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Girls und Panzer: Battle Europa (OOC/Sign-up, Open)

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Sonitusia
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Founded: Mar 12, 2015
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Postby Sonitusia » Fri Dec 30, 2016 12:58 am

Republic of Hasgriu wrote:
Wolfenium wrote:Sorry, I don't speak so cheem-cheem one. Please simplify, can? :p

Aiyoh, jialat! Sorry ah, I never mean it like that one. New Year please don't be unhappy one because I abit the stupid ah, just boh chup this. I blur like sotong, read and re-read also cannot see, so can show where I screw up? Thanks ah.

The [size=3] thing ah, I just anyhow write what I think. The tarp one I write because I thought the tarp can maybe 算 as roof. If it is the ang moh pai speak, then I lebih like this also can. Not sarcastic one.

If it is IC one... got article, say Taiwan got Nazi cosplay, then the principal, t'cher all kena 罚. Germany also, always very sensitive about WW2. You wear uniform like that there ah, confirm plus chop kena deport. Maya also sensitive like that one. Touchy topic. Blame gahmen lah.

Kalau tidak bobo digigit nyamuk I screw up lagi here, den I really very goondu one. IC, OOC, semua also screw up. If liddat one, den si beh pai seh ah, & can send help? Even one chopper also can.

Also pai seh ah Wolf, gahmen say my England must powderful, so now talk like kentang, den the Singlish cannot make it liao. 意味わかんない, oso not your fault. Can go NUS oreddy lebih bagus than me.

I cannot help but laugh and reread this in my best Singaporean accent.
DEITY OF BAD-TIMING
Check out my Deviantart for shit drawings!
Member of Task Force Atlas
Holy Messenger of Imperialjapanism and Twin Sibling of Shyluz
Shyluz wrote:The second 'tanks' was said, it was all over.

Gensokyu wrote:So that happened.

They say that in the great wars of NS Summer, there was one who did not fight with blood, but with iron. They named this one the Master of Tanks, and the thunderous sound of cannon and the rattling of machine guns could be heard far and wide, the crossroads before the capital of CotM being defended by this valiant one until it stood alone. Shitposters layed in droves, and entire army having been slain by the might of Sonitusia, Master of Tanks, Commandant of Iron, and Slinger of Shells.

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Wolfenium
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Founded: Jan 17, 2010
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Postby Wolfenium » Sun Jan 01, 2017 11:54 pm

Soni has added silhouettes to the list. .w.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Republic of Hasgriu
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Founded: Jul 06, 2014
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Postby Republic of Hasgriu » Wed Jan 04, 2017 5:24 am

Bermuda, would Tonya stumbling into the same washroom that my chars are cleaning for some interaction be all right with you?

Wolfenium wrote:Soni has added silhouettes to the (character) list. .w.

Nice. They're really detailed, like in the title for Nasution's side story. How did you go about making them, Soni?
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New Jordslag wrote:Dammit, just realized they have each other's names in their sigs. Yet in my two years of existence nobody quotes what I say... *crawls into corner and cries*
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Minroz
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Founded: Nov 24, 2007
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Postby Minroz » Wed Jan 04, 2017 5:28 am

Hmm, what could my charas should do in the aquarium? I'm bit dry on that part. :x

Suggestions?

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Fascist Republic Of Bermuda
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Founded: Apr 28, 2014
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Postby Fascist Republic Of Bermuda » Wed Jan 04, 2017 1:43 pm

Republic of Hasgriu wrote:Bermuda, would Tonya stumbling into the same washroom that my chars are cleaning for some interaction be all right with you?

Sure, I'd be down with that.
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Sonitusia
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Founded: Mar 12, 2015
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Postby Sonitusia » Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:04 pm

Republic of Hasgriu wrote:Bermuda, would Tonya stumbling into the same washroom that my chars are cleaning for some interaction be all right with you?

Wolfenium wrote:Soni has added silhouettes to the (character) list. .w.

Nice. They're really detailed, like in the title for Nasution's side story. How did you go about making them, Soni?

Did some editing using Krita and Paint.net
DEITY OF BAD-TIMING
Check out my Deviantart for shit drawings!
Member of Task Force Atlas
Holy Messenger of Imperialjapanism and Twin Sibling of Shyluz
Shyluz wrote:The second 'tanks' was said, it was all over.

