World Cup 83 - Roleplay Thread

[Balqia]

The players where talking with each other, they seemed very angry, the match was a fiasco after all, they lost by five goals to two goals. Adrianoviq apparently was very angry, he gesticulated very rapidly, his arms moved quickly and furiously, his voice was way too loud, Zvenqik was laughing and moved more calmly, his hands in his pockets appeared few times, just to gesticulate something. The two of them entered in a restaurant. That wasn’t good.
Liene Kartiviq was a tall blond woman, she worked as an independent reporter, but officially she was just a waitress for a restaurant of Szeviv, a small town of Balqia. In this particular moment she was running to a restaurant, trying to arrive there to take a good seat near the players. This job wasn’t her first choice, when she decided to become an underground journalist her expectations where to investigate corrupt politicians, military secrets and international conspiracies.
But now she was taking a seat behind two players, just like a stalker. They asked for two cups of lemon juice, Adrianoviq ordered a beef with tomatoes and Zveniq got a salad with some chicken. She ordered pasta and water. Unfortunately being an illegal journalist doesn't pay very well. She tried to got closer without raising suspicion, everyone was speaking, but with some effort she identified the players voices and understood some words.
-...sure, the guy is the best musician in the country.
-Yeah, his style is a bit too chaotic for me, I prefer more classical guys like Ander Anot…
That wasn’t what Liene was expecting, she wanted some information on the game, after all the sport column wasn’t about the players musical taste. Fortunately the waiter arrived, she asked him if he could turn on a TV in the corner, the Sport Report program should’ve started and that would be perfect to change the players conversation. The waiter agreed, and a few seconds later the TV was on and loud enough to be heard from there, soon the players heard the program talking about the failure of a match and started to talk about it.
-Great, we will be haunted by this match our whole life apparently.
-Come on Karl, it wasn’t this bad, you played very well, when that Allandren was pretty good he advanced and almost made a goal in the fifth minute of match. Valanora won five Cups, a massive victory was previsible.
-Sure, but at least Laqlo could’ve given us some better training. The style of this Allandren and Marie are known by everyone that watches reads about Valanoran football. I mean, he advised Kalniq to train in a totally different way everyday.
-And that work… if you see it in a more technical way. He defended six of eleven shots, this is surprising for a new team like ours. I don’t deny that we could've done better, but this was good enough from a percentual perspective.
A sigh was heard, probably from Adrianoviq.
-You are sure, we are being too harsh with Laqlo…
-Also, i’ve heard that Marie studies the keeper to become better in delivering more precise shots, training Kalniq to defend in various ways at least made him more unpredictable.
-Yeah, yeah, but have you seen the other guys from that team playing? That Va Drake guy scared me a lot, the guy managed to pass me and Stravo and score a goal, that’s insane.
-Sure, the guy plays a lot, but you should’ve focused more on defending, you lost the ball too many times because you kept it when the ideal move was to pass it forward.
-Oh come on, after Egliti’s goal I assumed that I too could score a goal. But analyzing it now it was just luck. The guy kicked the ball five meters away from the goal and got it right in the top right corner.
-You’re just jealous.
-Shut up, in the next game I will score three goals in a row.
-Dreaming is everyone's right…
That was enough, the pasta was very good, but Liene wasn’t there so she could hear some cheesy conversation between football players... Well, she technically was, but the information she got was enough. She paid the bill and left the restaurant, a bus took her to the hotel. There she turned on the computer and took some time watching the screen before writing the news on the game. When she finished writing it she took a small notebook from her wallet and opened it. It was an old diary where she writes her thoughts. With a pen and a smug she wrote.
“I never thought I could write so much about a match from a sport I don’t even like.”

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

To: The World Cup Committee
From: The Holy Empire Football Association
RE: World Cup 83 hosts

Dear World Cup Committee,

We are writing to request a clarification over which world cup tournament we should consider to be the authentic 'World Cup 83'; confusion over the nature of the hosts has perhaps led to HEFA fielding the wrong team in the wrong tournament.

We were under the impression that Drawkland had won the rights to host World Cup 83. We have been following closely reports from a certain Drawk Lexun about an 'evil World Cup 83'. In this result, our main national team defeated Valanora 4-0 away from home; at beach soccer. This was, however, our normal national football team, not our national beach soccer team. We sent this team believing that this was the authentic World Cup 83. Pleased though we undoubtedly are at this result, we are now unsure as to whether this reflects the actual World Cup, or is a temporary reality dreamed into existence by Drawk Lexun, who may not in fact be aware that his dreams have become reality.

Meanwhile, our national beach soccer team hosted opponents from New North Carolina at the newly refitted Imperial Hippodrome, which has been pleasingly redesigned to host beach soccer - as per the Drawkland World Cup 83 draw. We won this match 5-2. We are also pleased at this result, but the team from New North Carolina did not come equipped for beach soccer, and apparently believed they were participating in a World Cup 83 co-hosted by Equestria and Banija, without any intimation that this tournament was 'evil' (or indeed that any value judgement over the morality of the tournament had been made), or that beach soccer applied to any part of the qualification tournament. It is possible that this was also a temporary reality collectively dreamed into existence by the New North Carolina team, unaware that their dreams have become reality.

Accustomed though we are at separating dreams from reality, we cannot be expected to track the dreams of every mundy that might cross our paths. We would therefore like to ask you, the World Cup Committee, for a clarification.

Should we be sending our 'normal' World Cup XI to be playing beach soccer in a tournament hosted by Drawkland, or should we be sending our national beach soccer team to be playing ordinary XI-a-side football in a tournament hosted by Equestria and Banija?

If you are unable to supply an answer, we shall engage in further investigations over the nature of reality in World Cup 83, in the hope that the issue might become clearer by the end of qualification. In the meantime, we shall endeavour to qualify top of the group in both qualification tournaments, just to be on the safe side.

Yours,

The Holy Empire Football Association

[Busoga Islands]

The Busoga Chronicle
The Islands #1 News Source!

Busoga Islands triumph 3-1 over 10 man Mattijana to open up World Cup Qualifying


Kamu Jacobs(#20) celebrates clinching goal off of the bench against Mattijana

LAKISKA, SOUTH ISLAND- Lakiska City Field was packed for the start of World Cup 83 Qualifying. The journey to the World Cup Finals is a long and hard road- just ask our former nation-mates Banija, who took seven tries to finally make the big dance. And there are nations who have tried many more times. Silver Beach has twice as many qualification efforts than Banija, and they’ve never made the Finals. Eastfield Lodge has been at this for seemingly forever, and they’ve never made it. For a nation as small as we are, who has just six professional teams in the entire country? The finals seem like a pipe dream. And yet, we enter, every time, hoping for a blessing, hoping for some sort of miracle, to push us over the line. It is unlikely, of course, as we are drawn in a group, once again, with the defending world champions, Vilita.

And yet, at Lakiska City Field, there was a new energy, a new hope. Starfire at the helm, once again, for guiding the team to the 74th Cup of Harmony, and having a respectable performance in the tournament, even if it saw the team eliminated in the group stages of that tournament. They were one of the lowest ranked teams at the tournament, and BISA understood that it would be the tallest of tall orders for them to do much damage in that Cup of Harmony. So the damage that they did do was enough to earn Starfire a contract extension, who will be coaching through the end of the World Cup Cycle. Starfire is the only manager this nascent national team has ever known, and in her third cycle, has Starfire done all she can?

That’s a question to ponder for another day. But on this day, it is about focusing on the accomplishment of what happened for this dual-island nation in Lakiska. Mattijana came to the South island, not as massive favorites, but certainly as the prohibitive favorites in this match. They were playing against the Mattijana national team that had medaled at five consecutive Esportiva competitions- an impressive feat for any nation, and success that they were hoping to translate to this stage. Led by Dukan Vukoga, they came into this game energized, and excited. The World Cup literally just beyond the waters, the Busoga Islands are an interesting destination for any nation who wants to get to the big dance. The Mattijana national team setup, however, was rocked by Mathilde Lekarisa’s surprising decision to drop the national team colors, and instead play for the country of her birth, Saint Emelie. What a challenge up front Mattijana has to deal with, right before the start of World Cup Qualifying? Maybe that contributed to the shock result?

Regardless, Mattijana still had offensive talent, and the Busoga Islands were always going to be content to counter. Look at the strength on this squad- defense. Marie Sonko and Berihu Abeselome plying their trade across the sea in the Equestrian States, Kolley starting for Istria City FC’s(though their defense struggled last year), and even Channeh Jarju, the defensive midfielder, entering her prime playing in the defensive midfield spot. They no longer have the rock of Kasekende in goal, but al-Shareef is most certainly an adequate replacement. This team began the game absorbing pressure, and a few distance shots, none of which troubled al-Shareef too much. In the 35th minute, however, the Busoga Islands sensed their first chance to score.

They hadn’t managed a shot on goal at this point yet- they had just one shot, and it was skied by the 32 year old. Qualifying, of course, is likely the last time we’ll see him, as he is likely to retire. But in the 35th minute, a corner was well-earned when a Mattijana defender headed a cross over the bar. Islander fans knew that this was their chance, that this was their moment. And boy, they were going to take advantage of it. Ibrahim Fatah’s cross came high in the air, and Ikshu Amitabh rose high to meet the cross. Amitabh, the new lead striker on this national team, headed powerfully home to give the team a 1-0 lead, and the crowd went crazy.

They went into halftime, up 1-0, converting their lone shot on goal into the back of the net. Considering they had been playing a lot of defense up to this point, they were certainly always going to be prepared to counter in the second half. At the beginning of the half, however, things went from bad to worse for Mattijana. Sophia Velezia, the starting left midfielder for the visitors, was visibly frustrated. After she had gotten the ball stolen from her and was chasing back, she reached out and visibly pulled down Madhav Oojam, the Timberwolves midfielder. It was an easy yellow, considering he had clearly beaten her, and there wasn’t much argument there. But it was what happened 8 minutes later that got everyone going.

After Amitabh had beaten a defender on the dribble, it seemed as if he was in towards goal. VElezia, however, wanted to make a defensive play, and raced over to recover on help defense. She came sliding in, but she was just a bit late on the challenge. And considering Amitabh was right on the edge of the box, the referee blew his whistle, pointed to the spot, and reached into his pocket. The red card was a game changer in this one. Amitabh stepped up to the spot, buried the penalty, and the Islanders went up 2-0 in the 60th minute.

That was essentially the game. Mattijana did cut the lead in half, thanks to a Kara Lorenzič in a one on one with al-Shareef, but it wasn’t enough, as Kamu Jacobs, coming off the bench, buried the game in the 87th minute with a wonderful left footed strike. It’s only been one game, of course, but still- what a wonderful start for the Islanders. The journey to Banija & Equestria begins. It’s a long and winding road, of course, but still- an encouraging start for a team that’s likely to serve as a spoiler to bigger nations who will likely figure into the final conversation about qualifying. What is next for this nation? They’ll go to Saintland, the historic Christian theocracy, for matchday 2. They play a unique 1-5-1-1-1-1, something that will surely be a challenge to deal with. Starfire said that she’ll “study the tape” and believes that her current starting XI is equipped to handle it, though getting past that wall of five defenders in the back will be particularly challenging. Don’t expect lots of offense in St.Petrus- it’ll be almost all long balls, physical play, a boring game. Who will win? Who knows? All we know is that one goal is likely to be enough.

[Hapilopper]

Bolgano Stadium, Bolgano
World Cup Qualifying Match 1: Hapilopper vs. Bolgano
Hapilopper’s “Traveling Thrashers” came out in force to Bolgano, and their presence was well known even before the start of the game. As time drew near, and after the national anthems had been sung, the “Traveling Thrashers” started pounding the drums and shouting as loud as they could, and strangely, to the tune of some late 1970s funk hit. As the players moved into position to start the match, Ernie Stevenson looked up at those traveling fans, noted their passion, and gave them a huge thumbs-up, and then held up three fingers. The Hapiloppians went mad. Ernie was going to score three for the Haps on this day!

