Baptism of Fire 76(IC, Everything)

by **Torisakia** » Fri Aug 20, 2021 10:21 pm

Deception: Shake-A-Wish Child Did Not Actual Have Cancer; Was Just Bald and Skinny

A Torisakian child is in hot water after it was uncovered that he did not have any form of cancer after telling the Shake-A-Wish Foundation that he did so he could get his wish fulfilled in meeting the Torisakia national association football team. Nolan Beauregard, age 9, was simply a lanky, bald child who's biggest ailment was the buildup of earwax in his left ear. Beauregard, with the help of his friend Brayden Dinkins, contacted the Shake-A-Wish Foundation after seeing a child with real cancer get to meet their idols. Beauregard convinced the foundation that he had Stage 5 Lymphoysemiacolorectalstate cancer and that he was one of only three known case ever to occur. With a bit of makeup from his stepmom's bathroom and some acting how-tos online, Nolan was able to completely act as if he had a terminal illness just so he could meet the Torisakia national association football team, although they actually were not his idols.

Beauregard actually wanted to meet the national team just so he could tell them they sucked, according to a statement he told a reporter. He thought that the national team was the worst team to ever exist and absolutely despised them. Rather than just typing out a post on social media voicing his displeasure for the team, he decided that telling them all in person would be the best. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned. Just before the meeting between Beauregard and the national team was to be set up, Nolan's dad and frickin' idiot stepmom Terri caught wind of his shenanigans after Nolan left his laptop open and did not clear his browser history, which revealed everything. Nolan denied everything, placing the blame on his friend Baryden. Brayden, in turn, blamed his parents for never loving him. Brayden's parents admitted they did not love him, but that was Brayden's own personal issue to deal with. Nolan's parents contacted the Shake-A-Wish Foundation and explained to them the situation. The Shake-A-Wish Foundation was extremely disappointed in Nolan and a few officials even wished that Nolan would get actual cancer as punishment. His actual punishment was a month grounding, a 95% reduction of his allowance for a year, and only two meals a day instead of three for the next six months. Too light of a punishment, many people think.

The national team was obviously disappointed that the child they were going to was not literally dying to see them. This now makes the fourth consecutive year that no Shake-A-Wish child has requested to see the national team, a record only bested by the national ice hockey team at five years. Even though Beauregard was not an actual fan of them, the team is still grateful that he wished to meet them. "It warms my heart to see children look up to athletes" Manager Andy Sanders said, "It reminds me that adults are in fact not getting shorter like I have been led to believe all these years". If anything good comes out of this situation, it's that medical professionals have now begun researching Lymphoysemiacolorectalstate cancer and a possible cure. Dr. Wayne Kerr at Tokai Memorial Hospital has stated, "[We] are very hopeful that a cure or effective treatment for Lymphoysemiacolorectalstate cancer will be found soon. All we need is a few government grants and taxpayer dollars for a couple of decades and we'll be good to go". When asked by reporters for The Torisakian Inquisition about the validity of Lymphoysemiacolorectalstate cancer after it was found to be something made up by Nolan Beauregard, Dr. Wayne Kerr stated: "Of course it's real. My ultra conservative, borderline dementia uncle on social media posted an article from TheRutabaga about it. And if it's on the internet, it's true. You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?", to which The Torisakian Inquisition had no viable reply.

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by **Bollonich** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 6:00 am

Baptism of Fire 76 - Groups A to C - Matchday 3

Group A
Ochre Islands 5–1 Britland
Torisakia 4–3 Maramaa
Nyowani Kitara 3–1 Raspotochje

  Group A              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Ochre Islands          3   3  0  0   14   3 +11    9
2 Nyowani Kitara         3   2  1  0   11   5  +6    7
3 Torisakia              3   2  1  0   10   5  +5    7
4 Maramaa                3   1  0  2    4   7  −3    3
5 Britland               3   0  0  3    4  13  −9    0
6 Raspotochje            3   0  0  3    4  14 −10    0

Group B
Behetij 2–4 Vajlahrys
Venmere 1–2 Kiltoch
Pyazhnaya 3–0 Krbustan

  Group B              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Pyazhnaya              3   3  0  0   15   0 +15    9
2 Behetij                3   2  0  1    6   5  +1    6
3 Kiltoch                3   1  1  1    2   2   0    4
4 Vajlahrys              3   1  1  1    4   8  −4    4
5 Venmere                3   1  0  2    5   9  −4    3
6 Krbustan               3   0  0  3    2  10  −8    0

Group C
Cabo Azure 1–0 Milchama
Martune 1–2 Ardelark
Malta Comino Gozo 1–0 Bahia Roja

  Group C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Milchama               3   2  0  1    9   3  +6    6
2 Bahia Roja             3   2  0  1    7   4  +3    6
3 Cabo Azure             3   2  0  1    9   7  +2    6
4 Martune                3   1  0  2    4   5  −1    3
5 Malta Comino Gozo      3   1  0  2    3   5  −2    3
6 Ardelark               3   1  0  2    5  13  −8    3

by **Banija** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 6:20 am

And now time for the third cutoff of the Baptism of Fire! All my life, I've waited for this cutoff, right?

Matchday 3 Groups D-F

Group D
Pascafia 5–0 Merulantis
India 2–1 Daehae
Agresos 2–2 Moliza

Group D                                 Pld  W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Moliza                                 3   2  1  0    7   5  +2    7
2 Pascafia                               3   2  0  1    7   2  +5    6
3 India                                  3   2  0  1    8   6  +2    6
4 Agresos                                3   1  1  1    6   7  −1    4
5 Daehae                                 3   0  1  2    3   5  −2    1
6 Merulantis                             3   0  1  2    3   9  −6    1

Group E
Democratic Kingdom of South India 0–2 Vikanias
Yasquia 1–5 Kaldtfjell
Saterun 1–2 West Guam

Group E                                 Pld  W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kaldtfjell                             3   2  1  0    7   2  +5    7
2 Yasquia                                3   2  0  1    8   9  −1    6
3 Democratic Kingdom of South India      3   1  1  1    4   3  +1    4
4 West Guam                              3   1  0  2    4   7  −3    3
5 Saterun                                3   1  0  2    4   6  −2    3
6 Vikanias                               3   1  0  2    2   2   0    3

Group F
Ostankin 1–1 Usanguk
Saint Eleanor 3–2 Aix les Filles
Rizealand 0–3 Lathamford

Group F                  Pld   W   D   L    GF   GA   GD    Pts 
1 Lathamford              3    3   0   0    10    1   +9     9
2 Saint Eleanor           3    2   0   1     6    5   +1     6
3 Aix les Filles          3    2   0   1     6    4   +2     6
4 Rizealand               3    1   0   2     3    6   −3     3
5 Usanguk                 3    0   1   2     3    5   −2     1
6 Ostankin                3    0   1   2     1    8   −7     1

by **Cabo Azure** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 6:57 am

Cabo Azure 1-0 Milchama
Pos. Name 
GK Carreira
LB Branco
CB Mendes (off 70')
CB Macedo
RB Carneiro (off 70')
LW Serra 
CM Ferreira (Marciano)
RM Santos
LW Silveira
CF Montenegro (off 70')
RW Carrico (goal 55')

CM Medeiros (on 70')
RB de Lima (on 70')
CB Medeiro (on 70')
A hard-fought, blue-collar win for the Macaricas over favored opposition, and an important addition to their resume. The match nearly started with disaster, after a miscue in the backfield saw Floren rocket home a goal off a steal and assist from Waver, but the goal was called back for offsides. The obligatory first blunder out of the way, the Azureans quickly settled in, rebuffing several potent attacks by the Warriors, but played the majority of the first half on their heels. Though they got the ball forward on numerous occasions, compact play by Witson and the rest of the Milchama back line kept them out of any dangerous play.

To the untrained observer, Carrico's goal at 55' may have seemed to come against the run of play, as the second half started much like the first, but in truth it was a subtle tactical shift by Paulinho that made the goal possible, sending Branco and Ferreira further forward to support the attack, overloading the defense and creating mismatches. One such mismatch came off a canny through ball by the younger Ferreira* which found Carrico just in time for him to turn and shoot.

Having established a lead, Paulinho set about protecting it, deploying three defensive substitutions at the seventy-minute mark to see the game out. The Warriors came relentlessly in the final half-hour of the match, winning corners and forcing Carreira into several impressive saves. Twenty year-old Deodato Medeiro, a standout from the Campionato Rushmori Juvenil, made a crucial mistake with a tackle on Mattiyahu, but Carreira guessed correctly and covered the resulting penalty.

*of note, the Ferreira that started at CM this match is twenty-five year-old Marciano Ferreira, younger brother of Matheus Ferreira who received a red card in the match vs. Ardelark.

A Good Bit of Business, Pt 3

“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you all to my home,” Joaquin Sequeira began, speaking into the microphone on the podium. “Would like to, but I can’t, because this isn’t it.” The joke was well-rehearsed, and it landed, finding a few wry chuckles in the audience that weren’t completely forced. “In any case, it has been excellent getting to mingle with the fine young men who are poised to represent Cabo Azure on the multiversal stage. I wanted to give a few minutes on the mic to the man who made it all possible, the man without whom there may not be a Cabo Azure, let alone Team Cabo Azure. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Prime Minister Mario Borges.”

He stepped back, joining in the audience’s applause as Mario approached the podium. The prime minister’s appearance at this function had been the worst-kept secret in Cabo Azure since they’d agreed on it. The usual tabloid buzzards ran the story, trying to paint it as a shadowy meeting between the government and big business. If only they knew the truth. At least they wouldn’t come on board the yacht; he’d only had to throw one “reporter” overboard (with a life vest, of course) during his divorce before they’d learned the boat was sacred ground.

