World Cup 86: Roleplay Thread

[Electrum]

The Turnip: How to correctly pronounce every single country in World Cup 86 qualifying
by Billiam Maskey, chief-editor-in-chief

This is for all you gamers who have been arguing with each other on how to pronounce different countries! Here, we give a handy guide on how to pronounce the names of all 182 countries competing for the World Cup. This will certainly be the best article of all time so make sure to post it on Herddit and give us a big fat orange upvote. Remember, people speak different languages around the world, so we've given the best approximations to their English names!

Drawkland - Drawk-ward-land
Newmanistan - Newman!!-i-stan
Nethertopia - Nell-ie-top-i-a
Hampton Island - Hemp-ton-eye-land
Gyatso-Kai - *karate chop*-so-kai
Pemecutan - Pe-cor-ri-no-ran-gu-tan
The Fortem - Da-Forth-Ham
Darkmania - Dark-may-knee-are
Lisander - Lie-Sand-Der
Lo Santano - Los-Ant-o-nyo
Ethane - In(flammable) gas
Brenecia - Bree-knee-see-her
95X - Ninety-five-sex
Iles Rogieres - Ew-its-Roger
Sajnur - Sa-you-nar-uh
Jeruselem - Her-ru-salami
Huayramarca - Hoo-ah-ma-ra-ca
Netop - Neth-her-top
Ko-oren - Ka-ren
Semarland - See-my-land
Tequilo - Te-key-la
Quebecois Acadiana - Queue-bec-KWA Acid-diana
Pasarga - Pay-say-gar
Grand Quebecois - Gran-Queue-bec-KWA
Fujai - Fool-hai
Drunk People at the Local Tavern - Drunk People at the Local Tavern
Vangaziland - Vamp-gaze-i-land
Megistos - Ma-gic-toast
Acronius - A-crony's-yes
Timuria - Tim's-urea
Vdara - V-day-ra-ra-ra
Eura - Hoo-rah!
Terre Septentrionale - Terror-in-how-the-hell-do-you-say-that
New Lusitania - New Lucy-Tania
Sharktail - Sharktail-Soup
Nephara - Ne-phay-ra
Havynwilde - Haven-will-there?
Damukuni - Damn-you-Kuni!
Hwiccemark - Why-Mark?
Unimon - Uni-mon
The Minarchist Free State - The Minor-tryst Free State
Mavinet - Ma-vin-nay
Blampano - Blam!-pa-no!
Turori - Two-Rorys
Valladares - Val-I-Dares
NorraLesse - Nora's-Messy
Garifunya - Gavin's-fun-ya!
Astograth - As-tro-graph
Omerica - A-me-ri-ca
The holy junta - The holy hoon-ta
Gopnikea - Got-milk?-key-ur
Siovanija and Teusland - Sho-van-knee-a and Tay-oos-land
Delaclava - Del-a-clave-a
Juvencus - Ju-ven-ctus
Lovisa - Love-visa
Audioslavia - Audible-Slave-Ia
The Holy Empire - The Holy Empire
Southwest Eastnorth - Southwest Eastnorth
Poafmersia - Poo-af-mercy-a
Silver Commonwealth - Silver Commonwealth
Euran Oceania Territories - Hoo-rah Oceania Territories!
Sylestone - Sly-Stone
Quakmybush - Quack-ma-bush
Blouman Empire - This-blows-man Empire
HAIKU - Haiku but pretend you are shouting this from the rooftops
Tamgu - Tam-goo
Banija - Ban-ouija
The Gothanita Isles - The Gotham-is-a Aisles
Free Republic of Hong Kong - Free Republic of Hong Kong
Pripet Socialist Republic - Prease-pray Socialist Republic
Xanneria - Can-ner-riah
Chromatika - Chrome-maths-ica
The Macabees - Da Macaronis
Freeport - Free-sports
Vilita - Will Ita?
The Sarian - Da Rude Country Who Won't Let Us Sweep The Equestrian Medals
Transvolcanic - Trans-fat-canic
Jamestownnnn - Jamestownnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Pluvia and the Saxean Isles - Plum-beer and the Sexy Aisles
Sargossa - Sarge! Ossa!
Staypuftonia - Stay-put-tony-ah?
Jeckland - Jeek-land
Kencana - Ken-sauna
Schottia - Scotch ER
Lochario - Lo-thar-io
Qasden - Queue-as-den
Ancherion - An-car-iron
Glazgo - Glas-gow
Emastalia - Emma-stay-here
Valanora - Veal-a-nora
Solharcht Kirale - Don't even bother
Kandorith - Candour-ripe
Mathuvan Union - Matthew's-van Union
HUElavia - *Facetious laughter*-lavia
Maccian - Mack-Ian
Eastfield Lodge - Eastfield Lodge
Reçueçn - We give ten recommendations here
New Waldensia - New Waltz-Sia
Baggieland - Bag-jye-land
Praeceptia - Precept-Tea-Ah
Squornshelous - Scorn-shell-us
Tioguldos - Cho-gulp-dos
South Newlandia - South Noo-landing-here
Southern Palm Islands - Southern Palm Islands
Tikariot - Tyke-car-riot
Filindostan - Filly-do-stan
Se Vende Skooma - The bendy sarcoma
Natanians and Nosts - Nah-tan-ian and Nosts
TJUN-ia - Toon-ia
Union Europae - Union You-Rope-Ay
Mriin - *doffs your fedora* M'rin
Port Ember - Port Ember
Taeshan - Tay-Shane
Fluvannia - Floo-vanity
Trolleborg - Trolley-borg
Springmont - Spring-mount
The Grearish Union - The Boorish Union
Ziwana - See-wana
The Hinodejin Empire - The High-no-gai-jin Empire
Riena - Right-nah
Savigliane - Suh-vigiliantes
ZSeparatists - Ze-Separatists
Kohnhead - Conehead
Woryand - Worry-land
Oberour Ar Moro - O-bra Ar Moro
Equestria - Ponies do not exist, so we do not acknowledge the existence of this nation.
Sultanate of Oontaz - Sultanate of
Bostopia - Boss-trope-ia
Indusse - In-dusk
Libonesia - Lisbon-nesia
Kelssek - Kel's-sook
Geektopia - Nerdtopia
Nagore - That's Nagore
Farfadillis - Farf's-a-dill?-Yes
Alba and Cymru - Alba and Chim-ru
Plane of Possiblity - Plane of Possibility
Sarzonia - Sarzo's-knee-here
Yuezhou - You cow!
Eraman - Error man
Overseas Territories of Sylestone - Overseas Territories of Slystone
Graintfjall - Grant's fall
Northwest Kalactin - Northwest Kay's-lactose-intolerant
Squidroidia - Squid-android-ia
Devonta - Devon, ta!
Kulefati - Cool fatties
Flavovespia - Flavour-vespa
Quebec - Queue Bec
Ihilthracna - Nihil-thwack-nah
Cassadaigua - Cassie-die-guah!
Electrum - ɪˈlɛktrəm
Main Nation Ministry - Main Nation Ministry
Wymondham - Whim-almond-ham
Sulsuland - sUlSuLaNd
Darmen - Durr-men
Starblaydia - Star-bloody-hell
Rangers FC - Rangers FC
Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison - Cheetahs and Reptiles Collision
The Jovannic - Da Joe-manic
Mattijana - Matty-jay-nah
Saltstead - Salt's-dead
Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom - Zeta Ray-car and Huge-tall-dumbs
Krytenia - Kry-tie (note: "nia" is silent)
Legalese - Loquaciously Garrulous
Liberal Democratic Socialist States - Liberal Democratic Socialist States
Verceola - Ver-sho-la
Barunia - Bah! Run-nia.
Squornshelan Remnant States - Scorn-shell-ian Remnant States
Eurasies - Eura
Zwangzug - Zwzwzwzug
South Covello - South Co-hello
When U Die - Excuse me? Are you threatening me? This is an article!
Abanhfleft - A ban fletch
Savojarna - Save-your-jars-nah
Busoga Islands - Pukesoga Islands
Twicetagria - Tagria Tagria
Orion Islands - Onion Islands
Baker Park - Baker Park
TOTEL - TOTEL
Cheergirls - Cheergirls
Mercedini - Check out the Merch In The Description!
Murphtannia - Murphy's Tania
West Angola - West Angler

This took a long time to write and made me miss the cut-off.

[Twicetagram and JYPe]

Home >> Sports >> International

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Twicetagrien Premier League: Will Twice Square finally show its true powers?
by Antonov Vasilyev

The domestic season seems so close, yet it's 2 months away. With the leagues being finalised, many people have started their early bets for the Prem. Now, we'll look at the teams from Twice Square: Tvoygrad RFS and Krasni Kvadrat FK, also known as Red Square.

Tvoygrad RFS

What's the narrative in 20 words?
Despite a disappointing start to their campaign, Tvoygrad have bounced back and are continuing an 8-game unbeaten streak since February.

How did last season go for them?
A miserable start to their campaign gave them only 2 wins from 7. At Christmas, they were languishing at 14th. After managerial and tactical changes, they were back on their feet, miraculously winning 6 games in a row and 8 unbeaten. Their late efforts were rewarded with a 6th place finish.

Got any interesting stats from last season?
With 150 chances off target and 323 shots taken, Tvoygrad have the lowest shot-to-goal conversion rate.

Any transfer news?
They have announced their new signing in the form of Holffman-Agapetus, one of the starting men(and women) in Twicetagria's WCQ86 qualis run.
In: Holffman-Agapetus, Jomman
Out: Yellow

Fun fact about the manager?
Karina Krosineva is the only female manager to land a team a top 5 finish.

Where will they hope to finish?
They would definitely have scored higher if not for the early nightmare, so anything below 4th is unsatisfactory.

Our Verdict: 3rd

Krasni Kvadrat FK

What's the narrative in 20 words?
The only team run by a political party, Red Square have disappointed right-wings by achieving promotion to the Premier League.

How did last season go for them?
An amazing run in the 2.Liga granted them champions and promotion to the Premier League for the first time in club history.

Got any interesting stats from last season?
Red Square have had more matched with at least 7 goals scored(9) than any other team in the top 2 leagues.

Any transfer news?
Because of their communist ownership, transfer rules are stringent: players who have pledged themselves as right-wing supporters or anti-communists are automatically blackmailed. Players will have to sign a contract stating that they will have to either remain silent on political manners, or pledge their allegiance for communism. Thus, it is extremely hard for them to get any good players, as most Twicetagrien players are also politically active. This season, luckily, they managed to nab 3 signings, all from lower leagues.
In: Tasha, Kodvaruiv, Dasanthoth
Out: none (as of June 202 P.Y.)

Fun fact about the manager?
Jordan Karimovic is, surprising or not, the son of a communist politician.

Where will they hope to finish?
Not trying to insult any communist supporters, but communism won't stay long in the top flight. Anything above relegation will be a miracle.

Our Verdict: 15th

[Tequilo]

---

THE RESTORATION OF GARCÍA de CORCOLES
1/3 Resuscitation

---

“What in the name of wights? … What happened? … Where am I?”

Where he was, was strapped to a bed in a clean and modern hospital ward, with the curtains drawn around and two moustachioed doctor-types looming over him, accompanied by an enormous and stern-looking nurse with a clipboard. He briefly struggled against the straps, but he was too weak and they were too strong to make any impression on his bondage.

“You are at the Mount Errion Infirmary in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega,” said the nurse, rather brusquely.

One of the doctors smiled, but it seemed to him to be a rather dangerous smile. His eyes were entirely dead, and it felt to him that they had met before, in unhappy circumstances. Perhaps at the gates of hell, or something.

“Let me undo these,” said the smiley doctor, unbuckling his restraints, “you’ll not be needing them now.” It was of little comfort.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega? Hadn’t that nation disappeared back in the depths of time, in a cataclysmic termination event? Was this some kind of a joke?

“You probably think this is some kind of a joke,” said the other smiley doctor, with eyes that did not smile, “but we are deadly serious here at the Mount Errion Infirmary. García de Corcoles has been through a lot - that’s you by the way, García, I’m using a stylistic device now - and he probably needs a full recap on what has happened to him.”

“And if not him, then Hetty here and anyone else paying attention,” added the other doctor-narrator, signalling toward the rotund nurse.

“García was a man of Tequilo,” said the first doctor-narrator, “a barely noticed country of the Costelloan Empire until recently when certain… narrative events… propelled it into multiversal consciousness -”

“- in an entirely modest and moderate kind of way -” interrupted the other doctor-narrator,

“Yes, quite,” continued the first doctor-narrator, “anyway, poor García here, from the island of Antivador, was a promising professional goalkeeper in the sport of pitxi -”

“- that’s football to you and me,” ( - other doctor-narrator),

“Indeed, football; García was selected for the national team in their debut tournament in Delaclava, Ethane, and another place… Appalaxia was it? I’ll be honest, he failed to impress - I’m sorry, but it’s true - and might have been a footnote in Tequilo pitxi history but for a bizarre sequence of events. Other doctor-narrator, would you take up the thread?”

“Why yes. You see, García, having a bad tournament, accidentally ran into an Appalaxian ballboy and had to be stretchered off with an injury - what followed was a series of accidents of escalating seriousness, that included being dropped off the stretcher, involved in a car crash in the ambulance, and a small fire in his hospital bed. By and by, poor García here was entirely broken, and that was only the start of it. Kidnapped by Appalaxian hill-williams and taken into the mountains, he was held to ransom, beaten and broken some more, and in the course of a fortuitous escape when Granma detonated an oil tank after her gun misfired, he nearly drowned on a raft going through a grade-ten white-water course exiting the mountains. Finally, floating near-drowned on a plank of wood at the Ethani border, he was rescued by customs-men who spotted him in the river, but not before being shot by a hill-william sniper who had tracked his tempestuous journey downstream. Over to you, number one…”

“Thank you, other doctor-narrator. What an insane and unfortunate adventure! You really couldn’t make it up. Shot, stabbed, beaten, run-over, drowned, set on fire - poor García here was just about ready to check into the Paradise Hotel when we intervened, finding him down there on life-support in Ethane, unidentifiable and comatose. And all this, apparently, because he’d gotten on the wrong side of a young woman in Tequilo, who had put a palabra on the man for leaving her in the lurch and expecting a baby. She must be one powerful bruja, that Lilián.

“So finally, with speculation mounting about what had happened to the missing García, we found him about to dive off this mortal coil like one last failed penalty save attempt; him being so badly broken and well beyond the means of the locals to fix him. But he’s a job to do yet, we says, and we brought him down to the underverse, where the fallen nations dwell and the medicine is dark and strong.”

The two doctor-narrators were well into the thrust of this fascinating story now, and their eyes perhaps a little less dead than usual as if they were more human for the telling of it, but the man on the bed - García - wanted to rewind a little. “Wait, wait,” he interrupted, “what’s that now? I’m to be a father you say?”

The doctor-narrators stopped dead in their storytelling tracks and shot a glance at each other, awkwardly. “I don’t think that’s what we said, was it?” said number one, without conviction.

The sturdy nurse intervened with a professionally deft cliff-hanger. “A little extra pain relief, I think,” she said, and jabbed a fine long needle into the patient’s neck.

“Wait… what? … I mean…” said poor García, as somnolence stole up on him, irresistibly.

---

TAPALUPÉ, Tequilo - Has it been four matches already? Where have we been? Well, that’s a story for another cut-off, and probably one for Forum 7; let’s not go there now. So, let’s have a quick catch-up on our second attempt at World Cup qualifying so far - all your analysis, in numbers, with our unique and exclusive Copametro…

UPWARD CURVE FROM STARTING BLOCK COCK-UP

Overconfident? Or just not paying attention? Whatever happened in the match in Port Azertien, where Los Pitxileros started poorly and never quite recovered, it was a wake up call as Tequilo were comfortably beaten by Iles Rogieres when perhaps everyone expected at least a good start before dropping off later. We hope the trend has been reversed as the Agave-Blues bounced back impressively to take two strong victories at home and a solid point on the road in Jeruselem. New boys to the starting line up Leyton and Xaime Medal have had different experiences at the cutting edge - Xaime finding the going tougher than his impressive start in the Independent Associations Championships; while Leyton has looked every bit the seasoned pro so far, with one player-of-the-match performance, and a goal in the fine victory over Huayramarca.

Captain Mateo Tafalla looks back to his best after an indifferent Cup of Harmony last time round and an injury hit World Cup 85 qualifying campaign - this is probably his last cycle and he’ll want to go out on a high; he has certainly laid down a marker so far. Ecuador’s rise to coach Isaac Martí’s first eleven took an early hit with injury in his first game, and he faces a battle to win back his place from young prodigy Alexandro Calvocheaga, who has come in and impressed, if yet to get on the score sheet so far this cycle. Isidoro Artechevarria, disappointed to have lost his place to Xaime Medal, has taken advantage of the latter’s indifferent form to win back his place and has once more reminded coach Martí that a big mouth and a contract at 1830 Cathair does not an instant superstar make.