Ernie took the ball from the initial kick, and just like in multiple Baptism of Fire matches in the past, scythed his way through defenders and blasted one in past goalkeeper Red Nines, right in front of those traveling Hapiloppians. It was fifteen seconds into the match and Hapilopper already had a 1-0 lead. Ernie smiled as he watched the beer flying into the air from the crazed fans, held his arms up in the air for attention, and held up one finger, before putting up two more. For all intents and purposes, he had promised the fans, and the fans watching at home, that he would score a hat trick.

Standing on the Hapiloppian sidelines, Thom Perkins rolled his eyes, but there wasn’t much he could do. Stopping his star player from making these bold declarations hadn’t really been successful, and plus, Ernie wasn’t stupid. He hadn’t made these declarations before tough matches in the Baptism of Fire. He only made these declarations when he felt he could keep him, and every time he made one, he did keep it.

25 minutes in the match, a sure goal from Daniels Frizzel was stopped by defender Colin McLain, who appeared to shout something at Frizzel, before firing the ball to Pancakes Taggart. Pancakes had an opening, and he sent it over to Beautiful Bobby East, who saw Ernie Stevenson, as open as the day was long. Bobby appeared to shout “you know what to do, bring it home!” at Ernie, who was more than happy to oblige. From 20 yards, Ernie sent a left-side shot right past Nines and into the back of the net, making it 2-0 in favor of the Hapiloppians. Again, those traveling Hapiloppians were in a frenzy, even more so when Ernie held up two fingers, then a third.

As Ernie ran back to restart play, someone appeared to throw a drink at him, angered at his showboating and at his bold promises. Ernie pointed at the fan in the third row, shouting various profanities at him. Ernie couldn’t help but smile, blow a kiss and keep going, laughing all the way back. It was clear that Ernie was getting under the skin of the other fans in Bolgano.

His third goal came in the 63rd minute as the Hapiloppians were kind of playing around with the ball. Ernie, Bobby, Pancakes and Steve Erickson were playing a game of “keep away” with Bolgano defenders, having a hell of a lot of fun in the process.

“Hey, gang! Watch this!” Ernie shouted, six yards from the goal and not even paying attention to the goaltender. He kicked the ball back, it went into the net, and Hapilopper led 3-0, even in spite of Ernie’s blatant nonchalance.

“Did I do THAT?!” Ernie tauntingly shouted at Nines. “Ooops, my bad!”

He then pointed to the travelling Hapiloppians and held up three fingers. He had scored the hat trick he had promised, and he was rewarded by being subbed of. His ridiculousness had paid off, and Hapilopper led 3-0. When he got back to the bench, Thom shook his head at him.

“Nice hat trick, jackass,” Thom said. “You just about started a riot. Don’t ever do that again.”

“Yeah, well, I knew I could do it,” Ernie said. “I’m not going to do that against someone like Brenecia or Damukuni. That would just be ill-advised.”

“It sure would,” Thom said.

Hapilopper took its foot off the gas, and it nearly cost them. Frizzel finally got his goal in the 72nd and Tom Evans fired one in in the 89th. But it was too late for Bolgano to get a third goal to tie the match up. Hapilopper had won, 3-2, and was now riding an 11-match winning streak.

More importantly, their next match was their first home match in the Hapilopper National Football Team’s history, at Capital Stadium in downtown Hapilopper City. The HNFT would take on the unknown team from Islas Aaland, an unranked team that the Hapiloppians had no knowledge of, except for the fact Brenecia “whooped their ass” in their first match, 4-0, as goaltender Cooter Harris put it.

“We’ll be looking to give them an ass-whoopin’ too,” Cooter said. “We’re going to have 66,000 screaming Hapiloppians cheering us on at Capital Stadium and millions more around the city and the nation. We’re going to do it for them.”

Thom Perkins addressed the media following the match, and told reporters that while he wasn’t pleased with Ernie making another bold declaration, he couldn’t do anything about it – as of yet – because Ernie had lived up to those declarations every single time.

“They say it’s not bragging if you can back it up,” Thom said. “The fact is, every time he says he’s going to do something, he does it. I wish he’d stop that, but it fires up the rest of the team and it sure gets him going, so maybe it’s not all bad.”

Thom was also asked about the thrown beverage. He appeared to brush it off, stating that it was an isolated incident.

“It happened one time,” he said. “I’m not bothered with it. People get mad. There’s worse things.”

When the team got back to Hapilopper the next day, training got started, and this one was extra special. This was the first time the Hapiloppians would be playing in Hapilopper, and they wanted to make sure they could not just get another victory, but make a statement this time. They wanted to dominate Islas Aaland, and it was nothing against them, but it was everything about winning for their fellow countrymen, in front of their fellow countrymen.

[Flavovespia]

Ko-oren 2 - 1 Flavovespia

In their inaugural match, Flavovespia came within 7 minutes of picking up points against the KPB ranked 29 team, but just fell short in the end. A 2-1 defeat against such a strong opponent shouldn't be seen as a poor result, but it will always be tough to get over the feelings of "What if" that will come from such a result. Nevertheless the game showed some good positives for the Flavovespian national side.

There was a lot of emotion in the stands from the away end, from the travelling fans. The anthems played out, and the realisation of Flavovespian national football was true. Not since the days of Greater Waldster had this been witnessed for these fans. A final pep talk took place on the pitch, and players 1-11, 10 in the home kit of yellow shirt, black shorts and black shorts, with the goalkeeper all in white lined up to represent the nation.

If there was any concern of being overwhelmed by the occasion, the opening 15 minutes seemed to disprove that. Ko-oren came out in their typical 5-3-2 defensive setup. The 5 at the back didn't seem too keen to launch their own attacking moves to being with, and that left the Ko-oren midfield with a lot of work to do. Saushilu Janoreirinthen and Maximilien Longchambon were tasked with the art of creating the scoring chances, but between them they struggled to get past Henrik Jensen and James King, who always found the right positions. Speculative balls forward to Ko-oren striker's didn't seem to find a way past the Flavovespia back 4.

Flavovespia themselves however were not exactly creating much. The advantage of the back 5 was it nullified Jonathan Feld, and despite Steven Hall getting past Alan Brogley on a few occasions, he had little options in the box to play the ball to. Andrew Mason came closest when he connected with his head from a Hall cross, but Larut Theshendan saw it all the way into his hands.

Ko-oren got the breakthrough in the 33rd minute. A 35 yard free kick was whipped in and initially cleared by John Calvert. Longchambon dummied a long range shot, before flicking it through to Tsuki Tsuchida who then placed a shot high into the corner, beyond the reach of David Meehan. 1-0 to the Dragonflies, and it was probably a fair score on balance. It would remain that way until half-time, the hosts not looking to commit too many men forward with their lead.

Going into the second half, Flavovespia knew they had to find a goal from somewhere to stand any chance of getting something. Ramon Martin had struggle to cope with the 3 centre backs and defensive midfielder setup, and was taken out of the attacking midfield position, replaced by Seamus Coleman. This looked to shake things up, as Coleman found himself able to utilise the space between the defence and midfield of Ko-oren.

Flavovespia made their good spell pay off in the 53rd minute. James King played a 40 yard ball forward to Feld. Feld quickly found Coleman, around 30 yards from goal. Coleman played a lovely through ball to Hall, who got goalside of Brogley. Hall hit a curling shot just beyond the trailing leg of Minne van Schelven, and the outstretched arms of Theshendan, to equalise for Flavovespia and to score their first ever international goal.

Ko-oren were keen to re-establish a lead, and in the next 10 minutes, Meehan and Calvert made some crucial blocks from the fierce shots of Mata Vaugrenard. The defence was tasked with the unenviable role of keeping out the Dragonflies attack, and needed the work of Jensen and King to help out. The former picked up a yellow card for a foul on Longchambon, who broke clear of him. With legs tiring, the 2 subs made by Flavovespia saw Jensen subbed off for Jordaan Wolfson, and Stephen Moore replaced Stephen Shepherd, to try and inject some pace into the tiring Flavovespia side.

In the 83rd minute however, the dreams of Flavovespia were crushed by Ko-oren. Lionel Dalton broke down the left flank, keeping Richard Maddox at bay to send in a floated cross. Aimed towards the penalty spot, Calvert and Tsuchida rose for the ball, but neither got there. With Meehan expecting a header, he was running across the box to where the ball landed, at the feet of Vaugrenard. Vaugrenard was past Neil Wright, and hit a typically powerful shot from him. Meehan had no time to adjust his momentum, as the ball flew into the bottom corner, flashing past his left hand side. Ko-oren probably deserved a second goal, but for the Flavovespians it was a huge disappointment.

Neil Cole encourage his team to go forward, and the fullbacks pushed on. However Ko-oren were well drilled to absorb this pressure, and chances were few and far between. The closest for Flavovespia was in the 89th minute, with Coleman's long range effort dipping just too late and bouncing off the top surface of the crossbar and out for a goal-kick. The full-time whistled signified the end, for Flavovespia a good debut performance, but sadly one just short of scoring any points.

Flavovespia are now on a bye, before they play their first home game against Torisakia. They lost 2-0 to top seeds Eura in Group M. Meanwhile Dreamplanet had a dream start, winning 6-2 away at Western Bjornaic. With the Top 3 teams in the KPB rankings winning their first games, Group M already looks like it'll be a competitve race to get the automatic qualifying spot, and the play-off spot

Domestic Football News

A new year arrives in Flavovespia, and in football terms that means the transfer market has now been opened, and any out of contract players are free to be signed by any team. There are lots of rumours, confirmation of released players, and we explore some of these today.

Waldster have been linked to a number of strikers, with it being known they’re in the market for one, based on their ageing strike force, and the relatively disappointing performance of their younger strikers. Scott Coleman was rumoured to be their biggest target, however with Stanmorn as Super League champions, it remains to be seen whether Waldster can sign Flavovespia’s #22, especially as goalkeeper is not their only area that needs strengthening.

Malcolm Mackay of Butterfield Rovers had an impressive season, but only has 2 years of his contract left, and has signalled that he sees his future at a bigger side. So far Hadford Hill and Marthorpe City are the 2 names linked to him, but it wouldn’t be out of the question to see Stanmorn, Loxthorpe Rovers or Langmere Green Rovers throw their names into the ring. Waldster are probably the only large team to have ruled out a move so far.

Relegated Guildwell Football had little to celebrate, but defender Ian Johnson is linked with too many Super League sides to likely stay at the relegated side. Goalkeeper Lucky Diamond and striker Leonard Slater are both young talents who shows flashes of top level ability, and it remains to be seen what teams might take a punt on one of those.

Tony Elvidge of Carston Green was their big signing when promoted and impressed, however the relegated side did not. He will most likely stay in the Super League, and is linked currently to Butterfield Rovers and Bavingtor. Rumours that Apsbrooke could make a move for him if, or when as some say their best players are sold are as of yet unknown in their validity.

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier

Political scientists confused by Coalison

Researchers in the field of political science admit they are at a loss to understand how the "Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison" [sic] holds together, after their eponymous football team lost 1-0 to Zwangzug off of a goal from Ramona Ambaile-Hund. "There seems to be some inherent factionalism preventing close collaboration," said Professor Ryan Charis-Eaton of Bryce College. "In addition, the cheetahs' desire to legalize speed is likely to be a wedge issue."

The Coalison competed in the recent Baptism of Fire, where they sported what tacticians and mathematicians alike have described as a "positively golden" tactical approach. They have switched to a significantly more defensive lineup for the World Cup qualifiers, however, despite boasting two more strikers in their starting XI than Zwangzug. "Such instability cannot be good for their team cohesion," said topologist Eileen Struve. "Although it might prevent them from getting kicked around by the Suns and Wanderers too much, I guess."

At press time, political scientists were swtiching their attention to the upcoming Liventian elections in the hopes that they would produce a more understandable left-wing coalition.

Fans pleased by new tradition that is "like WorldVision, but good"

Fans reemerging into the festivities accompanying international football were shocked to discover the new tradition of "World Cup Concerts," a novel way of sharing the musical cultures of the world.