“Thank you, Joaquin,” said Mario into the mic. “And thank you for the use of this beautiful yacht tonight. In my playing days, football players rode around in patrol boats.” He paused. “And we liked it!” Joaquin smiled; some speechwriter was proud of that one. Before entering government, Mario had been a naval officer and a star midfielder for Cidadela, the military’s football team. Though he hadn’t spent much time on ships; as Joaquin understood it, most of his career had been spent teaching exercise classes at the Academy, the better to mesh with his playing schedule.

Mario’s speech went on the same way for a few minutes, and when he was done he made the rounds of the players, shaking their hands and congratulating them. Joaquin had to admire the man’s consistency; even thirty years later, as the prime minister of Cabo Azure, he was still a football player, talking shop with the boys. In Joaquin’s opinion, Mario’s appointment as culture minister had been a lucky break for the previous regime, a popular hero to keep the public’s attention even while he ate out of their hands.

Unconsciously, Joaquin’s hand tapped his phone in his pocket, where he’d seen an unread email that morning from his undergraduate advisor. Because he was relatively knowledgeable about the inner workings of the infrastructure that had made him rich, it was commonly believed that Joaquin had a degree in engineering or a technical field. In fact the opposite was true; he’d studied economics and political science at university and been unable to find a job in his field. Working as a repairman for the monopolistic, royally-chartered phone company in his twenties, he’d been struck by how inefficiently it was run and set about to create a privately-owned rival, which would become Zul.

Building Zul from the ground up had meant becoming literate first in landline phones, then the Internet, then broadband, satellite, and the various G’s of mobile data. Joaquin had not, however, lost his touch or his interest in the soft sciences. His gift was seeing the big picture, and he could see it now as clearly as when he’d mortgaged his grandparents’ house to get seed money to found Zul. There were inefficiencies, legacy policies and institutions from the Interregnum and before that held back Cabo Azure from its full potential. Removing those would be a win for the common people of Cabo Azure, who could finally take advantage of the rest of Rushmore and the multiverse, as well as the men like him, who stood to make a fortune selling Cabo Azure to the world and the world to Cabo Azure.

Changing those policies would be a good bit of business.

by **Nyowani Kitara** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 1:55 pm

Background Info on NYK
Part 1

President Boaz Akongo, travelling to the rendezvous point in the heart of the Viljan National Forest

President Akongo was normally known as a paranoid man. Foreign intelligence agents who studied the political happenings of Nyowani Kitara said that under Boaz, you had a 'death wish' if you wanted real political power. In only 7 years in power, the amount of leadership who had risen to power, and then fallen drastically into disgrace, was a staggeringly high number. Akongo was a man who did not take risks. Never give anyone else too much power, keep everybody on their toes, and ensure that security team, above all else, had a staggering amount of personal loyalty to you- and ensure that if they did try to bop you off, they'd have everything to lose.

The basic rules of dictatorship behind the barrel of a gun. So the fact that he trusted very few people, considering his own mindset, made a certain amount of logical sense. His lack of trust brought him to where he was- travelling with a few trusted soldiers, through the dirt backroads of the national forest that was cleared out of any sort of people, and then searched for things like bugs. This was a man, of course, who refused to appoint a Vice President, saying that his youth 'rendered the question of succession moot for the present time'. He had to be absolutely clear. To avoid arousing any sort of suspicion among locals, the meeting with Dr. Valter Abelsson was moved from MD2 to MD3 of the Baptism of Fire.

And maybe for his benefit. Watching Nyowani Kitara score 7 goals on Matchday 3 was an absolute delight. They were listening to Nyowani Kitara's Matchday 3 bout against 0-0. It was still 0-0 in the 20th minute. The soldiers, of course, really wanted to listen to it. Akongo would have preferred no noise at all, but may as well keep his people happy. What they were going to do was extremely important.

They got to the point, and he saw Gustav Isaksson and Dr. Abelsson. "Pat down, please." President Akongo barked. The soldier in the passenger seat of the SUV got out of the car, and approached Dr. Abelsson. He patted down the Græntfjall communist, and the soldier gave the all-clear. At that moment, President Akongo got out of his car, and shook the doctor's hand.

"Thank you for meeting me, good doctor." President Akongo said.

"It is an honor to meet you, Mr. President." Dr. Abelsson said. "A true revolutionary- unlike the capitalist dogs that have overtaken my country." They spent a few minutes making small talk, mostly blasting capitalism, before getting down to business. "As you'll see, Gustav ensured that I was able to have basically a full setup, out here in the forest. Electricity, access to great tools and medical equipment, whatever I need to conduct these medical tests on you."

"Gustav spoke to you, of course, about the importance of this." President Akongo replied. "And he talked about the need for-"

"The utmost privacy, yes." Dr. Abelsson said. "Whatever the results, without your explicit say-so, I won't say a word to anyone. Not in this country, not in my home country, not in any country."

"Thank you." The President. And then, the President described his symptoms, and the Doctor performed some tests. As they waited for results for a few hours, they listened on the radio to the remainder of Nyowani Kitara's Baptism of Fire game. It ended up being a 3-1 victory- with Odede Angonga getting a double while Leonard Lundquist scored once. A fun game to listen to. "Is 7 points- is that enough to get to the next round?" He asked. One of the Generals started talking about how the Ochre Islands had been similarly dominant, and that the matchday 5 clash between the two sides would be a clash of titans for the top of the table.

Just then, Dr. Abelsson came out of his tent. There was a frown on his face- it was not good. "Good Doctor, what's wrong?"

"Well, there is good news and bad news. I'll start with the bad news." Dr. Abelsson said. The President gulped as the tension built inside his head, and all around him.

"Wait- only Gustav and I hear this directly." The soldiers exited the room and stood guard, outside the tent, out of ear shot.

"Mr. President." Started Dr. Abelsson. "I have double checked this, and I am absolutely sure. Mr. President, with your symptoms and these X-Rays, you surely have lung cancer." The President would have rather been hit with a ton of bricks. Lung cancer? Him? Impossible. Well, of course, he was a chain smoker- but surely. "The good news, Mr. President, is that we have caught the cancer early enough to where we can intervene medically. I'm not sure what kind of medical facilities are here, but if you give me a room at a hospital, with some trusted doctors, I can stay here long-term and directly run chemotherapy treatments for you."

"Chemotherapy??" The President exclaimed. Those were brutal. But furthermore- how do you run a country while going through chemotherapy? It wouldn't make sense- surely some ambitious subordinate would take the substantial amount of time that he'd have to miss while in chemotherapy, and recovering from it, and try to knife him. Quite literally- the President was all too suspicious of a transfer of power via a military coup. "No. That is not an option."

"Mr. President, I can guarantee your security here at home." Gustav Isaksson said. He saw his boss's mind churning, and he did not like where it was going. "Or, I guess you can go abroad."

"Go abroad?" The President said. "No, that will never work. I'll be safer there- but that leaves my position more at risk. You can't disappear from a country like this for a long period of time. With the center of power gone, I would have to leave someone in charge. I'd need you with me, providing security. You don't think someone would try to consolidate power for themselves? Nobody in the party knows the definition of loyalty besides you, Gustav, which is why I need you with me."

The President's mind was churning. What to do? "Good Doctor, I need your honest assessment. If we don't do chemotherapy, how long do I have?"

The Doctor thought for a moment. "Well, we were just listening to soccer, right? You know World Cup 89?" The President nodded. "You'll surely live to watch a large portion of NYK's qualifying campaign- but there's probably a less than 5% chance, if you do nothing, of you getting to watch Matchday 1 of the World Cup 89 Finals."

Another ton of bricks. "Thank you, good Doctor." The President said. "My soldiers will escort you back to Port Viljan, and put you on a boat to Dewayo. I need to speak with Gustav." The Doctor then was taken to the SUV, and left.

"Gustav, I need you to bring my children to me." The President said. "I need to speak to them. I have only so much time left, and-"

"Mr. President, you can't be serious?" Gustav said. "You're not going to do chemotherapy?"

"I would rather know how long I have, and face down my mortality, than either wake up in a jail cell because my sickness leaves us open to some sort of Yue style revolution, or being thousands of miles from home in some foreign hospital bed. Although, I guess we should discuss our options. Bollonich? San Ortelio? Would we be close enough in either of those countries to keep an effective eye on everything happening back home?"

Gustav was silent as the President continued speaking. "I have avoided the question of succession for long enough, because we were years away from dealing with my mortality. But now, that is right in front of us. My son is an idiot. My daughter is 17. How do we prepare either of them for the top spot? But there's not much time- we will do what has to be done. I cannot secure the position of one of my children as my designated successor from some hospital bed in a foreign country. Gustav, our families have been in service together for years. I can trust you show the same loyalty, when the time comes, to my children that you did to me?"

Gustav nodded. "Then bring my children to me. We're going to stay in Port Viljan for a few days. Don't say anything. Matchday 4- we will speak. In the meantime, call Ren Qiang. He's our last ally left. Set up a call. And hey- may as well put out feelers in neighboring countries about a NYK government official seeking long-term medical care. Obviously don't mention myself. A lower ranking official. Maybe a member of the Party's Defence Commission or something? Very low-key, back door feelers. Find out what these countries would say. May as well find out all our options."

