Miklagård News Thread [Miklagård Only]

by **Roelandia** » Thu Jul 14, 2016 2:18 pm

Blockade continues, no official Faustin land reaction yet

The trade blockade against Faustin land continues as yet another relativly calm day goes by.
Faustin land has not reacted officially to the blockade of it's trade routes just yet.
Also no ships or airplanes have attempted to break through the blockade.
Admiral Sveno Trioss, who is in charge of the naval task force commented:

"We have had no major incidents since the blockade began. One of our fighters intercepted what appeared to be a private bonanza plane that flew too close to the perimiter but appart from that it's been pretty quiet."

The government has stated that it intends to carry on with the blockade as long as is "needed".

Video: The RNS Metara, One of many patrol boats near occupied Ukranas's waters

Government survives motion of no-confidence

The government passed the "fire-trial" today as an overwhelming majority restated their confidence in the government after a motion of no-confidence was filed by opposition parties PNP and Royale Frontas.
8 out of 10 MP's voted for the current government to remain in power.
This means that the controversial "Tersago tax" will be implemented according to plan. The "Tersago tax was the reason for the calling of the motion of no-confidence.
Wether or not the recent Faustin land/Ukranas crysis has had any influence on the voting is difficult to determine although some MP's stated afterwards that what the country truly needs at this time is a strong government that has the support of it's people.
Business as usual is expected to return to the national parliament after many weeks of turmoil.

Voting in the national parliament

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by **Inprobus** » Sun Jul 17, 2016 2:46 pm

Inprobus Refuses to Recognize Nickelian Leaders
After news of Dimes' plane being shot down, the Inprobus Empire has officially refused to recognize any of the current generals and rebels as the true leaders of the Nickel Empire. It has further said that Alfred Falric gave very little attempt to find Tony Dimes and blames Falric for being secretly power hungry. Kalumnia has stated that if Falric does not begin search procedures for the real Dimes, Inprobus will begin deploying its own search parties for him.

by **Exaequatio** » Sun Jul 17, 2016 3:04 pm

Armed "Scientific" Fleet Several Meters from Sinuhe Waters

A research fleet consisting of an Exaequation Seismic Research Ship, three Oceanographic Research Vessels, and, more peculiarly, two Starfish-class Destroyers and a Light Assault Carrier. They were reportedly studying the Sound Fixing and Ranging channel in the ocean and conducting hydrographic sounding. The fleet approached the borders of Sinuhe water and remained several meters from it for several hours. They did cross into Sinuhe waters, however. The fleet then veered off and returned to Exaequation waters. The Exaequation government stated, "the SOFAR channel was simply more interesting in that particular spot and was by no means a military action." However, the fact that military vessels were present indicated otherwise.

by **Heavenly Kingdom of Tengochi** » Sun Jul 17, 2016 6:34 pm

Tengochi condemns Sjealandian-Roelandian blockade

The Prime Minister, Hiroko Saito, criticized the joint Sjealandian-Roelandan blockade on Faustin Land today. The blockade, imposed in the aftermath of the Faustinian invasion of Ukranas, has virtually cut off all trade and travel coming in and out of Faustin Land. Saito, speaking to the press, condemned the blockade:

"The Sjealandian-Roelandian blockade has not helped to pressure Faustin Land into withdrawing from Ukranas; rather, it has only served to inflame the situation, increase tensions, and prove a significant obstacle to constructive dialogue in regards to the current crisis. The deplorable action, which was carried out with the full knowledge of the repercussions by the Sjealandian and Roelandian governments, was made with the intentions of denying the Faustinian people's right to access international markets. As a result, they have created a situation that prevents the normalization of relations in the region, while simultaneously violating the sovereignty of countries which previously had expressed the wish to continue trading with Faustin Land despite their aggressive actions."

Saito continued by calling for an end to the blockade, or at the very least allow food and other forms of humanitarian aid into the country. He also criticized them for impeding a quick resolution to the conflict.

by **Ukranas** » Mon Jul 18, 2016 3:28 am

Политика

Large-scale riots across Ukranas force Faustin Land to deploy military police
A peaceful protest march in Veliko Gradište turned violent yesterday when Faustinian local police forces were unable to contain the crowd. Although the protest began normally, cries of "Independence for Ukranas!" quickly morphed into shouts of "Kill the Faustinians!". Faustinian police responded with use of batons, tear gas and pepper spray, but the crowd was too large to be held back. Chaos spread throughout the town as the rioters spilled out of the square. Remarkably, other citizens could be seen leaving their homes to join the march as the police retreated from the area. News of the violence spread quickly and similar attacks have been witnessed in several major Ukranian cities. In response to the crisis, the Faustin-led Ukranian Provisional Government has ordered the nationwide deployment of Military Police forces to quell the unrest and restore peace.

Massive public opinion poll shows waning support for Faustin Land's occupation
According to a recent poll conducted by Politika all over the country, the vast majority of Ukranians believe that Ukranas should withdraw immediately from its agreement with Faustin Land. When approached with the question "Do you think Ukranas should cancel the recent pact with Faustin Land?", 94% of respondents answered "Yes", with some even adding that the restoration of Dragan Kurjak III as Monarch of Ukranas via force if necessary was the best option for Ukranas' future. However, the majority stated that it would be best if a new monarch were to replace Dragan, as Dragan's "cowardice" during the 3-day war is still fresh in the memory of many Ukranians. The results are considered "worrying" by Lada Isakov, the acting President of Ukranas who was installed in her position by Faustin Land following the surrender.