Gensokyu wrote:So that happened.

They say that in the great wars of NS Summer, there was one who did not fight with blood, but with iron. They named this one the Master of Tanks, and the thunderous sound of cannon and the rattling of machine guns could be heard far and wide, the crossroads before the capital of CotM being defended by this valiant one until it stood alone. Shitposters layed in droves, and entire army having been slain by the might of Sonitusia, Master of Tanks, Commandant of Iron, and Slinger of Shells.

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Kuragaristan
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Founded: Jun 06, 2015
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Postby Kuragaristan » Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:30 pm

This is open right? I'd like to join with whatever you guys are in need of.
"Where there is darkness, light will shine."

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Wolfenium
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Posts: 10593
Founded: Jan 17, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Wolfenium » Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:14 pm

Unified East Asia wrote:
Part One - Team Application

Name (Team): Himawari(Sunflower) team
Armoured Fighting Vehicle: Type 95 Ha-Go
Crew Setup: (Who's the commander, gunner, driver, etc)

Sakurako Aoyama: Commander/Radio operator
Ohmuro Mutsu: Gunner/loader
Himiko Hana: Driver
Team Description (Optional): -
Tank Description (Optional): -

RP Sample (linked or a writing sample here and now, 200 words minimum):

Hana was silently reading a book whilst waiting for orders while Aoyama was on the cupola on her binoculars looking around for tanks. Mutsu was counting the number of shells they had as suddenly Aoyama spotted an M3 Stuart and kicked Hana's shoulder which she responded little to and started driving forward Aoyama in he radio trying to encourage everyone to charge annoyed het hey refused, she went in alone charging at the Stuart and taking it out at point blank range Aoyama cheering and Mutsu clapping. Hana was driving them away to not hit the tank braking as to avoid a nearby building. Aoyama looked out of the tank to realize M4A3E8s surrounding her as she ordered Hana in a panicked manner to get the hell out if here Hana nodding and using the small profile of the Ha-Ho to dodge shells and narrowly avoided hits multiple scratches on the tank.


Part Two - Character Applications


Name: Sakurako Aoyama
Age (15-20): 16
Role (Delete where appropriate): Commander, Radio Operator
Appearance/Pic:
(Image)
Nationality: Japanese
Ethnicity: Japanese...
Personality: Outgoing, Acts before thinking, Hyperactive
Biography: Aoyama had always had an interest in Senshadō and wanted to be a tankery expert. So much so that she has a toy Panzerfaust 60 in her room and a Plastic German Stahlhelm. She eventually entered a foreign high school in hopes of learning senshadō. She has problems communicating at first frustratingly using Japanese English to try to communicate but eventually learned English most of it at least. She picked the Ha-Go because she is a fan of speed like her personality but there weren't any BT-7s available. "It's not fast, but sure as hell dodges like a boss!" she says when asked why she picked this tank.

Part Two - Character Applications


Name: Ohmuro Mutsu
Age (15-20):16
Role (Delete where appropriate): Gunner, Loader
Appearance/Pic:
(Image)
Nationality: Japanese
Ethnicity:Japanese again...
Personality: Supportive, Motherly figure, Very feminine
Biography: Mutsu has been friends with Aoyama since they were in preschool starting with her breaking a fight with Aoyama and another girl soon to be revealed as Hana as they fought over a small Tank toy teaching them in how to share. She eventually followed Aoyama convinced she needs to be here or Aoyama would not survive a day without her seeing her childish ways. She followed her to Europe and taught her English while learning herself.

Part Two - Character Applications


Name: Hana Yumiko
Age (15-20):16
Role (Delete where appropriate: Driver
Appearance/Pic:
(Image)
Nationality: Japanese
Ethnicity: Japanese
Personality: Silent, taciturn, reserved
Biography: She met Aoyama and Mutsu in Preschool and became friends unwillingly with Aoyama. Her violent ways if befriending people cause her to be anti social afraid she Weill have to re-live being friends to Aoyama in Kindergarden which was worse than preschool because Aoyama enjoyed bullying Hana. She went to Europe for a new life in Senshadō which she was fascinated in as well learning in Middle school with Aoyama and Mutsu Mutsu being there just to keep Aoyama in check.


