressure completely off. Isn't that nice for a change.

0' - Out come the teams into a cauldron of noise and fanfare, both sets of fans are ready for this match in their distinctive colours. Mercedini are in their signature black and blue home kits, with Beaverriver in their recognisable poo-brown jerseys, which matches the handful of the travelling fans who are located in the middle and upper tiers to my right. Their view is pretty decent, although they are simply here to take in the occasion rather than expecting a positive result for their side which has struggled to record points all cycle long. It's Talisky and Esthik together for this match, as Billic names a rotated squad to end their campaign. All of the big names are on the bench, so it is hoped for a strong showing from many of the second choice players on the field, to make positions up and down the pitch more competitive for the World Cup Group Stages. The referee blows his whistle, giving Garzallo the cue to get us going for the final match of a long qualification schedule.

5' - (MRC 0-0 BVR) - Just over five minutes gone in this match and it's already clear that these two teams will fight a hard fight in this game for the final three points. The Beaver midfield seems to be keeping the through balls of Alcides at bay thus far, the same can be said for the Mercedinian defence, with their attackers plus Garzallo and Berazzi combining well to hold the ball up and flush out any quick counter-attacking opportunity that Beaverriver try and muster up. Both sets of fans are trying their best to make noise and spur on their side, with the home fans clearly the louder hanks to their numbers advantage. The only real chance of the game fell to the away side as a matter of fact, where their quick left-winger found space to cross in the ball, but no one was there to edge the ball towards goal, and it was safely claimed by Azar on the edge of his six-yard box. The two teams cancelling each other out at the moment, as it remains goalless early on, still plenty of time for someone to put their name up in lights and end the campaign on a high.

11' - (MRC 0-0 BVR) - Mercedini can see the prize ahead of them in this game and they are beginning to ramp up the pressure on their opponents, but Beaverriver are withstanding everything that the home side are throwing at them and then some. Talisky went close on the edge of he box, but his scuffed shot curled viciously and whistled wide of the post, not really giving the Beaver goalkeeper any real trouble with the effort. As stated before, both sides are locking horns in the midfield with no sign of any team on top just yet, although both sets of attackers are working well with the scraps they are being offered. Despite the gulf in rankings, Beaverriver are giving as much as they are getting, although they are struggling to conjure up anything in front of goal to trouble the Mercedinian clean sheet thus far.

17' - (MRC 0-0 BVR) - I was just talking about how the away side haven't had too many chances to shout about, but they have just spurned the biggest chance of the game just past the quarter-hour mark. Peñarito was put under pressure an caught in possession by a Beaver attacker, who quickly laid the ball off to a support player who was darting forward. They were jostling for position against Armazi George, with the home crowd in the Sports City Stadium willing that the defender could hold his attacker at bay. The Beaver striker cut outside before flashing a shot towards the far post. Azar was quick to react and got a touch to guide it wide of the post for a corner, which ultimately came to nothing. A chance at goal which may not come around too often, but Beaverriver are bridging the gap in group standing and world ranking so far, and are keeping this one competitive.

23' - (MRC 0-0 BVR) - Mercedini now ramping up the pace of this match following that scare, as the fitness of their players are really beginning to show when it comes to the two teams. The crowd are getting behind them now as they sense something is coming on the horizon in Zoloroni. High pressure has now been adopted by Billic, a format that Mercedini were famous for adopting during their Golden Years. It is forcing their opponents to make riskier passes to keep it away from the Mercedinians, giving the team in blue and black a better sight at goal in recent minutes, but they have nothing to show for it as the visitors dig in their heels. The only real chance so far is a couple of speculative effort on the edge of the box which either sailed wide of the post or safely into the clutches of the Beaver goalkeeper. The match has gone up a gear, with both teams coping with this play so far, although fitness looks to be fading as each minute passes towards the half time whistle. Dini have about fifteen minutes left to score if they are to go ahead in the first half, it is a match of fine margins, any error could cost them in this game. Although we know that the end result will not have too much bearing on the group as a whole.

28' - (MRC 0-0 BVR) - Just when you thought the match were fading, both teams go and have a series of chances which seriously threatened the Mercedinian and Beaver goal for the second time in this game. The first was a laced shot on the half-volley from Trevasoni which flew majestically, the keeper was beaten but the shot just wasn't quite on target as it skimmed the top of the crossbar and out, some of the fans in the stadium thought it had gone in as it nestled on top of the net, but that joy was short lived as the referee signalled a goal kick. A couple of minutes later a quick one-two put Beaverriver through on goal, but he took a fatally heavy touch and the ball was smothered by Azar in the Mercedinian goal. A wake-up call for the Golden Eagles, but they have survived and look to move forward once again with the clock ticking away.

33' - (MRC 0-0 BVR) - Time is running out for Mercedini in the first half as both teams jostle for position on the pitch. The midfield has been where most of the battles have been fought, and it is where the ball is now as Alcides fights with his counterpart for the ball, but he lays it off to Stretovsky who can look up to spot a pass. Neither team have utilised their wingers that much with Gonzalo and Berazzi looking relatively isolated throughout this first half, let's hope they have some more action in the second half, still goalless in Zoloroni.

39' - (MRC 1-0 BVR) -

GOAL! With all these near misses in this first half, you just knew something had to give. Dini open their account in this game through midfield youngster Alcides whose fortunate shot cannoned into the net off the goalkeeper. Garzallo beat his marker and was barrelling down the wing before squaring to an arriving Lorano, whose clipped shot was blocked by the Beaver goalkeeper. Alcides picked up the ball and hit the ball first time. That low drive was too hard and too fast for the goalie to keep out, as he could only parry the ball to the inner side netting of goal for 1-0. Alcides cranes his neck upward to celebrate with the fans who are cheering down at them. The crowd goes wild in the stands as the tens of thousands in attendance stand and applaud a potential next generation midfielder, Dini lead 1-0 with the half coming to a close.

45+2' - (MRC 1-0 BVR) - After a rather frantic first half, the Beaver goalkeeper kicks the ball up field and the referee draws proceedings to a close with the first half whistle. It's been a game which has lived up to it's hype so far with plenty of half chances from both end, but it has been Mercedini's clinical edge which has given the Golden Eagles the lead at half time. Both teams have gone close multiple times but neither team had anything to show for it until the final five minutes, where a couple of chances in quick succession pulled the Beaver defence this way and that, to make way for a low Karlovic drive which the goalie could only parry into the net. Dini are not out of the woods yet in this match, but at the end of the first half, it's Mercedini 1, Beaverriver 0.

HALF TIME
Mercedini 1 - 0 Beaverriver
Alcides 39'

An intriguing first half for the fans ended with Dini holding the narrowest of margins in this one. Plenty of positives from a defensive point of view, but that one goal lead isn't currently enough to make the points safe, with some errors made in the Mercedinian defence in the first half which could be damning if it happens again. Plenty to keep an eye on in this second half with the attackers hoping to put some more on the board for their respective teams. Whether they will or not remains to be seen, but this match is sure to be an encapsulating match for the fans and the neutrals. Another goal could do it, the margins are as fine as that.