Could self-immolation lead to a longer, healthier life?
"No", claims leading health professional.

by **Roelandia** » Mon Jul 18, 2016 4:52 am

Economic policy comparisson between Roelandia and Sjealand

What is behind the prosperity of both our country and that of Sjealand?
It is something I have endeavored to find out for some time now.
As an economist I am off course priviliged to conduct such research.

The system used in Sjealand is know as the “Nordic model”.
A clever system that has few restrictions on the product market, ensures welfare and stimulates the labour market.

This all sounds remarkebaly similar to what the Roelandian model does but there are some key differences.
For example, Roelandian politics are geared towards a functioning welfare state underpinned by a healthy private sector while keeping taxes and public expenditure as low as possible while still retaining a social democratic system. On the other hand, taxes in Sjealand are rather high when compared with Roelandia.

Sjealand has a relativly high employment rate in the public sector.
Roelandia has systematically dismantled the public sector in many areas, privatising for instance healthcare insurance providers. This system provides a wide range of choices for consumers in the healthcare market while also harnessing the “efficiency” of the market in providing quality goods and services for paying custommers.
Regulation is however another key aspect of Roelandia’s welfare system.
Fedicar, the healthcare market regulator provides financial support with payment of insurance costs and maintains equilisation pools to ensure that people who are difficult to ensure can obtain insurance. Entrance into the market is “guarded” by regulation institutions such as Fedicar.

This model has been praised for it’s relativly low public cost but also harshly criticized for it’s inflexibility when it comes down to entry in the market.
Fedicar has set up barriers for some companies who sought entry into the market for fear they would destabilize the price equilibrium. A fear that is according tos ome economists unfounded and counterproductive.

Meanwhile Sjealand enjoys a very flexible market police in stark contrast with Roelandia and it’s regulatory bodies. The term “flexicurity” entails very felxible free market policies. Hiring and firing someone is easy and almost no restrictions are put on the product market.

It’s like Roelandia wants the private sector to run pretty much everything because of the inherent ability of markets to provide efficient goods and services but at the same time doesn’t always trust that private sector to remain “fair”. Leonardo Caprice, the current chancellor of Roelandia put it like this during his time as prime minister, “I think the goal of the Roelandian model, if I may call it that is to provide a framework for the private sector to operate in. A spectrum if you will that entails between which two limits they allowed to manouver. You could see it as ‘defining playgrounds’ The children are free to play within the playground as long as they follow the guidelines, like not climbing on the roof of the slide. But other than that they are free tod o what ever they desire.”

I myself find that a satisfactory explanation of how a social democratic system can work.
It’s no real surprise that mister Caprice put it like this.
He had his education in Zignifer, his birth city.
The Zignifer school of economics is known for this way of thinking. And even though he didn’t study economics, he did briefly follow political theory and through that certainly came in contact with it.

The zignifer school of economics is also oftentimes called by it’s more official term, ordoliberalism.
It took shape on the university of Zignifer during the 1920’s and subsequently shaped Roelandia’s socio-economic policies in the following years.
The nordic model on the other hand has roots dating back further, some say as far as the 19th century when trade unions negotiated with employers that eventually lay the basis of Sjealand’s current economic model.

Conclusion

Which system is the better one?
To be honest, I don’t think there is a straithforward answer to that, if there even is an answer at all. I also don’t think that, me being Roelandian myself I’m qualified to make that judgement.
One of the takeaways is that in Roelandia we seem to have a strong conviction that high taxes kills business and does absolutly anything to keep them as low as possible with only a few exceptions but Sjealand shows that doesn’t necessarily has to be the case. Meanwhile both systems seem to reach their goal of a functioning welfare state combined with a relativly healthy capitalist economy and I guess that’s the important thing.

Adamus Rithian is a 58 year old economist with a passion for magazine colums, he has been writing for Knackia for several years now and is respected across borders.

by **Sinuhe** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 12:45 am

Sinuhe Responds to Exaequatio

In response to the violation of Sinuhe’s territorial waters by an armed Exaequation fleet, albeit officially dispatched for “research purposes,” the Sinuhan Foreign Ministry has issued a statement condemning the incident and demanding a more thorough explanation from the Exaequation government.

The foreign ministry said, “If this mission was indeed for research purposes regarding the channel, the armed ships were not necessary for the operation, and their presence is deeply unsettling. However, under the current international treaties to which Sinuhe is subjected, and with the policies enacted by Pharaoh, we are under the belief that the Exaequation ships were exercising their right to innocent passage within our territorial waters, and thus we will take no action in response.”

A message was sent to Exaequatio by the foreign ministry asking that armed ships refrain from entering the territorial waters again, and warned that to do so again would elicit a greater response from Pharaoh.

Pharaoh Supports Blockade, Criticises Tengochi

While vowing not to intervene in Ukranas militarily unless specifically asked to do so by either Roelandia or Sjealand, and only with United Nations approval, the government of Sinuhe nevertheless supported the blockade imposed on Faustin Land by the two nations, in response to the Faustinian invasion of Ukranas. A spokesperson for the royal residence stated that the government will honour the sanctions and will cease all trade with Faustin Land, and that Pharaoh has moved to freeze Faustinian assets in the country.

