CMSC XXXV: Apertura Review
Matchday One… The collective sniffles of a confused and angry nation could not detract from the long-awaited opening of XXXV, with the reigning champions handed the Saturday morning starter as per tradition.
And what a stunner it proved to be, with Green Island hosting a nine-goal thriller with the (almost) all-new Marbles. We’d coo about it for several paragraphs, but that’s not how we’re doing things this Apertura, goshdarnit, so let’s just say simply that the visitors went in front, and the GIZ turned it around to three-one, and the Marbles equalised, and the champions went back in front, and the Marbles equalised again, and Jhanna Young scored the winner with eight minutes remaining.
Late? Yes. Somewhat tedious and repetitive? Hell yes. But the CMSC’s hold on its nine key foreign markets won’t have been harmed by this utterly wonderful opening fixture. Nothing in the remaining sixteen weekends of the Apertura is going to top the GIZ’s five-four victory. We might as well not even bother.
Such that it matters though; other news saw a big clash between Albrecht FC and MarquezOW – and proof positive provided that, with Jesse Nakatsuru’s career going from strength to strength, Luis Enrique Torrealba’s side are still genuine contenders for domestic honours, with the two-nil scoreline over the bookies’ favourites for the league title thoroughly deserved. The top-flight newcomers’ starts were thoroughly mixed, meanwhile, while Albrecht Independent FC are probably down already, if their laughable five-nil crushing at the hands of… Port of Clotaire!? Eh?
Elsewhere, Agostinho’s career in Candelariasian football got off to an interesting start – the Cafundelense youngster setting up Cas Richardson for Caires City’s opener in the three-one win over Mayo Valley, before earning himself two yellow cards in the second period and becoming the first player to be sent off this season – with the Indies’ Alex Roberts joining him in the bathroom of sin with a straight red over in the capital a few minutes later.
Albrecht Independent FC 0-5 Port of Clotaire (Cooper 9, O’Airmeadhaigh 37, Ham 40, Bachuijs 50, Sánchez García 64)
Albrecht FC 2-0 Marquez-Onwere (Nakatsuru 36, Morrison 71)
Arrigo Portuguese 1-2 Gamboa FC (Castro 88; Zanirato 21, Jorge Roberto 85)
Caires City 3-1 Mayo Valley (Richardson 52, Johansson og 59, González 71; Witt 87)
KT Hotspur 1-2 Albrecht Turkish (Dariegan 38; Innisvale 29, Bakker 72)
Green Island 5-4 El din Marbles (Durosa 21, Kures 29, va Drake 32 and 58, Young 82; Herráez 14, Ricky 33 and 54, Rodríguez 71)
Melin & Nader 0-1 Caires Sports (Valinial 82)
Radyukevich CSC 0-0 NAPPC
Tenderville United 1-1 AFC MN Smith (Martinez 10; Meyer 38)
Matchday Two… A meeting between last term’s top two (it’s a bloody good job we haven’t got time to waste this Apertura, else we’d have a nice long rant at those fixture-list-makey people) ended up telling us very little – save that Green Island still gave a highly impressive niche in coming back from behind late on and,that without Daniel Dos Santos, MarquezOW have a bit of a glass jaw.
Two-two, and that allowed the capital city giants to push out up top, with the Scorpions crushing Gamboa and Turkish still not convincing anyone but squeaking through their traditionally tricky meeting with MN Smith. Having Pablo Estévez stretchered off in agony was a bit of a blow, though, with Eren Arica expected to be hauled from his comfortable existence in the reserves-slash-Magnus-United to take up the mantel.
NAPPC are starting nicely, meanwhile, the bastards. While the promoted sides beginning with M aren’t. Poo.
AFC MN Smith 1-2 Albrecht Turkish (Harrison 63; Yeoman 37, Bakker 56)
Albrecht Independent FC 0-1 Tenderville United (Deleks 48)
Caires Sports 0-2 Arrigo Portuguese (Nicholls 15, Macanás 48)
El din Marbles 1-2 Caires City (Rodríguez 3; Rosenthal 76, Marshall 90+2)
Gamboa FC 0-4 Albrecht FC (Zec 3, Kim M. 44, Nakatsuru 49, Wanderley 86)
Marquez-Onwere 2-2 Green Island (Souto Maior 7 and 23; Anwamanë 45+2 and 78)
Mayo Valley 0-2 KT Hotspur (Dariegan 48, Nilsson 82)
NAPPC 2-1 Port of Clotaire (Scholey 24, Cuesta 44; Sánchez García 88)
Radyukevich CSC 3-1 Melin & Nader (Davis 11, Adekunde 14, Paganel 53; D’Ancona 32)
Matchday Three… A somewhat forgettable third weekend, without much in the way of incident or two many goals. It did however serve as a reminder were it needed that poor old Fabio Mannasuch has simply lost the plot. Sure, he takes the team in training and knows the qualities of his squad better than we, but his preferences in the way of players simply doesn’t stand up to any prodding. His presence is all part of some strange Vanorian plot, if you ask me, and the Solidarity faithful better hope that Julius Rotherwell can ‘do a Shaan’ at Turkish and start to take charge now that he’s in the dugout as well.
Okay, granted, they won seven-nil. But it was only against the Indies, in the Hoxton derby. That doesn’t count.
So, we couldn’t resist doing a bit of research. We might be wrong, but we’re pretty sure that’s the biggest margin of victory of the international era – i.e, since XXIV, or earlier. There’s been a few six-nils over the last few years – Albrecht FC have managed it twice, against MN Smith and the PoC, while Green Island handed out the same to McDonald SC not so long ago. Candelaria Arsenal beat Gamboa seven-one on the opening day of XXIX, while KT Hotspur managed a seven-one away win at Candelaria-Allemali during XXV (on a Saturday morning, if you really wanted to know), but otherwise the only seven-nil of the last couple of decades we can find is Green Island’s victory at Caires Sports in the XXVI CMS Cup last thirty-two. A replay, remarkably, following a one-all draw in Zapata.
