Inaugural CAFA Cup: RP/Scores Thread

[Legalese]

Will you go through fighting, or take the fall?

Matchday 5 is now cut off, scores/standings incoming.

The top four in each group advance to the knockouts, with seeding as follows:
Group Winners in seeds 1-5, with 1-4 facing the playoff winners, and 5 facing the 12 seed (2nd-best 3rd-placed side) in the round of 16
Group Runners-up will take seeds 6-10; 6 will face the top 3rd-placed side (the 11 seed), while the others will face each other in the round of 16 (7 v 10, 8 v 9)
The top two 3rd-placed sides will head straight to the Round of 16 (as 11 and 12, respectively), while the remaining three will be the 13-15 seeds in the play-in round.
The fourth-placed sides will head to the play-in round as well, as the 16-20 seeds.

Tiebreakers for group positions are: Points, GD, H2H points, H2H GD, coin flip/drawing of lots. If three or more teams are level on points and GD, H2H tiebreaks will be reused if they can separate one team, but leave others level; once a tiebreak goes to a random draw/flip, all remaining ties for that group will be handled by that spot.

Tiebreakers/sorting for seeding are: Group finish, Points, GD, coin flip/drawing of lots

Group A
Legalese 3-2 Osarius
Austailia 0-2 Cobrio
Savigliane 3-1 Flavovespia

Group A	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Savigliane	3	2	0	11	17	12	5
Flavovespia	3	1	1	10	13	11	2
Cobrio	2	0	3	6	11	14	-3
Osarius	1	2	2	5	15	14	1
Legalese	1	2	2	5	15	16	-1
Austailia	0	3	2	3	7	11	-4

Group B
Pyazhnaya 2-3 Kotzellach
Cocoabo Forest 3-0 Xuois
Vdara 4-5 Avorago

Group B	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Cocoabo Forest	4	0	1	12	14	9	5
Avorago	3	1	1	10	17	13	4
Vdara	2	1	2	7	14	14	0
Pyazhnaya	2	0	3	6	16	17	-1
Xuois	1	2	2	5	8	8	0
Kotzellach	1	0	4	3	3	11	-8

Group C
Krytenia 0-1 Ko-oren
Aut-Ves-Nat 5-2 Huayramarca
Audioslavia 2-4 Starblaydia

Group C	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Aut-Ves-Nat	2	3	0	9	15	10	5
Ko-oren	2	3	0	9	3	0	3
Krytenia	1	3	1	6	10	9	1
Starblaydia	1	3	1	6	15	15	0
Huayramarca	1	2	2	5	10	13	-3
Audioslavia	0	2	3	2	3	9	-6

Group D
Mertagne 2-6 Northwest Kalactin
Grande Cucina 2-1 Chromatika
Mont Vert 4-1 Perlasilangan

Group D	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Mont Vert	4	1	0	13	14	7	7
Grande Cucina	2	2	1	8	18	16	2
Northwest Kalactin	2	1	2	7	21	19	2
Perlasilangan	1	3	1	6	16	18	-2
Chromatika	1	1	3	4	6	8	-2
Mertagne	0	2	3	2	6	13	-7

Group E
Iskandervale 3-4 Xannerian Sunbelt Islands
Ochre Islands 5-3 Independent Athletes from Quebec
Yesopalitha 0-3 Saltstead

Group E	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Ochre Islands	4	0	1	12	15	12	3
Saltstead	3	0	2	9	11	8	3
Independent Athletes from Quebec	3	0	2	9	17	16	1
Xannerian Sunbelt Islands	2	0	3	6	12	14	-2
Iskandervale	1	1	3	4	10	11	-1
Yesopalitha	1	1	3	4	3	7	-4

Congrats and Commiserations where applicable!

Seedings for the Knockouts
#1: Mont Vert
#2: Cocoabo Forest
#3: Ochre Islands
#4: Savigliane
#5: Aut-Ves-Nat
#6: Avorago
#7: Flavovespia
#8: Saltstead
#9: Ko-oren
#10: Grande Cucina
#11: Independent Athletes from Quebec
#12: Northwest Kalactin
#13: Vdara
#14: Krytenia
#15: Cobrio
#16: Starblaydia
#17: Pyazhnaya
#18: Xannerian Sunbelt Islands
#19: Perlasilangan
#20: Osarius

Play-In Matches:
at City Grounds, Mainsail
Vdara v Osarius

at Butterman Park, Binchensburg
Krytenia v Perlasilangan

at Mallahar International Stadium, Okerson
Cobrio v Xannerian Sunbelt Islands

at Horseshoe Stadium, Brecorn
Starblaydia v Pyazhnaya

[Cocoabo Forest]

---

History of the Cocoabo Forest

Volume I: Noa-isinao Wioauoi

Noa-isinao Wioauoi did not create the Cocoabo Preservation Society. Nor were they responsible for bringing the Cocoabo back into Turori's popular Lexicon after they had for some generations been regarded as a nuisance to the general population. However, those major cultural shifts aside, one could argue that no citizen had ever done more for the Cocoabo than did Noa-isinao Wioauoi.

After being appointed as the president of the Cocoabo Preservation Society, Wioauoi began to fixate on one singular goal. Finding a new home for the Cocoabo.

It was an approach that no one had seriously considered before. Experts postulate that the Cocoabo were inhabitants of the Island of Turori long before the first Citizens arrived. The Island was their land. As new developments continued - such as the construction of the purpose-built sportropolis of Eelandii - less and less native Cocoabo land was available for the Cocoabo.

