World Bowl XXXVII: Everything Thread

[Banija]

Ladies and gentlemen please! Would you bring your attention to me?

For a feast for your eyes to see! An explosion of catastrophe!

Like nothing you've ever seen before! Watch closely as I open this door!

Your jaws will be on the floor! After this you'll be begging for cutoff!

League A

League A Color Key
Blue means cannot get relegated
Red means team is relegated to League B for Phase 2

Kabonero III Group
Banija 22–38 Main Nation Ministry
Drawkland 52–10 Velstrania

Kabonero III Group       Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland               5    4   1   177  110  +67
2 Main Nation Ministry    5    3   2   132  120  +12
3 Velstrania              5    2   3   129  146  −17
4 Banija                  5    1   4   115  177  −62

Kizza I Group
Abanhfleft 22–17 Free Republics
Taeshan 50–3 Royal Kingdom of Quebec

Kizza I Group               Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Taeshan                    5    4   1   143   58  +85
2 Free Republics             5    3   2   105   89  +16
3 Abanhfleft                 5    2   3   109  135  −26
4 Royal Kingdom of Quebec    5    1   4    66  141  −75

Rokani Group
Ko-oren 7–26 Pridnestrovia
Newmanistan 23–24 Cosumar

Rokani Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Pridnestrovia           5    3   2   107   95  +12
2 Cosumar                 5    3   2   140  116  +24
3 Ko-oren                 5    3   2    67   90  −23
4 Newmanistan             5    1   4    96  109  −13

League B

League B Color Key
Green means team will be promoted to League A in Phase 2
Red means team will get relegated to League C in Phase 2

Ruhakana Group
New England 34–14 Bongo Johnson
Allamunnic States 30–7 Northwest Kalactin

Ruhakana Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 New England             5    5   0   200  105  +95
2 Allamunnic States       5    3   2   149  105  +44
3 Northwest Kalactin      5    1   4    99  138  −39
4 Bongo Johnson           5    1   4    75  175 −100

Akena III Group
Greater Nordics 31–20 Anthor
United States of Devonta 10–34 South Covello

Akena III Group              Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 South Covello               5    3   2   129  111  +18
2 Greater Nordics             5    3   2   120  102  +18
3 United States of Devonta    5    3   2   111  117   −6
4 Anthor                      5    1   4   106  136  −30

Bategeka Group
Ranoria 39–10 Vangaziland
Equestrian States 40–20 Xanneria

Bategeka Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Vangaziland             5    4   1   136  100  +36
2 Ranoria                 5    3   2   132  120  +12
3 Equestrian States       5    2   3   115  100  +15
4 Xanneria                5    1   4    75  138  −63

League C

League C Color Key
Green means team will be promoted to League B in Phase 2
Red means team cannot be promoted

Mugisha III Group
Shatla 13–27 Cassadaigua
Torisakia 42–10 Geektopia

Mugisha III Group        Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Torisakia               5    5   0   189   73 +116
2 Cassadaigua             5    4   1   141   84  +57
3 Geektopia               5    1   4    92  145  −53
4 Shatla                  5    0   5    57  177 −120

Albert III Group
Amurbia 17–6 Lavize
Kandonica 3–48 West Phoenicia

Albert III Group         Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 West Phoenicia          5    5   0   224   56 +168
2 Amurbia                 5    3   2   148   93  +55
3 Kandonica               5    1   4    70  225 −155
4 Lavize                  5    1   4    73  141  −68

Zalaba II Group
Terre Septentrionale 25–9 Greater Vakolicci Haven
Tornado Queendom 23–23 Greater Liverpool (26–23 OT)

Zalaba II Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Terre Septentrionale       5    5   0   117   47  +70
2 Greater Liverpool          5    2   3   101  112  −11
3 Tornado Queendom           5    2   3    83  125  −42
4 Greater Vakolicci Haven    5    1   4   112  129  −17

[Ko-oren]

The defence could be worse

As the unofficial defensive coordinator, Pollmodd yFawgaff is facing a lot of criticism when talking about the Dragonflies' results at the current World Bowl. As the 10th best nation in the Multiverse, you would expect Ko-oren to ace its group - if this had been a World Bowl like any other. Instead, we are paired some top 12 nations, and that means that the Dragonflies are in for a tough going. Even then, through great gameplanning and some heroic individual performances from players anywhere on the roster, the Green and Blue secured a spot in the top League for the second part of qualification. As expected from a format that puts all top teams in just a few small groups, this was not an easy process. After two straight wins, Ko-oren was looking extremely confident - that's 2-0 in a group with six total games to play. The surprise wins over Newmanistan and Pridnestrovia saw us take an early lead and an incredible position. From the remaining four games, we'd only need one win to be 99% sure of the second stage (if everyone finishes 3-3) - two more wins for 100% odds.

Given those parametres, it looks like the Big Three coaches - yFawgaff, Karneveld, and Nordholt - are doing excellent jobs. And they are. The unorthodox coaching responsibilities are an experiment from the KGFA, the Ko-orenite Gridiron Football Association, putting all twelve head coaches from the KGFL (same abbreviation, but with 'League' at the end) in charge of the national team. The Big Three coaches were made impromptu coordinators. yFawgaff was put in place as the defensive coordinator, as the Mawrystwyth Centaurs coach, joined by an unexpected group of coaches.

Pinoles Mulestinthen, brother to offensive coach and head coach of the Wolves, Sajerkun Mulestinthen, is in charge of the defensive line - probably the worst unit on the defence and the target of a lot of online flak. Given Pinoles' tendency to help older players prolong their peak and focus on size and very specific positions, he is the perfect man to help defensive line play. In five games, the three-man defensive line (in a 3-4 defence) has barely got a hand on opposing quarterbacks. Now, in a 3-4 system, that could be expected, but you want the D-Line to stop the run regardless. In three out of five games, the prized Ko-orenite defence allowed three players to run for 100+ yards, effectively making sure that a lot of drives end with at least three points for a field goal, and a chance to torch the secondary for a touchdown. Of course, this is not all on the line.

Hypo Bourguignon, head coach of the Aminey Caspians in the Eastern division, has two problems with this coaching staff: there are two other coaches from the Eastern division in this group. There are many opportunities to steal intel from either Schemerdrecht team (the Admirals and the 65ers, led by Breukelman and Westerhof, respectively, both are defensive coaches). Bourguignon is a crafty coach and is responsible for the linebackers. In any Ko-orenite system, they are the most important players, there are nearly always four of them on the field, and they have zone coverage, run-stopping, and QB-confusing duties. With Bourguignon at the helm, the QB-confusing duties are more important, and a lot of interceptions should happen just because the likes of Henry, Gunmothinden, Fokke and Kinportinden make the quarterback hope for the best on every single play. So far, it has been hit-and-miss whether this succeeded. When it works, it's a gamechanger: whenever the Dragonflies allow thirteen or fewer points, Ko-oren wins. If the opponents can put more points on the board, Ko-oren loses. Barring the possibility that the opposing defence or special teams put a touchdown on the board (which rarely happens, thankfully), all these points are scored on the defence. On the linebackers, who have such an important and multifaceted duty.

As we've predicted, our offence cannot outscore another team easily, and it is on the defence to keep the score low. This is not a team to force fumbles and get to the quarterback often, so interceptions and pass deflections are the bulk of this unit's diet. While the linebackers do most of the work, it's the defensive backs that have to make it look easy.

Oli Breukelman, head coach of the Schemerdrecht 65ers (big rivals to the Schemerdrecht Admirals and their head coach, Westerhof, featured later) is in charge of the secondary. This unit, led by star cornerback and Schemerdrecht 65er Martijn Ensink, bears a heavy burden. Breukelman excels in making the other team pay. He's not here just to inconvenience them, or to limit them. No, Breukelman sets up his team to exploit whatever it can. They've limited the X-receivers of Newmanistan and Pridnestrovia to sideline roles to the tune of about six completions per game. Even the interceptions came early and often - unless they don't, and it's these games that Ko-oren lose by giving up 20+ points. Cosumar's passing game made it look like there was nobody there. Ensink was limited due to ankle problems, Dollen and Mesjathaunthen were baited time and time again into sitting on routes that the ball would never come close to, and the cornerbacks that were on the field, Dwyer, Dutertre, and Knight, mostly, allowed too much space. One game left, against Cosumar, and this time they have to make it right. There will be a revenge factor, so that might help.

Noah Westerhof is the quality assurance guy on the defence. Westerhof's influence is kept to a minimum, as a great motivator, but poor talent evaluation and scouting skills. He is looked at during half time, to go over the changes for the second half, and to deliver a speech - but yFawgaff won't let him do much else.

Newmanistan 9–16 Ko-oren
Pridnestrovia 6–10 Ko-oren
Ko-oren 15–36 Cosumar
Ko-oren 19–13 Newmanistan
Ko-oren 7–26 Pridnestrovia

Gridiron Football - yeah, that's an old game even in Ko-oren - Episode 1

Gridiron football! Should you ask people on the street about it, they'll likely name between 3 and 12 (twelve is the maximum) professional teams, and they'll agree that it's been around for a while. In fact, it's one of Ko-oren's oldest organised sports and only one of two 'nationally popular' sports. And judging from the game's past, it's not at all likely that the current professional league has turned out the way you'd think.

So, one way to approach this is by starting with the country's oldest professional team, and in this case that would be the Mawryshire Centaurs, established in 1848. At the time they were just Mawryshire Sports Club, and they weren't yet sure what game to play: rugby union, soccer, or gridiron. It had to be a game involving one ball and two teams on the field, and as such it has a slightly different origin story from the Shire's cricket team. However, a hint might be the team's colours: green and brown. Not the likeliest of combinations, but it works and they've used these for well over 150 years now - and 150 years of history can't be wrong. Browsing through the logos of other professional teams gives us a single result, somewhat: rugby union's Mawrystwyth Phoenix play in red and green, but older pictures makes that red go more towards maroon. Before colour photography, there are accounts of the 'green and brown', 'verdant and amber', 'emerald and chestnut', and so on. It's safe to say that at one point, the team's jersey was the same as our Centaurs today, but only diverged to match the trends in both sports. The Centaurs had to adopt huge jersey numbers, so the jersey became all-green with brown trim, numbers and lettering, while the Mawrystwyth Phoenix were fine donning a confusing combination of green and brown as long as a single number was legible. Fun fact: the Phoenix only became their nickname after using red. Oh, and in 44 years of organised, national, professional gridiron, the Mawryshire Centaurs haven't won a single trophy. That's not a fun fact, but alright.