To put it simply… this doesn’t happen very often. Even Ausilio Calabrese scored, for heaven’s sake. It rather goes without saying that Turkish supporters are cock-a-hoop, but ultimately it says rather more about Albrecht Independent FC and Katie Cincoski – for without her, they might as well give up now. Only one other side are yet to pick up a point (the Marbles, incredibly enough… maybe we were right to forget their preview…), and that -13 goal difference doesn’t look too healthy, now does it?
All that nonsense in the Albrecht ‘burbs helped overshadow the Scorpions’ first defeat of the season – and what a defeat it was, going one-up in Arrigo before being utterly crushed by a combination of local passion (they do so love beating the Scorpions in these parts) and the unleashed talents of Harry Oughton, the Kura-Pellandi, and Koviljko Randjelovic, the… Candelariasian. Vaguely. We’ll have him, though. My gosh, he’s good.
But lo, for there was more! MarquezOW are fourteenth in the table after giving away an early two-goal lead in Rider Castle, with Caires City youngster Leo Williams scoring in injury time to hand the Errant Knights the point that leaves them in second position. The champs also suffered defeat, meanwhile, with Gamboa meeting fire with fire and coming away with a hard-fought victory – thanks largely to Raheem Kay, the goalkeeper who’s certainly made the C&M squad for a reason. Corlan T’saal received his marching orders in Caires Sports’ draw at the Jukos, while the big Nethertopian derby (ha, you get mentioned last… HA!) saw Tenderville ease to the three points. Drunn Deleks is the season’s top scorer now, for what it’s worth.
My God, this year is boring.
Albrecht Turkish 7-0 Albrecht Independent FC (Cohen 7 and 42 and 89, Werner 45, Innisvale 57, Yeoman 62, Calabrese 87)
Arrigo Portuguese 4-1 Albrecht FC (Randjelovic 10 and 56, Oughton 15 and 34; Foster 6)
Caires City 2-2 Marquez-Onwere (Richardson 24, Williams 90; Sáez 5, Oliveira Tavares 6)
Green Island 0-1 Gamboa FC (Jorge Roberto 11)
KT Hotspur 1-0 El din Marbles (Dariegan 60)
Mayo Valley 1-0 AFC MN Smith (Szatmári 45+1)
Melin & Nader 0-0 Port of Clotaire
Radyukevich CSC 1-1 Caires Sports (Paganel 21; Made’er 67)
Tenderville United 2-0 NAPPC (Deleks 35 and 39)
Matchday Four… Ick, okay. That probably wasn’t supposed to happen. The facts are, however, that NAPPC have just contrived to beat Albrecht Turkish. You remember them? The ones that one seven-nil last weekend? Yeah. Curious, no?
Quite how that ragtag bunch of Nethertopians, Sargossans and an ancient Vephrese bloke are up in sixth is anyone’s guess, but is does make Victor Wildeman a bit of a hot property, given that he’s lost three league games in the last twenty-three, and on this evidence they’re not going to have the remotest worries about yo-yoing back downwards again. Why, God? Why do you mock us so? WHY!?
In other news, Albrecht FC’s similarly disparate bunch of braves bounced back themselves from last weekend’s disappointment with a thoroughly convincing victory at the KOD. The Yaforite national team would’ve expected better from this match, and indeed this season as a whole, but it’s started pretty damn flatly and they were pulled apart by Jesse Nakatsuru – one of that really rather titchy group of young Candelariasians with every hope of hitting ‘World Class’ status (whatever that is) sometime soon. Elsewhere, the big guns generally got what they wanted to leave the top five with a fairly familiar look – though MarquezOW have a way to catch up, and the leaders, somewhat surprisingly, are Caires City. That’s one in the eye for the Davies faithful and a very early feather in Dionísio’s nascent managerial cap.
The other big clash saw a really very fine Clotaire derby. These matches have become increasingly hard-fought and generally worth watching in recent years, with both clubs largely admitting defeat even in the race for Globe Cup positions, and a bad defeat might well have seen the long-awaited end of Muscat. As it was, a pulsating three-all draw helped no-one’s hopes of anything more than mid-table respectability.
Oh, and the Indies lost. Only one-nil this time, but they did have right-back Reuben Ward stretchered off and ruled out for most of the rest of the Apertura, so… swings and roundabouts, eh?
Albrecht Independent FC 0-1 Mayo Valley (Szatmári 70)
Caires Sports 0-3 Albrecht FC (Wanderley 8, Nakatsuru 40 and 67)
El din Marbles 0-0 AFC MN Smith
Gamboa FC 1-2 Caires City (Nixon 16; González 1, Agostinho 24)
Green Island 4-1 Arrigo Portuguese (Tinúviel 15, Young 49, Anwamanë 63 and 85; Macanás 84)
Marquez-Onwere 2-0 KT Hotspur (Cotuba 55 and 82)
Melin & Nader 0-1 Tenderville United (Deleks 49)
NAPPC 1-0 Albrecht Turkish (González Rodríguez 58)
Port of Clotaire 3-3 Radyukevich CSC (O’Airmeadhaigh 15, Ham 55, Maxwell og 82; Adekunde 19, Paganel 50 and 89)
Matchday Five… Oh, would you come off it? Turkish lose twice in a row? After the seven-nil? Seriously?!
This weekend’s conquerors were Melin & Nader, in los italianos’ first victory of the bloody season. It was all largely thanks to Nicola D’Ancona, the former Albrecht FC winger, who swung in two gorgeous crosses for Cristian Enría and the Pocoan Ricardo Luiz Solaris to finish – though Kjarik Tashkir must take his share of the blame after making a complete hash of both clearances.
Remarkably, M&N achieved their two-one victory without holding midfielder Mark Allbright – instead partnering Enría with Edward Jones. It proved a bit of a masterstroke for Ferraro, with the pair utterly dominating the midfield and leaving Turkish’s own three men in the centre entirely overpowered. Calabrese was eventually withdrawn in favour of Darren Robinson, but the more familiar-looking 4-4-2 could muster up only one John Yeoman strike in return.
