AOCAF LXIII - Everything Thread

by **Krytenia** » Tue Mar 30, 2021 5:10 pm

Throwing Out The Teus
By Rami Niblick in Stelburg, Siovanija and Teusland

ONE down, hopefully three to go. Krytenia kept themselves in the conversation for the AOCAF title with a nervy win over the host nation in Stelburg last night.

Siovanija and Teusland had impressed in the group stage; true, their opponents hadn't exactly been the regional elite, but you can only beat what's in front of you, and the Goldhorns had done exactly that. Indeed, the hosts were the ones to start off on a positive note, with Thorsten Kramer doing what Thorsten Kramer does best, setting the tempo and pulling the strings. If Ross Okano had shared any trade secrets on his Half Six team-mate, it hadn't resulted in any suppression of the Siovanijan captain's immense talent. His side had the ball in the net within five minutes, Lukas Tauscher latching onto a cross-field pass from Mario Kogler to beat Robert Wilson with a low strike; Tauscher, however, had gone a little early, and the goal was negated for offside. Wilson would continue to be busy in the early exchanges, as poor Joey Sinton was pulled all over the park by the quick passing of the opposing front three. Stanimir Ilev was twice denied by top-draw saves, and even when he was beaten, Wilson was saved by the woodwork from a fierce Kramer drive.

As the first hlf wore on, Krytenia began to grow into the game. Though possession was still somewhat at a premium - the well-disciplined Siovanijan midfield would see to that - the Dragons found the space to push forward when they did get the ball. Jésus Cruz and Joe Bielsa, especially, found room to roam on the flanks, and this almost led to the opener when Bielsa lofted a deep teasing cross. Sadly, though, Neil Smith couldn't head it cleanly, and Ewald Heuser watched on as the ball looped over the crossbar.

With the game opening up, it seemed almost certain that one side or the other would find the net before half-time, and so it proved. Thorsten Kramer's through ball was a little to heavy for Ilev, and Wilson rushed out to clear. His kick sailed over everyone, allowing Alun Belmwr to run onto it, lofting the ball over Heuser and chasing on to tap the ball into the unguarded goalmouth. Despite being somewhat against the run of play, Krytenia weren't complaining, and went into the break with their slender lead intact.

The hosts, though, are nothing if not resilient. A piece of poor fortune may have left them behind, but this didn't mean they were obliged to chase the game. Forty-five minutes, after all, was plenty of time to find an equaliser. As it turned out, they needed just seven. Ilev, again, was unlucky not to score, beating Sinton to a Kramer pass and firing low to Wilson's left. The Hondo 'keeper got hands to it, but could only parry the ball into the path of Leopold Bliznakov, who eagerly buried his shot past the stricken Wilson and into the back of the net.

As time ticked on, it looked for all the world like Siovanija and Teusland would be destined to get a second. The unfortunate Ilev hit the bar, Tauscher forced Wilson to save at full stretch with a powerful long-range effort, and Sinton was lucky not to concede a penalty after a questionable challenge on Bliznakov. Something had to give - and as it turned out, it was Davis' patience with the Sabrefell centre-back. The speedier Eddie Bull came on - likely with explicit instructions to do exactly what Sinton wasn't - and his presence was a calming influence on the Krytenian defence. Davis also decided to inject some pace at the other end, with Alex Meitner coming on for a tiring Alex Vinelli, thus keeping up what now appears to be a Krytenian tradition; having a bloke called Alexander up front.

It was this second substitution that would prove crucial. Meitner, though not naturally left-footed, was a breath of fresh air for the Krytenian attack, and it was he who created what would turn out to be the winning goal. A quick bit of footwork saw him receive the ball and turn inside of a slightly flat-footed Taras Maksimov; though Karl-Heinz Jager came across to cover, this only served to give Meitner the chance to square the ball to a wide open Belmwr, who made no mistake with a rip-snorting shot that Heuser would have struggled to save if he was nine feet tall. To the hosts' credit, their heads didn't drop; however, Krytenia shut the door, replacing Smith with Alex Rivers for the final minutes in an uncharacteristic bit of bus-parking from the Dragons.

Next up, then, is a familiar foe. Four years ago, Krytenia's run in the competition ended in the semi-finals, falling to Banija by the odd goal in seven. If they want to win the tournament this time around, the Dragons will have to slay their demons and defeat the same nation at the same stage this time around. It'll be a big ask, but anything can happen in ninety minutes, and it usually does. Onward!

SIOVANIJA AND TEUSLAND - 1
Bliznakov 52

KRYTENIA - 2
Belmwr 37, 88

by **Chromatika** » Tue Mar 30, 2021 10:52 pm

AOCAF 63, Round of Sixteen: Chromatika 2-1 Northwest Kalactin
CMT: Hauser '18, Kuznetsov '60; NWK: McCarthy '76
Starting XI: Fillar, J. (C); Fillar, G. - Anbient - Ingram - Guess; Winge - Larriet-Cortes - Kuznetsov; Hauser; Toussaint - Oveni.
Substitutes: Antonucci -> Ingram ('52), Si -> Larriet=Cortes ('61), Andersen -> Kuznetsov ('81)

Checking Up on the Fillars
By: Jordan Lawless

Chromatika has never really had a royal family in football. A royal family is defined as a group of players that's defined the football for a generation.

So far, Chromatika has had the Ilyas, the Andisoris, and the Larriet-Cortesses.

Severin Ilya was one of the defenders on the beginning teams of Chromatika, sticking with the team through thick and thin, while his younger cousin Valence is one of the key pieces now and a member of the best generation of male footballers Chromatika has ever fielded alongside GK Juxon Fillar, GK Ferret Tioux, RB Kai Xiao, CB Henri de Aea, DM Enigma Armageddon, LW/LAM Vasiliy Marten Kuznetsov, and ST Olimpia Vidal.

Not much hasn't been said about the two Andisori sisters, with Keira being the most important footballer the nation has ever produced. With nearing 200 caps, over 100 goals, and a promising political career to likely follow, Keira Andisori is the golden lady of football. Her younger sister, Beaunia, never got the accolades nor the fame, but was more of a solid piece to the team.

Franscesca Larriet-Cortes was the very first Manager of Chromatika, and the woman who was martyred for her beliefs by the Chromatik Party. Her niece, Kaia Larriet-Cortes, is a promising young Defensive Midfielder with tremendous potential. The name holds a lot of weight in Chromatik circles, and she wears it well.

However, the first true royal family of Chromatik football, when all is said and done, will likely be the Fillars.

Juxon Fillar is the eldest, and the most developed. The starting keeper for Cazadores Cathair of Audioslavia, he will be contending for the starting position with the aforementioned Ferret Tioux next World Cup cycle. He is also the keeper for the AOCAF squad that is in the Quarterfinals, and is slated for a bright future.

The next in line by age is Grayson Fillar, but he's a bit overshadowed by his younger sister. Grayson is the one who chose to stuck around to finish high school before going abroad, having been scouted by 1830 Cathair, one of the premier football clubs of the world, right out of high school. He's a physical specimen who knows to use his whole body on every play, and one to keep an eye on.

Baillaire Fillar is perhaps the most exciting of the Fillars. Firmly in the newly forming Haley Hauser school of Attacking Midfielders that chooses to shoot first and pass later. She's been at CdF Celtade for a few years already, and now will be moving to 1830 alongside Grayson. She is the future at AM.

That leaves the final Fillar, Edith, who just entered high school. She plays at Left Wing, and is a natural at scoring. Her ceiling is supposed to be quite high, too, but she's so young that it's hard to tell.

Imagine, if you will, in four to six years, when all four Fillars are on the squad. Two on defense, two on offense. One on every level of the field (GK, RB, DM, LW). Taking the world by storm.

Yes, if things go like they should, the name Fillar will be remembered in Chromatik sporting history forever.

by **Banija** » Wed Mar 31, 2021 9:32 am

60 years on- what the legacy of the Herzegovina United stadium disaster means for Banijan soccer

A picture of the Herzegovina City Memorial

HERZEGOVINA CITY, MORAVICA- On this day 60 years ago, one of the most transformative events of Banijan soccer took place. This was well before the professionalization of the sport in the country. Which meant, of course, this was well before the days of a national league, well before the days of our World Cup debut at World Cup 73. 60 years back- essentially, a really long time ago. But it is one of those events that really kicked off the transformation of Banijan sport. IT started discussions about the needs for professionalization to get more money into the sport. But enough tropes- Let's set the scene!

The Disaster- June 15th, 60 years ago

Since we didn't really have a national team at this time, we of course were not bound by international breaks. So leagues seasons in Banija tended to perfectly avoid the dog days of Summer. But we have to set the scene for that. For most of our history, we have simply had state leagues. No national championship. The RBSA have always existed but... For much of that history, it was a husk of itself. They were ran by warring state associations, who were extremely factional and didn't like each other. And with Banija at the time being a larger poor nation(as opposed to our current "Tiger" economy), it's not like there were massive broadcast revenues they were missing out on for not having a national competition anyways.