But what exactly have we accomplished by detailing the oldest team's past? And what about the other 11 teams? And there is a Second Division, as well as a Developmental League (D-League), each containing 12 teams of their own, for a total of 36 active 'big' teams - what about those? If you thought that the Second Divisioners and D-League teams were just founded to feed into one of the twelve professional teams, well, you're wrong. We really weren't so far removed from seeing the Gehrenna Mountaineers, the Llandy Dragons, or Sudaefjoll Rivers (all from the Second Division) in the professional league at the cost of the Eaglebury Emperors, Mayara Wolves, Aerellen Explosions, or Noordrug Astronauts. And even the D-League teams of Rozenvoorde Roses, Lamau Bears, or the Anarcourt Meteorites have been very close to making the cut. Alas, they haven't, though they still enjoy a huge following.

Over the course of the next few weeks I'll be telling some old, nearly forgotten stories about how differently gridiron football could've been in the green-blue archipelago.

[Velstrania]

Kurotansel to Banijan opposition: I can't guarantee your safety

Following a disappointing start to the world bowl campaign, Kurotansel nos Elsamic, head of psychological operations at Havenssport Velstrania has informed us that he will not try and could not hope to, guarantee the safety of the Banijan national football team.
"We're going to make it loud for them," he said, a wide grin spreading across his face...very loud. Outside of their hotel...in training...as they approach the stadium...they're not going to get a single moment of quiet. When asked if the usual police presence that generally accompanies visiting teams to ensure their safety will be extended to the Banijans, he simply laughed and stated 'What do you think?'

With the start being so poor, Velstrania and Banija both risk relegation from league A (and a far larger chance of qualification) to league B, in which only the top-ranked teams will qualify for the knockout rounds. It is for this reason that Velstrania (usually known for its hospitality) has removed the gloves for this encounter with the Banijan national side.
"Short of any actual violence I want them scared," one source close to Havenssport Velstrania stated, "I want them to fear for their lives from the moment they get off the plane to the moment they get off the field. This is a country that is so backward it relies on motorcycle taxis like some third-world shithole and bans coffee in case it damns their souls to hell...maybe they'll be convinced that the bad demon has come for their souls, fucked if I know how savages think." He began to laugh "We'll have to wait and see, won't we? I don't want the world bowl hosted in such an obviously under-developed country, transport around the place is appalling and it's full of beggars and the annoying poor. Nobody wants to see that! So, if we can knock them out of their own world bowl, let's do it in my book."

So, just what is expected to happen? we asked.
"No sleep in the hotel..." he stated, laughing, "No sleep on the bus...no quiet in training...no police protection. Velstrania doesn't control its citizens, they should know this: it won't start for a bunch of pretend football players."

[Trans-Dniesters]

Приднестровская Гридиронная Суперлига
PRIDNESTROVIAN GRIDIRON SUPER LEAGUE
SEASON IV RECAP

Hello there, friends, comrades, and fellow fans in gridiron. Today we are going to talk about matchday two of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League. What are we all waiting for then? We have little time to waste; let's do this thing already!

MATCHDAY TWO

CSKA Tiraspol              3  7  7  3  20
Bratsk Dolphins            7  9 10  7  33

Dinamo Bender              7  7  3  7  24
Admiral Novorossiysk       3  0  6  7  16

Dnistrolvovsk Bandits      0  0  0  0 3 3 (OT)
Sheriff Tiraspol           0  0  0  0 0 0

Macaresti Gladiators      14  3  3  6  26
Antakya Hawks              0  0  7  0  7

Yeralenko Torpedoes       10  6 10 10  36
Lake Begorod Revolution    3  7 14  0  24

Kesselburger Kestrels      6  6  0 14  26
Vladikrav Red Death        0  0  0  0  0

Rheinburg Spartans         7  7 14  7  35
Novonikolaysk Sharks       7  6  7  7  27

Boy, are we in for a doozy, as my Fleftic friend Dara Keane would probably say. We have a lot to talk about, my friends, and I do mean a lot. Where to start, where to start? CSKA versus Bratsk it is then, even though I'd really rather not. In any case it was just a strange and weird game, even though I was watching two of my most favorite quarterbacks play. Plays that you would expect CSKA to have practiced to the point of being automatic were just falling apart. Meanwhile, Bratsk was at this point pulling an entirely new playbook out of their arses. There was no way in hell that Pavel Zhivnovitsky should have made that catch one-handed, and yet he did. Now I am well and truly confused. For one, I am happy that Bratsk and Kelly Profit and company have won yet another gridiron game. On the other hand, CSKA lost. Therein lies my dilemma, as well as the answer to every question that I've ever had in my life (the philosophical ones, that is). Questions like "why am I constantly sad?" "Why am I always in such a foul mood?" "Why is my outlook on life so grim?" "Why can I not satisfy Lyudmila tonight?" Chyort. You didn't see the last one, comrades. I swear on my life.

But really now though. There's lots of things that we can talk about here in our recap of Season IV of the PGSL. But I guess for now we can only focus on a small number because, frankly, I don't have much time. I guess the other thing we're going to talk about is the game between the Dnistrolvovsk Bandits and Sheriff Tiraspol. The Bandits didn't have the best of starts in the PGSL, losing to the Antakya Hawks 24-17 in their first game in the league. They will of course want to remedy that with a victory in front of their own fans, but for that they have to win against Sheriff Tiraspol. And that's no easy task, even if Sheriff had fallen on hard times in recent years. Which, as we can see through this box score, they most certainly have not yet escaped from it. Seriously now. How can an established team be held to a shutout by an expansion team? What the hell happened to Iliya Tonev, man? I used to have nightmares about this man devastating the CSKA defense, but this man right here... He's just a shadow of his former self. And it's not helped by the fact that Peter Gupindal appears to be holding the team hostage in order to get either a better contract or a trade, with the latter being the more likely. The situation of our lesser rivals uptown is quite a clusterfuck, and I for one am surely glad that I chose the right team to support.

Well, unfortunately for all of us, that's all the time that I have for this recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League. I have to report for reservist training in two hours' time, and if I am not at the barracks by then I will have to train an extra 24 hours. So I have to leave you all right here. But there is always the next time, friends and comrades; remember that. Until then though, До свидания.

[West Phoenicia]

West Phoenicians by the thousands tuned into WP Sports today to take part in a double delight of Sports.
The first taxi off the rank was the World Lacrosse Championship finals. The West Phoenician Daredevils had made the nation proud. They fought hard in their grouping to claw their way to the top and stay there. In the first round play off they came up against Velestria, defeating their rivals 17-9.
At the quarter level stage they came up against number 3 seed Cosumar, many thought the journey would end, but thanks to a strong attack line they defeated Cosumar 14-10. The Semi-finals saw them come up against Banija who was also hungry for a finals win and again many sports journalists had Banija pegged to win. To the excitement of Daredevil fans they edged out Banija 9-7.
It was a huge moment for West Phoenicia to reach the Lacrosse finals were they took on
St Saratoga. The game was edge of your seat viewing as both teams played an amazing game that had moved in to overtime after ending on 13-13. Moving into overtime the Daredevils managed to score an extra goal but the Saints outdid them by scoring two. Winning the title.
While it was an upset to lose so close, team Manager Sunny Singh said it was a great achievement for them team. The Daredevils just keep getting better and better. And they look forward to their next encounter.


Sports watchers had been tome to compose themselves before they returned to the television to watch The War Dancers in the World Bowl XXXVII. Their maiden season has truly been blessed so far as the War Dancers took on Kandonica at their opponents stadium. By far this was one of the largest margins as The War Dancers toppled the opposition's defensive line while keeping theirs strong as they decimated their opponents 48-3. The win has solidified The War Dancers progression to league B for phase two where they know competition will be stronger.

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we began earlier in the week. Previously, we talked about matchday four of the tournament and Torisakia's 57-17 win over Shatla. Today we'll be covering the fifth matchday of the tournament, looking at Torisakia's second meeting against Geektopia and other happenings from around the tournament as we're closing in on the end of phase 1.

Torisakia and Geektopia met for the second time this World Bowl last night, this time in Torisakia at the Stadium of Peace in Yasui. In what seems to be a growing trend, the Ice Birds dominated the game from start to finish. They excelled on all sides of the ball and in all aspects of the game garnering a whopping 600 yards of total offense. The defense only allowed 96 yards of total offense by Geektopia with 72 of those yards coming on one play in garbage time late in the fourth quarter. It has recently come to my attention from a select few readers that I'm exhibiting 'confirmation bias' by continuing to claim Torisakia as one of the most dominant teams in the tournament despite playing in a group that has only one other good team (that being Cassadaigua). That is a fair point as I had never really looked at it from that perspective. Both Shatla and Geektopia are making their first appearances in the World Bowl and are therefore unranked in the international rankings. Cassadaigua is a two time World Bowl champion but have had some down years recently. With only 33% of the rest of the group having any prior World Bowl experience, it isn't fair to say that Torisakia is completely dominant and no team will ever beat them. But screw you this is the best we've done in an international sporting competition in years.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Geektopia (1-4)	0	3	0	7	10
Torisakia (4-0)	14	14	14	0	42

As I mentioned earlier, Torisakia dominated Geektopia the entire way. By the midway point of the third quarter they already had their second string in, which accounts for the low scoring in the fourth quarter. The scoring was spread around evenly: two touchdowns through the air, two on the ground, one on a kickoff return, and one pick six. The amount of players getting in on the scoring was even as well with two different receivers catching touchdown passes from Aaron Spady and both Michael Prickett and Scott Sulls scoring on the ground. Darrell Hyden late in the second quarter returned a kickoff 99 yards for a touchdown and Asim Hawkins returned an interception for a touchdown in the early minutes of the third quarter. It must have been the home field advantage because it seemed like Torisakia couldn't make a mistake the entire game. The only mistakes I could find were the play-by-play announcers on TSPN continuously butchering Geektopia's players' names. I'm certain that John Ryan had a stroke at some point during the night. I found out that Geektopia's manager's name is Tethrioctatetratediter-turreted-tethrathoth. I think that was a tongue twister we use to say on the playground in elementary school.