Ehh... Your RP sample needs work. Kind of longwinded and awkward sounding. I don't know to explain properly. ._.

Kuragaristan wrote:This is open right? I'd like to join with whatever you guys are in need of.


We're open. :3
Last edited by Wolfenium on Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Sonitusia
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Founded: Mar 12, 2015
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Postby Sonitusia » Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:30 pm

Kuragaristan wrote:This is open right? I'd like to join with whatever you guys are in need of.

Yeah, we could use a medium or heavy tank.
DEITY OF BAD-TIMING
Check out my Deviantart for shit drawings!
Member of Task Force Atlas
Holy Messenger of Imperialjapanism and Twin Sibling of Shyluz
Shyluz wrote:The second 'tanks' was said, it was all over.

Gensokyu wrote:So that happened.

They say that in the great wars of NS Summer, there was one who did not fight with blood, but with iron. They named this one the Master of Tanks, and the thunderous sound of cannon and the rattling of machine guns could be heard far and wide, the crossroads before the capital of CotM being defended by this valiant one until it stood alone. Shitposters layed in droves, and entire army having been slain by the might of Sonitusia, Master of Tanks, Commandant of Iron, and Slinger of Shells.

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Kuragaristan
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Founded: Jun 06, 2015
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Postby Kuragaristan » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:01 am

Part One - Team Application

Image
Depicted is the Cromwell Tulip, for reference purposes only

Name: Koala Team
Armoured Fighting Vehicle: Cromwell LILO
Crew Setup:
  • Commander/Radio Operator
  • Gunner
  • Driver
  • Loader
Team Description: A team of first years (save for its gunner) at Rauschen, Koala team is made up of Prussian, Russian, and German students, with no real ties save for the middle school they attended. Simply put, tankery seemed like a nice club to join, and what better way than to fight in a zippy, rocket tank?
Tank Description: Predecessor to the Cromwell Tulip tested later in 1946, this prototype Cromwell variant is fitted with four LILO rocket tubes, all mounted on the right of the turret. Each tube houses a 3-inch RP-3 rocket, capable of destroying vehicles with accuracy up to 50 yards. After which, the Cromwell LILO functions as a normal Cromwell Mk. VII, armed with an Ordnance QF 75mm gun.

In regards to personal additions, a small cartoon of a blue koala bear is painted on the left side of the turret, and inside the vehicle has been modified accordingly to the liking of each of its crew members.
RP Sample:



Part Two - Character Applications


Image
Name: Alsa Hopp
Age: 16
Role: Commander/Radio Operator
Nationality: Prussian
Ethnicity: Lithuanian
Personality: Cheerful country girl who's always willing to help out.
Biography: The oldest of the first years, Alsa is an average schoolgirl who's just interested in tankery from occasionally watching televised games. Born in the Prussian countryside to a family of lumberjacks, she had always dreamed of becoming an elementary teacher, and what better credentials to get you into college than the sport of tank fighting? Surely, she could show that she was capable of helping her team gain victory.


Image
Name: Vasilisa Kuznetsov
Age: 19
Role: Gunner
Nationality: Prussian
Ethnicity: Ukrainian
Personality: A lazy, pessimistic individual who believes that she can survive the remainder of her life without doing too much work.
Biography: The oldest on the team, Vasilisa is a third year student with not much to talk about. Laid back, a good for nothing in life, she began to rethink her life choices after entering her third year lacking any achievements to be accounted for. She had no notable talents of note, and her grades were too average to be noticeable. Becoming wary of her own situation, she finally decided to take it into her own hands. But with very little choices, most clubs declining third years, she became desperate. Finding the tankery club newly created, and a first year team in need of one more member, she snatched the opportunity as if it were her last string connected to hope.

And perhaps... She could redeem herself to a world that didn't know her.



Image
Name: Maryia Urban
Age: 15
Role: Loader
Nationality: Russian
Ethnicity: Belarusian
Personality: Typical of an athlete, she's a hard worker and will pick up things quickly. Her attitude doesn't let much slack get in the way.
Biography: Not a stranger to sports, Maryia had joined a plethora of clubs ever since she was in elementary, becoming a jack of all trades when it came to athletic ability. She was able to fill in any spot on any team, and was well versed in the techniques involved around every game. So when there came a chance for her to join a new sport, this being tankery, Maryia was very enthusiastic to join along with her fellow middle school colleagues.