THE STATS

Iles Rogieres 3-2 TEQUILO HT: 1-1

Location: Stade de la République, Port Azertien
Attendance: 68,862
Scorers: Martesse 11’ Laurent 49’ Bénétraz 66’ | Tlacolotl 13’ Tafalla 82’
Booked: Raymond | Huachalla, Ixtub Tün, Tlacolotl, Leyton, Niño Pinto
Tequilo Line-Up: Oscar Bienvenido | Patrick Zambo, Haize Apeiztegui, Huracan, Huachalla (sub: Vincent Okila) | Ixtub Tün | Xaime Medal, Mateo Tafalla (sub: Niño Pinto), Leyton | Tlacolotl, Ecuador (sub: Urlegi Gorostola)
Player of the Match: André Martesse (Iles Rogieres)

TEQUILO 2-1 Sajnur HT: 0-1

Location: Estadio San Raí, Raití
Attendance: 66,792
Scorers: Medal 57’ Tafalla 78’ | Naulo 24’
Booked: Medal, Tafalla, Gorostola | Jana
Tequilo Line-Up: Oscar Bienvenido | Patrick Zambo, Haize Apeiztegui, Huracan, Chicchan | Nufro de Urueña | Xaime Medal, Mateo Tafalla, Leyton | Tlacolotl, Urlegi Gorostola (sub: Alexandro Calvoecheaga)
Player of the Match: Urlegi Gorostola (Tequilo)

Jeruselem 0-0 TEQUILO HT: 0-0

Location: A Stadium of Jeruselem
Attendance: 12 Loose Women & The Ultra Mariachis (8 sombreros+dog)
Scorers: -
Booked: Epstein | Noxochinoch, Chicchan, Tafalla
Tequilo Line-Up: Oscar Bienvenido | Patrick Zambo, Noxochinoch (sub: Tol Chicote), Huracan (sub: Vincent Okila), Chicchan | Ixtub Tün | Xaime Medal, Mateo Tafalla, Leyton | Tlacolotl, Alexandro Calvoecheaga
Player of the Match: Leyton (Tequilo)

TEQUILO 3-0 Huayramarca HT: 3-0

Location: Estadio Grajo Resplendiente, La Conon
Attendance: 62,800
Scorers: Tlacolotl 7’ Huracan 13’ Leyton 33’
Booked: Niño Pinto | Mamani
Tequilo Line-Up: Oscar Bienvenido | Patrick Zambo, Haize Apeiztegui, Huracan (sub: Vincent Okila), Chicchan (sub: José Tavia) | Ixtub Tün | Isidoro Artechevarria, Niño Pinto (sub: Cio Çenturion), Leyton | Tlacolotl, Alexandro Calvoecheaga
Player of the Match: Huracan (Tequilo)

NEXT UP
It’s an away-home double header up next with Tequilo’s big home tie of the cycle a rematch with group favourites Ko-oren, the Dragonflies drawn in the same group as the Agave-Blues for the second consecutive cycle. After stunning Ko-oren on their home turf in the first match, the corresponding home tie, the last time these teams met, saw the Dragonflies revenged with a 1-0 win at Estadio’77o in Ixta-Comitán. This time they visit the Crystal Palace in Gardaresso, home of Real Gardaresso and the biggest stadium being used in this campaign as a mark of respect for the opposition. But before that comes an away fixture in tiny Netop, who are something of an unknown quantity - but the team will be reminded by Coach Isaac Martí of the poor defeat in Iles Rogieres when Los Pitxileros appeared to be of the opinion that they only need turn up for the points. Let us hope they learned their lesson there and approach this one more professionally.

Confirmed Line-Up for TEQUILO @ Netop:Oscar Bienvenido | Patrick Zambo, Haize Apeiztegui, Huracan, Huachalla | Ixtub Tün | Isidoro Artechevarria, Mateo Tafalla, Ricardo Bailén | Tlacolotl, Alexandro Calvoecheaga

Venue: Foster Park, Netop

Expected Line-Up for TEQUILO vs. Ko-oren:Oscar Bienvenido | Patrick Zambo, Haize Apeiztegui, Huracan, Huachalla | Ixtub Tün | Isidoro Artechevarria, Mateo Tafalla, Leyton | Tlacolotl, Ecuador

Venue: Palacios de Cristal, Gardaresso, Antivador, Tequilo (capacity 81,000)

[Squidroidia]

The song I based this RP off of

전우치 우치 나는 우
도술을 부리지 마구
나비처럼 날아 벌처럼 쏴
악당을 쓸어 담고
저잣거리에 나를 모르는 사람이 없으니
기분이 좋구나
동에 번쩍 서에 번쩍
우릴 위한 축제가 벌어지는구나

The thumping drums in this modern Quebecois song rung in Makino Hideo's headphones as he walked across the streets of Quebec City after practice. And still, the young chap playing his club football in South Newlandia didn't know how the hell the Inklings beat Flavovespia in Inkopolis. 3-2 was the scoreline, and all he could remember were the scorers.

Hideo, '16, '89.
Hall, '42.
Coleman, '52.
Kiichi, '71.

All he knew about this game was that he scored the game winner against one of the better teams in world football in the 89th minute. He didn't exactly know how he did it. The cross from Shigeko followed by a run through the Flavovespian defence then a pass to Hoshi, a save, then Hideo's rebound striking the back of the net and erupting the 50,000 strong Inkopolis City Stadium into a chorus of cheers as he runs to the corner flag and absolutely demolishes it, his signature goal celebration... It felt like a fever dream. A dream that was, actually, reality. Squidroidia did beat Flavovespia, 51st in the world, in the confines of Squidroidia's largest stadium. This put them 3rd in Group 15, and besides, say, region-mate Union Europae 2nd in Group 11, they were the feel good story of the early stages of the qualification campaign.

If it weren't for the shock upset Wymondham had at home and the draw away to Kulefati, the Squidroidian national team would be undefeated, winning all of their games heading into the 5th game of this campaign. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec and Shingoryeo, otherwise known as Quebec, were the Grim Reapers for a reason. For they have become Death, destroyer of worlds, former world champions and top of the Group of Death having won their starting 4 games heading into this clash at the Reneegrad, often known as "The Scythe" for its characteristic arch. But still, Hideo walked along the streets of the Quebecois capital of Quebec City, a battle between the upstart manager Ryūzaki Mito and the proven Sir. Lionel Mah, the latter having managed a World Cup title with Schottia at the 79th cycle brewing.

He read articles about the match from both sides of the battle, the Squidroidians and Quebecois both said that the Grim Reapers would win this key battle in the quest for World Cup supremacy in Newmanistan and Drawkland. He didn't care about the pundits. They just beat the FIFTY-FIRST ranked team in the world at home, so they could easily do some damage away at the runaway team in the group, a former world champion alongside the "Free Republics" and Kingsford. Eventually he would look up at awe at the Rennegrad, its signature Scythe and the screen it projected.

"QUEBEC vs Squidroidia," it said, with Quebecois players Michael Fillion and Michael Hertel staring menacingly in the Infinite blue shirt with a white and red pattern. The date was just below that, a measly 3 days away from now, when Hideo looked at this, a key match for most fans of either team. He would walk around the stadium, and for the masterclass in the Capitale-Nationale that it was, he felt like there was history in these walls. Walls that would contain another chapter in Squidroidia's qualification campaign. Of course, he couldn't stay forever, he still had a team. A team that respected him, that made him flourish as a winger and a striker, going from TryHard Sporting to dominating South Newlandia. It was something the youth of the nation could dream about.

As he arrived back in his hotel room after a long night of preparing for the blockbuster match, he couldn't help but to turn that song back on, the song he was listening to before getting distracted by the game.

늴리리야 옹헤야 (얼쑤 얼쑤)
늴리리야 옹헤야 (얼쑤 얼쑤)
손 높이 흔들어
더 크게 소리 질러
내일의 내일은 내가 하니까
가자

As the sounds of the instruments so adored by the Shingoryeo invaded his eardrums, Hideo could only toss and turn and think about what had happened today. He busted his butt out like he usually did, so a change of pace was necessary.

큰 북을 울려 한 방을 날려
길을 비켜라
저기 나팔소리가 들린다 우
님과 함께 밤새도록 놀아
이거는 트랩 부비 트랩
나팔소리가 들린다 우

The song continued, the thuds of the instruments being drowned out by the Quebecois singer and his voice, one that serenaded him with the thoughts of the life he lived, from beating the booby traps of his childhood to playing football at this level and beyond. It made Hideo smile as he was deep into the chorus by this point.

가자 우 가자 우
지화자
저기 나팔소리가 들린다 우
가자 우
오늘 달이 좋구나
저기 나팔소리가 들린다 우

As the chorus was about to end, Hideo turned off his phone and got ready to sleep. Tomorrow was another day in this grind. More training, maybe some expeditions, who knows. But as he got into his pijamas, he did manage to look out at the moon, floating high above the streets of Quebec City and shining a light on the Quebecois capital. That's when he realized...

...He liked the moon today.

[HUElavia]

HUElavia gets a tough, but well earned 4 Points in 2 Matches!

HUElavia 2–2 Tioguldos
(Moutinho 31', Sakaguchi 87' | Oroso 43', Besel 68')
(Estadio da Esperança, Rigente)

HUElavia 2–1 Maccian
(Cristiano 40', Pae 90+2' | Isojuwa 72')
(Goang Stadium, Goang)

HUElavia returned to the Qualifiers once again, looking to improve their record after a bitter start with a 0-1-1 record. This time around, the doubleheader saw HUElavia host their matches, taking on Tioguldos and surprise group leaders Maccian. The matches were held in Estadio da Esperança (60,000) in Rigente, and Goang Stadium (53,000) in Goang. A mix of all players played the match against Tioguldos while a mix of A-Team and B-Team played against Maccian, with Patricio-Leite in goal for the first game while Lobato was the starting goalie in the 2nd game. Both matches were sold out, with a sea of Yellow, Blue, and Green present in the stadiums.

The first match was a surprisingly difficult one for Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos. The opening goal would come in the 31st minute, when a cross by aged newcomer Sakaguchi went into the box, where Moutinho towered over the other players and headed the ball past Boal into the goal to make it 1-0, making the crowd go wild while he was mobbed by his teammates. Although, some minutes later, a long distance shot by Oroso would go out of reach for Patricio-Leite and go into the goal to make it 1-1. The second half saw a counterattack take place in the 68th minute, where a cross by Perda Raom would meet the head of substitute Besel, to put it past Patricio-Leite and into the goal to make it 1-2. Despite this, HUElavia would not give up, as in the 87th minute, a cross by Amaru would go into the box, which Sakaguchi would chest the ball down and blast it in point-blank range past Boal to tie it at 2-2, with the crowd going crazy, while she got mobbed by her teammates and the bench. Despite a few attacks in additional time, it wasn't enough, as the team got a point out of the match.

The second match was another one that agonized Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos. Goang Stadium was filled with a sea of Yellow, as the Jeong-HUElavian populace came not only to see the team debut in their stadium and city, but also to support hometown favorite Chiyun Pae, who was on the bench. The opening goal would come in the 40th minute, when a counterattack started by Fernandez-Roux getting the ball from Calinnflores, sent a long ball to Rossi, who would get past two defenders, before sending a pass to Cristiano, who would slot the ball past Senozen to make it 1-0. The crowd went ballistic, seeing the team open the scoreline, while Cristiano went to the corner flag to do his power stance, and celebrate with his teammates. Despite the lead, once again HUElavia would concede a goal, as a corner kick taken in the 72nd minute by Stzaszner would reach the head of Isojuwa, who would head it down and past Lobato into the goal to make it 1-1. It looked as if HUElavia would drop another 2 points as the time went along until additional time came, and this time Pae was on the pitch to replace Salgado, who had a knock earlier. A corner was taken by Gallego, where it went into the box, headed out by Saseirein, only to land on the foot of Pae, who took a blast from distance outside the box, blasting it past Senozen into the goal to make it the definitive 2-1. The crowd erupted with passion, celebrating the goal of the team and their hometown girl, while Pae was mobbed and crying for scoring her first official goal with the senior team. Shortly after, the referee blew her whistle and the match ended with HUElavia getting their 1st victory in the Qualifiers.

After the 4 points earned, HUElavia sit in 6th Place with a 1-2-1 record, but just 3 points shy of 3rd Place. The group leaders are now Reçueçn with 10 Points (3-1-0), while Maccian drop to 2nd with 9 Points (3-0-1). The next two matches will be away and home, playing the first game against Eastfield Lodge and then against Reçueçn in Estadio Nacional (100,000) in Curumba, for what could be a make-or-break match for the team. Regardless, the team hopes to build on the victory and make some noise for these next two matches. The A-Team will start both games, with Lobato in goal for both matches. Fans look forward to the match and to support the team, regardless of the result.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

[Audioslavia]

Episode 4, Chapter 1
External link directly to YouTube

Original Script
At the start of cycle eighty five, Juvencus dependency Al-Qurija were denied a place in the ninth Independent Associations Cup. They are forced into another cycle out on the fringes of international football. The players that once guided them to the semi-finals of cycle 79’s Baptism of Fire are likely close to retirement, their coaches probably retired already. They have not played a competitive game in the five cycles that have passed since their encounter with Aggrey-Fynn Land on the final matchday of qualifying for World Cup 80.

That match was an important one, watched with interest by onlookers from Free Republics, who needed Al-Quirja to get a result. They got it. And so much more. It’s an encounter that should have been watched throughout the multiverse. Al-Qurija 4, Aggrey-Fynn Land 3 is the last match in a continuous, unbroken line of games that starts in 2003

The events of the match are a faded memory for everyone involved, but Al-Qurija are, and remain, the holders of the original, lineal, Unofficial Championship of the World.

We said it before. Brazillico were the original super-team.

Over the course of five cycles they’d hosted a World Cup, in which they finished third, and won the thing twice. Deserved recipients of the inaugural Unofficial Champions of the World.

Their total record over that period is as follows: Played 34, Won 18, Drew 9, Lost 7. They had an undefeated streak that lasted from World Cup 4’s third-placed-playoff to the first round of World Cup 6, but that doesn’t quite tell the full story. They played an average of only six and a half games per cycle and had a win ratio of only 53%

Is that what you expect of a World Champion? Six games every cycle, winning half of them? That’s one of the downsides of using the tournament method to decide your champion. Tournaments are won through attrition, perseverance and riding your luck and in the end you might not have even *played* the best team in the world, let alone beaten them.

Throughout football in any multiverse the tournament method is the one used to determine the champions of the world, but there is another way.

The Unofficial World Championship is contested in the way of two of humanity’s oldest sports, boxing and wrestling. Not necessarily western boxing, and *probably not* professional wrestling - unless cro-magnon man had access to spandex. In fact, I’d go one further: It’s contested the same way as our oldest competition: War. Genghis Khan wasn’t organising thirty-two team single round-robin events to decide who gets to control the Eurasian steppe. He used the classical method: To *be* the man, you’ve got to *beat* the man.

To become champion, all you have to do is beat the reigning champion.

This method is pure. Cathartic. Line up against the guy with the belt, play your best and, if you win, you get their belt. Lose or draw, and the champ stays the champ.

It doesn’t matter who you are, what your ranking is. Over the course of this episode we’ll see iconic champions, transitional champions, dominant champions, and hollywood underdogs

The idea of using the Boxing method for Football comes from R.L. States, where the Unofficial Football World Championship has been tracked since 2004, back-dated to the very first international match between a team called Scotland and their inconsequential southern neighbours. It assumes the Unofficial Championship has always existed, and tracks it through history accordingly. The R.L. States version counts any football match the champions play as an Unofficial World Championship match. Our NS version will include only competitive matches. No friendlies, no minor tournaments..

The rules are set out here by the newly formed Unofficial World Championship Committee. Rules one to four govern the rules of engagement, the rest explain what to do in case of emergency. The journey of football’s heavyweight world championship won’t be without its setbacks, and there are two early on in its life.

Firstly, why give Brazillico the championship after World Cup 6, rather than simply awarding it to the winner of World Cup 1? Well Okay. Let’s do that. Crosshill win the inaugural, unofficial version of the World Championship, but we don’t have results of their first-round matches in World Cup 2. If we assume they went undefeated, which is a big ask, then the title goes through to Brazillico regardless.

Missing matches is one problem. Missing nations is another. Brazillico retire from international football immediately after World Cup 6. In Interim belt is established but, in cycle nine, Endray-Island win the Unofficial World Title and promptly retire from international football. According to the UWCC’s ruleset, they retain the title belt forever.

On the plus side, disregarding Endray Island, there are only two other belts throughout history that are ever contested. The Lineal Championship, brought back by Brazillico for World Cup 10 and currently held by Al-Qurija, and a single Interim championship that makes sporadic reappearances throughout football history, and remains the only version of the Unofficial World Championship that is currently active.

Should Al-Qurija finally find their way back to the world stage, these two belts will, one day, be reunited as one true Unofficial World Championship. While we wait for the inevitable, let’s recount the history of the title. It’s a story that does not want to be told chronologically. Trust me. It’s a title that will find its way into all four regional championship tournaments, that will be contested in World Cup playoffs and Cups of Harmony, that every single NS World Cup winner will hold at least once. Its matches will finish in nine-goal blowouts, super-scorigamis, bore-draws and earth-shaking upsets. They will decide World Cup finals, bitter rivalries and family feuds. It will be held by n00bs and nobodies, Ziotah and Zenic, Al-Quds and Al-Qurija.

It is a title that has been fought over one thousand, six hundred and fifty times and counting.

This is the lineage of the Unofficial World Championship.

Trivia / Extras

• Selected images from the video - Includes the pages from the October 2004 edition of FourFourTwo magazine which introduced RL states’ version of the Unofficial World Championship, plus the various images of the Unofficial World Championship belts.
• The section that shows the lineage of boxing’s lineal heavyweight world championship isn’t entirely accurate. I missed Ali dropping the title to Leon Spinks before regaining it and I missed Holmes losing on points to Michael Spinks, who himself would be demolished by Mike Tyson in an even more spectacular fashion to his defeat of Holmes. This demonstrates a clear anti-Spinks bias in The Idiot Project. For example: 80s Aston Villa goalkeeper Nigel Spink also never appears.
• Writing began on March 6th 2020, but this chapter didn’t start to come together until April 20th. The episode was uploaded on April 27th.
• It took me far too many takes to say '...who needed Al-Qurija to get a result'. I don't know why.
• The first three chapters of Episode 4 were in writing hell for a long time while I finished up Episode 3. Two of the original scripts for the first three chapters were scrapped and one was flipped around to become Chapter 6 of Episode 3 (The Projectile Derby).
• Drinking game suggestion: Drink every time Audio pronounces the word 'lineal' in a way that confuses you. Drink every time Audio says 'unofficial'.
• The original scripts for Episode 4 went into more detail with regards to where exactly the title went and how. They’re easy to read off the page but would have made for a boring video. You can read them below.

