How to tell if a girl doesn't mind virginity?

[LimaUniformNovemberAlpha]

As someone deterred from dating by the risk of having to drop out to pay child support, I feel like there's an enormous load of baggage from the implications of being years later than everyone else, especially if it's not for the (presumed) usual reasons. I'm not sure how to even prove that was why.

I would need to find a woman who would believe my reasons why, and that I was just as attractive (and then some) in my teen years, such that it's not a matter of desperation. Ideally, a virgin herself, for common ground, and one of sound enough judgment to either anticipate from the start what my reasons were or at least not dismiss it offhand like the average person tends to do.

I still have another few months yet to decide (long story) but where would I need to start looking? Does it depend solely on walk of life, or nationality as well? (And yes, I'm flexible about where I live... so far I am leaning toward Japan for other reasons, but this preference may be subject to change without notice.)

[Fartsniffage]

I think you really need to talk to more people your age. Maybe some of them being women......

[LimaUniformNovemberAlpha]

I think you really need to talk to more people your age. Maybe some of them being women......

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

[Cannot think of a name]

People don't care as much as is let on. Don't worry about it.

[The East Marches II]

I think you really need to talk to more people your age. Maybe some of them being women......

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

You don't, its a gamble. Thats why you need a little Dutch courage, it makes it go easier.

[LimaUniformNovemberAlpha]

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

You don't, its a gamble. Thats why you need a little Dutch courage, it makes it go easier.

"Courage" is one thing. Denying myself a woman who likes me for who I am is another.

[Saiwania]

You'd have to ask them to know for certain. But if you're a male, no I don't recommend bringing virginity up at all. There is really no need to disclose such. Don't lie and say you're not a virgin, but at the same time- keep it a secret and deflect to other topics and so on. If you eventually have sex with them and they're your first- they'll probably figure it out on their own, believe me.

[Trotskylvania]

As someone deterred from dating by the risk of having to drop out to pay child support, I feel like there's an enormous load of baggage from the implications of being years later than everyone else, especially if it's not for the (presumed) usual reasons. I'm not sure how to even prove that was why.

I would need to find a woman who would believe my reasons why, and that I was just as attractive (and then some) in my teen years, such that it's not a matter of desperation. Ideally, a virgin herself, for common ground, and one of sound enough judgment to anticipate from the start what my reasons were, or failing that, to at least not dismiss it offhand like the average person tends to do.

I still have another few months yet to decide (long story) but where would I need to start looking? Does it depend solely on walk of life, or nationality as well? (And yes, I'm flexible about where I live... so far I am leaning toward Japan for other reasons, but this preference may be subject to change without notice.)

It sounds like you're starting off by bargaining yourself down, and setting yourself up for failure.

No one will ever be as hard on you about being a virgin than you are being with yourself right now. You're trying to come up with rational reasons why, and are worried about whether someone is going to believe you or not about them. This says to me that you think deep down that there's something wrong with you for being a virgin or having never dated someone.

If someone is going to judge your for it, then they're not worth your time. It is your body and your choice, and there's no magic test of full adulthood that requires having had sex.

Whatever the reasons, actual or perceived, you didn't have sex for don't matter. The type of person you are now is what matters, how you will treat other people.

So my advice is, and believe me, I know it's harder than just saying it: just let it go. It's a thing that's no more important to who you are than your blood type. Don't worry yourself chasing after superficial characteristics that you think will lead to someone not judging you. People in other countries aren't going to be more or less judging about it. Focus on finding someone with shared interests, someone you feel comfortable with, who can understand and empathize with you, and who you can do the same for.

[Genivaria]

You don't, its a gamble. Thats why you need a little Dutch courage, it makes it go easier.

"Courage" is one thing. Denying myself a woman who likes me for who I am is another.

Wait how are you 'denying yourself' ?

[Bakery Hill]

People don't care as much as is let on. Don't worry about it.

This where the thread should have ended.

[Costa Fierro]

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

You don't, its a gamble. Thats why you need a little Dutch courage, it makes it go easier.

Or, you realize the game is rigged and don't play it. No point in throwing money in a game of poker if the house always wins.

[Neanderthaland]

I think you really need to talk to more people your age. Maybe some of them being women......

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

Present it as a positive. She can train you. And you don't have any bad habits.

Women like projects.

[Bombadil]

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

Present it as a positive. She can train you. And you don't have any bad habits.

Women like projects.

Indeed, and 'I've been waiting until I find the right person' is a real heart melter of a line.

If the goal is just to lose your virginity, put it up on Ebay, make some moolah.

[The East Marches II]

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

Present it as a positive. She can train you. And you don't have any bad habits.

Women like projects.

This is a good point tbh.

[Costa Fierro]

Present it as a positive. She can train you. And you don't have any bad habits.

Women like projects.

This is a good point tbh.