"No egregiously dressed 'singers'? No unoriginal plagiarism?" marvelled onetime WorldVision voter Eduardo Ventra. "I don't really know how to handle such levels of quality."

Kura-Pellandi expatriate Isobel Meyer-Pont was similarly impressed. "Without the Swilatian region block voting, or indeed, any kind of uncontrollable puppeteering, I might just be able to relax and focus on the music. And on analyzing the probablities of success for the football sides that qualified for the proper, of course."

Zwangzug's fans also reported being impressed at gorgeous performances for art's sake, rather than sensationalism and escalating "arms races" of melodrama. At press time, reporters had decided to just be quiet and not, like, report on the rest of the outside world or anything.

[Taeshan]

A good start to qualifying is a must if you hope to qualify for a World Cup and the Purple Knights had a tough test to open up World Cup 83 qualifying with Mytanija coming to the Atlantea Coliseum for a first matchday scrap. The Knights were looking at the first matchup as a true test of their power after a strong Copa Rushmori ended with a Round of Sixteen exit after a strong group stage, with their home purples on the side was ready to face the third strongest side in the group in a battle that would likely set the early tone for Group J in qualifying. A strong win and they set themselves up for a big push in the first half of qualifying, a draw or a loss and things would start to be questioned by the coaches, the players, and the fans.

The Knights were ready to go on their return to competitive international fixtures and with many of the players seeing this as perhaps their last chance to mount a qualification effort to the finals they seemed lively in the early goings. A strong first half performance would take them to the locker room up 1-0. It was an impressive display by the three youngsters on the left side of the field that seemed to most warrant a goal for much of the opening half, and eventually it would be a strong cross from Santiago Santiago finding the head of Wilhelm Nkitilina and the Hurricanes' Striker put no doubt in the mind of the 590,000 strong in his home stadium by putting the ball into the net in the 28th minute.

The strong start to the opening game had the crowd ready to go, but things would get a little testy shortly after halftime as the Knights other striker Abriel Torres limped off to what thankfully would later be only touted as a small strain in his leg. On came Miles Snavely for a 35 minute run and the 36 year old striker proved up to the battle putting in a nice effort that led to a rebound goal for Geoffrey Klingenberg. The Knights seemed destined to win the game, but once again it seemed up for questioning when Mytanija found a consolation goal in the 79th that seemed to spark their fire. That said the Knights defensive death-grip proved able to withhold against a second leak and the Knights would finish the game with the 2-1 victory.

Perhaps of bigger news to the Knights faithful, and more than likely their visiting fans from Mytanija was the news that came out shortly after the Knights victory the score from across Rushmore as group favorites Darmen faced a less than fancied side in Penguinland. In the most shocking outcome of the day the 274th ranked side in the world defeated the 25th ranked side in the world 1-0 in Darmen. The Knights will surely see this as an opportunity to pounce having a 3 point head start with one of their strongest opponents out of the way early on. With the Knights and Darmen likely in a tense three way battle with Mytanija for a qualifying spot and a fourth of another their first round victory will hopefully set them up for a strong effect in the overall battle.

[Kita-Hinode]

Lloyd had just recently moved to Helland-upon-Thames with his family when he first met the Monteiro brothers. Having studied at a small school back at his hometown (where it wasn't rare for Miltanks and Mudsdales suddenly put their faces through any open windows out of curiosity) meant that the move to a bigger city was a bit of whiplash to the boy. He was always well-natured, having helped his family with their farm until his parents sold that off to join the mining industry and often looking after his younger brother meant that he was more mature (some would say even wiser) beyond what his age would entail.

Still, he wasn't looking forward to the move. He heard of how people at the city were a bit more judgemental and usually looked down upon those from less metropolitan backgrounds. His somewhat imposing frame meant he didn't have to deal with any sort of physical aggression but he did notice some of the classmates were a bit judgemental, although they made it so he couldn't really tell if it was accidental or if it was on purpose.

---

"So, what happened at the class then?" The two were on their way to a nearby fast-food restaurant and Lucas, by now, was trying to start some conversation that didn't have to do with what happened with his brother. He'd still seethe from time to time but Lloyd could see that he was at least trying to calm down. "The usual. We had English, Chemistry, Math... On the afternoon, I worked with my group on our Science Fair project. You'll probably join my group, by the way since... Well, you know." The blonde sighed, crossing his arms while Lloyd shrugged. The two continued to walk. "Oh. And Marina asked about you. She's worried."

Lucas grinned, his mood improving in lightning-fast fashion. Marina was the one girl Lucas hadn't pissed off with one of his remarks, to the point where he often said that she was the nicest girl he ever met and he wouldn't ruin a possible friendship with her. Lloyd often wondered if there wasn't anything more to it, but Lucas was a bit obnoxious so he assumed he'd yell to all corners of the world if they were in love. That and almost all the girls were more into his brother and he assumed Marina was in the same category but was just biding her time to go deep.
"Yeah... should've called her the other day. But I'm fine." Lloyd rose an eyebrow. "As fine as I can be." Lloyd chuckled as Lucas muttered a weak "git".

---

He met the Monteiros during one of the many events of the school, a football game against their crosstown rivals, the Rammstein Academy of Learning. Due to his frame, a lanky, towering student in the middle of what some would call regular kids; Lloyd was jettisoned to play goalkeeper. There was only one problem, he never had played a single minute of football and knew just as little about it. His reaction and agility were enough to get him through the training sessions since he had trained those working for his parents but come game time, he was a bit nervous.

He still hadn't really made any major friends but screwing up in a game against the school's rivals would pretty much mean social exclusion. And as he sat alone, worried at the locker room, which by all accounts was way bigger than it should've been for a team of schoolkids, the Monteiro brothers appeared. He had seen them before but they were usually busy with the Carnegie and really showed up to this friendly game in a hurry after getting the "OK" from the professional club.

Matt was quick to notice that the farm boy was clearly off and soon gave him a pep talk. He calmed him down while his brother merely watched, not really adding much. That was Lloyd's first major football game and to his surprise, he actually performed well. Of course, the team lost by 3-2, but he wasn't at fault. Both Matt and Lucas played, but Matt was really the one that amazed everybody, flicking the ball in ways that looked alien even for people who were already used to the sport, something that Lloyd wasn't. Soon enough, however, the two left, although Lucas returned a couple of days later, being more frequent at school than his brother. Something was clearly there but Lucas often denied having been benched or not being in the plans of the team.

---

"There we go. Chungus Burger, we're finally here." Lloyd said with a smile on his face, examining the restaurant's insides from the window. The place wasn't too busy and he knew they would be attended fast enough. Lucas stopped, however, staring at the window with a bit of a frown. Lloyd examined his face and soon looked back at the restaurant. It was then that he noticed who was working there. Covered in a pale layer of make-up with black around her eyelids, her hair undone and the fast-food chain's uniform displaying a smiling Bunnelby with the words Chungus Burger underneath. Ann Marie.

[Bolgano]

The defeat and a spoiled player

All fans of Bolgano expected this match against the current champions of Baptism of Fire, Hapilopper, but at the beginning of the game a player named Ernie Stevenson behaved in a completely unnecessary way before us.

Red Nines: This will be the player that I will hate the most in my life, he was arrogant before us but I am impressed with his way of playing, I congratulate you they played this game very well but his behavior will make Stevenson the most hated player in all of Bolgano.

Tom Evans: As I do not finish expelled this player, he was annoying from the beginning to the end and as he dares to make fun of us, I just admit that he is better than me nothing more.

It is expected that in the next game Bolgano will improve his game and the next time we are ready to face a match that promises.

[Islas Aaland]

ISLAS AALAND 0-4 BRENECIA

A sad start for the best soccer team in Donjia, Aaland Islands that debuts on the world stage losing ridiculously to one of the best teams in the world Brenecia, the hard work that the northerners did sadly left in a humiliating defeat hoping to have some chance in the next encounter in front of Hapilopper.

[Siovanija and Teusland]

Die Stelburger Zeitung

Sport/Psychology

Goldhorns Open Qualifiers With Win…Right?

It is an accepted fact that the Siovanija and Teusland national football team opened up Qualifiers for World Cup 83 with a win over Lashnakia at Veisel, 3-2.

The website for the national team shows this to be a fact, as does the official World Cup 83 statistical record. The sports shows this morning showed the highlights of the game, with goals from Ribbeck, Kramer and Kogler sending the Goldhorns to victory in the opener. Then why do some claim otherwise? Let’s look at a transcript from a Stelburg morning sports show, for starters.

”Welcome back to the Fan 950, we’re taking calls to discuss the opening match of World Cup Qualifiers. Sven from Marianfelde, you are live!”

“Thanks Paul. It was a disgraceful performance, really. The manager should be sacked! To lead all match like that, then throw it away at the end. Schottia obviously are World Cup winners, but they’ve dropped to 103 in the rankings. We need to be winning matches like this.”

“Sven, did we watch the same football match? Schottia aren’t even in our group. The Goldhorns beat Lashnakia, 3-2.”

“Who are Lashnakia? No mate, Kynev scored a pen early and then we blew it. Not sure how we’re going to qualify in a group with Nephara, Omerica, Qasden, Quakmybush…”

“Well you’ve got one of those right, mate. Quakmybush is in our group. Nephara? Omerica? Is this some kind of a joke?”

“We’re in Group 1, no?”

“I don’t have time for this. Have a good day, sir.”

Comments poured in on the Fan 950’s social media pages afterwards. For the most part, fans agreed that the Goldhorns had been winners on opening day. A very small minority, however, recalled the exact same details as ‘Sven’: a loss, 2-1 away to Schottia. How could this be the case? After further and further research, we spoke to Professor Leonid Tochtunov, a leading psychology professor at the State University of Borograd.

Tochtunov spoke of the ‘Svetkov Effect,’ more commonly known as a false memory. The effect involves a group of people misremembering an event that happened in history. The name comes from former President of the Republic Radoslav Svetkov. Many in our country widely remember Svetkov being defeated in the 2000 Presidential election. However, Svetkov was actually impeached two weeks before as part of the 2000 banking scandal. The effect has been applied to other things as well, such as the title of children’s books, the logo of car company TMW (two eagles or one?), the number of Strauss Cup titles for the Stelburg Kaisers (23 or 24?) and now, apparently, the opening match of World Cup Qualifiers.

Normally, however, the Svetkov Effect is applied to events that have happened in history. It doesn’t usually appear as quickly as, well, the morning after the match. Professor Tochtunov explained that this particular instance of the Svetkov Effect is a little different than normal. Most of the aforementioned ‘experiences’ can be explained away by poor memory of the past, and a reinforcement of these memories by connection with others. “I’d like to speak to some of these people,” said the Professor. “That they reached this same conclusion about the match seemingly without any interaction is...interesting.” The Stelburger Zeitung will continue to investigate any further Svetkov Effects in the World Cup 83 Qualifiers.

To the action itself, now. The Goldhorns came out to a raucous crowd at Veisel in Rotmunde, the stadium fully decked out for the national side’s visit. The Rotmunde fans, generally recognized as some of the loudest in the Republikaliga, were out in full force for the match. The national anthem was sung as loud as it has ever been, and there was clearly a skip in the step of the players.

Gavin Hughes’ selection for this match saw some new faces on the team sheet. Yanko Zhelyaskov got the call in goal, with Edgar Steimle, Karl-Heinz Jager, Erich Thierse and Luka Ambroz at the back. Mario Kogler, Thorsten Kramer, Kurt Witzel and Lukas Tauscher lined up in the midfield, with the forward pair being Michael Ribbeck and Ludwig Reichwein. The roar of the crowd was loudest when Rotmunde local Thierse was introduced.

The Goldhorns got off to a strong start in the match, and Michael Ribbeck had a number of strong chances early on in particular. Ribbeck would eventually give the Goldhorns the lead 20 minutes into the match. Luka Ambroz rushed forward on the ball, eventually finding Tauscher on the wing with a pass. Tauscher fired in a cross that Ribbeck took off his chest before firing it past the Lashnakian keeper, making it 1-0.