Yet Wioauoi had a solution. There existed a stretch of land to the North of Turori, from the Point of Calania eastward to the border with Krytenia and Montagne, which had been long held as a protectorate of the Atlantian Oceania Regional Defense Organzation. Wioauoi was able to negotiate the release of that protected land to the care of the Cocoabo Preservation Society for the purpose of providing a proper climate and an open, unencumbered landscape for the Cocoabo to roam.

After lengthy negotiations Wioauoi and the Cocoabo Preservation Society got the deal they were looking for. AORDO Agreed to release control of the protectorate over to the Cocoabo Preservation Society. The only thing left for Wioauoi and the CPS now was to find the funding to set up a proper Cocoabo re-habitation program in the newly acquired "Cocoabo Forest"

[Savigliane]

OOC note: the below work is ICly an article from a satire website. No offense is meant to anyone OOCly, and I'd be happy to remove nations mentioned in the RP for those that I haven't already cleared it with.

FA OFFICIALS RELIEVED THAT GROUP STAGE WENT ACCORDING TO EXPECTATIONS
Despite officials' concerns over the lack of a defined ranking system leading to imbalanced groups, FA officials reportedly breathed a sigh of relief when pre-tournament favorites such as Grande Cucina or Avorago were still able to comfortably advance to the knockout stages of the inaugural CAFA Cup.

"We were concerned that due to the lack of defined pots in the group draw, as well as the relatively short schedule, that a lot of heavyweights would fail to advance far in the competition," said Savigliano FA official Jean-Baptiste Martin. "That's why we were happy to hear that the hosts would have the top four teams advance from each group. Although promising newcomers like Audioslavia, Starblaydia, and Chromatika were still unable to advance, we're happy to see that the biggest and most famous sporting nations in Anaia are all still alive. It's great for ratings, after all."

While historical heavyweights such as the Xannerian Sunbelt Islands will have to play a one-game playoff to advance to the Round of 16 proper, fans can at least take solace in the fact that things could have progressed much more chaotically. "Of course, the first tournament after such a big disruption is always going to be a little random," Martin said, "that's why even tournament dark horses like Kotzellach were ultimately unable to get out of the groups. But in these unprecedented times, fans want to see the big teams that they're familiar with from the World Cup compete against each other, as well as big regional rivalries between historic teams. That's why we're happy things have gone relatively smoothly so far."

[Mont Vert]

VertICO!

Welcome to the initial coin offering for VertiCoin, the exciting new cryptocurrency asset that’s backed by the Montvertanesque government!* Is it a currency? Is it a security? Is it a scam? No one knows! Not even the regulators! Now listed on all reputable crypto exchanges!!**

Check out the reviews from leading experts in the field on græddit’s g/cryptoshitcoinscams:

“wow great community great token” – /u/randomsockpuppet1093

“No FUD here just a great project ALL IN” – depressingly, an actual human user

“wow great community great token” – /u/randomsockpuppet1094

Let’s get that bag!

Anti-whale measures. Low market cap. 2% tax. Fully audited. Experienced dev team with 30+ years’ experience.***

To the moooooon!

* The Montvertanesque government assume no liability for any losses incurred as a result of investment of VertiCoin.
** And also on a ton of shady scam sites run off some guy’s back-up server in his mother’s basement.
*** Seriously. Some of these guys are veterans of boiler rooms pushing penny stocks, and have found their accumulated experience ports over very easily to the crypto field.

---

A hat-trick for Ludovic Bellefontaine had won the plaudits, but Marcelin Janvier was happy with his single goal. It was his third of the tournament, scored with a powerful header. Old enough to be a father to young Léon Lavache, who’d scored twice in the previous match, he felt like a teenager again as he danced in front of the Cockerel Crew. How better to continue that celebratory mood than by earning a little bread? Marcelin was a bit of a novice with computers, and investments, but the guys in the chat room had talked him over how it all worked and been very helpful, showing him how to invest. What a nice friendly bunch! Grinning ear to ear, Marcelin checked the price again and

RP cut off at 300 words

[Flavovespia]

Savigliane 3 – 1 Flavovespia

Key moments:

20' GOAL – Savigliane! A close game has the scoring opened by an own goal. Adrian Toscani goes for a speculative long range effort, the deflection from Stuart Cookson takes it out of reach of Aarif Muhammad.

25' GOAL – Flavovespia! The game is quickly brought back level. Jonathan Feld’s through ball is weighted perfectly for Scott Coleman, who hits it first time. DuCasse can’t reach it, and it hits the inside of the side netting, well placed by Flavovespia’s top goal scorer.

38' GOAL – Savigliane! Gabriel Buvalelli finds a gap to squeeze the ball through the Flavovespian defence. Thea Squaraciafichi runs off the shoulder of the defence and calmly places it in the goal with the side of the boot. Some questions marks raised of Flavovespia, the pass and shot were too easy for Buvalelli and Squaraciafichi .

HT: Savigliane 2-1 Flavovespia. Savigliane have the lead now in Group A. They’ve been the better of the two sides, nerves and limited international experience an issue at the back for Flavovespia.

79' GOAL – Savigliane! A loose challenge from Andrew Dance sends Toscani clattering to the floor in the box. Already about to come off, Dance may have dealt a terminal blow to Flavovespia ‘s chances of winning the group. Toscani steps up, and with power and placement beats Aarif Muhammad, despite him guessing correctly.