GAME SUMMARY OF GEEKTOPIA VS. TORISAKIA

1st QUARTER
14:24 TOR - 41 yard pass from A. Spady to  C. Bolden (DeBerry PAT)
8:12 TOR - 66 yard run by M. Prickett (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 1ST Geektopia: 0 Torisakia: 14

2nd QUARTER
10:05 TOR - 25 yard pass from A. Spady to J. Abaroa (DeBerry PAT)
0:03 GKT - 27 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
0:00 TOR - 99 yard kick return by D. Hyden (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 2ND Geektopia: 3 Torisakia: 28

3rd QUARTER
13:34 TOR - 56 yard interception return by A. Hawkins (DeBerry PAT)
4:51 TOR - 47 yard run by S. Sulls (Feldt PAT)
END OF 3RD Geektopia: 3 Torisakia: 42

4th QUARTER
1:05 GKT - 72 yard pass from G. Sophie to Hyper-terinntotholtruce (unknown Kicker PAT)
END OF 4TH Geektopia: 10 Torisakia: 42

How come Geektopia's starting quarterback is the only person with a normal name on the team? How does that even happen? I shouldn't be talking. My parents named me Bort of all things (short for 'abortion' because that's what my mom had planned to do with her pregnancy, according to my grandmother). Anyway, aside from giving up the late touchdown and a few miscues offensively the team played great. They're now 5-0 in the Mugisha III group and although many other 5-0 teams in other groups have clinched promotion or immunity from being relegated, Torisakia is one of the few teams that have not. Because Cassadaigua only has one loss, Torisakia can still drop out of first place in the group should they lose their matchday six game with Cassadaigua. From what I understand from the tiebreakers, if we lose to Cassadaigua and the head-to-head is tied 1-1 then the tie is broken by H2H point differential. Meaning that if we have a higher point differential against Cassadaigua than they do us, we retain first place. If not, we fall to second. We won the first matchup against them 34-17 so our point differential now is 17. Essentially we can't give up more than 17 points unless we score 17 or more against Cassadaigua. It's very confusing and no one in the entire studio could figure it out. My friend Stevie McBanana tried to figure it out but he couldn't so he asked my colleague Rog Heinershmaltz and he couldn't figure it out either and he got real mad and left the studio and got a hotel room. So that was that.

As stated, Torisakia now moves to 5-0 in the Mugisha III group and plays Cassadaigua (I'm certain this time) once again. This time we're on the road at Dagan Airways Stadium in Cassadaigua. A crowd of 78,000 will be tough to deal with, but with the experience our roster has I doubt it will be an issue. Cassadaigua is known for their great pass defense so it seems we'll have to base most of our success on the ground. Hopefully Prickett, Sharkey, and the others in the backfield will have fresh legs as they'll be getting used quite a lot. Maybe we can sneak in a pass touchdown or two if things go right, but I don't care how we score as long as we do and we win. With a win, Torisakia would clinch promotion to League B for phase 2 of World Bowl 37 and be drawn into a whole new group with new opponents. If they lose and also lose the tiebreakers, they will remain in League C and in the Mugisha III group but will be joined by a new team relegated from League B as Cassadaigua would be promoted there.

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Cassadaigua matchup and do a retrospect of phase 1 of World Bowl 37 as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups. Take care and Rog hasn't been heard from since last night. If you see him, could you let me know?

[Ranoria]

Ranoria Dominates Bategaka Group Leader Vangaziland

The Bategaka group looked decided over the last couple of weeks, with Vangaziland throughly dominating the competition. They’d already rolled through the Ranorian squad without too much trouble on their way to an unblemished 4-0 record. But it was the way they did it, with an average margin of victory at 16.2 points, just over two scores. Ranoria’s squad, sitting at 0-2, looked out of to, but a resurgence saw them coming in at 2-2 with a chance to knock the group leaders down a peg.


Now, they haven’t gotten into a position where they control their own destiny yet, but this football team has gotten themselves back into the race, at least, with three straight victories, capped off with a blowout in week 5.

The defense performed admirably once again, throwing cornerback blitzes early and often, forcing teams to account for Clarence von Arris, who had a quarterback hit and a sack, as more than just a locked up side of the field. Justin Kearse has multiple hits and pressures despite not recording a sack, and the linebacking core shut down the running game.

Offensively, Derek McNair had his finest performance of the season, hitting three touchdown passes and one rushing, while Melvin Strong had one rushing and one receiving. At tight end, Johnny Farmer hauled in well over one hundred yards.

Perhaps the tone, though, was set early. On the first drive, Javier Gilmore, struggling to hold onto a roster spot in the RFL, showcased a nice move on the outside before going to a post and leaving defenders in the dust. With his game-breaking speed, there was no stopping him, and he hauled in a 51 yard touchdown pass that broke the game open. Significantly, it showcased improved route running, as he’s always been perceived as a straight vertical threat.


Moreover, with this 39 point outburst, the team is squarely in contention to advance into League A, provided Vangaziland loses at least a couple more games and Ranoria wins out. And multiple players on the squad are starting to prove their worth, showing that perhaps they can play in the RFL.

We’ve already discussed wide receiver Javier Gilmore showing improved route running, but cornerback Daquan Morestead has been a nice surprise in the last two weeks. While he isn’t dominant by any stretch, he’s shown that he’s a strong enough player to at least fill in as a backup in he league. And at 25 years old, it’s possible that he could improve further. And finally, also at receiver, Philip Woods has hauled in seven catches for one hundred and thirty three yards over the past three games, including a score. While Gilmore may have the edge in straight line speed, Woods has been showing why he dominated at a small school. He’s only had one drop this season on twenty targets, and uses his speed to get separation while flashing the ability to get open with his route running.

This team is on the up and up, at any rate. But they’ll have to keep on winning, as always, to give themselves a shot.

[Geektopia]

GEEKTIVITY

Naming Crisis in Geektopian Football Association

To start, the names for Geektopian national football seem way out of hand to other associations but the Geektopian Football Association isn’t doing anything to change this. “I know it’s a tradition to name your people after a chemical combination but for gods sake, do the sensible thing and you’ll stop wondering why your talent isn’t appearing on the highlight panels!” says Gary Rozensweig, a former coach of the league and advocate for sports fans in Geektopian history. He’s not wrong either, because many a people find it unsettling looking at these names. The commentators are saying “excuse me” more often because they can’t even wrap their head around it. The most sensible thing to do here for any poor folk is to just scrap the surnames and abbreviate. This is HR Terinntothol and don’t forget to have common sense!

[Main Nation Ministry]

Keller Dates Jason: Bureaucratic Work

Keller was busy at a private ball, where she had to met with several people to do the typical "shake hands and discuss about what's happening at work" routine in order to maintain her public image. She rather stay at home, since she hated wearing such pretentious dresses that she can trip from. "Well, Ms. Harrington. I see that your work is currently stabilizing stuff. Though, the Leader is doing most of the work for you this month." Dorbi Truman said to Keller, as he drank from a champagne glass. "It's just random events. They will just simply pass." Keller told him, as she just wanted to go home. "Hey, Ms. Harrington? How do you respond about the current malpractice incident at Matsu Clinic?" a Truth News reporter suddenly barged in, holding a notepad, where Keller didn't even know what they were talking about. "I have received no word about this malpractice incident, though I can send in an official statement to the press later."

After the journalist was forced to move away from Keller, she already felt overwhelmed. Until, a courier has arrived where he had an envelope to give to Truman. "You still use couriers? Didn't the Leader tell you to stop using them?" Keller asked Truman. "Time is important, Keller! My job relies on making sure that I get the information I need, before the nation goes into a war."
"You're the secretary of the Minister of Foreign Affairs, though."
"Shh! I'm reading this!" Truman said, as he was reading the message from the envelope, where he had a weary expression on his face. "Keller, what is happening with this hostage!?" Truman started to raise his voice, where Keller and her bodyguards near her had to take him outside. "Take it easy. What are you even talking about?"
"I got a reply from the Foreign Affairs that Main Nation Ministry has a hostage, which the nation of Velstrania wants back or they get them back by themselves!"

"I.. I didn't know this. Didn't the Leader know?" Keller said, where she was starting to go nervous. "I don't care what he's doing, but I want this issue resolved immediately or I will file an appeal!" Truman demanded to Keller, where she immediately knows that an appeal wouldn't work. "Let me find him! I get it straighten out. I'm in contact with him anyways!" Keller said to him, where she needed to find a place to change out of her dress. "Do it quick! We have little time!" Truman said, before storming back to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

Keller got out her cell phone and tried to call the Leader. However, the moment she called for him, he immediately blocked the call from the other end, annoying Keller. "Damn it! He's probably busy! Well, time to head to his office then.." Keller thought, as she decided to head to his office when she got out of that dress.

[Banija]

A great hype video for the greatest of college football programs to get you pumped for your final cutoff of Phase 1.

League A

Key
Red means team is relegated to League B for Phase 2

Kabonero III Group
Main Nation Ministry 19–38 Drawkland
Velstrania 54–13 Banija

Kabonero III Group       Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland               6    5   1   215  129  +86
2 Main Nation Ministry    6    3   3   151  158   −7
3 Velstrania              6    3   3   183  159  +24
4 Banija                  6    1   5   128  231 −103

Main Nation Ministry ahead of Velstrania due to head-to-head point differential of +13

Kizza I Group
Free Republics 38–22 Taeshan
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 10–30 Abanhfleft

Kizza I Group               Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Free Republics             6    4   2   143  111  +32
2 Taeshan                    6    4   2   165   96  +69
3 Abanhfleft                 6    3   3   139  145   −6
4 Royal Kingdom of Quebec    6    1   5    76  171  −95

Free Republics ahead of Taeshan due to head-to-head point differential of +9

Rokani Group
Pridnestrovia 27–23 Newmanistan
Cosumar 3–38 Ko-oren

Rokani Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Pridnestrovia           6    4   2   134  118  +16
2 Ko-oren                 6    4   2   105   93  +12
3 Cosumar                 6    3   3   143  154  −11
4 Newmanistan             6    1   5   119  136  −17

Pridnestrovia ahead of Ko-oren due to head-to-head point differential of +15

League B

Key
Green means team is promoted to League A for Phase 2
Red means team is relegated to League C for Phase 2

Ruhakana Group
Bongo Johnson 24–26 Allamunnic States
Northwest Kalactin 21–24 New England

Ruhakana Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 New England             6    6   0   224  126  +98
2 Allamunnic States       6    4   2   175  129  +46
3 Northwest Kalactin      6    1   5   120  162  −42
4 Bongo Johnson           6    1   5    99  201 −102

Northwest Kalactin finishes ahead of Bongo Johnson due to head to head point differential of +7

Akena III Group
Anthor 14–17 United States of Devonta
South Covello 51–27 Greater Nordics

Akena III Group               Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 South Covello               6    4   2   180  138  +42
2 United States of Devonta    6    4   2   128  131   −3
3 Greater Nordics             6    3   3   147  153   −6
4 Anthor                      6    1   5   120  153  −33

South Covello finishes ahead of the United States of Devonta due to head to head point differential of +3

