CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[Fatatatutti]

"Fish swims in circles, Alphonse eats potato chips.... Critics complain that Alphonse and Fish aren't as creative as they used to be. Alphonse bites the critics. The critics try to escape from Alphonse...."

*changes channel*

[Ammostan]

The scene: A foggy, moonlit night. A desolate and rundown trainyard. The camera makes its way down the track towards a dark, forbodding tunnel.

"I warned them. Over and over, I warned them. But the Fat Comptroller wouldn't listen. The rails could not contain him forever..."

A pair of glowing, hellish eyes appear in the darkness.

*CHANGE THE CHANNEL! CHANGE THE CHANNEL! DEAR GOD CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!!!!*

[Occidens Praseodymia]

https://youtu.be/6DcinsRPR5s?t=35
*change channel*

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

"Today in the remote island nation of Western Fardelshufflestein, King Alastair IV got very inebriated--"
*Changes channel*

---

WELCOMA TO COOOKING WITH MARIO, PAARTE TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! THISSA TIMEY, IMMA ALONEE CAUSA TOADE AND LUIGI, ARRE IDIOOTOES. TOODAY WE'RA MAKING, SPPAPAGHETIII!!!!!!1!!1 NOOWA WEE A GETTA SPAGHETTI- MAMA MIAAAAAAAAA, ITAS A BOMBE, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)0-90d09d
-changes channel-

How could anyone change a channel from this MASTERPIECE????

-AAAALAAAAASTAAAAAIIIIIIIR
-changes channel-

ALASTAIR IS INFILTRATING THE FORUMS...AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS MY DOING.

[Kergstan]

[...]funded by the imperial forces to shun and discredit the revolutionaries of Basi with a false-flag operation, to this day the circumstances of the death of Emerina Ombok remain suspicious, more so when you take note that the heads of the corporates responsible for the deforestation in Bali have never been heard by a single judicial panel, a social activist that sought refuge in our country is here today with us to[...]

CHANGE CHANNEL

[Fatatatutti]

"Tonight on Baking with Alphonse, special guest Mario helps Alphonse make biscotti. Alphonse makes fun of Mario'sa accent. Mario gets mad and throws the dough at Alphonse but it sticks to the ceiling."

*changea da channel*

[Occidens Praseodymia]

"CBS News for 13th July 2020: A magnitude 6 earthquake in Idaho yesterday is causing panic over fears of long-overdue Yellowstone supereruption..."
BOOORINGGGG!!!
*changes channel*
"The Yellowstone volcan..."
IT'S ON EVERY BLOODY CHANNEL!
CHANGE THE FECKIN THING

[Ovesa]

"Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order 65---oh HECK NO-"

"Yes, my Lord."

*changes channel*

"In other news, Chancellor Palpatine has been found dead in Miami-"

*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"I can't believe you embraced fascism. You, out of all people!"
Jessica turned around, looking at h...

*changes channel*

[Westinor]

Here's an image of a cow. Just sitting there. Doing nothing. Maybe it's standing. Do cows sit or stand? Well, to get delve into this we first have to distinguish-

*changes channel*

[Bahamian Caicos]

"A Twitter user has posted what appear to be official documents stating that the army of Portugal has decided to invade Russia while riding cows in the middle of January. We are still awaiting a response to our phone calls to them about whether or not this is their actual plan."

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"I saw it on the Internet.... No! Wait! I DIDN'T see it on the Internet. I saw it on... a DOCUMENTARY. Yeah. A documentary... about... cows. Yeah, that'a right, about cows."

*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Principal Gooding?"
"Yes?" He was smoking a cigar with his shoes on the table.
"Me, Miss Yoon, and Mr. Crabtree are proposing something. We're going to split from this school and make our own school."
Principal Gooding spat out alcohol spilling his desk.
"You're seceding?! Ain't our school good enough?"
"We don't get to teach anything good it's always standardized testing."
"What's the point?"
"A small school. Small schools for about 400 students. Students work better in small schools since they're more likely to know each other as friends in class and as a community in school like neighbors. Teachers can teach what they need and what they want. And we will recruit talented teachers with classes focused on prepping students for the 21st century economy. It will be student centered. Events and parents involved as volunteers and teachers that care."
"YOU GUYS ARE SPLITTING INTO A PILOT SCHOOL?!!"

*changes channel*

[Southern Tzhelarhaai]

Solemn piano music can be heard playing in the background.