FT: Savigliane 3-1 Flavovespia. Savigliane win this game and Group A. Flavovespia were on the back foot too often, and conceding a penalty killed off their chances. A Round of 16 berth had already been secured, but improvement is needed in the knockout stages, with Cookson and Dance particularly unimpressive in defence. Flavovespia will play Granda Cucina, Savigliane the winners of Vdara vs Osarius.

[Krytenia]

And so, the minefield has been crossed. The poor cow obliterated by a Bostopian missile in West Mercia wasn't the only bovine matter being destroyed, as Audioslavia went home with their tails between their legs. We'd have sympathy, but, y'know, Audioslavia.

There's also one less Krytenian involved in proceedings, as Chromatika crashed and burned to the Big Kitchen (that's Grande Cucina to you or I). Richard Valens will be having nightmares about this one for a while.

Margaret didn't even spare the hosts. True, Legalese are nowhere near the level they used to be - and even then that level was never amazingly high - but it still must be painful to go out in the group phase of your own tournament.

All that, though, is behind us. Ten down, twenty to go. Next up for the intrepid Dragons are Perlasilangan. True, they might sound like a Ko-orenit brand of washing powder, but they have already beaten the Chromatiks in this competition. Truth be told, though, with the likes of Alun Belmwr, Cande Montalban, Max Snelders, and Robert Wilson, we really should be putting this lot through the spin cycle.

Knowing Krytenia, of course, this probably means heartbreaking defeat is only ninety minutes away.

[Ko-oren]

"So talk me through it once more."

"First, we signed the Declaration. Then we signed the Amendment."

"What did we agree to in the Declaration?"

"We, the undersigned, hereby declare on this day, the continent of Calania and its North Eastern islands are now solely the territory of the free and independent region of Anaia. Henceforth, the land upon which these nations stand, along with their territorial waters, falls not under the jurisdiction of Atlantian Oceania, but instead is the sole domain of the Anaia region. You know this. Why do you have me read this out again? We've both seen the text dozens of times now, before signing and after signing."

"Yeah, yeah, but Calania and the islands to its northeast... that's not Ko-oren, is it?"

"A line shall be traced between the southernmost tip of Ko-oren to the southernmost tip of Quebec’s north-western peninsula, with Anaia to the north and AO to the south. Aside from Ko-orenite territory, the majority of the western border of Anaia shall be the limits of Calania’s western coast. It's right there. Read the entire thing."

"Our southernmost point is Leleia island. That means that the line starts to Ko-oren's east - and that means that the international waters to our immediate east are Anaian, and Ko-oren sits in... Atlantian Oceania?"

"So there's something on the borders of Anaia... wait, hang on... nope, that's only the southern border on the eastern side."

"And, by this line, "In the immediate aftermath of the secession, any nation within the Anaian geographical region, as outlined above, that elects to remain in Atlantian Oceania shall be treated as an Atlantian Exclave." that means that we're officially an Atlantian Exclave."

"Wait, that's why we signed the Amendment."

"So for the days between both documents, we weren't Anaian?"

"I guess so."

"Despite some regional offices being installed right here, and we even have some Anaian World Assembly status?"

"Yes, and we created an office to mediate between Anaia and the WA, which is part of our responsibility as the Delegate."

"But we weren't Anaian."

"Yeah, that's why the Amendment is here. Look, The Anaian nations declare their total disappearance from the map of Atlantian Oceania."

"So with that, Ko-oren sat on AO's north while Anaia was gone."

"Again, hold on, Any and all references to the geography of Atlantian Oceania made in the Declaration of Foxchester are to be ignored. So the line between Leleia Island and Quebec still exists."

"And the rest of the text?"

"No mention of us, or the western border. Only that Anaia and AO will exist fully independently in different locations from before."

"And all of these treaties were ratified by?"

"The PM, Minister of Foreign Affairs, and President."

"The people themselves, or the office they represent?"

"The people themselves, I imagine."

"And was our constitution amended immediately after the signing? Because as far as I know, that still has "Atlantian Oceania" in Chapter X. And that means?"

"That... we're not Anaian, are we"

[Avorago]

A STEP-BY-STEP PROCEDURE TO MAKING AVORAGO TOAST

Good morning everyone! I am Mr Adrian Avocado and I am here to show you all how to make Avorago toast in just a few steps. All you need to do is listen very carefully to what I’m saying and if possible, repeat the steps alongside me. Let’s start, shall we?

1. First of all, you must make sure that you do not hail from Kotzellach, Pyazhnaya and especially not from Vdara. As all you lost to the Primates in a game of football and are yet to beat them (unless you’re Vdara, where you never will), you cannot create Avorago toast without it blowing up and leaving you with charred Avorago all over your face. Your football team will also lose 15-0 in their next game, too, although it may only be 5- or 10-0 if you’re from Kotzellach or Pyazhnaya.
2. After ensuring that you are allowed to create Avorago toast, you must first get a massive slice of bread, at least a few kilometres square. It works best if it’s been freshly toasted
3. Find Avorago and mash it to little bits in order to cover the entire slice of bread (please note that if you’re looking to do this for a second time you may have a little trouble with this step).
4. Cover with a layer of cheese
5. Find a ridiculously large microwave and wait until the cheese has melted.
6. Enjoy!

If you want to receive more news on Avorago toast, or give feedback, please DM Firetruck#5781 on Discord or TG Avorago (ignore the fact that it's been mashed up).