46' - (MRC 2-0 BVR) -

WOW! I was talking about how one goal could sort it, but it didn't think it would come that quickly, if at all. It's taken Billic's men only 36 seconds to double their lead in the Sports City Stadium, and it's a much more familiar name on the scoresheet for Mercedini. Beaverriver kicked off and we're putting together a good series of passes before Trevasoni broke up the attack with a strong sliding tackle. He then booted the ball upfield to Berazzi who muscled his marker off he ball, allowing him to break forward down the wing. He entered the box, took a quick glance up, and found Talisky with a low driven cross. The Blue Strike striker didn't need to take a second touch as he side-footed the ball into the net from five-yards out. Several of the couching staff were hounding the referee and the fourth official, claiming that Berazzi had committed a foul on the Beaverriver defender. However, the goal stood and Dini had a second less than a minute into this second half.

51' - (MRC 2-0 BVR) - Some of the spectators are still making their way back to their seats for this second half, only for their optimism to grow as they see the big screen display differently to how it was at half time. On the pitch, it seems as if that quick start has taken all of the fight out of the visitors as they fight on with all of the odds against them. Fair play to the fans, they are still cheering and wishing their team on despite their setback. If there is a goal, it will likely come through as a consolation goal, but they just can't find a clear sight at goal as of now. A chance for Beaver would be beneficial at this point, although it could very well be a tactic to lull the Golden Eagles into a false sense of security to get a goal back. Things aren't completely over just yet, the next goal (if there is one) will decide the direction as to where this match goes. Still 2-0 Dini.

58' - (MRC 2-0 BVR) - Time is ticking away from a supposed fightback in Zoloroni, but Beaver are beginning to get a hold onto this game for the first time in the game. The 4-4-2 formation that Billic has put out is holding form for now, Penarito and Trevasoni are communicating well in central-defence, the longer they hold out, the quicker the resolve of these attackers will wear out. We're approaching the final half an hour in this game, is there going to be another twist in this tail?

63' - (MRC 2-0 BVR) - Beaverriver finally have the ball in the net, but the joy of the fans hasn't lasted long as the goal is ruled out for offside as quick as the ball went into net. To be fair, it was an easy spot and VAR has already finished their check on the goal, and as the replays show, Mount was several yards offside as the ball flew over the top. Penarito and his defenders were appealing for offside but play had to continue under the updated protocols. It seemed as if Azar didn't even bother saving the ball, he just stood up and let the player slot the ball past him. The flag went up as soon as the ball crossed the line, denying Beaver a route back into this game. Frustrating for the visitors, but in the end it was the right call. Still 2-0.

70' - (MRC 2-0 BVR) - Time is ticking away on Beaverriver's fightback, and it's all hands on deck for the team in blue and black to hold out from another visitor barrage. They went close from a corner as his bullet header went straight down the throat of Azar, anywhere else and it was a certain route back into the game. The tie has gone from Mercedini being comfortable to the visitors fully in control of the ball in this match, but Dini are not the side that needs the ball right now. Every ticking second brings the away side closer to a big win which will end the group on a positive note, and show that Dini still has that magic on the ball. The visitors come forward once again, it's all set up to be a big finish in a match which was certainly billed as such.

83' - (MRC 2-0 BVR) - Mercedini are closing this game in a professional manner with less than ten minutes to go plus stoppage time. The Golden Eagles have just had the chance to settle it following a two-man counter attack featuring Talisky and Garzallo in accompaniment. It came from a Beaver corner which was caught by Azar and immediately released towards Garzallo who was bounding forward, Talisky joined him, meaning it was a 1-on-2 in favour of the Mercedinians going forward. Garzallo was entering the box and was looking to square it to Talisky who would have had an open net to shoot at, but a brilliant sliding tackle from a Beaverriver defender denied him the chance. It remains 2-0, the visitors has kept the score competitive with that brilliant goal-saving clearance.

90+4' - (MRC 3-0 BVR) -

Goal... and finally the match has been put to bed by Talisky who has bookended this half with cool finishes to dash the dreams of the home side. This time is came from a break from a corner as Beaver pushed hard to deny the Golden Eagles a clean sheet in this match. A header from a defender was cleared off the line by Lorano and cleared from the box by Stretovsky. The ball fortuitously fell to Garzallo who controlled it brilliantly inside the centre circle under pressure from the last man. Talisky was sprinting forward and was put through by Garzallo who managed to wriggle free of the last man. The visotors put all their chips on red, but the ball landed on black (and blue) as the Blue Strike frontman slotted the ball past the sprawling goalkeeper to put the game to bed. Modest celebrations from Talisky as he celebrated a two goal haul and an all together professional performance from his team to end the camapign. Billic is applauding from the sideline, Dini make it 3-0 in added time.

90+3' - (MRC 3-0 BVR) - ...and that's all she wrote here in Zoloroni. Mercedini have given an assured performance in the closing match of the group and have thoroughly beaten their lower-ranked opponents tonight. A deflected Alcides drive combined with two cool finishes from Talsiky give the Pot 2 side a comprehensive win over the group's bottom ranked team, which sets them up nicely for the World Cup Group stages. Beaverriver looked good for long periods of this half, but they were simply hounded out of the match once Dini built up a head of steam. Following that, Mercedini will head to the World Cup as the best runner-up, joined by Pot 1 side Cassadaigua who won their game and will claim the automatic qualifying spot, even if both teams were assured of a spot in the Group Stage draw. We will await the group draw with baited breath, but it's finished here in the Zoloroni; Mercedini 3, Beaverriver 0!

FULL TIME
Mercedini 3 - 0 Beaverriver
Alcides 39', Talisky 46', 90+3'

by **Tumbra** » Sun Oct 10, 2021 1:07 am

SPORT: WORLD CUP 89 — GROUP E PREVIEW
Tumbra enters the competition as the second-lowest ranked team — here's who they're bringing to Tikariot and who stands in their way.

COUNO — Tumbran fans were perhaps disappointed by the group draw conducted in Port Rhovanyon, Tikariot, when it was revealed that instead of crossing the Strele Strait in droves to South Newlandia, they'd have to fork out for tickets to Tikariot, in Rushmore. But what's done is done, and Tumbra have not only miraculously avoided a group containing three of five of Esportiva's qualifiers, but the defending world champions, the world's highest rated team and a direct rematch against their Group 9 opponents in Nephara. On the face of it, then, Tumbra's chances were drastically improved by avoiding South Newlandia, however convenient it would be.

The group draw was swiftly followed by Yuan Zilai's travelling team for the World Cup; where they will face off against the hosts, Tikariot; along with one-time world champions Pasarga and IAC 7 winners Omerica. It's a group that looks deceptively simple on paper — Pot 1's second lowest seed, Pot 3's second lowest seed and Pot 2's second highest seed — but each of these teams are at the World Cup having braved a lengthy qualification gauntlet which claimed the chances of many, such as World Cup 86 champions Banija, regional powerhouses Siovanija & Teusland, two-time IAC winners Poafmersia all missed out. And for Tikariot, having to deal with the World Cup Committee.