Chapter 1 - The Chillibats

Little is known about the events of World Cups 1 to 5. What we do know is that the most dominant team of the era was a nation named Brazillico.

Brazillico, nicknamed *The Chillibats* for reasons best kept to themselves, entered World Cup 3 as an unranked nation, and limped their way to third in the group. That was good enough for qualification in those days, where the top four from six seven-team groups would progress after a single round-robin. At the finals they performed well considering their ranking, thrashing future champions Lemmitania after two score-draws to reach the knockout stages, where they would be swept aside by fellow legends Giant Zucchini.

It was enough for automatic qualification for World Cup 4.

You see, back in the Wild West years of the NS World Cup, the top six ranked teams in the multiverse would automatically qualify for the finals of the next World Cup along with a single host and the reigning champions. Brazillico, despite bowing out in the round of sixteen and winning only four games from ten, earned automatic qualification due to the likes of El Gibbonia, Pax Humanis and Communism and Vodka failing to sign up for World Cup 4.

Brazillico didn’t win a game in the first round. Aaand qualified anyway from three draws.

The side overcame Tanah Burung in the last 16, Lemmitania again in the quarters via penalty shoot-out and would fall in the semi-final to Dennisov. A third-placed playoff win over Steel Shadows would cement their place as one of the six auto-qualifiers for the next World Cup.

Now ranked third in the world, Brazillico swept their group and marched to the final where, again, they would defeat Lemmitania. After having taken bronze the cycle previous, Brazillico were now the world Champions.

Once again, they were allowed to skip qualifying. Once again, they topped the group. Once again, the Chillibats made the final, where they’d become the first of many teams to be crowned back-to-back World Cup champs.

Over the course of those four cycles, Brazillico played only 31 soccer games, winning 16. Nevertheless, they were the original super-team. They team everyone wanted to beat. Undisputed Champions of the World.

But wait. To be recognised as World Champions just for winning a handful of games in a tournament format... with so many previously strong nations refusing to enter the tournaments they won? Is that method - holding a 32-team tournament and crowning the winner as ‘world champion’ - really the best way of figuring out which team is worthy of such a title?

I mean.. there is *another* way…

[intro]

Chapter 2 - The Unofficial World Championship(s)

Boxing, a sport that’s been around a lot longer than football, and will be around long after football ceases to exist, uses the original method of figuring out who, exactly, is the best in the world.

To be the man, you’ve got to beat the man.

To become champion, all you have to do is beat the reigning champion.

This method is pure. Line up against the champion, play your best and, if you win, you take their place. Lose or draw, and the champ stays the champ.

Let’s give Brazillico the honour of being our first, inaugural, *Lineal World Champion*. The holder of what we’ll call the *Unofficial World Title*. Brazillico will defend this title in every competitive match they play from here on in, right up until they lose. Whoever beats them will defend their belt in competitive matches, and so on. Ad infinitum.

Let’s start with World Cup 7. Who can capture the title from Brazillico?

Erm.. nobody. Brazillico, the reigning champions… didn’t enter.

That’s not a problem. If anything, it proves my point about a tournament being a less reliable method of deciding on a world champion. Anyway this shit happens in boxing all the time. The champ retires undefeated, or goes through a period of lengthy absence, and so a new champion has to be crowned. So how can we do that? How do we decide which team is given the title of *Interim Unofficial World Champion*, holder of the *Interim Unofficial World Title* belt. Well… well okay, let’s set a precedent. If the champion refuses to enter all of a cycle’s tournaments - NSWC or Regional championships - for one cycle, the winner of the next NS World Cup is given the title. An ‘interim’ title, to be held and defended regardless of whether the original champion returns.

This… seems redundant. Here I am trying to convince you of the logic behind using Boxing’s method of selecting World Champions and here I am, immediately falling back on the International Tournament method, but stick with me.

Errinundera win World Cup 7 and are given our Interim World Championship belt along with their World Cup Trophy. They’ll keep the trophy for at least a cycle. The belt? Not so much.

Errinundera go three games undefeated before being overturned by a side called Pavesia, one of many early title-holders to have been entirely forgotten by the sporting football world. Pavesia would lose to Endray-Island in their third title defence, who would hold the belt for an entire cycle up to the qualifiers for World Cup 9, having failed to qualify for either the World Cup or inaugural Cup of Harmony. They eventually surrender the title to Bedistan. Bedistan, future four-time World Cup winners, already with one appearance in the World Cup final under their belt and just two cycles away from entering the NSWC Hall of Fame, are deserving title-holders, but this World Title is much more difficult to hold onto, and they lose it to Halfassedstates in their fourth defence. Halfassedstates, a dangerous side in the early years, would manage five successful defences of the belt before succumbing to Endray-Island, who become the first two-time Lineal World Champions.

From what we can gather, the people of Endray-Island believe that, once you’ve been crowned champion twice, you get to keep it forever. The side drew their three remaining matches in World Cup 9 qualifying and duly retired from international football. Permanently.

Shit. We’re gonna need another international tournament. Honestly, stick with us, this gets better. World Cup 9 to the rescue, and here come Europa Brittania.

We’ve already nailed our colours to Brazillico when it comes to the question of which nation was the most dominant in the first twelve cycles of the World Cup. This, I imagine, would annoy the people of Europa Brittania. The World Cup 9 champions had already attained a silver and bronze medal at the World Cup in cycles 1 and 3 respectively, and would win World Cup 11 as well. They’d perhaps argue that it should have been they, and not Brazillico, to have been given the initial Lineal World Championship. Well, here’s your opportunity, E.B. Here’s your belt. What can you do with it?

E.B. opt for the Endray-Island approach, losing the belt only to take it back later. Are Lanky Dude deserving of the name ‘World Champion’? Perhaps not, but they did all that we asked of them. Beat the man. The title changes hands twice before E.B. take it back, and the NS World Cup holders hang onto it until the final day of qualifying. Runaway Moose snatch it away in time for the World Cup 10 finals. Here, for the first time, the belt makes its way to the NS World Cup final, where Lemmitania wrest it from Giant Zucchini.

And there we are. Lemmitania are joint World Cup Champions and Lineal World Champions. That makes them undisputed, right?

Not quite. Things are about to get complicated.

In boxing, when a champion takes a long hiatus they give up their belt, but are given a new title when making their comeback. They are dubbed *Champion Emeritus*. At some point, the Emeritus Champion and the Interim Champion will need to do battle to unify the belts. In boxing, the sanctioning organization would arrange a match between the two champs. Here, without the ability to dive twenty years backwards in time and force the two teams to play off against one another, we have to wait until their paths cross.

Brazillico, the Emeritus Champions, parade their belt before Dead Man, who fail to come close to dethroning the former champs. Exetonia hold the Chillibats to a draw, Belarussian States lose, making it three successful title defenses in a row for the Brazillicans. It’s important not to overlook just how impressive this feat is. This Brazillico side is entirely different from that which competed in World Cup 6, and are entirely unranked.

They’re finally defeated by Spaam, who traverse the same opponents before coming unstuck at Ravenspire. Ravenspire run the same gauntlet, but lose out in the final game of qualifying to Dead Man, who are finally winning the belt at their third attempt.

Dead Man will not enter World Cup 12. They take the title of *Emeritus Champion* and retire to the shadows. Should we crown a new champion at the next World Cup? There’s no need. We still have our interim belt, which is, unfortunately for us, also in the process of failing to get out of their World Cup group, slipping from Lemmitania’s grasp and bouncing around the mid-table teams before coming to rest with Sliponia.

Sliponia enter World Cup 12 and immediately give the belt to Rejistania, who run with it. As you’ll see throughout the series, a good technique for becoming World Champion is putting yourself into the same qualifying group as the champ. Avenging Altos, here, have given themselves two shots of beating the champions, and do so at the second attempt. Kerla take it from the Altos by the end of qualifying, and defend against One Red Dot twice in a row in the playoffs for World Cup 12. Rejistania, though, lie in wait in the knockout stages.

Rejis become Undisputed Champions, taking the Official World Cup to go with their Unofficial belt. They’ll host World Cup 13, avoiding qualification and thus allowing their fans some time to enjoy their bragging rights, but it’s not long before they’re bested. The belt is held first by Lemmitania, then Spaam, then Eauz who add it to the Official World Cup they take at the end of the cycle. Once again, there is only one nation that can claim the title of ‘Undisputed World Champion’. Once again, it isn’t for long. In qualifying for World Cup 14, Dead Man return. The Emeritus Champions lose their title in their first game back and Eauz are defeated on matchday two of qualifying. There are now three teams calling themselves world champions. Four if you count Endray-Island.

Within two cycles, all three titles - the Emeritus Lineal World Championship, the Interim Lineal World Championship, and the Official NSWC World Cup championship - will be unified.

[Silver Commonwealth]

SNN Sports

The series of loses continue with the most painful defeat so far

---

The Holy Empire 5-0 Silver Commonwealth

Alán Belmores 10', Michael Mouzalono 25' I Alexander Ceraluso 48', Alán Belmores 62', Constantine Curcuaso 83'

''Although a lot had anticipated loss to The Holy Empire due of its rank in the multiverse alone, the result of 5-0 still was quite a devastating loss to SC's fans and team, and while the SC's team showed respect to the Holy Empire's team after the end of the match, bitterness could be clearly seen after they left the stadium. Enrico - the head coach, hasn't given out any statements, the justification being ''stressfulness''.''

''From the first minutes of the game it could be already seen that it wasn't going to be a lucky day for SC - even though SNN Sports had received info about an outbreak of some disease called MARG-20 in the Holy Empire, it clearly hadn't affected the performance of its team which was as skilled as ever. The first goal was scored in the 10th minute after a corner kick by forwarder Alán Belmores, but the second goal of the first period - in 25th minute by midfielder Michael Mouzalono. Overall, SC's team was for the most part in defense mode during the first period, as Holy Empire had attacking strategy prioritized just as much, but was clearly better at it, because along with two goals there were several dangerous moments at the goalkeeper's square where Holy Empire came very close to getting an another goal.''

''At second period SC tried to play more aggressively in order to utilize its strong side in offensive, but such an approach backfired almost immediately with Holy Empire scoring a goal in 48th minute after thwarting SC's striker's attempts to score a goal (Length of a single period is 45 minutes). After that SC went to a more defensive approach with only occasional attempts of trying to score something. It was said that after the fourth goal by Holy Empire in 62nd minute, SC's strategy shifted from attempting to score a goal to preventing Holy Empire scoring more goals than it already had. Surprisingly, this seemed to actually work pretty well for the rest of the match, with exception of 83rd minute when Constantine Curcuaso used the diversion of goalkeeper's attention by Alán Belmores to score a goal after a pass. Either way, the result at the table in the end was inexorable: 5-0 at Holy Empire's favor.''

''After this defeat it became clear that excitement of SC's football fans and wider society about their team has died down, and it had been replaced by ever-growing discontent, with SC's news also generally paying less attention to it, and moving to more every-day issues (especially in poorer regions). Some of the more angry football fans back at home even went to streets, and peacekeepers were deployed pretty soon to defuse the situation, while others tried to explain that ''Enrico isn't guilty about the team's performance''. However, even some of the police back in the streets of SC's cities admitted that ''the image of SC's team in their eyes has been fogged''. There are rumors that Sophie Pathel - the assistant coach, asked for help of SNN Sports editors: "Unless you want Enrico to be torn apart by football thugs at home after the end of the World Cup, you could censor some parts of it so the defeat doesn't look as severe".

''The next match is going to be against Southwest Eastnorth. While the outcome of it isn't completely clear, one thing is for sure - if our team wants to crawl out of the bottom, the right time is now.''

SNN Sports

SC manages to achieve its first victory, the head coach feels ''relieved''

---

Silver Commonwealth 2-1 Southwest Eastnorth

(Marcos Cabral 10', Leigh Bourne 33' I Gabriel Vila 73')

''With the result of 2-1, Silver Commonwealth for the first time has won a match in the World Cup, with the opponent being Southwest Eastnorth. That said, Southwest Eastnorth's team was reported to have suffered from the death of an assistant coach, and had several other issues during the match. Nonetheless, any victory which our Human patriots bring back at home is still good, and this might give Enrico's team a chance to redeem itself in the view of SC's football fans.''

''As both of the teams prioritized offensive strategy, the game was full with action from both sides, and gave SC a chance to play a lot more actively than it usually did. In the 10th minute of first period, the forwarder Marcos Cabral scored a goal for SC's team, but in 33rd minute Leigh Bourne did the same for Southwest Eastnorth, bringing the result to a tie to which it stayed for the rest of the 1st period despite the continued offense attacks from both sides, and the defenders along with goalkeeper typically having hard time whenever one of the teams was on attack.''

''Those quick attack strategies continued on in the second period as well, but they had certainly intensified. The most heated moment in the game (And perhaps one of the most heated moments in SC's tournament games so far) was when the defender Esther Bloemfurst got the red card in 58th minute of the match for ''denying an obvious goal-scoring opportunity with a deliberate foul'' against the SC's midfielder Daniel Teixeira who was about to shoot a second goal for the SC's team. Esther had to leave the immediate field, and as those who received a red card couldn't be replaced by a substitute, Southwest Eastnorth was forced to play with one player less, changing the formation to 3-3-3-1. While SC had the one player advantage, SE's back players and forwarders still held out well, and some had started to worry about a possibility of playing in overtime, as some of SC's players could be worn out by sprint attack strategy. Only in the 73rd minute of the match SC's captain Gabriel Vila was able to score a goal for his team. Surprisingly enough, SC wasn't able to score any more goals that round despite the advantage, and SE's goalkeeper managed to defend the team's football goal in other situations, but the end result still was a loss for the SE: 2-1.''

''After the victory of SC's team, loud cheering was heard not only by SC's fans at the stadium, but at the houses of the neighborhoods in cities, as most of SC's football fans were happy that their team had received some sort of success and still had a chance. Some bars and restaurants lowered their prices for a period of time in order to celebrate the victory, and the various football fans went out to streets again, but this time to celebrate the triumph. However, at distance there were still gendarmerie and SC's police force keenly watching for any possible troublemakers in the crowd, and with the ''don't you dare'' stare at those who were seen drinking some beer during the relaxed anti-alcohol law period. While this victory is not enough to repair team's image fully in eyes of some football fans, it seems to have calmed down some of the more hot-headed ones.''

''Next two matches for next two match days are going to be against Poafmersia and Sylestone, both at away and without home advantage. SC's sport commentators still are hesitant to comment on what the result of the following games will be like.''

[Siovanija and Teusland]

The Last Archduke - Part II

Nationalplatz, Stelburg, Teus Empire - 1888

The somber gray clouds in the sky fit the somber day. Kaiser Heinrich III and his family, including Archduke Franz, stood in the Red Room at the Imperial Chancellery building, joined by Chancellor Claus Weiskopf and several of the top brass of the Imperial Teus Army.

It had been 4 days since the incident in the mountains. In those days, rhetoric and tension had ramped up on both sides. The Stelburger Zeitung’s lead article called for ‘Our boys… to once again go over the mountains and rout these traitors, who seem to be asking to be destroyed by us with their constant provocations over the years.’ 2 days ago, all communication between Borograd and Stelburg had been cut off. And this morning, a telegram from Siovanija had arrived - a declaration of war.

The mobilization was already beginning, in towns along the border the message had already gone out. In Stelburg, the imperial capital, citizens were called to the Nationalplatz to hear ‘an address from the Emperor on the recent events,’ and the square was full of people. Franz, 13, was just about old enough to understand the situation - but Archduchess Elizabeth, 11, wasn’t as in tune.

“So, what happens now,” she whispered to her brother.

“Well, we’re going to fight the Siovanijans again, and then father will be the King of Siovanija, and we’ll have another palace in Borograd.”

“Wow!”

“Yep! It’ll be just like when we conquered them in the 1400s.”

“Why did that war start?”

“We haven’t got to that part yet. I think it was about something to do with an assassination, though.”

“What’s an assassination?”

The children were interrupted, however, as their mother approached.

“Franz, Elizabeth. Your father is going to speak to the people now - would you please go downstairs? Some of the people from the palace are there, they’ll look after you for a bit. Okay?”

“Yes, mother,” they replied in sync. The children had always been quite close, and Franz led Elizabeth to the stairwell.

“Franz?”

“Yes?”

“Can we go into the square?”

Franz laughed. “You want to go out with all those people?”

“I want to hear Father’s speech! I’ve never really heard him, you know, be the Kaiser and all that.”

Franz paused. He had to admit, he wanted to see what would go on as well. “Alright, why not.”

The children walked down the stairs, but instead of heading right towards the library, they headed towards the entrance, where two guards were blocking the door. Franz quickly walked up to them.

“My father has asked for us to retrieve something for him from the car, we’ll be back shortly,” Franz said. The guards, young and nervous, saluted the Archduke and Archduchess and allowed them to pass.

“Liar,” Elizabeth said with a smile.

“You think any of them will dare upset Father when a war’s just started? They want to spend the war at the palace, not some Siovanijan mountaintop.”