"But chemotherapy here at home? Not a chance. It'd be more efficient to try and climb that barbed wire border fence behind us, and die that way." The President's orders were given. Gustav got him to the car, and they drove to the big city on this peninsula, Port Viljan. Could there possibly be a national secret bigger than this one?

by **Lathamford** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 7:50 pm

S p o r t L i n k

Group F
Rizealand 0–3 Lathamford
Rizealand::
Lathamford:: Otto Farrowsteam '9, '60, '69
@ Hangaza Unified Stadium

Match Report

1: Kick off
4: Rizealand takes a shot. That's off target.
5: Rizealand is shown a Yellow Card.
6: Rizealand takes a shot. That's off target.
8: Counterattack mount by Lathamford
9: Lathamford scores! The scorer was Otto Farrowsteam
14: Rizealand takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
18: Matt Falconderry takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
20: Bruno Caskwoods takes a shot. That's off-target.
21: Bruno Caskwoods takes a shot. That's off-target.
22: Rizealand is shown a Yellow Card.
25: Vorn Selfridges takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
26: Matt Falconderry takes a shot. That's off-target.
30: Corner kick to Rizealand
35: Corner kick to Rizealand
36: Rizealand takes a shot. That's off-target.
37: Adolf Wyvernchaser takes a shot. That's off-target.
40: Rizealand takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
45: Bruno Caskwoods takes a shot. That's off-target.

47: Freekick to Rizealand
50: Adolf Wyvernchaser takes a shot. That's off-target.
52: Rizealand takes a shot. That's off-target.
57: Matt Falconderry takes a shot. That's off-target.
59: Rizealand takes a shot. That's off-target.
60: Lathamford scores! The scorer was Otto Farrowsteam
63: Xavier Wolfsong is shown a Yellow Card.
65: Substitution by Lathamford player Bruno Caskwoods make way for Giles Kingsley
68: Free kick for Lathamford, take by Farrowstream
69: Lathamford scores! The scorer was Otto Farrowsteam
71: Rizealand takes a shot. That's off-target.
79: Giles Kingsley takes a shot. That's off-target.
80: Giles Kingsley takes a shot. That's off-target.
82: Substitution by Lathamford player Otto Farrowsteam make way for Frederick Grantham
86: Rizealand takes a shot. That's off-target.
87: Frederick Grantham takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
88: Substitution by Lathamford player Xavier Wolfsong make way for Bradley Barrington
89: Giles Kingsley takes a shot. That's off-target.
90+2: Final Whistle

Farrowsteam found his destructive touch in MD 3 when they beat Rizealand 3-0 in a Group F match, Baptism of Fire 76. In two previous games, he only managed 2 on-targets through 5 shots and no goals were scored. This figure does not reflect what it really is, this Featherwood FC Locomotive striker has recorded three international goals with 6 caps (excluding the match with Rizealand)

Rizealand was stunned in the ninth minute when Lathamford's counter-attack paid off, at first Rizealand attacked but was unable to break Speedy Cat's defense, and then launched a counter-attack, Martin Haymoore's long ball accurately got Farrowsteam, who then sped into the opponent's penalty box, his thunderous shot made the score at the time 1-0, Lathamford's first goal and first for him of the tournament. It was very unfortunate for Rizealand, because in the 14th minute, the goal should have been for them because only the goalkeeper separated their striker and Lathamford's goal, but unfortunately, the weak shot was saved by Glen Greenash, another clean sheet for him, and it was very brilliant, Greenash only lost once.

Offensive mode Speedy Cat increased in the second half, 60th minute, Farrowsteam once again scored as the scorer, a precise cross from Joe Wymondham was not his waste, a right-footed bounce made the current standings 2-0. Wolfsong was awarded a yellow card in the 63rd minute after explicitly dropping an opponent 3 inches from outside the penalty box, but Rizealand's free-kick deflected away... Five minutes later, Lathamford was awarded a free-kick as the opponent dropped Kingsley outside the penalty box, again Farrowsteam curveball confused the goalkeeper and, ... hattrick for Otto Farrowsteam.

Frederick Grantham was then inserted to replace Speedy Cat's hero in the 82nd minute, and in the 87th minute, despite 1v1 with the goalkeeper, Grantham failed to stuff the ball into the opponent's goal, what a waste, the current standings are still 3-0. Six minutes into the final, the match slowed down, Lathamford seemed satisfied with the 3-0 goal while Rizealand seemed not to want to lose even more again. When all his players were fortified in their own area, they changed the pattern of the game to ultra defense. In the 90th minute+2, the final whistle was blown by the referee and the victory belonged to The Speedy Cat.

MD4: Usanguk vs. Lathamford
Greenash
Decker - Skelmersdale (C) - Haymoore
Wymondham - Wyvernchaser - Hargreave - Carter Colfield
Farrowsteam - Caskwoods - Kingsley

by **Pyazhnaya** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 8:42 pm

-- The Baptism of Fire 76 is covered by Kathleen Negretti --

As Pyazhnaya continues to forge ahead in group C of the Baptism of Fire, as you can follow in our direct coverage of the tournament, part 4 of our "Behind the Nation" series will take a look at one of our favourite parts in any series like that: food.

Most archipelagos are renowned for their seafood and big variety within that field, but strangely enough Pyazhnayans are not exactly known for being big fish eaters, which is likely one reason why seafood is one of the main exports of the country.

Even within Pyazhnaya there are very different opinions on what could or should be considered the national dish, but there are some recurring themes, such as stews and soups as well as hearty meat and potato dishes, which is fitting giving them somewhat inclement weather that the islands often have to endure.

Soups and stews are where one is most likely to encounter fish, like in the most popular variety Torpedo, taking its name from the nickname for the Northern pike, which is the most used fish in Pyazhnaya for this soup. Its base is a very rich fish broth with pike fillets, potatoes, carrots and other vegetables. Due to the pike having a lot of fishbones it is only recommended for experienced chefs to prepare it to avoid unwanted surprises while eating it.

A specialty of the Zelenyy Ostrov (Green Island) in the northwest is called blizkalnik, a very thick and rich meat stew, which can be made from a variety of meats, but usally contains either beef or reindeer together with root vegetables such as potatoes, carrots or parsnips as well as peas and often also with seasonal mushrooms, which is often simmered over low heat overnight to allow for the flavours to develop and for the stew to thicken to gravy-like consistency. In more recent times the vegetarian version named blizkalnik vegetarianets has gained a lot of popularity.

The Chernyye Ostrova in the northeast also have a very distinct recipe, the chernoye ragu, or black soup. In the sub-archipelago's black theme for virtually everything, it is made with the famous black bread, various vegetables, but usually no meat, making for a very warming dish in the cold Pyazhnayan winters.

Very popular across all islands are many different kind of skewer dishes, both prepared at home as well as countless street vendors, like the famous Myasnyye Paltsy, or meat fingers, which consist of ground meat mixed with egg, chopped onions and herbs, packed around skewers and then grilled over an open fire, or the beskovici family of skewers, which features alternating meat and vegetable pieces skewered and grilled.

Speaking of street vendors, Pyazhnayans love their food on the go and large numbers of carts and small hole in the wall take out counters will offer steamed and fried dumplings, both savoury and sweet, or handheld pies called ozhtanki, which are mostly baked, have a slightly crumbly dough and also sweet or savoury fillings.

Be it pork or beef, boar or deer, Pyazhnayans have a tendency to cook, boil, braise or bake it and serve with potatoes and other vegetables, often without sauces, but especially during the transitional period during and after the war it often was one of the cheapest and most filling options for food, together with a variety of different breads, so, no pun intended, meat and potatoes literally is the "meat and potatoes" of Pyazhnayan cuisine. In recent years many of the traditional recipes have seen some fancier sprucing up, either with finer cuts of meat or a larger variety of sauces, but the basic foundation has remained the same and is still as popular as ever.

Pyazhnayans also have a sweet tooth, which is why there are many bakeries and patisseries in even smaller towns, some specializing in yavolky, which are small, sweet buns, often filled with fruit or sweetened nut mixtures, syamatsky, somewhat similar to yavolky, just in fritter form, or sweet yeast pastries, some plain or filled with custards and/or berries.

Berries overall play an important role in Pyazhnayan desserts, as compots, fillings, toppings or thickened fruit dish, which often is served with vanilla sauce or ice cream.

by **Milchama** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 8:51 pm

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Sun-Moon-Sky-Picayune-Courier-Post-Pre-Forward-Current-Reader

Sports Section

Milchama Finally Lose

After two easy victories in their first two matchups the Milchama Warriors finally hit a team that wasn't terrible today against Cabo Azure and didn't particularly play well losing 1-0 to the Macaricas. The offense looked anemic, the defense looked pathetic, and the overall play level was quite low from the Warriors for whom we expected better. Honestly, I don't have a good excuse I just want to rant so that's what we're going to do for the rest of this article.

So let's start with the first half: The Warriors seemed to dominate possession and territory but that was mostly an illusion as they were able to pass the ball around a lot in the Cabo Azure half without actually threatening to do anything. The one time they threatened, in the 15th minute, Floren was clearly offsides. Like he was 3 steps offsides and I don't know why he wasn't immediately flagged. Apparently, there is some new fangled technology called "Video Assistant Referee" which uses a video to tell the ref the wrong information so that the masses will be more infuriated with missed calls. During the Isolation many nations starting using this technology to "get the calls correct" but mostly still get it wrong but it takes longer, doesn't work, and just gets more people angry. Anyway, this VAR seemed to be the reason for the delay instead of the ref just doing their job and actually making the call. Basically, VAR sucks and should be abolished in all multiverses for football from now on.

Besides the VAR nonsense, the rest of the first half was more of the same, Milchama seemingly attacking and creating chances but mostly just passing the ball aimlessly without showing much real menace. The shots tell you everything you need to know at the end of the half. The Warriors had 5 shots, 3 on target, while the Macaricas had 2 shots, none on target. So while it was clear Milchama was doing better they were not actually creating real chances.

That would back to bite the Warriors in the second half when a slight tactical change by the Macaricas caught them off guard. Increased attacks into the area to create real venom backfired as a Cabo Azure counterattack ended up in a beautiful pass by Ferreira to Carrico for the only goal of the game. The rest of the second half was the Warriors attempting to actually attack but mostly failing as a great defensive effort by Cabo Azure assured them of the three points. Oh apparently a penalty was saved also which is just ridiculous. Terrible call, worse penalty taken, nothing good.