Tumbra's the equivalent of meat in the room. Yuan's men (and two women) are odds on to finish bottom of the group, the rest of the group looking to clamber over each other to secure one of those vaunted second-round spots. But that won't deter the members of Tumbra's Black Army that will travel to Tikariot, even if they're going with zero expectations — four years ago Tumbra were an unranked nation, at the mercy of almost every team in the world. To be able to travel to a World Cup within half a decade would be unthinkable for some, impossible for another; but here they are.

The Black Eagles are underdogs. But they like it that way.

Goalkeepers

#1 - John Lennon

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 32 CAPS: 51 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs Hampton Island, Campionato Esportiva 29 (Match 24)
It's hard to believe that John Lennon only has 51 caps, when he's been looked at home between the sticks for the Black Eagles for much longer than that. Yet he was overlooked by Marco Hemmings for Tumbra's first ever 30-man squad when they embarked on qualifying four years ago, and only made his appearance on the international stage midway through Tumbra's first Campionato Esportiva. After drawing with A random Place, Hemmings promptly dropped Louis Addison for Lennon — who then promptly kept a clean sheet against top seeds Hampton Island. And the spot was his, ever since. Tumbra's played 86 international matches (excluding the Olympics), and have kept 28 clean sheets. Lennon's kept 18 of them, proving his chops on the world stage — even as Lakewood United fans continue to call for their number 1 to reclaim his spot. His best performance in green was probably that 2-0 victory against the Squornshelous Remnant States in the latest qualifying cycle; suffering from a constant barrage of Confederate attacks, Lennon held firm to keep the clean sheet, and secure the victory for Tumbra — which would later turn out to be extremely important in the road to the World Cup.

#12 - Louis Addison

CLUB: Lakewood United AGE: 33 CAPS: 25 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
Tumbra's number 12 suffers from the ignominy of having to sit on the bench, with only 25 caps to his name, while his crosstown rival and contemporary Lennon takes his place within the sticks. Addison, Lakewood United's long-serving goalkeeper, was Marco Hemmings' first choice for the cycle of 87 — and proved his chops, even as he conceded seven goals in two games. But he recovered strongly; and put in his best performance in the emerald green shirt against Pasarga that same cycle, holding them to a 0-0 draw. Yet faltering performances in the league and in the Campionato put him on notice; and he was ignominiously dropped for Lennon. A fourth placed-finish at the Olympics in Electrum might have re-lit his chances for a starting spot, but Yuan put his faith in John. Addison has confirmed that this will be his last tournament with the team — and that after the World Cup, come what may, he's focusing on his career with United, where domestic manager Mark van der Brumen is assembling together a complex puzzle in which Addison is a key player.

#13 - Nick Barker

CLUB: FC Inter Nantwich AGE: 26 CAPS: 8 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom, Friendly (Match 27)
Nick, Tumbra's traditional third-choice goalkeeper and Nantwich's number one, has always been "one for the future" — that is to say, he'll take over the reins from John Lennon when he inevitably hangs up his gloves on the national level. And it does seem like a relatively solid prediction to make — his potential competition is either too young, sitting on the bench, or too old. But even as the traditional shot-stopper — loath to venture outside of his box and to use his feet — mulls the prospect of taking over Tumbra's number 1 jersey in the not-too-distant future, he's still wary of being one of Tumbra's Nearly Men. Victoria Jones at Lotus Park in Brenecia has been strengthening her game a lot, and George Danvers has been placed within the sticks for Columbia. If either of them break out, his hopes of taking over that spot within the sticks might just disappear.

Defenders

#2 - Ryan Hughes

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 29 CAPS: 52 GOALS: 1

First Appearance: vs Damukuni, Campionato Esportiva 29 (Match 22)
The defence is Lakewood City's game — little wonder, since they've finished each of the three IFCF seasons so far with the best defensive record in all of them. Similar to team-mate and goalkeeper John, Hughes made his debut at the first Campionato Esportiva Tumbra attended; and subsequently found himself filling into the spot at left-back relatively easily. It helped that Tumbra at the time was suffering from a dearth of talent at left back — Simon Hart was getting on in age and had disappointed despite his constant appearances; while Marcus Bradley and Norm Watson were similarly underwhelming. Ryan helped establish a sense of stability at left-back, and made the spot uniquely his own; a physically strong left-back with a brilliant passing range, he prefers to hold back instead of bomb forward — something he leaves to his team-mate and other wing-back...

#3 - Chris Carter

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 24 CAPS: 31 GOALS: 1

First Appearance: vs Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom, Friendly (Match 27)
Chris Carter; who uses both his age and pace to great effect down on the right flank. The equivalent of footballing cheese to Hughes' chalk, Carter is an electric, flowing player who enjoys nothing more than following a ball and helping the transition from defence to midfield. A one-club man so far, Carter is rarely seen without a style — and his long, flowing blond hair is a sight to behold, too. He's had a tougher time trying to integrate himself as a mainstay of the team than Hughes; and rightly so, since competition for the right-back spot was more hotly contested than imagined — apart from Carter and Russell White, there's also Nigel Harris, who just missed out. A lot is hanging on the World Cup and how he performs in it; but the lighthearted defender knows better than to let it get the better of him.

#4 - Ian Ashburn

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 24 CAPS: 49 GOALS: 1

First Appearance: vs Regmotto, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 3)
The son of Tumbra's richest man and Lakewood City owner John Ashburn, many scoffed at him when it was announced Ian was signing a professional contract with the team his father owned. He, however, quickly proved his detractors wrong, breaking into Lakewood City's first team squad as a prodigious talent and working his way into Lakewood City's first team squad at the age of just 21. While also dogged by gossip that he was a playboy earlier in his career, and lurid rumours about what went on in Lakewood's thriving nightlife scene, Ian's largely managed to keep those accusations at bay; and has shown his detractors that he's a force to be reckoned with on the pitch, with a keen eye for a pass and willingness to tackle.

#5 - Harry Henderson

CLUB: Aleiusia Capital AGE: 28 CAPS: 67 GOALS: 1

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
Henderson's move away from Kingsbury shocked many, but both the defender and the club had evidently come to the mutual decision that he was too big for a club fighting for the upper mid-table in the world's 44th ranked league. Surprisingly rejecting offers from Swanguard Athletic in Quebec and Parrhesia United in Nephara, he upped sticks and instead decided to head to Aleiusia in Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom, moving to the defending champions for four and a bit million dollars. At 28, Henderson's career is in his prime, and he appropriately plays like someone in it; a versatild defender, Henderson marshals the Tumbran defence and is likely to be named vice captain if Marcus Sheldon ever decides to give up the vice captaincy of the Black Eagles. He'll be the linchpin of the defence; always hanging back, using his brute physicality to muscle down marauding offenders, but still having a bit of a keen eye himself. The tallest of all the outfield players, too, Henderson is always a threat in the air and at corners.

#14 - Louis Paterson

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 27 CAPS: 26 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs Damukuni, Campionato Esportiva 29 (Match 22)
The only member of this team sporting any kind of facial hair, Paterson stands out as a menacing presence on the pitch, acting as City's enforcer in Premier Division games. He brings every bit of that hard-tackling, hard dealing attitude to the World Cup, and has an outside chance to start at the World Cup — he appeared ten times in qualifying, and appeared in both legs of the playoff. His partnership with Ian Ashburn is a key reason why he's still part of the squad; again, to Lakewood United fans, in front of Douglas Moore. Paterson, however, doesn't really care about it; the gruff defender is content enough to just continue doing what he's doing — roughing up opponents whenever they get too close to him with the ball.

