Græntfjall – 0 (0)
B. Ernestisson; Lúthersdóttir(66’ Bjørnsson
), Kristersson, Reynarsson, Vilbertsdóttir; Jvarsson, Ásvaldursson; Mensdóttir, Guttisdóttir
(83’), Heikkisdóttir
Audioslavia – 3 (2)
Rijsbergen(6’), Eurico
Ziwana – 1 (1)
Mourgine
Græntfjall – 4 (3)
Hárlaugsdóttir; Lúthersdóttir, T. Ernestisson
Græntfjall – 1 (0)
Hárlaugsdóttir(89’))
Chromatika – 4 (2)
Vidal
Ziwana players taken from their last roster, for the 7th Melayu Cup.
The much anticipated home fixture against Audioslavia proved a desperate disappointment, with the Bulls cruising to 3 – 0 victory unchallenged. Jason Þórhallursson and Amanda Guttisdóttir were flat and unable to inspire any offensive spark; after a good run of games, Björnólfur Ernestisson’s luck ran out and his inexperience showed in a couple of the goals, less in terms of direct goalkeeping errors and more with poor communication with his back line. The Háttmark Harbinger’s back page ran the image of him and Mathias Kristersson standing, arms akimbo, while Eurico walked the second goal into the net behind them. It was an embarrassing capitulation and for the first time since the last Copa Rushmori, rumblings over Kang Guilin’s position have reemerged.
A 4 – 1 thrashing of Ziwana hardly atoned. Though the Snow Wolves were relieved not to drop further points, it’s the results against the top sides that continue to demonstrate they are simply in a lower class of footballing quality. A slightly bashful Þórhallursson received a medal after the game celebrating his 50th career goal in the blue-and-white, while Tom Ernestisson’s rocket strike from distance was the pick of the four goals. Gabríella Hárlaugsdóttir became the first woman to keep goal in an official WCC match for the Snow Wolves, and after a nervy start when Jean-Marc Mourgine snuck a header past her, kept a tidy net, even as her attempts to ‘play it out from the back’ brought cries of infamy, scandal, and witchcraft.
A friendly against WC hosts Chromatika followed, with the Chromatiks out for blood to avenge the Eagle’s Cup result. Home fans were at least treated to plenty of goals, but four of the five rattled Hárlaugsdóttir’s net. Lyngar Rögnvaldursson, continuing his best spell in blue-and-white, continued his good form with a well-taken header after the break but the result was never in doubt and he sullied his chances of selection with a reckless tackle. There was at least time for a little history as Ari Hlynursbur became the first non-binary player to represent the Snow Wolves at senior level.
At the halfway mark, the Snow Wolves sit at third in the group. They can have few complaints, their position reflecting their seeding, with the biggest miss in the first half the dropped points against Pius Desurongcrandis. Yet somehow their standings reflect an achievement less than that on paper. In World Cup 86 they made the qualifier playoffs, in World Cup 87 challenged for them to the bitter end, and now seem barely in sight of them with no obvious way past Poafmersia and Audioslavia. A team regressing? Or one simply finding its level – a level below the quality needed for the World Cup?
23 player squad for MD10–11 (expected starters in bold): Einvarðursson, B. Ernestisson, Jorgesson; Matteosdóttir, Bensson, Kristersson, Markusson, Thorleifsson, Reynarsson, Björnsdóttir, R. Rögnvaldursson, Markusson; Tronsson, Jvarsson (c), Hólmarsdóttir, Grímólfursson, Guttisdóttir; Harrysson, Hlynursbur, Mensdóttir; Jonathansdóttir, Þórhallursson, Dannysdóttir
“Hello, and welcome to Södertälje College, at the University of Waltenberg, for the first leaders’ debate of the 2023 General Election. I’m Jeremy Fartslam.”
Dramatic intro music and lively graphics as the lights come up on stage, revealing:
On the far left (ironically), wearing a fetching dress and looking resolute, Aríaðna Fjölvarsdóttir, leader of the Liberal-Conservatives.
To her right, wearing a smart suit and looking determined, David Austmannsson, leader of the Blue-Greens.
To his right, wearing a pretty dress and looking anxious, Kaija Michaelsdóttir, leader of the Progressive Liberals.
In the center, wearing a shabby suit and looking awestruck, Skeggi Jörvason, leader of the Catholic Democrats.
To his right, wearing a stylish shirt and looking at ease, Sigjón Þjóðbjörnsson, leader of the National Democratic Front.