In the same press conference, the spokesperson condemned the recent announcement from Tengochi’s prime minister Saito, who criticised the blockade and international sanctions. He said, “It appears that Tengochi is willing to resist consequential measures imposed on Faustin Land in light of their illegal occupation of Ukranas, and thus, by implication, it seems that Saito and his petty king are defending the subjugation of the Ukranasian people. It is time for Tengochi to enter the modern world of diplomacy and condemn violence between nations and land-grabbing schemes by aggressive powers.”

Aid Pledged to Carthapaxia

With attention in Sinuhe directed to Faustin Land and the Exaequation provocation, one should not overlook the growing tensions in Tratagonia. Yesterday the king of Sinuhe spoke strongly against the so-called “Great Eastern Union” between Afer, Haqadistan, Buuku, and Astua, which he called “a mongoloid horde with evil devices for the subjugation of the East.” He further resolved that Sinuhe would never, under any circumstances, join the Great Eastern Union, despite several invitations to do so.

“The future of Sinuhe is with the likes of Sjealand and Roelandia, nations which accept the rule of law and recognise the importance of human rights both within their borders and around the world. The Great Eastern Union spits on all of these values and is an enemy of the Sinuhan people.”

In response to the formation of the Great Eastern Union, the foreign ministry was proud to announce that Sinuhe and Carthapaxia have formed an alliance for the defence against Afer and its barbaric allies, and Pharaoh has pledged military support for Carthapaxia should hostilities break out. In fact, he offered to begin moving troops within the coming weeks, before any hostilities have even transpired.

by **Roelandia** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 10:37 am

Roelandia starts liberation of occupied Ukranas

The Roelandian military has started operation white raven, the liberation of occupied Ukranas from Faustin land.
In a statement Chancellor Caprice stated that the Roelandian armed forces will not stop until the people of Ukranas are free of their Faustinian opressors.

He continued to give a summary of the events that unfolded following the order to attack:

The attack began at 5a.m. this mornong with air superiority fighters crossing into enemy airspace followed by bombers which targeted key communication and radar systems.

At 7a.m. paratroopers were dropped behind enemey lines to capture important bridges and secure other sites of strategic importance as well as to attack the enemy troops stationed in the coastal regions when our navy started bombarding positions on the coastline and sent landing boats towards the beach.

According to reports we recieved from our forces, the landings have succeeded and have pushed several kilometers inland.
The Faustinians are offering stiff resistance but the situation is reportedly under control for the moment.

That concluded the Chancellor's statement.
We will be maintaining a liveblog documenting the assault as it progresses at this link: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=384246 (OOC: it's the war thread)

scenes of the attack:

Videos:

Cruiser bombarding the coastline

The air force will be aided by the new state of the art Cormorass stealth air superiority fighter.
The war will be it's combat christening.

Cormorass fighter proudly displaying Roelandian colors

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--- Roelandia's largest media concern employing over 19000 people

by **Heavenly Kingdom of Tengochi** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 12:59 pm

Prime Minister releases statement supporting Exaequatio

In light of a recent incident between Exaequatio and Sinuhe in which research vessels, escorted by armed ships, crossed into Sinuhan waters, the Prime Minister has issued an official statement regarding the matter:

"As you are all aware, several days ago an incident occurred between Sinuhe and Exaequatio. Under protection from several armed ships, research vessels, flying the Exaequation flag, crossed into Sinuhan waters. While this may be considered an affront to Sinuhe's territorial integrity and sovereignty, the small fleet soon corrected itself, and returned to safe waters. It was, as the Exaequation government has already confirmed, by no means a military action. Their decision to dispatch armed escorts in order to protect these vessels was certainly necessary, and was made with the intentions of maintaining the security and safety of the passengers and crew on board."

The Prime Minister also vowed to uphold the terms of the mutual defense pact signed between the two nations, should the Sinuhans decide to respond aggressively.

Spokesman promises response to Roelandian invasion

A spokesman from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, who wished to remain anonymous, recently addressed the nation in regards to the Roelandian invasion of Faustinian-occupied Ukranas. "The people of Tengochi, along with the government headed by His Most Heavenly Sovereign, wholeheartedly condemn this unilateral decision to send troops into Ukranas." Dismissing false claims that the Tengochese government was somehow defending the subjugation of the Ukranasian people, the spokesman said that the Tengochese government preferred dialogue and diplomacy as opposed to war, which should be considered, in most cases, a last resort option.

While the Prime Minister was not available to comment on the matter, the spokesman promised that Tengochi would "respond accordingly to the situation at hand."

by **Sinuhe** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 2:35 pm

Sinuhe Responds to Tengochi Stupidity

A spokesperson for the vizier Ay Neterhotep, who some people have called the most powerful man in Sinuhe apart from Pharaoh, today issues scathing remarks in response to comments made by Tengochese officials about the crisis in Ukranas and about the incident between Exaequatio and Sinuhe only a few days ago.

For starters, the spokesperson (who has not been formally identified by the media), stated that the prime minister of Tengochi, a man named Saito, is "'completely clueless and impotent in all manners of international law." He went on to say that Sinuhe never regarded the incident as an aggressive one, and even went back and read the official announcement that described Exaequatio's right to innocent passage through Sinuhe's waters according to international law. "But," he added, "I do not expect Mr Saito to be familiar with such big words. They probably confused him."