They still sit in the top four, ahead of Mayo Valley on goal difference, and were helped both by Radyukevich – who held Tenderville to leave both sides still undefeated – and the same one-all scoreline popping up in Songstress. With the CMSC apparently intent on getting all the big matches out of the way nice and early, this weekend brought us Albrecht FC against Green Island – a bit of a damp squib, as it turned out; with the Scorpions struggling to contain the various pointies in the first period but still winning the half, and a more circumspect GIZ of the second forty-five eventually earning an equaliser through Michel Mulder. The Nethertopian international has been crying out for a start of late and, with the left-footer adding some much-needed aggression to this team, he may well have done enough this weekend to inch his way past Jason Saunderson and leave Durosa shifting across to the opposite flank.
Caires City, with a big finger up at Davies, now ride alone up top after two late goals handed them the points in Arrigo, while disappointing starts for MarquezOW and the Spur continued. And, most importantly, the Indies scored a goal. It came in the second minutes of second-half stoppage time, granted, when the Marbles were already home and dry, but still…
AFC MN Smith 1-1 Marquez-Onwere (Timpson 28; Oliveira Tavares 61)
Albrecht FC 1-1 Green Island (Morrison 33; Mulder 71)
Albrecht Independent FC 1-2 El din Marbles (Dennin 90+2; Hawker 45+2, Ricky 60)
Arrigo Portuguese 0-2 Caires City (González 80, Williams 86)
Caires Sports 2-1 Port of Clotaire (Sinjinir 46, Belmore 71; Ham 19)
KT Hotspur 1-2 Gamboa FC (Dariegan 77; Jorge Roberto 1, Nixon 90+2)
Melin & Nader 2-1 Albrecht Turkish (Enría 32, Solaris 56; Yeoman 70)
NAPPC 1-2 Mayo Valley (González Rodríguez 44; Witt 5, Milošević 75)
Radyukevich CSC 1-1 Tenderville United (Clayton 70; Night 8. No sunglasses plz, kthnx)
Matchday Six… Arright, fine. It’s official. Caires City are good again.
However one feels about the way Davies was disposed of, and the managerial prospects of Dionísio in the long term, the Cafundéu-born former C&M international (as if you didn’t know) really is getting it right thus far. This weekend, with Colin Marshall ruled out in the warm-up with his persistent knee problems and replaced by teenager Sascha Connah, it seemed that the Errant Knights were in no fit state to take on Albrecht FC. Instead, the battle of the two new managers saw Torrealba comfortably come out the looser – outwitted from every angle, his Scorpions struggled throughout to deal with former star Cas Richardson, who toiled superbly to bring Agostinho and González into the game, while Dionísio even managed to elicit a game out of Nic Lloyd, who gave the limping Matthew Logan a truly torrid time and ultimately delivered the second-half cross from which Agostinho nudged home.
Premature perhaps, but the victory saw City cut into second by most of the major bookmakers, behind only Green Island. The GIZ may currently be only sixth, but their outfoxing of an admittedly disappointing ten-man Caires Sports was certainly impressive and gives little cause for hope that a couple of those less expected clubs currently in the TQCC places are going to stick there. Principal among them is Mayo Valley, who beat their rather less impressive fellow promoted outfit Melin & Nader – and, if the Apertura ended right now, they’d be right into the Champions’ Cup group stages a year from now.
Doesn’t end right now, though. Thank God. That’d just be embarrassing.
Talking of which… Marquez-Onwere, who needed a ninetieth-minute curler from Pappas to even earn a draw at home to (drum roll please)… the Indies. Yes, Superfluous FC actually managed to pick up their first point of the season – a measure of how truly blah the naranja’s start to XXV has been, compared to what just about everyone expected. Harvey better be hoping that the new Wendell at the top is as sweet and patient as his stiff unkie Sam…
Elsewhere, ten-man Portuguese won a Globe Cup battle in Rosasharn, and both the Nethertopian sides are still rather good. Arse.
Albrecht Turkish 5-1 Radyukevich CSC (Bakker 42 and 62, Calabrese 45 and 89, Yeoman 87; Clayton 7)
Caires City 1-0 Albrecht FC (Agostinho 57)
Gamboa FC 1-0 AFC MN Smith (Jorge Roberto 10)
Green Island 3-0 Caires Sports (Anwamanë 15, Young 34, Durosa 56)
KT Hotspur 0-2 Arrigo Portuguese (Oughton 6 and 24)
Marquez-Onwere 1-1 Albrecht Independent FC (Pappas 90; Mangabe 6)
Mayo Valley 1-0 Melin & Nader (Tillström 5)
NAPPC 2-0 El din Marbles (González Rodríguez 11, Bertotten 60)
Port of Clotaire 1-4 Tenderville United (Van Dijk 90+1; Deleks 27, Kuypers 35, Night 61, Prescott 61)
Matchday Seven… Everyone drew.
We-ell… Gamboa didn’t – they beat the Indies late on, in a routine win against the division’s worst side by a country mile, and went third with it. Cafundelense managers are where it’s at, it would seem – with Caires City still top, after a wonderful first half against Green Island saw the two favourites share the points.
Elsewhere (yeah, we’re onto the ‘elsewhere’ already… it’s been one of them evenings), NAPPC won. Again. In Onwere. To go fourth. To mean that two of the top four are foreign teams.
Poo.
Tenderville were held, granted, but are still unbeaten and still only two points off the lead. Their draw against injury- and suspension-ravaged Caires Sports should really have seen other sides take full advantage, but they royally failed to a man – Albrecht FC held after a late equaliser from Vorin Dariegan, and Turkish losing for the third away game in succession. Their potentially hugely costly defeat at Harper Street would appear to suggest that while Fabio Mannasuch and his pointy colleagues on the board are very much at home in Albrecht (there’s a disturbing thought), they completely fall to pieces on their travels. Having had Eren Arica sent off for a couple of inane yellows probably didn’t help much, but the manner in which they capitulated late on bodes very badly indeed for their domestic title chances.
