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by Candensia » Wed Apr 15, 2020 12:05 pm
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.
by SherpDaWerp » Wed Apr 15, 2020 6:31 pm
by Noahs Second Country » Wed Apr 15, 2020 7:43 pm
Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Investigators have discovered that a series of automobile accidents were caused by remote devices hacking wireless car systems linked to the owners' phones. Hackers found they could unlock doors, apply brakes, and even stall engines. Now an odd assortment of concerned individuals have gathered in your office, all demanding action.
Investigators have discovered that a series of automobile accidents were caused by remote devices hacking wireless car systems linked to the owners' phones. More specifically, it was found that hackers were able to remotely and anonymously unlock doors, apply brakes, and even stall engines.
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Thu Apr 16, 2020 6:01 pm
Noahs Second Country wrote:Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Investigators have discovered that a series of automobile accidents were caused by remote devices hacking wireless car systems linked to the owners' phones. Hackers found they could unlock doors, apply brakes, and even stall engines. Now an odd assortment of concerned individuals have gathered in your office, all demanding action.
I find this description kind of odd. The issue opens with 'investigators discovered...' then the following sentence says 'hackers found...'. While this is correct, I personally don't like the way it reads. I would change it to something along the lines ofInvestigators have discovered that a series of automobile accidents were caused by remote devices hacking wireless car systems linked to the owners' phones. More specifically, it was found that hackers were able to remotely and anonymously unlock doors, apply brakes, and even stall engines.
Also, oftentimes it is a white-hat hacker that finds security issues in real life, as SherpDaWerp has stated above me. Perhaps to work around this you could frame the issue as a third party organization finding security flaws in @@denonymadjective@@ made vehicles and bringing these issues to your attention following media publicity or escalation of the situation as a result of the manufacturer's refusal to admit they are wrong.
by Noahs Second Country » Thu Apr 16, 2020 6:54 pm
Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Taking several of your comments to heart, I've created a second version of the issue (look at the OP to find both versions) that uses white-hat hackers instead of black-hat ones. Let me know what you think of that version. Do you prefer it to the original? Thank you all for your feedback. It has been highly invaluable in this process.
installed in thousands of cars in @@@NATION@@@to
installed in thousands of @@NATIONS@@'s cars
"Do you realize the possibilities of this find?" he asks in a hardly audible whisper. "Picture the possibilities of this find
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Thu Apr 16, 2020 10:24 pm
Noahs Second Country wrote:Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Taking several of your comments to heart, I've created a second version of the issue (look at the OP to find both versions) that uses white-hat hackers instead of black-hat ones. Let me know what you think of that version. Do you prefer it to the original? Thank you all for your feedback. It has been highly invaluable in this process.
I like the description much better, nice job. This is more of a personal style choice, but I would changeinstalled in thousands of cars in @@@NATION@@@toinstalled in thousands of @@NATIONS@@'s cars
I just skimmed the new draft and saw this"Do you realize the possibilities of this find?" he asks in a hardly audible whisper. "Picture the possibilities of this find
You may want to change the wording a bit here to avoid redundancy.
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Sun Apr 19, 2020 9:22 pm
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Tue Apr 21, 2020 10:25 am
by Fauxia » Wed Apr 22, 2020 9:13 pm
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Thu Apr 23, 2020 5:22 am
Fauxia wrote:That should be well-intentioned, not good-intentioned, in the description.
by Australian rePublic » Thu Apr 23, 2020 5:35 am
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Thu Apr 23, 2020 8:17 am
Australian rePublic wrote:Shouldn't the CEO of the car company be pissed with the aftermarket manufacturers, for making them look bad? Perhaps he should demand a ban on after market products or something?
by Australian rePublic » Fri Apr 24, 2020 3:18 pm
Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Australian rePublic wrote:Shouldn't the CEO of the car company be pissed with the aftermarket manufacturers, for making them look bad? Perhaps he should demand a ban on after market products or something?
Do you think that option would be too similar to Option #1? Option #1 is essentially everything short of banning them.
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Fri Apr 24, 2020 3:48 pm
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Mon Apr 27, 2020 7:52 am
by Authoritaria-Imperia » Mon Apr 27, 2020 10:06 am
Taps you on the shoulder, right?In the White-hat-hacker version, option 3, you wrote:taps you on the should and
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Mon Apr 27, 2020 10:37 am
Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:(If I don't specify which version (white-hat vs. black-hat) I'm referring to, then I'm referring to both.)Hope this helps.
Taps you on the shoulder, right?In the White-hat-hacker version, option 3, you wrote:taps you on the should and- Are these (the White-hat and Black-hat versions) two seperate issues? I've never heard of that being done before, just because a nation could get both at the same time and they'd basically be identical. (Overall validities are the same for both.) Maybe there's precedent, but I would think the issues team would take the first issue and then see the second one as "too similar to a pre-existing issue" and reject it.
- At present, the White-hat version doesn't seem like it would need government intervention. Presumably the company would just take those suggestions into account and fix things. Perhaps mention that they're refusing to make any changes, so that there's a bigger problem.
- I know I just suggested you add something to the White-hat intro, but at present it's also extremely wordy. Even clarifying that, you can make things considerably shorter — try not to mention anything you don't absolutely have to.
- Why the capitalist validity? Whether a private company makes the cars or the government does, they can be hacked either way. I'd downgrade that to a validity-toggled switch for option #2 (it references subsidies). You could make it so that capitalist nations get "subsidies" and socialist notations get "make them cheaper!" Having a full-issue validity is too much, in my opinion. But maybe I missed something.
- I'd change the speaker of Option 2, as some nations don't have court systems and that means no lawyers. It could always be an industry spokesperson/government official in charge of cars — in fact, this will work nicely with that same capitalist/socialist validity toggle!
- You asked if Option #2 looked good — besides the things I mentioned, it seems fine.
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Mon Apr 27, 2020 3:21 pm
Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:Taps you on the shoulder, right?In the White-hat-hacker version, option 3, you wrote:taps you on the should and
by Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Apr 29, 2020 4:16 am
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Fri May 01, 2020 6:53 am
Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Effect lines are a bit weak, and the first two options feel very prosaic and pedestrian. Can you add more humour?
by Candlewhisper Archive » Mon May 04, 2020 6:59 am
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Mon May 04, 2020 7:52 am
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Wed May 06, 2020 8:19 am
by Trotterdam » Wed May 06, 2020 2:49 pm
Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Outcome: actually drowning in red tape has become a legitimate concern for many business owners
Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Outcome: life and auto insurance are being bundled at an increased rate
The last one is the least bad, but it's also the only one I have a suggestion for:Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Outcome: dying in an automobile accident is considered to be an occupational hazard for most elected officials
bicycles are rising in popularity among politicians(Actually, my first suggestion was going to be horses, but bicycles make more sense.)
by Libertas Omnium Maximus » Wed May 06, 2020 2:52 pm
Trotterdam wrote:Your effect lines are really bland.Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Outcome: actually drowning in red tape has become a legitimate concern for many business ownersLibertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Outcome: life and auto insurance are being bundled at an increased rateThe last one is the least bad, but it's also the only one I have a suggestion for:Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Outcome: dying in an automobile accident is considered to be an occupational hazard for most elected officialsbicycles are rising in popularity among politicians(Actually, my first suggestion was going to be horses, but bicycles make more sense.)
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