Now, they were out in the crowd, and the children worked their way around the square. There was conversation abound - rumours of war on every tongue. Franz was handed a leaflet by a man in a suit. ‘Die Siowenische Gefahr - The Siovanijan Peril.’ The leaflet said that Siovanijans were a war-mongering people, who posed a great danger to the Teus Empire if left unchecked, and needed to be controlled by the Teus for both to survive, and therefore a war was necessary. The leaflet also said that the Siovanijans were killing Teus within their borders daily, and that they had orchestrated the entire situation to try and cause a war. Franz wasn’t sure if it was true, or perhaps a tactic to fire up the people’s desire for the war.

Silence descended on the crowd, however, as the Kaiser approached the microphone.

“Citizens of the Empire. It is with great sadness that I inform you of the latest developments regarding the current crisis in the Duchy of Marzig. As you are all aware, our units in the region came under attack 4 days ago despite repeated warnings, and we received no reply from the Siovanijan leadership when asked for an explanation.”

“Two days ago, in fact, the Siovanijans cut off all communication with us, and expelled our ambassador in Borograd. We also received reports that ethnic Teus living in cities such as Karnowitz, Bucowitz and Siowenienberg have been killed in vigilante attacks.”

The crowd recoiled in disgust, now. The three cities - Chernovets, Bukovets and Siovanska Gora in official terms - had populations of about 20% Teus each. Whether these reports were true was not clear, but the emotional reaction of all Teus to the news was certain.

“We cannot stand for this. We cannot allow our people to be attacked. We cannot allow for Siovanija to attempt to seize our territory, as they have tried to do at the Marzig Pass, and try to push our soldiers off of our territory. This morning, I sent one last letter to Borograd, asking for peace, and asking for the violence to end immediately.”

“I received no reply. Two hours later, we received a declaration of war from Borograd. So, I announce to you, that as of 1:00PM, on this date, August 13, 1888, the Teus Empire is at war with Siovanija.”

There were huge cheers in the crowd. People jumped around, hugging loved ones, hugging strangers - all repeating imperial slogans of past wars, and other anti-Siovanijan statements.

“Finally, we’ll get them back for 1808,” said the man next to Franz.

A group of soldiers in the square suddenly became the biggest celebrities of the day. Older men and women shook their hands, younger men asked how they too could join, and younger women showered them with fresh flowers. “Borograd by Christmas” was carved into the cart the soldiers sat on.

“Why are they all so happy? Aren’t these people all going to have to fight?” Elizabeth whispered to Franz.

Franz nodded. “I learned that usually once every hundred years or so, there’s a war between Siovanija and Teusland. The Crusades, the Unification War, the Rebellions, so on. Every generation has their own war, this one is ours.”

Soon after, the Kaiser left the balcony, and Franz and Elizabeth hurried to get back to the palace before their excursion was discovered. Flags were waving through the square, as if it was a party. Songs resounded throughout the crowd - Die Wacht am Drai being the most popular. That old song about guarding the Teus waters of the River Drai, that flowed from St. Jakob to Marzig, had never been quite so loud.

Turori 5-3 Siovanija & Teusland, @ Turori

Starting XI: Heuser; Steimle, Thierse (Klopfer 82'), Jager, Vesele (Helmke 64'); Kramer, Brotzmann (Mihailov 46'); Kogler, Bliznakov, Tauscher; Ribbeck
Goals: Leopold Bliznakov 27', Michael Ribbeck 55', Mario Kogler 84'
Man of the Match: Leopold Bliznakov

Siovanija & Teusland 2-0 Omerica, @ Franz-Gorz-Stadion, Stelburg, Teusland

Starting XI: Sveteikov; Richter, Klopfer, Niedermayer, Vesele; Kramer (Brotzmann 73'), Mihailov, Bliznakov (Dimitrov 46'); Kokalj, Romanov (Tauscher 88'), Ilev
Goals: Stanimir Ilev 26', 70'
Man of the Match: Stanimir Ilev

Siovanija & Teusland National Football Team
Squad Selection - Qualifiers 5 & 6
Away to Valladares, Home against The Holy junta

GK - Ewald Heuser, Yanko Zhelyaskov, Dennis Eulenberg
LB - Edgar Steimle, Lyubomir Dimitrov
CB - Raphael Klopfer, Karl-Heinz Jager, Erich Thierse, Tristan Niedermayer
RB - Darijen Vesele, Pierre-Louis Lotbiniere
CM - Thorsten Kramer, Todor Mihailov, Heinrich Bahr
LW - Mario Kogler, Lojze Kokalj
CAM - Leopold Bliznakov, Viktor Dimitrov
RW - Lukas Tauscher, Ivo Romanov
CF - Michael Ribbeck, Stanimir Ilev, Denis Dezelac

Expected Starting XI vs Valladares: Heuser; Steimle, Jager, Niedermayer, Vesele; Kramer, Mihailov, Bliznakov; Kogler, Tauscher, Ilev

Expected Starting XI vs The Holy junta: Zhelyaskov; L. Dimitrov, Klopfer, Thierse, Lotbiniere; Kramer, Bahr, V. DImitrov; Kokalj, Romanov, Ribbeck

[Juvencus]

Juvencus 3-2 Lovisa

Gli attaccanti turn the tables around to keep 4-match unbeaten streak!


A clinical Martell performance saves the day!

A spectacular finish to matchday 4 for the gli attaccanti as the game seemed lost before half-time. A few subs and an "awoken" Martell were enough to keep the squadra nazionale's world cup dream alive as they slowly cling on to 2nd place, only behind the other Holy Empire of the group conveniently called the Holy Empire, who are unbeaten but have won all 4 of their games.

The first half of the game was a disaster, as the Juven side placed a lot of its substitutions on the pitch to give them some play time today. Knowing the weight of the emblem, of course these players had a huge weight to carry. This is something the Lovisa side took advantadge of when defending against early attacks from the gli attaccanti, a messy and weak pass by Zabala to Nespoli was quick intercepted by Jan Sandler, who proceeded to start the counter-attack for Lovisa. Hakon Indgaard, being a skilled assist-giver found a gap in the Juven defence, which Baecker converted into the first goal of the matchday. The gli attaccanti didn't seem too phased by the first goal, as an one-goal lead can easily be reversed into a big victory, as it often happened in the past. On the 28th minute, Mattias Nespoli hit the ball very hard and it scratched the top side of the post, leaving the fans in awe. On the 30th minute, an incredible solo attempt by Martell was once again stopped, this time by the hands of Sievers. On the 36th minute, Hakon Indgaard found another gap in the Juven defence and with a swift cross found Georg Lunz who leapt high enough to score another goal in a very controversial decision as he also elbowed Amaury Félix mid-air, making him bleed from his right eye and having him forcefully subbed off for youth prospect, Carlo Callejon. Many Juven players had gathered up around the refferee, but he still allowed the goal. As such, the first half ended with Lovisa having a 2-goal lead over the gli attaccanti.

A bit of locker room talk was enough to fix the small gaps in the back for the squad, however the machine of the frontline wasn't working enough. Silvestri's performance this game was abysmal, and as such he was switched for agile and match-thirsty Brunella Tafani, which proved to be a good change, as soon after, a Russo cross found Tafani's left foot, with the ball being miraculously saved by Sievers once again. Quickly after, the Lovisa side countered, with Baecker's lightning bolt being ricocheted Bulgari's fingers before being cleared out by Callejon. On the 57th minute, Franke proved to being a showboater as his tricks weren't enough to stop a very good player in Callejon, who easily intercepted the ball from him. A few minutes later, the gli attaccanti got on the offensive, a great through-ball by Martell found Nespoli shooting with the outer side of his right foot, a curved shot, impossible for Sievers to catch, much to the spectators' delight, making the scoreline 1-2. A barrage of opportunities followed, however the gli attaccanti just didn't seem to be able to find the net. Nespoli, Tafani and most of all Martell, were all putting out chances but to no avail. Finally, Santini put his incredible speed to the test, surpassing a number of Lovisa players before crossing the ball to Martell with the later scoring a header to equalise. This was the time, the waves had shifted, and Brunella Tafani's heroics proved to be of help to Martell, another cross saw Martell scoring a bicycle kick to give the gli attaccanti the advantadge, which they kept till the end of the game. Martell's clinical goal-scoring and the general team spirit of the squad proved to be vital in keeping the the undefeated streak going on to 4 games.

Juvencus XI:
GK:Taddeo Bulgari
CB:Nicolò Bassi
CB:Amaury Félix(Subbed off for Carlo Callejon, 36', injured, out for 2 matchdays)
CB:Izotz Ibarra
CDM:Nino Russo
CDM:Mattin Zabala(Subbed off for Clovis Bret, 65')
RM:Júlien Cantù
LM:Michelangelo Santini(Assist 83')
RF:Matias Nespoli(Goal 61')
LF:Joaquim Martell(Goals 83', 89', assist 61')
CF:Santo Silvestri(Subbed off for Brunella Tafani, 58', Brunella Tafani: assist 89')

Lovisa XI:
GK:Fritjof Sievers
CB:Sebastian Vilgoor
CB:Christian Hartwig
CB:Vincent Moreux
CDM:Jan Sandler
CDM:Eric Tamme(Subbed off for Sebastian Kremer, 76')
CM:Philip Meehan
CAM:Hakon Indgaard(Assists 12',36')
RF:Georg Lunz(Goal 36')
LF:Mariusz Franke(Subbed off for Austin Cirillo, 62')
CF:Henrik Baecker(Goal 12')

[Megistos]

A Copy Of The First And Second Matchday

Megistos 2–0 Acronius

Timuria 1–0 Megistos

Another two matchdays. And this time, it was a literal copy of the first one, except for the score. First game in a set of two matchdays, a win. Next game, a loss. 2-0-2 record so far. And we are still sixth. But of course, we bring you the coverage of the matches.

Megistos 2–0 Acronius

The second win for the Megistian squad in the World Cup 86 Qualifiers, Megistos started the game bad, despite later winning. Acronius used their regular 4-2-4 formation, which meant the Megistian midfield would be having a field day. Megistos scored their first with Williams scoring a header from a cross from Fran. Megistos made it 2 when Lukovic ran down the wing and Lam spotted him, he passed to Lukovic who passed it to Robertson, and he scored thanks to the Acronius defenders going too far ahead of Robertson. Overall, a great day for the Megistians.

Timuria 1–0 Megistos

And the day that made Megistos stay at sixth (not like it was a problem, because they were a Pot 8 team, which means they'd probably finish 8th). Attacker1 scored the only goal of the night with a well timed strike in the bottom corner avoiding Becks' diving hands and Fran's diving face. Robertson got many chances, but the goalkeeper was too good for his tired body. A bad day for the Megistians, but what do you expect against the 40th best team in the world?

Martinez skipped the press conference for the two matchdays, and will probably skip the rest. Expect him to not make many changes to the Starting XI.

[Yue Zhou]

A hotel room, Overseas Territories of Sylestone
Three hours after MD4

---

Liu Huiying had never really talked to Wen Xiaohui, even when they'd both been playing in the Yuezhou Premier League. It was true that both were young female strikers who'd gone abroad to prove themselves as well-rounded attacking threats. However, the twenty-year-old had a reputation as a bit of a maverick, and the soft-spoken Liu, who preferred to let her game do the talking, had never really seen the need to reach out. But the Yuezhou FA wouldn't let either of them room with one of their male teammates, and Ruo Xiaolan naturally got her own room, so here they were.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really happy with how we're playing. Gu Zhalei's doing an incredible job in midfield, and you and Huang are going off up top. It's just that before these qualifiers started, Yuan Zilai said I was the future of the team and would get a lot of chances to prove myself. And I haven't touched the pitch since," Wen Xiaohui said.

"Mm. What do you think happened?" came the half-interested reply.

"Dunno. I've been pestering the assistants about it, and they said they were trying to figure out how to fit me into their pressing system, but I don't get it! I've been working really hard, but they just want to typecast me as some diva who only cares about attack."

"Have you talked to Yuan about it?"

"He's been pretty evasive lately. Maybe he just feels weird about changing his mind over me? What do you think?"

Liu rolled over on her bed to face her teammate. "It is pretty weird that he'd do that. The manager seems like such a nice guy, and I've never heard anyone else complain about things like that."

"Are you saying it's my problem?"

"No, not at all. Maybe you should just try to get a direct answer from him. Don't make it sound like it's about you, just ask what you can do to improve during the next training."

"...in that case...I could just ask him now."

"I really don't-" Liu started, before being cut off by the click of the door to her right.

---

Wen Xiaohui reached out to knock at her manager's door when she heard Yuan Zilai's voice inside. Thinking that Yuan was just on the phone, she quickly pulled her hand back.

"Look, I've seen her during training, and she definitely deserves to get some starts," she heard yelled through the door, and quickly pressed her ear up against it. "Who gives a shit, Liang! We need every point we can get in this group. You think Yang and Chen are going to be enough against Farfadillis? If the FA can't get behind me on just one player - can't you just - just ask them if I can play Wen? Okay, yeah, if I don't like it, I can leave. Fine," she heard, before the sound of a phone being thrown onto a bed.

Wide-eyed, Wen Xiaohui turned and booked it toward her hotel room door. Things had just gotten a lot more interesting.

---

Yuezhou 2 - 1 Eraman
Starting Lineup: Ruo; Kang (Wu 55), Ren, Han, Guo, Qiu; Yang (Li 70), Gu (C), Chen (Gao 60); Huang, Liu
Goals: Gu 45+1 (PK), Liu 54

Another shock upset from the Red Dragons saw the team claim points from a Top-75 side for the third time in three matches. Again, the brilliant tactics of Yuan Zilai proved effective at containing Eraman's midfield early on, with a special emphasis on shutting down Mano Bosa, and the sheer number of bodies Eraman had to deal with on the attack stifled their early attempts to break through. While Eraman's early aggression nearly paid off a number of times - led by the progressive runs of Belang and the quickness of the Saputra twins, who each sent early shots off of the woodwork - it would be the Red Dragons to strike first. Just before halftime, Gu Zhalei jumped on a pass from Bosa to Belang and took off. As Eraman struggled to get back, Gu rifled a cross-field pass to the rushing Huang Shedong, who cut past Kudung before being scythed down in the box by Gangsa. Gu coolly slotted a low finish past Dundang Bayan, and the Red Dragons found themselves again leading a superior side.

Despite the halftime break, Yuezhou started the second half looking sluggish and worn-out from their constant midfield press. A simple back-pass from Chen Xiwei was broken up by the Prince of Eraman (that's not a nickname), and a beautiful passing sequence found Buisan Buayan just inside the penalty area for a curled shot past Ruo Xiaolan. Emboldened by the goal, Eraman pushed forward again, looking for all three points against their unranked opposition. But just six minutes after the equalizer, it was again the Red Dragons on the break, and this time Chen Xiwei redeemed himself with a lofted pass over the Eraman back line that Liu Huiying did well to corral and roll past Bayan. Eraman continued to show superior quality, but with a 2-1 lead, the Red Dragons were content to defend for the rest of the match.

Overseas Territory of Sylestone 1 - 2 Yuezhou
Starting Lineup: Ruo; Kang, Ren, Han (Zhuang 50), Guo, Lin (Qiu 63); Yang, Gu (C), Gao; Huang, Liu (Luo 70)
Goals: Guo 59, Huang 75

[Murphtannia]

Match day 3


*Adverts end, a logo comes on screen followed with the ground sports intro music*

*As the screen cuts to an office, you see a man, smartly dressed in a navy suit, turning to the Camera to address the audience*

"Hi, I'm Brian, I'd like to welcome you to match day 3 of Murphtannia's first World Cup Qualifying campaign. Today the Murphtannian national team will be travelling to Victoria Park in the hopes of getting vital points on their quest to rise the table. Today I'll be joined by national team RB and former National Team RB Jack Bridges and Bruno Venus. How are we today chaps?" Brian says in his usual calm voice

Jack is the first to speak "Well minus the whole concussion thing I'm feeling fine." Jack says, looking a little shaken given his injury, then Bruno goes to speak "I'm feeling fine, looking forward to the game Brian"

Brian goes to speak again "And what a game we have lined up for you today, Murphtannia are playing 4th placed Orion Islands, what are your thoughts on the game Bruno?"

Bruno sits up straight before speaking "Well in my time playing for the Murphtannian national team I played some quality countries, and from experience I can tell you the team will have to be at their best to stand a chance today, Orion are a quality team and capable of posing a serious threat."

Brian speaks again "and Jack, since your injury Lucas Hayes has come into the team, how do you feel he has done?"

Jack speaks "When I got injured he had to step up, and I feel he has done that, I just can't wait to get back from injury and start trying to win back my place."

Brian then turns back to the camera "well after that chat it's almost time for kick-off, after the game we will be back for a post game analysis, we now go over to Bill and Gill, who will be your commentators for this evening."

*The screen changes to the game, with the players lining up, a graphic showing the players standing and then their position (like sky sports) is shown, first for Murphtannia.*

"Hello, I'm Bill and I;m with Gill, we are your commentators for today, the players are lining up and the anthems starting so lets take a look at the starting line ups, The Manager is sticking with his 4-4-2 Diamond Narrow.

In Goal remains Adam Ball, he's been playing very well recently, at the back Cartlidge remains at LWB, With Shaun Banks and Callum Pallet at the back, with Lucas Hayes coming in for the still injured Jack Bridges at RWB. At CDM remains Jacob Marley, and at CM we have Connor Owen and George Jenkins. Finally in the attack Jack Styler sits just behind the 2 strikers, with Boland coming in for Pole after a key assit in the last match, and top scorer Murph keeps his spot up top.



Now for the Orion Islands lineup. In Goal we have Clinton Maxwell, in defence we have Marcus Silva, Arnold Howard, Randall Hunter and Manuel Oliver. In Midfield we have Luke Simpson, Craig Ferguson, and Nicolas Rees and Rudy Bowman on the wings. Finally up front we have Damon Henderson and Steven Keller."


Gill then speaks "well that's the line ups, the anthems are finished and the game is ready to kick off, Murphtannia 0-0 Orion Islands."