Albrecht FC 1-1 KT Hotspur (Wanderley 62; Dariegan 89)
Albrecht Independent FC 1-2 Gamboa FC (Millard 45; Coventry 42, Adekunde og 87)
Arrigo Portuguese 4-0 AFC MN Smith (Macanás 7, Nicholls 10, Lacamoire 56, Oughton 57)
Caires City 2-2 Green Island (González 15, Lloyd 34; va Drake 6, Anwamanë 24)
Marquez-Onwere 0-1 NAPPC (González Rodríguez 90)
Mayo Valley 1-1 Radyukevich CSC (Lilja 5; B. Clayton 53)
Melin & Nader 1-1 El din Marbles (Herbert 11; Hawker 60)
Port of Clotaire 2-1 Albrecht Turkish (Ham 61 and 85; Cohen 30)
Tenderville United 1-1 Caires Sports (Kuypers 39; Adirondu 35)
Matchday Eight… Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo…!!!!!
…
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
…
Oh, sweet Jesus… Why!? WHY!? Why do you hate us so, lord? Why Candelaria And Marquez? What have we ever done to deser… Yeah alright, apart from all that stuff we did, but that doesn’t count. You can’t hold that against us after all this time, and is this particular theatre. And the end of the day, O great beardy-weirdy in the stars, the top three clubs in the Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Championship – and can we just emphasise the first three words, there – should not be from overseas. And certainly not the leaders. It’s just wrong.
But there it is, the facts laid bare, as Courtney Poole made a little bit of history to put through her own net at the Home of the Dragon and hand the three points to Tenderville United – sending the Nethertopians a point clear at the top of the table. For those watching over in the Candelariasian capital, the bigger story involved Turkish’s hopeless collapse on Ratos Island as they threw away a two-one half-time lead to lose yet another match on their travels, but for everyone else the focus was on the biggest own goal in the history of Candelariasian domestic football – not Ms Poole’s, as such, but that of the CMSC in inviting these ghastly parasites into our bosom in the first place. And the Peregrines are only two points further back in third. And Green Island are up to fourth… leaving Caires City as the only proper C&M club in the supposed TQCC positions. This can’t be allowed to continue. Can we start fixing things? Please?
Caires City’s failure to retain their early league lead came courtesy of a certain team known colloquially as Caires Sports. In the wider sense, there’s no argument about who’s winning the battle between these two this season with the multinational Errant Knights six points and seven places better off than the Yaforites, but bragging rights went briefly in the opposite direction this weekend – and it was even a boyhood CSC supporter who sealed the deal, with Alager Adirondu feeding Josh Belmore to finish with four minutes remaining and hand City their first defeat of the season.
With Gamboa and Mayo Valley still in the top half despite defeats, this is certainly one of the more open Apertura’s we’ve seen for years – but try telling that to those clubs yet to make double figures. Besides the obvious nightmares of the Indies, and a worrying start for MN Smith, the two having real shockers are KT Hotspur – a badly bludgeoned force without Jordan Hawker – and the El din Marbles. Who have the aformentioned Mr Hawker on their books now, and the grand total of one victory from Abby Soro’s early managerial career in C&M.
Ha! Stupid rubbish Nethertopians…
Albrecht FC 2-1 AFC MN Smith (Wanderley 28, Kim M. 61; Van der Laan 33)
Albrecht Independent FC 2-2 Arrigo Portuguese (Walker 71, Rogers 90+2; Zapata og 45+1, Oughton 60)
Caires Sports 2-1 Caires City (Valinial 80, Belmore 86; González 73)
El din Marbles 0-1 Radyukevich CSC (Banz 46)
Gamboa FC 1-2 NAPPC (Lacerda 19; Taylor 1, González Rodríguez 77)
KT Hotspur 0-1 Green Island (Anwamanë 40)
Marquez-Onwere 2-0 Melin & Nader (Gatti 26, Pappas 32)
Port of Clotaire 2-0 Mayo Valley (Arrigorriagakoa 20, O’Airmeadhaigh 44)
Tenderville United 3-2 Albrecht Turkish (Gaggioli 5, Reargold 70, Poole og 75; Werner 7, Dirie 17)
Matchday Nine… Oh, Fabio. Fabio, Fabio, Fabio. What were you thinking?
And it had all looked so good, as well. The mockery of us lesser lifeforms regarding his early team selection had been well and truly desolved by early performances, and there was no doubt that Albrecht Turkish were back. Indeed, many had already nailed their colours to the mast and delcared that the Millermen had a better chance of returning to the top than their inner-city neighbours, with that front three set to terrorise the division.
So much for all that, then. Turkish have been absolutely found out in recent weeks – not just away from home, but now by the mind of Keron Alhr… well… Damien Dulars, then, but I’m sure Keron helped. Caires Sports haven’t pulled up the kind of trees we had rather anticipated either, but their defensive gameplan (revolutionary, huh?) had Bakker, Calabrese and Innisvale chasing shadows and a Knights midfield led by a reintroduced Sorin Acraan completely dominated the centre. CSC even survived having Anamer Tascarnin sent off with ten minutes to go, and leapfrogged their opponents in the table to send Turkish crumbling down to eleventh. Where’s your goddess now, Fabio? Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…
If that particular pointy revolution isn’t going to plan, then at least the one over on the verdent isle is still chugging along nicely, even if the Smudgers proved a surprisingly resiliant opponent this weekend. The GIZ remain bookended by Caires City and Albrecht FC, with the top four looking very likely at this stage to be the major contenders for the rest of the year, with Portuguese quietly tucking in behind them. The bad news is that Tenderville are still top, and emphatically so – a five-nil drubbing of Mayo Valley putting the west Candelarians firmly in their place.
Buuuut… it came at a cost, oh yes. Because you know that Drunn Deleks? Arguably the best striker in the league, and pretty much the reason – with respect to Martinez and Lilithian, et al – why the Dragons are (kind of) the best team in Candelariasian football right now? He’s only gone and torn his knee ligaments, hasn’t he?
No, no, don’t thank me. Thank fate and spreadsheets, and Rennidan’s lack of involvement in WC47 qualifying. But it’s bloody brilliant, isn’t it?
What it all means in practical terms is that Tenderville have lost a hugely important player, and without him Carson’s ability is going to be tested to breaking point. It’s a marathon not a sprint, and all that, but you can surely wave goodbye to Tenderville’s hopes of snatching the little Apertura trophy with this blow, and it’s only a matter of time before the CMSC is ours again.
Unless Green Island go top in a week or two, obviously.