People have wanted one, of course. But the argument was this. The argument was that the sport should be purely local. The argument was that it shouldn't go national, like our other popular code of the sport, gridiron. Play with your neighbors into adulthood. Have a day job. And that's how it was. The Moravica State League, as Banija's biggest and strongest region(as true then as it is now!), was probably the most popular state league. It's really the only league that had radio broadcasts across the country. There were strict rules on who could play in these leagues. You had to have been a resident of Banija for at least three years before you could play. Each team could only have 3 players on their team outside of their region. Etc....

But that's not that point. One of the biggest rivalries in the country, was between two of the country's oldest clubs- Herzegovina City FC and Herzegovina United. You may have heard of the first- they are Banija's biggest club, to this day. You probably haven't heard of the second. And you'll see why. Those two, alongside Istria City FC, would regularly compete for championships. The Moravica State League had a playoff system. The Final that year was to be hosted by the highest seed, and that was Herzegovina United. They faced off against Herzegovina City for a state title at the now former Veterans Memorial Stadium.

The game was never finished. It was 1-1 in the 55th minute, when the east stand of the stadium collapsed. It was a 45,000 capacity stadium- and the East Stand simply went down. OF course, chaos and panic ensued. The match was never finished, no title was awarded that year. Close to 1,000 people died, many more injured. The fall, then an ensuing stampede to safety led to disaster and chaos. Sympathy poured in from all over the country, and then, the investigations started.

The investigation

The investigation revealed all sorts of bad things about one of Banija's biggest clubs, at the time. The stadium, particularly, the East Stand, had a structural deficit. It was determined that part of the stadium had no longer been up to code. But that was barely the beginning of the revelations regarding the stadium.

Stadium collapse, defective stadium for one thing. What was also uncovered? It turns out, the Moravica Sports Stadium Authority(MSSA), who inspects these things, knew there was problems. But, money had funneled from Herzegovina United's pockets to the MSSA to ensure that they would not have to make the costly upgrades. There were communications that came out, where Herzegovina United said that there was 'no possible way' their stadium would collapse.

The death of Herzegovina United

Club ownership, and the club directly, were sued by survivors of the stadium collapse, as well as by the family members of those who died on that ill-fated day. A whole host of people were indicted for reasons of bribery that caused death. The club owners were forced to liquidate all their assets, essentially, and go to jail. The Moravica Sports Stadium Authority was dissolved, and their responsibilities were handed over to the national government in Busukuma. The government in the Moravica Region at the time resigned because of the scandal.

The judge's ruling in the case was intriguing though. He said that the club itself would be held fully responsible, and could no longer operate. They awarded what is still the highest amount of damages ever awarded in a Banijan court case- an amount equivalent to $700 million NSDs at the time, which in today's dollars is solidly in the 10 figure range. They created a trust for the victims. And, interestingly, the court decided that any Herzegovina United branding and usage of the name could only be used for compensation for the victims, until the damages were paid.

Remember, this was back in the day when Banija was truly a third-world country. That figure, while probably still having a higher value than any club in the S-FPL today, save Ma Alameome, was essentially an impossible amount. Obviously nobody ever had the money for that. So the club was, for all intents and purposes, dead. Fans tried numerous ways to bring it back, saying that the ruling essentially punished the fans for the actions of owners. But the Banijan court system has long stood by the controversial ruling to kill the club. Even to this day, vintage sales of old Herzegovina United gear or jerseys go to those Victims Funds. The stadium was taken to ground, and they built a memorial garden there.

Long Reaching Ramifications

All of these events, plus the extremely harsh punishments, shock the sport to its core. There were rumors that crooked deals were happening between clubs and governmental authorities all the time. But the disaster, and the ensuing investigation, got clubs to clean up their act. Finally the state leagues started really working together. Did they use the opportunity to create a national league? Of course not. But the speed of the investigation, and the threat of hardcore government regulations coming into play, set the stage.

The Moravica State League, in particular, took it hard. They voted to suspend themselves from play for an entire season. Everyone else didn't go that far, but worked to get their act together. We have come so far from those days in so many aspects- but as a wise man once said, we should never forget where we came from.

by **Independent Athletes from Quebec** » Wed Mar 31, 2021 4:42 pm

The Quebecois Broadcasting Corporation's studio is all ready for the post-match broadcast of the Round of Sixteen match between Quebec and Shingoryeo, and Ko-oren. A trio of pundits, all waiting for their guest to show up for tonight, with those being Michelle Ha and Daniel O'Reilly of QBC, as well as Marco Hertel, the current senior national team midfielder who was not selected to this AOCAF under under-25 requirement.

Michelle Ha: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! We are happy to welcome you back here for the QBC Sports' coverage of the Sixty-third AOCAF. The Grim Reapers, as we have all seen on the match, had made it to their first ever quarterfinals in what's regarded as the finest of the regional tournaments in all of Multiverse. What an exciting feeling to become part of the history, isn't it?

Daniel O'Reilly: Certainly, Michelle! The national team, regardless of their own prowess on the World Cups and many other competitions, have rarely done well on the regional competition, partly due to the under-25 age requirement the RQFA has held for past forty years, as well as lack of coverage, relatively less interest, and many more factors. With that said, the current generation of Grim Reapers, even when undermanned and underestimated, have really made their progress and now, they are part of an active chapter in history books.

Michelle Ha: And now, today, we have an extremely special guest for our coverage tonight with Marco Hertel, who has played as a key piece for the senior national team the last half decade and longer. Welcome to the team, Marco! How are you doing?

Marco Hertel: Hello, guys. Thank you for the honour to be here, with two of the finest telecasters in all of the country.

Daniel O'Reilly: How does it feel like, not being out on the field, but actually watching it from the television, the sidelines, et cetera?

Marco Hertel: I have to admit that it's weird for me, especially as someone who was there the last time around in Banija and Busoga Islands, but for once...I could rest and not have to worry so much.

Michelle Ha: So let's talk about some contentious points, before we get to the actual match. Earlier in the cycle, you were mentioned by various international outlets after being marked as the bad influence for the former Delaclav national team four years ago. Here, we have a certain Girardi of the Delaclav national team, after their victory over the Grim Reapers, calling out on your and others conduct for having a party in Manchester:

lol wrote:"They're a bunch of whores, plain and simple," Girardi stated bluntly. "We obviously take responsibility for our own mistakes, but we should have known better than to let their sleazy players and fans hang around us. The Quebecians were into weird shit - brother and sister stuff, they were trying to get us to fuck animals. There's a line, you know? Hertel and the lot of them, they're self-centered divas, and they got us away from working hard and playing well. That's our error and we're not making it again."

Michelle Ha: What are your thoughts on the specific accusation?

Marco Hertel: Oh, them....do I really need answer?

Daniel O'Reilly: I am sure we are all looking forward to your answer, Marco. Please go ahead and make yourself comfortable.

Marco Hertel: Oh, it's more of a comment than a question. I do not believe that it's worth answering. Mostly because they are not a worthy opposition to be bothered in the end. We did draw the Marauders while they lost to them. We are still in the tournament and beat one of our worst nightmares in Ko-oren to make history. I don't think the Delaclavs even qualified for the Second Round, so look who's crying? I wasn't even included at the final selection to start with!

Michelle Ha: Indeed that is the case but-

Marco Hertel: In the end, losing to them didn't matter. Why would it matter? It may matter to them in a false sense of security, as in 'vanquishing their past demons', but sorry, you don't get to say that when you get the denonyms wrong and failed to outdo us in long run.

Michelle Ha: ....And with that, we should go back into the actual match. What were your key takeaways from the extra-time thriller that will likely go down as the 'Miracle of Borograd'?

Daniel O'Reilly: One of the positives we were able to take away was that we do have the talent to beat anybody on a given day, but the consistency is still being in the works. It's a challenge you got to expect from an under-25 side, but also in the senior level as well. Being able to score on Theshenden, their goalkeeper, is one thing. But also allowing four is another problem, especially with the improved calibre of defensive prospects coming out of the True North lately.

Marco Hertel: And I agree with Daniel here as well. It's always about being able to channel the consistency, and that will continue to become a challenge for the Grim Reapers. I am aware that sometimes I'd have problems with it when playing in Servette or for the Grim Reapers, and it's...not easy. Anybody playing at this level knows that, and the key goal for all of us footballers is to overcome it by the end. But for all our failures in past, I think the guys this time have listened to Coach George (Wangolo) well, and you are seeing the results coming. Kudos to them for sure.

Michelle Ha: Thank you. As you have seen on this match, the critical expectation for us all was for either side, whether Quebecois or the Ko-orenites, to score only one goal, and that will be the deciding factor. Instead, it went down to wire, with nine goals exchanged between two sides. What do you think enabled such changes?