(30th Minute) "So Gill lets talk about Murphy, he's been on fire this season." Gill then starts "Yea Bill, this season he was top scorer with 34 goals , he is top scorer for the national team, and at only 17 he looks to be one of Murphtannia's best players, speaking of which he is running in on goal, he gets past one defender, he takes the shot and oooh, a good save from Maxwell to tip it over the bar."


(40th Minute) Gill starts to speak "I want to take a minute to compliment the crowd here today, 10,000 Murphtannians' and 65,000 Orion Islanders competing to make the most noise is creating a fantastic atmosphere." Bill then speaks "Murphtannia look to be on the attack here, Styler has picked up the ball, and what a pass that is into Murphy, he's caught Silva napping, Murphy is 1 on 1 with the keeper, he takes it around and GOALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!, THE CROWD GOES NUTS AS MURPHY PUTS UNDERDOGS MURPHTANNIA INTO THE LEAD

*At this point Bill is shaking Gill as the whole nation watching the game goes wild*

STYLER WITH THE DEFENCE SPLITTING PASS, MURPHY CAUGHT THE DEFENCE NAPPING AND THE BALL ENDED UP IN THE BOTTOM LEFT HAND CORNER, THE PLAYERS HAVE GONE TO CELEBRATE, MURPHY HAS GOTTEN A YELLOW CARD FOR JUMPING INTO THE CROWD, MURPHTANNIA 1 ORION ISLANDS 0"


(45th Minute) Bill speaks, clearly happy and over excited "Well Orion Islands were the favourites, but Murphtannia are pulling another upset, Murphy's fantastic goal puts Murphtannia 1-0 up, and there we are the ref blows for half time, Murphtannia 1 Orion Islands 0."


(45th Minute) Bill speaks "Well what a good first half that was for Murphtannia, here's hoping the second is even better. The ref has blown his whistle and the Second Half is underway, Murphtannia 1 Orion Islands 0)


(60th Minute) Gill starts speaking louder, getting off his seat "The Second Half has been pretty even, no real chances, but now Orion are on the attack, Reese has played Keller in on goal, Keller shoots but what a save from Ball, he saves the ball from his foot and it hits the wood work, before Pallett clears."

(63rd Minute) Bill speaks again "63rd Minute and Orion have a free kick just outside the box, Reese is taking it, he goes to tale the shot and another great save! Ball gets to his lower left to deflect the ball again, Hayes has it now, hes running forward, Most of the Orion players went up for the free kick, they only have Howard in defence, Hayes makes another through ball into the path of Murphy, who's running in on goal, Maxwell leaves his line, but Murphy chips it over him AND IT'S IN!!!!

THE BALL IS CHIPPED OVER MAXWELL INTO THE PATH OF BOLAND WHO TAPS IT IN TO MAKE IT 2-0, THE CROWD IS GOING CRAZY, WHAT AN UPSET THIS WOULD BE. BOLAND IS CELEBRATING IN THE CORNER, THIS IS SIMPLY AMAZING. The ref restarts the game Murphtannia 2 Orion Islands 0.


(FT) Bill speaks "Well after the second goal Murphtannia tightened up, Orion didn't get a lick in a game if few chances, but another upset to send Murphtannia up the table and continue their good form, the game ends Murphtannia 2 Orion Islands 0, Murphy and Boland the scorers"


*The screen goes back to the Punditry area.*

Brian speaks, with a broad smile on his face "Well what a game, Murphtannia's first WC win, and it continues a good run of form, what are your thoughts Bruno? "Well I thought the defence was Solid yet again, Orion barely had a chance all game, the attack played well too, very clinical and they kept finding gaps to exploit, I predicted a 3-0 loss but the boys have surprised me yet again. " Bruno says, also happy at the win.

Brian starts again "So what are your predictions for the next game, at home to Baker Park?", Jack is the first to speak "Well the boys have been playing well and defying the odds but Baker Park have been on a rampage, they look unstoppable at the minute, I think Baker Park will have too much for them, it will be 3-0 to Baker Park." Bruno then speaks "I also think Baker Park will have too much for them, I'm thinking 5-1."

Brian speaks for a final time "Well there you have it, after securing rights to the WC in that legal battle we now stream all the games, so join us next time when Murphtannia are at home to Baker Park."

*The screen pans out and ads start to play*


Matchday 4


*The ads end and the screen pans to a table with 2 men sitting at it, both wearing suits and looking smart, one with paper.*

Brian opens as he always does "Hello and welcome back to Ground Sports for today's coverage of Match day 5 against top team Baker Park, joining me today is the all time top scorer for the women's league and national team, Amanda Heslop. Tell me Amanda what are your thoughts on the news that Women's and Men's football are being combined for the next season?"

Amanda smiles before speaking "I think it's great news Brian, there was no need for the 2 genders to be separated and I look forward to seeing the extra level this add to the Murphtannia game."

Brian speaks again, seemingly in a good mood "What are your thoughts on the game today? can Murphtannia keep this good run going?" Amanda goes to speak again, changing her tone of voice to be more cheery "Well Baker Park are a quality team, but Murphtannia have been on good form, I think the game will be close but Baker Park will have too much for the players."

Brian then puts his hand to his ear and then speaks "Well I am getting word that the teams are ready to kick off, so lets get started, over to your commentators Bill and Gill"


*Screen cuts to a graphic of the lineups, you can hear the roar of the crowd in the background*

Bill and Gill are talking to each other, clearly forgetting that the mic is on, "It's your turn to read the starting lineup" "Not it's your turn, my turn was last game" "No I did the last game" "wait the mics are on" Brian then speaks "Well hello and welcome back to Match day 4 of the WC qualifiers, where Baker Park are travelling to the Murphtannia stadium ."


"The Murphtannian team for today, no changes from the win over Orion Islands, with Hayes keeping his place despite Jack being back at full fitness. Ball remains in goal with Pallett, Banks and Cartlidge making up the rest of the defence. In Midfield Jenkins and Owen keep their places and so do the front 3 of Murphy, Boland and Styler."


"And now for the Baker Park lineup, in goal is Vickers, at the back are Monaghan, Wiseman, Jordan and Grimaldi. In Midfield are Guitierrez, Hayes, Navarro; LeClair; Pryor and finally playing the lone striker is Wadsworth

"The teams are announced, and the game kicks off, 0-0."


(15th minute) "Wadsworth has gotten the ball after the winger whips it over the defence, and he makes it 1-0, a terrible start for Murphtannia.

(30th Minute) "Jenkins gets the ball, however he can't work it past the defence, who are on the counter, ooh a good save from ball to keep it 1-0."

(32nd Min) "The winger whips in a corner,and Monaghan heads home to make it Baker Park 2-0 Murphtannia, Murphtannia are trying their best but the skill gap is simply proving too much."

(40th Min) "Navarro leaves Jenkins for dead, making a superb through ball past Banks into the path of Wadsworth who makes it 3-0"

(45th Min) "The game is over at this point as Navarro whips a ball into the top right from the free kick, great accuracy from him to make it 4-0, the players and the crowd haven't given up though and they keep going, Baker Park are shoeing respect to Murphtannia though and they should get praise for that.

(HF) "Baker Park 4 Murphtannia 0, Murphtannia tried but even with 70,000 fans behind them they couldn't do anything, the skill gap is simpky too great."

(2nd Half)


(60th Minute) "Murphtannia have been having chances but the defending is too good, Murphy finds his way in though but a superb save from the keeper."

(FT) Baker Park 4 Murphtannia 0 "Well Baker Park sat back and held the lead and the second half was dreadful, Murphtannia's run comes to and end but the players should pick themselves up and go again."

[The Orion Islands]

Orionites suffer massive upset in controversial game.

The ROI suffered a massively humiliating defeat at the hands of Murphtannia, as the officiating proved massively suspect and quite possibly decisive. For the first thirty minutes, the Eagles dominated the game. The Orionites played very physical, and proved themselves to be a team that should be taken seriously. The Orionites actually put the ball in the net twice during this period. During the twelfth minute, Nicolas Reese found a great opportunity. He conducted a series of fake outs for twenty yards down the field, before finding Damon Henderson who made a good fake out on the goalie, witch left him with a wide open shot on goal. This apparently put the Orionites up 1-0. However, instant replay allegedly showed that Luke Simpson was offside. How the referees made this decision is unclear, with replays from the OBC showing otherwise. This sent Elizabeth Park into an uproar of boos. Henderson was upset with the decision and said something to the referee, who promptly pulled out a red card. The Orionites had Craig Ferguson move up to play forward. In the twenty-fifth minute, Luke Simpson had a brilliant run, who found Ferguson, who then found the net. However, this goal was also negated by instant replay, the referees declaring Nicolas Reese offside. This left both Simpson and Acting Manager Caleb Rennell fuming and who both protested the decision, earning red cards for both of them. This left the crowd at Elizabeth Park about ready to tear the referees to pieces. About 2,000 fans stormed the field in protest, causing the match to be delayed and the field evacuated by game participants. Order was not restored until President Conrad Keevert made a video address to the crowd, asking them to leave the field "for the good of our Republic". About 750 people were arrested. Murphtannia came on the attack, helped by the fact that Orion was playing two men short and without two of her best offensive playmakers. Clinton Maxwell made four good saves until Marcus Silva was caught napping, leaving Maxwell with no help and a goal. Orion actually had a few opportunities in the second half, but playing two men down ensured Orion could not convert. A poor judgement by Maxwell in the sixty-third minute left Orion down two nothing. Clinton Maxwell let it be known that he believed that Murphtannia was offside, drawing a red card for protesting. What anyone said is unclear, but it probably won't help Orion's case. The Orionites managed to keep Murphtannia without a meaningful chance for the remainder, leaving it 2-0. The Orionite Soccer Football Association afterward issued a statement condemning the "baseless" red cards, and accusing the authorities of wanting to ensure that Savojarna was able to win against Orion. The SFA revealed that Kory Lacy will manage against Savojarna. Lacy has never managed any type of soccer game before. Dewey Curtis will start in goal, Ross Shelton will start at forward, and Herman Boyd will start at center midfielder. Already the odds against an Orionite victory have soared. Curtis has never played for a top division club, Orion has no more midfielders, and there is no experience at manager.

[Hampton Island]

(Conversation between Stafford City Stadium CEO and manager William Druckman, before any games have been played)

CEO: The squad is set. You have been briefed on what you need to do.

Druckman: It will be my pleasure, there is no reason that we cannot outperform a bunch of senior citizens. It was really painful to watch them qualify for the World Cup last time because certainly our best players would have been able to do the same thing.

CEO: It will be my pleasure to watch them.

Druckman: Why did you never give them a chance in the first place, though?

CEO: You know what the soccer ratings in Hampton Island have been. We have been improving them lately, but that was the first mission of ours. Watching the seniors got people tuning in. Don’t worry about two years ago, focus on this year.

Druckman: We are focused, but this whole thing can turn into a debacle really quick. We should do good, and I would hate to be in a qualifying position only to lose out of it because the has-beens could not keep up the pace. They are all two years older now, this will take a further toll on them.

CEO: That is the tough part. But we need to get that bitch Hannah and those guys completely out of the picture. They need to be forgotten about once again, just like they were before the last World Cup.

Druckman: Why don’t you just fire Hannah? You could easily say insubordination was the reason. I can’t stand her and all those commercials that she is doing now making herself out to be some sort of goddess. I hear she may have a movie made about her life.

CEO: Hannah is too much like me. She is a conniving evil person who knows how to get what she wants. Trust me, if I did have to step down and she took ownership of this team, people will be begging me to come back.

Druckman: Yes, but you can fire her. Do it.

CEO: I can but I can’t. You can’t just let go of someone like that because any kind of possible wrongdoing on your part is something that she will exploit. She is a media darling who loves to see her face on camera and hear herself talk. Firing her now would be a headache because she would not just go away. This is the best way to get her out of the picture, and you need to put the finishing blows on her. Get as many points as you can, she will have those old guys ready to roll, and not to mention they may have somewhat of an advantage right from the start because they will be more fresh.

Druckman: They will never have any sort of advantage for being fresh. We’ll get as many points as we can because we will need every single one of them if we are to qualify for this thing, because they are going to blow it.

CEO: You know that they are the best we have. The fans will love the chance to see them play. I already have a couple companies lining up for endorsements. Younger plays sell modern products better than seniors. As they perform, the other guys will become old news. Let Marquette have them.

[The Orion Islands]

Orionites go down by two after being forced to play substitutes.

After seeing three Orionite players get red cards in a controversial match against Murphtannia, as three Orionite players received red cards along with acting manager Caleb Rennell and the referees disallowed two Orionite goals in a 2-0 defeat. The starting lineup today was this:
GK Dewey Curtis
DF Arnold Howard (Starting center back)
DF Randall Hunter (Starting center back)
DF Marcus Silva (Starting full back)
DF Lloyd Barnes (Starting full back)
MF Herman Boyd (Starting center midfielder)
MF Craig Ferguson (Starting center midfielder)
MF Nicolas Reese (Starting side midfielder)
MF Rudy Bowman (Starting side midfielder)
FW Steven Keller (Starting forward)
FW Ross Shelton (Starting forward)
The acting Manager was Kory Lacy. The match in Savojarna began with the Orionites as massive underdogs, and it showed. The Sajojar quickly overwhelmed the Orionites, and keeper Dewey Curtis, who has never played in a top flight game, gave up five goals in the first half, as two goals were a direct result of the replacement midfielder Herman Boyd playing the ball at midfield extremely poorly. The Orionites could not remove Boyd from the game as the Orionite roster lacked any other midfielders. But at halftime, the Orionites began to take charge. At the 60th minute, Herman Boyd finally got a great run going, before finding Steven Keller for a goal. Although it was still a four goal game, it showed that Orion refused to lose easily. The Savojar got nearly 20 minutes of continuous attack, but Lloyd Barnes and Randall Hunter managed to deflect most of their chances, with Dewey Curtis occasionally making a somewhat difficult save. The Orionites knew they could not win as the match went into the 80th minute, but they kept playing hard. A good clear by Curtis found Nicolas Reese, who found Steven Keller, who got his second of the game with a precise header. In the 88th minute, the Orionites once again got an attack going, with Craig Ferguson making a precise steal to once again find Keller, who completed the hat-trick to limit the margin of defeat to two. The SFA has announced that Caleb Rennell will manage the Eagles against Busoga Islands and Twicetagria. When asked about Orion's chances against the two soccer powers, he said that Twicetagria has yet to manage a victory and that the Orionites should at least draw. He also said that Busoga Islands was significantly overrated and that Orion also expected to at least draw. He will play the following lineup against Busoga and Twicetagria.
GK Clinton Maxwell
DF Arnold Howard (Starting center back)
DF Randall Hunter (Starting center back)
DF Marcus Silva (Starting full back)
DF Lloyd Barnes (Starting full back)
MF Luke Simpson (Starting center midfielder)
MF Craig Ferguson (Starting center midfielder)
MF Nicolas Reese (Starting side midfielder)
MF Rudy Bowman (Starting side midfielder)
FW Damon Henderson (Starting forward)
FW Steven Keller (Starting forward)
This is the lineup that beat Mercedini, so obviously this is a lineup that can compete with the top teams in the world.

[Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom]

Zeta Reka & Hügeltaldom Federativna Republika Zeta Reka i Hügeltaldom
World Cup 86 Coverage World Cup Qualifying Matches 3 & 4

---

With a point on the board from a major matchup, Zeta Reka’s best and brightest came to the home of Rangers FC, Stadio Ibrosikis. Just around three quarters of the game was in the middle third of the pitch. There were few scoring chances, with the teams combining for just three saves, with no goals. Some good challenges from Yanis Kentis came due to Kentis speed. However Rekan defenders are well versed in facing fast players, and Wlad Wlad hit the Ranger good while Wlad was a bit far to the right. Wlad was given a yellow card, and the ensuing free kick was Rangers’ sole shot on goal. On the plus side, the Rekan back line was essentially invincible when confronted. Wladmir Bogdanić looked slow, and was subbed out to give Koziwier another cap.

A scoreless draw caused the name of Zeta Reka to be buried below eight others on the leaderboard. In plainer language, the Rekan team was in ninth place. A winning performance was vital against the Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison. We’re not sure what a Coalison is, however the stating eleven for the visiting team was sharp and skilled. After about twenty minutes of tussling, Želmir Kolarowić popped a ball high into the air. Arnald Gal took control, and feinted a kick to his left, but popped the ball to an open right side. A few minutes later, the Cheetahs and Reptiles equalized after communication from holding midfielder Stani Gröss and the back line. Gröss lost his mark, and a long dribble turned into a goal.

In the second half, the game was slow, and while Zeta Reka held a huge possession lead, they could only must two saved shots. Reserve player Tomislaw Radowić was subbed on for a very tired Rybki, and before that a minor foot injury saw Janko Yakowić pulled from the game for Zaur-Luka Igorić. The pair of reservists were young and raw. Igorić was passing heavily, and moving the ball up. After more midfield battles, Igorić passed out a huge air ball. The ball went just outside of the penalty area. Radowić apparently saw the pass coming as he was far ahead of where Rybki would have been on that kind of pass. Radowić headed the air ball towards the grass, where it was scooped into Gal’s feet and rocked into the top left corner. With a lead, the defense bunkered down, and a free kick goal from Kolarowić gave Zeta Reka a solid two goal victory. “I’m proud of them overall.” Coach Dusan said, “These young guys are the team’s future, and I believe they did well here. Very, very well.”