Second, when commenting on Tengochi's condemnation of Roelandia's intervention in Ukranas, which Pharaoh's government wholeheartedly supports, the same spokesperson laughed and hinted that Saito might actually be a burakumin, one of Tengochi's "untoucheable" class. This is supposedly a major insult in Tengochi, a nation of barbarians who still adhere to class distinctions and hierarchy like primitive animals.

by **Exaequatio** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 3:52 pm

Exaequatio Responds to Sinuhe Stupidity

An anonymous spokesperson for the Exaequation government came out and spoke about the verbal assault by Sinuhe on Tengochi.

"First off, the Sinuhe have the whole situation wrong. We were never in Sinuhe waters, we were several meters from Sinuhe waters. We never once crossed and remained in international waters the whole time. It is no doubt they are trying to lay blame on us. That or they have rather faulty intelligence networks, which I personally believe is likely the latter.

I must say I am also displeased with Sinuhe's quick jump on our ally, Tengochi. But considering Sinuhe's very confused accusations as to the whereabouts of Exaequation ships, I'm not surprised they would react. A cornered animal will still growl and show their teeth, after all, even when they know they are trapped. Frankly I am surprised Neterhophop," She intentionally mispronounced Ay's name wrong, referencing a Saturday Night Live skit about him several weeks prior "and his gang to understand large words himself. I mean, with those hieroglyphs, and all. There's only so many things you can write down through pictionary, you know? I digress, though.

Exaequatio Declares Neutrality in Joint Invasion

Prime Minister Julian Fontaine spoke today saying that Exaequatio would be remaining neutral in the conflict. Exaequatio condemned all three parties primarily involved, of Sjealand, Roelandia, and Faustin, for being trigger happy and quick for war. Fontaine offered all nations to join him in Exaequatio to begin peace talks again. He also stated that Exaequatio would provide humanitarian aid to the people of Ukranas.

by **Nickel Empire** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 4:10 pm

Government Losing Ground!

With the Imperial Nickelian Military splitting into several different factions, the civil war between the Marcus and Alfred factions of the Imperial Nickelian Military continues into its second month, with the battleground moving towards the city of Islamabad, the third largest city in the Nickel Empire, and the road to either Port Nickel or Königsberg-Nicaea, the capital cities of Alfred and Marcus respectively. Several government files were accidently leaked by an unknown source stating that Marcus had 350 thousands of the Imperial Nickelian Military under his command, while Alfred had 250 thousand, though Alfred had more military equipment and the loyalty of most of the Imperial Guard and Scythian Guard. The remaining 100 thousand government soldiers has been divided equally amongst the West Nickelian Army and various government-sanctioned militias.

With the two government régimes using all of their energy to take Islamabad, it has disrupted the balance of power that has been in place in the city for the past seven years. Pro-government Shia militias, which have controlled most of the city since the start of the civil war, have stayed out of the way of the two fighting factions, preferring to not to anger either side while anti-government Sunni militias have been attacking all sides while the Turkmen Brigades have only been defending the Turkish majority districts of the city.

With the government seemed destined on consuming itself, the amount of ground held by government forces has steadily eroded as government forces are withdrawn to fight each other, leaving behind less well-trained and equipped Self-Defense Paramilitary Forces to face rebel groups, which has resulted in the government controlling only about 10% of the nation, with the West Nickelian Army and militias estimated to control another 5%.

With the West Nickelian Army assuming a nomadic-like existence since being forced to retreat from Windsor, a group of western based rebels groups have formed a coalition organization, naming itself the "Army of Liberation", vowing to hunt down and destroy the columns that make up the West Nickelian Army, and since the WNA is so far from any major government help it seems likely it will happen.

Alfred Falric-Dimes went on national television after he was accused of not doing enough to search for former emperor Tony and being power hungry. He stated that he has done all he could in the search for emperor Tony, with the civil war making it difficult to commit the necessary resources to better look for emperor Tony. He also said that he is not power hungry, that if there were another proven member of the Dimes family willing to take the throne he would abdicate in favour of them, though since that is not the case, he will remain as emperor and that if Inprobus sends in illegal search parties, there will be trouble for them.

by **Heavenly Kingdom of Tengochi** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 4:50 pm

Prime Minister clarifies misunderstandings in statement

The Prime Minister responded quickly to several insults directed towards him from an anonymous Sinuhan spokesperson:

"It is my intention to clarify several misunderstandings, which I believe were brought to my attention by the words of a Sinuhan spokesperson. Firstly, I never claimed that the Sinuhans had regarded the incident as aggressive, only that we would uphold the terms of the pact should they choose to respond aggressively. Secondly, we commend the Sinuhans for their measured and reasonable response to the incident. Thirdly, I am afraid that I must express disappointment for the government of Sinuhe for the unprofessionalism and utter disregard for their reputation of the spokesperson in question. He was allowed to speak, presumably with express authorization, on behalf of the Sinuhan government. Rather than acting civil, he chose to throw petty insults and slander, something that should not be tolerated in any decent society."

Claims that the Prime Minister, who was personally appointed by His Most Heavenly Sovereign, is supposedly a burakumin also fall flat, considering that Saito is the surname of a very distinguished and noble samurai family.

by **Inprobus** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 5:56 pm

Inprobus Invades the Nickel Empire

Kalumnia laughed at Alfred Falric's threats. "Are you seriously threatening me with your rag tag group of disheveled troops?" He mocked, "Or are you threatening me with your enemy's rag tag group of disheveled rebels? And don't dare patronize me. You are power hungry. That's end of discussion. I won't even give you the honor of calling you Falric-Dimes as you have not-so-cleverly and unilaterally called yourself."