Daniel O'Reilly: It's a tricky thing. We do have to remember that the Quebecois and the Ko-orenites, in this Battle of the Salamantics, are best analysts of each other and have learned each other's strategies to heart. Video room analyses are always done with this in mind, and how to break through the opposing defences and whatnot. That is one of the reasons why the Grim Reapers, when they travelled to Ko-oren last April (OOC: AOCAF happens between the two halves of World Cup 87 qualification campaign), had a much better time finding their ways through the Dragonflies' five-back defence. Of course, the same can be applied towards them, and we are talking about the fourteenth-ranked side in the world. They know us, we know them. All clear in the end.

Marco Hertel: Certainly. In the end, it all comes to the slightest of margins when you've known them for so long, and yeah, we were lucky to have come away with a win here after trailing 4-3 on the 85th minute.

Michelle Ha: Thank you Marco and Daniel. Up next, the Grim Reapers will be facing the Commonwealth of Baker Park. Let's see highlights from their round of sixteen victory, right here...

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Wed Mar 31, 2021 4:56 pm

AOCAF LXIII

Quarterfinal

Krytenia 3–2 Banija

Chromatika 4–2 Starblaydia

Quebec 2–4 Baker Park

Audioslavia 4–2 Valanora

Semifinal Fixtures

Krytenia vs Chromatika
Franz-Gorz-Stadion, Stelburg, Teusland

Baker Park vs Audioslavia
Olimpski-Stadion, Borograd, Siovanija

World Cup 81/82/83/84

Commonwealth cruise to quarters, Quebec calling
Scott McCrae
The Daily Mail National Soccer Writer

The Baker Park National team swept past Tropicorp 3-0 and have reached the last 8, as they are three wins from successfully defending their AOCAF title.

Goals from Ayana West, Marcus Nolan and a penalty by Christa Vuckovic saw off the Techies, with Zach Johnston getting his second clean sheet.

The Grim Reapers come in having outlasted Ko-oren in extra time, and will be looking to a first ever win over BP after a loss and a draw in two previous friendlies. This one will be for keeps and Jen Prescott expects to name a nearly unchanged squad.

The match will be at the Olimpski-Stadion in Borograd, where they defeated the host nation 5-2 in a friendly ahead of WCQ 85.

A win will see the Bees staring at a rematch with Audioslavia or an encounter with Valanora, with whom they split a pair of group stage matches in AOCAF 62 and dropping another match in the second group stage.

by **Audioslavia** » Wed Mar 31, 2021 6:18 pm

Episode Five, Chapter Six [21:13]
Clicking the link takes you directly to YouTube

Original Script

]I tried to write 20 minutes of material on Eastfield Lodge and ended up with more than double that and still, we didn’t even scratch the surface of what exactly an Eastfield Lodge *is*.

Take this guy for instance. The Doctor. Over three videos and forty-two minutes we barely learned a thing about him. Truly doing justice to his impact on Eastfield Lodge and the wider football world would take at least forty minutes more. He’d deserve every second, but still, there’s only so much time at my disposal.

The Doctor was famously clubless, but I will tell you about a special club that he does belong to. The Doctor is a member of the CL Club: A club I just made up. It has very specific entry requirements: To be part of the CL Club you must be a footballer that has lost at least 100 games of World Cup football, throughout the qualifiers and the finals. C for Century, L for Losers. To do this, you need to be part of a World Cup squad during a match they lost, whether or not you made it onto the field that day. If it seems unfair that you should take an L for sitting on the bench, then it shouldn’t. If a third-choice goalkeeper gets to put a winners’ medal on his mantlepiece after watching his side win the World Cup, then they also get to have a loss on their record whenever they watch their side get beat. You can’t have it both ways. A team that wins together, loses together.

It’s a little difficult to collate definitive statistics on this type of losing. Data about appearances isn’t so readily available. From the data we do have, and from a wee bit of guesswork, we estimate that The CL Club has 22 members.

As you might expect, a couple of these members are elven players who have joined the CL Club through longevity rather than incompetence. You’ve probably heard of them.

Valanora talisman Laborious Hawk has amassed an estimated 119 defeats between World Cups 34 and the present, and may add a few more before finally hanging up his boots. He’s the only Vanorian elf here, with the likes of Espy va Drake and Faeron Soldarian having retired a few defeats short of the mark.

Valrauncion may never have got anywhere near the one hundred mark himself had he not opportunistically switched allegiance from Starblaydia to Krytenia after World Cup 57 amid Starblaydia’s temporary withdrawal from international football. He managed 125 losses between winning World Cup 44 in his debut cycle and walking out on Krytenia during a failed attempt at qualifying for World Cup 82.

The numbers you see here are these players’ ages as listed in that cycle’s roster. Valrauncion’s switch from Starblaydia to Krytenia is shown via this change of colour, just before his 2,850th birthday, and the gaps are the years Krytenia declined to enter the World Cup. Naturally, The Doctor’s age is an error message. Any entries with missing rosters are filled if we can safely assume the player would have played that cycle.

Just below the elves is a player you definitely haven’t heard of. Not least because his name has been chopped off here. Miroslaw Szymkowiak, a player who attained 104 losses between cycles sixteen and forty. Miroslaw Szymkowiak played international football for Lovisa.

In fact, every player else on this list is Lovisan

We said previously that Eastfield Lodge were a team that didn’t make progress. They stayed perfectly still, and other teams shifted around them. In terms of being stationary, they can’t hold a candle to Lovisa. For the ages of these players we’ve used a scale from light yellow to deeper orange. As a player ages, the colour in their square should get darker as their age gets higher.

It.. noticeably does not do that. Lovisan footballers, for whatever reason, almost always stay the same age from tournament to tournament.

Let’s take this guy for example. Georg Lunz. The man whose name adorns the back of the kit Lovisa used for much of their tenure.

Lovisa debuted in World Cup 12. Using Forum Time, World Cup 12 took place in 2004. Lunz was right there. Young, wide-eyed and fresh-faced and ready to make his mark on the footballing world.

Four years and almost 30 cycles on, Georg Lunz was *still* playing international football for Lovisa in largely an unchanged squad. Every single player’s age had not changed except for midfielder Valdek Kulig, who had started World Cup 12 as a 30 year-old yet had lost four years at some point between World Cups 19 and 20.

Lunz survived Lovisa’s one and only squad shake-up, in Cycle 41, and it’s only at this point where his age was altered - from 22 to 24. He maintained a place in the squad right up until the side bowed out of competitive football after World Cup 49.

The World Cup 86 comeback, eleven years on, listed the same players.

Assuming Lunz experiences years at the same speed as the rest of us, we can assume he ages one year every 365 days that he experiences. As such a conservative estimate suggests that 1,095 days have passed for him between his first appearance as a 22 year-old and his most recent appearance as a 24 year-old. Lovisa have played 561 games in that time. As such, we can work out that Georg Lunz plays a game of international football, on average, once every 1.95 days.

Bear in mind, that is just *international* football. He shouldn’t have had any time at all for the club game, but his club career hasn’t been quiet at all.

In World Cup 12, Lunz was listed as playing for FC Leve, who would sell him to Giant Zucchini’s Bearnaise F.C where reports from May and June 2004 say he won the golden boot two seasons in a row. A return to Lovisa and club side Lovos-Renault Atma would follow, succeeded by a move to the adorably named Visby Nestle Quarcoo before joining Cafundeuese side América in 2008. There he’d stay for five documented seasons, winning the Empress Cup along the way. A transfer to Sao Jorge would come in 2009.

Lovisa have lost 183 games of international football throughout its history, and so Georg Lunz has lost 183 football matches throughout his international career. He is the captain of The CL Club. The Losing Man’s Loser.

The fact that so many Lovisans are on this list doesn’t necessarily mean Lovisa are losers. At odds with the theme of this episode, Lovisa are not a side that is generally associated with losing. Quite the opposite. We instead associate Lovisa with their catchphrase:

“Lovisa Win”

This isn’t a very apt catchphrase for Lovisa for two reasons.
One: Of all the teams to have played over five hundred World Cup games, they’re one of the few to have a win percentage below 50.
Two: Lovisa have never created a roleplay that contained only the phrase ‘Lovisa win’.

Trust me. I checked.

<Lovisa RPs>

So none of these match reports contain *only* the words ‘Lovisa Win’. The phrase only appears twice. Once as a fairly innocuous headline, once accompanied by a paradoxical ‘..but lose’, alongside a request that the hosts ‘change their minds’ about Lovisa not qualifying. It may sound strange but, at that moment, this was actually a reasonable request.

In the final game of the World Cup 15 Qualifiers Lovisa recorded a 2-0 win over mid-tens also-rans Shang-ti. Despite the victory, results elsewhere meant Lovisa finished fourth in the group, one place outside the qualifying spots.

Lovisa failed to qualify. Or so they thought.