The Goldhorns were 2-0 up by the halftime whistle. Lukas Tauscher brought the ball forward again, the winger making a strong impression in the first half of his Goldhorn debut. Tauscher made a quick run to beat his marker, before finding Thorsten Kramer with a pass. Kramer turned to make another pass, but was brought down just on the outside of the area. He stood up, and cooly prepared to take the free kick. While it was usually the responsibility of Viktor Dimitrov or Ivo Romanov, with neither man on the pitch Kramer took his turn. And he took it very well indeed, sending the ball sailing into the top right corner. 2-0.

In the second half, however, Lashnakia pushed forward and nabbed two quick goals to put them on level terms. A well-placed shot by the Lashnakian forward beat Zhelyaskov to the near post, and later on the forward headed in from a corner to make it 2-2. The Goldhorns faced some adversity now in their opening match. Some changes needed to be made, and Thorsten Helmke was brought on for Luka Ambroz, as well as Ivo Romanov for Lukas Tauscher. Tauscher earned his applause as he walked off, a very good performance. Coming on soon after was Todor Mihailov in place of Kurt Witzel to make his debut. It was a bit of a risk in a 2-2 match, but faith was clearly placed in the 19-year-old who had starred at the Di Bradini Cup.

Mihailov strutted onto the pitch and his skill almost immediately became evident. He ran the midfield show for the Goldhorns late on, with several strong passes and also ensuring the Goldhorns held onto the ball. He and Thorsten Kramer formed a formidable duo in the middle of the park, and it seemed to become a matter of when and not if the Goldhorns would score.

The winning goal came from Mario Kogler late on. Mihailov picked up the ball, bringing it forward before laying it off to his partner Kramer. Kramer found Edgar Steimle making a run up the side, who then played off to Kogler. Kogler showed great skill as he found his way into the box, beating a few defenders before putting an excellent shot past the keeper. 3-2 Siovanija and Teusland, and the visitors barely touched the ball the rest of the way as the Goldhorns took all 3 points on the day.

Elsewhere in Group H, The Holy Empire defeated New North Carolina 5-2, while the Squornshelan Remnant States defeated Quakmybush 1-0. Next up for Siovanija and Teusland is an extremely important trip to the Squornshelan Remnant States. The battle between the Black-and-Reds and the Goldhorns has huge implications for the rest of the Qualification stage, with the winner of this match gaining a huge advantage in the race for the top 2 spots. It will, of course, be live on RBC Sports One as well as a variety of sports channels. Come on you Goldhorns!

Match Report
Siovanija and Teusland 3-2 Lashnakia, @ Veisel

Lineup: Zhelyaskov; Steimle, Jager, Thierse, Ambroz (Helmke 64’); Kogler, Kramer, Witzel (Mihailov 70’), Tauscher (Romanov 64’); Ribbeck, Reichwein
Goals: Michael Ribbeck 20’, Thorsten Kramer 33’, Mario Kogler 81’
Stelburger Zeitung Man of the Match: Thorsten Kramer

[Saint Emelie]

LA POSTE D'ÉMELIE

Insulaires to Face Tight Qualifying Group in World Cup Qualifying

Saint Émelie have been drawn in a tricky, but competitive-looking Group J for the upcoming set of World Cup 83 qualifiers.

Darmen are the top-ranked side in the group at 25th in the world with Taeshan the pot two side at 44th. 56th-ranked Mytanija are also higher-ranked than Saint Émelie having had a memorable couple of battles with Mattijana during qualifying for World Cup 82. West Phoenicia may prove tough opponents following a confidence-boosting Baptism of Fire, whilst Penguinland and Senayan are expected to be the wooden spoon contenders in the 7-team group.

Amélie Martín's side are coming into their third attempt at qualification and are looking to make it their first successful one in the tournament. Here's a look at the teams they will face along the way.

Darmen

World Rank: 25
Last World Cup: Group stage (bottom of group F)
Manager: Rabbie Travers
Saint Émelie fixtures:
-Matchday 4, home @ Stade Duport, Port D'Émelie
-Matchday 11, away @ TBC, Darmen

Group favourites Darmen qualified for the last world cup finals as 17th seeds, but crashed out early on, failing to earn a single point in a tough group containing Brenecia, Qusmo and eventual finalists Turori. That resulted in the all-greens disposing of Godefroy Abascal and replacing him with Rabbie Travers.
The new man seems to have focused on restoring the team's psyche with the appointment of Desmond Ó Damháin as team psychologist whilst also trying to make head or tail of an overload of talent in midfield and experiment with a back three.

What makes Darmen especially dangerous is their ability to shift between counter-attacking and possession-based styles of football, making it a tricky business to tactically prepare for a match. A game with Les Insulaires may also be a physical one, with both sides unafraid to put in some meaty tackles. Having said that, if Saint Émelie can use their skilful wingers and two pacey strikers to put pressure on the understaffed back line, they may not find it hard to score goals.

Player to watch: Alberich Goldschmitt

Darmeni captain Alberich Goldschmitt operates as the team's soul defensive midfielder and is integral to the counter-attacking brand of football that the all-greens sometimes implement. He apparently operates as a sweeper in front of the back three and everyone loves to see a defensive midfielder run miles across the pitch before piling into a tackle, so his style of play could certainly catch the eye.

Taeshan

World Rank: 44
Last World Cup: Did not qualify (3rd in group 6)
Manager: Xander McDrew
Saint Émelie fixtures:
-Match day 5, away @ venue TBC, Taeshan
-Match day 12, home @ Stade de la Plage, Le Goutier

Pot 2 side Taeshan finished third in their qualifying group without getting particularly close to actually qualifying, a result that has put pressure on Xander McDrew coming into this cycle. Fail to qualify and he may find himself out of a job, whilst he also has an ageing defence and inexperienced front line to count among his problems.

Despite that, the team still possesses good players with plenty of match experience and are no strangers to digging in at the back and grinding out results having conceded only 16 goals 18 matches last campaign. They are favourites to nab the playoff place, but there are still vulnerabilities within the team.

Player to watch: Santiago Santiago

The 21 year-old left-back is the exception to the rule at the back for Taeshan and will inject some youth and energy into the defence. He has good pace and a dangerous cross and looks set to be a major part of the team's plans going forward, particularly in helping out Taeshan's two relatively inexperienced strikers with some high-quality deliveries.

Mytanija

World Rank: 56
Last World Cup: Did not qualify (5th in group 11)
Manager: Lev Repin
Saint Émelie Fixtures:
-Matchday 6, home @ Stade Duport, Port D'Émelie
-Matchday 13, away @ TBC, Mytanija

Despite only finishing fifth in their qualifying group, Mytanija came much closer than the Taeshanis to actually qualifying for the world cup in an incredibly tight group also containing Mattijana and Qusmo.
Despite that, Lev Repin did face a lot of criticism during the campaign over his level of tinkering with the team's tactics generally possession-based and he has perhaps been fortunate to hold onto his job for another cycle.

This is also likely to be Les Insulaires rowdiest tie. The Mytanar fans are well known for their vociferous and partisan support, fairly similar to those in Saint Émelie, and the atmosphere at the Stade Duport as well as in Mytanija should be incredible.

Player to watch: Jezdimir Ocokoljic

The Mytanar striker is one of many totally unpronounceable players that will descend on the group, but has the more memorable benefit of being this squad's top scorer despite being only 23 years of age.
His quick feet may be a danger to Saint Émelie's more rough and ready defenders and his also decent from free kicks and penalties.

West Phoenicia

World Rank: 192
Last World Cup: Did not compete, BoF 70 runners up
Manager: Yusuf Weir
Saint Émelie Fixtures:
-Matchday 2, away @ tbc, West Phoenicia
-Matchday 9, home @ Stade de la Plage, Le Goutier

West Phoenicia are more famous for their cricket team and Olympic delegations than they're football team, but made an explosive entrance into the Baptism of Fire by finishing second at the 70th Baptism of Fire, losing only to Hapilopper in the final.

The stampedes are little known in terms of playing staff, but persevered with a 4-2-3-1 formation during the BoF, offering balance between attack and defence.

Player to watch: Jason Summer

Summer was prolific during the BoF and has once again been trusted with the responsibility of being lone striker. If he can carry his form into the qualifying campaign, he will be dangerous with both feet and his head and could carry the Stampedes into a surprise high finish.

Penguinland

World Rank: 274
Last World Cup: Did not compete
Manager: Ray Will Bradford
Saint Émelie Fixtures:
-Matchday 7, away @ TBC, Penguinland
-Matchday 14, home @ Stade Duport, Port D'Émelie

Little is known of 274th-ranked Penguinland. No trace f them can be found in BoF 70 or WC 82 records and it is unknown whether we will literally be coming up against penguins or not.

An intriguing 4-3-3 lineup awaits, which Les Insulaires will be hoping gets used to add extra defensive lines rather than add weight up top. If so, Amélie Martín will trust her team's swarm tactics to find a way through.

Player to watch: Shidlern Prokazy

As well as forming the heart of the penguin defense, Prokazy also has the coolest name in the Penguinland squad and is therefore picked for this slot. Little is known of his actual quality, but for teamsheet aesthetics, he is certainly one to look out for.

Senayan

World Rank: UR
Last World Cup: Did not compete
Manager: Unknown
Saint Émelie fixtures:
-Matchday 1, home @ Stade de la Plage, Le Goutier
-Matchday 8, away @ TBC, Senayan

If Penguinland are an unknown quantity, Senayan are even more mysterious. Their football association has surpassed even the disorganisation and backwardness of the Saint Émelie federation by failing to even submit their squad details, making any type of journalism basically impossible, especially as they also failed to sign up to the BoF on time.

We could win 8-0, we could also be caught totally unawares and lose 8-0.

Player to watch: ??

Who knows? Rumours from the training camp suggest their right-winger is pretty handy... or the rest of them are just rubbish.

[South Covello]

Carter Redwin Supporter Attacks Mosque in Riverview

32 people were killed and 79 people injured after a Carter Redwin supporter Identified as Brock Smithwell attacked the Masjid Amari Mosque in Riverview during Friday afternoon prayers today. Smithwell, clad in a Red "Make South Covello Great Again" cap and a "Carter Redwin for President" t-shirt shouted "THIS IS FOR CARTER!" before opening fire on the praying crowd. 31 people were fatally shot and an additional victim was trampled to death in the chaos that followed. Smithwell was apprehended by Riverview City Police a few minutes later and taken into custody. He was charged with 32 counts of murder and 79 counts of attempted murder. In interrogation with the police, Smithwell admitted to the charges and sated he did so "To punish the Muslims for their attack on Carter's headquarters", an apparent reference to last week's events. Smithwell had also previously sent out several Twiis promising to extract revenge on "the Muslim Menace" for "daring to question Carter's Greatness."

Carter Redwin himself sent out a Twii about the subject as well, calling it "Justice Against the Muslim Menace" and promising to issue Smithwell a full pardon if elected, then give him the National Medal of Honor. He is scheduled to give a speech on the subject shortly.

---

Carter Redwin's Campaign Speech

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Revenge is ours, we have punished the Muslim Menace! My glorious supporter, Brock Smithwell, has bravely taken revenge for the attack on our campaign headquarters last week! If I am elected, there will be more of these punishment revenge missions, and I encourage my supporters to do the same whether President al-Jabari likes it or not! President al-Jabari is, I should remind you, a Muslim himself, which makes him a terrorist, which means he must be perished and destroyed! I will beat him in the election and then I will lock him and the other Muslim Menaces up for revenge on their attacks on our good people and on our supporters!

"Furthermore, I will, as I said on Twii, award Brock Smithwell the National Medal of Honor for his brave, heroic actions. Muslims are the terror that flaps in the night! I am Great! I am Powerful! And together, we will Make South Covello Great Again! The Muslims will surrender or perish! President al-Jabari will surrender or perish! He is a traitor to this country, he is a traitor to the world, he will be destroyed like the rest of those terrorists and assclowns! They will be destroyed! President al-Jabari will be destroyed! They are evil, wicked, terrorists!