Bategeka Group
Vangaziland 25–7 Equestrian States
Xanneria 14–27 Ranoria

Bategeka Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Vangaziland             6    5   1   161  107  +54
2 Ranoria                 6    4   2   159  134  +25
3 Equestrian States       6    2   4   122  125   −3
4 Xanneria                6    1   5    89  165  −76

League C

Key
Green means team is promoted to League B for Phase 2

Mugisha III Group
Cassadaigua 43–41 Torisakia
Geektopia 17–21 Shatla

Mugisha III Group        Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Torisakia               6    5   1   230  116 +114
2 Cassadaigua             6    5   1   184  125  +59
3 Geektopia               6    1   5   109  166  −57
4 Shatla                  6    1   5    78  194 −116

Torisakia ahead of Cassadaigua due to head-to-head point differential of +15
Geektopia ahead of Shatla due to head-to-head point differential of +29

Albert III Group
Lavize 54–24 Kandonica
West Phoenicia 24–21 Amurbia

Albert III Group         Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 West Phoenicia          6    6   0   248   77 +171
2 Amurbia                 6    3   3   169  117  +52
3 Lavize                  6    2   4   127  165  −38
4 Kandonica               6    1   5    94  279 −185

Zalaba II Group
Greater Vakolicci Haven 46–7 Tornado Queendom
Greater Liverpool 3–31 Terre Septentrionale

Zalaba II Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Terre Septentrionale       6    6   0   148   50  +98
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven    6    2   4   158  136  +22
3 Greater Liverpool          6    2   4   104  143  −39
4 Tornado Queendom           6    2   4    90  171  −81

Three way tie for 2nd-4th in this group. According to below tiebreaker table, GVH has best head-to-head point differential of tied teams with +48, with Greater Liverpool's at +2 and Tornado Queendom's at -50.

Zalaba II Tiebreaker        Pld   W   L    GF   GA   GD 
1 Greater Vakolicci Haven    4    2   2   129   81  +48
2 Greater Liverpool          4    2   2    95   93   +2
3 Tornado Queendom           4    2   2    78  128  −50

[Banija]

And now, here comes your pots for Phase 2.

League A

Pot 1 - League A Phase 1 Group winners
Pridnestrovia(1)
Drawkland(2)
Free Republics(3)

Pot 2 - League A Phase 1 Group runners-up
Taeshan(4)
Main Nation Ministry(7)
Ko-oren(10)

Pot 3 - League A Phase 1 Group 3rd place
Cosumar(5)
Velstrania(6)
Abanhfleft(9)

Pot 4 - League B Phase 1 Group Winners
Vangaziland(15)
South Covello(18)
New England(19)

League B

Pot 1 - League A Phase 1 4th Place
Newmanistan(8)
The Royal Kingdom of Quebec(12)
Banija(14)

Pot 2 - League B Phase 1 Group Runners-Up
Allamunnic States(13)
Ranoria(17)
United States of Devonta(30)

Pot 3 - League B Phase 1 Group 3rd place
The Greater Nordics(16)
Northwest Kalactin(21)
Equestrian States(24)

Pot 4 - League C Phase 1 Group Winners
West Phoenicia(UR)
Torisakia(UR)
Terre Septentrionale(UR)

League C

Pot 1 - League B Phase 1 Group 4th place
-Anthor-(28)
Xanneria(36)
Bongo Johnson(44)

Pot 2 - League C Phase 1 Group 2nd Place
Cassadaigua(45)
Greater vakolicci haven(49)
Amurbia(UR)

Pot 3 - League C Phase 1 Group 3rd Place
Geektopia(UR)
Lavize(UR)
Greater Liverpool(UR)

Pot 4 - League C Phase 1 Group 4th Place
Shatla(UR)
Tornado Queendom(UR)
Kandonica(UR)

There will be a live draw tonight, at 9:30 PM EST(so 12 hours from this post) on the NS Sport Discord server- the link is as follows. The IC location of the Phase 2 group draw will be the Busukuma Symphonic Concert Hall in Busukuma, National Capitol Region, Banija.

[Ranoria]

Entering Phase 2, Ranoria Looks to Keep Momentum Rolling

Ranoria finished the first phase of this World Bowl with a 4 game winning streak after dropping their first two contests. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to advance into League A, where they would have a better shot at securing a playoff berth, but they still have a shot to secure a playoff berth. As long as they win their group, they will automatically be entered into the tournament of 16 teams.

Certain members of the team have performed well though. Derek McNair, through six games, passed for 1,437 yards and 11 scores, while running for another 270 yards with a pair of touchdowns. He’s carried the offense, but he’s had some help. At running back, Melvin Strong has charged for just over 460 scrimmage yards and scored eight times. And rounding up he big three is tight end Johnny Farmer, leading the team with 33 catches, 461 yards, and 4 scores. These players alone have carried the offense with other supporting members chipping in where they can.

Meanwhile, defensively, it’s been much of the same. Cornerback Alexander von Arris has paired with linebackers Ross Monarch and Jakeem Butler to make as many plays as possible. Veteran defensive end Justin Kearse has struggled, much as he did through the 2021 RFL season. This is a retirement tour for him though, and while he is giving everything he has, at age 33, his body is starting to give out on him. The RFL’s all time leading sack man is beginning to falter.

With their 4-2 run essentially being a wash, they’ll have to win the group for an automatic playoff berth, and if not, they’ll need to place second in the group and win a play in, which would be an undesirable outcome.

Hopefully, the team can pick things up. Because right now, it looks like Derek McNair is dragging this squad on his back, much like he has the Memphis Steamers for much of his career.

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we earlier. Previously, we talked about matchday five of the tournament and Torisakia's heartbreaking 43-41 loss to Cassadaigua and Torisakia's promotion to League B. Today we'll be covering the group draw of phase 2 and take a look at where Torisakia ended up and who their opponents will be.

As I mentioned last time, Torisakia secured first in their group despite losing the last game of phase 1 to Cassadaigua and qualified for promotion to League B for phase 2 of World Bowl 37. And thanks to all you wonderful people I was able to have the tiebreaker explained to me in a language that I understood. Since the H2H record with Cassadaigua was tied, we went to a H2H Points Differential tiebreaker in which the margin between points scored and points given up is used to determine the winner. Before matchday five, Torisakia held a +17 PD against Cassadaigua after winning the first meeting between them 34-17, a 17 point win. The points for was 34 and the points against was 17. After matchday five, the points for was 75 and the points against was 60, therefore making the H2H points differential +15 in Torisakia's favor and thus they won the tiebreaker. The shortened version of it was as long as we didn't lose by more than 17 then we clinched first in the group, whether it be losing 18-0 or 128-110. It would have been easier if it was explained that way the first time rather than being so cryptic it caused my colleague Rog Heinerschmaltz to go missing for two days. We're still looking for him.

The group draw occurred last night and was covered by TSPN in real time. Torisakia was put into pot 4 for League B with the other League C group winners. However the Ice Birds lucked out and were drawn into the first group of League B, called the Adama Sowe group. Apparently it's named after some guy who ran the RBSA and brought the World Cup finals to Banija or something. At least he has a somewhat normal name. Which reminds me: some guy from Geektopia apparently had an issue with me saying that their players' names were way too difficult to pronounce. I got an angry email from them after I posted my recap of the second Torisakia-Geektopia match with them saying how I was besmirching the Geektopian culture and the "most sensible thing to do is to just abbreviate". He also made fun of my iconic closing line by saying "This is HR Terinntothol and don’t forget to have common sense". I wrote back to him, calling him every obscenity I could think of. I also used a few threats, letting him know that I was a former Torisakia Navy operative and have over 300 confirmed kills and that I have access to the entire arsenal of the Torisakia military and I know 1000 ways to kick his ass. I had my friend Boharry trace his IP and we doxxed him and posted his personal information on social media. That'll teach that motherfucker to come after me. If only he could have known what unholy retribution his little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon him, maybe he would have held his fucking tongue. But he couldn't, he didn't, and now he's paying the price, goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over him and he will drown in it. He's fucking dead.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Torisakia was drawn into the Adamo Sower group last night. Joining them will be Northwest Kalactin, Royal Kingdom of Quebec, and Allamunic States. All three of them are in the top 25 internationally and have had numerous years of World Bowl experience. Finally some worthy opponents for us. Our battles will be legendary. We'll start phase 2 by taking on Allamunic States at home, Northwest Kalactin also at home, and then Royal Kingdom of Quebec on the road. Then the schedule will start over but with the home and away teams flipped. So on matchday four we'd play at Allamunic States, then at Northwest Kalactin, then finish with Royal Kingdom of Quebec at home. It's amazing how we were able to get our first two games at home. With how passionate Torisakian fans are I don't think we'll have any trouble winning those games. The Allamunic States game will be played at Tokai Memorial, Northwest Kalactin at Kirk & Hilton Heights in Presidents City, and Quebec at the Stadium of Peace. We're really staying on the west side of the country with these home games aren't we?

The records now reset for everyone so Torisakia sits at 0-0 before phase 2 kicks off tomorrow. Should they win the group they will directly qualify for the World Bowl knockout stage. If they finish runner-up in the group then they will have to play a neutral site game against a last place team from a League A group, and if they win that then they qualify for playoffs. Otherwise they're out of the tournament all together. Given how we played in phase 1, I don't think we'll have any issues. The worst thing that could possibly happen is we have a whole bunch of injuries and we're reduced to playing a wide receiver at quarterback. But so far we've avoided the injury bug. We may have some better opponents this time around, but that doesn't mean that we can't win. I look for us to have an even better run this time than we did in phase 1. I predict that we'll go 6-0 and won't give up more than 21 points to anyone. Mark my words.

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Allamunic States matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups and preview the next matchday. Take care and Rog still can't be found.

[West Phoenicia]

The West Phoenician War Dancers celebrate progression to league B, after amazing start to the season with 6 games played and 6 wins, ending the first phase with the highest score out of all other teams in the World Bowl.

The War Dancers now move into phase two where they have been placed in the Myles Debaba grouping. They will compete against Newmanistan(8), United States of Devonta(30) and
Greater Nordics(16). All three nations are known to West Phoenicia tnrough other sports, and the War Dancers are aware a new set of challenges await them as they takes on these teams.

West Phoenicia will first game on United States of Devonta.

Head Coach Salvador Di Monti said to a number of West Phoenician Sports reporters that the War Dancers have had a terrific start to the season, they are strong and capable and hungry for another win on the international stage after taking out the gold win in the Demostration event at the last Summer Olympic Games. They are more than capable of winning again, especially a fine event as the World Bowl.

United States of Devonta finished second place in their grouping and won 4 of their 6 games.
They will not be a team to underestimate, Salvador Di Monti believes his strong defensive line will be good enough to take on an offensive from the Opposition.