To his right, wearing a dapper suit and looking restive, Dani Arhippasbur, leader of New Energy Græntfjall!.
On the far right (again without any apparent irony), wearing a dapper jacket and looking contemplative, Zóphonías Juliusson, leader of the Left-slate.
“Thank you to all candidates for being here and a reminder of our format. We’ll hear questions from as many audience members as we have time for. All members of the audience tonight are undecided voters who submitted questions in the online ballot. The questions are not known in advance to the leaders. I’ll be choosing leaders in random order to speak to the questions. Now let’s dive straight in with the first question. Do we have… Erika Hlégestursdóttir?”
An audience member stands up. They are a middle-aged woman, and they read from a card.
“Last week, Breiðdalsbyggð registered yet another earthquake, which local residents are blaming on the nearby fracking industry. Should we be concerned about this development, and do the candidates believe that fracking is safe?”
“Zóphonías Juliusson.”
“Thank you Jeremy, and thank you Erika. Before I answer that question, I’d just like to take a moment to acknowledge the passing of Joaquín Mauricio Indiano. One of the great poets of this and, in my view, any other century, I was honored to call Joaquín a friend. His brutal slaying, machine gunned in front of his family, is just the latest outrage from Montaña Verde, a country that risks sliding into fascism and civil war in large part because of the actions of Græntfjaller corporations and this government. I’d hope we can take moment to commemorate this giant of the literary world and to reflect on the situation in the country he loved.”
Kaija, Skeggi and Dani bow their heads along with Zóphonías. David stands tall, and takes a sip of water. Aríaðna rolls her eyes. Sigjón shakes his head and grins. A low rumble of disapproval from the audience, though at whom it’s expressed is difficult to discern.
“Now, on the question of fracking, I’m certainly very concerned about the events in the Southwest, which have seen catastrophic seismic activity completely unprecedented and unexplained by underlying geologic conditions…”
“Catastrophic? Pah! A few plantpots fell over. We’re all aware of your flair for the dramatic, but is there really any need for such hysteria?”
“No interruptions, please…”
“Is it hysteria to question the actions of oil corporations willing to rip out the ground from beneath our feet, to tear asunder this very earth we call Græntfjall, in their avaricious pursuit of grist for their climate-defiling mills?”
Applause.
“There is no concrete evidence to link these minor seismic events with the industry that has brought jobs, investment and revitalization to the one of the most deprived areas of the country.”
“Is there no evidence because you’ve suppressed it? How many campaign donations was this cover-up worth?”
“Gentlemen, gentleperson, please…!”
“My administration has been transparent at every turn and only approved the fracking licences after extensive scientific and community review…”
“You’re in the pay of the oil barons! Why should we trust anything you say…?”
“Rabble!”
“Rabble rabble!”
“Rabble rabble rabble!”
“GENTLEPEOPLE, ENOUGH!! Now Mr Austmannsson, you’ll be called on in turn, as will you Mx Arhippasbur, but only if you desist from making direct attacks on your fellow debaters. Ms Fjölvarsdóttir, perhaps you’d like to get us back to Ms Hlégestursdóttir’s question?”
“I am concerned about fracking. I’m concerned we’re not fracking enough.”
Shocked gasps and giggles intermingle.
“Fracking is a safe, clean, affordable source of energy for our country’s growing needs as the economic recovery continues from the years of socialist bloat.”
“I’d hardly call tearing down the social system to line the pockets of corporate tycoons a recovery.”
“Now Mr Juliusson…”
“See. We have a boom industry, that’s providing high quality jobs to those Græntfjallers willing to work hard, and all the leftists can do is start complaining.”
“Ms Michaelsdóttir, are the complaints about earthquakes valid, though?”
“I think it’s fair to acknowledge the seismic activity is very small and hasn’t been definitively linked to the fracking. The mountains have been moving for millennia and will do so long after we’ve all finished bickering.”
Laughter.
“But I am concerned about the impact of fracking. Contamination of groundwater, release of methane gas, these are all serious issues that in my opinion the current administration in its zeal to approve licences for everyone who signs over a campaign check…”
“Ms Michaelsdóttir, please!”
“How dare you! Rabble!”
“Rabble rabble!”
“…IS NOT taking seriously enough. Fracking cannot be the answer to meet our energy needs in the long term. What we need is a total shift away from oil and gas to clean, green, renewable energy, along with improving our storage capacity and being more efficient with the way we use energy.”
“Hippy bullshit.”