On the plus side Milchama is now first in the standings in the group, still, and has 6 points booked with only 2 more games to play. On the downside we may have peaked too early and our attack is starting to look stagnant. We'll see how we do against our next opponent but for now the Warriors have an opportunity to lick their wounds and get ready for the next game.

by **Torisakia** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 9:14 pm

Busted: TASFA Caught Making Fake Resumes For Players; Says It's The Players' Fault

A sad thing happened this week. It was revealed by a whistleblower that the Torisakia Association Soccer & Football Alliance (TASFA) was creating fake and fraudulent resumes for players so that they would be able to get on squads with various teams and so they could receive money for the billable hours. TASFA created these fake resumes along with assisting players in team interviews without the interviewer's knowledge and severely underpaid said players while doing so. Evidence has be prevalent, mostly among the Torisakia national team and the sheer amount of frauds on the squad. At least 18 players have confirmed that their resumes were faked by TASFA and that they were aided in joining the squad. In relevant news, the whistleblower who revealed the actions by the TASFA has since gone missing, with all of their possessions, social media accounts, and tax records being wiped off the face of the Earth. Gone. Reduced to atoms. The authorities have not expressed any interest in conducting a missing person's search or even entering them into the database, citing "don't care + ratio" as their reasoning.

TASFA has responded to these claims, mostly in a self-victimizing way. TASFA President Dolan Kramer has stated, "[We] did not create fake resumes. It's not true. It's bullshit. We did not create fake resumes. We did not". Other TASFA officials have confirmed that fake resumes were used, but that it was not the organization's fault. "These players are to blame" said Leslie May, a TASFA official. "They never expressed any concern about using the fake resumes so we just assumed they were okay with it. Yes it may be unethical and bad business practice, but those are the player's personal problems to address". TASFA released an official statement explaining how they would never financially recover from this scandal and that the whistleblower is to blame for it. They even went as far as to dox the whistleblower, posting their name, address, credit card information, and blood type on social media and encouraging people to go a "have a talk" with them. The Torisakia Inquisition believes this has something to do with the whistleblower's disappearance. TASFA also said that any player who comes forward with information about the subject are to be beaten senseless by everyone in the stadium. TASFA has even began rounding up potential whistleblowers in black vans and shipping them off to "rehabilitation camps". The Torisakia Inquisition attempted to locate these camps, but were largely unsuccessful.

While lying on resumes is not illegal, doing so is considered unethical and bad practice. Even more so is the fact that TASFA was helping players on interviews without every party involved being aware of it. The Federal Trade Association, along with the Better Business Brigade, has stated that they will launch a full investigation into the matter. Many players have lawyered up to prevent themselves from being sued. FTA Chairman Ed Hamlett said, "[If] these allegations were found to be true, we could be looking at the biggest mass exodus of a governing sports body we have seen in the past 100 years". When asked if he believed it would lead to another situation like with Kiragate, Hamlett denied, stating, "It's very unlikely. This seems to be something largely occurring within association football. Even then, it's dealing with the higher-ups and not the players themselves". Although this would likely not lead to more sanctions for Torisakian sports, 99.7% of people in a Torisakia Inquisition poll stated that they want the Torisakia national association football team to be shut down permanently and all the players given the actual death penalty. 0.01% stated they wanted the same thing done, but without the "death penalty" part. The other 0.02% responded with "don't care + unsubbed + blocked + ratio", and could not be reached for further explanation.

More stories from The Torisakia Inquisition »

High School To Begin Offering AP Lunch To Students With 30+ BMIs
Epic Fail: This Man Cut His Lawn In Reverse, Causing Grass To Grow Taller
Chicken Restaurant Owner Suspected In Fowl Play
Tokai House Pantry Stocked With Cans Of Whoop Ass

by **Lathamford** » Sat Aug 21, 2021 10:52 pm

S p o r t L i n k

PLAYER CAPS AND GOALS

NAME	NATIONALITY	CAPS	GOAL
Hydradust       	1	0
Baymartin       	1	0
Greenash		5	0
Decker	        	4	0
Wolfsong		3	0
Izzard-Crew 		2	0
Ashleigh		3	0
Skelmersdale ©		7	0
Haymoore		6	1
Wymondham		7	1
Wyvernchaser		5	1
Hargreave 		5	0
du Graypelt		4	0
Selfridges		5	0
Colfield		6	2
Farrowsteam		7	6
Caskwoods 		5	3
Falconderry		6	0
Barrington		2	0
Darrington		2	0
T. Ashleigh		1	0
Grantham		3	0
Kingsley		3	0
A. Caskwoods		1	0

MD4: Usanguk vs. Lathamford
Greenash
Decker - Skelmersdale (C) - Haymoore
Wymondham - Wyvernchaser - Hargreave - Carter Colfield
Farrowsteam - Caskwoods - Kingsley

Lathamian National League club, Rotor Blewbury, continues to improve to become a professional team. The latest, the pride of the Blewburian community will build a training center on the shores of Cape Astro, East Blewbury. In an area of seven hectares, Rotor Blewbury will build 3-4 training grounds, offices, up to a player mess. Later, all the activities of Osborne Shrivenham and colleagues will be centered there.

The location of Cape Astro is also quite strategic. It only takes about 20 minutes to get to the center of Port Blewbury and Capstan Hill. Rotor Blewbury plans to start building it in early 2022. “Gradually all team activities will be centered around Cape Astro. Starting from the training ground, mess, and team management. Especially for the permanent corporate office in Capstan Hill," said CEO of Rotor Blewbury, Edgar Broometich, quoted from National Enquirer.

“Access is very easy. Moreover, several cities are very close. Hopefully early next year we can start,” added the Broometich, also the owner of Rotor Blewbury. Rotor Blewbury is known as a Lathamian club that often innovates. Although only established in 1999, they have become the first club in Lathamford to have a stake in several major companies. If the training center at Cape Astro has been built, Rotor Blewbury will also be the first Lathamian club to have the most complete and modern facilities.

Our Strikers Performance so far...
Bruno Caskwoods, 34 [Goldfinger United FC]
8 shot - 4 on target - 2 goals

Otto Farrowsteam, 28 [Lokomotive Featherwood FC]
8 shots - 5 on target - 3 goal

Matt Falconderry, 30 [Dynamo Buttercourt FC]
5 shots - 1 on target - 0 goal

Team Record

MAC8-1	Greenash, Decker, Izzard-Crew [Ashleigh], Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave [du Graypelt], Colfield, Farrowsteam, Caskwoods [Falconderry]
MAC8-2	Greenash, Decker [Barrington], Ashleigh, Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Selfridge, Hargreave [du Graypelt], Colfield, Farrowsteam, Falconderry
MAC8-3	Hydradust, Ashleigh, Darrington, Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Selfridge [T. Ashleigh] , du Graypelt, Colfield, Farrowsteam [Grantham], Falconderry
Fr01	Baymartin, Skelmersdale (C), Decker [Wolfsong], Izzard-Crew, Wymondham, Colfield [Selfridges], Colfield, Wyvernchaser, Farrowsteam, Caskwoods, Falconderry [Grantham]
BoF76-1	Greenash, Decker,  Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore [Darrington], Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave [du Graypelt],  Colfield, Farrowsteam, Caskwoods, Falconderry [Kingsley]
BoF76-2 Greenash, Decker,  Skelmersdale (C) [Wolfsong], Haymoore, Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave, Colfield [V.Selfridges], Farrowsteam, Caskwoods [A.Caskwoods], Kingsley
BoF76-3 Greenash, Wolfsong (Barrington), Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave, V.Selfridges, Farrowsteam (Grantham), Caskwoods (Kingsley), Falconderry

by **Pascafia** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 12:51 am

Self Murder On The Pitch

Type: Game Analysis
Time: After MD3

FULL TIME RESULTS
Pascafia 5 - 0 Merulantis
Unknown (12' OG, 89' OG) Matenas Hosokagiri (23' ; 56' ; 90+2') / None

Brothers, you will not believe what happened. Pascafia won 5 - 0, with the help of two own goals! Yes, you heard me right, two own goals! I don't know what the Merulantians were thinking, but that probably would be a national embarassment. I don't know if any national team has ever scored more than one own goals, but, i guess this is a blessing for Pascafia, or is it? Of course, we are currently second in the tables, fighting against India as well. Meanwhile Moliza decided to risk themselves and get a draw. Now, we are only one point away from being on top of the group table. But remember, do not celebrate too early. There is still a chance we get eliminated, so stay calm. Now, let's see what happened in the game.

First Half.
Pascafia start with the ball for kickoff. Because, well, we are the home team. Pascafia were controlling the game very well, as usual. But, just twelve minutes into the match and Merulantis had their first ever disaster. A Merulantis CB had passed the ball back to the goalie, but, he had kicked the ball way too hard. The Goalkeeper was so shocked, he just stood in place when the defender shot the ball back, and the ball went into the back of the net. Andre Katani Henggo literally screamed "Wait what!?" when the own goal happened. I mean, who wouldn't? That own goal was the most horrendous anyone has ever seen! The Merulantis Goalkeeper was real mad.

Eleven minutes after that of a disaster, Matenas Hosokagiri had the ball and was in the box, ready to strike to earn the second goal for Pascafia in the match. However, a Merulantis RB had tackled him, and it was a clear foul. A Yellow card was given to the defender, and Pascafia earned themselves a penalty. Of course, Matenas would be taking this penalty. Matenas took his position. He runs, he stops, he runs, he stops, he runs, he shoots, and it's a goal for Pascafia. A simple chip to the center, keeping it simple and unpredictable. The Merulantis Goalkeeper had dived left slightly early, and Matenas just took the open goal with a breeze. Simple as that.