#18 - Jacob Keene

CLUB: Clyde Park AGE: 24 CAPS: 9 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs the Ceyne Isles, Campionato Esportiva 30 (Match 58)
A relative newcomer to the national team set-up and the fourth least-experienced player in terms of caps, Keene is one of Tumbra's stop-gap solutions to the shortage of somewhat decent left-backs in Tumbra; but has come into his own, beating out Michael Campbell for the second left-back spot to Tikariot. Coming through the Clyde Park academy, his stock rose as Clyde Park finished sixth for two seasons running in the Premier Division; and that earned him his call-up to the national team, making his debut in a relatively disappointing Campionato Esportiva campaign. He was, however, one of the few highlights of the tournament. Effectively Chris Carter but on the left, Keene can and will be deployed if Tumbra are looking for an offensive option to break through defences. He's had to separate himself from other offensive-minded fullbacks, but mainly beat out the likes of Marcus Bradley by not completely ignoring his defensive responsibilities.

#19 - Russell White

CLUB: Clyde Park AGE: 30 CAPS: 57 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
White makes it into the squad by virtue of his experience and his rather unique style of play. The right-back, who began his career at defensive midfielder, often floats back to his old position of play to provide an extra man there if needed, or if allowed. The conversion was sparked by former Nantwich manager Bill "Sparky" Sneddon, who saw much potential in him. He was, however, released at the age of 20; and considered retiring from the game altogether, before Clyde Park gave him a lifeline to save his career. Slotting in at right back, White stuck with the team when they were relegated in 2016; fought back into the Premier Division in 2018, and was a key player in their rise up the table. A keen social activist, White often champions causes such as social inequality in his adopted home state of Clearmont; and has not ruled out a future in politics.

#20 - Stephen Kerr

CLUB: Chromatik AGE: 20 CAPS: 10 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs Delaclava, World Cup 89 Qualification (Match 72)
The first of Tumbra's next generation of players, Stephen Kerr is one of the group that won both the Under-18 World Cup in Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom and then the Di Bradini Cup in Valanora; all the while securing himself a move away from Straton, who allegedly refused to offer Kerr a new contract on first-team terms. He's since embedded himself in Chromatika's Chromatik, all for the low price of three and a half million dollars; and is looking set to challenge for Chromatik's first-ever Red League title along with compatriot and team-mate Trudy Harrison. On the pitch, Stephen is a jack-of-all-trades; perhaps only second to Henderson's versatility in the squad. His finest moment in a black shirt so far was in the three-nil demolition of Northwest Kalactin; where he kept a clean sheet against an (admittedly morose) side. The Tumbran has boundless potential — that's really all that needs to be said about him.

Midfielders

#6 - Vincent Hicks

CLUB: FK Metropola Borograd AGE: 24 CAPS: 67 GOALS: 8

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
Vincent Hicks broke onto the Tumbran domestic footballing scene aged just 18, heralded as Hesham's next great hope for the future. He quickly carved a niche for himself as someone who could dictate play in the heart of midfield, while running up and down the pitch; a typical box-to-box midfielder. Winning two Young Player of the Season Awards with Hesham made sure his star rose extremely far extremely quickly — but he wisely bid his time on a move away from Hesham, knowing that in time, international clubs would be interested in the young, talented midfielder. He was subsequently called up for the Black Eagles' first qualification cycle, and quickly proved himself as a key player in the line-up — and hasn't let go since. A transfer to FK Metropola Borograd in Siovanija & Teusland, where he helped the team to a title, proved that his strategy of waiting was the correct one; and his stock has continued to rise since. In Tumbra's traditional three-man midfield dynamic of dynamo-pacesetter-visionary, Hicks fulfills the dynamo role — and it's one that suits him well.

#8 - Craig McGrath

CLUB: Serrapince FC AGE: 26 CAPS: 54 GOALS: 6

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
Beginning his career with Dorival, in emerald green Iswilyn, McGrath's prodigious talent at a young age in the Second Division earned him a move to Serrapince FC, where long-serving manager Colin Blakeley honed him into becoming the cool, calm, reserved midfielder McGrath is today. Instrumental in his team's victory in the league from the middle of the pitch, McGrath acts as a hybrid of a dynamo and a pacesetter, being able to start attacks from deep. He, however, describes himself more as a deep-lying playmaker; stringing attacks from deep and slowing down or quickening play if needed to support Tumbra's counter-attacking strategy. For McGrath, his key role here will be to act as the middleman between the defence and the attack; while shielding his defence from the midfield. For that, he's got a wicked tackle to help him out.

#10 - Phil Cole

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 24 CAPS: 49 GOALS: 9

First Appearance: vs Damukuni, Campionato Esportiva 29 (Match 22)
Lakewood City's main creative outlet on the pitch, Phil Cole — the archetypical number 10 — sits in the hole behind Tumbra's striker, stringing together opportunities and finding himself on the receiving end of many an opportunity as well. His development was a long-term project by Lakewood City; pictures of him at age 13 serving as a ball-boy are plastered over seemingly every "here's what this footballer looks like when they were younger" post. A refusal to loan the midfielder out, too, despite limited opportunities on the pitch, attracted criticism; but manager van der Brumen stood by his footballer at every opportunity, and Cole's finally blossomed into a brilliant attacking midfielder. Expect Cole to be far up the pitch; though he's not wholly against the idea of dropping back into the midfield to help out there, either, registering 4.4 dribbles per 90 in the Premier Division.

#15 - Alan Morgan

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 26 CAPS: 48 GOALS: 1

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
Another Lakewood City player — they've got a total of nine in this squad — Morgan was a Marray youth product, and played with the club until they got relegated. He then immediately jumped ship to Lakewood at the first opportunity, relishing the chance to revitalise a tired City midfield; and showed all his doubters wrong by winning the league the first season he was there. There's been no looking back since for Morgan, who's fought with McGrath for the spot of pacesetter almost constantly since both of them were introduced to the team; and McGrath-Morgan is about the most common substitution one can expect when watching a Black Eagles game. The two play similarly, even if Morgan is a bit less happy tackling; but the fact that both of them are within ten caps of each other shows that this debate will probably never really go away.

#16 - Leo Hooper

CLUB: Straton FC AGE: 26 CAPS: 8 GOALS: 1

First Appearance: vs Cyborg Holland, Campionato Esportiva 30 (Match 59)
Hooper, a surprise inclusion, finds himself here as a left field choice for the second visionary — something that in itself is a bit of surprise. Unwilling to take a chance on Kingsbury's James Hunter, or many of the other attacking midfielders in the league, since they hadn't been part of the national pool for qualifying, Yuan instead went with Hooper, whose technical skill on the ball and high work rate has endeared himself to the Black Army despite his limited time on the pitch. He's got a keen eye for starting attacks, too, and should Yuan require a defensive alternate to Phil Cole, Leo's the main choice Yuan will likely go with.