With their first win collected, the Rekan side is now traveling to face off against The Jovannic. The Jovannic are ranked second in the group and have a well rounded record. Mattijana will then play at the National Sports Complex. Mattijana had more wins than Zeta Reka in the last cycle, but more losses. "We're hoping for a rebound, and we know can get one." Rybki stated after the match against Cheetahs and Reptiles. Word on the street is that stronger sides will be sent for these matches in order to prevent any holes. "No experimentation is worth the risk right now." an anonymous souce said.

Rangers FC 0–0 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom

---

GK 01: Bosko Nowak
LB 05: Steffanow Kostessen
CB 26: Wlad Wlad 33'
CB 13: Wladmir Bogdanić: v72'
RB 15: Wladmir Zuzkoff
DM 06: Mullow Dorboslawić
DM 17: Stani Gröss 68'
CAM 11: Želmir Kolarowić (c)
LAM 19: Stojan Heiden
RAM 18: Albertow Nowak: v60'
FW 29: Arnald Gal: v72

---

Subs
RAM 08: Miloš Simeoniwić: ^60'
CB: Wuk Koziwier: ^72'
FW 33: Horst Rühl: ^72'

---

Possession 50% (avg. 48.3)
Shots: 7 (total 25)
On Goal: 2 (total 15)
Saves: 1 (total 21)
Fouls: 13 (total 33)
Corners: 10 (total 23)
Offsides: 0 (total 2)
Yellow Cards: 2 (total 3)
Red Cards: 0 (total 0)

---

Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom 3–1 Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison

---

GK 01: Bosko Nowak
LB 04: Janko Yakowić: v51'
CB 14: Jan Thimig
CB 13: Wladmir Bogdanić
RB 03: Bartolomej Wladmirowić
DM 17: Stani Gröss
LW 07: Jad
CM 10: Rybki (c): v62'
CM 11: Želmir Kolarowić 86'
RW 08: Miloš Simeoniwić
FW 29: Arnald Gal: 21', 72'

---

Subs
LB 37: Zaur-Luka Igorić: ^51'
CM 40: Tomislaw Radowić: ^62'

---

Possession: 63% (avg. 52%)
Shots: 12 (total 37)
On Goal: 6 (total 21)
Saves: 5 (total 26)
Fouls: 9 (total 42)
Corners: 5 (total 28)
Offsides: 1 (total 3)
Yellow Cards: 0 (total 3)
Red Cards: 0 (total 0)

---

Wladmir Bogdanić: 1 (Shirt pull vs. Starblaydia, MD2)
Wlad Wlad: 1 (Rough tackle vs. Rangers FC, MD3)
Stani Gröss: 1 (Delay of game vs. Rangers FC, MD3)

---

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale blanks Sharktail

Kota Lama, Sharktail - Terre Septentrionale played it's first road game of the qualifications and it resulted in a 3-0 win against Sharktail. The Nordiques attacked at the 14th minute when Roksana Kolodziejczyk who dribbled with the ball and passed to Sandrine Fontaine who had a better angle. Fontaine shoots and she scores! 1-0 Terre Septentrionale. Terre Septentrionale had a goal kick at the 17th minute and Georges-Kévin Vainqueur kicks the ball. Wlodzimierz Waclawczyk jumps and heads the ball to Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa who kicks it and it goes into the net for another goal. 2-0 Reprezentacja Nordycki. This is the score at the halftime.

Terre Septentrionale attacked at the 77th minute when Tymoteusz Swierczewski, who subbed in at the 71st minute, made a cross to Zvonimir Kordic who kicks the ball and it's another goal! 3-0 Terre Septentrionale and this is the final score.

BOXSCORE

14th minute: Sandrine Fontaine assisted by Roksana Kolodziejczyk
17th minute: Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa assisted by Wlodzimierz Waclawczyk
77th minute: Zvonimir Kordic assisted by Tymoteusz Swierczewski

YELLOW CARDS

31st minute: Sandrine Fontaine
39th minute: Shiham
59th minute: Harold
85th minute: Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz

RED CARDS

None

Wlodzimierz Pietruszewski,
Senior writer,
La tribune Septentrionale

Terre Septentrionale crushed by Nephara

Ville Jacques-Cartier, District de Cartier - On matchday 4, Terre Septentrionale recieved Nephara at home and it didn't go as expected. They crushed us 5-0. I don't even want to write all their goalscorers. At the 26th minute, when the score was already 2-0 Nephara, Wlodzimierz Waclawczyk got a red card and the Nordiques played with 10 men and women on the field for the rest of the game. Wlodzimierz Waclawczyk will be suspended for the game against Havynwilde.

6th place

With this loss against Nephara, Terre Septentrionale is in 6th place with 6 points in 4 games. Nephara tops our group with 4 wins in 4. The Northmen's next two opponents are Havynwilde on the road and Damukuni at home. Coach Slawomir Wyrzykowski have decided to rest some players against Havynwilde, one of the weakest team in our group but we can expect the regular line up against Damukuni.

Expected starting XI vs Havynwilde: Vainqueur - Niedzwiecki - Pietrzkiewicz - Brzezanczyk - Jedrzejczyk - Ksiezniakiewicz - Fontaine - Kolodziejczyk - Pajaczkowski - Cwierczakiewiczowa - McCracken

Expected starting XI vs Damukuni: Vainqueur - Niedzwiecki - Skrzeszewski - Brzezanczyk - Normandin - Ksiezniakiewicz - Fontaine - Kolodziejczyk - Waclawczyk - Cwierczakiewiczowa - McCracken

Wlodzimierz Pietruszewski,
Senior writer,
La tribune Septentrionale

Top 25 16 years old players

Ville Jacques-Cartier, District de Cartier - The Northern Scouting Association (NSA) released their list of the 25 best 16 years old players. Here is the list:

Pos     Player                          Team                            Birthplace
CD	Zlatan Kukuruzović	        DNK Hajduk Vukosavljevica	Klostar Vojakovacki, DA
SM	Anne-Élisabeth Vadeboncoeur	Dynamo de Jacques-Cartier	Grand-Saint-Esprit, HY
SD	Świętomierz Zebrakowski	        Klub Turystow Rzodkiewnica	Miedzywodzie, KZ
CM	François-Xavier Castilloux	U.S. Oujé-Bougoumou	        Oujé-Bougoumou, CN
S	Coralie Frenette-Guillemette	C.S. Portneuf-sur-Mer	        Portneuf-sur-Mer, CH
SD	Mieczysława Wiktorowicz	        KKS Wlokniarz 1925 Krzczonow    Krzczonow, MA
CM	Nicolas Schultz-Desmarteau	En avant Prévost	        Ville Jacques-Cartier, DC
CM	James Klukowski	                Sporting Port O'Connor	        Port O'Connor, TX
CD	Louis-Alexandre Proulx	        U.S. Oujé-Bougoumou	        Sainte-Rose-du-Nord, CN
S	Anasztázia Pávkovics	        ÉTK Szentgyörgyvölgy	        Szentgyörgyvölgy, BA
SM	Grzegorz Szczech	        Szczakowianka Trzebiegoszcz	Ostrzeszow, SL
SM	Zoé Généreux	                F.C. Kamouraska	                Grand-Métis, KA
GK	Katarzyna Tarczyńska	        KKS Wlokniarz 1925 Krzczonow	Szczebrzeszyn, MA
CD	Jérémie Sarrazin-Rochefort	A.S. Baie-Sainte-Catherine	Baie-Sainte-Catherine, CH
CM	Logan Haddock	                El Perro United F.C.	        Lake Catherine, TX
SD	Sławomir Wojtaszak	        Szczakowianka Trzebiegoszcz	Trzebiegoszcz, PO
S	Jennifer Girardeau	        Dynamo de Jacques-Cartier	Ville Jacques-Cartier, DC
SM	Lucija Grdić	                NK Lokomotiva Kukljica 	        Uskoplje, DA
CD	Victor Giguère	                U.S. Papineauville	        Lac-des-Plages, PA
CM	Elżbieta Nowakowska	        KSZT Trzebiegoszcz	        Trzebiegoszcz, PO
S	Frédérique McKenzie	        C.S. Portneuf-sur-Mer	        Manawan, CH
CD	Mélanie Czekanowicz	        Klub Turystow Rzodkiewnica	Szczytkowice, KZ
CM	Nathan McCallum	                Shelburne F.C.	                Baxters Harbour, SH
CD	Xavier Barbe	                En avant Prévost	        Prévost, CN
GK	Krzysztof Świerczok	        Okocimski KS Wloszczowa	        Malogoszcz, PO

Katarzyna Krzykowska,
La tribune Septentrionale

[Taeshan]

"So do you also want to talk about your dad"?

"I mean my dad and me always have had issues. He was always working it seemed like as a kid he didn't really want to spend time with us, but I think it was really him working to provide for us".

"How did it make you feel"?

"Honestly, It didn't ever make me feel fantastic, I always felt like anytime I wanted to do something it was a chore. Obviously I started being on my own pretty early at 16, but when I was a kid, it almost seemed like to him being a parent was work".

"Do you think your sisters felt the same way"?

"No. I think he definitely saw them as his little girls. I'm obviously a little bit younger, and he had to go through the childhood part right after they all became teens, I became a school age kid. So it sort of meant just when he thought he was out, I had him right back in. It was really frustrating feeling that he favored them, even if I probably had similar treatment from my mother".

"Did your sisters resent you for being your mom's favorite"?

"I don't really think so, but everyone definitely knew about it."

"What do you mean"?

"I recently had a conversation with my cousins about my mother and the woman my dad dated after she died and the conversation was kind of your sisters could definitely feel that she did more with you, you were her favorite. As much as parents feel like they don't do this, they don't have favorites it is pretty easy to see who gets the most from their parents, who they buy things, who they spend time with, and my mom always did things with me. Maybe it was just that when I was a baby she didn't work in the offseason so spent more time with me, or she didn't have to parent two kids at the same time, so I got all the attention but it was noticeable".

"How does this make you feel looking back"?

"Honestly it kinda makes me feel like I missed out on spending more time with her, I guess everyone has that feeling after death. I could have had more time with my loved one...but I definitely feel like I missed the opportunity to spend more time with my mother before she died, when she was sick. Just being able to be there for her, and get every possible moment. That is how that makes me feel."

[Acronius]

---

A Treatise on Mediocrity
Painfully contrarian Acronian side opens WC86Q campaign in naturally confusing fashion
James E. Sudlow (@SudlowUP)
^{05/09/2020, 19:30 | Lionsgate, Acronia}

^{SHARE THIS}

---

Matchday 1: Drunk People at the Local Tavern 2–2 Acronius
(Papineau 88' [OG], Banija 90+2' [pen.] • Pascale 60' [Lens assist], Pascale 74' [Lirole assist])

Matchday 2: Acronius 3–2 Vangaziland
(Pascale 19' [Batalha assist], Tayeb 45+2' [Batalha assist], Taubira 88' [Batalha assist] • ??? 49', ??? 71')

Matchday 3: Megistos 2–0 Acronius
(Williams 38' [Fran assist], Robertson 89' [Lukovic assist] • N/A)

Matchday 4: Eura 2–3 Acronius
(Woakes 56' [Robshaw assist], Griffiths 59' [Bowman assist] • Pascale 79' [Tayeb assist], Bautista 80' [Lens assist], Tayeb 89' [Trésor assist])

LIONSGATE - Every World Cup cycle, many an armchair pundit excitedly takes to the Acronian cyberspace to discuss the state of football in the nation, with one of the most popular topics of debate being who exactly is worthy of being monikered Acronian football's favorite son. Older shouts such as Titus Blackett and his left foot, Titus Blackett and his right foot, or perhaps Axel Aubry, are frequently mentioned. Intellectually stunted by the fact that their age begins with a 1 and ends with a number between 0 and 4, many in the younger crowd gravitate towards current players; but the likes of Marin Trésor and David Pascale frankly aren't bad suggestions either. Yet, every single one of these answers are wrong. This question is not a matter of opinion; it leads an existence entirely removed from the realm of subjectivity. Acronia's most relied-upon, most prominent, and most consistent exponent on the international footballing stage is inconsistency. Unfathomably epic proportions of it. That is the objective answer to this question. This nation makes an art of it.

And, at the onset of its 18th World Cup Qualification campaign, Acronia's prodigal son strikes yet again. The Blue Boys opened their campaign with a match against drunk people at the local tavern (literally) in some bloke's backyard (literally). David Pascale bagged a brace in a smart performance, but, naturally, an 87th minute own goal by the grace of Marc Papineau and a dubious penalty awarded in the second minute of stoppage time after 90 minutes ensured the Union would only be scraping one measly point from the game. Matchday 2 produced another dodgy performance despite the collection of three points, with the Blue Boys only barely scraping a win against an unranked Vangaziland. Gelson Batalha put in an exceptional shift on home turf, completing a hat-trick of assists for David Pascale, Abdelhafid Tayeb, and Loïc Taubira off the bench, respectively. However, an otherwise satisfactory display of attacking football was intersected and soiled by Acronia's back four, who defended like children.

Regrettably, but predictably, this mediocrity spilled into the following fixture against Megistos, who, despite an almost 200 position disparity in KPB rankings, rose to the occasion and made easy work of a complacent and deficient Acronian side, registering a 2-0 victory thanks to superb goals from Williams and Robertson, albeit enabled by a complete absence of defensive and mental cognition on the part of Acronia's backline. On this particular occasion, it would seem that the defense's quasi-vegetative gross motor skills contaminated every other Acronian player in the game, with a four-man attacking line unable to produce anything even with the help of a usually apt and industrious midfield pairing in Marin Trésor and Alexandre Lens. After just three games in charge, manager James Weaver was already treading on very, very thin ice.

To round off this set of comical Acronisms, Acronia stuck as closely as possible to its theme of trying to make bookmakers homeless by abruptly transforming into a force to be reckoned with - seeing off Eura, ranked 5th in the multiverse, 3-2, away. The Blue Boys were defensively concrete for much of the first half, and complemented by elegant counterattacking football up front, with Pascale and Tayeb in particular dancing and gliding through opposition defenders, and Batalha's catlike running leaving Stanley Burns unable to wrangle the winger. Though the back four was miraculously able to keep automated goal machine Brian Bond quiet throughout the match, the multiversal heavyweights riposted with intent to destroy following resumption of play, with Woakes and Griffiths wreaking footballing carnage in the form of two goals in three minutes, leaving Papineau, Bautista, Tremble, Lirole, and Rowland dazed and broken; laid huffing and puffing flat on their arses.

Yet, through some form of divine intervention, the Blue Boys summoned the strength of will to conjure a majestic counterattacking spectacle, ephemerally metamorphosing into an almost world-class eleven, though only for a paltry 13 minutes. David Pascale, the usual suspect, was responsible for the final stroke of an 18 part sequence of rapid passing work, his placed finish curling past Kevin Belgrave. Not 30 seconds later, another Pascale shot from 32 yards out was enough to force a corner, from which unlikely target man Sergio Bautista thumped a towering header into the net off an Alexandre Lens cross. A stupefying concatenation of positive attacking plays followed. Passes and crosses flew in every direction with dizzying pace - the hold-up play was fantastic, the movement overwhelming, the passing surgical - and the end product beautiful. After 9 minutes of bated breath, Abdelhafid Tayeb stormed through Dean Steele, rounded Kevin Belgrave, and secured Acronia an unthinkable three points. Nary a whisper from the lips of the Bastion Arena faithful was heard.

We must be very careful, however, not to assign to this quartet of matches the attributes of an aggregate victory. As has been the case for practically every national selection since the inaugural World Cup 68 Blue Boys, this team lacks even the faintest quantum of balance. Its spine is strong; Michael Rowland, Marin Trésor, and David Pascale are Acronia's saving grace. Gelson Batalha has proven to be a revelation. However, everything beyond these four remains a glaring question mark. Alexandre Lens and Paul Lirole are bang average. Abdelhafid Tayeb and Alex Tremble show promise, but not necessarily the ability to reach that promise. Achille Goryl has been virtually invisible for the entire campaign. Sergio Bautista, but Marc Papineau especially, are not national team standard players in any way, shape, or form, and are mere placeholders for the pair of proper centre-halves Acronia so desperately needs; but which may or may not emerge.

Statistics:

Goals:
David Pascale: 4
Abdelhafid Tayeb: 2
Paul Lirole: 1
Loïc Taubira: 1
Sergio Bautista: 1

Assists:
Gelson Batalha: 3
Alexandre Lens: 2
Paul Lirole: 1
Abdelhafid Tayeb: 1
Marin Trésor: 1

[Tikariot]

Alistair McIntosh: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to today's edition "What on Earth is Happening Here?" I'm Alistair McIntosh and with me is our usual panel of Duncan Haldane, Martin Seagrave and Andreas Svedberg. The next two match days are under our belt and after our sloppy start against Union Europae and a lot of bad luck in Mriin, we were facing South Newlandia and the Southern Palm Islands and the omens were good this time around.

Duncan Haldane: Yes, we seem to be South Newlandia's least favourite opponent looking at the past encounters, we beat them at the International Baseball Slam, in softball at the Olympics and don't even mention the photo finish in triathlon, we drew them 4-4 in a friendly just before the World Cup qualifiers started, the only sport we do not seem to be to beat them is table tennis, where they eliminated us from both the men's and women's single competitions, but then again, they rule the table tennis world, so not much we could do here.

Martin Seagrave: Haha, looks like it. And the Southern Palm Islands we also have a positive record against, having beaten them 3-1 in the Round of 16 at the Baptism of Fire, so maybe this also could be a sign that things are pointing in the right direction. But we've seen against Union Europae that you can have all the analyses and statistics and probabilities and then just throw them out the window, because the game does not really care for any of it.

Alistair McIntosh: That is true. So coach Stuart Ekstrom made quite a few changes after the Mriin game, some forced, some in what I assume an attempt to turn things around.