Image
Name: Adelyte Fuchs
Age: 15
Role: Driver
Nationality: German
Ethnicity: Germanic
Personality: Full of puns and laughs, but also anger, Adelyte is a bit of a bipolar.
Biography: Accustomed to playing racing games with her older brother, Adelyte had never imagined that she'd be in the cockpit of a WW2-era medium tank. Luckily for her, it was one of the fastest medium tanks of its time. Growing up to an unstable household (which would later become split in two), Adelyte was subjected to a plethora of emotions, of which is ingrained to her mind until this very day.
Last edited by Kuragaristan on Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:33 am, edited 3 times in total.
"Where there is darkness, light will shine."

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Wolfenium
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Posts: 10593
Founded: Jan 17, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Wolfenium » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:06 am

Kuragaristan wrote:
Part One - Team Application

(Image)
Depicted is the Cromwell Tulip, for reference purposes only

Name: Koala Team
Armoured Fighting Vehicle: Cromwell LILO
Crew Setup:
  • Commander/Radio Operator
  • Gunner
  • Driver
  • Loader
Team Description: A team of first years at Rauschen (save for its gunner), Koala team is made up of Prussian, Russian, and German students, with no real ties save for the middle school they attended. Simply put, tankery seemed like a nice club to join, and what better way than to fight in a zippy, rocket tank?
Tank Description: Predecessor to the Cromwell Tulip tested later in 1946, this prototype Cromwell variant is fitted with four LILO rocket tubes, all mounted on the right of the turret. Each tube houses a 3-inch RP-3 rocket, capable of destroying vehicles with accuracy up to 50 yards. After which, the Cromwell LILO functions as a normal Cromwell Mk. VII, armed with an Ordnance QF 75mm gun.

In regards to personal additions, a small cartoon of a blue koala bear is painted on the left side of the turret, and inside the vehicle has been modified accordingly to the liking of each of its crew members.
RP Sample:



Part Two - Character Applications


Name: Alsa Hopp
Age: 16
Role: Commander/Radio Operator
Nationality: Prussian
Ethnicity: Prussian
Personality: Cheerful country girl who's always willing to help out.
Biography: The oldest of the first years, Alsa is an average schoolgirl who's just interested in tankery from occasionally watching televised games. Born in the Prussian countryside to a family of lumberjacks, she had always dreamed of becoming an elementary teacher, and what better credentials to get you into college than the sport of tank fighting? Surely, she could show that she was capable of helping her team gain victory.


Name: Vasilisa Kuznetsov
Age: 19
Role: Gunner
Nationality: Prussian
Ethnicity: Prussian
Personality: A lazy, pessimistic individual who believes that she can survive the remainder of her life without doing too much work.
Biography: The oldest on the team, Vasilisa is a third year student with not much to talk about. Laid back, a good for nothing in life, she began to rethink her life choices after entering her third year lacking any achievements to be accounted for. She had no notable talents of note, and her grades were too average to be noticeable. Becoming wary of her own situation, she finally decided to take it into her own hands. But with very little choices, most clubs declining third years, she became desperate. Finding the tankery club newly created, and a first year team in need of one more member, she snatched the opportunity as if it were her last string connected to hope.

And perhaps... She could redeem herself to a world that didn't know her.



Name: Maryia Urban
Age: 15
Role: Loader
Nationality: Russian
Ethnicity: Belarusian
Personality: Typical of an athlete, she's a hard worker and will pick up things quickly. Her attitude doesn't let much slack get in the way.
Biography: Not a stranger to sports, Maryia has joined a plethora of sports clubs ever since she was in elementary, becoming a jack of all trades when it came to athletic ability. She was able to fill in any spot on any team, and was well versed in the techniques involved around every game. So when there came a chance for her to join a new sport, this being tankery, Maryia was very enthusiastic to join along with her fellow middle school colleagues.