[Ochre Islands]

(ooc: I felt compelled to read this one out)

---08:58. Sunnyday Apartments, New Ranton City, Mournhow Island, the Ochre Islands---

Wilson Mara had heard about the smell before he'd even smelled it. “He's going in” loudly whispered a particularly subtle curtain twitcher, as Wilson climbed the stairs toward the second floor apartment he had a contract to clean.

“Which one?” Another voice called from behind the curtain. “The smelly one! Goat man!”

As Wilson climbed the steps, the smell of death hung heavy in the air, a foreboding shadow in the front of his mind tried to push him back down the stairs toward the way he came, screaming banshees filled his nose, the trident of Neptune himself poked at the back of his throat, triggering his gag reflex like it hadn't been triggered since the Krytenia released the photo of the cow under the missile, and his eyes dripped (dripped) with the salty watery tears of someone who had learned that their favourite football team had lost a penalty shootout, at the precise moment their favourite pickled gherkin producer went out of business and had been bought up by a firm intending to use the factory to produce mayonnaise, the worst of all condiments known in this land instead.

Yes. Wilson now knew about the smell. He did not. like. the. smell. But Wilson was determined. He had never backed out of a job before. He had also signed a contract obligating him to do the job or to pay the apartment owner an exorbitant cancellation fee.

Wilson opened the door. He looked. Goat. He closed the door.

[Saltstead]

STN News in Brief
Saltstead comfortably defeat Yesopalitha to finish second in CAFA Group E

Saltstead safely secured passage to the knockout stage of the inaugural CAFA Cup with a convincing three goal victory over Yesopalitha in Tiberia and, after conceding a shocking six goals against the Independent Athletes from Quebec, successfully kept the struggling “Flames” from scoring.

Haråud Haråudssen opened the scoring in the 31st minute and would have doubled Saltstead’s lead in stoppage time but for the successful intervention of Barrion Melfre, but successfully bagged his second goal after Kathrinita Äsħes denied Qhesserris and Saltstead mounted a successful counterattack. A’th’l Mik’o’si ultimately denied Haråudssen a hat trick in the 79th minute, but Nico Joxepħssen successfully scored from the rebound to seal victory in Saltstead’s final group stage match.

When combined with the Ochre Islands’ victory over the Independent Athletes, Saltstead moved up to second in the group and thus secured a crucial bye through the preliminary knockout round. That result visibly shocked Saltsteadish players and head coach Christiane van Åupħen, who mistakenly believed that head-to-head points came ahead of goal difference in the tiebreaker list, which would have seen Saltstead finish third behind the Independent Athletes.

In the larger picture, Saltstead finished level on all seeding criteria with Ko-oren and were seeded ahead of the former AOCAF champions after winning a coin toss at Federation of Association Football headquarters in Legalese City. Saltstead will therefore head to back to Spetz-Tessah to face former Cup of Harmony winners Ko-oren for a place in the quarterfinals.

---

★
The Royal Saltsteadish Football Association

---

---

Saltstead : Ko-oren
Starting XI: Van Daal; Josefssen, Van Tilborg, Van Middelkamp, Rothöüf; Aħterop, Van Bleck, Van den Slåp, Ratmaker, Joxepħssen; Haråudssen
Substitute bench: Äsħes, Kåler; Aurelius, Åudenberg, Handel, De Vriħt; Sħåul, Felicianus, Le Duc, Pascal; Åubreħtssen, Withöüf

---

[Legalese]

The Play-In Round is here! If you're waiting for the Round of 16, Have some Coffee and TV -- we'll see you tomorrow.

RP Cutoff for the Play-in Round

Play-In Results
at City Grounds, Mainsail
Vdara 4(4) - 4(4) (aet) Osarius
Osarius advances on penalties, 3-2

at Butterman Park, Binchensburg
Krytenia 5-2 Perlasilangan

at Mallahar International Stadium, Okerson
Cobrio 3-1 Xannerian Sunbelt Islands

at Horseshoe Stadium, Brecorn
Starblaydia 2-4 Pyazhnaya


Round of 16 Fixtures

at Community Park, Comunas
Mont Vert v Pyazhnaya

at Shoreline Park, Spetz-Tessah
Saltstead v Ko-oren

at The Coliseum, Tyrellia
Savigliane v Osarius

at Caerangelion, Numala
Aut-Ves-Nat v Northwest Kalactin

at Protectorate Road, Tiberia
Cocoabo Forest v Krytenia

at Service Station Field, Plainsview
Flavovespia v Grande Cucina

at Arbuckle Park, Morven
Ochre Islands v Cobrio

at Coastal Pitch, Sagdineo
Avorago v Independent Athletes from Quebec

[Savigliane]

Lineup to play Osarius (4-3-3): DuCasse; Lamontagne, Garcia, Blanco (C), Vitale; Toscani, Auvergne, Castagne; Roux, Squarciafichi, Collomb

Tactical Profiles: Nathaniel Auvergne
Nathaniel Auvergne has often been outshone by younger or flashier midfielders throughout his career, most notably being dropped from the World Cup 88 roster for the likes of Alessandro Bella and Gabriel Buvalelli. But he's quietly carved out a strong career for both the national team and Hofvinger, where he was recently named the GPL's Most Valuable Player, off his versatility and creativity.