#23 - Trudy Harrison

CLUB: Chromatik AGE: 20 CAPS: 12 GOALS: 0

First Appearance: vs Delaclava, World Cup 89 Qualification (Match 72)
Perhaps the single most important player on this team, off-pitch contribution wise; Trudy Harrison's twii that got re-twiited by Stephen Kerr, which then got re-twiited by Daniel Galbraith essentially sparked the movement to allow women to play in the Premier Division; a movement that eventually succeeded, after going all the way to the Federal Constitutional Court. But she would never get the chance to play in Tumbra as a full professional; instead choosing to sign with Chromatik, firmly embedding herself into the heart of Chromia. And her move has succeeded, more or less; being named to the Team of the Season in the Red League, as well as GS SuperSports+'s Testículos Longlonglist. Her passion for the game is only matched by her passionate playstyle; speeding all around the pitch, soaking up attacks, picking up balls and tackling opponents with a fury few can match. It's no surprise she broke into the team almost immediately after her first call-up against Delaclava; Yuan's experiments with two defensive midfielders late on in qualifiers, with both Hicks and Harrison shielding the defence, paid off handsomely — and she put in a key role in the second leg of the playoffs against Quebec & Shingoryeo. The U18 World Cup and Di Bradini Cup winner is here, and she's here to stay; as she continues being a trailblazer and role model for women and girls in Tumbra, if not worldwide.

Forwards

#7 - George Hilton

CLUB: Serrapince FC AGE: 24 CAPS: 32 GOALS: 7

First Appearance: vs Pratapgadh, Friendly (Match 26)
In a way, George Hilton's international career has been marked by more than its fair share of luck. First making the squad for the 88th World Cup qualifiers, he played but a bit part in that campaign; as many thought the battle for the left-wing was between established star Neil Fraser and the moody winger Dylan van Heirolf, who'd upped sticks and moved to Miruan in Tikariot. But the title challenge with Serrapince happened, and his stock rose accordingly; and it just so happened that Yuan Zilai was looking for someone who was willing to drop back more in the left-wing spot to compensate for both Ryan Hughes staying back at all times and Robin Vaughn's tendency to cut inside. Appearing 16 times in the 18 qualification matches, Hilton has long since secured himself the starting winger spot for the World Cup — much to the dismay of Neil Fraser. But Hilton fits the bill of what Yuan wants from his Tumbra side; and that ability to drop back and come back forward will be extremely prized in his squad.

#9 - Robin Vaughn

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 28 CAPS: 86 GOALS: 29

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
Robin Vaughn is Tumbra. That's it. Captain of the national team and its best player by far, the taciturn inside forward was mentored on the international level by none other than the recently-retired Daniel Francis Galbraith; a living Tumbran legend. While he's long since eclipsed Galbraith in most circles except Tumbra — most probably have no idea who Galbraith even is — Vaughn has admitted that he sometimes feels like he struggles to emerge from his mentor's long, long shadow. Not that it matters, mind; Vaughn is an explosive, electric and skillful player, capable of turning games around on its head, and with a mean eye for goal, cutting inside from his preferred place on the right flank. The only player to have played in every single one of Tumbra's 86 competitive matches since it began affiliating itself with the WCC, Vaughn carries the hopes of his nation on his back — and he knows it. He's not letting that get to him, however — even as he knows a single point here would be celebrated wildly inside Tumbra.

#11 - Nick Riordan

CLUB: Serrapince FC AGE: 21 CAPS: 24 GOALS: 12

First Appearance: vs Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom, Friendly (Match 27)
Serrapince's answer to Phil Cole ended up being Nick Riordan — who forced his way into Serrapince's plans after bursting onto the scene as a third-choice striker. He scored, scored and scored; then threatened to quit the team if he wasn't guaranteed a starting spot next season. Serrapince manager Danny Haverhead reacted by selling both usual starting strikers, and making Nick the focal attacking outlet of the team — and was rewarded aptly with a league title. His partnership with Hermaeus Mora has helped the hot-headed striker calm down a bit, and approach life a little more slowly; but on the pitch, as ever, he's red-hot. Internationally, Riordan has attended two Di Bradini Cups; and first made a name for himself at the fiftieth edition of the tournament, scoring eleven goals en route to fourth place. His second go saw a lot fewer goals scored — only four — but he was still a key member of the team that won that edition. Yuan has now put his faith in Nick; and Tumbra expects a lot from the next big thing up front. But not as much as himself.

#17 - Neil Fraser

CLUB: Lakewood City AGE: 24 CAPS: 58 GOALS: 9

First Appearance: vs Pasarga, World Cup 87 Qualification (Match 1)
Slightly aggrieved by receiving the number 17 instead of his traditional number 7 jersey, Neil — who recently completed an eye-watering move from Clyde Park to Lakewood City to the tune of seven million dollars — is a pacey, traditional winger; picking up the ball, dribbling and then crossing it into the box. His star fell slightly with the arrival of George Hilton on the scene, coupled with Clyde Park's faltering performances in the league; and he hopes that the move to City will help both to jump-start his career once more. A loyal servant of the Black Eagles, Neil's 58 appearances for the national side ranks him 4th in the WCC era; but whether he'll add substantially more to that remains to be seen. The smart money's on yes.

#19 - Lynne Crossley

CLUB: Strathcona Internationals AGE: 19 CAPS: 5 GOALS: 1

First Appearance: vs Delaclava, World Cup 89 Qualification (Match 72)
The third of the Class of 13 — the batch of players who won both the U18WC and Di Bradini Cup — Lynne Crossley made a similar career choice as Trudy Harrison, by choosing to move abroad. Her destination? Kelssek and Strathcona, where she's put in decent performances on the pitch, while at the same time scoring spectacular goals on average every few matches. Right wing was always going to be a trouble spot for the Black Eagles; the talent pool, objectively or subjectively, was always a little dry behind Vaughn — which makes Crossley's appearance here a bit of a relief for Black Eagles fans. The succession is secure; and with Lynne looking to re-shape her game into that similar to Vaughn's, the lineage of the right-sided inside forward probably is, too.

#22 - Nigel Erskine

CLUB: Anomalies AGE: 27 CAPS: 16 GOALS: 10

First Appearance: vs the Ceyne Isles, Campionato Esportiva 30 (Match 58)
Where did Nigel Erskine come from? His meteoric rise from Second Division dweller to a six million dollar move to Anomalies — not to mention a shout in the GS SuperSports+'s Testículos Longlonglist — could easily be the subject of a movie. Always thought of as a solid striker and nothing more, Erskine's position at Clyde Park was rendered surplus to requirements when Kwak Hyeong-Joon came in; and he promptly packed up and went to Omnio, a lower mid-table club in Chromatika that was due for relegation. It was there, however, that Erskine came into his own; saving the Techies from relegation two seasons in a row; scoring over 20 in the fast-paced, attacking minded Red League each season. It was this that landed him on Yuan Zilai's radar; and he subsequently made his debut at the Campionato Esportiva. Now he's fought his way into Yuan's plans, hitting ten goals in just sixteen games for the Black Eagles, continuing his form and somehow booting Marcus Sheldon off the squad, to a small bit of controversy from Couno Rangers fans. The rest of the football community, however, will agree that this call-up is warranted; for Erskine to turn his career around in such a short amount of time, and prove himself to be World Cup-calibre, is nothing short of amazing.