"I will win this election, we will win this election, and together, we will - OH SHIT IS THAT A MUSLIM PROTESTER OVER THERE? GET HIM, GUYS!"

All of a sudden, dozens of Redwin supporters swarm a Muslim counterprotester with a sign saying "HALE NOT HATE" and beat him up. When they stop, he has been beaten to a bloody pulp and is dead. As Redwin hired private security for the event rather than police, there is nobody there to arrest them. Eventually, an off-duty cop who was present summons other police who come but Redwin's security points rifles at them and threatens to shoot if they arrest the supporters. Not wanting a bloodbath, they leave and figure they'll review the tape and arrest them later. However, the tape of the incident is mysteriously "stolen by anti-fascist terrorists."

"Well, you know what? I think that's a terrific a finale, folks! Go forth and destroy the menaces!"

---

David Hale then gave a speech later int he day in response to the events.

David Hale's Presidential Address

"Good evening, ladies, and gentlemen. Today is a day of great national tragedy. An attack has been launched at a peaceful mosque, inspired by my Presidential opponent. Make no mistake - Muslims are not terrorists, the man who attacked the mosque is a terrorist. Already police are investigating and prosecutors are bringing charges, and it is likely he will remain in prison for the rest of his life. And make no mistake - the rest of Redwin's supporters are no better. They are a basket of terrorists who are a great threat to our nation, the real threat."

"YOU LIE, TERRORIST! CARTER IS GREAT, FUCK YOU, AL-JABARI!"

"Police, can we escort this man out of here?"

Police then escort the Redwin supporter from the building. Upon searching him, police found a gun on him indicating the incident could have been a lot worse. However, as he had a permit for it and there was no proof he planned to assassinate Hale, police were forced to issue him a citation for disturbing the peace and release him.

"Anyway, as I was saying -"

A police officer whispered something in Hale's ear and he took to the microphone again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have been informed that a bomb threat has been issued for this venue. This speech is over, please leave the building immediately so the bomb squad can do their work."

Police investigated and found no bomb, but traced the call back to a Redwin supporter, Derrick Harris, who told the police he "did it to destroy the terrorist al-Jabari." The police did not find this argument convincing (obviously) and he was charged with falsely reporting an explosive device. He faces up to one year in prison, but will likely receive a lot less given typical sentences for the same.

[Ko-oren]

A new qualifying format! It's not exactly the Casaran system craved by the Ko-orenite public, but the conservative WCC have dared change the 20-group, 18-matchday. Adding just four groups, for Groups A through X, allows groups to contain only seven nations and making qualification a twelve-game campaign. Adding two byes and plenty of room between games, the domestic schedule looks like a respectable schedule again, not a mess of rescheduled games and round 5 fixtures taking place in round 19 and the like. God forbid if Ko-orenite clubs ever do well in UICA, because that would make the domestic schedule even more of a chore. As in, most of the domestic schedule is easy because the second divisions, and everything down from there, aren't affected. The Top League, however...

This season, coaches can maximise the time around their entire team and not just the non-internationals. Starting very, very early in the year, with rosters barely completed, are the Champions' Cup and Globe Cup preliminaries, which as always contain the Ko-orenite clubs. Surviving those preliminaries, our cup winner is well into the Cygnus as the Top League's round one finally kicks off. Halfway through the season, all of our clubs are well out of UICA, and the interesting stages of the domestic season starts - the final 10 matchdays. For the uninitiated, the 12-team league is divided into two for the final 10 rounds, with the top 6 playing each other home and away (that's 10 games, folks) and the same going for the bottom 6. After that, we have our champion, the cup final is a week after that and then we're pretty much straight back into the Champions' Cup and Globe Cup preliminaries again. Rinse and repeat, the schedule getting ever fuller, teams rising and declining, dynasties started and broken up, silverware handed out but never running out, players making their debuts, going an entire career, and retiring all while not a week has passed without some competitive match kicking off across the archipelago, let alone the multiverse, thousands and thousands of hours of football, each more climactic than the last, constantly, dizzying, 24 hour, year long, endless football, every single kick of it mattering to someone somewhere presumably! There is still everything to play for, and forever to play it in!

And then, somewhere in the middle of that, we even play a cup. Lacking most of the glory of league-style competitions, but allowing lower division teams the chance of beating up their untouchable Top League counterparts - there is no promotion/relegation, so this is the only time they can measure themselves.

Even with all that, it's not enough. Then you get the international matches. The AOCAF, in which the Dragonflies are still trying to match that 2nd place from ages ago. The World Cup, that white whale, in which the Dragonflies are trying to qualify for the main event after a few unsuccessful events. The national team just cannot seem to make the jump from Cup of Harmony quarterfinalist to World Cup regular.

Some players rack up 30, 40, or even 50 games a season, easily. 32 league games, a few cup games, a bunch of international preliminaries, especially the champion who bounces down from the Champions' Cup to the Globe Cup, and then goes through that in the AOCL as well - and being the champion, you can bet that a lot of their players are so good that they are called up to the national team as well. And what to think of our poor fans? Following their team domestically, watching the big games from the Champions' Cup, maybe even catching up with the biggest leagues of the multiverse in order to watch some proper good football, and then getting hit by the World Cup qualifiers right when you least expect it. There are folks who watch 100 games in a year as a low estimate. 200 isn't unheard of. But we found him. One of those superfans who watch pretty much a game a day. We've tracked down one of Ko-oren's biggest fans of the sport, writing down the details of every single match he's watched. Last season, he's watched 500 games and this year plans to watch 600. We've seen his schedule, and they're all accounted for. Waking up early, pulling all-nighters, and keeping a private database of all that he's seen. What does he make of the upcoming campaign?

What's your schedule this week?
Football is very weekend-heavy, as you know. I'm starting off on Monday by watching some full replays of the Top League, Miradela vs Aminey and Schemerdrecht vs Bruncester. Around lunch, I should get to the highlights of the other games I couldn't watch before. I've got a subscription to some more stuff, so after lunch I'll grab Nephara's Brinemouth vs Crisisbless and see Dalton at work. Directus vs Ulsa, from Eura, are on the menu as well. Tuesday I catch games from leagues slightly lower on the UICA rankings, think leagues like Banija, Darmen, Apox, Kita-Hinode. Banija and Kita-Hinode for the atmosphere, Darmen and Apox because I want to know what the rivals are up to. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of great football played in all of these places. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night are international nights so it's picture-in-picture night for me on three straight evenings. That gets me two games at the same time, I gotta be efficient. Friday is the start of the weekend so the leagues are back on.

What's your take on Ko-orenite football?
We're 30th over just the 73rd UICA season. Give it another year, and I guarantee we've climbed up to 25th. It's just that coefficients go across five years and we've haven't been good at sending our clubs every single year, and even then we send different ones all the time so no team can get international experience and then make that work for them the year after. I know we give ourselves a bad name but the Top League really is better than most think. We can get a lot done, and our clubs' defences really aren't taken for granted. You can see the shift between their opponents on the weekends in the league and against Bruncester, Cirelbourne, Straudum, those kinds of clubs. They don't take them lightly.

What's your favourite club name?
A bit of an inane question... but I'll say Crisisbless, Nephara. Double names also work for me, so I love some of the Southern second division team names, as well as Mercedini's Hoventon & Corlington.

Let's get to business, what about the Dragonflies this year?
Decent chances. We tend to steamroll the teams that are really far below us, upset the ones above us and choke to teams that are in the pots just below us. In that first category we have Flavovespia, Western Bjornaic, Torisakia. In that other part of the first category we have Eura. Then that just leaves us with Dreamplanet, and arguably Freeport. And again, the other teams really hate having us in there. We might not always score, we might not always be that good objectively, but we never lose easily. Dreamplanet have the highest aim in this group, with the push and the momentum to make it happen. We know Eura is good, but Dreamplanet is my dark horse to win the group. Ko-oren will end up second or third. Third isn't good enough and second is a bloodbath in the playoff groups, so I'll give us a 15% chance of getting to the World Cup. I know we're still ranked top 30, but we've seen this episode before.

[Eraman]

_____THE PEOPLE'S NEWS_____
ERAMAN JOURNAL

| SPORTS | SUNDAY |

KITCHI DIMAN SACKED
DAULAPURA, ERAMAN - The national football team head coach, Kitchi Diman has been fired from the post for immediate 
effect.

Eraman Football Association president, Tun Sengalang Petara said this at a press conference at the Daulapura Stadium 
after the national team was defeated by South Covello.

He said the decision was made after factoring in the uninspiring performance against South Covello and the comments 
made by the head coach before the match.

"It is clear that Kitchi Diman is not able to get a result with the current crop of players by having the needs to
plea for the return of some players who don't have the heart to play for the country" he added.

In a press conference before the match against South Covello, Kitchi Diman called for truce between the ERAFA 
president and senior national team players.

The senior national team players haven't made themselves available for selection in solidarity with the former team 
captain, Putra Daulapura Suara Petara after who were kicked out from the team for leaving Royal Daulapura, a club
owned by the ERAFA president on a free transfer.

The defeat against South Covello is Kitchi Diman's 10th defeat as the head coach of the national team. Kitchi Diman 
led the national team on 22 matches recording 5 wins, 7 draws and 10 defeats.

The replacement for Kitchi Diman has not been known.

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale loses it's World Cup home opener

Krzczonow, Township of Mazovia - Everyone in Terre Septentrionale was waiting for this moment: A World Cup qualification game on our soil. Everyting was made to make us ecstasic, we were playing at home against Amurbia, ranked 321st while we are ranked 218th. Plus we never lost a game to a team other than Hapilopper. Maybe we were too ecstasic because we lost. The game started well, and at the 9th minute, Élisabeth Normandin made a long pass to Zbigniew Zajaczkowski who dribbled with the ball and made a cross to Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa who shoots and scores and the Septentrionaux are leading 1-0. But Amurbia tied the game 6 minutes later when Player #8 made a header pass to Player #10 who heads the ball into the net and it was 1-1. At the 36th minute, Amelia Zalwowska passed to Zbigniew Zajaczkowski who shotts bt the ball is deflected out of bounds by Goalkeeper #1 and it's a corner kick. Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz takes the corner kick, he kicks the ball and it goes directly into the net without touching anyone! The score is 2-1 Nordiques at the halftime.

Then, like matchday 3 of the Baptism of Fire against Hapilopper, everything went wrong. Slawomir Skrzeszewski got a red card at the 67th minute for tripping a player in the penalty area and Amurbia scored two unanswered goals, one at the 67th minute on a penalty, and one at the 71st minute on a beautifull palssing play by Player #9. And the final score was 3-2 Amurbia.

BOXSCORE
9th minute: Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa assisted by Zbigniew Zajaczkowski
15th minute: Player #10 assisted by Player #8
36th minute: Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz (corner kick)
67th minute: Player #11 (penalty)
71st minute: Player #11 assisted by Player #9

YELLOW CARD
26th minute: Pawel Wawrzynkiewicz
31st minute: Player #2
55th minute: Player #6

RED CARD
67th minute: Slawomir Skrzeszewski

Hyundai-Kia

On matchday two, Terre Septentrionale will play an away game against Hyundai-Kia, a team who got crushed 6-0 by Turori. The Reprezentacja Nordycki should be able to beat them, but since we lost against Amurbia, nothing is certain. Because of his red card, Slawomir Skrzeszewski will miss this match and will be replaced on the field by Franciszek Niedzwiecki, 22 years old. It will be Niedzwiecki's 1st cap on the starting 11 and he already played 3 times as a sub during the baptism of fire.