[Banija]

After embarrassing League A performance in Phase 1, rivalries their League B group as Banijans make a run at the World Bowl knockout stages


Banijan football fans at the Banija's lone win of League A

SISONKE, KITARA- The new World Bowl format was supposed to rejuvenate the tournament, and generate greater interest in the earliest stages. The principle behind the format was this- better games happened when the best teams were playing the best teams, and when teams of two similar skill levels played, you had the potential for instant classics. Look at the Cassadaigua v. Torisakia game to close out League C on Matchday 6- a 43-41 thriller, between teams who entered that matchup 5-0 and 4-1, respectively. In a traditional format, would that have meant much? Unlikley. But now, of course, Torisakia has made its way to League B, and has quite the chance of shocking everybody and actually qualifying for the knockout stages.

From that perspective, it has been a success. Look at the matchups people drooled over in League A in Phase 1 of this tournament. Banija v. Drawkland. Ko-oren v. Cosumar. Taeshan v. the Free Republics. Those matchups got to happen twice, home and away, which meant the fans got to participate in these big matchups on their own home soil. And now, with Phase 2, we’re going to have more fantastic matchups to enjoy, not on neutral grounds but home and away, and have a chance to develop further rivalries. Cosumar v. Ko-oren again, fo course? Three top 6 teams in the John Nampoza group? It’s going to be a delight for the neutral.

As for fans of the Serpent Eagles, unfortunately, it has been anything and everything but a delight. The Olympic Committee had the hare-brained idea of putting Banija in a group it didn’t’ belong- in League A, overestimating this team’s skill after our semifinal run last time around, and not only did we flame out of League A, we did it in the most embarrassing way possible. Obviously people were playing similar levels of competition, but Banija finished 1-5, with a -103 point differential- the worst in League A, and the worst out of any team in Phase 1. Due to being grouped with three teams in the Top 7 of the rankings, of course, we had a tough schedule, but the Serpent Eagles simply were not prepared. We were outclassed on many levels by those teams- showing that, while the national team is on the rise again, the Serpent Eagles are far from elite.

And now, after an embarrassing relegation to League B with their tails tucked in behind, we have an interesting challenge. We’ll be fighting for a berth in the knockout stages of this great tournament. The good thing, of course, is that records are wiped- we’re 0-0. Eveyrone else is 0-0. You can put Phase 1 behind you, and focus on your opponents, knowing that what makes the determination of whether we’ll go to the knockouts or not depends not on the last 6 games, but on the next 6 games. But the challenge is different in League B. While the other three teams we’re playing aren’t ranked in the Top 7, we have a set of opponents that will give us quite the challenge- an unranked Terre Septentrionale who went 6-0 in League C, 24th ranked Equestria, and a 17th ranked Ranoria. And the margin for error in League B is far lower- only the group winner gets an automatic berth to the tournament’s knockout stages.

Now, of course, there is a ton of excitement in this country over the Ranoria draw, in what likely League B’s toughest group. These two countries have been competing fiercely on the college football scene for years, as Banijan and Ranorian Schools have met in the NSCF playoffs in each of the last three seasons, while Loyola-Istria and Richardson University, in particular, have developed quite the rivalry in four seasons of playing each other in the Rebel’s Cannon Bowl. And don’t forget, of course, Cold Hill University defeating Northern Moravica in the NSCF XX title game this year to clinch their first NSCF title. Banija and Ranoria have established themselves as the kings of the college football world over the past two seasons, and now, their national teams, who have not done battle before, will play on quite the stage at World Bowl XXXVII- their two games going a long way in determining who gets the automatic berth from League B, and who has to travel to a playoff- or worse, missing out on the knockout stages entirely.

It’s the sport’s rivalry that was simply always on the horizon, but couldn’t happen until the national teams met with serious stakes. And that will happen. Matchday 2, Banija will travel to Ranoria, and the return matchup will be at the Stadium of the Restoration. What a place for this budding rivalry to begin, am I right? And now, of course, there are other matchups that we should be concerned with. Banija v. The Equestrian States will also be a fun one. In terms of international sporting rivalries, there is none bigger for Banija than Banija v. Equestria in association football/soccer. While the Equestrian States are 6-0-0 in this rivalry in that sport, the political history between the two, as neighbors who literally went to war in the not so distant pasts, to nations that have now found peace with one another, and are even hosting a World Cup together. That said, there’s nothing that Banijan sporting fans love more than beating the Equestrian States in whatever sport, and since we’ve never done it on the pitch(unless you count the Sporting World Cup!), doing it here will have to suffice.

That said, do not count out Terre Septentrionale. They looked mighty impressive in League C, allowing just 50 points across their 6-0 start. A start like that, even for a nation making its debut, will give them all the confidence in the world heading into what is surely going to be an elite level fight. Three teams- Ranoria, Banija, and Terre Septentrionale seem to be the betting favorites to compete for a spot in the knockout stages, while only one of them is guaranteed that berth. This will be a fun group, a tight group, an entertaining one. So much is at stake, for these nations with high hopes. Who will progress from the Dejan Polek Group? Who will advance? It’s too close to call at this moment.

Also, lets look at things, a little briefly, from a more aggregate point of view. One, of course, the OCB went with Banijan legendary athletes for this one. But tell me- for a nation devoid of legendary athletic achievements, they could have picked better. Heck, Alastair Jobs and Isaka Jawara, for their NSCF accomplishments, are capable of being on this list, but they are not due to, of course, their active status. They tried to avoid active players, but put on an active coach- Ousman Kakay. Where is Chibuzo Afolayan? Where is Gitonga Kahara? Heck, what about the Savaneh twins? The OCB could’ve done better. Alas, we have what we have. We should also point this out- the OCB is expanding the venue list for this Phase. The next two stadiums we’ll play home games in, against Equestria tomorrow night and against Terre Septentrionale on Matchday 3, will be in stadia that will not host any knockout stage games. Going to places like Sisonke and Askatasuna, hoping that we can increase the home field advantage by going to places that rarely get to see national teams play? Not the worst idea. We’ll see if it works if we can recover from those ugly losses at the end of Phase 1, especially that 41 point shellacking from Velstrania, to actually string together the necessary wins so we don’t embarrass ourselves in League B the way we did in League A.

[Ko-oren]

The Grudge Match

With three victories in five games, there was no way the Dragonflies could be relegated down to League B. Newmanistan, the Rockets, were going down to the second level and no strategy, luck, or resilience could change that. All they could do was play spoiler to Pridnestrovia, and making sure that whoever won between the Azure Dragons and the Dragonflies would take first place - and therefore a protected status in the next batch of six games. It was a true battle, the Rockets not letting up, despite what has already been decided, and Pridnestrovia still won 27-23. But they fought. Newmanistan will be in the playoffs at this rate.

So, between Ko-oren and Cosumar, the only thing that was left was a spot in pot two. For the Green and Blue, however, there was more to fight for. There was this one big loss in this World Bowl that needed revenge. Between all kinds of starter battles, among twelve head coaches that were all still debating who deserved to start and who should be on the bench, the Azure Dragons had to go down by a huge margin - that's all that counted. There were small changes made to the defence, with the Cosumarites holding on to two in the backfield. Three sitting ducks behind the line of scrimmage, as defensive coordinator yFawgaff wanted to see it. With many 3-4s, some 2-5s and 2-4s, Braakjans and Avink, both nose tackles, were sometimes put in together as the entire defensive line, anchoring the centre and the guards down and making sure that the five guys behind them could make plays. Henry, Gunmothinden, Merivan, Fokke, Kinportinden, an unlikely group of linebackers, took turns going for the offensive tackles, setting the edge, pouring through cutback lanes, and making Øygard's and Luukkainen's life a worse affair. Francis Hibbert, the eternal thrower, was on his back a few times if he couldn't get rid of the ball in time. Henry managed two tackles for a loss. Gunmothinden sacked Hibbert twice, Merivan forced a fumble, Fokke recovered one, and sacked Hibbert too. Kinportinden had the game of a lifetime, taking down Øygard twice behind the line, getting to Hibbert twice, and intercepting a checkdown pass to a receiver that was waiting behind the line near the sideline. Nobody on his way to the endzone, some 60 yards away. The secondary was a lot less busy than in that first game, Ensink getting his fourth interception of the game, and the entire unit gave up under 150 yards on the day. Veteran of veterans, Schavinski, was on the field a lot to get the Azure Dragons away from 4th and longs, and Highsmith got them on the board just before halftime. It would be the only points for his team. Ko-oren's defence: 7 points. Cosumar: 3 points. The Ko-orenite offence would add 28 more. Bennett took care of the final 3 points, a field goal to close out the game.

The offensive coaches were caught between a rock and hard place. Parkes was playing great football, a bit static, but otherwise hitting receivers anywhere on the field. In five games, the offence had been great three times and poor twice - and the quarterback is the first to receive the blame. Adding to that were Arerira's comments, demanding playing time and saying that the offence needed a breath of fresh air. The line had a hard enough time pass blocking - Arerira would be "the key to make it all special, baby". It's true, Arerira is the only quarterback who can add the yards on the ground and take away the full responsibility of running back Jurethen. To take away pressure from Parkes, but not giving in to Arerira, it was Robin Reeman who started the game. Without a care in the world, Reeman had plenty of energy to escape tackles, add yards on the ground as well as force 10-second plays to still finish in a reception. The receiving corps finally shone, and it took the scrambling ability of Reeman to unlock that. For the first time, there were three or even four receivers on the field, and it was magical. Reeman hit ySarrwdd in the first quarter to open the score, ran in the second touchdown, and threw to Lokaguthen twice in the second half for points. Four TDs to his name, he made the dilemma into a trilemma for Karneveld and the other offensive coaches. Three vastly different offences that all could be the way forward - it even eclipses the discussions about the defensive scheme.

With more questions than answers, the Dragonflies continue on in League A, against Drawkland, New England (6-0 in League B)... and Cosumar. The Grudge Match goes on.

Gridiron Football - yeah, that's an old game even in Ko-oren - Episode 2

The inclusion of the Eaglebury Emperors in the professional league has been a very, very recent thing. They've now been in the league for 20 years, and they have won two championships regardless of that fact: one after six years of operation, and another one two years later. Since then, they haven't been tremendously successful, but it could be worse. With only twelve team and four of them making the playoffs, statistically you could make the playoffs every three years - and so far they're one for four since the 'modern' era began... four years ago.

