Five-All-Greens
Furious Forwards Flashing Fine Finishing
This is nuts. I went back and did some research over the last five World Cups (discounting qualifiers); admittedly, ten-goal matches aren't quite as rare as you might think. But they still only happen roughly once every other Cup. From the 75th edition up to today, there's been two-hundred and eighty-eight games played in World Cup finals. There have been 6 ten-goal matches--0.21%. We are among rare company to have been a part of something so ludicrous, which at the very least will be a more fun story to take home than the last two Cups provided us. Even more extraordinary, though, was that three of those matches came in 75--all from the same group stage group. Two of those happened at the literal exact same time to decide the fate of who would progress! And even the fate of who would survive. The current Banijan-Equestrian conflict in the midst of a World Cup is not unprecedented, and in a group being torn apart on multiple political fronts frustrations bubbled over into some incredibly aggressive football matches. Let's take a quick look back:
Farfadillis 6–4 Savalen | World Cup 75, Group B, Matchday 1
Savalen at the time appeared to be the team in Group B least embroiled in some conflict, but looking back there may have been some serious domestic issues brewing under the covers. I can't say for sure, but considering their national team just made their reappearance this cycle after missing the previous three? And that their FA apparently weren't even in control of the team until over halfway through qualifying? I'd put some money on nasty shenanigans being at play there. Farfadillis, on the other hand, was witnessing the armed Rulandese conflict start in earnest as these matches were being played, with very public tension between the players who were still marched out onto the pitch to play as a team. The match itself featured Savalen scoring every single goal near the start or the stop of play, possibly taking advantage of the Farves' internal disarray to strike before they got into the swing of things. But into the swing of things they did get, the patented Farf offense tearing the Savalen defense to shreds--and apparently leaving them permanently shredded, as they'd finish their three group stage games at a staggering nineteen allowed.
Valladares 8–2 Savalen | World Cup 75, Group B, Matchday 3
Valladares has an interesting history, one of the most politically active nations you'll find in Rushmori textbooks. From their historical conflicts with our current foes, the Darmenis, that awarded them the vaunted "Westlands" to the jostling over eminence in southeastern spheres of influence with the likes of Eura and Electrum. Their ties into Group B's complicated situation will be explored more in-depth in a moment, but this absolute slaughter of a game capped off an impressive implosion for the Savaleners. When you give up eight goals and that doesn't even double the goals you've allowed in the past two games, something has gone horribly awry. Easily the best Valladar vintage--they'd end up runners-up to the Unified Sunrise Islands--saw three different players register braces, but their survival still depended on the result of the other match.
Associated Godlands 5–5 Farfadillis | World Cup 75, Group B, Matchday 3
Now, I know I've been a bit glib throughout this so far, but I do want to get a bit serious here. I know most Mriinians were first made aware of Farfadillis' existence when we played them in qualifiers of 77, and then again later that cycle when the Rulandese genocide--one of the worst civilian tragedies a NSWC nation has seen since the Mytanar debacle in the 60's--seized the region's attention. But digging through these old articles, I found some absolutely disturbing foreshadowing from a full four years prior, threats from the Farf government about carpet bombing Ruland that no-one apparently thought they'd ever follow through on. Then consider that the team this striken Farf team was facing was literally playing after their nation ceased to exist. The Assosciated Godlands had ended up on the wrong side of a war involving multiple parties, but most prominently former Gregoryisgodistan, who would be given the Godlands' national team as prisoners of war following the draw resulting in their ejection from the tournament. I can't even begin to think what atrocities befell those players above and beyond what the Gregoryisgodistanis would normally commit. And the kicker? It turned out that Valladar agents were the ones orchestrating the arrest.
...fuck, that got dark. I swear that's not where this article was supposed to go, but I can't just well ignore a coincidence like that, right? Half the ten goal matches of the last five cycles all tie into this depressing narrative. I just... alright, let's put this whole episode behind us and move forward. The rest of these should just be "regular" football matches, hopefully.
Valladares 5–5 Vilita (5–5 AET) (3–4 pen.) | World Cup 77, Round of 16
Oh, for fuck's sake--you lot again? It's the battle of the V's here as Valladares rear their heads again, though this is the crux of their decline from 75's high and hosting 76 that would see them losing in this cycle's playoffs. And, of course, this would be the cycle the Jungle Cats would heft the Cup again after nine editions. But, as a refreshing break, it seems this was truly just a wacky game of football--no foul play or unfortunate situations, just two teams sprinting end-to-end and putting balls in nets. What's most remarkable is that, after ninety minutes of bashing into each other full-throttle, not a goal is scored in extra time. If I had to guess either everyone was just completely worn out or they were more worried about blowing the lead with less time to take it back. And so it all came down to penalties, which... well, I'm not looking forward to the first time we have a match decided by them.