Name: Adelyte Fuchs
Age: 15
Role: Driver
Nationality: German
Ethnicity: German
Personality: Full of puns and laughs, but also anger, Adelyte is a bit of a bipolar.
Biography: Accustomed to playing racing games with her older brother, Adelyte had never imagined that she'd be in the cockpit of a WW2-era medium tank. Luckily for her, it was one of the fastest medium tanks of its time. Growing up to an unstable household (which would later become split in two), Adelyte was subjected to a plethora of emotions, of which is ingrained to her mind until this very day.


Ehh... was the 'Prussian' ethnicity deliberate? ._.

Other than that, seems good.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Kuragaristan
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Founded: Jun 06, 2015
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Postby Kuragaristan » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:09 am

Wolfenium wrote:
Ehh... was the 'Prussian' ethnicity deliberate? ._.

Other than that, seems good.

Did I get that wrong? It was my understanding that this takes place in Prussia.
"Where there is darkness, light will shine."

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Wolfenium
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Posts: 10593
Founded: Jan 17, 2010
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Postby Wolfenium » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:20 am

Kuragaristan wrote:
Wolfenium wrote:
Ehh... was the 'Prussian' ethnicity deliberate? ._.

Other than that, seems good.

Did I get that wrong? It was my understanding that this takes place in Prussia.


Yes, just that there's no such thing as a Prussian ethnicity anymore, not even in this RP. The Old Prussians, a Baltic ethnic group that lived in the area since before the Teutonic Knights, are long gone. Any new Prussians tend to be Balts (or even non-Balts) from other ethnic groups that identify with the Old Prussian language and culture.
Last edited by Wolfenium on Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Kuragaristan
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Founded: Jun 06, 2015
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Postby Kuragaristan » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:23 am

Wolfenium wrote:
Kuragaristan wrote:Did I get that wrong? It was my understanding that this takes place in Prussia.


Yes, just that there's no such thing as a Prussian ethnicity anymore, not even in this RP. The Old Prussians, a Baltic ethnic group that lived in the area since before the Teutonic Knights, are long gone. Any new Prussians tend to be Balts (or even non-Balts) from other ethnic groups that identify with the Old Prussian language and culture.

Gotcha, edited.
"Where there is darkness, light will shine."

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Wolfenium
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Posts: 10593
Founded: Jan 17, 2010
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Postby Wolfenium » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:52 am

Kuragaristan wrote:
Wolfenium wrote:
Yes, just that there's no such thing as a Prussian ethnicity anymore, not even in this RP. The Old Prussians, a Baltic ethnic group that lived in the area since before the Teutonic Knights, are long gone. Any new Prussians tend to be Balts (or even non-Balts) from other ethnic groups that identify with the Old Prussian language and culture.

Gotcha, edited.


And accepted. :3
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Kuragaristan
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Founded: Jun 06, 2015
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Postby Kuragaristan » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:22 am

Wolfenium wrote:
Kuragaristan wrote:Gotcha, edited.


And accepted. :3

Any time when I should pop in naturally? I'd rather not 'have been here', and I can be patient for the time being.
"Where there is darkness, light will shine."

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Wolfenium
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Posts: 10593
Founded: Jan 17, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Wolfenium » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:23 am

Unified East Asia wrote:
Wolfenium wrote:
Ehh... Your RP sample needs work. Kind of longwinded and awkward sounding. I don't know to explain properly. ._.



We're open. :3


I'll write a new one. (English is not my first language)

RP Sample:

Aoyama, Hana and Mutsu were eating together silently in the cafeteria when suddenly Aoyama got up and slammed both her hands on the table causing Mutsu and Hana to look up at her as she speaks loudly, "We're going to train drifting!" She said and Mutsu signalled her to sit down which she refused and she dragged Hana who didn't resist knowing it was pointless as the three left the cafeteria. A few minutes later, they were outside in an open field obviously which Aoyama was tresspassing despite Mutsu telling her not to drive the tank here. They started practicing regardless "Floor it!!!" Aoyama said licking Hana's shoulder her white uniform brown and had should marks in her shoulder as she went as fast as they can Aoyama happily laughing loudly sticking her head out the cupola of the turret as Hana made a sharp left turn causing them to drift briefly and their tank rolled over ruining hundreds of flowers and grass due to their rolling as Mutsu was knocked out and Aoyama had some minor scratches. Miraculously Hana seemed unharmed as the tank rolled back to its upright position. Aoyama panting and Mutsu suffering a hit to the head.