So, before that? Was there an eleven-team league? Not exactly, but you probably expected as much. Before then we had a few years in which we had a new team every few years. The D-League's Amillon Atoms were there for three years, but we've also had the Mazaj Monos for a little over a decade, winning a title in their first year of the league after taking the place of Sturng Mog - who won the league in their very last year of operation. Then there were a whole host of teams that have either moved or folded, and a lot of these teams tell parts of the story of Ko-orenite gridiron as well. For a while, the association played with setting up a massive league of 32 teams (as is customary in many other nations) but ultimately decided against it, and keeping the three leagues of 12 teams each intact. That has probably been the best decision made in the league's 100+ year history. It has kept the smaller teams in place, with the local heroes and smaller scale that they know and love. It has kept the already big teams as professional teams, in cities that already support big and glamorous organisations. The one thing though, is that some teams with friendly rivalries ended up as teams within the same system. There's Sterrenwolde, a city in Intermare, with the Dragonflies in the Pro League and St. Sebastian - but you probably couldn't have seen them collaborating 5 decades ago.

But wait! The Sterrenwolde Dragonflies aren't from Sterrenwolde at all. They used to be the Ko-oren Capitals, one of many, many teams that have called the province of Mayara home over the years. Currently they have the Wolves and the Destroyers in the city of Mayara, as well as the feeder teams in the Mayara Mariners, the Four Cities Kings, and Ora Australis. Back in the day, there was one big team from the four Capital Cities, and that's been the Ko-oren Capitals - competing not just in gridiron, but also in soccer and ice hockey. Anyway, they've since moved to the friendly harbour town in Intermare and as such they've managed a collaboration with Sterrenwolde St. Sebastian - Sterrenwolde's actual real original team. Yeah, bet you didn't see that coming.

Anyway, between Episode 1 and 2 we've seen the oldest professional club and the youngest one, but it still doesn't tell us much. Then again... what does?

[Free Republics]

Taeshan and the Free Republics met for the 7th time in the finale of the Kizza I group. The previous 6 meetings had ended with Taeshani victories and the Republicans were coming off of a defeat to Abanhfleft. For the first time ever, they met in the Free Republics. In the Taeshani leg, the Republicans had jumped out to a 10-0 lead with the lone offensive touchdown coming on a Wang Pan reverse before Dania Sandberg threw a couple of pick sixes to hand the game to Taeshan. While neither quarterback had played well in Taeshan, with Dania Sandberg and Sam Clentimack managing to combine for 0 touchdowns and 7 interceptions on a day that saw each of them complete under 50% of their passes and throw for under 150 yards, it was a different story at the Gem of the Oceans Stadium.

It was a clear day in Republica, with a temperature of 68 degrees when the game started and 73 degrees at its conclusion, peaking at 75 degrees early in the 3rd quarter. There wasn't a cloud in the sky for the game which sold out shortly before kickoff. The game opened with a long Taeshani drive that culminated in a 4 yard touchdown pass from Clentimack to Patrick Wantanabe to put the Fitin Falcons up 7 to 0. Dania Sandberg would respond by scrambling on the very first play for scrimmage, breaking off a 54 yard run. She would follow it up with a 32 yard touchdown pass to Marianna Szep that followed an apparent Makharbi Barsukov touchdown run that got called back on a Tenyuu Bouzuki holding penalty. The Free Republics had tied the game with 2 plays. Taeshan responded with a long field goal drive and then managed to shut the Republican offense down while securing another field goal drive. Down 13 to 7, Sandberg got the ball at her own 3 yard line with 3 minutes and 2 seconds to go. After methodically picking apart the Taeshani defense, she was sacked by Liam Chiswick at the goal line with 30 seconds left forcing Takehiko Susui to rush onto the field for the field goal to reduce the deficit to 13-10 at the half.

The Republican offense started the second half where they'd left off in the first, methodically driving downfield on a drive that relied heavily upon short passes to the slotbacks. The Republicans would take their first lead of the game when Rita Alaja caught a screen from Sandberg and ran it 22 yards for a touchdown. Taeshan would drive down the field but Charles McAdam would bat down Clentimack's pass on 3rd and 2 at the 21 to force them to settle for a Martin Xavier field goal to make it 17 to 16 Free Republics. On the ensuing drive, Sandberg would throw an interception to Fabian Chester which set up a Parson Newberry touchdown run. Taeshan decided to go for 2 and a 7 point lead but Mateo Nyberg would bat down Clentimack's pass and Taeshan would have a 22 to 17 advantage. Sandberg would immediately respond by finding Wang Pan on a post route. Oliver Hahn attempted to jump the route for an interception and didn't get it, leaving Gideon Chester to make the tackle deep but Chester was slightly out of position and thus Pan was gone. On the two point conversion attempt, Sandberg went to the triple option and would pitch it to Park Han for the conversion to put her team up 25 to 22. After a David Kvamme strip sack and fumble recovery gave the Republicans the ball in their own red zone, Sandberg would put her team up 10 with an option keeper. After forcing a Taeshani punt, another quick Republican touchdown, this time a 72 yard run by Makharbi Barsukov, would seal the win and the first place finish for the Republicans. Takehiko Susui would miss an extra point. Afterwards, the defense would stop Taeshan on downs and the Republicans would literally run out the clock once they got the ball back. The final score was 38 to 22.

After the game, the World Bowl organizers in Banija conducted a draw and the Republicans found out they'd be playing Abanhfleft, Vangaziland and Main Nation Ministry in Phase 2. Vangaziland and Main Nation Ministry were both first time opponents for the Free Republics in a World Bowl. Abanhfleft, of course, was the third place team from their Phase 1 group with whom they had split their meetings. The Fleftics had gone 3-3 in the Kizza I group. The Ministry had finished 2nd in the Kabonero III group with a 3-3 record including 2 losses to Drawkland and 2 wins over the hosts. The final team was the Bategeka Group winner Vangaziland. Vangaziland had yet to announce their roster but had somehow won a League B group anyway and had to be considered overwhelming favorites to finish last. All the Republicans had to do to earn a spot in the playoffs was not finish last in this group, called the Kiggwe Mavuto group after the captain of Banija's World Cup 80 team, which was nowhere near as difficult of a group on paper as their Phase 1 group had been...

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre septentrionale still unbeatable after 6 games!

Greater Liverpool - Terre Septentrionale started it's international career with 6 wins in 6 games. Ok, they were playing against weak opponents but it's still great. On matchday 5, at home in Krzczonow, the Nordiques beat Greater Vakolicci Haven 25-9. Terre Septentrionale scored 3 touchdowns and made two safeties while GVH made one unconverted touchdown and one field goal.

Terre Septentrionale      7   2   9   7  -  25
Greater Vakolicci Haven   3   0   0   6  -   9

BOXSCORE
1ST QUARTER
10:42 - Touchdown by Jennifer Killebrew (8 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.
0:39 - Field Goal by Kicker #1 (38 yards).

2ND QUARTER
5:58 - Safety by Nick Wrzuszczak.

3RD QUARTER
9:16 - Safety by Nehemiah Charles.
5:33 - Touchdown by LaDarius McElwain (1 yard run). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

4TH QUARTER
9:48 - Touchdown by Wide Receiver #3 (26 yards pass from Quarterback #1). Extra Point failed.
6:19 - Touchdown by Nick Donald-McIntyre (12 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

Sixth win

Then on matchday 6 in Greater Liverpool, Terre Septentrionale won 31-3. Clifford Jenkins started at quarterback instead of Haylie Woo, who was resting. It was planned since the beginning that she would rest this game. Greater Liverpool won the coin toss and choose to receive first but their 1st drive ended with a punt. Midway in the 1st quarter, the Reprezentacja Nordycki had the ball at Liverpool's 33rd yard line on a 2nd and one, Clifford Jenkins takes the snap and gives the ball to Montavious McBryde who passes deep to Sheldrick Ferguson-McCloud who catches the ball and runs to the end zone for a touchdown. Terre Septentrionale was leading 7-0. With less than 8 minutes remaining in the 2nd quarter, Terre Septentrionale scores another touchdown when Montavious McBryde runs into the end zone for a 4 yards rushing touchdown and it was 14-0 Septentrionaux. Just when the time expires at the end of the 1st half, Greater Liverpool succesfully made a 52 yards field goal and it was 14-3 at the halftime.

Terre Septentrionale started with the ball in the 3rd quarter and on a first and 10 at the 16 yards line, Clifford Jenkins passed to Demetrius Thomas-Jackson in the end zone for a touchdown and the Northmen were leading 21-3. Before the end of the 3rd quarter, Terre Septentrionale had the ball at the 3 yards line in Liverpool territory on a 3rd and goal. Clifford Jenkins made a short pass to... Coconut Riddick, the biggest star in Terre Septentrionale, who catches it and runs into the end zone for his first international touchdown! 28-3 Terre Septentrionale. The Nordiques added 3 more points in the 4th quarter and won 31-3.

Greater Liverpool      0   3   0   0  -   3
Terre Septentrionale   7   7  14   3  -  31

BOXSCORE
1ST QUARTER
6:31 - Touchdown by Sheldrick Ferguson-McCloud (33 yards pass from Montavious McBryde). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

2ND QUARTER
7:52 - Touchdown by Montavious McBryde (4 yard run). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.
0:00 - Field Goal by Kicker #1 (52 yards).

3RD QUARTER
11:30 - Touchdown by Demetrius Thomas-Jackson (14 yards pass from Clifford Jenkins). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.
4:16 - Touchdown by Coconut Riddick (3 yards pass from Clifford Jenkins). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

4TH QUARTER
5:29 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (25 yards)


2nd phase draw

Terre Septentrionale won the Zalaba II Group with an impressive 6-0 record and was placed in League B's pot 4 with other League C group winners, West Phoenicia and Torisakia. It was said that coach Jim Bob Patricia wanted to avoid both Newmanistan and the Allamunnic States. The Reprezentacja Nordycki finally avoided them, but was placed in a tough group, called the Dejan Polek group, with host Banija, Ranoria, who do good in college football, and the Equestrian States. This nation is populated by sapient ponies and it will be the 1st time in it's history that Terre Septentrionale will encounter sapient ponies.

Home Stadiums

3 different home stadiums will be used in the 2nd phase:

-On matchday 2, Terre Septentrionale will receive the Equestrian States at Stadion Skrzypczak in Wloszczowa, a suburb of Trzebiegoszcz, the 3rd largest city and 2nd largest metropolitan area in the nation. The reason why the Equestrian States will play in this stadium is because Trzebiegoszcz has two pony friendly hotels while El Perro has none.

-On matchday 4, the Northmen will receive Ranoria at Zack Murphy Stadium in El Perro. El Perro-Port O'Connor is the 4th largest metropolitan area in the nation and is located in Texas which is the only non LGBT and non pony friendly township in the nation. Texas is also against abortion unlike all other townships who are for it.