“Pass the doobie, will you?”
Laughter.
“Please, I must insist! Mr Þjóðbjörnsson, perhaps you can steer us back on course.”
“Of course. Call me Sigjón. I must say how disappointed I am: I came here expecting a robust policy debate, a frank exchange of views, yes, but one with respect and a willingness to listen.”
“I don’t respect fascists.”
“See?”
“Or listen to rabble-rousing racists…”
Boos.
“There he goes again.”
Laughter mixed with boos of disapproval.
“Rabble, that’s all you are to the leftist establishment. Outrageous, isn’t it?”
Rabble rabble rabble!
“What should be a moment for us to prove to our children, hell, to prove to each other, that a higher debate is possible between adults who, yes, disagree, passionately and often, but want to solve their differences in the best way: at the ballot box – has yet again been subsumed by the egos of David and Zóphonías.”
Strong applause.
“Can I just say that my party’s position on fracking is–”
“No, I’m sorry Mr Jörvason, there’s not time and we have to move on. The next question comes from Hróaldur Ráðvarðsson…”
“…but as I’ve already explained, the money was merely resting in my account.”
“Alright, we must move on. Our next question: Ida Steinsdóttir.”
A young woman stands up and reads from her card.
“The successful appeal of Usaama Mutammam al-Rehmann against deportation to Jabal Akhdar seems to indicate that under current law the government cannot deport even those convicted of terrorism offenses if they are at risk of torture or execution in their home country. Will you be seeking to amend the law to allow for such deportations, or were the judges to rule that universal human rights apply to everyone?”
Seething disapproval from the audience over the decision.
“Ms Fjölvarsdóttir.”
“Yes, we would seek to amend the law.”
“So you’ll use claims of ‘human rights’ to defend robber barons but not to prevent torture?”
“I didn’t say that, I–”
“You claimed earlier that nationalization was ‘literally torture’. This is a case of literal torture and suddenly you seem to have lost your appetite for the fight?”
Applause. Aríaðna appears flustered.
“Again, you’re misconstruing me.”
“I’m directly quoting you!”
“Mr Juliusson, please, let her speak!”
He ignores the injunction.
“This is the tactic of the right. They talk about liberty and freedom and justice and portray themselves as cuddly liberal defenders of human rights, and then when they’ve passed their tax cuts…”
“Mr Juliusson!”
“Rabble!”
“…and torn down every scrap of social assistance to the desperate and the needy…”
“MR JULIUSSON!”
“Rabble!”
“Rabble rabble!”
“…they forget all about the freedoms they claim to honor!”
“Rabble rabble rabble!”
Boos and applause mingle from the audience.
“Mr Juliusson, if you won’t let Ms Fjölvarsdóttir speak, I’ll have to turn off your mic.”
“I bet he wishes you’d turned off his mic last month in Altendalur.”
Raucous laughter.
“Quiet, quiet, we must hear the leaders speak. Mr Austmannsson.”
“It was a perfectly normal financial transaction, the account was designed to…”
“No, Mr Austmannsson, we were talking about the deportation issue.”
“Oh, right. Um, yes, I agree.”
“With…?”
“With Ms Fjölvarsdóttir. The law must be changed.”
“FASCIST!”
“Rabble!”
“Rabble rabble rabble!”
Dani gesticulates, but their mic has been switched off.
“The Blue-Green government will amend the law to permit deportations in cases of national security, including cases like Usaama Mutammam al-Rehmann’s. We are talking about someone who has repeatedly advocated for terrorist atrocities and even continued to do so from within our prison system. He has no place in our country, and quite frankly I do not care what happens to him once he is shipped back to Jabal Akhdar so long as he never returns here.”
Strong applause, whoops of ‘SEND HIM BACK!’
“I think Mr Austmannsson’s point that even once put in prison, UMR was considered a security risk, is worth reflecting on. Our prison system is not fit for purpose if a man can be locked up for terrorism offenses and continue to direct those terrorist activities from inside his cell.”
Applause.
“We need a dedicated counterradicalization strategy and the current one is not working. The Progressive Liberals have laid out a policy brief explaining how we will prevent the spead of terrorist ideologies from within our prison system.”
“But that doesn’t answer the question. Would you deport a man like Al-Rehmann?”
“Mr Þjóðbjörnsson, please, I’ll be the chair.”
“No no, I want an answer to the question. I’m sure the audience does too?”
Strong applause.
“Very well. Ms Michaelsdóttir, what is your answer?”