The new T-14 Armata saw its first day in combat with several hundred along with an undeclared amount of Inprobusian troops and vehicles invading the southwest of the Nickel Empire. The invasion force will subdue anyone who resists and has orders to apprehend and contain Nickelian troops and Nickelian rebels alike and sort through the traitors and patriots at a latter time. Kalumnia has called this invasion force "Tony's search party."

The invasion is being led by General Eidolon Sanctus, a swift, competent general. He wears an eye patch, after loosing his eye during one of his first commands. With the Nickel Empire gridlocked in battle with itself, and with Inprobus' surprise attack, much of the southwest has already been taken and secured. Intelligence reports suggest that Sanctus' forces are headed for Islamabad, in which for reasons that have not been disclosed.

Rumors are also circulating that the Inprobus Empire has also sent several Judicial Police forces in to the Nickel Empire. The Judicial Police are Inprobus' dreaded secret police, in which some even claim the Judicial Police keep tabs on every person on earth. Some speculation has suggested that the Judicial Police are out to kidnap Alfred and Marcus, thereby inhibiting the formation of a republic. The Judical Police dismissed all of these claims as "exaggerated conjecture". However, the Judicial Police is notoriously ambiguous with the information they give.

Invasion Force rolling through the streets of a Nickelian city

An image of General Eidolon Sanctus (right) with one of his colonels

Map of the Invasion (bright red=captured, secured territory; orange=disputed; yellow diamond=Islamabad)

by **Sinuhe** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 6:04 pm

Outrage on the Streets of Sinuhe!

The nation of Sinuhe is enraged over the mocking of it culture by the provincial leadership of Exaequatio, after ugly comments were printed on state newspapers throughout the country. Several of her remarks, such as calling the Egyptian writing system of hieroglyphs a game of "Pictionary," and apparently intentionally mispronunciation of vizier Ay Neterhotep's name in a press conference. In response, a large crowd has gathered outside of the Exaequation embassy in Akhetaton, the capital, while the police department was dispatched to ensure the safety of the compound from the protestors. The vizier expressed his contempt for the remarks, but nevertheless said, "We are obligated to ensure the security and protection of [the Exaequation] embassy and citizens on our holy soil."

One newspaper in particular, notable for the ultra-nationalistic ideology espoused by the authors, issued a response to the "silly comments" by the Exaequation spokesperson, saying: "The ignorance of the Exaequation government regarding our culture is sickening and disgusting... Hieroglyphics are not the standard form of writing for our language, and is only used when carving stones, such as on national monuments. In everyday language, such as writing a note on a sheet of papyrus, any erudite Sinuhan would use the handwritten script, which is called demotic. And if one is less proficient at the language of our ancestors, the Coptic script may be used as well. Hieroglyphics, while important to our heritage, are rarely used.

Furthermore, our language is the oldest in the world to be continuously in usage, and utilises a pure script that has never been contaminated by foreign writing. I cannot say the same for the Tengochese language, which utilises a mudblood fusion of the Chinese characters with the native characters, or of the English used by the Exaequations... English, what a filthy language. A bastard tongue thrown out by the French like the son of a whore. And may the author also note that the Latin script espoused by the Exaequations owes itself to the Phoenician writing, which itself came from our beloved "Pictionary."

That same newspaper also had much to say about the Tengochese leadership, and demanded more proof that Saito was in fact not a member of the burakumin. Many newspapers in the country have printed slanderous stories "proving" that he is, causing many Sinuhans to accept such allegations as fact.

by **Exaequatio** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 7:53 pm

Sinuhe Featured in another SNL skit

Another spokesperson came out to resolve the recent squabble with Sinuhe. "This nation of Sinuhe cracks me up. Their intelligence reports are so jumbled, so outdated or down right wrong, its laughable. We have no embassy in Sinuhe, so I am puzzled as to what in the world they are prating on about. So those citizens marching on 'our' embassy are marching on some other poor sap's place. Knowing the Sinuhians, its probably not even an embassy, but a local walmart." There was a pause with a roar of laughter. He continued, "And the fact that they think we speak English is just another great a testament to their intelligence reports. If they don't know what language we speak and can't tell Exaequation from English, god help them. Oh, wait, I mean Osiris help them..." There was another roar of laughter. "Perhaps they should really just go back to playing pictionary."

Saturday Night Live also stated they would be featuring another Sinuhe skit, in which the Pharaoh and Ay Neterhophop would star in a parody of the 1936 film, the Mummy. Other comedies and parodies have begun to spring up almost over night, and several Egyptian-centered parody videos have gone viral.

Daily Comic Strip

by **Belham** » Tue Jul 19, 2016 8:34 pm

News Courtesy of YNT,
Government Owned

KING ZEDEKIAH PLEDGES TO HELP
LIBERATE UKRANAS

The BNS Yaniv, just one of the
ships of the RN's 18th Squadron.

Earlier this morning, His Majesty King Zedekiah told the press that he plans to work with the countries of Sjealand and Roelandia in liberating the illegally occupied country of Ukranas by Faustin Land. HM called the liberation of Ukranas "in Belish interests."

Belish Colonel Aaron Yehonatan will be leading the forces, which comprise of 2 regiments, a few squadrons from the Royal Air Force, and the Royal Navy's 18th Squadron.