The Opponents

The three nations that stand in Tumbra's way to a second-round berth could easily have been worse (with the exception of Pasarga) — 19th ranked Tikariot, 36th ranked Omerica both represent the second lowest nation from each of their pots. Yet all of them pose a formidable challenge to Tumbra; and nothing can be taken for granted here.

Omerica

Previous Appearances: 2 First/Last Appearance: 74/88 Best Result: Group Stage (World Cup 74)
Captain: Valentine Augustin Key Player: Fearchar Mac Cléirich
vs Tumbra: Matchday 1 @ Port Rhovanyon

Tumbra's baptism of fire in the World Cup will come at the hands of two-time qualifiers and long-time geopolitical friends Omerica, who last cycle broke a twenty-eight year duck to make it to Chromatika and Cassadaigua. They made their path to the World Cup this time round easier by winning their group by four points from World Cup 87 finalists Ko-oren, too; ensuring their slot in Pot 3. Their experienced captain Valentine Augustin in goal will be crucial to their hopes of advancing from the group stage; as will midfield bastion Fearchar Mac Cléirich, who really helps tie the midfield together. For Mac Cléirich, who himself plays for Baraldhur, the familiar atmosphere of Tikariot will probably be yet another boon for the midfield maestro.

Tikariot

Previous Appearances: 2 First/Last Appearance: 87/88 Best Result: Round of 16 (World Cup 87)
Captain: Brian Merson Key Player: Morris Nighthorse
vs Tumbra: Matchday 2 @ Tikariot City

The World Cup hosts appeared only two years before the Black Eagles made their debut on the world stage, and qualified in merely their second cycle; heading to Taeshan and Ethane and making the second round in a heavily-contested group, where they then lost to eventual champions Nephara. Yet their side oozes with talent, with a hyper-attacking mentality; key to their fortunes will be Morris Nighthorse, who, at the age of 21, already has 94 appearances for the Snowy Owls, and attacking stats that would make anyone's eyes water — 61 goals and 38 assists. The winger will look to be a key piece of the puzzle for the hosts, who face an expectant home crowd — and they're under pressure to deliver.

Pasarga

Previous Appearances: 32 First/Last Appearance: 47/88 Best Result: Champions (World Cup 72)
Captain: Deli Ács Key Player: Vojmil Topić
vs Tumbra: Matchday 3 @ Port Rhovanyon

The one-time world champions and Rushmori powerhouses Pasarga will serve as Tumbra's final opponents in Group E. Which is oddly fitting and poetic, considering that four years ago Pasarga was the team that Tumbra debuted against in their first ever WCC qualification match. They beat Tumbra 3-2 then, but Tumbra in the reverse fixture held Pasarga to a nil-nil draw; a game that was widely seen as Louis Addison's best in the green goalkeeper's jersey. Four years on, and the main players are still present; the Földessy siblings especially; but the key player on this team to look out for is Vojmil Topić, the twenty-five year old left winger who plays for CA Paulinthal. With no fewer than 8 of the players on the 23-match squad having made their debuts against Pasarga all that time ago, Tumbra vs Pasarga on the final matchday presents an opportunity to set the record straight; and for a Black Eagles squad to prove that they've come full circle from that night all those years ago.

TUMBRA vs OMERICA — WORLD CUP 89, MATCHDAY 1
Starters: 1 - John Lennon; 2 - Ryan Hughes, 4 - Ian Ashburn, 5 - Harry Henderson, 19 - Russell White; 6 - Vincent Hicks, 8 - Craig McGrath, 10 - Phil Cole; 7 - George Hilton, 9 - Robin Vaughn; 11 - Nick Riordan
Bench: 12 - Louis Addison, 13 - Nick Barker; 18 - Jacob Keene, 14 - Louis Paterson, 20 - Stephen Kerr, 3 - Chris Carter; 23 - Trudy Harrison, 15 - Alan Morgan, 16 - Leo Hooper; 17 - Neil Fraser, 21 - Lynne Crossley; 22 - Nigel Erskine

by **Electrum** » Sun Oct 10, 2021 4:19 am

The Turnip: Can You Please Read These Transcripts Of Shows Aired Across The Multiverse And Make Sense Of Them Because We Can't?
by Billiam Maskey, chief-editor-in-chief

Friends of The Turnip, we have a favour. We have recently acquired a memory hole to dispose of Turnip ideas that made it big time on the cutting room floor. We tried to make article ideas like 'Euran Sounds Like Urine' and 'What Is A Foot?' work, but unfortunately we couldn't. As part of our creative process, we used to dispose of these article ideas by putting it into a blender and forcing the writer with the least funny ideas to drink it. But our HR team said 'that's illegal', so we've imported a memory hole from the Rocky Road galaxy to trash our ideas.

But strange things have been happening. For every article idea we throw in, the memory hole regurgitates a fully written transcript of a television show across the multiverse. We have verified the authenticity of these transcripts and believe that this shows have actually been aired. We replicate these transcripts below in order for you to decipher them, as we clearly cannot stream these shows on our website. In commemoration of our failure to qualify for the Cup of Harmony, we have decided to focus on the four transcripts we received concerning the four nations in our World Cup group because somehow things need to tie into the World Cup even though we totally didn't need to.

Electrum - Border Security Electrum - Network ENN - transcript

ON SCREEN: Thousands of staff members in Electrum's Border Force is dedicated to protecting Electrum's land, sea and reality borders.

VOICE-OVER: Tonight on Border Security Electrum: Sylestonian illegal immigrants attempt to smuggle themselves in shipping containers, a Quebecois Grim Reaper tries to end the lives of a dozen border officers with his scythe and a Farf traveller typically refuses to co-operate after a biosecurity threat is detected. But first, Electrumite border security officers at the reality border have stopped a nervous looking individual with 'octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers'. This individual was randomly selected, and when questioned, did not declare anything on his customs declaration slip.

BORDER OFFICER: Why are you travelling to Electrum?

CTHULU (looking nervous): I'm here for a week's holiday.

BORDER OFFICER: Right. That's a very short time to spend in such a vast and rich cultural nation.

VOICE-OVER: Suspecting more than meets the eye, the border officer starts opening the passenger's bag.

BORDER OFFICER: What is this! I see what, ten dozen letters of complaints to The Turnip. You didn't need to declare this but can you explain this?

CTHULU: I have been tasked by the G.O.O.F.I, or the 'Great Old Ones Friendship Initiative' to send these letters of politely written complaints from our band of merry cultists. That is all I am carrying because I have no need for clothing with my sexy black satin robes or cleaning products. My slime is a good substitute for shampoo you know.

BORDER OFFICER (looking at the camera directly): I see. Well I'm going to have to open that second suitcase there because you have self identified yourself as a member of 'Guilty Opaque Organisation For Ice', whose front is the 'Great Old Ones Friendship Initiative'. We all know this to be true since The Turnip is objective fact.

CTHULU: No, don't!

BORDER OFFICER: Aha! I count, one, two, three examples of non-Euclidean geometry in this suitcase. Now, Cthulu, you ticked 'no' on Question 7 of the customs declaration slip. Can you please read it?