[Newmanistan]

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS ROUT ARIWANA, 14-0

by Jason Campfield, Intern

It was a beautiful day for beach soccer in the qualifying group for World Cup 83 that has been assigned to play on the beach. There had been a lot of speculation about what Newmanistan’s return to World Cup Qualifying would mean, but no one would have expected this. A two touchdown, 14-0 demolition of the nation of Ariwana. It seemed as though the opponent was expecting to play another variation of soccer on this day. I haven’t looked it up, but surely this is the largest margin of victory in the Empire’s history, and should put all nations even Vilita and Turori (individually, not the NSSCRA combined effort of Vilita and Turori) on notice. Derek Schaefer led the way with six goals, and Jerome Beyer and Brent Chapman each added two. The other four goals were scored by Jarrell Connolly, Tyrone Vannella, Shawn Stoddard and Antonio Cruz, the latter of which entered the contest in the 76th minute. “If we can keep playing like this, then we will be on our way to Drawkland or Saltstead for the World Cup, and we could win the whole thing.” said an anonymous fan in the stands that was impressed by the effort.

Editor Note: What the hell is this, Jason? Where did this supposed game come from? We are a professional publication and are fans don’t want to read made up stuff like this. We opened with a 1-1 draw in Fevhader! And the World Cup is in Banija and Equestria!

[Timuria]

Under Qualified Chapter 2:

The team walked into the locker room with their heads held high. It wasn't easy but they got points on the board. It wasn't quite the electric atmosphere of their victories in the Baptism of Fire, but a quiet content satisfaction ruled the room. Iskender smiled at Caner and tapped him on the chest, "Good job out there."

Caner forced a polite smile, "Yeah it was okay, still need to get used to it I guess."

Iskender dumped his goalkeeping gloves into his bag, "So any plans tonight?"

Caner shrugged, "Just a film and some sleep."

Iskender looked outraged, "Seriously? You've just played in our first ever home game, we got a draw against a team more than 100 places above us in the ranking and you didn't completely bomb out there. We have to celebrate!"

Caner shook his head, "I guess I could go for one quick trip to a bar..."

At this point a familiar piercing whistle slashed through the room, "Right guys." Bekir began as the bureaucratic looking man stood by his side, Senol his assistant manager. "Well done on tonight's result, not many people would've given us a chance of that result. Not even our own goddamn pundits so you should all be very proud." The team mumbled in agreement as Senol smiled at the team in his unnerving way. "Now we're going to be traveling to Kiryu-shi, so I don't want any of you getting up to anything that'll get you into trouble." The players all looked nervously at each other, "So we're having a curfew. At least until the bye." The team groaned, especially the younger players as Iskender walked up to the manager.

"Coach you can't do this, I have a date I was going to take Caner out to a bar. Come on!" He whined, his youth showing as his elder teammate walked up and calmly put a hand on Iskender's shoulder, releasing the tension as he recognised the person, "Hey Hasan."

"Iskender. The curfew is for our own good." He began, "You don't have to go out every night to make the most of your time."

"Easy for you to say."

"Easy! You think I wouldn't rather be out on the town with my husband?"

Iskender looked confused as he turned to his teammate, "Husband?" He had friends who were partners with people of the same sex but he had never considered that his teammates could also be doing that. "You. Have a husband?" He asked almost refusing to believe what he was hearing. It wasn't uncommon for such unconventional (at least to foreigners) marriage arrangements to be made, Hasan just didn't seem like the typical person to engage in one.

"And a wife." He let out a hearty chuckle. "There's a lot more to life Iskender. Read a book. Chat with a friend. Play a board game." He lent in and whispered, "Or drink at home." He smiled as he walked away and collected his bag, nodding at the young man on his way out.

Ozbek smiled as he patted Iskender on the shoulder, "Good thing is I wont even need to leave the facility to have a good time."

"What are you talking about."

Ozbek smiled, "I'll go get my suitcase. Meet me in my room, bring Caner and whoever else you want."

Iskender sighed, sensing he wouldn't like what he was presented with by Ozbek. It wasn't that he was a bad person. Just an odd one and that had shown throughout the time they had spent together on this team not least the open bathrobe incidents.

***

Caner and Iskender knocked on the door, knowing Ozbek they wondered what kind of state the room would be in. It was no secret that he enjoyed being raucous and causing trouble.

Ozbek opened the door, thankfully clothed. He had a nasty habit of only wearing open bathrobes. "Hey guys come in." They walked into the room and were pleasantly surprised, expecting a mess, they found a neatly arranged room with a faint smell of incense in the air. "Sorry about the mess." He said as he put away a T-shirt.

Iskender snapped out of his startled state and stammered out "N-n-no it's fine. We just didn't expect it to be so... so..."

Caner butted in, "Normal."

Ozbek smiled at this and collected a leather briefcase, placed it on the table as the two guests observed with saucer eyes. He opened it and the mother-load appeared before them.

Iskender grimaced as he looked at the contents, "Ozbek is this what I think it is?"

Ozbek grinned, "If you think it's a big suitcase full of every kind of drug that's decriminalised in this country. Then yes."

Caner spun on his heels and called out, "You guys have a good one I'm going to bed."

"Wait Can-" The door slammed and Iskender sighed as he turned to Ozbek and patted him on the shoulder, "So. What first?"

The next morning:

Iskender jolted awake as he looked out onto the Demir skyline. His brain hadn't caught up to the events of the previous night as he realised he was sleeping upon a bed, on the roof of the team's facility. His teammates below snapping pictures of him and laughing as they each postulated how badly the manager would punish him. Iskender covered his face as he pondered the same question a deep tiredness in the centre of his brain.

[Equestrian States]

To: The Holy Empire Football Association
From: The Office of the President, World Cup Committee Headquarters
RE: World Cup 83 hosts

To whom it may concern,

While I cannot account for discrepancies in other planes of existence regarding the hosting of the 83rd World Cup as they fall outside of this World Cup Committee's jurisdiction, the "Reconciliation" joint bid submitted by the associations of Equestria and Banija was chosen by the World Cup Committee of this particular dimension as the hosts of our 83rd World Cup. The associations of Drawkland and Saltstead did submit a contending host bid, "The Ultimate Evil," but were soundly rejected by the majority of the Committee's voting members. Again, I cannot guarantee the Holy Empire Football Association that there is not another World Cup Committee(s) elsewhere in the greater multiverse, nor can I discount the possibility that one or more of those other Committees may (for some unknown reason) have selected the 'Evil' host bid for their own 83rd World Cup; however, I can assure the HEFA that the WCC which I serve as President did not select said 'Evil' host bid.

As such, the official recommendation of this World Cup Committee would be that the HEFA send a 'normal' World Cup XI team to participate in our ordinary XI-a-side football tournament hosted by Equestria and Banija. That said, our records indicate that your association has submitted the paperwork for the Imperial National Beach Soccer Team to represent The Holy Empire at the 83rd World Cup. Should the HEFA wish to send a different squad as representatives, please submit the appropriate forms to the organizing committee at your earliest convenience (please allow 4-6 weeks for processing).

I wish The Holy Empire's players the best of luck in their campaign(s) to qualify for the 83rd World Cup(s).

Sincerely,

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
President of the World Cup Committee

P.S.: I have also been asked to forward you a complaint from representatives of the New North Carolinian team regarding the quality of the pitch at the Imperial Hippodrome during their first-ever World Cup qualifying match. They described the field as being "coarse, and rough, and irritating." We duly reminded them that not all national teams are privileged enough to play on immaculately-kept grass surfaces and asked them to kindly refrain from making such comments in the future.

[Mareibat]

Previous Parts
Part 1, WC82, Part 2, WC82, Part 3, RUWC 27, Part 4, CE 24, Part 5, CE 24

Fires raged at Teol Industrial Powerplant, gunshots rang out in the distance. For Colwinna Kelly, the chief operator at the plant she knew time was up. The rebels had been systematically torching parts of the island for the last few months, attempting to purge it from influences of the corrupt central government in Halholzer. The power plant, one of the last institutions keeping any semblance of order and yet being one of the largest cornerstones of the Halholzer regime, had been immune to such attacks until now.

But as the night shift had begun, workers at the plant who sided with the rebels had opened the gates to the compound and now vicious fighting had broken out. Well, fighting made it sound like this was a battle between two sides. It was more of a hunt - a hunt to find and exterminate those key figures within the station architecture who didn't outwardly agree with the rebels cause. Colwinna knew this as she ran to a rarely used side exit with her deputy - Ionoclast Heracles. Heracles was a man who, despite the poor living conditions on this rugged island, clearly enjoyed the excesses of life and his heavy frame was struggling with the dual hit of unexpected exercise and adrenaline. He panted along behind her as she charged through the doors of the main building, unarmed and afraid, aware that they could run into a ruthless foe at any moment.

They reached the door and thankfully found it empty, Colwinna scanning her keycard on the pad and wrenching the door open for Heracles to stagger through. She felt an explosion rip through the building as a wave of hot air rushed over them. Thankfully it was far enough away to not cause them immediate danger.
"Fuck me, there's no way we're getting off this island alive" Ionoclast panted as he leaned heavily on the outside of the building. Colwinna pulled the door shut behind her, and turned to him,
"We need to get to the emergency evac point." Ionoclast didn't move. "NOW YOU FOOL"

He was spurred on by her shouting in his face, and they sprinted towards the jetty attached to the power station. Waiting there for them, in what was little more than a high powered fishing boat was Senior Harbourmaster Jon Colt, the man in theory in charge of both land and maritime safety and order on the island. He was stress smoking hard, scanning the buildings above him for signs of hostile forces. He pointed a torch towards the incoming figures, rifle held aloft, lowering it once he identified who they were.

The jumped on board, Colwinna freeing the mooring line as she did so, Jon rapidly pulling the boat out once his passengers were safely on board. He turned to Colwinna, handing her the rifle as he did so,
"No others with you?" Colwinna shook her head, and a momentary wave of sadness rippled across his face, quickly masked.
"There were a lot of them. I didn't look out across the main office for long enough to get a proper headcount. I didn't have time to round up any others."
Ionoclast, slumped in the seat next to the helm, didn't add anything further.
"Get him inside, there should be some coffee..." Jon was interrupted by a spectacular explosion which illuminated the night's sky behind the boat as it powered away from the bay. The gas tasks had caught fire and were busy ripping the fabric of the main building apart. They stared at the raging inferno for a time, before Colwinna and Ionoclast beat a retreat below. Jon raised the radio and spoke in the secure channel to the central Harbour Master office in Halholzer,

"Teol has fallen."

[Recuecn]

Reçueçn's opening match for their World Cup qualifying run was widely expected to be their most difficult. Away from home, and against the top seed of their group, the team had nothing going in their favor but their own grit and determination. Yet excited for Reçueçn's reentry into WCC soccer, droves of fans flew to Qasden to watch the team face off against one of the higher ranked teams in the multiverse, while hundreds of thousands more watched from home, despite hardly anyone believing the RNFT had it in them to avoid defeat.

They did have it in them, and the Unicorns treated their fans who tuned in to a beautiful display of Reçuecian soccer at its best. A tight defense, the traditional mainstay of Reçuecian football, held Qasden at bay and made them work hard to get withing shooting range of Firaut's net. Tremblay, who heading into World Cup Qualifiers had changed the starting line-up to double down on the teams defensive nature, was rewarded with a clean sheet--Gerauld Firaut's fifteenth in thirty-seven international games. Not immediately impressive, perhaps, but when you consider that Reçueçn has never had any international rank to speak of, while facing teams from across the multiverse's range of skill, it's not so bad.

Posession thoughout the match was mostly in the hands of the Qasdonians, but Reçueçn's midfield and defense worked hard to prevent their opponents from converting any opportunities. Although unable to put any in the net themselves, throughout the course of the match the Unicorns performed quite well against a side that supposedly drastically outranked them. The midfield especially had some beautiful moments. Pundits agree that Tremblay made the right choice putting on Leclair, who had a brilliant game, making a couple delicate tackles and spot-on passes in different key moments. Leclair's partners in the midfield, Pélissier and Hebron,Tremblay made also acquitted themselves very well. Tremblay's fitness training had clearly had its effect as the Reçuecian players were able to outpace the Qasdonian players later into the match, as the Qasdonians grew more and more frustrated with their inability to poke holes in the RNFT's defense. Tremblay also used his subs fairly early, replacing his midfield and some of his defense with fresh legs in order to continue to outplay the Qasdonian attackers, clearly confident in the depth of his bench the influence of his training regime to keep his substitutes running just as quickly as their Qasdonian counterparts who joined them slightly later in the game.