The forces will be setting out in the coming days, headed straight for Ukranas.

by **Petrokovia** » Wed Jul 20, 2016 3:32 am

Petrokovia has pledged to send humanitarian aid, including medical aid, food, blankets, shelter, etc. to the Faustinian-Occupied areas of Ukranas in order to ensure the safety and well being of the civilians there. The SFRP has requested that Ukranas allow the humanitarian aid forces to arrive in their country, and travel from there into the occupied territory.

In other news, comedians in Northern Crotarossiya have started making fun of Sinuhe's leadership, commenting that they "can't even tell the difference between Exaequation and our language! They must specifically breed for deafness. Afterall, their nation's society is so backwards and outdated, they probably still believe in eugenics."

by **Inprobus** » Wed Jul 20, 2016 3:23 pm

Inprobus Becomes an Observer to the Great Eastern Union
Kalumnia spoke today that Inprobus would be joining the Great Eastern Union as an observer state. He said, "Many nations of the western world look down upon my nation, despite my best efforts to show the nation's reforms. Many of these claims of barbarism from these democratic nations are simply untrue or hyperbolic. Aside from the Nickel Empire, our allies in the west are slim at best. In order to preserve our mighty empire from democracy's atrocities, we will be joining the GEU as an observer. We are already very close allies with Afer, and this will undoubtedly strengthen an already strong bond between the two great nations. Needless to say, this will also be a great reach out to other members within this union, and I hope to see it only grow stronger in time.

Invasion of the Nickel Empire and its Leaders Vanish
Despite fierce and admirable resistance from the Nickelians, the Inprobus Empire plowed through the uncoordinated troops of the Nickel Empire today, in which General Sanctus' forces reached Islamabad. Many forces surrendered to Inprobus when they were surrounded. They will be considered POW's and treated according to the rules set forth by the Geneva Conventions. Expansion has stopped behind the river line and precautions have been made to secure these boundary lines.

Kalumnia stated that with the territory seized and secured, he would now be issuing search parties for TonyDimes and assured the international community that he would be found and restored to power. Search parties have become particularly intensified in the Islamabad region. He also assured the international community that this civil war would be resolved.

Not several days after the Judicial Police were rumored to have entered the Nickel Empire, both major leaders of both sides of the civil war, Alfred and Marcus, have mysteriously vanished. No one knows as to their whereabouts and the Inprobus Empire denies any knowledge of their disappearance.

Bright red= Captured, secured holdings

by **Roelandia** » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:51 pm

TRENDS Your monthly colum about all things new

Roelandia has always been a place where new ideas or new interpretations of old ideas could floorish.
The most recent culinary developments of the Roelandian kitchen are no different in that regard.

This article will describe the current culinary attitude that lives within Roelandia by describing a meal that was had by a certain someone (yours truly) at a tavern in downtown Roelici, one of the first who kicked of the trend of the Roelandian tavern some years back.

When I perused the menu I came across various interprations of tradional Roelandian, Sjealandian, Petrokovian and Exaequation dishes. One thing however caught my eye, a hamburger…
You might not think that a hamburger would fit in such a “decent” establishment as this but in Roelandia it does, or at least, this interpretation does.

It is called a “Biengusti burger”, or for our English speaking friends, a “Gourmet burger”.
Gourmet burgers you could say are the “elevation” of the “lowly” fast food restaurant burgers to what is often refered to as the “middle tier”, with other words, the kind of food that is served in places such as this tavern that in itself is a middle ground between a posh restaurant and a fast food chain.

I chose the “Enquartan delight” variant of the gourmet burger as it was made with mozzarella and pesto, some of Roelandia’s better inventions if you ask me.

The drink chart was as surprising as the menu chart, I chuckled when I found a drink listed as “soft wine” which the waitress told me is something of a wine “brought down” from the more posh levels of cuisine to more of a mild mass market kind of place.
In fact I found this so amusing that I decided to try it. The soft white wine seemed like something that would go well with my dinner.

When the burger and my glass of soft wine stood in front of me it surprisingly fit well together.
Two different kinds of well-established cuisine elements, brought together in a “middle class”.
The idea behind this was almost as rich an tasty as the burger itself.

. . .

Even though the burger is eaten with knife and fork and not with hands, it really feels quite genuinely a burger and does not detract from the “experience”.
The wine was a little sweet but I think that’s an aspect of it being a “soft wine” trying to be a wine in a market segment dominated by soft drinks.

When I asked for the cheque, I got a “dole coniss” or “sweet cone” (typical Roelandian candy made with Malorian gum), also a trend rising in popularity these days in Roelandia for some odd reason but hey, I’m not complaining.

I left the venue satisfied with my stomach and brain fairly stimulated.
To anyone reading this, I recommend you all to visit these taverns that are springing up all over Roelandia and endulge in the treasures it has to offer.

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Currently · by **The Grene Knyght** » Fri Jul 22, 2016 5:43 pm

The Starry Plough - The first source for news in the Free Lands
Run by the community, for the community

The sovereignty of the Free Lands of the Grene Knyght officially recognised by UN
After many years of petitioning, the sovereignty of the free lands has finally been recognised by a United Nations commission. What does this mean for TGK? Well, for one, our borders are officially recognised on the world map - not that we have any borders, being an anarchist society. It furthermore means we now have a means to interact with our international neighbours on the world stage. Yes, we can enter the hallowed halls of the UN and call the leaders of the other nations of Miklagard imperialist dogs to their faces. Continued on page 3.