Hosts Eauz and The Eagles Nest had been using these tiebreakers. After points put Kingsford top of the group, goal difference put The Belmore Family second. Head-to-head points couldn’t separate Cockbill Street or Lovisa, so head-to-head away goals were used, putting Cockbill Street through.

Back in those days, tie-breakers weren’t something that changed from tournament to tournament at the discretion of the hosts. Each of the previous fourteen World Cups had used Goals For as the third tiebreaker. Back in the days before style modifiers, this wasn’t problematic.

As the hosts hadn’t specified these tiebreakers in their bid thread, WCC President Kaze Progressa stepped in, requesting that the hosts stick to the established tiebreakers. Cockbill Street lose out. Lovisa win. And WCC regulations regarding tiebreakers were drafted shortly after.

At the finals, Lovisa and Aquilla were drawn together in Group F which, naturally, very much made that group the easiest in World Cup 15. Why, only a bunch of absolute morons wouldn’t be able to make it out of *that* group.

Lovisa would go on to reach the quarter-finals, losing to eventual champions Commerce Heights. It was Lovisa’s greatest performance in a World Cup up to that point, but they didn’t mention anything about it.

There’s a reason for this apparent indifference, which you may have already spotted.

The fact that Lovisa’s media output is pretty light is often used as a stick to beat them with. As if it’s a sign that Lovisans don’t care. I don’t think that’s true at all. Indifference doesn’t manifest itself in signing up for the World Cup 35 times. Indifference doesn’t take you to an expensive internet cafe in a foreign country to spend 5 cents a minute trying to touch-type on a largely alien keyboard in a second or third language. Indifference doesn’t have that kind of pull. You know what does have that kind of pull?

Winning. It’s why we’re here. It’s why we keep coming back, and boy is it easy to keep coming back if you’re winning.

It’s not quite so easy to keep coming back if you’re losing. And that’s why teams like Eastfield Lodge and Lovisa deserve to be commended on their longevity. They’re not here for glory, or for records, or just to annoy this guy. These teams are here out of love.

That *love* is the reason they keep coming back is a *good* thing. Love is not a weakness. Love… love is not a loss...

Tauran Scores Gore Vanors
Media blackout can't stop Audioslavia

The gentleman's/gentlemer's agreement from media in both countries not to preview the Valanora vs Audioslavia match had been seen as a joke gone too far in the immediate run-up to Friday night's game, with journalists and fans alike taking to twii-tur to register their annoyance at the decision by both football associations to ban pre-match analysis, in as much as both FA's had the power to. The blackout was supposedly in protest at the two sides having to play each other so often - once per cycle since cycle 85, at the moment - and while both nations were initially praised for the memery of the protest, the counter-protests increased in volume as the kickoff grew near. It was, after all, Audioslavia versus Valanora, a matchup of two nations both insisting it's 'just another game' through gritted teeth.

All was forgotten, if not forgiven, during a frantic opening six minutes. A declaration of intent from Eurico da Rosa who, upon attempting to round the broad-shouldered Martin Gundersen (a feat that often requires the opposing player to step into another time-zone), collapsed to the floor as if fragged by a sniper. Was there contact? Replays proved inconclusive. Perhaps too inconclusive, as if Eurico had decided to purposely go down in a blindspot. Either way, the referee thought for a second, blew his whistle, pointed to the spot, and then seemed to cringe, as if prior footage of the countless other dodgy penalties Audioslavia had won against Valanora and the rest of the world's elite flashed through his mind at once.

Koenraad Rijsbergen from the spot. 1-0.

And then, two minutes later, Gideon Riemann. 1-1. The midfielder receiving the ball on the edge of the box, feinting a pass, skinning his man and then scuffing a low left-footed shot in off the base of the far post, underneath Audioslavia's Goran Stroud who, upon realising he'd dived over the ball, slapped the piece of turf below him as if it had just insulted his mother.

1-1 after four minutes set the tone for the game. 2-1 Audioslavia after six minutes hinted the pendulum was swinging northwards. Erwin Spijkers latched onto a ball that had broken loose from some determined Audioslavian pressing, and the playmaker marched a few steps forward, glanced to his right, saw the run of Koenraad Rijsbergen and, instead of making the pass, instead decided to crack the ball towards goal from 25 yards. Cednia Beach's Julius Miljeteig, partially unsighted for the shot and straight not expecting it so soon, couldn't get down quick enough to stop the ball cannoning into the bottom corner.

The first half eventually calmed, the liquid football cooling to a solid block of Audioslavian defence that Valanora attempted to grind down. As with Audioslavia's only other impressive performance thus far - the win over Savigliane - the Bulls refused to be drawn out of position in defence, with 7 or 8 men staying central and refusing to be tugged out position by Valanora's enterprising playmaking. As you might expect for such a tall team, Valanora's dominance in the air would come to the fore, with Hawk having three half-chances with his head, each just about gathered by a jittery Goran Stroud. The best chance of the first half would fall to centre-half Martin Gundersen, who used his enormous frame to batter Leandro Ceron out of the way to meet a corner kick, sending the header past Goran Stroud at the near post but watching as full-back Floriano Côtescassées dug the ball off the line at the post.

Valanora came out for the second half looking the better team, and had Indra Söderström go close with a curled effort from the edge of the box, but the more Valanora pressed, the more they left themselves open at the back, and it was a typically speedy Audioslavian counter that took advantage of this. Tiago Brown to the loose ball, tearing past Ulrike Kluge and hitting a firm through-pass for Erwin Spijkers, arriving on the shoulder of Vårin Løvland. Spijkers took a heavy touch, put his head down, sprinted to the ball, got there before the advancing goalkeeper and swept it into the near corner for 3-1.

When Audioslavia are Audioslaving you, what do you do? Do you go forward cautiously and not bring defenders forward? Or do you just go for it and aim to score before the Bulls can kontrapuntzeka you to death? Well there is a third option, one that the Marauders may well have planned out for just this type of occasion. The defenders did indeed get forward, but would be replaced by midfielders slotting back into cover, over and over, a sort of almost-total football that kept Audioslavia's defence guessing as to which player they'd need to keep an eye on. Vårin Løvland, relishing the opportunity to get forward more often, reached a through-ball at the by-line on the edge of the 18 yard box, stopped the ball going out, looked up and stood the ball up into the area, perfectly placed onto the tip of the arc of Laborious Hawk's leap, and the Valanoran talisman bulleted the ball past a helpless Goran Stroud for 3-2.

Valanora, in the ascendancy, rang the changes according to which players were fatigued and which of their substitutes could cause the most havoc. If only they could turn the match into a football game based on instinct and talent, they'd have the upper hand. Audioslavia, too, rolled on the substitutes, with Revolutionaries full-back Michel Saint François replacing Audioslavia's only striker and slotting into the full-back position, affording Tiago Brown the opportunity to push up and make a nuisance of himself on the right wing, and basically changing the Bulls' formation to a 5-5-0 for the final minutes.

The last time Audioslavia played Valanora with a 5-5-0 formation, the Marauders scored twice and held Audioslavia to exactly no goals. This time, the Bulls would be more fortunate. Tiago Brown intercepted a wayward pass and put the afterburners on, sprinting up the right hand side. With support slow to arrive, Brown kept going, holding off the attentions of Vårin Løvland, with the Mar Sara defender somehow keeping pace with the Cazadores full-back. Brown, out of ideas, decided to go for goal from the corner of the area. Løvland, seeing the danger, slid in to block, but could only add a generous helping of side and top spin to a scruffy looking shot and Miljeteig, his weight on the wrong foot, could only flail angrily at the ball as it spooned awkwardly into the top corner at his near post.

Tiago Brown sprinted to the corner, celebrating as if he'd meant that monstrosity to come off. Rohan Cammers, resplendent in a neon-yellow Cork Slouch Hat, cosby sweater, 90s tracksuit bottoms and a pair of wellingtons, winked at his full-back and smiled, his largely Audioslavian coaching staff erupting around him.

It's a ninth victory in 16 games for Audioslavia against Valanora, and a fourth win in six for this competition, and the disappointment of the Bulls's World Cup 87 defeat to this Valanora side behind them. Audioslavia go into the next game against holders Baker Park knowing, from game one of this tournament, that they can match their opponents over 90 minutes. Another performance like this, and the Bulls may well be playing a second AOCAF Cup final in three cycles.

IBJJ, G'NB

World Cup 81/82/83/84

@FACMedia
On to the Semis! 3rd trip in last four/4th of last seven
Commiserations to the Reapers #CBPvQUE #AOCAF63

@FACMedia
Calania vs Northeast #KRY-CMT #AUD-CBP #AOCAF63

by **Krytenia** » Thu Apr 01, 2021 6:49 pm

Glorious Domination
By Rami Niblick in Stelburg, Siovanija and Teusland

SO much for the vaunted Glorious Southwest. One by one, the dominoes have fallen, and with Valanora falling to the walking meme that is Rohan Cammers and his Audioslavian team, and our own side vanquishing Banija, the title is destined for Calania or points east thereof.