Merulantis had a chance to make the game 2 - 1. On the thirty nineth minute, a Merulantis striker had accidentally been tackled by Javon Usuma Olkeni who just had returned from his match suspension of MD1 after misinformation that the suspension should just be a one match instead of a two match suspension. Anyway, he got booked a yellow. Good thing he wasn't sent off, but he seriosly needs to fix his tackling. The striker took the penalty onto the bottom right corner, but Orlen Asaman Udora barely tipped the ball with his fingers away, keeping the clean sheet streak going forward.

On the fourty fourth minute, was the final chance of the first half. Pascafia earned a right sided corner after a Merulantian CB kicked the ball away to the right. Welkas Marate Nenid was going to take the corner. He shot it to the center of the box with precision, and surprisingly, Riandre Sertomadi attempted a rebound by stretching his right foot out. Sadly, the Merulantian goalkeeper had easily saved the rebound. The first half went out with several passes here and there, but so far after that final moment, nothing really big happened until first half ended.

Second Half.
Nothing much really happened at the start of the second half, that is, until the fifty sixth minute. Andre took a left corner kick after the Merulantian LB had kicked the ball away, once again. This time, Pascafia was able to properly convert the chance, as Matenas had commited a simple header, giving Pascafia that 3 - 0 cushion. At this point, it was confirmed that they were going to win the match. The Merulantian defense after this was absolutely in shambles. Not much proper defense, on the seventy sixth and eighty second minutes were chances for Pascafia to take the lead even more, but just missed them out.

On the eighty nineth minute, another weird disaster struck. As Welkas was going to take a shot, a Merulantian CB had taken the ball away from him, and passed to the other CB. Then, the CB passed to the goalkeeper, who was on the other side of the goal! The ball went in, as the goalkeeper had realized it too late, and it was another murderous own goal. At that point, everyone watching the match was slapping their own faces and asking themselves "Is this a dream?" No one had seen such audacity of own goals in a single match. The Merulantian fans were very much not happy they were now going to lose 4 - 0. It however, would get worse, as crazy as it sounds.

The Merulantis RB had tackled Erik Lase Batanias just outside the box. It was a confirmed yellow, and a freekick on the second minute of added extra time was given. Erik decided to attempt a knuckleball to the top left. The ball had hit the post, but Matenas was there to rebound the ball into the net with a simple touch of his left foot. The Merulantian goalie didn't even move to try and save the shot. Final score was Pascafia 5, Merulantis 0. Surely a great performance by the islanders.

That's all for today, let's see how we do next time.

by **Ochre Islands** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 2:07 am

Jasper's Guide to the Ochre Islands

Handsby Island is ever present wherever you stand on the west coast of Hope. The most westward island, it is the largest in all the Ochres, but second in population to Mournhow, but only because Mournhow has the Ochres capital of New Ranton on it, thus drawing in more people. However, one of the positives of this for Handsby is that the population ends up a little more spread out rather than having one major metropolis and one or two smaller cities. This does make the island feel much more massive than it is and there are plenty of walking trails in and around the national park in the centre of the island where you might not see another person for hours.

Still, on the ascent or descent to the plateau below Mount Baccarrant, you will have magnificent views of the side of Handsby (and sometimes Hope on a clear day) you're nearest, and therefore the homes of quite a lot of people.

The ferry I'm on to Bridgdon is much busier than I expected, full of youngsters taking the 'chain-hopper' ferry from Mournhow to Flanbourne, then Anley, then Hope, then finally Bridgdon on Handsby. Whilst obviously much slower than a direct ferry from Handsby to Mournhow, let alone an aeroplane, it was significantly cheaper and gave youngsters the chance to see some of the Ochres they'd only get fleeting glances of whilst passing at speed and/or altitude.

Speaking of the ferry, it was delayed a few hours due to problems getting it out of port in Bridgdon, as the hydrogen engine was having some teething problems, which is why some of the 'chain-hopping' passengers are on this one, as they were fortunate enough that this was delayed long enough for their ferry to come in. I'm told a lot of the passengers kept their original ticket and will be staying overnight on Hope. I've heard one or two of them will be going to the Air Temple, so hopefully they'll be having a better time of it than I did.

My plan is to visit Handsby in a clockwise fashion, then get a ferry from Densdon (which is up the coast north of Bridgdon) eastwards over to Dracaena Island. As it's approaching night now, I don't expect to see much of Bridgdon 'til tomorrow, so I shall have to pick this up then.

by **Saint Eleanor** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 2:43 am

Oneshot: If You Really Loved Your Pets...

circa October 1995

About thirty years ago, a more experienced colleague had told the then ill-named Tom Wise that "80% of our profits come from 20% of our pictures." The 20% was obvious - George Mitcham having coffee with one of his future Vice-Presidents in the barracks, a mass of humanity streaming away from Brightway district centre in panic during primetime (later revealed to have been a post-war training drill go wrong), Paul Gregory cutting from inside to win Athletic Saint Eleanor the 1992 league title. The other 80% was obvious - people crossing the street, (other) people eating at restaurants, Hattie Williams stepping out of the local supermarket wearing booty shorts and a loose white t-shirt, one of the local NLF Club Leaders frolicking about at the beach. All of these, and a bit more, could be blamed on Wise.

Looking down on Parkside Crescent, which was not so much circular as it was the residential heart of one of Saint Eleanor's most overzealously redeveloped districts, he knew that this was going into the bargain bin. Wise moved, and moved, and moved - and then he didn't. He felt something was happening, and took out his camera in a panic. Rapid-fire mode on, for some reason; twelve frames, none of them grotesquely smushed together.

Frames one, two, three: a black cat stumbling out of a house somewhere to his left, trying to cross the road. Frames four and five: the cat surges past the paving to his owners' home onto the pavement. Frame six: the cat's fateful step from the pavement to the road itself. Frame seven: the cat carries on, somehow unaware of what lies ahead. Frame eight: the cat appears to be hit by a car. Frame nine: the cat falls over. Frames ten, eleven, twelve: the cat lies on the floor, motionless, eventually losing a bit of weight from all the wrong parts of the body.

Wise walked away from the scene without filing a police report; he had assumed that the driver was both also a loyal member of the National Liberation Front and sensible enough to "hear and be heard by his [or her] superiors." (He certainly heard a voice shouting "Sorry for running her over!" as he walked away). Nor did he take the picture he really wanted, which should have been of a couple of kids faffing about with a plastic cricket set on the other side of the road, all handily pre-arranged by the local primary school. He should not have bothered with either.

∴

About three weeks later

Understandably, the footage never found its way either to the reasonably highbrow Eleanorian, the bottom-of-the-barrel rag Reporter, or to the fervently nationalistic ...State Broadcasting. Of course, it landed in the Vextra Images library - and there, for some reason, into the hands of Liz Williams. Sales department manager at Northern Insurance; mid-thirties, married with one child; too overworked to be a Front member; tasked, with others, to revitalise the business's advertising success from some time around '82 or '83 which made it the nation's top insurer for a fleeting moment.

Williams stared at the pictures that one of Vextra's underlings, who could never hope to reach Wise's level of fame, had dutifully emailed off to her (this was 1995, after all), and then zipped off a call to her line manager, the real sales department manager. He attended, as did a couple of his and her other work colleagues. Williams was sharp in suggesting that "maybe the last four frames might not be family-friendly," an idea her visitors took well to.

"So if you're suggesting that many images, Liz, we should really be using this for one of our television slots, maybe around Christmas," argued the line manager - to which she agreed. "Since everybody has car insurance because they love their case, we should take away from these that people should get pet insurance because they love their pets," her other acquaintance implored; "slowing down the rate at which they play would make our message more emphatic," recommended the final colleague. These, too, were accepted uncritically. Whether because they were good or because WIlliams just wanted to get home on time, we will never know.

"Cheers - I'll have a word with the big boss about this." With those words, she was left satisfied, if not grateful. Now all she had to do was wait...

∴

7:38pm - Tuesday 19th December 1995

On the screen, a video of a fender-bender that must have been used in a hundred or more television clips by now rolls, this time in slow-motion. A gruff voice asserts that "You love your car, so that's why you insure it." He's lying: the requirement that anybody who wants to drive a particular car be insured to drive it, no matter how attached they might be to it, has been set in law since before independence.

Following that was a picture - a few pictures - of a cat. Same person, same story: "So if you really loved your pets, you'd insure them, wouldn't you?" Different lie: only about 10% of pets in Saint Eleanor are covered by pet insurance. A bit more shocking. Probably not suitable for any time before 9:30pm.

Mr and Mrs Wise (their children were grown up by now) both watched the advert live on Channel 4, just about the nation's only privately-owned TV channel, between the 7pm news and the allied weather forecast. He recognised the pictures as the first eight or so frames of his Parkside Crescent sequence - and must have been even more convinced that the quality of his photos were sliding just as quickly as Saint Eleanor's "dynamicity," "vividness," and other such buzzwords that General Mitcham was obsessed with. Neither of them, suffice to say, were impressed.

"At Northern Insurance, we know you value what you own, which is why we offer pet insurance for as low as nineteen dollars a month. To learn more and get your free brochure, just visit any of our branches."