In terms of sheer athleticism, Auvergne is certainly no Adrian Toscani or even Amara Vatrican. But he compensates for his relative sluggishness with an excellent sense of positioning. He seemingly always knows how to time his runs to arrive unmarked on far posts or slip through distracted defenders. While nominally a box-to-box midfielder, he tends to drift forwards and centrally more than Vatrican did in the same position. It doesn't mean he can't get back, as his physicality and positioning make him an expert at stopping counterattacks and tracking back, but means he shifts the team's shape into more of a 4-1-2-3 as an 8.

Auvergne is an absolute maestro with the ball at his feet, known for his creativity and passing accuracy. He's a better passer in a more advanced position, but has also served ably as a deep-lying playmaker in the Pietro Giraudo mold. He arguably passed his way into his MVP award in Græntfjall, and while the Swans have more alternate sources of creativity than that Hofvinger team, he's managed to slot in well enough anyways. In recent years, Auvergne has finally found ways to fit his game into Tlanxball, leveraging his staunch defensive positioning and creativity in a floatier 8 role, and the future is bright for the young midfielder...

[Cocoabo Forest]

---

While the Cocoabo Preservation Society - and specifically its president Noa-isinao Wioauoi had done all the paperwork - negotiating with AORDO to get the deed to what would become the Cocoabo Forest - they still needed Funding and Manpower.

Wioauoi held numerous fundraisers - opening the doors of the Cocoabo Preservation Society headquarters to raise tures towards the relocation efforts in the Forest - but it was only a small percentage of the amount needed to fully realize Wioauoi's vision.

Then came Tropicorp.

The Quasi-governmental entity that based itself on the Calanian coastline just South of Calania and East of Turoki Isle was always looking for new ventures. During one of Wioauoi's fundraisers in Kionao, Dr. J. Hamonii approached the CPS President with a proposition. Allow Tropicorp to establish a research colony in the Cocoabo Forest and the project would have all the funding it ever needed.

The offer was too good to pass up. While many Turorians expressed their concern with the Tropicorp partnership - uncertain if the Cocoabo Preservation Society would lose autonomous control over the project, Wioauoi knew there was virtually no way it could succeed without the Tropicorp funding.

Hamonii and Wioauoi would later fly from Kionao to the Cocoabo Forest on one of Tropicorp's modern Helicopters. Hamonii was scouting out locations for some of the various research projects they envisioned while Wioauoi's primary concern was limiting the exposure of the Cocoabo to Citizens within the new preservation area.

While their goals were at odds, Hamonii knew the perfect way to negotiate a deal. An educational park to serve as the epicenter of the research activities under the guise of an entertainment venue to spread the message of Cocoabo Preservation. Wioauoi bought into the plan Hook, Line and Sinker and the Cocoabo Park was born.

[Flavovespia]

As Flavovespia prepare to take on Grande Cucina, Marcus McCormick has called on his side to seize the moment and progress into their first quarter finals since the Cup of Harmony 78. The group stages saw Flavovespia finish with 10 points and 2nd, but they looked second best against Savigliane.

Unusually for a McCormick side, defence and not attack has been the issue. Of the 5 group games, 3 of them ended with 3 goals conceded. Whilst Flavovespia were drawn against some attacking sides, that can’t excuse some defensive errors seen so far. For the Round of 16, it looks like a back 4 of Lyons-May-Gardner-Blythe will return, with Aarif Muhammad still in goal.

The midfield of Flavovespia this cycle has seen rotation, but Clark and Clarkson are the dynamic duo most relied on. Clark has been a solid creative asset with some lovely passes. He’s also tried to get into advanced positions, although it’s left the defence exposed. Clarkson has been the best of the ball winning midfielders for Flavovespia, and has grown in confidence, although can be prone to losing focus.

Up front, Scott Coleman has hit a century of international goals. He’s without doubt one of the best Flavovespians this tournament. Steven Hall on the right hasn’t shown any signs of aging as he impresses again. A controversial decision for the knockout stage, is that Michael Cole is benched after a lacklustre centre attacking midfield display vs Savigliane, with Jonathan Feld and Robert Totten joining Coleman and Hall in attack.

Flavovespia haven’t had a perfect tournament so far, but will go into the match against Grande Cucina hoping to make it a 2nd international quarter final appearance. #7 vs #10 seems close on paper, Flavovespia hope the balance tips their way.

[Mont Vert]

So you want to visit… Viersier!

Viersier is the second or third largest city on Grande Mont Vert, depending on whether Maryvonne “Big Mama” Dutoit is at home. Viesier offers a taste of genuine Montvertanesque life (a taste usually described as approximating to fish that has been left out in a warm room for several days).

Transport

There is no direct bus route, but the Vabagne–Vinnoît route can normally be relied to break down within walking distance of the city. For those considering bringing their cars, no extra safety precautions are necessary; in fact, these features will only make it more likely the car will simply be set on fire rather than stripped for parts.

Attractions

Viersier is famous for its market, but the stock can be quite variable. During the days following the arrivals of large cruise liners, the stalls will suddenly be filled with luxury consumer goods: if you hurry, you might be able to snap up an (empty) leather wallet, a high-tech smartphone, or even a passport, before their owners visit the market and buy them back. During the off-season, local artisans may be seen at work on beautiful native objets d’art such as the intriguing “gusnes dujauvoir”, which is Montvertanesque Creole for “let’s sell this rusty paint can to that white tourist”.