Meanwhile, Abdoulaye Soro has still only won one game, and MarquezOW’s title chances have basically been extinguished already. Not, all things considered, a great weekend to be a Nethertopian, then.
hehehe…
Albrecht FC 1-0 Albrecht Independent FC (Wanderley 71)
Albrecht Turkish 1-2 Caires Sports (Bakker 37; Valinial 18, Acraan 54)
Arrigo Portuguese 2-0 NAPPC (Nicholls 62, Oughton 79)
Caires City 1-0 KT Hotspur (Jones 62)
El din Marbles 2-3 Port of Clotaire (Ricky 10, Pavoni 52; Edwards 18, Sánchez García 47, Ham 89)
Green Island 1-0 AFC MN Smith (Tinúviel 78)
Melin & Nader 1-0 Gamboa FC (Silva 2)
Radyukevich CSC 1-1 Marquez-Onwere (Diarra 45; Sáez 78)
Tenderville United 5-0 Mayo Valley (Meesschaert 18, Deleks 21 and 67, Kuypers 55 and 73)
Matchday Ten… Tommy Tohver’s Radyukevich took a point at Gamboa this weekend. Pretty much par for the course, that, with the most noteworthy feature of the game being that that was the Jukos’ seventh draw of the season. Remarkably, they’ve only lost once and sit eleventh.
The other notable fact about all that is that it leaves Tohver as the highest-ranked Candelarian manager in Candelariasian football. In eleventh. At least he has bragging rights over Mayo Valley’s Zachary Telemans, MarquezOW’s Chris Harvey and the Indies’ Ancil Liebeskind, but that really is a pretty shocking record. Where the hell have all the Candelarians gone?
In any other season, you’ll have taken the fact that we’re even discussing such a thing as evidence that we’re at the doesn’t-particularly-matter stage of the year and that we’re desperate for something to talk about. On this occasion, however, we haven’t got the time to prattle on about it… so let’s just leave it, for now, that the largest island in Rushmore (this really is an increasingly dubious claim, but geography’s a pretty fluid concept, isn’t it?) appears incapable of churning out its fair share of managers. Notably, you can look around the world and count on the fingers of one hand how many Candelarians have made in foreign dugouts. And even then only if you’d been involved in some ghastly threshing accident. Basically, you’ve got Adam Williamson at United Trilan, and even he might be dead by now, for all we know. Other than that, there’s precisely zip. It’s pathetic, frankly, especially at a time when the national team is once again dominated by Candelarians. They’ve got good feet, apparently, but when push comes to shove they’re seriously lacking in the brain department.
Anyway, rant over. MarquezOW drew this weekend, again, despite Gloria Villasenior (who we’re still not entirely sure actually plays for the naranja, but whatever) seeing red for an unladylike lunge at PoC fullback Ricky Archer. Otherwise, there were a set of thoroughly professional performances from the leading contenders – even including Turkish, though their home victory over freefalling Mayo Valley was nothing if not utterly jammy, and served to convinced no-one of their title credentials.
AFC MN Smith 0-1 Caires City (Richardson 62)
Albrecht Independent FC 0-3 Green Island (Anwamanë 45, Mulder 87, va Drake 89)
Albrecht Turkish 2-1 Mayo Valley (Cohen 7, Bakker 42; Szatmári 50)
Arrigo Portuguese 2-0 Melin & Nader (Lacamoire 10 and 57)
Caires Sports 2-1 KT Hotspur (Belmore 15, Adirondu 56; Dariegan 34)
El din Marbles 0-1 Tenderville United (Martinez 6)
Gamboa FC 1-1 Radyukevich CSC (Jorge Roberto 24; Paganel 24)
NAPPC 0-3 Albrecht FC (Chinn 5, Morrison 11, Wanderley 55)
Port of Clotaire 2-2 Marquez-Onwere (O’Airmeadhaigh 60, Ham 70; Oliveira Tavares 27, Souto Maior 61)
Matchday Eleven… Another week, another Turkish cock-up. *Yawn* Thank heavens we don’t have to think of ways to make the league interesting this year.
While they escaped with a point, they were pretty damn fortunate to do even that – with only the Marbles’ profligacy in front of Paxson’s goal ensuring that Mannasuch’s side wouldn’t slip behind the likes of NAPPC and Mayo Valley once more. To be fair, they were facing a Marbles side having arguably their best game of the season, though that really isn’t anything very much to crow about. Whatever way you look at it, their much-discussed 3-6-1 has failed them spectacularly, their hopes of getting back into the ICCs utterly extinguished, and Soro has been left to make the best of a confused squad who haven’t got the faintest clue how to play together. As hopeless as they’ve been at the back – with the manager understandably axing Bartolomeu and González for recent games – the lack of any kind of rapport between Hawker and Schaak and utter toothlessness up front makes them genuine candidates for the drop unless things change very, very quickly.
The Visser cousins really came through for Abby this weekend, but that surely won’t hold off the big man in the dugout from desperately injecting a bit of pizzazz into his team and give not only Damián Jimenez but a certain Arouna Soro a chance over the coming weeks. Theirs is a season that needs to be saved, and Turkish really are in much the same boat – and they haven’t even got any half-decent youngsters to chuck on. The goalkeepers in the YTS side are supposed to be a talented bunch, if that helps.
Perhaps Mannasuch needs to take a leaf out of Christopher Harvey’s book, swallow his pride, and shuffle his pack. Or, looking at it another way, perhaps he really shouldn’t. After all, the MarquezOW manager has tried out just about every player on his squad these last few weeks, from thirtysomethings like George Jones and Kevin Ely to kids like Alejandro Valdez and Robert Wilkinson… and nothing, absolutely nothing, has helped lift this inexplicably awful bunch out of terminal mediocrity. It’s all left the pundits hurriedly looking back on last season’s stats, and desperately re-evaluating the impact of Souto Maior and Oliveira Tavares over Dennin – dismissed by some as a big goalscorer and little more – and the likewise departed Dos Santos.
Harvey has certainly switched back to last season’s Plan A, with big Bas Smit replacing Luís Sáez up front, but honestly nothing was likely to work in the face of Tenderville United this weekend. They may not necessarily have the best players, but the Dragons’ claims on being the division’s best actual team right now are surely inarguable, and they simply brushed the naranja aside.