Andreas Svedberg: Well, one change was kind of forced, too, but just from how the games have been going so far. That Brian Merson had to sit out the next game, the red card in Mriin took care of that, but the one I am referring to is Randy Kovalchuk. I know that it can happen that you make a mistake and as a centre back it has potentially a lot more consequences if you make a big mistake than, say, a striker does, because behind him there is only the goalkeeper left to bail you out, but crucial mistakes in two games in a row, which both led to goals, which both led to defeats for us, that is something that any coach in the world can't just look past. What I was a bit surprised about, though, was that he also benched Eren Knox, but he had picked up a bit of a knock against Mriin, so maybe that was just to give him one game of rest to avoid anything bigger.

Alistair McIntosh: So Romain Chatelet for Merson, James Coronello and Walter Thomas for Kovalchuk and Knox, then Ozan Welch for McTierney and Graydon Sheffield and Iain Aspinall for Burnett and Connolly. How do you see these other three changes?

Martin Seagrave: Jenson is young and while he does things that can surprise everybody, sometimes including his teammates, consistency is still an issue and he has not played well in the first two games. Ozan has been outstanding in the league, so he definitely deserves a start here. Trey and Jardel also haven't really been the offensive threat we've been hoping for and Graydon and Iain have really shown a lot of chemistry after they were subbed in against Mriin, even Graydon setting up Iain's goal, so it makes sense to try to shake things up in the front as well.

Alistair McIntosh: Having a quick look at the South Newlandian starting eleven, any surprises there?

Duncan Haldane: Not really surprises. Bishop is on for Wallis, Glossman for McCabe, usual changes for a third game. But looks like the pundits were not quite agreeing on if Lancaster should have been brought on instead of Green, but oh well. So they have Trischuk in goal, Roy, Schroeder, Anderson and Wright in defense, the midfield diamond of Mohamed, Green, McMora and Bishop and finally Irving and Glossman vying for any openings in our defense to pounce on.

Alistair McIntosh: So here are some scenes from the Jewel of the Coast in Carathyr before the game, it does not look as if the two lead-in losses did a lot to douse our fans' enthusiasm.

Andreas Svedberg: No, they are great. They also know that we're only two match days into an 18 game campaign, we played the number one seed in those and we were competitive in both matches, just individual mistakes cost us points and they see that. Unless we keep on losing I don't see them losing faith in our team.

Martin Seagrave: It looks like they have gone one step further as well on top of wearing all black and some purple, they also seem to have adopted black and purple face paint now, some with the flag, some with what looks like warpaint, as a player it is great to have such a group of fans in your back, cheering you on, no matter if at home or abroad, it can give you that extra boost you sometimes need.

Alistair McIntosh: So let's have a look at some of the highlights of the first half.

It's hot and muggy here in Carathyr tonight and the forecast has said there is a chance of a thunderstorm around half time, so we will have to see how that will go. And McNair is ready for the free kick. Sharp towards the penalty spot, Liniack goes up and the referee whistles the play off, I see Schroeder on the ground, his team mates are signalling for the medics to come on, he is not moving right now, this does not look good! They're moving him on his side and the medics are there. Checking his mouth for his tongue, seems to be ok, but he is out cold! Let's have a look at the replay here. The ball comes in, Liniack goes up and ooh, his elbow goes right to Schroeder's temple! They're coming with the gurney here and Coach Wolverine has sent Philip Gurero to warm up, because it does not look like Jack Schroeder will be able to continue. The referee is consulting with the linesman and yellow card for Vincent Liniack as well! I really hope that he is ok, though!

Duncan Haldane: There has not been a lot of action in the first twenty minutes, it looked like neither team really wanted to make any crucial mistake early on but this was a harsh loss for the Elephants, Schroeder was the fulcrum of the South Newlandian defense and to lose a player like that is always harsh. And the first news we got from the hospital is a severe concussion for Schroeder, so I'm not sure if he'll be back for any of the remaining games, concussions you really can't play around with.

Alistair McIntosh: Do you see any intent or negligence on behalf of Liniack?

Duncan Haldane: No, surely no intent, but if you go into a header you just cannot have your elbow out like this. So the yellow card is fine, but Ekstrom didn't want to take any chances there and took him off right after, maybe to avoid potential animosities with other players and Anil Al Hak took his place.

Alistair McIntosh: Surprised it wasn't Keylick?

Duncan Haldane: At this point either would have been an ok substitute.

Alistair McIntosh: OK. So after this Tikariot managed to get closer to the South Newlandian goal, also because the defense was not as sorted as before, but Trischuk had a few very good opportunities to show why he is the number one in their goal.

McNair gives the ball to Welch. He waits, getting under pressure, beautiful chip into the box, Nighthorse is there, volley - and what a save by Trischuk! Gets the finger tips on the ball and it glances off the crossbar, what a chance for Tikariot!

Again Welch, he looks a lot more lively than McTierney had in the first two games. Nice cross to Nighthorse, lays it back to Thorniley, Roy gets his foot in between, but McNair gathers it up. Quick hard pass to Welch, Al Hak is coming from behind, picks up the ball, whips the ball in, Aspinall with the header right onto Trischuk! Another great chance wasted!

Corner by Welch, Coronello, Trischuk with one hand, ball comes back to Welch. Tries to curve it in, but Gurero deflects it. Aspinall - great footsave by Trischuk! This man is keeping South Newlandia in the game all on his own today!

Andreas Svedberg: I was getting a little worried at this point, because we had seen the same against Union Europae and we all know how that ended. And just before half time this happened.

McMora drives the ball forward. Wright is coming from the back, gets the ball. Cross into the box and Chatelet plucks it down. Very fast kick forward by Chatelet takes South Newlandia by surprise! Al Hak is almost completely alone on the right, only Roy and Green in the back. Slips past Roy. Green is scrambling back, but Al Hak sees Aspinall, Aspinall in the box, Trischuk coming out, he chips it up, Trischuk almost get his hand on it and GOAL! A beautiful counter attack by Tikariot breaks the stalemate just before half time! This could be a very important goal in this game!

Andreas Svedberg: Forward a bit - and stop. Look here. Look where the defenders are. They are in a really high line and Chatelet sees that. He's taking a chance by hoofing the ball forward and now continue to play it. Al Hak does a great job getting past Roy, who looks like he is barely moving, Green is caught in no man's land between Al Hak and Aspinall and how cool is Aspinall when he just chips the ball over Trischuk. Great counter attack and also psychologically important to strike just before half time and not giving the opponent a chance to pull back quickly.

Alistair McIntosh: No changes in half time for Tikariot, Coach Wolverine, though, took Green off and brought on Lancaster and it looked like it was the right move.

The guests a lot livelier since the restart, Lancaster has brought in some new energy and he is demanding the ball a lot more than Green did and it shows. Thorniley is back on his feet and looks like he can continue. Throw-in for South Newlandia. Mohamed motions for his team mates to move forward. But short pass to McMora, sends the ball forward. Glossman and Grimes try to reach it, Glossman first, gets the ball into the box and LANCASTER! He sneaks past Thomas and gets his head on the ball just enough to catch Chatelet on the wrong foot and we are all level again!

Martin Seagrave: I can see now why some people wanted to Lancaster to start. Green was not only sluggish before the goal, but overall didn't show a lot of energy and whenever he'd get the ball all momentum would go. Here McMora is the important player, he sees Glossman with space and times that pass perfectly. Lancaster shouldn't have been able to get to the ball that easily, but no mistake here, just a perfectly timed run by him.

Looks like the goal by Lancaster has woken up Tikariot again, because suddenly they play a lot more aggressively forward. Bishop crosses the centre line, McNair with a hard tackle, Bishop goes down, but looks like he played the ball, the referee was in a good position. Thorniley gathers up the ball and quick pass to Nighthorse, has Anderson in front of him. Fakes to go left, then pulls in to the right. He shoots - no, he stops the ball, Gurero falls for it, puts the ball to the right, Aspinall rushes in and GOAL! Second goal by Iain Aspinall and Trischuk doesn't even move, the ball came in with such speed, he would not have had a chance to reach it even if he tried! Tikariot in the lead again!

Duncan Haldane: And this shows why Rory McNair is so important for our team. He goes into these tackles and you know he will not pull back. Some people have called him a dirty player because of it, but so often he actually gets his foot to the ball first, so it's not a foul.

Andreas Svedberg: Yes, some have called him a destroyer, which he does, but he also knows how to distribute the ball quickly, he has a great eye for the game and after he goes into the tackle, Thorniley can pick up the ball, gets the ball to Nighthorse, some great footwork here and then instead of shooting he sees that Aspinall is free and I don't think any goal keeper would have been able to save that ball.

Duncan Haldane: But a brief word on Lancaster. The moment he came into the game he made a difference, and it's not as if they did not have some nice scoring chances, too but it looks like Ekstrom made all the right decisions in terms of the line up today.

Alistair McIntosh: Aspinall took a bit of a knock in that play and in the 71st minute had to come off, Ellis Wagstaff replaced him and Ozan Welch also came off and with Nicholas van Haar Ekstrom put a bit more emphasis on the defense now, trying to protect the lead. And things happened very quickly after that.

And looks like Aspinall now has to come off, Wagstaff coming on for his fourth cap and looks like Welch is also done for the day with Nicholas van Haar adding some extra grit in midfield. Van Haar with the throw-in to Nighthorse. Nighthorse pulls into the middle, pass right between the defenders to Wagstaff! Shoots and GOAL! GOAL! 27 seconds after coming onto the pitch Wagstaff makes it 3-1! And what kind of odd goal that was!

Martin Seagrave: Talk about making an impact. Beautiful through pass by Nighthorse and Wagstaff times his run perfectly to go right through and he was lucky that he did not hit that ball right, otherwise Trischuk would have easily picked this one up. So some good luck for us in this case.

Alistair McIntosh: That was it for the game in terms of goals, no other injuries or send-offs either, but with the heat and humidity the teams did run out of steam, which is not surprising, but Tikariots first win in the World Cup qualification and one more proof for the fact that South Newlandia really has problems beating us.

Haha, yes, it is uncanny! But just look at us and Græntfjall. Same position just reversed.

Andreas Svedberg: True enough. So what is the takeaway from this game?

Martin Seagrave: We've seen what difference focus made. No cheap giveaways and suddenly we get the results.

Alistair McIntosh: Man of the match Iain Aspinall?

Martin Seagrave: Absolutely. Two nice goals, so a deserved award there, but Trischuk was outstanding today as well. Yes, he allowed three goals, but he prevented so many more and to be honest he did not really stand a chance with any of the goals.

Alistair McIntosh: How much of an impact did Schroeder's injury have?

Martin Seagrave: I think it affected them quite a bit. No offense to Gurero, but he is not quite as far as Schroeder and it was especially Schroeder's directing the defense that presented the biggest problem.

Alistair McIntosh: OK. Other results of match day three were the Southern Palm Islands, our next opponent, surprisingly beating Port Ember 3-2, Filindostan holding Mriin to a goalless draw, Union Europae surprising again with a 2-0 win in Se Vende Skooma and finally another goalless draw between Nathanians and Nosts and TJUN-ia, who are still in the lead, even on points with Mriin. We managed to jump two places to seventh, now ahead of South Newlandia and also Port Ember, who seem to be struggling so far.

Martin Seagrave: After these messages we will be back for match day four in the Southern Palm Islands.

The official sponsors of the Tikariot WC86 campaign

Alistair McIntosh: Welcome back to our World Cup qualifier coverage, Tikariot winning 3-1 against South Newlandia in Carathyr and next up we go tropical, to the Southern Palm Islands who are right above us in the standings. Only change was Ellis Wagstaff getting the start with Iain Aspinall not even on the bench, he got a knee into the thigh in the last game and our medical department had not cleared him for this game.

Andreas Svedberg: The Palm Islands with Khan in goal, Feachell, Darmraj, Nathan and Shariyar in defense, Das, Torus, Brothasear and Krishn in midfield and the Plascas brothers in the offense. And things went off with a bang, so to say.

An early free kick for the Southern Palm Islands after a foul of Welch on Torus and Peter Plascas was ready to take it. Welch, Sheffield, Wagstaff and McNair in the wall. And off we go. Quick lay-off to the right Darmraj - GOAL! WHAT A BELTER! From 23 metres out this was a cannon of a shot! Southern Palm Islands in the lead!

Andreas Svedberg: Not the start we were hoping for, but a beautiful goal by Darmraj and there is absolutely nothing a defense or goalie can do. Third time in four games that we went down by a goal , so that is definitely something that we still have to work on, to make sure that we do put the pressure early and also score, but the team showed spirit.

18 minutes down and the Islands are up 1-0 after this staggering shot by Darmraj. They have been sitting back a bit more since then, trying to defend the lead, but so far not much of a threat on Khan's goal, maybe now. Grimes has the ball on the left side. He's going forward, trying to find someone free, but there is nobody. He goes off on his own now. Past Das, outruns Feachell as well, sharp cross into the box, Sheffield - GOAL! WE ARE EVEN! Sheffield rising higher than Darmraj and Nathan and equalizes with a powerful header!

Duncan Haldane: Now this showed confidence by Zion. He tries to find someone to get the ball to, but he doesn't see anyone. Many players would have played the ball laterally or even back to the goalkeeper, but he decided to make a run for it and a great goal by Sheffield.

Alistair McIntosh: So these two games really have shown that Stuart Ekstrom had an almost magic hand by bringing on Aspinall and Sheffield, three goals in two games between the two of them.

Duncan Haldane: Yes, if only it always was this easy! But this time it really worked out well. But the Islands were not quite done yet

That goal has woken up the Islanders again, they are pushing forward a lot more, playing a higher line in the back. Nathan to Brothasear, sideways to Torus. Quick pass forward to Daniel Plascas, but there is no room for him to move into, back to Brothasear, he let's it go through his legs to Das and GOAL! 2-1 ISLANDS! They really have these shots from a distance down pat, this one flat between friend and foe and right next to the goal post!

Martin Seagrave: Those shots from all the way out there are hard to defend, especially if they are hit with such precision.

Andreas Svedberg: The ball was not that far from Chatelet, though.

Duncan Haldane: No, but if you look at how many people that ball went through, he just could not see it soon enough to do anything.

Alistair McIntosh: So that was all for the first half in terms of goals, while Tikariot tried to get right back at them, the Islanders went for a turtle tactic, pulling back almost to their own box and hoping that their strength in numbers would be enough and for the remainder of the first half that indeed was the case. So half number two and just like the first half it started with a bang.

And here's the whistle. Sheffield back to McNair. Tikariot fanning out into the other half. Ball comes to Liniack on the right side, then back to McNair. Welch, McNair again. There is not much space for them to work with. Thorniley, he goes for the shot! Hits Torus, the ball falls to Nighthorse. Goes right between Feachell and Darmraj, shot and GOAL! 2-2, right into the short corner, Khan did not look great with this one, but beautiful reaction by Morris Nighthorse, picking up the deflection from Thorniley's shot!

Andreas Svedberg: I am happy that they don't try to force things, but take the time to see for the opening. Sure, it all happened within the first minute of the second half, but still. In the next 15-20 minutes the two teams pretty much neutralized themselves in midfield and in the 65th minute Stuart Ekstrom made a triple change with Adrian Grimaud, Parramore Haigh and Alasdair Dunlap coming on for Nighthorse, Sheffield and Grimes and only four minutes later this already paid off.

Dunlap takes the ball right off Brothasear's foot and launches the counter attack. Driving the ball forward on the left side, puts it through to Thorniley, under pressure from Shariyar, but he goes past him. Tries a cross to Haigh, but Nathan goes between. The ball falls to Welch, moves it out to Grimaud. Goes one-on-one, past Feachell, gets tangled up with Nathan and he goes down! Immediately the Tikariotian players call for a penalty, but the referee waves the play on. Nathan hoofs the ball forward, but Coronello intercepts it, laying it off to Welch. The Port Rhovanyon player tries on his own, weaving around Krishn, plays it to the right to Wagstaff. Das with a tackle, but Wagstaff keeps the ball. The SPI defense is standing very tight in the back there, hard to find a hole. Wagstaff back to Liniack. Changes side to Dunlap, off to McNair. Lays it over for Thorniley. Quick pass through to Grimaud, Darmraj tries to clear, but hits McNair. Back to Grimaud GOAL! GOAL! Tikariot is back in the lead! That was a goal mouth scramble if I've ever seen one!

Duncan Haldane: To be honest, I completely lost track of who actually had the ball in there, a pinball machine was nothing against this. Our players were unable to get the ball in, their players were unable to get the ball out and in the end Adrian was the quickest when he saw the ball loose and Khan was just glued to his spot, not knowing what to expect to come out of it.

Alistair McIntosh: So another substitution that yielded quick success.

Duncan Haldane: Yeah, you see, there are days where anything you try goes wrong and then you have some where everything you touch turns to gold.

Alistair McIntosh: That was it from the Southern Palm Islands, as there was not much happening after the goal, so after the very disappointing start the team has definitely redeemed itself with two wins giving us six points and helped us climb another three spots into fourth, now passing Natanians and Nosts, Filindostan and the Islands, which looks a lot more promising, haha.

Martin Seagrave: Well yes, of course. And if you look at the other results, the surprises still just keep on coming! Last-placed Se Vende Skooma managed a more than respectable 2-2 against Mriin, Port Ember lost another game, this one 0-1 against TJUN-ia who are still in the lead of the group! South Newlandia got some redemption by beating Filindostan and finally Union Europae, who scored their third win in four games with a 3-2 over Natanians and Nosts. They are THE surprise in group 11, I'd say?

Andreas Svedberg: Yes, they came out of nowhere and we still know barely anything about them. But looking ahead, our next two games are at home, which hopefully is at least a bit of an advantage for us, on match day 5 we will be hosting Port Ember in the Dhaencunor Arena in Tikariot City and then on number 6 Filindostan will travel to the Jassan Al Nuur Stadium in Alcassar. These two are from pot two and three, so despite both teams not having great campaigns yet, it will two immensely difficult games.