San Jose Guayabal 4–6 The Holy Empire | World Cup 79, Group B
Now this is a match y'all should remember, as this was our group last cycle. And... well, I suppose it's technically a return to a strife-filled match, seeing as it was two sides of shambling zombies going at it with undead fervor. It was an impressive comeback effort for the top seeds, one that seemed to convince the wider multiverse that space pirate zombies are, in fact, cool. That was a presumption I always opposed--amalgamating three passe tropes into one doesn't quite titillate my fancy--but it seems I'm in the minority on that matter, so I'll cede that point. The Mriinian NT showed themselves to be a match for the Imperial zombies on the final matchday, but the Guayabalese variety were just too much, handing us a second straight group-stage exist on head-to-head tiebreakers to the second seed.
At least we're immune to that exact scenario playing out again, nor are we in the dire straights so many of the above nations were in when they put up scorelines like this. But in all likelyhood we're still going to need a straight up win against the second seed this time around to progress (a draw would be enough should Darmen force another draw with South Covello, but I'm not holding my breath). Oh, and the second seed happens to be Pasarga, a team we drew with twice last qualifiers. Pasarga were actually eliminated by South Covello last cycle, now that I think about it! This group is full of tie-ins and rematches before even bringing up the fact that Darmen and South Covello have already played twice this cycle. Crazy.
Alright, I'm already well over my quota here and I haven't even said a word about the actual game we just played, so here's a bullet-point recap of how the hell we both managed five goals in ninety minutes. Specifically, five reasons:
- Spectacular finishing. Craig Blackwood and Felix Lucanus were a tour de force, refusing to be corralled by a Mriinian defense that had been... mostly okay for much of this cycle. The two of them backed up by
a creative midfield presence, especially Zachariah Butler's efforts, created an embarrassing number of chances that simply overwhelmed poor Zilia between the sticks. On the other end, we had notably less chances, but Solara simply would not be denied. She only managed two attempts on goal plus a penalty, but all three found the back of the net. Aldo was slightly worse off sinking one of three chances, with a header going each high and wide. Finally, Lasser came through as a super-sub once again, finding the equalizer in added time with another monster blast. All the strikers on the pitch were on their A-game, and that naturally leads to a lot of goals. - Highly aggressive play. Both in terms of broad strategy--both teams were clearly on the offense and prowling for goals--but also in how moments played out. A staggering eight yellows were accrued throughout the match, with both teams coughing up a penalty that was converted, and as the game went on defenders--even the substitutes, that seemed to be trying to overcompensate given the direction things were going--were playing a bit safer at the risk of the dreaded second yellow.
- A burning desire to prove their place. Darmen have always been a middle-upper side that has rarely had a chance to truly shine outside the Copa Rushmori and a Cup of Harmony championship, and with their sudden unexpected run of form--not unlike the surprise qualification of regional rivals Sargossa in recent memory, who have managed to keep it up--they must want to show that they are for real. Meanwhile, good ol' Don has that wonderful superiority complex that he's always trying to live up to, and breaking the world's top twenty in just four cycles ain't enough. I don't think he'll rest easy until he gets to wait all the way to the end of a draw before hearing Mriin called, and gets the respect that comes with such a position.
- It was a beautiful day. Say what you will about grittiness and perseverance and whatnot, those days where it's nice and sunny and warm but not sweltering lead to some exciting football. The porridge was just right, meaning everyone was able to warm up quickly while avoiding heat exhaustion. Five degrees lower or higher and I think this score is impossible because of a slower start (if it's cold) or an anemic end (if it's hot).
- The spirit of Manechester City HC permeating the stadium. 1093 Val Kylx Avenue* is no normal address, and the... extravagant personalities the infamous club hosts has given the area an atmosphere unlike any other stadium in the multiverse. You spend too much time there and you can feel... a certain madness coming upon you. It's strange, and hard to describe to someone that's never been there. Hell, maybe I've still got a few screws loose from my visit, which is why I wrote all the bullshit further up. I can't help but feel that environment contributed to this outrageous scoreline, and to our own little piece of history.