I've probably already gone too far.
It's not the booze. I can't deal with this shit anymore. I'm a random fuck up and i'm basically the only resource in the area. I don't have training, I'm not taught how to prevent this from fucking with my head, and it clearly has. But I can't turn people away. But, i've got booze, so that's that.
Liriena wrote:Ostroeuropa wrote:
It's not to do with my experience, I don't think. Maybe it is.
It's more to do with the people I can do so little for. I'm over my shit, I barely think about it. But with them, I feel helpless.
There's middle ground to be had. I'd just push beyond it and as far as I could until I lost a majority. I trust the process. I think it's more honest to be clear about it and say, "No, literally, I'm willing to go as far as the public is in terms of punishing these people. You have potential employees."
Yeah, but you see... I can't even begin to relate to these extreme authoritarian fantasies of yours. No matter how much I may disdain the ideas and common attitudes of nazis, religious fundamentalists or incels, I never take those feelings to the point of dehumanization and malice. I don't fantasize about gaslighting and intimidating them to "crack them" and force them to flee their homes. I don't want to "inflict agony" on anyone. And not because of being afraid of jail, but because, even at my worst, I can't dehumanize other people or treat them as "a detriment to the species".
In my view this is because you lack the experiences to push you into that position. Like I said, i'm self-aware about this. I'm not a danger to people, but these kind of feelings and experiences are probably what push people to political violence and such. I don't see why I should hide that fact.
"Yeah, you're so fucked up, you've broken me. If it weren't for my faith in the rule of law, i'd have snapped. You're awful people, and violence probably happens because you're such a detriment to the species. I'm not going to do it, because i'm self-aware, but that's a rare trait. You should be aware that you're so awful and why."


and hope you get some good rest.