I'm really sorry. I can't accept this. You need to learn how to break up those long sentences, and the whole thing just... doesn't look good. Try asking a mentor for help. I'm not sure how to point out the errors. :meh:

Kuragaristan wrote:
Wolfenium wrote:
And accepted. :3

Any time when I should pop in naturally? I'd rather not 'have been here', and I can be patient for the time being.


Hmm... Maybe you can go looking for the club members and bump into Avelina. She's going to cycle over from school to the aquarium.
Last edited by Wolfenium on Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Kuragaristan
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Founded: Jun 06, 2015
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Postby Kuragaristan » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:27 am

Wolfenium wrote:
Hmm... Maybe you can go looking for the club members and bump into Avelina. She's going to cycle over from school to the aquarium.

Understood
"Where there is darkness, light will shine."

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Wolfenium
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Founded: Jan 17, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Wolfenium » Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:23 am

Unified East Asia wrote:RP sample:

Aoyama woke up in her bed yawning, after a few minutes of procrastinating on getting up in her head, she finally got up hearing her doorbell ring. With a groan she lazily got up dragging her pillow into the bathroom to brush her teeth, wash her face and shower. She walked out of the bathroom half naked only covered with a towel looking for her school uniform which was not hard to find as it was laid across the floor just as she left it last night and lazily put on her clothes which were worn by her in a tattered manner. Mutsu, on the other hand was getting impatient and took her spare key which she knows Aoyama keeps under her welcome rug and walked in her dorm to look for her walking around her dorm and knocking at her bedroom door before opening it only to find it empty and she turned to see Aoyama in the living room. Noticing her drowsy stance and wearing her tattered uniform which just made her sigh with concern and helped her out while lecturing her on not staying up late at night. Aoyama just listened and nodded pretending to listen and she yawned and pointed at the kitchen. Mutsu looked over to the kitchen and smiled slightly. She agreed to make her breakfast and made her some instant ramen noticing the short time they have.


I hope this brief story pleases you OP-senpai.


Here's a tip. Try reading those sentences out loud, and try to complete each one in a single breath. If you find yourself running short, that means you will need to split them up. It's also missing a lot of punctuation, and full of awkward and redundant phrasing (particularly the excessive use of 'which'). It's quite painful to read. Here's a corrected version, as far as I can without rewriting too much, and you tell me the difference here.

Aoyama woke up in her bed yawning. After a few minutes of procrastination on getting up in her head in bed, she finally got up, hearing her doorbell ring. With a groan, she lazily got up, dragging her pillow into the bathroom to brush her teeth, wash her face and shower. She walked out of the bathroom half naked only covered only with a towel, looking for her school uniform which was not hard to find as it was laid across the floor, just as she left it since last night. and Lazily, she put on her clothes, which were worn by her in a tattered manner. Mutsu, on the other hand, was getting impatient and took her Aoyama's spare key which she knows Aoyama keeps under her welcome rug and walked in her dorm to look for her. Walking around her dorm and knocking at her bedroom door, Mutsu opened before opening it only to find it empty, as and she turned to see Aoyama in the living room. Noticing her drowsy stance and wearing her tattered uniform, which just made her Aoyama could only sigh with concern and helped her out, while lecturing her on not staying up late at night. Aoyama just listened and nodded, pretending to listen and she yawned and pointed at the kitchen. Mutsu looked over to the kitchen and smiled slightly. She agreed to make her breakfast and made her some instant ramen, noticing the short time they have.


In short, rejected. Do not reapply. Ask a mentor for help. Alternatively, try using spellchecking software such as that in your Microsoft Word.

I suggest joining other RPs for the moment and try to improve on your English. I honestly don't think you'll like it here if I keep poking you over this, sorry.
Last edited by Wolfenium on Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:28 am, edited 3 times in total.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
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Wolfenium
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Posts: 10593
Founded: Jan 17, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Wolfenium » Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:40 am

Unified East Asia wrote:Sorry. I understand. Thank you for your time, criticism and advice. Maybe I'll see you in a few months. さよなら


幸運を! :3
Last edited by Wolfenium on Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Kuragaristan
Attaché
 
Posts: 94
Founded: Jun 06, 2015
Ex-Nation

Postby Kuragaristan » Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:46 pm

My post is up, Wolfenium
"Where there is darkness, light will shine."