Banija have been one of the powerhouses in the region in recent times - though surprisingly, have never lifted the AOCAF Cup - and a lot of that is down to veteran manager Marcus Waters. The Equestrian has been instrumental in turning the Kadongo Kamu into the major footballing force they are today, and Krytenia had already found themselves on the receiving end of this four years ago.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, then, it was Banija who started the game on the front foot. Their 3-4-1-2 setup was the ideal antidote to Krytenia's "let's gravitate around Cormac O'Neill" short passing and quick movement style. Mzukisi Nzo and Namakula Kawesa, especially, caused headaches for the Dragons. Poor Ross Okano and Joey Sinton found themselves facing an onslaught from all sides, and it was seemingly inevitable that the Kadongo Kamu took the lead. So it proved. With Krytenia pressed almost in their own six yard box, the Banijans resorted to passing the ball around until somebody had the space and time to have a shot on goal; eventually, it was Ilman Jawara who got that chance, firing through the crowd and leaving an unsighted Robert Wilson no chance.

Recognising that the match would turn into an utter thumping if things carried on in this fashion, Paul Davis pulled Neil Smith back into what was effectively a defensive midfielder role to try and staunch the bleeding in midfield. This allowed O'Neill to concentrate on closing down Nzo, whilst Smith concentrated on stifling the link between the midfield and front two. The game settled into what was effectively trench warfare, with a doughty Krytenian side riding the Banijan attacks and beginning to gain a foothold back into the game. Though opportunities to go forward were severely reduced, Krytenia were able to hit on the counter; this would lead to an unexpected equaliser, as Okano's hopeful ball upfield found Alun Belmwr. The Mercia striker flicked the ball to Alex Vinelli, who beat the offside trap and slipped the ball past François Tantoh and into the net to make it one-one a few minutes before the break.

Davis clearly had things to say at half-time, and the Dragons came out of the break with collective rockets up backsides. It was now Banija's turn to be on the back foot, with Smith pulling the midfield strings in his impromptu role alongside O'Neill. Belmwr was unlucky not to put the Dragons in front on fifty-two minutes, as his well-hit volley was tipped over the bar by Tantoh; the resulting corner then saw Sinton head narrowly wide. The frustration was clearly getting to the Banijan defenders, with Kuma Bultum leaving a leg in and bringing down Vinelli just outside the box, picking up a booking in the process. Krytenia couldn't make the chance count from the free-kick, though, with Bultum immediately making amends with a powerful header out from Jésus Cruz's set piece.

Despite having to dig in defensively, Banija were keen to remind the Dragons that they were very much still in the tie; Idal Uster, especially, was eager to get her name on the scoresheet, and almost succeeded after being played through by Kawesa. Her shot, though, was too close to Wilson, who managed to get a hand on the ball before smothering the rebound before the AFC Treason striker could get a foot on it. Wilson would, a few minutes later, be thankful of the woodwork denying Banija a second in bizarre circumstances. Madu Okparra's low cross deflected wildly off Marcus Bellamy, sending it looping over the stranded keeper; luckily, the ball bounced off the top of the crossbar, and behind for a corner that ended up coming to nothing.

With just over ten minutes to go, Davis made a substitution that would change the course of the game. Vinelli was replaced by the fresh legs of Simon Ellison, and the Caledon youngster immediately made his mark. Receiving a pass from Joe Bielsa just inside the box, Ellison moved to turn inside Bultum; the Banijan captain, though, left a leg in, bringing Ellison to the floor and drawing the attention of the Delaclav referee, who had little choice but to send Bultum off for a second bookable offence. Alun Belmwr made no mistake from the spot, and Krytenia found themselves in the lead, a man up, and hopefully able to right the wrongs of the blown call in this fixture four years ago. Looking to press home their advantage, the Dragons piled even more pressure on a Banija defence now depleted in manpower, and when Bielsa's cross was only half-cleared by Alanso Tibamba, the ball fell perfectly for O'Neill to volley from range with a shot that just barely evaded Tantoh on its way into the back of the net.

There were however, still six minutes to play, and if you thought Banija would just roll over and let the Dragons win, you'd be sorely mistaken. With nothing to lose, Banija pressed back against a Krytenia side more interested in preserving what they had than finding a fourth. Though Uster was one again denied by some Wilson heroics, the Hondo keeper could do nothing as his save deflected the ball into the path of substitute Immaculate Kaba. The midfielder slotted home calmly, and the goal will surely do her no harm when Waters looks at who to select in the upcoming World Cup qualifiers. This set up a nervy last few minutes, but as against the hosts, Krytenia shut the door firmly, and Banija were unable to collectively breach the white wall in front of them.

This, then, is a bonus game for the Dragons. Few people, even here in Krytenia, expected them to topple one of the pre-tournament favourites; and it sets up a tie that will get the people salivating. No, not Starblaydia; rather, their conquerors. Chromatika use the AOCAF Cup to blood their younger talent, and do so to great effect. You can't be going too far wrong when you can defeat the champions of eight years ago and make it look easily. We're going to be patriotic and say it's down to the manager; certainly, the combination of the stoic Richard Valens, formerly of Stanton, and the effervescent Tim Landers have done for Chromatik football what Waters has done for the Kadongo Kamu. With the potential of a grudge match against Audioslavia in the final, and a chance to prove themselves against their newest rival, Davis and Gary Barton will need to make the step up tactically. If they can, Krytenia will be only one match from adding a second orange star to their crest. Onward!

KRYTENIA - 3
Vinelli 44
Belmwr 80
O'Neill 84

BANIJA - 2
Jawara 13
Kaba 87

by **Chromatika** » Thu Apr 01, 2021 8:35 pm

AOCAF 63, Round of Quarterfinals: Chromatika 4-2 Starblaydia
CMT: Kuznetsov '15, '63, Oveni '33, Hauser '81; STB: Al Qubaisi '36, Maddison '53
Starting XI: Fillar, J. (C); Fillar, G. - Anbient - Ingram - Guess; Winge - Larriet-Cortes - Kuznetsov; Hauser; Toussaint - Oveni.
Substitutes: Ighv -> Guess ('61), Lin -> Winge ('74), Sen -> Oveni ('80)

A History of Semifinals
By: Jordan Lawless

Chromatika has been in five Semifinals, going 2-3. This will the the sixth one with the possibility of getting the record to .500. The record gets much better when Chromatika reaches the finals - 1-1, with the loss against our Semifinal opponents, Krytenia. It's interesting that Krytenia is our opponent, by the way - Richard Valens has really come to his own and to have him face his homeland is an exciting moment for him. Juxon Fillar has conceded three goals in the last two games, albeit to much more proficient sides than the nations Chromatika faced in the Group Stage; it's also apparent that Vasiliy Marten Kuznetsov is hell bent on getting some hardware before he turns 26 and can't be in the AOCAFs any longer. Oveni and Toussaint have been good enough as supportive strikers who chase the ball that comes off of Hauser and Kuznetsov's feet. It works, though it's still getting some getting used to. As we look forward to this Semifinal, let's take a look at those Semifinals.

World Cup 76 Semifinals: Chromatika 2-5 Unified Sunrise Islands

This was the cycle that Chromatika really came into their own, and there was almost an air of destiny. However, that destiny was curbed by Jillian Nier being out due to a concussion. Mia Ria couldn't handle the USI attack, but then, nobody could that cycle - and though Chromatika did score two back, it was hardly enough. Public perception of this loss was that it was expected and that the team had done more than asked. That squad would end up losing to San José Guayabal in the third placed match - but this was one of the runs that got Chromatika to the Top 10.

AOCAF 52 Semifinals: Chromatika 1-0 Western Sunrise Islands

The direct tournament after, Chromatika made it to the semifinals of the AOCAF for the first time after never getting beyond the Round of Sixteen. Defeating Anthor and Osarius, the Chromatiks prevailed 1-0 behind a beautiful strike from Rachel Hellion. Nikolai Thorben was brilliant in the match, saving all shots on goal. Chromatika would then go on to face Krytenia and lose 1-5 in the final in a game where they were favored, at least from Chromatik outlets.

AOCAF 53 Semifinals: Chromatika 0-1 Farfadillis

The very next tournament, Chromatika marched to the Semifinals again, where they ran into the Farves back when the Farves were a bogey team for the Chromatiks. Rôhj Tzâín was brilliant in goal and the Anomalies fell flat. This led to yet another fourth place finish.

AOCAF 55 Semifinals: Chromatika 5-3 Cosumar

The spiciest of semifinal matches against then-northeast rivals Cosumar, A game for the ages that went to overtime, Jazmin Dragana and Kaytlyn Victoriane scored in the extra frame and Mia Ria did just enough. This would be the squad to win the only Championship that Chromatika has ever had - Sybill's cross, Stef's header, rebound, for Keira Andisori to score the game winner against Valanora. This side was magical.