Nightlife

Viersier’s clubs are famous across the island. They are used to stun cockerels (and the occasional unwary tourist!) before they are brought to the fighting pits. Elsewhere, the Viersian Méringue is much in evidence, an evocative dance style whose main aim is to keep ones hips moving so as to avoid pick-pockets. Visitors to Madame Béatrice’s Topless Bar may want to bring along a few coins for the lockers where they must leave their tops.

Safety

Under absolutely no circumstances should visitors

RP cut off at 300 words

[Ko-oren]

"So we ratified a treaty, on behalf of Atlantian Oceania, that Anaia's a free and independent region?"

"Apparently that's what it comes down to, yes."

"And while we signed it, we weren't implied by the text of the treaty itself?"

"Bingo."

"Well... fuck."

"That's not exactly Prime Ministerial language, sir."

"Excuse me. Well, let's get the emergency task force in. We need to amend the text of the treaty OR declare ourselves compliant with the text of the treaty. Otherwise, we'll need to declare ourselves northeastern."

"Not that, sir, surely?"

"If that's our only shot."

"Call ourselves one with the likes of the Audioslavians, Vdarans, and Chromatiks?"

"Yeah, I really don't like that idea, but if that's the only way we can stay in the region, we have to swallow our pride."

"And what was your first directive towards the Anaian Delegate Office?"

"To ask other nations for their opinion on how to handle our common foreign affairs, as in, Atlantian Oceania."

"You had them ask all other nations?"

"Yes."

"And treated their opinions equally."

"Yes."

"That's..." shudder "D-d-democracy, sir."

"It's not what it looks like."

"We were given every. Single. Opportunity. To install a meritocratic mindset into Anaia from its very beginning, and 'we' promoted democracy?"

"I can expl-"

"Disgusting, sir."

---

PART II

"Welcome, everyone, and I'm glad you could all make it to this emergency meeting. A matter was brought to my attention surrounding our Anaian move."

"The move that was completed months ago, Mr. Laurderinthen [Prime Minister]?"

"Yes, Mrs. Gelogathingun [Minister of Foreign Affairs], the one that was completed months ago. It turns out that all three of us signed the document on a personal basis: as Laurderinthen, Gelogathingun, Lekleorisethun [President] - and not, as the continuity of our government requires, on the basis of our office. And that means, effectively, that once all three of us are relieved from our positions, Ko-oren ceases to be Anaian. Our government is based on the principle of-"

"I think we all know that. We've all been career politicians."

"Yes, absolutely. Anyway. Uh, so how do we spin this? I suppose either we break into the Anaian HQ, steal the treaty, and change our names to our titles. Or, we change the Ko-orenite constitution so that people can sign documents on personal basis."

"I think the former is more doable, but the latter is the way to go."

"Thank you. And that brings me to the next point. The constitution needs to be changed anyway, I'd like to bring your attention to Chapter X, where apparently it said "Atlantian Oceania" all along, and until that text is changed, the region we officially reside in, is AO."

"So only two changes to the constitution? You know the normal revision period starts in three years, right?"

"I do, and I think we can all agree we cannot wait that long."

[Pyazhnaya]

"Ulyona? Ulyona!"

Ulyona was sitting on the pitch in Brecorn's Horseshoe Stadium, her back against one of the goalposts and it all was just a rush around her. Somewhere through the crazed din of fans, players and officials she thought she heard someone calling her name, but it was barely registering.

How was it even possible? We just played Starblaydia, one of the greatest nations in the multiverse, let alone the CAFA and we won! Somehow.

Sure, that old saying kept ringing through her head that as long as you score at least one goal more than the opponent, you win. She frowned at the thought.

What kind of idiot came up with that? Of course you win, why would anybody in their right mind even question that to begin with? This wasn't some abstract math problem, it was football. Simple. Score in the front, don't concede in the back and if anybody comes close to you, boom, down they go. Not rocket science.

Her head was spinning with everything that happened since they stepped off that plane just a few days ago. Sure, at home there were reporters around all the time, but it always were the same people, the same stuff. Here suddenly you had TV crews from all over the region and even beyond, you had reporters and fans. But - if you managed to sneak out the back of the hotel, pretty much nobody recognized you. Well, at least used to. Ever since suddenly every TV station and newspaper suddenly took this odd interest in her and especially since she signed with Emberton everybody under the sun seemed to recognize her. And now they beat Starblaydia. The world was going mad, plain and simple. And she was right in the centre of it.

[Ochre Islands]

"There's goats hanging out everywhere?"

"No boss, you don't understand." Wilson had tried to talk Lance through this a couple of times now. Lance seemed… naive, and the long-distance call reception wasn't helping either. "There are pieces - pieces as in there was one goat, now it is many bits of goat, right? Pieces. Bits. Pieces of goat hanging around the flat. Once I pulled myself together, I managed to get back in there."

"Is it bad?" Lance asked. "To be blunt boss, yeah. How bad would you find it if you pulled back the shower curtain, only to see a goat leg hanging from the soap dish you keep your 'Pista-Chio body scrub" on."

Lance shuddered at the thought. "That would be horrendous" he replied, stubbing out the cigar he no longer felt like smoking.

"Yep." Wilson flicked something dangling from the rail which held the dolphin-motifed shower curtain. "Looks like there's a bit of sausage hanging from the curtain rail. Funny looking lumps in the sink too. Listen mate I've seen all sorts but between the legs hanging everywhere and the goat head in the fridge, this really takes the bis-"

Lance heard the rushing of air, then the line went dead. He looked down at his phone and redialed.

"You've reached Wilson Mara, no cleaning job too tough. Leave a message for me and I'll get back to you when I've been cleaned up."