“No, I would not.”
Boos.
“Human rights…”
Rabble rabble rabble!
“I said, human rights…”
SEND HIM BACK!
“HUMAN RIGHTS… are only worth defending if they’re defended for everyone – even those we don’t agree with. Mr al-Rehmann is a vile jihadist whom I sorely spends the rest of his life in prison, but exposing him to the undoubted torture and probable summary execution he would face back in Jabal Akhdar is not something we can countenance. Græntfjall’s human rights record should not be dragged down and debased to the level of those same terrorists.”
Mixture of boos and applause, mostly boos.
“Can I just say that my party’s position on the issue–”
“No, I’m sorry Mr Jörvason, we’re pressed for time, and we must get to our next question on the deficit…”
“…five inches, but it’s thick.”
Applause.
“Thank you for that comprehensive answer, but you can put it away now. Now, let’s move on to a question from Volrat Arfastsson.”
A fat man wearing a heavy metal T-shirt stands up and reads from his card.
“The exciting news of a GANAX probe discovering an exoplanet in a planetary habitable zone, just 18 light years away, raises the question of whether or not we should be investing in interstellar travel?”
“Mr Austmannsson.”
“I think interstellar travel may still be a little way off, haha. But certainly, I’m excited about the work being done both by GANAX and by private space exploration companies. With serious and sustained investment we can lead the way, from science and meteorology, to defense and exploration. Asteroid mining once seemed a pipe dream and is now being undertaken as a serious commercial venture. Satellites help us map the seas for krakens. Tomorrow’s world is becoming today’s. But travel to another planet. That … might still be something for tomorrow.”
Laughter, applause.
“It’s worth noting that just last month the Blue-Green government denied a 1% pay increase for nurses. Frontline healthcare workers who care for the sick and injured. All because they ‘couldn’t afford it’. So it’s interesting to see Mr Austmannsson now being willing to open up the purse strings to spend on space craft and orbital weapons platforms. I hope it means that while he’s dreaming of other worlds, he hasn’t forgotten this one.”
Laughter, applause.
“Exploring space doesn’t mean we need pour billions of krónor into bloated statist apparatus when there the private sector is doing great things. The recent tender for asteroid mining was won by a private company, SpaceWANK Systems, beating out the failed dinosaur that is GANAX. If we kept the government in charge of space travel, there’d soon be a shortage of stars!”
Laughter, applause.
“FULLY (handclap) AUTOMATED (handclap) LUXURY (handclap) GAY (handclap) SPACE (handclap) COMMUNISM.”
Laughter, applause.
“Can I just say that I actually have concrete, irrefutable evidence of alien–”
“I’m sorry Mr Jörvason, your time is up, we need to move on to the next question. Is there a Natalie Jónsdóttir…?”
“…not even a finger?”
“Ugh, fine, maybe after a glass of wine or if he buys me some shoes.”
“I think we’re all out of time on that issue, but let’s try to circle back later and come back to it for additional comment. Amanda Atrosdóttir?”
An elderly woman stands up and reads from her card.
“The collapse of the Starlight pension fund has left many thousands fearful for their retirement. Should the government step in to help those affected?”
“We don’t have much time left so quick answers please.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Maybe.”
“FASCIST!”
“–”
“Mr Jörvason, please, I did ask for short answers. We’re out of time. And so, from the University of Waltenberg, thank you to all the candidates, and to all those who asked questions. I’m Jeremy Fartslam. Good night.”
PHORCED-ACRONIM #010
Time for another big endorsement, this one for…
0: Blue-Greens
1: Left-slate
2: Liberal-Conservatives
3: NDF
4: Progressive Liberals
5+: spoiling the ballot
…from…
0: a group of ex-military officers
1: Princess Jessika
2: the national students’ union
3: Amanda Guttisdóttir
4: the biggest union in the country
5+: a kraken rising from the waters to offer its opinion on contemporary politics
PHORCED-ACRONIM #011
Earthquakes and terrorism and financial ruin!? This is all getting a bit serious. Let’s show the lighter side of politics with…
0: Kaija Michaelsdóttir
1: Zóphonías Juliusson
2: Sigjón Þjóðbjörnsson
3: Aríaðna Fjölvarsdóttir
4: David Austmannsson
5+: “Wolfi”, the NT mascot
…taking a trip…
0: to a performance of “Weasels on Ice”
1: on a booze cruise
2: to a funfair
3: on a megayacht
4: to a tropical resort
5+: on acid
as if you never would
