Us versus The World
Unpopular Bulls very much 'The Enemy' against Popular Hosts.
Unpopular Bulls very much 'The Enemy' against Popular Hosts.
The Guayabalense have made for popular hosts both on and off the field thus far in World Cup 74. Away from the pitch, the hospitality of the locals - taken advantage of by many an Audioslavian traveller looking for 'light refreshments' before and after games - has gone down well, while on the pitch the host's national team has more than captured the imagination on the way to a semi-final berth. As if it wasn't enough that they put three goals past Ceni and shared the spoils in an eight-goal thriller against Apox, the Mountaineers also beat Gregoryisgodistan and Saintland - popular feats in many parts of the world.
Sunday's barnstormer of a 4-2 victory against Farfadillis - a team who, to be fair, could probably somehow turn a game of tiddlywinks into a 5-4 goalfest - set San Jose Guayabal firmly as favourites among those who no longer have a horse in the race. The combination of a plucky host overdue for major silverware, a brand of exciting, attacking football and a very well-managed Mondial has hooked almost all of the neutrals.
The contrast between SJG and Audioslavia could not be more great.
Kajaxo Imaslavii may be a revered figure in Audioslavia, but his name has been tarnished somewhat by the negative tactics he's employed as national team manager this cycle. With five games gone at the finals, Audioslavia have scored a paltry three goals and have yet to concede, enfuriating the TV execs of the world who have noted viewing figures collapsing for the team's games. As if it wasn't enough that a half-strength Bull side managed to blugeon their way through a dispirited Banguela, denying the watching public the chance to see 'The Bangers' truly shine, they also ground down another overdue underdog in Barunia after having condemned even the ordinarily free-flowing Sunrisians to a nil-all scoreline. Even victory over Gregoryisgodistan - casting the unpopular maniacs out of the tournament - did little to enamour the side to the viewing public, who turned off in droves as soon as it became apparent that Audioslavia were happy just to hang on to their 1-0 quarter-final lead over Barunia in the next game. Audioslavia have made progress over the past couple of years in terms of performance in the latter stages of tournaments, but public opinion in the rest of the world is at an all-time low.
Older Audioslavians have seen it all before, of course.
It's been barely fourteen years since an equally unpopular Audioslavia side spat, dived and tugged their way into a major final - that time that of the AOCAF Cup - wherein they would find themselves roundly booed even before the match had begun. What followed was nothing short of a ritual public humiliation, but then the match was against Valanora, and, as documented plenty of times before, Bulls/Marauders matches have always tended towards sadistic destruction of their foe's egoes on both sides of the rivalry. 5-2 was the score on that occasion, and many on this isle had seen it as a final and total destruction of Audioslavia as a cynical, negative machine seemingly hell-bent on sucking all the life and enjoyment out of football, and the start of a new era of Audioslavian football. Nobody was expecting us to go all out on the attack, of course, but improvements were made under Alexander Kirk which, initially, Imaslavii seemed happy to continue. The team seemed freer, less inclined to sit back when things were going well, more likely to get forward and create on the edge of their opponents' area rather than be content to pump crosses into a crowded penalty area and press when things weren't going their way. Six years on from the start of Imaslavii's reign, the Bulls have gone backwards in terms of watchability and, though we find ourselves with the full compliment of seven football matches in the finals of the World Cup yet again - for the first time since Lee Sharp's tragic failure to put right as a manager what he'd done wrong as a player, and beat The Holy Empire in a World Cup final - there really doesn't seem like progress has been made in terms of skill and strength in depth as well as in terms of overall aesthetic quality of the football.
And here, now, comes Audioslavia's biggest test. San Jose Guayabal are a team who have looked unstoppable so far. Ranked third in the world - one ahead of our Bulls - the Mountaineers barely broke sweat on the way to walking over their group. Johanthan Fanya may be injured, but Juninho dos Santos has proven to be a more than adequate replacement thus far. There is, of course, the familiar figure of one Rodolfo Zelaya (or 'Rudolfo' as this country's anglophone media tend to call him) who has been leading the line for La Selecta (or 'The La Selecta' as channel one call them, appallingly).
For Audioslavia, defence is the key. The pairing of Caceres and Goicoechea have been persevered with despite dips in form for both men over the previous three years, but the decision has been paying off so far. Five games played, zero goals conceded, and with a goal for Caceres to boot. Dallara and Varisco are sure to keep their places at full-back, despite Varisco being taken off early against Barunia as a precaution after the onset of cramp after just fifty minutes. In the midfield, Lemuel Ortez will again be more likely to take the super-sub role, with Imaslavii one of the few Audioslavians who prefers watching Landhuis in that central midfield role, while Magellan will again be throwing his weight around in midfield. Etxezuniyiga and Vengochea will be tasked with getting the ball down the line, Apexarena will be given the job of annoying the opposition defence at every opportunity, while Kryznjak should again lead the line, elbows and all, as he attempts to break the world record for both the amount of headers put over the bar and the amount of opposition feet stood on in one game.
Can Audioslavia continue their run? Or will there be a hollywood ending for the popular hosts? We on the north-eastern isle remain optimistic despite all the evidence.