AOCAF 61 Semifinals: Chromatika 0-2 Starblaydia

It would be six tournaments since the championship before Chromatika would be in the Semifinals again, this time against Starblaydia. Once again, Chromatika would be shut out in the Semifinals. Once again, it'd lead to a fourth placed finish. Did you know that Chromatika has never won a third placed game?

So...What does this mean? They exorcised Starblaydia on the way to here. Though they've already avenged the Krytenian loss time and time again in World Cup play, there's nothing like getting to do it with a spot in the championship game on the line.

We think the Anomalies are definitely the favorite here, but Krytenia is a side that shows heart and class. They can't let up.

World Cup 81/82/83/84

© Sporting Times Daily 2021
Bees, Bulls meet again
by Mindy Cartwright, National Soccer Editor

One of the recurring themes during the run towards the AOCAF 62 title was redemption, as the Commonwealth National Team was able to defeat Chromatika in the round of 16 following two previous group stage defeats (which also happened to be the first ever against the Anomalies) and then sweep aside Banija in the semis for their first win in a competitive match against the team's most played rival.

If they want to have a chance to successfully defend the championship on the pitch at Nationalstadion in Stelburg, they will need to figure out a way to get past Audioslavia here in Borograd, their fourth straight and fifth overall match played in the capital city of Siovanija & Teusland (who we'll come back to).

The sides' matchday 2 encounter was a moderately entertaining but not terribly dramatic scoreless draw; neither Audioslavia's Rohan Cammers nor Jennifer Prescott seemed too interested in cranking up the intensity, probably both knowing that this was not the hill to die on for all 3 points. Now they circle back around for the rematch in the final 4, which is where they both expected to be, although not necessarily facing one another.

Interesting fact--since the start of AOCAF 61, the BPNT have won or drawn against every nation not called Chromatika or Valanora (17 wins, 3 draws) they've faced in the regionals; they are 1-5 facing the Anomalies and Marauders, with only the AOCAF 61 round of 16 loss to the Chromatiks not coming in the last edition.

Another fact that is more pertinent is that this will be the fourth meeting all-time with Audioslavia, with the previous three going each way--the draw in Oriovska Bistrica being preceded by group stage contests in World Cup 86 (a 5-3 Bulls victory) and 83 (3-0 to Baker Park).

As not to slight the other nation left standing, Krytenia have dispatched a pair of Glorious Southwest sides on their way to their matchup with the Chromatiks--knocking out the hosts then Banija in succession--which will be a replay of the Final from the 52nd edition, won by the Dragons 5-1. The Commonwealth have only faced their continent-mates once--in the same 61st edition mentioned previously; that 3-1 BP win came at the The Observatory in Ponyville, Equestria, the same stadium where the Bees had their first ever encounter with...the Anomalies, in BP's regional tourney debut (AOCAF 56).

Back to a discussion about our hosts because of course Baker Park and this nation have a particular bond of friendship on the soccer pitch and on a more fundamental level beyond regional ties; the Goldhorns came through BOF 67, falling in the quarterfinals to the Bees; they made their first appearance in the World Cup Finals in Baker Park in cycle 84; the BP Under 18's won their second championship here (counting that, a friendly and this tourney, no Commonwealth side has ever lost in S&T!); and finally the nations work closely together with Banija and the other GSW nations on trade partnerships and the hopes of establishing a more permanent tariff free zone in the future.

Prescott has achieved a feat that many didn't believe was possible--she's brought the National Team to 3 AOCAF Semi-Finals in the last four tournaments, and stands 2 wins from adding the Commonwealth to the list of nations--currently at 8--who have won at least 2 AOCAF Cups in a row.

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:24 pm

AOCAF LXIII

Semifinal

Krytenia 2–2 Chromatika (2–4 AET)

Baker Park 1–1 Audioslavia (1–2 AET)

Third Place Match

Krytenia vs Baker Park
Olimpski-Stadion, Borograd, Siovanija

AOCAF LXIII Final

Chromatika vs Audioslavia
Nationalstadion, Stelburg, Teusland

by **Audioslavia** » Sat Apr 03, 2021 8:47 am

The various Ws and Ls above refer to each team’s record in major finals, where ‘major’ includes the three NWCC tournaments and regional affairs.

This, then, will be Audioslavia’s 20th major final. The Bulls carry into it a record of 6 wins and 13 defeats on the biggest stage.

Okay fine, here’s the rundown. Complete with a brief summary to the tune of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire.

CYC RK CUP RESULT OPPOSITION   WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE  
012 11  WC L: PEN Rejistania   Losing out to Orange-Blues
019 06  WC L: 0-1 Crystilakere Tanner Nerni makes us lose
020 01  WC L: 0-1 Vilita       Jungle Cats and De-ja vus
029 ??  WC L: 1-2 Casari       This one’s an RP-less cruise
059 -- AOC L: 0-2 Pacitalia    Returning to the same old show
059 -- BoF W: 1-0 Karditan     Luckily, Mriin’s a bro
060 64 AOC W: 2-0 ASMV         Second final in a row
062 52 AOC L: 0-2 Pacitalia    Pacitali status quo
063 53 AOC W: 1-0 NMS          This is the golden era
063 53  WC W: 2-0 Starblaydia  And this universe is where we break the curses
064 05 AOC W: 4-2 Valanora     Keep winning finals forever
064 05  WC W: 2-1 ASMV         Oh shit, more verses, oh shit, reverse…
066 04 AOC L: 1-2 V&T          At the time, this seemed a blip
067 02  WC L: 0-2 PIS          Final scene on Asto’s TIP
069 03  WC L: 0-1 THE          Holy boys give us the slip
071 03 AOC L: 2-5 Valanora     Valanoran :storysip:
076 03  WC L: 2-3 Hinode       Hinodejin send their regards
081 31 CoH L: PEN Mercedini    Grand Slam: Too. Hard.
086 19 AOC L: 1-2 Starblaydia  Hoisted by our own petard
088 19 AOC ?: ??? Chromatika   Twentieth time’s the charm?

If Audioslavia are the major international players our fans think were are, then a record of only six wins - all coming in a short six-cycle period a century ago - and thirteen losses is… pretty poor. On the other hand, how many of those defeats should have been wins? And while we’re asking, how many of those wins were on the fortunate side?

Starting at the start, Audioslavia were second best to Rejistania, and though the Orange-Blues required penalties to defeat the Bulls, you get the feeling if we’d have played ten times, Rejistania would have won every time. Crystilakere should have been a win, and as more time passes, Audioslavians seem more aggrieved at that particular match. Vilita, a cycle later, could have gone either way, while nobody in their right mind thinks Audioslavia should have even got to the World Cup 29 final, let alone won it.

There are a few tournaments where the Bulls reached the final and you think, well.. how? Coming into AOCAF34 unranked and with a team of journeymen with Audioslavian grannies plucked from all over the multiverse, it’s a minor miracle the side reached that AOCAF Cup final. Audioslavia arguably shouldn’t have been in that BoF final either, but for different reasons that largely revolved around it being a tournament for newcomers and it being Audioslavia’s 26th cycle. Cycle 60’s AOCAF? Also fortunate, but then the Bulls were trying much harder on the regional stage, with qualifying campaigns proving too tough.

Moving on to cycle 63, and another World Cup final the Bulls had no right to be in, entering the tournament with a ranking of 53rd in the world. The team, however, would prove to be the greatest in the nation’s history, and few would begrudge the victories that came afterwards.

The golden era faded with a poor cycle 65 and defeat to Vilita & Turori in cycle 66’s AOCAF Cup, and from there it’s been Ls all the way down. Should we have beaten Polar Islandstates? Nah. The Holy Empire? On the law of averages, maybe, but few feel aggrieved at the result. Losing 5-2 to Valanora? Harsh, but fair. The Hinode final with the early kick-off catching the Bulls off-guard? Definitely, though in appearances in the Cup of Harmony and AOCAF finals in recent cycles, few begrudge our opponents their victory.

So in total: Crystilakere, yes. Hinode? Maybe. And that’s it. The 6-13 could have been pushed to an 8-11 if the gods had been kinder, but given the luck, or sneakiness, of that World Cup 63 win and that BoF win, the universe would still balance it all out to 6-13.

It’s not unreasonable to suggest that Audioslavia don’t have a problem with finals, they have a problem with being a little too capable in the other knockout matches. Given Audioslavia’s reputation for being fit, for being a little bit shithousey and the exhausting demands of knockout football, and it kind of makes sense. Come the final, the best team wins, and the best team isn’t usually us.

The bad news for Audioslavia is that, in this upcoming AOCAF Cup final, the best team is probably our opponents.

