Draft 3: Streamlined a bit and added some more humor.
A Bad Case of Basketcase
Validity: Must have economy of Struggling or worse, and cannot have high employment.
Description
Earlier this week, the @@DEMONYM@@ workforce was rocked by a wave of mass layoffs in everything from fancy restaurants to basic utilities, striking a further blow to already low confidence in the nation's economy. Your Treasury Minister has called an emergency meeting on getting people back to work before the problem spirals out of control.
Option 1
"I think it's best I don't sugar-coat things," sighs dieting economic advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@, laying some rich Brancalandian chocolate out on the table. "The meat and potatoes is if we don't start some pork projects, our economy's gonna beef. We need to cook up a massive government jobs project to get the workforce back in business and give us time to sandwich our options before things come to a boil. Once people are juiced up and back to work earning money, they'll be out spendin' dough and helping get the economy back on track. Then we can have our cake and eat it too."
Effect: the government pays citizens to throw money in a hole and dig it back up again
Option 2
"Sorry to darken the mood, but how does the advisor propose we pay for... whatever that was?" questions your Treasury Minister, eyeing the chocolate with suspicion. "We need to ensure that basic services are being performed to keep our society functioning, without melting our budget in the process! I recommend implementing a civil conscription system, where people are made to perform necessary work for the government, at least until the economy stabilizes a bit. Troubling times call for troubling measures- at least, I think that's how the saying goes."
Effect: doctors are forced to postpone life-saving surgery to help kittens out of trees
Option 3
Validity: Must have market economy.
"We'd love to hire more people, we truly would," sobs @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ executive @@RANDOMNAME@@, getting the chocolate wet. "But the simple truth of the matter is we just can't. Our margins are razor-thin, and I had to pawn my second yacht the other day just to make ends meet. Give businesses a generous aid package and cut back on regulation, and I promise you the employment situation will be sweeter than ever."
Effect: the super-rich swear they'll be more charitable if the government just gives them more money
Option 4
"If the economy's so bad, why are we blowing our budget on luxuries like expensive imported chocolate?" asks an aide who's obviously new here. "The obvious solution is to audit the entire government for wasteful spending, freeze any unjustifiable expenditures, and give direct financial support to the people that need it most, at least until they can get back on their feet. I'm certain the economy will recover. Eventually."
Effect: the government spends millions auditing itself while citizens struggle to make ends meet