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by Starblaydia » Wed Jun 16, 2021 9:09 am
by Audioslavia » Wed Jun 16, 2021 9:20 am
by Banija » Wed Jun 16, 2021 9:52 am
by Ko-oren » Wed Jun 16, 2021 10:50 am
by Audioslavia » Wed Jun 16, 2021 5:52 pm
by Chromatika » Wed Jun 16, 2021 7:08 pm
Turori 1-0 Chromatika
Starting XI: Fillar; Xiao - de Aea - Anderson - Ilya; Marc - Armageddon (C) - Kuznetsov; Hauser; Vidal - Gainsbourg.
Substitutes: De Saint-Pierre -> Xiao ('56), Zuniga -> Armageddon ('72), Thibodeaux -> Vidal ('83)
by Valanora » Wed Jun 16, 2021 7:32 pm
by Banija » Thu Jun 17, 2021 8:54 am
by Alasdair I Frosticus » Thu Jun 17, 2021 1:21 pm
Dear Miss Fëanáro
We're so excited to be playing you in the World Cup 88 Quarterfinals. Will your team be our friends? Will you join us for tea and crumpets before the match and become members of GOOFI - the Great Old Ones Friendship Initiative?
GOOFI exists to build links of cuddle-based friendship between ordinary mortals, Great Old Ones, and Elder Gods.
Even though you're so very, very young at a mere 4,081 years old, and have only been managing Starblaydia for 21 tournaments now (Mr Tzimisces referred to you as a 'newb' at training the other day; we're not entirely certain what that means, but we're sure it must be very nice; we're such a friendly bunch, after all), we know that you'll agree that cuddle-based friendship between Starblaydia and the Holy Empire is all for the best. Why, Mr Dr Bradini is originally from Starblaydia, though when we asked him to write to you directly, he just said 'leave me out of this'. We can't imagine why. Perhaps he didn't get enough cuddles when he was a wee lad? The solution to not having enough cuddles as a child is to have even more cuddles as an adult!
Anyway, we digress. We just think that, what with the long history between our two nations, the fact that Starblaydi media have already declared that 'the Great Old Ones are the best ones' (a sentiment with which we heartily agree), there's just ever so much scope for the Starblaydi football team to join GOOFI. Why, our captain - Great Cthulhu - has even declared that you're a 'suitable vessel for his seed', and he doesn't say that about all the females in Ordinary Reality, believe us! Though we think we should stress that he's not expecting that to lead to anything should you join us for tea and crumpets and cuddles; it was a general observation (and a very flattering one at that, if you don't mind us saying so) rather than a statement of expectation or intent. Don't want any misunderstandings there!
You know who else has joined GOOFI? Vilita, that's who! They shared tea and crumpets with us for our final group stage match. They even brought along their own tea and crumpets! What a friendly bunch those Jungle Cats proved to be!
We're also hoping that Poafmersia will join GOOFI; and gosh, wasn't that an exciting second round match against the red thingies, what with the lead changing twice and everything, and both teams scoring a penalty. International football can be so much fun! And provides ever so many opportunities to form new friendships over tea and crumpets. If you join GOOFI too, that might mean that four teams have joined GOOFI - the Holy Empire, Vilita, Poafmersia (maybe), and Starblaydia! What larks we can all have together over tea and crumpets and cuddles!
So please join GOOFI! We can have ever so much fun together! It'll be ever so jolly! With tea and crumpets and cuddles!
In the meantime, here are 100 plush cuddly Cthulhu toys to show you how much we care.