Chromatika, like Audioslavia, have struggled since missing a cycle (World Cup 82 for the Anomalies, World Cup 79 for the Bulls) and didn’t quite leap back up the order as quickly as Audioslavia did, but with the influx of a new generation of players - including the talented Fillar siblings, most of whom are tearing through Audioslavia’s ridiculously strong domestic league - they’ve turned into an alarmingly capable side. Were it not for their misfortune in being drawn against the all-powerful Nephara in the second round of the last World Cup, they’d certainly have reached the semi-finals at least and they’d be sitting on a world ranking much higher than the modest fifteenth they currently hold. The side have won silverware much more recently than the Bulls, too, taking victory in cycle eighty’s AOCAF Cup in a thrilling final over Valanora.

On the other hand, Chromatika’s record in finals may seem respectable in its averageness, with one win and one defeat from fourteen cycles, but that defeat comes against Krytenia. I’ll say that again: Chromatika once lost a final to Krytenia. That’s one solitary instance of Chromatika being the sort of team that losing streaks are broken against. Is ‘one’ a pattern?

Yeah sure why not.

Rohan Cammers is expected to line up his Bulls side in much the same fashion as he has done throughout the campaign, with three centre-halves and two defensive midfielders dominating the middle of the park, and two very speedy wing-backs providing the width. Koenraad Rijsbergen will be throwing his weight around up front, with Erwin Spijkers and Eurico da Rosa providing the attacking flair for when Audioslavia do get the ball forward. Leandro Ceron will marshall the defence as captain, and will be buoyed by his extra-time winning goal against Baker Park in the semi-finals, with the defender bringing down a corner kick onto his chest and volleying a spectacular effort in off the cross-bar to send Audioslavia to this, their twentieth final.

So… twentieth time’s the charm?

Probably not. Audioslavia’s past, present and future in major finals is basically Homer Simpson failing to eat a bag of crisps forever

by **Krytenia** » Sat Apr 03, 2021 2:31 pm

VALENS
to the tune of "Amen" by Vincent Bueno

Valens, we guess,
Half an hour was time for you to put
Our chance to rest,
Dressed in black, you left us feeling blue.

No, we never thought you'd bury your own kind,
And we'll always wonder why...

But Valens, Valens,
Tell us, is this what you wanted?
Is this what you wanted?
Valens, Valens,
Tell me, did you even notice?
Did you even notice?
Valens...

We bet it's just another final tie to win,
But for us, it's the end;
The semi-final curse has struck again.

No, we never thought you'd bury your own kind,
And we'll always wonder why...

But Valens, Valens
Tell us, why send us from Teusland?
Why send us from Teusland?
Valens, Valens,
Tell us why'd you break your homeland?
Why'd you break your homeland?

'Cause it all feels like you didn't even care,
Oh care, oh care, care about us,
All this time Stanton was a lie...

But Valens, Valens,
Tell us, will you take the Bulls down?
Tell us, will you take the Bulls down?
Valens, Valens, yeah
Tell us, will you take the Bulls down?
Tell us, will you take the Bulls down?

Valens.

by **Chromatika** » Sat Apr 03, 2021 9:03 pm

AOCAF 63, Semifinals: Krytenia 2-2 Chromatika (2-4 AET)
KRY: Belmwr '28, Cruz '61; CMT: Toussaint '31, Hauser '72, Fillar, B. '98, Kuznetsov '114
Starting XI: Fillar, J. (C); Fillar, G. - Anbient - Ingram - Guess; Winge - Larriet-Cortes - Kuznetsov; Hauser; Toussaint - Oveni.
Substitutes: Antonucci -> Ingram ('51), Si -> Larriet-Cortes ('67), Fillar, B. -> Hauser ('80)

Imagine this.

Imagine that you're one of four siblings that are being labeled as the next coming of Chromatika's biggest superstars in the nation's biggest sport.

Imagine that your oldest brother is one of the favorites to take the starting goalkeeper position from Mia Ria, one of the longest tenured Chromatiks ever. Though Ferret Tioux will likely give Juxon a run for his money, Juxon is the favorite; if the Chromatiks win the AOCAF final, even more so. Even-keeled, motivated, simplistic with a one-track mind that made certain that he will always be on the top of his game, he's been described as a robot, and it's not an incorrect description of his personality.

Imagine that your second brother is a beanstalk of a man, tall, commanding attention. He's bullheaded, stubborn, utterly unapologetic, but always going above and beyond what he's supposed to do because it's the right thing to do, whether that be on the pitch, in academics, or just life overall. He actually chose to finish high school before going abroad, and had one of the universe's most storied football teams asking for him to join them as soon as he finished his education. He may not be as hyped up as Juxon, but the world will remember Grayson Fillar before he's done.

Imagine that your little sister, while only being fifteen, is a no-nonsense drill sergeant who is extremely goal-oriented. She's the smallest, quickest, sternest of them all, always going on about what she needs to do next, asking for advice, looking to better herself to be the best player she can be at the moment. Was she a lot at times? Yes, especially when she was younger and her body couldn't keep up with her mind. Was she the most likely of them to actually succeed? Yes again, especially if sheer force of will would be taken into account. Edith Jane Fillar was a spitfire, and despite being only fifteen, she was aware of it. And that awareness made her wise beyond her years.

Imagine that your Father is a trauma surgeon in one of the nation's biggest hospitals. Imagine that he's saved hundreds if not thousands of lives while also watching hundreds and thousands more slip through his fingers. Imagine that despite the stress of the position, he's never taken it out on his wife or his four children, always being an instructive, kind, caring father that doted on his children. Dr. Pierre Fillar was more than just the Head Surgeon of the Truama Unit at Chromia General; to them, he was their friend, their confidant, their encouragement, their rock, their father.

Imagine that your Mother is the country's leading biochemist who specializes in the reduction and recycling of waste, especially chemical and even nuclear waste. Imagine that before she committed to research and being a Mother, she was a long-distance swimmer, and its from her genes that the Fillars' lung capacity came from. Imagine that, despite her long hours at the lab, she's never missed one game, one event, one class presentation - always encouraging the Fillars to express themselves, apply themselves, promote themselves, make sure that they were being the best selves that they could be at any given moment. Dr. Hillary Fillar may as well be a saint to her children, and they're well aware of it.

Imagine that you're in the AOCAF, representing your nation as one of the best U-25 footballers in the tournament, a pristine honor. Imagine that the starting Attacking Midfielder for your team is one Haley Hauser, who's really brought into Chromatika's forefront the possibility of an AM that actually scores goals. She's made this tournament her proving ground alongside the other breakout player, Vasiliy Marten Kuznetsov, and more and more Chromatiks will likely call for her to replace Hermaeus Mora in a tournament or two. Imagine that you've learned lots from Haley while building a camaraderie with her as she is more than five years your senior and has more experience.

Imagine that it's the eightieth minute, and Haley's just tied the game up against Krytenia not too many minutes ago, a neat free kick that clipped the keeper's hands but went through. Imagine you see Haley writing on the ground, holding her left foot. Imagine you see Tim Landers, the Delaclav Assistant Manager, look at you with concern and let you know that they were lucky enough to have one more substitution remaining. Imagine that Haley limps off the field assisted by a trainer and you - Baillaire Fillar - are put into the game.

Imagine that the game goes to overtime. In the flow of play, you steal the ball away from a simple one-two pass between two defenders. You see that Vasiliy has drawn the attention of three defenders and that there is only one guy to beat before you're face-to-face with the keeper. Imagine that you fake that guy out by feinting left and then committing hard to the right, making sure to not be off sides. Imagine that you get face-to-face with Robert Wilson, and, before he can react, you strike the ball, hard and low, to the bottom right corner of the net. He's a second too late, and you've scored the goal to put Chromatika in the lead.

Imagine that the game ends not twenty minutes later, Chromatika having prevailed in extra time, Vasiliy scoring the insurance goal in the second half of the extra period. Imagine that you get to visit Haley afterwards and learn that she has a high knee sprain and will not be ready to go for the Championship Game against Audioslavia.

Imagine that you're Baillaire Fillar, you're eighteen, and you're going to be starting in the AOCAF 63 Final versus Audioslavia in the Nationalstadion in Stelburg, Teusland. Imagine that you'll make it three Fillars starting on that day alongside Juxon and Grayson, and Edith, Pierre, and Hillary watching from the audience.

And then, you smile.

World Cup 81/82/83/84

The King is Dead, Long Live the King
Scott McCrae
The Mail on Sunday National Soccer Writer

Jennifer Prescott appeared in the post-match media session with a wistful grin on her face, and wearing one of the squad warmup jackets, zipped up to show the black shield with the Old English 'C' framed with laurel wreaths and the prominent star added for this tournament--centered at the top.

If the statement tacitly being made was to remind the assembled crowd--reporters from broadcast and print media, bloggers and internet commentators, and all others viewing the feed from wherever they were watching across the multiverse--that although defeated on the night, the Commonwealth of Baker Park were still, for a few more days, the Champions of the most successful region in the history of the WCC, the message was received, if not exactly understood.