Residents of the Free Lands queue up to see latest "Auto-Concert"
Auto-concerts, as many of you know, are one of the finest forms of musical
entertainment in the Free Lands after punk concerts and listening to rivers flow.
Now, the latest auto-concert had met with widespread popularity.
More on page 5

Liberation of Ukranus "put on ice" as leaders consult with oracle
The liberation of Ukranus, after its invasion by Faustinland, has
reportedly been put on pause. Tensions among international
leaders has rocketed, and an official halt was called late
yesterday evening. Leaders are reportedly waiting until they can
"predetermine" the results of the war. More on page 6.

Massive crop destruction reported by "horticulturalists" across the Free Lands
Large amounts of crops have withered away under mysterious
circumstances, report horticulturalists across the Free Lands. One source
reported it to be caused by chemicals being dropped by mysterious planes,
while another told us "Dude it was, like, the rainbows, man.... they
were, like, sending us a sign... The rainbows..." Further investigation
is pending. More on page 8

"Time Machine" reportedly built in Sjealand
Reports are flooding in about a time machine supposedly
being built in Sjealand. Sources claim that they intend to
use this to travel back in time to a war which was fought
between Sjealand and Exaequatio. What they hope to
gain and whether or not the following pun is intended
will be revealed in time. More on page 9.

by **Ukranas** » Sun Jul 24, 2016 4:17 am

Политика

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New Premier Radenko Savadinovic sworn in
Following the abdication of the Grand Župan, Ukranas was led by a Faustian-controlled provisional government. Despite a dubious promise to hold elections, many doubted that the Faustians would be willing to relinquish their grasp on Ukranas. However, these doubts have been proven wrong today. After the votes were counted, it was declared that the popular candidate Radenko Savadinovic had been chosen as the new Premier of Ukranas by over 65% of voters. Radenko's political strategy focused largely on the fact that he was the only candidate to be Ukranian born and raised as well as his entirely self-funded campaign, saying that this showed he was most "in-touch" with the will of the Ukranian people, which was supposedly to have a Ukranian without the backing of Faustian companies lead the country. Radenko has reportedly chosen Žarko Tovarloza, a Ukranian businessman, as his Vice-Premier.

Radenko Savadinovic promises to dismantle remaining nuclear arsenal by end of the year
In a stunning turn of events, Premier Radenko Savadinovic has vowed to completely eliminate the strategic nuclear arsenal of Ukranas to help promote peace in the Severni More region. This will supposedly be done by dismantling the warheads and selling the materials off to the highest bidder. Should none be interested, the material will be surrendered to Faustin Land.

Referendum on UN membership launched
The long-awaited referendum on Ukranas' membership of the UN is finally underway. Unfortunately for the Ukranian globalist movement, public opinion of the UN following the failure of several of its member nations to assist Ukranas during the 24-Hour War has experienced a devastating drop. Radenko Savadinovic addressed the issue in response to a question from a Politika reporter:

"What do I think about the United Nations? Honestly, there's some great people in there, men you can stand by, God bless them. But for the most part, it is nothing more than a pit of lying snakes. How many declarations of support did we receive from our so-called 'allies'? And yet how many of them actually came to help us in our hour of need? I was just as shocked as the rest of us were when news of the surrender came in. I was furious, not only because we had given up so soon but also because we had been left to fall by those who claimed to be our friends! They stabbed us in the back just as surely as if they had worked against us! Some of them, in fact, cancelled their agreements with us while starting talks with the Faustians to ensure these deals would continue with them instead in anticipation of their victory! Ukranas stood alone before, and we fell, but this time we'll see it coming, and we shall remain standing!"

Membership of the "Faustin Pact" reconsidered by National Assembly
The Ukranian People's National Assembly will convene this week to decide whether or not to formalise the military pact signed with Faustin Land following the unconditional surrender on July 5th. So far, all sources forecast that the pact will overwhelmingly pass legislation procedure.

Redesigned national flag officially adopted
Due to a multitude of complaints centred around the new national flag introduced by Faustin Land following the occupation of Ukranas, it was chosen to replace the Faustian flag with a more simple design. The new design is a Pan-Slavic tricolour, superimposed with the landmass of Ukranas and 6 stars signifying the 6 Ukranian states. The new flag has been overwhelmingly well-received by critics.

by **Roelandia** » Sun Jul 24, 2016 4:36 am

Orange card proposed

Minister of commerce Margolis Dobosso has outlined a proposal for an "orange card", a card that allows non-Roelandian citizens to work and live in Roelandia.
The card would only be granted to exceptionally talented individuals or to plug shortage occupations in certain sectors.
The government believes the orange card is essential for the continued prosperity of Roelandia. The card is intended to be valid for 5 to 10 years depending on the reason why the card was issued, also
holders of the orange card would be required to have the card on them at all times.

Minister Dobosso commented:

We need new people in our labor market and fresh ideas to remain competitive in todays market. If you look at history new ideas usually come from exchanging them with other places, other cultures and other people. This is what the orange card aims to do.

Minister Dobosso and Chancellor Caprice announcing the orange card proposal during a joint press conference

Proposed design for the Orange card

Larger version

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by **Nickel Empire** » Sun Jul 24, 2016 7:47 pm

Heads of State Reappear!