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Wolfenium
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Posts: 10593
Founded: Jan 17, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Wolfenium » Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:38 pm

Kuragaristan wrote:My post is up, Wolfenium


K. Hold on.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Minroz
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Posts: 8004
Founded: Nov 24, 2007
Ex-Nation

Postby Minroz » Fri Jan 06, 2017 7:17 am

I hab posted. My girls were just cleaning one of the aquarium big pools (an empty one at it).

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Wolfenium
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Founded: Jan 17, 2010
Father Knows Best State

Postby Wolfenium » Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:03 am

I don't know what to say anymore. My post is shrinking pretty fast. ._.
Name: Wolfenium| Demonym: Wolfener/Wolfen| Tech Level: MT/PMT/FanTech (main timeline) or FT/FanTech
Factbook (under revamping): MT | PT
Characters: Imperial Registry of Houses (PT: Historical Archives)
Embassies: Wolfenium's Diplomatic Quarters - Now open to Embassies and Consulates
National Symbols (Applies for both MT/PMT and FT): Flag (Elaborate)|Anthem


/人 ‿‿ 人\ { Make a contract with me, and save me from the Homu-devil! )

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Xichung
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Posts: 1492
Founded: Aug 16, 2016
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Xichung » Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:40 am

Wolfenium wrote:
Xichung wrote:Hello there, is this still open for people to join,if not I understand


It's still open.

EDIT: Also, forgot I posted this chapter for some time now.

1st September, 2015 C.E.
Arts Block Grounds, St Elisabeth von Thüringen Catholic Girls Academy
Docked in Kyonigsberg, Prussia


Gathered on the front grounds of the arts block, the growing crowd had real reason to be nervous. The daunting facades of the heavy Panzers overshadowing the clubs' stands was enough to frighten many, particularly given the scholastic nature of the arts clubs. But even the sports clubs or uniformed groups would be hard-pressed not to panic. After all, no one was conveniently armed with anti-tank rockets to make the Tigers' lumbering trek a nightmare, and no one was about to use force in any case.

But one girl stood against the Tankery Club's unhinged leadership, an armband denoting her as a prefect of the school. With round-rimmed glasses and a plain bowl cut, the 'witch' as she was infamously known, had certainly lived up to her nickname. Her subordinate prefects flanked behind her to keep the crowds back, she alone was left to face the Panzers. For her to show nothing but crude steel was remarkable, a fact that grated at the nerves of her enemies before her.

“I'm going to repeat again,” she ordered like an imperious Royal Army officer, her London middle-class accent clear as day, “are you withdrawing or not?”

Image


Scoffing at the threats, the mascara-wearing blonde hissed back, “withdraw? Are you ordering me to pull back? Witch, you don't even have a landmine ready. What're you going to do if I refuse? Pelt rocks? This Panzerkampfwagen Tiger Ausf. B weighs a massive 69.8 tonnes with 185 milimeters of frontal armour. I don't think the human body can take that much weight without splattering like a burst sausage. Sure you don't mind that?”

“Those are manslaughter charges you're looking at, Lepäälä,” she snapped sternly, “and at worst, premeditated murder. You want to join your father in prison, so be it, but leave the school out of this!”

“Please,” Saana chimed back, “you think the law can protect you here? This is Mother's playground... Heretics like you have no say how I work. I bet you were the one who refused to sign my booking for one of the fair spots to keep me away. Strange, I thought the committee already broke ranks with the student council.”

“The disciplinary committee chairwoman still has a vote in matters related to issues arbitrated by the student council,” she stated firmly, “President Malborska may not like it, but she still has to heed my advice where it matters. Knowing your character and your propensity for violence and intimidation, I have rejected your application for the safety of the student body. I know fully well what you did last year. No way I'm letting that happen on my watch.”