Thank you ever so much,
Your new friends in GOOFI
by Pasarga » Thu Jun 17, 2021 3:26 pm
by Eura » Thu Jun 17, 2021 4:27 pm
by Turori » Thu Jun 17, 2021 5:44 pm
Turori [1] - [0] Chromatika
GOALS: Turori :: 81' Wiztsana Iretziia
STATS: Turori :: Possession: 52%:: Shots: 4:: Corners: 6 Chromatika :: Possession: 48%:: Shots: 3:: Corners: 6
Lineup: [GK] Wiyauw An'maude, [D.] Mikki Mayelli, [D.] Moumouni Verre'elali, [D.] Karek Edgeli, [D.] Amakli Inuro'o, [ML] Kentu Umaka'a, [MC] Daliora Toru'u, [MC] Kiidallen Aeroluzzi, [MR] Tulaki Rauogba, [FC] Wiztsana Iretziia, [FC] Turakia Diijelhma
Bench: [FC] Meldi'ita Mungwaii, [FC] Nua'oma Aikiki, [M] Cuoabaza Orani’aoa, [M] Lati'ala Giaoka, [U ] Biliki Rona'atu'i, [D] Yitizo Mpala'a, [GK] Timaala Hualtia
by Commonwealth of Baker Park » Thu Jun 17, 2021 5:45 pm
by Cassadaigua » Thu Jun 17, 2021 6:07 pm
by Chromatika » Thu Jun 17, 2021 7:00 pm
by Starblaydia » Thu Jun 17, 2021 7:20 pm
by Banija » Fri Jun 18, 2021 9:36 am
by Commonwealth of Baker Park » Sat Jun 19, 2021 1:35 am
by Audioslavia » Sat Jun 19, 2021 3:19 am
Dear GOOFI
I have heard so many lovely things about your friendly gang of loveable intra-dimensional monsters (intra-dimensional monsters seems such a pejorative term. I prefer bounce-buddies) and I’m just so delighted that our football teams have the opportunity to have a nice game of football together.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Coothulhu, and I am a coo who is in training for eldritchhood.
That’s me with the green tentacles. I’m told the mere sight of me invokes madness in mere mortals and I believe it, because whenever a human looks at me they stop what they’re doing, clasp their hands together and go ‘d’awwwwwwwwww’ when previously they had been chatting to their friend about how the local windmills are all inoperative and used largely for tourism purposes. People say I can’t be an unfathomable supernatural sea-colossus simply because I’m a wee coo who lives by a windmill, but as your friend Simbadandy di Brandinki once said, ‘if you’re old enough, you’re good enough’, and I think that stretches to ‘if you try really hard to be an unknowable sub-pacific cephalopodian god-priest then you’re good enough’. I hope Simbobdi Bergenie is doing well please tell him I like his shoes.
As our two teams are meeting in the semi-finals of the World Cup (I’m so excited! I’ve had to wait so long to see the Audioslavian Bulls in the World Cup! I don’t think they’ve ever been past the second round since I was born, which was admittedly few weeks ago) I was wondering if you would do me the honour of coming to tea? “Audioslavian tea” is just so scrummy and it’s much nicer if you can share it with friends. It’s tea and scones with jam and clotted cream. Lovely! You naturally have to put the jam and the cream on the scone in a certain order, which is naturally [this line of the letter is obscured by a fresh green smudge, as if the coo’s “tentacles” have brushed over the page] so I hope you don’t get that wrong! I think the cream is made from coos like me, so I hope one day I can make some myself. People tell me I’m not allowed to because I’m more of a wee bull than a coo so I don’t have any of the ingredients to make cream. When I told them I was sure I could improvise they giggled for a second but stopped suddenly and grimaced and lead me back to the field away from the hoose. I assume I simply caused their mortal minds to slip from this reality like pieces of wet cake from an upturned plate.
Ooh, that reminds me, I’ve been learning some of your language. Let me try some.
Ṕh̨'n̵gl̡u͢i ̴ḿglw'̛nafh́ Ct͡h̶ųl̴h̷u͟ ͡R'̵l̸ỳeh̡ w̕g͠a̷h'n͞ag͝l ̵f̨ht̢a̷g̨ņ
I hope I spelled everything okay. I think it means “The wee coo is tucked up in bed having a little snooze”
I’d also love to invite you to a pre-match meal along with the Audioslavia team. They’ll be eating an Audioslavian dish made by the chef the team has brought over (we love Cassadaiguan food, but some traditions are sacred, as I’m sure you know!). It’s really scrumptious and it’s called Polvorice which I’m sure you’ll love because it sounds like ‘pulverise’. I’d tell you what’s in it but we should keep it as a surprise!
Lots of love and hugs and a big moo.
Coothulhu.
by Alasdair I Frosticus » Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:02 pm
Dear Coothulhu,
Wow! I'm really excited to be writing to you, the Heilan Coothulhu!
Let me introduce myself! I'm also in training for eldritchood. I'm Shet-Niggurath, the Pony of the Fields With A Thousand Young!