Elsewhere, it was Albrecht FC’s turn to suffer a considerable blow – a defeat in Melin that sees them drop to fifth, seven points off the lead. Undoubtedly they can recover from that, but it’s perhaps worthy of note that the Scorpions have won the last three Aperturas in a row… and you can pretty much forget about that this time around.
Arrigo Portuguese 4-1 Radyukevich CSC (Al-Fayoomi 21 and 68, Nicholls 48, Randjelovic 77; Davis 60)
Albrecht Turkish 2-2 El din Marbles (Yeoman 53, Calabrese 83; Erwin Visser 33, Ricky 86)
Caires City 2-0 Albrecht Independent FC (Richardson 30, Iampietro 33)
Green Island 2-0 NAPPC (Durosa 7, Mulder 66)
KT Hotspur 1-0 AFC MN Smith (Dariegan 29)
Mayo Valley 1-0 Caires Sports (Zoric 59)
Melin & Nader 1-0 Albrecht FC (Herbert 7)
Port of Clotaire 4-1 Gamboa FC (O’Airmeadhaigh 4, Arrigorriagakoa 40, Ham 43 and 56; Potter 50)
Tenderville United 2-1 Marquez-Onwere (Gaggioli 6, Night 73; Oliveira Tavares 84)
Matchday Twelve… I…
I don’t, I…
It, um… It. Eee…
MarquezOW beat Turkish seven-nil.
Right, moving along then, we should start with Albrecht FC’s proper thumping of Radyukevich. This one will have been a particularly satisfying result for Torrealba, given that his opposite number Tohver was widely considered his major rival to take the top job in the aftermath of Le Lan’s exit. As a game, it really was all about the much-needed return to form of Fred Foster – the thirty year-old given a rocket by his club manager in mid-week and answering his critics with two spot-on free-kicks – and the continued form of Jesse Nakatsuru. Simon Chinn up front, meanwhile, is showing enough from his rare glimpses to suggest that Torrealba has little option but to give him starts, mostly likely ahead of the really quite disappointing Kim Mihyeon. She seems unhappy. She’s got the other other Kim there, for heaven’s sake. What more do these women want!?
And MarquezOW beat Turkish seven-nil.
Elsewhere, it’s as you were at the top with the current Big Three really looking very impressive indeed. Tenderville in particular – they’re still undefeated, and managed to put four past Gamboa this weekend despite the continued absence of Deleks. It doesn’t even upset me any more. It’s quite sad, isn’t it, how the human spirit just comes to accept stuff.
Anyway, worthy of a renewed look at Port of Clotaire. Their players might be embroiled in any number of controversies, with Ham Hyi-san recently (probably) dumped for life from his national team, but the player himself is on fire domestically – the first striker to break into double figures this term, his PoC are a completely different proposition than last year and look genuine contenders for the fourth TQCC spot. Their comprehensive beating of Portuguese, who remain a point ahead of them, leaves them in sixth – just ahead of Caires Gukjei, who fended off the ‘challenge’ of MN Smith despite a knock to Jono Plunkett.
Gowon, tell ‘em what happened in Onwere…
Alright, fine. Here’s the thing. You know that whole rigmarole a few weeks ago about how Turkish’s seven-nil drubbing of the Indies was the first CMSC game with that scoreline since the international era began? Well, MarquezOW have gone an equalled it.
Yeah. Marquez-Onwere. The crap ones. The ones who are still only twelfth despite a seven-nil win. Against Turkish. Yes. That Turkish.
Okay, we knew they were dire away from home, but seriously… Ultimately, on the day, Harvey got his tactics entirely right – trust in big Smit to tear Pablo Estévez a new arsehole, was the short version – and Mannasuch, poor old Fabio Mannasuch, got it all so terribly, terribly wrong. The Herald gave not a single Turkish player a mark higher than three out of ten in the following day’s report, and that was probably generous in the extreme. Estévez got a one. Kjarik Tashkir got a big fat egg. It’s lucky for Mannasuch that none of the foreign clubs will have the opportunity to sack their managers until the half-way stage this season, but if he can’t pick his side up from this – and it would take a genius to do so – he’s surely going to have to go. Viella are demanding people.
That’s to say nothing, by the by, of poor Abby Soro over in El din. They drew with Mayo Valley this weekend. They’re sixteenth. They’re poo. You’re welcome.
Seven-nil, though. Seven-nil…
Albrecht Independent FC 0-1 KT Hotspur (Rossi 62)
Albrecht FC 5-0 Radyukevich CSC (Nakatsuru 7, Foster 42 and 89, Palmer og 45, Chinn 87)
Caires Sports 3-1 AFC MN Smith (Littlefellow og 10, Valinial 56, Sinjinir 57; Postman 15)
El din Marbles 1-1 Mayo Valley (Hawker 34; Johansson 6)
Gamboa FC 1-4 Tenderville United (Aldo 24; Kuypers 5 and 6 and 11, Lilithian 90)
Green Island 2-1 Melin & Nader (va Drake 60 and 70; Silva 27)
Marquez-Onwere 7-0 Albrecht Turkish (Gatti 21, Smit 35 and 52 and 80, Cincoski 39, Pappas 61, Wilkinson 81)
NAPPC 0-2 Caires City (Lloyd 44 and 78)
Port of Clotaire 3-1 Arrigo Portuguese (Ham 17, Arrigorriagakoa 22, Edwards 61; Randjelovic 36)
Matchday Thirteen… Yup, pretty much official, then. The top four are much better than anyone else. Proclaim from the hilltops, one and all.
Actually, the Hilltop was precisely where Green Island very nearly came unstuck, but the GIZ still came from behind twice to snatch victory late on, because that’s just what they do. It still seems unexpected, in a way, but Massimo’s side very seldom roll over their opponents entirely – perhaps that’s why they have the worst (or at least ‘least good’) goal difference of the top four – but have the talent, spirit and supreme confidence to expect to win in ninety-five-or-so minutes. That, as the song goes, is why they’re champions.