∴

A few weeks later, Williams was moved to a higher-paying role in the Human Resources department. Contrary to public belief, she did not "earn this move" because of "the high effectiveness of Northern's advertisement campaigns."

by **Bollonich** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 5:26 am

Baptism of Fire 76 - Groups A to C - Matchday 4

Key
Red- Cannot finish top 3, eliminated from BoF 76
Blue- Will finish at least top 3, possible to advance to the knockout stages
Green- Will finish top 2, guaranteed to reach the knockout stages

Group A
Britland 3–2 Raspotochje
Maramaa 4–5 Nyowani Kitara
Ochre Islands 2–4 Torisakia

  Group A              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Nyowani Kitara         4   3  1  0   16   9  +7   10
2 Torisakia              4   3  1  0   14   7  +7   10
3 Ochre Islands          4   3  0  1   16   7  +9    9
4 Maramaa                4   1  0  3    8  12  −4    3
5 Britland               4   1  0  3    7  15  −8    3
6 Raspotochje            4   0  0  4    6  17 −11    0

Group B
Vajlahrys 1–2 Krbustan
Kiltoch 2–5 Pyazhnaya
Behetij 0–0 Venmere

  Group B              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Pyazhnaya              4   4  0  0   20   2 +18   12
2 Behetij                4   2  1  1    6   5  +1    7
3 Kiltoch                4   1  1  2    4   7  −3    4
4 Venmere                4   1  1  2    5   9  −4    4
5 Vajlahrys              4   1  1  2    5  10  −5    4
6 Krbustan               4   1  0  3    4  11  −7    3

Group C
Milchama 3–0 Bahia Roja
Ardelark 2–0 Malta Comino Gozo
Cabo Azure 6–1 Martune

  Group C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Milchama               4   3  0  1   12   3  +9    9
2 Cabo Azure             4   3  0  1   15   8  +7    9
3 Bahia Roja             4   2  0  2    7   7   0    6
4 Ardelark               4   2  0  2    7  13  −6    6
5 Malta Comino Gozo      4   1  0  3    3   7  −4    3
6 Martune                4   1  0  3    5  11  −6    3

by **Banija** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 5:26 am

All eyes are on you as the 4th group stage Matchday comes. Can you handle the pressure on this penultimate matchday of the group stage?

Matchday 4 Groups D-F

Key
Red- Cannot finish top 3, eliminated from BoF 76
Blue- Will finish at least top 3, possible to advance to the knockout stages
Green- Will finish top 2, guaranteed to reach the knockout stages

Group D
Merulantis 2–3 Moliza
Daehae 3–2 Agresos
Pascafia 5–2 India

Group D                                 Pld  W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Moliza                                 4   3  1  0   10   7  +3   10
2 Pascafia                               4   3  0  1   12   4  +8    9
3 India                                  4   2  0  2   10  11  −1    6
4 Daehae                                 4   1  1  2    6   7  −1    4
5 Agresos                                4   1  1  2    8  10  −2    4
6 Merulantis                             4   0  1  3    5  12  −7    1

Group E
Vikanias 2–3 West Guam
Kaldtfjell 3–2 Saterun
Democratic Kingdom of South India 2–4 Yasquia

Group E                                 Pld  W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kaldtfjell                             4   3  1  0   10   4  +6   10
2 Yasquia                                4   3  0  1   12  11  +1    9
3 West Guam                              4   2  0  2    7   9  −2    6
4 Democratic Kingdom of South India      4   1  1  2    6   7  −1    4
5 Saterun                                4   1  0  3    6   9  −3    3
6 Vikanias                               4   1  0  3    4   5  −1    3

Group F
Usanguk 0–2 Lathamford
Aix les Filles 1–1 Rizealand
Ostankin 0–5 Saint Eleanor

Group F                  Pld   W   D   L    GF   GA   GD    Pts 
1 Lathamford              4    4   0   0    12    1  +11    12
2 Saint Eleanor           4    3   0   1    11    5   +6     9
3 Aix les Filles          4    2   1   1     7    5   +2     7
4 Rizealand               4    1   1   2     4    7   −3     4
5 Usanguk                 4    0   1   3     3    7   −4     1
6 Ostankin                4    0   1   3     1   13  −12     1

by **Lathamford** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 6:31 am

S p o r t L i n k

Group F
Usanguk 0–2 Lathamford
Usanguk:: NIL
Lathamford:: Giles Kingsley '18, Bruno Caskwoods '72
@ Kabonero III Field

Match Report

1: Kick off
2: Bruno Caskwoods takes a shot. That's off-target.
8: Giles Kingsley takes a shot. That's off-target.
14: Otto Farrowsteam takes a shot. That's off-target.
18: Lathamford scores! The scorer was Giles Kingsley, assist by Carter Colfield
23: Bruno Caskwoods takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
25: Carter Colfield takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
27: Giles Kingsley takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
30: Usanguk takes a shot. That's off-target.
35: Carter Colfield takes a shot. That's off-target.
36: Corner kick awarded to Lathamford, taken by Joe Wymondham
38: Otto Farrowsteam takes a shot. That's off-target.
42: Giles Kingsley takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
44: Referee awarded corner kick to Usanguk

48: Usanguk takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
51: Jonah Hargreave takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
53:Bruno Caskwoods takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
54: Otto Farrowsteam takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
60: Usanguk takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
63: Otto Farrowsteam takes a shot. It's on target but saved.
64: Joe Wymondham runs offside.
67: Corner kick awarded to Lathamford, taken by Joe Wymondham
68: Jonah Hargreave booked for a Yellow card.
71: Corner kick awarded to Lathamford, taken by Joe Wymondham
72: Lathamford scores! The scorer was Bruno Caskwoods
73: Bruno Caskwoods. That's off-target.
75: Substitution by Lathamford player Jonah Hargreave make way for Sebastian du Graypelt
76: cornerkick to Usanguk
79: Sebastian du Graypelt takes a shot. That's off-target.
81: Substitution by Lathamford player Bruno Caskwoods make way for Alan Caskwoods
83: Usanguk takes a shot. That's off-target.
84: Substitution by Lathamford player Dustin Skelmersdale make way for Theodore Darrington
87: Alan Caskwoods takes a shot. That's off-target.
89: Freekick to Usanguk
90+4: Final Whistle

The fourth Group F match between Usanguk and Lathamford ended, Lathamford beat Usanguk 2-0, Giles Kingsley scored in the 18th minute, and veteran striker Bruno Caskwoods in the 72nd minute. Otto Farrowsteam did not seem to be so impressive in this match, 2 saved and two off-target.

However, Rotor Blewbury FC striker Giles Kingsley, who played in the starting line-up, reciprocated the head coach's confidence when he scored his and the team's first goal in the 18th minute as a result of Carter Colfield's beautiful cut back who realized Kingsey was unguarded behind Farrowsteam, and Kingsley didn't miss a chance. which was served, the result was 1-0 early in the first half. Somehow, a simple mistake of the opposing defense pushing the ball weakly to his goalkeeper was successfully snatched by Kingsley but, perhaps out of nervousness, his shot soared high and did not endanger the opposing goalkeeper. It seems, when Lathamford’s top strikers like Otto and Caskwoods are chained, then Kingsley’s chances of moving are a bit easier

No one expected a simple corner kick by Joe Wymondham to trap the opponent, he did not continue to kick into the penalty box instead a shot pass to Bruno Caskwoods who was on the left side of the goal, a half volley that was not too fast but managed to trap the goalkeeper, who clearly unprepared, 2-0 for Lathamford and the fourth goal for Caskwoods. Usanguk tried to bounce back at the end of the second half but failed because arguably the midfield area was successfully controlled entirely by Lathamford midfield. Their efforts were reduced by 10 minutes before the end of the game as there were no more dangerous attacks towards Lathamford's goal, and once again a clean sheet for Greenash.

MD5: Lathamford vs. Aix les Filles
Greenash
Decker - Skelmersdale (C) - Haymoore
Wymondham - Wyvernchaser - Hargreave - Colfield
Grantham - Caskwoods - Kingsley

by **Milchama** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 7:27 pm

"What's our deal?"

"Win and in"

"Explain"

"Sure right now we've guaranteed ourselves at least third place but might still lose if we don't play well against our next opponents"

"And who is that?"

"Good question, no idea"

"Shouldn't we know"

"Oh we could figure it out but I didn't feel like looking at the fixture list. They're all unranked and we've already played everybody with a roster so they're terrible"

"Cool so we should win"

"Emphasis on should"

"Of course"

"Look if we win we're in. If we lose we're probably ok with the goal difference but get a tougher opponent in octas or doubles"

"So we want to win"

"Well yes that's generally the goal"

"So how do we do that?"

"By scoring more goals than the opposition"

"Oh yeah, good call!"

"Duh"

"Thanks for that"

"You are welcome"

"So we need to beat an unnamed team using a generic strategy"

"Basically"

"I think we can pull if off"

"Me too"

"And that would put us in the BoF"

"Yep and then it's all about the elimination rounds"

"Woot!"

"Yep!"

"Come on You Warriors!"

"Let's Go Milchama!"

by **Pyazhnaya** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 8:46 pm

-- The Baptism of Fire 76 is covered by Kathleen Negretti --

After covering the food portion of Pyazhnayan cuisine in our last edition of "Behind the Nation", we will be moving on the liquid part, the beverages, beginning with alcoholic drinks.

Like so many other countries, Pyazhnayans like their alcoholic beverages, some claim due to the rough winters, so they have something to keep them warm, while others point at other hot beverages to achieve the same result, but that is a debate for another time.

Beer is an ever popular drink and currently there are over 200 beer producers operating across Pyazhnaya, many of them small and local, though. The biggest producer is the Pyazhnaya Pivovarnya, headquartered in Buraskva in the very northwest of the country, who also are the biggest beer exporter of the nation, selling their brands also beyond Anaia's borders. They started out about 250 years ago in a monastery, where local monks began to brew beer as sustenance during times of fasting, but then quickly discovered that the general populace beyond the monastery walls also had taken a liking towards their products and began to sell it to local pubs and travellers, financing the acquisition of holy books and maintenance of their premises. This then led to local entrepeneurs to generously compensate them for their brewing recipe and techniques in one of the first cases of royalties at least in Pyazhnaya, which allowed them to brew for their own consumption, but be awarded a percentage of all other sales that would help the monks with financing the day to day operations of their monastery.