-Finally, on matchday 6, the Nordiques will receive Banija in it's largest city and largest football stadium, the Superdôme Mercedes-Belzile, located in the capital city of Ville Jacques-Cartier. Ville Jacques-Cartier is the only metropolitan area with over 1,000,000 inhabitants.

All three games will be played in may and early june. Terre Septentrionale has a coastal subarctic climate similar to a ReallifeStates nation called "Iceland" and the weather in may ranges from 0°C (32°F) to 15°C (60°F).

Logan McPhee,
La trbune septentrionale

[Ranoria]

Group Draw Sees Ranoria Facing off Against Banija Twice

In the other, more prominent feature of Ranoria’s international football, the NSCF, Banija’s schools are a familiar foe. Richardson faces off against Loyola-Istria once a year, two premier schools with a fierce rivalry, and lost to Northern Moravica in the NSCF 19 final. Cold Hill has faced off against Istria twice, and dragged down Northern last season in the NSCF Championship game.

And at quarterback for this Banijan squad? Another familiar face, Isaka Jawara. Jawara terrorized Richardson in his time with the Blue Thunder, and while the Banijan squad has struggled, going 1-5 throughout phase 1, he has still been a solid player.

It will be interesting to see him face off against a very similar mold of player in Derek McNair, but only one of these squads can make it to the playoffs in an automatic bid, with the runner up being forced into a play-in game to enter the knockout stages.

No matter how this goes, however, there are sure to be some offensive fireworks between two squads with explosive quarterbacks and at least some level of talent around them.

[Banija]

Anyone remember Brett Favre's last moment of glory? Take this cutoff to take the highs of the Favre Vikings era for a deep rewind.

League A

John Nampoza
Taeshan 12–13 Pridnestrovia
South Covello 36–37 Velstrania

John Nampoza                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Velstrania                    1   1  0   37  36  +1
2 Pridnestrovia                 1   1  0   13  12  +1
3 South Covello                 1   0  1   36  37  −1
4 Taeshan                       1   0  1   12  13  −1

Ezekiel Daniachew
Drawkland 14–34 New England
Cosumar 13–10 Ko-oren

Ezekiel Daniachew              Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 New England                   1   1  0   34  14 +20
2 Cosumar                       1   1  0   13  10  +3
3 Ko-oren                       1   0  1   10  13  −3
4 Drawkland                     1   0  1   14  34 −20

Kiggwe Mavuto
Abanhfleft 24–33 Free Republics
Main Nation Ministry 34–10 Vangaziland

Kiggwe Mavuto                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Main Nation Ministry          1   1  0   34  10 +24
2 Free Republics                1   1  0   33  24  +9
3 Abanhfleft                    1   0  1   24  33  −9
4 Vangaziland                   1   0  1   10  34 −24

League B

Adama Sowe
Torisakia 34–7 Allamunnic States
Northwest Kalactin 33–33 Royal Kingdom of Quebec (33–39 OT)

Adama Sowe                     Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Torisakia                     1   1  0   34   7 +27
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       1   1  0   39  33  +6
3 Northwest Kalactin            1   0  1   33  39  −6
4 Allamunnic States             1   0  1    7  34 −27

Myles Debaba
Newmanistan 20–17 Greater Nordics
United States of Devonta 3–22 West Phoenicia

Myles Debaba                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 West Phoenicia                1   1  0   22   3 +19
2 Newmanistan                   1   1  0   20  17  +3
3 Greater Nordics               1   0  1   17  20  −3
4 United States of Devonta      1   0  1    3  22 −19

Dejan Polek
Ranoria 13–14 Terre Septentrionale
Banija 76–16 Equestrian States

Dejan Polek                    Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Banija                        1   1  0   76  16 +60
2 Terre Septentrionale          1   1  0   14  13  +1
3 Ranoria                       1   0  1   13  14  −1
4 Equestrian States             1   0  1   16  76 −60

League C

Ousman Kakay
Shatla 10–24 Bongo Johnson
Cassadaigua 15–21 Geektopia

Ousman Kakay                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Bongo Johnson                 1   1  0   24  10 +14
2 Geektopia                     1   1  0   21  15  +6
3 Cassadaigua                   1   0  1   15  21  −6
4 Shatla                        1   0  1   10  24 −14

Dennis Zervos
Anthor 29–23 Greater Liverpool
Greater Vakolicci Haven 54–14 Kandonica

Dennis Zervos                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Greater Vakolicci Haven       1   1  0   54  14 +40
2 Anthor                        1   1  0   29  23  +6
3 Greater Liverpool             1   0  1   23  29  −6
4 Kandonica                     1   0  1   14  54 −40

Martial Odongo
Amurbia 67–21 Tornado Queendom
Lavize 6–10 Xanneria

Martial Odongo                 Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Amurbia                       1   1  0   67  21 +46
2 Xanneria                      1   1  0   10   6  +4
3 Lavize                        1   0  1    6  10  −4
4 Tornado Queendom              1   0  1   21  67 −46

[Main Nation Ministry]

Deathrun: Games Must Begin

"Let's see.. What's on my To-Do list?" the Leader said, as he was messing around on his chair.

To-Do List

- Cleaners for same suit
- Commission more bread factories and circuses
- Start Deathrun at Holmesburg Prison
- Binge watch that one show with the robots or some crap
- Make talk show host nervous
- Insult Jessica Madden via telephone
- Confess to Keller Harrington NO!

"Ehhh.. I think I arrange my suit for pick-up. And I can just write down an order for bread factories and circuses. Hmmm..." the Leader checked through the list again to see what else there is to do. "Huh. It looks like I'm all set to do the Deathrun!" the Leader happily exclaimed, when suddenly, he got a call from the intercom. "Yes, who is it?"
"It's Princess Keller, sir."
"Oh! Let her in. I'm sure she's happy to know that things for the summer are warming up to-"

"Leader!!" Keller shouted at the Leader, as she stormed into his office. "Hello, Keller! Sit down, I have someone serve us some drinks." the Leader offered her, which seemed out of place due to his demeanor. "Were you aware that you are keeping a foreign hostage?!" Keller demanded. "I think the playoffs for this World Bowl should be interesting, don't you agree?"
"You knew about it, didn't you!"
"Keller, it's only been 3 months."
"3 months!? You telling me you been keeping a foreign hostage for 3 months?!"
"He assaulted one of my soldiers! For a 8 foot giant, I'm surprised we took him down. Plus, he confessed to murder from which he came! Murdering a man of authority! Despicable!"

"Leader, I want to prevent a war from happening. And you probably know about this and letting it happen, because you just want to use your nuclear weaponry you have lying around!" Keller told the Leader, as he was just checking his to-do list. "You do realize we have weapons that can fuck up reality, right?"
"Just tell me where he is!"
"I put him in Holmesburg prison. He should be fine." the Leader remarked, where Keller realized that the Leader wasn't going to help at all. "I'm taking him back to Velstrania, Leader.." Keller coldly stated, where she started to leave. "Oh come on, Keller! Don't you want to hang out with that dolt Madden? I thought you were a fan girl?" the Leader started to tease Keller a bit, though she proceeded to leave, knowing the Leader was just tormenting her for cruelty.

After Princess Harrington left, the Leader started to check his list again, where he went to his phone to make a call to Silversti. After dialing, he gave a simple message. "Silversti? Unlock the cells."

[Trans-Dniesters]

Приднестровская Гридиронная Суперлига
PRIDNESTROVIA AT THE WORLD BOWL
WORLD BOWL XXXVII PHASE 1 RECAP

Hello there, friends, comrades, and fellow fans in gridiron. Today we will be taking a break from Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League once again in favor of a recap of the past three days of the World Bowl XXXVII. We've not a lot of time to waste, my friends. Let's get started.

World Bowl XXXVII Special!: League A Matchdays Four, Five, and Six

Pridnestrovia    3  3  6  3  15
Cosumar          0  3  0  6  9

Ko-oren          7  0  0  0  7
Pridnestrovia    0 10  6 10  26

Pridnestrovia    3  3  7 14  27
Newmanistan     10  6  7  0  23

As you can see in our two games against Ko-oren and Newmanistan, we have not sat idly by following our defeats to these teams. We studied these teams, learned how they managed to defeat us, and then we adapted our own strategies to deal with our own deficiencies against them or at the very least not turn them into the Achilles' heels that the Dragonflies and the Rockets had exploited against us before. Shame about what happened in our second game against Cosumar though. We were all looking forward to another offensive explosion after that amazing 44-37 game, surely, comrades. Instead we got nothing more than a glorified penalty shootout. Field goals, field goals everywhere! Oh, don't get me wrong; both sides' offenses were doing very well. It's just that once they all got into or near the red zone, things would suddenly go wrong: incomplete passes, near interceptions, the occasional sack or two. A lot of these things happened inside field goal range, which I guess is quite obvious when you think about it, but there you go. I really wish we had gotten some touchdowns in there though. Sad.

Things didn't look like they were going to improve once we got to Ko-oren to play them on the return leg. They won the toss and elected to receive, and they were able to score a touchdown with their very first possession. As I said at the beginning, things were looking very bad for us. But then, near the start of the second quarter, just as it looked like another one of our drives was going to stall, Andrey Nikitich Medvedev somehow managed to find Guntram Rosenfeld alone and unguarded at the 20-yard line, and when Rosenfeld gets a good head of steam going, it's near-impossible to stop him. Actually, no, scratch that. It's impossible to stop him. There is not a force in this world that can stop a man on a mission like Rosenfeld. The most that you can hope to do against him is to push him out of bounds before he gets to the end zone or the first down. And in this case, it was indeed a touchdown for Rosenfeld, and the sight of that huge chunk of mass hurtling down the sideline that must have inspired the Red Army to step up their efforts to win this game, and the rest, as they say, is history. Shame about Wislaw Sokoloff hitting the left upright in the third quarter though, but we still won in the end, so that's okay, I guess?

And then we move on to Newmanistan. Oh, man, Newmanistan. That was a real crazy game if I ever saw. Probably not as crazy as something like the first Pridnestrovia versus Cosumar game (the one that went 44-37) but still crazy by own (admittedly low) standards. If anything else, it's a very great and compelling comeback story. Just think about it: Newmanistan had the upper hand over us before, and at the start of this game it looked like they still had said upper hand despite all our own claims and assertions that we have learned our lessons and adapted accordingly. No joking; it's damn near impossible to score points against Pridnestrovia in the first quarter, especially at our own turf; only a few teams have done it. But then Newmanistan dropped 10 points on us and put themselves into that very small list. We were little if any match to them during those first two quarters, as you can see by the scoreline. In fact, they had us in the first half, I won't lie. But then we turned things around in the second half, both offensively and defensively. Andrey Nikitich Medvedev, who had started in these three games finally managed to get back into his groove, and with the introduction of his twin brother Demyan Nikitich into the mix it was almost inevitable that Pridnestrovia would actually make the comeback. Of course, they kept us all in suspense until the last two minutes, when Andrey Nikitich carried off a textbook perfect two-minute drill to carry both the Red Army itself and his twin brother to the end zone for the winning score. Ah, my throat is still sore after all the celebratory yelling I did. No regrets though.