That's me in the picture, striking fear into ordinary mundies! The bounce-buddies at GOOFI have asked me to write to you because we have so much in common! We're both in training for eldritchood, and when a human looks at me, they also go ‘d’awwwwwwwwww’, though in my case it has nothing to do with windmills, and everything to do with being exhausted after the long journey required to reach my isolated island home. Not that my island home is as exciting as R'lyeh (that's where dread Cthulhu lives, don'tcha know), but isolated islands in the middle of nowhere are just the bestest places for the eldritch-in-training, don'tcha think?
I'd also like to introduce you to my thousand young! They're ever so tasty when cooked properly! I call them 'haggis'. Here's a picture of one of my wild haggi!
I know they look super-cute, but you wouldn't want to get in their way when they're on the rampage, those wild haggi. Here's a picture of my thousand wild haggi young ravening for delight!
It's said that they can strip the flesh from the bones of a human in just 30 seconds! I'm so terribly proud! But also sad; because I don't want anyone to suffer just because my thousand haggi young are on the rampage. That would be bad.
Anyway, I'm so pleased that Coothulhu and your buddies from Audioslavia want to join us for tea and scones with jam and clotted cream. We all want to try scones with jam and clotted cream! This sounds so much better than tea and crumpets! Just please tell us that there will also be cuddles!
Polvorice sounds super-yummy! We'd love to have some before the match, thank you! Cthulhu has also offered to bring tasty delectables that he calls 'Forfar bridies' and 'Scotch pies'. He says these are the bestest foods evah! Cthulhu says that everyone should try some!
I think Cthulhu is still upset about the Starblaydia match. I mean, yes we won and everything, but there was that awkward episode with Miss Fëanáro. Cthulhu says that in the past when he's thought that a mortal female is a suitable vessel for his seed, he's always sent Nyarlahotep as his herald to inform the lucky mundy. But it always seems to lead to misunderstandings, what with Nyarly always referring to 'dread seed', and 'unholy seed', and before you know it, the spawn of the impregnated female has led to the total collapse of the civilisation involved in an orgy of horror!
Well, this time Cthulhu thought he'd cut out the middleman, tell Miss Fëanáro himself, and she'd be sure to take it as a compliment rather than as a sign of the impending apocalypse. Instead she was really offended! Can you believe it! She slapped Cthulhu! He had to spend the next 30 minutes apologising profusely! He was so embarrassed. I mean, it was just one of those little cultural misunderstandings that lend so much richness to international football; but unfortunately it meant that Starblaydia didn't join GOOFI, despite all of the historical connections between our nations.
But still, Audioslavia want to join GOOFI! We'll have so much fun together, what with tea and scones with jam and clotted cream (all applied in the correct order), polvorice, Forfar bridies, and Scotch pies! And cuddles! Don't forget the cuddles!
It'll just be the bestest time evah!
Yours in GOOFIness,
Shet-Niggurath, the Pony in the Fields With a Thousand Haggis Young
by Audioslavia » Sun Jun 20, 2021 3:59 pm
Audioslavia wrote:"...utterly devoid of ideas, tactical nous or even, on occasion, a single hint of a desire to chase the game..."
"...Klimt's team selections have raised more than a few eyebrows, and with departed assistant David Radic having delivered sound thrashings to allcomers from his new post at Falconwhereveryouare, the jury is out as to who *actually* was the brains behind Audioslavia's recent triumphs..."
"...now with just two wins in their last five, with three defeats coming against opposition ranging from 'modest' to 'middling'..."
"...despite all their amazonian bragadocio, broad-shouldered posturing and brash vulvas-to-the-wall style, this Dagan side still played like less than the sum of their parts, let alone their former glories, and that the Bulls have failed to even worry this most pedestrian of sides is nothing short of preposterous..."
"...an incomprehensible cluster-shambles from start to finish, and a measure of how quickly a team can fall from grace..."
"...rubbish. Just rubbish...."
"...assistant manager Alvaro Mozo is evidently utterly out of his depth at this level, as well as looking like he should still be in school...."
"...a terrible appointment by the FFA. Overtures should be made to Radic immediately..."