It's about as good as saying "cover yourself and latex and pretend you're a sex doll". Unfortunately men are the ones that have to put in the hard yards, not women. Virginity can be endearing when you're a teenager, but it becomes a liability the older you get.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

As someone deterred from dating by the risk of having to drop out to pay child support, I feel like there's an enormous load of baggage from the implications of being years later than everyone else, especially if it's not for the (presumed) usual reasons. I'm not sure how to even prove that was why.

I would need to find a woman who would believe my reasons why, and that I was just as attractive (and then some) in my teen years, such that it's not a matter of desperation. Ideally, a virgin herself, for common ground, and one of sound enough judgment to either anticipate from the start what my reasons were or at least not dismiss it offhand like the average person tends to do.

I still have another few months yet to decide (long story) but where would I need to start looking? Does it depend solely on walk of life, or nationality as well? (And yes, I'm flexible about where I live... so far I am leaning toward Japan for other reasons, but this preference may be subject to change without notice.)

Easy, nobody cares.

I was in the same boat as you, and I thought people cared because of how high school peers were always talking about sex and virginity and teen pregnancy and whatever. High school is not representative of the real world, I found out once life started knocking some sense into me.

You'll find that women don't really care about you being a virgin as much as they care about other things. And if a woman cared that much she has ways to find out.

I was also put off by sex because I didn't want to get a woman pregnant, and have to work to support a family before finishing college. Didn't lose my virginity until I was 23. Trust me, it's not that big of a deal. Also, if you worry about pleasing a woman during your first time because you're inexperienced, you're worrying too much. If you're a good listener and pay attention to her, you'll probably do more decently than you think you would.

[Cannot think of a name]

This is a good point tbh.

It's about as good as saying "cover yourself and latex and pretend you're a sex doll". Unfortunately men are the ones that have to put in the hard yards, not women. Virginity can be endearing when you're a teenager, but it becomes a liability the older you get.

If you become obsessed and pissy about it, yes.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

This is a good point tbh.

It's about as good as saying "cover yourself and latex and pretend you're a sex doll". Unfortunately men are the ones that have to put in the hard yards, not women. Virginity can be endearing when you're a teenager, but it becomes a liability the older you get.

Virginity is not even endearing while being a teenager.

You cannot imagine how much do I regret now getting into discussions about sex as a teenager because most of the comments were basically women trying to defend my virginity from the "rapacious bitches" out there because, somehow, I was too good and too pure of a person in their mind to see me having sex, while all I really wanted to do was get my dick wet in high school.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

You don't, its a gamble. Thats why you need a little Dutch courage, it makes it go easier.

"Courage" is one thing. Denying myself a woman who likes me for who I am is another.

Word choice. Word choice and tone tell you all about a person. Get better at reading people.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

How do you know she isn't sugar-coating it because she knows she's talking to a virgin, though?

Present it as a positive. She can train you. And you don't have any bad habits.

Women like projects.

It's not even that hard to be decent enough in bed.

---

Also, another good piece of advice: please don't make it sound like your virginity is literally coming out of the shadows of your identity. It's not that important. Just drop it casually in conversation if you need to, but don't stop the flow of everything just because you have this big, revelatory confession that you're a virgin.

[Saiwania]

You cannot imagine how much do I regret now getting into discussions about sex as a teenager because most of the comments were basically women trying to defend my virginity from the "rapacious bitches" out there because, somehow, I was too good and too pure of a person in their mind to see me having sex, while all I really wanted to do was get my dick wet in high school.

Having a kid during high school is one of the sure fire tickets to poverty. If you get a girl pregnant, can't exactly force them to get an abortion if they decide to keep the baby. The biological father is on the hook for child support unless they "disappear" and can't be found.

[Bakery Hill]

You just need to get pissed more often. It'll do youse all wonders, trust me.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

You cannot imagine how much do I regret now getting into discussions about sex as a teenager because most of the comments were basically women trying to defend my virginity from the "rapacious bitches" out there because, somehow, I was too good and too pure of a person in their mind to see me having sex, while all I really wanted to do was get my dick wet in high school.

Having a kid during high school is one of the sure fire tickets to poverty. If you get a girl pregnant, can't exactly force them to get an abortion if they decide to keep the baby. The biological father is on the hook for child support unless they "disappear" and can't be found.

What does that have to do with the point?

I mean, I agree, but that wasn't really the point.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

You just need to get pissed more often. It'll do youse all wonders, trust me.

Pissed = drunk?

[Bakery Hill]

You cannot imagine how much do I regret now getting into discussions about sex as a teenager because most of the comments were basically women trying to defend my virginity from the "rapacious bitches" out there because, somehow, I was too good and too pure of a person in their mind to see me having sex, while all I really wanted to do was get my dick wet in high school.

Having a kid during high school is one of the sure fire tickets to poverty. If you get a girl pregnant, can't exactly force them to get an abortion if they decide to keep the baby. The biological father is on the hook for child support unless they "disappear" and can't be found.

Do you think everyone who gets laid gets pregnant? If you're so concerned that multiple types of contraceptives aren't good enough, there are a number of other things you and your gf can do together that cannot possibly result in an unwanted surprise.