"Why, oh why, oh why, Alastair?
You've brought your own kingdom such great despair.
While you drank, werfed, and meddled with vice
Your patriotic people had to pay the price.

Alastair Laertes, object of love,
Blessed by His mercy and grace from above.
Sworn to protect his people come what may,
But his kingdom's principles he did betray.

Look up, Fardelshufflestein, do not despair,
For there is still hope within Alastair.
Once he relents and changes his ways,
He will truly earn his rightful place."

*changes channel*

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

Solemn piano music can be heard playing in the background.

"Why, oh why, oh why, Alastair?
You've brought your own kingdom such great despair.
While you drank, werfed, and meddled with vice
Your patriotic people had to pay the price.

Alastair Laertes, object of love,
Blessed by His mercy and grace from above.
Sworn to protect his people come what may,
But his kingdom's principles he did betray.

Look up, Fardelshufflestein, do not despair,
For there is still hope within Alastair.
Once he relents and changes his ways,
He will have truly earned his rightful place."

*changes channel*

This would make a great factbook.

---

*King Alastair IV is delivering an update on the investigation into the former Minister of Defense's treason, and on the health precautions to be perpetuated to prevent the arrival of coronavirus in Western Fardelshufflestein. He is drunk but hiding it well.*

*Watches speech*
*Changes channel*

[The Arbys Cult]

"Welcome back the The Daily Chat with H. Jon Benjamin. Our guest today is an interdimensional portal that spews out molten lava and small-caliber bullets. It was here this morning when we got on the set, and it hasn't gone away yet, so we're just going to pretend like this is normal. How are you today, portal?" The portal shoots bullets "Good to hear. Later on, we'll try throwing things through the portal to see what happens, so stay tuned."

*Changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"How to make good nachos," Chef Alton Jake reveals, "...is all you need is great quality tortilla chips. Don't buy the cheap knock off ones from the bad grocery store. Make them yourself! You need carne asada, guacamole, sour cream, cilantro, onions, some sliced purple cabbage, red sauce, special cheese, refried beans, and diced tomatoes. Jalapeños are optional..."

*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"The devil's behind you."
"Who? Where?" The man surprised, turned around...

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"Fish works on cold fusion. He gets the cold part working but not the fusion. The cold water makes him too sluggish to do any more."

*changes channel*

[95X]

(Scene is obviously an online classroom. A woman mutes the audio of every other participant and expands her camera to the entire screen.)

"Hello class, welcome back to school, I'm Mrs. Jones, your civics teacher! We're going to have a fun year, and even though we won't be able to meet in person we're going to have a fun time together learning about what makes our country great!"

"I hope all of you have had the chance to read the course syllabus that was already posted on www dot burr-ms dot k12 dot dist dot state dot example, isn't that a mouthful? Because unlike previous years, we're going to have fun by playing an online game I know you'll all enjoy, called NationStates!"

(Computer "ping!" sound is heard.)

"A question already! I'm so excited to have such an engaged class! Go ahead," Mrs Jones looks away at a sheet of paper with student names on them, "Jacob?"

A very nervous kid named Jacob starts speaking.

"Uh, Mrs. Jones? I—I'm already banned from NationStates because over the summer I put multiple nations into the WA and kept doing it!"

Briefly, everyone is seen on screen. The other students can be seen—but not heard—laughing, and our Mrs. Jones expands her own screen again and clears her throat.

"Well, then, young man, you'll have to do the alternate assignment; a fifteen-page term-length paper and an audio-visual PowerPoint Presentation you'll have to give to the class, on judicial review of domestic farm policy!"

*Changes channel*

[Voxija]

"Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to Does She Look like a Fourth Grader?, the hip game show where celebrity guests guess which one of the kids is actually in the fourth grade."

*changes channel*

[Free Ravensburg]

*changes Channel

[The Arbys Cult]

"Oh boy, I'm having a great day not understanding these JoJo's Bizarre Adventures references! Time to open this inconspicuous door! What's the worst that could-"

*Changes channel*

[Greater Yukon Lands]

"I just can't believe that 2020 could get any worse. It really can't."
"Actually, I just found out that ebola is running for president."

*changes channel*

[Tolopel]

High fees?
Not enough foot room?
Non-friendly employees?
THEN USE TOLOPEL AIRLINES!
We have even KINDER employees!
More foot room!
and better...
THE PLANE TICKETS ARE CHEAPER BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
So book a flight today on Tolopel Airlines!
You are to move about the coun-

*changes channel*