Despite having upgraded their facilities with all of the latest technology, Pyazhnaya Pivovarnya still pride themselves to use the original recipe without any compromises on the brewing methods or quality, which is attributed to their continued success and positive reviews among beer connoisseurs across the multiverse. Popular brands of theirs are Buravskoye, a 5% ABV lager that is pretty much the original recipe and still is their best-seller, Monastyr, which is a bock-style beer with 12-15% ABV, which comes close to the "liquid bread" the monks consumed during times of fasting when they were not allowed to consume solid foods, and the stout Cherniy Zamok, named after the city of the same name, which is brewed with roasted malts to give it a very dark brown, almost black colour.

Their main competitors are the Tamir Brewing Company located in Vselitamak, who so far only have operated within the Tamir Province, but have expanded to the whole nation recently after their pale ale Alestorm won the Beer of the Year awards and greatly increased the brewery's reputation, as well as a group of micro breweries from across Pyazhnaya that have come together to form the KKP (Kollektiv kraftovoy pivovarni/Craft Brewery Collective) to market their respective beers across the nation.

Vodka also is a very popular alcoholic beverage with Gorniy Istochnik (Mountain Spring) being the best known variety, which also is one of the country's biggest exports of the alcoholic variety, local competitors are Tverinskaya, Pyazhnyy Standard and Naramuntskaya. Other liquors are often berry-based, such as Yagodac, Malinac or Chernikac, which belong to the mother company of Gorniy Istochnik, Izumrud Vinokurnya, but are mostly sold within Pyazhnaya only.

Wine is not a very popular choice for most Pyazhnayans, as it had been mostly seen as an expensive and often inferior drink during the Communist era, and while there are some vineyards trying to gain a market share, the climate and soil combinations are not great for the production of wine. There is a certain market, which is mostly covered by imports, however.

by **Agresos** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 9:28 pm

After an excessively long time poking and prodding at the Agresos Football Association, mountains of angry letters from newspapers and fans, the AFA has finally disclosed the 134 lineup. This team will compete in unnofficially in Baptism of Fire 76, the NSG World Cup. And officially the 134 INCA World Cup, and the 135 UANN Notosian Championship Qualifiers.

NO	POS	NAME	(AGE)	CAPS	GOALS	CLUB
1	GK	Heniorus	21 yrs	0	0	Liris
79	K(RB)	Oilopus	29 yrs	4	0	Gornia
23	K(RCB)	Hevenus	34 yrs	34	1	Gornia
98	K(LCB)	Phasilios	34 yrs	34	1	Gornia
22	K(LB)	Protios	40 yrs	46	3	Gornia
71	A(RM)	Dianes	19 yrs	0	0	Liris
53	A(CM)	Enix	38 yrs	46	9	Bigengaramia
28	A(LM)	Hercus	21 yrs	0	0	Liris
90	V(RW)	Meniotos	20 yrs	0	0	Oyathusi
15	V(CF)	Evenix	21 yrs	0	0	Oyathusi
59	V(LW)	Ordytas	39 yrs	46	20	Bigengaramia

by **Torisakia** » Sun Aug 22, 2021 9:49 pm

Tokai House Pantry Stocked With Cans Of Whoop Ass

During an episode of NTV's Pads featuring The Tokai House, it was revealed that the food pantry in the kitchen was stocked full with literal cans of Whoop Ass. Everyone might be familiar with the idiom, which expresses one's intent to mercilessly harm someone. Tokai House officials have even joked in the past about opening up "cans of whoop ass" on political opponents. But in this case it has come true. Hundreds and hundreds of cans of genuine Whoop Ass lined the shelves of the pantry, ready to be opened when necessary. When asked if a can could be opened to reveal what was inside, the tour guide stated that doing so would be a violation of federal law and that they and everyone within a 5 mile radius of them would be thrown in jail for "a very long time". For now, the contents of the cans remain a mystery. As for the rest of the Tokai House, it was relatively boring aside from the President's large collection of old cheese graters, which is said to be used to remove hard calluses from his feet and back.

So we know that the Tokai House has the cans of Whoop Ass, but the bigger questions are "why?", "how?", and "is this where my tax dollars are going?". The answers to these are quite simple: because they can, from the internet, and yes. According to Tokai House officials, they bought the cans of Whoop Ass simply out of desire. "President McDowell saw the cans online and immediately told us to buy their entire stock" Tokai House official Jean Holloway said. "He wanted the entire pantry to be cleaned out to make room for the cans. He even pondered creating a new tax to fund the purchase". This comes as no surprise as President Doug McDowell is known for his odd obsessions and antics. For instance, a report stated McDowell once went to a Toys R U and bought every single tin of Lincoln Logs they had so he could build a diorama of the neighborhood he lived in as a child. Another report told of McDowell buying 50 kilos of baking soda and vinegar to make "Bubble Bombs" to place into toilets in various restaurants around Tokai. The prank went bad when one of the bombs blew up a toilet and surrounding pipes, causing a massive flood of water into the restaurant. McDowell and his entourage quickly hauled ass out of the establishment, posting an video update on social media saying, "[We] got to get the fuck outta here, man. I just blew up a toilet inside Fredrick's". McDowell was never caught but admitted to the act, claiming that his political opponents bullied him into doing it. Going back to the cans of Whoop Ass, McDowell himself does not know what is inside of them. "[I] have no clue what is actually in them. But whatever it is, I bet it'll be very useful within the next few months", McDowell told The Torisakia Inquisition. When asked what he meant about the latter part of his statement, McDowell refused to elaborate further and left the interview.

So is this where our tax dollars are going? Yes. The rising tax rates brought on over the past few years are to fuel McDowell's antics. It even says so in the full text of the Soto Act, which explains why it taxes the middle class so heavily. We are forced to fuel a man's childish act. Which is actually funny, honestly. For too long we've had these overly serious, workhorse type of Presidents who are no fun. It's nice to have a leader who does a little trolling. That's why so many voted for him in last year's election: for the memes. Doug McDowell is the meme-iest President that Torisakia has ever had and likely will ever have. He is the only thing standing between us and utter destruction. Well, besides forklift operators. Since the episode featuring the cans of Whoop Ass, they have been selling like hotcakes. Stock and bond prices in the Whoop Ass industry have risen tenfold. Capitalism is taking advantage of WhoopAssMania. There's even a bill in the House wanting to change the national motto to "We're going to open up a whole can of Whoop Ass on you!', along with adding "Whoop Ass" somewhere in the national anthem. There's even discussions within The Torisakia Inquisition's back office to change the company name to "The Torisakia Whoop Ass Can". At this point, I would not be surprised to see us change the name of our country to include "Whoop Ass" somewhere. I'm really going to whoop someones ass for all this.

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by **Kaldtfjell** » Mon Aug 23, 2021 2:48 am

Dear diary,

I’ve been meaning to write sooner. I wanted to document everything on my first trip outside of Kaldtfjell, but between the football itself and the strange experience of being here in Banija, picking up this little book has always slipped my mind. No more.

I don’t know what I had expected when I was arriving here. I’ve never left our cold little mountain homeland before the Campionato, so even getting on a plane to travel to Banija was a new feeling. We took off over the Hovdingshavet, having been waved away by a number of fans along with the Hovding himself, who shook all our hands and spoke some small words of encouragement. I’m not a small man, nor am I particularly star struck when meeting someone, at least normally. Next to the Hovding though, I felt like a child again. What an honour it was to shake his hand and hear his fatherly advice.

I tried to sleep on the plane: we all did. At least for me though, sleep wasn’t coming. I found myself far too excited to sleep, and instead spent my time staring out of the window, watching as our plane passed over city and forest and mountain and sea. I was finally able to see the world, having been confined to Kaldtfjell for almost all of my nineteen years. I felt like a child again, unable to contain the giddiness as I watched out of this tiny window.

After a long while passed, where I think I fell asleep in at least a few short bursts, we were flying over Banija, the nation that would initially host us for this tournament. I found myself filled with nerves, not only because of the sporting task in front of us, but because of the conditions, which would be nothing like we had ever encountered before. We were used to the cold and snow up in the mountains of Kaldtfjell, not this jungle that I could see through the window. We had been told that the nation would not be at its hottest during the tournament, but I still suspected that we would feel very much out of place. I hadn’t packed a single sweater.

I still don’t truly know what to expect day to day, even as this tournament goes on and we’ve already qualified for the knock out rounds. I’ve not had too many opportunities to play so far, as the head coach has focussed on putting out some of the more experienced players, but that is understandable, especially in my position. Odin is a fantastic player, and I’m not expecting too much, but hoping for a chance or two off the bench as the tournament continues.

I’m going to try and write a little bit more here as time goes on. I already feel like I’ve forgotten so much of what’s happened in the time that’s already passed, and I don’t want to forget a single moment of this experience if I can avoid it. There aren’t many Kaldtfjellers who can say they’ve left the homeland, and even fewer who have done it with the blessing of the Hovding. I get to leave the nation and see the world, and I am one of its sporting heroes, not a traitor like those others.

I’m going to go for now. It’s late here, and we play West Guam tomorrow here in Busembe. Let’s hope we can keep up our strong performances, and be ready for a run deep into this competition.

A. F.

by **Saint Eleanor** » Mon Aug 23, 2021 2:57 am

OOC: Inspired by Coronavirus: Young people warn of long covid amid jab drive.

Member of deli ad campaign's target audience: "I love going to my local deli"

Silverton man Benny Long has sung the praises of Southcountry Deli's new submarine sandwich options just weeks after starting to buy food there - on the day it begins its latest and biggest advertisement campaign yet.