[Krytenia]

In his hotel room, Robert Wilson was on the phone to his agent.

"You gotta get me something, Dave. New season's starting soon, and I still don't have a club to play for."
"You're in luck Robbie, my man. Got two offers on the table for you."
"Legend. What we got?"
"Well, first, there's Mercia. Word is, they don't think Jason Marley is quite ready yet, and they're willing to offer a one season deal. Decent renumeration, first team football at a side chasing the title."
"One season? 'Oh hi Robert, we know you took over the national team gloves from Damo, but we like the kid so you only get the one year.' Ugh, the arrogance of it."
"I know. Second one's a good one, bit of a step down in league quality from what you're used to."
"...where?"
"Lehon Neorudo. They're a club in Mertagne, so there's pedigree, but it's a league newly returned to the international fold. Contract's sound though."
"You know what? Go for it. It's close enough I can come back to Krytenia on my downtime, and hey, what's wrong with being a big fish, right?"
"Cracking. I'll get the details sent to the team hotel, have a look over it, and we'll get everything finalised when you're back in the country."

[Saltstead]

Five predictions for Saltstead versus Ko-oren

Michaèl Mathiassen, Stallion Stable editor: Saltstead 1–0 Ko-oren
It’s a bold prediction, but CAFA has proven to be completely unpredictable. Ko-oren have struggled up front compared to Saltstead and looked shaky at times, so I think they’re more vulnerable than people reckon. It’s our trickiest fixture yet, but we can certainly pull it off.

Aleksänder Johanssen-Smid, STN Radio football commentator: Saltstead 0–1 Ko-oren (aet)
The Dragonflies are stubborn and resilient, resistant to being moved. They have been undefeated thus far, with two wins and three draws. The National Eleven have been great throughout the tournament (except in the game against Quebec), but I think Ko-oren are just too good for Saltstead.

Jån-Pijr Michahels, Asħwell Tijdens football correspondent: Saltstead 0–2 Ko-oren
Let’s be honest, we are not going to score against Ko-oren. No one has been able to do it so far: not Audioslavia, not Starblaydia, not Krytenia or Huayramarca or Aut-Ves-Nat. What makes anyone think Saltstead could do it? We probably can’t, in all honesty.

Emmet Ferdinand, Baptism of Fire winning goalkeeper: Saltstead 2–2 Ko-oren (aet)
Saltstead and Ko-oren are two famously defence-oriented teams, a rarity in international football, but CAFA has turned everything we know about football firmly on its head. Audioslavia and Chromatika went out in the group stage, for heaven’s sake. We’ve had a lot of shockingly high scoring games and I think Saltstead could take Ko-oren to penalties. At that point, it’s a toss-up.

Jessica Marts, Seelandes Nüren football correspondent: Saltstead 0–4 Ko-oren
We’re playing Ko-oren. Of course we’re doomed. They will trample us, pick their teeth with our bones and romp all the way to the title. Saltstead has done well to get this far and we ought to be proud of that, but it’s not our time here.

[Aut-Ves-Nat]

Aut-Ves-National Report Madatory reading.

---

The team arrived in Caerangelion a day early, causing the football president John Ray Bondoc to say "Salamat" as he was thrown into the deep below. His condo on the vessel has reportedly been sold to the highest bidder. "Who am I? Why am I here" John Opie asked the world as his team waited another day in Caerangelion without a permit. "We are lucky we were not arrested," Ben Schumacher said, "I was at home, I could have been playing my Soogah Leviticus system and playing Snmuloc 3 The ultimate puzzle game." Of course, we couldn't blame the Aut-Ves-Nat for humility, our strongest asset behind rope tying and an inability to be seasick. In any case, we were fifth seeds, and had a bye.

The actual game day was a relief. Even Maria Roxas was in good sprits. The Aut-Ves-Nat had won their group, and were the fifth seeds. Seeds are not common on a boat, but once they were explained to the side, the team was happy. The opposition looking to deny the Aut-Ves-Nat her first victory in knockouts? The land lubbers of Northwest Kalactin. Frank Owens could use a pegleg, and Jimmy McCarthy plays for some onion lovers named Tor, but overall the side is strong. "I have wagered on both the victories of Vdara and Starblaydia" Grand Admiral Juan James Marcozy said in an emergency adress to the nation, "Taxes will cove this loss, however, I have decided to make sure the goddesses of luck from Nephara to Turori smile on us. So I have decided to bet on our opponents, these Kalactinianesseish of the North and West. Godspeed!"

[Legalese]

And now, it begins. The Round of 16. Win, and you continue on. Lose, and well, I'll let Leadbelly take it from here

RP Cutoff for the Round of 16

at Community Park, Comunas
Mont Vert 2-3 Pyazhnaya

at Shoreline Park, Spetz-Tessah
Saltstead 2-0 Ko-oren

at The Coliseum, Tyrellia
Savigliane 3-4 Osarius

at Caerangelion, Numala
Aut-Ves-Nat 6-4 Northwest Kalactin

at Protectorate Road, Tiberia
Cocoabo Forest 2-3 Krytenia

at Service Station Field, Plainsview
Flavovespia 3-5 Grande Cucina

at Arbuckle Park, Morven
Ochre Islands 2-3 Cobrio

at Coastal Pitch, Sagdineo
Avorago 5-3 Independent Athletes from Quebec

Quarterfinal Fixtures

at International Pitch, Tyrellia
Pyazhnaya v Saltstead

at City Stadium, Francis City
Osarius v Aut-Ves-Nat

at Declaration Point, Foxchester
Krytenia v Grande Cucina

at Mallahar International Stadium, Okerson
Cobrio v Avorago

[Krytenia]

The OTHER Foxchester Declaration

We, the undersigned, hereby declare on this day, the the football team of Grande Cucina are now solely the bitches of the national team of Krytenia. Henceforth, the pitch upon which these players stand, along with their territorial waters, falls not under the jurisdiction of Grande Cucina, but instead is the sole domain of the Dragons.