"I have nothing but respect to give to Rohan (Cammers, Audioslavia NT Manager). I hope they carry on the unofficial tradition of the side eliminating a BP squad from a tourney going to win the in the final. The players were obviously devastated at the end of the match and how we got to that point, but the supporters lifted them up a bit before we went back to the dressing room. We are proud that we've represented this region to the best of our ability; a few of the squad spoke up, reminding everyone that this isn't the end of line, but a stepping stone to greater things. This is the core of our national team heading into the next couple of World Cup cycles, and I'm so optimistic about the future with this group."

Prescott has shown that her tactical imagination can be the intangible factor in knockout play; in AOCAF 60 against Equestria in the quarterfinal; the previous edition in the matches against Chromatika and Banija, and again here against the Bulls. BP won the battle on the basis of the game plan over 80 minutes, but lost the overall war due to a couple of brilliant Audioslavian individual efforts in both regulation and extra time.
Her decision to take the fight to the Bulls--aggressive tackling and physical marking in the offensive third--kept the Audioslavs on the back foot, disrupting all semblance of continuity for both sides.

The move to bring on Ayana West and Alicia Craig in place of Tim Cassell and Kelvin Buxton on 68 minutes would've been the coup de grace after the Sherwood Forest Ladies duo teamed up on the first score of the match, West slamming home a one-timer off Craig's pass five minutes after the substitution.

But the change to closing up shop was a bit too disjointed when Julia Edmonds replaced Amy Reynolds as the clock hit 80; the equalizer came against the run of play, then the whistle for full time seemed to energize the Bulls. Leandro Ceron came out of the set piece melee to get the winner for Audioslavia, and BP will have to settle for being one hit wonders until they can put together another campaign leading to ultimate victory.

The loss snaps a 14 match unbeaten streak in AOCAF play for the Bees, and now they will have to pick themselves back up for the Third Place match versus Krytenis, who also fell in extra time to Chromatika; it will be the fifth straight match, and sixth overall in the tourney in Borograd, and the Commonwealth will be playing for the bronze for the third time.

Prescott patted the FAC badge as she departed the podium, a gesture surely not to be overlooked by the nation in the wake of falling just short of history.

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Sun Apr 04, 2021 4:46 pm

AOCAF LXIII

Bronze Medal Match

Krytenia 2–1 Baker Park

AOCAF LXIII Final

Chromatika 1–2 Audioslavia

Congratulations to our winner, commiserations to our runner-up, and a huge thank-you to everyone who made this tournament a joy to host!

by **Audioslavia** » Mon Apr 05, 2021 7:41 am

C̴h̷r̴omatik Aberratiǫ̸̱̜̓̈́̑̓͋ͅn̷̹̓̍̽͊̅̈
"This wasn't supposed to happen" says victorious Cammers

Brannigan Burley barrelled into the box, eyes fixed on the curling ball, leapt into the air and succeeded only in clumsily 'heading' the ball with his leading shoulder. The ball dropped tamely to Keira Anbient, whose attempt at a clearance, in her own six-yard box, was hasty and rushed and produced only a slice that careened up into the face of Koenraad Rijsbergen, who reeled momentarily before noticing the ball was bouncing languidly into the goal inside an unguarded post. Juxon Fillar, who'd been in place for the initial 'header', was off-balance and struggling to make up the ground and could only succeed in eventually swiping the ball out from behind the goal-line. The Chromatik players insisted Juxon had got there in time, but the referee disagreed and peeped the whistle to proclaim the Most Audioslavian Goal of All Time.

Audioslavia, then, were leading in a major final, which simply will not do. Chromatika would equalise five minutes further into the second half. Baillaire Fillar, the Celtade midfielder on whom 1830 Cathair have about six million designs, feinted a short pass to Barrion Winge and instead changed direction sharply, leaving Moses Moxey tangled in his own long legs. Burley closed the gap, but Baillaire had already made her decision on what do next. Seeing winger Kuznetsov making the run, she played a wonderful diagonal slide-rule pass that cut a hole in the Audioslavia defence. Kuznetsov, goal-side of Brown and in behind the defence, attracted the attentions of all three Audioslavian centre-halves as he lined himself up for a left-footed shot, but at the last minute decided to hook the ball square across the six yard box where Hauser was arriving to side-foot the ball home.

Honours even in the second half, Chromatika would take charge, creating two more opportunities - one for Baillaire to squander by trying to play one pass too many when a shot would have likely produced a goal, another via Paskal Toussaint, whose far-post header went high from only four yards out.

Chromatika pressed on for the winner. Audioslavia, who typically grow more confident as the game progresses, were starting to make some lapses in judgement at the back. A horrendous attempt at a pass from Tiago Brown was cut out by Kara Oveni, whose first-time ball found Toussaint in space, but the striker's shot would be blocked by a lunging Leandro Ceron.

Rohan Cammers rang the changes, making the same substitution that he had done in the quarters, bringing off attacking midfielder Eurico and putting on full-back Michel Saint-Francoise to fill in at right back, with Tiago Brown pushed further up the field. Once again, the gamble worked.

Saint Francoise managed to head clear an attempted cross-field ball in behind him, and found Moses Moxey who, facing his own goal, took one touch to turn to his left and, without even looking, blasted the ball low and hard down the channel on the right hand side. Guess and Ingram saw the danger, the former diving in to try to intercept the ball, the other immediately turning on his heel and sprinting towards his own goal, but neither was able to get near the ball as it skidded along the turf towards the edge of Chromatika's eighteen yard box, with Tiago Brown in hot pursuit.

Some had raised eyebrows at Brown's inclusion in the Audioslavia national team squad, and even more at his starting every game. Basically an olympic sprinter cosplaying as a footballer, the 5'10 cannonball-shouldered Brown has been used as a terrier-like right-back and a nuclear option on the right wing. His one-dimensional play can be defended against by most international-standard teams, but not so easily later on in games, as defences get stretched and fatigue sets in.

Brown, blowing hard, latched onto the ball as it entered the area and took a touch to angle himself towards goal. Ahead of him was only his club-mate, goalkeeper Juxon Fillar, whose defensive unit Brown is employed in throughout the National League season. Brown knows his goalkeeper inside out, but Juxon had much less data on what it was Tiago Brown actually did at the other end of the pitch. Brown, therefore, had the ace up his sleeve. The ace, apparently, had 'put it through the legs' written on it. Juxon, never one to dive maniacally at a striker's feet, had narrowed the angle and was staying on his haunches with his arms spread. Brown, knowing he wouldn't be able to take it past the keeper without the quick-witted Juxon making a move, went for the only gap that remained, slotting it between the goalie's legs and into the net from 10 yards out.

Brown wheeled away towards the corner flag with his arms spread open before being hauled to the ground by Rijsbergen and Spijkers, and the jubilant faces of the three men will adorn posters, murals and magazine covers all over Cathair this summer. Twenty-four cycles on from this nation's last piece of silverware, Audioslavia can open their trophy cabinet again to do something other than polish the same six trophies again. Audioslavia, champions of Atlantian Oceania once again.

Last time we did this, we went on to win the World Cup.

Rohan Cammers, under pressure after a lacklustre mundial, joins Kelly Sporadic, Andre-Luis Partico and Israel Klimt in the list of silverware-winning Audioslavia managers, and the little Apoxian's stock has never been higher. Audioslavia will enter World Cup 88 not as favourites, or even in the top ten, but as a dangerous dark horse that might be able to go the distance. It's been a long time since that could be said about any claret and green team.

IBJJ, G'NB

by **Chromatika** » Mon Apr 05, 2021 9:41 pm

AOCAF 63, Championship: Chromatika 1-2 Audioslavia
CMT: Hauser '56; AUD: Burley '51, Brown '78
Starting XI: Fillar, J. (C); Fillar, G. - Anbient - Ingram - Guess; Winge - Larriet-Cortes - Kuznetsov; Hauser; Toussaint - Oveni.
Substitutes: Hauser -> Larriet-Cortes ('52), Slaven -> Antonuci ('71), Killian -> Oveni ('82)

After all that... It wasn't enough. Valens and Landers even let both Hauser and Fillar be on the pitch at the same time alongside Kuznetsov - taking out Larriet-Cortes and having Hauser play a playmaking defensive midfielder role despite her sore knee. Audioslavia was too much, and Chromatika had fallen.

They'd shown so much potential, though. Juxon Fillar, Baillaire Fillar, Grayson Fillar, Haley Hauser. The likes of Paskal Toussaint and Kara Oveni. They'd made it all the way to the finals of the championship game as a U-25 team. That mattered.

In the next few days, there were two major pieces of news that mattered to the peoples of Chromatika. First, the Chromatik Football Federation had bid for the 88th World Cup with the Cassadagan Association for Soccer Excellence; next, the Chromatik government stated that the Deprí District will be renamed to the Rainbow District and that the three cities of Deprí Lanar, Deprí Sanar, and Deprí Pelar would be renamed to Lanar, Sanar, and Pelar.

The U-25 team would march on. Chromatika would march on. They weren't going anywhere.

AOCAF LXIII - Everything Thread

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