Mr Long, 39, complained that "as a dad of two, I often have a lot of trouble finding enough proper food for me and my family to eat, especially at the generic supermarkets that are everywhere in the city these days." On the flip side, he boasted that "when I went to my local Southcountry Deli for Christmas and found so many good meat options, I was impressed, but the really long baguette sandwiches - wow! Now I'm definitely shopping there for the foreseeable!"

Long continued by asserting that "If you live in Silverton or the surrounding districts in the south of Saint Eleanor city, I strongly recommend that you go to Southcountry Deli, because they have a lot of delicious meat and fish options at low prices that you won't want to miss out on."

This happens on the same day that Southcountry begins its Grab A Deep Bite advertisement campaign, which is expected to premiere on Channel 4 before the 7pm news on Monday 22nd January. The campaign - which will run on Channel 4, private radio stations, and newspapers - is expected to show a variety of "average Eleanorians" tucking into Southcountry's produce, in an attempt to underscore its affordability and sometimes its virtues as a "quick but deep daytime pick-you-up."

In a press release, Southcountry Deli stated that it was focusing its Grab A Deep Bite campaign at "parents of young children who are tired of what's being offered to them at the supermarket and want local food by local people with local soul." The local chain hopes that its first advertising campaign in three years will "substantially increase sales."

by **Lathamford** » Mon Aug 23, 2021 5:17 am

Reid Robasciotti dominated the Hellment Helios GP on Sunday, leaving defending champion Carmen Autullo trailing behind in second place in his Farrowdraft Royale, complaining that the Buttercourt Typhoon team was "faster, they're faster."The Typhoon started in the front row, led throughout the race, and finished early 7 seconds ahead of Autullo.

Although Trenton Paulling started in the front row, finished in third place, past Fingerworth Frontier prime rider Elliot Shelley. "This is the most dominant win so far this season against Farrowdraft Royale," said Buttercourt Typhoon CEO Doug Merchanthand after his side won four times in a row.

Robasciotti, who has grabbed three of those wins.

"This is the first race in eight series where we have performed poorly," said Farrowdraft Royale team CEO Gass Fortingham. "Can not be trusted. This car is burning. Another win at home feels great. ” said Robasciotti on the team radio at the finish line.

Autullo, meanwhile, spent most of the race expressing frustration at not being able to overtake Robasciotti and again Farrowdraft Royale was not as fast as Buttercourt Typhoon, despite grabbing bonus points with the fastest lap time.

"It's a pretty bland race," Autullo commented. “I tried to catch up with them but, their speed, obviously they have made huge improvements. Impossible to chase. ' "Faster, they are faster. There's not much I can do. I just have to try to do the best I can every weekend. ”

Paulling, who started in the third row after a third-place penalty following a spin in the pit lane, was happy with his finish. "From where I started, it was the maximum today, so it was great," he said.

Robby Carrizal finished in fifth place for another Buttercourt Typhoon. Witter Johannsen finished in sixth place for Inkwell Phanters. Mariano Kobryn took seventh place after his Featherwood Fox skidded in the first lap.

Autullo pleaded for an increase in speed.

"We need to improve performance, we need to improve something, we need to keep pushing." He said. Fortingham did not give much hope but promised Farrowdraft Royale would continue to fight.

“We have stopped improving for this year and have worked together to get the best out of the car. We underperformed but we will do our best and push back. We don't have the equipment to win today, but the fight is not over. " Said Fortingham.

Team Record

MAC8-1	Greenash, Decker, Izzard-Crew [Ashleigh], Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave [du Graypelt], Colfield, Farrowsteam, Caskwoods [Falconderry]
MAC8-2	Greenash, Decker [Barrington], Ashleigh, Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Selfridge, Hargreave [du Graypelt], Colfield, Farrowsteam, Falconderry
MAC8-3	Hydradust, Ashleigh, Darrington, Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Selfridge [T. Ashleigh] , du Graypelt, Colfield, Farrowsteam [Grantham], Falconderry
Fr01	Baymartin, Skelmersdale (C), Decker [Wolfsong], Izzard-Crew, Wymondham, Colfield [Selfridges], Colfield, Wyvernchaser, Farrowsteam, Caskwoods, Falconderry [Grantham]
BoF76-1	Greenash, Decker,  Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore [Darrington], Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave [du Graypelt],  Colfield, Farrowsteam, Caskwoods, Falconderry [Kingsley]
BoF76-2 Greenash, Decker,  Skelmersdale (C) [Wolfsong], Haymoore, Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave, Colfield [V.Selfridges], Farrowsteam, Caskwoods [A.Caskwoods], Kingsley
BoF76-3 Greenash, Wolfsong (Barrington), Skelmersdale (C), Haymoore, Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave, V.Selfridges, Farrowsteam (Grantham), Caskwoods (Kingsley), Falconderry
BoF76-4 Greenash, Decker , Skelmersdale (C) (Darrington), Haymoore, Wymondham, Wyvernchaser, Hargreave (du Graypelt), Colfield, Farrowsteam , Caskwoods (A. Caskwoods), Kingsley

MD5: Lathamford vs. Aix les Filles
Greenash
Decker - Skelmersdale (C) - Haymoore
Wymondham - Wyvernchaser - Hargreave - Colfield
Grantham - Caskwoods - Kingsley

by **Nyowani Kitara** » Mon Aug 23, 2021 6:22 am

Note: This government owned media source is one of the most biased, nationalist, and pro-party news sources out there. It should be read with a healthy dose of skepticism.

The Kitara People's Free Press
The voice for the working people of Nyowani Kitara

Short-Form News- Late dramatics gave Nyowani Kitara winner against Maramaa to put them inches away from the KO stages at BoF 76

VRETON, BOLLONICH- The 100,000 seater John Lennon Stadium in Bollonich, the largest stadium the NYK national team has ever played in, played host to a barnstormer of a match between Nyowani Kitara and Maramaa. There have been many criticisms that this national team 'plays everything but defense', and while our defense hasn't exactly been great at the BoF(5 goals conceded in 3 games, no clean sheets), this game against Maramaa proved that.

Nevertheless, despite the defensive struggles, Liang Wei's play with a passion and energy worthy of socialists, even if they are new to the international stage. "These are people who are trying to do their country proud- and there is plenty of talent here to exploit." Liang Wei told reporters. "A big thanks to President Akongo for allowing this to happen, and we can see the early results. World Cup Qualifying itself will be a slot, but the Baptism of Fire is indeed quite a special tournament." He said that this team's tactics are modeled after Amazonesta's tactics during their success BoF 61 trophy run, all-out attack to inflict maximum pressure on the opponent.

It leaves defenders stranded. But it's an exciting brand of football that keeps fans engaged and everybody on their toes. It helped late as well, with the team down 4-3 with 10 minutes left and looking for an equalizer. Johannes von Weber gave that equalizer off the bench in the 82nd minute, with the substitute getting on the other end of a Westermark cross to make the score 4-4. And then, in the 88th minute, we would find our winner. A cross from von Weber would be chested and brought down by Owino Odede in a remarkable bit of control. Odede stepped right and blasted the ball into the net.

Odede sprinted to the corner, and threw off his shirt, celebrating his winner. He'd receive a yellow card for it, but once again- he didn't care. He was revealed to be wearing a Udo Akoji short, an ethnic Kitaran who won 3 swimming medals at the XV Summer Olympiad in Bunjil, including beating out a Banijan for silver in the final medal round. That leaves Nyowani Kitara with 10 points before their massive tilt with the Ochre Islands.

Other News
- President Boaz Akongo is scheduling a visit to Xilindao Province to visit President Ren Qiang, the legitimate President of Yuezhou. President Akongo said the visit among the old friends would show "solidarity in the face of pressure from capitalists on all sides", and that Nyowani Kitara's diplomatic support for the people of Yuezhou while most of their country was occupied by capitalists who were puppeteered by Græntfjall banks.

by **Bollonich** » Mon Aug 23, 2021 6:26 am

Baptism of Fire 76 - Groups A to C - Matchday 5

Group A
Torisakia 2–1 Britland
Nyowani Kitara 0–1 Ochre Islands
Raspotochje 0–0 Maramaa

  Group A              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Torisakia              5   4  1  0   16   8  +8   13
2 Ochre Islands          5   4  0  1   17   7 +10   12
3 Nyowani Kitara         5   3  1  1   16  10  +6   10
4 Maramaa                5   1  1  3    8  12  −4    4
5 Britland               5   1  0  4    8  17  −9    3
6 Raspotochje            5   0  1  4    6  17 −11    1

Group B
Venmere 3–1 Vajlahrys
Pyazhnaya 1–0 Behetij
Krbustan 1–1 Kiltoch

  Group B              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Pyazhnaya              5   5  0  0   21   2 +19   15
2 Behetij                5   2  1  2    6   6   0    7*
3 Venmere                5   2  1  2    8  10  −2    7*
4 Kiltoch                5   1  2  2    5   8  −3    5
5 Vajlahrys              5   1  1  3    6  13  −7    4
6 Krbustan               5   1  1  3    5  12  −7    4
*Behetij ahead of Venmere on Overall GD as Head to Head result was a draw.

Group C
Martune 0–3 Milchama
Malta Comino Gozo 0–2 Cabo Azure
Bahia Roja 0–5 Ardelark

  Group C              Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cabo Azure             5   4  0  1   17   8  +9   12*
2 Milchama               5   4  0  1   15   3 +12   12*
3 Ardelark               5   3  0  2   12  13  −1    9
4 Bahia Roja             5   2  0  3    7  12  −5    6
5 Malta Comino Gozo      5   1  0  4    3   9  −6    3
6 Martune                5   1  0  4    5  14  −9    3
*Cabo Azure ahead of Milchama on Head to Head Result (1-0)

Baptism of Fire 76(IC, Everything)

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