Cande Montalban hereby severs all ties to going soft on these chancers. All members of the Krytenian squad have unanimously agreed to skelp these guys like they owe us money.

All currently uneliminated teams hereby fall under the jurisdiction of the Krytenians, once we get a chance to play you.

Of the older Anaian nations, we laugh the states of Ko-oren, Audioslavia, Starblaydia, and Chromatika to watch in horror, equal in standing with the other eliminated sides. We extend the same invitation to anyone else who stands in our way, acknowledging their reservations about Krytenia actually winning a trophy.

Of the active nations of the Eagle's Club, we state our intentions to join you next, equal in standing with the previous champions of the competition.

We do not make any claim to the forsaken islands of Vdara, because it's Vdara and we like birds.

A line shall be traced between the southernmost tip of Ko-oren to the southernmost tip of Quebec’s north-western peninsula, and be painted sky blue.

In the immediate aftermath of the competition, any nation within the Anaian geographical region, while geographically in the region of Anaia, shall be under the sole jurisdiction of the Krytenian national team.

On a longer timescale, Krytenia will work through the World Cup to create a more permanent dynasty. Should any nation be moved to try and stop us, we'll skelp them and all. We hope they understand this is nothing personal.

The borders of Krytenia are open to any team wanting to stop us, and Krytenia welcomes any nation in the world that hilariously fails to do so.

We, the undersigned
Robert Wilson [Goalkeeper]
Marcus Bellamy [Defender]
Stephen Cameronesi [Defender]
Ross Okano [Defender]
Joey Sinton [Defender]
Oliver Selhurst [Midfielder]
Robert Reeder [Midfielder]
Max Snelders [Midfielder]
Cande Montalban [Forward]
Neil Smith [Forward]
Alun Belmwr [Forward]

In the presence of
Paul Davis [Manager]
Gary Barton [Assistant Manager]

[Aut-Ves-Nat]

Aut-Ves-National Report Madatory reading.

---

We won! We won? We won. The whole nation was puzzlingly pleased, but all people of the Aut-Ves-Nat knew things were too good to be unture. Thus, winning was never in doubt. With the game winning goal, Luigi Firmo was awarded the condo of former Football Association President John Ray Bondoc. However, the top scorer for the team was Quan Ding]. Ding] was all around good enough to score a hat trick for his nation, the ball maneuvered like bass on both a fishing pole and a gridiron (not the sporting kind).

The inevitable victory of the Aut-Ves-Nat puts them in the quarterfinals of a tournament. With all of the countries Aut-Ves-Nat has heard of eliminated, the most famous is Osiris. Osiris is the 20th seed and Osiris is ranked 273rd in the world for Most World Assembly Endorsements. Scouting reports indicate that The Eccentric Skies of Luna State is a leader in the side, though no footage showed them. Instead, Osiris' head coach is named... Odell McIntosh? "I don't know what to make of them," John Opie said, "But, we will win anyhow, because St Trinians' anarchy has less fat broads."

After referring to the opponents as "Osiris" and not "Osarius", the article writer and zir family walked the plank for causing an international SNAFU. The writer has been replaced.

[Mont Vert]

The story of how Mont Vert won the CAFA Cup

Mont Vert’s glorious run began with a thrilling 3 – 3 draw against Grand Cucina. Ludovic Bellefontaine had put the Zesty Cockerel up by 2 at the half, though his missed penalty proved costly as L’Volpi surged back and Angela Tortellini’s free-kicked in the second minute of injury time was baked to perfection to save a draw.

There was much better to come. Isaac Joseph inspired a 1 – 0 win over regular World Cup qualifiers Chromatika, and Marcelin Janvier used all his guile and experience to snatch a late winner over the no-less veritable Mertagne. The Zesty Cockerels were top of the group and riding high!

A messy 5 – 3 win over Northwest Kalactin may have raised some questions about defensive frailties, but it showed the Montvertanesque attack at its inventive best, with a goal of the tournament contender from Rémi Bourgeois screaming in from 30 yards. Teenager Léon Lavache scored twice and veteran Janvier once, while Bellefontaine had a quiet game but still managed to get on the scoresheet with a trademark powerful header.

The Perlasilangan tie represented a dead rubber, but the Zesty Cockerels kept rolling regardless. Four goals, as Bellefontaine’s hat-trick announced his return to form just in time for the playoffs, while Janvier scored a sweet header. In a tournament featuring Starblaydia and Audioslavia, Chromatika and Legalese, Ko-oren and Quebec, Mont Vert had emerged as the number one ranked team from the group stage!

Pyazhnaya swept past the Stars by four goals to two to set up an enticing Round of 16 clash between two of the newer nations on the Anaian scene. Patrick Marcelin knocked in a corner in the 12th minute, and 11 minutes later, Bellefontaine doubled the lead. The Zesty Cockerels were assured of

RP cut off at 300 words