And it’s why Albrecht Turkish aren’t, and won’t be this season either. Plainly shaken from that result, a largely unchanged side – Mannasuch could have dropped just about everybody, but what good could that possibly have done to their confidence? – fought back well against Gamboa despite going back early on, but disaster is never far away from this shower at the moment. For all their flaws and general mediocrity, the Abiodun side are an attacking force to fret about when they’re on their game and Kayben Nixon’s equaliser deep into stoppage time came after the winger tied the aging legs of Courtney Poole up in knots and left poor Pablo Estévez sitting on the Wallpark Road turf sobbing his eyes out.
Actual sobbing. One is almost beginning to feel sorry for them…
Elsewhere, Albrecht FC brushed aside Port of Clotaire with the embarrassing ease of a side who know in the hearts that they’re bloody good, even if they probably aren’t, but the win of the day was surely reserved for Tenderville – three trouble-free in Arrigo picked up by another club brimming with the C word. The Errant Knights won big too, in Melin, but the late loss of ‘keeper Russ Becker is a real concern, with early scans suggesting that the in-form player has picked up a potentially really rather serious knee ligament… thing. He’ll miss a couple of games for certain, but rumours emanating from up McNeil Bingo way really don’t look at all good, and his long-term absence would be almost as considerable blow to City as Deleks’ is to Tenderville. Not that that’s done them any harm, it would seem, but anyway…
Elsewhere, MarquezOW put, er, nothing past young Mayo ‘keeper Greg Tipping, so well done Gustav Johansson and co, I suppose. The most predictable result of the weekend saw winless MN Smith and the Indies share a point – the kind of result that should see both managers sacked, and all the rumours point to it having happened by this time next week. Jus’ so you know…
AFC MN Smith 1-1 Albrecht Independent FC (Postman 62; Adekunde 39)
Albrecht FC 4-0 Port of Clotaire (Tekeste 7 and 42, Kim M. 45, Cooper og 87)
Arrigo Portuguese 1-2 Tenderville United (Oughton 57; Kuypers 10, Night 56)
Caires Sports 3-3 El din Marbles (Belmore 6 and 15 and 34; Pavoni 8, Ricky 24, Soro 90)
Gamboa FC 2-2 Albrecht Turkish (Tollison 5, Nixon 90+1; Bakker 60, Werner 71)
Mayo Valley 0-0 Marquez-Onwere
Melin & Nader 1-5 Caires City (Herbert 27; González 21 and 81, Williams 35 and 39, Jones 61)
NAPPC 2-0 KT Hotspur (González Rodríguez 53, Plettenberg 80)
Radyukevich CSC 2-3 Green Island (J. Clayton 3, Paganel 38; Anwamanë 17 and 61, Ealovaul 81)
Matchday Fourteen… Ha!
NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Suck on that, old man!
Yes, it finally came to an end this weekend. Tenderville United lost a game and lost the lead, and about time. Granted, it took the might of Albrecht FC to achieve it, but never mind. Fret not! They can only be on a downward spiral from here on in!
Especially with Brian Carson being linked with a move back to Pocono City… Perhaps it’s just media tattle attempting to destabilise the Tdv Utd project (everything’s a ‘project’ nowadays, *sigh*), orchestrated by the Candelariasian and Peregrinus City press, possibly in tandem with the Jewish lobby and them shapeshifting lizards. After all, it’s hard to see why anyone would want to quit the Home of the Dragon right now, never mind the genius behind their modern renaissance. Sure, they might have given up three valuable points this weekend – creating plenty of chances but seeing Night and Jans unable to match the finishing talents of Deleks – but only a complete nitwit would dismiss their title chances after just one defeat. For one thing, they’ve got arguably the most in-form player in the entire county…ies, in the form of Roel Kuypers, a player who can’t even get into the Nethertopia squad but who’s scoring and creating like nobodies’ business from his spot in the heart of the midfield. The Scorpions certainly needed Rosalia, William and Graves at full stretch to cope with the threat offered not only by him, but Martinez as well – and it’s to their eternal credit that they actually managed it… just.
Elsewhere, there was little to shock. MarquezOW drew for the eighth time this season, with Harvey finally publicly conceding defeat in the title race and admitting that even getting back into the TQCC is probably beyond them. After last year’s near-miss, he would seem unlikely to be given the sack – but the same may not be said for his opposite number this weekend, Abdoulaye Soro. Still with just one win to their name and still in the relegation zone, Santana may well be forced to bring an early end to the much-vaunted Soro project before a potentially hugely costly relegation. When did football in El din go so very wrong, eh? Ahh, the fickle finger of fate, and such forth.
Turkish didn’t win, either. But, y’know… meh. It happens.
Oh yes, and we did get our long overdue first sacking of the season – that of Ancil Liebeskind at the Indies. In actuality, the former Turkish player walked away before he was pushed (or brutally murdered and scattered in Tucker’s carrier bags around Hoxton), and his exit really does represent the end of an era. It was Liebeskind who was effectively responsible for everything the Indies are now, but ultimately the “took the club as far as I could” cliché proved entirely warranted and, if they’re going to go down anyway, they might as well do it with their heads held high and an all-new poker up their collective backside. No word yet on the new man though, and it’s uncertain whether chairman Marc Simmons and the board will be looking for a long-term successor or a stop-gap signing.
Jus’ so you know…
AFC MN Smith 1-0 NAPPC (Harrison 62)
Albrecht Turkish 1-1 Arrigo Portuguese (Yeoman 89; Macanás 45)
Caires Sports 2-0 Albrecht Independent FC (Actarish 42, Sinjinir 87)
Gamboa FC 3-2 Mayo Valley (Jorge Roberto 10, Lacerda 57, Coventry 71; Witt 15, Szatmári 56)
Green Island 4-2 Port of Clotaire (Kures 6, Durosa 24 and 34, Anwamanë 90; Raviranjan og 5, Ham 55)
KT Hotspur 2-1 Melin & Nader (Collins 11, Dariegan 60; Enría 90+1)
Marquez-Onwere 2-2 El din Marbles (Cotuba 27, Smit 61; Ricky 35 and 39)
Radyukevich CSC 0-3 Caires City (Richardson 21, Williams 81, Jones 82)
Tenderville United 2-3 Albrecht FC (Kuypers 3 and 53; Wanderley 29 and 38, Kim M. 90)
Matchday Fifteen… Alright, so the latest news is that Carson isn’t going anywhere, apparently, so Dragons fans can breath a big sigh of relief and concentrate on seeing their side… lose two games in a row and drop to third.