And that does it for me for this recap of the second half of Phase I of World Bowl XXXVII. Can you believe that after a rough start to Phase I, we actually managed to scrape our way back to the top of the Rokani Group thanks to our superior head-to-head point differential of +15? That's real close, if you ask me. But we made it through. Now we're in Phase II, drawn into the John Nampoza Group against former champions Taeshan and constant title challengers South Covello and Velstrania. I expect nothing more than very tight competition in this group. Survival of the fittest is the name of the game, and whosoever shall be lucky enough to make it through this will be rewarded with passage to the next phase yet again. Is my English getting better, comrades? As always, my friends, I will be covering the World Bowl in depth while at the same time providing you all with daily doses of the recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League. That's all that I have left to say though, comrades, and until then, До свидания.

[West Phoenicia]

The West Phoenician War Dancers pulled off another terrific win. This time it was the first match of Phase Two where they came up againt United States of Devonta. The score was West Phoenicia 22 to United States of Devonta 3.
Their opposition managing to only produce a field goal in the first half of the game after the Opposition failed to break through a tough defensiveine to score a touchdown. West Phoenician Sports analysts have praised coaching staff for focusing on the defensive line, a choice that is often .missed with other teams who invest alot of time and money into the offensive.

"A strong defence is always needed, anyone can fun a touch down and get through the lines with sloppy defence, but by focusing on keeping the defensive line strong teams falter in trying to break it."
Defensive Coordinator Simon Ford ability in making the defensive line strong has been a strong of success in the currents wins by West Phoenicia. Kudos goes out to Defensive Tackle: Bobby Prince
and Defensive Tackle: Kevin Sturgess two key players who are worming over tine in rushing the opposition's passers and for blocking running plays.

West Phoenicia will next take on ranked team The Greater Nordics, a nation that West Phoenicia is on friendly terms with and what is expected to be a great game between both nations. Coaching staff have high hopes that this phase of the game will be challenging yet rewarding for West Phoenicia by keeping us at the top of the grouping.

Empress Angelique Gryphon-Bush, first wife of the current Emperor expressed a strong desire for both nations to come together in diplomatic ties. The Empress has expressed a desire for a royal meet up between the two when West Phoenicia decends upon the Greater Nordics for the gridiron match where the West Phoenician royal family has reserved a number of private boxes for courtiers to enjoy the game in peace and quiet.

[Free Republics]

OOC: ICly, Gossip Magazine is roughly equivalent to the National Enquirer in terms of credibility. This reporter did not visit the Main Nation Ministry and is, in fact, making up quite a bit of this story.

Gossip Magazine

Main Nation Ministry Part I: Who is the Leader?
by: Etoile Quenneville

The Main Nation Ministry is a totalitarian police state but unlike the former Gregoryisgodistan, the Ministry has received little press coverage in the Free Republics. The dictator is a man simply known as "the Leader" about whom very little is known. In the interest of finding out more about this man, I recently visited the Ministry. It was a strikingly depressing site. The streets are dull and lifeless and everywhere I went, I got the feeling that if I said or did the wrong thing, they'd "re-educate" me. In all of my career, I'd never felt so unsafe as I did when I was in the Ministry. And let's face it, their food was awful and nowhere near as good as the gourmet restaurants in the FFR that I'm used to.

So who is this leader? I spent the better part of a day with him in the Ministry to find out the answer to that question. When I arrived at his enormous and lavish palace which had to be 2 to 3 times as big as the New Legislative Building, I discovered that he is a middle aged man who spends a fortune out of his people's taxes to look like a teenager! He even dresses like a teenage boy from one of those Taiyouese "anime" cartoons. As we spent a day together in various sectors of the Ministry's capital city, I asked him a number of questions. He told me that his birth name is Joey Harrington and that he always wanted to be a football quarterback growing up but wasn't good enough. While I know very little about football other than the fact that football games were a great place to pick up guys in high school (and seriously who cares about the actual game when there are hot guys to seduce?), he told me that he was very excited about his country's football team and looking forward to watching them play the Free Republics in something called "Phase 2" of the World Bowl.

The Leader conducted himself like a perfect gentleman but behind that gentlemanly facade rests a ruthless Leader who doesn't hesitate to order the psychological torture of dozens of his own people. While Gregoryisgodistan used to execute people at the drop of a hat, the Ministry prefers to torture its people into obedience. I will have more information on their methods in a future part of this series but the Leader was surprisingly forthcoming about the subject and seemed to be proud of his crimes against his own people. While I imagine all national leaders have to have a certain level of rationality to get to that level, the Leader showed striking sociopathic and psychotic tendencies and it was actually kind of hot to be around a genuine "dark triad" man like him.

Unfortunately, I discovered that the Leader has a deep love of dogs and really hates cats. For me, that was a complete dealbreaker. Why would somebody hate a beautiful, fluffy little furball with a mind of its own? I don't get it but sadly there are people out there who like their dumb pet wolves and can't stand the idea of a pet that thinks for itself. The Leader is one such person. We continued talking afterwards but I was not sympathetic to him any longer and I don't remember much more of what he said.

I asked people on the street in the Main Nation Ministry what they think of their Leader. All of them told me how he's a brilliant Leader who does what is right for his nation. It was disturbing how everybody I ran into except for like 2 people gave the same robotic answer to my questions about the Leader. There can be no doubt that they don't really believe that and are just saying it because they have to if they don't want to get "re-educated" by his brutal dictatorship.

Be sure to check back tomorrow for part 2 of my series about the Main Nation Ministry!

Etoile Quenneville is a reporter for Gossip Magazine who focuses on foreign celebrities. A graduate of 11th Street High School in Republica, Etoile was hired straight out of school by Gossip Magazine. She likes cats, partying and using desperate men for free dinner dates.

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we earlier. Previously, we talked about Torisakia's promotion to League B and the group draw of phase 2, Today we'll be talking about Torisakia's matchday one of phase 2 matchup against Allamunnic States.

Matchday one of phase 2 of World Bowl 37 could not have started better for the Ice Birds. On a clear, warm night in Tokai at the Tokai Memorial Stadium the Ice Birds pummeled Allamunnic States by a score of 34-7. It was the first time that they had held an opponent under 10 points all tournament long. Aaron Spady threw for 264 yards and 3 touchdowns while Michael Prickett had one touchdown on the ground. The Ice Birds' defense held their ground fairly well, only allowing 188 yards of total offense by Allamunnic States. They also forced a couple of turnovers with an interception by Cedric Troy and a fumble recovery by Joachim Shearer. Even Matthew DeBerry did well, going 2/2 on field goals with one being from 55 yards out. It was a great start to the second phase of the tournament and gives many of us high hopes for the rest of the way and hopefully will prove my predictions I made in my last edition right after I got many, many angry emails about it. Seriously I've never gotten so many threats from people to have hot cheese poured down my pants in my life.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Torisakia (1-0)	14	3	10	7	34
Allamunnic States (0-1)	0	7	0	0	7

Torisakia got off to a quick start in the first quarter, scoring on their first two possessions. The first score of the night came way of a 38 yard touchdown pass by Aaron Spady to Cliff Bolden that was caught right in stride. The second score came just a few minutes later by Michael Prickett and a 22 yard scamper to the endzone going almost untouched. Things slowed down for the Ice Birds in the second quarter however. They gave up a score early on a blown coverage that allowed Allamunnic States to score off a 75 yard touchdown pass. Oddly enough the name of the Allamunnic States player that scored has been lost by sports networks and news sites due to a freak weather incident that caused some data to be lost overnight. Huh. Anyways, Torisakia would add on a field goal to go up 17-7 at halftime. After a forcing Allamunnic States to go three-and-out on their first possession of the second half, Torisakia scored quickly on a 62 yard touchdown pass from Aaron Spady to Dominick Alserda. Allamunnic States would produce nothing of sustenance the rest of the way as the Ice Birds defense continued to shut them down. Torisakia would tack on another field goal near the end of the third quarter to go up 27-7. The final score of the night came with around 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter on a 14 yard pass from Spady to Jay Abaroa. Garbage time ensured and Torisakia came out victorious 34-7. It was probably the best consistent performance Torisakia has had this entire World Bowl.

GAME SUMMARY OF TORISAKIA VS. ALLAMUNNIC STATES

1st QUARTER
12:44 TOR - 38 yard pass from A. Spady to  C. Bolden (DeBerry PAT)
9:05 TOR - 22 yard run by M. Prickett (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 1ST Torisakia: 14 Allamunnic States: 0

2nd QUARTER
13:57- 75 yard pass from [DATA CORRUPTED] to [DATA CORRUPTED] ([DATA CORRUPTED] PAT)
0:00 TOR - 55 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
END OF 2ND Torisakia: 17 Allamunnic States: 7

3rd QUARTER
11:25 TOR - 62 yard pass from A. Spady to D. Alserda (DeBerry PAT)
2:20 TOR - 37 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
END OF 3RD Torisakia: 27 Allamunnic States: 7

4th QUARTER
10:17 TOR - 14 yard pass from A. Spady to J. Abaroa (M. DeBerry PAT)
END OF 4TH Torisakia: 34 Allamunnic States: 7

Torisakia's next matchup is against Northwest Kalactin at home in Presidents City at the coveted Kirk & Hilton Heights that's just a few years removed from being home to a Hyperbowl championship. Northwest Kalactin lost a heartbreaker on matchday one to Royal Kingdom of Quebec 39-33 in overtime. Despite their performance in first phase where they finished 1-5, Northwest Kalactin isn't a team to be easily overlooked. A lot of times these teams that seem like they would be a cakewalk can give you the most trouble. And nothing would be worse for Torisakia than to lose to a team that hasn't be consistent all World Bowl long. Especially at home in one of the best cities in the country. As long as we play like we have in our recent few games, I think we'll have no trouble at all.

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Northwest Kalactin matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups and preview the next matchday. Take care and Rog still has not been found. If you have any information as to the whereabouts of Rog Heinerschmaltz please call 334-800-FIND-ROG. Please come home Rog I have no one to talk to here and I'm cold, scared, and lonely.