CTHULU: Are you bringing in any violations of Euclidean geometry.... sorry! I didn't know! I honestly thought that they would be OK? Why are you so strict on these things?

BORDER OFFICER: No excuses. Electrum has strict regulations because of the biosecurity risks associated with inter-reality travel. More specifically, we do not need you to blow our children's minds with non-Euclidean geometry. Parallel lines are going to stay parallel forever. It's people like you that make me proud to protect our children from insidious mathematical systems. I'm going to have to deport you under the Inter-Reality Regulations and must ask you re-enter the portal from whence you came.

ANNOUNCER: Up next, how Electrum border officers at Centralis Port used heat sensors to detect Sylestonean immigrants in a shipping container. Here's a short preview before the ad break.

BORDER OFFICER: Through our heat sensor, we can see that the tops of some of these rectangular shapes are in red, indicating a temperature of above 250 degrees. Yup. These are sentient stove cooktops. I feel sorry for them really. They come here in the promise of a good wage working in a restaurant and heating up food but these smugglers tend to ship these poor stoves to meth labs across the nation.

Audioslavia - Jaffacake: Crack Detective - Jeremy Jaffacake Channel - transcript

Jeremy Jaffacake, crack detective, has cornered Ewan MacAdam in... a corner.

EWAN MACADAM: I swear to Margaret, I didn't do it! I promise! Please, you have to believe me!

JEREMY JAFFACAKE: It's all rather elementary. That piece of strawberry at the crime scene was approximately three percent of a strawberry, which is typical of a rough chop. There is never a need to slice a strawberry into small pieces.... unless you were eating froyo and had it as a topping. That led me to the Froyo restaurant just a few doors down from the victim's mansion. The killer always returns to the scene of the crime, and I knew you were the killer when I saw a splotch of red and white on your dress shirt collar. You had excess skin around your chin, which indicated to me that you recently lost your weight, on a diet and eating dairy product, that means you had to walk to get a vanilla froyo with chopped fruit on this street instead of the nice gelato from the gelateria underneath your apartment. Your weight loss was also why I didn't recognise you as the third cousin of the victim, Count of Counting. As you know, the good Count has had no family and he is sitting on an estate that is worth some amount of money. But this familial relationship explains how you knew the victim's garlic allergy because you have it too. Bippity boppity, I have caught you.

EWAN MACADAM: Well, there's no point rebutting that then. There are some handcuffs in my pockets, please take them and arrest me.

JEREMY JAFFACAKE: Damn, I just love how berry good I am at this job.

JEREMY JAFFACAKE, AS ANNOUNCER: Up next on the Jeremy Jaffacake channel, the Jaffacake show, where we use DNA Testing to reveal who really is the father of Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips. Stay tuned.

Ko-oren - Planet Anaia - National Biologic Channel - transcript

RICHARD ATTENCOUNTY: The Ko-oren dragonfly looks unremarkable but upon closer inspection is more unremarkable than you realise. Look as the grey tint of its wings is completely obscured by its grey body. The eyes on this particular kind of dragonfly may look special but these are below average compared to a bee, a vastly superior predator of the Ko-oren dragonfly. This dragonfly, much like the people who worship it, is doomed to a miserable existence. The dragonfly life cycle starts in the bloodstream of a mosquito, its host, after the dragonfly's parent mounts a mosquito. The larvae starts hatching within minutes and have to crawl their way from the inside of the mosquito, bursting it wide open to escape. Just like a flicker of the candle, the larvae immediately mature and procreate. The pregnant mum then finds a new mosquito to host the eggs, while the father pass away from exhaustion. It is a truly disgustingly beautiful process. No wonder the Ko-orenites have chosen this animal to be its mascot for their football team.

Mercedini - Interview Time - Channel One - transcript

INTERVIEWER: The leader of our great nation of ours, Dimitry Larmée, has kindly accepted to answer a few questions on our show about identity theft.

DIMITRY LARMÉE: Thank you.

INTERVIEWER: In international conferences, how often do you get frustrated at identity theft?

DIMITRY LARMÉE: All the time. You know, identity theft is not a joke. I am literally cringing every time I get seated at the Merecendi flag, or the Mercredi flag. We were the first nation to exist, they should have racked off and made new names for their country instead of imitations of ours.

INTERVIEWER: Is this a common phenomenon around the world? What led you to speak out?

DIMITRY LARMÉE: It's very much so. I was speaking to my counterpart from Quebec and Shingoryeo the other day, and they told me that they were constantly confused for the vastly inferior nations of 'Qubec' and 'Kebec', nations that are misspellings of Quebec and don't even follow the conventional spelling rules of French. I'm speaking out because while these name confusions are minor, they can often lead to serious problems. This kind of identity fraud allowed the Merecendi government to withdraw all of our holdings at the International Monetary Fund, which included a thousand bars of gold and a pack of gum. You know, our first ever pack of gum that was ever manufactured in Mercedini, all totally wiped out.

INTERVIEWER: Ah, yes. I recall it was gum-flavoured gum. A shame. Well, that's all the time we have today, thank you.

DIMITRY LARMÉE: No worries for giving me the time to speak out on this very particular topic instead of the national issues that everyone keeps wanting me to talk about.

by **Zwangzug** » Sun Oct 10, 2021 6:03 am

The Arlington Moon-Tribune

Quick trivia question: when was the last time a Zwangzug player scored a hat trick for the national team? You would think that our friends at the Collective would know that off the top of their heads, but even they had to think about it for a couple reasons. First of all, we're more of a defensive-minded side. Secondly, last cycle we were kind of...not great. Thirdly, there's our side's tendency to spread the goalscoring love around, likely in overcompensation for the first generation team with their typecast strikers who had few backups or replacements, and consequently scored lots of goals on lots of occasions. That's not to say our strikers (and midfielders) don't rack up braces. They do. And if Gordon Blum scoring a brace, which he did in fine style, had been the most interesting story of the day, we wouldn't be going on about it. We probably wouldn't even be looking up whether he's passed Gary Maini for fifth on the all-time list (he has), or is chasing down Johan Idmar for fourth all-time and fourth in the modern era (he's close).

But that's not the story of the day.

Zwangzug, narrowly, qualified directly for the 89th World Cup as the sixth-best second-placed side, behind Valanora and Pasarga (two nations) on goal differential but ahead of Siovanija and Teusland (one nation). This is, of course, good news for our fans, and a disappointment for a talented but unlucky Kadongo Kamu side who will be looking to the well-travelled Pamela Scott to lead them in the Cup of Harmony. Had Southwest Eastnorth managed a point, perhaps Marcus Waters may have kept his job--at least into the playoffs--and Siovanija and Teusland would not have had to worry about facing the Ko-oren Dragonflies. Zwangzug would have been regrouping for a CoH campaign themselves, perhaps on home soil. So in that sense, the fact that we won, and decisively at that, deserves to be the main headline. But from another point of view--erratic qualifications are nothing new (see: last tournament). Qualification, elimination, and a playoff berth were all fairly likely outcomes; in that sense, none of them can be considered news, even the one that transpired.

