Rojava Free State wrote:Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
He probably needs to cool off. It wasn’t the wisest thing to say for sure. It could’ve been misinterpreted. Just approach him later and apologize. He’s your friend. I’m sure he won’t bare you any ill will.
I worry sometimes because of my own reaction to these things. Everytime someone does something that really hurts me, its almost like I hold a mini grudge. I still care for them and don't bare ill will, but I still hang around on whatever happened and never forget. I never forgot the time Tyler tried to talk me out of depression with "man you really gonna kill yourself over a girl? (I wasn't but he didn't know why I was really depressed)." Or the time I tried to call Josh and he pretended to be his own answering machine cause he didn't wanna talk. Or the time my mom said I was an asshole. Or the time my dad said I should be sent to jail. Etc etc I don't need to name every single instance because there are hundreds. I worry that other people might feel the same. That a year from now Josh is gonna remember what happened tonight and think "I know I'm not shit to my friends and they don't care about me." Same kind of thoughts I have. And unlike my other friends, Josh has a very similar thought process and outlook on the world as myself so I really do worry he feels this way. That he'll take this incident to mean "he doesn't really care for you. He thinks you're a loser."
Idk, I just really hate making people upset. Could be anyone, and it really sucks when I make things hard for my own friends and family. I really do try but I'm just a hard person to deal with. I'm prone to anger, I get unbelievably anxious over all kinds of crap, I lash out at people and I dont watch what I say. I just wish my buddy would check his phone now and see that I really didn't mean it, but I know he went to bed. I can't do anything except wait till tomorrow morning.
Roj, I think you need to cut yourself some slack. This situation, the pandemic, your own personal worries, are many and I understand. You’re probably exhausted. Also understandable.
You can be brash, but my perception of you doesn’t scream “monster”. I think you care deeply about your friends. You just said something boneheaded and your friend, who must be worried about his health, just reacted to that. I’m sure, for what I gather of your friend interactions from yours posts here, you’ll work it out.
You’re not a bad person. You really aren’t.