Of course, the game cannot be claimed as a total victory--it was, after all, a draw. But the underdogs surpassed even their own expectations and were accordingly pleased with the result. Most of the game they were content to sit back, let Qasden take posession, but keep them at bay, and this was something they looked very good at doing. The fact that they hardly attempted to score meant that their inability to do so looked less like the abject failure that some might consider it, and more like part of their strategy.

To be sure, at some point, Reçueçn is going to need to put the soccer ball into the goal if they want to take any points, or have any chance of actually qualifying for the World Cup Finals. Hopefully Tremblay and his staff have a plan in place to do so, for we certainly haven't seen any sign of it yet. But for now, the fans are happy, Reçueçn is off to a fitting start to their qualifying campaign, and the team can be forgiven for taking just a day or two off to congratulate themselves before their next game against Santa Regada.

---

Franky and Emanuele did just that, disappearing for the rest of the weekend immediately after the game. Tremblay was fine with that. Given some of Franky's past antics, the coach was perfectly content to have the kid out of the public eye.

Tremblay would maybe have wished that Franky was doing something a little more productive, however, if he had known that he and Emanuele were just lounging at Franky's apartment in Genève, playing video games. The pair was totally satisfied with their performance against Qasden--Emanuele had been subbed on with twenty minutes left and had done his part to head off some would-be Qasdonian scorers in that time, while Franky, who had never once come close to scoring, didn't see the point in beating himself up about it. Now, Franky and Emanuele were totally supine on Franky's bed (Franky had had his flatscreen TV installed in his bedroom) playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, while KIϟϟ's "Strutter" blared on the in-game radio, setting the tone for a spree of self-congratulatory video-game heists.

"I can't believe you still play this game," said Emanuele. "It's over a decade old."

"Dude, it's a classic."

"Don't you have GTA V?"

"I mean, yeah." Franky was a bit too engrossed in shooting up a bevy of policemen to focus on the conversation. Emanuele, sort of bored watching Franky play, was thinking back to the soccer game.

"That was a tough game Saturday, but do you think if we can hold them off, we actually have a chance at qualification?"

"Huh?"

"Like, we didn't let Qasden score. No one else should be a problem, right?"

Franky glanced over at Emanuele, then went back to his game. "Ah, it was just a fluke."

"You think so? We all worked so hard for that."

"Sure, but Qasden must have been having an off day. You don't get to be ranked eighteenth in the world by letting unranked teams tie you at home. I'm sure it was their first day of qualification, they've hardly gotten into training... no biggie for them."

Emanuele was having trouble conceptualizing this. For him, it had been the biggest sporting event of his life, and the idea that from the other side's perspective it was just a meaningless tussle with a minnow was not a pleasant one. He took a moment to mull this over. It was mildly disconcerting, especially since his team's best striker--who was presently driving over civilians in a video game that had been released when he was four with not a thought in the world for football--apparently took the same point of view. The fact that the Unicorn's most dangerous striker discounted their chances and didn't seem particularly worried about it, didn't sit well with him.

"Ok, sure, but we played well." Emanuele tried again. "That's gotta mean something, right?"

"I dunno. I guess. I mean we gotta keep playing really good--better than that even--and start scoring goals. You can't win if you don't score." Franky's character met an untimely demise. Wasted. Franky tossed the controller on the bed and looked at Emanuele. "God, this feels like an interview."
After a moment of silence (albeit one destroyed by Franky's virtual massacre), Emanuele interjected again.

Previous Match

---

Qasden 0-0 Reçueçn
World Cup 82 Qualifiers — Matchday 1
Royal Turkish Van Stadium, Turkish Van City, Qasden
Reçueçn line-up: Gerauld Firaut (c), Leo Beck, Ägidius Heissler, Norman Bright, Oliver Spencer, Luc Pélissier, Grégoire Leclair, Maynard Hebron, Hippolyte Lavigne, Franky Adams, Freeman Lebo
Substitutions: Raoul Lavigne for Luc Pélissier (58'), Thomas Büchel for Maynard Hebron (62'), Emanuele Cutrona for Norman Bright (69')

---

Upcoming Match

---

Reçueçn vs Santa Regada
World Cup 82 Qualifiers — Matchday 2
National Stadium, Reçueçn, Reçueçn
Reçueçn line-up: Gerauld Firaut (c), Leo Beck, Ägidius Heissler, Norman Bright, Oliver Spencer, Luc Pélissier, Grégoire Leclair, Maynard Hebron, Hippolyte Lavigne, Franky Adams, Freeman Lebo

[Tinhampton]

OOC: Still utterly baffled? The Table of Contents for This Book Shouldn't Exist can be found HERE.

THIS BOOK SHOULDN'T EXIST
(C) Lydia Gould and Abdulrahman Haddad 2019
Part 1, Chapter 1 - The Historical Literature

II
Of all the people you would expect to identify the supposedly imminent hole that years of decay had formed in Tinhampton's football infrastructure, Richard Gregory - an otherwise anonymous Assembly Member who had served as a minister in the Foreign Affairs department since John Price ascended to the post of Mayor - would have almost certainly cropped up towards the bottom of your list. And yet his investigation - cooked up in a matter of days and trotted out at the end of August, based upon the most limited dataset that you could possibly imagine - proved to be the beginning of the end for the old New Order of Things in Tinhampton, if not the end of the beginning.
Whilst the whole report is in the public domain, here are a few key takeaways from the report: Transarid was, at the beginning of August 2018, an elective monarchy ruled by King Bon Halal which Lydia Anderson - elevated to Foreign Minister not long after her resignation the previous year - had issued serious Travel Advisory Warnings against. She travelled with two other people to effectively discuss the state of democracy in that nation - Gertrude Spencer, chief spokesperson for the neoliberal Economic Liberties Foundation think tank; and John Davis, who was actually a radiographer but had passed himself off as Michael Davis, the Chief Executive Officer of the private health insurance company Mondial Services - and Gregory's Report was intended to explain why Anderson had did what she did in deliberately travelling to Transarid.
"[A] rouge Transaridian politician" - who, at the time, did not want to be named under any circumstances - had, to begin the events described in the reports, warned that the King had deliberately shut down emergency services. Mrs Spencer then sent this politician a letter calling for the privatisation of such services with the intention of providing a "universal mandate," proposing eventually to meet up beneath the infamous golden dome of Tor Hill Conference Centre, where Tinhampton's politicians gather every April in an odd-numbered year to form coalitions for the legislative session ahead. This was accepted by the anonymous lawmaker in exchange for the Government granting Kharda official foreign aid.
According to Steve Bailey, a left-leaning Assembly Member back home, the capitalist trio were later arrested abroad for threatening Bon Halal's boycott and due to unsubstantiated fears that Mondial Services was linked to the Tinhamptonian Government: Anderson was replaced by the little-heard of Kevin Wright, whilst Michael Williamson - who is not related to the late Jamie, or to Ben the footballer - took over in Spencer's absence. An Executive Council was convened when it was originally suspected that Mike Davis had been subjected to indefinite detention, which later dissolved when their fears were allayed.
The deferent Tinhamptonian populace, unsurprisingly, wound up supporting the Libertarians and even the far-right Tinhampton First Party in their droves in the weeks after the kidnappings. Two weeks after the report came out, their obedience to their own government was, quickly, stringently tested when Victoria Byrne's Ministry of Finance - in the face of being ordered to pay three billion Multiversal Standard Dollars to release their own citizens, allegedly to fund the King's war on free speech - opted to raise several taxes as to pay this money off over a period of nearly two decades. In the end, not only was Ms Byrne eliminated along with her tax plan, but even the payments were never made: with Mayor Price also having stood down in the wake of riots that challenged the Transaridian question and more, he was replaced by current Mayor Saffron Howard, who cancelled the first payment unilaterally and just 24 hours in advance. Her offer to speak to Bob Halal has never been responded to, although one could perhaps argue that the scheduled ransom payments also fell upon deaf ears.
What happened next? Nobody has confirmed or denied the verisimilitude of those punishments threatened towards opposition communities by King Bon Halal, who is still alive, or as suggested by the politician. Mrs Anderson escaped on Christmas Eve; Mrs Spencer is missing - which is international media shorthand for "dead" - and assumed resigned; John Davis was, as we all know, a case of mistaken identity, whilst Michael remains in his post. That is how we got to today's situation on Transarid, but that is far from the entire story. It would, in fact, be the polar opposite of inaccurate to claim that there were a multitude of other factors that helped to conspire against Tinhamptonian football's chances; Brian Porterson, the Tinhampton Herald's "Man Elsewhere," was thoroughly justified in later lamenting "the Indian summer of Tinhamptonian failings."

[Darmen]

Dear Mr. President,

It is my great pleasure to submit to you the first national census of the Republic of Darmen in over three decades. The census is the result of over seven years of hard work now completed by the National Census Bureau. Surveys were conducted primarily via mail over the past three months, with in-person investigations conducted as needed and the aggregation of results has concluded after a three week long process.

The census currently provides information on the following statistics: population, age, consumer expenditures, education, employment status, ethnicity, gender, health, housing, income, language, literacy, marital status and religious affiliation.

Over the next eight years, the NCB will further refine our methods to become ever more efficient as we prepare for the 2053 census. In the interim, I hope the statistics gathered by the NCB and presented here in this report are most helpful to you, your cabinet, the Parliament and the civil service in efficiently executing good governance.

Sincerely,

Killian Spijker

Director of the Census

---

Chapter I: Population

Darmen’s total population at the time of the 2045 census was measured at 8,573,661 persons. This represents a 21.99% increase over the 7,028,047 persons estimated to reside in Darmen prior to the nation’s unification in 2036.

Scott City, the nation’s capital remains the largest municipality, with a population of 3,712,824 persons. This represents a 37% increase over the 2,710,090 persons estimated to reside in Scott City in 2036. The 37.00% increase was the largest increase measured for any municipality. Liverpool came in second, with a 21.00% increase, from 460,691 persons in 2036 to 557,437 persons in 2045. Liverpool remains the second largest municipality in Darmen and along with Scott City is one of only two municipalities in Darmen with a population greater than half a million persons.

The mean size of a municipality is 119,097 persons. Buckingham, with a population of 115,635, is the closest municipality to the mean. The median size of a municipality is 36,916 persons. Two municipalities are equal to that particular population: New Istria and Sterling City. Fourteen municipalities have populations of over 100,000, while only two have populations of less than 1,000.

Darmen’s smallest municipality is Hugh Town, with a population of only 540 persons.

Scott City’s population accounts for 43.31% of Darmen’s total population. 6,135,805 persons reside in coastal municipalities, accounting for 71.57% of Darmen’s total population.

No municipalities experienced declines in population.