That defeat came courtesy of Green Island, and likewise at home, and certainly suggests that the Dragons aren’t quite at the level to trouble the country’s new elite just yet – and certainly not without a certain Rennidanian. Even so, a moment of magic from va Drake was all that separated the sides until late on and…
Alright, bored of that game now. Let’s got off for the Albrecht derby, shall us?
While far from a classic, featuring two rather desperate sides in both outlook and quality, this really was a potential turning point – and irony of ironies, it was Kjarik Tashkir, the big Yaforite who really has had a godawful start to his career in Candelariasian football, who snuck in the winner from Cohen’s swirling corner, just two minutes after a piece of XXXII-style brilliance from Innisvale had given Turkish the equaliser. Once again, and though they dominated possession and created plenty of chances, the combination of Wanderley and Kim Mihyeon simply looked toothless against even Turkish’s modest defence and, as the Scorpions slip nine points off the lead, that strike partnership is really starting to look like Torrealba’s first major cock-up.
Turkish, of course, are a whopping seventeen points off the top spot – but, to be entirely fair on Mannasuch, that’s not completely their own fault. They’re only eight points worse off than this time last season, when they sat just behind the Scorpions in second place, and their relative woes can be put down in part to the extraordinary form of the pacesetters – and Caires City in particular. With two further victories, City could move onto 44 points – comfortably the highest figure since the Apertura stage was formally introduced, and ahead of Turkish’s own 42 from the XXIX Clausura. In essence, Dionísio is currently on course to knock the achievements of the great Elgin Dannat out of the water (okay, he’d have to win back-to-back domestic titles and go better than the TQCC semi-finals, but the point still stands). He’s simply doing an utterly tremendous job, with a squad combining the superb and the thoroughly mediocre, but it equally makes XXXV an all the more astonishing season when you take into account that Green Island are just two points behind. There’s a handful of very, very good sides in this division right now… and a hell of a lat of dross.
Moving seamlessly on to the El din Marbles, then… Actually, they won their second game of the season, so good for them. MN Smith didn’t, and that’s got to be Hannah out, while the Indies are still winless. Caretaker Anthony Morris looks highly unlikely to get the job full-time, with legendary (eh…) former captain Ravid Pimenta (God knows) widely expected to man the trenches for the remainder of the term. Poor bastard.
Albrecht FC 1-2 Albrecht Turkish (Morrison 39; Innisvale 58, Tashkir 60)
Albrecht Independent FC 0-2 NAPPC (González Rodríguez 14, Santos 24)
Arrigo Portuguese 3-1 Mayo Valley (Macanás 44 and 83, Castro 63; Tillström 74)
Caires City 2-1 Port of Clotaire (Jones 64, Connah 85; Ham 33)
El din Marbles 3-0 Gamboa FC (Horrigan 52, Ricky 60, Pavoni 82)
Marquez-Onwere 2-0 Caires Sports (Souto Maior 2 and 81)
Melin & Nader 3-1 AFC MN Smith (Solaris 59, Enría 61, Marin 68; Postman 64)
Radyukevich CSC 0-1 KT Hotspur (Makedonski 70)
Tenderville United 1-2 Green Island (Abdellah og 85; va Drake 29, Durosa 83)
Matchday Sixteen… Sooo… You know that Tenderville United? You know how they’ve had three big home games in a row now? You know how they’ve just lost their third in a row? Against Caires City? Good.
Someone over at fixtures central has a cruel sense of humour. I wish to mate with this person.
Totally overpowered by a stunningly stunning Caires City, the visitors’ three-one victory ensured that the Errant Knights would take the Apertura title, thanks to the GIZ being held by Turkish. That does make the Super17 round of games a little flat, of course, and we weren’t really helped by results from elsewhere – principally, NAPPC holding Caires Sports to a goalless draw and Portuguese taking the Marbles from behind in El din, because that ensured that the Arrigo club would very quietly sneak up upon us and take the fourth TQCC spot.
Granted, it’s a pretty academic award since qualifying for the group stage from that position is an absolute nightmare, but it’s still a superb validation of everything Carlos Panadero has done since moving down the coast. His side’s confident beating of his former employers makes it perfectly clear that the old lothario has been crying out for a fresh challenge for years and, having finally been granted it, he’s doing a superb job. He’s got talent to work with, of course – principally of the Candelariasianish variety, with Macanás and Randjelovic having award-standard seasons and young William Romero Fernández in goal looking more than ready to done the blue and green sooner rather than later, but most impressively he’s helped turn Harry Oughton into the player we all thought he could be. The Kura-Pellandi may have fallen out of favour international (we think… how would you know?), but he’s been one of the stars of XXXV over in these parts.
So really all that leaves us with is the race for the Globe Cup spots, with five clubs looking for those three places (including, implausibly enough, the likes of MarquezOW and the Spur), while Albrecht Independent face a battle to avoid becoming the worst Apertura side since anyone started paying attention to it… But we’ll deal with all that in a few minutes…
Albrecht Independent FC 0-0 Melin & Nader
Caires Sports 0-0 NAPPC
El din Marbles 1-3 Arrigo Portuguese (Ricky 18; Macanás 21, Nicholls 37, Wilkinson 54)
Gamboa FC 2-0 Marquez-Onwere (Tollison 62, Jorge Roberto 79)
Green Island 2-2 Albrecht Turkish (Anwamanë 10, Saunderson 62; Werner 52, Yeoman 89)
KT Hotspur 2-2 Port of Clotaire (Rataran 18, Szathmári 47; O’Airmeadhaigh 2 and 78)
Mayo Valley 1-2 Albrecht FC (Witt 45; Foster 67, St. Louis 78)
Radyukevich CSC 1-1 AFC MN Smith (Menderes og 21; Postman 55)
Tenderville United 1-3 Caires City (Night 18; Jones 73, Agostinho 76, Williams 81)
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