“Oh, but something will happen, Frau Newmark,” Saana bleated eagerly, “if you don't step aside, I might 'accidentally' move my squad forward onto the grounds. 'Accidents' happen at a startling frequency in tankery, chairwoman. The little Reds in Pillau should have told you that.”[1]

Peering at the various tank commanders, it seemed obvious to the 'witch' that the girls were beyond reasoning, but backing down under force was a far worse prospect, a matter she dared not envision for herself. Her best hope was for Audhild's intervention, her authority over the hooligans much greater than her own. But Newmark was hardly optimistic. Audhild herself had questionable morals, and their relationship was hardly good.

Squeezing in for a better look, Aylin was beginning to curse her own height. A miserable 153 cm, most girls in the school were easily a head taller than her. Altyn herself had demonstrated it amply, having overpowered her earlier. Trying to tiptoe, the Turk was clearly outmatched here, tugging at Altyn's sleeve for help.

“Lift me,” she said, “I can't see.”

“Ah, ok,” Altyn went, bending down on her knees as she suddenly hauled Aylin by the armpits. Startled, the bob-haired brunette uttered a yelp as Altyn tried to carry her up. But raw strength did not appear to be her strong suit, as Altyn winced and gritted her teeth to lift her.

“Y-You're heavy...” Altyn blurted, to her friend's outrage, “I can't...”

Lowered back down, the Turk appeared even more displeased, grunting, “how rude. Well, I shouldn't expect much from someone with that little muscle. I can't see a thing... This way.”

Nudging through the crowd to the front, the girl was finally able to get close look. A quick look told her a very ugly story, with the prefects slightly overwhelmed by the growing numbers. The one directly in front of her, a fierce-looking blonde with long hair tied into a pair of buns, appeared to be a deputy, her eyes occasionally darting back to check on her leader. As the din started to grow intolerable, she began shouting down the crowd for order.

“Silence,” she ordered in a sharp American accent, “we're dealing with the problem as we speak, so calm the fuck down! This is bad, Linda,” she spoke to the chairwoman behind her, “the crowd's losing their cool. I told you she wouldn't show up, the crippled fundie.”

“She's not without conscience, you know, Trude,” the bespectacled girl whispered back, keeping her eyes on Saana, “I know her. She'd be more than happy to drive her away. It's just the matter of how long. Girl like a dramatic entrance. Hope she knows not to drag too long.”

“You give her too much credit,” her friend grunted, “she'd love to see you sweat like this.”

Within earshot, Aylin found it hard to grasp the meaning. Without knowledge of their identities, she was left to grasp at straws, pulling back with Altyn for another query.

“Politics,” she grumbled, as the duo tried to move out of the crowd, “I've seen it before.”

“Seen it,” blurted Altyn, “where?”

“In school,” the miniscule Turk answered cryptically, stopping short of mentioning her 'Janissary origins', “if there's one way to destroy a rival's reputation, it's to make it look like he messed up a job. I fear that the president might delay her rescue too long, however. Too late, and the fair would be buried under treads.

“This isn't our problem, though,” Altyn mused, “I mean, those are some big tanks. I'm sure the prefects could handle it. How do we even stop it?”

Her eyes shifting away, Aylin herself had no answers. She herself knew better than to interfere, but seeing everyone this frustrated, she could not help but feel annoyed herself. She had somewhat high expectations of the school, the home of the some of the most elite and intelligent students in Europe. But now, she was starting to dread an impending disaster. She had never imagine corruption being part of the bargain, especially in a high school.

Peering over at the forests flanking the road towards campus, however, Aylin could not help but notice a rustle of the bushes. A figure in a hoodie and a cloth mask over her uniform, the student looked like a rioter with a long tube-like sack slung over her shoulder. As she watched her unfurl her sack, Aylin could make out a set of L-shaped, dulled steel beams with closed triangular ends. For a moment, she had trouble identifying the items, but a quick glance back at tanks gave her an idea.

“Hedgehog beams,” Aylin whispered to herself, a bit astonished at her audacity, “how're you supposed to set up hedgehogs at a time like this?... Unless...”

Madness is about to begin...

OOC Notes:
  1. Vernost Stolypinskaya Girls School, the oldest and currently only other tankery school in Prussia. Think Pravda and you'll get the idea.
Cast

thank you, sorry for being late
blood on the petals/ death is the true end of us/ let us not die yet

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