Esther Axelrod-Conway's transfer to what was then the Farf Freitball Ligá was, as many things in Farfadillis tend to be, haphazard. "We have a new midfielder, do you want dibs." "Can you be more specific besides midfielder?" "No." "How about defensive midfielder, then." "Great, we love defensive midfielders, there's Barnes and Eliot and Guttuso--" "--okay whatever." Anyway, she wound up at Mâ Âlâmëómë, who would soon rise to greater heights in the Shango-Fogoa Premier League and beyond.

Another disclaimer about Farfadillis is that "defensive" is a relative term. It turns out that even though Axelrod-Conway may be less takilan-minded than her Farf peers, by Zwangzugian standards, she's a fearsome finisher. She'd racked up five goals before this qualification cycle saw her promoted to the nominal (or at least uniform-based) "starting lineup," and has continued to pose a threat both on defense and attack, even earning a mention on the Überolía GS SuperSports+ StatsPunk Testículos longlist, which is definitely a thing and not something I just made up to trigger every spam filter in existence at once.

And then. Whether worried about the team's qualification chances, needing a break in the action at Mâ Âlâmëómë, or really trying to one-up Jaclyn Burkhart and her "women goalscoring" record, Axelrod-Conway hoisted the team on her shoulders and scored an unfathomable four goals. From the midfield. "Defensive" midfield, maybe, although if our journalists can't be bothered to make a note of that it's highly unlikely the Southwest Eastnorth team cared.

The answer to the trivia question, by the way, is Johan Idmar in the opening match of the WC87 qualifiers--a news report broken by the Sharktail press, for those of you who care about such things. A foursome? Forget about position, forget about gender--by Zwangzug standards, this is incredibly rare. So rare, in fact, that poor Cheryl Woen, the Collective's spokesperson, got a glazed look in her eyes and said "I wonder if there are any records of anyone having done that, would they be somewhere accessible?" (For those of you not from Zwangzug, please imagine this in the tone of voice that your culture's fictional characters would say "I wonder what happens if I open the door of this spooky haunted house, surely nothing bad." The sense of seeing someone walk into a nerd-snipe and not being able to stop them is Zwangzug's favored version of the horror genre.)

So while we wait to find out when or if she returns from that rabbit hole, we can at least say this: congratulations to Esther Axelrod-Conway for doing something so historic, nerds like us don't know how historic it is.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram

Zwangzug, as you probably know, got an auto-qualification spot in this World Cup. Without playoff football to worry about, our nation took on our cohosts in an unofficial warm-up match--not Tikariot, but that nation which will host Groups A through D. It was a draw; an assist from Marcus Young brought about a goal from Brandon Irving about half an hour in. But shortly following this match's halfway mark, Farrokh Sokhi shook off Dhruv Roy and did a short pass to Jaclyn Burkhart. Burkhart shot past a diving Mikhail Trischuk, and that was it as far as scoring. "This is a strong squad," said coach DiMarini (I'm paraphrasing, as usual), "but obviously, any squad playing in a World Cup match is strong. Good luck to this nation going forward!" Alas, in contrast to our bat-and-ball squads, no knights or rooks did symbolic war off-pitch. But probably for now it's good to focus on actual football action.

On that topic: Zwangzug was drawn into Group H, which will play in Tikariot. This is an inviting and kindly country, which you might know from hosting a WBC prior to that in Chromatika. But it rubs up against Nyowani Kitara, which is sadly a particularly wartorn nation right now. "My pro tip is, if you don't look at it, it's kind of as if it's not occurring," said our captain, Lissa Crain, who plays for Baraldhur AFC.

"I don't think that's how that works," said our Farfadillis-inhabiting woman.

"Shut up and go back to bragging about all your goals," said Crain.

It is, in fact, Farfadillis--now officially IFCF's top pro association--who our nation will play first. Zwangzug famously got a four-all draw on Farfadillis' turf, amid pyromaniac fans in La Fantás, to knock out hosts Farfadillis four Cups ago. (Just as it is now, Zwangzug was co-hosting a Cup of Harmony, having brought logistic aid to World Cup cohosts during qualification.) Six individuals from that squad still play for Zwangzug, including Akhil Sibal, who says: "It was an amazing fight. Not a shining hour for us full-backs, but Farfadillis is a grand nation, and I'm looking forward to a taut showdown again."

On Matchday Two, Zwangzug will play Mytanija. This Rushmori squad is known to us from an unofficial match in which young Hrdaljko, still qualifying for Di Bradini play, was his nation's captain, and our country's journalist said an awkward thing about "I forgot to look for D." Okaaaaaaay, Hanna, that sounds truthful.

Anyway, Hrdaljko now plays for CA Paulinthal in Pasarga, and his nation is back among football's last thirty-two following a long nonqualification span. It last got to this lofty company in World Cup 68, a campaign in which Zwangzug, although its "D" at back was firm during qualification, lost out in a multi-round playoff format.

Our third match will pit us against Valanora, which, if you don't know about Valanora's outstanding World Cup football history...I don't know, pal, go pick up a book. As a "Bird Cup" champion, Valanora occasionally will play Zwangzug in that invitational; prior to this qualification campaign, Zwangzug got a win and a draw against Valanora during group play. But our most famous showdown was World Cup 42's final match, in which our nation lost in dramatic fashion, and Valanora...would probably say "for us it was Monday, actually not Monday, but following Monday, you know."

Anyway, this group's top two will go on to play against squads from Group G, which consists of Polkopia (had a stunning run as a nation without KPB rank, fascinating individuals among its forwards), Starblaydia (champions on many occasions), Cassadaigua (champions in many sports), and Graintfjall (cold nation north of Tikariot, known for its giant octopus horrors). Obviously, our staff will watch this pair of groups with particular fascination!

*

Zwangzug is cohosting this Cup of Harmony, and according to football officials, this kind of organization is hard work. "Fricking stadiums, man," said an anonymous logistics guy. "I must look at a map and find a pair of locations which can host a group, so that squads can go from A to B, without passing through any point C that is just a good a stadium to host a match. And I must do this for groups F, G, H, I, and J!" (Luckily, our nation was not stuck with this cup's fifth group.)

"Okay, so Wayr Stadium can go with...FTC? No, that's two stadiums on its own. Cham? But what about 102d? 102d to our capital is too long a trip. I don't know, put 102d with Cham," said a cartography guru.

Although this Cup of Harmony lacks any outstanding groups by our journalistic standards, I'm still looking forward to many dramatic showdowns that will occur on Matchday Two: Vilita against Savojarna, Lathamford against Huayramarca, and Milchama against TJUN-ia!

The Arlington Moon-Tribune

At press time, we're relieved to report that Cheryl Woen was found in one piece passed out over her keyboard. After recovering from a bleary haze, she reports that she has not found any evidence of a Zwangzug player scoring four goals in a single international match--not Simon Ryne Olson, the west FTC hotshot, not Rohit Sharma, the Namirite finisher, not anyone else, not even in six-goal wins against qualifying stage opponents like Kansiov, Scotchpinestan, and Acapais. "Doesn't mean it didn't happen, I could have missed something," she muttered, before we dragged her off to make sure she ate breakfast.

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