Rk Municipality     2045 Population
 1 Scott City       3,712,824
 2 Liverpool          557,437
 3 Rogerton           381,178
 4 Eau Claire         280,357
 5 Tempala            244,945
 6 Chuckio            231,992
 7 Brham	      213,853
 8 Upper Township     179,819
 9 Romanopolis        176,541
10 Johnho             156,145
11 Augusta            135,848
12 New Darmen         133,515
13 Buckingham 	      115,635
14 Pisuvar            103,344
15 Huntington          83,904
16 Kingsville          77,811
17 Springfield         76,630
18 Chippewa Valley     71,064
19 Palerma             68,507
20 Berbari             68,504
21 Hendricks City      66,699
22 Portes Ava          62,951
23 Starburg            62,932
24 Saint-Louis         60,691
25 Rigerata            59,795
26 Darmen City         57,310
27 Wilson              55,072
28 Bloomer             46,920
29 Chavarría           45,128
30 Kalenda             42,789
31 Tilden              42,250
32 Eric City           42,242
33 Valencies           41,047
34 Maidenhead          40,541
35 Bledia Arba         38,182
36 Sterling City       36,916
   New Istria          36,916
38 Cleveland           34,967
39 Super-Mare          34,822
40 Beaconsfield        34,099
41 Nauti               31,100
42 Mansfield           30,130
43 Rotashen            27,336
44 Cialis              27,266
45 Yalvore             27,056
46 Austin              25,582
47 Chad City           25,281
48 Haiti               25,263
49 Kingston            24,932
50 Maxford             24,576
51 Ellesmere           23,398
52 Hallie              23,226
53 Jim Falls           22,865
54 Peterborough        22,697
55 Port and Nelson     19,894
56 Stanley             19,507
57 Vogler City         18,942
58 Brady City          18,099
59 Stade-Ulani         17,928
60 Cadott              17,889
61 Menomonie           13,810
62 Ironopolis          12,869
63 Tim City            12,514
64 Nyancato            10,804
65 Altoona             10,393
66 Leicester Square     8,708
67 Bryxen City          6,475
68 High Point           5,150
69 Bucuresti            5,100
70 Lionsgate            1,571
71 Rushmore               638
72 Hugh Town              540
TOTAL               8,573,661

* * * * *

Darmen 1-0 Cassadaigua
@ City Stadium, Scott City (37,100 attendance)

DAR: Campo - Espinosa, Abbey (Krämer 79'), Maddox - Goldschmidt - Mac Pharlain, Cardoso (Parks 55'), McNeil, Stafford - Hurst, Blackwood (Borde 67')
CAS: Nunez - Donegal, Shanley, Enriquez (Sutter 57'), Crocker - Brenner, Mattison (Southwick 67'), Rothers, Pierce - Mayer, Monroe (Malone 75')

GOALS
D-C
1-0 Cardoso 37'

Apox 2-5 Darmen
@ Stadium of Apox, Dwile (79,615 attendance)

APX: Spitfire - de Plessis, Scott, Jekyll (Gandhi 50'), Fox - Drawbridge - Palmisano, Townsend - Ephraim-Garza (Arrowsmith 74'), Blake-Tatum, Quintero (Koyaanisqatsi 74')
DAR: Abram - Virgo, Krämer, Spalding - Tobias - Ó Cuilinn, Parks (Winton 70'), Byrnes (Herschel 86'), Freud - Firmin (Vaughn 70'), Borde

GOALS
A-D
0-1 Firmin 27'
1-1 Townsend 38'
1-2 Parks 44'
1-3 Firmin 60'
1-4 Byrnes 73'
2-4 Blake-Tatum 79'
2-5 Freud 90'

Darmen 0–1 Penguinland
@ Tyger Stadium, Darmen City (45,000 attendance)

DAR: Campo - Espinosa (Virgo 59'), Abbey, Maddox - Goldschmidt - Mac Pharlain (Ó Cuilinn 70'), Cardoso, McNeil, Stafford (Freud 70') - Hurst, Blackwood 
PEN: Stankovich - Jedercik, Prokazy, Hidercky, Fore (Hernazo 80') - Gonzalodin, Gonzalaherna (Mattic 69'), Strezelny - Dinawsci, Fernandes - Edmunsonowivic (Thiogamos 63')

GOALS
D-P
0-1 Thiogamos 75'

Darmen's Home Matches this Cycle

MD1: vs. Penquinland @ Tyger Stadium,Darmen City (40,000 capacity)
MD3: vs. West Phoenicia @  Kalenda Stadium, Rogerton (45,000 capacity)
MD6: vs. Taeshan @ Stadio Rushmore, Johnho (70,000 capacity)
MD9: vs. Senayan @ Estadio Monumental Ernesto Chavarría, Rogerton (37,500)
MD11: vs. Saint Émelie @ Augusta Stadium, Augusta (45,000 capacity)
MD14: vs. Mytanija @ Brham Stadium, Brham (54,000 capacity)

[Free Republics]

The World Cup opener at Gem of the Oceans Stadium had been an outright debacle for the Free Republics. As the opposition was a 297th ranked BoF nation that had gone 2-2-3 in the BoF and had not even named a roster, Theriault assumed that the opening match would be an easy win for his team no matter whom he put on the pitch. Thus, he had decided to give his entire starting lineup the first 2 matches of the World Cup off to ensure that they would be rested for the match against the Main Nation Ministry. The match started with the Republican backups completely out of sync offensively and defensively. Stig Roivas would concede a really bad goal to one of their strikers in the 3rd minute and Ignacy Wozniak would get red carded for a flagrant foul in the box just a couple minutes later, awarding their opponents a penalty. The penalty was not converted but after Roivas batted the ball back to Jake Reed, the Republican defender kicked it into the back of his own net. The Free Republics were down 2 goals to none and the home crowd, which had expected a rout, was in disbelief.

The Aurian Plains wisely chose to park the bus for pretty much the entire match, focusing on possession rather than scoring more goals. Afterall, why would they take any chances when they were leading a far stronger opponent 2 goals to none in World Cup Qualifying? Nonetheless, the Republicans would get numerous scoring chances and should have scored a number of goals but they kept finding spectacular ways to miss easy shots and/or getting drawn offside by the Aurian team's use of an offsides trap defense. Right before halftime, Andreas Hansen had a perfect shot at goal but an eagle decided to commit suicide by flying straight into the path of his rocket of a shot. That was the 5th squandered Republican scoring opportunity of the first half.

During halftime, Theriault decided to substitute both remaining Republican defenders and play all of the backup midfielders and strikers as his lineup in the second half. Even with a man advantage, The Aurian Plains remained overmatched against Theriault's side. As the clock reached the 54th minute, the Republicans finally broke through as Donka Solyom's high cross set up a header by Denes Polak for the first Republican goal of the match. The remainder of the second half settled into the same pattern as the first: The Aurian Plains would attempt to hold onto possession but eventually the Republicans would steal the ball. The Republicans would launch an attack and get a scoring opportunity but ultimately they would squander it. By the end of the match, the Republicans had 22 shots to a total of 3 by The Aurian Plains. However, the visitors held possession for 67 percent of the match. A Norman Casares scoring opportunity in the second half would fail after a baseball bat fell from an airplane in the sky and somehow landed on the ball as it was flying into the goal destroying the ball and forcing a lengthy stoppage of play as the officials retrieved a new ball. The Republicans would eventually be awarded a penalty after a highly intoxicated man took off his pants, jumped the rail and streaked around the pitch. Right as Andreas Hansen took a shot at goal, the streaker decided to run right in front of the goal and the ball ended up hitting him right between his legs as the referee blew his whistle for a goal kick to permit the Republica Police Department to arrest the man and take him to a local jail. The police, being fans of the Republican National Team, told the referee that they believed the streaker was from The Aurian Plains and had intentionally interfered with the shot and the official decided to award a penalty to the Free Republics. Hansen converted the penalty and the match was tied 2-2. A couple of additional Republican scoring opportunities were squandered on missed shots and the referee finally blew his whistle for the end of the match after a total of 20 minutes of added time. After the debacle in the opening match, Theriault decided to send a few of his starters to Amuaplye for the second match...

---

Republican Starting Lineup vs Amuaplye

GK: #12 Taras Sergeyev (21)*
RB: #15 Jake Reed (22)
CB: #3 Zak Josef (22)*
LB: #16 Marko Gersten (20)
CDM: #20 Donka Solyom (22)
RM: #19 Alfonso Sundberg (21)
LM: #23 Denes Polak (18)
CAM: #8 Johnny Smith (20)*
ST: #25 Norman Casares (18)
ST: #10 Love Holm (18)*
ST: #26 Andreas Hansen (19)

*Starter in full strength lineup

Available Reserves vs Amuaplye

GK: #13 Jaroslaw Nowicki (19)
DEF: #14 Mumadi Godina (20)
DEF: #17 Tim Freeh (19)
MID: #21 Alik Khadzhiyev (19)
MID: #22 Nicolai Svendsen (20)
ST: #24 Dragutin Perkovic (21)
ST: #27 Steven Bosters (16)

---

Consul Scarlett Nicholls was in the process of reading her daily briefing on foreign affairs when Agent Pedro Olsen of the Federation Investigation Bureau (FIB) barged into her office without notice. Scarlett immediately noticed he was from the FIB and thus did not call for security but she did not recognize him.

Scarlett Nicholls - Is something the matter, agent?

Agent Pedro Olsen - I apologize Ma'am but I've got an urgent matter to discuss with you.

Scarlett Nicholls - And what might that be?

Agent Pedro Olsen - I have identified the man whom we arrested at your speech as a potential assassin as soccer player Krzysztof Pajaczkowski from Terre Septentionale's National Soccer Team.

Scarlett Nicholls - Why would a foreign soccer player try to assassinate me? That doesn't make any sense to me!

Agent Pedro Olsen - We believe we may have made a mistake, Ma'am. We would like to offer him a plea deal where he can agree to a voluntary deportation back to his country.

Scarlett Nicholls - Do I need to approve that?

Agent Pedro Olsen - Yes, Ma'am. I've already obtained Kyle Bolton's signature but I need you to sign an authorization for us to offer this deal. We do not believe the man is a danger to anybody, though he does have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with you. However, we do not want to admit publicly that we made a mistake in this case nor do we want to release a man who might stalk you back onto our streets.

Scarlett Nicholls - Very well. He can go back to his country. While I'd be inclined to just let him go, I'm not going to interfere with the independence of the FIB.

Agent Pedro Olsen - Thank you, Madam Consul. We will be sure to let you know his decision. I hope for his sake he accepts our plea deal because, if he doesn't, we are going to throw the book at him and make sure he never plays soccer again!

Scarlett Nicholls - Do whatever you wish.

Agent Olsen left and soon arrived back at the jail to offer the plea deal to the player from Terre Septentionale. If Pajaczkowski accepted, he would be deported from the Free Republics and indefinitely barred from re-entering. Should he re-enter without permission, which would only be granted for purposes of participating in soccer activities, he would serve a suspended sentence of 25 years in prison. If he rejected, odds were he would end up being committed to a mental hospital which effectively meant an indefinite prison sentence. Regardless of his choice, he would be made an example of by the FIB to send a message that threatening a consul or candidate for consul would not be tolerated in the Free Republics...

[Tinhampton]

OOC: The Thornton poem below was originally posted here during WC78.

The (disorganised but) Collected Works of Aidan Thornton
08 October 1909-28 May 1987. Seen by many as Tinhampton's "greatest" poet, and arguably its only famous one.
The Final Requiem?
Written a month before Thornton's death, a poem about what he saw as the mess of the leftist government at the time.

---

04/1987

As I walk past this tarnished land
With neither football club nor marching band
I wonder of foreign desert sands
And think of how this could be

A city neither here nor there
Once under tyrannies and of lice in our hair
And "PETROSHENKO'S GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION LAID BARE"
With little prescience I see

No snap elections due to time
Whilst I notice that the following is now a crime:
Impersonating a bureaucrat - it costs a fine
of a thousand dollars, guilty often the plea

Ministers for Houses, Roads and School Reform
Our bureaucracy cannot repair what has been torn
Of our once-great city, which is now shorn
Not of dollars; instead of trees

A government, little more than somebody's hitch
Whilst young boys yell "Nobody likes a snitch!"
And the young girls call each other a bitch
Our scapegoat, of course, being poor old Lee

Lee, with Martin the Silo Guy
Wanted to take over, and then had a try
But failed, military forces effectively applied
And the government got a nuke free

And as such to the desert sands
Of that place - Democratic Yaradan
Independence was, for it, quite the scam
Rules, regulations as far as the eye could see

Our city is soon to fall into this
And our lives will be far from bliss
Government red tape set to be the kiss
Of death, as I shall momentarily see

Of such, it's worth saying: no more beer
To appeal to the newfound immigrants coming here
This is a ship with no wheel which to steer
The future - in a bad way - may well be here

Can't we just have peace (not the status quo, of which I am bored)
A government not "of Neil Kinnock born"?
Is every conclusion so forlorn
As that of the death of which I'll soon agree?

So, when I die, then the type of city we'll appear
Is as one with nothing to fear
Nothing to recognise
Nothing to live in
Nothing.