Following the disappearance of Marcus Dimes and Alfred Falric they have reappeared back in the Nickel Empire after missing for a week. The two men were shown on camera together. They both confirmed the rumors that the Judicial Police were indeed in the Nickel Empire, and that they kidnapped both of them and took them to Inprobus for the purpose of foraging an alliance between the two men, which was successfully reached. They said they were well treated while in Inprobus.

They have asked Inprobus to release all loyal POWs being held by the Imperial Inprobusian Armed Forces and returning them to the Nickel Empire so they can rejoin the military and help fight the remaining rebels. They have also requested that Inprobus keeps its soldiers in the parts of the Nickel Empire they have occupied for 12-18 months while the Nickel Empire reestablishes and consolidate its authority. Small groups of soldiers are helping Inprobusian soldiers look for former emperor Tony.

Requests have also been sent out asking for foreign aid to help civilians that have been caught in the major fighting since the Inprobus invasion. The government is attempting to reach temporary ceasefire agreements with rebel groups so there can be a lull in fighting and so foreign aid can get to civilians in rebel-controlled areas.

Military Claims Responsibility for Free Lands Attack!

Following mysterious circumstances in which crops were withering and dying in the Free Lands of the Grene Knyght, the Imperial Nickelian Air Force claimed responsibility, with an official saying "they deserved it for growing all that marijuana and causing cheap drugs to flood the nation," while ignoring posters behind him saying that illegal drug cultivation has grown between 250-700% in the Nickel Empire. Three squadrons were sent with each squadron having two specially modified C-5M Super Galaxies with the rest of each squadron being composed of tankers and fighter escorts. Each Super Galaxy was carrying a different herbicide, with the chosen herbicides being Agent Orange, Agent Blue and Agent White. A thing of note was how each chemicals was their respective colours eg. Agent Orange being orange instead of all being a greenish-white mist.

The reason for this was based on the comments made by two high school students on social media who said the herbicides would be so much more beautiful if they were their actual colours, and saying how much of an effort it would take to add colour, all they would need to do was simply add some food colouring, well the air force has taken up on their idea and hope they are happy now.

by **Sinuhe** » Mon Jul 25, 2016 12:21 am

Situation in Ukranas “Improving” says Government

Today Sameh Shoukry, the foreign minister of Sinuhe, gave a lengthy briefing to the King’s Council to inform the councilors and ministers of the current international situation, especially regarding the conflict between Ukranas and Faustin Land. Shoukry reportedly stated that, despite the ongoing effort by Roelandia and Sjealand to liberate occupied Ukranas from the Faustinians, the internal situation within the country appears to be “improving.”

“The election of the populist Savadinovic with a majority of votes, Shoukry said, “is a good sign for the future of the country, although it is impossible for us to determine, with surety, how open the democratic process was. This complication exists due to the ongoing hostilities in several parts of the country, especially along the northern peninsula, and the general lack of independent electoral commissioners.”

Nevertheless, the official government stance towards the new government is one of contempt, and Shoukry eventually decried the elections as fraudulent and “a charade put up by the occupying forces.” The government still recognises the Grand Župan as the legitimate leader of Ukranas.

Sinuhe has yet to provide direct military support for Ukranas in the liberation effort, yet the deliveries of food aid (in the form of cereal grains) has continued as promised before the outbreak of war. A spokesperson for Pharaoh has stated that the $9 billion investment in Ukranas offered by a consortium of Sinuhan companies, which was frozen by the government when war broke out, can be re-negotiated once the Grand Župan is re-instated. The credit line, however, appears to have been terminated entirely.

After the briefing, the King’s Council recommended to buy the nuclear materials discarded as a result of the arms reduction promised by Savadinovic, stating that “…allowing the nuclear waste to fall into [Faustin Land’s] possession would be disastrous for the security of the world.”

Minister Nasr Supports Orange Card, Suggests Sinuhan Counterpart

After the Roelandian minister of commerce suggested that an “orange card” may be implemented to encourage skilled migration to Roelandia, Sahar Nasr, the newly-appointed minister for international cooperation, expressed his support for the idea, while also recommending that the Sinuhan government issue its own work visas. Nasr described these cards as “blue cards,” clearly based on the Roelandian name.

According to Nasr, the “blue cards” would be issued to skilled labourers from allied countries, like Roelandia, to increase the economic cooperation between Sinuhe and its allies and to introduce fresh perspectives into the Sinuhan marketplaces.

While neither the King’s Council nor Pharaoh have publicly commented on Nasr’s suggestion, the idea has widespread support among business leaders and economists.

News from the Nickel Empire, Good or Bad?

Pharaoh appeared in public last week (a rare phenomenon) to express his sympathies to the Dimes family at the apparent loss of Tony Dimes, while at the same time urging that all effective measures be taken to locate the missing emperor. In the meantime, he did not indicate support for either of the pretenders.

While remaining skeptical of the Falric-Dimes alliance, especially once it was revealed the Inprobusian Judicial Police had been behind their new partnership, the government of Sinuhe has considered its options for dealing with the situation and is predicted to recognise the new government within the week.

A spokesman for Pharaoh responded to the Nickelians’ plea for international aid and agreed to send more than 700 doctors to the country to distribute medical supplies and deliver effective care to the civilian population, which no doubt has been negatively impacted by the civil war. A few brave volunteers have already left for the empire, while most are waiting for the security situation to improve before they depart. Food aid has also been offered.

Miklagård News Thread [Miklagård Only]

Humanitarian Aid Being Sent to Ukranas!

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