Alistair McIntosh: So what is your prediction as to the line-up for these games?

Duncan Haldane: I don't see any reasons really to change anything. Aspinall should be back up and running, so he will likely push Wagstaff back to the bench, but beyond that I would field the same line-up.

Alistair McIntosh: Reasonable explanation. So this was match days three and four with a lot of good news to share and hopefully it means that our team is going to be able to build on that momentum, so we can have more excitement for you in the upcoming days and weeks. I'm Alistair McIntosh and bid you a good evening and see you tomorrow for our match against Port Ember!

[Zwangzug]

The Bassabook Baritone

In with the chants

I read with interest The Twelfth Man, an Oberour publication analyzing the use of music and fan chants in their football culture. It made me wonder what would happen if they played Zwangzug. First of all, I would love to hear a northeastern announcer try to pronounce "Oberour Ar Moro"--they can barely handle one trailing R, much less four of them. Secondly, would Zwangzugian fans match them for volume?

It may be an odd question; our fans have put forth such lyrics as "The People's Net" (riffing on the Barunian communist standard) as well as "Three Fans Went A-Hunting," which is the kind of easy, repetitive song that you can quickly add verses to. Here in Bassabook, we appreciate Christian hymns, such as the one about being fed by the bread of heaven now and evermore, and asking God to stay with us now and when we die (totally a normal and non-weird thing to sing before a cup game, btw). Other parts of the country are more secular. But many of our songs, such as the one about Akhil Sibal's return to Namiri or a surprising trip to Vilita, are lyrically dense and not very repetitive. (Also, get hyped for our writeup of our domestic season 31, when the action was truly nonstop.) Fun to marvel at--not as easy to memorize and chant back.

And then, I saw the "Turnip," of course a highbrow and accurate news source from Electrum, and their pronunciation guides. So in the absence of IPA, these are my best guesses at what chants/parodies/songs Zwangzug fans would sing about other nations--hopefully, that gives you some sense of how our accents would pronounce unfamiliar names. (Actually we're a big and diverse enough country that there's probably disagreement even within the population.)

Tequilo. This is an easy one.

Oh, Semarland, oh, Semarland, oh, Semarland's scoring nine! (Ask me tomorrow and I might want to put the stress on the "Sem," but this way is funnier.)

When the Cormorants get upset: Nephara, they come, Nephara, they fall.

When you beat the Eels again: I Love To Beat Turori

Garifunya!

Poafmersia: stress on the "mer," as in, "have mercy upon me, oh God." My editor is one of those Christians who can probably chant a lot of Psalm 51 but she refused to do it for this edition, rude.

Southwest Eastnorth, in our calm objective opinion...

Tamgu, Tamgu, I think we can beat Tamgu.

Reçueçn? Um, Reçueçn? We have something to confess in private...it's that we never learned how to spell your name and we just copy and paste every time.

When they kick it over the bar: Shoot low, Tikariot

When you don't want to make the road trip all the way to East Rushmore: Taeshan's so far away

When the Northwestern team draws a foul: Tough-Actin' Kalactin

When you're not sure which nation the Turnip is from: It's Electrum.

When the first seeds are in fifth place and the second seeds are in third: Under South Covello, ello.

Honorable mention: we could make fun of Krytenia, but they already told us how to pronounce their names. Take note, fans of the world; don't listen to our chants, listen to a chant from a nation that knows what it's doing.

(Blum 31)
(Liner 4, Kellerman 72)

[Sharktail]

SFA OFFICIAL

MD 1
Sharktail 3-1 Unimon
Goal:Nik Akif(asst:Irfan Danial), Virman(Azaim), Hidawi(Izz)
Line up:Asra, Hidawi, Yusri, Hidawi, Irfan (Izz), Chandra, Shiham (Fikri), Azaim, Nik Akif, Gaby(C), Virman (Ilias Rezal)

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MD 2
Sharktail 4-2 The Minarchist Free State
Goal:Nik akif(Azaim), Virman, Gaby, Johan(Karim)
Line up:Ahmad, Batuil, Yusri, Maqri(Karim), Irfan Danial, Johan, Joseph(Shiham), Azaim, Nik Akif, Gaby(C), Virman(Shakir)

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MD 3
Sharktail 0-3 Terre Septentrionale
Line up:Asra, Harold(Batuil), Yusri,
Hidawi, Chandra, Azaim(Fikri), Shiham, Nik Akif, Gaby(C), Virman(Ilias)

---

MD 4
New Lusitania 1–1 Sharktail
Goal: Nik Akif(Farhan)
Line up:Asra, Harold, Yusri, Hidawi(Karim), Irfan, Chandra(Farhan), Azaim,
Shiham, Nik Akif, Gaby, Shakir(Ilias)

Chapter 2

World Cup qualification 86 begins. All teams have confirmed the line-up of players who will take on the challenge in this tournament in order to grab 2 slots to world cup 86. 18 matches will be played by each team, 54 points to be won, the battle has now begun.

The morning atmosphere is really comfortable. Beautiful weather is perfect for doing activities. The magnificent Sharktail national team footbal complex. Wide open gates await the arrival of players and staff. All employees are ready to wait for the arrival of the players. The throbbing is getting louder, the final squad list has been announced. For almost a year the players fight, in order to grab the final 23 slots.

The clock shows 8.00 am. A car enters the complex compound. Sahami got out of the car and walked straight into the complex. He was greeted by the staff there.Shortly afterwards, one by one the cars arrived. The players began to arrive. By 8.15am, Ahmad and Virman arrived and became the last players to report for international duty. All the players went straight to the training ground after placing their belongings. A black car with a special royal logo arrives. SFA President, Tengku Muhammad Hazim arrived. Tengku Muhammad Hazim goes straight to the field and met with the players. He conveyed words of encouragement to all the players for success in the upcoming qualifiers. Tengku Muhammad Hazim spent time chatting with Sahami and watching the players practice. After a while, Tengku Muhammad Hazim left the training ground and surveyed the complex. After completion, Tengku Muhammad Hazim together with the line of officials welcomed the arrival of representatives from the World Cup Committee for the stadium inspection. Stadium Biru Kota Lama will be used for the first time. The match against Unimon will be the opening match at the stadium. After all the inspections, now Stadium Biru is ready to receive the opponent's visit. Sharktail fans will be able to watch star players from top team teams such as Terre Septentrionale, Damukuni, New Lusitania and more. The earliest match at home was against Terre Septentrionale in the third match. However, the most exciting match will definitely be against WC85 runner-up, Nephara.

Stay tuned for the next edition of Blue Diary. Follow the development of the Sharktail national team on their mission to the world cup. All the best, Go wi go Sharktail.

Blue Diary
chapter 1 | chapter 2

Keep following us at http://www.sfaoffial.gov.my for more interesting info. All the latest developments of the team will be posted there.

[Kelssek]

Football Kelssek - @FootballKSK
Lineup vs. Equestria: Poirier, Liadon, Curtin, Halliger, Bowler, Demetriev, Lapierre, O Tuathail, Champetier, Custworth, Taleb
Subs: Gallagher, Fourtin, Douglass, Bogdanor, Dionne, Blueman, Lister

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1337ipike - @1337ipike_13
I ship Thamior x Colm

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Damine Poface - @pooooo
4-4-2 is an outdated formation holding us back

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NSN Football - @NSNFooty
Nichols: Not the best result but not the worst. Better finishing could have been key.

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Football Kelssek - @FootballKSK
Lineup vs. Sultanate of Oontaz
Gallagher, Bowler, Halliger, Fourtin, Farahani, Demetriev, Champetier, Dionne, Douglass, Taleb, Lister
Subs: Shaughlin, Pokorný, Liadon, Douglass, Tremblay-Fillon, Custworth, Wylten

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Voyagers to Victory - @V2V_Official
Cale Shaughlin facepalms after Cathal Gallagher spills a cross and Sultante of Oontaz take the lead #goalieinterference

GIF

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SportsInfo - @SportsInfo-ks
Matt Lister can’t get the right connection on this header. Big chance missed for @FootballKSK

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SportsInfo - @SportsInfo-ks
Final: Kelssek 0-1 Sultanate of Oontaz.

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NSN Football - @NSNFooty
Nichols: Very poor outing for the Voyagers. Players weren’t in sync and passes were constantly misplaced. Losing to Oontaz is a big setback.

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Voyagers to Victory - @V2V_Official
Fucking awful. Did the players think they were on holiday? Some of them like the free tickets to visit home a couple days and don’t bother showing up on the field. Just because they play in AO doesn’t mean they’re any fucking good. If they think they’re too good to play in Kelssek, they don’t need to play for Kelssek.

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NSN Football - @NSNFooty
Kari Bucher: No margin for error for Kelssek now. There’s always going to be one or two games that don’t go your way. Vital to come back strong from these.

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Longo Gannon - @oolongpee
@V2V_Official Hard dislike. We have to stop relying on KFL players for home matches just because first class airfare is expensive.

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Longo Gannon - @oolongpee
Torshen, Karven, Lafreniere, Wylten, all better get a chance to play after that display. No goals in 2 matches is pathetic. Lister and Custworth, yesterday’s news.

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WORLD CUP QUALIFYING
Lozic gets call-up as Crowe turns to the youngsters
After a scoreless pair of matches in the last episode of World Cup qualifying, Andrea Crowe has raised eyebrows with a youthful and potentially very interesting squad selection for the matches against Indusse and Bostopia.

Loïc Maçon-Petrault and Andrey Yusupov have been called up to the squad, and central defender Phillip Lozic could earn his first cap after forcing himself onto the agenda with run of good form for Burnaby SC. Crowe painted the move as both a rotation and a chance to see what the younger players can do with the full responsibility on their shoulders.

“I think the future is now for these players. It’s a few less games this year than we had the last cycle, but we still have to work hard to keep the players fresh, so come the end of the season we don’t take a worn out squad to what we hope will be a big tournament.”

Crowe is understood to have directly warned, behind closed doors after the loss to Sultanate of Oontaz, that veterans like Matt Lister and Brayden Custworth need to produce consistently. This seems to have been given weight now that two will not be making the trip. Crowe was careful to emphasize the two strikers are still a part of her plans for the national team. Yet the two were widely criticized for their performances last month as Kelssek failed to score any goals in the two matches against Equestria and Sultanate of Oontaz.

On this note, and given then Bostopia and Indusse are both teams with solid international history despite the gap in rankings, Crowe rightly wants to send out hungry players with something to prove.

[Southwest Eastnorth]

Distracted Pioneers/Frontiersmen struggle
extracted from an article on http://www.swenspot.swe./nationalteam.html

SILVER COMMONWEALTH - It was a depressing end for the Pioneers/Frontiersmen. A 2-1 loss to Silver Commenwealth, has left the team in a winless stupor. Coach Rox death has effected the team severely and it's showing as for the second game in four attempts there's been a red card. Esther Bleomfusrt was the recepitant of the card as she got rowdy with a shot attempt and that irked the ref enough. It's been a poor display for the Pioneers/Frontiersmen. Coach Umberto Tipoli has been sort of put in a box though and he knows it.

We've got to get our brains off of the Coach Rox incident. He was great man and a secondary father to a lot fo people, but right now we have to play in his memory not be distracted by it.

Meanwhile the game for the Pioneers/Frontiersmen ended in the 73rd minute when Gabriel Vila scored on Miles Mikohaffer. It was the dagger that stabbed the SWEN team and cost them their first point of the qualifiers. Meanwhile Leigh Borune the striker of the Borune brothers got a beautiful goal about a half hour in, he got behind the Commenwealth defense and sniped one just past the goal keeper. While hopefully this game will show that the Frontiersmen/ Pioneers are a team to be reckoned with, it's still concerning that a team that defeated Cassadaigua in the Copa Rushmori playoffs is having an issue here in the qualifiers with a youthful team like Silver Commonwealth.

Previously the Frontiersmen/Pioneers played a powerful Potato Farmers team. That game was wobbly as well but expected with a team whose playing talent was on par with that of a Valladares or Nephara. the game ended 5-3 and while an unusually quiet Chris Houton had his moments, it was a four goal game from Hansel Tang that saw the Tang man put in two late goals to stab the SWEN team with a blunt object. Tang was put into the game as a starter when CF Joel Hadao and RW Pete Carisa were scratched from the starting line up due to a case of food poisoning from a dining trip after a previous match-up last week with The Holy Empire. In fact RW Monesty Erdos was the lucky scorer of the fifth Potato Farmer goal with a blinder in the 38th minute.

Potato Farmers - 5
Tang 12' 19' 75' 91'
Erdos 38'

Southwest Eastnorth - 3
Houton 29' 64' 
Kyra Thompson 45+1'

Silver Commonwealth - 2
Cabral 10'
Vila 73' 

Southwest Eastnorth - 1
L Bourne 33'

New Oil in Southwest Eastnorth? Or is it?
extracted from an article on http://www.dtvews.swe.


This is what Rushmore regional officers say we look like.

WHITE SOCK - Members of the exploration division of the Xannerian/SWEN company Helvetic Oil have announced a new discovery. OIL! while there are several huge deposits under the sands in Southwest Eastnorth. The nation of SOuthwest Eastnorth may be a young colony of less than 60 years, but it's a powerful oil supplier in both Rushmore and Esportiva. The oil well is located in an odd area though as it is southwest of the area that the Rushmori regional officers dictate as official, leaving Southwest Eastnorth in a bit of a spot. See while the Rushmori regional officers in Astograth dictate that Southwest Eastnorth has a set border, but officially the nation of SOuthwest Eastnorth only acknowledges the borders of pre-existing nations and not their own pre-made ones. As the young nation explores and builds outposts in the sandy desert between SWEN and Mahanauta as claims for reasource gathering, We will see if the "ever expanding borders of Southwest Eastnorth" continues or does the oil clam get lost in regional bureaucracy.

[Tioguldos]

^{TIOG FOOTBALL
LANGUAGE GLOSSARY}

Football is one of the most practiced sports in the world. It has reached millions of fans in different parts of the globe, and thus has adapted to the identities of each people. This identity is reflected in many ways. The fans: there are wild, energetic, sometimes exacerbated; others are calm, present but silent, all their energy is in watching the game; some are partiers, going to the stadium is an opportunity to sing and dance for them. The styles of play: in some countries, the players are reckless, daring, risky; others are characterized by their defensive solidity, their constant pressure; and some others dazzle with virtuosity and quality moves. However, what concerns us on this occasion is language. However, what concerns us on this occasion is language. It is not simply an insignificant difference in the way sounds are concatenated. Each language determines the way its speakers perceive the world. Reasoning is achieved through language, and one cannot dissociate it. This is why through the naturalization of a term, its speakers generate a prejudice that stigmatizes their way of understanding the initial concept. The word 'shot' carries more content than simply 'kick', and these situations are replicated very differently in different languages.

The Tiog language is spoken by a few million around the world, most of them in or around Tioguldós. Due to the isolation of its linguistic branch, it is very difficult for speakers of other languages to understand it. Despite the small number of speakers, it is a language with a long and deep history. It carries centuries of war, liberation, empowerment, and stories of its people. We cannot characterize the language in a few paragraphs, so we are going to proceed to tell you some terms that you might hear during a Red Army match:

To start with, terms to refer to each position:

GoalkeeperOrpare, ise

SweeperMúgare
Center-backLasdrom
Full-backModarom, Norpefer fa bisdo (ber farakho/ber ulpuarfo - right/left)
Defensive midfieldLuspe, nafueponbulde fajasluge
Center midfieldLuspe, nafueponbulde lasdrom
Wide midfieldGemosda, ekhe (right), esfa (left), nafueponbulde ber mo gosfo
Ofensive midfieldAskoskha, fual, nafuobisdo
WingerOñadrane, bisdare
Second strikerLakisfo bisdo, lakisfo famosdare
Center forwardLasdre famosdare, siaga

Other football related terms:

BallBamedo
DefeatFarredo
DrawAnboda
FoulJim
GoalKem
PenaltyBasom
PlayerTikofer
Red cardDortado Rete
Send a player offAñibimolor is tikofer
StadiumAldofue, poskho
TeamApube
To book a playerOnesaldor is tikofer
To score a goalOlar is kem
VictoryGupderuo
Yellow cardDortado onorucho

Some distinctive phrases you may hear at the poskho:

---

Bakhe jurúeA player who does not exert himself enough; does not leave everything in the fieldStart running bakhe jurúe!
OkiosdorAlso said 'to have okiosda.' It means to support your team persistently, through thick and thinThose cowards from Mo Bmodo have no okiosda.
Pemokorla fam drogaloxeA team that plays with -5 style, only defends and hopes to draw Oh shit, they're pemokofekh fam drogaloxe.
Da gos!Interjection that alerts a player that an opponent marks themOroso! Da gos!
Mo poskho fa di lofraOften said to the referee. It's a not-so-nice thing to say about their parentC'mon! Sent him off, mo poskho fa di lofra!
OnorkekhSaid of fans who do not have okiosdoKEEEM! In your face, onorkekh!
Fa noferoA player who plays really bad is fa noferoOur new striker is fa nofero.
FalpelarmoWhen a player is very talented it is said that they mo falpela [the ball]Mufes isn't in the first team? He mo falpela!
RíldupeA low-skill player who stands out for his physical strength and intimidates opponentsLomifal is a ríldupe
MúrupeThe múrupe is the extreme opposite of the ríldupePerda Raom is a múrupe
NerjésA player who wants to finish all the plays, risking a guaranteed goal to score it himself.Pass the ball, you fucking nerjés!

Yes, I broke the fourth wall over there. So what?