"....Tragedy. A f***ing tragedy"
Audioslavia wrote:It could not be called a voice. The sound didn’t so much vibrate the air as tear it from the moorings of its very plane of existence and compel it to destroy itself. You did not hear the voice, you heard the black void where sound once was, and thus your eardrums rattled to the inverse of the sound you had heard. The voice, if we’re still pretending it was such a thing, sounded like thirteen damp gravestones tumbling slowly down a stone spiral staircase at midnight. Sean Patterick caught a glimpse of the voice’s origin before his eyes poured from their sockets and the skin sloughed from his cheeks like fallen leaves in the wind. Mictlantecuhtli’s giant countenance blocked the sun. Each and every player on the field looked up in admiration, their souls long since cast to the wind like ash, their empty, lifeless bodies rooted to the molten earth. So it had been commanded, so it would be done. The sun was plucked from the sky and placed before what was once Alan Belmores, whose husk stared in awe at the orb as it was lowered to his right foot. A void where sound should be commanded the vessel. END IT. Alan Belmores’ dried carcass lurched towards the sun, its right leg twisting backwards, snapping free of the scored earth like twigs from a dead tree. What was left of the striker’s right leg swung slowly at the orb, burning on impact, sending it on an arc towards…
There was a whistle.
Mictlantecuhtli’s giant countenance contorted into a furious frown. He scowled down at the ground at the small balding Euran below. It was a referee. He was standing with his hands on his hips, shaking his head and tutting.
“You can’t do that. That’s a yellow card, sonny jim.”
“I AM MICTLANTECUHTLI. I COMMAND THE DEAD. YOU WILL JOIN THEIR RANKS. YOU WILL BECOME ONE OF MY TRIBE. YOU WILL BECOME NOTHING”
“I won’t be spoken to like that, young man…”
“YOUNG MAN? I AM MICTLANTECUHTLI. I AM UNBORN AND UNDYING. I AM ETERNAL. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME”
The referee shook his head.
“Any more of that, sunshine, and you’ll be having an early bath”
“I AM MICTLANTECUHTLI. I DO NOT TAKE BATHS. I AM BATHS”
“What”
“…NOTHING. SHUT UP”
“Well you were warned” said the referee, rolling his eyes and fishing in his back pocket for what would be a red card.
“I AM UNWARNABLE. YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME. YOU WILL KNEEL”
“I won’t Neil” said the referee. “I am Neil. Neil Grounds. And you’re having an early bath. Off you pop”
“…well within his rights there, the referee, that was simply an awful challenge from the midfielder. We’ve got a replay here, Barry”
“We do.. here we go.. yeah Eurico Da Rosa’s got the better of Miguel Tzanicites there, and Tzanicites has retaliated, he’s summoned the ancient aztec god of the dead, I think that’s Mictlāntēcutli, Jeff, and he’s scorched the earth and turned the air to ash in full view of the referee”
“There’s a tug on Da Rosa’s shirt too”
“There is, but the foul’s already been committed”
“The turning of the o’erhanging firmament to hellfire, that’s what you’re saying is the initial indiscretion?”
“Yeah. Yeah honestly the shirt tug is incidental, I think the referee’s blown for the first infraction”
“Fair enough. Da Rosa’s being treated, I think he’s taken a knock there”
“Yeah… yeah it looks like his heart has been annihilated by the very word of God. He’s being looked at by the physio”
“Is it bad, do you think?”
“That’s usually pretty severe but it looks like he’s recovering. I think he’ll be able to run it off after this new plane of reality is properly unfolded. He won’t even remember the incident, probably. Hopefully.”
“Yeah he looked to be affected by the sudden transmutation of this very plane of existence into that of a fiery hellscape and he might have gone over on his ankle. Might they bring him off?”
“Nah that’d just tire him out. They’re better off just substituting him”
“Who would you put on in place of him?”
“Honestly… I don’t think they’ll make any changes. All the Audioslavian players have had the same injury and they’re all just about getting to their feet now and unsticking their studs from the turf”
“Has the sudden ossification of the earth, and its equally quick mutation back into grass, had an affect on the playing surface, do you think?”
“Well it can’t have helped.”
“We resume then, Audioslavia still a goal to the good here with ten minutes left to play. That free-kick is floated in and… AND.. AND Santiago Rosel! Rosel! It’s 4-2 to Audioslavia! And really now they look to have secured second place!”
“Awful defending from The Holy Empire there.”
“They clearly haven’t properly recovered, mentally, from what they’ve just seen”
“The free kick?”
“No the… the.. the what happened again?”
“There was a free-kick given for… I think it was a shirt tug”
“Yeah… yeah Eurico went over on his ankle?”
“Foul from Tzanicites, yes. In all the excitement I rather lost track of the game. 4-2 for Audioslavia though as we go into the eightieth…”
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